Transcript

Rocket Money Announcer (0:00)

I didn't realize I was wasting $415 a month until I downloaded Rocket Money. I thought I had my finances under control until the app laid out all my spending and categorized it for me. Takeout shopping and unused subscriptions were quietly draining my account, and as a result, my savings took a backseat. But Rocket Money doesn't just tell you what you're wasting money on. It takes action to save you money. First, the app looks at your income and monthly expenses and calculates how much you can safely spend each day to stay under budget. Rocket Money also fines and cancels unwanted subscriptions for you and even negotiates better rates on your bills so you have more money in your pocket. On average, Rocket Money members can save up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. Users love the app with over 186,000 five star ratings. It's time to simplify your finances and take control of your Money. Go to rocketmoney.com cancel to get started. That's rocketmoney.com cancel. Right. Rocketmoney.com cancel.

The Birch Show Host (1:00)

The Birch Show.

Main Male Host (1:01)

Is there anybody listening with some kind of weekend remorse right now? Could have been a one night stand. I think, Jeff, you might have mentioned a tattoo you got over the weekend. Yeah.

Co-Host 1 (1:11)

Did anybody get a tattoo over the weekend that they are regretting today?

Main Male Host (1:14)

Who's got weekend remorse? You did something to the boss, the boss did something to you.

Co-Host 2 (1:20)

You spent a lot of money, like on a new car that you can't afford.

Main Male Host (1:23)

Could be. I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of alcohol induced ones. You made out with a gay guy, Wendy.

Co-Host 2 (1:29)

Well, I'm not remorseful because the gay guy, I mean, I was a girl. This was like what happened?

Main Male Host (1:36)

Could be a million things. Could be a million things. You made out with your girlfriend's sister. She still doesn't know about it. It's never gonna happen again. You're not gonna tell anybody, but you don't feel good about it. A couple years ago, I was down in Dallas. My, you know, you know, high school best friend, junior high school, even best friend. Today John comes to visit me in Dallas. We go get our drink on pretty well. We have to have our bonding experience. We go out, we get tattoos.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, February 17 [Vault]

Date: February 17, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings the classic morning radio blend of listener drama, candid confessions, and personal anecdotes, all tied together by the hosts’ quick wit and authenticity. The two main themes are “weekend remorse” stories—listeners and hosts confessing things they regret doing—and a deep dive into an Atlanta urban legend about high rates of sexual activity in senior living facilities. The show is peppered with memorable, laugh-out-loud moments and relatable real-life situations, balanced by the hosts’ conversational, often irreverent, tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weekend Remorse Confessions

Timestamps: 01:01–13:00

The hosts kick off by asking listeners if anyone has “weekend remorse”—regrettable decisions made over the weekend, such as questionable tattoos, bad purchases, or relationship drama.

Highlights:

Tattoo Regret:
- Main Male Host relates getting “starter kit” tattoos, reminiscing about drunken, cliché choices.
  
  “We go out, we get tattoos… I think it probably says ‘tool’ or ‘cliché.’” (01:36)
- Banter about common tattoo types: Asian symbols, barbed wire, tribal bands, etc.
Caller Stories:
- Tattoo with a Friend Who's Now an Ex-Friend
  - Caller Stacy (06:58) shares she and a friend got matching tattoos then fell out, leading to instant remorse.
    - Quote: “We just have a lot of disagreements... and just decided to separate, go separate ways.” —Stacy (07:20)
  - Hosts poke fun at the “best friends forever” when you’re drunk:
    
    “No, seriously. I love you. We’ll be best friends forever!” (07:47)
- Lost Wedding Ring:
  - Omar (05:07) lost his wedding ring just three months after getting married, fears telling his wife.
    - Quote: “No, I just realized and I just left the house. I was like, I ain’t gonna say nothing. I’m gone.” —Omar (05:45)
  - Hosts joke about differences in how men and women notice lost rings.
- Car Stolen After Neglect:
  - Caller describes (04:07) leaving her car unlocked out of fatigue, only to find it stolen the next day.
- Rapid Divorce:
  - Jason reveals (10:40) he got married in June but just received divorce papers—his wife left him for one of his girlfriends.
    - Quote: “My wife hand me divorce papers and tell me she was leaving me for one of my good girlfriends.” —Jason (10:40)
  - The hosts express shock and touch on sexuality and honesty in relationships.

2. Urban Legends: Senior Living Sexcapades

Timestamps: 13:57–26:06

Main Male Host introduces a local Atlanta urban legend: Sunrise Senior Living in Buckhead is rumored to have more sexual activity than college dorms. Hosts debate whether this is true and take calls from listeners and industry insiders.

Highlights:

Discussion on Senior Sex:
- Debates distinction between “senior living” and “nursing home,” clarifies that many seniors remain vibrant and sexually active.
- The hosts speculate on social dynamics, likening senior living cliques to high school:
  
  “There’s always the skank, there’s always the goody-goody, there’s, you know, the dude that’s the player...” (16:39)
- Running joke: “The sun’s not the only thing rising in Sunrise.” (17:06)
Listener Calls:
- Mindy: Reports her parents’ Florida retirement community has the highest STD rates due to unprotected sex.
  
  “All the seniors, they can’t get pregnant, so they’re having unprotected sex.” —Mindy (18:08)
- Nursing Home Worker: Tells story about having to cut up bananas after discovering their “other uses.”
  - Quote: “They were using them for other means and we had to start cutting them up.” (19:45)
- Retirement Home Director: Confirms “a lot of sex going on” in her community.
  - She notes relationships, “shack-ups,” and even injury incidents (bruising, hyperventilating), but also reiterates it’s residents’ private choice.
    
    “We don’t discourage anything. We don’t encourage it, but we don’t discourage it.” (21:12)
  - Confirms classic clique dynamics exist, echoes the “high school never ends” concept.
    - “You have the popular girl, you have the clique, people who have several boyfriends...” (21:34)
- Sunrise Senior Living Resident (“Amy”): Confirms activity is common but not excessive compared to other places.
  
  “It is common and it does happen quite often.” (23:04)
  - Calls Sunrise “the cream of the crop for assisted living.” (24:26)
- Retirement Village Employee: Describes a resident “Crazy Lou” with multiple girlfriends, and an exuberant 104-year-old who made his mark in the community.
  - Quote: “We had a guy who called himself Crazy Lou. He had about seven or eight different girlfriends, would go from room to room all day and all night.” (24:49)
  - Another anecdote: 104-year-old WWI vet cruising the halls naked in his electric wheelchair for attention (25:31).

3. Hilarious 911 Call: When Marijuana Brownies Go Wrong

Timestamps: 27:13–33:46

The show replays a viral 911 call of Edward Sanchez, a police officer, and his wife who overdosed (psychologically) after eating marijuana brownies made with confiscated evidence.
- Edward, clearly high, panics:
  - Quote: “I think we’re dead. I really do.” (27:48)
  - He assures the dispatcher he’s not hallucinating by asking the score of the Red Wings game.
    
    “I just want to make sure this isn’t some type of, like, hallucination that I’m having. What’s the score in the Red Wings game?” (32:33)
- The hosts delight in the absurdity of the call, with the main male host noting the best part is when Edward tries to verify reality through hockey scores.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“We were such tools. It is the most ridiculous. Why is that cool? That we had to match?” —Main Male Host on matching tattoos (08:12)
“I think that with the exception of the kids’ initials, the rest of them will be gone. … When they come up with a way to get rid of them quickly and painlessly.” —Main Male Host on tattoo regret (02:44)
“The sun’s not the only thing rising in Sunrise.” —Co-Host 2, joking about senior living sexual activity (17:06)
“We don’t discourage anything. We don’t encourage it, but we don’t discourage it.” —Retirement Home Director (21:12)
“We had to start cutting up the bananas for the old ladies.” —Nursing Home Staff (19:28)
“We had a guy who called himself Crazy Lou. He had about seven or eight different girlfriends…” —Retirement Village Employee (24:49)
“I think we’re dead. I really do.” —Edward Sanchez, 911 caller and cop (27:48)
“I just want to make sure this isn’t some type of, like, hallucination that I’m having. What’s the score in the Red Wings game?” —Edward Sanchez (32:36)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Weekend Remorse Confessions: 01:01–13:00
Urban Legends – Sunrise Senior Sexcapades: 13:57–26:06
Viral Marijuana Brownie 911 Call: 27:13–33:46

Tone & Style

The episode’s tone is playful, honest, and candid—with a fast-moving pace found in the best morning radio. The hosts riff off each other and listeners, never taking themselves too seriously but often landing on human moments of empathy and relatability. The laughter is genuine and the attitude delightfully irreverent, making the episode both engaging and memorable for diehard fans and first-time listeners alike.

Perfect for:
Fans of humorous, real-life confessions; those who enjoy urban legend debunking; and anyone who craves a candid, funny take on everyday drama.