Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, November 26 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, November 26 [Vault]

Episode Date: November 26, 2025
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast
Main Theme:
The Bert Show tackles a classic morning-radio, real-life dilemma: listener drama! Today’s story is about “Melody” and her growing suspicions after finding an unexpected haul of Christmas presents at her boyfriend’s house—a situation which quickly spins into a roommate-level game of trust, snooping, and whether honesty is the best policy when you might miss out on a free tropical vacation.

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1. Episode Overview

This episode dives into a comedic and relatable relationship drama: Melody, a broke, recently graduated waitress, discovers not just her gifts but a suspiciously duplicated set of gifts at her boyfriend's place—including two tennis bracelets, two sets of pajamas (different sizes), and two certificates for trips to St. Thomas, one for New Year's and one for Valentine's Day.
The Bert Show crew unpacks Melody’s suspicions, offers theories, and fields impassioned calls from listeners. Lively debate swirls around trust, snooping, confronting the truth, and whether it's ever OK to stick around for the perks before ending a relationship.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

Melody’s Dilemma: The Setup

[01:00 – 05:23]

• Melody and her boyfriend have been together for two years, living in Atlanta. Due to work, he spends weekdays in Orlando, maintaining an apartment there.
• Both are financially strapped and agree on a “three-gift rule” for Christmas this year (“We would limit ourselves to getting each other three gifts… because we’re both, like, kind of strapped.” – Melody, [02:27])
• Melody snoops to get a sense of what price point to aim for and finds six gifts:
  • Two tennis bracelets
  • Two pairs of pajamas (sizes small & medium)
  • Two custom vacation certificates (New Year's and Valentine's)

The Bert Show Cast’s Theories

[05:23 – 12:12]

• The mystery: Who are the duplicates for? Is Melody being cheated on, or is her boyfriend just extraordinarily cautious/thoughtful?
• Explanations offered by the cast:
  • Multiple sizes “just in case”: “He could have bought two of everything... Maybe one gold and one white gold. Two different sizes, whatever. Then he can drop the hints…” – Cast, [09:08]
  • Gift return theories: Maybe the pajamas/bracelets are backup sizes in case one doesn’t fit.
  • Vacation flexibility: Maybe he got two options on the trip, to match Melody’s schedule or surprise her.
• Skepticism: The women on the show are suspicious; practical “just in case” shopping isn’t behavior they commonly attribute to men.

Melody’s Homework: Dig for Clues

[14:56 – 16:58]

• Melody is tasked with calling Delta, American, and AirTran to see if her name is on any itineraries for the possible St. Thomas trips. After much sleuthing, she turns up nothing.
• “I called Delta, called American, called AirTran… Some actually did agree to look for my boyfriend’s name and turned up absolutely nothing. Nothing around Valentine's, nothing around New Year’s, nothing.” – Melody, [16:02]

Listener & Host Opinions on Melody’s Choices

[18:53 – 28:14]

• The hosts debate whether Melody’s boyfriend could have just bought “package” vacations online and not yet provided names for airline tickets, or if that seems like a stretch.
• Emphasis on Communication:
  • “All that sneaking around stuff, it just takes too much time.… Just be honest and say, ‘I found these gifts. What the hell is going on with it?’” – Listener James, [19:35]
  • However, hosts joke that pressing for the truth might spoil the surprise and the vacation.
• Prioritizing Perks?
  • Melody admits, "If the New Year's trip is for me, I'm going to wait to break up with him until after the trip. I'm going to try and convince him on the trip to break up with her." ([07:07])
  • The hosts tease: would you rather be dumped in the arctic chill or on a Caribbean beach?
• “The Confrontation” Advice:
  • Should Melody address it directly, or wait and see which trip (if any) is actually for her?
  • Advice includes manipulating the schedule (“Tell him you were asked to work New Year’s Eve, unless you two already have plans…,” [21:45])

Listener Call-in: "Kimberly" Unleashed

[23:21 – 26:47]

• Legendary call-in from listener Kimberly, who berates both Melody and the show for “silliness.”
  • “This woman is so silly. And you all are silly for listening to her babble like an idiot about this guy… If you've got to do that, confirm where you stand then. You don't stand where you think you do in the first place.” – Kimberly, [23:21]
  • Kimberly lambasts Melody: “You need to grow up. Buy your own bracelet. Buy your own vacation. Grow up. You are an embarrassment to women…” ([24:02])
• The cast counters: maybe it’s not about trust, but about squeezing out one last trip before confronting the likely affair.

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If the New Year's trip is for me, I'm going to wait to break up with him until after the trip.” – Melody, [07:07]
• “He wouldn't buy me the same pajamas in two different sizes, assuming that I'm going to gain that much weight over the holidays. That would just be kind of poor form.” – Melody, [06:00]
• “Guys don't return stuff. I hope that's the case.” – (Show member, debating if the double-gift theory is plausible), [09:42]
• “All that sneaking around stuff, that just takes too much time. You can either do it the easy way, the nice way, or you can do it the evil way.... Or just be honest and say, I found these gifts. What the hell is going on with it?” – James, listener, [19:35]
• “This woman is so silly. And you all are silly for listening to her babble like an idiot about this guy.” – Kimberly, listener, [23:21]
• “I'm gonna be heartbroken when the Arctic freeze blows in Atlanta. Or I'm gonna be heartbroken on a beach where the water is as clear as vodka. So I'm gonna go with the beach.” – Bert Show cast, [20:53]

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4. Key Segments & Timestamps

• [01:00]: Melody's call-in and set up: How she found the extra gifts
• [03:37]: Explanation of the financial situation & the three-gift rule
• [04:54]: Description of the duplicate gifts (bracelets, pajamas, trips)
• [07:07]: Melody's plan: stick around for the vacation if it’s for her
• [09:08]: Alternate theory: boyfriend bought doubles to cover his bases
• [14:56]: Melody’s "investigation" with the airlines
• [19:35]: Listener call for radical honesty (James)
• [23:21]: Legendary rant from listener Kimberly
• [26:47]: Aftermath & show’s debate: Should Melody confront or wait and see?

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5. Takeaways

• The Dilemma: When faced with suspicious “evidence” in a relationship, do you confront head on, keep digging for evidence, or—if tempting perks are involved—simply ride it out and maximize the benefit before deciding?
• Communication vs. Curiosity: The show juggles the tension between healthy communication and the all-too-human urge to snoop.
• Listener Involvement: Passionate listeners like Kimberly make for high drama and laughter, showcasing The Bert Show’s engaging style.
• Show Tone: The conversation stays light, funny, at times sincere, with the cast and listeners swinging between advice, teasing, and some savage truth-telling.

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6. Summary

Today's Bert Show is a quintessential mix of relatable relationship drama, comic relief, and listener participation. The mystery of Melody’s double-gifting boyfriend is left unresolved, with theories ranging from innocent shopping strategy to full-blown cheating. The crew’s advice covers everything from plot twists worthy of CSI to direct honesty, while listeners like Kimberly add a spicy, judgmental flavor. From the challenges of modern dating to the ethics of snooping and the temptation of Caribbean escapism, the show serves its usual blend of real talk and radio hilarity.

For listeners:
If you love real-life drama, brutal honesty, and a side of holiday chaos, this episode is pure Bert Show gold.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift, one you can't ignore. But not the socks he picked.

[A]

I know. I'm putting them back.

[B]

Hey, Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.

[C]

Oh, scratchers.

[B]

Good idea. It's an easy shopping trip. We're glad we could assist.

[A]

Thanks, random singing people.

[B]

So be like Dave. It's holiday. And give the gift of play. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

[A]

Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase player claim. Hey, the Birch Show. So Melanie calls us up yesterday, and I think in normal circumstances, anybody, any woman at least, would be pretty happy to know that her man is done with his Christmas shopping already.

[C]

I mean, because that means there was effort made that he was thinking about you. He's trying to personalize the gift. He didn't wait till the last minute to run through the mall before he came to your house to give you your Christmas gift. So, I mean, yeah, everything should be fine, but she actually found more than she bargained for.

[A]

So common sense tells you that if your boyfriend already has his shopping done for you for Christmas, he's been thinking about you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Put some thought into it. Got it done in advance.

[C]

And. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And effort, effort, effort, effort. Thought ahead. Went and got it. Already has it. Not waiting till the last minute. Thought for himself. So. I mean, it should be rewarded for that, I would think.

[A]

Nope. Melody not too happy with her boyfriend. He's got his shopping done. Hey, Melody.

[B]

Hey. How's it going?

[A]

Okay. How are you today?

[B]

Well, kind of confused. Like you can imagine.

[A]

How long have you been going out with?

[B]

Dude, We've been together a couple years now.

[A]

Like, two years?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two years. Okay. And do you guys live together?

[B]

We don't know.

[A]

Okay. All right. So explain how you Found out that your boyfriend has his shopping done early.

[B]

Well, I spend the night at his place a lot. He has a house here in Atlanta, and I was there by myself once, you know, he had to leave before I did and that's like usual. I have a key and everything. And I decided to do the little snoop thing to see what he got me because. And there's a reason. It's not just that I was being a snoop. I mean, there really is a reason for it. We were both kind of broke. I just graduated and I don't have a real job yet. I'm still waitressing and I've got like student loans and stuff I can't even stand to think about right now. Piled up like, you can't believe. So that's my deal. But for him, he has this house in Atlanta, and just for work reasons, he took this six month job in Orlando because he thought it would help him get better work here in Atlanta, which is where he wants to be. But he's paying the house mortgage and he's also got an apartment there because that's going on over there. So between the two of them, he's also pretty broke. So we just. We came up with this rule for this year that since we're both, like kind of strapped, we would limit ourselves to getting each other three gifts. We have this three gift rule thing.

[A]

All right, now it's a trap.

[B]

Maybe it is. But I think. I mean, probably of the two of us, I'm the more broke. I don't know. But I kind of think that because he does have a real job at least, even though he has all these expenses. And I just. I didn't know. I needed to know if it was like $320 gifts or if it was like three $200 gifts, in which case I need to like, pick up some extra shifts and stuff, you know, because I just. It's bad form if you're not sort of close to the same level. You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, you guys certainly define the meaning of Christmas in your house, for sure.

[C]

I understand where she's coming from. You don't want to be completely out of.

[B]

No, I mean, it might sound bad, but I was snooping in the most respectful way possible just to make sure that I was doing the right thing.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

You know what I mean? Okay, so that's why the snooping. But then, okay, so I do the.

[D]

Snoop and do the snoop.

[B]

And what I found has me completely confused.

[C]

Oh, no, What'd you find?

[B]

Well, okay, when I Did this. I found there were actually six gifts.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And there were two tennis bracelets, two pairs of pajamas, the exact same ones, except one's a small and one's a medium, and two, like, homemade. Like, you could tell he did them on his computer. These two certificates, which are good for a weekend in St. Thomas. One of them is over New Year's, and the other one is, like, for Valentine's.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Trying to put it all together.

[C]

And the items. Yeah. Are all the exact same. You say the tennis bracelets are the same as well?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The only difference in the pajamas is they are two different sizes. One you said was a small, one was a medium.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there are certificates for two different vacations to the same island at two different times.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he. Common sense tells you that he wouldn't take you on vacation twice. Twice to the same place in just a couple of months.

[B]

Common sense tells you he wouldn't get me a tennis bracelet for each wrist.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that he wouldn't buy me the same pajamas in two different sizes, assuming that I'm going to gain that much weight over the holidays. You know, that would just be kind of poor form.

[A]

So the small was for you?

[C]

Yeah, of course it was.

[D]

Are you sure?

[B]

I'm positive.

[C]

Oh, Jeff, don't be silly.

[A]

All right, so what do we make of this? Here's what I feel like a little csi.

[C]

Yeah. I have a couple questions. First of all, do you guys already have plans to be together over New Year's, or has he told you he's gonna be away from you on New Year's?

[B]

We. I mean, we were together last year, and it was just sort of assumed we were spending New Year's together. So we haven't really talked about it.

[A]

If you've been with each other for two years, though, I mean, there is an impl. It's assumed that you will be together on things.

[B]

You just. Of course.

[C]

I just wondered if he had already told her. Like, maybe if he had already said, yeah, I'm gonna be on a business trip this New Year's Eve or something, then maybe we could sort of find out a clue from there. But if he hasn't said anything about it, then maybe he's taking you on New Year's and then he'll fake a business trip over Valentine's.

[B]

Well, see, here's. Here's the thing. Like I told you, I'm, like, I'm completely, completely broke. Like, I mean, like, beyond broke. You know, I haven't had a vacation. Like, I haven't Even thought about a vacation in longer than I can remember. So here's what's the most confusing for me. I mean, I'm just telling you like it is. Okay, I'm just being perfectly straight with you. If the New Year's trip is for me, I'm going to wait to break up with him until after the trip. I'm going to try and convince him on the trip to break up with her.

[C]

Oh, my God. That's.

[B]

The Valentine's trip is for me, and I can't wait that long, and it's over. Right.

[D]

So hold on. So the Valentine's trip is for you.

[B]

What then? I. I mean, I just. I can't wait that long. I'm just going to have to end it and hope that, you know, I.

[C]

Hope you got the New Year's trip so, you know, there's somebody else. You're basically.

[B]

I would you like, what else could it be?

[C]

Yeah, could it be his mom? I mean, honestly. Yeah, I mean, Jamie has a point.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Nothing like spending Caribbean. Nothing like spending New Year's or Valentine's Weekend with your mom.

[B]

Well, maybe it's like a gift for his parents.

[A]

Could be you've done that for your parents.

[D]

Is the certificate clearly for one other person to join him, or is it a.

[B]

Something like join me, blah, blah, blah. You know, join. Join me on a. I don't remember the exact words, but clearly it's him.

[D]

Are the pajamas. Are the identical pajamas, are they more sexy or are they more practical?

[B]

They're not super sexy, but they're definitely not for mom, if you know what I mean.

[D]

Yeah, I haven't gotten my mom's sexy pajamas since I was 12.

[A]

One man sexy is another man's practical. All right, David, you are convinced that this dude is not cheating?

[B]

No, he's not cheating on her at all. I mean, the question I have for her was, are the tennis bracelets the same size?

[A]

Are the tennis bracelets the same size?

[B]

That's something. I didn't look that closely.

[C]

Oh, so you think.

[B]

I didn't know bracelets came in sizes.

[C]

He thinks she's got backups.

[B]

You can return the gifts after Christmas. And if the pajamas are different sizes and she can return the one that's the wrong side afterwards. The gift certificates are so she can figure out what day she can. They want to go on. And if the tennis brace is one smaller than and doesn't fit her risk he's got a spare that will fit.

[A]

So, David, you're assuming this guy is being overly cautious, like Thinking that much about the whole thing, that if it's the wrong size, she's still gonna be satisfied on Christmas morning. Because he got one size of each, which would make him even more thoughtful, right?

[C]

Guys don't return stuff. I hope that's the. I hope that's the case.

[B]

But then what about the certificates? What is that about?

[C]

He said so that it depends on when you could go.

[D]

So what he might have done is, this is brilliant, because you say he's got a plate. He's got two different houses to keep up, right? So he's obviously very busy. So it's very possible that he bought two of everything. Listen, just hear me out, you skeptical women who want scandal to happen. He could have bought two of everything. Look. Look closely at the tennis presence. Like, maybe is one gold and one white gold. Two different sizes, whatever. And then he can. He can drop the hints into, like, hey, what are we doing for New Year's? And that way, if you say, oh, my God, I've already got. I made a reservation at, you know, such and such a hotel in Atlanta because they're doing this big party or whatever your plan is. Like, if you say that to him, then he knows to tear that certificate up and throw the Valentine's one out. You know, give the Valentine's one.

[C]

I'm not really buying that.

[A]

We're just saying you assume before you assume. And let's ask this question, too, Melissa, before you get to yours. Has he ever given you any indication. You guys have been with each other for two years now. So in my world, if a guy builds up two years of credibility, that should certainly somehow play into the equation here. Has he ever given you any reason at all to believe that he cheated on you up until this point?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is he.

[B]

I mean, we did have a talk when he, you know, with this whole thing in Florida and all that, that it was gonna be really hard. And, I mean, he has been really good. Like, we make sure that we see each other every week. You know, he's been. But still, he does have his whole other life there. That wasn't the case before.

[C]

Try to plan for those two weekends. Like, try to start planning ahead for vacations. Talk about those weekends and see what he says.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

Like, do both at once. Be like, hey, I want to do this for New Year's, and what about this for Valentine's? Like, at the same time?

[D]

No, because then you'll.

[B]

That's kind of obvious, right?

[D]

All you have to do is talk about New Year's.

[A]

All you need to know is about that first Tr.

[D]

Actually, no, because then he immediately in his mind he'll go, oh yeah, she wants to spend. Well, no.

[C]

Well, see, my thing is that like a lot of times you like when Katie and I are trying to coordinate stuff, we will look ahead. And the fact that you live in two different places, I think it's feasible. You don't just do those dates. You do the next few months.

[D]

You're not gonna learn anything.

[C]

Why not?

[D]

It's a gift. It's a surprise. So guess what? He'll say, okay, we'll spend New Year's together in Atlanta. And that doesn't really tell you anything. Or if he says he could say to you now, hey, you know what? We can't like no, I can't commit to anything New Year's and you could get all freaked out. But he's only saying that to throw you off for the gift that he's gonna give you in three weeks.

[A]

Hey, the Birch Show.

[C]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[B]

Let's get in the tour bus and hit the road.

[C]

No, not a tour bus. It's a regular car we use to deliver and set up customers phones at home or work.

[A]

Are you a groupie on this tour?

[C]

We deliver and set up phones. It's not a tour.

[A]

Oh, you're definitely a groupie.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

Holidays are coming and I've got a.

[C]

Boost Mobile gift just for you. Aww, for me? Anna? Yes, Anna, you deserve a gift. The Boost Mobile unlimited plan is just $10 a month for the first two months. Then $25 a month forever with unlimited data, talk and text. It's a gift. Thanks, Anna. Anytime, Anna.

[A]

The holidays are here and the best gift is for you. Offer [e-mail] after your first two months, you'll pay $25 a month unless you go online or call to cancel requires.

[B]

Autopay dashing through the store. Dave's looking for a gift. One you can't ignore. But not the socks he picked.

[A]

I know. I'm putting them back.

[B]

Hey, Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.

[C]

Oh, scratchers.

[B]

Good idea. It's an easy shopping trip. We're glad we could assist.

[A]

Thanks, random singing people.

[B]

So be like Davis Holiday and give the gift of play scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

[A]

Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase player claim. So, Jen, she admitted she was wrong. She shouldn't have been snooping around the house. And generally when you snoop and you find something that you shouldn't, you got nobody to blame but yourself, right?

[C]

She sort of had a good excuse though, because she wanted to make sure that the gifts that her boyfriend was getting for her were on par with the monetary value of what she was going to get for him because they set that three gift limit. She just wasn't sure how much he was spending. And she's kind of broke and waiting tables and has a lot of student loan debt. So she didn't want it to be completely off. You know, she didn't want to get him like a keychain and a nice pen for his desk and a coffee mug and then have him get her really expensive stuff. So she was snooping in order to find out what she should be shopping for for him.

[A]

So she was a little shocked when she found that there were three items, but there were an identical three items that went along with those gifts. So there were what, two sets of pajamas, but one was in a small size, the other was a medium. Two tennis, tennis bracelets and two, like, man, you know, like computer made certificates saying that, hey, we're going to go on vacation together to St. Thomas.

[C]

One was for New Year's and one was Valentine's Day.

[A]

So she called us up with that and we gave her a homework assignment that she should go ahead, call Delta Airlines, call around and try to find out if she's on any of the itineraries. That way she'll know if she's going in Christmas or she going on Valentine's Day. All she really wants is to get through the Christmas vacation. She really wants that. So it should have been pretty cut and dry until one virtual listener called up and chewed her ass shooter bad. Hey, Melody.

[B]

Hey, how's it going? Oh, no.

[A]

Something doesn't sound right.

[B]

Well, it's not like anything's really wrong, but it's not like anything's really right either.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

It's a story in my life.

[A]

What happened.

[B]

Yeah, I spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday, a long time. And I called, you know, just I did my homework, I did the best I possibly could. I called Delta, called American, called AirTran, over and over and over. Because you can only ask a person so many questions, like looking for your name before they start to think that you're insane. So I was checking all different dates because I don't know when the departure would be for New Year's. Is it the 31st? Is it the 30th? Is it the 20th? So I had them looking for my name like crazy. And a few of them, you know, I get a different person every time I call. I was calling, like, about an hour apart. Some of them actually did agree to look for my boyfriend's name and turned up absolutely nothing. Nothing around Valentine's, nothing around New Year's, nothing. So I feel like I'm just stuck exactly where I was when I called you yesterday before I had my homework.

[A]

I can't imagine a scenario where he would promise a trip to the Caribbean for New Year's if he doesn't have the. The flight yet.

[D]

Crazy expensive.

[A]

You couldn't do it.

[D]

I mean, unless he's gonna give it to you on the 20. Like, he's giving it to you on the 25th. Like, that means you're leaving inside of six days. So not only do you have the holiday rush and you have the availability, but you also have the fact that you're inside of a week. He is gonna pay $430,000 per ticket.

[C]

No, he's not. He's not taking her. The Valentine's trip isn't for her, or the Valentine's trip is for her. The New Year's trip is for the other. Did you.

[D]

Did you check Valentine's Day also?

[B]

I checked both, and I did manage to check. I found someone who would check his name for both times on every airline.

[A]

Let me ask you guys a question. When. When you go to, like, websites where there's either bidding going on for vacations or you're buying a package online, do you have to provide the information immediately there? And let's say you won the package with Delta or any other airline have that information yet?

[D]

I don't know. I know when we have winners for trips. You know, like, if we give away a trip we have to accept in very rare circumstances, we have to know the person's name seven days in advance, I think, for it to be ticketed. So if, like, we're giving you a trip to go to whatever award show, we always have to do it a week in advance because that's how long the airlines need.

[A]

So based on that, he could have bought, like, two packages on some website and hasn't provided the information yet. That could happen. I mean, all of these kind of feel like a stretch to me, all of these scenarios, but they're all possible before you jump to the conclusion and break up with a guy that might have a perfectly good. Good reason why he's right. Got all the other gifts.

[C]

Well, there's no perfectly good reason. Okay. Did you check flights leaving Orlando or just leaving Atlanta?

[B]

Well, I checked leaving Atlanta because we. I mean, you have to get to Orlando.

[D]

Why would you check Orlando?

[C]

Because doesn't he work in Orlando for most of the week? Oh, so if he were taking another girl, he could be departing from Orlando.

[D]

Damn it. That's right. Or he could be flying her to Orlando, and they both could be leaving out of Orlando.

[A]

You're 24 hours too smart on that one. Hobby.

[C]

Well, I just thought of it now.

[A]

James has an interesting suggestion. Has something to do with honesty. James.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Tell us about this theory called honesty.

[B]

Yeah, all that sneaking around stuff, that just takes too much time. You can either do it the easy way, the nice way, or you can do it the evil way. The evil way would just be to confront him and just. I know. About the other woman. You don't have to say anything else. If he tries to play dumb, you just say, no. Don't give me that crap. I know. And just wait for him to spill the beans. Or just be honest and say, I found these gifts. What the hell is going on with it?

[A]

Inevitably, he's pulling the hole. Is there anything. Is there anything that you need to tell me? And then when he says no, you say to him again, do we really have to do this? Is there anything that you need to tell me? And then inevitably, he comes clean.

[D]

Bertis the master of that.

[A]

That might be a way you want to go, Melody.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[C]

Just say yes.

[B]

I'm not sure I want to go that way.

[A]

It takes years and years and years to perfect.

[C]

Yes, sensei.

[A]

But still, I don't know how you live with that. That knowledge for this long. Like, you're talking about living with this for three weeks. Going on a vacation with him. It's just you and he with the assumption in the back of your mind that he's screwing around. You're not gonna enjoy that vacation, are you?

[C]

She's like, but I'll be in paradise, so it'd be a little easier to swallow.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Guess what I'll have my diamond tennis bracelet.

[D]

I'm gonna be heartbroken when the Arctic freeze blows in Atlanta. Or I'm gonna be heartbroken on a beach where the water is as clear as vodka. So I'm gonna go with the beach.

[A]

Melody, do you have. Do you have days off in between Christmas and New Year's that you have discussed with him?

[B]

Like I said, we haven't really had that discussion. I mean, I. Wait table. So New Year's is like a big night. And I told them I don't want to work that night. So I'm not working. But I do work, like between Christmas and New Year's. Yeah, I work all over the place.

[A]

So think of the turnaround here. I mean, if he's going to use this as a Christmas present on you, he's assuming that he gives you the present, that you're surprised and happy, but he's also assuming that you can leave in 24 hours for a week or whatever it is. That's a lot of. That's a lot of assumption.

[D]

Can you tell him that they just propose that you work? Say, you know, we know you didn't want to work on New Year's Eve, but we're in a bind. Nobody else wants to work. So here's what we're doing. On top of, like, you earn your regular pay, and they're going to pay you an extra, like, 500 bucks. And he knowing how broke you are and the holidays and everything, like. But you have to let them know today. You can just point blank ask him, do we have any plans for New Year's? Because this is what got offered to me. But if there's something you want to do, I'll pass on it because money's not worth the lie.

[C]

But again, for you, I think that it opens the door for him to choose that vacation for his mistress. If she says, do we have plans? He goes, look, you need the money, you stay, you work, and don't worry about New Year's. We'll make it up on Valentine's Day.

[A]

And then he ends up going to.

[C]

St. Thomas, and then he goes, save Thomas with the mistress.

[D]

But then she has the answer. That's what she wants. If he says, you know what? I'm gonna go hang out with my buddies down in Orlando, or I'm gonna go. If he makes up another story, then she has the answer.

[B]

Then he answers, and I have no.

[A]

Vacation, that's really what she's fighting for. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love this guy?

[B]

Well, that's hard to answer when I'm in this place of confusion before the place of confusion, probably like 8 plus something, 8.5 or something, right?

[A]

Now, the scenario playing out in your head is he's screwing around, so now he's dangling at around a four.

[B]

Yeah, or even a three.

[A]

Kimberly says we're doing a terrible injustice here. What's going on, Kimberly?

[B]

I think this woman is so silly. And you all are silly for listening to her babble like an idiot about this guy.

[A]

Why?

[D]

I haven't been caught.

[B]

She needs to ask him up front or be done with it. If you've got to do that, confirm where you stand then. You don't stand where you think you do in the first place. You don't. You all are making all these excuses. Well, it could be behind it for this reason, or it could be. If it looks like a dog, quacks like a duck and hangs other ducks as a duck, either either confront him or be done with. This is stupid, right?

[D]

But Kimberly, you're missing the point.

[A]

She.

[D]

She kind of knows that he's cheating. She's okay with that. She just wants to make sure she gets the first trip.

[B]

Well, you know what? She deserves to be screwed. I hope he does.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

She deserves it. She's that silly. You deserve that. Who are you? Who are you saying that about? My silly little girl. You are still a little girl and you deserve to be made a studio. You are silly. You are silly. You need to grow up. Buy your own bracelet. Buy your own vacation. Grow up. You are an embarrassment to women which are still behind. You are discovering a child. I've been married 26 years. You are a little girl. You are. You are a Harriet. You are a Harriet. You prostitute yourself for abrasive adult locations. Make it all, my pretty. Make. You are a bimbo. And you're judging me because I'm. You are the other woman, sweetie. You might be the mistress. You might be the mistress. You deserve anything you get at this point. How dare you say that I'm the mistress? Listen, M. You're battling about a man you can't even go to and ask him up front what's going on. You might just be the mistress. Proceed to ask him if you can take your clothes off and get naked with him. Damon, you ought to be asking. You are disgusting. You have no right to be saying these things. You're the one. You're the one who's seeking advice, baby. You got it. You got it.

[D]

Have you been burned in the. Oh, she's gone.

[A]

There you go.

[D]

Hey, Kimberly.

[A]

I think she's still there.

[B]

Yes, I'm here.

[D]

Have you been burned in the past?

[B]

No. I. Ask my husband Whatever I want to. And while I cannot account for everything he does, we are not going to share a household and share that. And I can't ask you about your whereabouts or where. This is in my house or whatever. The fact that she was snooping in the first place, it got her where she was. And if my husband had cheated, he could have. I don't know anything about it. I really do not. But this is just silly.

[C]

So what do you think she should have done?

[B]

She just needs to ask and tell him. You know, I'm sorry. I know you're gonna hurt me for this, but I was rambling around, and I'm feeling really nervous. I found two bracelets. I found two plans for two vacations. What's going on? Ask him.

[D]

But that.

[A]

That's crazy honesty talk. Yeah, I don't.

[C]

I don't get it. I don't lie.

[B]

If I find two bracelets in my house, it's gonna be crazy honesty. All right, good point.

[C]

But if she asks him honestly, can't he just lie his way out of.

[A]

It, like a guy? She wants concrete proof that dude is.

[D]

Cheating, and she wants the vacation.

[B]

Well, you know, she's got the concrete proof. Let her have the vacation. That makes her feel good about herself as far as women wouldn't want to come at this point where she's got to play little girl games. Take the damn vacation and whatever comes with it.

[A]

I hear the suggestions coming in right now.

[D]

Silly.

[A]

Hide half of his gifts. Then he has to come clean.

[C]

Huh. That's funny.

[B]

Oh, you know what? I kind of like that one.

[C]

That's funny and tricky.

[D]

Yeah, that's not. That won't work.

[C]

Why?

[D]

Because he's gonna know. Like, then all you're basically doing is demanding the honesty by being.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[D]

Being cowardly about it.

[A]

Or if he. He could totally screw you if he just never acknowledges that half of the gifts are gone.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you're in the same place. Another suggestion. He can't afford to cheat. He doesn't have the money.

[D]

Yeah, I like that one. That's why he bought two tennis bracelets. Because he's broke.

[A]

And Rebecca is convinced that after two years, if he doesn't know what size she is, he's cheating. And I can't agree with that. I can't agree with that.

[D]

Maybe it was a buy one, get one free tennis bracelet situation.

[C]

Those happen so often.

[D]

Well, you know, like one of those doorbuster sales. Maybe Best Buy had them.

[A]

I'm going on 10 years being married, and I Don't know what size my wife is.

[C]

Well, it keeps changing.

[A]

What are you saying? What's that? Oh, yeah, the tops. I have had to adjust to the tops.

[C]

All right.

[A]

So Melody, you got a couple of things to chew on? Any homework assignment for Melody that we can all come to a consensus on?

[D]

Well, stop being silly. I think is one.

[B]

Oh geez, don't even remind me of that.

[D]

I think hobby I think you gotta do. I know this sucks because I hate calling India too, but you gotta get back on the phone with the airlines and do the same thing you did today, but do it out of Orlando.

[A]

The first show.

[B]

Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift. One you can't ignore. But not the socks he picked.

[A]

I know, I'm putting them back.

[B]

Hey, Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.

[C]

Oh, scratchers.

[B]

Good idea. It's an easy shopping trip. We're glad we could assist.

[A]

Thanks, random singing people.

[B]

So be like Dave, it's holiday. And give the gift of play. Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

[A]

Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase player claim.

[C]

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