Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, April 1 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, April 1 [Vault]

Date: April 1, 2026
Main Cast: Bert (host), Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jeff, Leah, Guests

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show kicks off April Fool’s Day with their trademark realness and humor. The main segments include a dramatic listener story about dating after trauma, a deep-dive into Bert’s own April Fool’s Day prank gone unexpectedly wrong, and a hilarious sequence of listener call-ins about texting and photo mishaps. The episode is energetic, candid, and layered with both sincere moments and belly-laughs, offering a full morning radio experience.

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Key Segments & Highlights

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1. Leah’s Story: Dating After Divorce and Personal Hardship

Timestamps: [01:01] – [11:24]

Summary:

• Leah recounts her first date in 25 years after a tumultuous decade: surviving cancer, being abandoned by her husband on the day of her diagnosis return, and quickly divorced as he moved on with a 19-year-old.
• Her attempt to re-enter the dating world goes awry due to her new date’s entanglement with a disruptive ex-wife, leading to Leah’s realization of her own boundaries and needs.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Leah on being left after cancer diagnosis:
  “I got diagnosed with cancer and I left the doctors that day... I went home and he never came home.” [01:09]

• Leah on her motivation:
  “I survived because that 19 year old bimbo and that, that crazy man were not going to raise my children.” [03:12]

• The disastrous date:

  • The ex-wife inserts herself at a post-game pizza outing and even sits in Leah’s chair.
    “She has moved my jacket and my purse and my plate into the table, and she's sitting in my spot.” [06:47]

  • On the second day, ex-wife shows up at Leah’s house:
    “I see this woman pull in my driveway. No way.” [08:27]

• Leah’s realization:
  “Wimpiness is not something I'm gonna put up with. Like, I have done and been through too much. I don't need that.” [10:56]

Memorable Reaction:

• Host Burt sums up:
  “What a mess. ...So the date never happened.” [10:20]

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2. April Fool’s Day: Bert’s Reluctant Prank and Real-World Consequences

Timestamps: [11:47] – [31:47]

Summary:

• The team debates the value of April Fool’s Day pranks, especially on morning radio. Bert, usually reluctant, is worn down and agrees to “fake” tattoo his 6-year-old son Hayden as a prank, betting that no listener will fall for it.
• The stunt escalates when social media outrage leads to a DEFACS (child protective services) investigation after a complaint is escalated all the way to the Governor’s office.
• Bert and his wife describe the anxiety and seriousness of the investigation, and reflect on unintended consequences vs. audience intelligence.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Bert’s skepticism of radio pranks:
  “I have a problem with... April Fool’s Day on morning shows... the jokes... are just so stupid. I just think the audience is smarter than that.” [12:47]

• The setup of the ordeal:
  “The agreement... is I said to these guys, we won't get one phone call from anybody... The Bert's Big Adventure guy has the capability of bringing his six year old to a tattoo parlor and actually getting a tattoo. We won't get one call.” [14:47]

• Hayden’s unexpected acting skills:
  “Hayden is sitting in this chair... you could see the fear in his eyes.”
  “You told me to act, and I said, okay. And then he went, switched it right back on.” [16:01]

• Consequences: DEFACS involvement:
  “You’re not going to believe what’s happening... DEFACS is here. I swear to you.” [19:57]
  “We got a complaint to the governor’s office yesterday. ...This person that called to complain was so concerned, is a person of such power that the governor’s office moved on it quickly.” [20:30]

• Bert’s reflection:
  “When DEFACS comes to your home and your flagged for your kids, it really is a very, very serious thing. Like, I can't find a lot of humor in it.” [28:20]

• Stacy (Bert’s wife) on DEFACS visit:
  “He was really sweet to Hayden... Pulled Hayden’s shirt sleeve up so he could see his arm. And he said, 'No, doesn’t look like there’s any tattoo there.'” [28:41]

• Team’s reaction:
  Jeff: “I think it’s a badge of honor for your kid, too. I’m bragging about that for the rest of my life.” [30:27]

Notable Discussion Topics:

• Audience sophistication vs. gullibility
• The anxiety of being ‘investigated’ as a public figure
• The ripple effects of a “harmless” prank

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3. Accidental Texts and Photo Mishaps

Timestamps: [31:47] – [40:22]

Summary:

• The crew transitions to sharing embarrassing stories involving misdirected texts and photos. Melissa warns against giving your kids names with the same initial, recounting her friend’s “sext” to her sister instead of her partner.
• Callers share tales of sending racy or snarky messages to the wrong recipients: parents, bosses, business associates—some with lighthearted fallout, others more cringe-worthy.
• The segment closes with a debate (and mild horror) about women sharing naked boyfriend pictures with their friends, and the potential for shocking situations if these are further misdirected.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Melissa’s advice:
  “By naming your children, the same first initial might come to haunt them in the future... She sent it to my sister. Letting my sister know I'm on my way home, baby, for a little bit of lovin.” [32:31]

• Listener stories:

  • Jessica: “My boyfriend yesterday accidentally texted my mom telling her that we should get a hotel room this weekend and that we would have a lot of fun.” [34:28]
  • Melissa (caller): “I meant this in that text message to my boyfriend. I sent it straight to her [Lindsay].” [35:15]

• On sharing nudes:

  • Leah (caller): “Because I wanted her to see how big he was.” [39:20]
  • Jeff: “Are women sharing their pictures of their naked men with other women?” [39:31]

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Notable Quotes (By Timestamp & Speaker)

• Leah:
  “I survived because that 19 year old bimbo and that, that crazy man were not going to raise my children.” [03:12]

• Host – Burt:
  “I have done and been through too much. I don't need that.” [10:56]

• Stacy (Burt’s wife):
  “He just came to the door and he was very, very nice... He said, 'No, doesn't look like there's any tattoo there.'” [28:41]

• Jeff:
  “I think it’s a badge of honor for your kid, too. I’m bragging about that for the rest of my life.” [30:27]

• Melissa:
  “She sent it to my sister. Letting my sister know I'm on my way home, baby, for a little bit of lovin.” [32:31]

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Important Timestamps (MM:SS)

• 01:01: Start of Leah’s story (her divorce/cancer)
• 04:10–10:24: Leah’s chaotic “first date” saga
• 12:47: Bert discusses the perils of April Fool’s morning show pranks
• 14:47: Explanation and behind-the-scenes of the fake tattoo prank
• 19:57: Real-world consequences hit—DEFACS is called
• 28:41: Stacy recounts their DEFACS visit with Bert’s son
• 31:47–40:22: Accidental text/photo segment and listener call-ins
• 39:31–end: Discussion of sharing nudes, closing with typical Bert Show irreverence

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Tone & Style

• Candid & Unfiltered: Hosts and callers speak authentically about real struggles and funny blunders.
• Supportive Yet Teasing: They rally around Leah in her vulnerability, rib Bert for his prank’s fallout, and banter with listeners about their embarrassing stories.
• Entertaining, Fast-Paced: Bittersweet honesty from Leah, suspense and humor from Bert’s April Fool’s saga, and rapid-fire laughs from the call-in stories.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• You’ll get both raw personal stories and raucous comedy in each episode.
• The show values authenticity—no subject is too personal or awkward.
• Listener interaction is central, whether it’s sharing in heartbreak or public humiliation.
• The Bert Show isn’t afraid to dissect their own missteps—expect hosts who own their mistakes with humor and humility.

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Episode’s “Most Bert Show” Moment

April Fool’s prank escalating to a real DEFACS home visit because a listener filed a complaint via the Governor’s office—a radio stunt with real-life, unforeseen consequences, handled with transparency and a touch of disbelief by the whole cast.

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This summary captures the episode’s structure, main conversations, and the Bert Show’s blend of “real and really funny.”

Transcript

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[Host - Burt]

So good, so good, so good.

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[Leah]

How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

[Host - Burt]

Cause there's always something new.

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[Host - Burt]

All right, let's recap for some of you guys. Leah and her story. We were all pretty intrigued by this on Friday. Previously on the Birch Show.

[Leah]

It's my first date in 25 years. I was married for 15 years. I got diagnosed with cancer and I left the doctors that day. And my husband and I had gone in separate cars. I went home and he never came home. I didn't know where he was all weekend. And on Monday morning, I called and he had quit his job. And my son is a football player for the school. And I just kind of randomly met this man at the football game and we struck up conversations this week. He said, we've kind of hung out and all that, but let's go on a real date.

[Host - Burt]

Okay? So that was Leah from Friday. I mean, imagine that you're driving home thinking you're going to see your husband after you get the.

[Melissa]

Well, you're upset and you need his support. And he wasn't there and never showed up again.

[Nordstrom Rack Advertiser]

Weird.

[Host - Burt]

Leah, we didn't get to get into this with you on Friday, but at what point did you realize, okay, this. This man is not coming home?

[Jeff]

He just didn't run by Publix real quick for some chicken salad?

[Leah]

Maybe within two hours. I'm like, something's gone wrong, you know? And I'm calling cell phone, no one's answering.

[Jeff]

Do you call the cops at any point and go, oh, my God, he must have run off the road or

[Host - Burt]

there had to been a wreck on Saturday.

[Leah]

I called every hospice I could think of, but he had kind of freaked out the first time. There was a disconnect. So I thought, okay, he's dealing. He's trying to deal with this. You know, when I found out on Monday that he had quit his job and someone knew where he was and I went and talked to him, he was like, no, I've got to have a new life. You're selfish. If you don't let me go, I've only got maybe six months to meet someone, get married, and have them ready to take care of our children. Just cruel stuff, you know, I'm so sorry. Like, I hung in there with you one time. I mean, it's really not fair to ask me to do it again. You know, just things like that.

[Host - Burt]

You were leaving the doctor's office the day that you found out your cancer came back when he bailed.

[Leah]

Yes. He never came home that day.

[Host - Burt]

Wow.

[Leah]

So cruel forever, really. He never, he never really came back ever.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Do you think that that's what helped you beat it is because you knew you had to be there for your kids?

[Leah]

Absolutely. Because, I mean, he filed for divorce immediately. We were divorced very quickly. Two weeks later, he said he was getting married to this 19 year old girl. And I said, I survived because that 19 year old bimbo and that, that crazy man were not going to raise my children.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Good for you.

[Host - Burt]

How old was he at the time?

[Leah]

39.

[Host - Burt]

And he was married to a 19 year old?

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Okay, but enough about the bad stuff about the past. Enough about the past.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah. So now we fast forward and obviously that takes a while to get over and you've got other focuses in your life.

[Leah]

Right? So the last 10 years, surviving, going back to school, and just kind of establishing a life for me and my kid.

[Host - Burt]

All right? And you and this guy have seen each other through little league games, baseball games and all that. You sat shoulder to shoulder and he made the move and said, you know what? This is the weekend. You and I need to do something a little bit more than just go and watch a baseball game. We need to go out and have some dinner or something.

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Host - Burt]

So how are you feeling about it going? You must have been so nervous. So much anxiety.

[Leah]

I was very nervous and very excited just to do something fun after, you know, I've enjoyed my life. I'm not saying that, but just to do something fun, you know, just for me and something I wasn't working hard at and planning and just something, you know, fun after all these years.

[Host - Burt]

Sure. So he sets the date up. Was he gonna come and get you? Were you guys gonna meet somewhere?

[Leah]

We were going on Friday night to our son's high school baseball game. It Was a tournament. So then Saturday morning, no guys had to be dropped off at the bus, like three hours for the game. So he was gonna drop his son off at the bus, come over. We were gonna have breakfast, go to those two games on Saturday, and then go home and go out on a date.

[Host - Burt]

Okay.

[Leah]

And things didn't go well?

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

What happened?

[Leah]

All this time? I've known him since last August. You know, I'm sensitive to somebody not being like a man, like, being a wimp about things. And I. I've seen him interact with his kids and his friends and my son and my friends. And I never had a glimpse of any kind of wimpiness at all until Friday night. Got a glimpse of the trouble. Then we went to the game, no problem. Afterwards, people were going to go to this little pizza place in town. Usually, you know, I drive, and maybe he's there, some other people there, but I actually rode with him. And on the way there, his son's cell phone rings. And I hear him saying where we're going, and I heard him say my name. Ms. Leah. Oh, Mom, Ms. Leah. Dad's friend. So I didn't think anything about it, but we go to the restaurant. We go to this little buffet line and get salad and sit down, and we're eating, we're talking, and this woman walks up, oh, no. And I saw the look on his face, like, oh. And she sets this huge shopping bag down on the table, like, in between me and him, big, tall shopping bags. He says, what are you doing? She goes Christmas shopping, just out and about. It's April. But anyway, she introduces herself as his ex wife. And I'm just kind of like, well, okay, hello, nice to meet you. But she just keeps standing there and talking. And I'm like, okay, I'm finished my salad. I'm going back over to the. Get away from this. There were four of us sitting at a table for six. So there were two empty chairs down at the end of the table. So I get up and I go back through the line, and I come back and she has moved my jacket and my purse and my plate into the table, and she's sitting in my spot. And I look at him, and he just kind of has this blank look on his face. My son's 18 years old. He's a senior in high school. He leans over me and goes, mom, what the. You know what's going on here? And I said, I have no idea. He said, well, I'm gonna go outside or I'm gonna punch the guy. In the nose. And I'm like, okay, I'll meet you out there in a minute. So he goes outside. I go outside. I'm calling every friend I know. Like, I'm so mad that I don't have my own car, so I can't get out of there. But. And then I think, oh, my baseball bag is in his car. Well, it wasn't a few minutes. None of my friends are answering. He comes out, and so I ride with him back to the school.

[Host - Burt]

Well, what was his explanation about this? Like, what?

[Caller or Guest]

He didn't.

[Leah]

He didn't say a word in the car. So when we. We got back and he walked me over to my car, I said, look, that was bizarre. I feel like I was in some kind of weird soap opera. Like, you cannot let that happen again. Like, you have to set boundaries with her or something. I said, because that made me feel really weird. And it was like, you didn't stand up for anything. And he was like, oh, okay. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to, you know, her to cause a scene in a restaurant. I didn't know what she was up to, what was going on.

[Host - Burt]

Red flag. Yeah, big time. Red flag right there. You're not going to see this guy again, are you?

[Leah]

No.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Good.

[Melissa]

Okay. Yeah.

[Leah]

We did have plans for Saturday. To my house on Saturday morning. I was going to fix breakfast. He comes to the door, and when I open the door, I see this woman pull in my driveway. No way.

[Melissa]

Not. Is she following him?

[Leah]

She steps out of the car and she goes, where are we? I was following you to the game. Well, it's like three hours before the game is going to start.

[Melissa]

Get rid of him.

[Leah]

So I said, whoa. Handle this. So he goes out there and he talks to her, and he comes in and he says, she's just gonna sit in the cul de sac and fall, right?

[Host - Burt]

You've got to be making this up.

[Jeff]

Are you kidding? Did you show? You didn't go to that movie? Obsessed.

[Melissa]

Give me a break.

[Leah]

I really felt like I was in some bizarre soap opera the whole time.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Yeah.

[Leah]

We go to the game, and she sits right beside us. Everything I ask him, she answers his questions. And I keep looking at him like, are you gonna do something? You know? Well, I finally had enough, and I got up and moved away from the two of them, and I sat with one of my friends. And in the second game, my son slid into home, had a collision with a catcher and hurt his ankle. The coach said, I think you need to take him to the hospital. And have it checked out. So I walk over to him, and I'm like, I'm sorry, but we have to go. Like, I'm supposed to take him to the hospital.

[Melissa]

I'm gonna interrupt you for a second. Why on earth? The night before when you said that. I cannot believe I don't my own car. Did you end up going to the game with this guy?

[Leah]

I know.

[Jeff]

You could have got a ride home with the lunatic and the cul de sac.

[Leah]

I know she knows where he lives. So he leans forward and he starts, like, packing our stuff up, like, we're gonna go. And she says, you cannot leave me here. I don't know where I am, and I won't know how to get home. And he kind of slouched back onto the bleachers like he was gonna stay, and. And that was just it.

[Host - Burt]

What a mess. Just.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

So what did you do? How'd you get out of there?

[Leah]

The friend I had gone to sat with, she had already stood up. And she just, like, took you off and took me.

[Host - Burt]

Wow. So he gets zero. I mean, that's done, right? No more chances.

[Leah]

So the date never happened.

[Melissa]

Of course, I was not gonna go

[Leah]

out with him after.

[Host - Burt]

I'm shocked.

[Melissa]

She gave him Saturday.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

What a wimp.

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Host - Burt]

Wow.

[Leah]

And you know, I gave him that chance. Like, you need to talk to her and you need to handle this.

[Melissa]

Oh, well, you're better off because that's a huge red flag. Even if she wasn't in the situation. You got an idea of how he handles situations? Yeah.

[Leah]

Right. Right. Wimpiness is not something I'm gonna put up with. Like, I have done and been through too much. I don't need that.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I'm blown away about the drive. Her following him over to your house and then camping out. Yeah.

[Leah]

Now that crazy woman knows where I live.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah. I'm so sorry that that's the first way you have to come out of this thing in 25 years.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Disappointing.

[Host - Burt]

The good news is he so low for you that the next eight can't be that bad.

[Melissa]

Yeah, true.

[Host - Burt]

All right, Leah, thanks for sharing with us. We appreciate it. Sorry it didn't work out that well.

[Jeff]

Sucks.

[Leah]

All right, thank you, guys.

[Host - Burt]

All right, bye. Bye.

[Leah]

What a crazy woman.

[Host - Burt]

There must still something be. Something's going on still between. Yes, he's a doormat and the ex wife. They must still be dabbling in something for her to be acting like that.

[Jeff]

The Birch Show.

[Host - Burt]

All right, so let's backtrack here a little bit. April Fool's Day. I feel About April Fool's Day. The same way Jeff dollar feels about Halloween.

[Jeff]

I just. For whatever reason, Halloween bugs me. So I don't pretend it's not hard, but that's okay. But I appreciate Melissa's, you know, passion for it. But for me, I just don't. I don't know why.

[Host - Burt]

I don't know.

[Jeff]

I just have never gotten into Halloween. I think I've only been to one Jack, Hugh, lantern. I think I've only been to one in the eight that we've done.

[Host - Burt]

Just not into it. Don't feel like engaging it.

[Jeff]

Just hook kids up. You come to my door and knock, you get candy.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

I'd say you always appreciate how it allows women to be whorish. Yes, Yes.

[Jeff]

I definitely appreciate looking at the picture gallery from Big Wicked. If I was a single dude, there'd be no place I would not be the weekend of Halloween other than our party. And I appreciate Melissa's passion for it. And I.

[Melissa]

My passion for it is different than Jeff's. You know, that whole comment is something I'm not.

[Host - Burt]

It's not so much April Fool's Day that I have a problem with. It's April Fool's Day on morning shows that I have the real problem with because the jokes. I've been doing this quite a while, and I've never really. I mean, in the amount of time I've been doing this, I've heard maybe one or two total that were good. And the rest of them are just so stupid. And I just think the audience is smarter than that, and they're just so dumb. Like, a couple of years ago, somebody one morning show was playing the sounds of, like, cats underneath them talking on the air and during the commercial so people would think there was a cat in the car. Stupid. We all listened to it. We all came in here the next day, and we're like, that show so

[Jeff]

stupid because they executed it poorly.

[Host - Burt]

Well, for seven years now, these guys have wanted to do something, and I've been strong on it. No, no, no, no, no. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. So finally I was beat down and I said, okay, let's go ahead. I'm going to prove my point to you guys this year. And last year, it was suggested that we take Hayden to a tattoo parlor.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Your son?

[Host - Burt]

My son Hayden is six. He's six now. He was five last year. Take him to a tattoo parlor. We'll have some makeup artists come on in. They'll put a fake tattoo on his arm. We'll go to a psycho tattoo or whatever, and we'll pretend we're putting a tattoo on him and we'll put the pictures up on the website and people will call and they will complain left and right. How could you do this to your 5 year old? And it's inhumane. Take the child away. And I thought there is nobody in our listening audience that will buy that for one second. We're going to spend all morning long talking about it and nobody. We will not get one call. So let's not do it. So I fought him off last year and we're in our post show meeting and they're beating me down, and they're beating me down. So finally I think to myself, I said, all right, let's prove this point. This is going to be the year. So I say, fine, let's go. Bethany comes over and she puts the same tattoo that I have on my arm. She fakes one on my six year old's arms.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Hayden, you have their initials, your kids initials on your arm.

[Host - Burt]

Hlw we all have the same initial. Then I go up to psycho tattoo with Hayden and my wife Stacy and Hollis and Hayden sits in the tattooer's chair. He brings the tattoo gun out. There's no needle attached or anything. But we pretend to mock this tattoo on Stacey, on Hayden's arm.

[Melissa]

And Hayden's acting skills, like Bird has been bragging about this for a long time. But those pictures, I mean, when I first saw that one picture of his fear that, I mean, brilliant, like you were even concerned.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah. He was so good at it that as soon as we were done, I called Tracy and I started to waver a little bit. I started thinking maybe somebody will buy it because Hayden. And this is all based on Hayden.

[Leah]

A.

[Host - Burt]

The tattoo came out so real and Hayden is sitting in this chair and you can. He's acting and you could see the fear in his eyes.

[Melissa]

And he can make himself cry.

[Host - Burt]

And he can make himself cry too. This is why the kid wants to get into acting. Right?

[Jeff]

He should.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

He's so good at it.

[Jeff]

You need to get him into acting right now. Like he needs to be on a soap opera.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Or seriously, didn't you say, like Hayden, there's no need to be scared? And he was like, what, dad, I'm in character. Isn't this what you wanted me to do?

[Host - Burt]

Well, because this is the progression of things. The first couple of seconds he's in the chair, he was fine. Right. And then they brought the tattoo gun out and that's a pretty intimidating looking thing. So there's about 10 seconds there where he's like, what's going on here? What are you guys doing? And he's nervous for about 10 seconds. And that's when I'm. I'm taking all the pictures. And then he bought into it, and then he started acting so well, I'm like, hayden, why are you freaking out? You know, there's no needle in there. Nothing's gonna happen to you. And he stops and he goes, you told me to act. And I said, okay. And then he went, switched it right back on.

[Melissa]

Love it.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

He was in character.

[Host - Burt]

Totally in character. Didn't break character, right? Beautiful paintings.

[Jeff]

If you hadn't told me what a good act, told us what a good actor he was, I would have thought that you told him that he was really getting a tattoo in order to freak him out. And then you're like, look, dude, we're not gonna turn the needle on.

[Host - Burt]

Which you couldn't do to a kid. You just couldn't do that to me. You couldn't do that to anybody.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

In theory, Jeff could, but Jeff could.

[Host - Burt]

That's why he's not having kids yet. But you can't do that if you're

[Jeff]

trying to pull off an April Fool's Day joke, then sacrifice your kid.

[Host - Burt]

So the pictures came out so good, I post them on Facebook, and immediately I start to get instant. And by the way, the goal here, the agreement that we had made in the post show meeting, this is a really important part of this whole thing, is I said to these guys, we won't get one phone call from anybody. Believes that the Burt's Big Adventure guy has the capability of bringing his six year old to a tattoo parlor and actually getting a tattoo. We won't get one call, y'.

[Leah]

All.

[Host - Burt]

Not one.

[Melissa]

And we said all it takes is one call. And I said, we said there would definitely be somebody that will call. Believe this and be mad at you.

[Jeff]

Now, keep in mind that it was

[Melissa]

a phone call is what the bet pay. I mean, pretty much it was kind of a bet payoff on whether we were gonna do April Fool's again or not.

[Host - Burt]

I think we were just trying to prove to each other that is it a good idea or a bad idea?

[Melissa]

And so the phone call was the key.

[Jeff]

The discussion that we would have is you are listening to the same radio station, and if I'm about to put you in this category, I apologize if it makes you feel silly, but you're listening to the same radio station who receives calls every time they air a president or a presidential candidate cussing during a televised news conference claiming that by watching the show on cable on high definition, you will hear the profanity.

[Host - Burt]

And we always get calls.

[Melissa]

People can't always believe it.

[Jeff]

We've gotten calls from news journalists, writers of newspapers.

[Melissa]

Sorry about that. But you did call this up and

[Jeff]

fought us on the fact that that probably wasn't real.

[Melissa]

So of course we're gonna get a phone call about Hayden's tattoo.

[Host - Burt]

And I was saying just one.

[Melissa]

We definitely were gon.

[Host - Burt]

Do we get one call on it? Then we can continue to do April Fool's Day jokes. So I started to get a little nervous because I posted the pictures on Facebook and immediately I start to get instant messages from irate listeners. How could you do that to your son? And I even. I even tried helping the bit because I wrote. I didn't write back to them saying it was an April Fool's Day joke. I wrote back in these instant messages saying, what's the big deal? He just wants to be like, daddy or geez, why is everybody so upset thinking that they might call the next day on the show? So we come in here, and all morning long, we're waiting for the one call from one irate listener.

[Leah]

Yes.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Melissa and I were looking at each other going, please call somebody.

[Melissa]

Call somebody.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

And I was like. I was even like, should I have a friend of mine call?

[Melissa]

And I'm like, yes.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

I'm like, I can get one of them.

[Host - Burt]

I walked out of here feeling great about things yesterday. It's 10 o'. Clock. I proved my point. I don't have to come on and gloat today or anything like that. It's done. April Fool's Day jokes are stupid. Our listeners are smarter than that. There will be no April Fool's Day jokes ever on the bird show. So I wish the story ended there. And I could say that absolutely nobody bought it because I drive home at about noon yesterday, and as soon as I get into the garage, the babysitter runs out. And she meets me in the garage with a panicked look on her face. And I said, what's up? And she said, you're not going to believe what's happening in the house right now. I said, what's going on? She said, defax is here. I swear to you.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Now you are kidding.

[Nordstrom Rack Advertiser]

Immediate.

[Host - Burt]

My first thought is, this is. This is a setup by Jeff. I said, there's no way. There's no. And this. I. This is kind of a common theme. When anything really strange happens to me in my life, my first thought is always Jeff's behind it.

[Jeff]

Dude, I mean, Vegas. Well, I'm on the other side of the country.

[Host - Burt]

I'll tell you why. I started to think that you are behind it. So I'm like, are you kidding? She's like, yes. And they are serious. So I gingerly walk into the house, and sure enough, there's a defects worker.

[Melissa]

You're kidding that.

[Host - Burt]

In my living room talking to my babysitter. Now, Hayden is in school at this point, so she has Hollis in one hand, and she's talking to this defects worker who wants to check out Hollis. Also, Stacey's out of the house. Nobody had called her yet. I just got there. The defects worker, I'm assuming, was there maybe five minutes. So nobody had called Stacey yet. So I get in there, and this guy is serious. He's like, we got a complaint to the governor's office yesterday. They didn't call defects themselves. They called the governor's office. Now, normally, what the governor does is he gives them the or his office gives them the direct line number to defects. But the worker told me that this person that called to complain was so concerned is a person of such power that the governor's office moved on it quickly. It usually takes you three years. Swear. Everything I'm telling you right now, I swear to you on Hayden's fake tattoo is the truth. So they push the file and the case forward. It takes two or three weeks for a defects worker to get to your house. But because this, and I don't know who it is, he wouldn't tell me. This person called the governor's office. They immediately sent them to my house.

[Jeff]

So it's obviously either an elected official or someone.

[Melissa]

Is this serious? Are you serious?

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

A public official?

[Host - Burt]

If this is an April Fool's Day joke, then it is on me and my family at this point, because everything I am reciting to you is the absolute truth so far.

[Melissa]

I was thinking that.

[Host - Burt]

I mean, I got Burt's tweet, and

[Melissa]

I was like, I bet you I know who came to the house yesterday afternoon. That's what I thought all day yesterday. I didn't even think about that because you sent that tweet out, and I didn't even think that was connected to that at all.

[Host - Burt]

What was your tweet, Stacey? I just wrote. And I wrote this on Facebook also. I wrote not entirely shocked by who just showed up, who just knocked at my door. So now the defects worker is there, and he's really serious about it. And he said once they got the call, they all went around my Facebook page and they were Looking at it, and they couldn't tell if it was real or not. They're looking at Hayden's face and he's doing such a good acting job that they were like, I guess we gotta go out there. It doesn't make any sense to us, but we gotta go on out to the house. So he does. He comes out yesterday. Hayden's not there, but he's checking Hollis out left and right. And he's asking me questions and he's asking the babysitter all sorts of questions. And because Hayden is not there, he leaves. And he's actually at my house right now, again, right this second. Oh, before Hayden goes to school at 8 o'. Clock. Hayden and my wife right now at this very second are talking to a defects worker.

[Melissa]

Oh, no.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

So are you mad at us for making.

[Host - Burt]

No, I'm not mad.

[Jeff]

Then it worked.

[Host - Burt]

No, now.

[Jeff]

Dude, our April Fool's Day joke got us a call to Sonny's office. It's the best April Fool's Day joke.

[Host - Burt]

Now here's where else I thought, yeah, it's really freaky now in such a

[Melissa]

world of distrust because of April Fools that I'm sitting here just like. Really?

[Host - Burt]

Yeah. Up until last night when I went to sleep, I recited one word or one sentence to Stacey probably a dozen times. I want you to swear on your family that this is not an April Fool's Day joke that you're in on. And she said, no, absolutely not. And she was freaked out about it last night. And I gotta tell you, when I knew defects was coming this morning. I haven't cleaned my office in four weeks. It is. It is clean. Because I figured they were gonna go through every room and every office and the family is freaks.

[Jeff]

How do you know the defects worker is real?

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

I feel bad now.

[Host - Burt]

He brought the badge. So I saw the badge and. Are you joking with me?

[Jeff]

No.

[Host - Burt]

You are, aren't you?

[Jeff]

No, I'm not. I'm just wondering how you know that

[Melissa]

he's got that look on your face.

[Host - Burt]

He does.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

He does that joke. You do.

[Host - Burt]

Because it would be a really bad joke at this point. Stacy would be really pissed.

[Jeff]

I'm not. Is she on the warm line? I'm not. I swear to God I'm not. I'm just wondering how you knew the defects worker was real.

[Host - Burt]

I mean, he had the badge and we've made a copy of the badge and we have it up online right [e-mail] and we took the dude's face and his name.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Are you really behind It.

[Jeff]

No.

[Leah]

If.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Dude, sure.

[Jeff]

Swear to God.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Okay.

[Melissa]

Because it almost makes me mad that defects would be that fast on you when there's plenty of homes that defects needs to be in.

[Host - Burt]

There's a whole bunch of things that just don't make sense to me in this whole story, which is why I still even now believe that's like an April Fool's Day joke.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Huh?

[Host - Burt]

And I thought, even so weird. I mean, I'm doing every scenario in my head. Like, if Jeff was behind this and he told you guys about it, I know that you guys would stand up and you'd say, there's no way that we could. Can do that. It would be too stressful. Stacey would be a mess. There's no way.

[Melissa]

So I thought, seriously.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

And that's.

[Melissa]

It doesn't make any sense because the governor's office has a lot more to worry about than. I don't know, whatever.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Well, but I think.

[Host - Burt]

I don't put it really on the. And I'm thinking in my head also, the governor's been in this studio five times. He knows about Burt's big adventure. Everybody in his office knows also. So a lot of it's just not making sense.

[Melissa]

I mean, I'm not putting it on the governor's office because you have to respond to whatever, but it just sounds weird. It just sounds. It still doesn't sound real to me.

[Host - Burt]

And all I could think of is, even if it was a joke, they couldn't send a real defects worker out to my house. Because if it ever got out that it was a joke, people would be like, you're spending our tax money on joking a radio guy.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Right.

[Host - Burt]

So if it's a joke, I don't believe the governor's office is behind it at all.

[Jeff]

Now, that would be bragging rights. If I could get Governor Sonny Perdue to help me out with an April Fool's Day prank using the. Using government agencies.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

It's like, it went too well.

[Host - Burt]

It went. It went too well for one person. For some really naive, high powered person.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Like, I don't know, like, if everyone actually has, like, a permanent record. But is this something that goes on some permanent.

[Host - Burt]

No, it doesn't. That was one of my first questions I asked him yesterday. I'm like, so is this. Are we stuck here? Like, if somebody else wants to prank me, are we flagged? And he said, no. There's a division where they just send a defects worker out to your house, and if they find nothing, then you go into, like, the dismissed file. It's never Ever red flagged or anything like that.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

But I would hate that if that were the case.

[Melissa]

Now, let me.

[Host - Burt]

You know how many times I spanked my kid in six years? Twice.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Right.

[Melissa]

Let me ask you.

[Host - Burt]

Even then I had 48 hours of complete guilty pang.

[Jeff]

Because normally you just burn him with a cigarette.

[Melissa]

Right? But that.

[Host - Burt]

No jokes.

[Melissa]

Since that listener. Since that listener used the phone to call the governor's office. Doesn't that still qualify?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Is the fact that we won this whole.

[Jeff]

Melissa, this is the best April Fool's radio joke.

[Melissa]

I still, I mean, I don't believe the defects.

[Host - Burt]

Then Stacy's on the warm line right now. And I firmly believe when I pick her up, she's gonna go, dude, I was just messing with you. Cause I still. Everything's just not making sense to me.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

But she swore on her family last night so that she wasn't joking.

[Host - Burt]

She swore on Hayden Hollis and her mother, everybody.

[Melissa]

But if her toes are crossed, it doesn't count.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Did you have your fingers crossed?

[Host - Burt]

Hey, baby.

[Leah]

Hi.

[Host - Burt]

Are they there right now?

[Leah]

No.

[Host - Burt]

Was he there this morning and left already?

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Was it a joke?

[Caller or Guest]

No. Whoever did, it's not funny.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah, I don't know that somebody did it as a joke or somebody like that was listening, was really serious that really thought that we might do that to Hayden.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, whoever it was is.

They have serious issues.

[Leah]

Well, they.

[Jeff]

It's fair.

[Host - Burt]

I think it's fair if they really

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

thought by the initial joke, I mean,

[Host - Burt]

Hayden was so good. I mean, he really was and the makeup was so good that this could have happened out of genuine concern. And if that's the case, then I can't put it on anybody. I'll tell you who the person, I'm kicking myself in the ass. Cause I've said for seven years we don't do these. And the one time I say yes, this is how it ends up. So I'm busting my own ass for not following my gut.

[Jeff]

Dude, this is a legendary story. Like every radio station does a amusement park at intersection two roads are unparalleled.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Ha ha ha.

[Jeff]

That's funny. And everything the next day, oh, there's crickets running behind all of the signs. Ah, that's funny. You had the governor's office involved in your April Fool's Day job.

[Host - Burt]

I know, but here's what you're missing. Like from the outside looking in, I'm sure you think it's funny, but when defects comes to your home and your flag for your kids, it really is a very, very serious thing. Like, I Can't find a lot of humor in it.

[Jeff]

Right. But now that it's all said and done and everything's fine.

[Melissa]

Well, let's talk to Stacy since she's on the phone. What happened this morning? Did they see that he did not have a tattoo? And was that enough or did they still interrogate you?

[Caller or Guest]

No, they didn't ask me any questions at all. I mean, he just came to the door and he was very, very nice. And I went to the door with Hayden because I knew, you know, why he was here. And pulled Hayden's shirt sleeve up so he could see his arm. And he said, no, doesn't look like there's any tattoo there. And he said, your daddy's pretty funny guy. And then, you know, that was about it. But he was really sweet to Hayden when he first got here. He was like, you know, like, I hear you're a celebrity and you did a funny joke. And so he was making him feel real comfortable. So he didn't really know, you know, what was going on. We just told him this was some guy that didn't believe daddy's joke and he had to come see for himself.

[Host - Burt]

And, you know, I took his name off of the badge and I took his face off the badge that's posted. Cuz I figured you guys wouldn't believe me. That's why I posted the defects badge. And I don't know what this guy's name is, but he was really, he was a really nice guy yesterday. I mean, he almost felt, he was almost apologizing for having, having to be.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Having to go, yeah, yeah.

[Caller or Guest]

So he, yeah, I mean, he did this morning too. He's like, I'm really sorry that y' all had to go through this or whatever. So, you know, I mean, it's legit and it's not funny at all. There's nothing funny about it. I'm never gonna laugh about it, you know, and somebody. It's just not funny.

[Host - Burt]

Well, I mean, I don't care if

[Caller or Guest]

they say it goes in a dismiss file or not. Defects came to our house for absolutely no reason for something totally ridiculous. And it just devastating.

[Host - Burt]

If you're angry, you can't be angry at the person that actually made the call because we don't know what their motivation was. If it was real, then I. That's a legit call. I think if you have anybody to be mad at, it's me for going along with it, you know.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Well, you guys all thought everybody would understand. It's a tough.

[Leah]

Come on.

[Host - Burt]

I mean, based on the care. Like who? It's just not possible. That's why I figured that's why we didn't get one call on it yesterday.

[Jeff]

I think it's a badge of honor for your kid, too. I'm bragging about that for the rest of my life. No, because you put 100.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Such a good actor.

[Host - Burt]

He did do a good job. If you do a great job.

[Jeff]

And you know what? I hope Hayden understands the power that he has now over you. He turns on those tears in a public place. Defects will be right back at your

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

house to Hollywood this summer. And get that kid starting acting in commercials immediately.

[Host - Burt]

Seriously, Right? He's got the academy award in his back pocket. All right, baby, I'm sorry about it this week.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry that I'm shocked to that place.

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

I'm so shocked.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

I can't. I can't believe it.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah, I bet I was. We were both really, really nervous last night. Like, we're looking around the house. Like, is there anything in the house right now that could, you know, somehow some way indicate to them that we're not good parents? I mean, when you got the threat. Yeah, it was absurd.

[Caller or Guest]

The whole thing is absurd.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Well, I mean, it was.

[Leah]

God, I like, freak out if he

[Caller or Guest]

has a hangnail, right?

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Yeah.

[Caller or Guest]

Like we would ever do anything, you know, to hurt him. I'm too soft.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

And it was so believable. I mean, it was just that the pictures spoke for themselves.

[Host - Burt]

All right, honey, I'm gonna take some calls. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

[Caller or Guest]

Bye.

[Jeff]

I might go to morning show boot camp this year just to brag about this.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Seriously, this is radio success.

[Jeff]

This is the greatest April Fool's Day joke ever. The Birch show.

[Melissa]

Okay, I have some advice for parents. And my advice to you is, especially if you have multiple children, even though that Bert has already done this, but by naming your children, the same first initial might come to haunt them in the future. And let me tell you why. Because as you know, my name is Melissa. My sister's name is Melanie. They both start Mel, and they both will come one right after the other on your phone, on an email. And so if you are just thumbing through a text, you know, let's say we want to send a quick text. You might get it wrong, just like Katie Jo did the other day. So Katie Jo decided she's gonna send me a little lovey dovey message and let me know that she's coming home. Baby, for a little love. And I love you.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

No way.

[Melissa]

And send it to Melanie.

[Host - Burt]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. How graphic was the text? Or was it just a flirty, flirty.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Send it to your sister.

[Melissa]

She sent it to my sister. Letting my sister know I'm on my way home, baby, for a little bit of lovin. I love you do be. And my sister wrote her back and said, wrong baby, but I love you too.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

That is awesome. So did she call you right away?

[Melissa]

She came in and it was the look on her face. She came in and looked at me and said, oh God. I just sent a text message to your sister.

[Host - Burt]

This one here. This has got to be pretty common if you miss text somebody.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Host - Burt]

Something really inappropriate because it just takes one letter. Like you said, one letter.

[Melissa]

Yes again, Emmy. L. Both last name Carter. It's gonna happen. And sure enough, it happened. So my sister. My sister had full knowledge of everything that was going on. You know, the other afternoon I told

[Host - Burt]

these guys a while back that Stacy and I were in Charleston, South Carolina for a weekend by ourselves and we ended up over at a Wild Wings. And we were getting our drink and getting our party on pretty good by ourselves without the kids and stuff like that. So I went to go text her brother, my brother in law, because he loves Wild Wings. That's where you can find him on Fridays and Saturdays. That's where he goes. So my text was something like, I know you're jealous. I'm at Wild Wings. And then I started to detail all the partying that we were doing and I accidentally sent it to her dad. Just one last one name off.

[Melissa]

Just one name off.

[Host - Burt]

Brandon. Don. Don. Brandon. Just one name off.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Did Don respond?

[Host - Burt]

No, he never did. I think it's one of those things, like, I'm gonna pretend I didn't get it and. Why don't you pretend you didn't send it?

[Melissa]

Right, right.

[Leah]

That's terrible.

[Host - Burt]

Hey, Jessica. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Leah]

Good morning.

[Host - Burt]

Morning.

[Leah]

My boyfriend yesterday accidentally texted my mom telling her that we should get a hotel room this weekend and that we would have a lot of fun.

[Jeff]

Do we want to ask how old you are or is that gonna be really uncomfortable for us?

[Leah]

I'm 20.

[Host - Burt]

Okay.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

Cause you sound like you're about 15.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah, if you were said 13, I

[Leah]

get that so much.

[Melissa]

Did your mom write him back?

[Leah]

No, she just acted like she never got it. And he texted me, he's like, oh, sorry.

[Host - Burt]

And you're absolutely sure he accidentally sent that to your mom? Cause you may be on the voice disguiser. Come Monday morning.

[Melissa]

And she may be sending her picture in for our MILF mattress.

[Host - Burt]

Melissa, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Leah]

Good morning.

[Host - Burt]

Good morning.

[Leah]

Perhaps a year ago, I sent a text message to my friend Lindsey by mistake. She had been getting on my nerves all week long. Just ranting and raving, going crazy, being obnoxious. Just totally getting on my nerves. I meant this in that text message to my boyfriend. I sent it straight to her. She questioned it.

[Caller or Guest]

I completely lied. Told her that it was one of

[Leah]

my cousins that was staying with me for the week.

[Host - Burt]

So you never listed her by name? It was just sort of a, she's driving me absolutely crazy today.

[Leah]

No, I definitely said, lindsay's driving me absolutely crazy. But I made her believe that it was my cousin.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

You made up a cousin named Lindsay?

[Leah]

I don't have a cousin named Lindsay.

[Jeff]

And you have to remember that for as long as you're friends because how jacked up is it?

[Host - Burt]

A bit.

[Jeff]

How's your cousin Lindsay?

[Caller or Guest]

Who?

[Host - Burt]

Hey, Kelly. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

Good morning. I had texted my cousin Jamie. You know how you get those texts

that are forwarded all the time and

they're really raunchy and nasty? Well, I had been sending her these texts for, like, the past month. And two days ago, I got a phone call from somebody named Jamie saying,

[Leah]

I don't know who you are, but

[Caller or Guest]

these texts are absolutely hilarious. Come to find out, it was a business associate.

[Leah]

And she went on to just tell me about all of the texts I've been sending her, because I'm like, I don't know you. I didn't send you anything. And she just. Oh, yeah, you sent me the one about Ms. Pac Man.

[Caller or Guest]

And you know how, you know, she

[Leah]

swallowed for 25 minutes ago.

[Host - Burt]

Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Leah]

Hey, guys. Sent a text message to my boss when it was supposed to go to my boyfriend, and I had just started working, like, a week. A good little come home, can't wait to see you, want you to kiss me, blah, blah, blah. And got one back saying, are you sure you sent the sister the right person?

[Caller or Guest]

See you Monday morning.

[Leah]

Yeah, little awkward Monday morning.

[Host - Burt]

Yeah, these are. These are starting to heat up now. Chris, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

I'm a chef. Okay. I was at work Friday night, and me and a guy that were working in the kitchen together were texting each other back and forth, and we were talking just the most horrible trash about a guy that was working in between us. I mean, and this was our. This is my boss, like, the main guy. And we're in the middle of sending these texts back and forth, and my boss leans over and taps me on his shoulder and turns around and goes, did you mean to send this to me? And I turned around and went, oh, my God, man. Like, no, I meant to send that to blah, blah, blah. I ended up spieling for about three or four minutes and got away with it. But I was on the edge of getting in a lot of trouble.

[Host - Burt]

These are turning from texts into pictures now. And this is. This is when the whole. Hey, Hope, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Leah]

Yeah. My sister. I have a twin sister, and she sent me a picture of herself when

[Caller or Guest]

she was supposed to be sending it to her husband.

[Jeff]

Oopsie.

[Host - Burt]

It was a naked picture of herself.

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Host - Burt]

My eyes. I can't see my eyes.

[Jeff]

At least you sent it sister to sister, not sister to brother, because that would traumatize her. Imagine if your phone beeps, Jen, and you open it up and it's a naked picture of your brother with a note that says, like, this is waiting for you.

[Host - Burt]

Come and get it.

[Caller or Guest]

Come and get it.

[Melissa]

Stop. I'm gonna vomit.

[Host - Burt]

Hey, Tiffany, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Leah]

Good morning.

[Host - Burt]

Hey.

[Leah]

How are y' all doing?

[Host - Burt]

Okay.

[Leah]

All right. I have a cousin who has a wife named Nina. And I had been with this guy for about three months, and I had taken a naked picture of him. Well, in my phone, I have Nina, then I have my grandmother, which is Nana. The picture to my Nana. She's like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You need to go pray right now.

[Melissa]

You know what?

[Leah]

I'm so embarrassed. I still can't even hardly talk to her about it.

[Melissa]

I know, but the thing is, she kept those pictures.

[Host - Burt]

You know? She did. Come on.

[Melissa]

She kept those pictures.

[Host - Burt]

Now, what were you doing sending the naked picture of the boyfriend to another friend?

[Leah]

Because I wanted her to see how big he was.

[Host - Burt]

Well, hold on. I'm gonna do this.

[Jeff]

Well, that's gonna guarantee

[Host - Burt]

this is gonna take us into a totally different direction. And let's try to be as PC as we can. Are women sharing their pictures of their naked men with other women?

[Leah]

I've never done it.

[Jeff]

That means you're definitely not.

[Guest - Possibly Melissa's friend or co-host]

I've never shared it. I don't even have a camera phone. But I have seen them.

[Leah]

Yeah.

[Host - Burt]

So girlfriends of yours will show you pictures of their boyfriends naked?

[Leah]

Well, not so much if. Let's say this guy was hung like a horse so. I mean, you had to show it off.

[Host - Burt]

You're bragging more than anything else.

[Jeff]

Isn't it true that you're definitely not gonna marry the guy? Like, if the guy's not gonna.

[Caller or Guest]

He's a long gone.

[Host - Burt]

I got questions now. I've got questions about that that are gonna really scare guys.

[Jeff]

Jen doesn't have a. A camera phone, but she's actually done a pencil sketch.

[Host - Burt]

The Birch show.