The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, January 13 [Vault]

Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Original Air Date: January 13, 2026
Featuring: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and The Bert Show Cast (George, Tracy, Phil, Maggie, Jen, Ryan)

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives deep into the world of modern dating, social faux pas, and the surprising resilience of relationships. The team shares personal stories, listener confessions, and offers a humorous yet honest look at the highs and lows of romance, breakups, and questionable choices people make in the name of love. Key themes include dating fashion disasters, the “real” stories behind relationships, and tales of taking partners back after outrageous acts.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Dating Observations and Male Fashion No-Gos

(01:53-10:21)

• Producer Tracy’s Observations:
  Tracy is in a relationship now but has been going out as a "wing woman" for her single friend, Maggie, leading to some pointed and hilarious takes on male behavior and fashion in the dating scene.

• “Cheesy is in the eye of the beholder.”
  Discussion around what counts as “cheesy” when it comes to dating behavior or appearance.

• Fashion and Behavior Don’ts for Men:

  • Wearing visors upside down (03:06)
  • Cutting off sleeves on t-shirts as a display of masculinity (03:28, 03:36)
  • Giving a woman a high five just because she’s attractive (03:53)
  • Overenthusiastic "rocking out" at small venues (04:00)
  • Wearing sandals with excessive straps or buckles (05:11)
  • Overly-sculpted or creatively shaped facial hair (06:27, 06:59)
  • Bringing female friends when out as singles (07:21)
  • Giving oneself a nickname (09:25)

Notable Quotes:

• “Every guy needs to take a step back and kind of look at themselves and ask: ‘Am I cheesy?’ Because 90% of you guys are.” — Maggie, (02:16)
• "If you're wearing sandals, you better be the Lord and savior." — Tracy, (05:41)
• "Don't sculpt your sideburns... If you're gonna have them, fine. And be really, really careful not to look like Dylan from 90210." — Maggie, (06:59)

2. The Real Stories Behind Relationships

(10:22–19:03)

• Confessions from Listeners:
  The crew invites listeners to share the real and often hilarious (or scandalous) stories behind how they met their partners — versus the sanitized versions told to parents and friends.

  Stories include:

  • Meeting via late-night chat line, but telling friends and family “we met at the mall” (10:39-13:00)
  • Couple who met at a strip club but say they met at the bookstore (13:28-15:10)
  • Couple who met at a mental institution, but claim it was “Piedmont Park” (15:12-15:22)
  • Mutual attraction at a pool hall, told as "we just met in a club" (15:35-16:16)
  • Personal stories from hosts about their awkward meeting lines (16:32-17:06)

Notable Quotes:

• "You gotta remember, you gotta stick to the story. You can't end up changing it up, or people are gonna be like, 'Wait, didn't you meet at the mall?'" — Carla (caller), (12:31)

• "So you're stripping, this guy's tipping... And we've been dating for a year now." — Female Caller, (14:02)

• Rationalization Tactics:
  Listeners and hosts discuss the creative “half-truths” used to mask awkward or socially awkward meeting stories (16:18), and share body language “tells” for when a couple is lying about how they met (13:01).

3. “I Can’t Believe They Took Them Back After…”

(21:45–32:41)

• Jennifer Wilbanks Case (“Runaway Bride”):
  The show discusses the infamous case where Jennifer Wilbanks, after disappearing before her wedding and lying to police (sentenced to probation, community service, and restitution), is still together with her fiancé. The cast speculates on what his friends must think and broadens out to the theme of wild relationship forgiveness.

• Listeners Reveal Outrageous Second Chances:

  • Taking back a partner after being stabbed in the neck with scissors (26:48–27:55)
  • Taking back an abusive partner after multiple assaults (28:22-28:43)
  • Taking back a girlfriend after sleeping with her mom (29:17–30:45)
  • Accepting a fiancée after having a child with another man (31:08–31:27)
  • Remaining with an ex after being shot in the neck (31:35–32:16)

Notable Quotes:

• “My friend Sam's girlfriend in high school stabbed him in his throat with a pair of scissors... he took her back and they got married.” — Caller, (26:48)
• "When you're dating... it never gets any better than that. So if she's stabbing you in the neck during the courting period, what is she gonna do five years in?" — George, (27:31)
• "I slept with her mom… And she took me back. We ended up dating another year.” — Caller, (29:27, 29:32)
• "He got shot in the neck from his best friend and he still took his ex-fiancé back." — Caller, (31:39)

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Self-Deprecating Humor:
  “After listening to this list, I realized I could go off and put a check mark by every single thing on this list. Everything on this list I have!” — George, (08:32)

• Nicknames Gone Wrong:
  “Don’t give yourself a nickname. My friend Maggie got hit on by two different guys. One called himself ‘The King’. The other called himself ‘G’… his name wasn't even George or anything.” — Maggie, (09:25)

• Relationship Confidentiality:
  “The only glitch is he says that we met at Borders and I say that we met at Barnes and Noble.” — Female Caller, (15:08)

• On Blind Forgiveness:
  “You know what? If you're cheating in your relationship, walk in the door with a neck brace on. Because if she finds out, that's exactly where she's going.” — George, (32:18)

Noteworthy Timestamps

• 01:53 – Dating faux pas, fashion disasters and Tracy’s fieldwork as a wingwoman
• 05:40 – Mandals (man sandals) debate
• 06:27 – Facial hair and grooming failures
• 09:25 – Don’t give yourself a nickname
• 10:22 – Real vs. fake “how we met” stories begin
• 13:28 – Stripper/bookstore love story confessional
• 15:12 – Mental institution→Piedmont Park story
• 16:32 – Host shares embarrassing first line from partner
• 21:45 – Jennifer Wilbanks “Runaway Bride” update and discussion
• 26:48 – First “stabbed in the neck” story
• 29:17 – Slept with the girlfriend’s mom, taken back anyway
• 31:08 – Woman has a baby by another man, fiancé stays
• 31:35 – Got shot in the neck, took her back
• 32:18 – Quips on neck injuries and relationship warning signs

Tone & Style

The episode is a lively, irreverent, and very candid conversation between hosts and their listeners. The humor is self-aware and frequently self-deprecating, even when tackling serious themes of heartbreak or questionable life decisions. Authenticity and relatability are paramount, with nothing off-limits—whether it’s mocking one’s own fashion choices or laughing off painful relationship histories.

Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show provides a raw, honest, and hilarious look at the ridiculousness of modern dating and human resilience (or stubbornness) in relationships. From fashion fails to get-back-together disasters, the show’s open forum for confession and commentary makes for a compelling and comical listen—even for those who haven’t tuned in.