The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, December 9 [Vault]
Date: December 9, 2025
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Overview
This episode delivers classic Bert Show fare: real, funny, and unfiltered discussions that revolve around listener dilemmas, cast banter, and lighthearted pranks. The main focus is on listener “Mary Jane,” who needs advice on whether to confess a long-held secret to her boyfriend before he proposes. The team then addresses another listener’s tattoo mishap and wraps up with a prank call featuring a very competitive sports dad. Along the way, the group balances serious relationship insights with playful ribbing, ensuring the show is both relatable and entertaining.
Key Segments & Discussion Points
1. Mary Jane’s Age Secret: Should She Tell Her Boyfriend?
Timestamps: [01:35] – [14:36]
Situation Recap
- Mary Jane (voice disguised) calls in seeking advice. She moved to a new city, fell in love, and is expecting a marriage proposal.
- The dilemma: Dating for almost two years, Mary Jane has been passing as a decade younger due to a clerical error on her driver’s license. Her boyfriend, 33, thinks she is 32, but she is actually 42.
Panel Reactions & Listener Advice
- Burt: “You guys ever been in a situation like this where you're dating and you kind of tell a little lie?” [01:35]
- Jeff: Admits to being lied to, but not being the liar. [01:55]
- Liz: Jokes about the repercussions of such lies and mentions the ‘double standard’ (how men and women perceive age-related deception differently). [07:44]
- Mary Jane: Shares struggles maintaining the lie, including during pop culture references:
“We were watching TV … and I was like, oh, I remember that show. … [He said] how would you know that? And I was like, oh, reruns. Nickelodeon.” [04:52]
Listener Call-ins
- Glenn: “The best thing to do is to tell him. Now, don't lead on about the engagement and all that, but let him know what happened with the license and how old you are. … If he really loves you, then I don’t think he may bail on something like this.” [06:39]
- Jeff: Raises the issue of trust: “The trust is the big issue. … I’ve been married for 23 years … and [between spouses], that trust issue is a huge one.” [08:38]
- Lori: Calls in as someone married to a younger man. “We dated for three years … we knew about it. We've been married for about three years. … It’s tough sometimes but it’s worth it.” [10:14]
Debate & Outcome
- The hosts debate whether to treat the situation seriously or with levity, with Jeff warning: “I think you should approach it as a serious thing. … Let it be known, in the beginning it was all innocent. … Make sure that he understands that you understand the significance of this.” [13:21]
- Mary Jane agrees seriousness is necessary: “It’s just not my personality to be that, like, over the top and make up something crazy … I think if I deliver it straight like that…” [13:28]
- The group encourages her to update them on the conversation’s result.
Notable Quote:
Jeff: “If you truly are in love with someone, I mean, age should not be the reason that you bail after this long.” [07:25]
Liz: “If you want to play this my man, you gotta go straight at her and just go, look, I want you to see what’s on my shoulder … this is a constant reminder of how much I hate Amanda and love you, baby.” [31:07]
2. Max’s Tattoo Blunder
Timestamps: [17:50] – [31:50]
Situation Recap
- Max calls in using the voice disguiser.
- Celebrating with friends, he drunkenly receives a tattoo with the name “Amanda” (his ex-girlfriend) on his shoulder. His current girlfriend’s name is Kelly.
Panel & Listener Response
- Burt: “Not only is it the wrong woman’s name, but it is an ex-girlfriend. I mean, that complicates things.” [19:44]
- Max explains he was so drunk, he doesn’t remember much, and has been hiding the tattoo, claiming a bruise. [21:21]
- Liz & Hannah: Express doubt in the “drunken accident” argument, and suggest there’s no way to avoid consequences.
Suggestions for Damage Control
- Jeff: Suggests bringing a friend who was present to help tell Kelly, but panel doubts if that would help credibility. [22:43]
- Lori: Shares her own solution — tattooed an ex’s name on her neck, then covered it with skin-colored ink. [24:03]
- Discussion: All agree that honesty is the only good option, as covering up would be nearly impossible.
- Liz: “If you want to play this my man, here you go: you gotta go straight at her … this is a constant reminder of how much I hate Amanda and love you, baby.” [31:07]
- Consensus: The group jokes but ultimately agrees Max must come clean and suggest he update them on how it goes.
Memorable Moment:
Max jokingly considers dating the one caller who thought the tattoo debacle was funny, since she might be the only one who’d understand. [30:06]
3. Prank Call: “Your Kid Isn’t Basketball Material”
Timestamps: [32:08] – [37:45]
Setup
- A classic Bert Show prank targeting a basketball dad (Mr. Smurfax). Posing as a youth basketball coach, Liz informs the father that his 7-year-old son and he himself aren’t cut out for basketball.
Prank Fallout
- Liz/“Coach”: “He’s going to be a detriment to any team he’s on.” [34:32]
- Dad: Defends his son, referencing Michael Jordan’s famous early setback. “Michael Jordan didn’t make the basketball team in high school when he was a freshman.” [35:02]
- Liz: Steadily increases absurdity, eventually makes a crack about the dad having a “small penis” in the locker room [36:52], amplifying the joke until the big reveal.
- The Reveal: “This is Jeff with the Burt Show over at all the hits Q100. Your wife has just found scammer.” [37:26]
- Dad’s Reaction: Laughter and relief on realizing it’s all a prank.
Notable Exchange:
Liz: “You’re not good.” [36:19]
Dad: “Who the are you? … I’ll play you anytime you want to go.” [36:23]
Liz: “Your wife gave us all the information. Including the small penis line.” [37:37]
Notable Quotes & Moments
- Mary Jane on her secret: “It all started... I applied for my driver’s license, and when I got it back, it said I was 10 years younger... and I just used the birthday they gave me…” [03:17]
- On honesty: Glenn: “If he really loves you, I don’t think he may bail on something like this.” [06:39]
- Tattoo Cover-Up: Lori: “She was going to tattoo the skin color that matches my skin color so that it would basically blend in ... then you can tattoo any other name or character that you want in it.” [24:47]
- Prank call punchline: Liz: “We will scam you.” [37:45]
Recurring Themes & Tone
- Authenticity: The hosts encourage honesty and vulnerability—be it in relationships or silly mistakes.
- Good-natured humor: Even tense topics are balanced with jokes and laughter.
- Audience inclusion: Callers are welcomed as key participants, and listeners are invited to follow up on ongoing stories.
Useful Timestamps
- Mary Jane’s Age Dilemma Introduction: [01:35]
- Importance of Trust in Relationships: [08:38]
- Mary Jane’s Plan to Tell Boyfriend: [14:07]
- Max’s Tattoo Story Begins: [17:50]
- Tattoo Cover-Up Advice: [24:03]
- Prank Call with Basketball Dad: [32:08]
- Prank Call Reveal: [37:26]
For New Listeners
If you haven’t tuned into The Bert Show before, this episode offers a perfect snapshot: genuine listener stories, authentic laughter, relationship advice, awkward confessions, and lighthearted pranks. The chemistry among Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the extended cast ensures there’s never a dull moment—even when tackling life’s trickiest (or most embarrassing) situations.