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What truly sets Momentous apart is their testing and transparency. Every product is independently certified by NSF for sport, meaning it's tested for contaminants, heavy metals, banned substances, and verified for label accuracy. So you always know exactly what you're putting in your body. And if a product doesn't meet their standard, it never hits the shelves. In a space where trust is rare, Momentous is redefining what trust looks like. It's and I've genuinely felt the difference using their protein and creatine every day. Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code PODCAST. Head to livemomentous.com and use promo code PODCAST for up to 35 percent off your first order. That's livemomentous.com, promo code PODCAST the Burt Show. Jen, this is your friend Matt here, so why don't you set this up? Okay? This is a good friend of mine, Matt, who was proposing to an even better friend of mine, Stacy. This is his story about his proposal, putting the plan together and trying to pull it off even despite the rain. And he was planning this thing out for like two and a half months or something crazy. Two and a half months. Really well thought out, very romantic. He is setting the bar high for the rest of his marriage. Here you go. This is Matt's proposal as of yesterday on the Bird Show. Casey and I have been dating for a little over two years and we are moving in together at the beginning of August. And she and I are both pretty traditional people. So I was sitting there thinking, okay, if we're going to move in, I At least want to have some kind of commitment in place before that happens. So I went, talked to her parents, which she didn't know about, basically, you know, asked her dad permission, told her dad what I was doing. So her mom and dad knew. Probably I guess about a month to a month and a half before I actually did the proposal. And it was so funny because my parents knew and all of my good friends knew. I didn't tell her best girlfriends because I was afraid that they would say something even if they didn't want to. Right. Okay. That's why. Jen. Jen, I don't think I called you till what, last Thursday or Friday, not till a week before. But like, Stacy and I talk to each other probably once or twice a week or something, but not like every single. Not like I'm not one of her friends that talks to her every single day. And it was so funny because leading up to this whole thing. So I probably started planning this in May. Leading up to the whole thing, Stacy just kept saying to me that in fact, like three days before the engagement or the proposal on Saturday, we were just sitting there watching tv and she was just. She looked kind of strange. And I was like, stace, I was like, what's going on? What's wrong? She's like, oh, nothing. She's like, you know, don't get me wrong, I don't regret the fact we're moving in together. This is going to be fun and we're definitely doing the right thing. But I just never thought I'd move in with a boy before I was engaged. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, okay, time to lie again. That's been the worst part about this whole thing is it's just been white lie after white lie. Because within a three day span, my parents were flying in from Ohio. I flew them in for this, which she also didn't know they were coming. So that Thursday night she schedules a dinner for us. She's like, hey, leave your schedule open. We're going out to dinner with Kitsie and Ray. It's gonna be so much fun. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, okay. So I call her back, stay. I can't go. I gotta take a client out to dinner. You know, my manager and I gotta take him out. I'm gonna be busy all night. Oh, okay. I understand. Her best friend sends an email. I would like to do a surprise birthday party for Stacy on July 9th. Matt, if you have any ideas, please let Me know. Oh, no. So she's trumping your plans. I mean, it's just like, I was like, if you could plan 17 more things within the three day span, that would be awesome. You're getting proposal blocked, man. Yeah. So basically what I was gonna do is the way I had it set up, I was sitting there trying to think of something cool in Atlanta. I was like, okay, cool place to get engaged. It's like you're in the city, but you're not in the city. A place, Sheena I'd never been before. I thought, botanical garden is perfect. That's what I'm going to do. So. But I didn't want to just be, you know, okay, let's go to the gardens, and when we get to a certain spot, I'll get down on my knee and propose. I mean, that's very nice, but I wanted something a little unique. And the one thing I thought to myself was, gardens have rocks. So what I did was I found this company in Idaho and they make rocks. They'll take rocks out of streams in the Rocky Mountains, and they will engrave on the stone whatever you want. So I called the company and told them what I was doing. And they basically put her name at the top. I had a poem written on it. At the bottom, I put, will you marry me? With the date on it. The poem says, at the top, it says, Stacy. And it says, from this day forward, you will not walk alone. My arms will be your shelter, and my heart will be your home. See, there's nothing cheesy about that. Isn't that awesome? And it says, will you marry me? So went over there, met with the event coordinator, got it set up. She said, great, you know, we're going to coordinate this. And she said, I'm going to have my event person, Chastity. Chastity is going to be here. I'd never met Chastity before. Here's her cell phone number. You call her when you guys get to the gardens. Give her five minutes, she'll go place it. And I'd rented the Japanese garden there. You can rent a garden for an hour so it's completely private. Give her five minutes, she'll put the stone down. You know, you go do your thing. It's going to be great. And so basically, after that part, you know, I do the proposal. She's all excited. I was then going to blindfold her and take her over to Kima because I was having about 35 friends over there. So everything's set up, ready to go. I'VE told, you know, 1700 lies for that weekend to make sure she keeps it open. So I said, Saturday, keep your birthday day open. We're going to have a day of it. So we get up, take her to brunch. Beautiful weather outside. We go for a run in Piedmont Park. I brought a picnic basket. So she and I sat there for a while, had a picnic, started to get a little closer to the time. Okay, let's go back and get ready. You know, she knew we were going out to dinner. She had no idea where. So 20 minutes before we leave, the sky just opens up, and I start sweating like crazy. And I don't usually sweat. And so I'm sitting there with my shirt off in front of the fan, nothing but my box. Stacy walks in, and she's like, matt, what's wrong? I'm like, God, I don't know. I can't stop sweating. It's like. It's like 110 in here. She's like, no, it's not. It's like 60. I'm like, I don't know. Maybe because of our run or I don't know what's going on. So I'm freaking out. And she's just like, you know, is something wrong? Did you have something planned for us outside? And I was like, well, I was like, part of your birthday surprise? Yeah. I said, besides the dinner part of it was going to be outside. So at this point, I'm thinking, okay, why am I going to go take her to the Botanical Gardens when it's pouring out? I got to think of something else. So I just go, well, actually, Stace, I'm going to go ahead and tell you we're leaving in 10 minutes anyway. I have scheduled a private chef and a private dinner for you and I at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. They have a little dining area there. Good lie, right? Nice. Yeah. Yeah. So I said, it's. It's gonna be. It's gonna be fun. And she's so excited. She's like, oh, my gosh. And I was like, well, as part of it, you know, I wanted to walk around the gardens for about an hour before dinner, but obviously it's raining. And she was just like, well, then, you know, we just won't walk around the garden. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. But, you know, let's just go ahead and go over there. They have a bar there. They have a bar there. Let's go get a couple of drinks, and we'll just wait until the table's ready. So it's just pouring. And plus they're having a huge festival there this weekend, so you can't park right next to the garden normally. It's like a 10 foot WA to the front door. So we park down and across the street, we're walking up the hill and it's just pouring. And Stacy's sitting there like, you know, I shouldn't have worn my $300 shoes. And I'm like, well, you shouldn't spend $300 for shoes. So, you know. And I'm like, this is the last time I want her to get angry about something. Just like, well, you know, we get up to the top, we'll have a drink, things will be fine. So we get up the hill, and I have to pay admission to get into the garden. And so I walk up and she's like, why are we paying admission? I'm like, oh, it's part of the dinner. Just don't worry about it. And she's like, literally says to the attendant, yeah, we're here for dinner. And the guy goes, you're here for dinner? And I was like, yes, we're here for dinner. So I get our tickets and we go around and we sit under this little overhang. It's still pouring outside, but we're sitting on a bench underneath. And I'm like, I'll be right back. I have to go use the bathroom. So go into the men's room, get on the phone to call Chastity. This is not a working number. This number is not in service. She's the person who's supposed to place the rock. She's the one supposed to place the rock. And I'm just like, okay, somebody gave me the wrong phone number. Oh, no. So I'm sitting in this bathroom, you know, there's like two guys around me, and I'm sitting there like, cussing. And they're like, everything all right? I'm like, oh, yeah, good, thanks. So I walk back out of the restroom and I'm like, okay, I gotta find somebody that knows where she is. So as I walk out, this blonde girl is walking toward me, and I just go, excuse me, do you work here? She's like, yes. I said, I'm looking for Chastity. She said, I am Chastity. I was like, chastity on Matt. She just goes, oh, my God. Okay, give me five minutes. So I go and sit back down with Stacy, still sweating like a hooker in church, you know, I'm sitting there and she's like, baby, are you okay today? You just. You never sweat this much. And I'm like, yeah, it's, you know, it's humid, and so chastity is, like, 10ft next to us walking out of her office with this rock. And so I'm like, stacy, come here. You know, Stacy, I want to talk to you. You're beautiful. You know, look at me for a second. You know, Chastity's heading toward the garden, and St. Stacy's like, well, why can't we go inside? I thought you said they had a bar here. Why can't we go in and at least sit inside out of the rain? And I'm like, well, they told me that, you know, they have this room for us, and the room wouldn't be ready until 30 minutes before the dinner. So we got, like, 10 minutes to kill. Let's just go to the gift shop. So, you know, we're walking around looking at porcelain frogs, and I'm just. I'm looking at my watch, and I'm like, okay, okay, let's just do this. So I'm like, okay, I think we can go now. And so we go out, wind our way around the garden. There's this big building in the back. She thinks we're going towards. So I make a right, and I'm heading toward the garden. Chastity is walking out of the garden, and it's just like, oh, excuse me. Yeah. Hi. How are you? So we go in, and actually, the rain was a blessing in disguise because it cleared everybody out. There was nobody around us. And so we're walking in here, and again, she's just like, well, why are we still outside? It's raining. I was like, just. Come on, just two seconds. I wanted to show you something. So we walk in, she's holding the umbrella, and, you know, and she's like, matt, my shoes. And I just go. I just looked at her, and I said, stace, I said, would you just do me a favor and look down? And so she looks down and the rock, because it was raining, the poem was covered. All she saw. All she saw at the top was Stacey, and at the bottom, all she saw was, will you marry me? And she just looked for a second, and she was like, oh, my God. She was like, is this really happening? Jen? I think it's similar to what you said when Ryan proposed to you. It was, this is my. This is my moment, I can't believe this is my moment type thing. Right? You go. I think my first words to Ryan were, are you serious? Yeah. And that was. That was Stacy she was just like, are you kidding? And so I got down on the knee and she just, she just started shaking. I thought she was going to start bawling, but she didn't because she was such in shock. So I got down on the knee and of course I start welling up like a 3 year old. I'm like, you know, Stacy, I love you so much, you know, And I did the proposal and the cool thing was, you know, she just looked at me and she was like, yes. She's like, yes, yes, yes. And so I stood up and I hugged her and she was just like, oh my God. Oh my God. And there was a little covered area in the garden we were in. I was like, come on, let's go sit down and get out of the rain. And she's like, can you bring the rock over? I need to see the stone. And so I picked the stone up, bring it over. So she reads the poem and this whole time when I was on my knee, I had the ring sitting out in front of her and she didn't even look at it because she was just so in shock. And so we're sitting there talking for like five minutes and I was like, stace, do you want to see your ring? She's like, oh my God, yes, of course. So, you know, pulled it out of the box and you know, she loved it. She thought it was perfect. And so I go down, get the car. She's waiting upstairs at the top of the hill. Go get it. And I blindfold her. I said, look, I know you want to sit there and stare at your ring. I know you want to call your mom and Amanda and Amy and everybody, but can you bear with me for another 10 minutes? I have another surprise. And she's like, okay. So I put the blindfold on her and you stole her cell phone while you went to go get the car. I said, give me your phone. I said, I know you're going to call everybody. Give me your phone. So I'm carrying this 20 pound rock down a hill. I left the umbrella with her. It's just pouring, the lights are out. So traffic. You know, in Atlanta, people are so great about treating it as a four way stop when there's no lights, right? So there's just this crazy guy with a 20 pound rock over his head running across the road, you know, and I'm like, please don't hit me. So I get to the car, go pick her up, and the whole time we're in the car it's just pouring and she's like, oh, my God. She's like, is there like a tornado? And I'm like, oh, no, no, we're fine. And I'm like, turning all these back streets so she doesn't know where we're going. So we get to Kima, pull up, and the valet, you know, he goes to open the door, and what do good valets do? Hi, welcome to Kemah. So I pull up, roll down the window, and go, don't say a word. And this guy's just standing there holding a number. He's like, okay, don't say a word. Ignore the blindfolded woman in my trunk. Yes, I'm a stalker, but I'm a romantic stalker, right? So I go and I pull her out, and she. And I go to Kima all the time. It's one of our favorite places. We usually go and have some drinks before we go out for the night. So she walks in the door, and immediately she knows where she is because she hears the Greek music, and she's like, we're at Kima. I'm like, yes. And the general manager at Kima, Nicholas, is one of my very, very good friends. And so immediately she walks in the door. Nicholas comes up behind her, starts pinching her, you know, poking her. And she's just like, what's going on? I'm like, get away. Stop it. And so I'm leading her past the bar, out to the patio, and we just get to the patio. I pull the blindfold off, and everybody was there. Everybody had shown up on time. And it was just so great because I walked out, and everybody turned at the same time and looked. And right when I pulled the blindfold off, they just started cheering. It was really cool. It was fun to see the surprise on her face because she first saw her parents and so ran over and was like, mom, dad. You know, so she got to hug her parents, and then she saw Matt's parents, who had been flown there from Ohio. So to see the surprise on her face for that, and then every turn she made with a new friend, you know. You know, and seeing them for the first time. Oh, my God. You knew. Oh, my God. You knew. So it was awesome. It was. He was a hero. So everybody that she would have been on the phone calling or you would have been on the phone calling was actually in that room to celebrate with you guys. Everybody was there. It was. You know, we shut the place down. Nicholas actually came to me at the end of the night. He just like, dude. He's like, I'm going Home, you guys stay as long as you want, but I'm going home. So we, we stayed the rest of the night, had it, had a great time. And then after, after the event, I didn't tell her this either. I'd gotten a room at the Grand Hyatt right there in Buckhead. Nice. So, you know, we finished the night. Yeah. And she and I, there's no way we're in any condition to drive. So friends, our good friends John and Anna, we went and got something to eat. And I was just like, all right, John. So Stacy's like, okay, you know, let's go back to my place. You know, I'm so tired, blah, blah, blah. We pull into the Hyatt, and she's just like, what are we doing here? And I'm like, what do you think we're doing here? I was like, surprise again. And she was just like, oh, my God. So, you know, had a great night, had breakfast in the morning, and then had dinner at her parents house last night. And it was just. I told her last night, she and I were laying there before I went to sleep, and I just said, the best part about this whole thing is that I don't have to lie to you anymore. And I said, I know it was good lies. I said, but this has been like planning the Normandy invasion. And it was totally worth it, though. Good for you. You talk about pulling all the stuff. You have set the bar too high in Atlanta. Now your friends are either going to love you or hate you, man. Well, most of them are engaged, thankfully now, so, you know, they can all just be like, well, fine, I'm already married and things are good. But yeah, there's a couple of friends who are just like, you are a jer. Matt. Congratulations, man. Great job. Awesome job. Dude, you went all out. You pulled it off, man. The Birch Show. Hey, it's Raj and Noah. And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right. Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong. But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming we'll be talking to exper in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us. Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts. And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better. Love your own dude. January is when we recommit to the habits that support our health and well being. And naturally we start looking at what can support those goals, including supplements. The supplement industry is a low trust category. It's lightly regulated products are easy to make and companies don't even have to list everything on their label. That's exactly why I choose Momentous. They've become the high trust brand in a low trust category. They weren't satisfied with the industry standard, so they built the Momentus standard. Their commitment to doing things the right way, not the easy way. What truly sets Momentous apart is their testing and transparency. Every product is independently certified by NSF for sport, meaning it's tested for contaminants, heavy metals, banned substances, and verified for label accuracy. So you always know exactly what you're putting in your body. And if a product doesn't meet their standard, it never hits the shelves. In a space where trust is rare, Momentous is redefining what trust looks like. And I've genuinely felt the difference using their protein and creatine every day. Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code PODCAST. Head to livemomentous.com and use promo code PODCAST for up to 35 percent off your first order. That's livemomentous.com promo code PODCAST Better Help Online Therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out. Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self care. Imagine what you could do with more. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax. In the meantime, we're right in the middle of a tough love segment and Ty E is our special guest. You guys know Tyee from Gilligan's Island. I'm a professor of psychology and my specialty is human sexuality. Being a professor on a real Gilligan's island is like first nature for me. I mean he was suave. A ladies man. That's me baby. Can't you see it? Hey Charlie, you can't go swimming. You're a Loser. Who is your daddy? I own you. You're nothing. I am the man. There's your love coach. There's your love and life. What an intro. What an intro. I love that. What an intro. Yeah, I had a great time. People could ask me, did you love it? I said, oh, I can't say I loved it, but it was an adventure, you know, being out there, straight on the island, 108 degrees every day. Yeah. With no food, beautiful women to look at, you know, pros and card life. Chilling in the hut, you know, cool breeze coming in, 12 o' clock in the morning. Yeah. Tough. Yeah, pretty much. I'm gonna get to the phones here in just a second, but let's cover this email I was telling you about before we went into the commercials. I'll kind of paraphrase and I've highlighted just some of the email says, I'm a 25 year old pregnant married mother with a 20 month old daughter. My husband does not want to have sex with me. I've gained 50 pounds with his child. He just does not have a thing for pregnant women, I guess. It's been seven weeks since our last lovemaking session. He's talked about bringing in another woman into the picture. I've been with four women about five to seven years ago, not all of them at once. She says, over a span of two to three years, I've included men all four times. I was really game before I had kids, but now I feel way differently than I did. Now that I'm a mother, I will feel bad or I will feel ashamed if I do something like this. But then at the very end of the email, she says, help me. I don't know where to look for a woman to join our love life. Wow. Would you help me pick a great woman to spice up our relationship? What she's looking for. Short black hair, brown eyes, 165 pounds, five' eight grade personality. So it's not even necessarily an email that says, how do I deal with my husband. It was more written saying, how do I find a woman to bring into the house to satisfy my husband while I'm pregnant? Well, first of all, you are that great woman. You don't go out and find another woman to satisfy your husband's cravings. You know, if I must say he's not exactly where he needs to be psychologically. You know, if he got bent out of shape, would you say bring another man into it? And that's the question I always ask couples when I've dealt with them. If A man said, well, I want to bring another woman. I said, well, do you have a problem with her bringing another man? And most men can't deal with that reality because most men understand that there's always somebody out there, bigger, better and stronger, if you know what I mean. So with that in mind, men get bent out of shape. Men have tunnel vision when it comes to love. They can't see their woman or their wives getting outside of this perimeter, be it weights, be it their hair, be it their love life. And you gotta understand, women are emotional creatures and you have to work with those emotions. You have to learn to love those emotions. And if she's saying, you know, during pregnancy, you gotta be kidding me, her emotions are like at an all time high. And he has to stop and say, you know what, I appreciate you when you go into a delivery room. I was there when my son was born. And that was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen, you know, so to know what a woman goes through when she gives birth to a child is phenomenal. Yes. She's going to gain weight. You know, you gain weight, you know, men gain weight. And if you're not attracted to your woman's body, say, baby, let's go to the gym together and work out. You know, offer her some type of way, you know, not a way out, but offer her say, you know what, this is my compromise. I'm not exactly enjoying your, you know, I know we met you £120, now you're £170. Let's walk there, let's go to the gym. Make her appreciate the fact that you love her body. Cause once you lets her know that you don't appreciate her body, the relationship will go sour. Melissa, Jen, anything you guys want to add to that? Well, I just want to ask Ty. I mean like it shouldn't. The thing that fascinates me and being outside that because I date women, that for a man to have a woman who's having his child, to me that should be an honor for him. Exactly. That should be like the greatest thing that has ever happened in his life. And so I think the worst thing I can ever hear a man doing is wanting to have an affair on his pregnant wife. Yes. And so that's why I just don't understand how like. And she's a, I don't know, like he has a 20 month old with her and now she's pregnant. I just, I don't get. That's what I don't get. Insensitive. See, I'M looking at it from another angle. Okay. I'm looking at it from her angle. Like, I think she's got to do a lot of soul searching and maybe has to get some help also if she's even considering something like this. I mean, remember, her question to us wasn't, what do I do with my husband? It's how do I find a woman? So doesn't she have to do some soul searching and figure out, okay, maybe I'm trying to cater to my husband here just a little bit too much? Right. Well, I think that we're natural people pleasers, you know, I mean, I think that we're raised to be people pleasers as well. And so I think this woman's coming from a place where she really wants to please her man. She really wants to satisfy her man. But she's going about it in the wrong way. And I think he's playing on the fact that she dabbled in sex with women before they had children. So she's had, you know, she's had, you know, bisexual experiences in her past. And I think he's playing on that now that she's pregnant and he's not feeling the attraction and that sort of thing. I think he's playing on. On her past and trying to get her to do. To do something like that now just to satisfy him, but having nothing to do with satisfying her. And I think that she. She's feeling weak and she's feeling vulnerable. And I think that she just wants to please him in any way possible. But I think bringing another person in at this stage in their relationship is a completely wrong idea. And I think we can't disregard the fact that women, especially if they're pregnant or have children with a man, there's a fear there that they don't want to be stuck with the kid. Like he's gonna leave if he leaves, who's taking care of the children? More than likely the mother. And so I think also on top of what Jen just said is also that initial, well, I've gotta do everything I can to keep him. Cause I don't want to be a single mom. Right. And you made a good point. Women are nurturers by nature, you know, and also you made a good point about no woman wants to be alone. No woman wants to raise their children alone. And men have been known to walk away, you know, but if he walks away, he wasn't meant to stay there anyway. Hey, Maria, you're on all the hits. Q100. Hey, how are you? I'm Fine. How are you guys? Good. You ready for a little tough love? Because we're gonna keep it real with you. Yeah. Yes, go ahead. Well, basically, what's going on is I am. Well, I was born and raised here. I'm American, and my boyfriend is actually from Mexico. And we're having some serious issues with machismo and just the way things are being run around the house. Basically, what's going on is I tend to do all of the cooking and cleaning and everything, and he'll help out with, like, one thing, and that's supposed to be, like, the greatest thing in the world. Like, a situation that happened this weekend was he cooked and, like, messed up the kitchen, and I asked him to clean it up, and he's like, I'll clean it later. And he always does that in hopes that I'll just get tired of the mess and clean it myself. And this time, I just left it there. And I tend to talk to his sister very often, and I was telling her about it, and she's like, well, you should just do it for him, because he's not used to that. I don't know that that's a cultural difference. I was gonna say every man's a Mexican man. It sounds like a bona fide mama's boy. Yeah, bonafide mama's boy. Yeah. But it's actually. He hasn't lived with his mom since he was, like, 12. So his. His sister tends to treat their other two brothers, who are, like, in their mid-20s, like children. Like, she does all their washing and cooking and cleaning their rooms and everything. Let me ask you a question, since this is tough love. Do you love him? I do love him. I don't know that I'm particularly in love with him. Okay. Cause I usually start people off with this. Are you willing to do what it takes to make this relationship work, or this is too much for you and you want to walk away? You know, that's been the difficult question. Like, I work 40 hours a week, and I have a second job, too, but. And when he gets home at 11:30, he has food ready for him. Let me ask you. Let me ask you. I keep the house clean, and I keep the clothes washed and everything. I was gonna say, you value money. You work a lot, so you value money. I value having my own money. Okay. Will you continue to invest in something monetarily wise that you wasn't getting a return on? Like, if you invested money until, like, say, you put money in saving the account and you went back the next day and the bank shut down and the bank opened up the following day. Would you put money back in that bank? No, probably not. Right. Get my point? I mean, it's either. It's real simple in that we get. A lot of times we compromise too much of we are. If you're working two jobs, you're cooking, cleaning and having sex, too, Correct. Mm. That's a lot. And your mate isn't giving anything back in return. I mean, what is exactly is his purpose there? I would say he is, but it's not 50, 50. What do you want, 70, 30, or what exactly are you looking at? No, I want 50 50. You want 50 50? Well, honestly, there's no such thing as 50 50. Somebody has to have more. Now, either you're going to give him the advantage being 60 40, or you're going to take it. What do you mean that there's no such thing as 5050 in a relationship? Because somebody has to take charge. Somebody has to be the head of the household. You can't have two heads. You can't have two captains. It just doesn't work out. Either that man, which is his natural role to take the leadership of our relationship with our marriage, or either that woman, who's probably, you know, in some cases, we're the dominate, dominating figure in that relationship, she takes on that role. But somebody has to be the head of that household. All right, let's stop there for a second, because I know Jen and I know Melissa must have strong feelings about what you just said. I think. I think I actually agree with him. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I mean, I think it can be either person. Yeah. But I think that in a successful relationship, you can't have two leaders. It's like too many chiefs. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Yeah, maybe too many cooks in the kitchen. But I think that in certain subject matters, you can exchange that balance of power. So, like, in certain areas of the household, one person can lead, and then in other areas, the other person can lead. But I don't think you can both lead all the time. I think there's a lot of fights that are attributed to that 50, 50 stuff. Jessica and I have had those fights in the past, and it, like, I mean, it switches in our relationship or has switched in the past, like who. Who does more stuff and who does whatever. And then there were issues like when we, you know, first moved to Philadelphia and. And I was working at the, you know, my new job, and Jessica had to unpack the whole house and. And we would have fights about, you know, the 50, well, you're not doing your share. And then my argument was, well, my share was, you know, I'm going to work every day, still getting up at 4 in the morning. We had all these fights. And then finally we just came to realization that there's going to be, there's gonna be two different, you know, divisions of whatever, whether it's housework, income, you know, taking care of one another, all that stuff. It's not gonna be a 50, 50 division. And that ended so many fights. And we've talked to other couples where it's. Once that is realized, once people realize that it's not going to be 50, 50. And it was especially a problem when Jessica was making more money than I was. That was when it was, that threw everything at him problem. Because then it became a situation where, you know, like I, I felt like this need to like overcompensate and try to do stuff around the house. And then we'd have fights because I would be mad at her because I was doing so much stuff around the house. And she's like, well, I'm working all the time, right? So it's. If once you drop that 50, 50 rule, life becomes so much easier. It is not. Life is not 50, 50. It is never will. And in most cases, women want a man that they can look up to. They want a man that's a take charge type of guy. I'll never forget, I was at a restaurant and a man and woman walks in and they were standing behind me and my date. And the lady says, well, whoever, the lady host comes and says, where do you want to sit? And she asks the guy, and he looks towards the lady, where do you want to sit? She says, I don't care, where do you want to sit? They went back and forth like 10 times. And I'm looking at him like, you got to be kidding me. Just say, baby, we're going to sit right there, we're going to enjoy our dinner. I'm going to order for you, whatever it is, but just take charge. And I'm looking at her and she's looking like, you gotta be kidding me. And she end up pointing, you know, leading the way to where they were gonna sit. And a woman wants a man, you know, and not all the time, but they want a man who's smooth, but they want a man, as they say, a little thug and a little rough side. They can say, hey, baby, I'm picking you up 8 o', clock, I'm taking you out to dinner. We're going To a ten o' clock movie. We're gonna go back home, I got some lingerie laid out for you, we're gonna have great sex, then we're going to bed. I am so glad that I got married before Stacy heard you tell her what you should like, because I'd be out of marri. Hey, Maria, did you get the answer? Did you get anything there? From Tyee and from the rest of us? I guess basically. So I'm just expecting too much. No, you're not. You're not expecting. You're expecting too less when you put it like this. As a woman, when you have to cook, clean, and have sex, your man should be an over provider, because that's expected. That's like the number one issue I find in couples is that the man wants the woman to go out and do all these things. Cook, clean, come on, have great sex, raise the kids and work. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. That's too much to ask for anyone. But if you're doing all of this and your man isn't giving anything back in return, you have to understand there's a fine line between love and stupidity. You have to find out which side of the line you're on. You never sacrifice your happiness to make somebody else happy. You just don't. Okay. All right. Okay. It's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but okay. No, it's not that. It's just. I don't know, you know what it is? It's holding up a mirror and you're having to look really closely at your own relationship, which is hard to do. It's easy to analyze him, but when you gotta take a look at it and you gotta analyze yourself and what you really want, that's hard to hear. And plus, my son has gotten attached to him, so that makes it a little more difficult. Yeah, that adds a totally different element. That's totally different. But understand this. I hear this a million times. I want to do what's best for my children. No, you do what's best for yourself. And that's doing what's best for your child. Because if you do what's best for your child, you may lose out. And then that child sees you suffering and in turn your child suffers. Do what's best for you, and that's doing what's best for your child. Okay. All right, Maria, we gotta run. Be strong. Thank you so much. All right, bye. Bye. Now she's like, if I call back in a minute, will you tell me what I want to hear? Instead of what you just said. Hey, Tyee, we probably could have done this for the next two hours because the phone lines are lit up to talk to you and talk to us about tough love advice. But the first segment went a little too long. Okay, so we're going to have to wrap it up here. But let's bring you back here in a couple of weeks. We'd love to have you in studio, man. Please come back. I enjoy myself. And let everybody know going to my website, www.drt.com. that's D, R t I, y e and go on. I got a play coming out to civic center September. Doing a lot of great things around Atlanta. I'm the community guy. I go around, help people with different big brother big sisters. I do a lot with inner city youths and just anybody who needs any type of relationship advice, I get hundreds of emails a day. We'll link up to your website from ours. So if they can't remember yours, just go to allthehitsq100.com like we've told them a million times. Click on the Burt show. Click on you. We'll go right on over to your website. You also have a couple of books out too. Yes, yes. I brought it in for the step. My mind, my body, my spirit, which is my last book, is my first novel and just deals with relationship and relationship issues that women. It's like a heal thyself book for women. Any woman that's ever been physically sexually abused, any woman's ever been cheated on by a man. This is a book for you because it helps. It was a book written about three women who grew up in the south and they discovered 29 years later they all shared this horrible past. And the book before that was secrets men key, which is a relationship book to help men better understand themselves and help women better accept men in their behavior. Cool. You can go to allthehits q100.com click on the birch show. We'll link right on over to Tyee's website. Good having you in here, man. Pleasure's all mine. Thanks for coming. Number one. Had a great time. Appreciate it, man. The Birch show. In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end the great deals at Verizon. The joy just keeps on coming. Right now you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four. Four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms applied. Seeverizon.com for details. Hey, it's Raj and Noah. And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right. Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong. But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming, we'll be talking to experts in their fields who are are definitely doing things right so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us. Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts. And for the first time ever, we're gonna have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're gonna be right here to help you do em better. Love ya. Everywhere you turn it's New Year, new Me. But growth isn't a glow up trend. It's a practice. Growth Therapy. You do the real work with licensed therapists who meet you where you are, not where anyone else says you should be. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th, grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. And if something something comes up, you can Cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. GROW helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Visit growtherapy.com acast today to get started. That's growththerapy.com acast growtherapy.com acast availability and coverage by state and insurance plan. So for years we've heard every guy has heard this at one point or another that women have a higher pain tolerance level because we get delivered babies and you can't. No man can take that. What did you say this morning? What? Try pms. You don't have to deal with pms. No man can handle pms. No, I didn't really say that. But I do think that women have a higher pain tolerance than. Or I'm sorry. That women have a higher pain tolerance than men do. I definitely do. You guys act like big wimps every time you get a cold. It's like you've just, like, had cardiac arrest or something. But there's a huge difference. I mean, you know, I don't know who has the higher pain tolerance or not, but there's a huge difference between the need for attention that comes with an illness and an actual tolerance for pain. Need for attention, being a baby. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't handle a little stuff. He knows. Yeah. How are you gonna deliver a child? What is wrong with wanting to be mothered? Save that. Save that. Seriously. I mean, did you just really say that? Yes. What is wrong with that? Well, he gets his. Well, you call him at night, just rub downs. Don't put me down. He's put me down. Like, there's no. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Like, I don't think. I think there's a complete and total difference. Like, I. But you don't. But you don't. Like, men won't. Like, when a woman gets sick, don't you probably get impatient with her because she can't. Absolutely. But that has nothing to do with pain. Pain is like. Pain is your friend Jen, who smashed his foot when he was sleeping in more comfortable quarters for the comfort of his wife, who smashed his foot, yet practically refused to go to the hospital because he's like, I could work through it. Although it was dangling. Yeah. He did have a. Barely holding on. Yeah. Stacy's dad, when he goes in to get any dental work done, refuses any kind of numbness in his mouth, sits in the chair, focuses on one of the tile in the ceilings, and they work on his mouth. Okay. My friend Eve delivered a nine pound baby, no drugs. And it was all through meditation that. Take that, mopo. See, that right there is the common argument that you hear from women is that we deliver babies. Men can never do that. You go ahead and pass a coconut through your little pee pee, and then we'll talk. I thought you were gonna say no. Either way, it's gonna be ugly. Okay, Here's a new survey says women feel pain more than men. So scientists are saying. Now women also have poor coping strategies that make the problem worse. Totally agree with that. What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, I mean, like, yeah, what are we gonna do until her tells me I'm hiring the octave of my voice until I find out what I have to do. Like, I think, like, can we refute. Can we not talk about the uncomfortableness of being sick? Because that's not pain. Like, that's a guy being sick and wanting attention because he's in a vulnerable state and he wants to. Okay, so just save that. Next time Jeff has a cold, we'll put it on cd, give it to Jess. Right? That's fine. So take all of that out of it. But a woman has poor coping skills. But for a guy, it's okay. Because what's wrong with wanting to be mother? Well, you let the man finish. Let the man have a decent debate. What are you gonna do? You are biased. You cannot be the referee in this situation. What are you gonna say with the coping skills, like, there. And I'll speak from my own experience, like, with, you know, Jessica or whatever. Like, she will do whatever. Like, it could be stubborn toe. It could be. You know, I remember one time she was chasing the cat, and I actually think she broke her toe. So this might be a bad example, but the cat got out and she went chasing after it and kicked a rock or whatever. She will come in and you would think that someone is taking a drill to her eye socket. Sometimes stubbing your toe is worse than a drill to the eye sock. Okay, but I'm just. It doesn't matter what it is or, like, burn herself or whatever. Women are Academy Award winners when. Whatever. And you make it so many times worse. So you know what I've learned to do with Jessica? And I learned this from parents of, like, two year olds. When Hayden hurts himself, what do you do? You don't go, oh, my God, are you okay? Oh, what's wrong? Hayden? You go, Hayden fell down. Hayden fell down. No, wait, wait. And then he doesn't panic, right? You're describing me the same thing. Like, you get sick and you need attention, so you do an Academy Award performance when you have a cold because you need Jessica's attention, where she trying to get nurtured by her husband when she's had something happen to her that makes her uncomfortable, but yet that's poor coping skills. That's a double standard. That's why all relationships should be a man, a woman, and a woman. Because then you have two women in the house to nurture each other, and the man can do manly things like get hurt and not complain. Hey, Allison. Oh, look, I accidentally run over My own torso. I am fine, even though my sternum is sticking out of my back. Hey, Allison, what's up? Hey. I just have a comment about. About the. The tolerance thing with men and women. I know. I know for a fact that women have a higher tolerance for pain, because me and a guy friend of mine went to go get our nipples pierced at the same time, and I said ow one time for each boob, and he almost cried like a baby. Well, there are some guys that break them all. Oh, see? Yeah, he's a. He's not a big, strong guy. And it's a known fact that men have more nerve endings in their nipples than women. Oh, it's a known fact. Yeah, right. Dr. Wise, look it up. And Burt knows this because he's extensively studied the nipple. I'm a nippologist. Save that more from the survey. While men have long been thought of as wimps. And the painstakes, especially as it is women who brave childbirth. Yada yada. Bath University pain management unit challenged that myth, asking volunteers to dump their arm in a bath of warm water, then an ice bucket. They then measured their pain threshold, the point where it began to hurt. They also recorded the pain tolerance level, the point when the volunteer could no longer stand the pain. Women were found to have a lower threshold and less tolerant. So expert also found this. Think differently about pain. Men think more rationally. Okay. About how to treat it. Women are more emotional and focus on how it is and how it makes sense. Just because we're connected to our feelings and connected to what we're going through doesn't mean we don't have coping strategies. You're connected to your inner sissy is what you're connected to. Okay, let's see whose inner sissy comes out today there, buddy. All right. Since we don't have the time to do the whole thing, the bath of warm water and then the ice bucket. What I've had producer Tracy do do is prepare four identical. Well, what looks like trash cans of. They're very scientific. Ice. Holding containers of ice with ice water. Okay. Okay. All four of us will put our arms in the water at the same time. Up to where? Up to our elbow. We can determine that. Now. What do you want? Well, I think all we can do is. I think that's all. They've filled it up. Gave you the biggest one. And I got alligator arms. I can't even get my arm all the way in the thick. You can only go to. What are you doing? About the wrist. About the wrist. Okay. All Right now, this may take, you know, a minute. This may take 20 minutes. This is actually colder than the water they did the experiment with, which is why the other one went longer. This is gonna be over quick. This. Who knows? All right, what are we doing? Who knows? All right, so we all stick our hands in the bucket at the same time. I fight. I fight. And we stop. We're gonna prove who has the higher pain tolerance level. Okay. We'll see who if it's a guy standing last or it's a woman standing last here. Okay. And we just see who keeps their hand in the eyes the longest. Now, my fear here is that the four of us are so competitive that somebody's getting frostbite and losing a hand today. Could be. All right, anybody want to take bets on who's gonna win this? Jenna's got the look of rocky. Her eyes. I'll tell you what, it's gonna be between Jen and Bert. I have a feeling between Jen and Bert. In the end, I'll tell you, I'm actually will have no problem bailing on this to see Jen and Bert hurt. Agreed? Agreed. I fear because she's about as competitive as I've ever seen anybody. So, Jeff, five seconds in the bucket and then we pull out. Yeah, I don't care. Okay, Jeff. Not fair for Jeff. He's got a little more insulation than the rest of us. Jeff's been. Nevermind. I was just going to make a dirty joke. I. Yeah, I have no. Yeah, like, come on, you guys can't bail on this. Dude, you're doing this for men. This isn't about me. No, you're representing the men now. Okay? When has that ever happened? It hasn't. This should be good. I think it's. I think what you just said about sissying out, I think it's a sissy way out. No, I will be perfect. She's calling you out. I'm not being a sissy. I'll be perfectly honest with you. Jen scared me. You're a sissy. When the ice buckets came in, the look on her face. Well, you're proving their point. You're scared even to get in on the competition right now. Yeah, that's fine. Get in there, you. I. That is fine. I will go in, but I have no problem coming out early because Jen is frightening. So how far up are we putting our hand in? It only goes into, like, your wrist if you go in all the way. So it's just your. Well, no, mine's gonna go further than that. So I just want to make sure. If I only have to do the wrist, I'm only going to do. It'll do the wrist. By the way, I just dipped mine in there real quick and it's very cold. I don't know how long this is suck. I know this is going to really suck. And again, this could last 30 seconds. It could last 60. If it goes longer than, like, 60, I'll go to commercials. We may bring Shannon Weissman in here and have to talk to her while we have our hands and ice. Who knows how long this is going to go, but we're going to see who's got the higher pain tolerance level. I think it'll go. I think it's going to go long because of Jen. I'm telling you, I always wanted to be on one of these, like, Real World road rules challenges, baby. I would have been good on a reality show. Are you ready? I think so. I told you we should have been piercing lobbyist today. Then we would have been okay. Lobbyists. Labias, lobby, labia. Tomato, tomato. All taste the same. Hey, I wouldn't know, Melissa. I wouldn't know. Oops. All right, we'll put our hands in. I'll start taking calls. Okay. Three, two, one. Three, two, one. Put it in. Oh, good God. That's not cold. It's freezing. Oh, man. And this bucket. Yeah, it's just nothing but ice. Good morning, David. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hey, Bert. Yeah. Yes, sir. Hey, just to say, you know, I hate to disagree with y', all, but my wife delivered our baby about eight months ago at home by herself while I was at work. Uhhuh. Hold on a sec. Melissa is officially Jen. Represent us. Wow, wow, wow, that is cold. This is colder than the experiment, dude. Go ahead, David, continue. So, you know, that being said, I hate to disagree with y', all, but I think women might have higher pain tolerance. Can't hear a word you're saying. Thank you. Thanks for coming by today. I'm shocked Jeff has lasted this long. How deep is your hand in there, Burt? It's all the way in. Yeah, mine's coming out slowly, Kim. Yep, I got him. Hello? Someone just talked to me. Go ahead. Somebody distract us, please. Hurry up. Talk. Hello? Yes, ma'. Am. All right. I'm hoping at some point it goes numb. Hello? Yeah. Yes, go ahead. How you doing? Shut up and say something. I hate you for doing this to me. Are you out? Go, go. Yeah, go. I'm about to curse at you, you son of a bitch. Why y' all calling me names? But so what? Can't take it? Yeah. You're gonna. Yeah. I can't even tell you. Yeah. How tough this is, Jeff. I'm impressed. He's got more insulation than the rest. All right, Jen, don't think about. Come on, girl. I can't believe you bailed out that early. Jen's the only one that dance. To her credit, I don't have. I have nothing to prove. I've been through enough. I want to tell you guys something. That my hand has gone sufficiently numb enough that it doesn't hurt as much as it did 30 seconds ago. Mine, too. Still hurts. How you doing? It's like an sob. How you doing, Jen? I'm okay. Just breathing. Don't think about it. Just. Yeah, breathe deep, girl. Tracy, you're gonna have to continue to hold my microphone up, feel my fingertips. That's the problem. Don't think about it. Somehow my right hand has become inoperative because my left hand's in the ice. It's like I can't really. What do you want? If I could give y' all a redneck interpretation of exactly what's going on right now. This is what happens at a cookout when you're reaching the bottom of the cooler to find that last beer. It ain't in there, but you're still searching. So you keep fighting a good fight because you know you'll find something in there in the end. All right, the last PBR is down there somewhere. Keep looking. How long have we been doing this? I don't. Five minutes. Dude, I just moved my hand. I think I might be doing damage. We're at 5 minutes and 19 seconds. Is it possible we're doing damage? Yeah, I'm pulling out. I think I'm doing damage. Save that. He said that before. I'm out. Are you to the point now where you have, like, these weird, like, tingly shooting. You might be doing damage. Like, mine's at out, and if I open my hand all the way, my fingertips hurt. Yeah. Bart, you need to pull out because you don't want to do damage. I'm talking to both of them. I think you should pull out at the same time. Not kidding. And call it a draw. Yes. I think you're doing damage. Jen, you got this call. You've been able to focus while I answer calls. This is your one Go. No, I'm still. I'm still zening out over here. I know. That's not fair. Seriously, my fingertips hurt. Go to commercial then. No, you Got to stay live. Hi, Bird show. Hi. Hey, this is Sashu. Hey. Okay, I'm calling to say this. I was four months pregnant, fell down the stairs, broke my ankle in two places, had surgery. They couldn't give me any painkillers, so I went through that whole experience like, you know, completely sober. No painkillers, nothing. So I know women have a much higher tolerance for pain than men. I can't even begin to understand how would you, you know, argue to, like Jeff about how, you know, how most women are dramatic about. Say it. I'll hit delay. Say it at the same time. Three, two, one. Got it. Seriously, you guys, my pain's in. My hand's in pain right now. Pull out, same time. Call it a draw. You're doing damage. I'm not kidding. We need a medical expert. Seriously. Maybe you should have thought about that before the experiment. I'm telling you that my hand hurts more right now than it did when I had it in the ice. Starting to sweat. I'm sweating. Yeah, that hurts. Boy, that hurts. Think of Costa Rica. Jen. How you feeling, Jen? This sucks. You go, girl. Same time, you guys. Costa Rica. It's hot outside. You need the bucket of ice. Cool off. Call it a draw. Pull out at the same time. Bastard. What was that? What the hell? What was that for? Son of a. What is. Phil just dumped another bag of ice in Bert's bucket. I might have to prove this theory right. Y', all, this is killing me. And it's fair. And give it to Jen, too. Hey, John. Hey, good morning. Oh, I don't think I can do it. I'm out. Jen pulled out. I pulled out then right after her. Well, at least the guys won. Oh, damn. So are you. What's your call? Oh, when I was in high school, my football coach. If you sprained your ankle, you used to have to stick your foot in a bucket, a trash can of ice, huh? And the trainers to tell us that if you stick. 15 minutes is when that's going good for you, but longer than 20 is when it starts causing damage. All right, well, we both. Jim went about 11:50, and I went about 11:52. Yeah. And it's over. And I. And I don't feel any better about proving that right at all, so. Man, you have a high tolerance level. There you go. Like hell. Is she okay? Jen, you okay? Yeah, she's. She's okay. She's zening to try to get the pain out of her arm. Grab the mic, Jen. You want me to pull it down for you? Jen? Is on her knees. There you go. It's really bad. I mean, it's, like, debilitating bad. It's like it was numb for a while, it was cold for a while, then it got to another level, and then it got to, like, this third level of horrifying, and it just won't stop. Like, I can't. I can't move my hand right now. And her hand is bright red as compared to the other one. And, you know, and so she's in the third level of hell. And I'm curious. Hot dog eating contest yesterday. Sticking her hand in a bucket of ice today. Why couldn't we just burn each other like I suggested? Bert. Hey, Brittany. Hey. Hey. I was just gonna say you guys are crazy. I know. Stupid, stupid. Should have pierced our nipples. God, this hurts. But I have proven that men have a higher pain tolerance, have I not? I would say. I would point in the air and say, we're number one, but I have no feeling in my fingers. The bird Show. In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end the great deals. At Verizon, the joy just keeps on coming. Right now, you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms apply. See verizon.com for details. Hey, it's Raj and Noah. And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives to earth right. Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong. But who isn't? That's why each week, we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming, we'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us. Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, where every wherever you get your podcasts. And for the first time ever, we're gonna have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're gonna be right here to help you do them better. Love y'. All. Podcast advertising works. 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