Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, March 11 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, March 11 [Vault]

Original Air Date: March 11, 2026
Theme: Exploring Gifting Disappointments in Relationships & How Exes Leave a Stamp on Our Favorite Things

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delivers a comedic yet heartfelt exploration into gifting mishaps and emotional baggage from past relationships. The cast, joined by callers, dives into personal stories about partners who never give gifts and the strange aftertaste old flames leave on music, movies, sports — even entire countries. Listeners are invited to laugh, commiserate, and reflect on the ways we navigate love, loss, and the little rituals that matter.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Relationship Gift Giving: Why Does it Go Wrong?

[01:00–11:13]

• Setting the Scene:
  Burt introduces the segment by reflecting on the pressures and expectations of Christmas gift-giving (01:00). He notes that some people simply opt out entirely, refusing to partake in holidays or even birthdays with gifts.

• Caller Stories:
  Several callers share their experiences with partners who either never give gifts or gripe about what they do receive:

  • Beth:
    “He hasn't gotten me a single gift for birthday or Valentine's Day or Christmas or anything.”
    (Caller 2 / Beth, 01:33)
    • She mentions her ex would mention plans for gifts but wouldn’t follow through, while complaining about gifts she gave him.
    • Panelists debate whether the issue is truly about money or about demonstrating care and thoughtfulness (02:34).
  • Tim:
    Shares how a single mistake with clothing sizes led him to stop buying presents, switching to gift cards and “spa stuff” instead (03:06–03:56).
    • “I started just giving her gift cards… I would rent a cabin.”
      (Caller 1 / Tim, 03:26)
  • Mary:
    Recalls not receiving a gift in five years; her last present was a “magazine rack for the bathroom” (04:45).
    • She now only gives him “a cold stare” in return (05:04).

• Humorous Coping Mechanisms:
  Burt and the panel riff on outlandish compensations for missing gifts, like “one affair per missed occasion” (05:04–05:20).

  • Burt: “For every special occasion that he doesn't acknowledge… you're allowed to have one affair.” (05:04)

• Serious Reflection:
  More thoughtful discussion emerges on the emotional impact of being overlooked by your partner, despite consistently giving yourself (05:50–07:05).

  • “That must really bother you, like, knowing on your birthday there’s going to be zero acknowledgement…” (Burt, 06:39)
  • Panelists express frustration at callers who continue the one-sided gifting dynamic, urging them to speak up or reconsider their approach (06:49–07:13).

• Panelist Suggestions:
  A co-host suggests buying her own gifts and billing her husband for reimbursement as a cheeky workaround (08:29–08:37).

• Underlying Questions:
  The hosts ponder if some couples might actually function with such an imbalance, or if endurance in a relationship means the system “works” for them (10:16–10:58).

  • “Maybe your husband has it down and the rest of the world doesn't…” (Burt, 10:23)

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2. The 'Antichrist' Effect: When Exes Ruin Your Favorite Things

[12:12–21:17]

• Segment Intro:
  Inspired by Jen Hobby’s story, the team explores how breakups taint our experience of music, movies, or even entire places.

  • Jen: “My first boyfriend… was in love with [AC/DC]… I just have this bad connection with AC/DC. Even though the music is great… I will always connect it to that guy and the horrible ending of that relationship.” (13:08)

• Panelist & Caller Confessions:

  • Burt:
    Admits disliking the entire country of Guyana — and even the word “Georgetown” — because of a fiery ex from there (14:39).
    • “Anytime I even hear the word Georgetown… my skin crawls, man. I hate Georgetown and I hate Guyana.” (Burt, 14:39)
  • Co-host:
    “Anytime Kansas does well… just blech. Hate that team.” (14:18) — associating the Kansas Jayhawks with a regrettable relationship.
  • Listeners:
    • Movies: One caller can’t watch The Ringer with Johnny Knoxville; it’s too associated with her ex (15:23).
    • Sports teams: Another refuses to watch University of Miami games after her ex’s obsession (15:49).
    • Cars: “I hate import cars… If I see one going down the road I just cringe” (16:34) — the Fast & Furious franchise is forever ruined.
    • Music: A musician is haunted by the song “More Than Words” by Extreme, tied to a high school love he can’t forget (17:13–19:32).
    • Gyms: LA Fitness elicits disgust in one listener because her ex spent all his time there (19:41–20:13).
    • Ozzy Osbourne: Another caller wants to “pull my eyelashes out” at the mere sound of him, thanks to her ex-husband (20:49).

• Memorable Quotes:

  • “I've been married twice and have a couple of kids and every single day, even when my kids were born, I thought of her.”
    (Caller 1 / Tim, 17:49)
  • “Every time I hear Ozzy Osbourne… I want to literally pull my eyelashes out.”
    (Caller 2 / Beth, 20:49)

• Theme:
  The segment highlights how deeply intertwined our memories are with culture, and how heartbreak has repercussions far beyond romance into our everyday preferences.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Never Getting Gifts:
  "So I don't know if he just, you know, decided either forgot and never got it or just didn't want to spend the money. But I always got him gifts. And the crazy part is, a lot of his gifts, he would complain about..."
  — Caller 2 / Beth, [02:06]

• Poking Fun at Negligent Partners:
  “If your husband doesn’t buy you a gift, you get to have an affair!”
  — Burt, [05:04]

• On Emotional Scarring:
  “It’s an entire country, really… my skin crawls, man. I hate Georgetown and I hate Guyana.”
  — Burt, [14:39]

• On Lingering Love:
  “I’ve been married twice and have a couple of kids and every single day, even when my kids were born, I thought of her.”
  — Caller 1 / Tim, [17:49]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:00–11:13]: Callers and cast discuss the etiquette, disappointments, and impact of gifting (or lack thereof) in relationships.
• [12:12–21:17]: The panel and listeners share stories about how exes have permanently altered their enjoyment of bands, movies, sports, and other passions.

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Podcast Tone & Style

The Bert Show’s signature style comes through in this episode — a blend of warm-hearted honesty, self-deprecating humor, listener participation, and playful banter. Sensitive topics are given comedic relief, while sincere advice is offered with a wink and a smile.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Many people endure unequal gifting dynamics, but it’s a bigger emotional issue than it appears.
• Personal memories and breakups often leave permanent physical triggers in tastes and habits — music, cinema, brands, even geographic places!
• Listeners are encouraged to laugh at their own pain, reconsider what they’re willing to accept, and, if called for, confront partners about unfairness or seek healing on their own terms.

---

For anyone who hasn’t listened, this episode is a funny, relatable window into the oddities of romantic ritual and the residues exes leave on our hearts and habits.

Transcript

[Caller 1 / Tim]

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[Burt (Host)]

The Birch Show. A whole bunch of people. Getting yourself all stressed out over Christmas, man. It's right around the corner here. Gotta go on out to the mall today. Fight the good fight. This many people to shop for at work and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then of course, you've got your wife and you got your husband and all that. There are some that just flat out decide. I'm not gonna acknowledge it.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Right.

[Burt (Host)]

No presence in this house. Mm. No shortage of these calls. But if your husband or boyfriend just like, you know what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No Christmas, no birthdays, no nothing. Not in this house. Rachel, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Hi.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I was actually calling because my husband and I, we're separated now, but we've been married for three and a half years and we've been together for five. And at the time we've been together, he hasn't gotten me a single gift for birthday or Valentine's Day or Christmas or anything.

[Burt (Host)]

Now is this something that he acknowledged in the front end of the relationship? Like, I just want to let you know, when it comes to gift giving, that's not about me, man. I acknowledge you all year long. So there is no special days for you?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

No, no. He actually sometimes would talk ahead of time like, I have a really good idea about something I want to get for your birthday or I have a surprise and then it just wouldn't happen.

[Burt (Host)]

Really.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

So I don't know if he just, you know, decided either forgot and never got it or just didn't want to spend the money. But I always got him gifts. And the crazy part is, a lot of his gifts, he would complain about, like, they were the wrong size or, you know, it wasn't exactly what he had said that he wanted or something to that effect. So that's why you all.

[Danielle Fishel (Sponsor Voice)]

Yeah.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Did he tell you before you got married that he was a giant.

[Burt (Host)]

A hole, or is that.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

No, no, he didn't. He didn't.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

My feelings would be so hurt. It has nothing to do with the money. It just. It's like we've said before about the effort. The creativity, I think, is so important. And so my feelings would be hurt if somebody just didn't want to make the effort whatsoever.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Well, what about. And then he complains about stuff. He doesn't buy her anything, and she's like, oh, really? You got me wool gloves? They're going to be scratchy.

[Burt (Host)]

All right. That was three years. We could crush that. Hey, Tim. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Good morning, Burt Show.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning, sir. How are you today?

[Caller 1 / Tim]

I'm terrific. I went probably about 12 years.

[Jen Hobby]

Wow.

[Burt (Host)]

No present at all. We're just talking about Christmas.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Well, no presents at all. The first year we were married, for Christmas, I went out shopping and bought her a bunch of clothes, and I bought the wrong sizes.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

So everything had to be taken back. And I was just like, you know what? Screw this.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

And you never bought anything since then?

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Well, we've been married 20 years now, and I started just giving her gift cards or stuff. Like spasdell anniversaries. I would rent a cabin.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay, okay. This is covered, man.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

You're just scarred by the whole clothes sizing issue.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, but you're covered. I mean, you're getting her something. You're acknowledging it somehow, some way.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Spacadel and cabins and stuff. That's fine.

[Burt (Host)]

Solid.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Yeah.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

This.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

This just started probably within the past five years, six years. I started doing stuff.

[Burt (Host)]

For some of you, the gift certificate is a great way to go because you have such demanding wives or such demanding husbands, and you could see the disappointment in their face. You're like, screw it. I'm just gonna give them a gift certificate. Let them have the freedom of picking their own thing. I can understand that, man. Hey, Beth, don't go anywhere, because I think you're gonna be my closer. Okay?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Okay.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, hold on.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

There's no way this music alone will put you in the Christmas gift giving mood.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey. Hey, Mary. Good morning. You're part of the Burt show, huh?

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Thanks for bringing in the guitar.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Hey, I love you guys.

[Burt (Host)]

Thank you.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It's been at least five years since I've gotten a gift from my husband.

[Burt (Host)]

Anniversary, anything.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Birthday, Seriously, nothing.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

My last gift was a magazine rack for the bathroom.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, boy.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh, dang.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yeah, but still, he wants to know what I'm going to get him every year. Christmas, anniversary. And all he gets from me now is a cold stare.

[Burt (Host)]

Good for you. I think that's the rule. I think the rule is for every special occasion that he doesn't acknowledge you and buy you a gift, you're allowed to have one affair.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh, okay.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

All right. And, yeah, I'll let him know you said that. All right. Thank you, guys.

[Burt (Host)]

If I'm counting right, that's about 20. 20 affairs for her. That'll stop it.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Now, what about the guy that she's having the affair with? Do they have to buy her something?

[Burt (Host)]

Well, no, if they. Well, he's giving her the gift of sex.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Okay? So as long as.

[Burt (Host)]

As long as you're having sex with

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

her, as long if you're a guy and you're having sex with a woman, you don't have to give her anything else because you're giving her.

[Burt (Host)]

That's a funny gift, right?

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

You're giving her your love. Good morning.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

You're giving her that extra special gift.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Beth. Good morning. Hello.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Hello.

[Burt (Host)]

Hello.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It's been about 16 years since I received anything from my husband.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, enough fun part of now. Now we're getting serious.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

British. Put away the Casio 16 pajama music.

[Burt (Host)]

I mean, no birthday, no anniversary, nothing.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Christmas, nothing. But he expects something on his birthday, but I haven't got a thing in 16 years.

[Burt (Host)]

Now, how does he get away?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I've gotten at least a birthday card, but no present.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Now, do you get him gifts, though?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yes.

[Danielle Fishel (Sponsor Voice)]

Why?

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yeah, why?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Because I like to acknowledge. Like, at least acknowledge him, but he doesn't acknowledge me.

[Burt (Host)]

I mean, I know you're smiling about it and all, but that must. That must really bother you, like, knowing on your birthday there's going to be zero acknowledgement of it. Is.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It sucks.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

No, I'm about to fuss at you because if you. If you. I'm about to fuss, I'm about to pitch a fit. But seriously, why are you getting him gifts?

[Burt (Host)]

Why?

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

You have accepted this exchange because you get him gifts and he doesn't get you any. That would not work in my house at all.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It's just something I've probably accepted. Now, you know, it's been 16 years.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Obviously not because you're calling to talk about it. You're upset.

[Burt (Host)]

Are you having an affair?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Oh, God, no.

[Burt (Host)]

Because you're due 48. If I. If I'm counting, right, 16 years. And I'm just saying, three special occasions a year. You. You are due 48 affairs.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh, no,

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I've been with him since high school.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, well, you can start screwing around on him as soon as you guys graduated. No, it's jacked up, man.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yeah, but this is 16 years. Hopefully maybe I'll get something for Christmas this year. I incorporate it.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

You're not gonna get anything.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, why are you even have your hopes up? I mean, now it's your problem because he's shown you at least he's been consistent.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Why do you do that? That's torturing yourself. Now, when you said he got you a card one time, what did the card say? Thanks.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

No, it's like, Happy birthday. How are you?

[Burt (Host)]

Are you kidding?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yes.

[Burt (Host)]

This guy sucks. Your husband sucks. Yeah, he bless in this area.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Your husband sucks, but he thinks he's very. What's the word?

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Feminine.

[Burt (Host)]

He thinks he acknowledges you all year long.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Right, Exactly.

[Burt (Host)]

When is the last time that you felt acknowledged?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Probably the first year we're dating.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh, do what my sister does and just buy yourself gifts and put them under the tree from him to you

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

and then send him an invoice and.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yeah, exactly. And then have him reimburse you.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Do you want us to try to find a man to make love to for you? No, not for us.

[Burt (Host)]

We have 48 people we have to find. According to my calculations, we have to find an affair for the next until March 3rd.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

People are gonna believe you now, Bert. I can't believe that you talk about how you're very serious about how people should be monogamous, but then all of a sudden somebody can. No, we don't need this anymore, Stacey.

[Burt (Host)]

If I don't buy you anything for Christmas, you're allowed to have an affair on it.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

I would have an affair on you.

[Burt (Host)]

It wouldn't be. That's a deal.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

What if you buy yourself.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Why is that woman so happy?

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Why? If you buy. What if you buy your stuff and she hates it.

[Burt (Host)]

All medicated.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Can she still have an affair on you if.

[Burt (Host)]

What?

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

If you buy her stuff but she hates it.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, no, no. So long as I got her something, I can just rest. Yeah. If I forget about it entirely, your birthday or whatever. Entirely. Go ahead, have sex with somebody.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, I would.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

Here you go, Stacy. Here's Your mini Slinky. I got you something. Keep your pants on.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay. Rachel, go ahead.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Okay, so I don't know your name, I don't know the situation, but for 16 years you're putting up with his ass. You need to say to him, listen up, buddy. I don't give a shit anymore. I am not gonna buy you anything until

[Burt (Host)]

she's gone.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

No, I'm here.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

You just can't say the S word.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Co-host / Male Panelist]

You're on the radio. And you probably have parents and they don't admit to owning you right now.

[Burt (Host)]

I'd stay away from the F word also. And gd, There's a whole bunch of them that I'd stay away from afar. But what you're saying is, you know what? Get some guts. Talk to the guy. Right?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yeah. Gross, though.

[Burt (Host)]

Come on, Beth.

[Commercial Voice]

Now.

[Burt (Host)]

I mean, it's like it don't matter.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It don't matter if it's the woman or the man, but it's like if the woman is not buying the man anything and the man's buying herself.

[Burt (Host)]

No, look, maybe they've got it down. Maybe your husband has it down and the rest of the world doesn't. If you have been married 16 years, you have been married way longer than most people. Give it a try. So maybe the key to a healthy marriage is one person gives the gifts and the other one doesn't at all. Has anybody thought of that? Little out of the box thinking for anybody. I just think she's whacked. Oh, it's working for her. She's been married 16 years. 18. If you want to assure a healthy marriage, don't buy her a presentation for Christmas. That's what I'm hearing right here, sir. Thank you for sharing, Beth.

[Caller 3]

No problem.

[Burt (Host)]

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[Burt (Host)]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. I focused in on something that Jen Hobby said earlier this morning that I'm curious if all of us and you guys listening have also. And Jeff's not in studio today because last night, well, he was gonna take the day off anyway, but he also said that last night I think ACDC was in town.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh yeah.

[Burt (Host)]

All right. Sold out. I mean, that's what I'm talking about right here. You know, it's probably a great show last night and Jeff was thinking, you know what? I've got a day to bur and AC DC is gonna be rockin out, rockin rockin roll. So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna get my drink on and I don't wanna get up at 3:15 in the morning, so I'm not gonna go in. And while Jeff might love acdc, Jen Hobby has had such a bad experience. Not directly with the band, but she can never listen to them the same way again.

[Jen Hobby]

Because my first love, my first boyfriend way back in high school became what we call on the birth show as your antichrist, where you break up and you get back together and you're just. It's just this tumultuous thing and they make you jealous and you hate them and the whole thing, Right? Well, he was in love with this band, so he would listen to ACDC all the time. And so I just have this bad connection with acdc. Even though the music is great and everybody in the world loves it, I will always connect it to that guy and the horrible ending of that relationship. You know what I'm saying? So it's just branded as like, ugh, like, makes me.

[Burt (Host)]

So here's what I'm wondering. Have you guys been scarred so much? It doesn't have to necessarily be a band. It can be a hobby sports team. It could be a sports team. It could be a college that your ex was so into and forced down your throat so much. And the breakup was so bad that you absolutely can't enjoy whatever that thing is anymore For Jen, it's AC DC here.

[Jen Hobby]

Yep.

[Burt (Host)]

For you guys, it could be anything. 404-7401-Q100.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yeah, I.

[Caller 3]

There's.

[Burt (Host)]

Could be a movie.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

It could be anything. Absolutely. Yeah. I. I probably had just had one relationship in which I was, you know, that I regret being a part of, to be honest with you. And she was a huge fan of the Kansas Jayhawks. So anytime Kansas does well or whatever, just blech. Hate that team. So, sports team. Yeah, Kansas. I'm glad they're not in this conference because. Oh, whatever.

[Burt (Host)]

So mine is really. It's a. It's an entire country, really. Because I told you guys, I've mentioned Chandra before. To you guys. She was my dating Antichrist. And she was the girl that I dated for a year before I met Stacy. And it was an impossible relationship. Impossible. And she was just very fiery, and we argued all the time, and I hate her to this day, but she's from Guyana and she's from a little town, or not a little town, a city in Guyana called Georgetown. So anytime I even hear the word Georgetown, and it doesn't even necessarily have to be the city in Guyana, it could be the University in Washington, D.C. my skin crawls, man. I hate Georgetown and I hate Guyana.

[Caller 3]

I mean, mine's really simple. Mine's the movie, the ringer. We used to watch it all the time, me and my Antichrist. So as funny as that movie is, as much as I'd love to, it's the one with Johnny Knoxville and they do the Special Olympics.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

I don't think I saw that.

[Caller 3]

It's a really good movie, but I can't even watch it anymore. And I can't even laugh at the jokes because we watch it all the time. Just connected so badly. And I really want to watch it.

[Burt (Host)]

I can't. Hey, Erin. Good morning. You're part of the Bird show. Hi.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Good morning. My ex boyfriend used to force the University of Miami on me so bad that we would drive to Atlanta to go see games. And now whenever they're on tv, I refuse to watch.

[Burt (Host)]

And how long ago was this relationship?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

We dated for nine years.

[Burt (Host)]

And how long ago?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Probably we've been broken up for three years now.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah. This is a stamp.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Drives me nuts.

[Burt (Host)]

This is a connection stamp that will never, ever go away. Like, anytime she hears University of Miami for the next 30 years, she will always hate them.

[Jen Hobby]

She can't even see orange and green together.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yeah. It just brings about bad memories. It just. It just is a symbol of just bad times.

[Burt (Host)]

Hey, Diana. Good morning. You're part of the Bird show. Hi.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Good morning, guys. I love your show.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Thank you.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I hate import cars. Like the whole fast and furious thing, it drives me crazy. If I see one going down the road, I just cringe.

[Burt (Host)]

And how bad was the breakup with the ex?

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It was horrible.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

It was lies and a mess and it's just awful. I've been away from him for four years and I've been married for a year and I still cannot stand to see one of those.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah, I really think that these stand the test of time. That it doesn't matter how long your talking about that you will always have this hatred. Yeah, always. Good morning to Craig. How are you this morning?

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

I'm a musician. I've been in bands since I was 16. I had a high school sweetheart and we used to play Extreme all the time. My band played it, we listened, it was our song.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Anytime that comes on, it just kills me. And you know, we broke up when I was 17. I'm 34 now. I don't think a day has gone by where I haven't think about it. I'm still in love a million times on MySpace and Facebook and all that stuff. And I can't never ever find her, so.

[Burt (Host)]

And how long ago was this relationship?

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Gosh, I was 17 when we broke up and I've been married twice and have a couple of kids and every single day, even when my kids were born, I thought of her.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, wow.

[Jen Hobby]

And you don't know where she is or anything.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

I know that the last time I, I. The last time I heard, she was still in, you know, Plantation Davie, Fort Lauderdale, Florida area where I grew up, you know, But I heard her pretty bad when I was, you know, I was young and stupid and, you know, I chased her around and begged and everything for six months. She wouldn't have anything to do with me. And I ran off to the military and, you know, I never came back.

[Burt (Host)]

Maybe there's a reason the relationships that he's tried to move on to haven't worked.

[Jen Hobby]

Because this one, Bert, is more than words.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yeah, it's in my head.

[Burt (Host)]

This is it right here. This is their song. We gotta find this girl. We gotta find her.

[Jen Hobby]

These dudes had hair like Rapunzel.

[Burt (Host)]

Do you remember that? It's really, really long.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

For some reason she, you know, we were like in love, you know.

[Burt (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

But I, like I said, I did something stupid.

[Burt (Host)]

Well, I mean, you're 17 years old, so I know.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

And that's you know, I've written her letters that I sent to her.

[Burt (Host)]

You got it back.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Yes. And what was the name of your high school band? I'm just curious.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Hit and Run. We got that from a Def Leppard song.

[Burt (Host)]

You know, opening up for Extreme. No, no.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Anything but that. Anything but that.

[Burt (Host)]

All right, Craig, let me put you on hold. We want to get your info, and we'll give you a call and we'll try to track her down for you after the new year.

[Caller 1 / Tim]

Absolutely.

[Burt (Host)]

Okay. Hold on. I always got extreme. And let me see if I can find this other song.

[Caller 3]

I've got another one to add to the whole ex boyfriend thing. Okay, you ready for it?

[Burt (Host)]

Go for it.

[Caller 3]

It's this particular gym. Can I. Can I say the name of a gym?

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

If I.

[Caller 3]

If I drive by in LA Fitness, I cringe and I can't look at it. Like, I hate driving by LA Fitnesses because that's all he did all the time was go to the gym. Go to the gym. Talk about the gym. This is about the gym. This is about the gym. Meeting this girl at the gym, seeing my friends at the gym, blah, blah, blah. The gym, LA Fitness, this, LA Fitness that, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if I even see an LA Fitness, I just want to vomit because I'm so tired of the gym.

[Burt (Host)]

I always used to get this man Extreme confused with this one. Mr. Big.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, Mr. Big. Maybe that's what I was thinking of.

[Burt (Host)]

The long hair. He had, like, a schnoz like mine. He looked like a really hip Kenny G. He looked like a hip Kenny

[Caller 3]

G. I don't know this song.

[Jen Hobby]

I was in, like, middle school, so. You were in the womb.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Oh, God. Y' all shut up.

[Burt (Host)]

Good morning, Gina. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

Yeah, hi. My husband is the ex husband. Antichrist.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Okay.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

And every time I hear Ozzy Osbourne talk, sing, or even look at him, I want to literally pull my eyelashes out.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, damn. God, that would hurt.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

I'm so mad right now.

[Burt (Host)]

Oh, my God.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I mean, this guy was.

[Co-host / Female Panelist]

Where are your eyelashes?

[Caller 3]

We're gonna add that to our list.

[Caller 2 / Beth]

I did. I want to pull my eyelashes out. I'm serious.

[Burt (Host)]

The Birch Show.

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