Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, May 13 [Vault]

Date: May 13, 2026
Episode Theme:
An energetic blend of real-life drama, quirky relationship mishaps, entertainment chatter, and moments of genuine support—for laughs, authenticity, and deeper connection. This episode jumps from viral celebrity mishaps to a high-profile abduction hoax, dives deep into domestic violence support, and wraps up with a series of frank, funny, and sometimes cringeworthy calls about sex and relationship communication. The Bert Show cast brings their signature mix of humor, empathy, and sarcasm as they dissect everyday issues big and small.

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1. Celebrity Mishaps & The “Everyone Sounds Drunk” Bit

Starts ~00:30

Key Points:

• David Hasselhoff at the MTV Europe Music Awards:
  The show kicks off with bewilderment at David Hasselhoff’s slurred, odd appearance at the awards, with Melissa noting he’s “definitely slurring through it all” (01:01).
• German Fame & Berlin Wall:
  Hasselhoff’s German stardom and the historic context add to the surreal soundbites.
• Making Anyone Sound Drunk:
  Bert demonstrates how slowing down audio makes anyone sound intoxicated, playing clips from Lady Gaga, Laura Bush, Mariah Carey, Barack Obama, and more—all hilariously slurred and disjointed.
  • Bert (02:40): “If you slow down the audio, you can make anybody sound drunk … here is Lady Gaga pimping her new album, slowed down.”
• Laughing at the Results:
  The cast revels in the absurdity, joking about doing this to each other’s segments for show pranks.
  • Melissa (05:37): “You can do it with anybody.”
• Memorable Quote:
  • Bert (04:31), after Laura Bush as Rastafarian: “That’s hilarious!”
  • Bert (05:45): “We’ll come in here from time to time and go, ‘Jen must have been drunk yesterday.’”

Notable Moment:

• [04:35] “Do you want to have children?” (Larry King to Mariah Carey). Hilarious when slowed down, emblematic of the segment’s goofy tone.

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2. Scandal Spotlight: The Quinn Gray “Kidnapping” Hoax

Starts ~05:55

Key Points:

• The Bizarre Case:
  Quinn Gray attempted to fake her own kidnapping in collaboration with her lover, Osmanovich, eventually revealed by sex tapes and inconsistent testimonies.
  • Burt (06:18): “She’s going Academy Award.”
  • Melissa (06:21): “This is the woman who tried to fake her own abduction, right?”
• Real Audio, Wild Story:
  They play actual 911/interrogation footage to paint the picture, poking at the melodrama and inconsistency.
  • David (07:32): “We truly believe it was not a kidnapping and we truly feel as though we have the evidence to prove that.”
• Husband’s Baffling Loyalty:
  Even after listening to a 90-minute tape of his wife with her lover, the husband stands by her, citing her mental illness and his own guilt over past infidelities.
  • Reid (11:00): “I believe in all of my heart, she was kidnapped. I also believe at some point she believed that she needed to be a part of this … devastating to say the least.”
• Show’s Take:
  Hosts express amazement at the husband’s patience—and incredulity at the unfolding drama.
  • Melissa (13:23): “It’s just so surprising that he’s sticking with her.”
• Memorable Quote:
  • Burt (14:34): “Tell us what obstacles you had in your relationship that we would never believe that you got over. I would ask the same question today, but there’s nobody going to beat that story.”

Notable Moment:

• [13:11] Bert: “There’s no way I’m going to watch an hour and a half … I couldn’t listen to it for 30 seconds. No, 90 minutes.”

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3. Serious Turn: Domestic Violence, Empowerment, and Support

Starts ~15:55

Key Points:

• Listener’s Story:
  Callers connect to “Glenda”, a woman in an abusive relationship. Many express the difficulty of leaving abusers, despite repeated attempts.
  • Caller (16:05): “I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve actually left and come back … he’s physically and mentally abusive to me.”
• Resource Highlight: Jayden’s Ladder:
  Anita (the founder) calls in to describe the support offered: exit plans, financial and emotional help, therapy, and the strict “one-time only” policy to encourage follow-through.
  • Anita, Jayden’s Ladder (17:15): “We’re going to get her out, we’re going to financially support her and get her some emotional help …”
  • Anita (18:28): “Take baby steps … it’s these little baby journeys that make that big journey.”
• Callers’ Pain & Family Frustration:
  Another caller discusses their sister’s repeated return to an abusive partner, describing the toll on the entire family.
  • Caller (20:52): “… he promises he’s not going to do it again … but the kids see him, they’re trembling in fear.”
• Advice & Hard Truths:
  Discussing the emotional barriers, relapse rates, and the critical difference between “wanting” and “being ready” for help.
  • Anita (23:11): “You don’t. If they don’t want it, I can’t do much about it. … What I’ve learned in this organization is that I can’t seek the people that want the help.”
• How to Help:
  Tips include leaving books and brochures, being patient, and waiting for the survivor to be ready.
  • Anita (24:49): “Give them resources. Leave things on their desk in their homes, and they’ll pick it up and read it …”

Memorable Quotes:

• Anita (19:15): “Probably about 70% will not make that leap because they’re too afraid and they go back … but as many times as they go back, they realize they hit their rock bottom and they will make that turn, hopefully.”
• Melissa (20:08): “The women that work with Jayden’s Ladder have to promise not to go back to their abuser. … It’s a one time only program.”

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4. Relationships, Sex, and “Porn as Education” … Disaster

Starts ~25:10

Key Points:

• Listener Letter:
  An anonymous email recounts how using porn as a sex-ed tool backfired spectacularly: husband learns only the “nastiest moves,” resulting in awkward, disheartening intimacy.
  • Listener Email (26:36): “He’s slapping parts of his body on my forehead and face that are inappropriate.”
  • Melissa (26:39): “Backfired.”
  • Bert (27:10, joking): “Does that ever work?”
• Call-in Advice:
  • Nina Hartley’s Videos: Several callers recommend educational adult films by Nina Hartley as positive, realistic resources.
    • Tracy (32:29): “She is a veteran film star, and she’s also a nurse … and she has a series of videos about how to be a good lover.”
  • “Hot Monogamy” Book:
    A caller suggests “Hot Monogamy” as an approachable way to start communication and improve intimacy, focusing on the ability to talk openly.
    • Caller (39:26): “It really teaches you how to talk about sex.”
• Communication (or Lack Thereof):
  The hosts explore why so many couples can’t talk honestly about their sex life, wrestling with shame, ego, and awkwardness.
  • Burt (27:52): “I’d say 70, probably 75% of couples don’t talk to each other about sex if it’s bad, because it is a sensitive … It’s just awkward all around.”
  • Melissa (38:20): “Every couple is unique … as an advice for guys, it’s just slow down.”
• Multiple Callers Relate:
  Example: One listener says after 12 years of marriage, sex is still unsatisfying but impossible to discuss.
  • Caller (34:30): “12 years old … and you start thinking of going in the other direction, which is definitely something you don’t want to do.”
• Hosts’ Jokes & Sports Metaphors:
  Analogies to games, humor venting the tension, balancing advice and comic relief.
  • Bert (39:08): “You got another game coming up this weekend. You know, play completely differently. It’s going to be fine.”

Memorable Moments:

• Burt (29:07): “She needed like two in the morning Cinemax stuff. Not like the hardcore section at Insurrection …”
• Melissa (28:32): “Well, and her problem was she let him pick it out … She should have picked out the movies.”

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5. Snooping, Engagement Anxiety & Relationship Surprises

Starts ~40:40

Key Points:

• Jen’s (Over)eager Snooping:
  Jen confesses to searching her boyfriend’s phone and mail for evidence of an impending proposal—fueling speculation and debate among the hosts about privacy, trust, and ruining surprises.
  • Jen (41:47): “I found a text message from him … asking about his hookup up in Athens for a ring.”
  • Burt (43:17): “Doesn’t it take the fun out of it, though, for you? Like, if you know that it’s coming … doesn’t it take the fun out of not knowing?”
• Debating Control & Excitement:
  The group discusses women’s need for assurance, the impact of peer pressure, and the delicate balance between anticipation and impatience.
  • Melissa (47:29): “I want to be the last one, because I want to get all their thank you and steal their ideas and make it better.”
  • Bert (45:19): “This is our part of it. … This is what gives him bragging rights.”
• Caller Anecdotes:
  Listeners share their experiences of waiting, obsessing, and the unintended consequences—like a relationship unraveling over stalled engagements.
  • Caller (50:01): “… he stopped courting me because he was raising … money for the ring and stuff like that. And it just tore our relationship completely apart because that’s all I could think about is why hasn’t he asked me to marry him yet?”
• Hosts Challenge Snooping:
  The group gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) pokes holes in Jen’s justification for snooping, drawing lines between playful curiosity and damaging mistrust.
  • Burt (52:40): “Now we didn’t even have a chance to go down the whole snooping street, which I’m gonna do with you tomorrow … Going through his phones unnecessarily…”

Memorable Quotes:

• Jen (46:28): “I don’t know. I always say, oh, I love surprises, so I don’t want to know. But then in the end, I’m like, no, I want to know.”
• Bert (45:19): “This is our part of it … I do think that by nitpicking or manipulating and dropping hints all the time, I do think you’re robbing him of his part of this.”

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Top Quotes & Moments With Timestamps

• [01:07] Bert: “He’s a huge sensation in Germany … that’s another reason why.”
• [05:37] Melissa: “You can do it with anybody.”
• [11:00] Reid (the husband of Quinn Gray): “I believe in all of my heart, she was kidnapped. … Devastating to say the least. But I’m standing by her now because I believe that she has a mental illness and that’s why we are here.”
• [18:28] Anita (Jayden’s Ladder): “Take baby steps … it’s these little baby journeys that make that big journey.”
• [27:52] Burt: “I’d say 70, probably 75% of couples don’t talk to each other about sex if it’s bad … It’s just awkward all around.”
• [32:29] Tracy (Caller): “She is a veteran film star, and she’s also a nurse … and she has a series of videos about how to be a good lover.”
• [43:55] Jen: “No, just for this text. For this. First time I’ve ever snooped through his phone.”

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Conclusion & Takeaways

The Bert Show once again covers the full spectrum: lighthearted pop culture jabs, jaw-dropping real-life stories, serious support for survivors, and the sometimes hilarious, sometimes cringe honesty about intimate relationships. Listeners can expect a constant shift between laughter and real talk, with the hosts leaning into vulnerability—both their own and their audience’s. The episode offers laughter but doesn’t shy away from helping or holding a mirror to difficult truths, cementing why The Bert Show remains a trusted morning escape.

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:30 – 05:54: Celebrity Mishaps & “Anyone Can Sound Drunk”
• 05:55 – 15:55: Quinn Gray Kidnapping Hoax Explored
• 15:55 – 25:10: Domestic Violence Support & Jayden’s Ladder
• 25:10 – 40:40: Sexual Communication, Porn as “Education,” and Listener Advice
• 40:40 – End: Engagement Anxiety, Snooping, Calls on Relationship Trust

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Transcript

[Burt]

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[Reid]

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[Jen]

Oh, I had a question. Our host replied, super quick premier move. Wish I had a premier group chat. They won't even write me back.

[Burt]

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[Reid]

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[Burt]

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[David]

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[Burt]

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[David]

Prices may be higher for delivery.

[Burt]

The Burch show. So Jen brought it to our attention yesterday that David Hasselhoff a on one side. It's kind of sad because it seems like every time we're talking about dude, now he's hammered in one shape, way shape or form, you know. And it happened again a couple of nights ago.

[Melissa]

Yeah, this is at the MTV Europe music awards and they were talking about the celebration. Melissa told us about it yesterday. The celebration of the anniversary of the Berlin wall coming down. It was what, 20.

[Bert]

20 years.

[Melissa]

20 year anniversary. So that's what he's talking about here. But he's definitely slurring through it all.

[Bert]

Oh, and remember. Oh, I'm sorry. And remember, he's a huge sensation in Germany too. So I think that's another reason why.

[Melissa]

And he's speaking German a little bit in here. And then.

[Jen]

Are you sure?

[Melissa]

When he's supposed to say. When he's supposed to say that he is presenting the award. Listen to what he says.

[Burt]

I've been looking for freedom, yo.

[Bert]

Wow.

[Burt]

20 years, huh? All this club. I am not responsible for the wall coming down.

[David]

The east Germans are responsible for the wall coming down. They are responsible for the wall coming

[Burt]

down because they believed in freedom, Braveheart. And they never gave up. Hi. We get good. We get good. Olive claw.

[David]

Tonight, I'm here to represent the best rock award.

[Burt]

Now, the nominees are.

[Melissa]

No, you're here to present, not represent.

[Burt]

Yeah, and I've been there before too, where you think you're just so convinced in your own head. If you just slow down the words said, it's gonna make perfect sense for everybody, right.

[Melissa]

When everybody stumbles and everybody screws up. But it did seem, you know, he appears to be intoxicated for sure.

[Burt]

So I listened to that yesterday and I realized that if you slow down the audio, you can make anybody sound drunk. So here is lady gaga pimping her new album. Slowed down. She was fine at the time. But if you slow it down, you can make her sound drunk.

[Anita]

There's two deluxe editions and actually the packaging is going to be running and changing over the next year. So for the super Gaga fans, you can collect all different kinds of covers. For those of you who have my record and you don't want to buy the old one again, you can go on itunes and you can just complete.

[Burt]

You can make anybody sound drunk. Alright. Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman bicker on camera, both drunk. When we slow it down.

[Caller]

Even when I'm sitting in this interview

[Anita]

and I hear you talk saying that

[Jen]

you're gonna be more honest and loyal,

[Burt]

I roll my eyes like the rest of the world.

[Bert]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

What do you want? I don't know. I don't want to do this.

[Caller]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

This whole thing's uncomfortable. I don't like it. I mean, you're telling me out there you love me and you want to be with me and then.

[Melissa]

But it's not healthy.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

It's true.

[Melissa]

How are you able to do that? How did Josh.

[Burt]

Loaded. I have no idea how the equipment around here works.

[Melissa]

Oh, hilarious. Take a big party on Friday nights.

[Bert]

Oh, my God, that's wonderful.

[Burt]

Here's Laura Bush telling Jay Leno what's on her ipod. When she slowed down, she sounds hammered. I think they might be surprised to know that I'm a Rastafarian and I

[Bert]

have Bob Marley on my ipod.

[Burt]

That's hilarious. This is Larry King asking Mariah Carey about having kids drunk.

[Caller]

Do you want to have children?

[Jen]

Yes.

[Melissa]

But this particular moment, and by this particular moment, I mean this month or

[Anita]

next month,

[Melissa]

out of control. That's fantastic.

[Burt]

And finally, Barack Obama on the health care bill passing through the House. He's hammered years. We've been told that this couldn't be done. After all, neither chamber of Congress has been able to pass a comprehensive health insurance reform bill for generations.

[Bert]

He's been pushed to this point.

[Burt]

But last night the House proved differently.

[Bert]

Oh, my God.

[Burt]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

That's great.

[Melissa]

You can do it with anybody.

[Burt]

Well, half the time we come in here, I think we are drunk.

[Melissa]

Well, you have to do. I think that'd be funny.

[Burt]

Take any break specifically?

[Bert]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Any break that we talked about.

[Burt]

Okay. That would be all down and randomly. We'll come in here from time to time and go, jen must have been drunk yesterday. And just play something from yesterday's show.

[Melissa]

Only if you're included.

[Burt]

Oh, no. The Birch Show. Quinn, Grace, this is a hard story to follow here because it's just so unbelievable. And this is right off the Today show yesterday. And it starts off with her like in an Academy Award acting job here because she is sequestered in that room and she is getting interrogated.

[Bert]

Uh huh.

[Burt]

She's ballin, man.

[Melissa]

This is the woman who tried to fake her own abduction, Right?

[Burt]

She's been gone for what, four days, was it?

[Melissa]

I think so.

[Burt]

And now she's in the police station and this is real audio. Okay. And they're just trying to get the. They're concerned, you know, they just found her.

[Bert]

She's been abducted.

[Burt]

She's just going Academy Award. Okay. This is 911. That's my bet. This was the 911 call that started the whole thing. I think this is when she's initially calling, saying she's gotten kidnapped.

[Caller]

My name is Queen Gray. I'm crying out my dog.

[David]

Quinn Gray had disappeared from the couple's multimillion dollar seaside mansion near Jacksonville, Florida. A frightening four days of forced captivity and sexual assault.

[Anita]

Pretty much thought that I was dead. I pretty much thought that I was part of like a slave trade or something like that and that they were going to come in.

[Burt]

That's the interrogation room.

[David]

On the dining room table, the ransom note that Gray told authorities her abductor forced her to write to her husband. There are three men holding me right now and they want $50,000 cash. But the St. Johns county sheriff, David Shore insists it was all an elaborate hoax. We truly believe it was not a

[Burt]

kidnapping and we truly feel as though

[David]

we have the evidence to prove that. Gray was arrested for trying to extort $50,000 from her husband, a successful business owner making close to a million dollars a year.

[Anita]

If I wanted $50,000, all I would do is take it out of the bank account.

[David]

In the police interrogation room. Gray was at times emotionally overwhelmed, later describing her alleged kidnapper to detectives.

[Anita]

Yeah, his eyes were big like that?

[Burt]

Big.

[Anita]

Huge. More hair.

[Bert]

Higher.

[David]

That man is Jasmine Osmanovich, a Bosnian immigrant. But authorities say Osmanovich wasn't Quinn Gray's kidnapper, but her accomplice and lover.

[Burt]

Okay, so she's sitting in front of a laptop with a detective, and he must be graphically trying to figure out exactly what the kidnapper looks like. So she's describing this guy that ended up being her accomplice.

[Bert]

Okay, was that part of the plan? I'm not.

[Burt]

Listen all.

[David]

Osmanovich is now behind bars facing extortion charges and complicating this bizarre case of he said, she said. A salacious 90 minute audio tape of Osmanovich and Gray secretly recorded by Osmanovich and obtained by NBC News. It captures the sounds of the two having sex, as well as rehearsing their stories about the kidnapping.

[Anita]

That's why I'm starting to feel like I'm the sinister one.

[David]

Quinn Gray's lawyers say she was suffering from an untreated, undiagnosed manic phase of bipolar disorder. And then, in her poor mental condition, she believed Osmanovich's story that her husband owed Osmanovich $50,000.

[Melissa]

I was crazy then. I mean, I was completely.

[Anita]

I was just doing what I was told to do.

[David]

You have to understand that for now, Quinn Gray is being treated at a mental health facility in Georgia, a condition of her release from jail.

[Anita]

What do you want to say to your family?

[Burt]

Do you have an apology?

[Anita]

I love you, and I hope to see you soon.

[Burt]

All right, so we followed along here. This guy makes a million dollars. Her husband makes a million dollars a year, right? She ends up kidnapping herself with this other dude.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Burt]

And then her lover.

[Melissa]

Her lover, her boss, the mechanic.

[Burt]

And by the way, they have all those tapes because the lover was taping everything, right. Just in case.

[Melissa]

Yeah. Because he didn't want her to then pin it on him. Right.

[Burt]

So he's taping everything. Right. So they end up busting him. And her defense is she was nutty. She has some kind of bipolar disorder. She didn't even know what she was doing, that the lover story was crazy.

[Bert]

I'm sorry. I must have been crazy.

[Melissa]

She fell victim to her love, Right.

[Burt]

The lover story is that dude owes him $50,000, so he takes her for ransom. And because she's bipolar and not thinking clearly, she totally believes the story. What a crock. So the husband is actually sticking by the wife, though.

[Bert]

This is husband.

[Melissa]

Because the husband came out and said that he had been unfaithful in the past and had, like, sort of caused this mental cruelty to her. So he's sticking with her.

[Burt]

This is. This is the husband now on the Today show with Matt Lauer speaking out. He is sticking by his woman. He totally believes that she was going through this mental bipolar thing and doesn't know what she was doing.

[Reid]

First of all, it's been a rollercoaster of emotion from the onset. There are times when initially when you sit in front of the FBI and they present you evidence that she was the mastermind of this, and you have no choice but to believe that entirely. At that point, after the last eight weeks, you come to really understand what really happened. I believe in all of my heart, she was kidnapped. I also believe at Some point, I'm not sure exactly when she believed that she needed to be a part of this. It was hard for me to understand when or why that happened. Devastating to say the least. But I'm standing by her now because I believe that she has a mental illness and that's why we are here.

[Melissa]

And apparently she had abused alcohol for a long time in the past, too. So they were saying that led to some of her mental instability.

[Burt]

Yeah, he feels like some of his infidelity contributed to her alcoholism. So he's dealing with that guilt also. So he's saying I might have been sort of at the seat of this whole thing, so maybe I caused it. So he's sticking by her now. There is a 90 minute tape of his wife having sex with this other dude. And this dude taped the whole thing. And the husband here listened to the entire tape. He listened to all of it. This is Matt Lauer asking him about it.

[David]

And I have to be honest, Reid, in my listening to it, it did not sound as if she was an unwilling participant in that sexual encounter. When you listen to it, do you think she's being forced to have sex?

[Reid]

I feel a couple things are happening. I feel that she's definitely participating. I'm not sure after four days of being with this person what she believes and what she doesn't believe. But I agree with you. There are times when I just want to shut it off and be finished with the whole thing. But I have to remember that there are many times when I heard his voice and him saying things that I believe. He knew I would hear this audio tape at some point as well.

[Melissa]

That's a long time.

[Anita]

Wow.

[Bert]

An hour and a half.

[Melissa]

Do they only know each other for four days?

[Burt]

I don't know their history. I'm not really sure. But listen, did you hear what he said at the very end also, that the dude was like taunting her husband in the tape? In the tape. So this guy's listening to his wife having sex with another man, and the man she's having sex with is taunting the husband.

[Bert]

They're both crazy because there's no way I'm going to watch an hour and a half.

[Burt]

I don't know if it was audio or if it was video, but either way I couldn't listen to it for 30 seconds. No, 90 minutes.

[Melissa]

It's just so surprising that he's sticking with her.

[Burt]

He says that. I think that he's just feeling like he's contributed to it. Now here's he's saying he wants to rebuild the whole family here.

[Reid]

I don't know what will happen. And again, I listen to these tapes and I think about a marriage, and I have to put that to the side. And I have to think about my two children and my role as a father, and I have to think about my role as her husband and what I need as a family member to do for her through this next portion of the next weeks or months. The marriage part will definitely come later, but initially, I have to care for her because of the state that she's in right now. Whoa.

[Bert]

Do you think that. Because you always talk about men and women and manipulation. Because I always think that if the guy's done something wrong and then the woman stays by her man, that she's manipulated that like, I'm staying here, but here's leverage. And, you know, you give me what

[Burt]

I want that I've gotta pass.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Bert]

I'm curious if he's. That's what he's doing.

[Burt]

Well, I say the slate is clean. Now say it's totally clean.

[Bert]

Wow.

[Melissa]

That's like a soap opera.

[Burt]

How do you get over that? Now, we've done the. We've asked you guys before, like, tell us what obstacles you had in your relationship that we would never believe that you got over. I would ask the same question today, but there's nobody going to beat that story.

[Caller]

No.

[Burt]

Nobody.

[Bert]

Is that a challenge?

[Burt]

No, it can't be done. The vert show.

[David]

I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[Caller]

Well, that's cool.

[David]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong.

[Melissa]

So what's the problem?

[Burt]

That is the problem.

[David]

Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the catch.

[Anita]

Maybe there's no catch.

[David]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Anita]

Wow. You need to relax.

[David]

I need a knock on wood. Do we have. What is this? Table wood?

[Anita]

I think it's laminate.

[David]

Okay.

[Burt]

Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[Melissa]

Car selling without a catch.

[Jen]

Sell your car today on Carvana.

[Melissa]

Pick up fees may apply.

[Burt]

There's nothing like the American Express Platinum card.

[David]

Find out your welcome offer after you

[Burt]

apply, which could be as high as 175,000 points. Learn more and find out your offer

[David]

at americanexpress.com explore-platinum terms apply day or night.

[Melissa]

VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out from the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly because a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[Burt]

Listen, it's the Vert show. Things got really serious on the show yesterday. So let's take a step back because we got a whole bunch of people calling this morning and emailing about Glenda.

[Caller]

I'm actually in a abusive relationship right now and I can't tell you how many times that I've actually left and come back and lay up and come back and I tell myself, you know, that he's going to change, things are going to get better, but, you know, they don't get better and he doesn't change. And, you know, when you love somebody, you just, you know, you want that person to change and things to be great because you do love that person.

[Burt]

Is he physically abusive with you?

[Caller]

Yeah, he's physically and mentally abusive to me.

[Burt]

I think so many people connected with that yesterday and that's why we received so many emails and calls this morning from people just checking in, going, hey, what's going on with Glenda? So yesterday it got heavy because we put her in touch with Jayden's Ladder.

[Melissa]

Yes. And Oneida Bobbitt is the founder of Jayden's Ladder and she is been a survivor of domestic violence herself. So we know Oneida and Bert and I helped out with a big fundraiser they had over the weekend. So it was top of mind to just call and get her on the phone.

[Anita]

Hey, Oneida, how are you guys?

[Burt]

Good, how are you?

[Anita]

We're tired.

[Caller]

It's all good.

[Burt]

Did you hear from Glenda yesterday?

[Anita]

I did and we're helping her. You know, I gave her an exit plan for right now and I'm gonna speak with her again today. I spoke with her twice yesterday. She's supposed to call me back today about 10. And we're going to get her out, we're going to financially support her and get her some emotional help so that she with some therapist and get her, you know, so that she can be healthy and realize that she doesn't have to go back.

[Melissa]

How quickly can you execute that exit plan?

[Anita]

You know, because of what if she's ready to go, we're ready to go. Because of what we do in our program. We have, you know, because of what you guys did this weekend to help raise funds. Our funds are unrestricted for any needs that she has, whether it put her up in a hotel for a while, get her housing and more Importantly, get her that emotional support and financial support. We can do it.

[Burt]

It must seem like such a huge mountain when you're in that situation that taking the very first step seems like almost impossible because it's such a long road ahead. Is that why people can't get out? Because they just feel like, yeah, I'll take the first step, but I mean, I just don't want to deal with it. It's such a long process.

[Anita]

You know what, Bert? You hit it on the head. Because what we try to tell our survivors at this point is not to look at the picture and to take. To take baby steps because it becomes overwhelming and then they get afraid and then they back off and then they go back to the abuser to take baby steps. And we're here along the way, and if there's any friends that are there that can support them during that period, and just make sure that they know that you're there to help them. No matter what. They will make it through this process. But don't allow them to see this big, big journey ahead of them. It's these little baby journeys that, that make that big journey.

[Burt]

If we were using Glenda yesterday as like the example, how many women will call you for help and then not follow up the next day?

[Anita]

You know, speaking with Glenda, she's, she's. That. I know just that's gonna do it. I really believe after speaking with her for, you know, for about 30 minutes, she's gonna do it. She has this. The strength to do it. The process, the calls that I get, probably about 70% will not make that leap because they're too afraid and they go back. But the numbers go lower and lower because as many times as they go back, they realize they hit their rock bottom and they will make that turn, hopefully. You know, I went back seven times, like I said, and my family gave up on me. But it was when I saw that it affected a family member, my sister's husband, you know, he went after him with a gun, and that's when I was like, I can't do this to them. Sometimes we value other people's lives more than we value our own.

[Melissa]

And the women that work with Jaydn's letter have to promise not to go back to their abuser.

[Anita]

Is that right, Jen? You're right. It's a one time only program. And that's why we make it that way so that they realize it's very serious. The assistance we give them is, you know, we give them financial assistance to get them out monthly Stipends, helping with schools. We'll sit down and reassess them and see that if they need more schooling so that they can in two years, be okay to be self sufficient. And so it's a major, major program that if they realize what they're getting and if they don't do the work, it's just one time only, and then, you know, that's it. And so they realize the importance of it and do the best that they can.

[Burt]

Good morning, Maria. You are part of the Burt Show. Hi.

[Anita]

Hi.

[Caller]

Good morning. I'm already emotional.

[Anita]

God bless you.

[Caller]

My sister is in that same situation, but it's not only her, it's her three kids as well. And she's left. And then she comes back. He promises he's not going to do it again, but it's not only emotional and physical, it's also sexual. And he always threatens that he's going to kill himself. He'll put a gun to his head. I mean, when the kids see him, they're trembling in fear. And we don't know how to get her out of that situation.

[Anita]

Can you have her call me?

[Caller]

Yes, I sure can.

[Anita]

Okay. But they have my number and I'll give it out again. 603-205-4746. You have her call me and I will talk to her. I will. I will try to meet with her, you know, if you. I understand how emotional that is for you because it's so hard for the families to stand there and watch something like this happen. But I'm begging you to stay with her and to. And to stay positive with her and be that friend, be that relative that doesn't let go because she really, really is going to need your support.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Anita]

Glenda was telling us yesterday to stay with her.

[Burt]

Glenda was telling us yesterday that her son bailed on her, you know, at this point. But I can sort of understand it also, because at some point. Yeah, at point, you can only watch the abuse so long before you're like, I can't be. How much more of this can I take? You won't let me help you, you know.

[Anita]

You know, in actuality, for Glenda's son to bail on her, it's probably a great push for her because after talking to her, you know, I know that that's going to motivate her a little bit more so that she can get that trust back from her son. Like I said, a lot of these women, they don't come back. I mean, they don't make that move until it affects their children or affects another family member. It's just really, really amazing. They won't protect themselves, but they'll protect others. And so, you know, just have her call me. I will try to talk her through this and see where she's at with this and see what we can do.

[Burt]

Here's Ashley. Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I have a question for Anita.

[Burt]

Sure.

[Caller]

Yeah. How do you help someone that doesn't want the help?

[Anita]

You don't. If they don't want it, I can't do much about it. It's the people that call in to the bright show that are seeking the help, just don't. They don't know the direction that they want to go. They don't know what to do. They don't know what resources are out there. Those are the people that are ready for the help. What I've learned in this organization is that I can't seek the people that want the help. And if you have a friend that is, you know, you're telling them that they're being abused, and they're like, no, I'm not. You can't help them right now. And it's really sad. But, I mean, even if they've already

[Caller]

been to the hospital with broken bones and they have three children and you just have to walk them, you know,

[Anita]

I think the key thing for you is to always be there. I know that it's hard. You know, you see all this happening and always have some resources there. Give her. You know, it's interesting. I've had a survivor that just graduated and she didn't.

[Caller]

She.

[Anita]

Her mother gave her our brochure, and she had it on her desk for a year before she called me. And she was ready to make that change. And she just graduated this past June, so there is that hope out there. Give them resources. Leave things on their desks. Get books for them. Go to Barnes and Noble. Find domestic violence books. There's a whole section on it. Codependency books. Leave these books on their desk in their homes, and they'll pick it up and they'll read it. Leave pamphlets of shelters or Jayden's Ladder. I can send you a bunch of brochures that they know that they can make the call when they're ready and

[Burt]

all this information, because we're getting a whole bunch of calls saying, how can people help? Right over to jadensladder.org all right, Anita, keep us posted on Glenda, because I know we're gonna get a ton of emails and a Ton of calls that are from people that really sort of feel like they're living it with her and have been through the same situation. So let us know she's okay. Okay?

[Anita]

We're gonna do the best we can. Thank you guys. You guys are amazing.

[Burt]

Thanks, Anita.

[Anita]

Okay, bye. Bye.

[Burt]

Bye. Bye. And Again, that's Jaden's ladder.org. this is the Bird show. This is the Burt Show. It says Burt Show. I'm writing this from an anonymous email address. I'm not looking for help. I'm actually giving advice based on some bad advice your show gave me. I can't remember how long ago it was, but the show got into some debate on how you might be able to make a bad lover a better lover. One of the suggestions that was mentioned by a caller was to buy some porn and have your man learn some new moves. Sounded great. My husband is good at many things. Ask him to fix the sink. No problem. Something wrong with the car. Done. But sex, not so much. He's clumsy. He's too fast, he's too rough. The sex is routine. We were having sex less and I was taking care of myself more, and he noticed. However, he's really sensitive. Having to talk with him about his lack of talent wasn't an option. I struggled with the right words to say for months. I came up with nothing that wouldn't hurt him. So I just started purchasing some porn, thinking he'd pick up some new moves. And he watched and he watched and we watched. He is now just a new kind of clumsy, a new kind of too fast, and a new kind of too rough.

[Melissa]

Backfired.

[Burt]

The biggest problem. I gotta be careful with this. The biggest problem is that he's trying all the nastiest scenes in the movies thinking it's working for me. Oh, no. The foul language he's now using is too graphic and gross. He's slapping parts of his body on my forehead.

[Bert]

Oh, no.

[Burt]

And face that are inappropriate.

[Melissa]

Well, he's definitely adventurous.

[Bert]

I just picture this.

[Melissa]

Step it on up there, son.

[Bert]

Go get your woman. Does that ever work?

[Burt]

I slap it on the forehead.

[Caller]

No.

[Melissa]

Come on. Are you really even asking that question?

[Burt]

Then it shouldn't be allowed in a movie.

[Bert]

Come on.

[Burt]

Then it shouldn't be allowed in a movie.

[Melissa]

A lot of things shouldn't be allowed in a movie, but if you're trying to learn moves from all that. I mean, come on, get a book.

[Burt]

Snapping it on the forehead and her face.

[Bert]

That's awful.

[Burt]

I think that's when she wrote the email after that final Straw right there. She must have been like, what are you doing?

[Melissa]

Why wouldn't you stop right there and say, because now she's between a rock

[Burt]

and a hard place at this point.

[Bert]

What are you can't be sensitive.

[Melissa]

She can't talk to her husband about sex.

[Burt]

I'd say 70, probably 75% of couples don't talk to each other about sex

[Bert]

if it's bad because it is a sensitive. Well, I think it's so everybody is supposed to be good in bed. And then if you feel insecure about it, you don't want to bring it up. If you feel somebody else is insecure, it's just. It's just awkward all around.

[Melissa]

Therapists in the bedroom.

[Burt]

We have received that advice though, before. Like, go ahead, get some porn. Watch it with your man. He'll pick up on some new moves. And he just picked up on the nastiest stuff. He went from like the most remedial moves to the way advanced class. And he's just not ready for that poor little thing.

[Melissa]

Well, and her problem was she let him pick it out.

[Burt]

Oh, so she should have picked it out.

[Melissa]

She should have picked out the movies because then she could have previewed them for the right moves.

[Burt]

I think she did. The way it was written here, it sounds like she brought it home.

[Bert]

I am still stuck on the image of somebody slept in a junk.

[Melissa]

Shouldn't she have previewed it before she showed him what moves to get?

[Burt]

I don't know what the whole technique of the whole thing is. I don't know if you preview to make sure that it's husband appropriate or not.

[Melissa]

He needed the introductory videos. Do you think he's like, not the advanced.

[Burt]

It could be like, oh, what are you doing?

[Bert]

What are you doing? Sorry. I'm sorry.

[Burt]

She needed like, she needed like two in the morning Cinemax stuff. Not like the hardcore section at Insurrection, right. Where they don't really ever show his

[Melissa]

junk beginners or whatever.

[Bert]

Well, there's another call it. I mean, all of that I think is just kind of. It's funny. I laugh at it more than get ideas from it. But there's to sleep with a man. That's true. But so funny to you.

[Melissa]

Ha ha ha. Melissa.

[Bert]

I know. Especially they're slapping against your forehead. You're the one stupid. But no, there, there. But there's also those, you know, if you look in any of, you know, like the Karma Sutra videos and stuff like that, you know, there's other videos out there that are, I mean, seemingly just as silly, but it's certainly not going to get into crazy, you know, with anything.

[Burt]

With anything. There's like, instructional video. You know, you want to play baseball. There's actually an instructor instructional video. You can go out. Teaches you how to hit the karma sutra.

[Bert]

But its videos and stuff. They are more instructional than the.

[Burt]

Right.

[Bert]

The porn.

[Burt]

And there is some adult film stuff that is 101. Basic cinematics.

[Melissa]

101.

[Burt]

Stop. You know, late night stuff.

[Melissa]

He couldn't do it from. To begin with. And he can't go from not knowing

[Bert]

how to do it to advance. That just doesn't work.

[Melissa]

Not advance. It's demeaning.

[Anita]

Yes.

[Melissa]

I mean, really, really degrading stuff. And now he thinks that she's gonna like that. Wham.

[Burt]

Hey, Ryan, hold on for me one second, right? Because I just got to finish this letter.

[Caller]

No problem.

[Burt]

All right, so again, he's slapping parts of his body on my forehead and face that are inappropriate.

[Melissa]

I am so uncomfortable with us saying that. Stop saying that.

[Burt]

And she says. And she says. And let's just say he's trying to enter the house through the doors on the back deck. Okay, now I have no way to reverse this, so I'm just giving a little advice to the Burch show listeners. Be very careful of what you ask for, because you just might get it from angles that you don't think are appropriate. From Lisa and Roswell.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Burt]

How are you?

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Anita]

All right.

[Caller]

How are you? Burke show.

[Burt]

What's going on? Thank you.

[Caller]

But, hey, I think, you know, she obviously has a guy who wants to know, who wants to do better. She just should just tell him what she wants.

[Anita]

Mm.

[Caller]

I mean, she doesn't need videos and all that. I mean, that can be fun, but just tell him what. What she wants. Well, you have said that he wants to do better.

[Burt]

You say that. And we've talked about that on the show, but we have never really heard a woman call up and say, this is how I handled it with my husband or my boyfriend who was bad at sex. I talked to him about it, and this is how it ended up successfully for both of us. No one has ever done it. We've tried a dozen times.

[Bert]

It's such a sensitive topic, especially if it's somebody that you're sleeping with.

[Burt]

You know, that's a guy's ego is wrapped up in all that. You tell him he's bad at that. He's been thinking since day one, he's great. Every guy thinks they're the greatest in the world.

[Melissa]

You don't have to say that they're bad. You have to encourage what is good and steer the direction to what it is good. What is good for you?

[Burt]

Give. Give. Dudes, give us the blueprint. Tell us the exact words to use. I don't want to know the situation. Give us the words. Because we would have. I can't think of a scenario where most guys would take it and be okay with it.

[Bert]

Right.

[Melissa]

There's no way to describe it on the radio.

[Bert]

There's no get in trouble.

[Burt]

Good morning.

[Melissa]

I don't think.

[Burt]

Tracy, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Tracy]

Hey, good morning, Bird Show.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Tracy]

What she needs to do is get a couple of videos that are put out by Nina Hartley. She is a veteran film star, and she's also a nurse. And she has a series of videos about how to be a good lover. She can pick up one about how to give certain pleasure and how to receive certain pleasure. And she can say to her husband, I want to, you know, be the best lover I can for you. Let's watch this together. And then, you know, we can watch this other one. They're great videos. They're. They're very erotic. I mean, you know, you always get you in the mood, but you learn a lot of things, too, without the slapping in the back door and all

[Caller]

that kind of stuff.

[Burt]

Okay, so there are two of these videos. One is for a guy.

[Tracy]

There's more than two. I mean, she has a whole bunch of them that are act specific or just how to be in general, how to be a good lover, how to give certain things. You know what I mean? How to receive certain things. You know, like, if you want to switch that around, you can, you know, I mean, it can get into some pretty advanced kind of stuff, but I think they need to start at the basic level.

[Burt]

Okay. Nina Hartley.

[Tracy]

Nina Hartley. Yeah.

[Burt]

Thank you.

[Melissa]

It's a great idea.

[Burt]

And here's Melissa on the voice disguiser. Good morning, Melissa.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Burt]

Hi. Hi.

[Tracy]

I can feel her pain, guys. I have the exact same situation. P.S. i tried the Kama Sutra. We tried Time Life videos. We tried everything. And I can't talk to him about it either because he gets very sensitive about it, shall we say?

[Melissa]

Did y' all wait to do that until after you got married?

[Tracy]

Well, I was a virgin when I got married to him, and he had only done it with one other person of the professional nature, but, you know.

[Bert]

And a professional.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I didn't think about it at the time. I just kind of thought that we could both figure it out ourselves.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

And he hasn't been able to figure it out. And how long are we going on now?

[Caller]

12 years old.

[Burt]

Boy.

[Anita]

All right.

[Tracy]

Yeah. So any advice you could throw out there for her or me would be great because it's very difficult, especially after 12 years, and you start thinking of going in the other direction, which is definitely something you don't want to do.

[Burt]

So you don't know how good it can be. You just know how bad it is.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Burt]

Got you.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Burt]

All right. We're gonna try to get you some help here.

[Anita]

Thanks.

[Burt]

Thank you.

[Jen]

That's bad.

[Melissa]

That's real bad.

[Burt]

I'm still looking for the calls that have had the talk with their husband that would be radio friendly, that have worked out successfully. Jamie says she can pull it off.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Burt]

Good morning, Jamie.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hey. So we get this email from a Birchill listener that says that she heard on our show that if your husband or boyfriend's bad in bed, then go out, get yourself some adult films and have him watch them and he'll learn a couple of moves. The bad part here is that her husband learned all the most graphic and nasty stuff in the adult films, and he's using it on her, and he doesn't know what he's doing. And it's demeaning.

[Anita]

Right.

[Caller]

Well, my husband and I are working on 20 years. We have three kids, and after a period of time, your bodies change. So what used to work for you stops working and you have to find something else. And the movie thing is a great idea, but she should have watched them first and she should have started off very simple. She should have started off with like one of those 30 minute from tantra or some company like that. That's just a simple almost back to basics how to have basic sex videos. It's how to touch your partner in certain ways. I can't really get very descriptive because it does get kind of graphic.

[Burt]

Thank you for that.

[Caller]

There are basic videos out there that show how to touch certain body parts and what body part to use, not smacking people in the face with names. You start out simple. You bring in tools. You bring in, like, food items and different change the venue. Instead of just always having it in one place, move it to some other

[Anita]

part of your house.

[Caller]

And then after you do that a while, you can start building and getting into the more graphic video.

[Burt]

So that's the suggestion you made initially to Jen, is that she went for the nasty section when she could have gone for the basic one on one section.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I think she needed to start off a little slower and preview it, you know, I don't know. I just think that there's some. Some of that stuff that can be really gross and dangerous.

[Burt]

Hey, Sandra. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning. How are you?

[Burt]

Good. How are you?

[Caller]

I'm good. I just wanted to say that I've successfully been able to tell my boyfriend. Well, my ex boyfriend. I was 18 at the time and watching, you know, I learned from my mother at a very young age that tell him what you want in the bedroom right off the bat. So it's very easy. He wasn't that great. Kind of awkward, but I told him to just read, Go online, read some stuff and not watch pornography because that's the wrong way to go. It's the messy way to go. And. Sorry. And I just felt that was the best way. And he actually improved over time. Yeah.

[Burt]

I think at the core, like, every dude wants to be great, you know, but listening to the words that were not would be. Initially, that would hurt. It would really hurt. But I think eventually we'd get to a place where we want to be with you. You know what I'm saying?

[Bert]

I always think there's room for improvement. I do. I always think that there's room for improvement. I don't think it's. I'm not a believer of it. As long as there's chemistry there, you can change the way you play the game.

[Melissa]

Yeah. And what used to work on one person doesn't work on the next. Every couple is unique, and that means the guy and the girl are gonna have unique things and differences about them and what they like and what they don't like too. And I think overall, as an advice for guys, it's just slow down. Yeah. I mean, that is never going to be bad.

[Caller]

Right.

[Bert]

And I think that's why you asking me. She's looking right at Bert when she said that. But I mean, like. But I mean, there's so many factors that goes into it because not two. Two sessions are going to be the same because you're not going to feel the same. You're not going to be funny. Exactly. So I think that people get so discouraged so easily when. You know what. Okay, that was a. You know, that was a bad game that you just played. Well, you got another game coming up this weekend. You know, play completely differently. It's going to be fine.

[Burt]

All right, a sports analogy.

[Bert]

Now I get it. Yes. Now, I could win your game this weekend for the loss last weekend, but forget it. Right. You're gonna win this weekend. Yeah.

[Burt]

Now I get it. Hey, Diane. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Tracy]

Hello.

[Burt]

Hello.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Anita]

I just wanted to tell you guys

[Caller]

about a book called Hot Monogamy. And it just, you know, like the quote on the back, it says, if

[Anita]

anyone wants to improve their sexual relationship, this is the book to read. And it really teaches you how to

[Caller]

talk about sex and how, like you said, so many couples don't, which is really the key.

[Anita]

You got to be able to tell them what you want and what you

[Caller]

like and what you don't like.

[Burt]

All right, so if you want real concrete data, like hard data, she says hot monogamy. And the other one we heard was Nina Hartley. Okay, but don't go to the advanced section at Insurrection. He's not ready for that. Or she's not ready for that.

[Bert]

No, no, that's. No. Keep the forehead out of it.

[Melissa]

Yeah, but it looks like the woman. Guess what? If it looks like the woman's not having fun on the video? She's not.

[Bert]

Well, that's.

[Burt]

That's the thing, is that they never. They always look like they're having a great time. We should sue the industry. I've never watched them where the woman is like, no, don't do that.

[Bert]

I. Yeah, I think it's funny. I. I just. I tend to just laugh out loud. I gotta be honest.

[Burt]

Like Shen said, you think it's funny because you're not having sex with a man.

[Bert]

Even the two girl ones are silly. Whatever.

[Burt]

You take that back. Here, Bird show. The Bird show. Joanna Rodriguez.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Burt]

Joanna is. She's. You see, I think we've talked about Wendy and her mojo. Dating mojo. I also think there's engagement mojo, and you have none.

[Jen]

Oh, no, I do.

[Bert]

You don't.

[Jen]

Total mojo.

[Burt]

You do not have engagement mojo. This is when people have been going out for a long time and a woman knows that an engagement is imminent, but she presses and presses and presses.

[Jen]

I'm not pressing.

[Burt]

You are pressing.

[Jen]

I just make little comments here and there. It's not pressing.

[Bert]

It's manipulation. It's different.

[Jen]

Persuasion. But you know what? After I. Last week, I told you guys that I thought that I might be getting engaged this weekend. Well, that kind. I think he threw me off the scent because we're not going to D.C. anymore.

[Burt]

Okay, now, what gave you the idea that you were.

[Jen]

A couple of things have been happening. I hate to say this. I hope he's not listening, but a couple weeks ago, we were out, and he left his phone in the car, and I found a text message from him To a friend.

[Burt]

You found her.

[Jen]

It just fell in my lap.

[Burt]

Right, so you picked up his phone while he was out of your car and you started snooping through his phone.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Melissa]

I wouldn't call it snooping.

[Jen]

No, because making sure everything was okay. You know, I'm not snooping because I think he's cheating. I really am just looking for just a hint if he's even looking for engagement rings. Because up until now, I have no idea if he's even been shopping for engagement rings or anything. Because he's never asked me, like, hey, baby, what do you, you know, what

[Burt]

a crock you guys have talked about?

[Jen]

Well, we talk about one day when we get married, but I just don't know if he's actively looking for one. And I want to know, like, time frame wise, when it may happen. So I found a text message from him to a friend asking about his hookup up in Athens for a ring. So now I know he's actively looking for one. And just recently, I found a piece of mail that indicates to me that he's inquired about a loan for an engagement ring.

[Burt]

Okay, yeah, let's back up just a little bit here. You found a piece of mail, or the piece of mail was wedged in between five other pieces that you were looking through.

[Jen]

Well, actually, it's actually not that bad.

[Bert]

She pried it from his hands. What's the big deal?

[Jen]

I had to take him to get his wisdom teeth pulled, and I had to wait in the office for an hour and a half. And I said, what am I gonna do for the hour and a half? And he handed me a magazine, and wedged in the magazine was this piece of mail.

[Melissa]

Oh, I wonder if he did that on purpose.

[Jen]

No, I really think it was an accident. Cause when I showed it to him later, he acted. He was really kind of trying to scramble, and he's like, oh, I don't know what that is. And I'm like, oh. So they just randomly send you a letter saying, when you start your new life together, all these options are available to you.

[Burt]

So doesn't it take the fun out of it, though, for you? Like, if you know that it's coming, or you snooped and saw the text message and then you're checking his mail, which is a little. I mean, you're bordering on crazy. Doesn't it take the fun out of not knowing when it's gonna happen?

[Jen]

No, because I don't know exactly when it's gonna happen or how it's going to happen. So that's still, the exciting part, I'm excited that we're moving in that direction. That's what I'm excited about. That it's not just in my head anymore, that he's actually thinking, hey, I'm gonna marry this girl.

[Burt]

But if it was. If you were excited about it moving in that direction and you saw the text message, then why would you look through the mail if you already know it's heading that way? Why keep snooping?

[Jen]

I was sitting in an office for an hour and a half. What was I supposed to do? Just let it sit there and call my name, open me the whole time? Come on.

[Burt]

Will you continue to check his text messages?

[Jen]

No, I won't do that.

[Burt]

That was the first time you did it.

[Jen]

Yeah, I just did it that one. No, I swear to God, I won't do it, because I don't want to ruin my own surprise.

[Melissa]

I think you already are, aren't you?

[Jen]

No, because I don't know when it's gonna happen. I thought it was gonna happen this weekend because we were gonna go to D.C. and Jason's the type of guy that I think when he proposes, he'll do it out of town somewhere. I don't think he'll do it here in Atlanta. And so I thought, oh, you know, he's been.

[Bert]

Look.

[Jen]

Cause that text message was from September. So he's been thinking about buying the ring since September. And then that piece of mail was a couple, like, three weeks ago. So I thought it was gonna happen this weekend. And now he totally threw me off. So I don't know when it's gonna happen. So that's exciting.

[Burt]

Still, why am I the only one being vocal here about this being a little bit crazy?

[Jen]

Well, Jen.

[Bert]

I mean, Jen started the questioning. I think that. I think that the one.

[Melissa]

You're surprised?

[Bert]

Yeah, I think. I do think that this is the only time a guy is creative about it, secretive about it. They have a quest. Guys love this stuff. And so I think that by nitpicking or manipulating and dropping hints all the time, I do think you're robbing him of his part of this. Because after you're engaged, then he's out of it. I mean, yes, okay, some guys are involved, but seriously, most guys just are out of it.

[Burt]

This is our part of it.

[Bert]

Yeah. This is what a guy's in control of. And it gives him. This is what gives him bragging rights. You know, he, of course, wants to talk about how he tricked the woman and how he proposed to her and what he came up with. And who he asked. And so I do think that, you know, you should give him this opportunity instead of trying to control it.

[Burt]

She's so not buying into this. I see her eyes rolling in your head.

[Jen]

I am. And I swear I'm not looking through his phone anymore. I'm not gonna, like, pick up random pieces of mail and open it.

[Melissa]

What if you found something that predicted he was gonna propose to you in two days? Like, that would be kind of a bummer to know that. You don't wanna know that.

[Jen]

That's why I'm gonna say, that's why I'm not gonna do it anymore. I know now that he's actively looking for a ring and that it's gonna come sooner than later. So that's all I wanted to know, is that we were both on the same.

[Bert]

Why was it so important for you to know that? I'm just curious.

[Jen]

Because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

[Melissa]

No, it's because this is the one thing you're not in control of. Right?

[Jen]

It's driving me crazy because you loving

[Bert]

him and wanting to marry him has nothing to do with this. You know it has.

[Jen]

I don't know. I always say, oh, I love surprises, so I don't want to know. But then in the end, I'm like, no, I want to know.

[Bert]

Because the only time I find, like, in mine and Katie's situation, when, you know, there may be jokes or hints about children that come up, because, you know, I've said before that Katie is like her. It's in her DNA to be a mom. So if little hints or anything's dropped to just remind me that we need to kind of be thinking about this, it's usually when she's been around her friends who are either pregnant, because she's got a ton of friends that are pregnant right now and several who have had their children in the past couple years. So I'm also wondering, are you trying to force him to push it sooner than later because you want to beat somebody at something?

[Jen]

No, it's nothing. But I am being surrounded by friends who are getting engaged and who are planning their weddings. My brother just got married. My best friend that I grew up with just got engaged. And then Jason's friend in the army just got engaged, too. So I'm being surrounded with all this wedding talk. I'm going to bridal shows and watching my friends try on bridal gowns.

[Caller]

It's.

[Bert]

If you've learned anything in radio, is you're only as good as what just happened. You know what I'm saying? Like, that people remember the last thing they heard. If you're the last of your friends to get married, your wedding is gonna be the one that they remember the most. Duh. All the friends. Guess what? We're gonna have the last kid, and ours will be spoiled.

[Burt]

If I was Jason, I would be jacking with you so badly right now. Like, I. I'd have my friends text me, and then I'd text back. If I was Jason saying, today's the day. It's gonna happen at noon, Then I'd make a lunch date with you at noon and watch you squirm. Yeah.

[Bert]

That's why I think he planted the mail.

[Melissa]

I think he planted that mail intentionally

[Bert]

because he knew you'd be sitting out

[Melissa]

there with a magazine and handed you that magazine on purpose.

[Burt]

Good morning, Roy G100. Hi.

[Caller]

Yeah, I want to. I want to make a real clear point on this. My roommate. I'm just going to throw it out there. She's pressuring my boy into getting married right now. It's same thing that what she's doing to her guys. The problem is she's going to end up pushing him away. Because what I. What I'm seeing in this is she's. She's looking around and like. Like, y' all were just talking about the top of history. There's an underlying competition with her friends on who's getting married next and when it's gonna happen.

[Burt]

I will say this. She's not gonna push him away. He's not going anywhere. But he may. Like, it'll just be an annoyance to him, which you don't want. Like, you want this to be one of the most fun things he's ever done in his life before. Jason's not going anywhere. But he just. He should look at it more. Like, this is excitement.

[Bert]

That'll do.

[Burt]

All right.

[Bert]

Instead of going, I better do it soon.

[Jen]

It's not a competition. Cause all my friends are already getting engaged, so I'm not trying to beat anybody. And it's like Melissa said, I want to be the last one, because I want to get all their thank you and steal their ideas and make it better.

[Bert]

There's no rush, ladies. Seriously.

[Jen]

And I. And I. As far as, like, an annoyance, I do. I do tell him I said, baby, if I'm annoying you with all this stuff, please just tell me. And he laughs, and he's like, oh, no. I just think it's funny.

[Bert]

If you have to ask the question, the answers yes.

[Burt]

You already know.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that's true. It's not about the wedding.

[Burt]

It's what?

[Melissa]

It's not about the wedding. And I think you're so focused on the wedding.

[Bert]

Too many girls.

[Jen]

Maybe that's the underlying thing, is that I'm ready for him to be. Move up here and be closer and for us to start our lives together. And I'm thinking, oh, the sooner we get engaged, the sooner we can start planning and then this year can fly by and he can be here and I can be with him. I think that's true.

[Bert]

I mean, not that I'm not saying it's true. I mean, I think it's part of it, but. Yeah, I. I agree with Jen. I think too many times, everybody's into the ceremony. You have to spend the rest of your life with this person.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Reid]

Like, what if he.

[Melissa]

What if he came to you and proposed to you and said, I just have one thing. We've got to elope. We've got to go to an island.

[Burt]

Your family would never do that.

[Melissa]

We got to go to an island somewhere, and it's got to be just the two of us. But, baby, we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. We're going to start our lives together.

[Jen]

If that's what he wanted and he truly felt about it, I would, as long as I can invite my family, because I could never do that without my family.

[Melissa]

She's two of you.

[Jen]

No, if I couldn't do it without my family, they would never accept that

[Burt]

because they're such a tight family.

[Melissa]

I'm just trying to put out an analogy there. How important is it to wear the white dress?

[Bert]

No, I think it's a great analogy because I think that that shows the reflection of. Of what you're focused on now.

[Burt]

Here's a side road we haven't gone down yet. Hey, Carly.

[Anita]

Hi.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Caller]

I just wanted to say, you know,

[Anita]

several years ago, I was in a relationship and my boyfriend wrote engagement on my Christmas list. And then Christmas rolled around nothing. New Year's rolled around nothing.

[Caller]

And it was June.

[Anita]

And it just tore our relationship completely apart because all I could think about is engagement, engagement. When is he going to ask me? Well, why hasn't he asked me? And I found out later on. I. I think that it was because he was saving up for the ring,

[Caller]

but he also did not.

[Anita]

He stopped courting me because he was raising. He was getting money for the ring and stuff like that. And it just tore our relationship completely apart because that's all I Can think about is why hasn't he asked me to marry him yet?

[Bert]

Did you bug him before that? That wasn't like a hush note.

[Anita]

No, not really.

[Burt]

Okay, we know it was.

[Anita]

He was just.

[Caller]

I don't. It was so cruel. It was just, you know, it was.

[Anita]

It was interesting and, you know, and like, in January or February, he bought me a bridal magazine when we were walking around in the store one day and still like, nothing. Several years, you know, several months later now.

[Bert]

Now I'm from the outside looking in. I kind of. Just to make the comment, kind of going back on what Jen said about what you're focused on, was that really cruel? I mean, you're with him every day. You're still in a relationship with him. But for her to get cruel that he mentioned that he wanted to marry her.

[Burt]

How dare you?

[Bert]

That was so cruel. He waited till June. I mean, I just. I don't mean to make fun of. I mean, obviously it was something that was hurtful to you, but I. From my perspective, I don't see how that's cruelty at all.

[Melissa]

No, nothing cruel. He was saving up his own money.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Now we didn't even have a chance to go down the whole snooping street, which I'm gonna do with you tomorrow. Going through his phones unnecessarily. There's no need to go through his text messages or his.

[Bert]

Only time you've ever gone through his phone?

[Jen]

Yes. No, I was thinking. Because I think a time that he doesn't know about. Other times I've gone through his phone because I needed to get something.

[Bert]

That was my question. Have you been through his phone?

[Jen]

No. Just the one time.

[Burt]

Come on.

[Jen]

I swear.

[Melissa]

You just said that you had been

[Bert]

through his phone before.

[Jen]

No, no, no, no. Just for this text. For this.

[Burt]

The very first time you looked, you snooped through his phone. You snooped.

[Jen]

First time I've ever snooped through his phone.

[Burt]

How about his email?

[Jen]

No, I don't know his email stuff. If I did.

[Burt]

Here, Burcha.