Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, June 2 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show - Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, June 2 [Vault]

Episode Air Date: June 2, 2026
Cast: Bert, Melissa, Wendy, Tracy, Rich, and callers

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Episode Overview

This episode covers a diverse mix typical of The Bert Show: stories about online dating and relationship disappointments, personal insights into complex family dynamics, behind-the-scenes drama regarding contract negotiations and show staff, and a candid parenting debate over co-sleeping. With their signature blend of humor and raw authenticity, the hosts dive into each topic, engaging callers and sharing real-life experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Online Dating Disappointment: Marlene's Story

• [01:01–07:24]
  Marlene recounts her failed attempts at finding romance via Match.com. Despite promising communication and a planned meetup on Christmas, her date cancels, citing a last-minute family invitation—then fails to follow up as promised for New Year’s Eve.
• Discussion Highlights:
  • The panel sympathizes with Marlene’s bad luck, noting how flaking on special holidays adds insult to injury.
  • Marlene shares she "took [her] profile down" as the last straw ([06:32]).
  • Quote:
    "See you... In a case like this, you just gotta believe that karma is gonna end up hitting this guy. You can't blow somebody off twice like that on those important days and not think that's gonna come back." — Bert [06:42]
  • The group debates whether online dating really improves prospects or just exposes more odd personalities.

2. Online Dating: Friend Experiences and Social Circles

• [07:39–09:36]
  • Melissa describes pushing friends to online date to expand their horizons, leading to awkward but funny moments (“serious mother issues” in some profiles).
  • Key Point: Online dating can be a way to break out of stagnant social patterns.
  • Quote:
    "You can't keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results...get online, post a profile, whatever." — Melissa [08:40]

3. Rich’s Complicated Relationship with His Dad

• [10:11–21:58]
  Rich opens up about his distant, military father who’s been largely absent (living overseas, sporadic, awkward attempts at contact).
• Segment Breakdown:
  • The Absentee Father:
    • No clear “falling out”—just gradual disappearance after the parents’ split and his dad’s remarriage ([11:20]).
    • Rich recieves impersonal gifts—“random...makes no sense” ([12:16]).
  • Attempts at Connection:
    • Recent burst of contact, likely prompted by his dad’s current partner.
    • Conversation reflections: “What do I even say?” turning into default topics like weather, the economy ([15:38], [16:05], [16:27]).
  • Emotional Impact:
    • Rich feels “not mad, not numb...it is what it is” ([16:53]).
    • Bert and Rich compare notes on how low expectations and numbness shape adult male relationships to absentee fathers.
    • Bert notes that having children often brings those childhood issues to the surface and prompts self-reflection ([19:21]).
  • Quote:
    "You just continue to set the bar lower and lower and lower until it's at a place where you're just like, this is all it is..." — Bert [18:52] "He is still my dad and I feel like it's my obligation to at least be the bigger person and give him a phone call whether he deserves it or not." — Rich [18:40]
  • Takeaway:
    • The group reflects on generational cycles, the struggle with father-son distance, and how each sibling is affected differently.

4. The Jeff Dollar Contract Negotiation Drama

• [22:28–38:53]
  The cast breaks down ongoing contract negotiations that threaten to break up the long-running team. Jeff’s absence looms over the studio, leading to candid and sometimes emotional discussion.
• Segment Breakdown:
  • Radio Contracts 101 ([22:28])
    • Contracts for talent are individually negotiated, not as a team.
    • Jeff’s contract expired, and “the numbers are apart.” Bert has lobbied hard to keep the team intact.
  • Personal Impact
    • Emotional toll on the team; vacation spent worrying over show’s future ([26:00]).
    • A caller, Anna, credits Jeff’s phone scams as the reason she became a fan ([30:43–31:25]).
  • Listener and Host Reactions
    • Callers urge the station to “start the Jeff Dollar campaign,” but Bert says it’s a money issue beyond their influence ([31:25]).
    • Another caller, Nicole, praises Jeff as irreplaceable for his “business minded...family oriented...wise” presence ([32:35–34:16]).
    • Some listeners, like Joanne, criticize Jeff as “greedy” for holding out in a tough economy ([37:23]), though Bert pushes back, pointing out the full financial details aren’t public ([37:35–38:53]).
  • Notable Quotes: "The Bird Show is not the Bird Show without Jeff." — Bert [25:07] "We're not a formula, but there's a chemistry here, and it's a chemistry that's worked for nine years." — Bert [25:54] "He’s not replaceable... There's nobody like Jeff." — Nicole (caller) [33:03]

5. Parenting Dilemma: Tracy Considers Co-Sleeping

• [39:54–52:37]
  Tracy, a new mom, struggles with whether to allow her infant daughter to sleep in her bed—an issue that sparks lively debate among the hosts and callers.
• Tracy’s Perspective
  • Ella refuses to sleep in her crib, and Tracy’s instinct is to keep her close, despite social pressure and safety concerns ([40:21–42:47]).
  • Quotes the rarity of independent rooms for babies in other cultures and among mammals ([42:47]).
• Host and Listener Debate
  • Bert worries about fostering dependence and lack of coping skills (“prom night in your bed” joke) ([45:22]).
  • Melissa asks if Tracy’s discussed it with her own mom; Tracy describes trying various “sleeping in same room” alternatives—and failing ([44:08]).
  • Callers share their own upbringings, including a woman who struggled to be independent after co-sleeping into early childhood ([45:41]).
  • Suggestions and experiences vary: some say “do what’s best for your family,” others urge teaching babies to self-soothe ([46:43–51:18]).
• Notable Moments:
  • Tracy reflects on her own internal struggle—and possible judgment from others ([49:40]).
  • The cast jokes about “researching mammals” and other alternatives—keeping tone light amidst serious advice ([50:08–50:13]).
  • Quote:
    "At the end of the day, you’re gonna have to follow your own instincts. And if you don’t, you’ll kick yourself in the butt more for not…" — Bert [46:57]

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Memorable Quotes

“You can't blow somebody off twice like that on those important days and not think that's gonna come back.” — Bert [06:42]

“You can’t keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results...get online, post a profile, whatever.” — Melissa [08:40]

“You just continue to set the bar lower and lower and lower until it’s at a place where you’re just like, this is all it is...” — Bert [18:52]

“The Bird Show is not the Bird Show without Jeff.” — Bert [25:07]

“We're not a formula, but there’s a chemistry here, and it’s a chemistry that's worked for nine years.” — Bert [25:54]

“He is still my dad and I feel like it’s my obligation to at least be the bigger person and give him a phone call whether he deserves it or not.” — Rich [18:40]

“At the end of the day, you’re gonna have to follow your own instincts. And if you don’t, you’ll kick yourself in the butt more for not…” — Bert [46:57]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:01–07:24] — Marlene’s failed online dating story
• [07:39–09:36] — Online dating: entertainment value & breaking out of social circles
• [10:11–21:58] — Rich’s distant relationship with his military father
• [22:28–38:53] — Jeff Dollar’s contract negotiations and team dynamics
• [39:54–52:37] — Tracy’s co-sleeping dilemma; parenting debate

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Tone & Style

The episode is frank and funny, with the cast leveraging their real lives for relatable content. Sometimes silly, sometimes introspective—especially around issues of family and loss—the conversation always circles back to the show's ethos: real, authentic, and willing to let listeners peek behind the curtain.

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Summary prepared for listeners who missed the show and want an in-depth, moment-by-moment highlight reel.

Transcript

[Tracy]

Can you believe it? The business I'd been about to start lived in my head for two years. But last night, I finally bought the domain on Wix. Took me 90 seconds and suddenly it was real. I even used WIX Harmony, wix's AI website builder, to create a full website in minutes. Didn't even have to stress about security, privacy, or any of that technical stuff. It all came included. That's two years of stalling. One night of progress. Don't wait like I did. Go to wix.com domains. How did you get your website to look like that? Mine's so basic. Thanks. I just used WIX Harmony. Sounds fancy. What's that? It's wix's AI website builder. You can just tell it what you want and it builds you a whole site. So it's like vibe coding a website? Exactly. But even better because you can still click and edit anything by hand. You. You don't have to use prompts for everything.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's neat.

[Tracy]

Yeah. Try it for [e-mail] Harmony the Birch

[Bert]

show this was Marlene before we all left for vacation.

[Marlene]

I haven't had a relationship in about two years. I've had really, really hard time meeting good guys. So I started online dating on Match. We've been talking for a couple weeks now. We talk pretty much every day and we text and stuff during the day, but we haven't actually met in person yet.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Wendy]

It's a blind date on Christmas.

[Marlene]

We've talked on the camera phone, you know, on that.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Marlene]

But I mean, technically, no, we haven't met in person.

[Bert]

I would think that there is. That's like a zero pressure date. Really? Right there. Because you guys both have the commonality. You don't agree? Wendy, what's going on?

[Wendy]

Sorry, we had broken equipment. Go ahead.

[Bert]

Did it just fall? Microphone just fell.

[Wendy]

My microphone just fell in her lap. It literally fell on my lap. So I'm holding it. Okay.

[Melissa]

Go ahead.

[Marlene]

Sorry.

[Tracy]

I feel like I'm about to.

[Wendy]

I feel like I'm about to sing a song for y'.

[Marlene]

All.

[Melissa]

I feel like you're hosting a game show.

[Wendy]

I know.

[Bert]

All right, I'm sorry.

[Wendy]

I'm sorry, Marlene. I'm good right now.

[Bert]

Marlene. Marlene. I would think that the pressure here would be off, really, because you have the commonality of both being alone on Christmas. So at least we get to hang out with together and we're with somebody

[Melissa]

and they had seen each other before. She said they did the Mac chat thing and they had done the Video chat thing. And they had been talking online for a while, so it wasn't complete and total blind date. But this is first face to face meeting, which is really, I think, exciting and kind of cool.

[Bert]

Hey, Marlene.

[Marlene]

Hey, good morning.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Marlene]

Hi. I'm good. How are you guys?

[Bert]

Good. Now, you didn't have that initial shock that Jenna's talking about? Cause I think a whole bunch of dudes put, like, pictures up of what they looked like 25 years ago.

[Marlene]

Right.

[Bert]

Or completely different guys. And then you show up on the date, and the black dude you're about to have a date with is white. So you didn't have any of that. You knew what this guy looked like. So there was no shock?

[Marlene]

No, there wasn't any shock.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Marlene]

I mean, there was other shocks, but that wasn't one of them.

[Bert]

Okay, what were some of the shocks?

[Marlene]

It was. Well, the first shock was that, unfortunately, I don't have good news because he ended up blowing me off.

[Melissa]

No.

[Bert]

On Christmas.

[Wendy]

That's not cool.

[Marlene]

On Christmas. Well, because he had plans on Christmas, so Christmas Eve, he ended up blowing me off for it. And, I mean, he did call and he said that he wasn't going to be able to make it. I guess his parents, you know, at the last second had really wanted him to come, and I guess they worked out a way, and he called and said that he felt he needed to go do that, you know, which was understandable.

[Melissa]

Why make plans with you in the first place then, right?

[Marlene]

Yeah, I know. I mean, he said that before he wasn't going to go to his parents, and then they called and they really wanted him there. So. Yeah. So it kind of. I was kind of bummed because that, you know, that was what we had decided to do.

[Bert]

What had changed, though? Like, what had had changed? He. He knew that he wasn't going to your. His parents when he initially talked to you. So what made him decide to go over there? Or are you just not believing his story at all?

[Marlene]

Well, I mean, at that point, I. I did believe his story because I believe that. I mean, that does happen. Like, then his parents maybe helped him to get over there because, remember, it partially was financial.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Marlene]

Of him not going. So I thought, okay, well, they were paying, you know, to get there. That's what I thought had changed.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Marlene]

So I. I mean, I believed him. And so I just, you know, let it go. And he asked actually if he could reschedule for New Year's Eve, if we could do something for that instead.

[Melissa]

Okay, serious.

[Marlene]

So even though I was bummed. I was, you know, I was excited about that because New Year's Eve is always, you know, kind of like a couple's couples holiday.

[Wendy]

It's a good way to try to make up for the fact if I'm blowing you out for Christmas, I'll make it up to you New Year's Eve.

[Marlene]

Yeah, exactly. And he said, you know, let me plan something special. And, you know, he was gonna call me when he got back, but he never did.

[Bert]

What?

[Marlene]

No. Yeah. So, yeah, like, to this. He still. I never talked to him again.

[Wendy]

He what? Even so you have now you have no idea what happened?

[Marlene]

Yeah, I mean, this is the. Wow. This is like. I think I just. I have really had luck with guys. I mean, this happens. Like, not this, but just where it's always like, wow, really?

[Bert]

Did you call him, leave a voicemail at any point saying, hey, just checking in, making sure we still have plans tomorrow night or tonight or whatever?

[Marlene]

No, I would never. I'm not doing. That's crazy, because he. I mean, at that point, it was in his court. The ball was in his court. He said he was planning something special. So at that point, it's like, what could I possibly do? I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna beg him to, like, remember to calm. Right. Go out with. It's bad.

[Bert]

So what'd you end up doing on New Year's Eve?

[Marlene]

I actually ended up out. I had a. I actually had an amazing New Year's. I was out with my two lesbian girlfriend.

[Wendy]

I had a.

[Marlene]

And you never know, maybe I'll just switch teams.

[Melissa]

That's your New Year's resolution.

[Marlene]

You Never know what 2010 brings, but keep having this bad of luck.

[Bert]

Wow. What a tool. What a total tool.

[Melissa]

Now, is that gonna make you think twice about going back on Match and meeting somebody else? Are you still open to online dating?

[Marlene]

That was kind of the last straw. I already took my profile down.

[Bert]

You did?

[Marlene]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry.

[Wendy]

I'm so sorry, but, I mean, and not only to screw up two dates, but Christmas Day and New Year's, Ev. I mean, come on.

[Bert]

See you. And this. In a case like this, you just gotta believe that karma is gonna end up hitting this guy. You can't blow somebody off twice like that on those important days and not think that's gonna come back.

[Melissa]

He's gonna get dumped on Valentine's Day.

[Wendy]

His 2010 is gonna suck.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Sorry, Marlene. That sucks.

[Marlene]

Okay, well, I definitely learned my lesson. I mean, I will never, ever put a holiday. You know, Right, right. With the date. Because I don't want it to mess up my holiday.

[Bert]

What a tool. What a total tool. I'm sorry it worked out that way.

[Marlene]

It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't have better news.

[Bert]

Okay. It's all right.

[Melissa]

Thanks to have a good year with us.

[Marlene]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Happy New Year.

[Melissa]

Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

[Bert]

See, that's good, because the bar is set so low going into 2010 now.

[Melissa]

What did you can do that without, like, a phone call or a text or an email or anything? Nothing at all. Like, even if he made up some lame excuse that she knew was a lame. Excuse me. That's way better than just blowing it

[Bert]

off, not showing up at all.

[Melissa]

Jerk.

[Bert]

Bad. She mentioned that she's off Match now, and I think Jen was telling us off the air that you've sort of been forced to sample.

[Melissa]

No, I forced a friend of mine.

[Bert]

You forced a friend of yours to online date?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert]

How's it going?

[Melissa]

A couple of friends of mine. Well, we're really entertained by some of the posting from the men up there and how everybody just. I mean, there are more really hilarious moments that we have gotten out of it than. I think she's actually met maybe two potential guys that she would maybe like, and one that she set up coffee with, but that's like, it. And she's been on it for, like, maybe, I think maybe a month now. I forced her to do it.

[Bert]

And why did you make the suggestion or why did you force her to do it?

[Melissa]

Well, just to sort of get out of your comfort zone, I think. Like, you know, a lot of times when you're single, you get in the same social circles, and so you end up meeting the same people or you go out to the same places, so you end up seeing the same people out. And if you're not getting the results from that that you want, you got to switch it up.

[Bert]

Right.

[Melissa]

You can't keep doing the exact same thing and expect different results. Right. So I was like, just get online, post a profile, whatever. So she went on one of those, and. And now we are just really having fun with some of the hilarious posts on there. Like, one guy was, oh, man, I wish I could. I wish I knew you were gonna talk about this. I could pull it up on my email. I mean, the listing that he has on there, he's got some serious mother issues.

[Marlene]

Really?

[Melissa]

Like, and it's apparent in his posting, like, on the things like he was saying, I don't want a woman that's this and it's that and whatever. We were like, whoa. So it's kind of been entertaining. Cause every time she finds a really, really bad one, she emails it to three of her friends. And we all replied all back and forth, like with some really funny commentary about it. So. But maybe the one that she's having coffee with, maybe that'll work.

[Tracy]

She's got three in. I mean, I think that's pretty successful.

[Melissa]

And it's gonna be somebody she would have never met otherwise.

[Bert]

You just hold onto that as the friend that forced her into it. You just hold on.

[Melissa]

And we're having some really good belly laughs. And there's nothing to put you in a good mood except for a good laugh. Right.

[Wendy]

And she's like, great. And I'm still not in a serious relationship.

[Melissa]

I don't think. I don't think that was the point of it. The point of it was just, let's open some more doors here and see what happens.

[Bert]

Was it match you guys are using?

[Melissa]

No, she's using a different one.

[Bert]

You don't want to say which one?

[Melissa]

I don't want to say which one.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Melissa]

I don't want people to go find her.

[Bert]

Why? She's not doing any good on her own. Maybe you. The bird show. The Birch show. All right, intern Rich here, this weird on again, off again relationship with his dad. And he's had it for years now, right?

[Rich]

Yeah, yeah, it's been. He hasn't lived in the states since 96.

[Bert]

It's a military dude. Yeah.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And you guys have never been close? He's just kind of a military dad. Right. He's just sort of just kind of coldish, hardish. Just standoffish.

[Rich]

Yeah, I mean, he's typical. I mean, to me, it's typical military dad, you know, wakes up 6, 35, 30 in the morning, goes to PT. You know, we used to wake me up, so it's always been kind of abrupt, you know, what's the weather, son? Come do this. He's this very military, and it's kind of always been that way for me, so.

[Bert]

And when did you guys have like this last falling out to where you aren't talking to each other at all?

[Rich]

Well, it's kind of so confusing. I really can't tell you if there's a falling out. Basically, it's just been. He's been on and off my whole life and he's been overseas since 96

[Bert]

and one of those mics is all jacked up. Is it yours or is it might

[Melissa]

be this one I can just.

[Bert]

Yeah, do that. Okay, try that.

[Rich]

Okay.

[Bert]

Nope, nope.

[Melissa]

It's your headphones.

[Bert]

Yep.

[Melissa]

Turn them down.

[Bert]

You haven't been doing this long enough to have those headphones up as much as I know.

[Wendy]

I mean, that's like Burt Decibel.

[Rich]

You there?

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Rich]

All right, good. Yeah, that's better. All right, we're good. We're good. No whistle. Okay.

[Bert]

So like a falling out?

[Rich]

There's never a falling out. He. He was overseas. My parents split up. He got remarried, and I think it was just kind of the whole living overseas and him being remarried, and I don't know if it had to do with the wife. It's kind of a lot of unanswered questions, so I really can't say. There was a falling out. He just. One day he was dad, and the next he wasn't. It's one of those things when my sister and I get together, we're always like, what happened?

[Bert]

He just goes away.

[Rich]

Yeah, he was overseas in Saudi Arabia back in the mid-90s, and that's what kind of started it. We're used to him being here for a month, gone for a year, back and forth. But then one day, it was just kind of like, my sister got married, he didn't come to the wedding. He was with the other woman. And it just kind of all of a sudden went from being on and off to never again. And so then after that, it's been like every once, three or four years, I'll get a random phone call or, hey, how's it going? Or a package. I mean, he's a weird man. Like, he'll send me. I won't talk to a guy for five years, and then I'll receive a Christmas gift like, four years later with no letter, nothing written on it. And it's always the most random gift that makes no sense whatsoever. I mean, it's kind of become a

[Bert]

tradition because he doesn't know you.

[Rich]

Yeah, we laugh about what we get sent. So, I mean, do you think it's

[Melissa]

even from him, or do you think it's from whoever he's dating at the time?

[Rich]

Well, this year, apparently the woman he's with now, I think is. I like her because it seems like she's really grabbed him. You know, I won't mention and just straightened him out because it started off this past about a year ago when I started here, actually, where I all of a sudden I got a couple emails, and I got a birthday card or a Christmas card. I can't remember last year. And it was basically saying, you know, merry Christmas, but not in his handwriting. I know my father's handwriting. And so I was like, oh, this woman is, you know, putting out the. Why aren't you talking to your kids? So she seems like she's really good woman. And so all of a sudden, we started getting a few emails here and there earlier in the year, and that was it. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, got a phone call on Christmas or the day before Christmas, and I actually received a package in the mail. Again, Christmas gift. No letter or anything. I just. My sister. I called my sister. Hey, did you get a Christmas gift from dad? And she's like, yeah, no letter. No, this is from your father. The only reason I knew who it was from was because when it was from a. It was like a fleece from Land's End, and they type in to, you know, rich from. And it says Lee, my dad's name. So the only reason I knew it was from him because it was from Land's End corporate. So it wasn't even his address. So I'm like, who sent me this sweatshirt? So he's just a really strange guy.

[Bert]

So.

[Rich]

No, no, like, how's it going? How have you been? It's just, you know, is there a

[Tracy]

phone number you can, like, reach him at or talk to him or an email address?

[Rich]

Well, I have said we had email, so I went email a few times back and forth. But I just kind of. It's been so long that I don't. You know, I try because he's still my dad. And I feel like you said before, it's my obligation to still keep him in my life. And it's my job. One day, if I have kids, I want them to at least. My wife has never met him. She talked to him once three or four years ago when we were in Boston, that's where she's from. And got a random phone call four Christmases ago. And I was like, you're gonna talk to my wife? So I can at least say that she's heard your voice and that you do exist and I'm not crazy. So this year and how long have you been married? It's gonna be. It's three years. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Rich]

But I've been with her for six and a half, so.

[Melissa]

Six and a half. And she's talked to your dad once on the phone.

[Rich]

Well, now twice, because what happened was he actually called. And I have to travel every Christmas, so it's real hard at first. I'm here. It used to be. I was in la, and then I'd come to Atlanta, and then I'd come to Massachusetts. So traveling is part of the holidays. But this year we just went to Massachusetts and we missed each other. So I was like, oh, my God. I actually had the phone in my hand and it was restricted number. I was like, I'm not answering that. They'll leave a message. And sure was him. And I don't have international on my phone because he actually lives in. Oh, he lives in England when he's not in Afghanistan because he still works for the military, even though he retired last year. So I couldn't call him back. So I was like, oh, my God. It was probably my one chance in the next six years to say hi to him and see what's going on. Called the second time. I couldn't believe it. I missed that phone call. I was like, oh, I'm definitely never speaking to him again. He actually called a third time. So he actually called me more three times in the week. That's more than he's called in the past 10 years of my life, probably. So he's actually trying to reach out. And it was just once I finally got a hold of him, I was like, okay, now what do I do?

[Wendy]

Well, and I also wonder if he's. I know he's still working for the military, but being retired, there probably is less responsibility on him and, you know, traveling with the military. So I wonder if he has more opportunity when he. When it comes to him to call that it'll happen more frequently.

[Bert]

How was the initial conversation? Was it just awkward?

[Rich]

Well, it's like. It's so funny. It's like, first thing, it's like, so, how's the weather over there? It's that typical weather conversation. And I'm sitting here kind of like, I know my wife's upstairs. She was getting ready. We were about to go out for her grandpa's 90th birthday because he just had his birthday on the same week. So everyone was getting ready to go out, and I was, like, looking around the hallway, I was like, what do I do? What do I say? I'm not a very nervous person. I'll go do anything at any time. The one thing that makes me get a little butterfly in my stomach is like, what the heck am I gonna say to this guy?

[Bert]

Right? My dad does the same thing. There's no commonality. The weather always comes up.

[Melissa]

Oh, you serious?

[Bert]

That's so. Well, just. Yes. It's just always awkward. And the one thing he can Always fall back on is weather. And for whatever reason, my dad goes to gas prices also.

[Wendy]

What's the going rate over there in Hotlanta?

[Bert]

We got nothing else.

[Rich]

We went to the economy because him being in Afghanistan, the first thing I was like, so what's going on over there? 30,000 troops being, you know, because he's. He's over there training. So it started off with gas and economy, and then I finally just started talking to him, like, so what's the deal? What are you doing?

[Melissa]

So are you, like, mad at him? Are you open to him coming back in your life? Like, other than it being awkward conversation, like, how do you feel about it?

[Rich]

No, I'm not mad. I'm not numb again. It's one of these things. And I had this conversation, and I actually brought Bert's name up in the car during the conversation. I was like, is this something that you'll never grasp or understand? It's just part of your life? If you don't have a relationship with your family like this, then you can't really understand that. You're not angry, you're not upset, you're not disappointed. It is just what it is. So that's kind of how I feel about it. My sister, I think, is a little angrier than I would be. And I'm more angry for her than I am for myself because she has two kids. He wasn't at her wedding. And, you know, for me, it's like, you know, you should be at your daughter's wedding. You need to meet your two greatest nephews in the world. They're like, excel in sports and they're smart. I mean, like, she's.

[Bert]

Mm.

[Rich]

So for me, I'm angry at that, but for myself, it's like, oh, if, you know, if you wanna do your crazy thing, do your thing. If you don't, you don't. I don't really care.

[Bert]

I think guys handle it differently. I'm gonna spend a lot of time in therapy over this whole thing.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert]

My therapist would probably say. I used to say the same thing that Rich is saying, that numbness is just you not really allowing yourself to be hurt by the whole thing.

[Wendy]

Yeah. Cause women, we. I mean, we swim in emotion all the time. So to express how we feel about something is not a big deal. But I do think you have to get deep down in a guy for him to express it the same way.

[Melissa]

Do you think it'll change when you have kids if he's still not in your life?

[Rich]

Well, wait, I had that conversation with my Sister. Because I told my sister, you need to call him. And she didn't. She's like, you know, I've tried. He knows my number, he knows where I'm at. If he wants to get a hold of me, he can. She's like, but I'm not gonna force him to be a father and chase after him for the rest of my life. She's like, I gotta be my mom. I gotta be a mom. And, you know, she takes it differently. She's not. I mean, she's upset with him, but she's like, I gotta do my thing. If he wants to be dad, he can't. Or as I'm like, you know, I'm going to continue to try to have him in my life. Not because I care for madam, but it's just like, he is still my dad and I feel like it's my obligation to at least be the bigger person and give him a phone call whether he deserves it or not.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Rich]

So I'm going to always call him and say, hey, are you alive? Or I'll drop him an email. But I don't expect for us to, like, get together and, you know, have a father son moment where we go have a beer and talk about that, because I've never had that anyway, so it's not something I miss.

[Bert]

I mean, I totally can understand what you're talking about. You just continue to set the bar lower and lower and lower and lower until it's at a place where you're just like, this is all it is, you know, Like, I don't have any. I'm the same as you. I got no desire and no ambition that I'm ever gonna have. Play catch in the backyard with my dad. Just not who he is, man. Yeah. Eventually you just sort of accept that they're giving you what they can.

[Melissa]

And you have made it a point to never, ever repeat those patterns, which I think is so amazing.

[Bert]

Yeah, it does change things, man. I'll tell you what, once you have K kids, it really starts to jack with you just because you start to see the way that you were brought up. You start to see you doing the same things to your children. And that's when you're like, okay, I gotta get some help here. Because I don't really like the way I am as a father, but it's the only thing I know.

[Rich]

Well, I've already seen. I actually told him that when we were talking because we actually started having a regular conversation and it was probably the first real conversation I've had. As an adult with him my entire life, where we. Actually, that's what's going on. He congratulated me because I just graduated from college finally. So, you know, he was. Told me, congratulations. That now what are you gonna do about work, responsibility? And. But I told him that as I get older, I start to notice things about myself that remind me of him. And I'm like, oh, no. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because I'm like, when's it gonna stop? Because like you say, when I have kids, am I gonna start doing things? You know, and so I can imagine. So there's. That part of me is already kind of coming out where I'm like, oh, and he is my father. I am doing things kind of how he does them.

[Bert]

How does the conversation end with your dad? Because I know. I'm always really fearful that my dad's gonna end the conversation saying, I love you. And I try to get off the phone faster than that can happen. Cause I don't know how to respond to that with him.

[Melissa]

I think UPS is here.

[Bert]

Gotta go.

[Marlene]

Okay, bye.

[Bert]

I like you, too. I'm really trying to define exactly what our relationship is, but I really like you, dad.

[Tracy]

Just say that every time.

[Rich]

It's so professional. My dad is the military. It's like talking to a business. Partners are. Well, he's, like, about to get out of here. I got some things I got to take care of, so it's nice speaking with you. We should catch up again. Even the terminology he uses, it's like he's writing. Like, he wrote my sister a letter, and we seriously sat down and started laughing at how formal it was. He's like, you know, to be announced the further. Yada, yada. And you feel like you're reading a report for, like, your newest job you're about to get, or like you're applying for something when the way he talks to you, he's just so military that it's almost comedic.

[Bert]

And he's never gonna change. No, you can never ask him to change because he's just not capable of it.

[Rich]

You know, the plan is for him to move back to the States in the next year, is what he says. And he's like, perhaps when I, you know, get back in the States, we can get, you know, meet up somewhere. And I'm just like, okay, well, we'll see what happens.

[Bert]

Do you have more fear that he'll actually move to the States or. Because I used to get. Like, when my dad moved to Florida, I'm like, you're too Close now I'd rather you stay, you know, the other side. Yeah.

[Rich]

Well, if he does, he's gonna be living out in the west, probably in like Wyoming because that's where his sister lives. So it's not going to be something where I can go down the street and see him anyway. But I'd be curious. I don't think he has it in him. I'm personally myself. He's going to. He's going to stay in the military, do military lifestyle until the day he dies. I mean, he'd rather die doing that to do anything else. He chose that over family and everything else. So it's just what he likes.

[Bert]

Complicated man. And these guys that come from healthy families, they can't. They can't. I mean, a cut off for three years to you guys seems like that's important.

[Wendy]

But I mean, you talk about military. I know that my mother gave my father an ultimatum because he was a military man. And she said either we are a military couple or we have children. We're not going to do both. So. Because I think that she, you know, was worried about the same thing. Because the military can, you know, military can tell you whatever. It will toughen you up and tell you whatever, you know, put you wherever they need you to go.

[Bert]

So the bird show. The bird show. All right. We will try to sort of recreate a conversation we had to have about 7:15 this morning with you guys that listen late in the show. But behind the scenes, things are a mess with the Burt show right now because Jeff's not here. Jeff's contract expired with the radio station and they're still in negotiations to try to get him back. And Melissa brought up a really good point earlier this morning, that this whole radio and negotiations and contracting is probably so foreign to you guys. So let us just sort of give you Contract Negotiations 101. When it comes to radio, it's very, very similar to sports, to be honest with you. We sign either a one or a two or a three year contract here at Q100. And we don't do that as a team. They have. We all have different contracts with the radio station. Some of us are actually employees of Cumulus. Others of us, I'm not. I am sort of a freelancer. I've got my own company and I'm not. But I still have to negotiate my own contract with Cumulus. So we all individually have contracts. And Jeff's was up. It expired on the 31st. The last time he signed was for three years. And Jeff and Q100. Specifically, Cumulus have been negotiating his deal now for months and months and months, and they haven't seen eye to eye. Jeff has taken a look at the ratings and the success that the Burke show has had and the money that it's brought into the radio station and says that he's worth a certain amount of money. Cumulus is taking a look at the market, and they've taken a look at what Jeff wants and has decided at this point that they don't want to pay that. So we're at a standstill, really, right now. And his contract expired, so at this point, he's not part of the Burke show. There's been a lot of pull and a lot of push on both sides, and I don't know where this thing's going to end. You know, tomorrow morning, as I said earlier, we may come in here and all of a sudden, corporate and Jeff have agreed on a contract, and Jeff is part of the Birch show again tomorrow morning. That might not happen tomorrow. Maybe it happens Wednesday. Maybe we walk in here on Thursday and it's done. Or Friday. But I can tell you in certainty that if it's not done by Friday, then the reality of the situation is that we're going to have to try to replace Jeff dollar, which is impossible to do.

[Melissa]

Well, and I think we made it really clear earlier, but none of us in this room want Jeff to go. Every single person here, 1000% wants Jeff to be a part of the show, period.

[Bert]

And that's even an understatement. I mean, I have done everything that I can as the host of the show to get the two sides together, to agree on a contract. I've gotten my agent in on it. I've made personal calls to the owner of the company also to try to make this thing happen too. And I've done everything I can. I mean, the Birch show is not the Birch show without Jeff. We all need each other. This show is successful because it's not a formula. But there's a chemistry here, and it's a chemistry that's worked for nine years. And I've tried to relay that to corporate, and they agree with that. They just. The numbers are apart. The numbers are just apart, you know? So I'm not exactly sure what else to tell you guys, except I know that Jeff wants to work here.

[Melissa]

Mm.

[Bert]

And I know we all wanna work together. It's not happening right now.

[Melissa]

It's not even really real to me yet. I think, Melissa, you and I are on the same page with that because we've known for a month or so or a couple of months that this has been going on behind the scenes, and we've all been really involved in it. And I think, Bert, you said this is the least restful vacation you've ever had. And I think all of us would agree because we've been concerned about it the entire time, but it just doesn't feel real yet. Like, it feels like he's just, like, out sick today or something.

[Bert]

It's really pretty unthinkable, actually. Let me just try to explain again. And some of this is radio speak, and you may get bored by it, but within our industry, it's so difficult to find what we have built together. If you've listened to Atlanta radio for any amount of time at all, you hear morning shows come and go. It doesn't matter if they're good or not. Sometimes they just get in a fight with management, but for whatever. Sometimes they implode. Like, one guy doesn't get along with the other guy, and a really great show goes to crap. And it's a very tenuous situation at all times. And morning shows in radio just don't last this long, and they're not as successful for as long a time as this one has been. So we've got something special here. So the fact that these negotiations started in July, it was unthinkable to me that this show could be broken up. There are morning shows I can point to in Charlotte and in San Diego and in Phoenix and in that are just as successful as we are. There's probably a handful of morning shows that have been doing this as long as we have and as successful as we have. And you do whatever you can to keep it together. And I know I've done that, and I'm hoping our corporate office sees the same way. So it's unthinkable. That's what Jen's saying. She can't wrap her head around this team being broken up.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I mean, no, I think that's my sentiment, too, is, you know, Katie and I was constant conversation throughout the holidays about this. And. Yeah, and I'm just like. It's just. It's not real. Like, you know, I guess I'll react to it when there's a definitive end, you know, because I think, you know, conversations have happened for a long time. And, you know, and, you know, for working in corporate America, I mean, you know, you have your reviews every year. You know, I think I remember working in corporate America every review every year. And that's when you give your side of your story and their side of their story and you come to terms in our industry and those of us who are under contract, that, like Bert said, is three years, you don't have to worry about it. And then that's when it's almost like three years worth of review are being done right now. So, I mean, that's kind of the equivalent of non contract employees is that it's just. That's what's going on right now. And they just obviously don't see eye to eye. But yeah, I mean, we don't. We in the room, you know, at least the, you know, Jen and Wendy myself, we don't know anything going on. We're not a part of it. You know, that's another thing that I think people don't understand. Even though we're a team and we're a whole show, we unfortunately have to work individually when it comes to staying on the show. You know, it's not a whole, you know, we don't, we don't go into the office together and come out together and sign contracts, you know, and I'm

[Bert]

walking a really fine line here because these guys still sign my paycheck, so I can't be too critical yet. On the other hand, I know what makes this show work and it's all of us together. And Jeff is an integral part of that business wise. I don't want to do the show without Jeff$, and I don't want to do the show without my friend Jeff Dollar.

[Wendy]

You know, I gotta have somebody to pick on. So that's what I said earlier. And I haven't yelled at anybody today. I haven't hushed anybody today. I haven't told anybody to be quiet. I haven't told anybody not to be rude to listeners.

[Bert]

So you were actually a little rude to listen.

[Wendy]

It's gonna.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

So it's gonna have to be one of y' all that I'm gonna fuss out.

[Bert]

So that's really the bottom line here. I hope I don't sound callous. It's just that I've gone through this now for months and months and months, and it really heated up over the last couple of days on vacation and a little bit before I left also, I'm exhausted. And if you would have asked me four days ago or five days ago if Jeff Dollar was going to be back on this show, I would have said there was a 10% chance of that happening. Now I'm a little bit more optimistic about it. But there was a time there Where I really had to wrap my head around. The show goes on without Jeff Dollar, and as soon as I get back to Atlanta, I've got to start searching for a replacement for him. So because I'm not gonna allow the show to fail with Jeff or without Jeff. This show failing is not an option, and that's my job. So I've had to allow myself to think about it a little bit. But now that I'm in here today and I'm looking over there and he's not here, like, I just don't want to do a show without Jeff.

[Tracy]

That's strange.

[Melissa]

It's freaky.

[Bert]

Hey, Anna. Good morning.

[Marlene]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Bert]

Okay. How are you doing?

[Marlene]

Okay, listen, I started listening to this show honestly, because I flipped when I first moved here to Atlanta. I flipped the dialogue, and I heard one of Jeff Dollar's phone scams, and that is what got me listening to this show. And I love all of you guys, but Jeff is an essential part of this show. He's one of the reasons why I listen to it. What can we do as Q100 listeners to let corporate know that we want Jeff Dollar? We should start the Jeff Dollar campaign. What do we need to do to let them know that Jeff Dollar has to be a part of the Burt show?

[Bert]

Yeah. If I was gonna be completely realistic about it, I would say that there's nothing you can do. They already know. They know the success of the show. They're making money off of the show. So they know how much we want him. They know how much you guys want him. So to bombard a message board about Jeff or to directly call the owner, I really don't think is gonna have any impact at all. They already know. It's a money game at this point. Jeff wants a certain amount. At this point, they don't want to pay it, and that's where the stalemate is. So I'm not even. I feel as helpless as you do.

[Marlene]

Got it. Yeah. I mean, everyone always cares about their money. Yeah, it makes it tough. It makes it really tough. But, I mean, I'm sure that Jeff is worth whatever he's asking for.

[Bert]

Well, I think so.

[Tracy]

I think so.

[Bert]

And when you don't even know, and she's like, yeah, he's worth it.

[Tracy]

I don't know how much he makes, But I don't want to not stare across the room and not have Jeff sit there making a joke at me or making fun of my little hands all the time. I mean, I'm used to that. I Love Jeff. Jeff's always there for me.

[Bert]

Hey, Nicole. Good morning.

[Marlene]

How are y'? All?

[Melissa]

Terrible.

[Bert]

Faking it. Totally faking it. Today.

[Marlene]

It's so ironic because during the holidays I thought I missed you guys. But how I really miss Jeff. Jeff is not replaceable. You're not gonna find a person that is as business minded, that is as family oriented in every way possible like Jeff is.

[Bert]

Yeah, you're right.

[Marlene]

I mean, Jeff is intelligent. When we. When you guys don't know things, Jeff will go on his computer and get the truth. When serious matters come up, Jeff makes us laugh. Jeff is wise. I don't know any man in radio, and I listen to a lot of different radio morning shows, but you guys are my favorite. But there's nobody like Jeff. There's no man in radio like Jeff. He's not replaceable.

[Melissa]

We totally agree with you. I mean, Jeff is one of our best friends.

[Bert]

Certainly not our decision. And yeah, all of us are replaceable. The person that we put back in here may not be as good, but we're all replaceable. And I totally understand that the show will be different if Jeff's not here. I won't say it won't be as good. Eventually it's just going to be different for sure. Will he be missed? You bet. You bet. And I don't know. Look, I go to these conventions two, three times a year. I know the talent pool out there, and I know that there is not another Jeff. So he's replacing Jeff with another Jeff is not a possibility. But someone's got to sit there, and I got to get somebody in here that's going to continue to make the show successful if that happens.

[Melissa]

Let's just hope it doesn't happen. Yeah.

[Bert]

And there's still time. I mean, I don't want to talk about it like this thing is done either, because it really could. I mean, tomorrow Jeff could be back in here. Wednesday, he could be back in here.

[Melissa]

And he wants to be.

[Bert]

And he wants to be here. That's really important thing to know is that he wants to be here also. But that's really all I can tell you about now. So we're all sort of sitting on pins and needles and waiting for the next two or three days to find out how it all goes down. It was looking better for a while. Then it looked like he was out the door. Then it looked like it was getting better. Then once he was off the website. They took him off the website this weekend, which I thought was a really crappy, crappy move on Corporate's part, but I thought for sure that was the thing that was going to push him out the door. And then I found out things were going well, so I don't know. I don't know. Wish I had more answers. Hey, Tim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Marlene]

Hey, Bert. How y' all doing?

[Bert]

Okay. How are you? No, I'm not okay. We're faking.

[Marlene]

I think we're all a little shaken over this Jeff thing. But the question I have is, I'm just curious if Jeff, in fact, doesn't come back to the bird show, what about Jessica Shops?

[Bert]

I would say probably not.

[Melissa]

I mean, you have to remember they are a team first before anything else. I mean, Jeff and Jessica are their own team. Right. Like they're their lifetime partner team. So wherever he goes, she's going to go and support him.

[Bert]

Yeah. We probably lose both if that happens.

[Marlene]

Exactly.

[Bert]

Yeah. She was taken off the website this weekend also, and I didn't know about that until I got texts from you guys. That was news to me.

[Wendy]

Yeah, we didn't know till we didn't know either. We weren't. We weren't told directly either.

[Bert]

Hey, Jerry.

[Melissa]

Good Morning.

[Bert]

You're on Q100.

[Marlene]

Hey.

[Wendy]

Hey.

[Marlene]

I've heard about the Jeff dollar issue, and my question is, if Bert has his own company and he's such an integral part, why don't you hire him? Bert?

[Bert]

Yeah, that's been talked about. Also, there are some morning shows where the host takes the contract out of the hands of the bigger company and handles everything in house. And I certainly have thought about doing that.

[Marlene]

Okay. I mean, it just seems like you could take control of this so that you don't lose. Lose the team, lose the group, and then, you know, you may have more control about, you know, syndication and other things.

[Bert]

Yeah. It financially wouldn't even be a possibility for me to be able to take out what Jeff is asking for out of my contract. It's just I. Financially, I couldn't do it.

[Marlene]

So you couldn't renegotiate your contract then as a team?

[Melissa]

Yours is already set.

[Bert]

Yeah, mine's already set. So I could do that. Yeah. But I mean, in the future that might be a possibility.

[Marlene]

Okay. Didn't know if you could do that, then maybe shop it around and do some other things.

[Bert]

We're going to do the best we can, but again, it's not done yet. I don't want to paint this picture, but I just do want to let you guys know that the reality of the state of the Bird show is. Jeff may not be part of that come Monday. I have one more call. Hey, Joanne. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Marlene]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Hey.

[Marlene]

Well, I love your show and I love Jeff, but come on, let's get real. It's a tough economy. Everyone's struggling, and I think he's being greedy.

[Bert]

Well, you don't even know what he's asking for, though.

[Marlene]

So if he's holding out and he's gonna ruin your show, then he's being selfish and greedy.

[Melissa]

Well, you don't know what they've offered either.

[Marlene]

Less. Do you think he's making less?

[Melissa]

None of us.

[Marlene]

I mean, I didn't get a raise this year. I didn't get a bonus this year because of all the cr. So I don't feel sorry for him.

[Bert]

What if it was less that they were offering him? You don't know him.

[Marlene]

Well, then maybe he's lucky to have a job. Maybe we all are.

[Bert]

He doesn't see it that way. And again, I'm not gonna get into the specifics, but without knowing, I don't think you can really say he's being selfish because you really don't know what's been offered.

[Marlene]

Is it gonna jeopardize your show if he leaves, do you think?

[Bert]

Of course.

[Marlene]

A little bit selfish.

[Tracy]

He's our family member.

[Marlene]

Exactly. He should take one for the team and for the family and.

[Tracy]

Well, no, you don't ask your family to do that.

[Bert]

I don't see it that way either, so.

[Marlene]

Well, I do.

[Bert]

His family comes before this family.

[Marlene]

But what if he doesn't have a job? Then his family's gonna hurt that way too.

[Bert]

Jeff is gonna find a job. He'll find a job.

[Marlene]

Well, I'm sure that they are not offering him less because you guys are awesome, but you don't get picked up.

[Melissa]

You don't know that. So you can't fill in the blanks with your own assumptions on how the negotiations have gone. I understand your sentiment, and I think probably other people feel that way. When we talked about this At 7:15, we had a caller who said something similar. So I think your voice is heard, and I think other people probably agree with you, but don't fill in the blanks on what his negotiations have been like, because none of us know.

[Bert]

Yeah, you can't really. You can't label it selfish if you don't know what all the details are. So the bottom line is, I'll keep you posted as much as I can over the next couple of days. If there's any movement at all. I don't know that there's going to be anything to update except the next update is probably going to be Jeff is part of the show or Jeff is not part of the show. That's where we're at. It's not going to be I'm 90% sure or I'm 20% sure. The next time we talk about it, either Jeff is going to be here or we're going to have to, unfortunately, which is the crappiest situation that I think any of us have even thought about over the last couple of weeks is go on without them. So we'll let you know if there's any, any, anything new over the next couple of days. Hey, the Bird Show. The Bird show producer Tracy here is about to make. And she's only. She's a new mom, first time mom. And I think she is about to make the biggest mistake of her parenting life. And it's. And I want to shake her and tell her, don't do it.

[Tracy]

I know, and I know how you guys feel about this. So I'm a little, like, afraid to talk about it. But. And let me also say for the record, just because I'm considering doing this in my own relationship with my child does not mean that I think that this is the right thing for everybody. So if you're not doing this, this does not mean that I think you're making the wrong decision because I have tried to do it your way. I am considering co sleeping with Ella. And what does that mean?

[Wendy]

I have no idea what that means.

[Melissa]

We're not parents. Don't have mommy words.

[Tracy]

Sharing a bed with your child.

[Melissa]

Sharing a bed.

[Tracy]

So the baby's in the bed with you overnight? Yes.

[Bert]

Temporarily or. How long are we looking at here? Till she's 19? What?

[Tracy]

No, I mean, I think until she's past the I need to be around mommy stage, which I know is going to be difficult to break her up. I get it. And I also get that it might not be 100% entirely safe, which is why I haven't started it yet. Because I haven't figured out how to make it safe when she's, you know, because they warn you against sleeping with your baby in case you roll over and things like that. So I'm looking into different products, I'm looking into different things to make it safe. And the reason I'm considering it is for several reasons. One, she is not. She refuses to sleep in her crib at this point. She hates it. You know, she was waking up Every two hours, which has bumped up to every hour and a half, which is now every hour. And as of last night, it was every 45 minutes.

[Melissa]

You're kidding. Are you still breastfeeding?

[Tracy]

Yes.

[Bert]

Okay, let me ask you, let me stop you there for just one second. Let me ask you a question. When she starts fussing and stuff in her crib, do you and Scott immediately go to the crib and comfort her?

[Tracy]

Yes. However, I have tried letting her fuss and cry and I'm just not capable of doing it. I have tried. It doesn't seem to work. I'm sure I need to be tougher and stronger, but I have a really hard time toughening up my six month old baby. Like, you know, that might work for a lot of other parents. It might be the right thing to do for a lot of other parents. For me, I can't do it. And somebody told me that you have to use your own instinct when it comes to your child because your child is a part of you. And therefore, if you don't feel comfortable with it and you can't do it, then it might not be the best thing for your child. If Bert is comfortable with it and Stacy is comfortable with it. Hayden and Hollis are a product of Burt and Stacey, which means Hayden and Hollis are probably going to be comfortable with it too. I haven't been able to pull that off. And it seems like for Ella, she wants to be close to me. She sleeps best when she's laying right next to me. And honestly, so do I. I mean, I have a really hard time with my baby being even across the hall. It just seems really weird for, for her to be 20ft away from me. Like we're the only culture in, you know, or one of the very few cultures in the entire world where parents don't co sleep with their children. And if you think about it, as far as other mammals, we're one of the few mammals that actually doesn't sleep next to their children too.

[Wendy]

She's bringing in the mammal.

[Bert]

Yeah, she's gone to the Internet on this one. She's like, I know. She's like, I know. Eventually I'm gonna be on the bird show talking about this. So I am getting my research done.

[Wendy]

Nationalgeographic.com I've got it.

[Bert]

Here's my concern is that when you couple this with everything else that you've told us about you and Scott, parenting is my concern is that you're raising a child that will have no coping abilities by herself, that you guys are taking care of. And I understand that she's six months, but she's so dependent on you and you're so dependent on her that at some point that's gonna have to break. And you're establishing a foundation where she can't cope by herself.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I know. And that's something I'm struggling with, too. And that's why I haven't done it so far, is because I know all the arguments on your side, and I've known that, you know, before I had her, I was on your. I was on the same page as you. I thought it was ridiculous. I thought that there's no way that I would ever do this. I was pretty proud that at a few weeks old, she was sleeping in her own crib, and I was thrilled with that. But ever since she was about a month old, I started feeling guilty about the fact that I put her in her own crib, in her own room so quickly, even though I was proud of it before. And I've been just going back and forth with it, and it's been just eating at me for the past five months until now, when she obviously isn't comfortable with it either. It's starting to really make me wonder, should I have trusted my instincts five months ago when I thought she should still be sleeping next to me?

[Melissa]

All right, two questions for you. What does Scott think about it? And have you talked to your mom about it and, like, how your mom did it? Because I think that would be the first person I would go to if I had a question about anything like that.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Melissa]

It would be like, okay, call my mom. What did you do when this was going on?

[Bert]

That would be my answer instinct, too, is to go to your mom. Yeah. I'm not calling Myra. I would call your mom.

[Melissa]

But I'm just curious, like, maybe this, you know, like, because you came from your mom and your dad, like, the same thing that you were saying about Ella. Like, did your mom have the same issues?

[Tracy]

I have not talked to my mom about it yet, but I do know that all of us were in our own crib, but we were in a crib. In my mom's room.

[Melissa]

In the room.

[Tracy]

So. And I have tried, you know, recently having her in sleep separately, but in our room. And that doesn't seem to be working either, as far as how Scott feels about it. Scott's all about it. I mean, he feels like whatever is best for her and whatever's best for you. That's the way that we're. You know, that's. You know, maybe your instincts are Telling you something. Let me also clarify how she has been sleeping, because she's not sleeping in her own crib. So at this point, the way we have been doing it is she's got this baby seat that reclines all the way that she seems to like, and she'll sleep in that, for the most part, in the living room. And Scott's been sleeping on the couch next to her. So it's not like Scott and I are even sleeping in the same bed right now anyhow.

[Bert]

Anyway, my fear is that six months turns into a year, which turns into three years, which turns into eight years, which turns to she's spending the night in your bed on prom night.

[Tracy]

And that's part of my fear, too, and why I haven't actually pulled the trigger on this.

[Bert]

Good morning. Is it Disha?

[Marlene]

Yes. Good morning.

[Rich]

Good morning.

[Marlene]

How are you guys?

[Bert]

Good. How are you?

[Marlene]

Good. I wanted to tell Tracy, don't let Ella do this. I'm the product of parents who allow me to stay in their bed. And I remember being five and six years old and just crying, screaming and crying, not wanting to go into my own room. I don't have children of my own, but I could probably say with confidence that if I did, I would not allow it to happen.

[Melissa]

That's an interesting perspective.

[Bert]

Somebody that slept with their bed.

[Marlene]

Yeah, I have. I have vivid memories of falling asleep with my dad. My mom would stay up. My dad would go to bed early, and he would get up early, and I would remember him waking me up, take me to my own room. When my mom would come to bed and I wouldn't have it, I would actually end up going back into their bedroom and sleeping on the floor on my. On my dad's side of the bed. Because I couldn't be apart. I couldn't be away from. It wasn't healthy for their relationship, and it wasn't healthy for me. I don't believe.

[Tracy]

And I've looked into how you break it, you know, break her from it, whenever that is that you choose to do it, whether it's, you know, at a year old, two years old, three years old, whatever. You know, it's gotta be a gradual thing. And I've looked into all of this, and I haven't pulled the trigger yet because I just don't know. But it just seems like the most natural thing for her to be closest to me.

[Bert]

Look, at the end of the day, you're gonna have to follow your own instincts. And if you don't, you'll kick yourself in the butt. More for not. Not following your own instincts. If 99 people tell you one thing and your gut tells you another, as a mom, you got to do what you got to do.

[Tracy]

And that's. And my gut is telling me the

[Bert]

other, then do what you got to do. Good morning. Erin, you're on Q100.

[Marlene]

Hi. I have a six month old daughter and she slept in the bed with us since she was six months old. You just have to do what's right for your family, not listen to anybody else.

[Melissa]

Did you, how long did you allow her to co sleep with you?

[Marlene]

Well, she actually just weaned herself to the crib one night. She didn't sleep well with us. I was like, well, I'll just go put her in her crib. And she slept perfectly.

[Bert]

I think that's a really rare case. I think that if we put 10 parents on that did that, I think you would hear nightmarish stories about having to break their children of sleeping in their own bed.

[Tracy]

And I've also heard too that, I mean, it is such a taboo thing because everybody says you need to let them cry it out, you need to toughen them up and let them sleep in their crib. And I've heard, and obviously there's no proof of this, that most parents, if we're being totally honest, they have tried

[Melissa]

this, they've tried the co sleeping.

[Tracy]

They just don't admit it on some level.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's funny. It's so taboo.

[Bert]

They don't admit it really. No, we never tried that. If the kids are sick or something like that, then we put them in bed with us. But outside of that, it was never even an option. And I think my mentality on it is different. I think when you're saying toughen up a six month old, that sounds so tough, harsh. But I think if you say to yourself that you're giving them the abilities to cope for themself, then it feels more like you're helping them rather than.

[Tracy]

But it's all, I mean, really, it's all words too. I mean, if you're gonna leave a baby in the other room to cry and to fuss and I'm using these harsh words and that doesn't mean that I think it's wrong. So I don't want the emails from people. I'm not judging you. I tried to do it. So obviously I think that there's some merit in that. But you know, it really is all words. If you're gonna let them cry in the other room for, you know, 10 minutes, for 15 minutes for 20 minutes. I mean, really, they're having to toughen up and learn that if I want to be with mommy right now, or I'm crying or I'm uncomfortable, they're not coming to get me. So I need to. I need to figure this out on my own. And I just for me and for my daughter, I have a hard time doing that.

[Bert]

We all need silence while Melissa Carter tries to speak. Not a word.

[Wendy]

Okay, two things. One, you seem really defensive. Have people already attacked you on this issue? And two, you said that you were raised in the crib in the room with your mom. Are you considering doing that with Ella first before the bed?

[Bert]

Melissa Carter said you seem defensive already. Has anybody already attacked you on this issue? You said that you slept in the room in the crib with your parents.

[Tracy]

Yes, first of all, I think I'm defensive, not towards anybody else, but towards myself because I have gone back and forth and I've tried to fight myself on this. So if I am defensive, I think I'm arguing against myself. And yes, I have tried putting her, you know, letting her sleep in her. Her own crib in my room. And that doesn't seem to be working either.

[Bert]

Okay, you thought about putting her in the yard?

[Tracy]

Have you, have you researched any other kind of methods on something else besides putting her in the bed?

[Wendy]

She researched mammals.

[Tracy]

I mean, like some other remedy.

[Bert]

She's gonna put her in a tree.

[Marlene]

I don't know.

[Melissa]

Aren't there books like Baby Wise, Like Baby remedies?

[Tracy]

I've tried Baby Wise. I've tried the stuff that Baby Wise suggests. I've tried the moms on Call stuff. I've tried so many different things and I'm just not quite sure what it is that I'm doing wrong. And maybe I just need to be a lot tougher. There's that word again. Tougher. With the. Letting her cry it out. But I just feel like I'm not capable of it. And therefore, if she's a product of me, maybe it's not the best thing for her.

[Bert]

So I don't have to take the calls about moms on call. You know all about that already.

[Tracy]

I know all about moms on call.

[Marlene]

Okay.

[Bert]

Good morning, Marjorie, you're on Q100.

[Marlene]

Hi. Good morning.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Marlene]

Okay, my advice to you, I have two daughters. I have a two year old and a two month old. My two year old has to sleep in the bassinet in the room with me because I let her sleep with me. The way I got her to finally Sleep in the bassinet or away from me. I had to put a shirt like something that I was wearing in order for her to fall asleep. And it's. I don't know, don't think of it as you toughing up the kid. It's more like self soothing. The kids have to learn how to self soothe themselves. Does that make sense?

[Melissa]

And do you think that like after 15 minutes of crying, like if you leave her for that long and then you go in, it's only reinforcing? Oh, well, I have to cry for 15 or 20 minutes and then she'll come and get me.

[Marlene]

No, I would let her cry at the very beginning, when she was. Before she even turned one. I would let her cry for hours.

[Bert]

Oh, wow.

[Tracy]

We didn't go that, can't do that.

[Bert]

We didn't go that way. We didn't go that long, that soon. But I think we started. It started incrementally, like 10 minutes and 15 minutes.

[Marlene]

I started slowly. But then she would get used to, okay, I have to cry this long. And she would keep crying when I came in there. Or my husband, he's a wimp, but he would go in there every five minutes. And both of you guys have to be on the same page because then you guys are gonna butt heads and it's gonna get even harder.

[Bert]

And that's how they, I mean, they, they are creating borders the same way you're creating borders all the time.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I mean, I just don't know what to do and I keep fighting myself on it. So I mean, I'd appreciate the advice and the emails and stuff like that as to different things to try, but again, I don't think either way is the wrong way to do it. I think it's whatever's best for you and for your family.

[Bert]

At what age would you absolutely put a stop to it? Let's say she's a year old and she's still crying. Crying, crying, crying. Is she still in bed with you?

[Tracy]

I think at a year old, but I think at two years old, I'd like to start weaning her.

[Bert]

Two years old?

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Rich]

Get it.

[Bert]

The bird show.