Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, May 5 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, May 5 [Vault]

Date: May 5, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen, Reshma, Melissa, Jeff
Episode Theme: Real, authentic morning banter with the Bert Show team—covering personal stories, entertaining listener drama, and candid group discussions about relationships, birthdays, cheating, sex nicknames, and Halloween costumes.

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Episode Overview

This dynamic episode of The Bert Show blends humor, authentic storytelling, and listener interaction. The cast brings listeners into their world with candid stories about 21st birthday adventures, drama around military infidelity, hilariously awkward bedroom nicknames, and the high art of Halloween costume planning. With plenty of laughs and honest talk, the show offers an entertaining escape and heartfelt (if sometimes bold) perspectives on life's wild moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Intern Reshma’s 21st Birthday Adventure

• Format: Playback of Reshma's progressively tipsy voicemails throughout her birthday night, with commentary from the cast.

• Highlights:

  • Reshma details a night jumping between bars, fueled by “surprise” drinks and enthusiastic friends.
  • Voicemails demonstrate a clear progression from composed to hilariously inebriated.
  • Cast offers playful banter and shares personal stories about drinking milestones.

• Notable Quotes & Moments:

  • “...I had a pomegranate martini at dinner. Strongest martini. I'm not a martini drinker, but it was a pomegranate strong drink.” – Melissa (02:09)
  • “My DD is driving, so, I mean, I can't tell if she's driving straight or not, but it's pretty good. And I had an awesome night...” – Reshma, very late in the night (12:53)
  • “I made it to neither [of my classes]. Last night, going to bed was still a struggle.” – Melissa (13:13)

• Fun Details:

  • Running joke about which accent Reshma would try depending on the bar.
  • Birthday tradition stories and “never again” hangover tales.

Timestamps:

• First Voicemail recap: 01:30–07:47
• Accent & British story: 05:51–06:55
• Final voicemail: 12:14–13:13

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2. Military Infidelity: Listener Dilemma and Call-In Discussion

• Context: Jen reads an email from a listener who discovered her military husband’s affair and questions whether to forgive him or confront the mistress.

• In-Studio Reactions: The team discusses the unique pressures and complications of military relationships, debating personal boundaries, infidelity forgiveness, and whether affairs are common or sometimes tacitly tolerated.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “Maybe in some cases you just sort of, okay, he's not gonna be back for awhile, so let him do what he's gonna do.” – Bert (17:03)
  • “A lot of times the spouse may tend to lose themselves... so caught up with taking care of their husbands and having to transition from one location to the other...” – Reshma (21:43)
  • “...your children are going to remember that. Especially if you have boys, they're going to grow up and think that's okay...” – Kim, a caller (24:16)

• Memorable Moments:

  • Callers with military experience weigh in with both empathy and brutal honesty.
  • Some mention the harsh consequences within the military for infidelity (loss of rank, career impact).

Timestamps:

• Listener email & initial reactions: 15:40–17:18
• Military callers & advice: 17:49–23:12
• Emotional caller perspective: 24:16–25:34
• Mistress perspective and advice: 25:40–28:25

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3. Bedroom Nicknames: The (In)Famous Exes

• Central Bit: The cast and audience share the nicknames they've assigned to exes (or been given!). Some are hilariously apt, some a little mean, all revealing.

• Cast Confessions:

  • Women can be, if anything, more descriptive (and ruthless) than men about bad sex.
  • Nicknames like “The Stabber,” “Slurpee,” “Jackhammer,” and “Squishy” emerge, each with a funny or cringeworthy story attached.

• Audience Participation: Callers share their legendary ex nicknames, leading to lots of laughter and recognition.

• Notable Quotes & Moments:

  • “The reality is... it's usually a pretty quick conversation. Hey, Bert, you see Wendy over there? Hooked up with her last night... Was it good? Yeah, it was good.” – Jeff, on guys’ post-sex recaps (29:16)
  • “So...this guy's gonna be the stabber for the rest of his life among this group of girls because of his technique during sex.” – Bert (35:20)
  • “My ex we called Vegas and her ex Chin Licker.” – Caller Natasha (42:34)

• Memorable Laughs:

  • Jeff’s over-the-top reenactment of bad “sex faces” as reported by women (32:14).
  • Jen’s ex dubbed "Slurpee" for excessive saliva (35:59).

Timestamps:

• Sex nicknames conversation opener: 29:07–31:45
• Face reenactment bit: 32:14–34:33
• Audience nickname calls: 35:20–44:36

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4. The Halloween Costume Obsession

• Theme: The art and pressure of Halloween costuming—especially for women.

• Funny Truths:

  • Multiple costumes required for multiple parties ("You can't wear the same costume twice!").
  • Women start planning months in advance.
  • Social media ups the ante: getting tagged in the same outfit more than once is a no-go.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “I cannot wear what I'm wearing to Big Wicked tomorrow night and have pictures taken, and then people see it and it already be no surprise.” – Jen (44:19)
  • “This is one of the times where I'm so thankful to be a guy... The first night I’m a construction worker, the second: I’m a drunk construction worker.” – Jeff (48:18)

• Listener Input:

  • Moms and kids creative costumes.
  • Labor Day and even June as the start of planning season.

Timestamps:

• Halloween planning & culture: 43:16–48:37

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “I have never been that hungover in my... My mom was the entire day just making fun of me.” – Melissa (13:23)
• “I have three children. I’m happily married. I would rather just go buy a dildo and pleasure myself than cheat on my side.” – Military caller Reshma (19:23)
• “By the time it goes from woman to woman... it's a sideshow. It's a sideshow.” – Bert, on bedroom gossip (34:38)
• “My ex we called Vegas and her ex Chin Licker.” – Caller Natasha (42:34)
• “No, he's a pig farmer. ...That's not really a nickname as much as it is a description.” – Bert, on an uncreative ex label (40:53)
• “You can't wear the same outfit... The worst case scenario is if you wore a party... then somebody improved upon your costume because they got the idea from you.” – Jen (45:55)

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Structure & Flow

1. Lively Banter: The episode moves at a brisk, energetic pace, anchored by affectionate teasing and open sharing—a mix of embarrassing stories and raw emotion.
2. Audience Engagement: Listeners call in with stories, advice, and confessions, making the show feel participatory and inclusive.
3. Unfiltered Real Talk: The cast isn’t afraid to get candid (sometimes raunchy), but the humor is always affectionate—no topic is off limits.
4. Relatable Moments: From hangover shame to the pressure of social events, listeners find echoes of their own lives throughout.

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Summary Table of Timestamps

| Segment | Approx. Start-End (MM:SS) | Key Content | |------------------------------- |-------------------------- |------------------------------------------------- | | Reshma’s Birthday Voicemails | 01:30–13:13 | Voicemail playback, party recap, hangover fallout| | Military Affair Discussion | 15:40–28:25 | Listener email, calls, military spouse issues | | Sex Nicknames & Gossip | 29:07–44:36 | Nicknames for exes, audience calls, funny bits | | Halloween Costume Planning | 44:16–48:37 | Costume stress, planning, social media pressures |

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Conclusion

Even as they navigate embarrassing stories and challenging topics, the Bert Show crew brings humor, empathy, and realness. Whether celebrating a milestone, reckoning with infidelity, or inventing the next infamous ex nickname, their candor and camaraderie make for an engaging, laugh-out-loud listen.

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For More:
Visit thebertshow.com to interact or catch future episodes.

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Note: All timestamps are approximate and may shift slightly depending on podcast platform and playback.

Transcript

[Jen]

Are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? At a playground? Yeah, really. Look at these listings from dealers. Wow, your search can really get that specific. Really? And you just put in your info and boom, car's in your budget.

[Reshma]

Mom needs a second.

[Jen]

Honey, you can really have it delivered. Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership.

[Reshma]

One sec, sweetie.

[Jen]

Mommy's buying a car. Mommy, look.

[Melissa]

I think kid is walking up the slide again.

[Jen]

Really? Autotrader, Buy your car online.

[Reshma]

Really?

[Melissa]

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[Bert]

The Birch show because you can really get away with anything you want as a woman on two different occasions. When you turn 21 and when you fast forward to when you get married. Also, like people are just throwing things at free things. They sit your first class, you get anything you want. The day you get married. But then reality, then it's reality then that's not the real world.

[Jen]

There's no other time in a woman's life after that.

[Bert]

All right, so before we even get into the voicemails, how do you think this is best? Do you think you just tell us about the night or should you tell us about the night throughout the entire. As. As I play the cuts,

[Melissa]

what was. Okay, the first call was at Twisted Taco. I mean, I think after the cuts, but up to this point, okay, at this point, I guess the second voicemail, I went to dinner with my family. I had a pomegranate martini at dinner. Strongest martini. I've like I don't. I'm not a martini drinker, but it was a pomegranate strong drink.

[Bert]

Did you order for the whole table, too?

[Melissa]

Cause you're trying. No, it was just my pants on. And so then my friend took me to a liquor store and we bought a couple mini bottles, and it was her half birthday, and we had this big joke. So we took him in the car before we went in to Twisted Taco to meet up with everyone else. And we went to dinner, and all of my friends were eating, but I had already eaten, so I was just throwing them back.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Melissa]

They were all like, you're not drunk enough yet. Just keep drink eating. And I'm like, can I just get another one?

[Bert]

What was the drink of choice in the other places?

[Melissa]

Most places it was. It's my birthday. Surprised me.

[Bert]

Oh, no.

[Reshma]

Oh.

[Jen]

So it's a combo.

[Melissa]

It was a big combo night. Big combo.

[Jen]

It's like a buffet of drinks.

[Reshma]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

And I can say this now, but at Twisted Taco, every time the waiter would take too long to bring my drink, one of my friends got me, like, a bunch of mini bottles. She would pour a mini bottle into my glass and just be like, just drink this. And I would drink it straight.

[Bert]

Wow. So you went. You went hard. You went heavy. You were gonna do this, right?

[Melissa]

Yeah, you'll hear.

[Bert]

Okay, so again, this is the first one from TW, and this one's around, what, 7:00 clock at night?

[Reshma]

Is that what we establish at 7:43pm hey, Burcho, it's intern Reshma. I am at Twisted Taco right now. It's like seven something. Finally met with my friends, and I'm Chef. I have been carded three times so far. I've had, I think, two or three mini bottles since you've got. And I'm getting a surprise drink from Twisted Tacos, so I'm feeling pretty good. All right, I will call you a.

[Bert]

Okay. So we're pregaming right now?

[Reshma]

A little bit.

[Jen]

Yep.

[Bert]

Okay. Are you going to go ahead and play second one?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I guess.

[Bert]

Do you remember leaving these?

[Melissa]

I remember most of them. Like, I remember leaving all of them. I can't remember what I said.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Melissa]

I remember the general content of all

[Jeff]

I think it's going to be right now. It's easy to ask her ahead of time what they're about, but about two more messages, I think you're going to say, now, what's the next one?

[Melissa]

This next one, I think, is the one I'm most embarrassed. This next one the one after is the one I'm most embarrassed about because I can't believe I like I told myself I wouldn't do it because it's one of those drunk tendencies I always do.

[Jen]

Oh, well, let's play it.

[Reshma]

Go ahead.

[Bert]

Yeah. There are going to be mini stories, I think with each and every one.

[Reshma]

Sent at 8:48pm what's your name? Jacob. Hey, virtual, it's Reshma. I'm at Twisted Taco still and Jacob, Jacob has brought me some free drinks. So I'm awesome right now. I'm or some right now, but I'm feeling great and I've had. What have I had? I've had a couple mini bottles, couple of drinks, some stuff, some shots, some other stuff I don't remember but I'll call you later. Bye.

[Bert]

Okay, so we're getting a little goofier here.

[Jen]

All right.

[Bert]

Starting to get a little looser.

[Reshma]

Did that happen?

[Jen]

Sentences don't quite come to a full closure, you know, I think Jen just

[Bert]

said a curse word or two in there now. Okay.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Did that have what you said you wouldn't do in there or we have

[Melissa]

not the next one.

[Jeff]

Okay, here we go.

[Melissa]

It's definitely the next one.

[Bert]

And that last one was still a Twisted Taco. So you're there for over an hour and a half.

[Melissa]

Yeah, everyone had dinner. I mean, when I. The first voicemail was right when I got there. Okay, so. So we were there, but we were there a good chunk of time.

[Reshma]

Sent at 9:36pm hey Bisho, it's Reshma. I'm here at Reroll cause Melissa told me about it, but it's really, really hot in here. I'm kind of dying. No, I didn't. And so it's really hot in here and I'm drinking some sort of surprise drinks that the bartender gave me and I apologize, Madonna. I was calling earlier. I think I was supposed to call earlier, but it's really hot in here. I wish there was turns of air conditioning on or something. Other than that I'm doing great and I hope you guys are having a good night. All right, bye.

[Bert]

Okay, the accent. What's the story behind the English accent?

[Melissa]

My dad's British, so I mean I go to England a lot, but when I was in Spain this past couple of months, my friends and I, for some reason one night just all started talking in accents and it was this giant thing. And it's not just so you know, that night was British.

[Jeff]

Hey Reshma, if you're in Spain, you're already talking with an accent, right? So you don't have to pretend to

[Melissa]

do one around each other. It would be either a British accent, an Australian accent. Like, we would pull out the most random accents. So that night it was British.

[Jen]

I assume at Rerah you would have done Irish, but, you know, you look close.

[Melissa]

Apparently not.

[Jeff]

No, I do the same thing. I think I'm doing Irish. And then people are like, why are you talking like you're from Jamaica? Huh?

[Melissa]

Well, my friend who's keeping my phone was being really nice, and, like, normally she, like, takes my phone, I told you guys. And doesn't let me drunk dial. But that night, she was being really nice, and she's like, it's your birthday. Call whoever you want. I'm sure people want to hear from you. So I called my friend who I always do it with, and she started talking like that just as a joke. And so I guess by the time I called you guys, I was still in it. And I didn't realize that my friends were like, what are you doing? And of course they thought it was hilarious, so they called me.

[Bert]

So we've got time confusion going on now. Okay.

[Reshma]

Sent at 10:40pm What? Okay. Hey, the door, freshman. I'm having a great time. I see you, Josh. And I like giving me free drinks at baby drinks till 11:30 is all good. So I love bringing the show and I miss you all.

[Jeff]

Here we go.

[Reshma]

Tomorrow or Wednesday or something. But I love all of you and I hope you all have a great night. Bye. I love you all.

[Bert]

And where were you at that point?

[Melissa]

I was at Sutra, and they had free kamikaze and bubblegum drinks until 11:30. So everyone who saw it was my birthday brought me one over. And my, like, the next day, I counted how much I drank. I cannot believe how much I drank.

[Bert]

Crazy amount.

[Melissa]

Ridiculous.

[Bert]

All right, so in that one, our voice is getting a little louder. We're a little more touchy feely, a little more love.

[Jen]

Getting a little more curse words.

[Jeff]

You are the stereotypical drunk girl. Oh, like the person starts with, oh, my God, the waiter's over here. Drinks. And then they would. I love Everybody.

[Bert]

We have four more to go.

[Reshma]

Sent at 11:27pm hey, it's breakfast. This is J. I picked up your

[Jeff]

girl Restaurant that started freak.

[Reshma]

Pretty drunk. I'm drunk.

[Jeff]

You know, we having a night.

[Reshma]

We doing all fine.

[Melissa]

Oh, you're playing my song, right?

[Reshma]

Restaurant. Totally up right now. She's dance floor with some guys. I don't know what the hell is going on.

[Bert]

Okay, so message five now you're not even capable of leaving your own message.

[Jeff]

Who was that dude?

[Melissa]

No, those were. Those were two of my really good friends. Those were people taking care of me, and they came over to me to tell me it was time to call. And I was at Sutron on Monday, so it was empty. And I was dancing by myself and my song was on, so I didn't want to leave, so they decided to make the call for me.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Those are the people taking care of you?

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Isn't that like asking a blind person to help you cross the street?

[Bert]

Are they both pretty jacked up at that point? Also?

[Melissa]

No. One of them drank in the beginning. And then the guy, I think he was pretty. But the girl, she was completely sober, hopefully ish.

[Jeff]

Well said.

[Bert]

So you're in Sutra Lounge. They're playing your. Your jam. So you're dancing by yourself. All right. This is voicemail number six.

[Reshma]

Sent at 12:09am.

[Melissa]

I don't remember that one. I'm not gonna lie. I have no rec. I thought she only called once, so I did not expect that.

[Bert]

That was her. Was that you?

[Melissa]

That was her. And then I think I was in the background.

[Jeff]

You were the screamer?

[Melissa]

I think so.

[Bert]

You're the wooer?

[Melissa]

I think so. I think I was the woo girl.

[Jeff]

Anybody ever say woo sober? Mm.

[Jen]

Mm.

[Jeff]

Never.

[Bert]

Was that Sutra also?

[Melissa]

Yeah, we say it's Sutra the rest of the night.

[Bert]

The whole night? Yeah.

[Melissa]

Because at that point, people were just kind of showing up randomly. And I think my friend was sick of telling people where we were. So it was just like people kept coming and leaving.

[Bert]

If you're gonna see her, see her at sutra.

[Reshma]

Yep, at 12:53am it's intern Reshma here. I'm calling at the end ish of the night. I think this will be my last call, but I don't know, maybe, maybe not. My cousin just met me at a bar and I was at a bar and I'm pretty drunk. They were like, feeding me alcohol there. They like, IV'd me and I alcohol there. But I'm feeling pretty good. My Dee Dee is driving, so, I mean, I can't tell if she's driving straight or not, but it's pretty good. And I had an awesome night and I will see you guys tomorrow. Awesome, awesome, awesome night. Like memorable. Maybe not maybe sort of memorable night, but I guess I thought you guys. So thanks. I love you guys. Rushmake Q100

[Jen]

signing off.

[Jeff]

That guy making noise in the background, was he awake or were those sleep? No ideas because that's the same noise that I make to indicate to the cab driver perhaps he should pull over. Hey, we had 285.

[Bert]

Now, what I'm hearing here also is like you're already. You're past the mountain of energy and now you're starting. You're ready to crash out. All right, this is the very last one of the night. And these are our intern Reshma turning 21 Monday night, leaving voicemails for us every hour.

[Reshma]

Sent at 1:13am hey, virtue intern Reshma here. I'm on my way home with my BFF and keeper of his own Rocky. I had an awesome night. The last place I went to, they gave me like bottles and bottles and shots and shots of free. So it's been a pretty good night. Sutra gave me some good and I just saw myself and it was good for and so I'm hoping I'll wake up in time for my project tomorrow. But if not, I think I'll make it anyways. Hopefully you guys will enjoy this. Until then, I'm gonna grab some food and get some Taco Bell and go home. But until then, have a good night.

[Jeff]

It's time for fourth meal.

[Bert]

There did seem like another accent that kind of kicked in at the very, very end there.

[Jen]

Taco bell at 2:00am so good.

[Melissa]

By the way, I had a 1:00 clock class and a 5:30 and I made it to neither.

[Bert]

Neither one did you really.

[Reshma]

I.

[Melissa]

Last night, going to bed was still a struggle.

[Reshma]

Oh my God. It was my first.

[Jen]

First time.

[Melissa]

I have never been that hungover in my. My mom was the entire day just

[Reshma]

making fun of me.

[Melissa]

She's like, do you want to go here the entire day? It was horrible.

[Jeff]

Just so you know, the urban legend at my college was that you didn't have to go to class on the day after your 21st birthday.

[Jen]

Right, right. Because universities will honor that Was your

[Bert]

English accent Voicemail three or four?

[Melissa]

I think it was four.

[Jeff]

It was the fourth one sent at

[Reshma]

10:40pm That's a bad one too. Okay. I'm having a great time. I am seeing dogs and I like giving me sweet drinks at the truck.

[Jeff]

The Birch Show.

[Jen]

So you're running out of closet space. The good news, you don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with the RealReal. The RealReal is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale. Whether it's that mini bag that can't even fit your phone or those boots you never fully broke in, the RealReal handles everything from photography and copywriting to shipping and pricing. So you can just sit back, get paid, and make room for things that actually feel like you. And with 10,000 plus new arrivals every single day from top designers like Prada, Celine, Louis Vuitton and Loewe, all for up to 90% off retail, you're bound to find something perfectly on brand to fill that extra closet space with. Plus, this may only you can get an extra $200 to shop.

[Reshma]

When you sell for the first time,

[Jen]

make room for what feels like you. Go to therealrael.com to start selling and get your extra $200 to keep [e-mail] that's therealreal.com terms apply.

[Melissa]

I sold my car in Carvana last night. Well, that's cool. No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow.

[Reshma]

Nothing went wrong. So what's the problem?

[Bert]

That is the problem.

[Melissa]

Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the catch.

[Reshma]

Maybe there's no catch.

[Melissa]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Reshma]

Wow. You need to relax.

[Melissa]

I need to knock on wood. Do we have. What is this? Table wood?

[Reshma]

I think it's laminate.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[Reshma]

Car selling without a catch.

[Jen]

Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply.

[Bert]

The bird show Tracy's calls are going right to voicemail, so I'll just read her email.

[Jeff]

Panic.

[Bert]

I recently found out that my husband is having an affair. He's in the military and is across the country for training. I knew something was going on but had no proof until I saw an email on his Facebook from her telling him that she loved him and cannot wait to start their life together. When I spoke to him about it, he said he is just lonely and wants to be with me and our kids. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to see him or have him come to Georgia to see me, so I'm stuck. I love him and willing to look past this and be with him. Help. But I think she was entertaining some thoughts about letting him do what he's doing wherever he is, and then once that's over, come home and be with the family.

[Jen]

Oh, is he the one that should be coming home to be with the family?

[Bert]

What's that like?

[Jen]

Isn't he the one that should be trying to repair it and go home and be with the family?

[Jeff]

Well, he's in the military. Yeah, I think the Situation is he's wherever doing his thing and he's got to be there for let's say nine months, a year, whatever. And she's back here in Atlanta and can't afford to go visit him regularly, can't leave her family. So she's like, well, he's got needs. She's that girl's out there.

[Jen]

But this woman is saying, I love you and I can't wait for us to start our life together. So is it just so that he can be satisfied or is it he really starting a new life with somebody?

[Bert]

See, here's what we just don't know. There are going to be a couple of variables. Is he just telling this woman that? Is he misleading her? Not the wife, but the woman out in wherever she is, the mistress, that he's more into her than he really is so he can continue to have sex or are they really in love? Have they really formed something that's intimate? Because I mean we've had, we've taken plenty of calls from women that have said I can get over the sex part of it. I can't get over it if he's in love, if it was a real affair. So. And I don't know, maybe things are different in the military. Maybe in some cases you sort of understand each other and you just sort of okay, he's not gonna be back for a while, so let him do what he's gonna do.

[Jen]

I have no idea.

[Bert]

404-741-Q100. Hey, Sarah.

[Reshma]

Hey. I am in the military and I have served overseas and I don't believe that this condones anyone to cheat on their spouse. He can get kicked out, especially if it's with someone he's cheating with. Like if she's in the military. Depending on his rank, he can have his rank Yankee and she won't get in trouble if he's higher ranked than her.

[Jeff]

Well, I think that's the problem. He's having his rank yanked right now by someone other than his wife.

[Reshma]

Right. Well, I'm saying that this is on the radio. So if someone knows this guy, they can go report it to his NCO and he could be kicked out. He could be given a counseling statement depending on how long the affair has gone on. Or he could have his rank taken and then he won't be able to provide for his family. So he really needs to consider what he's doing. And is it worth a few one night stands to lose your career over?

[Bert]

Run that rank thing by me again. If, if she is in the Military with him.

[Reshma]

If she's in the military, too. And let's say he is an E7 and she's an E4. He will have his yank his rank pulled from him. He can lose all his rank, however much of his rank that his NCO wants to pull from him. She won't have a rank pulled.

[Jeff]

We don't know that she's.

[Reshma]

He is considered her superior, but we

[Jeff]

don't know that she's in the military. The guy that the girl that she's Right.

[Reshma]

So if she is in the military, it's a lot worse.

[Bert]

Yeah. This is something I didn't know about the whole rank thing.

[Reshma]

He's running the risk of losing his rank and being kicked out.

[Jen]

I wanted to ask you about affairs in general in the military. Is it something that's fairly common?

[Reshma]

It is. It really is. A lot of people sleep around a lot. Me personally, I don't. I could never do that. I have. I have three children. I'm happily married, and I would rather just go buy dildo and pleasure myself and cheat on my side. Hello. Okay.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Reshma]

You know, I mean, sorry to be vulgar, but, you know, there are other ways to get around.

[Jen]

There you go. Army issue. That's right. Part of my rations. Thank you, military.

[Reshma]

Thank you.

[Jen]

I just wonder, you know, if somebody's going to be gone for a year or two years. If each spouse just sort of kind of turns a blind eye to it or if they talk about, you know, I wonder if they have communication about it. Like, hey, do whatever you want to do, just don't fall in love with somebody. Or if they say, you know, you know, honey, let's Skype about it, or what?

[Melissa]

You know what I mean?

[Bert]

Like, what was that Jamie Foxx movie that came out was about the military a couple of years ago? Jake Gyllenhaal was in it also. And Jarhead. One of the storylines was Jake Gyllenhaal just going out of his mind thinking of all the things his girlfriend might be doing with somebody else back home. I mean, you're so far from each other and you feel so out of control that your mind can really start to play nutty tricks on you, you know? Good morning, Terry. You're on Q100.

[Reshma]

Hi. I've been in the military. I'm not anymore. My. My other half still is. But I want to say that this does happen all the time. And she needs to find out whether or not it is an emotional aspect of the issue. And also turn off. And also that. Turn it off. My son's playing with the radio. Sorry.

[Bert]

How dare him.

[Jeff]

Just give him an elbow.

[Reshma]

And I think the other thing too is I've been on the other side. I've been the other woman, not even knowing that the guy was married. And we were on the same post together and he actually lived one block away from me with his spouse and his children. So she could. The other woman could very well not even know about it and. And just think that he's. He's on a mission right now and he. They are going to have a life together. So he could very well not know or she could very well not even know about it. And he had no intention of ever leaving his wife. That was the case with me.

[Bert]

Do you think the statistics of infidelity are higher in the military than they would be in other industries?

[Reshma]

I absolutely think so.

[Bert]

Really?

[Jen]

Because you're forced away.

[Reshma]

It's kind of the nature of the job. You're gone. Your spouse is gone all the time. And one thing I do have to say, it may not be for all women out there that are married to military service members, but a lot of times they seem to lose their identity. They're so caught up with taking care of their husbands and having to transition from one location to the other, having to make new friends. Whereas their spouse, that's in the military, they come into an office and they automatically have new co workers, new friends, and the spouses has to try to readjust and make new people or trying to find a new job, trying to find new sitters, and it's very difficult. So a lot of times the spouse may tend to lose themselves. I mean, I'm speaking from being on the other aspect of it, not being in the military anymore.

[Bert]

That sounds so many different levels to it. You don't even think about, you know.

[Jen]

Yeah, totally. And it sounds like from that email that you read, Bert, that this woman might be losing herself a little bit because she seems like. She doesn't seem mad about it.

[Reshma]

Like she's okay with it now.

[Jen]

Well, I mean, I don't know, but I'm more concerned about the other woman, you know, on his Facebook page saying how much she loves him and can't wait to see.

[Jeff]

I mean, well, that could just be him saying what he has to say to her to get what he needs to do.

[Jen]

She's going to deal with that woman.

[Bert]

And would you, if you knew he was married, would you do a public post like that?

[Jen]

Who knows? But I just know that what, regardless of whether she knows he's married or not, that our listener has to deal with her, you know, and if she's in love with him, then it's going to be a little more complicated than him just cut it off and him coming home.

[Bert]

And now she has. She should be able to have direct contact with the mistress if she knows she's a mistress or not.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Hey, Christina. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Reshma]

So I'm so glad to be on with you guys.

[Bert]

Thank you for joining us. What's up?

[Reshma]

I'm actually just got out of the military as a 42 Alpha. I processed human resource requests and actually things like this. The lady that called him the first time said he could get his ring kinked and stuff like that. That doesn't actually happen like that. You have to have proof. Unless the other woman's going to rat him out on it or he gets her pregnant or she can have two or more people say that he's actually doing this. She can't really do anything about it. So my advice would be, if she loves him, to work through it, get her over there where he's at. Definitely, though don't condone it because it happens enough in the military. They just need to work through that. But, yeah, I wouldn't definitely not say it's okay because he's gone.

[Bert]

All right, thank you. And Kim wants to be on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Reshma]

This actually happened to my family, where my dad was having an affair when he was in the military with my. And just from the children's point of view, it can be. It's not a healthy situation from the children's point of view, because to this day, I will not date anybody in the military. It tore our family apart, and it tore my mother apart. And even when she chose to ignore it, she never was able to really ignore it, and it hurt her, and it destroyed us. And growing up and seeing your mom cry or growing up and seeing your mom, you know, and your dad playing happy daddy when, you know. You know, by the time that we kind of figured it out, we were all old enough to realize what was going on. And, I mean, I'm about to cry now because it hurts. And from the children's point of view, I'm just saying that she may be able to overlook it, but your children are going to remember that. And especially if you have boys, they're going to grow up and think that that's okay to do, and it's not. And it's. And you know, it is true that the military does look down on infidelity and it can be a really, really, really big mess. And I went through this, and when it all came to a head, I was in high school. And it was horrible. It was humiliating. And I still can barely speak to my dad to this day. Wow.

[Bert]

Thank you for calling. Here is Sally, who wants to be on the voice disguiser. Also. Hey, Sally.

[Reshma]

Hi. I am having an affair with two different military men at the moment. Whoa. Neither one of them know about each other.

[Bert]

Neither one of them know about each other. And the wives have no idea, no clue.

[Reshma]

Are you going to be feeling bad about this whole mistress? Because I can verify she knows about the wives.

[Bert]

You think so?

[Reshma]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff]

So you are having this relationship with them, knowing that they're married because it's easy for you or because you're in love with them?

[Reshma]

No.

[Jen]

Are you also married?

[Reshma]

No.

[Bert]

Do you target military guys?

[Reshma]

No.

[Bert]

It just happened that way.

[Reshma]

Yeah. You know, I mean, it's just easy. And actually, the sad part about it is they want more of a commitment than I do.

[Bert]

Really?

[Jen]

You don't feel the least bit bad about that?

[Reshma]

Well, I mean, you always do. In. In any kind of relationship. I mean, there's always something you're doing.

[Jen]

Is there a kid in the background?

[Reshma]

They go away, and then they start calling again and they come back.

[Jen]

And do they know about each other?

[Reshma]

No.

[Jen]

And is one of. Is your child fathered by a military guy?

[Reshma]

No.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Bert]

Is it just. Is it. Is it just an easier life? Because now I'm assuming they're not here in Atlanta?

[Reshma]

No.

[Bert]

So it's easy for you. Then they come home for a couple of weeks or a couple of months, you can have this affair, and then they take off.

[Jen]

What would you give advice to this woman? I mean, what would you tell her to do? The email that Bert read, she needs

[Reshma]

to email this mistress, because I can guarantee you that as soon as the mistress finds out that the wife knows, she'll drop them.

[Jeff]

Would that's what would happen to you?

[Reshma]

Well, it's the simple fact that the wife. That I know about you. I don't want to get involved in all that crap.

[Jeff]

Now, is it safe to assume that the posting on the Facebook page, the public Facebook page, might be the mistress's way of letting the wife know?

[Reshma]

Oh, yeah. It's one of two things. She's fallen deeply in love with him, and she now wants to be heard. She wants everybody to know that she is here, and she wants him. And she wants him to leave his wife and his kids and come be with him.

[Jeff]

Or crazy.

[Reshma]

Or she is, you know, done with him. And he keeps calling her, and she's like, you know what? Fine. You know, if you're gonna keep bothering me, then I'm gonna make sure everybody knows that you have been having an affair.

[Bert]

Wow. Okay. And those are the words from a woman that's having affairs with two different military guys.

[Jen]

Yeah, it's like I said earlier. Our listeners are gonna have to deal with that woman, you know, and it's

[Bert]

not something that can be avoided. You can't live with that. Can't live with that. I mean, even when he comes home, like, you're supposed to just pretend you don't have that knowledge of just what happened the last couple of months.

[Jen]

Who can live with that when nobody should?

[Jeff]

And who has the time to have such a complex life? Like, seriously, like, you're juggling two married dudes.

[Bert]

But it's easy because they're both out of town.

[Jeff]

Yeah, but still, you got it.

[Bert]

It's easy for her, complicated for them.

[Jeff]

I can't even pay my phone bill on time. The Bird show,

[Bert]

the Birch O.

[Jeff]

So I got to, this weekend, enjoy the company of some lady friends. Not in that way, you pervs, but

[Bert]

in a beautiful highway kind of way.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Just hanging out with some girl friends. And I was like, there are two guys. And the rest of the group was girls. And the conversation at some point turned to guys and guys that we all know and who's hooked up with who. And the weird equations that come when you've hooked up with one friend, you can't hook up with another, blah, blah, blah. And that dissolved into a conversation about sex. And I think we've heard the rumors or we've talked about it on the show that women are very descriptive of sexual encounters with guys amongst each other, amongst each other. And I think the thought, the general consensus might be that guys, when they have sex with a girl, they go, oh, Burt, man, I bang. Blah, blah, blah. And it was like this and that and blah, blah. And the reality is, I think, for the most part, is it's usually a pretty quick conversation. Hey, Bert, you see Wendy over there? Hooked up with her last night. Really? Was it good? Yeah, it was good. Wanna have a beer? Yep. And that's it.

[Bert]

75% of the time, it's like that.

[Jeff]

Yeah. I mean, there might be a little more detail, but the women that we were with, it kind of paired off. So the girls were off to one side talking, and then the other guy who was there and I were talking, and then we Realized what the conversation was about. So then we went from talking to eavesdropping, and we heard them describing the motion of a guy. Now, this wasn't even. None of the girls had hooked up with this guy. This is a girlfriend of theirs had sex with a guy, then came back to them and reported that it would never happen again because he was a stabber. And they've actually dubbed him amongst their group the stabber, which I would be more creative than that. I think Jack the Ripper would have been better, but they went with the stabber. So, you know, now dude and I. Other guy and I are kind of, like, listening with one ear, going, oh, my God, this is this really happening? And they're. They're, you know, talking about the motion, like, doing it with their hands and stuff, like, explaining why it was bad. Then one of the girls says to the other two, did you hear about the faces? And so at which point, we're now the two guys. We're, like, involved in the conversation. We're like, what the hell are you about? And they're like, he made at the height of the ceremony.

[Reshma]

Right, right.

[Jeff]

It was described as the face that the people in the ring make when they die.

[Jen]

Oh, movie. The ring.

[Jeff]

Yes. Oh, and then I remember the movie. They proceeded.

[Bert]

I know what he's talking about. Do you know the analogy?

[Jeff]

I can try to.

[Jen]

I don't know the analogy, but I know what he's talking about.

[Jeff]

I can try to duplicate it. Okay, first, I need everybody to put their hands in the air, because can we trit.

[Bert]

Pick this?

[Jeff]

Hell, no. Hands in the air. I'm not looking at any cameras. This is it.

[Bert]

So the eyes are kind of rolled up in the eyelids, and the mouth is about half open.

[Jen]

I wish there was a security camera in here at that moment.

[Jeff]

And then the.

[Jen]

We need to pick that, please. Oh, Jeff, fantastic reenactment.

[Jeff]

And then the. Maybe we could twin pick it after the show, but we just can't explain what it is. You would just have to be Jeff. Making a face. People listening. Making a face. People listening now. But they described. And then that was, like, the face at the. You know, at the. For the closing ceremonies.

[Bert]

Got it.

[Jeff]

During the games, in the opening ceremony, there were other faces that they were all duplicating and going, oh, my God, do you believe he did this in, like, all these things?

[Jen]

And none of these women had been with the guy. They were sharing the story of a friend of theirs who shared it with

[Bert]

them, which is always gonna be way worse, because by the Time it goes from woman to woman to woman to woman to woman. It's gonna be way worse.

[Jeff]

So dude and I are sitting there like, wtf? Like, the pressure now, Like, I'm thankful I'm not a single guy, because had I heard that, and dude I was with is single. Had I heard that, it's intimidating, right? The pressure to not only perform satisfactorily in terms of what you're doing, but also to make sure your facial expression.

[Bert]

You will bury your head in her neck like a gopher into the ground next time so she doesn't see anything.

[Jeff]

You've just eliminated about two thirds of the fun positions. Or we're doing it in the complete darkness. We are having sex at dialogue in the dark. Because, like, that's not right.

[Bert]

Guys do it too, though.

[Jeff]

Not that bad.

[Bert]

Was it really graphic? Like, shockingly graphic?

[Jen]

Yes. Just show another face.

[Jeff]

It was. Would be. Imagine, like, the face a cartoon character would make if it got punched in the stomach. Really hard is the face.

[Reshma]

And it's just one more, Jeff.

[Jen]

One more, Jeff.

[Reshma]

Come on, come on, come on.

[Melissa]

One more face.

[Jeff]

I'm not your cavalier horse.

[Bert]

Women. You gotta spare these guys their reputation around town, because by the time it gets to somebody, he's legitimately gonna sleep with. It's a sideshow. It's a sideshow.

[Jen]

Respectful when they talk about women, too.

[Jeff]

And you know what the worst part about it is? I know the dude they were talking about.

[Bert]

Oh, no.

[Jeff]

The Birch show.

[Bert]

It's the Birch show. I want to see if we can get you guys on the phone, because Jeff was just talking about this poor guy. And I think most women have a former lover in their past that was so bad that he has earned a nickname. You know, in this case, this guy's gonna be the stabber for the rest

[Jeff]

of his life among this group of girls because of his emotion, his technique during the. During sex. He's the stabber.

[Bert]

He's the stabber. That's how she'll refer to him because she tells the story to all of her friends, and somebody in the group nicknames him the Stabber. And whenever his real name comes up or whenever he comes up again, they'll refer to him as the Stabber. And everybody knows who he is. So give us a call right now. We don't want to know the history behind and or the technique. We just want to know the nickname, and then I think we'll be able to figure out exactly what he was doing wrong. 404-741. Q100 Melissa accidentally sort of told us about one of them earlier this morning.

[Jen]

Well, there was this guy when I dated guys. There's this one guy who, when we met out. It was. Well, it was one time, I got to say. And it was just. He was a slobber dude. I don't know what to call him. Because he's Slurpee. Slurpee. Because he's Slurpee. His saliva would come out of his mouth everywhere he pressed his lips. So it was on my neck, my ear, my mouth. It was so. I mean, it would come up amongst Melissa's girlfriends. Every time they go to a 7 11. They'd be like, hey, Melissa, you want to slurping? So, yeah, slurping.

[Jeff]

God, it's tough.

[Bert]

This can work for guys, too, with women, because we do the same thing. So

[Jeff]

what do you got?

[Jen]

Come on.

[Bert]

I. I know the technique, but I don't know the proper nickname that I would give her.

[Jeff]

See, I don't. I don't think I've ever done this as a guy.

[Bert]

Maybe the jackhammer. Oh, yeah, you just got. Yeah. The roadrunner. I don't know.

[Jeff]

It's conversation we were having off the air. We could have the wet back.

[Jen]

Yeah, yeah. Wet back.

[Bert]

All right. Don't tell us what it was all about, Mike. Just tell us the nickname that you use for the really bad ex lover.

[Reshma]

It wasn't my ex lover. I actually had a friend in New Hampshire who was a girl, but she nicknamed her ex boyfriend Chewy.

[Bert]

Thank you, sir. That's all we need from you. Thank you.

[Jeff]

They could go in a couple different directions.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Bert]

404, 741.

[Jeff]

None of them good.

[Jen]

Did one of your friends brought in a motorboat?

[Bert]

Yes.

[Jen]

He could have been the motorboat.

[Bert]

It wasn't one of my friends, but one of my dudes in Texas swore that was the greatest maneuver ever. Alfie. And he was the motorboater. I remember, like, sitting around going, if you really want. He's saying, if you really want to satisfy Stacy, this is the way you do it. Making the motorboat sound really. Dude. And I think I probably tried it.

[Jeff]

Just for the record.

[Bert]

What is going on?

[Jeff]

I think this is in the Bible, but you're not supposed to take lovemaking advice from a guy named Alfie.

[Bert]

Hey, Mimi. Good morning. Hi. Now, just the name. Just the name of the Nick. The really bad ex lover.

[Reshma]

The Wee man.

[Bert]

That's easy.

[Jen]

The Wee man.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jen]

Ouch. I had a friend call a guy Littlefoot.

[Bert]

Oh, Lynn. Hey, Lynn.

[Reshma]

Hello. Hello.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Reshma]

Good morning. We called Him. The jackhammer.

[Bert]

Yeah, that one can go both ways. 404-741. Q100. Hey, Nicole. Good morning.

[Reshma]

Good morning.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Reshma]

Good. How are you?

[Bert]

Great.

[Reshma]

My friend's nickname for her ex was fp.

[Bert]

F as in Frank?

[Reshma]

Correct.

[Bert]

Fp. We're gonna need a little more than that.

[Reshma]

Freak penis.

[Bert]

Freak what?

[Reshma]

Freak penis.

[Jeff]

Freak penis.

[Bert]

Did he have one of those things that went up?

[Reshma]

No. Circumcision.

[Jeff]

Oh.

[Bert]

Oh, the aardvark. Yeah, one of my former roommates was the aardvark.

[Jeff]

Just for the record, no man should have a nickname for a penis.

[Jen]

Oh, my God, that's hilarious.

[Bert]

You guys ever seen those ones that bend, like, straight up? Like, they go, like, this way?

[Reshma]

Nope.

[Bert]

Me neither. Good morning, Whitney, you're on Q100.

[Reshma]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hey.

[Reshma]

We called him Squishy.

[Bert]

Squishy.

[Melissa]

That's not a good one.

[Bert]

That's not good at all. Terrible.

[Reshma]

Poor guy.

[Jen]

Little Squishy Squisherson.

[Bert]

Hey, Amber. Good morning. You're on the Voice disguiser.

[Reshma]

Hi. His name was the Choker.

[Bert]

The Choker.

[Reshma]

Yes.

[Bert]

Ooh, that'll freak you out. Okay, thank you.

[Reshma]

Thanks.

[Bert]

He needed to be honest. She's still scared of that guy.

[Jeff]

Well, that could have been him. Maybe he just got something caught in his throat when he started choking.

[Bert]

The nickname that you still use for your former really bad ex lover.

[Reshma]

The Plunger.

[Bert]

Plunger.

[Jeff]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Jen]

And it only probably took three.

[Melissa]

Plunge.

[Jen]

Plunge.

[Reshma]

PlunGE.

[Bert]

Done. And I'm out.

[Jen]

Pre flush.

[Jeff]

Pre plunge.

[Bert]

Good morning, Q100.

[Reshma]

Yes. Hello.

[Bert]

Hello.

[Jeff]

Hello.

[Reshma]

Yes. The Pig farmer.

[Bert]

The pig farmer. Was he a pig farmer?

[Reshma]

He was a pig farmer.

[Jeff]

Okay, well, that's not really a nickname as much as it is a description.

[Bert]

The profession, job. Yeah, I called him the Lawyer. Good morning, Q100. Hi.

[Reshma]

Hi. I had an ex boyfriend that we called the Vampire Pickle Boy.

[Bert]

The Vampire Pickle.

[Jeff]

It's a great band name.

[Bert]

Can anybody. Is anybody drawing a.

[Melissa]

Is it.

[Jen]

Oh, I think I know, but I can't tell you on the. You have to turn off our mics.

[Bert]

Okay, hold on one second. Okay. We'll be right back in one sec.

[Reshma]

Okay.

[Bert]

Oh, damn.

[Reshma]

Aha.

[Jen]

Is that it?

[Bert]

Did you hear that?

[Reshma]

Did I hear what?

[Bert]

What Jen's guess was on that one? The Vampire Pickle. Okay. Yeah, we'll leave it at that.

[Jeff]

Jen's obviously dated him also.

[Bert]

404741. Q100. These are fun.

[Jeff]

VPB.

[Bert]

Hey, Pam. Good morning.

[Reshma]

Hey, how are you? I'm fine.

[Bert]

All right, the nickname you still use for the former ex lover.

[Reshma]

Mr. False Start

[Jeff]

Offsides.

[Bert]

Rich. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Reshma]

Hey, man.

[Bert]

Hey, what's up?

[Reshma]

Not much. The X I have, we used to call it a scraper.

[Bert]

Oh, that's not good. Yeah, that's bad.

[Jen]

Is that with fingers or.

[Bert]

No, no, that's with. Yeah, we've talked about that before. Either you're really good at that or you're not good at all. Sorry. Hi, Natasha.

[Reshma]

Hi.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Reshma]

I have to. One's from one of my exes and one's from a friend, my ex we call Vegas and her ex Chin licker.

[Bert]

Chin licker. His move was the chin lick.

[Reshma]

Nasty.

[Bert]

I need to know this one. So he used to just lick her chin?

[Reshma]

No, that's just like how he kisses. Like he eats her whole face and her chin.

[Jen]

That's gnarly. Oh, God, the ch. Chin liquor is hilarious.

[Melissa]

And you know, that's all they refer

[Jen]

to him as in her group of friends. Gross. Oh, that's funny. I didn't understand what Vegas was. Chin and liquor and slurp. Your brothers

[Bert]

here bird show. Listen, it's the vert show. So I have seen the excitement building over the last week between mostly Wendy and Melissa about Halloween costumes.

[Jen]

Oh, I love Halloween and I love picking out my costume. And normally I don't make my costume, but this year I'm like kind of had to put it all together in different little pieces. So I'm like really amped up for my costume this year.

[Bert]

I didn't realize that you can't wear the same costume.

[Jen]

No, Wendy and I were talking about this because I've got three parties this year for Halloween and two of them, Katie and I are set on what our costumes are going to be. But one tomorrow night we're trying to figure out what we're going to wear to the Halloween party at the Biltmore for Jerusalem House. And so. Yeah, but you can't wear. No, I cannot wear what I'm wearing to big Wicked tomorrow night and have pictures taken and then people see it and then it already be no surprise. There's no surprise. A costume is about you walking in the door and people going either laughing or saying that sex whatever result you want. It's walking in the door having that immediately. Exactly.

[Jeff]

You don't want to be wearing a sexy one and walk in and have

[Jen]

people laugh and start laughing.

[Bert]

I've got two questions really to ask, like who is listening right now that has spent the most amount of time pre planning for your wet for your Halloween costume and who has the most. Like, if you're going to four parties, do you get four costumes?

[Jen]

Yes.

[Reshma]

Yes.

[Bert]

Really?

[Jen]

Yes, Jen. I don't go to that many Halloween parties, and if I do, I'm not dressing up for all of them. I mean, I get excited about Big Wicked and I'll definitely, like, put a ton of, you know, into my costume for that one, but I won't do it for. That's too much to think about for me.

[Bert]

I know a woman that works in an office, and about two months ago, one of her co workers started growing this thick ass beard out of nowhere. You know, like it just came out of nowhere and everybody in the office was talking about how bad it looked. And she finally called him out on it a couple of days ago and he decided to go as Zachary Galifianakis from the Hangover. And he's been growing that beard now for months. So he thought about it 60 days ago what he was going to be for Halloween. I just don't put that much thought into it, y'.

[Reshma]

All.

[Jen]

Well, Halloween this year starts on Wednesday. Like, the parties are starting next week on Wednesday. So people are going out Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night. And you are taking pictures every night. So you don't want to wear the same outfit. You want to. You want a different audience. Because what if you see like one

[Reshma]

person on Wednesday, but you see the same person on Thursday?

[Jen]

Didn't you wear that last night?

[Jeff]

Or in a Twitter, Facebook world, you know, the pictures, you're going to be tagged and you can't be tagged at three different parties and three in the same costume.

[Jen]

And the worst case scenario is if you wore a party. Because I think that. I mean, you know, I think the parties start this weekend for people who have other plans for Halloween night. And I think that the. Also the issue is if you wore something this weekend and then you went to Big Wicket next weekend and somebody improved upon your costume because they got the idea from you. Right? See? So if you're first to it, then you gotta do something else later. I think you two should tally up how much you spend on Halloween this year.

[Bert]

It does seem like it's.

[Jen]

Well, a good costume usually is from things that are not expensive. You know, like I. Cause I'm more like Wendy, where there's very few times that Katie and I will actually buy, purchase a costume. We make all of our costumes and normally it's just something we can throw from something in our closet. So I don't know if expense equates quality when it comes to Halloween, here is Becky.

[Bert]

You are part of the bird show. Hi.

[Reshma]

Hey. Yeah, we never pay that much for costumes either. But my son is 6, and back when we took him to see Wolverine X Men Origins, he knew back at the end of April that that was what he was going to be for Halloween.

[Bert]

Yeah, it's different for kids, too. And they get locked and loaded. Like, once they get an idea in their head there, that's it. You can't suggest anything. There is no veering off script on something like that.

[Reshma]

And it's so easy. It's a wife beater, tank top, a little leather jacket, and put his hair up in like a little, you know, sticking it straight out on the sides, and we're good to go.

[Jen]

Well, you got to take some of your eyeliner or whatever, and you got to make them a little

[Reshma]

ladybug. And I'm gonna be a black widow.

[Jen]

Nice.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jen]

Nice job done. Yeah. Katie and I decided on our big wicked costumes on Labor Day. So we've known since Labor Day what we're wearing. I knew in the summertime what I wanted to be because I always start planning in June because I get so excited about Halloween.

[Bert]

No kidding.

[Jen]

So I knew in June.

[Bert]

Here is Megan. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Reshma]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Reshma]

My brother in law actually started growing out his beard about a month ago because he plans on going as Borat. So he's been growing out his beard. And I actually have to wear two costumes because my son's making me be Batwoman for Halloween.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Reshma]

He's Batman. And of course I have a party to go to, so I can't wear that. I have to be sexy. So I have a separate sexy costume for that one. Right?

[Jen]

You have to. I mean, it's the same as any other. You know, if it's an event where event season, you know, coming up after Halloween where you have a lot of holiday parties, nobody's gonna wear the same outfit. Especially women are not gonna wear the same dresses to the different Christmas parties. They're coming. Same for Halloween.

[Bert]

You approach it the same way.

[Jen]

Approach it the exact same way.

[Jeff]

You know, this is one of the times where I'm so thankful to be a guy bur work his guys will just go as a construction worker to party one, and then the second night be like, I'm a drunk construction worker. I'm a drunk horny construction worker.

[Reshma]

Wow.

[Jeff]

Save that.

[Bert]

It's the Birch Show.