Loading summary
Paige Desorbo
Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.
Bert
But first.
Commercial Announcer
There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes. I don't know about you, but it feels like you can't go anywhere without hearing about GLP1 medications. I mean, it's like the topic right now, whether it's your group chat, if you're at brunch, or if you have that friend who lost a lot of weight and suddenly knows everything about GLP1s. But how do you know if GLP1s are actually right for you? That's the tricky part. Hers is making women's healthcare so much easier. They connect you with a real medical provider who helps you find the best plan for your goals and your budget. And if the medication's right for you, it's all part of a doctor developed program with check ins, ongoing care and 247 support. No weird hidden fees, no memberships, just help that actually fits into your life. Whether you want to lose weight or grow thicker fuller hair or find relief from anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit fourhears.com Bert to get a personalized affordable plan that just gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com Bert for hers.com Bert we lost by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.
Dylan
The Birch show all right, so I.
Bert
Have a friend who recently moved in with her boyfriend and you know, just kind of normal jitters about moving in with her boyfriend and whatever. And I think anybody that's ever lived, you know how to live in, kind of understands that. So she moves in with her boyfriend. They've been dating for a long time now, I want to say like two or three years or something like that. They move in or whatever. And then a couple of days later she starts to have a panic attack about the whole thing and kind of panics and talks to talk, you know, talks it through with her girlfriends about like she doesn't have the place to go home to because inevitably when you are dating somebody seriously for that long, there's one house where you stay more and there's one house that is just basically like you pay rent for a closet.
Evangeline
It's generally the guy slowly like moving into the woman's place cause it smells.
Dylan
Nice and clean or moving the woman into his place because she starts to Turn it around.
Bert
Yeah, exactly. So they were doing that for a while. So it was like, oh, this is not gonna be that big of a. You know, normal jitters, or whatever. But then, you know, once the reality set in, they're like, I have nowhere to go back home to. Like, there's no option to go back there. Kind of made her panic a little bit. So it made me think of her thoughts of possibly moving back out again. So they worked it out. Everything's going fine. The transition's going well. They're, you know, living together. Everything's happy, you know, hunky dory. But I thought at that time, she was kind of having the panic attack. What if she turned around and moved back out again? Like, I wonder weekend. Exactly. Like, I wonder who has moved in and moved out in, like, the shortest amount of time.
Dylan
And we got to make the decision.
Bert
You know, he sits you down, asks you to move in. It's this really big deal. You're like, oh, my God, we're moving on to the next level of our life. And then it happens, and then you panic and you bolt.
Evangeline
Let me get phone number up. 404741 1,500.
Dylan
And it has to involve a full move out of your place.
Evangeline
I think it has to be, like, the first piece of furniture. Like, as soon as the first piece of furniture goes in, like, if you were to call up and go, I got the. I got my couch in and then realized I just couldn't do it, and then moved out. Like, no, no, no, turn around. I got to move back. I think that's a legitimate phone call.
Dylan
Right. But I think it has to be like. I think the lease. And, you know, it's the couple. The couple is Jen and Jeff. Like, Jen has to have said, okay, my lease expires on November 1. So in the last week of October, we are making the move. She has not renewed her lease. She's not looked for a new place.
Evangeline
She starts moving.
Melissa
She has no place to go. You know, Like, I mean, she has nowhere else. This is her residence.
Evangeline
This is something you agreed on, right? And then you have to turn it around. Did I ever tell you about how Stacy and I moved in with each other for the first time?
Dylan
You mean when she moved you in? Yeah.
Evangeline
I left for California. I came back, and all my. All my stuff was in her place. What? Yeah, we had agreed that we were going to move in together, but I was putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. I mean, months had gone by. I'll get to it. I'll get to it.
Melissa
Yes.
Evangeline
We're going to move in together. Yes. So I leave for California. This is so typically my wife. So she calls her best friend, and I get home and all my stuff is gone. It was already. It was in her place. I had even told my roommates that, dude, I'm moving out here over the next couple of months. And they were patient about it and patient about it. So Stacy pulls out with her, like a truck or whatever, and she and Carrie take all of my stuff, bring it on over to her place, and that's how we started moving.
Dylan
But were you mad?
Evangeline
No, I laughed it off. I did. Because, I mean, I had committed. I was sort of ready to do.
Melissa
It out of the move, and I.
Evangeline
Didn'T have to move.
Bert
You guys are like the quintessential couple of the wife pushing you into the next level of your lives.
Evangeline
Everything.
Bert
Every level.
Evangeline
Everything. Everything we've ever done, I've agreed to it. Just been reluctant to actually take the step. And, you know, I come back from California, all my stuff's at her joint.
Dylan
I can't believe you wouldn't be. I think I would be infuriated.
Evangeline
I wasn't because we had been talking about it for so long.
Dylan
Even if I was. There's a reason that you didn't.
Evangeline
Yeah, I guess. Yeah. It didn't bother me so much. But if somebody was telling me the story, I'd be saying the same thing you're saying, though.
Melissa
But I think the difference with Stacy and Bertha we have seen is that it's almost like Stacy. Stacy knows the decision that Bert is trying to avoid making, so she ends up making it for him because she knows he's never gonna do it. And then he'll be fine with it once he does, and then he'll pretend like he had done it himself.
Evangeline
It's the fence. It's the fence that I get so scared of getting off of.
Bert
Right. Cause wasn't it the first. The exclusive conversation? Or did that happen more organically?
Evangeline
What was the exclusive conversation like?
Bert
We're gonna date each other exclusively? Cause that's usually the first conversation that happens. The boyfriend, girlfriend conversation.
Evangeline
I'm sure she brought it up before I did.
Bert
Then it's the moving in conversation.
Evangeline
There was the I love you. She obviously brought it upside down. That's what I said. No.
Bert
Then there's the moving in conversation, which she just did.
Evangeline
Yeah, she just.
Bert
And then there's the marriage conversation.
Evangeline
Then there was the baby.
Bert
And then there's the baby. That's like all the steps.
Evangeline
Absolutely.
Bert
That's what I mean. You guys are the quintessential couple. She's giving hope to all of us that want to nudge our significant others forward.
Evangeline
I really, really would not suggest that to anybody listening, going, oh, I bet I could do the same thing. You have to find somebody as big a lame ass as I am, and you can't do that. You can't find somebody that is. Is as lame as I am. Another guy to say, yeah, go ahead, move myself when I'm away.
Bert
No, I think your commitment phobias. Phobias, Ness. Is that even a word?
Evangeline
I don't know.
Bert
I just made it up. Your commitment phobia, I think, is more common than you think.
Evangeline
You really. I mean, it takes a special guy to, like Jeff said, come home from vacation like that and have all this stuff moved out and not blow a gasket. And the relationship. So I do not endorse that. Hey, Nicole.
Guest Caller
Hey.
Evangeline
Jen's question was, we are looking for the person that moved in and then moved out in the least the shortest amount of time.
Guest Caller
Two days.
Commercial Announcer
Really?
Bert
Oh, you panicked after two.
Evangeline
First, you got to give us some history of the date. Like, how long were you guys going out?
Guest Caller
We were going out for three and a half years.
Evangeline
All right.
Guest Caller
And he asked me to move in with him. So we did and had gotten all my stuff. We used my bed tables, everything. We moved everything of his out because it was all nasty, dirty boy stuff.
Dylan
It had boy germs on it. Ew.
Guest Caller
I went to work the next morning and came home because I forgot something. And he was prancing around in my underwear.
Dylan
Hold on, hold on a minute.
Evangeline
That was that.
Dylan
Say. Say the last part of that again.
Guest Caller
You went to work and came back home, and he was prancing around in my underwear.
Dylan
Now tell us slower with more details. So you came back home. Cause you forgot something. So was the door locked or unlocked?
Guest Caller
It was locked. I unlocked it.
Dylan
So you put the key in. You stepped through the doorway?
Guest Caller
Yes. And he was in the bathroom in my underwear.
Bert
Oh.
Melissa
In three years, he had never. Cause I mean, when you're dating three years, you're over at somebody's place a lot.
Guest Caller
Anything. I was totally shocked. And.
Dylan
And what did he do or say?
Guest Caller
He really was too embarrassed to say anything. And I asked him, I said, what are you doing? And he's like, I was just trying them on, man.
Evangeline
Oh, no.
Dylan
And what do you mean?
Evangeline
Like, was it like tops and bottoms?
Guest Caller
Yes.
Dylan
So he had your bra on?
Evangeline
Yes.
Dylan
So you moved in with your boyfriend and then you. You moved back out when you found him wearing your bra?
Bert
Yes.
Guest Caller
And yeah.
Dylan
Just so you know. That's awesome. That's a great story.
Bert
You're like the MVP of the day.
Evangeline
Yeah, I don't think we're gonna be done going in this line of questioning here in a couple of minutes. No, two days, you come home, he's dressed up in your stuff. That's it. You move yourself up out the next day.
Guest Caller
Yes. What did you tell that same day?
Bert
Same day.
Dylan
What do you tell your girlfriends and stuff?
Guest Caller
Like, I was just told him that he was prancing around in my underwear. And I was so embarrassed for him and myself just for looking at him that way.
Evangeline
All right, let's table that. Let's table that discussion for just a second. Okay? Thank you for calling.
Dylan
That right there is.
Evangeline
We're not gonna let that go.
Dylan
That's good stuff.
Evangeline
Good morning, Bobby, you're on Q100.
Guest Caller
Good morning.
Evangeline
Good morning.
Guest Caller
Lasted two and a half hours.
Melissa
Oh no. What happened?
Guest Caller
I moved my stuff in. She asked me to move in.
Melissa
Uh huh.
Guest Caller
I got there, I moved my stuff in. I was sitting on the couch. She went to the grocery store and another man unlocks the door and walks in with his stuff. She asked him to move in too.
Melissa
What?
Bert
Oh God.
Dylan
So you're just sitting on the couch and you hear a key in the lock and yes, it's a dude.
Professor Sloop
And.
Guest Caller
And a door opens and it's a dude moving his stuff in. Come to find out, she had been dating both of us for a year and did not know.
Evangeline
Well, she's an idiot. I mean, but when she never thought, like, I'm about to get caught.
Guest Caller
No, I guess she never thought that both of us would actually take her up and move in.
Bert
Oh my God. And she probably playing that grocery store trip on purpose. Like, I don't know what to do right.
Evangeline
Now. She didn't know who when she came home, like, because only the strong is going to survive in this whole relationship. So when she leaves, she's like, someone's getting their ass kicked. I'm not sure who I'm gonna be living with when I get home, but the weaker one is gonna leave the.
Bert
Last man standing against the bedroom.
Guest Caller
No, actually, when she came home, I was moving my stuff out.
Evangeline
Oh, you did? You volunteered?
Guest Caller
Oh, yes.
Evangeline
And he stayed?
Guest Caller
Yeah.
Evangeline
They still together now?
Guest Caller
Yeah, they live out in Alabama together.
Evangeline
You're better off without her.
Bert
For sure.
Guest Caller
They've been together for the last two years.
Evangeline
See all works itself out.
Guest Caller
That's right.
Evangeline
Thank you, sir.
Guest Caller
All righty.
Evangeline
All right. You think two and a half hours is the best we can do?
Melissa
Yeah, I just think that she didn't want to make the decision, so she's.
Dylan
Like, yeah, I need milk. Good luck. Good luck while I'm gone. What do you mean, good luck? Just, I need milk.
Melissa
Right.
Evangeline
Bob and weave, buddy. What? Hey, Keisha. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Guest Caller
Good morning. My story is nowhere near exciting as the other two, but. But I think I lasted maybe about an hour. I, like, moved in the first stitch of furniture, and we started arguing out at the U Haul. So I just brought my stuff back out, packed up the U Haul, and closed the U Haul and drove off.
Evangeline
Oh, my God. So that was, like, a sign to you that this is never going to work? I'm just going to. I'm going to bail before we even move in with each other.
Guest Caller
Well, you know, the weird thing is that we actually live together now, but we decided that instead of me moving to his place or him moving to mine, we just get a new mutual place that neither one of us was in before.
Evangeline
Very good.
Melissa
That is totally. Like, you're making. You're tentatively making a decision you don't want to make, so somebody subconsciously picked a fight so that you'd have to.
Bert
Go, you know what?
Melissa
I'm taking my stuff back. I am not moving in. And so.
Evangeline
Yeah, so great compromise, though. That's great. Thank you for calling the Burch show.
Commercial Announcer
Introducing family freedom from T Mobile. We'll pay off four phones up to 3, 200 and give you four free phones, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com familyfreedom up to 800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phone via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement. Example Apple iPhone 16128 gigs 829.99 eligible trade in. Example iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due. If you pay off early or cancel, contact us.
Paige Desorbo
So good, so good, so good.
Commercial Announcer
Score holiday gifts everyone wants for way less at your Nordstrom rack store. Save on Ugg, Nike, Rag and Bone, Vince Frame, Kurt Geiger, London and more.
Professor Sloop
Because there's always something new.
Bert
I'm giving all the gifts this year with that extra 5% off when I use my Nordstrom credit card.
Commercial Announcer
Santa who join the Nordy club at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deal. It's easy. Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack.
Paige Desorbo
Hi It's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say, I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? Because same. So I started listing pieces. I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste. Payment processing fees, boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com.
Evangeline
Television show Lost Wednesday night and people like Massey. We have a couple of people here at all the hits Q100 that are in that. That subculture that as soon as the show is on, they TiVo it, they go back, they try to decipher every single scene.
Bert
Yeah, I go to the message boards afterwards on abc.com lost all the different message boards, and you try to figure out, like, what's going on. If you do not watch the show, you have no idea what we're talking about. But every teeny, tiny little thing in that show has a meaning and everybody's connected and it's all crazy. And you stuff you don't see coming and then all of a sudden, boom. That guy was in the scene last season on so and so. And yeah, it's all crazy. You've got like links to your favorites like YouTubes, which is like the instructional videos from the. What's it called? The Bunker Foundation. What's the Bunker. What's the underneath thing called? The Hatch. The Hatch, yeah. And they find videos in the hatch and Jamie's like watching those videos on YouTube to figure out meanings from it. They ran commercials during last season, commercials for the Hansow foundation that looked like a real commercial, but it was actually a Lost commercial. And it's all kind of. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't downloaded, you know, or seen season two yet. But they send you to this website and it's all crazy.
Melissa
And you call me the geek.
Bert
Yep.
Evangeline
Professor Sloop is a professor at Vanderbilt University. Higher education.
Melissa
Yeah, I'm originally from Nashville, so yeah, it's a very well respected institution. And yeah, right there in Nashville, Tennessee.
Evangeline
And he teaches lessons from Lost a Case study, Introduction to Cultural Studies. Hi, Professor Sloop.
Professor Sloop
Good morning. How are you?
Evangeline
Good, how are you today?
Professor Sloop
I'm great. I almost. I'm more intrigued by the story you were just talking about.
Guest Caller
Almost.
Professor Sloop
This guy that you were just more on.
Evangeline
Mike, huh? Yeah. He's been a soap opera the last couple of days on the show. You could teach your. Your students a lot by listening to this show just for 24 hours.
Bert
Bird Show 101.
Professor Sloop
Yeah, right, right. It sounds like it.
Evangeline
Why did you choose Lost? I mean, there are so many different shows that you could probably use as a focus point to teach.
Professor Sloop
I don't think so. Not like this one. I chose Lost. And this is a first year seminar, so there's, you know, it was a limited, small course and what I was thinking was cultural studies and forget culture studies for just a minute. Great literature, what it does, right? It gets us to ask questions about life and about our role in life and all that. And what are we? Who are we? Where are we? All those sorts of questions. Lost does that better than anything. And the main reason why I wanted to teach the course is because of people like the one you were just talking about. Which one of you, I don't know, who gets so obsessed about it. Right, Jamie? Yeah. I mean, my goodness, what better text do we have in culture today for students to ask those questions where they get so excited about it and are actually doing so much of this work on their own? And in a way, they're doing some of the same types of work you want them to do with any type of text, like, you know, like literature, like anything else. But there I don't have a student I've never met yet a student who is looking on message boards about Moby Dick or about Ulysses, but about Lost, they're doing it.
Evangeline
So is the show Lost essentially your textbook?
Professor Sloop
No, you know, there's. Of course, we're doing all the same types of readings I would do in any course where I was doing cultural studies, looking at the production of the text, looking at the meanings, representations, etc. So we're doing all of that sort of reading, but then we're using the show as a case study. So each week, each week during the semester, we're watching four episodes. One of the disc from the dvd. Right. So we use that as the case study each week for whatever concepts we're talking about. So this week we happen to be talking about masculinity. So we'll be. Let me see. We're watching the final disc of season one, even Though we'll get together tomorrow night for the season premiere of season three. They've all, of course, course, watch these things multiple times. So the show becomes our case study each week for whatever it is that we're reading about.
Bert
So what does it teach you about masculinity, the last episode of season one?
Professor Sloop
Well, gosh, what does it teach me? I hate to tell you what it teaches us. I like the students to draw out those lessons, of course. But really what we're looking at, what we'll look at in the show and we'll be doing this today and on Thursday we'll be taking a look at different forms of masculinity on that show and what's, what's competing and what do we find appealing, etc. How it operates today. And in my mind, for my money, actually what's more interesting about the show, the masculinity is femininity. Because there's so many different, you know, versions by the time you get into season two competing, it's sort of an interesting reflection of what's going on in our culture, I think.
Evangeline
So you kind of have like hard ass cop woman, Evangeline Lilly's character also, right. That you would all sit down and actually study.
Professor Sloop
Yeah, right. When we talk about it, et cetera, and we find out, one of the things I like to do a lot is to go to the message boards that you were just talking about to see how other people are conflicting over those sorts of characters. What it is we see reflected in them, what do we like, what do we dislike as a whole. And it's sort of an interesting barometer for, for some of what's going on.
Evangeline
I'm curious how like the rest of the administration, when you propose this, I mean, because this is Vanderbilt University, this is not like some juco we're talking about.
Professor Sloop
Yeah, I know, but let's keep in mind this, you know, I was just looking, of course, I got this link sent to me from everyone. Somebody put together a webpage where it was the top 10 moronic college courses.
Evangeline
I just saw that this morning.
Professor Sloop
We're of course number one.
Evangeline
Congratulations, sir.
Professor Sloop
Yeah, I know, but here's the deal. If you look at that top 10 list of college courses that are moronic, supposedly they all deal with the same thing. They're all dealing with popular culture. And it's sort of a short sighted idea to say just because of the topic matter, these are moronic courses because you know, it's, it's going to be how we deal with them, which Is really good. What's going to matter? There's this great book by Steve Johnson, what's bad is good for you. And he makes this argument that, you know, television and everything else has gotten so complicated now because of the multiple ways we decode them. And Lost is a complex show. When you get someone real geeky about Lost talking about it, they can almost intimidate people out of watching it.
Evangeline
I know, it's totally true.
Professor Sloop
It sounds like, oh, my God, I have to know too much to watch this.
Evangeline
Right?
Dylan
Right.
Professor Sloop
Well, I think as long as I present it right, I mean, I think the administration doesn't want to be on a top ten moronic list. Right. But this is a first year seminar. It's for freshmen to sort of introduce them to concepts. I think on that level it's an easy sell. You know, of course, everybody wanted to sign up for it. You know, there was a huge number of people, and we limited it to 15. As long as we can present it in the proper way where it's not a course where we're just going in, we're not just sitting around watching TV and eating popcorn, then it'll come off okay that way.
Bert
So, professor, you said this is a course for freshmen, and what kind of credit are they earning for this course?
Professor Sloop
In the general curriculum, you have to have a freshman or first year writing seminar. I'm in communication studies, and I think it's numbered that way. But really what it's going to fit in the curriculum is under the writing seminar. So they have to write a number of papers and go through a number of drafts about. And again, they're using Lost as their text. But they'll all take different takes on Lost and what, they want to argue with it. I'll get to see those papers, the first round of them this week. It'll be interesting. They're very. I gotta tell you, these students are so irritated with me that I made the due date for the first paper the day after the.
Hoss
Yeah, that's.
Dylan
Oh, that's not right.
Evangeline
But you know what this is. This is one of those. I mean, and all of us have spent time at college before, but this is one of these classes that you sign up for because you think it's gonna be a cakewalk, boy. And then when you get in there, you realize how serious the teacher is all about it. And it's like the toughest class you have.
Professor Sloop
I don't know that it's gonna be the toughest class. And they are having fun, right? With the material on the Other hand, I think some of them are wondering, what the hell have I gotten into? Because, you know, it, of course, is not just about loss. So I think it is one of those courses where. Where they're having a good time and they like talking about it, but they're. I'm convinced they're all tired of people saying to them, oh, my gosh, how's that Lost? Course, all you must do is watch tv. They're getting fed up with that, you know.
Evangeline
Well, we appreciate your time very much. Again, Lost is on Wednesday night. This class from Professor Sloop. Lessons from Lost, Case Study, Introduction to Cultural Studies. We gotta check back with you, like, mid season to find out how it's all going for you guys.
Professor Sloop
It was great talking to you.
Evangeline
Nice talking to you. The Birch Show. It has been a long time since we introduced a new Bert show member.
Bert
Well, Jamie Massey is the latest.
Evangeline
Correct. But it feels a little different, I think, because Massie was part of the radio station. Oh, no, no, no. I guess at that point she wasn't. She came over here from.
Dylan
It's been a lot. Everything's a long time in your world. So we'll go. Yeah. It has been a while.
Bert
Your memory.
Evangeline
I mean, I've got things backed up because she was working with Dylan and still is. But then she started coming in and doing the show here. But before that.
Melissa
And then Phil was here, and then Phil left, and then Phil came back, and then before that, I guess was Jen Hobby.
Evangeline
So five years.
Bert
Four years. I'm. I'm my. My age on the Bert show is as old as Melissa's kidney.
Melissa
My kidney.
Evangeline
Is that how you.
Bert
That's how I remember it.
Evangeline
Yeah.
Bert
So four years I've been here.
Evangeline
So today we introduce Hoss.
Hoss
I like that.
Evangeline
To the Bird show. It's going on.
Hoss
Dude, what's going on, man?
Evangeline
How are you?
Hoss
I'm doing good. I'm doing good.
Evangeline
Hoss is actually beat. He technically moved last night from Raleigh. Right?
Hoss
From Charlotte. Raleigh, yeah. Everywhere.
Evangeline
So what Was the last 24 hours like for you? He's been here for two weeks, but hasn't seen Atlanta because he hasn't left his hotel room.
Bert
Yeah.
Hoss
A little bit of a hermit. It's been crazy. Crazy. I had to go to a wedding this weekend. And a wedding on top of moving, on top of driving three hours down here just. Is just insane. Absolutely insane.
Melissa
Moving sucks.
Hoss
Yeah.
Melissa
Now, did you move yourself? Did you have anybody to help you out?
Hoss
My mom, but, you know, she can't really move anything, so.
Melissa
Just told you she Pointed.
Hoss
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Dylan
She come down here with you and help you unpack?
Hoss
Yeah.
Melissa
Mama Horse. I guess you wouldn't like that name.
Evangeline
Hoss is a bit of a mama's boy, like he had. Tell them about the list, the checklist that she put together for you. And again, you're how old?
Hoss
24.
Evangeline
24 years old.
Bert
And where'd you. Well, let's get more of the basics down. Where'd you grow up?
Hoss
Charlotte, North Carolina.
Bert
Okay. And so did you go to college after high school?
Hoss
I went to college. A little small school called Appalachian State.
Bert
Okay, and then you started working in radio?
Hoss
Started working in radio for a morning show in Charlotte that this.
Evangeline
That people that listen to this show know about. Because we've been on with Ace and TJ for, I mean, a lot of different times, and there could be people.
Melissa
Who moved here from Charlotte that already know Hoss.
Hoss
Yeah. Yeah.
Evangeline
Then he took off and went to Raleigh.
Hoss
Took off and went to Raleigh for about what, three weeks, I think. Three weeks.
Dylan
And then Raleigh's where it's at. Is it?
Hoss
Yes, it is. Absolutely. Good Lord. But, yeah, went there for three weeks and then moved down here. Like, this would be my third week, I think. Yeah.
Evangeline
And you've been here for two to three weeks. And how much of Atlanta have you seen?
Hoss
Absolutely not.
Evangeline
Couldn't get the dude to leave, leave his hotel room.
Melissa
Well, it's intimidating. If you've never, like, spent time here, you wouldn't even know where to start.
Hoss
Yeah, I've gotten lost every time I've got in my truck.
Dylan
I gotta tell you. On Friday, Tracy was following Hoss back to his apartment to drop off his car because she was giving him a ride to the airport. And so I happen to be in the Costco. You know, it's down there near the Home Depot. And Tracy. And we. If you don't know, the radio station's located right near Northside Hospital in Sandy Springs. Sandy Springs. And Hoss is living in an apartment complex on Roswell Road that's kind of between Sandy Springs and Dunwoody.
Bert
Are you gonna give out his address?
Evangeline
Yeah. Hello.
Dylan
No. Which is why I said he lives on an apartment complex on Roswell Road. So the easiest way to get from our radio station to his apartment complex is to simply get down Roswell Road.
Melissa
And turn right very close to the station.
Dylan
Tracy calls me and says, hey. She's whispering, even though she's in a different car. Hey, Hoss is over near the Home Depot. Are we lost? You could not have gone a farther way to Your, like, I think you went up. Like, I don't even know how you got there. Like, that would have been if somebody said, hey, will you get me to your apartment complex via the Home Depot? I'd have to think about it.
Melissa
But that's easy to say when you've lived. Lived in this area for a while because we've been here in this building at the station, what, at least four years now or so. And so this area, because even spending this weekend, I was talking about how I was over at Northside Hospital and just people who were there to visit, people not from here. This is a very confusing area to get around. So, I mean, so I can see why Haas has not gone out and visited Atlanta yet, because he needs help in doing it.
Hoss
Yeah. Is it and Raleigh combined aren't as large as the city? I mean, it's just absolutely insane.
Evangeline
Are you intimidated when you're driving around? Like, there's just too big.
Hoss
Yeah, I got lost this morning.
Evangeline
And you've been here before? Yeah, many times.
Bert
Yeah.
Dylan
You got lost coming to the station this morning? Yep.
Hoss
I went about 15 minutes out of my way.
Bert
That is so frustrating, too. I remember when I moved to Atlanta, it took me about nine months before I felt like I knew where I was going. I was always questioning for about nine months. It'll take that long. I'm sorry.
Hoss
Yeah.
Evangeline
The phone lines are lit up, and everybody is saying the exact same thing.
Bert
What?
Evangeline
Hey, Ashley. Good morning.
Guest Caller
Hi. I just think he's. I think. Haas, you sound like Bill Clinton.
Hoss
I've heard that my entire life.
Evangeline
Everybody. All the phone lines lit up saying the exact same thought.
Melissa
Say that you didn't have sexual relations with that woman.
Hoss
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Evangeline
I mean, that's kind of crazy now that everybody's pointed it out.
Hoss
I've always had. Yeah, I've always got that. And it doesn't make it any better that I'm hoarse right now from a wedding and just moving and all that type stuff.
Evangeline
So did you get your drink on pretty good this weekend?
Hoss
A little bit. Just a tad bit.
Bert
So, Haas, I'm sure all the ladies want to know, are you single?
Hoss
I am currently single. I am. Been. Just broke up with a. With a girl a couple months ago.
Evangeline
This the same girl that was shacking up with you at the hotel a couple of weeks ago?
Hoss
Yeah.
Dylan
What do you mean she came down?
Melissa
It's a relationship that kind of tapered off a little.
Evangeline
Big city sex.
Dylan
Hey, let me show you. They put me up in a motor Lodge, you want to come down? Bring your quarters, because this bed can go crazy.
Evangeline
To give a visual. Does Hoss look like any close to any celebrity?
Bert
Oh, gosh. I should have had some more time to prepare.
Dylan
I think he looks like Spike Lee. Exactly.
Bert
I'm gonna have to think about the celebrity.
Evangeline
Brendan Fraser says Massey, maybe.
Hoss
Oh, I don't like you right now.
Bert
You don't like him?
Hoss
I'm just playing. No, I like. I mean, he just. He kind of looks like a. Like an ogre.
Evangeline
Like a what?
Hoss
An ogre.
Evangeline
An ogre.
Hoss
Yeah.
Melissa
Hoss is not an ogre.
Hoss
Yeah, thanks.
Evangeline
I can't.
Professor Sloop
Really helps.
Evangeline
I'm not. I'm not picking up on any celebrity vibe at all. Let's go around the room and ask one question each of Haas to get to know him better.
Bert
Okay, you start.
Evangeline
It's a stupid question. Mine is more of an observation. We still didn't get to you defining how much of a mama's boy you are, because I saw a bible of information that your mom left you for this move at 24 years old.
Hoss
Yeah, Mom's a kind of bit of a. A nerd. She likes to make spreadsheets and likes to laminate everything that you can think of.
Dylan
She met Tracy Pelo.
Hoss
Oh, Tracy saw this. And Tracy, before she saw this, was thinking she's the biggest, you know, organizer and that type stuff. She has nothing on my mom, and she's admitted that she has nothing on my mom.
Melissa
Oh, try to say something to aspire to.
Evangeline
I mean, it was like color coding, and it was like different fonts, different checklists, and. But you're 24 years old. Like, you should be able to figure this stuff out kind of yourself.
Hoss
It's not like I ask her to do this. She just goes ahead and does this. So, I mean, I can do this stuff on my own. But, yeah, she just goes ahead and helps me out. She's gonna help me out. I'm not gonna tell her no. You know, it makes my life easier.
Evangeline
Did you live at home when you were in Charlotte?
Hoss
No, I lived with a guy from the show. From the Ace and TJ Show.
Melissa
I have a question. Do you have any siblings? And if you do, who. Like what?
Bert
Damn, was that mine? She stole my question notes.
Hoss
I have one younger brother. He's 18 and just started freshman year at NC State.
Melissa
Okay, and that's it. And you're the oldest?
Hoss
I'm the oldest.
Dylan
I have a question.
Bert
Damn.
Hoss
Carry on.
Evangeline
He hasn't even asked it yet.
Dylan
Why? Can you tell us why? Oh, can you tell us why poop is brown?
Melissa
He can now, thanks to Oprah.
Professor Sloop
Why is it brown?
Evangeline
What makes the poop brown is the bile. That's your answer for now. Hobby.
Bert
First of all, I think he looks like a combination of Britney's Manny and Nick Lachey.
Hoss
Britney's who?
Bert
Manny.
Evangeline
Britney's nanny. None of the nanny.
Hoss
Oh, the nanny.
Bert
Manny and Nick Lachey.
Hoss
A combination.
Bert
But you're like, a guy's guy.
Evangeline
Yeah.
Hoss
Yeah.
Bert
Okay. So, Hoss, what would be a typical night out for you in Raleigh? Like, typical Saturday. What are you doing?
Hoss
Probably gonna go get dinner at some. Some type of restaurant, then hitting some. Some pubs, some bars. That type stuff.
Evangeline
Definitely.
Dylan
I mean, a club scene in Raleigh's off the chain.
Hoss
It's absolutely nuts.
Bert
Like, who would you be going out to dinner with and that sort of thing?
Hoss
My boys. Definitely. Definitely friends.
Evangeline
Just to give you a little bit of, like, the mentality. About a week ago, I invited him to go out with some of my friends, and we were all gonna go to Lotus. You know, it's. You gotta kind of dress up to go to Lotus, you know, kind of place to be seen. Velvet rope type of place. So I'm like, dude, why don't you just come on out with us? We'll all go out, we'll hang out. We'll drink it up a little bit. I'll show you a little bit of Atlanta. So I said, but you got to dress up a little bit. Place kind of dressy, you know? So he shows up to my house, and he has, like, shorts on. Like, was it a T shirt or polo shirt?
Hoss
It was polo. It was a polo.
Dylan
You said dressy, Bert.
Evangeline
Beach sandals. And I had to say, dude, you can't go out with us. There's just no way that we can get you in a Lotus. But I don't know if that's your definition of dressing up or you just didn't have clothes.
Melissa
Hoss. Yeah, yeah, he's from North Carolina.
Hoss
Come on.
Dylan
He drives a truck in Charlotte.
Hoss
And in Raleigh, they have, like, maybe three, four clubs combined between the two cities. And you can wear anything you want in there. I mean, there's no dress there. There's no dressing.
Dylan
Get in a few frames of bowling and go roller skating. Exactly, exactly.
Hoss
All in the same building.
Evangeline
There are plenty of places you can go, and you don't have to dress up.
Bert
I mean, I picture Haas very at home at Moondogs.
Melissa
Yeah, for sure.
Hoss
What is that type of Peachtree Tavern?
Bert
Yeah, just like, kind of, like, laid back, like, dude, bar, fake IDs.
Evangeline
Let me.
Dylan
Let me ask you, Hoss. Here's my question, okay? Pretend you're writing a personal ad for Friends.
Hoss
Okay?
Dylan
Let's hear it.
Hoss
24, brown hair, hazel eyes, single guys, guy, love sports, love to drink.
Melissa
That's wrong because there's no initials in there. You have to have. You know.
Evangeline
Somebody else can give us a little insight into Haas. Hey, Jermaine. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Guest Caller
Hey, what's going on, guys?
Professor Sloop
Hey, what's going on, Hoff?
Hoss
What's going on, man?
Dylan
How you doing?
Guest Caller
Good, man, good.
Professor Sloop
Didn't really expect to hear you down here in Atlanta.
Dylan
Why?
Hoss
Where have you heard me before?
Professor Sloop
Ace and tj.
Evangeline
Oh, you're from Charlotte.
Guest Caller
Yes, I'm from Charlotte, but I've been listening. Actually, I listen to both of you guys shows. So I kind of know a lot about Hoss.
Melissa
What's your favorite thing about him?
Guest Caller
He may not like this, but he's a fear of snakes.
Evangeline
You got a fear of snake food?
Hoss
Come on.
Evangeline
Yeah. Bad. Fear of snakes.
Bert
Bad.
Dylan
Why did they do, like a snake sign up?
Hoss
My last. My last day with. Yeah, With Ace and tj. They made me do a. A snake bit and I end up crying.
Bert
Oh, you did?
Evangeline
Literally crying.
Hoss
Oh, yeah. I'm scared to death of snakes.
Evangeline
Well, we know what we're doing tomorrow. Pencil that information.
Dylan
Hey, hey, Jermaine. Whose show is better, ours or ACE and TJ's?
Melissa
That means multi guy.
Dylan
Okay, well, hold on a minute. Who do you like like better? Just overall, me or Ace? Yeah, Me.
Professor Sloop
Yeah.
Dylan
Yeah.
Evangeline
Can I answer that? Because I'm going with Ace. We have thought of an assignment for you over the next 24 hours, okay? And we know you're tired. You just moved to Atlanta.
Hoss
Yeah.
Evangeline
But in watching your interaction the last two weeks, we're all a little bit concerned that you just haven't left that hotel room at all. No interaction with anybody in Atlanta whatsoever.
Dylan
Well, now that his mom's here, he'll probably be going out on dates and stuff.
Evangeline
Yeah, exactly how long is she staying for?
Hoss
She's leaving today.
Evangeline
She's leaving today. All right, so once. Once she leaves the nest, then you're all on your own.
Dylan
You have the bed all to yourself again. When she leaves you today, no more spooning for us.
Bert
She's leaving her baby in the big city.
Melissa
I know.
Dylan
Hey, now remember, just cuz it's okay. In Charlotte and Raleigh, you cannot tongue kiss her out in public.
Hoss
Got to remember that.
Dylan
Write that down. Hands on top of the shirt there.
Melissa
Jeff, stop.
Evangeline
It's his mom you're talking about, too.
Bert
It's mama.
Evangeline
Ha. She's probably listening right now. I'm just saying she's going to say.
Melissa
She'S going to say a prayer for you today, honey.
Professor Sloop
This is a.
Dylan
This is a little more of a cosmopolitan city.
Hoss
So I'm saying I got to write that down.
Evangeline
So we want to get you out a little bit. The names of these places. Peachtree Tavern, Moondogs, I think you said. Also these are just names to you. We want to get you out a little bit and interacting with the Atlanta community.
Hoss
Sweet.
Evangeline
And we already know that you're into MySpace. You have your own page. All right, we're going to give you an assignment over the next 24 hours.
Dylan
What we want to do is let you get to know the city. So want to have you create a brand new MySpace page. If you need any help, Jim Fallon can help you because she's a MySpace expert.
Hoss
Okay?
Dylan
And this is gonna have. When we see it tomorrow, it's gonna be very lonely. Cause there will be no comments. And there will just be Tom.
Bert
Just you and Tom.
Dylan
Just you and Tom. And what we would like to have you do is embrace this city using MySpace. So we will, you know, give that. We'll link up the. The MySpace page to our website. We'll all make our. Our friends. Well, Chad and I will. Bert and Melissa, Don. Believe in computers or technology, but just.
Melissa
MySpace over the age of 30.
Bert
So I'm 29, thank you very much.
Dylan
I'm 24 on MySpace.
Bert
Then I'm gonna have to be 22.
Dylan
Well, so we'll link y' all up so people can find your page easily. And then we will talk about, you know, talk about it on the air and have people submit comments, send you messages, join your friend group, all with suggestions on what they could do.
Commercial Announcer
And.
Dylan
And then, you know, occasionally you can go out with them on your own, but occasionally, if we see something that's particularly intriguing, then we could suggest you go out and experience that part of Atlanta, you know, based on the. The comment that somebody has left or the message that somebody sent you or us, we'll have you go out with a camera, take tons of pictures and. Because, I mean, what is it up to? 115 million people on MySpace, like you should, I would say, inside of 30 days, be the most well known and popular person in Atlanta.
Evangeline
I would say this, that you should be prepared to go out on a date tomorrow night with somebody that has become your friends on MySpace.
Hoss
That's gonna be hard.
Evangeline
All right?
Hoss
Going out with a girl on a date.
Evangeline
All right, I know you're not used to that.
Professor Sloop
I think I can make it work.
Hoss
Ow.
Evangeline
Ow.
Hoss
I think I can make it work.
Evangeline
And you should be prepared to do this on Thursday and Friday also.
Guest Caller
All right?
Evangeline
All right, so create the page. You have 24 hours to do that. We'll meet back around the same time tomorrow morning. We'll talk about your page, and then we'll get you out on the town starting tomorrow night. Cool. Okay.
Dylan
And if you. And if you want to head out tonight, kind of get warmed up, remember the names. Peachtree Tavern, Hole in the Wall. Bulldogs.
Melissa
Jeff. Now, now, now.
Evangeline
And I am going to take you for.
Melissa
I never set him up like that.
Evangeline
I am taking you because it's an Atlanta tradition, to your first strip club club. I am going to take you to a place called the Claremont Lounge. Okay?
Melissa
You have to go to the Claremont Lounge.
Evangeline
It is tradition. What about girls?
Melissa
Jeff would just be at Bulldogs.
Bert
Yeah.
Evangeline
Girls are fun.
Dylan
What about Girls are Fun?
Evangeline
We just drop them off.
Hoss
Girls are fun.
Dylan
Seriously, if you want to grab a couple beers tonight, just get in the cab and go. Bulldogs. We'll take it right there.
Bert
I think that you got a blog about all of your experiences on MySpace, too. We got to get some slideshows happening with all these photos of these people that you're meeting. And we'll just kind of create this. This new Atlanta friend group around you to get you exposed to the city, but all of it on MySpace so everybody can follow you as you go.
Hoss
Sweet.
Evangeline
All right, so come in Tomorrow morning. New MySpace page created. And be prepared to go out tomorrow night. All right. Great to have you part of the team, dude. Really excited to have you part of the whole thing.
Dylan
Thank you. Thank you.
Hoss
Thank you.
Evangeline
Thanks, man.
Guest Caller
All right.
Bert
And everybody's gonna want to know what he looks like, too, so we'll get that photo up as soon as possible. Right?
Evangeline
Well, tomorrow morning, I'll put it up on the MySpace. All right? Now get out of here.
Dylan
Wait, Bulldogs.
Evangeline
The Birch Show.
Bert
The holidays are coming, and I've got a Boost Mobile gift just for you. Aww. For me, Anna? Yes, Anna, you deserve a gift. The Boost Mobile unlimited plan is just $10 a month for the first two months, then $25 a month forever with.
Melissa
Unlimited data, talk, and text. It's a gift.
Bert
Thanks, Anna. Anytime, Anna.
Commercial Announcer
The holidays are here, and the best gift is for you. Offer valid@boostmobile.com. after your first two months, you'll pay $25 a month unless you go online or call to cancel.
Paige Desorbo
Requires autopay Hi, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? Because same so I started listing pieces. I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste Payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com introducing Family.
Commercial Announcer
Freedom from T Mobile we'll pay off four phones up to $3200 and give you four free phones, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com familyfreedom up to 800 per line via virtual prepaid card typically takes 15 days. Free phone via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement example Apple iPhone 16128 gigs 18 29.99 eligible trade in example iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off earlier, cancel Contact us.
This episode of The Bert Show offers classic morning show entertainment: light-hearted group banter, real-life anecdotes, audience call-ins, and a glimpse into the hosts' own lives. The main segments focus on relationship milestones (especially failed "move-ins"), a cultural breakdown of the TV show Lost with a Vanderbilt professor, and the warm introduction of a new team member, Hoss, to the Atlanta audience. True to The Bert Show's signature style, the hosts blend humor, candor, and listener participation to make everyday situations amusing and relatable.
[01:33–14:26]
“He was in the bathroom in my underwear.” – Nicole, [08:23]
“She asked both of us to move in and didn’t know we’d both say yes.” – Bobby, [10:18]
“I just brought my stuff back out, packed up the U-Haul, closed the U-Haul and drove off.” – Keisha, [11:55]
Notable Quote:
“You have to find somebody as big a lame ass as I am…You can’t just move someone else’s stuff when they’re away.” – Evangeline, [06:32]
[14:26–22:45]
Notable Quotes:
"I’ve never met a student looking at message boards about Moby Dick or Ulysses, but about Lost, they’re doing it." – Prof. Sloop, [17:17]
“They’re having a good time...but I’m convinced they’re all tired of people saying: ‘All you must do is watch TV!’” – Prof. Sloop, [22:05]
[22:45–40:15]
Memorable Moments:
“When she leaves, you have the bed all to yourself again. No more spooning for us!” – Dylan, [36:08]
“Let me show you. They put me up in a motor lodge, you want to come down?” – Dylan (teasing Hoss), [29:02]
“He looks like a combination of Britney's Manny and Nick Lachey…” – Bert, [31:42]