The Bert Show — Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, March 4 [Vault]

Date: March 4, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Theme: Paranormal Encounters & Trendy Diets

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into the world of paranormal investigations with a special guest “ghost investigator”, who shares chilling experiences and spine-tingling audio clips from haunted locations. The group discusses the reality of haunted houses, the process of ghost hunting, and the emotional toll it can take. The latter part of the episode shifts to popular diet trends, specifically the banana diet craze originating from Japan, and the hosts poke fun at diet fads and celebrity culture's impact on them.

Paranormal Investigations: Ghosts, Stories, and Evidence

Free Paranormal Investigations and Skepticism Turned Belief

• [01:07] The guest ghost investigator makes it clear they never charge for investigations:
  • "Not a dime. We never charge for an investigation. People who pay for investigation would expect results. And you know, sometimes we just don't get any."
• The hosts highlight the credibility that comes from not charging and discuss how the investigator started out as a skeptic.
• "There's no doubt in my mind there is something out there. I mean, not even a 0.1% chance that there's not something out there." – Ghost Investigator [01:36]
• The guest shares personal experiences prior to becoming a professional investigator, including unexplained household phenomena (exploding coffee tables, beds moving at night, scratches on walls) [02:08].
• "I've never done an investigation in my own home. I don't want to know..." – Ghost Investigator [02:39]
• When people request investigations, one of the first questions is:
  • "If I catch something, can you deal with it? Can you go to sleep at night in your house if we bring you, you know, a voice that says...'you bitch' in your 16-month-old daughter's bedroom?" – Ghost Investigator [02:49]

Ghost Investigator’s Profession and Haunted Real Estate

• Lighthearted banter about using “haunted house” claims as a real estate strategy.
• "You're really a real estate agent... telling these people their houses are haunted so they put them on the market and you buy them for cheap." – Host 2 [03:05]
• "That would actually be a pretty cool marketing idea." – Ghost Investigator [03:11]

The Freakiest Paranormal Clips: Live Playback & Reactions

White House – The Broom Incident

• "There was a broom laying on the floor... asked it to move the broom. Sure enough, the broom moves. And then all of us are frozen silent. And you hear a voice say, 'So who do you want?'" – Ghost Investigator [03:27]
• Hosts respond viscerally:
  • "Damn, it's creepy." – Host 1 [04:23]
  • "I want to get the hell out of here." – Host 1 [04:26]

Restaurant Bathroom EVP

• Seasons Bistro, McDonough—a haunted women’s bathroom everyone avoids being alone in.
• Captured EVP says “sassy” while Amanda was inspecting the bathroom [05:16].
• Hosts joke about apparitions in men’s room and tease about the dangers of holding your breath [05:03].

Red’s French Restaurant – “Remember the Secret Hole?”

• Clip from historic McDonough:
  • "You'll hear a voice that says, 'remember the secret hole?'" – Ghost Investigator [06:41]
• Hosts speculate on bricked-up doorways and hidden gold [07:04].
• "Quinn's probably gonna have people trying to cut brick out of the building now." – Ghost Investigator [07:04]

The “Ghosts Don’t Know They’re Ghosts” Clip

• "They say, oh, gosh, they think we're ghost."
• Hosts reflect on the possibility that spirits might not know they're dead, referencing the movie “The Others” [07:52].
  • "'Who's the ghost and who's real? How do we know?'" – Hosts 1 & 2 [08:06]

Downtown Roswell – “Because I wanna…”

• Clip described as very clear and “following them down the street” [08:22].
• Hosts impressed with its clarity:
  • "That one's undeniable." – Host 2 [08:37]

The Insane Asylum – “Help, I need you”

• Secret location; voices captured saying, “help, I need you” [08:38].
• "That was just a disturbed soul... that wanted to get some help." – Ghost Investigator [09:37]

White House – “I hate this room”

• Particularly active “attic room” with clear whisper: "I hate this room." [10:00]
• "That's clear as day. Melissa, why are they got a whisper like, I know you hate this room, but you're really trying to freak me out, man." – Host 1 [10:23]

The “Mommy” Clip & EMF Detector “Get the Toy”

• Voice saying “mommy” with no children present [10:47].
• EVP responding to equipment, saying “get the toy” (referring to the electromagnetic detector) [11:09].

The Street EVP – “Never Alone”

• In haunted Roswell, walking near Founder Cemetery, clear voice responds to their conversation about a condo fire [12:07].
• "It’s like she leaned into the recorder." – Host 2 [12:24]

Electronic Voice Phenomenon (EVP) Explained

• Caller asks for clarification [12:35].
• "EVPs known as electronic voice phenomenon... 99% of the times occur and you don't even know it at the time that it's happened." – Ghost Investigator [12:46]
• Investigators use sensitive audio recorders, sift through hours of recordings; it's painstaking work.
• "I like to do it after... the kids go to bed and it's just totally silent." – Ghost Investigator [13:44]
• "When it's dark." – Host 1 [13:52],
  "You're out of your mind." – Host 2 [13:54]

Fad Diets, The Banana Craze, and Diet Culture

Celebrity Influence on Trends

• Discussion on how celebrity actions create waves, referencing Kabbalah strings, the Jennifer Aniston haircut, and now the “side ponytail” [15:42].

The Banana Diet Phenomenon

• Pop figure in Japan claims weight loss with the “banana diet”, leading to a national craze that’s spreading to the US [16:01].

• "When you first get up in the morning for breakfast, all you have is a banana or two... and then a glass of warm water. And then you eat whatever you want the rest of the day." – Host 1 [16:12]

• Key rules:

  • Banana(s) + warm water for breakfast
  • Eat normally for lunch and dinner
  • No snacks (except fruit)
  • No eating after 8pm
  • Bed before midnight

• Hosts joke about the growing list of requirements:

  • "And you have to be a Sagittarius." – Host 2 [17:34]
  • "And your mom's maiden name has to be Kelly." – Host 2 [17:36]
  • "Oh, man, I'm out." – Host 1 [17:38]

• Skepticism over diet fads:

  • "Remember women were farting all over, but they were losing weight." — referencing the cabbage diet [17:42]
  • Discussion of the “Skinny Bitch” book, which also advocates starting the day with fruit and water [17:54]

Is It Real or Just a Gimmick?

• Investigation into the true origins: it was just a Japanese pop star’s breakfast routine, spun into a diet by an opportunistic author [19:19].
• "It's just from standard issue diet books like don't snack. If you snack, have a piece of fruit. Don't eat after 8 o'clock. It's all standard diet stuff." – Host 2 [19:28]
• "All they do is add a gimmick to it. Like your first thing in the morning has to be a banana." – Co-host [20:14]
• Comment on people’s desperation for quick-fix diets:
  • "If this is new, well, this will work. Then it doesn't work. Oh well. Grapefruit diet. Okay, that'll work." – Host 1 [20:22]

Bananas Sold Out!

• Host shares that local supermarkets are running out of bananas due to the craze [20:40].
• Joking suggestions: “fruit roll up diet” and how any fruit could substitute [20:59].

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [01:36] Ghost Investigator:
  "There's no doubt in my mind there is something out there... I can't tell you what they are though."

• [02:49] Ghost Investigator:
  "If I catch something, can you deal with it? Can you go to sleep at night in your house if we bring you, you know, a voice that says, 'you bitch' in your 16-month-old daughter's bedroom?"

• [04:23] Host 1 (reacting to EVP):
  "Damn, it's creepy."

• [06:41] Ghost Investigator:
  "You'll hear a voice that says, 'remember the secret hole?'"

• [07:52] Host 1:
  "I always wonder if, like they hear us and they're like, what is going on [like in the movie 'The Others']."

• [08:37] Host 2 (on “Because I wanna...” EVP):
  "That one's undeniable."

• [09:44] Ghost Investigator (on reviewing recordings):
  "I like to do it after... the kids go to bed and it's just totally silent."

• [17:36] Host 2 (mocking diet fads):
  "And your mom's maiden name has to be Kelly."

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Paranormal Introduction / Ghost Investigator Joins: [00:53]
• Cost and Motivation for Ghost Hunts: [01:07–02:59]
• Origin Story & Belief Conversion: [02:08–02:59]
• Haunted Real Estate Banter: [03:04–03:20]
• Playback of Freakiest Ghost Clips: [03:22–12:07]
• Understanding EVP Technology: [12:35–13:59]
• Diet Culture/Celebrity Influence Discussion: [15:42–19:55]
• Banana Diet Craze: [16:01–20:59]

Summary

If you’re looking for a mix of real-life ghost stories and fun, skeptical takes on diet crazes, this episode delivers both. The highlight is a riveting collection of ghostly audio evidence—from voices in local restaurants and old asylums to haunted attics—paired with the organic banter and humor that The Bert Show is known for. The second half’s take on the banana diet both informs and pokes fun at how quickly diet fads catch on, driven by celebrity culture and the search for effortless weight loss.

A fun, creepy, and informative morning show episode for fans of both the supernatural and pop culture commentary.