The Bert Show: Full Show PT 1 - Wednesday, March 25 [Vault]

Date: March 26, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others

Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into classic morning radio: real talk with humor, candid life glimpses from the cast, and interactions with their passionate audience. The main themes include parental trust and "sting" operations on college spring breakers, unusual Lenten sacrifices, body image and relationship preferences, and the realities of wedding planning. Listener stories, laughter, and honest opinions provide the foundation for a morning of entertainment and relatable conversation.

Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Spring Break "Sting" Operations: Parents and Partying

Starts: [00:46]

• Background: The show has previously run controversial "sting" segments where parents call their spring break kids to catch them partying or drinking.

  • Bert highlights parental anxieties about sending kids on spring break, admitting the first iterations of the sting were “too easy” and led to numerous show complaints ([00:46]).
  • The team now gets more selective, only pursuing stories with deeper issues than just underage drinking ([01:40]).

• Featured Caller: Elaine, a concerned mom on a voice disguiser, reveals her 19-year-old daughter (a UGA freshman) isn’t with her friends in Panama City as claimed, but instead is posting photos online with a much older man ([02:29]).

  • Elaine discovered inconsistencies via Facebook posts from her daughter's supposed friends: “Things like, ‘wish you could be here. We're having a great time, we miss you.’ So she's obviously not with these girls.” ([03:05])
  • Elaine: “I honestly thought my daughter would know better than to do something like this. And I hate snooping. I'm really not the snooping type…”
  • The cast teases the situation, noting the classic rookie mistakes of young independence ([05:46]).

• Parent Panel: Debate over parental rights when funding college kids' fun:

  • Bert: “It does change things with your money.” ([10:07])
  • Listener Angie (caller): "If I'm paying. I've given you $600. I better know where you are." ([10:07])
  • The show agrees there’s genuine concern (and some betrayal) if a kid misleads a parent about their whereabouts, especially when money is involved.
  • They set up to call the daughter and get the truth, with Bert promising, "Give us 24 hours. We'll get the phone numbers and we will try to call down..." ([10:22])

2. Unusual Things People Give Up for Lent

Starts: [12:54]

• Prompt: Bert asks listeners for the most unusual things they're giving up for Lent, moving beyond common choices ([12:54]).

  • Jeff's wife is giving up alcohol and Starbucks drive-thrus: “If she wants to walk to the Starbucks near her house, that's cool...But as far as going through the drive-thru, not gonna do it.” ([13:12])

• Listener Calls:

  • Maria and her boyfriend: “We gave up sex … because we're Catholic, so the Bible.” ([14:04])
    • They admit the challenge never seems to succeed for the entire period.
  • Lindsay: "I don't like to wear underwear, so I'm going to wear underwear." ([20:04]) — The cast finds this both hilarious and highly original.
  • Chelsea: Giving up trashy reality television, tallying up to 20 hours a week: “It's amazing how easy it is just not to turn on the television.” ([20:56])

• Cast “Sacrifices” (and skepticism):

  • Bert discusses giving up alcohol for 30 days but is challenged by castmates who recall prior, sometimes short-lived attempts ([15:00]).
  • Honest back-and-forth about the difficulty and the purpose: “But I don’t know what it proves. Like if I go 30 days and I don't drink, after the 30 days, I'm gonna start drinking again. So what does it prove?” — Bert ([17:58])
  • Cassie questions Bert's resolve: "30 days, I think, is gonna be very difficult for you to do, not drink at all. Whole month." ([17:44])

3. Body Image, Relationships, and Size Preferences

Starts: [26:16]

• Topic: A Glamour Magazine stat claims 6 out of 10 women won't date men skinnier than they are.

  • Bert: "6 out of 10 women won’t date or even look at a man who is skinnier than they are." ([27:05])
  • The cast is not surprised. Cassie: "I could not date a guy smaller than me.” ([27:13])

• Women’s Rationale:

  • Kristin: "We want to feel small with a guy... we want to feel protected." ([27:29])
  • Abby: “A man should not be able to wear your jeans.” ([27:47])

• Callers and Candid Moments:

  • Nikki, a self-described “big old gal,” shares insecurities about her slim boyfriend: “But it is. There's a lot of insecurities that come with that...You know, is he cheating...Am I hurting you? Are you okay?” ([31:36])
  • The cast jokes about intimacy and the practical challenges when a woman is the physically larger partner, keeping the conversation light and honest ([31:00]).

4. Wedding Planning: Apathy and Real Talk

Starts: [32:26]

• Lyndall’s Story: She’s engaged and atypically calm (even indifferent) about wedding planning.

  • Bert: "I have never met a woman that it feels to me that dislikes planning a wedding more than you." ([32:49])
  • Lyndall: “I just want to get married ... It's not a big deal to me that the tablecloths match the wallpaper … If people enjoy themselves, I’m happy.” ([33:06])

• Cast and Listener Reactions:

  • Cast jokingly accuses Lyndall of being “not really a girl,” seeing her lack of stress as alien: “Calmness will only anger people more.” ([35:18])
  • Kelly, a fellow laid-back bride, calls in to self-identify: "I have no desire to plan a wedding at all...I just want to have a party." ([36:20])

• The "No Kids and No Booze" Wedding Reception:

  • Lyndall explains her decision against children at the reception and a dry event: “It's a dry wedding reception, whatever … it's just not an adult environment with kids around.” ([36:55])
  • The cast is in disbelief over the prospect of a wedding with no alcohol: “You can have fun without drinking, Bert.” ([37:43])
  • Jeff jokes about sneaking in alcohol and tailgating outside: “Let me ask you. Would it be considered offensive if during the ceremony we did tailgate?” ([39:12])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Trust:
  “She’s 19 years old, she’s in college – like you have no control over where she goes?” – David (caller), [07:43]
  “If I’m paying. I’ve given you $600. I better know where you are.” – Angie (caller), [10:07]

• On Lenten Sacrifices:
  “I don’t like to wear underwear, so I’m going to wear underwear.” – Lindsay (caller), [20:04]

• On Men's Size and Dating:
  “A man should not be able to wear your jeans.” – Abby, [27:47]
  “I think you broke me is generally not a line that's going to turn you out of bed in any way, shape or form.” – Bert, [31:10]

• On Apathy in Wedding Planning:
  “I just want to get married … It's not a big deal to me that the tablecloths match the wallpaper … If people enjoy themselves, I’m happy.” – Lyndall, [33:06]
  “Calmness will only anger people more.” – Bert, [35:18]

Funniest/Most Relatable Exchanges

• The entire crew poking fun at Bert’s attempt to give up alcohol and questioning his resolve ([15:00–18:00]).
• The dry wedding saga, with plans for faux-outlaw tailgating and photo booth shenanigans ([38:00–40:10]).
• Real listener confessions about giving up sex or wearing underwear for Lent, providing both shock and laughter ([14:04], [20:04]).

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Spring Break Sting & Parental Drama: [00:46] – [10:45]
• Lent: Unusual Sacrifices: [12:54] – [23:30]
• Body Image & Dating Standards: [26:16] – [32:23]
• Wedding Planning: Apathy and Opinions: [32:26] – [40:14]

Summary

The Bert Show delivers its signature format of honest and humorous conversation, blending listener stories with cast banter. Whether discussing the fine line between parental concern and helicoptering, the quirks of Lenten sacrifices, what women actually want in a partner’s body type, or a refreshingly stress-free approach to wedding planning, the episode is a lively snapshot of real-life dilemmas and relatable personalities. If you missed it, you’ll find yourself both laughing and thinking along with Atlanta’s favorite morning crew.