The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, March 24 [Vault]

Date: March 24, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the complexities and comedic chaos of modern dating, social codes, problematic in-laws, and a viral 911 call involving a McNugget complaint—all with the lively banter and authenticity that define the show. The cast fields listener dilemmas about navigating relationships and family drama, fosters debate about the “guy code,” discusses texting etiquette, and delivers a healthy dose of group therapy, advice, and laughter.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. The "Guy Code" and Love Triangles

[01:00–11:05]

• Listener Aaron's Dilemma: "Aaron" calls in (voice disguised) wanting advice. She’s been dating a guy (non-exclusively) for six weeks but now thinks his visiting friend might be a better match. She asks how to get the friend to go on a solo date—without the original guy knowing.
  • Panel jokes about urgent scenarios (“astronauts,” “Disney World,” etc.).
  • Aaron admits she feels a rare, instant connection with the friend and lays out a plan to "accidentally" run into him.
  • Key Quote (Aaron, 03:01): "I figure I have tonight to convince him to go on a solo date with me tomorrow and, of course, fall madly in love with me."
  • The cast debates if going after a friend's friend is shady, even if you're not exclusive.
  • Notable Exchange (Host, 05:21): "I can't endorse this. Like, I don't feel like I can give advice because it goes against the guy code."
  • Listeners call in with split opinions: some say since there’s no exclusivity it’s fair game; others say it crosses a line.
  • Memorable Moment (Male Caller, 10:36): “Just do it… There is no real advice. I mean, just do it.”

2. Texting Etiquette & Mixed Signals

[12:41–22:55]

• Wendy's Dating Woes: Wendy, a show regular, revisits her struggle to find "the one." She shares a story about meeting a guy at a bar, getting a 4am text (“thanks for coming out…”), and following Bert & Jeff's advice to wait until 7pm to reply. She suspects this backfired—the guy never responds.
  • Kristi questions if waiting to reply made her seem uninterested, while listeners debate how quickly one should text back.
  • Key Conversation (Female Co-host, 14:44): "My first thought was you were his booty call... but he knows you're going to work, so that makes sense."
  • Wendy insists she’s not desperate, but the panel and callers dissect whether waiting to text seems strategic or uninterested.
  • Listeners weigh in with divided advice: some say playing it cool is necessary; others say instant replies set expectations.
  • Notable Quote (Andrew, Male Caller, 22:12): “Whenever a girl plays a waiting game… I think she's just playing games with me, more or less, because …she's not really interested.”

3. Listener Weekend Check-Ins: Life Decisions & Family Drama

[24:33–36:41]

• Career Crossroads: Dustin shares his challenge: if he signs up 15 customers for Light Year Wireless over the weekend, he can become a regional manager and leave his job at UPS.
• In-Law Issues: Deanne needs to have a “serious heart-to-heart” with her boyfriend’s overbearing mom, whom she says treats her 24-year-old son like a child, expects him home multiple nights a week, and guilt-trips him over missed dinners.
  • Panel’s Reaction: The cast thinks Deanne’s plan to confront the mom is risky, especially given she’s only been dating the guy for two months.
  • Quote (Host, 31:12): “Two months. That is not gonna go well.”
• Surprise Visit: Another listener debates whether to surprise her long-distance love (who recently moved to Tennessee) or to call ahead—a “relationship test” scenario.
• Parental Reunion Drama: Nicole suspects her divorced parents might be getting engaged again after her father’s cryptic phone call.

4. Viral McNugget 911 Call: Public Reactions & Ethics

[38:02–47:27]

• The 911 McNugget Saga: Bert Show plays audio of a woman named Latricia calling 911—three times—because a McDonald's refuses to refund her for unavailable Chicken McNuggets.
  • Lively hosts’ and callers’ reactions dissect the absurdity, debated legal/ethical grounds, and how 911 calls become viral.
  • Quote (Male Co-host, 41:00): "911 operators should be able to declare you an idiot and just let that be the end of it."
  • Listeners and co-hosts weigh in on the balance between customer rights and abusing emergency services.
  • Police ultimately give Latricia a ticket for misuse of 911.
  • Quote (Caller Keisha, 45:37): "I will call the police, too. I want my money back because before I knock this manager out, I'm calling the police…"
  • Public safety dispatcher Steve calls in to share the wildest calls he’s seen and confirms there is “some minute validity” if money is refused, but “she got a little impatient.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Aaron’s Justification:
  “[The guy] has just been very adamant that we’re not exclusive. That’s not my rule.” (Aaron, 03:55)
• Host Putting His Foot Down:
  "I can’t endorse this. Like, I don’t feel like I can give advice because it goes against the guy code." (Host, 05:21)
• Listener on McNugget Justice:
  "Three phone calls to 911 over a four dollar tab." (Male Co-host, 45:04)
• Kristin’s Real Talk:
  "You have to have more than one [guy] going on… You distract yourself so you play cool..." (Female Co-host, 21:54)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:00–11:05] – “Aaron’s” love triangle & guy code debate
• [12:41–22:55] – Dating, desperate or strategic? Texting etiquette breakdown
• [24:33–36:41] – Listener check-ins: career, controlling in-laws, family, and love dilemmas
• [38:02–47:27] – McNugget 911 call saga and public reactions

Episode Tone & Style

The tone is lively, irreverent, genuinely curious, and consistently playful—even while broaching sensitive or slightly awkward topics. The Bert Show’s mix of wit, sarcasm, and earnestness keeps the atmosphere lighthearted without sacrificing real talk or honest advice.

Summary

This episode exemplifies what Bert Show fans love: messy real-life predicaments, strong listener interaction, relationship honesty, and infectious laughter. Whether debating romantic ethics, decoding texting signals, or mocking the world's pettiest 911 calls, the cast and their callers turn the everyday into must-listen entertainment.

For more episodes and to connect with the show, visit thebertshow.com.