Transcript

Energy Trust of Oregon Announcer (0:01)

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Host - Burt (0:30)

So good, so good, so good.

Nordstrom Rack Advertiser (0:32)

New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores. Now get ready to save big with up to 60% off rag and bone, Marc Jacobs, free people and more.

Leah (0:42)

How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

Host - Burt (0:44)

Cause there's always something new.

Nordstrom Rack Advertiser (0:46)

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Host - Burt (1:01)

All right, let's recap for some of you guys. Leah and her story. We were all pretty intrigued by this on Friday. Previously on the Birch Show.

Leah (1:09)

It's my first date in 25 years. I was married for 15 years. I got diagnosed with cancer and I left the doctors that day. And my husband and I had gone in separate cars. I went home and he never came home. I didn't know where he was all weekend. And on Monday morning, I called and he had quit his job. And my son is a football player for the school. And I just kind of randomly met this man at the football game and we struck up conversations this week. He said, we've kind of hung out and all that, but let's go on a real date.

Host - Burt (1:39)

Okay? So that was Leah from Friday. I mean, imagine that you're driving home thinking you're going to see your husband after you get the.

Melissa (1:45)

Well, you're upset and you need his support. And he wasn't there and never showed up again.

Nordstrom Rack Advertiser (1:50)

Weird.

Host - Burt (1:51)

Leah, we didn't get to get into this with you on Friday, but at what point did you realize, okay, this. This man is not coming home?

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, April 1 [Vault]

Date: April 1, 2026
Main Cast: Bert (host), Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jeff, Leah, Guests

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show kicks off April Fool’s Day with their trademark realness and humor. The main segments include a dramatic listener story about dating after trauma, a deep-dive into Bert’s own April Fool’s Day prank gone unexpectedly wrong, and a hilarious sequence of listener call-ins about texting and photo mishaps. The episode is energetic, candid, and layered with both sincere moments and belly-laughs, offering a full morning radio experience.

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Leah’s Story: Dating After Divorce and Personal Hardship

Timestamps: [01:01] – [11:24]

Summary:

Leah recounts her first date in 25 years after a tumultuous decade: surviving cancer, being abandoned by her husband on the day of her diagnosis return, and quickly divorced as he moved on with a 19-year-old.
Her attempt to re-enter the dating world goes awry due to her new date’s entanglement with a disruptive ex-wife, leading to Leah’s realization of her own boundaries and needs.

Key Moments & Quotes:

Leah on being left after cancer diagnosis:
“I got diagnosed with cancer and I left the doctors that day... I went home and he never came home.” [01:09]
Leah on her motivation:
“I survived because that 19 year old bimbo and that, that crazy man were not going to raise my children.” [03:12]
The disastrous date:
- The ex-wife inserts herself at a post-game pizza outing and even sits in Leah’s chair.
  “She has moved my jacket and my purse and my plate into the table, and she's sitting in my spot.” [06:47]
- On the second day, ex-wife shows up at Leah’s house:
  “I see this woman pull in my driveway. No way.” [08:27]
Leah’s realization:
“Wimpiness is not something I'm gonna put up with. Like, I have done and been through too much. I don't need that.” [10:56]

Memorable Reaction:

Host Burt sums up:
“What a mess. ...So the date never happened.” [10:20]

2. April Fool’s Day: Bert’s Reluctant Prank and Real-World Consequences

Timestamps: [11:47] – [31:47]

Summary:

The team debates the value of April Fool’s Day pranks, especially on morning radio. Bert, usually reluctant, is worn down and agrees to “fake” tattoo his 6-year-old son Hayden as a prank, betting that no listener will fall for it.
The stunt escalates when social media outrage leads to a DEFACS (child protective services) investigation after a complaint is escalated all the way to the Governor’s office.
Bert and his wife describe the anxiety and seriousness of the investigation, and reflect on unintended consequences vs. audience intelligence.

Key Moments & Quotes:

Bert’s skepticism of radio pranks:
“I have a problem with... April Fool’s Day on morning shows... the jokes... are just so stupid. I just think the audience is smarter than that.” [12:47]
The setup of the ordeal:
“The agreement... is I said to these guys, we won't get one phone call from anybody... The Bert's Big Adventure guy has the capability of bringing his six year old to a tattoo parlor and actually getting a tattoo. We won't get one call.” [14:47]
Hayden’s unexpected acting skills:
“Hayden is sitting in this chair... you could see the fear in his eyes.”
“You told me to act, and I said, okay. And then he went, switched it right back on.” [16:01]
Consequences: DEFACS involvement:
“You’re not going to believe what’s happening... DEFACS is here. I swear to you.” [19:57]
“We got a complaint to the governor’s office yesterday. ...This person that called to complain was so concerned, is a person of such power that the governor’s office moved on it quickly.” [20:30]
Bert’s reflection:
“When DEFACS comes to your home and your flagged for your kids, it really is a very, very serious thing. Like, I can't find a lot of humor in it.” [28:20]
Stacy (Bert’s wife) on DEFACS visit:
“He was really sweet to Hayden... Pulled Hayden’s shirt sleeve up so he could see his arm. And he said, 'No, doesn’t look like there’s any tattoo there.'” [28:41]
Team’s reaction:
Jeff: “I think it’s a badge of honor for your kid, too. I’m bragging about that for the rest of my life.” [30:27]

Notable Discussion Topics:

Audience sophistication vs. gullibility
The anxiety of being ‘investigated’ as a public figure
The ripple effects of a “harmless” prank

3. Accidental Texts and Photo Mishaps

Timestamps: [31:47] – [40:22]

Summary:

The crew transitions to sharing embarrassing stories involving misdirected texts and photos. Melissa warns against giving your kids names with the same initial, recounting her friend’s “sext” to her sister instead of her partner.
Callers share tales of sending racy or snarky messages to the wrong recipients: parents, bosses, business associates—some with lighthearted fallout, others more cringe-worthy.
The segment closes with a debate (and mild horror) about women sharing naked boyfriend pictures with their friends, and the potential for shocking situations if these are further misdirected.

Key Moments & Quotes:

Melissa’s advice:
“By naming your children, the same first initial might come to haunt them in the future... She sent it to my sister. Letting my sister know I'm on my way home, baby, for a little bit of lovin.” [32:31]
Listener stories:
- Jessica: “My boyfriend yesterday accidentally texted my mom telling her that we should get a hotel room this weekend and that we would have a lot of fun.” [34:28]
- Melissa (caller): “I meant this in that text message to my boyfriend. I sent it straight to her [Lindsay].” [35:15]
On sharing nudes:
- Leah (caller): “Because I wanted her to see how big he was.” [39:20]
- Jeff: “Are women sharing their pictures of their naked men with other women?” [39:31]

Notable Quotes (By Timestamp & Speaker)

Leah:
“I survived because that 19 year old bimbo and that, that crazy man were not going to raise my children.” [03:12]
Host – Burt:
“I have done and been through too much. I don't need that.” [10:56]
Stacy (Burt’s wife):
“He just came to the door and he was very, very nice... He said, 'No, doesn't look like there's any tattoo there.'” [28:41]
Jeff:
“I think it’s a badge of honor for your kid, too. I’m bragging about that for the rest of my life.” [30:27]
Melissa:
“She sent it to my sister. Letting my sister know I'm on my way home, baby, for a little bit of lovin.” [32:31]

Important Timestamps (MM:SS)

01:01: Start of Leah’s story (her divorce/cancer)
04:10–10:24: Leah’s chaotic “first date” saga
12:47: Bert discusses the perils of April Fool’s morning show pranks
14:47: Explanation and behind-the-scenes of the fake tattoo prank
19:57: Real-world consequences hit—DEFACS is called
28:41: Stacy recounts their DEFACS visit with Bert’s son
31:47–40:22: Accidental text/photo segment and listener call-ins
39:31–end: Discussion of sharing nudes, closing with typical Bert Show irreverence

Tone & Style

Candid & Unfiltered: Hosts and callers speak authentically about real struggles and funny blunders.
Supportive Yet Teasing: They rally around Leah in her vulnerability, rib Bert for his prank’s fallout, and banter with listeners about their embarrassing stories.
Entertaining, Fast-Paced: Bittersweet honesty from Leah, suspense and humor from Bert’s April Fool’s saga, and rapid-fire laughs from the call-in stories.

Takeaways for New Listeners

You’ll get both raw personal stories and raucous comedy in each episode.
The show values authenticity—no subject is too personal or awkward.
Listener interaction is central, whether it’s sharing in heartbreak or public humiliation.
The Bert Show isn’t afraid to dissect their own missteps—expect hosts who own their mistakes with humor and humility.

Episode’s “Most Bert Show” Moment

April Fool’s prank escalating to a real DEFACS home visit because a listener filed a complaint via the Governor’s office—a radio stunt with real-life, unforeseen consequences, handled with transparency and a touch of disbelief by the whole cast.

This summary captures the episode’s structure, main conversations, and the Bert Show’s blend of “real and really funny.”