Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, December 17 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, December 17 [Vault]
Date: December 17, 2025

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Episode Overview

This Bert Show Vault episode packs a morning's worth of lively, real-talk radio with the familiar warmth and banter of its crew. From dissecting a listener's peculiar first date fallout, to lightning-round stories of rapid remarriage post-divorce, to confessions of “grown-up grounding” in marriage, the show blends humor and authenticity while inviting listeners to reflect or simply escape their morning grind. Expect candid discussions, sharp-witted commentary, and memorable calls from the show’s community.

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Main Segments and Key Insights

1. The First Date Mystery: Why Didn’t Tara Call Back?

(01:02 - 11:19)

Story Setup

• Alan reconnects with Tara, a former coworker, and they have what he describes as an amazing, extended first date (dinner, bar, late night with friends, a goodbye kiss).
• Alan is confused about why Tara went cold afterward and seeks closure.

On-Air Confrontation

• Host sets up a call between Alan and Tara for honest feedback, asking Alan to accept whatever is said for closure.
• Tara joins and explains her side:

Tara (05:11): "We did have a very good time, and Alan really is a very nice guy. But what happened was, well, we were at the restaurant and it was sort of like we got the star treatment... The manager came over with a bottle of wine... I thought that was, you know, it was nice... afterwards... every server... was making fun of us... because he had paid the manager to act friendly... I've never heard of anybody doing anything like that before... I was embarrassed. And also... what a weird person."

Alan’s Defense

• Alan admits visiting beforehand to arrange a nice table and good service ("make it a really cool date"), but denies instructing staff to pretend he was a VIP. He admits giving the manager "a little something" but says he just didn't want to be stuck waiting for a table.
• The cast debate whether Alan’s planning was sweet or “phony.”

Notable Quotes

• Tara (09:39): "If he doesn't think that he's enough, then, you know what I mean? I just... then maybe he's not enough."
• Alan (09:56): "The fact that she would do this and not call me back maybe means that she's not the person for me."
• Show Cast: Split between finding Alan’s effort thoughtful vs. off-putting, questioning if his intent or the manager’s actions deserve more scrutiny.
• Jen (08:15): "I think that him planning ahead for the date is something that we should be, like, proud of him for…"
• Host (08:30): "...if he goes in there and says... make me to be a bigger star than I am, then he's already lying about who he is. And all women want is honesty."

Resolution

• Tara has no interest in a second date; Alan, while disappointed, gets closure and the hosts jokingly promise to set him up with other women from their fan mail.

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2. Lightning Round: Quickest Remarriage After Divorce

(14:08 - 19:01)

Prompt

• The hosts invite stories from listeners who remarried unusually fast after a divorce.

Memorable Calls & Responses

• Megan (14:24): “My father-in-law... three days [after the divorce was final].”
• Loretta (15:21): “My ex-husband … FedExed me the divorce papers... They got married the day they received the paper, same day.”
• April (16:29): "My stepfather... got his finalization... and drove my mother straight to the courthouse and got married."
  • They've been married 22 years.
• Anonymous (16:56): “My ex brother-in-law... 2:30 that evening.”
• Angela (17:45): “My mom and dad went to the courthouse, got divorced. His new wife was waiting outside... One hour later.”
  • "Black leather skirt with white pumps and white lace gloves like Madonna." (18:01)
• Melissa (18:24): “Within half an hour. We were... driving up to the courthouse, and it took a few minutes.”
  • “We’re still together. Eight years.”

Insights

• Divorce finalizations can be immediately followed by new marriages, sometimes with humorously memorable details.
• The cast reflects on societal expectations, the realities of romantic timing, and the varying outcomes of quick remarriage.

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3. Adult Groundings (When Your Spouse Puts You on “Restriction”)

(19:01 - 27:54)

Theme

• Hosts discuss "grown-up grounding," instances where spouses put each other on “restriction” for mishaps—be it spending habits or household accidents.

Featured Callers

• Host's Story (19:40): Woman banned from the family computer by her husband after excessive eBay spending.
• Burt’s anecdote: Found evidence of his wife’s secret shopping after she claimed to stop.

Sherry’s Call

(21:17 - 27:33)

• Sherry confesses that after destroying her car’s engine (ignored oil warning light), her husband "grounded" her:

Sherry (22:41): "You're allowed to use the car, but only to go to the grocery store and to go to work."

• She justifies the restriction and admits to "deserving it," even sharing a previous “punishment” (silent treatment) for not getting a building permit.

Notable Exchanges

• Hosts question the fairness:
  • “Nobody should be putting anybody on any kind of restriction or a grown-up grounding. Or...” (20:56)
  • Jen (24:30): “You’re still an adult, you know.”
• Playful banter about adult punishments, ‘grown-up grounding’ as a concept, and gender roles.
• Caller’s admission: “He doesn’t really do much wrong, to be honest.” (27:10)

Reflection

• The segment triggers a debate on relationship dynamics, accountability in marriage, and old-fashioned (even problematic) gender norms—with plenty of humor and side commentary.

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Notable Show Moments & Quotes

• Debate on Intentions vs. Perception
  • Jen defending Alan (08:15): “We always razz guys for not planning ahead enough... now here we have a guy who went ahead to the restaurant... I really think that it's nice.”
  • Host (08:30): “If he goes in there and says... make me to be a bigger star than I am, then he's already lying about who he is.”
• Quickest Remarriage Details:
  • “His new wife was waiting outside with her lace glove, black leather skirt and high white pumps...” (17:47)
  • “Within half an hour... we were driving up to the courthouse.” (18:24)
• Grown-Up Grounding:
  • “Hold on a second. Let me just make sure I'm clear on this. So he got the engine rebuilt, you’re allowed to use the car, but only to go to the grocery store and go to work.” (22:32)
  • “He doesn’t really do much wrong, to be honest.” (27:10)
  • “Thank you for bringing us back to 1947.” (22:56)

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Segment Timestamps

• First Date Investigation: 01:03 – 11:19
• Rapid-Remarriage Call-In: 14:08 – 19:01
• “Grown-Up Grounding” Stories: 19:01 – 27:54

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Summary & Takeaways

• Real-talk, humor, and vulnerability: The Bert Show keeps it lively, supportive, and at times sharply critical, treading both serious and silly ground.
• Community calls: Listener stories add a rich layer of authenticity and relatability, with the cast skillfully connecting with diverse experiences.
• Underlying questions:
  • What’s romantic vs. what’s phony in dating?
  • How fast is “too fast” to move on after divorce?
  • What’s a healthy way for adults to manage each other’s mistakes in marriage?

Listeners get a full spectrum of emotion—awkwardness, laughter, and the comfort of shared, imperfect human experience.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

The Birch Show.

[D]

We understand you're a little miffed.

[C]

I'm like, I'm miffed and confused and dazed and everything.

[A]

Well, tell us about it now. What's her name?

[C]

Her name is Tara.

[A]

Tara.

[C]

Okay, you know what, I've known her. It wasn't like I just met her out of the blue. It's like I knew her years and years ago. We used to work together at this restaurant and she was great. I mean, she was like a total like totally cool girl. Totally nice. We got along really well. And then I bumped into her at the mall just like, like a week and a half ago. And I invited her out Friday night. So I don't know, we went out for. I knew that she liked seafood. We went out to a seafood place.

[B]

It was cool.

[C]

We, you know, and then this like really quick dinner turned out to a really long dinner. And then we, we continued to hang out. We talked so much. It was like so easy. You know how that is? You know when it was easy? What time did the night begin and what time did the night end? Well, I started early on purpose just in case it sort of bombed. You know, we started like at like 6:30 or so, 6:45. And then we finished dinner around 10:30 at night or something. We just kept on hanging out. And then she took me to this patio bar somewhere I don't even know. And we just, we hung out there for a long time. And then I brought her back to her place and a bunch of her friends were there and it just like the night just kept on going on and on and on and on and on. I didn't leave there until 5am in the morning.

[A]

Wow, that's awesome.

[C]

I was totally a gentleman. I mean, we did kiss a little bit, but it was like totally just chatting. One of those cool, cool nights. Just like talking and hanging out and listening and stuff like that. I thought it was just great. Was it just the two of you or was it a group? You said they were friends. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When we first got there, there was a bunch of her friends there, and we had a very cool tie with them. We were laughing a lot.

[D]

Is there anything that happened with you and the friends?

[C]

I mean, not that I could think. Really? Really, really? Truthfully, not that I could think of. I thought it went really well. And then we hung out for a while after that because I just think.

[A]

Friends are so influential in a decision that I just wonder if they are playing a factor.

[D]

This is how these things go, you know? Like after a great family, if it doesn't happen the second date, you just start picking apart and dissecting every little thing that happened in that 24 hours, you know? All right, Alan, let's do this. Okay. We're gonna get Tara on with us and we're gonna ask her to come clean with you. Now you have to make this agreement that if we get her on, she can say whatever she wants. And your feelings, you have to set those aside, because what's most important here is just that you have closure on the whole thing.

[C]

I will.

[D]

All right. Hey, Tara.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Hi. How are you?

[B]

I'm good. How are you?

[D]

You're on the radio right now in all the hits. Q100.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

Do you know why you're on?

[B]

I'm not exactly sure. I have an idea.

[D]

All right, let me just introduce you back to Alan here real quick. Hey, Alan.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Hey, Tara.

[B]

Hi, Tara.

[D]

What we want you to do here, because Alan has kind of been scratching his head over the last week because he thought you guys had a killer time for those 12 or 13 hours y' all hung out. And he's saying even if you guys never go out ever again, it's cool with him. But really what he wants is, like, total honesty on why there hasn't been a follow up call just so we can have some closure on this whole thing. Isn't that right, Alan?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Gentle honesty, but she can say whatever she wants.

[C]

She can say whatever she wants.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Brutal honesty.

[C]

Out of curiosity here.

[D]

Brutal honesty.

[B]

Okay. We did have a very good time, and Alan really is a very nice guy. But what happened was, well, we were at the restaurant and it was sort of like we got the star treatment. The manager came over with a bottle of wine and he's like, you know, hello, Alan, how are you? And, you know, there's a lot of nodding going on, and I was Just like, oh, you know, he must be a regular here. And they were treating him, you know, like he. Like he was like a movie star or something. And I thought that was, you know, it was nice, but it. Something felt. I don't know, I felt a little funny, but I didn't care, you know, I was like, well, this is nice. This is nice, and I'll buy anything because I would love to meet somebody. So anyway, afterwards, I ran into a friend of a friend, whatever, who works at the restaurant. I talked to her for a minute and whatever. It turned out that a friend of mine called me who knows her and me and said that everybody at the restaurant was making fun of me because. And of Alan because he had paid the manager to act friendly to us, to. You know, he, like, went over there ahead of time and brought him his credit card and just said, pretend like, you know me and did all this stuff. And it was like, I've never heard of anybody doing anything like that before. And I was, you know, I was embarrassed. And also, you know, I thought, what a weird person. Why would you do that?

[D]

All right, before we even ask Alan if that's the truth, who did you hear that from, Tara?

[B]

I heard it from my friend who is friends with a girl that works at the restaurant, who told me that everybody, all the servers in the restaurant were making fun of us because they had known. The manager told them, of course, that this guy came in and said, hey.

[C]

You know, so he went in. He. He went in even before your date, gave his credit card down and said, send over a bottle of wine. Come say hi. Take care of the bill. Just put it on my credit card. I'm trying to impress this girl.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

Alan.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Is that true?

[C]

It's a half truth. It's an exaggerated truth.

[B]

What's the truth?

[C]

I went there earlier to make a reservation because I really like this restaurant. I couldn't remember the name of it. And I went there, and the manager was there, and I said, I really want this to be a really cool date. I really want this to be a special date.

[B]

And.

[C]

And so, like, I sort of, like, pumped it up a little bit. I did not give him any extra cash or any extra money or anything like that. But I did say that, you know, that this means a lot to me. Don't shove me in the back, you know, give me a nice table, you know, and stuff like that. And he went a little overboard with it, and I don't know what the deal was, but I had to go along with it.

[D]

You slip him like 100 or something? Or 50?

[C]

I slip him 100, but I did slip him a little something.

[D]

What'd you slip them?

[A]

I suppose ask him that.

[C]

But first of all, guys, this is the deal. What is the point?

[A]

It just seems like you guys are just totally trying to embarrass this guy, and I'm taking the opposite. I think it's actually kind of cool that he went to the restaurant ahead of time and wanted it to be a special dinner.

[D]

Easy.

[C]

I seriously did not. I did not tell them that I wanted to seem like I was like a VIP or anything. I just wanted, like, this not to be a. Like when you go to a restaurant and then suddenly the whole date gets messed up because you can't get a table on time and you're waiting there forever and it stinks and you want to go to another restaurant. I just wanted to be cool and without having to worry about that. I don't think with a big deal about that.

[A]

But why did he have to inform the whole staff? That's what. Well, maybe he's an unprofessional manager of the restaurant. I'm almost taking the complete opposite of you guys.

[C]

I'm actually on Jen's side because I think.

[A]

Okay, well, listen. Okay, just listen to this. We always razz guys for not planning ahead enough. For showing up to a date without hitting the ATM first. For forgetting to shave, for not wearing clean, boxer short. Whatever. Rip on guys for not planning ahead. Right? We're always saying, plan ahead, make a woman feel special. Well, now here we have a guy who went ahead to the restaurant. The only way we know that he tried to be treated like an extra VIP is from a friend of a friend who was a waitress who was snickering at the restaurant. Okay? If he's telling us he went there to try to make an extra special date, say, give us a good table.

[C]

Make sure you don't get a table.

[A]

Near the kitchen, like, whatever it is. I think. I think that it's. I mean, I really think that it's nice. I mean, I think it's a nice gesture. I think that him planning ahead for the date is something that we should be, like, proud of him for not going, how much did you slip him?

[D]

Cheap ass cheesy. Because yeah, it totally has something to do with it. Because if he goes in there and he says, look, here's $50. Make me to be a bigger star than I am, then he's already. Then he's already lying about who he is. And all Women want is honesty. Give me honesty.

[C]

So if he goes on a minute.

[D]

Alan, and he pretends to be like some kind of guy that he's not, it makes no sense.

[A]

How do you know he tried to pretend to be some guy he's not. The only way she knows that is to make a friend who knows a friend who heard something about snickering at the restaurant. If the manager wanted to make fun of this guy because he thought Allen was a dork or whatever, and he's having a bad night and the manager's trying to, like, stroke his own ego and poke fun at a customer and is a poor manager of a restaurant, then why couldn't that be this situation? The more important thing is, and I understand, Jen, your point, I think, but you used the key phrase, make a woman feel special. And the reason Tara backed out is because she was made to feel like fool because she didn't appreciate she's being made fun of and that. And so she. I mean, something. Something is missing for the whole staff to be making fun of this couple.

[C]

She was made to be. Feel like a fool by the manager, not by Alan.

[D]

Dara, what was that? What did this say to you?

[B]

Well, what this is. First, I just felt like his behavior was bizarre. I thought that was a bizarre choice to make. I just feel like if, you know how it's awkward, and I felt like if he doesn't think that he's enough, then. You know what I mean? I just. Then maybe he's not enough.

[C]

I want to say this.

[B]

I just.

[C]

I mean, it's like Tara's a totally nice, nice woman, but the fact that she would do this and not call.

[B]

Me back maybe means that she's not.

[C]

The person for me.

[B]

Oh, God. All right, that's probably not. Probably not. Because I felt like you were a little bit too outgoing with my friends, and I felt a little awkwardness. And maybe you are not comfortable with yourself and that's why you had to do that. And there was a mixture of things that happened. It wasn't just that. It was just the whole feeling after. After everything. And I'm not. I don't think that you're a bad person. I just don't think that you need to be phony.

[D]

In listening to his explanation. It hasn't. It hasn't brought you around even a little bit to want to go out with him again.

[B]

It started to, but after what he just said, I feel a little. Not that. No, not that interested.

[C]

I don't think Alan is gonna have any shortage of women to choose from once. Jen and I get to our emails later today and we'll get your email from Tracy and forward them all along to you and you'll get some this week.

[D]

Maybe even get you to the primal mating party.

[C]

You can call ahead and have them clean the kangaroo pen extra special for you.

[D]

Alright, we'll let both of you guys go. At least Allen, you have some closure now, right?

[C]

Yeah. Thank you so much guys. I appreciate it.

[D]

All right. And Alan, I'll put you on hold and Tara will let you. Okay.

[B]

Okay, Bye. Bye.

[D]

Thanks y'.

[A]

All.

[D]

See ya.

[C]

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[B]

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[A]

But not the socks he picked.

[B]

I know, I'm putting them back. Hey Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.

[A]

Oh, scratchers.

[D]

Good idea.

[A]

It's an easy shopping trip.

[B]

We're glad we could assist.

[C]

Thanks, random singing people.

[B]

So be like Davis Holiday and give the gift of play scratchers from the California lottery.

[D]

A little play can make your day. Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase player claim. We're asking you guys, is there anybody listening that has been married in a shorter amount of time after your divorce was finalized. And we got no shortage of calls on this. Good morning Megan. You are on all the hits. Q100.

[B]

Hey, how are you guys doing?

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Good. I mean, it's not me, it's my father in law. Three days.

[A]

Three days.

[D]

Three days.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

He signed his divorce papers, drove up to go see his new wife now that lives in Ohio, and two days after that, he flew us all up there for the wedding.

[D]

That's gotta be a little strange because he's planning a wedding while the divorce still isn't final.

[A]

Yeah, I think that happens a lot. I think once a couple separates and they go through the divorce proceedings, they start dating other people and by the time their divorce is final, they're already with somebody new, you know, so why wait?

[C]

How long does the divorce proceeding take?

[D]

In Georgia it's 30 days. Not that I've looked into it.

[C]

Okay. But I think some couples did answer that pretty quickly.

[A]

Yeah, I know that we had some.

[D]

Friends that just got divorced, but I.

[A]

Think some couples will separate first because before they just file the paper. So Some couples have been apart for a while by the time they get finally divorced.

[D]

Good morning, Loretta. You're on all the hits Q100.

[B]

Hi, Bert, how you doing?

[D]

Good, thank you.

[B]

I think I've got her beat, actually. My ex husband had the nerve to FedEx me divorce papers after, you know, all year long trying to get a divorce. He wouldn't give me one. Then suddenly he gets involved with someone, got her pregnant and sent me a money order along with the FedEx divorce papers, asking me to express mail it the next day. They got married the day they received the paper, same day.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, so it's really funny, but you know, it's like a Jerry Springer show. Anyway, I still get to be in contact with the ex mother in law and she's always telling me, you know, the Jerry Springer stories.

[D]

Oh, I bet you love those. I bet you can't get enough of those.

[B]

Oh, I know, it's like, aha, you know, payback.

[A]

But yeah, and I'm sure he's happy that you're still in touch with his mother, right? Oh yeah.

[B]

Oh, oh, yeah. I get those little calls, you know.

[D]

I'm sure there's prying going on every time.

[A]

That is great.

[D]

I don't want to pry, but if I did, it would sound a little like this. Good morning, April. You're on all the hits q100.

[B]

Good morning, guys. My stepfather went to the lawyer's office in the morning, got his finalization from his ex and drove my mother to the straight to the courthouse and got married.

[D]

Just like that.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Just like that.

[B]

Just like that.

[A]

Are he and your mother still married?

[B]

They've been married for 22 years.

[D]

Is that right? See now all of a sudden it becomes a romantic story. He knew and he couldn't wait long enough. Morning. All the hits Q100.

[B]

Hey, I got something to beat all of them.

[D]

All right?

[B]

My ex brother in law, his wife, his ex wife got her papers that morning. They had already planned this humongous wedding for the second wife. They got married at 2:30 that evening.

[D]

So 8 o' clock he gets the papers and six hours later he's married to somebody else.

[B]

And it was a big wedding. It wasn't something no justice of the peace. They had already planned this big elaborate wedding and we didn't think it was gonna happen because I'm like, you're still married, dude. But she got her papers that morning.

[A]

When they were planning the wedding. Okay, let's things to do. I got to call the florist. I got to call the, you know, whatever. And I got to call the lawyer, make sure the divorce papers are going to come that morning. You know, I mean, right?

[D]

Yeah. So what if the divorce papers are late that day or they just don't get there or a lawyer gets lazy or something? You're pretty screwed.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Angela.

[B]

Yes. One hour.

[D]

One hour.

[B]

Yes. My mom and dad went to the courthouse, got divorced. His new wife was waiting outside with her lace glove and black leather skirt and high white pumps.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

One hour later.

[A]

Okay. Black leather skirt.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

With white pumps.

[B]

With white pumps and white lace gloves. Like Madonna. I'm so proud. So proud.

[A]

The vision of classiness.

[B]

Yes. And you gotta remember this was in the 80s, so I guess she was in style at the time.

[A]

Oh, my God, no. Yeah. Even in the 80s, honey, that's not gonna be installed for a wedding.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They just need to stop making white pumps. Just don't make any more of them.

[D]

Hey, Melissa. Hey. Good morning.

[B]

Within half an hour.

[C]

Half an hour, yeah.

[D]

How does that work?

[B]

We were. We kept calling the. My lawyer, and when she said okay, we were driving up to the. To the courthouse and it took a few minutes.

[D]

That was it. That fast, huh?

[C]

You still with them?

[B]

Yeah. Eight years.

[D]

Eight years.

[B]

Eight years. In about a month.

[A]

I mean, because if it's meant to be, it'll be, right? But that is surprising because we've heard so many different statistics and that the rate, the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than for first marriages.

[C]

The Birch Show.

[D]

So Saturday night, Stacy and I go out with Stacy's dad and some of his friends down to a little place, little restaurant in Lake Oconee. And we're sitting there, you know, talking about what married couples talk about and stuff. And the woman of this, this couple here tells us that she hasn't been able to use her computer in six months because her husband has changed the password on them. I guess they have it locked. As soon as you sign on to your computer, you have to have a password. And they were sharing the password for a while, and he changed it six months ago because she's on restriction.

[A]

What for? What'd she do?

[D]

She went onto ebay and had a bit of an ebay problem. Didn't you say that Lady Crash had one of these for a while?

[C]

Still does. And continues to lie about it even though packages continue to be sent to the house.

[D]

Okay. Now, their situation was pretty much the same thing where she started to say, like, look, I'm not buying anything on ebay, you know? And then one day, all These packages start arriving and he's home and realizes she's been spending all this cash. So he puts her on restriction. He says, because you do that, you're not allowed to use the computer for six months.

[C]

Grown up grounding.

[D]

Grown up grounding is a great way to put it. So I want to know if we have any other Burt show listeners that are listening that have been grown up grounded. That's a great way to put it.

[C]

Right along those lines, once I realized that Lady Crash was doing all this spending and I. I just got sick of it. I said, enough is enough. She says, all right, I'll stop. Well, I had access to her only credit card online. So I was going online and printed out three pages that all said paypal from ebay. Threw that in front of her as evidence that she hasn't stopped. All of a sudden, now that I try to go log back in, it won't let me. She's gone in, change the passwords and. And won't fess up to it. She goes, I don't even know how to log on. How could I change your password? I go, then why can't I get back in to see your statements?

[D]

But you guys are adults. Nobody should be putting anybody on any kind of restriction or a grown up grounding. Or.

[A]

Now, when women hold out intimately with their husband, is that. Is that also kind of a ground up kind of thing?

[D]

I guess it could be. No flies, I think.

[C]

Unintended.

[D]

Hey, Sherry, you're on all the hits. Q.

[B]

Hey, guys.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

How are you?

[B]

Good.

[D]

Have you been grounded by a grown up?

[B]

I have been grounded by my husband.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

What'd you do?

[B]

Well, I mean, I just feel kind of stupid about the whole thing. I mean, I. I really deserve it. So I. I let the oil run down in my car. You know, I didn't replace the oil. And it kind of just all of a sudden just made. Start making this hideous noise. And, you know, basically the engine was ruined and has to be rebuilt. So it was just so stupid. I mean, I saw the little red light and I should have done something about it.

[C]

And so now, just out of curiosity, Sherry, how long did you see that light for?

[B]

The light? Well, it was only like, you know, a day or two.

[D]

Sharon, come on.

[B]

Okay, maybe it was a little longer. Sometimes those lights, you know, those lights come on in my. Seriously? Seriously. But, you know. No, you're right. I mean, I was. It was just incredibly stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. And I should have gotten it checked out and now the engine has to be rebuilt. Now I'm grounded, basically. I can go to work and I can go to the grocery store, but otherwise he's got to be with me.

[C]

What do you want?

[D]

Hold on a second.

[C]

Hold on.

[D]

Let me just make sure I'm clear on this. So he got the engine rebuilt. You're allowed to use the car, but only to go to the grocery store and to go to work.

[B]

Yeah, that's it. No, no, no. But. No, I think that that's fair. I do.

[C]

What are you wearing, like, ankle. Are you wearing one of those ankle bracelets, too, man?

[B]

I mean, you know, if I can't be trusted with the stuff.

[A]

God, thank you for bringing us back to 1947. What are you saying?

[B]

No, I think it's okay. I mean, I think, you know, I have to learn to do these things and pay attention to these things.

[A]

How long are you gonna be grounded?

[B]

Well, he hasn't said exactly.

[D]

He hasn't said.

[A]

He hasn't set the parameters.

[D]

How old are you?

[B]

Well, I'm in my 30s.

[A]

How often do you call him Daddy?

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. It's really not like that. I know it sounds bad, but I.

[C]

Want to talk to him. What's his secret? Do you have to go to bed early, too, or do you get no snack at night?

[B]

No. Well, come on. I mean, it really is. I think it's just, you know, I think.

[D]

Does it.

[C]

Does he put you in a crate at the end of the night or what? I mean, how far does this go? A special box under the bed.

[D]

Now, I could see you having this kind of attitude, like in the very first couple of hours when you found out how much it was going to cost to rebuild the engine, but how long are we talking about now?

[B]

It's been about two weeks.

[A]

Two weeks.

[D]

And you still have the same attitude, like, no problem, honey, I will drive to the grocery store and just to work.

[A]

And did you. And did you said that any other place you have to go, he has to be with you?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But no, I think that that's fair because, you know, if I can't. If I can't take responsibility. This guy.

[A]

Yeah, this guy's got to be the king of guilt trips. He's got to have. Yeah, you were. You're repeating what he told you. Yeah.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Yes, you are.

[B]

Don't you think that I did a stupid thing?

[A]

You did a stupid thing. And you know how the punishment is. You got to pay for the engine.

[C]

Yeah. You're still an adult.

[A]

You Know, I mean, yeah, you. You learned a mistake. I mean, when single people do that, I mean, there's plenty of people out there that have done something stupid and not done maintenance on their car. And their punishment is, you know what? I gotta pay this huge bill in order to fix the car. But this whole crappy thing about. Honey, I want to go here, I want to go to the bookstore. So can you. Can you take me? I mean, that's ridiculous.

[B]

Well, I just don't. I don't think it's going to last forever. You know, I just think that.

[C]

How old are both of you?

[B]

We're in our 30s, honey.

[A]

It wouldn't last forever. 24 hours with me.

[D]

I could just imagine suggesting that to Stacy.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna try that tonight.

[D]

I'm gna sit her down and I'm gonna try that tonight. Yeah, I'm gna put her on restriction.

[C]

You.

[A]

You have to make sure you're away from arms length, you know, Cuz I would want you to get.

[D]

There won't be dice hanging from my rearview mirror, I'll tell you that.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And he's. And he said indefinitely.

[B]

I mean, well, he didn't say exactly when it was gonna. It was gonna stop and, you know, maybe. Maybe I should bring it up with him, you know, but when does it.

[D]

Get to a point where it's ridiculous with you? At what point? A month? 6 weeks? 8 weeks? 10 weeks?

[B]

I don't know. I guess, you know, when I. When I feel like it, I still feel so guilty.

[A]

When.

[C]

How long has it been?

[B]

What?

[A]

I guess it's just when he tells you you're responsible enough now to be able to drive the car, right?

[B]

Yeah, pretty much. You know, and I think that, you know, he's got a point, so.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

And you're okay with him dictating that?

[B]

Yeah. Because I think I should have, like, really paid attention to this.

[C]

What kind of car was it?

[B]

What kind of car was it? Yeah, the Toyota Corolla.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

The next thing.

[D]

Yeah, those things that's like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

[C]

Yeah. They can fly.

[D]

You go in water. You don't need oil for a car like that.

[C]

Yeah, I could see if she like, you know, fried the Jag or something. But a Toyota Camry Corolla?

[A]

I know, but next thing, she's going to have a book report on what you should do to change the oil in the car.

[C]

What's the last thing you did to get in trouble with him before damaging the car?

[B]

Before damaging the Car. Well, I didn't get the permit to rebuild the back porch. I didn't get the permit. And so they took the porch down. But then we didn't have the permit, so we didn't have a porch for like two months. So we had to. Basically, if you open the back door, you'd kind of like fall out.

[A]

And what was the punishment?

[C]

Did you get in trouble for that?

[B]

What was in trouble for that?

[A]

What'd you. What was the punishment?

[D]

What was the punishment for that?

[B]

That one was not too bad. That was just a couple of days of the silent treatment, you know, But. But that was just. I mean, that was just dumb. He told me to get the permit. I didn't get the permit.

[A]

I wonder if you've ever imposed punishment on him.

[B]

Me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, he doesn't really do much wrong, to be honest.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

You know, he's very responsible. So, no, I've never imposed punishment on him. And no, not that I.

[D]

Well, I appreciate you calling. You certainly have made a lot of guys very happy because their wives are looking at them right now going, well, at least you're not like that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You've really moved the bar for us men.

[B]

Thank you. I'm so glad.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, bye. Bye.

[A]

God.

[D]

Grown up grounding.

[A]

I could cry. I mourn for all women of Atlanta. I mean, because he does no wrong and he's so responsible and I'm just the irresponsible one, and I'm so ditzy. And he. Thank God he's there to take care of me or I don't know what I would do. Oh, my God.

[D]

The Birch Show. Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift.

[B]

One you can't ignore.

[A]

But not the socks he picked.

[D]

I know.

[B]

I'm putting them back. Hey, Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.

[A]

Oh, scratchers.

[B]

Good idea.

[A]

It's an easy shopping trip.

[B]

We're glad we could assist.

[C]

Thanks, random singing people.

[B]

So be like David's holiday and give the gift of play Scratchers from the California Lottery.

[D]

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[B]

If you're a smoker or vaper ready.

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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