Full Show PT 1: Tuesday, November 18 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show [Vault]: Full Show PT 1 — Tuesday, November 18, 2025

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show offers classic morning show entertainment: light-hearted group banter, real-life anecdotes, audience call-ins, and a glimpse into the hosts' own lives. The main segments focus on relationship milestones (especially failed "move-ins"), a cultural breakdown of the TV show Lost with a Vanderbilt professor, and the warm introduction of a new team member, Hoss, to the Atlanta audience. True to The Bert Show's signature style, the hosts blend humor, candor, and listener participation to make everyday situations amusing and relatable.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Disastrous Move-Ins: When Living Together Quickly Goes Wrong

[01:33–14:26]

Hosts’ Initial Discussion

• Bert shares a story about a friend’s anxiety after moving in with her boyfriend, sparking conversation about “move-in panic” and the shortest cohabitations.
• Evangeline reflects on her wife Stacy's decisive approach: recounted how Stacy moved all Evangeline’s stuff in while she was away, pushing the relationship forward when Evangeline hesitated (“…Stacy pulls out with her, like a truck, and she and Carrie take all of my stuff… That’s how we started moving.” – Evangeline, [04:27]).

Listener Call-Ins: Record-Breaking Quick Breakups

• Caller 1 (Nicole): Moved out after just two days—caught her boyfriend "prancing around in my underwear" ([08:04]); the awkwardness and shock made her immediately reverse the decision.

  “He was in the bathroom in my underwear.” – Nicole, [08:23]

• Caller 2 (Bobby): Lasted only two and a half hours—walked in to find another man moving in; girlfriend had double-booked the move! Bobby promptly moved right back out.

  “She asked both of us to move in and didn’t know we’d both say yes.” – Bobby, [10:18]

• Caller 3 (Keisha): Barely moved a piece of furniture before an argument erupted at the U-Haul truck, so she packed up and left.

  “I just brought my stuff back out, packed up the U-Haul, closed the U-Haul and drove off.” – Keisha, [11:55]

• Host Takeaway: Sometimes moving in exposes incompatibilities immediately; some couples later adapt by finding a "neutral" mutual place.

Notable Quote:

“You have to find somebody as big a lame ass as I am…You can’t just move someone else’s stuff when they’re away.” – Evangeline, [06:32]

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2. TV as Textbook: Professor Sloop's Vanderbilt Course on "Lost"

[14:26–22:45]

Professor Sloop Interview (Vanderbilt University)

• Premise: Uses Lost as a central case study in a first-year seminar on cultural studies.
• Why Lost?:
  • "Great literature gets us to ask questions about life... Lost does that better than anything." – Professor Sloop, [16:33]
  • Students analyze themes like masculinity, femininity, and cultural representations through show episodes.
  • The show is not simply "watched and discussed"; students write rigorous papers and engage with complex theoretical materials.
• Pop Culture as Pedagogy:
  • Defends value: “It’s short-sighted to say these are moronic courses because of the topic...It’s how we deal with them that matters.” ([19:50])
  • Cites Steve Johnson’s Everything Bad is Good for You: today's TV is complex and demands active decoding from viewers.
• Reception and Demand: Course capped at 15, always oversubscribed.
• Fun Anecdote: Course was labeled “#1 Moronic College Course” by a viral list ([19:46]), but the professor clarifies real academic rigor behind it.

Notable Quotes:

"I’ve never met a student looking at message boards about Moby Dick or Ulysses, but about Lost, they’re doing it." – Prof. Sloop, [17:17]
“They’re having a good time...but I’m convinced they’re all tired of people saying: ‘All you must do is watch TV!’” – Prof. Sloop, [22:05]

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3. Meet Hoss: Introducing the New Bert Show Cast Member

[22:45–40:15]

Warm Welcome & Teasing Initiation

• Background:
  • Hoss recently relocated from North Carolina (Charlotte/Raleigh), is 24, and has started at the show after stints on other regional radio stations.
  • He admits he hasn't explored Atlanta yet, still adjusting and getting lost frequently.
• Group Hazing Lite:
  • The team pokes fun at his Southern-ness, his "mama's boy" reputation (mom provided color-coded, laminated move-in checklists), and inexperience with Atlanta’s scene.
  • Melissa: “But you’re 24! You should be able to figure this stuff out yourself.” – [30:35]
• Personal Q&A:
  • Hoss has a younger brother, recently broke up with a girlfriend, is a "guy's guy" who enjoys bars, sporting events, and hates snakes (“They made me do a snake bit and I ended up crying.” – Hoss, [35:01]).
  • Listeners call in, immediately picking up on Hoss's resemblance to Bill Clinton by voice (“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” – Hoss, [28:20]).
• Atlanta Assignment:
  • Hosts challenge Hoss to get out and make new friends via a MySpace-driven campaign: create a page, document his explorations, and find an Atlanta crew (and maybe a date).
  • “You should be prepared to go out on a date tomorrow night with somebody that has become your friend on MySpace." – Evangeline, [38:45]
• Classic Bert Show Banter:
  • Discussion of Atlanta’s venues (Peachtree Tavern, Moondogs, Claremont Lounge).
  • Group photos and “MySpace slide shows” proposed; Hoss’s first Atlanta strip club visit is tradition!

Memorable Moments:

“When she leaves, you have the bed all to yourself again. No more spooning for us!” – Dylan, [36:08]
“Let me show you. They put me up in a motor lodge, you want to come down?” – Dylan (teasing Hoss), [29:02]
“He looks like a combination of Britney's Manny and Nick Lachey…” – Bert, [31:42]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)

• The Ultimate Fast Move-Out:
  • "I went to work and came back home, and he was prancing around in my underwear." – Nicole, [08:04]
• Surprise Polyamory:
  • “She asked him to move in too.” – Bobby, [10:02]
• Academic Defense:
  • "I’ve never met a student looking on message boards about Moby Dick or Ulysses, but about Lost, yes." – Professor Sloop, [17:17]
• Pop Culture in the Classroom:
  • "It's not just a course where we're sitting around eating popcorn." – Prof. Sloop, [20:54]
• Initiation Assignment:
  • “We want to get you out a little bit, interacting with the Atlanta community…All of it on MySpace.” – Evangeline, [37:43]
• Hoss's Snake Phobia:
  • “They made me do a snake bit and I ended up crying.” – Hoss, [35:01]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Move-In Mishaps & Listener Stories: [01:33–14:26]
• Interview with Professor Sloop (Lessons from Lost): [14:26–22:45]
• Meet Hoss: Introduction & Q&A: [22:45–40:15]

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Tone & Style

• The tone is irreverent, fast-paced, and packed with playful teasing.
• Hosts share personal stories, then turn the microphone to listeners for wild, real-life tales.
• The interview with Professor Sloop blends pop-culture nerdiness with genuine intellectual curiosity.
• Hoss’s on-air “initiation” is good-natured but peppered with old-school morning show ribbing, highlighting the crew’s camaraderie.

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Summary Takeaways

• Moving in together remains a comic minefield—listeners deliver extreme, cringeworthy tales.
• Pop culture, especially TV, is both fun and surprisingly serious as a tool for exploring meaningful themes in academia.
• New team member Hoss brings relatable “new guy in town” nervousness and charm, with the cast embracing him and setting him up for classic Bert Show adventures (and a MySpace challenge).
• Throughout, the show's relatable hosts and interactive calls curate both laughter and empathy, cementing their status as Atlanta’s go-to authentic morning radio crew.

Transcript

[Paige Desorbo]

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[Bert]

But first.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Dylan]

The Birch show all right, so I.

[Bert]

Have a friend who recently moved in with her boyfriend and you know, just kind of normal jitters about moving in with her boyfriend and whatever. And I think anybody that's ever lived, you know how to live in, kind of understands that. So she moves in with her boyfriend. They've been dating for a long time now, I want to say like two or three years or something like that. They move in or whatever. And then a couple of days later she starts to have a panic attack about the whole thing and kind of panics and talks to talk, you know, talks it through with her girlfriends about like she doesn't have the place to go home to because inevitably when you are dating somebody seriously for that long, there's one house where you stay more and there's one house that is just basically like you pay rent for a closet.

[Evangeline]

It's generally the guy slowly like moving into the woman's place cause it smells.

[Dylan]

Nice and clean or moving the woman into his place because she starts to Turn it around.

[Bert]

Yeah, exactly. So they were doing that for a while. So it was like, oh, this is not gonna be that big of a. You know, normal jitters, or whatever. But then, you know, once the reality set in, they're like, I have nowhere to go back home to. Like, there's no option to go back there. Kind of made her panic a little bit. So it made me think of her thoughts of possibly moving back out again. So they worked it out. Everything's going fine. The transition's going well. They're, you know, living together. Everything's happy, you know, hunky dory. But I thought at that time, she was kind of having the panic attack. What if she turned around and moved back out again? Like, I wonder weekend. Exactly. Like, I wonder who has moved in and moved out in, like, the shortest amount of time.

[Dylan]

And we got to make the decision.

[Bert]

You know, he sits you down, asks you to move in. It's this really big deal. You're like, oh, my God, we're moving on to the next level of our life. And then it happens, and then you panic and you bolt.

[Evangeline]

Let me get phone number up. 404741 1,500.

[Dylan]

And it has to involve a full move out of your place.

[Evangeline]

I think it has to be, like, the first piece of furniture. Like, as soon as the first piece of furniture goes in, like, if you were to call up and go, I got the. I got my couch in and then realized I just couldn't do it, and then moved out. Like, no, no, no, turn around. I got to move back. I think that's a legitimate phone call.

[Dylan]

Right. But I think it has to be like. I think the lease. And, you know, it's the couple. The couple is Jen and Jeff. Like, Jen has to have said, okay, my lease expires on November 1. So in the last week of October, we are making the move. She has not renewed her lease. She's not looked for a new place.

[Evangeline]

She starts moving.

[Melissa]

She has no place to go. You know, Like, I mean, she has nowhere else. This is her residence.

[Evangeline]

This is something you agreed on, right? And then you have to turn it around. Did I ever tell you about how Stacy and I moved in with each other for the first time?

[Dylan]

You mean when she moved you in? Yeah.

[Evangeline]

I left for California. I came back, and all my. All my stuff was in her place. What? Yeah, we had agreed that we were going to move in together, but I was putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. I mean, months had gone by. I'll get to it. I'll get to it.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Evangeline]

We're going to move in together. Yes. So I leave for California. This is so typically my wife. So she calls her best friend, and I get home and all my stuff is gone. It was already. It was in her place. I had even told my roommates that, dude, I'm moving out here over the next couple of months. And they were patient about it and patient about it. So Stacy pulls out with her, like a truck or whatever, and she and Carrie take all of my stuff, bring it on over to her place, and that's how we started moving.

[Dylan]

But were you mad?

[Evangeline]

No, I laughed it off. I did. Because, I mean, I had committed. I was sort of ready to do.

[Melissa]

It out of the move, and I.

[Evangeline]

Didn'T have to move.

[Bert]

You guys are like the quintessential couple of the wife pushing you into the next level of your lives.

[Evangeline]

Everything.

[Bert]

Every level.

[Evangeline]

Everything. Everything we've ever done, I've agreed to it. Just been reluctant to actually take the step. And, you know, I come back from California, all my stuff's at her joint.

[Dylan]

I can't believe you wouldn't be. I think I would be infuriated.

[Evangeline]

I wasn't because we had been talking about it for so long.

[Dylan]

Even if I was. There's a reason that you didn't.

[Evangeline]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. It didn't bother me so much. But if somebody was telling me the story, I'd be saying the same thing you're saying, though.

[Melissa]

But I think the difference with Stacy and Bertha we have seen is that it's almost like Stacy. Stacy knows the decision that Bert is trying to avoid making, so she ends up making it for him because she knows he's never gonna do it. And then he'll be fine with it once he does, and then he'll pretend like he had done it himself.

[Evangeline]

It's the fence. It's the fence that I get so scared of getting off of.

[Bert]

Right. Cause wasn't it the first. The exclusive conversation? Or did that happen more organically?

[Evangeline]

What was the exclusive conversation like?

[Bert]

We're gonna date each other exclusively? Cause that's usually the first conversation that happens. The boyfriend, girlfriend conversation.

[Evangeline]

I'm sure she brought it up before I did.

[Bert]

Then it's the moving in conversation.

[Evangeline]

There was the I love you. She obviously brought it upside down. That's what I said. No.

[Bert]

Then there's the moving in conversation, which she just did.

[Evangeline]

Yeah, she just.

[Bert]

And then there's the marriage conversation.

[Evangeline]

Then there was the baby.

[Bert]

And then there's the baby. That's like all the steps.

[Evangeline]

Absolutely.

[Bert]

That's what I mean. You guys are the quintessential couple. She's giving hope to all of us that want to nudge our significant others forward.

[Evangeline]

I really, really would not suggest that to anybody listening, going, oh, I bet I could do the same thing. You have to find somebody as big a lame ass as I am, and you can't do that. You can't find somebody that is. Is as lame as I am. Another guy to say, yeah, go ahead, move myself when I'm away.

[Bert]

No, I think your commitment phobias. Phobias, Ness. Is that even a word?

[Evangeline]

I don't know.

[Bert]

I just made it up. Your commitment phobia, I think, is more common than you think.

[Evangeline]

You really. I mean, it takes a special guy to, like Jeff said, come home from vacation like that and have all this stuff moved out and not blow a gasket. And the relationship. So I do not endorse that. Hey, Nicole.

[Guest Caller]

Hey.

[Evangeline]

Jen's question was, we are looking for the person that moved in and then moved out in the least the shortest amount of time.

[Guest Caller]

Two days.

[Commercial Announcer]

Really?

[Bert]

Oh, you panicked after two.

[Evangeline]

First, you got to give us some history of the date. Like, how long were you guys going out?

[Guest Caller]

We were going out for three and a half years.

[Evangeline]

All right.

[Guest Caller]

And he asked me to move in with him. So we did and had gotten all my stuff. We used my bed tables, everything. We moved everything of his out because it was all nasty, dirty boy stuff.

[Dylan]

It had boy germs on it. Ew.

[Guest Caller]

I went to work the next morning and came home because I forgot something. And he was prancing around in my underwear.

[Dylan]

Hold on, hold on a minute.

[Evangeline]

That was that.

[Dylan]

Say. Say the last part of that again.

[Guest Caller]

You went to work and came back home, and he was prancing around in my underwear.

[Dylan]

Now tell us slower with more details. So you came back home. Cause you forgot something. So was the door locked or unlocked?

[Guest Caller]

It was locked. I unlocked it.

[Dylan]

So you put the key in. You stepped through the doorway?

[Guest Caller]

Yes. And he was in the bathroom in my underwear.

[Bert]

Oh.

[Melissa]

In three years, he had never. Cause I mean, when you're dating three years, you're over at somebody's place a lot.

[Guest Caller]

Anything. I was totally shocked. And.

[Dylan]

And what did he do or say?

[Guest Caller]

He really was too embarrassed to say anything. And I asked him, I said, what are you doing? And he's like, I was just trying them on, man.

[Evangeline]

Oh, no.

[Dylan]

And what do you mean?

[Evangeline]

Like, was it like tops and bottoms?

[Guest Caller]

Yes.

[Dylan]

So he had your bra on?

[Evangeline]

Yes.

[Dylan]

So you moved in with your boyfriend and then you. You moved back out when you found him wearing your bra?

[Bert]

Yes.

[Guest Caller]

And yeah.

[Dylan]

Just so you know. That's awesome. That's a great story.

[Bert]

You're like the MVP of the day.

[Evangeline]

Yeah, I don't think we're gonna be done going in this line of questioning here in a couple of minutes. No, two days, you come home, he's dressed up in your stuff. That's it. You move yourself up out the next day.

[Guest Caller]

Yes. What did you tell that same day?

[Bert]

Same day.

[Dylan]

What do you tell your girlfriends and stuff?

[Guest Caller]

Like, I was just told him that he was prancing around in my underwear. And I was so embarrassed for him and myself just for looking at him that way.

[Evangeline]

All right, let's table that. Let's table that discussion for just a second. Okay? Thank you for calling.

[Dylan]

That right there is.

[Evangeline]

We're not gonna let that go.

[Dylan]

That's good stuff.

[Evangeline]

Good morning, Bobby, you're on Q100.

[Guest Caller]

Good morning.

[Evangeline]

Good morning.

[Guest Caller]

Lasted two and a half hours.

[Melissa]

Oh no. What happened?

[Guest Caller]

I moved my stuff in. She asked me to move in.

[Melissa]

Uh huh.

[Guest Caller]

I got there, I moved my stuff in. I was sitting on the couch. She went to the grocery store and another man unlocks the door and walks in with his stuff. She asked him to move in too.

[Melissa]

What?

[Bert]

Oh God.

[Dylan]

So you're just sitting on the couch and you hear a key in the lock and yes, it's a dude.

[Professor Sloop]

And.

[Guest Caller]

And a door opens and it's a dude moving his stuff in. Come to find out, she had been dating both of us for a year and did not know.

[Evangeline]

Well, she's an idiot. I mean, but when she never thought, like, I'm about to get caught.

[Guest Caller]

No, I guess she never thought that both of us would actually take her up and move in.

[Bert]

Oh my God. And she probably playing that grocery store trip on purpose. Like, I don't know what to do right.

[Evangeline]

Now. She didn't know who when she came home, like, because only the strong is going to survive in this whole relationship. So when she leaves, she's like, someone's getting their ass kicked. I'm not sure who I'm gonna be living with when I get home, but the weaker one is gonna leave the.

[Bert]

Last man standing against the bedroom.

[Guest Caller]

No, actually, when she came home, I was moving my stuff out.

[Evangeline]

Oh, you did? You volunteered?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, yes.

[Evangeline]

And he stayed?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Evangeline]

They still together now?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, they live out in Alabama together.

[Evangeline]

You're better off without her.

[Bert]

For sure.

[Guest Caller]

They've been together for the last two years.

[Evangeline]

See all works itself out.

[Guest Caller]

That's right.

[Evangeline]

Thank you, sir.

[Guest Caller]

All righty.

[Evangeline]

All right. You think two and a half hours is the best we can do?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I just think that she didn't want to make the decision, so she's.

[Dylan]

Like, yeah, I need milk. Good luck. Good luck while I'm gone. What do you mean, good luck? Just, I need milk.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Evangeline]

Bob and weave, buddy. What? Hey, Keisha. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Guest Caller]

Good morning. My story is nowhere near exciting as the other two, but. But I think I lasted maybe about an hour. I, like, moved in the first stitch of furniture, and we started arguing out at the U Haul. So I just brought my stuff back out, packed up the U Haul, and closed the U Haul and drove off.

[Evangeline]

Oh, my God. So that was, like, a sign to you that this is never going to work? I'm just going to. I'm going to bail before we even move in with each other.

[Guest Caller]

Well, you know, the weird thing is that we actually live together now, but we decided that instead of me moving to his place or him moving to mine, we just get a new mutual place that neither one of us was in before.

[Evangeline]

Very good.

[Melissa]

That is totally. Like, you're making. You're tentatively making a decision you don't want to make, so somebody subconsciously picked a fight so that you'd have to.

[Bert]

Go, you know what?

[Melissa]

I'm taking my stuff back. I am not moving in. And so.

[Evangeline]

Yeah, so great compromise, though. That's great. Thank you for calling the Burch show.

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[Paige Desorbo]

So good, so good, so good.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Professor Sloop]

Because there's always something new.

[Bert]

I'm giving all the gifts this year with that extra 5% off when I use my Nordstrom credit card.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Paige Desorbo]

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[Evangeline]

Television show Lost Wednesday night and people like Massey. We have a couple of people here at all the hits Q100 that are in that. That subculture that as soon as the show is on, they TiVo it, they go back, they try to decipher every single scene.

[Bert]

Yeah, I go to the message boards afterwards on abc.com lost all the different message boards, and you try to figure out, like, what's going on. If you do not watch the show, you have no idea what we're talking about. But every teeny, tiny little thing in that show has a meaning and everybody's connected and it's all crazy. And you stuff you don't see coming and then all of a sudden, boom. That guy was in the scene last season on so and so. And yeah, it's all crazy. You've got like links to your favorites like YouTubes, which is like the instructional videos from the. What's it called? The Bunker Foundation. What's the Bunker. What's the underneath thing called? The Hatch. The Hatch, yeah. And they find videos in the hatch and Jamie's like watching those videos on YouTube to figure out meanings from it. They ran commercials during last season, commercials for the Hansow foundation that looked like a real commercial, but it was actually a Lost commercial. And it's all kind of. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't downloaded, you know, or seen season two yet. But they send you to this website and it's all crazy.

[Melissa]

And you call me the geek.

[Bert]

Yep.

[Evangeline]

Professor Sloop is a professor at Vanderbilt University. Higher education.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I'm originally from Nashville, so yeah, it's a very well respected institution. And yeah, right there in Nashville, Tennessee.

[Evangeline]

And he teaches lessons from Lost a Case study, Introduction to Cultural Studies. Hi, Professor Sloop.

[Professor Sloop]

Good morning. How are you?

[Evangeline]

Good, how are you today?

[Professor Sloop]

I'm great. I almost. I'm more intrigued by the story you were just talking about.

[Guest Caller]

Almost.

[Professor Sloop]

This guy that you were just more on.

[Evangeline]

Mike, huh? Yeah. He's been a soap opera the last couple of days on the show. You could teach your. Your students a lot by listening to this show just for 24 hours.

[Bert]

Bird Show 101.

[Professor Sloop]

Yeah, right, right. It sounds like it.

[Evangeline]

Why did you choose Lost? I mean, there are so many different shows that you could probably use as a focus point to teach.

[Professor Sloop]

I don't think so. Not like this one. I chose Lost. And this is a first year seminar, so there's, you know, it was a limited, small course and what I was thinking was cultural studies and forget culture studies for just a minute. Great literature, what it does, right? It gets us to ask questions about life and about our role in life and all that. And what are we? Who are we? Where are we? All those sorts of questions. Lost does that better than anything. And the main reason why I wanted to teach the course is because of people like the one you were just talking about. Which one of you, I don't know, who gets so obsessed about it. Right, Jamie? Yeah. I mean, my goodness, what better text do we have in culture today for students to ask those questions where they get so excited about it and are actually doing so much of this work on their own? And in a way, they're doing some of the same types of work you want them to do with any type of text, like, you know, like literature, like anything else. But there I don't have a student I've never met yet a student who is looking on message boards about Moby Dick or about Ulysses, but about Lost, they're doing it.

[Evangeline]

So is the show Lost essentially your textbook?

[Professor Sloop]

No, you know, there's. Of course, we're doing all the same types of readings I would do in any course where I was doing cultural studies, looking at the production of the text, looking at the meanings, representations, etc. So we're doing all of that sort of reading, but then we're using the show as a case study. So each week, each week during the semester, we're watching four episodes. One of the disc from the dvd. Right. So we use that as the case study each week for whatever concepts we're talking about. So this week we happen to be talking about masculinity. So we'll be. Let me see. We're watching the final disc of season one, even Though we'll get together tomorrow night for the season premiere of season three. They've all, of course, course, watch these things multiple times. So the show becomes our case study each week for whatever it is that we're reading about.

[Bert]

So what does it teach you about masculinity, the last episode of season one?

[Professor Sloop]

Well, gosh, what does it teach me? I hate to tell you what it teaches us. I like the students to draw out those lessons, of course. But really what we're looking at, what we'll look at in the show and we'll be doing this today and on Thursday we'll be taking a look at different forms of masculinity on that show and what's, what's competing and what do we find appealing, etc. How it operates today. And in my mind, for my money, actually what's more interesting about the show, the masculinity is femininity. Because there's so many different, you know, versions by the time you get into season two competing, it's sort of an interesting reflection of what's going on in our culture, I think.

[Evangeline]

So you kind of have like hard ass cop woman, Evangeline Lilly's character also, right. That you would all sit down and actually study.

[Professor Sloop]

Yeah, right. When we talk about it, et cetera, and we find out, one of the things I like to do a lot is to go to the message boards that you were just talking about to see how other people are conflicting over those sorts of characters. What it is we see reflected in them, what do we like, what do we dislike as a whole. And it's sort of an interesting barometer for, for some of what's going on.

[Evangeline]

I'm curious how like the rest of the administration, when you propose this, I mean, because this is Vanderbilt University, this is not like some juco we're talking about.

[Professor Sloop]

Yeah, I know, but let's keep in mind this, you know, I was just looking, of course, I got this link sent to me from everyone. Somebody put together a webpage where it was the top 10 moronic college courses.

[Evangeline]

I just saw that this morning.

[Professor Sloop]

We're of course number one.

[Evangeline]

Congratulations, sir.

[Professor Sloop]

Yeah, I know, but here's the deal. If you look at that top 10 list of college courses that are moronic, supposedly they all deal with the same thing. They're all dealing with popular culture. And it's sort of a short sighted idea to say just because of the topic matter, these are moronic courses because you know, it's, it's going to be how we deal with them, which Is really good. What's going to matter? There's this great book by Steve Johnson, what's bad is good for you. And he makes this argument that, you know, television and everything else has gotten so complicated now because of the multiple ways we decode them. And Lost is a complex show. When you get someone real geeky about Lost talking about it, they can almost intimidate people out of watching it.

[Evangeline]

I know, it's totally true.

[Professor Sloop]

It sounds like, oh, my God, I have to know too much to watch this.

[Evangeline]

Right?

[Dylan]

Right.

[Professor Sloop]

Well, I think as long as I present it right, I mean, I think the administration doesn't want to be on a top ten moronic list. Right. But this is a first year seminar. It's for freshmen to sort of introduce them to concepts. I think on that level it's an easy sell. You know, of course, everybody wanted to sign up for it. You know, there was a huge number of people, and we limited it to 15. As long as we can present it in the proper way where it's not a course where we're just going in, we're not just sitting around watching TV and eating popcorn, then it'll come off okay that way.

[Bert]

So, professor, you said this is a course for freshmen, and what kind of credit are they earning for this course?

[Professor Sloop]

In the general curriculum, you have to have a freshman or first year writing seminar. I'm in communication studies, and I think it's numbered that way. But really what it's going to fit in the curriculum is under the writing seminar. So they have to write a number of papers and go through a number of drafts about. And again, they're using Lost as their text. But they'll all take different takes on Lost and what, they want to argue with it. I'll get to see those papers, the first round of them this week. It'll be interesting. They're very. I gotta tell you, these students are so irritated with me that I made the due date for the first paper the day after the.

[Hoss]

Yeah, that's.

[Dylan]

Oh, that's not right.

[Evangeline]

But you know what this is. This is one of those. I mean, and all of us have spent time at college before, but this is one of these classes that you sign up for because you think it's gonna be a cakewalk, boy. And then when you get in there, you realize how serious the teacher is all about it. And it's like the toughest class you have.

[Professor Sloop]

I don't know that it's gonna be the toughest class. And they are having fun, right? With the material on the Other hand, I think some of them are wondering, what the hell have I gotten into? Because, you know, it, of course, is not just about loss. So I think it is one of those courses where. Where they're having a good time and they like talking about it, but they're. I'm convinced they're all tired of people saying to them, oh, my gosh, how's that Lost? Course, all you must do is watch tv. They're getting fed up with that, you know.

[Evangeline]

Well, we appreciate your time very much. Again, Lost is on Wednesday night. This class from Professor Sloop. Lessons from Lost, Case Study, Introduction to Cultural Studies. We gotta check back with you, like, mid season to find out how it's all going for you guys.

[Professor Sloop]

It was great talking to you.

[Evangeline]

Nice talking to you. The Birch Show. It has been a long time since we introduced a new Bert show member.

[Bert]

Well, Jamie Massey is the latest.

[Evangeline]

Correct. But it feels a little different, I think, because Massie was part of the radio station. Oh, no, no, no. I guess at that point she wasn't. She came over here from.

[Dylan]

It's been a lot. Everything's a long time in your world. So we'll go. Yeah. It has been a while.

[Bert]

Your memory.

[Evangeline]

I mean, I've got things backed up because she was working with Dylan and still is. But then she started coming in and doing the show here. But before that.

[Melissa]

And then Phil was here, and then Phil left, and then Phil came back, and then before that, I guess was Jen Hobby.

[Evangeline]

So five years.

[Bert]

Four years. I'm. I'm my. My age on the Bert show is as old as Melissa's kidney.

[Melissa]

My kidney.

[Evangeline]

Is that how you.

[Bert]

That's how I remember it.

[Evangeline]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So four years I've been here.

[Evangeline]

So today we introduce Hoss.

[Hoss]

I like that.

[Evangeline]

To the Bird show. It's going on.

[Hoss]

Dude, what's going on, man?

[Evangeline]

How are you?

[Hoss]

I'm doing good. I'm doing good.

[Evangeline]

Hoss is actually beat. He technically moved last night from Raleigh. Right?

[Hoss]

From Charlotte. Raleigh, yeah. Everywhere.

[Evangeline]

So what Was the last 24 hours like for you? He's been here for two weeks, but hasn't seen Atlanta because he hasn't left his hotel room.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Hoss]

A little bit of a hermit. It's been crazy. Crazy. I had to go to a wedding this weekend. And a wedding on top of moving, on top of driving three hours down here just. Is just insane. Absolutely insane.

[Melissa]

Moving sucks.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Now, did you move yourself? Did you have anybody to help you out?

[Hoss]

My mom, but, you know, she can't really move anything, so.

[Melissa]

Just told you she Pointed.

[Hoss]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Dylan]

She come down here with you and help you unpack?

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Mama Horse. I guess you wouldn't like that name.

[Evangeline]

Hoss is a bit of a mama's boy, like he had. Tell them about the list, the checklist that she put together for you. And again, you're how old?

[Hoss]

24.

[Evangeline]

24 years old.

[Bert]

And where'd you. Well, let's get more of the basics down. Where'd you grow up?

[Hoss]

Charlotte, North Carolina.

[Bert]

Okay. And so did you go to college after high school?

[Hoss]

I went to college. A little small school called Appalachian State.

[Bert]

Okay, and then you started working in radio?

[Hoss]

Started working in radio for a morning show in Charlotte that this.

[Evangeline]

That people that listen to this show know about. Because we've been on with Ace and TJ for, I mean, a lot of different times, and there could be people.

[Melissa]

Who moved here from Charlotte that already know Hoss.

[Hoss]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Evangeline]

Then he took off and went to Raleigh.

[Hoss]

Took off and went to Raleigh for about what, three weeks, I think. Three weeks.

[Dylan]

And then Raleigh's where it's at. Is it?

[Hoss]

Yes, it is. Absolutely. Good Lord. But, yeah, went there for three weeks and then moved down here. Like, this would be my third week, I think. Yeah.

[Evangeline]

And you've been here for two to three weeks. And how much of Atlanta have you seen?

[Hoss]

Absolutely not.

[Evangeline]

Couldn't get the dude to leave, leave his hotel room.

[Melissa]

Well, it's intimidating. If you've never, like, spent time here, you wouldn't even know where to start.

[Hoss]

Yeah, I've gotten lost every time I've got in my truck.

[Dylan]

I gotta tell you. On Friday, Tracy was following Hoss back to his apartment to drop off his car because she was giving him a ride to the airport. And so I happen to be in the Costco. You know, it's down there near the Home Depot. And Tracy. And we. If you don't know, the radio station's located right near Northside Hospital in Sandy Springs. Sandy Springs. And Hoss is living in an apartment complex on Roswell Road that's kind of between Sandy Springs and Dunwoody.

[Bert]

Are you gonna give out his address?

[Evangeline]

Yeah. Hello.

[Dylan]

No. Which is why I said he lives on an apartment complex on Roswell Road. So the easiest way to get from our radio station to his apartment complex is to simply get down Roswell Road.

[Melissa]

And turn right very close to the station.

[Dylan]

Tracy calls me and says, hey. She's whispering, even though she's in a different car. Hey, Hoss is over near the Home Depot. Are we lost? You could not have gone a farther way to Your, like, I think you went up. Like, I don't even know how you got there. Like, that would have been if somebody said, hey, will you get me to your apartment complex via the Home Depot? I'd have to think about it.

[Melissa]

But that's easy to say when you've lived. Lived in this area for a while because we've been here in this building at the station, what, at least four years now or so. And so this area, because even spending this weekend, I was talking about how I was over at Northside Hospital and just people who were there to visit, people not from here. This is a very confusing area to get around. So, I mean, so I can see why Haas has not gone out and visited Atlanta yet, because he needs help in doing it.

[Hoss]

Yeah. Is it and Raleigh combined aren't as large as the city? I mean, it's just absolutely insane.

[Evangeline]

Are you intimidated when you're driving around? Like, there's just too big.

[Hoss]

Yeah, I got lost this morning.

[Evangeline]

And you've been here before? Yeah, many times.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Dylan]

You got lost coming to the station this morning? Yep.

[Hoss]

I went about 15 minutes out of my way.

[Bert]

That is so frustrating, too. I remember when I moved to Atlanta, it took me about nine months before I felt like I knew where I was going. I was always questioning for about nine months. It'll take that long. I'm sorry.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Evangeline]

The phone lines are lit up, and everybody is saying the exact same thing.

[Bert]

What?

[Evangeline]

Hey, Ashley. Good morning.

[Guest Caller]

Hi. I just think he's. I think. Haas, you sound like Bill Clinton.

[Hoss]

I've heard that my entire life.

[Evangeline]

Everybody. All the phone lines lit up saying the exact same thought.

[Melissa]

Say that you didn't have sexual relations with that woman.

[Hoss]

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

[Evangeline]

I mean, that's kind of crazy now that everybody's pointed it out.

[Hoss]

I've always had. Yeah, I've always got that. And it doesn't make it any better that I'm hoarse right now from a wedding and just moving and all that type stuff.

[Evangeline]

So did you get your drink on pretty good this weekend?

[Hoss]

A little bit. Just a tad bit.

[Bert]

So, Haas, I'm sure all the ladies want to know, are you single?

[Hoss]

I am currently single. I am. Been. Just broke up with a. With a girl a couple months ago.

[Evangeline]

This the same girl that was shacking up with you at the hotel a couple of weeks ago?

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Dylan]

What do you mean she came down?

[Melissa]

It's a relationship that kind of tapered off a little.

[Evangeline]

Big city sex.

[Dylan]

Hey, let me show you. They put me up in a motor Lodge, you want to come down? Bring your quarters, because this bed can go crazy.

[Evangeline]

To give a visual. Does Hoss look like any close to any celebrity?

[Bert]

Oh, gosh. I should have had some more time to prepare.

[Dylan]

I think he looks like Spike Lee. Exactly.

[Bert]

I'm gonna have to think about the celebrity.

[Evangeline]

Brendan Fraser says Massey, maybe.

[Hoss]

Oh, I don't like you right now.

[Bert]

You don't like him?

[Hoss]

I'm just playing. No, I like. I mean, he just. He kind of looks like a. Like an ogre.

[Evangeline]

Like a what?

[Hoss]

An ogre.

[Evangeline]

An ogre.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Hoss is not an ogre.

[Hoss]

Yeah, thanks.

[Evangeline]

I can't.

[Professor Sloop]

Really helps.

[Evangeline]

I'm not. I'm not picking up on any celebrity vibe at all. Let's go around the room and ask one question each of Haas to get to know him better.

[Bert]

Okay, you start.

[Evangeline]

It's a stupid question. Mine is more of an observation. We still didn't get to you defining how much of a mama's boy you are, because I saw a bible of information that your mom left you for this move at 24 years old.

[Hoss]

Yeah, Mom's a kind of bit of a. A nerd. She likes to make spreadsheets and likes to laminate everything that you can think of.

[Dylan]

She met Tracy Pelo.

[Hoss]

Oh, Tracy saw this. And Tracy, before she saw this, was thinking she's the biggest, you know, organizer and that type stuff. She has nothing on my mom, and she's admitted that she has nothing on my mom.

[Melissa]

Oh, try to say something to aspire to.

[Evangeline]

I mean, it was like color coding, and it was like different fonts, different checklists, and. But you're 24 years old. Like, you should be able to figure this stuff out kind of yourself.

[Hoss]

It's not like I ask her to do this. She just goes ahead and does this. So, I mean, I can do this stuff on my own. But, yeah, she just goes ahead and helps me out. She's gonna help me out. I'm not gonna tell her no. You know, it makes my life easier.

[Evangeline]

Did you live at home when you were in Charlotte?

[Hoss]

No, I lived with a guy from the show. From the Ace and TJ Show.

[Melissa]

I have a question. Do you have any siblings? And if you do, who. Like what?

[Bert]

Damn, was that mine? She stole my question notes.

[Hoss]

I have one younger brother. He's 18 and just started freshman year at NC State.

[Melissa]

Okay, and that's it. And you're the oldest?

[Hoss]

I'm the oldest.

[Dylan]

I have a question.

[Bert]

Damn.

[Hoss]

Carry on.

[Evangeline]

He hasn't even asked it yet.

[Dylan]

Why? Can you tell us why? Oh, can you tell us why poop is brown?

[Melissa]

He can now, thanks to Oprah.

[Professor Sloop]

Why is it brown?

[Evangeline]

What makes the poop brown is the bile. That's your answer for now. Hobby.

[Bert]

First of all, I think he looks like a combination of Britney's Manny and Nick Lachey.

[Hoss]

Britney's who?

[Bert]

Manny.

[Evangeline]

Britney's nanny. None of the nanny.

[Hoss]

Oh, the nanny.

[Bert]

Manny and Nick Lachey.

[Hoss]

A combination.

[Bert]

But you're like, a guy's guy.

[Evangeline]

Yeah.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Okay. So, Hoss, what would be a typical night out for you in Raleigh? Like, typical Saturday. What are you doing?

[Hoss]

Probably gonna go get dinner at some. Some type of restaurant, then hitting some. Some pubs, some bars. That type stuff.

[Evangeline]

Definitely.

[Dylan]

I mean, a club scene in Raleigh's off the chain.

[Hoss]

It's absolutely nuts.

[Bert]

Like, who would you be going out to dinner with and that sort of thing?

[Hoss]

My boys. Definitely. Definitely friends.

[Evangeline]

Just to give you a little bit of, like, the mentality. About a week ago, I invited him to go out with some of my friends, and we were all gonna go to Lotus. You know, it's. You gotta kind of dress up to go to Lotus, you know, kind of place to be seen. Velvet rope type of place. So I'm like, dude, why don't you just come on out with us? We'll all go out, we'll hang out. We'll drink it up a little bit. I'll show you a little bit of Atlanta. So I said, but you got to dress up a little bit. Place kind of dressy, you know? So he shows up to my house, and he has, like, shorts on. Like, was it a T shirt or polo shirt?

[Hoss]

It was polo. It was a polo.

[Dylan]

You said dressy, Bert.

[Evangeline]

Beach sandals. And I had to say, dude, you can't go out with us. There's just no way that we can get you in a Lotus. But I don't know if that's your definition of dressing up or you just didn't have clothes.

[Melissa]

Hoss. Yeah, yeah, he's from North Carolina.

[Hoss]

Come on.

[Dylan]

He drives a truck in Charlotte.

[Hoss]

And in Raleigh, they have, like, maybe three, four clubs combined between the two cities. And you can wear anything you want in there. I mean, there's no dress there. There's no dressing.

[Dylan]

Get in a few frames of bowling and go roller skating. Exactly, exactly.

[Hoss]

All in the same building.

[Evangeline]

There are plenty of places you can go, and you don't have to dress up.

[Bert]

I mean, I picture Haas very at home at Moondogs.

[Melissa]

Yeah, for sure.

[Hoss]

What is that type of Peachtree Tavern?

[Bert]

Yeah, just like, kind of, like, laid back, like, dude, bar, fake IDs.

[Evangeline]

Let me.

[Dylan]

Let me ask you, Hoss. Here's my question, okay? Pretend you're writing a personal ad for Friends.

[Hoss]

Okay?

[Dylan]

Let's hear it.

[Hoss]

24, brown hair, hazel eyes, single guys, guy, love sports, love to drink.

[Melissa]

That's wrong because there's no initials in there. You have to have. You know.

[Evangeline]

Somebody else can give us a little insight into Haas. Hey, Jermaine. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, what's going on, guys?

[Professor Sloop]

Hey, what's going on, Hoff?

[Hoss]

What's going on, man?

[Dylan]

How you doing?

[Guest Caller]

Good, man, good.

[Professor Sloop]

Didn't really expect to hear you down here in Atlanta.

[Dylan]

Why?

[Hoss]

Where have you heard me before?

[Professor Sloop]

Ace and tj.

[Evangeline]

Oh, you're from Charlotte.

[Guest Caller]

Yes, I'm from Charlotte, but I've been listening. Actually, I listen to both of you guys shows. So I kind of know a lot about Hoss.

[Melissa]

What's your favorite thing about him?

[Guest Caller]

He may not like this, but he's a fear of snakes.

[Evangeline]

You got a fear of snake food?

[Hoss]

Come on.

[Evangeline]

Yeah. Bad. Fear of snakes.

[Bert]

Bad.

[Dylan]

Why did they do, like a snake sign up?

[Hoss]

My last. My last day with. Yeah, With Ace and tj. They made me do a. A snake bit and I end up crying.

[Bert]

Oh, you did?

[Evangeline]

Literally crying.

[Hoss]

Oh, yeah. I'm scared to death of snakes.

[Evangeline]

Well, we know what we're doing tomorrow. Pencil that information.

[Dylan]

Hey, hey, Jermaine. Whose show is better, ours or ACE and TJ's?

[Melissa]

That means multi guy.

[Dylan]

Okay, well, hold on a minute. Who do you like like better? Just overall, me or Ace? Yeah, Me.

[Professor Sloop]

Yeah.

[Dylan]

Yeah.

[Evangeline]

Can I answer that? Because I'm going with Ace. We have thought of an assignment for you over the next 24 hours, okay? And we know you're tired. You just moved to Atlanta.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Evangeline]

But in watching your interaction the last two weeks, we're all a little bit concerned that you just haven't left that hotel room at all. No interaction with anybody in Atlanta whatsoever.

[Dylan]

Well, now that his mom's here, he'll probably be going out on dates and stuff.

[Evangeline]

Yeah, exactly how long is she staying for?

[Hoss]

She's leaving today.

[Evangeline]

She's leaving today. All right, so once. Once she leaves the nest, then you're all on your own.

[Dylan]

You have the bed all to yourself again. When she leaves you today, no more spooning for us.

[Bert]

She's leaving her baby in the big city.

[Melissa]

I know.

[Dylan]

Hey, now remember, just cuz it's okay. In Charlotte and Raleigh, you cannot tongue kiss her out in public.

[Hoss]

Got to remember that.

[Dylan]

Write that down. Hands on top of the shirt there.

[Melissa]

Jeff, stop.

[Evangeline]

It's his mom you're talking about, too.

[Bert]

It's mama.

[Evangeline]

Ha. She's probably listening right now. I'm just saying she's going to say.

[Melissa]

She'S going to say a prayer for you today, honey.

[Professor Sloop]

This is a.

[Dylan]

This is a little more of a cosmopolitan city.

[Hoss]

So I'm saying I got to write that down.

[Evangeline]

So we want to get you out a little bit. The names of these places. Peachtree Tavern, Moondogs, I think you said. Also these are just names to you. We want to get you out a little bit and interacting with the Atlanta community.

[Hoss]

Sweet.

[Evangeline]

And we already know that you're into MySpace. You have your own page. All right, we're going to give you an assignment over the next 24 hours.

[Dylan]

What we want to do is let you get to know the city. So want to have you create a brand new MySpace page. If you need any help, Jim Fallon can help you because she's a MySpace expert.

[Hoss]

Okay?

[Dylan]

And this is gonna have. When we see it tomorrow, it's gonna be very lonely. Cause there will be no comments. And there will just be Tom.

[Bert]

Just you and Tom.

[Dylan]

Just you and Tom. And what we would like to have you do is embrace this city using MySpace. So we will, you know, give that. We'll link up the. The MySpace page to our website. We'll all make our. Our friends. Well, Chad and I will. Bert and Melissa, Don. Believe in computers or technology, but just.

[Melissa]

MySpace over the age of 30.

[Bert]

So I'm 29, thank you very much.

[Dylan]

I'm 24 on MySpace.

[Bert]

Then I'm gonna have to be 22.

[Dylan]

Well, so we'll link y' all up so people can find your page easily. And then we will talk about, you know, talk about it on the air and have people submit comments, send you messages, join your friend group, all with suggestions on what they could do.

[Commercial Announcer]

And.

[Dylan]

And then, you know, occasionally you can go out with them on your own, but occasionally, if we see something that's particularly intriguing, then we could suggest you go out and experience that part of Atlanta, you know, based on the. The comment that somebody has left or the message that somebody sent you or us, we'll have you go out with a camera, take tons of pictures and. Because, I mean, what is it up to? 115 million people on MySpace, like you should, I would say, inside of 30 days, be the most well known and popular person in Atlanta.

[Evangeline]

I would say this, that you should be prepared to go out on a date tomorrow night with somebody that has become your friends on MySpace.

[Hoss]

That's gonna be hard.

[Evangeline]

All right?

[Hoss]

Going out with a girl on a date.

[Evangeline]

All right, I know you're not used to that.

[Professor Sloop]

I think I can make it work.

[Hoss]

Ow.

[Evangeline]

Ow.

[Hoss]

I think I can make it work.

[Evangeline]

And you should be prepared to do this on Thursday and Friday also.

[Guest Caller]

All right?

[Evangeline]

All right, so create the page. You have 24 hours to do that. We'll meet back around the same time tomorrow morning. We'll talk about your page, and then we'll get you out on the town starting tomorrow night. Cool. Okay.

[Dylan]

And if you. And if you want to head out tonight, kind of get warmed up, remember the names. Peachtree Tavern, Hole in the Wall. Bulldogs.

[Melissa]

Jeff. Now, now, now.

[Evangeline]

And I am going to take you for.

[Melissa]

I never set him up like that.

[Evangeline]

I am taking you because it's an Atlanta tradition, to your first strip club club. I am going to take you to a place called the Claremont Lounge. Okay?

[Melissa]

You have to go to the Claremont Lounge.

[Evangeline]

It is tradition. What about girls?

[Melissa]

Jeff would just be at Bulldogs.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Evangeline]

Girls are fun.

[Dylan]

What about Girls are Fun?

[Evangeline]

We just drop them off.

[Hoss]

Girls are fun.

[Dylan]

Seriously, if you want to grab a couple beers tonight, just get in the cab and go. Bulldogs. We'll take it right there.

[Bert]

I think that you got a blog about all of your experiences on MySpace, too. We got to get some slideshows happening with all these photos of these people that you're meeting. And we'll just kind of create this. This new Atlanta friend group around you to get you exposed to the city, but all of it on MySpace so everybody can follow you as you go.

[Hoss]

Sweet.

[Evangeline]

All right, so come in Tomorrow morning. New MySpace page created. And be prepared to go out tomorrow night. All right. Great to have you part of the team, dude. Really excited to have you part of the whole thing.

[Dylan]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Hoss]

Thank you.

[Evangeline]

Thanks, man.

[Guest Caller]

All right.

[Bert]

And everybody's gonna want to know what he looks like, too, so we'll get that photo up as soon as possible. Right?

[Evangeline]

Well, tomorrow morning, I'll put it up on the MySpace. All right? Now get out of here.

[Dylan]

Wait, Bulldogs.

[Evangeline]

The Birch Show.

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[Melissa]

Unlimited data, talk, and text. It's a gift.

[Bert]

Thanks, Anna. Anytime, Anna.

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