Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, November 5

Summary

The Bert Show - Full Show PT 1: Wednesday, November 5 (2025)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of The Bert Show is classic morning radio: real, humorous, and driven by authentic listener engagement. The cast—led by Bert and joined by co-hosts and callers—dives into entertaining and sometimes awkward personal drama. The primary focus is on two stories: a bride-to-be crowd-sourcing bridesmaids on the radio, and the fallout from a woman giving her boyfriend a very public marriage ultimatum. Both threads explore friendship, relationships, social conventions, and the unpredictable consequences of broadcasting your life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Crowdsourcing Bridesmaids: Shelly’s Predicament

[02:14 - 09:28]

• Shelly’s Unique Dilemma: While some singles struggle to find a partner, Shelly found her fiancé but can't find friends to fill her bridal party.
  • “Her biggest obstacle was actually finding women to be in her wedding.” (Burt, 02:14)
• Honest Reason: Shelly admits she’s “so totally lazy. Friends take so much time, girl.” (Shelly, 03:06)
• Social Awkwardness: She’s uncomfortable asking new acquaintances to be bridesmaids (“we've only worked together three months, but could you be my maid of honor?”).
• Beggars Can't Be Choosers: Shelly is open but sets basic requirements: pleasant personality, no divas or serial killers, and must fit off-the-rack dresses due to time constraints.
  • “No serial killers, you know, no divas... dresses have got to come off the rack at this point.” (Shelly, 05:08)
• Desire for Representation: She would prefer bridesmaids from a similar background for comfort.
  • “If I could find somebody that was in the same race I am, I’m black... then they wouldn’t necessarily stick out.” (Shelly, 05:39)
• Radio as Solution: The show turns Shelly’s need into an on-air contest/call-in, screening potential bridesmaids live.

Notable Moments & Quotes

• “It's like Rent a Bridesmaid.” (Burt, 06:22)
• Amazing speed: Two callers (Leslie and Camille) pass on-the-spot screening—including the tradition quiz and sample wedding toasts.
  • “Name something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.” (Jen, 07:10)
  • “Something blue could be her panties.” (Leslie, 07:16)
• Shelly is genuinely surprised at the positive response: “I'm really surprised that I actually got any responses. That's so cool.” (Shelly, 09:23)

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2. The Great Ultimatum: Love, Pressure, and Broadcast Breakups

[09:28 - 29:00]

• Setting it Up: Bert shares that sometimes ultimatums work—his wife Stacy gave him one, prompting their marriage.
  • “She said, you are in love with me and you are marrying me. Boy.” (Burt, 10:26)
• The Call-In Story (Lena’s Ultimatum):
  • Lena gave her boyfriend Ryan a marriage ultimatum—after only three months of dating!
    • “I just told him... it's been three months, things are really good...I want you to ask me to marry you or just don't call me anymore.” (Lena, 13:04)
  • She openly admits she’s “dating down”: “He's a nice guy, but he's not a good looking guy, so it's not like he's gonna do any better.” (Lena, 11:29)
  • She’s already made changes to Ryan (new soap, hair advice).
  • Lena is unashamed of her methods, “We change you guys. That's what we do.” (Lena, 12:54)
• Results:
  • The hosts and listeners express disbelief and concern at Lena’s approach.
  • Valentine’s Day Outcome:
    • “He didn’t come. He just didn’t show up.” (Lena, 17:07)
    • Lena claims the radio ruined her relationship, but hosts and callers gently (and not so gently) call her out for on-air comments about Ryan’s looks and the public ultimatum.
  • Listener Reactions:
    • Keisha: “Friday I prayed that he did not call her ever again in life. And God do answer prayers. She got exactly what she deserved.” (Keisha, 19:12)
    • Laura: “Even if your boyfriend is not the most...handsome man in the world, he should be beautiful to you. You supposedly want to marry this man. I think you’re ridiculous and I think you’re petty, and maybe you should go look under a rock for your next boyfriend because that’s where you belong.” (Laura, 20:08)
• Ryan’s Side:
  • Ryan calls in and clears up the story:
    • He was surprised by the ultimatum and never planned to propose.
    • He learned about the ultimatum by hearing it on the radio.
    • “It's a restraining order waiting to happen.” (Ryan, 22:04)
    • “She’s a good-looking...she’s good looking...but she’s kind of a strange girl. I realize that now.” (Ryan, 21:06 & 21:11)
    • Adds humor: “Well, man, I may be ugly, but at least I don’t fart in my sleep, you know?” (Ryan, 24:30)
  • Listeners praise Ryan for dodging the bullet and joke about setting him up now that he’s single.
  • Lois, a passionate caller, cheers Ryan: “If you were my son, I would be high five the whole...She's a gold digger, that's all there was to it…Keep your bank account intact. You go, and there are plenty of great, decent girls out there.” (Lois, 26:54)

Memorable Quotes

• “Men need to be given a little push.” (Lena, 18:23)
• “Everybody is like, blah, blah, blah, you're right.” (Lena, 20:35)
• “One will come along very quickly. They’re like buses. Goodbye.” (Lena, 20:47)
• “People have been emailing us now for a week going, you guys gotta find that guy.” (Burt, 27:59)

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Notable Quotes by Segment (with Timestamps)

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 03:06 | Shelly | “I am so totally lazy. Friends take so much time, girl.” | | 05:08 | Shelly | “If she's got a decent personality. No serial killers, you know, no divas.” | | 06:22 | Burt | "It's like Rent a Bridesmaid." | | 07:16 | Leslie (Caller) | "Something blue could be her panties." | | 09:23 | Shelly | "I'm really surprised that I actually got any responses. That's so cool." | | 10:26 | Bert | "She said, you are in love with me and you are marrying me. Boy." | | 13:04 | Lena | "I want you to ask me to marry you or just don't call me anymore." | | 17:07 | Lena | "And he didn't come." | | 19:12 | Keisha (Caller) | "Friday I prayed that he did not call her ever again in life. And God do answer prayers." | | 20:08 | Laura (Caller) | "Even if your boyfriend is not the most...handsome man in the world, he should be beautiful to you." | | 22:04 | Ryan | "It's a restraining order waiting to happen." | | 24:30 | Ryan | "Well, man, I may be ugly, but at least I don't fart in my sleep, you know?" | | 26:54 | Lois (Caller) | "If you were my son, I would be high five the whole...She's a gold digger, that's all there was to it...Keep your bank account intact." |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

02:14 - 09:28 — Shelly crowdsources her bridal party
09:28 - 16:48 — Lena gives a three-month boyfriend an ultimatum, tells all on air
16:48 - 20:47 — Lena’s Valentine’s Day debacle and public fallout
20:47 - 29:00 — Ryan’s side of the story and show-wide reactions

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Tone & Language

The episode’s tone is playful, authentic, and occasionally blunt. The hosts and callers don’t shy away from teasing, calling out cringeworthy behaviour, or simply sharing honest emotional reactions. There's a strong sense of community and humor, even as the segments occasionally tumble into lighthearted absurdity or pointed critiques.

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Final Thoughts

This episode delivers classic Bert Show appeal: turning real-life dilemmas into laugh-out-loud morning entertainment with participatory bits, bold opinions, and moments of surprising sincerity. Whether you relate to Shelly’s awkwardness over friendships or Lena’s too-soon ultimatum, the episode is a memorable ride through the realities (and pitfalls) of relationships in the age of oversharing.

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Missed the episode? You’ll feel like you were there—and be glad you weren’t in the hot seat!

Transcript

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[Burt (Radio Host)]

Purchased the Birch show. If you're single. When it comes to lifelong commitments, I'm guessing the biggest problem you have is actually finding a man to spend the rest of your life with. Not in Shelly's case. She found her man. She was getting married. In her case, her biggest obstacle was actually finding women to be in her wedding. Hi, Shelly.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Hi, Bert. How are you?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Good. Good morning. How are you?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I'm pretty good. I think. I have sars, so please excuse me if I go into a coughing fit.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

That will certainly entice people to want to be in.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

You said I had these qualifications. You made it sound like I have a checklist. I'm desperate. Beggars can't be choosers. I don't have a checklist.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Okay, okay. Cause that was my issue. I was like, hold on.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I know it makes it sound like, well, no wonder she can't get a bridesmaid. She's totally out of. Right, right, right.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, Shelly, well, tell us why you haven't been able to find some other bridesmaids to be in the wedding.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Well, I thought about it after I talked to Tracy yesterday, and I think the biggest reason is because I am so totally lazy. Friends take so much time, girl.

[Caller/Listener 1]

How'd you find a man if you don't want to put the time?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Well, that's a little bit easier. They require a little bit less time than girlfriends.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Girlfriends are sometimes high maintenance. I would agree with her there.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I guess there are people I could ask, but I would feel so self consc. Like, hi, I know we just met and we've only worked together three months, but could you be my maid of honor?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah. That is weird.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Caller/Listener 2]

And, like, calling a radio station and getting listeners to be your bridesmaids, so much more comfortable.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

That's so far on the other side of superficial that it makes it okay.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Right.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Yeah.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Now, how. How many bridesmaids were you originally supposed to have?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

We were supposed to originally have five.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

But through, you know, like, subterfuge, I've managed to get it down to three. So I've got one person. We've been working together for a while, and, like, a couple of months ago, I thought, you know, hey, I don't have any bridesmaids. That should be really n to this person. She's okay.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

At least.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Your honor is at last.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

You know, we've been going to lunch a little bit, and I've asked her, but she has no clue. Like, she's the only one so she doesn't know yet. She's like the maid of honor and, you know, the honor attendant, and that's it.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Now, why do you need to have three? Are you uncomfortable if your husband to be has more than you? Like, it's not okay with you.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I didn't even know you could do that. I mean, won't I look like a loser if he's got, like, you know, three people, four, five, 10 people standing up there, you know? And I got, like, the one person.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yes.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Well, I know sometimes I've been to weddings where it's been unbalanced and it's off by, like, one.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Really?

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Well, Crash I know is having, like, 10 groomsmen or something like that. And Lady Crash is only having, like, four bridesmaids.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Oh, really?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

But at least she's got four.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah, you don't even have four to choose from.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I mean, if I could get two and he had three, I mean, I can deal with that.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

We need to give some details up, but we can't give away too much because women listening are gonna need to know, you know, like, when they need to be available and stuff like that.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Right. Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of time. Cause like I said, I'm lazy. Okay, so we're looking at May 31st.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

May 31st. Okay. What are some of the things you're looking for in a bridesmaids? Like you said, you know, beggars can't be choosers.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Beggars can't be choosers. So, I mean, if she's got a decent personality. No serial killers, you know, no divas.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Can you imagine somebody comes to her wedding thinking it's their big day?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Exactly.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I'm not looking for that. I don't want to be upstaged. It can't be anybody. Please forgive me. Don't kill me, people, when you call in horribly, horrifically fat. Because the dresses have got to come off the rack at this point. I don't have time for anybody that's, you know, like £600. Cause, you know, she's just not gonna find a dress in time.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

If I could find somebody that was in the same race that I am, I'm black. So if I could find another black person, then they wouldn't necessarily stick out so that everybody goes, where'd she get that girl?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Why the white women?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Why isn't Shelly making any black friends?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I know where she comes from with all these Norwegians and stuff.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Because Jen has the most experience in here when it comes to bridesmaids and Dresses and stuff like that, would you? Do you feel comfortable having Jen screen the bridesmaids that call us up?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

She can screen them. That's fine.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Okay, so I'll ask good questions for you, I promise. I've got some in my head, ready to go.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Are you skinny?

[Caller/Listener 3]

Are you black?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Don't make me sound like a terrible person.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

It's like Rent a Bridesmaid.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I love that. You know, I actually thought about starting that business. Surely I'm not the only person that has problems.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

No. Lady Crash could use six.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I mean, it could be like a high class Rent A Bride escort service.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Now you're rent a 404-741-1005. If you're interested in being a bridesmaid in Shelly's wedding. Good morning, Q100.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Good morning. How are you?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Good. How are you?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I'm okay.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

What's up?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I am calling to help her out. I would love to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

How are you?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Are you skinny?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Very good.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I am five, nine, and I wear a size four or six.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

And are you black?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I am.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Oh.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

I've got a screener question for her. Okay, Whatever I was trying to say.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

And what's your name? My name is Les.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Okay, Leslie. Name. Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Good.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Chin hobby.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Nice.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Something old could be an antique pendant. Something borrowed. Her father's handkerchief. If she cries, something new, the garter. And something blue could be her panties.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Very good.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Blue panties.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Blue panties. I like it. That's good. I like Leslie.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, Leslie. Hold on one second.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Okay, I like her.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Got a couple more to screen here. We need two. Correct.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Correct.

[Omaha Steaks Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Why don't we just do caller 100 like every other contest.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Hi, Q100.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

My name's Camille.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

How are you, Camille?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I'm fine. And you?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

We're doing just great.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Great.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

You want to be in Shelly's wedding?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I sure would love to.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I think you sound great. Jen, what do you think here?

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

That is great. Okay, I got one question for you.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Okay.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

When Grandma comes up to you at the wedding and says, now, how do you know Shelly?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

How have y' all met?

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

What's your story gonna be?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

We've been friends for a little while, and I met her. I work a lot of place. In one of the places I was working at, I met her. And we just kicked it off. We were just, like, standing there and just started talking, and all of a sudden it was like, girl, for real? For real. And it was like, we were old friends from then on.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Like now.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

You sure I don't know you from somewhere? You know, that's what I tell her. Like, I've known her for a while.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, very good.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Can we see if they could do one more thing, though? You guys make a toast.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Leslie, why don't you be the first to give the toast here?

[Caller/Listener 3]

Leslie, throw a personal story in there. Like, throw a funny story about you and Shelly back in the days.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Shelly and I have been friends for. For so long, and I'm so happy for her, and I just wish her all the best. And may you and your new husband, may your lives be joined by all of your good friends and family.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Camille, you want to give us a toast here?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Also, of course, to Shelly and her new husband. May they have all the wonderful joys expected and unexpected. May they have happy ups and happy downs that they turn around and, you know, be great afterward. And may they be one of the shining couples that everybody remembers as somebody.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

They want to be like.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, ladies, hold on one second. Hey, Shelley, you still there?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Am I still on the voice disguiser?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

You're still on the voice disguiser, yes. Did you hear? Leslie and Camille think they'll work for you.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I do.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

I think that we're perfect.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I thought so, too.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I mean, you may be.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I'm really surprised that I actually got any responses. That's so cool.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I think we got it for you.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Thank you so much, guys.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

The Burch Show. I've told you guys before that Stacy gave me an ultimatum to get married, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker. And in a lot of cases, it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But there's definitely a right way to give a guy an ultimatum. And there's a wrong way. Here's the perfect example of a wrong way to give an ultimatum on the Best of the Burt show on Atlanta's new Q100.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I'm calling because a couple of days ago, you were talking on the air about women who give their boyfriend or their boyfriend an ultimatum.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah. Actually, this very thing happened with me and my wife when we were living in Washington, D.C. i got a job offer in Dallas, and I told her all of that. I was all excited. Yay, we're going to Dallas. We are going to Dallas. And she said, we are not going anywhere until I get a ring on my finger. So if I wanted to bring her down to Dallas, she gave me the ultimatum. I bought hook, line, and sinker.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Well, then. I mean, with. Stacy was little, because then she went out and bought the ring.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

She said, you are in love with me and you are marrying me. Boy.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, I think men need. Men need that.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I think some guys do. Other guys are really turned off by something like that.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Bert was talking about the Valentine's Day ultimatum because, you know, Valentine's Day is probably the most romantic, manufactured holiday created by Hallmark.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Well, statistics show you that when it comes to ultimatums, when a woman. A woman thinks of one either in her mind or actually gives a date, 48% that give ultimatums do it on New Year's, but 35% have Valentine's Day as their ultimatum day. Like, you better get that ring on my finger this day, or we are done if it's set or not.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I just gave my boyfriend an ultimatum.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

You did?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yes, I did. For this Valentine's Day.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Now, is this a. This is a given one. So this is not one like a date in your mind, you have said to him, look, if Valentine's Day is your time.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Mm.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yeah. Cause my thing is with ultimatums, I think it also depends on how long you've been together. So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Three months.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Oh, and you've already given him an ultimatum?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, he's, you know, he's a nice guy, but he's not a good looking guy, so it's not like he's gonna do any better for him.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Now, what was the ultimatum you gave him?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Pretty girl, ring on my finger or don't call me anymore?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Hold on a sec. Are you telling me you're dating down? So if you're dating down, this guy should be easier to commit.

[Caller/Listener 2]

He should be grateful to you or something.

[Caller/Listener 3]

How did. How did you present the ultimatum to him and how did he take it?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I just told him, you know, it's been going really well. We get along, we like each other's families, things are good, and we have a nice chemistry between the two of us.

[Caller/Listener 2]

And you've met families at three months.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Yeah, of course, sometimes things move faster.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Of course.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Everybody's done that.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Sorry.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, do you know you have to get your. You know, I want to see what they think of him.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Now, do you tell him that you don't think he's good looking?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Not.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Not that bluntly.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I think he knows now.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Oh.

[Caller/Listener 2]

But you. What kind of hints do you give.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Him to let him know, you know, it'd be better if you got a little haircut or maybe comb that hair over. You know, I've switched his soap so that his face doesn't break. Out so often.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Are you in love with him?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Because she loves him for who he is.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Hey, wait a second. It's no different than any other woman changing a man. This is no different.

[Caller/Listener 3]

She's just saying it out loud, and we're getting offended. Same reason people get mad at Simon.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

We change you guys. That's what we do.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

And it goes both ways. So tell me. Goes both ways.

[Caller/Listener 3]

So tell us how. You tell. You tell us how you presented the ultimatum to him and tell us how he responded to it.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I made him a really great dinner. I sat him down, and as we were eating the dinner and drinking some wine, I just said, you know, Ryan, it's been three months. Things are really good between us, and I want this to continue. And Valentine's Day is coming, and I want you to ask me to marry you or just don't call me anymore.

[Caller/Listener 1]

How long ago did you say give him this ultimatum?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Last week.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Oh, my God.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Oh, my God.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

A win of time. Come on, now.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

We're unfair.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Is this.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

You really don't think so?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

No.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Well, how did.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Men need a push? They need a push.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

After three months. You're pushing them right out the door.

[Caller/Listener 3]

How did this less than average looking fella respond to your ultimatum?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, he didn't really say anything. You know, for a few minutes, he just kind of took it in. And then he said that he didn't want to discuss it until Friday, until Valentine's Day, and that we would discuss it then.

[Caller/Listener 3]

So do you think. Did you take that information that he gave you to mean that on Valentine's Day he's gonna come up with a ring?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I definitely do.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

And you're serious about this? If he doesn't come up with the ring, then you are dumping him the next day?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yes.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Do you have plans yet for Valentine's Day? Do you guys have a dinner planned? Or are you hanging out? Are you going out? What are you doing for Valentine's Day?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I'm gonna cook here.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Well, we'll give you a reservation at Blue Point if we can record it. Hi. Q100. Good morning.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Good morning.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Good morning.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Good morning.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Hi.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I'm sorry. I didn't know I was on.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

What's up?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Okay. I actually gave my husband now an ultimatum to marry me. It was, I guess, two and a half years ago on Valentine's Day. I told him that he needed to propose to me by May 1st or he's gonna have to wait five years for me to get out of school because I wanted to get my master's well, he actually did it on April 28th and completely surprised me, so it actually worked. I actually gave him an automatum and he did it.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah, it worked on me, too. What it made me think is just like, okay, what is my life gonna be like? It just made me really think, what is my life gonna be like without this woman in it? And that thought scared the hell out of me, so.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Well, I can. Like, you know, with Burton Stacey. I mean, you were asking her to move. Yeah, from one city to the other, and I can totally understand her position, like. Okay, well, you know what? If you're gonna ask me to sacrifice this and do this, then you're gonna have to let me know what's going on.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

I.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Dad did that, so I could totally understand that. Now, how long have y' all been. Were you dating before you gave him the ultimatum?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

A little less than three months.

[Caller/Listener 2]

No, the.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Cause she just gave him the ultimatum. Oh, no, no, no. She's gone. Adrian's gone.

[Caller/Listener 2]

I'm not thinking this would be a great marriage. I don't know.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Have you ever given other aunt ultimatums, Lena?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah, I did it once before.

[Caller/Listener 3]

And how did. Well, obviously.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Obviously.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah, it didn't work.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

How long were you dating that guy?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

We've been together for six months.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Six months. Before that.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Was he a homely fellow, or was he up to your standard of appearance?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

He was a little bit more physically attractive than Ryan.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

So the last boyfriend was.

[Omaha Steaks Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, well, here's what we have to do. This is supposed to go down on Valentine's night.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Mm.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right. Will you call us, or can we get your number to call you back on Monday?

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Sure.

[Caller/Listener 3]

And you can fill us in on whether or not he popped the question.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Sure.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hold on.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

We're gonna get your info, okay?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Okay.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay. Now, that's the first part of that. Wait till you hear the second part. I'll play it for you. Next on the Best of the Bird show, the Burt Show. She gave him an ultimatum after just a couple of months of hanging out and said, look, you need to propose to me by Valentine's Day or things are off. Well, did he bite? Did he not bite? Part two of the bad ultimatum on the Burt show on Atlanta's new Q100.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Lena.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Lena.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Mm.

[Caller/Listener 3]

What happened on Valentine's Day?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, it didn't quite go the way I planned.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Oh, really?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

No, I had everything ready. The house looked great. Dinner was nice, ready for him. I was really dressed up. And he didn't come.

[Caller/Listener 1]

He didn't come.

[Caller/Listener 2]

He didn't come at all?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

No, he just didn't show up.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Did he call or anything?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

No, he hasn't called.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Oh.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Oh, he hasn't called since Valentine's Day.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Uh, so I guess he answered your ultimatum.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah. Being missing in action.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Think he was listening to the radio.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Did you talk to him since the time you appeared on the radio and Valentine's Day?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

No. I think the radio is responsible for what happened.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I think the radio is responsible. I thought you came on the radio and told your story.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, I think you guys know better than I do about how radio affects people. I mean, this is your job.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Okay. Forget it.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 2]

I'm sure your ultimatum had nothing to do with him not, you know, coming on Valentine's Day.

[Caller/Listener 1]

And I'm sure that you saying that your boyfriend wasn't attractive at all and that you were the more attractive one in the relationship didn't have anything to do with it either.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Like you've never said that you're more attractive than your boyfriend. That's what human beings do. One person is prettier than the other. That's not here or there. Okay. What happened was the ultimatum is necessary for men because men need to be given a little push. I don't think it's about the ultimatum. I think it's that I didn't realize that he might be listening and take what I had to say the wrong way.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Lena, you say the radio is responsible? Well, two things. Number one, you agreed to come on the radio, and number two, on the radio, whether we have, you know, we're doing our little joke where we say we only have seven listeners or the fact there's thousands of people listening and the chance that somebody knows Ryan is fairly significant. You said he's not an attractive man. What guy is going to say, that's the woman I want to marry?

[Caller/Listener 1]

Well, that's heartbreaking.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 3]

I don't think you have anyone to blame but yourself.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Well, I just know I'll never call the radio station again.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hold on a second. Keisha.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yes.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Say hi to Lena.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Hi, Lena. Hello.

[Caller/Listener 3]

What are your thoughts?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Friday I prayed that he did not call her ever again in life. And God do answer prayers. She got exactly what she deserved.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Thanks for calling, Keisha.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hey, Tanya.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

Yeah?

[Caller/Listener 3]

You got some feedback for Lena?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Yeah. She's crazy. She's blaming it on y'. All. And she was the idiot who called in. I can't believe her. I think she got slapped in the face, and I think she deserves every bit of it. You know, it's just Silly. It's like, yeah, I called the radio and, you know, it was a mistake, but, you know, it's kind of like being exploited as well, because I call you up to talk about, you know, something that I think, which is that men need to be giving an ultimatum and then it backfires on me and my personal relationship.

[Caller/Listener 2]

So I'm sure it was all in the editing. Oh, wait a second. We do this live.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hey, Laura. Yeah, what do you got?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

You know what?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

She's a shallow. First of all, you know what? Even if your boyfriend is not the most beautiful, you know, handsome man in the world, he should be beautiful to you. You supposedly want to marry this man. I think you're ridiculous and I think you're petty and maybe you should go look under a rock for your next boyfriend because that's where you belong.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Hey, Lena.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Oh, blah, blah, blah.

[Caller/Listener 1]

What?

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Everybody is like, blah, blah, blah, you're right.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Because everybody's wrong. And you're right, Lena.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. Sorry.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Well, good luck.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yeah, good luck in your next search for the guy.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

You know, one will come along very quickly. They're like buses. Goodbye.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

How you doing, Ryan?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Hey, what's going on?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

How are you?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Well, I'm doing better now, now that I've heard those messages again.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Where did you meet her? In the place. And why would you be attracted to somebody like that?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

You know, I mean, she's a good looking. She's good looking and so she was.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Right on that count.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Yeah. And, you know, some friends of mine were talking to some friends of hers. I guess they knew each other from, I'm not exactly sure. Work, I think it was. And. And anyway, so we started talking and we were just out at a bar and, you know, and it was just, you know, we just had a good time and so we. We. I asked her out. We went out for a little while and it was nice. We had a nice time. But then it kind of caught me off guard when the whole ultimatum thing happened Anyway, and then I heard it on the radio and everything, but she's kind of a strange girl. I realize that now.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Have you spoken to her since mounting?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Oh, no, no, no, I haven't. Well, I heard the radio show. I was actually listening when she called. What was it? Thursday or.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Right.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

I guess. And yeah, I heard her call and I was like, oh, my God, that's Lena. And I felt terrible. I said, I can't talk to this girl. It's a restraining order waiting to happen.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

So things weren't Progressing for you the way they obviously were progressing for her?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

No, I mean, it really caught me off. I mean, the whole marriage thing in general. I mean. God, I mean, we really hadn't known each other that long. We were having some fun, but, you know, we weren't, you know. You know, I hadn't met her parents or anything or, like, you know, I didn't know her family or really even too much about her. You know. I mean, three months, you know, what are you gonna. What are you gonna know in three months?

[Caller/Listener 2]

Because I want to hear more about just that conversation, like, how it was opened up where. I mean to. I just can't believe that she would even do that.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

It was sprung. It was literally sprung. We were at lunch and, like, literally. She just said, you know, I've always dreamed of being asked to be married on Valentine's Day, and I really think that you're right for me and that you should ask me to marry you, and that if you don't, I just don't see any reason for us to continue. And I was like, okay. You know, just like, I was totally caught off guard, you know, and so I thought about it, but I didn't really take it all that seriously until I heard her on the show.

[Caller/Listener 1]

But what did you plan on saying to her Friday? Because Friday was Valentine's Day, and you said, all right, well, we'll get together Friday and talk about it.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

I didn't really plan anything. I really hadn't said yes or no in my head. I didn't even, like, actually decided to even. I was gonna ignore it.

[Caller/Listener 3]

So, like. Like. Like, she said it and. And you're. You heard it, but in your mind, you're like, this can't.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

This can't really. Yeah, she's. You know, I mean, you know, if she brings it up again, I'll just be like, well, come on. You know, really, you know, but, you know, she's a. She's a. She's a. I didn't know she was strange. I mean, you know, I didn't know. I didn't know that she was gonna do that. I mean, it really caught me off guard. I think it was, like the Tuesday or Monday or maybe before Valentine's Day. And then she called you guys Thursday. Right?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Right.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

I don't know. So, you know, it was only a couple days, and then I heard it on the radio. I'm like, oh, my God, she's serious. She's on the radio, talking about it, freaking out, and then she said I was ugly.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Right?

[Burt (Radio Host)]

That's the thing. Exactly.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

And I was like, well, man, I may be ugly, but at least I don't fart in my sleep, you know?

[Caller/Listener 1]

Good for you.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I'm thinking, nobody's feeling bad for her right now.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, whatever it was, it was just so strange. I mean, but by the way, you know, if any of you girls out there meet a guy named Ryan, I'm not that ugly.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Hey, Keisha, you're on with Ryan on Q1.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Hunter, hi.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Hi, Keisha.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I was the first person to call when I heard.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Right.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

But I'm glad you made the right decision to leave her, because she is a little crazy. And if she don't find you attractive, I'm sure there are a lot of other women that will. And I think Burton should do the single guy pager for you so that you can find the perfect one, at least for one night.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Okay, so one night, five nights, whatever.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

You got someone that doesn't pass gas in their sleep?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Yeah, exactly. That's my one prerequisite.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

All right, Keisha. Thanks.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

All right.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You know, Ryan, she was pretty cruel to you on the radio. Did you ever. You were dating her for a while, but did you ever get an impression that she was really that type of person?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

No, not really. I mean. I mean, at the beginning, we didn't really even see each other all that much. Like, you know, once every. You know, once a week, twice a week, you know, and. And then, you know, we saw each other more and more. But, you know, I didn't stay over there a lot, and vice versa. I mean, it. You know, I didn't really know her all that well.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You stayed over there long enough to know that she doodles in her sleep.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yeah, well. Yeah, well, you know, sometimes one night is more than enough.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Yeah, well, I mean, we spent. All right, we spent, like, a lot of nights together, but not, like. But it wasn't, you know, slow going at first. What I'm saying is I don't really feel like I knew her all that well or know her all that well to the point of where I could say I never saw any real psycho behavior. I mean, there were, you know, like, she would freak out at, like, the cash register guy if he got something wrong or something, but, like, a lot of people do that, so, you know, did you.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Were you guys even exchanging the love word before that?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

The love? Yeah, I mean, a little bit. We skirted around it. It was just, you know, after sex or something, it would be like, oh, sporting goods. I love You. You know I love you. You know, or you know what I mean.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Seems like she loved your money. I hate to be rude.

[Hers Weight Loss Advertiser]

Right.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

That's what Lois wants to say. Hey, Lois.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

Hi, Ryan. You go.

[Shelly (Bride-to-be)]

You go.

[Leslie / Camille / Lena / Keisha / Tanya / Laura (Callers/Listeners)]

I am so proud of you. If you were my son, I would be high five the whole. Wonderful. Good show, guys. She's a gold digger. That's all there was to it. I don't care what you look like, honey. You sound like a great guy. And it's not a time factor. I knew my husband 10 days before he proposed to me. And we've been married for 20, almost 22 years. And we have five kids. Four of them are boys. And I hope my sons would do exactly what you did, just say f you and keep on going. Really let her cut your losses, honey. Keep your bank account intact. You go, and there are plenty of great, decent girls out there who you really are. Yeah, it's fine.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I think you pretty much get the message.

[Caller/Listener 3]

I think you got the vibe from her. She likes you.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Yeah, she thought you did good.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Well, that's. That's very nice.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

I have a little coo coo coo chew Mrs. Robinson going on. Hey, Ryan, man, it's good talking to you. People have been emailing us now for a week going, you guys gotta find that guy. We need to know what he's all about.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Well, yeah, now I'm single. That's what I'm all about.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Thanks for coming on with us.

[Caller/Listener 1]

I know we're gonna get a lot of emails whenever we have a great guy like yourself, and we get a lot of emails that people want to go out with you. Is there a way that that single women can get in touch with you? Are you interested in that or.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Why don't we create an account for you?

[Caller/Listener 1]

Yeah.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Yeah. Okay. I guess you guys could email me if you want to let me know if anybody is interested.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

But, you know, we'll get your email address off there and we'll just forward you the emails or we'll just create an account for you here. Okay?

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Okay.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Okay, man.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

Sounds good. Thanks a lot.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

Bye.

[Ryan (Shelly's fiancé)]

The Birch Show.

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[Burt (Radio Host)]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts.

[Caller/Listener 3]

Here's a show that we recommend.

[Jen (Co-host or Friend)]

Hello, this is Jessie and Lenny Ware from Table Manners, a podcast direct from our dining table where we talk all things food, family, growing up and everything in between. And everything in between. This season we've had Reese Witherspoon reveal the greatest cookie recipe. We had Gary Oldman, who's freshly knighted Sir Gary Oldman. Sir Gary Oldman. We did some singing with Gloria Estefan and Jeremy Allen White has shared some culinary stories with us. And it's not just this series. We've had plenty of other brilliant guests where you can listen back to all the episodes. People like Cher, Dolly Parton, Kate Winslet, St. Paul McCartney, John Legend, Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez. We've had them all and we fed them very. Come and listen to Table Manners, the podcast with me.

[Burt (Radio Host)]

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[Caller/Listener 3]

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[Burt (Radio Host)]

Acast.com.