Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, December 23 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, December 23 [Vault]

Air Date: December 23, 2025
Host(s): Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a variety of high-energy, entertaining, and sometimes spooky topics that feed the show's morning-drive reputation for laughs, authenticity, and listener engagement. The main segments feature a chilling deep-dive into a listener’s haunted house experience, a lively debate on jealousy and boundaries in relationships (particularly surrounding strip club visits), and real-life dating disasters where dates ended before they began. Throughout, hosts and listeners share personal stories, provide unfiltered takes, and spark plenty of laughs.

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Haunted Houses in Atlanta: Bill’s Story

Segment Starts at [01:06]

Key Points & Insights

• Listener Email: Bill from Douglasville claims his house is haunted and sends in eerie photos and audio files for the team and listeners to evaluate.
• Hosts’ Analysis of Evidence:
  • The photos reveal odd reflections and orbs, which some associate with spiritual presence.
  • Audio files sent by Bill, recorded when no one was home, capture unexplained noises and a child’s voice calling for “Mommy”.
    • “This is the sounds of...he had set up recorders in his house. Then he and his wife and his kids left... and then they hear this. Nobody in the house.” – D [02:57]
• Reactions From The Team:
  • Multiple hosts express genuine fear and reluctance; “If this is me, the first thing that happens like that, I’m. I’m out. I’m gone. For sale sign. Leaving.” – D [03:59]
• Interview With Bill:
  • Bill promises the hosts: “I could probably arrange it where y’all could actually come out with one of the ghost hunter teams if you’d like… I got one scheduled to come out…in about two weeks.” – E [04:51]
  • Bill and his family have experienced repeated paranormal events: sheets pulled from beds, dogs terrified, objects vibrating, and direct communication from spirits, including voices and singing from a child.
  • The house’s history is dark – built over the remains of an 1879 home, with several confirmed deaths on the property, including children and their mother.
  • “I mean, we’ve had probably about six or seven [spirits] seen at one time. One of the teams actually called out a couple names of the deceased that used to live in the house…” – E [06:47]
  • Bill documents evidence extensively, including thermal anomalies, photos of “spirit orbs”, and audio of strange phenomena.
  • The neighborhood itself is no refuge: “My neighbor’s house is also haunted… they did an exorcism over there about two months ago. And the whole land is just like that… there’s been eight deaths right in the vicinity of my house.” – E [13:12]
  • On negative spirits: “There’s one or two that are really not too nice...you’ll hit a real, real bad negative, like a wall. And you’ll know, don’t go no farther or just turn around and go away...” – E [14:09]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If it was like a battle between me and the spirit. I’m putting my money on the spirit. I’m not. I cannot win. So I. Yeah, they can have the house.” – F [04:05]
• “[My dog] will usually let you know when something’s around...they’ll start barking at something...sometimes they’ll just pee right there they get so scared.” – E [06:05]
• “The first time [the dresser vibrated] happened on Sunday, it happened twice on Sunday...about five or six of the orbs around my dresser.” – E [10:00]
• “We have probably about 15 pictures...with faces attached to them. I got one of like a little baby...and I got them of...entities in my yard that are kind of like evil looking but kind of...fiery looking.” – E [12:12]
• “That’s the gate to hell.” – D [15:09]

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Relationships & Strip Clubs: Jealousy, Boundaries, & Real-Life Stories

Segment Starts at [17:31]

Key Points & Insights

• Hot Take from Celebrity Gossip: The team covers Christina Aguilera’s breakup—her boyfriend couldn’t handle her playful antics at a strip club, despite himself receiving a lap dance.
  • “He is getting a lap dance from somebody professional. She is...giving a lap dance to some random dude...That is totally and completely different.” – D [18:18]
  • “My argument is that both of the men are getting aroused and both of the women don’t care about the guys that they’re arousing.” – F [19:18]
• Listener Calls – Relationship Jealousy Flashpoints:
  • Several women call in to share personal experiences of attending strip clubs with their partners—almost universally ending in jealousy, awkwardness, or outright breakups.
  • Robbie’s Story: Prompted a breakup after her boyfriend enjoyed his strip club lap dance a bit too much, despite her suggesting the idea.
    • “He was way too into it...While she’s dancing for him, I’m sitting next to him, she’s having a whole conversation with me.” – H [22:07]
  • Jessica's Story: A boyfriend gets too up close with a stripper on his birthday; Jessica reacts by throwing her water bottle at the dancer and physically pulling her boyfriend away.
    • “I told him he didn’t need to be close enough where he can smell it. I was so pissed.” – H [26:13]
  • Lindsay's Story: She suggests a strip club but is confronted with “the way that her boyfriend was looking at them,” prompting instant regret (and, eventually, divorce for unrelated reasons).
    • “You think it’s going to be something different and you get there and it’s not...it’s that gut instinct that makes you want to vomit.” – H [28:05], G [28:10]
• Hosts’ Reflections:
  • “Jealousy is such, like, a gut human emotion that it is so hard to try to prevent it.” – G [23:56]
  • “Guys are going to buy their wives a lap dance from a woman, but how many guys...would sit there and buy a lap dance from a guy for his woman...and not feel a little threatened?” – F [24:55]
  • “My advice: if you’re thinking of [taking your man to a strip club], take him to a batting cage or something instead.” – C [28:35]

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Dating Disasters: When the Date Ends Before It Starts

Segment Starts at [34:39]

Key Points & Insights

• TV Reference: A Desperate Housewives plot trigger—Susan ditches her date before it starts after a minor but telling red flag—leads Bert to ask for real-life stories of dates ending before arrival.
• Listener Nicole’s Story:
  • Her date rolls up her car window (rather than his own), crushing and bleeding her acrylic nails.
    • “He begins to roll the window up. He rolls it all the way up, and it breaks my nails...I was in so much pain.” – H [35:44]
• Listener Beth’s Story:
  • Gets left standing outside the car as her date starts the engine. He rolls down her window and asks, “You gonna get in?” She promptly walks back inside to her sweatpants.
• Listener Trish’s Story:
  • Male date lights up a joint en route to dinner. She fakes a detour to a friend’s house and ends the evening instead of continuing the date.
    • “You are kidding. No...Let’s stop and see my friend...I cannot do this first date.” – H [37:26]
• Host Commentary:
  • “Guys are idiots...that we can’t get through just three hours. We can’t put the face on for three hours to get through a date, you know?” – D [38:02]
  • “If that’s what those guys are going to do on the first date, can you imagine being with them for years?” – G [38:11]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You hit, like, a real, real bad negative, like a wall. And you’ll know, don’t go no farther or just turn around and go away, because it’ll be real, real negative. And that’s usually when I know that it’s going to be a rough night of sleeping.” – Bill [14:09]
• “It was your idea to go. It was your idea to get him a lap dance, not for him to enjoy it.” – G [22:24]
• “Instead of him rolling his window up, he proceeds to roll my window up. Mind you, my arm is kind of sitting in the window a little bit. Right. He begins to roll the window up. He rolls it all the way up, and it breaks my nails.” – Nicole [35:44]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:06] – Launch into Bill’s haunted house story
• [04:42] – Live interview with Bill on the hauntings
• [13:12] – Bill discusses neighborhood history and deaths
• [17:31] – Christina Aguilera/strip club relationship debate begins
• [20:25] – Listener Robbie’s breakup over a strip club visit
• [26:51] – More listener calls about jealousy and strip clubs
• [34:39] – Dating disasters: real-life stories where the date ends early

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Tone and Style

The episode brims with the Bert Show’s signature authenticity, humor, and relatable banter. Hosts openly tease each other, rib listeners, and bring vulnerable or awkward truths to light with compassion and self-deprecation. The haunted house segment is playfully skeptical but genuinely creeped out, the strip club debate is candid (and sometimes raucous), and the dating disaster call-ins earn both laughs and sighs of commiseration.

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Summary Conclusion:
This episode encapsulates The Bert Show’s signature blend of real talk, candor, and high-energy entertainment. From spooky local tales that’ll have you leaving the lights on, to heated (but funny) debates about jealousy, to cringe-inducing first date stories, it’s a wild ride through the weird and wonderful side of relationships, community, and the human experience.

Transcript

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[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch Show.

[Bill Birch]

I'm not exactly sure where this thing starts, so let me play a second of it to see if I have to play all the sound effects and stuff for you guys again. Hey, Bill.

[Bill (Guest)]

Yes, sir.

[Bill Birch]

How are you this morning?

[Bill (Guest)]

Great.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah, I do. All right, let's back up a step here. Melissa, you were out on Friday, but we got an email from this guy, Bill, who lives up in Douglasville, I guess it happened on Wednesday. And we were talking about haunted homes here in the Atlanta area. And he said, if you're talking about that, you got to talk about my house. And he sent us a bunch of audio files and a bunch of photographs of things, freaky things that happened around his house also. Now all those pictures are up on the website now. But I went over the weekend, and I really couldn't tell what was in those pictures.

[Melissa]

The only thing, yeah, the pictures are up, and there's some that are supposedly reflections of faces and windows and stuff. And I couldn't make those out very well. But I have heard before that if you take a picture and you get it developed and there's either. Some people call it an orb, you know, big light source circle or flecks of light or whatever that sometimes can be, you know, some considered, you know, spirits. Because if there's no debris in the air, no dust in the air, no dust particles, and there's one picture that he brought that there was light specks all over the room where she's sitting, which, I mean, is an indication that something was going on.

[Bill Birch]

Well, in one picture we saw on Friday, though, that wasn't there like a face in the window. Then there was a face on somebody's arm.

[Jeff]

Yeah, there were a couple faces, but you had to zoom in on the picture. And in here, Jeff had pulled him up on his computer over here, and he had zoomed in. I don't know if they're zoomed in on the website or not, because I didn't. I didn't have to go look. I had already seen them. But if you zoomed in and it's pointed out to you, you can see the area where you can make out some of the scary faces.

[Bill Birch]

So the pictures are pretty scary. I mean, really scary. But the audio that he sent us freaked us all out. In fact, there was a woman that was driving to work in her car, and it was like 6:30 and she had her dome light on because she didn't want to be in the dark in the car driving to work.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I'm pretty confident now that the sun's up. I'm one of those that, yeah, if there's sunlight, I'm not as scared. But, yeah, I. Where I would do that.

[Bill Birch]

This is the sounds of. He had set up recorders in his house. Then he and his wife and his kids left. So there is absolutely nobody in the house. But when they come home, they start fast forwarding through the audio and then they hear this. Nobody in the house. All right. Fairly Frankie, Fairly freaky.

[Jeff]

Seriously freaky.

[Melissa]

Yeah, like sixth sense. Like I've heard, you know, where he was in the room by himself and the tape recorder was going on, and the guy left and came back in, and there was the, you know, another spirit in the room with him that got on the tape recorder.

[Bill (Guest)]

Right.

[Bill Birch]

Okay. Here is another piece of audio that he sent us also. And if you listen very closely, you can hear the child screaming out for mommy.

[Jeff]

Uh, no, that is just wrong.

[Bill Birch]

Now, if this is me, the first thing that happens like that, I'm. I'm out. I'm gone. For sale sign. Leaving.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I said earlier, I said if it was like a battle between me and the spirit. I'm putting my money on the spirit. I'm not. I cannot win. So I. Yeah, they can have the house.

[Jeff]

And he's got kids in that house.

[Bill Birch]

He's got kids in the house.

[Melissa]

I would not have kids in that house.

[Bill Birch]

He'll tell you all of this. We're gonna play this whole Interview that we had with him on Friday. But keep in mind also that the neighbor's house is haunted. Also, he's also gonna tell you, like, there have been eight deaths in the neighborhood, Also suicides and accidents. It's enough to make me leave in a millisecond. All right, this was Bill talking about his house in Douglasville on Friday. Hey, Bill.

[Bill (Guest)]

Yes, sir.

[Bill Birch]

How are you this morning?

[Bill (Guest)]

Great.

[Bill Birch]

Since we don't know you, you have to make some kind of promise to us at you guys aren't pulling the wool over our eyes.

[Bill (Guest)]

I can definitely promise you that. And I could probably arrange it where y' all could actually come out with one of the ghost hunter teams if you'd like. Love to, when they come out and set up all their special equipment and, like, walk around the house and take pictures and all that kind of stuff. So I got one scheduled to come out, I believe, in about two weeks.

[Bill Birch]

Love to come out there and see that. Now, a couple of us were talking about crashing at your house on Sunday night.

[Bill (Guest)]

Well, the problem with that is I got kids that live in the house. And normally when we do have people over, one of the teams we have, the kids go to one of the friends houses for the weekend.

[Jeff]

So you don't scare them?

[Bill (Guest)]

Yeah, well, the kids know that something's going on, but we try to make up stuff so they don't get scared because they mostly concentrate on me and my wife.

[Bill Birch]

The spirits will only, like, hang out with you and the wife in the house?

[Bill (Guest)]

Not really, but they will do stuff to the kids, like, change their channels on the radio, tv, and they might see maybe a shadow figure in the house, but with, like, you know, getting, like, the bed sheets pulled off of you walking out of the shower in the fossetron or having stuff touch here or. What is the single scariest thing that has happened to you or your wife in that house? Well, one night I woke up with the bed sheets being tugged off of me, and I have two dogs now in the house. And they'll usually let you know when something's around because they'll start growling or they'll start barking at something, Both of them, at the same time. And, like, a hare will stand up. Sometimes they'll just pee right there to get so scared.

[Bill Birch]

What is the history of the house? Have you done the research to find out who could be in there?

[Bill (Guest)]

Yeah, we've been researching for the last couple months. We've only been in the house for about six months, and the original house that was on the land was built in 1879 and tore down in 1950. And we've researched it back to the original owners. Because we have multiple spirits in the house.

[Robbie]

There's.

[Bill (Guest)]

I mean, we've had probably about six or seven seen at one time. One of the teams actually called out a couple names of the deceased that used to live in the house and had taken pictures while calling them. Had taken pictures of, like, a big, bright spirit orb. And we know for a fact that a little girl, age 9 and 1, about age 5 and a young boy, died in an old house along with. Well, their mom also died of a liver disease back in the late 1800s. And we first started. We moved in house. We would hear the little girl maybe singing sometimes and calling for mommy and calling for help. And we would take. You hear this with your regular ears because we played the audio and it sounds like, you know, process or slowed down or whatever. Do you have to record it and manipulate it, or do you hear it.

[Bill Birch]

With your regular ears?

[Bill (Guest)]

A lot of times you hear it with your regular ears. Like, I've been in a bedroom with my wife, who's sitting on the bed when we first moved in, and actually heard the girl singing downstairs real softly. And we'd actually heard her say, help, Mommy. I mean, we moved in, we started taking pictures in the house, really not knowing something was there. And we'd get them developed and there would be these, like, spirit orbs inside pictures maybe next to my daughter or next to me or next to, you know, something in the house. And we thought it was just a film. But then stuff started happening. Like, I've had it a few times where someone's come up behind me, real heavy breathing, and growled at me. That's happened to one of my friends and also to my daughter. Me and her at the same time. We've been outside in the yard after our dog got spooked and ran off. We were looking for the dog around the woods, and something came up behind us, breathing real heavy, and growled at us. But the thing that growled at us was about my height. I'm about six, five. And this thing was like, right. But right around my height level. When the growl, it sounds like a real. Like a big ape, like, breathing real heavy.

[Bill Birch]

Dude, what are you doing in that house? Why are you living there? Doesn't that freak you out?

[Robbie]

Yeah.

[Bill (Guest)]

I mean, you. I don't say you get used to it, but there's times where the house will go dormant for maybe about six or seven days where nothing will happen. I mean, maybe something Small might happen. Just to let you know that there, you know, maybe the TV might turn off or turn on while you're in the room, or the door might open by itself. But then all of a sudden, maybe for like one or two days straight. I mean, you'll have, you know, footsteps walking down the stairs. You'll have your name being called right behind you. Or you hear like mumbling going on behind you or.

[Bill Birch]

Hey, Bill, explain this to us. Okay, we've got like a 50 second clip of the dresser. Yeah, let me play just a couple of seconds of the clip and then describe what's going on. Cause it's a little tough to make out.

[Bill (Guest)]

Sure.

[Melissa]

Hear that?

[Bill (Guest)]

The stuff on the dresser vibrating.

[Bill Birch]

Oh, yeah. Okay, so you have the recorded equipment. Is this happening in your bedroom?

[Bill (Guest)]

Yeah, I've had the bed do the same thing before, but that happened on Sunday, three, four days ago. Yeah, See, the first time that happened on Sunday, it happened twice on Sunday. I was sitting on the bed and the dresser vibe started vibrating for about four minutes. And I took a couple pictures in my room with my digital camera and I took a picture of about, about five or six of the orbs around my dresser. And stuff had been happening already that day. So I had my audio equipment already ready to run that night. So after that started vibrating, I went ahead and started taping maybe a half an hour after it started vibrating. And my wife had called me and I was telling her about it, about it vibrating earlier because we had the bed vibrate and. And as I was telling her about it, maybe about five seconds later, it started vibrating again.

[Bill Birch]

Oh my God.

[Bill (Guest)]

So while I was talking to her, I moved the recorder closer to the dresser. And then that's me talking to her on the phone. And I put the phone next to the dresser so she could hear it. But I got all the original cassette tapes and I got original VCR tapes that we've taken because we've actually got pictures of like orbs flying around the room on actual tape.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah, we do. We've got some of those pictures that you sent us. Some of the face and the pieces.

[Bill (Guest)]

Yeah, we get those a lot. Now the one of the little old lady, that was taken about two weeks ago, we were walking around the house doing our own little investigation. And one of my friends had this thermometer in his hand to reads the room temp in that one area. And it went up to about 120 degrees in that one area. So we took a picture. And as you see coming out of the kitchen is Like a mist. And then attached to it is a face or a head attached to it. But we have probably about 15 pictures that are similar to that with faces attached to them. I got one of like a little baby looks like, has like a bonnet on its head. And I got them of like different entities in my yard that are kind of like evil looking but kind of. They're like red and just like kind of like fiery looking.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

And I think you wouldn't believe the.

[Bill (Guest)]

Look because Jen and Bert have both said. Jen is totally freaked.

[Jeff]

Totally.

[Bill (Guest)]

She said like, because we talked about spending the night there and she's like, I will not do it without my husband.

[Jeff]

Well Bill, here's my question. Did you believe in ghosts and spirits and things before you moved into this house?

[Bill (Guest)]

I did, but my wife didn't. Because growing up as a kid my grandparents house was a little active on their farm. So I had had experiences before growing up, but not up until I moved into the house because I remember when I was looking at a house to buy, I was in the backyard by the woods because we had like three acres. And I kept looking back at the house for some reason, like I was being watched. I'd always look back. But about a week after we moved in, that's when the faucet started turning on and the lights would turn on. You start hearing the footsteps and.

[Bill Birch]

Is it possible that the spirits in your. Did you say your grandparents house? Yeah. Is it possible that they just following you from that house to your house here?

[Bill (Guest)]

I don't know. I doubt it because their house has been dormant for about the last 15 years. And my neighbor's house is also haunted, but they did an exorcism over there about two months ago. And the whole land is just like that. You can go in the backyard and take pictures of stuff. And my neighbor on the other side of me, they haven't had any activity inside their house, but on their land they've had activities. And in the last 20 years there's been eight deaths right in the vicinity of my house. So this is a mixture of. I mean, who knows? Y' all have a good time over there.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah, I'm not going to that house. I'm not going to.

[Bill (Guest)]

Eight deaths.

[Jeff]

And what were the eight deaths caused by?

[Bill (Guest)]

One was like a car wreck. I think four of them were suicides and a couple just natural causes.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah, I'm not going to that house. No, you're on your own.

[Jeff]

Do you want to become friends with them?

[Bill (Guest)]

Some of them don't really bother me. Too much because you might know that they're around and you kind of got used to them. But there's one or two that are really not too nice. It's like you'll be walking through the house, and all of a sudden you hit, like. You'll hit, like a real, real bad negative, like a wall. And you'll know, don't go no farther or just turn around and go away, because it'll be real, real negative. And that's usually when I know that it's going to be a rough night of sleeping. Like, if you leave the bedroom door shut, sometimes you'll hear knocking at the door. Or there's been a few times where we've taken pictures outside the house at night, and you'll see, like, a fire coming out of the ground, a big bonfire, and there's no fire there burning at the time of taking the pictures. And then you'll see, like, these red balls of, like, orbs coming out of them. And then I got one I sent you that has, like, two looks like dragon heads coming out of the fire.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah.

[Bill (Guest)]

That's the gate to hell.

[Bill Birch]

Yeah.

[Bill (Guest)]

Yeah.

[Bill Birch]

Bill, you sold us. You sold us. All right, we'll talk to you, and we'll all come on over there when you got the professionals out.

[Bill (Guest)]

Yes, sir.

[Bill Birch]

Okay, Bill, thanks for taking the time, man. I appreciate it.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch Show.

[Verizon Announcer]

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[Melissa]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap.

[Robbie]

You're almost at the finish line. But first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Bill Birch]

Oh, the car from Carvana's here.

[Bill (Guest)]

Well, will you look at that? It's exactly what I ordered. Like, precisely.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

It would be crazy if there were any catches.

[Verizon Announcer]

But there aren't, right?

[Bill Birch]

Right. Because that's how car buying should be with Carvana. You get the car you want, choose delivery or pickup, and a week to love it or return it. Buy your car today with Carvana.

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[Bill Birch]

Hey, Robbie, can you hold on for just a second while we reset this?

[Robbie]

Yes.

[Bill Birch]

Hold on one sec. All right, so Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend looks like they're splitting up because one of them couldn't handle the experience of being in a strip club together.

[Jeff]

Right. Christina Aguilera's friend is coming out saying that they were having a great time at this strip club called Scores in Manhatt. And everybody in the place was really envying her boyfriend because not many women let their men enjoy that kind of fun. What she's talking about is Christina had hired a lap dance for her boyfriend. So while her boyfriend was getting a lap dance from one of the strippers, Christina Aguilera proceeded to joke around and pretend like she was giving a lap dance to another one of the male customers who was there. Now, her boyfriend got really upset about it. As soon as she saw, you know, her playfully giving some guy a lap dance, his face froze, he stood up, he threw the stripper off of his lap and, and suppose lap. And supposedly stormed out yelling bleep.

[Bill Birch]

You see, now I think in this case he's totally legit legitimate to be upset in this case because. And my, my defining point here is that he is getting a lap dance from somebody professional. She is giving. Christina is giving a lap dance to some random dude that's in the bar. That is totally and completely different.

[Melissa]

But see that. Okay, what? Okay, based on that. So yeah, the stripper is getting paid. So she doesn't, I mean, she doesn't care anything about the person she's giving the lamp dance to, but he is getting aroused by her. Now, Christina probably didn't give a crap about the guy. He was probably a fan and probably didn't give a crap about the guy that was sitting in the chair. But you would be upset because he was getting aroused by it.

[Bill Birch]

Yes, because he's getting aroused. Again, it's the.

[Melissa]

By somebody else and you're getting Aroused by somebody else.

[Bill Birch]

That is her job. Okay? So I. I am.

[Melissa]

It's okay to get aroused because she's getting paid.

[Bill Birch]

Yes. While. And she should not. Yeah. And it just totally changed the level of things if she's getting aroused by some random guy.

[Jeff]

Yeah, Stacey, where's the warm line?

[Melissa]

My argument is that the both of the men are getting aroused and both of the women don't care about the guys that they're arousing.

[Bill Birch]

See, we couldn't even get Stacey on because this is a conversation. She can't even imagine this because I can't get her to go to one of those places. She thinks it's degrading. She thinks I'm a perv for wanting to take her there. So this is off limits for me anyway. And I think that's why I find it all curious.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Your honor, I'd like to recall Ghostbusters versus Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. The door swings both ways. I think if he's getting the dance from the dancer, if she wants to get up and play around, it's her prerogative. You're there to have a good time. You're having a few drinks, you're both going to walk out of there.

[Bill Birch]

Still.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Boyfriend, girlfriend. It's a little bit of a sexual turn on. Not a big deal.

[Bill Birch]

All right?

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Rest my case.

[Bill Birch]

You're going to be a little bit more relaxed about this than I would be then. So what I want to know is this probably looks really good on paper to most guys. You know what? I'll take my wife or I'll take my girlfriend to the strip club. We'll both get a little turned on by it. Then we'll come home and shabba ding a doo doo, shake a ding a da da. But a lot of times, I'm guessing somebody gets so upset by what's going on at the strip club that it breaks out in a big old argument. And you are the people that we want to talk to. 404-741-1005. Hey, Robbie.

[Robbie]

Hey.

[Bill Birch]

What's up?

[Robbie]

Not much. I went to a strip club with a guy that I was dating for five years, and it was my idea to go. It was horrible. He was like, I'm gonna let you pick the girl that's gonna dance for me. And I turn around, I'm like, okay, I'm looking for which one I want to dance for. And by that time, he had already chosen her. So he's getting a dance from her or whatever. I'm sitting there and I'm like keeping the drinks coming because I can't even handle it after that, when I got home, I broke up with him. I couldn't even deal with it. Five year relationship years. It was horrible.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

But this was your idea. What did you expect?

[Robbie]

I don't know. I don't know what I expected. I thought it was gonna be cool. I thought it was like, hey, let's do this. We've been dating for a long time, let's go. You know? But I think it was the point that we had decided that I'd choose a girl. I turn around, he's already got a girl coming.

[Melissa]

Oh, listen, he's already chosen her.

[Jeff]

Well, it wasn't her choice.

[Robbie]

And he was way too into it. Way too into it.

[Melissa]

Let me also. I mean. Cause for those. And crash. Help me explain this. Like, for those who have not been to a strip. Not saying that I've been to a strip club, but for those who have not been to a strip club, a lab dance. Like, the guy is not allowed to touch the woman. He's sitting there completely still. She's doing all the work. So it's not like if somebody's thinking, I've never been to a strip club. What actually happens? I mean, she's performing for him and he is. I mean, he. No touching allowed. So he's not doing anything.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah. And these girls, These girls absolutely want nothing to do with you. I don't. The only thing they want with you to do is the color of your American Express. That is it.

[Bill Birch]

What was so offensive to you that after five years that you broke up with him? Was it the fact that. Or the fact that he had a woman picked out before you even had drinks in your hand?

[Robbie]

I think it was more of him being too into it. He was. You don't understand. He was way too into it. But the girl, she was the nicest person you ever wanted to talk to. While she dancing for him, I'm sitting next to him, she's having like a whole conversation with me.

[Bill Birch]

But this was your idea. But it was your idea to go.

[Jeff]

It's her idea, but like, her idea was to get him a lap dance, not for him to enjoy it. I think that's.

[Bill Birch]

Wait a minute.

[Jeff]

I think no.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Hey, Jen, here's some ice cream. I don't want you to taste it and like it.

[Jeff]

I'm telling you. I think that's the part that surprised her, is how much he actually enjoyed it. It's like, okay, you can sit there. I'm gonna put it in your you know, put something else there in your face. But if you enjoy it, then I'm gonna get jealous.

[Robbie]

Really just enjoyed it. But you don't understand.

[Melissa]

Explain, like. Because I just explained how what happens in a lap dance. You explained to me what defines him being too into it.

[Robbie]

Yeah, too into it is. I mean, like, staring too into it. He was just too into it.

[Melissa]

You're in his face.

[Bill Birch]

What is he gonna do?

[Robbie]

His head different ways to see different angles.

[Bill Birch]

This is the reality. The reality of actually going through with this and doing it are two different things.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

You know what? Honestly, it's your. Yeah, your. Your own insecurities destroyed. Your own relationship. Deal with it.

[Jeff]

You know what?

[Robbie]

Next time, if I want a guy to go, I'm just gonna send him with the money. And I'm not going with him.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

No, because he'll probably still come home and you'll be all freaked out, because then you won't know how into it he was.

[Bill Birch]

That's right. Yeah. Cause then.

[Jeff]

Exactly.

[Bill Birch]

Your mind would be going crazy thinking that he was way into it, even when he might not have been.

[Robbie]

I know the rules. I know the rules now. I know they can't touch and the person can't touch them and stuff like that. I know the rules. I'm not worried about that. I'm telling you, if you would have seen his face, you, too would have said, you know what? He's way too into this.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

You should see my face.

[Bill Birch]

No, you shouldn't.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Little guy from Disney World comes out with a broom and lifts my jaw up off the floor.

[Jeff]

I think jealousy is such, like, a gut human emotion that it is so hard to try to prevent it. Even if you go in. In with the mindset of going, oh, this is not gonna be a big deal, there's still that twinge of it. Cause I have been to a strip club with my husband before, and he and one of our best friends bought both of the wives lap dances. So we both got lap dances, and then they both got lap dances. And there was still, like. Even though it was fine. And of course I didn't cause a scene, but there was this boiling feeling of jealousy, like, kind of coming up from your gut that you have to squelch. It's just so natural to feel jealous. Cause first of all, you're like, okay, I'm insecure because this woman is totally beautiful and hot, and it's her job to be totally hot, and she's, you know, shaking it in his face. Like, there's. There's a part of you that's like, oh, my God, I hate this so much right now.

[Bill (Guest)]

But.

[Bill Birch]

And you want to see, you want to say that you're so much bigger than jealousy.

[Robbie]

Right?

[Bill Birch]

I'm so secure in my relationship.

[Jeff]

No, it's how you're trying to put that fire out the whole time.

[Melissa]

How many guys would take a woman? Now, see, of course, guys are going to buy their wives a lap dance from a woman, but how many guys are gonna sit there and buy a lab dance from a guy with his woman and sit there and watch it and not feel a little threatened by this chiseled guy who may be a little, you know, more blessed than he is, and dancing with the wife?

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Cause the guy's there to make a living. He's collecting a couple of bucks. My wife is laughing. We're having a few drinks. It's not that. That's why you go to these places. They're just entertainment. They're a little exploration. It's, you know. I mean, now, if you're going into, like, you know, brothels and stuff, and you're getting your wife or your husband a prostitute, well, then there's a little bit of contact.

[Bill (Guest)]

Hey.

[Bill Birch]

Hey, Jessica.

[Robbie]

Hello.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Robbie]

Last year, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, we went out with a bunch of friends, and they all decided they want to go to strip club. And I said, well, you can go if I can go. I was 20 at the time, so I didn't think I was gonna get in. Well, needlessly, they let me in, and my boyfriend's getting a. He walks up to the platform where the girl's dancing, and she spreads her legs in front of his face. I threw my water bottle at her. I went up there and I grabbed by the ear, and I told him he didn't need to be close enough where he can smell it. I was so pissed. I sat there the whole time. The girls were coming up, sticking their foot on my shoulder and asking me if I wanted a lap dance. I told them I wanted them to get their leg off of me.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

I don't understand this. What do you people think goes on in these places?

[Robbie]

I want to know what happened when.

[Melissa]

You threw the water bottle at the stripper.

[Robbie]

She kind of moved on. She didn't come front of him. All the strippers were like, oh, you want me to give you a free birthday of dance? And I said, over my dead body. I'm standing there with my arms crossed.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

You know what?

[Bill Birch]

So I'm just. Yeah, I'm with Crash here. Like, what did you think?

[Robbie]

Was going on, I don't know, but it was horrible. I'll never. I told him if he needed to go to strip club because I'm a pretty girl, I, you know, I have a nice body. I said, if you want me to dance, that's fine, you know, I said, you're never going again.

[Jeff]

It's that jealousy streak. It's like some people can handle it. I think it's always still there a little bit. But some people handle it and squelch it and real, you know, kind of mind over matter. But I think other people, like her, they just give into it.

[Bill Birch]

Hey, Lindsay.

[Robbie]

Hey. How are you?

[Bill Birch]

Good. Same thing happened to you?

[Robbie]

Yes, actually, I was with my husband, who's now my ex husband, but.

[Bill Birch]

Oh, my God.

[Robbie]

Yeah, it was. Well, it's not just because of that, but his cousin was in town and we were just out in Buckhead and he was talking about all the clubs in Atlanta and I thought I could handle it. And I actually am the one who suggested that we go and we went and thought it was gonna be a lot of fun and thought it was gonna be a turn on. And we got in there in about 10 or 15 minutes afterwards. I think it was Jody earlier that said it was just the way that her boyfriend was looking at them. Oh, my gosh.

[Bill Birch]

What are we supposed to do to.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

This is unbelievable.

[Jeff]

Close your eyes and.

[Bill Birch]

Right. You can go to the strip club, but you're not allowed to watch.

[Jeff]

Right?

[Robbie]

It's not that. But as he's looking at this person. Look at me like that.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Because he sees you all the time. Honestly, I mean, seriously, it's a different one.

[Jeff]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

Because you got upset about it.

[Robbie]

I know it. Well, it, you know, you think it's going to be something different and you get there and it's not.

[Jeff]

I am telling you, I can totally empathize with you. Is that as cool and as secure as you think you want to be? It's that gut. Oh, it's that gut instinct that makes you want to vomit.

[Bill Birch]

You wouldn't think that you're big enough in the relationship. This is not a big deal. I mean, he's going home with me.

[Robbie]

What's the big deal?

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

But do you know notice the pattern? Three of the three calls we took were all the girls suggestion to go. And then they were the ones that got jealous and broke up.

[Bill Birch]

That's right.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

I mean, ladies, seriously, my advice, if you're thinking of doing this, take him to a batting cage or something instead.

[Bill Birch]

All right?

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

He won't have any kind of look on his face.

[Bill Birch]

Then the Birch show.

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[Melissa]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.

[Robbie]

But first, There the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

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[Bill Birch]

Hey listeners, Meet Russell. Hey. Russell just launched a fitness app and he needed to get the word out to busy professionals looking to stay fit. So I turned to Acast.

[Bill (Guest)]

I used their Smart Recommendations feature to easily find shows that talk about health and fitness.

[Bill Birch]

Booking sponsorships through their platform was a breeze. And just like that, my app was.

[Bill (Guest)]

In their ears during their morning run.

[Bill Birch]

Sounds like a smart move, Russell.

[Bill (Guest)]

How's business looking now?

[Bill Birch]

Sweat is pouring and so are the installs. Spread the word about your business with.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Podcast ads on Acast.

[Bill Birch]

Start [e-mail] advertise. If you haven't watched Desperate Housewives, really what it's about is four women that are all kind of in different parts of their lives living in suburb America and each character represents another woman in America. One woman has like three different kids and she's a housewife. Just takes care of everything going on around the house while her dad's at work. There's another woman that's a divorcee. Terry Hatcher is single now and he's got like a what, 12 year old daughter?

[Melissa]

Uh huh.

[Bill (Guest)]

Probably.

[Bill Birch]

Who are the others the show surrounds.

[Melissa]

About the trophy wife.

[Bill (Guest)]

The trophy wife who is who married the rich guy she used to be a model and she's the one having a relationship with a 17 year old high school senior.

[Jeff]

The lawn boy.

[Bill Birch]

The lawn boy.

[Bill (Guest)]

Then you got the older busybody woman who is always in everybody's business. You've got the, his marriage is.

[Melissa]

Oh, okay, you're talking about the older one. I was thinking, then you have the other woman whose marriage is coming apart.

[Bill Birch]

Right, that's the one. Yeah, she's really the fourth main character, but she's trying to like just let the public know there's nothing wrong in my relationship. Everything's great, everything's fine.

[Jeff]

And then there's the, the other divorcee down the street that's competing with Terry Hatcher for the plumber.

[Bill Birch]

Dude, she's just the desperate skanky woman that's trying to get all the guys in the neighborhood attracted to her. Well, last night I kind of focused in on Terry Hatcher's character Susan. She's, she's house sitting for somebody else. And while she's house sitting, there's a break in at the house, but nothing is stolen in the house at all. But a screwdriver is left in the house that somebody obviously used to break in with. So she takes the screwdriver and calls the police. When the police come, she gives the screwdriver for evidence even though nothing was stolen from the house. Well, the cop knows that since nothing was stolen out of the house, it's, this is never going to go anywhere even though it was a break in. So he's really not going to need the screwdriver. But he's so attracted to Teri Hatcher that he takes it and he puts it in his cop car and then he asks her out because he doesn't want to make her look feel ridiculous for saying, you know, here's some evidence on a case that is never going to go anywhere past right here. So he puts it in his trunk and he asks her out and they end up going out on a date. Well, he takes her on his rounds and 20 minutes before he's supposed to be off for the night, so their official date begins. He goes to the back of his trunk and he wants to slip out of his cop uniform and get into some civilian clothes so they can officially go out on their date. Well, she goes to the back of the trunk with him while he's getting dressed and undressed and there's the screwdriver. And she's really offended because she thought that she was really helping out with this case and he lied to her right off the bat, am I making that perfectly clear sound right so far. So while she's in the back by the trunk and he's getting dressed or undressed, she says this.

[Robbie]

I thought this went to the lab.

[Bill (Guest)]

Look, Susan, no one would authorize lab time or a computer search for a case like this. It's just not a priority.

[Robbie]

So why couldn't you just tell me that?

[Melissa]

What?

[Bill (Guest)]

I thought we were clicking.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Does this need to be a big deal?

[Robbie]

Well, if you'd only lied to me about it once, it wouldn't be.

[Bill (Guest)]

Come on, don't be such a girl.

[Robbie]

About done with you. All of you.

[Bill (Guest)]

Oh, come on, drama queen.

[Bill Birch]

Where are you going?

[Bill (Guest)]

It's not safe.

[Robbie]

I'd rather take my chances on the street, thank you very much.

[Bill Birch]

So here's the question I want to ask you guys. Because they broke off the date before the actual date happened. So they were on the car, in the car, on the way to the date, right? And he did something so offensive that the date was over before it even started. So what I want to know from women, has that ever happened to you? He picks you up, everything seems to be going fine on the car ride to wherever it is you're going, the restaurant, the concert, whatever. But he says something so offensive or does something so stupid even before you get to the date, that it's over. That ever happened to you guys?

[Melissa]

No, I just remember my sister telling me when I was of dating age, because she's older than me, to always drive yourself to the first date. So she obviously had something like this happen because she said, you never want to be stranded if it doesn't go well. And so, you know, on first dates, I always drove myself. So.

[Bill Birch]

So how did the first date end, actually, before it officially begun? Good morning, Nicole.

[Robbie]

Good morning again.

[Bill Birch]

Sorry, Nicole again.

[Robbie]

Hey, what's going on? I have to tell you about this date. This guy, me and him were dating at work. Or not. We were at work and he had a crush on me. I paid him absolutely no mind. But then, like, he was real cool one day, left a little flower on my desk and stuff. I was like, okay, I'll go ahead and give him a chance. Before we even got on the show, we were in the car. He had the music up a little loud, but it was warm out, so we had the windows down. So he tells me that he can't hear me very well. So instead of him rolling his window up, he proceeds to roll my window up. Mind you, my arm is kind of sitting in the window a little bit. Right. He begins to roll the window up. He rolls it all the way up, and it breaks my nails.

[Bill Birch]

No, he didn't.

[Robbie]

He broke my nails. But mind you, I had, like, acrylic nails at the time, so when they broke, my nails were bleeding. I mean, I was in so much pain, I was like, ah. Screaming. He's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? Mind you, he didn't roll up his window. He gonna roll up my window, but he gonna have me hot on that.

[Melissa]

Side of the car right now. Is there any possibility of him maybe turning down the stereo?

[Robbie]

Yeah, that's why I said, okay. You didn't turn down the radio.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Instead of rolling up the window.

[Robbie]

Right. Instead of rolling up the window or roll up your own window, why you gonna roll up my. I was like, okay, we need to turn this car around right now.

[Melissa]

Right now.

[Robbie]

I think he kinda knew because he turned the car even say anything.

[Bill Birch]

So you never officially got, like, to the restaurant or the club or whatever?

[Robbie]

No, I don't even think we was 15 minutes away from my house. I don't even think we was 15 minutes away. And he was so nervous, and it was so cute. But then he broke my nail. I said, if this fool don't get away from me. Okay.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bill Birch]

See you later, Nicole.

[Robbie]

All right.

[Bill Birch]

Bye. Bye. Bye. Good morning, Beth. You're on the Burt Show. Hello.

[Robbie]

Hi. The guy comes to pick me up. We go out to the car. I'm standing on the side of the car. He gets in the car, starts a car. I'm still standing outside the car because I'm old school. You open the door for me. And he stood there and actually rolled down the passenger's window. And he didn't have the electric, so he had to reach over, roll down the passenger window. He goes, you gonna get in? I said, I don't think so. Walked back in the house. By the time he was knocking on my door, I was already in my sweatpants.

[Podcast Host (The Birch Show)]

Good for you.

[Bill Birch]

I had a dog.

[Robbie]

And I am still on the.

[Bill Birch]

For you. Hey, Trish, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Robbie]

Hi. Me and the guy that I used to work with decided we were going to go out. And he decided, between my house and the restaurant, to light up a joint. You are kidding. No. And, oh, my God, I have never done drugs in my life. I just looked at him like he was stupid. And we were passing in front of my neighborhood. I said, you know what? Let's stop and see. My friend stops in her driveway. And I'm like, okay, that's it. Take it over. I'm cannot do this first date.

[Bill Birch]

He's lighting up very good.

[Robbie]

Oh my God.

[Bill Birch]

Thank you, Trish.

[Robbie]

Thank you.

[Bill Birch]

Bye bye.

[Jeff]

Oh my God.

[Bill Birch]

Guys are idiots stupid that we can't get through just three hours. We can't put the face on for three hours to get through a date, you know?

[Jeff]

Oh Lord. If that's what those guys are going to do on the first date, can you imagine being with them for years?

[Bill (Guest)]

The Bird show.

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[Bill (Guest)]

We all take good care of the things that matter. Our homes, our pets, our cars. Are you doing the same for your brain? Acting early to protect brain health may help reduce the risk of dementia from conditions like Alzheimer's disease. Studies have found that up to 45% of dementia cases may be prevented or delayed. By managing risk factors, you you can change make brain health a priority. Ask your doctor about your risk factors and for a cognitive assessment, learn more @brain health matters.com.

[Bill Birch]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. So are we actually going to tell people what this podcast is? It's Los Angeles.

[Robbie]

We talk about beauty.

[Bill Birch]

And by beauty we mean proven science, celebrity glam, debunking Internet narratives, and whatever drama TikTok has cooked up before 9am.

[Robbie]

Plus the products you should actually use.

[Bill Birch]

Not just the products going viral on your feed. We are two beauty journalists who've been in this industry long enough to know.

[Melissa]

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[Bill Birch]

And we're obsessed with the why behind trends, why everyone suddenly wants to smell.

[Melissa]

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[Bill Birch]

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[Melissa]

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[Bill Birch]

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[Robbie]

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[Bill Birch]

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[Robbie]

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[Bill Birch]

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