Transcript

Jake Grez (Nurse Jake) (0:00)

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Host (likely 'Birch') (1:54)

The Birch show we're asking you guys to call us about your celebrity choking stories. We just had a virtual listener call up and say that she met Jon Bon Jovi for the very first time and she was so nervous that she ended up throwing up on his shoes. God, that's a pretty tough bar to be set at right now.

Co-host or Guest (possibly 'Bert') (2:12)

Yeah, because vomit, that's not going to ever be good.

Host (likely 'Birch') (2:15)

But he'll always remember you yes or no.

Co-host or Guest (2:17)

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 1 – Wednesday, May 6 [Vault]

Date: May 6, 2026
Main Theme:
An energetic, candid, and laugh-filled morning radio episode where The Bert Show team (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & cast) dive into embarrassing celebrity encounters, sleep mishaps including while on the job, and a thoughtful debate on Halloween costume choices and parenting around gender norms. Real listener calls drive the show’s unique blend of humor, empathy, and occasional deep dives into societal norms.

Episode Highlights

1. Embarrassing Celebrity Encounters (01:54 – 10:50)

Call for Stories: Listeners are asked to call in with stories about “choking” in front of celebrities after a caller recounts vomiting on Jon Bon Jovi’s shoes.
- “We’re asking you guys to call us about your celebrity choking stories. ... She met Jon Bon Jovi and she was so nervous that she ended up throwing up on his shoes.” — Host [01:54]
Listener Call – Renee Zellweger (02:28):
- A caller trips and lands on his face when approaching Renee Zellweger for an autograph, but gets it anyway.
- “They were filming Cold Mountain on my college campus...and she made eye contact with me, and I landed right on my face because I tripped on the bricks.” — Caller [02:38]
- Amusing panel banter follows about how the autograph was worth the embarrassment.
Listener Call – Lady Gaga (03:25):
- A listener is starstruck, can’t speak, but ultimately gives Lady Gaga custom sunglasses which she wears on stage. Host offers to let the caller tell Gaga the story if she appears on the show.
- “I just didn't say anything. But then I ended up getting to stand front row and give her a pair of sunglasses that she kissed me for and wore them on stage for Poker Face twice.” — Caller [03:32]
- Panel jokes about being speechless again live on air.
Listener Call – Anthony Kiedis (04:59):
- Memorable line: “You look familiar, you little chili pepper.” Anthony laughs, gives an autograph, and the moment winds up in Teen magazine for cringe celebrity encounters.
Host & Panel Anecdotes:
- Stories include a run-in with Keanu Reeves involving a captioning device mishap [06:07], meeting sports heroes but blanking (“I appreciate what you do”), and Jamie Foxx recounting a fan passing gas out of nervousness in an elevator.
- “I met Cal Ripken...I turned into a 12 year old kid...the only thing that came out of my mouth was, I appreciate what you do. Just like that.” — Host [07:15]

2. Self-imposed Celebrity Interview Challenge (09:05 – 15:35)

Joanna’s Mission:
- Joanne tasks herself with getting Jamie Foxx, Josh Duhamel, Katherine Heigl, Zach Galifianakis, or Robert Downey Jr. on air, since they’re in Atlanta filming.
- Listeners are asked to help track celebrity sightings via Twitter/email.
- Humorous panel teasing about failing to actually approach CNN Center due to not knowing it’s open to the public:
  - “You just drove around the outside of the CNN center three times and said, I don't see any cameras.” — Co-host [12:45]
Tips from Listeners:
- Multiple callers provide sightings/tips about where celebrities often are (Buckhead, Village Tavern, Spice Market), potential connections to Zach Galifianakis.

3. Falling Asleep on the Job (16:27 – 30:45)

Hot Topic:
- The crew discusses a real-life case of airline pilots overshooting Minneapolis airport by 150 miles, speculating fatigue/sleep may have been the cause.
- *“There are a couple of places you're just not allowed to fall asleep, and I think we're talking about two of them this morning.”— Host [18:31]
- Play archival 911 audio of an operator falling asleep during an emergency call [17:40], drawing a parallel with the dangerous airline incident.
- Jokes about “places you shouldn’t fall asleep,” including on dates and — cheekily — during sex.

4. Accidentally Falling Asleep During Sex (19:48 – 24:38)

Real-Life Confessions:
- Listeners and hosts share honest, often hilarious stories of nodding off at inopportune moments—especially during sex, but also during dinner dates and at stoplights due to exhaustion or narcolepsy.
- “I made a long road trip to go visit a girl for her sorority formal and I flat out fell asleep...I woke up in the middle, threw my hands back on her. Like I didn’t fall asleep.” — Caller [22:15]
- “I suck my tongue when I’m asleep...He was really, really upset with me.” — Listener [23:54]
Panel Banter:
- Explores the boundary between genuine fatigue and boring partners, with playful digs and laughter.

5. Pilots Admit to Sleeping During Flights (24:46 – 33:23)

Anonymous Pilots Call In:
- “Bob” openly shares how, outside of takeoff/landing, pilots often read, nap, or watch DVDs. Sometimes both cockpit crew have dozed off, only waking near landing.
- “The only real busy part of flying is the takeoff and the landing…So the rest of it’s quite boring. We watch DVDs, read books, sleep, whatever…” — Bob, pilot [26:24]
Realism and Reassurance:
- Another pilot, Joe, calls in to argue that in most cases, regional jets do not land themselves; pilots are supposed to be in constant radio contact. He describes the exhausting scheduling, safety measures, and that FAA rules exist but fatigue is real.
- “We go through 16 hours of work...Your body gets fatigued...If a pilot calls out fatigue, it disrupts people’s travel plans, so we don’t like to do it...” — Joe, pilot [30:02]
- Discussion on public ignorance (“I had zero idea…that any pilot ever falls asleep in the cockpit”) and radio handoffs.

6. Parenting & Gender: Halloween Costume Debate (33:29 – 47:47)

Listener Dilemma – Anna’s Story (34:08):
- Anna's five-year-old son wants to be Hannah Montana for Halloween. Her military husband refuses, insisting Anna must deny their son. Anna’s torn, feeling guilty about possibly breaking her son’s heart.
- “He wants to dress up as (Hannah Montana) for Halloween. I feel like, you know, he’s five, like he should be able to do whatever he wants...My husband...does not want him to do it at all, is freaking out...” — Anna [34:18]
Panel Discussion:
- Hosts share personal parallels and emphasize the importance of supporting your child’s expression, even if parents worry about judgment.
  - “I think they feel it in their soul, in their heart...no matter what, your old man is going to stand with you, I wanted that message to be clear...” — Host [36:50]
- Co-hosts probe double standards (“Would you care if your daughter wanted to be Batman?”).
- Male listeners and dads call to articulate the “traditional” perspective—citing masculinity ideals, religious beliefs, and fears about gender/sexuality confusion.
  - “I believe boys should be boys and be masculine, and I like for girls to be, you know, girly and feminine...” — Caller Joey [44:06]
  - “I think short-term, it’s about being feminine, but long-term, I’d worry about him becoming homosexual.” — Caller Joey [44:56]
- Thoughtful counterpoints from Melissa about the dangers of shaming kids and perpetuating rigid gender roles.
  - “My sensitivity...is always...making sure the message…is not better than or lesser than…The long-term effects of the message you send…I think, is what bothers me.” — Melissa [46:26]
Resolution Pending:
- Anna says she's likely to let her son choose, but the topic is left open to revisit after Halloween.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“You look familiar, you little chili pepper.” – Listener to Anthony Kiedis [05:27]
“I appreciate what you do.” – Host, starstruck meeting Cal Ripken [07:15]
“There are a couple of places you’re just not allowed to fall asleep, and I think we’re talking about two of them this morning.” – Host [18:31]
“I made a long road trip to go visit a girl for her sorority formal and I flat out fell asleep...I woke up in the middle, threw my hands back on her. Like I didn’t fall asleep.” – Caller [22:15]
“The only real busy part of flying is the takeoff and the landing…So the rest of it’s quite boring. We watch DVDs, read books, sleep, whatever…” – Bob, Pilot [26:24]
“I had zero idea...that any pilot ever falls asleep in the cockpit.” – Host [30:45]
“He wants to dress up as (Hannah Montana) for Halloween. I feel like, you know, he’s five, like he should be able to do whatever he wants...My husband...does not want him to do it at all, is freaking out...” – Anna [34:18]
“I think they feel it in their soul, in their heart...no matter what, your old man is going to stand with you...” – Host [36:50]
“Would you have an issue if your daughter wanted to be Batman?” – Bert [41:44]
“I think…the authentic reason is a matter of pride for military dude, because man got little boys should be men.” – Co-host [40:02]
“I think short-term, it’s about being feminine, but long-term, I’d worry about him becoming homosexual.” – Caller Joey [44:56]
“My sensitivity...is making sure the message...is not better than or lesser than.” – Melissa [46:26]

Segment Timestamps

01:54 – 10:50: Embarrassing celebrity encounters (vomiting, tripping, speechlessness, autograph gaffes)
09:05 – 15:35: Joanna’s celebrity hunt challenge and Atlanta sightings
16:27 – 19:48: Airline pilot overshoot, 911 dispatcher sleeping, transition to sleep mishaps
19:48 – 24:38: Listeners/hosts on falling asleep during sex
24:46 – 33:23: Airline pilots and sleep in the cockpit – candid industry confessions and public perceptions
33:29 – 47:47: Parenting debate — kids, gender, and Halloween costumes with call-in perspectives

Tone & Style

Highly conversational, filled with quick wit, self-effacing jokes, and a touch of Southern charm. The hosts encourage real, sometimes raw listener calls, fostering honest dialogue even about occasionally taboo topics—always with humor and a sense of community.

For those who missed the episode:
Expect hilarious misadventures with celebrities, surprisingly candid calls about sleep and sex, a revealing look behind the flight deck doors, and a thoughtful real-parenting moment around gender and family values—all in the signature, “real and funny” Bert Show style.

wavePod

Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, May 6 [Vault]