The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, December 30 [Vault]

Original Airdate: December 30, 2025
Podcast by: Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show kicks off with the show's trademark blend of quirky humor, listener drama, and group banter, providing listeners a lighthearted escape filled with laughter and real-life situations. The two main segments center around:

• A listener dilemma about a suspicious "baby hickey" and possible infidelity,
• A discussion on whether we ever really leave high school social cliques behind,
• And a candid scenario involving "baby mama drama" and relationship red flags.

The conversational style is casual, playful, and supportive, as the hosts and listeners weigh in with authenticity and comedic flair.

Key Segments & Insights

1. Listener Drama: The "Baby Hickey" Dilemma

(Starts: 01:22)

The Situation

• Listener "Brad" calls in:
  His wife came home late after a girls' night. The next day, he notices a hickey-like mark on her neck.
  • Wife says a friend's five-month-old baby gave her the hickey.
  • Brad is skeptical, asking: "Is it possible for a baby to give you a hickey in that kind of way? And ... should I believe her?" (03:06)

Hosts and Listener Reactions

• General consensus: Skeptical and humorous disbelief, especially from the female hosts and callers.
• Melissa:
  "I've never had the experience of a child like, beelining into my neck to suckle." (03:20)
• Jen:
  "They usually want your keys ... your cell phone goes in their mouth, but not your neck." (03:41)

Callers Weigh In

• Kimber:
  Shares her baby would sometimes leave a "line-shaped" mark on her shoulder, but not on the neck. (04:43)
  • Brad clarifies the wife's mark was "more of a circle" – like a classic hickey. (05:11)
• Another caller:
  "My ex-sister-in-law used to let babies give her hickeys on the chin ... but ... on the neck? Not so sure." (05:17)

Deeper Analysis

• Jen & Melissa:
  Point out behavioral red flags (wife was unusually quiet and distant after girls’ night, not her norm). (06:44, 07:10)
• TC (caller):
  Cautions to "reserve judgment," but says if there’s cheating, patterns will re-emerge; Brad should communicate concerns openly. (07:24, 08:00, 09:17)

Standout Quote

• Kimber (caller):
  "She is lying, lying, lying, period." (09:31)

Final Recommendation

• Hosts advise Brad:
  Communicate directly with his wife instead of investigating through friends; watch patterns and reactions moving forward.
  • Melissa:
    "This is a marriage and you’ve got to be ... you know, got to communicate ... voice your concern to your wife with an open mind." (11:38)

2. Do We Ever Really Leave High School? (Cliques & Social Roles)

(Starts: 15:24)

Context

• The team discusses a recent Desperate Housewives episode where a character observes that the social rules and cliques from high school persist into adulthood.

Group Debate

• Sean:
  "Do we ever really leave high school?...Does that ever change?" (18:15)
• Jen:
  Argues life events disrupt high school roles; "the popular cheerleader girl gets pregnant at 18 ... the popular jock guy gets big and fat and bald ..." (18:37)
• Melissa:
  "She’s just as guilty as she is claiming Teri Hatcher to be. So it’s not just the jocks and cheerleaders." (19:13)
  • Some people change; others cling to their high school identities.

Listener Stories

• Many share anecdotes about reunions or workplace parallels, noting how jocks and cheerleaders often become the “schmooziest” salespeople.
  • Melissa:
    "In my school ... the kids who lived in the better neighborhoods ended up being the ones who were ... in those circles." (22:24)

Notable Quote

• Diane (caller):
  "When I walked in the door ... it wasn’t like going back 30 years. It was like meeting whole new friends." (22:46)

General Consensus

• Some aspects of social identities stick, but adulthood (and especially 30-year reunions) can bring transformation and connection beyond old labels.

3. "Baby Mama Drama": Relationship Red Flags

(Starts: 28:41)

The Scenario

• Jeff shares a friend's real story:
  A man is now dating someone new; his ex (the mother of his child) threatens to "beat her ass" if she sees the new girlfriend out. (30:17)
• New girlfriend is rattled and unsure whether to stay.

Hosts' and Callers’ Reactions

• Jen:
  "Why is she dating a guy who ruined his marriage by cheating on his wife? ... Even if he does see the kid (every weekend), I don’t think that really makes him a good daddy." (30:38, 30:46)
• Melissa:
  "There’s still passionate emotions going on there ... I would back out ... I don’t want that [drama]." (31:37, 32:15)
• Kimber (caller):
  Advises to get out unless you’re truly in love and want to be with him forever. (33:06)

Notable/Memorable Moments

• Jeff (humor):
  “If you’re in a situation that could be on the Jerry Springer show, you need to get out.” (34:47)
• Hope (caller):
  Offers nuanced view: sometimes it’s not about ongoing feelings, but possessiveness about who’s around the kids. (37:14)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "She is lying, lying, lying, period." – Kimber, on the "baby hickey" excuse (09:31)
• "If you’re in a situation that could be on the Jerry Springer show, you need to get out." – Laura (34:47)
• "Do we ever really leave high school?" – Sean (18:15)
• "It’s not just the jocks and the cheerleaders … the ones who were left out of the cliques in high school may still live that life as an adult." – Melissa (19:13)
• "In my school ... the kids who lived in the better neighborhoods ended up being the ones who were ... in those circles." – Melissa (22:24)
• "You embrace your inner dorkiness. When you’re in control ... you’re a little more comfortable with it." – Melissa (23:45)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:22: Start of "baby hickey" drama with listener Brad
• 03:06: Brad’s critical questions: "Is it possible for a baby to give a hickey? Should I believe her?"
• 06:44: Hosts point out wife's suspect behavior
• 09:31: Kimber's blunt judgment: "She is lying, lying, lying, period."
• 11:38: Melissa on the importance of communication in marriage
• 15:24: Desperate Housewives launch discussion on high school cliques
• 18:15: Sean poses the core question about outgrowing high school social roles
• 22:46: Diane’s story of transformation at her reunion
• 30:17: "Baby mama drama" story is introduced
• 31:37: Melissa advises about avoiding unnecessary drama
• 34:47: "Jerry Springer" litmus test for drama (Laura)

Overall Tone and Style

The episode balances candid, sometimes biting honesty with humor and playful group dynamics. The hosts and listeners are unfiltered yet (mostly) supportive—quick to poke fun but also to offer real advice. It's talk radio in its classic sense: interconnected stories, open lines, and real talk about love, drama, and modern life.

Summary of Advice

• Suspicious behavior in relationships: Trust your gut, communicate concerns directly, and don’t go behind your partner’s back seeking evidence.
• Navigating social circles as adults: Some high school habits persist, but people can (and do) change, especially with life experience.
• Relationships with “baby mama/baby daddy” drama: If early warning signs and chaos are present, it's often better to walk away rather than plunge in deeper.

For listeners who missed the episode:
Expect engaging, relatable drama, lots of laughs, and some relationship wisdom—delivered in classic Bert Show style.