The Bert Show: Full Show PT 1 [Vault] - Tuesday, December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show revolves around a workplace “spy” named Joe, who has been covertly observing his coworkers to recommend who should be let go during company downsizing. The moral and ethical implications of his role are dissected by the hosts and listeners, with plenty of sharp humor, candid debate, audience calls, and side discussions including a lighthearted segment about funny and unfortunate names.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joe the Office Spy: Job and Motives

• [01:17] Introduction to Joe’s Role: Joe, using a disguised voice, describes being hired by a friend of his father to go undercover in a company of 18 employees to evaluate their work ethic and recommend who should be cut (down to 12 employees).
  • Joe admits he is unqualified (“No, not really” – Joe, [03:14]) and is being paid an annual equivalent of $80,000 (though only for several weeks).

2. Ethical Dilemmas of Undercover Evaluation

• [02:00] Hosts Question the Process: Jeff and Bert note the job should belong to managers, and question Joe’s ability and motives.

  • “Isn’t that like the job of the managers to be able to keep an eye on the employees?” – Jeff [02:00]

• [02:45] Initial Observations:

  • Employees are caught gossiping, spending hours on the phone, slacking online, and “not looking good” in Joe’s subjective report.

• [03:48] Personal Biases: Joe confesses having a crush on a coworker ("Sweetie Pie"), and that she’s “safe no matter what.” He also admits holding grudges against coworkers who aren’t nice to him.

3. Workplace Drama: Who’s Safe and Who’s Not

• [05:16] Joe’s “Character” Nicknames for Coworkers:

  • “Gassy": Takes three, 30-minute bathroom breaks per day but also got Joe tickets to a Braves game.
  • "The Hypochondriac": Smart but always complaining and bringing “germs” to the workplace, lowering morale.
  • “Sweetie Pie”: Not a great worker, but Joe wants to keep her because he likes her.

• [05:28 - 08:00] Host Reactions: The hosts are disturbed that Joe’s decisions are based on popularity, empathy for “hot coworkers,” or personal gain (like sports tickets).

  • “You’re gonna end up firing somebody that deserves to be there just because you’re getting free tickets.” – Bert [07:07]

4. Office Downsizing Legalities

• [11:40] HR Consultants Weigh In:

  • Listeners and consultants call in highlighting concerns about discrimination and wrongful termination (Title VII and ADA laws).

  • “He really needs to weigh his risk here because this guy’s talking about keeping people because they’re cute, firing people because they’re gassy… he’s all over Title VII.” – HR Consultant [11:40]

  • Age and disability discrimination in downsizing are discussed (severance matrix, special protection for those over 45).

  • “Even in a downsizing, you’ve got to create a matrix as to why one person was let go over another.” – Lisa, HR Caller [14:24]

5. The Personal vs. Professional Debate

• [17:17] Joe Defends Himself: Joe attempts to justify his process, insisting he is observing "how you treat people" as a good long-term team indicator—yet is consistently called out by the cast for his inconsistencies and personal favoritism.
  • “You sound to me like a very insecure person who needs a lot of attention.” – Jeff [17:38]
  • “I think it’s a pretty good indicator how you treat people is how you’re gonna be with the team in the long term.” – Joe [17:50]

6. Listeners Challenge Joe and the Hosts

• [23:09] Listeners' Perspectives: Some suspect Joe’s legitimacy, others believe the coworkers have figured out his true role due to his being “the new guy” getting unexpected perks (tickets, lunches).

  • “Maybe they know he’s the guy. Why would they be giving this guy tickets…if he’s a new guy?” – Aaron [29:13]

• [22:25, 23:26] “Lucifer Joe” Segment: Joe becomes upset at being judged by the show hosts, feeling bullied and misunderstood, while the hosts double down on their ethical concerns.

  • “You judged me…calling me Lucifer…you’re not here, you don't know what I have to go through.” – Joe [24:03]
  • “You’re totally handling this unethically… I was really hoping you were gonna come on here today and say that you have been discovered in your office.” – Jeff [25:41]

7. Name Game: Unfortunate Names and Laughs

• [31:02 - 39:44] Exploding with Laughter: In a lighter segment, the team and listeners share true (and urban legend) stories about embarrassing, funny, or unfortunate names from their past school/work experience.

  • Sharon DIX, Ophelia RASH, Dick SEAMAN, Anita HOARE, Ben DOVER, Fat HO, PUH TANG, and others.

  • “There was a high school mascot that’s the Nimrods.” – Jen [37:54]

  • Several names are spelled out, and the hosts riff further, giggling like sixth graders.

  • “Her name was April Butts and she was dating a friend of mine named Spanky. Had she taken his name, it would've been Spanky Butts.” – Caller [38:04]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “No, not really.” (Joe, when asked if anything qualified him for the job – 03:16)
• “You can’t fire a guy for being gassy, but I guess you can fire a guy for taking 90 minutes of breaks.” (Bert, 06:24)
• “You are self centered, you know, don’t you?” (Jeff to Joe, 17:54)
• [24:03] “You judged me…calling me Lucifer, you’re beating me up…I don't know what you would do in the same situation.” (Joe, expressing dissatisfaction with the hosts)
• [17:50] "I think it’s a pretty good indicator how you treat people is how you’re gonna be with the team in the long term." (Joe, defending his process)
• [11:40] “He’s all over Title VII. I mean, what’s that?... a civil rights act.” (HR Consultant, on legal exposure)
• [38:10] “She left him and went and dated a guy named Scooter. So he'd have been Scooterbutts. That's my new on-air name.” (Caller, in the funny names segment)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------| | 01:17 | Introduction to Joe’s spy role in the office | | 03:48 | Joe’s confession of office crush (“Sweetie Pie”) | | 05:16 | Breakdown of coworker nicknames/stories | | 08:12 | Ethical debate over firing the “hypochondriac” | | 11:40 | HR Consultant caller: Legalities of firing | | 14:24 | HR expert on age discrimination in layoffs | | 17:31 | Hosts grill Joe on his motivations and biases | | 22:25 | Joe, “Lucifer,” calls back—confrontation continues | | 24:03 | Joe explains his frustration with the hosts | | 31:02-39:44| Funny/Unfortunate Names: Callers and hosts riff |

Tone and Style

The episode is upbeat and comedic, with the hosts frequently bantering and ribbing guests and listeners. However, the group takes the ethical implications of Joe’s position seriously, with sharp, direct critique, especially from Jeff. There are moments of absurdity (the “Name Game”), but it’s laced with classic morning-show warmth and audience inclusiveness.

Summary for New Listeners

If you missed the episode, The Bert Show’s “Full Show PT 1” from December 16, 2025, tackles office ethics, workplace politics, and the dangers of subjective, personally-biased decision-making in layoffs through the story of "Joe," the secret office evaluator. The hosts hold his feet to the fire on fairness, legality, and morality—while listeners chime in with their own workplace HR wisdom and, eventually, plenty of laughter in a whirlwind segment about people saddled with unfortunate names. The tone is fast, fun, a little irreverent, but never loses sight of the real-life impact behind the comedy.