Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, January 7 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, January 7 [Vault]

Original Air Date: January 7, 2026
Podcast Host: The Bert Show / Pionaire Podcasting
Cast Featured: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others

Episode Overview

This episode captures the lively, irreverent, and authentic dynamic iconic to The Bert Show. The hosts invite listeners into lighthearted, yet revealing conversations about relationships, sexuality, emotional vulnerability, and the dating habits of both men and women. With listener call-ins, the show explores funny and sometimes cringeworthy personal anecdotes, all while maintaining an openly comedic and relatable tone.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pet Names for Private Parts

[01:41–09:18]

Theme:
Results from Redbook's annual "steamy sex survey" spark a hilarious segment about whether listeners have pet names for their (or their partner’s) intimate body parts.

Discussion & Call-Ins

• Survey Results:

  • 70% of women do NOT have pet names for their husband's member, 30% do.
  • Similar split for men with names for women’s breasts or genitals.

• Hosts’ Opinions:

  • They find the idea awkward or “weird” but are curious to hear popular or unique nicknames.

• Listener Submissions (Selected Highlights):

  • Norman (Reference to City Slickers) – [03:55]
  • Captain Winky (“because it winks at me”) – [04:21]
  • Frankie and Patty (“Sounds like the new morning show in town!”) – [04:41]
  • Russell the Love Muscle/Rusty/Russie (Multiple variations, used in playful or suggestive conversation) – [04:55]
  • Yogi and Boo Boo (Also requested a voice changer!) – [05:43]
  • The Beast and Miss Kitty (Caller’s boss walked in at that very moment!) – [06:01]
  • Tank and Coco (Host: “Wrestling names work perfectly.”) – [06:20]
  • Darth Vader and Little Debbie – [06:32]
  • Slim and Roast Beef (Co-hosts: “Nothing sexy about that!”) – [06:45]
  • Wee Willy – [07:01] (Hosts: “You wouldn't want that name if you're a guy!”)
  • Mikey and Mike (Caller: "I call it Mikey, but he says it's Mike." Host: "When Mikey gets all grown up, it's Mike.") – [07:27]
  • Thor and Pink Panther ("Thor is a good name for that..." “No name is good!”) – [08:28]
  • Priscilla and Elvis – [09:01]

• Memorable Moments:

  • Several listeners react to others' pet names with laughter, confusion, or disgust.
  • The hosts joke about these names sounding more like morning radio show duos than intimate nicknames.

Notable Quotes

• “We’re not going to ask you your name or your husband’s name… Just tell us the name.” – Host, [02:00]
• “Russell, the love muscle.” – Caller, [04:55]
• “Mine is slim and hers is roast beef.” – Caller, [06:42]
• “You wouldn’t want ‘wee’ anywhere in the title…” – Co-host, [07:08]

---

2. Guys Crying – When Emotional Vulnerability Kills Attraction

[09:18–24:19]

Theme:
The show pivots to discussing times men have cried — either at movies or in relationships — examining cultural expectations around masculinity, vulnerability, and how it can sometimes be a “turn-off” for female partners.

Discussion & Call-Ins

• Catalyst: The hosts recount seeing a contestant on The Apprentice lose control of his emotions, prompting discussion about when it's "okay" for men to cry.

• Listener & Host Stories:

  • A woman recounts a date who cried after sex — a major turn-off. [10:57]
  • Several callers detail partners crying at movies like Titanic, Lord of the Rings, or even over Rocky or The Nutcracker. [12:39, 14:46]
  • Callers and hosts debate whether crying in such situations is romantic or just embarrassing.
  • Some men call in to admit to crying at certain films, especially when father-son dynamics are involved.

• Host Insights:

  • Men are socialized not to cry; women sometimes wish they’d show more emotion, but in practice, it can have unexpected (and often negative) romantic consequences.

Movies That Make (Some) Men Cry:

• Titanic (“Cried for about 15 minutes... I was so embarrassed.” – Caller [11:47])
• Lord of the Rings 3 (“Bawling at the end… I got totally turned off.” – Caller [12:39])
• Rocky (“When Rocky’s in the ring screaming for Adrian… I understand that.” – Host [14:27])
• The Nutcracker (A date cried talking about his ex before the performance even started; another audience member told him to “get a grip.” [14:54])
• Tommy Boy (The bagpipes at the dad’s funeral: “The only movie I’ve ever teared up in.” – Phil [19:02])
• Blow, Ladder 49, Homeward Bound, Big Fish, Eight Seconds, Notebook, Rudy, Fantasmic at Disney, and more.

Memorable Quotes

• “I just have to let you know, those pet names… are hilarious. I don’t name the member because that’s not sexy.” – Caller, [07:53]

• “He started crying after Rocky… at the end of Rocky.” – Caller, [16:54]

• “Every woman has a level of crazy.” – Co-host, [25:25]

• “You get a lot of emotion sometimes that gets into temper… Stay away from that damn tobacco, okay?” – Host, addressing Chris from The Apprentice, [09:39]

• “Girl I know broke up with a guy because they had gone out on several dates, and the first time that they made love, he burst into tears…” – Co-host, [10:57]

---

3. The “Backup Guy” Phenomenon

[25:08–33:16]

Theme:
A segment inspired by a question: Do women always have a "backup guy" — someone waiting in the wings in case their current relationship fails?

Discussion & Call-Ins

• Host Opinions:

  • The cast admits this is often true, especially early in relationships. Many women “mentally note” someone as a fallback option.
  • For men, the “backup” is more likely a physical/sexual fallback; for women, it’s emotionally or relationally oriented.

• Listener Calls:

  • Michelle (voice disguised): “Actually, I have two. I just keep them on the back burner just in case.” – [27:44]
  • Amy: “All the guys down here suck… you have to have a backup line at all times.” – [30:32]
  • Sarah (voice disguised): “He’s one of my close guy friends… if my boyfriend and I don’t work out, I always bet with my best guy friend.” – [31:47]

• Co-hosts Debate:

  • Men tend to “swear off” getting back into relationships after a breakup, while women more often have an emotional contingency.
  • Some speculate women keep close/guy friends as backups; others say the backup is sometimes just a person on the periphery (coworker, acquaintance) with potential.

Notable Quotes

• “Girls just always have to have somebody, or that they’re interested in… if things don’t work out with your boyfriend, you have the guy that you could like.” – Paige, [27:06]
• “The guy’s version of this is the booty call… no, guys don’t think that far ahead.” – Co-host, [28:44]
• “I feel kind of weird going on here talking about my backup guy…” – Sarah, [31:47]
• “A woman is lost if she’s not interested in somebody.” – Co-host, [31:39]

---

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes (w/ Timestamps)

• “Russell the love muscle.” – Caller, [04:55]
• “Frankie and Patty… Sounds like the new morning show.” – Host, [04:45]
• “When Rocky’s in the ring screaming for Adrian, I understand that.” – Host, [14:27]
• “You wouldn’t want ‘wee’ anywhere in the title…” – Co-host, [07:08]
• “All women, Jeff would say, are pretty much nuts.” – Host, [25:25]
• “I just keep them on the back burner just in case he decides to act like an ass again.” – Michelle (Caller), [27:46]
• “If you guys walk away with one piece of life advice today, it’s this: even hermaphrodites cry.” – Host, [23:59]
• “A woman is lost if she’s not interested in somebody, or thinking about or daydreaming about somebody.” – Co-host, [31:39]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Start | End | Duration | Summary | |-----------------------------------------------|-----------|-----------|--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | Pet Names for Private Parts | 01:41 | 09:18 | ~8 min | Hilarious call-ins revealing creative & awkward nicknames. | | Emotional Men/Guys Crying at Movies | 09:18 | 24:19 | ~15 min | Relationship turn offs, movies that make men cry, callers.| | The Backup Guy Debate | 25:08 | 33:16 | ~8 min | Do women always have a fallback? Callers share stories. |

---

Tone & Style

The episode maintains The Bert Show’s signature style:

• Conversational, edgy, lighthearted
• Teasing, but not mean-spirited
• Relatably irreverent — with a mix of candor and self-deprecation
• Frequent audience participation via call-ins, amplifying “realness” and giving the segment unpredictability

---

In Summary

This episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s ability to create a sense of community through humor, vulnerability, and honest (sometimes embarrassing) conversation. Expect lots of laughs, a few cringes, and the reassuring realization that everyone’s relationships — and pet names — are much weirder than you’d expect.

Transcript

[Paige Desorbo]

This is Paige desorbo from Gigli Squad. Boost Mobile gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to? Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, refunded activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

[Weight Loss by Hers Representative]

I feel like this time of year everybody wants to feel like their best self. If weight loss is one of your goals in 2026 and you're ready to make progress, then you might want to check out weight loss by hers. Through hers, you're connected with a licensed medical provider who actually looks at your goals and decides if treatment is right for you. And if it is, your plan is personalized. Whether that's or oral medication kits or GLP1 injectables, plus ongoing care, adjustments and support along the way. I mean, it goes beyond medication. There's nutrition tips, lifestyle guidance and tools to track things like movement, hydration and sleep. Everything's 100 online. There's no hidden fees and options. Start at just 69amonth with a 10 month plan paid up front. Feel like your best self again? Visit borders.comb to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you. That's F-O R H E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert Alice by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescriptions required. See website for full details. Important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Birch show so I was telling you guys, this is a survey out of Redbook magazine and it's their annual steamy sex survey. It's pretty standard stuff that we've talked about before. You know, I know, Jen, you're too.

[Co-host or Guest]

Emotional to talk about this, but I think, can you get through the sex?

I think I can get through the Red Book survey.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

I think I can get through that.

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Most of the questions are pretty basic here, you know, like, how often do you have sex? And they answer that. How long does sex usually last? And there's a whole, you know, variety of answers on that. How much foreplay? What's the sexiest part of a man's body? Here's the One I locked and loaded on. And I would like you to call up and just tell us the name. And that's it. Our conversation is going to last a millisecond and then I want to move on to the next call. But the question is, do you have a pet name for your husband's member? Member? 70% of women said no, but 30% said, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I sure do. And does your husband have a pet name for your breasts or for your. 70 again said no, but 30% said yes.

[Co-host or Guest]

I think one goes with the other. Like, I think, you know, I don't think. I think it'd be weird if, like, she had a name for you but you didn't return with a name.

[Paige Desorbo]

I think.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I don't know.

[Co-host or Guest]

They're all the same people.

So what's your name?

[Paige Desorbo]

Jeff.

[Co-host or Guest]

I don't do it. I don't have a name.

And you never named your own?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Never named your own.

[Co-host or Guest]

I think that's weird.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah. Something Crash would do. Like, I bet Crash and Lady Crash are going to be calling right now. We're not going to ask you your name. We're not going to ask you your husband's name or your wife's name. Not their real name. Anyway. We'll keep you on the phone for just a couple of seconds. But I'm really curious about what some of these names are because we don't use those names in our house.

[Co-host or Guest]

Like Mr. Happy or something like that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Something like that. As basic as that. 404,741,1005. And we can put you guys on the voice disguiser if you want. Good morning, Alyssa.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

How are you?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller]

Good.

[Co-host or Guest]

Just give us the name.

[Paige Desorbo]

Name.

[Caller]

Norman.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Norman?

[Co-host or Guest]

Norman, as in Stormin Norman?

[Caller]

No, like Norman from, what was it? City Slickers? Where Billy Crystal got the little cow. Norman. Hello, Norman.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Norman. Okay, thank you very much. Tiffany. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

My nickname for his is Captain Winky because it winks at me.

[Co-host or Guest]

Oh, gross.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All we need to know is the name.

[Co-host or Guest]

Just the name.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Need to know the story. 404-741-1005. Melissa, good morning.

[Caller]

Hello. I just wanted to say my husband's is Frankie and mine is Patty.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Frankie and Patty.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Sounds like the new morning show coming in down the street.

[Co-host or Guest]

For Gene and Julie.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Frankie and Patty. Good morning, star. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

It's Russell, the love muscle.

[Co-host or Guest]

And how do you like. Is that like in. Hey, does Russell want to Come out and play. Or, like, how. In what context do you ever use that?

[Caller]

Oh, he's got Russ. Russie. Russell the Muscle.

[Paige Desorbo]

Right.

[Co-host or Guest]

But I'm wondering, like, in what context that. Can I. Yeah.

When does his name come up in conversation?

Like, when do you use that?

[Caller]

All the time over the phone when he's at work.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So, yeah, go through the conversation. Is it like, I want to see Russell tonight? Or how do you.

[Caller]

Well, does Rusty want to come out and play? Or how's the muscle feeling? Feeling strong.

[Co-host or Guest]

Okey doke.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right. Wrestle the muscle. Thank you.

[Caller]

You're welcome.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

404-741-1005. Isabel.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

He's Yogi, and I'm Boo Boo and Twitch. Probably asked for the voice changer, and I'm gonna hang up now.

[Co-host or Guest]

Hey, Tracy, that was the promo.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning, Chris.

[Caller]

Yeah. Hi.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

Wouldn't you know, my boss just walked in.

[Co-host or Guest]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller]

The Beast and Miss Kitty. No further comments.

[Co-host or Guest]

That's all we need.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's all we need. The Beast and Miss Kitty.

[Co-host or Guest]

I love it. That she goes. Wouldn't you know, my boss just walked in.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning, Rosalind.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

Tank and Coco.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Tank and Coco. Wrestling names work perfectly.

[Caller]

I love it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Lisa, you're on all the hits, Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hi.

[Caller]

How about Darth Vader for him and Little Debbie for me?

[Co-host or Guest]

Little Debbie.

[Paige Desorbo]

Little Debbie.

[Caller]

Little Debbie.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi. All the hits Q100.

[Paige Desorbo]

That's great.

[Caller]

Hey, mine is slim and hers is roast beef.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, man, that's. Nothing sexy about that.

[Caller]

That's what she like. She's like, hey, you want some roast beef tonight?

[Co-host or Guest]

Oh, God, that whole thing, that's gross.

That's nasty. Come on, now. That's just nasty.

That's gross.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Sarah.

[Caller]

Hey. It's Wee Willy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

We Willy. Thank you.

[Co-host or Guest]

You wouldn't want that name if you're a guy. Willy. It shouldn't be cute. Like, it's not something you'd refer to a puppy as.

You don't want we anywhere in the.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Title or Ito at the end because that's small in Spanish. Anything not good, Lisa. Good morning, Lisa. Negative. Good morning, Dawn.

[Caller]

Morning. How are you?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right.

[Caller]

I call my husband's member Mikey, and he calls it Mike.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Mikey and Mike.

[Caller]

I call it Mikey, but he says it's Mike.

[Co-host or Guest]

Right. Because you don't want it to be anything cute like a Mike until he's 7 years old is a Mikey. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Sometimes it might look like seven years old.

[Co-host or Guest]

Ouch. He calls Big Mike.

Yeah. When Mikey Gets all grown up. It's Mike.

[Caller]

Good morning, guys.

[Co-host or Guest]

Good morning.

[Caller]

This is Charlene. I don't have a pet name to share. I just have to let. Because those pet names that these people are calling with are hilarious. I don't name the member because that's not sexy. They couldn't possibly be having sexy sex with goofy names like that.

[Co-host or Guest]

I have a friend who confessed to me that his is called. The whole family have names and his is called Fred, Barney and Dino.

[Caller]

No way.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Melody. Hey, good morning.

[Caller]

My husband's is Thor and mine is Pink Panther.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thor and Pink Panther. Now, Thor is a good name. Thor is a good.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, it's not. No name is good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thor, though, if you're gonna name it, it's like Thor.

[Co-host or Guest]

But then what do you do when you're, you know, like.

You guys remember Thor from Adventures in Babysitting?

[Caller]

Do you remember that?

[Co-host or Guest]

What do you do when you go to, like, you know, your wife goes to, you know, that Maxim Cabaret or whatever they say now taking the stage, Thor, you know, she's telling all of her girlfriends who Thor really is in her world. Like, you don't want that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Emily.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Morning.

[Caller]

Good morning. I am Priscilla and my husband is Elvis.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Matching genitals. That's nice.

[Co-host or Guest]

Sonny and Cher. Steve and Vicky. The Burt Show.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Chris, two things. Listen to me. Come here. Don't take it so hard. Get over here. Get over here. Two things I want you to promise me. You gotta watch your temper, okay? You get a lot of emotion sometimes that gets into temper number two. Stay away from that damn tobacco, okay? You promise?

[Paige Desorbo]

Yes, sir.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay. You got a lot of potential, man.

[Co-host or Guest]

You're gonna be a big success.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thank you. I have no doubt about it. Thank you all. That guy. That was Chris from the Apprentice last night. All of that guy's friends are dumping him. Today he has turned into his friend's little bitch.

[Co-host or Guest]

Today he turned in his man card for good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Totally. And if he has a girlfriend, I gotta believe she was watching that last night, looking at him. Oh, my God.

[Co-host or Guest]

I'm imagining any company that would want to hire him. Like, I would be. I would never admit that I was on the Apprentice after that, you know.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So my question here is, you know, because as guys, we have been told from when we're very, very young, men are tough. We do not cry. So we hold that in. And then I think as we get into our 20s, women want to see more emotion from us. In fact, there's a girl in the office here that her big gripe about her current boyfriend is. He doesn't show enough emotion. Like a stone nothing.

[Co-host or Guest]

Who's that?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I'm not gonna say on the air. She would hate that.

[Co-host or Guest]

Just spell it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So I'm asking you. Women like the time that a guy has shown you his emotions and he broke down and he started crying, but the effect was totally the opposite. You totally got turned off by it. Give us a call right now. 404-741-1005. And Jeff gave just about the greatest example ever.

[Co-host or Guest]

Girl I know broke up with a guy because they had gone out on several dates, and the first time that they made love, he burst into tears during the finale.

Oh, no.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And she dumped him after that.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah. I actually think she dumped him before he left her house.

She's like, yeah, I can't handle that.

Yeah, I think it was just way too much.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And his thing is, he probably put the fake tears on because he knows that's what a woman wants.

[Co-host or Guest]

Not when you're. You know.

And not when you just meet and do that.

When you just.

[Paige Desorbo]

What? Meat.

[Co-host or Guest]

Meat.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, me M E E T meat.

[Co-host or Guest]

I thought there was.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I thought.

[Co-host or Guest]

I thought you said M E E K E D. And I thought there's a word I didn't know.

Yeah, don't you know, don't you know that?

Oh, look at. He just meeked.

[Paige Desorbo]

Stupid.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Chrissy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning, everybody.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Ours was actually at the end of the movie Titanic. He cried for about 15 minutes and we had to wait for everyone to leave the TV theater. I was so embarrassed.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

No, did you?

[Caller]

Because I have red hair. He connected me to the movie and he was just totally devastated. It was so embarrassing.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Are you kidding me?

[Co-host or Guest]

It's not like we didn't know what would happen.

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Totally. We were engaged.

[Caller]

And needless to say, we did not get married.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Is that right? Are you kidding? Thank you.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hysterical.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning, Matilda. Good morning.

[Caller]

How are you doing?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

There is a name you just don't hear a lot anymore.

[Caller]

Isn't it beautiful?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Matilda, how are you?

[Caller]

I'm wonderful. How are you doing today?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Doing awesome. Thank you.

[Co-host or Guest]

When did this tear fest happen?

[Caller]

Okay, this tears factor actually happened when I was dating this guy and he used to cry all the time. But the hugest times that it was a turn off was after we saw the Lord of the Rings three and he just started bawling at the end. I'm talking about. It was so embarrassing. He just started crying and I just got totally turned off.

[Co-host or Guest]

Who Are some of the characters in.

That movie Frodo And.

[Caller]

Yes. Yeah. All those characters. He just. I don't know what was so emotional about the movie that he has to cry about it.

[Co-host or Guest]

So something happened with Frodo and set him off somewhere.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Something in his past.

[Co-host or Guest]

Turn on the waterwork.

Maybe he.

Maybe like the other guy. Maybe he compared his girlfriend to Frodo.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Have you seen the. I think it's a Coke commercial where he and she are sitting in the theater, and they're obviously watching some romantic movie. And he's pouring. He's drinking a Coke, and the ice gets in his eyes.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Looks like he's starting to cry.

[Co-host or Guest]

He reaches over to hold her to get her Coke, and he holds her.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hand, and she's like, oh, this is the greatest. But that's not reality. Hey, Jessica, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, guys.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Morning.

[Caller]

Hey. I'm starting to see a theme here. It's something about the movies. These guys are crazy. I'm telling you. Me and my husband and my stepson were at home one afternoon, and I'm in the bathroom doing, you know, fix my hair or something like that, and he comes running in there, busts open the door, and, like, starts washing his face. And I'm like, what are you doing? And he's like, I just got something in my eye. And I go out there, and I'm like, what happened to your dad? He's like, I don't know. He just got up. Rocky just went off. He's in there crying over Rocky.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I understand that.

[Caller]

And so I'm like, what? So I started Joaning him and just going on and on about it, and he got mad at me, and we get in a huge argument because he didn't want his son to know that's what he was crying about. But he eventually ended up knowing because it turned into a big blowout that day over why he's crying over Rocky. It was ridiculous.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I understand that. When Rocky's in the ring screaming for Adrian, I understand that.

[Caller]

Yes, that's exactly when it happened.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hell, yeah.

[Caller]

He's crazy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Might have cried over that, too. Thank you.

[Caller]

All right.

[Co-host or Guest]

Bye.

[Paige Desorbo]

Bye.

[Co-host or Guest]

That's funny.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Christina, you're on all the hits. Q100 or not. Hold on, Christina.

[Caller]

It was a first date. This guy took me to the Fox to see the Nutcracker. We're sitting there, just getting to know each other.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, no, not during the Nutcracker. Not during the Nutcracker.

[Caller]

Yes, yes. Just getting to know each other. And he Looks over to me, starts telling me about, you know, about being engaged just about a year and a half ago and she burped the wedding off. And he starts crying like big alligator. Tears start streaming down his face.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

During the Nutcracker.

[Caller]

During the Nutcracker.

[Co-host or Guest]

About his ex girlfriend.

[Caller]

No, no, this is before it even started. His ex girlfriend. I must have had like a look of terror on my face because the older couple behind me leaned forward and the guy goes, get a grip, man.

[Co-host or Guest]

And it was your first date?

[Caller]

First date, yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, it must have been his too after the break up.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

Ever.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I had a girl cry at me on first date too. We were really drunk and she was just going through like a whole bunch of crap in her life and I guess the alcohol just hit her in the wrong way. First date, started balling on me.

[Co-host or Guest]

Did you ever go out with her again?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I had sex with her. She was vulnerable so I took advantage of that whole situation.

[Co-host or Guest]

Right, what every gentleman would do.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah.

[Weight Loss by Hers Representative]

High five.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

While she was crying. Hey, Nicole, you're in all the hits Q100.

[Caller]

Hey guys, how are ya? Well, my boyfriend couldn't get it up one time, so not only was that a turn off and I was really just disgusted. Then he starts crying like next to me. I mean that's just, that's just double time. Like double turn off. Like I just wanted to kick him out.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

He couldn't get it up and he was, he was so upset about it, he started crying.

[Caller]

So emotional about it. So emotional about it. And I'm sure it didn't help that I was like, ew, that's disgusting. Oh, I can't believe this going on. Like whatever. But then he just starts crying.

[Co-host or Guest]

You should have been more, you should have been more sympathetic. Cuz maybe he had his period.

[Caller]

Probably, probably. I don't know. But that was my story and it was just, it's just such a turn off, you know? Should I just be crying about that kind of stuff?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

No. I don't know.

[Caller]

No, you're right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I don't know. And good morning, Melissa. You're on all the hits q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Yeah, my husband, he started crying after Rockstar. It's the end of Rockstar.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay, I think this is the way we gotta go on this right here. If you're a woman, tell us what movies your guys have cried over. Cause that seems to be the reoccurring theme here. All right, we got Rockstar. I can't even remember the end of.

[Co-host or Guest]

That movie, that's when he hands the microphone off the stage to the next guy. And then he walked off the stage.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And he started crying about that. All right, so what movies are your guys crying over? The Rocky one, I'm telling you, I can understand.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, we've already heard about Rocky, Lord of the Rings, and Titanic that I don't get.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Even the Rockstar one. There's gotta be Rudy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Rudy.

Every guy gives a tear in his eye at Rudy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Don't even call with Rudy. Jeff, what is the last movie that you cried over?

[Co-host or Guest]

Oh, movie. What was that one with Mandy Morin that you and I saw together?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I can't even remember the name of it.

[Co-host or Guest]

It was a Nicholas.

You had to hold him and cradle him and rock him.

[Paige Desorbo]

How could you?

[Co-host or Guest]

We didn't see that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That was the Notebook you're talking about. We didn't see the Notebook together.

[Co-host or Guest]

See, that's what happens when you don't put the buffer seat between the two guys.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Jeff will have a buffer section. Yeah, he won't even sit in the row in front of you.

[Co-host or Guest]

I'm okay sitting next to you. Now that you got your hands all sewn it or your arms all sewn it cleaned. It was nasty before.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Well, they're more feminine like now. I think you'd be a little bit more nervous.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, it was dangerous. Last time you brush up against me and it looked like I ran through bushes for a week, like I was.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Playing with a cat. You're actually hairier than I am.

[Paige Desorbo]

I am now.

[Co-host or Guest]

Look at that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Look at you. You got it on your back too. You're like a Chewbacca.

[Paige Desorbo]

I know.

[Caller]

I've got this.

[Co-host or Guest]

And you know what had happened the day I turned 30? I got this little patch. Bing wrap right there.

We can take care of that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Sona hook you up, dude.

[Caller]

Come on.

[Co-host or Guest]

We'll take care of it right now. Cause I got some duct tape in the office.

Going to Sona is admitting it exists. It's on my back. I can't see it.

Oh, that's right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

It's not. Really, Phil, the last movie that you cried over, there's actually only been one movie I've ever cried at. And it was the scene in this movie where the main character's father dies and he's walking down a path. Leaves are falling in the background. And on bagpipes, they're playing Amazing Grace. And that movie, Tommy Boy. Oh, you're kidding. The only movie I've ever teared up in. There is something about the bagpipes, though, man. When they start playing, man, you gotta, like, keep it together. I'm gonna keep it together.

[Co-host or Guest]

And it's such a disgusting game of an instrument. You're crying at the bagpipes. It's almost like a Billy fake out type word.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You know what I mean?

[Co-host or Guest]

Like a sexual. I gave her the bagpipes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I was playing softball the other day, and I took a bad hop. Hit me right in the bagpipes.

[Co-host or Guest]

Like, it's such a. Like that whole word. That whole. It's just. That's a disgusting bag. Pipes, bagpipes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

We're asking you guys. What is. What are the movies that your guys are crying over? We can never ask the guys to call up because they'd never admit it. Good morning, Dana. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning. The movie was Blow with Johnny Depp. And at the end, I think his dad comes to visit him in prison. I hope everyone's seen the movie. But anyway, I was tearing up and I didn't want him to know. And I looked over at him and he had tears streaming down his face, too. And I have something in my eye.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah. I think guys will only show their crying when they know that there are other guys around that are crying also. Like, if I get all, like, all emotional in a movie, like, I'll look around, make sure there's somebody else crying before I let the tears start happening.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest]

And I think any. You know, like Phil's example and her example about something involving the father, you know, I think that's acceptable. Acceptable for a guy to cry. I think most guys would cry at any scene like that.

You know what? It's not a movie. But I teared up at that. What's that thing that we always go to at Disney where they do the show the movies on the water?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The what?

[Co-host or Guest]

Turtle talk. No, where do they show the movies on the water?

Fantasmic.

Yeah. Like, I got a little teary at that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Why?

[Co-host or Guest]

Because I just thought it was really cool.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Just got filled up.

[Co-host or Guest]

I was just really impressed.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Molly.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The movies that your men are crying over.

[Caller]

Eight seconds. The Notebook.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Eight seconds. Wasn't that like the.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Way back.

[Caller]

The cowboy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

What scene?

[Caller]

When he dies and then it goes back and it shows him waving both of his hands.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I didn't see that. So he's going down and he's dying, and he musters up enough energy to wave to a crowd.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, no.

[Caller]

It flashes back to him. Like, all his kind of successes.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, yeah. He was a young bull Riding champion that got a horn right in the stomach.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

If you're a guy, you're not allowed to cry over a Luke Perry movie.

[Co-host or Guest]

But it was. But it's a sporting event. It's, you know, like, it's also in the sporting arena, you know.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good morning, Julie.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hi.

[Caller]

When my stepdaughter comes to visit, we have family movie night, and we rented Homeward Bound. And in the very last scene, when the. Or not the last scene, but when the older dog comes running up over the hill to the little boy and they think he's not going to make it, and he shows up, my husband cries, animals.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

A boy and his animals.

[Co-host or Guest]

Animals and sports.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Animals. Good morning. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning, bro. How you doing?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good, sir. How are you?

[Caller]

All right. Hey, I'm a guy, and I admit I love the movie Big Fish that made me cry in tears.

[Co-host or Guest]

Has to do with the dad.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

It's a dad thing.

[Caller]

There's a dad connection, I guess, like that connection. It was really, really good.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I think you're right.

[Co-host or Guest]

That's a good movie.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's our Achilles heel right there. Good morning, Stephen. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good.

[Caller]

The last movie I cried over was the last scene of Ladder 49, where they had a casket on the back of the fire truck and they're all walking down the back.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You know, I didn't particularly like that movie, but the part where the captain has to come to the house and tell the wife that dude is gone, and she has to break it to the kids. I about lost it there.

[Caller]

Yeah, that just hit you.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I don't care who you are.

[Caller]

That's gonna tie a knot in your stomach no matter what.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, that's another good one.

[Co-host or Guest]

And most guys, you know, the dad is what rattles. You know, like telling the kid and all that rattles most guys. But when the dad dies in many movies, you know, if you're watching with Bird, he's like, all right, good. That's finally out of the way.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So that's a way to get him to get it done, huh?

[Co-host or Guest]

Doesn't have to deal with him anymore.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Morning. All the hits q100.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hi.

[Caller]

Yeah, this is Yellow Boy. How you guys doing?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yellow Boy now. How does it go?

[Caller]

Yeah, man, I'm a guy and I'm calling. I'm letting you guys know. It's nothing wrong with crying over a movie, man. What's up with that, man? What movie did you Cry over Man on Fire Passions. Those were good movies to cry over.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Vin Diesel.

[Caller]

Vin Diesel. Man on Fire. That was Denzel Washington.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. That was a good one. Yeah, that scene at the end when.

[Caller]

Denzel rides off into, like, sunset and he, like, dies for the little girl.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

No, you're right. That really was an emotional scene, man. Yeah.

[Caller]

Everybody cries for metaphor nights.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Everybody, man.

[Caller]

I mean, men, female, kids, children. Everybody cries, man.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Even hermaphrodites.

[Caller]

Inhumane to cry. I'm a guy and I'm 23 years old. I cry when I go to the movies.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right, if you guys walk away with one piece of life advice today, it's this. Even hermaphrodites cry.

[Co-host or Guest]

So says Yellow Boy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thank you, Yellow Boy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Clearly. Clearly a former regular guys listener who.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Has found us and future philosopher.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hi, this is Christy from Back to the Bar. You've probably heard about GLP1 weight loss medications and the side effects that can come with jumping in too fast. That's why I love Noom. Makes getting started easy. Their microdose GLP1 program begins with a smaller dose and gradually scales up based on how your body reacts. The Noom GLP1 microdose program starts at $99 and is delivered to your door in seven days. Start your microdose GLP1 journey today at Noom.com, that's n o o m dot com Noom micro changes. Big results. Average weight loss eight pounds in first month. Meds and personalization based on clinical need and not available to all individuals. Medications are not reviewed by FDA for safety, efficacy, or quality. Pricing based on first month only.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Birch Show. Looking for a little honesty here with women. We may find out here Tracy's friends are just as crazy as Tracy. Or we may find out that all women, again, as Jeff would say, are pretty much nuts.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, I mean, every woman has a level of crazy. I mean, very few are so deep into the crazy pool is crazy. But, you know, I mean, usually she's.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The lifeguard at the crazy pool, right?

[Co-host or Guest]

Usually. Usually when you're swimming, the people you're swimming with are, you know, similar. So this will be fun.

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm not crazy. I'm just honest.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Now, we need some honesty from women here because from time to time we ask these questions, and if you really want it, we'll put you on the voice disguiser here. But this may just be a. Tracy's clique of friends is crazy also.

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, one of my really good friends called me the other day, and she's all distraught because this guy she works with is moving. And my first reaction was, so. And because she has a boyfriend. She's had a boyfriend for about nine months now. I've never heard of this guy that's moving. And she's all bummed out because he's leaving.

[Caller]

And.

[Paige Desorbo]

And I said, so? And she said, well, he's my backup guy. I'm like, what do you mean he's your backup guy? And she goes, you know, if things don't work out with. I don't want to say her boyfriend's name because I don't think he'd be too thrilled about this. But if things don't work out with John, then I'm gonna like this guy. And I laughed because I did the same thing for my first year with Scott. In the back of my mind, I would always have a if things don't work out guy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Who was it?

[Paige Desorbo]

I'm not telling you that.

[Co-host or Guest]

Come on now, give it up.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

It was Jeff Dollar.

[Co-host or Guest]

It was Jeff because he wasn't married at the time.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That's right. It was Jeff dollar, wasn't it?

[Co-host or Guest]

I thought you were honest. What happened to honesty?

[Paige Desorbo]

No, I'm honest to a point.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Honest to the point of argument. Once there's an argument on the line, forget it.

[Co-host or Guest]

Game over.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So 404-741-1005 now, does this person have to be an ex boyfriend or is this just a person that you have in your mind that if things don't work out with the guy you're currently seeing that you can fall back on?

[Paige Desorbo]

Yeah, I think in general, girls just always have to have somebod or that they're interested in or that they could possibly get somewhere with. So if things don't work out with your boyfriend, then you have the guy that you could like. Or I would also say that most girls on the back of their head have an ex boyfriend that they could fall back on if things don't work out.

[Co-host or Guest]

If not an ex boyfriend, I would agree on the guy friend. Like, you know, kind of keeping like a guy friend around in the pool where, you know, they know they're just your friend.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But if things don't work out, you could fall back and hang out with this other guy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Some gray area.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

We're gonna call this listener Michelle, and you are on the voice disguiser. Good morning.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Co-host or Guest]

Hi.

[Caller]

I do have a backup guy. Well, actually, I have two. I'm currently dating the father of my child and we just got back together after a long time. But the first time he really broke my heart. So I have a 23 year old that comes up and sees me and he's in mobile. And then I have my ex boyfriend that I see from time to time and I just keep them on the back burner just in case he decides to act like an ass again.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So now the difference here is that these.

[Co-host or Guest]

He's a back burner guy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

These are two guys, right, that you, that you're still around, that you're actually kind of dating. Whereas producers. Tracy's talking about just the thought of a guy.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah. And I don't.

[Paige Desorbo]

I think there gets to be a point in your relationship though, where you're comfortable and you're confident that things are gonna work out so you lose the backup guy. But just in case, for the first nine, 10 months, you have to have somebody that if things don't work out, I'm gonna like so and so see.

[Co-host or Guest]

And I think this is the guys. The guy's version of this is the booty call.

Like, no, guys don't think that far ahead.

Like, no, y' all do. Y' all keep some women on the back burner just in case you need to go. But for. And yours is more for physical. It's like, for women, it's like the backup guy is like, oh, maybe somebody I date and really fell in love with and, you know, live happily ever after with. For you guys, it's like, oh, we'll string them along just so we can do them again.

You know how you.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah. Like, I don't disagree with that.

[Co-host or Guest]

But guys, see, it's totally different because it's not a backup anything. Like, guys aren't looking for a replacement because when a guy gets out of a relationship for whatever reason, like, let's say the woman goes, you know, crazy and sees him talking to another girl. So punches him in the head and throws a lamp at him. Like, like, guys, guys don't, like, once that relationship's over, they're not looking to get back into that. Like, that's not you. Like, they're not trying to find, but.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

They swear off women. We're like, man, it's going to be so long until I get in a relationship again. Until like two weeks.

[Co-host or Guest]

No, I know it's different. I know it's totally different. But you guys are looking back to get some other way.

But like the women. You guys have your folder with all the wedding stuff. And the only thing that's not determined by, you know, May 18, 2007, the day I'm gonna get married, I've had a plan since I was 11. The only thing that's not planned is the groom. The dress is picked out, the flowers are picked out, the ring, the engagement.

Listen to what you just said though. Guys don't think that far ahead. So somebody's gotta do it. So the woman has. A woman has to plan stuff.

She just comes.

Oh, burns, burns.

D. You know what?

They should just abolish marriage. That'd be so much easier.

Some circles they have.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, that's rich. Jessica's thinking circle. Hey, Amy, you're on all the hits. Q100. No, Amy doesn't need it. Hey, Amy.

[Caller]

Hi, how are you?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good, thank you.

[Caller]

I was gonna call and say that she's definitely not crazy. Her friend, because I'm from South Florida. Let me just tell you, all the guys down there suck. And so you have to have a backup line at all times because you never know what's going to happen with the one you're with.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Now, again, we're not talking about somebody that you're kind of currently hooking up with while you're with your boyfriend. This is just somebody, mentally, you know, that you're going to start dating if your boyfriend breaks up with you.

[Caller]

Yeah, of course.

[Paige Desorbo]

Exactly.

[Caller]

I understand that. And I would say I'd probably be in the same position as that girl's in as well. But I have a 9 month old and I have a fiance I'm getting ready to get married to that I love very much. But I'm half living in the same type as position where you have someone in the background as well. It just makes you mentally. In case something goes wrong, you have some backup.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah. The difference here is that like men aren't looking to relationship hop.

[Co-host or Guest]

Right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Women are looking to relationship hop.

[Co-host or Guest]

I think a woman is. I mean, it goes with what Tracy said. I mean, because in my case, I don't even think it's somebody that I'm going to date. It's somebody I'm going to pursue for sure. Because it's not always the case where I'm actually going to be with that person. But I do think a woman is lost if she's not interested in somebody, if she's not in a situation, if she's not in a relationship and she's not interested in somebody, she's lost. She has to be attached or thinking about or daydreaming about somebody.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

We will need the voice disguiser for this call and we will call the spurt show listener, Sarah. Good morning.

[Paige Desorbo]

Hello. Hi.

[Caller]

How you guys doing today?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good, how are you?

[Caller]

I'm Pretty good. Feel kind of weird going on here talking about my backup guy, but. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Huh. You've got one.

[Caller]

Yeah, I got a backup guy. He's one of my close guy friends that we've. We've known each other like four or five years now. And it's always been some tension there, but we never pursue anything because it's always an awkward time. And then my first breastfeeding relationship right now, but it's always been playful. And it's like in the back of my mind where I was like, I always know my boyfriend and I don't work out, and we've been together for two years now. I always bet with my best guy friend.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So there's a kind of a reoccurring theme that I'm hearing here as a guy. Should we be hearing this going, okay, if she has a close guy friend, then if she breaks up with me, she's thinking about the close guy friend as her backup guy.

[Paige Desorbo]

I. I remember my backup guy wasn't even anybody I really talked to. It was just somebody that was on my radar, that was about my age, that was attractive, that if things didn't work out, I was gonna like him.

[Co-host or Guest]

Jordan. I pursue him.

[Paige Desorbo]

Right.

[Co-host or Guest]

I think that Tracy's right. I don't think it's necessarily a good guy friend. I think it could be just like her friends, which is just a co worker that she probably flirts with here and there's when she sees him at the copy machine, like somebody that she hadn't even gone there with yet. I think a good guy friend is probably not that person. Like, Tracy would never have Phil as her backup guy. But Tracy and Phil are really good friends.

[Paige Desorbo]

Oh, but for so many reasons.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

The burt show.