Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, January 28 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, January 28 [Vault]

Date: January 28, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & team)
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

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Overview:

This episode is classic Bert Show – mixing humor, real-life experiences, and honest talk. The two central themes discussed are:

1. Testing the theory that going to bed in sexy clothes (even alone) increases confidence the next day.
2. Relationship dynamics and chores, inspired by a book suggesting animal training techniques work on spouses.

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Key Segments & Insights:

1. Can Sleeping in Sexy Lingerie Boost a Woman’s Confidence?

[00:01 – 09:55]

The Theory:

Bert shares a listener’s theory: If women go to bed wearing sexy clothes—even when alone—it increases confidence the next day.

• Quote:
  “She realized that if she gets herself all dressed sexy… that she would get up the next morning and she felt more confident all day long.”
  – Bert [01:00]

• Bert wants three single women who usually sleep in “the big dumpy T-shirt” or sweats to try this for a week and report back.

Hosts’ Analysis:

• The team discusses why this might work, suggesting it’s mainly psychological—putting good feelings about oneself to bed can carry over into the next day.
• Quote:
  “If you look good in that stuff and you put an outfit on that makes you look great at night … then there’s no reason when you wake up the next day that you would not feel the same way.”
  – Abby [01:25]

Listener Participation:

• Several women call in to volunteer and share similar experiences:

  • Rachel confirms it:
    “There’ll be times when…you go to bed…wearing that and you wake up the next morning… like, God, I’m sexy. Gives you that push for the rest of the day." [03:16]
  • Kim, Amber, Lena, Kishwana: All agree to try lingerie for a week and report changes in confidence.
    • Notable exchange:
      "It helped her out in all sorts of ways…. Not only did she feel sexier in the morning… but in business, when you’re more confident… you are better at business."
      – Bert [05:11]

• Jen’s advice:
  If old lingerie is “too tied to experiences with your ex-husband,” get new stuff. “If that's gonna bring you down, you gotta get some new stuff.” – Jen [05:50]

• Nikki chimes in, “It does work. I do it at night. When I get up in the morning, I’m like, wow. Yeah, because I'm feeling good right now. I do it all the time.” [09:12]

Host Reactions:

• Bert is “totally and completely trusting” of the theory and excited to report back.
• “I’ve never heard of it, but I think it’s a good theory.” – Abby [09:55]

---

2. Date Marathon: Getting Over a Breakup with Four Dates in One Weekend

[10:02 – 19:30]

Lena’s Story:

• Lena calls to celebrate the anniversary not of a relationship, but of a breakup—a year since ending a 3-year relationship.
• She decided to break out of her slump by intentionally scheduling four dates in a single weekend.

Date Deconstruction:

• Date 1: Group happy hour with friends and a co-worker. "Definitely not really a date." [12:21]

• Date 2 (Friday): “A real date” – dinner, drinks, together till 3:15am and ended with a kiss. “Like this guy wins.” [14:45]

• Date 3 (Saturday): Dinner and a movie, but “just no chemistry.”

• Date 4 (Sunday): Cancelled in favor of another outing with Friday Guy. Retread of the same movie she’d just seen, but Lena kept that detail secret.

  • Quote:
    “I have four dates lined up for this weekend.”
    “Four straight days of slump busting.” – Bert [10:49, 11:17]
  • Host analysis:
    “There is, like, some kind of comfort in numbers…if you throw enough out there, at least one out of four dates has to be, like, follow-up able.” – Bert [17:01]
  • “Maybe it’s that confidence that made it so great with Friday guy.” – Kristin [17:18]

Themes highlighted:

• Confidence is everything in dating and in moving on.
• Both the date marathon and the “lingerie experiment” center on actions that inspire greater self-confidence.

Gender Double Standard?

• Bert wonders if the audience would react differently if a man scheduled four dates in a row:
  • “Would you guys be all over him going, ah, stop being a whore…Or does it work both ways?” [18:29]
• Team consensus: It depends on attitude/intention.

---

3. “Training Your Husband Like a Dog”?

[19:30 – 30:49]

The Book:

Inspired by a Newsweek feature and Amy Sutherland’s bestselling book, "What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage."

• The premise: Training your spouse using animal-training techniques (positive reinforcement, ignoring negatives, not taking things personally).

Core Techniques Discussed:

1. Reward Positive Behavior

   • “If your mate picks up just one dirty sock without being asked, give him lots of praise.” – Kristin [21:46]
   • Team jokes: “I don’t think the words are as important as you being naked is.” – Bert [22:16]

2. Ignore Negatives

   • No nagging about what’s left undone (least reinforcing scenario).
   • “So you can say, ‘Hey, thanks. I really appreciate you picking up that sock.’ But did you see your underwear…?” [24:21]

3. Don’t Take it Personally

   • “Laundry is just laundry. Not a symbol of how much your spouse loves you…” – Amy Sutherland (quoted by Kristin) [25:51]
   • Jen: “I interpret it in a personal way because I feel like I put so much thought…and the acts of service I do for him…and the fact that it isn’t returned feels like a personal insult.” [26:16]
   • Bert: “He’s been a slob since he was 4… How is that personal to you?” [26:17]

Gender & Generational Dynamics:

• Debate on gendered expectations, “nagging,” and chores.

• Example of role reversals: Josh, a male caller, is the neat “nag,” while his wife laughs at him.

  • “I'm the one that picks up…I'm fighting with her constantly to get her to…throw it in the…” – Josh [29:37]

• Kristin: “It's a whole generational thing, too.” Gender roles and responsibilities need a new model. [30:03]

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Bert, on dressing up for yourself:
  “You’re just wearing it to bed at night. In the morning, you take it off and then you’ll have a different attitude the next day.” [02:30]

• Listener Kim, on fresh starts after divorce:
  "I've only been divorced a couple of months, so I'm still in that man hating stage." [04:32]

• On emotional attachments to clothes:
  “You may want to ditch those and get some new ones…if that’s gonna bring you down, you gotta get some new stuff.” – Jen [05:50]

• Bert, on male multitasking:
  "Women are big picture. Guys are task oriented..." [28:18]

• Josh, the ‘neat’ husband:
  “I’m the one that picks up. I’m the one that washes, you know, cleans…” [29:38]

---

Structure and Flow

Segment Timestamps:

• [00:01 – 09:55] Sexy sleepwear experiment and listener participation
• [10:02 – 19:30] Lena’s “breakup anniversary” and her four-date experiment
• [19:30 – 30:49] Relationship dynamics, chores, and the “Shamu” animal-training book

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Overall Tone

• Genuine, unfiltered, self-deprecating, and supportive.
• Humor and warmth in even the most personal admissions.
• Willingness to try new things and share results with their community.

---

Episode Takeaways

• Confidence can be cultivated in surprising ways—from self-care like wearing lingerie to bold moves like scheduling multiple dates.
• Relationship friction over chores is universal; new methods (even dog-training tricks!) can be fun to try.
• Gender roles and expectations are changing, often with humor and negotiation at the forefront.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

The Burt show.

[B]

Alright, So I want to test a theory, test drive a theory on a couple of Burt show listeners over the next couple of days. And this is not my theory. This is a theory that came from Bitterball, from a really, really drunk Burt show listener late in the night. And I think I sifted through the inebriation and the slurring to get to what she was saying. And at the root of it, it made sense to me, but I thought I would like to at least try it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right, so she corners me and she listens every day. And you know, the more alcohol you have in you at an event like this, the more people will open up to you about what they think of the show or how they can help out, especially if they're a big time listener. Right? So she said to me that she realized, at least this is what I think she was getting at. She realized years ago that she had more confidence in her everyday life if she went to bed wearing sexy clothes. Even if she was alone.

[C]

Even if she was alone. Okay?

[B]

So she's there by herself in her one bedroom apartment. There's no man there, there's no husband, there's no boyfriend, there's no nothing. But she realized that if she gets herself all dressed sexy as though something was going to happen, like she put some stuff on from Victoria's Secret, that she would get up the next morning and she felt more confident all day long.

[C]

Hmm, that's funny. That's actually a great theory.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I could totally understand that.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because I think it's all mental. Like, you know how it is when you are going out anywhere, you're going out to steal something from Lowe's or have a big fancy date night out or go to work or whatever you're gonna do. You know that when you put on the outfit that fits perfectly and looks perfectly and you look in the mirror and you're like, wow, I, I came together nice today. Like then you just feel you walk a little taller, a little more of a strut. And I just think it's a mental thing. So I think applying it to the night before, if you look good in that stuff and you put an outfit on that makes you look great at night and you feel good and confident in that, then there's no reason when you wake up the next day that you would not feel the same way. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Kind of carries over.

[B]

Yeah, let me get the phone on 404-7401-Q100. Cause I'm looking for three single women to try this on, okay? That you're not gonna have a guy over. You're not putting this stuff on for your boyfriend. This is strictly for you and you only. And you're not wearing it the next day either. At least that's what I didn't. I mean, you don't have it on underneath your clothes.

[C]

No, you just wear it to night.

[B]

You're just wearing it to bed at night. In the morning, you take it off and then you'll have a different attitude the next day. I would like to test that for a whole week.

[A]

The girls that you need, though, are girls who normally go to bed wearing, like, sweats, an ex boyfriend's boxer shorts, and an old T shirt.

[C]

The big dumpy T shirt.

[A]

Yeah, like you need something.

[B]

The old mixer T shirt that you've had since, like, 19, it just won't go away. Like, the paint is sort of like chipped off of it and stuff.

[A]

Yeah, those things are really comfortable for some reason, though.

[B]

404741Q100. What I'd like to do is, like, talk to three women today and then have you do it all week long and then talk to you next Monday right around the same time to see if we could turn our theory into reality. Like, this would be a piece of advice that we could give to women.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's a great idea.

[B]

Rachel, good morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[D]

Yeah, I've actually done it before and it's really helped me out because there'll be times when, you know, you just feel really dumpy about yourself. And when you go to bed, like wearing that and you wake up the next morning, you just look. You have like, God, I'm sexy. Give you that push for the rest of the day that, you know, you strut in your step.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

I love it.

[B]

It's a great idea.

[C]

I feel, I feel the same way about shaving my legs. I know that sounds really dumb, but like, if I have, if I have shaved, my legs feel better throughout the day. Isn't that weird?

[B]

I don't know. I don't shave my legs.

[A]

Is it weird? Melissa, you're gonna be cool.

[C]

I could see.

[E]

I mean, if you're just. Yeah. I mean, if you're put together, I guess because maybe it's the same with a guy. Like if you were a clean shaven dude and then one day you're. You don't shave, then maybe the rest of the day just don't have the same confidence. You don't feel together.

[B]

Good morning, Kim. You're on Q100.

[D]

Hey.

[B]

Hey. How are you?

[D]

Good, thanks.

[B]

Okay. Kim, you are single?

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Normally this. Will you ask her what she wears to be normally?

[C]

What are you sleeping. What are your PJs, just like a.

[D]

T shirt and yoga pants or something?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

All right, perfect.

[C]

And you've got the sexier lingerie and stuff like that somewhere in the back of your drawer, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I've only been divorced a couple of months, so I'm still in that man hating stage.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And you've got a drawer full from your lingerie shower back in the day.

[D]

It's dusty, but it's there.

[C]

It's dusty. Well, dust it off and start sleeping in it.

[B]

All right. Yeah. Here's what we're gonna ask you to do. Go ahead, wash it and then put it on for the next five nights or seven nights or whatever. And we'll check back with you next Monday and we'll see if it not only gives you like this inner confidence just walking around, but like business wise. Because this is what the listener slurred to me is that it helped her out in all sorts of ways. Not only did she feel sexier in the morning and she felt like she had this different kind of mojo.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But in business, when you're more confident woman, you are better at business.

[D]

Okay, so like all day long I'm gonna be all that.

[E]

Supposedly, if you wear then the next day, the confidence will last all day long.

[A]

And I think when Bird says take it out and wash it, you also want to make sure because it needs to make you feel good and feel sexy. So if got some 1876 corset, lace me up stuff.

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Unless that's your thing, makes you feel sexy.

[D]

I've been really young in 1976.

[C]

Well, I will say too, is that you know how women tie emotions to everything. So if some of those pieces are too tied to experiences with your ex husband.

[B]

That's a great idea.

[C]

You may want to ditch those and get some new ones. Because I know if I was putting on something. Oh, I wore this on my honeymoon. All I would think about is the honeymoon and the person that you're wearing. You know, your ex husband. So if that's gonna bring you down, you gotta get some new stuff.

[B]

Kim, hold on one sec. All right, we wanna get your phone number. We'll call you back next Monday.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Hold on.

[E]

Good luck.

[B]

Good morning, amber, you're on Q100.

[D]

Hi, how are you? Good.

[B]

The theory Here. Is that if you dress sexy to bed, nobody around, you're just doing this just for you, that you'll be a more confident woman the next day. Do you buy it?

[D]

I'm willing to give it a try.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

If it's something that, you know, I really feel good, then maybe I'll keep doing it.

[E]

So what do you normally wear to bed?

[D]

A giant T shirt.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

That'S my pajamas.

[C]

But you've got the nicer stuff, right?

[D]

Yeah, I have the good stuff. I just don't break it out quite often.

[B]

Okay, well, here's perfect reason. Just wear it for the next seven nights or six nights, and we'll check back with you on Monday.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And we'll see if you have a. Just a little more confidence about you.

[D]

All right, I'll do it.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

She seemed all nervous.

[A]

Yeah, she's scared to be alone because, like, her house is going to catch on fire and they're going to go in and try to rescue someone else because she's all dressed all sexy and she's. No, I'm just trying to be confident I'm here alone.

[C]

Great theory, though.

[B]

Good morning, Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[D]

How are you?

[B]

Good, how are you?

[D]

I'm surviving.

[E]

Surviving.

[D]

Surviving.

[B]

The bar is set pretty low.

[D]

I figured I might as well give this a try. I lost my boyfriend on Saturday. Maybe this will help. Give me a pick me up.

[B]

He broke up with you?

[D]

Oh, it's a long, long story, but no. Basically went golfing, got drunk, dui, and we're done.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

The trifecta of winner. Okay.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

All right. So the breakup you said happened on Saturday, and you want to try this just for a week to see if it can quickly restore your confidence?

[D]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think Jen's advice to you is probably the best. Like, if you use this stuff on.

[C]

Yeah. If it's something that you're gonna be emotionally connected to with him, if it's gonna remind you of experiences with him, then you gotta get some new stuff.

[D]

Oh, no, I always slap in a big T shirt and flannel pajamas, like the flannel bottom. So.

[C]

All right.

[D]

This is something totally new.

[B]

Okay, hold on one sec. I'm gonna take one more call. Good morning, Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning. Who's this?

[D]

This is Kishwana.

[B]

All right, Keeshwani, you understand how this works, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna have a different mojo. The theory is that if you wear the sexy stuff to bed and you're just doing it for you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That you're just gonna have a different mojo and a different confidence about you.

[D]

Well, I'm definitely doing it for me because I've been abstinent for almost three years.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay. This will spark some sexy in you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I'm just curious, like, what happened to spark the abstinence? Was it just a really bad breakup?

[D]

No, actually. Change in faith.

[B]

Oh, is that right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Good for you.

[B]

Deeply religious people can feel confident and sexy.

[A]

Also, just so you know, your new faith sucks. I don't even know what it is, but if it doesn't allow you to.

[C]

Have sex.

[A]

You may want to change back.

[B]

All right, hold on one second.

[D]

Okay, now look, Christians can be sexy too.

[B]

Absolutely. Hold on. All right. Nikki said she's done this before and it's worked. Hey, Nikki.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Go ahead. Just real quick.

[D]

It does work. I do it at night. When I get up in the morning, I'm like, wow. Yeah, because I'm feeling good right now. I do it all the time. It works.

[B]

So you just put it on for you?

[D]

Yes, it works. It's for me. I love myself. It works.

[B]

And there's really nothing. There's nothing sexual about it. Really? You just want to go to bed feeling sexy?

[D]

No, because it doesn't make you feel. When you wake up in the morning, you go to the bathroom. You don't go to the bathroom. You're like, oh, I look good. It works. I guarantee that lady is telling the truth. It works because I've been doing it for months. It works.

[E]

All right, that's fine.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

All right, so we'll check back with them next Monday and we'll see if the theory really holds true, that you're just more confident. I'm all for this.

[C]

I think it's a great idea.

[B]

I'm totally and completely trusted.

[C]

I've never heard of it, but I think it's a good theory.

[A]

The Birch Show.

[B]

Good morning, Lena. You're on Q100. How are you?

[D]

Hi. I'm good.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Tracy tells me that you got a one year anniversary coming up this weekend. But it's not like, oh, we've been.

[D]

Together for a year exactly.

[E]

It's.

[D]

It's a breakup anniversary.

[E]

A breakup anniversary.

[B]

All right, well, first we have to have a little history here. How long were you going out with dude?

[D]

For three years. And then we broke up almost a year ago. And just like the past year, I've just been miserable and I haven't been dating. I've, like. And Valentine's Day was just, I guess when I hit bottom. And now I'm like, you know what? Forget this. I'm not going to mope about this guy anymore. It's over. I'm getting back out there, and I have. I have four dates lined up for this weekend.

[C]

All right.

[E]

This is the way to come out here.

[A]

Is that intentional or is that accidental that they all happen this weekend?

[D]

No, it's intentional.

[B]

Now, you say you have or have not been dating up until this point. Like, will these be your first four dates after the breakup from last year?

[D]

Yeah. So it's like four years since I've been out there.

[B]

Now on paper, I love this because it seems like a great idea. And if you're going to come out of this thing, come out of it strong man. Four dates.

[E]

Exactly.

[B]

It's one after the other because one won't do it.

[A]

It's a slump buster.

[B]

It's four straight days of slump busting. So we figured this could go one of two ways. Either, you know, you're gonna kind of like force yourself into getting over it, even though it's been a year, get yourself over it and start getting out there. Or after the second date, you're gonna be miserable going, this is the best Atlanta has. This is it. I think back in this world right.

[E]

Now, I think it would be. I think that would happen if it was only six months or less. But I think after a full year, she was obviously ready to. Ready to move on. That's why she initiated all this. I think that we had mentioned before that it's smart to have four dates in a row, because the first one, like you said, if it's just one, it would be awkward. It'd be weird. She's like, you know what? Forget this. Forget this. I'm going back doing whatever I was doing. But four in a row, by the third or fourth date, it should have been fun by that point.

[B]

You would think. Yeah, you would think. Hey, Lena. Good morning. You're back on Q100 in the Burt Show. What's up?

[D]

Hello. How are you?

[B]

Good. How are you?

[D]

I'm actually good.

[E]

Good.

[D]

I did well.

[B]

You did well.

[E]

Awesome.

[B]

All right, let's go through all of these one at a time here because there were four lined up. And these were supposed to be on four consecutive days, right?

[D]

Yes. It's like a marathon.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. So the first one. The first one was pretty casual, which was fine. Which is a good way to start. It was really like a happy hour and like a happy hour date. And I brought my Friends and he brought his. So it wasn't, it wasn't even really like a date.

[E]

All right.

[B]

Okay. And let me ask this one more time. And I know you answered this. I just can't remember how you did. Did you line these guys up from least excited about to most excited about?

[D]

I didn't know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That was your suggestion.

[D]

You know, that was a good suggestion. But no, I didn't get a chance to do. I just kind of grouped, you know, threw them all in there. So anyway, this was the co worker. So it was cool that it was like no pressure and we didn't really hit it off. So it was fine. And so it was kind of like we can act like we didn't even go on a date. How won't be weird.

[B]

How long did this like group date last?

[D]

It was like from about 6:30 till like 10 or a little bit after.

[B]

Three and a half hours. Okay, three and a half hours.

[D]

You can never have fun. I mean we all had a good time, our friends got along, you know, so it was like, it was cool.

[C]

Right?

[D]

But definitely not really a date.

[B]

Okay, this is, this is why, this is why as a sidebar here, the whole world just listen to me about dating. You have to come on it.

[C]

You're so exhausted by this.

[A]

Y' all just exhausted by people who just don't pay attention.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And these, these ideas are so out of the box that they'll never be adopted. But if we could just check in with each other on 30 minute increments on dates and each has the right to say, look, this is either going great or you know what, you seem like a great person, but you're just not for me. And you walk away with no social repercussion. That's three hours out of your life that you could have saved. And here's three and a half hours on a dude that she's never going to go out with again.

[E]

One is a group thing too, is a co worker. So there was. There would be repercussions with the coat first. I mean it is kind of a risky idea to go out with a co worker. But I do think she handled it well. I do think the first time out it was group co worker cool. Everything's easy. I see what you're saying. In any other situation, very high schooling, it's 20 something.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Now you know that do this. And I think it was good for her to do that the first time out.

[B]

And the group data, safe. That's a nice safety net right there.

[D]

Totally safe. But Friday night I had a real date and I really like this guy.

[C]

He.

[D]

He picked me up like 8 o'. Clock. We went out for dinner, then we went out for drinks after we were together till like I didn't get home till like 3:15.

[E]

Oh, nice.

[D]

Okay, okay, so that one was nice. And we had a little kiss in the car. So that was good. But I really like this guy. Like this guy wins.

[C]

Friday guy wins.

[B]

He won Lena id.

[D]

He's the only one I'm going out with again. But anyway, okay, so Saturday was. Saturday was high schooling. We went out for dinner and a movie and it was just. The conversation was boring. I felt like I was kind of on an interview. Like it was just. It was just no chemistry questions. But no chemistry. Yeah, it was just bad.

[B]

See here again with the half an hour contract that would have saved me.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[B]

You agree and he agrees at half an hour that, look, this isn't going to work so let's just go our separate ways. And you save all that time on your deathbed.

[D]

Exactly. And then Sunday, I guess after the Saturday date, I was like, you know what? I can't risk another date. That's bad. So I canceled the Sunday guy and I called the Friday guy.

[B]

Yeah, three and four never had a chance if two was that great.

[D]

But we had a great time. We went out for brunch and then we went to a movie after. We spent like all of Sunday together. But the funny thing is that we saw the same movie Sunday that I saw with the bad date on Saturday.

[E]

Willie's Cleanse the experience.

[D]

What?

[E]

At least cleanse the experience of a bad day.

[C]

Did you pretend like you pretended like.

[D]

I hadn't seen it? Because I didn't tell him. I don't want to tell him. Like, oh, I was on four dates this week. You know what I mean? So I just kind of. I'm not going to tell him.

[B]

There. There is a certain amount of like. Because I really believe if you're single that you should be able to tell other people that you're dating somebody else. You know, just so long as you're honest about. But I think if you come back with a number that is like four in four days, I think that's pretty much a turn off for just about any guy.

[D]

I do too. It'll be our secret.

[B]

So you will continue to pursue number two.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Good for you.

[C]

Friday guy is winning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he'll always be known as Friday guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like when you go on. Moment of truth. Were you ever in love With Thursday Guy, that'll be your question.

[B]

So I guess the lesson to be learned here that there is, like, some kind of comfort in numbers, that if you throw enough out there, at least one out of four days has to be, like, follow up, able.

[C]

And who knows? It could have been the confidence that she brought, you know, with having four dates lined up and just sort of that air of confidence, like, oh, well, if this doesn't work, then something else will. And maybe it's that confidence that made it so great with Friday Guy that definitely helped.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This goes along with the mojo conversation that we had earlier this morning. This confidence conversation that we had earlier this morning, also, because this seems to be such a large part of dating and feeling good, obviously, about yourself is confidence. And we tried this experiment earlier this morning with great success also.

[C]

Yeah. With the lingerie thing, where women that were single were wearing their sexier lingerie to bed at night just by themselves and just tried it for a week to see if it changed their confidence throughout the day. And all three of them said it worked, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So you combine that with the advice that you're giving. Like, I mean, I had a whole bunch of dates lined up, and here it made me more confident, because if Thursday didn't work out, I had four. I had Friday lined up. Because inevitably, with this dating, it's all about confidence and how you're feeling about yourself.

[D]

It definitely is. Yeah.

[E]

And I'm glad you did it, because if you had just gone on that first date, if you had just set one thing up and it was that first one, then, you know, it would have been back to square one.

[D]

Totally. I would have been so discouraged because I would have been like, oh, it's not even a real date. This is how people date nowadays. You know, like group dates. Because it was his idea. I was like, ooh, I bring some of my friends. And I was like, all right, whatever.

[B]

That's nice. It's a safety net. Now. I wonder if we're having the same conversation with a guy. Does it feel the same? Does it have the same texture? Or would you guys be all over him going, ah, stop being a whore. You have four women lined up in four days. Or does it work both ways?

[C]

I think it works both ways, especially if he had been out of the breakup and had a miserable year like she did.

[A]

You know, it also depends on anyone and on what he says his intentions are. He's like, yeah, we get four times this weekend. But if he's like, I'm gonna go out with Four different girls, and I want to pick which one of these I like the best. And then that's who I'm gonna, you know, right then I think that's a different. But guys wouldn't say that.

[C]

That's eight boobs.

[B]

Boob math. It always comes down to boob math for us. All right, Lena, thank you very much for the follow up. I like to hear that. Thanks so much.

[D]

Thanks, guys.

[C]

Congratulations. Yeah. Hope it goes well.

[B]

Yeah. Call us from time to time and let us know how it's going with Friday guy.

[D]

Okay, I will.

[C]

Totally.

[B]

Thanks. All right, Lena, thank you. The Birch Show.

[E]

I am not married. I do not have a husband. But I know here on the show that Jim and I have gotten in arguments with Jeff and Bert over issues of marriage and household chores or things that husbands don't do that women get frustrated by. And then it is, I think it's a universal thing where everybody, whether you're married or not, at least if you've been in a relationship, dealt with somebody for a long enough time, you try to bring two people into a situation. You know, each one wants to have their way, and then you have to work out some kind of compromise. Well, I read an article in Newsweek this week about this new book about this woman who decided as a wife what she was going to do in order to get her husband to do these things that she wants to do, and she decided that she's going to train him like a dog. Okay. She is a journalist that actually went out and her initial story was animal training. So she spent about a year or so in doing a story about animal training and then decided, you know what, these same techniques that they use to train animals could actually be used to train my husband.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Now, at first, it's kind of very. At first, it's really offensive to hear you say that, but I will say this, that I even brought this up a couple weeks ago. And you know, the technique with a puppy is when he does something good, you praise it a lot, right? And I said to you guys the same thing a couple of weeks ago, when your men do stuff around the house like they empty the dishwasher even, you know, if you guys have been doing it most of the time and we don't do it all the time when we do much like a puppy, I suggested go ahead and praise. Go over the top praising us, because that's what we want. Just like a puppy.

[E]

Well, in the article, there's three main themes that she talks about. And I'll say this, but her name is Amy Sutherland. And I wanted to just say the reason it's such a universal theme. She started this story in the New York times back in 2006. So two years ago, she wrote this story about this, and it became the most emailed news story that year. And so now she's got a new book out this week called what Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage. And they've actually got a movie deal going on.

[C]

So are these, like, big, like, general themes or, like, practical things we can put into use? Because I will try to use them well today. As long as everybody promises not to tell Ryan that I'm going to try to train him like a dog.

[A]

Well, once you rub his face in his pee spot on the floor, he's going to know.

[C]

He's going to know. Don't ever do that again.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Well, now, going on what Burgess said, the first thing in the article it says is, reward positive behavior. It says, if your mate picks up just one dirty sock without being asked, give him lots of praise.

[B]

I totally agree with that.

[C]

Like, what kind of praise? So it's not condescending? Cause I can already hear my condescending tone, and I haven't even thought of the words to use yet.

[B]

Like, Jeff, what Kind of. Like, if you, as the husband wanted. I mean, wanted sincere praise for doing something pretty superficial like that, like just picking up a sock that you normally wouldn't. How would you want it to sound?

[A]

I don't think the words are as important as you being naked is. Okay, so I think you're paying for that.

[C]

For every sock.

[A]

Hey, if you want the socks picked.

[B]

Up, if you want your marriage to work. Yes.

[A]

Look, we're both gonna contribute here. We're gonna pick up the socks.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You're gonna give up the good.

[C]

Well, she said it's. It's verbal praise, right?

[E]

Yes. Yeah, she said. Yeah. Give him lots of praise when he does something that you like him to do.

[C]

I appreciate you doing that. It doesn't have to be very much.

[A]

I don't even think it has to.

[C]

Be over doing something I've been doing.

[E]

For the last point.

[B]

Yeah, it's not gonna go well.

[C]

I'm gonna keep it silent for that part, but I just have to, in my mind, that's what's gonna be going on.

[A]

Say thank you for. Because I know that, like, there, like, I do. Like, I know when Jessica is thanking me for doing something that's not that big of a deal, but it still feels good.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You know what I mean? So, like, if it's just a situation where I pick up a bunch of stuff that's on the table, like, we have a table in near our stairs. Anything that has to go upstairs goes on that table. And I usually walk by it a hundred times before, but every now and again I'll say, oh, look at that. And I'll pick it up and take it upstairs. And if she says, thanks for bringing that stuff upstairs, I am actually like, wow. Like, she noticed that. That's pretty.

[B]

Here's the danger zone you're gonna walk into with something like that, where I think most of us are pretty clueless about stuff like that. So when you mention, hey, thanks a lot for picking up that sock, most some guys, I think, are gonna go, what are you talking about? I do that all the time. And that's what. It's gonna break off in the discussion that's gonna rage. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, I do.

[E]

Well, that moves into the second theme of the book, which is ignore negatives. So you talk about every. You know, Jen, everything you've mentioned is how you will finish it off with. Even though I've asked you to do that a hundred times kind of thing. She says, don't nag about the rest of the laundry. And this is the laundry scenario is what the examples are. Okay, so the first one is positive feedback. If they pick up a sock, then you give positive feedback because they picked up the sock. But here's another laundry scenario. Don't nag about the rest of the filthy laundry still piled on the floor. Trainers. Call this least reinforcing scenario.

[B]

So you can say, hey, thanks. I really appreciate you picking up that sock. But did you see that your underwear and your shoes aren't in the closet? Exactly. You're gonna go completely positive with that. So do you think you can handle it?

[C]

No, I know I can't. That's why I'm, like, really trying to channel this and whatever. But I had a discussion with someone the other day about the word nag and how that's never applied to men. Like that word. Nag is a very, like, gender.

[E]

They're expressing themselves.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Jessica applies it to me.

[B]

She does?

[C]

She says you nag her?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

About what?

[A]

Random things. Really? Like, about Lasker. Like, we're looking at maybe getting a boat this summer. So she ran into somebody who has experience with boats and, like, knows is actually on the lake where one of the boats we're looking at is located. So she said, oh, yeah, I'll get his Number. And then so I like in my mind, and I think it's probably just from being on the computer in the BlackBerry all day. Like, if I say I'm gonna get the number, like, I'll just shoot an email off, right? Then two lines, hey, can I have your phone number? Somebody else wants it done. You know what I mean?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Whereas she's like, okay. And then kind of makes a mental note and then thinks. And I think it's. Cause it's the girl thing. Like, you have to pick up the phone and call and chat and how are you?

[B]

Blah, blah, blah.

[A]

Oh, by the way, you know, my husband wants to talk to your husband about the boats, but I will like hourly nag her. Have you heard back? Have you gotten that number yet? Have you gotten that number yet? Yeah, and she'll say, stop nagging me about that.

[B]

Well, you're the only man on earth.

[E]

I was gonna say that.

[C]

Really trying to think about any other.

[A]

Man that does that.

[E]

And this last theme of the. And again, this book is called what Shamu Taught Me about Life, Love and Marriage. And this is Amy Sutherland's book. And the last theme that is included in this article is don't take it personally. Again, the laundry scenario. Laundry is just laundry. Not a symbol of how much your spouse loves you or values your marriage. I think that's the hardest part of.

[C]

Not to take it personal.

[E]

Everything, right?

[C]

It's hard not to take it personal because it is personal.

[B]

How is it.

[A]

Why is that personal?

[B]

He's been a slob since he was 4 years old. If he's still a slob in the house now, how is that personal to you?

[C]

Well, it just feels like he doesn't care about our home or other things or, you know, it just. To me, it is interpreted in a personal way. Even. Even if I shouldn't. I mean, you guys may be completely right, but I interpret it in a personal way because I feel like I put so much thought and care into the things that I do and the acts of service that I do for him. The fact that it isn't returned is. Feels like a personal insult, even though.

[B]

It'S probably not to me.

[A]

Definitely not to me.

[C]

It carries the messages of I don't care, but it probably doesn't. But I think I interpret it that way.

[E]

But I think it's important to note that Jen's not the only woman that feels that way, you know, And I think that guy. And I think. I think guys don't understand that a woman is taking it personally when you don't you know everything when you don't put the cap back on the toothpaste?

[A]

Y' all gotta lighten up.

[B]

Like, stop nagging us.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It just sends the message of I don't care. I don't care about our things. I don't care about our.

[A]

But how do we make.

[C]

That's the message that sends.

[A]

How do we make you understand that that's not the message. The message that it sends is it's easier for me to put my socks on the floor rather than pick them up and walk them six feet to the hamper.

[B]

Man, they interpret. I mean, they're constantly taking apart the model and seeing how it works and everything where we just. We don't know how it works. We don't understand. We're just the car gently through life.

[A]

But why can't we just tell you that? Like, I don't understand why. Why you still. I mean, how long have you been married to Ryan?

[C]

4 and a half years.

[A]

And you were with him for how many years before that, living with him?

[C]

Forever.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Ever since she was born.

[A]

Right. So you've been with him 65 years.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But like. And I'm sure he's told you a hundred times it has nothing to do with you. I just forget, like, why. Why will you never believe. Why do you refuse to believe that?

[C]

No, because I think that there's. I think there's capability for compromise.

[A]

I'm sure there is. But, like, when you say, like you're saying now that it's personal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's not. Like, it really isn't personal. Like, the way guys operate, I just think, here's the. Women are big picture. Guys are task oriented. So I have this conversation with Jessica all the time. Like, where she's, you know, where we're talking about, like, doing stuff, and I'm like, if there's something sitting on the table to go upstairs and I'm going upstairs to get, like, whatever we keep upstairs, a couple of beach towels. Right. That's what I'm going upstairs for. I don't even see the boxes. That's on the entryway table.

[C]

You don't multitask.

[A]

No.

[C]

Got it.

[E]

Well, I.

[A]

Tunnel vision. Like those things the horses wear.

[B]

Can I take a phone call real quick first?

[D]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. Good morning, Wendy. You're on Q100.

[D]

Hey. I can identify totally with Jen and what I call it is the Mama Boy syndrome. That there's. Our husbands are so used to mom doing everything for them, and once they become our husbands, that's what they expect from us.

[C]

Well, and then we play into it because we do it all. I mean, you know, we create the scenarios that we live in, you know, And I don't think that, you know, we're completely not responsible for contributing to that.

[B]

Hey, Josh. What's up?

[D]

Hey.

[F]

Yeah, me and my wife Donna are sitting here listening now, and see, this is. Is totally the other way around.

[C]

Okay. Oh, really?

[F]

Oh, yeah, really.

[C]

You're the neat Nick.

[F]

I'm the one that picks up. I'm the one that washes, you know, cleans the. You know, washes the clothes, washes the dishes. And my wife, I'm fighting with her constantly to get her to pick something up and walk two feet and throw.

[D]

It in the laugh.

[B]

She's laughing at you right now. And with every bit of laughter, he gets closer to the knife, and you can't.

[A]

It's not like he can go to his buddies and tell him that problem.

[B]

No.

[A]

Like, so she could. That's why it's okay for her to sit there and laugh at him.

[C]

I think it's a whole. I don't know. I think it's a whole generational thing, too, because we're all sort of following in the roles that we had from our parents, which don't really apply anymore. Like, we need a whole new model because it's not the same as our parents. You know, it's not the same gender roles as our parents had. It's not the same responsibility levels that our parents had. And we're not divvying it up at home, like. And it's a constant. So, I mean, y' all know, how long. How many years have we been on the air together and how many years have I been talking about this?

[B]

As long as you've been married, we've been on the air together.

[C]

Well, I started the show before I.

[B]

Got married, but it's all the same concept, though. Yeah. What's the name of the book? One more time.

[E]

The name of the book is what Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage is by journalist Amy Sutherland.

[B]

Dudes. I'm just saying, guys, if you see that book laying around the house, you know, you're in the process of doing.

[A]

It, start picking stuff up. Put that away.

[B]

The Burt Show.