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Thumbtack Host
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Carl
So, Jen Hobby do tell about the G shot.
Melissa
I was sitting with a couple of girlfriends last night and we were enjoying some patio time and some food and wine, and they said, have you heard about the G shot? And I said, no. Nope. What is this? Well, apparently doctors are now injecting Juvederm into your G spot so that it can be bigger and help women achieve the big O.
Listener/Caller
What is Juvederm?
Melissa
It's the filler stuff. Like you put it in your smile, like in the. What are the laugh lines? That's what they call them right here.
Listener/Caller
And this is not to be confused with Juvexin.
Melissa
No, Juvexin's for your hair. This is like Botox. Got it. Yeah, it would. It's in the same family as Botox, but it doesn't freeze you. It just plumps you.
Jen
Either way, you're not sticking a needle on the G spot.
Melissa
No, exactly. It's called a G shot. And apparently women who have difficulty reaching the big O have been doing this where they get injected right there so that it protrudes a little bit more and it can be found and, you know, accessed a little bit easier.
Listener/Caller
Hey there.
Carl
Yeah, I was just gonna ask if anybody's had this done to call us up, give us the review, and we'll put you on the voice disguiser. 404-741-Q100.
Melissa
Apparently a friend of my friends that were there last night is doing some sort of promotion for a doctor in town who does it. I don't know who the doctor is. I wouldn't know where to send you to go get it. Yeah, but. But apparently this is. This is a thing.
Carl
Well, I got a couple of thoughts on it.
Melissa
First I'm hurting.
Carl
I want to know how painful that's gotta be. But B. Melissa, you got to think if this is. This is a dude's fault really though, isn't it?
Jen
That's my thought.
Cassie
Is.
Jen
Is I want to talk to the women who got it. And did it really improve versus the fact that he just never found it in the first place?
Melissa
Well, he might not be able to find it. Maybe. Maybe it's with significant others that aren't really well endowed. Maybe they. Maybe they can't reach.
Jen
Is that going to change anything?
Carl
Apparently enlarges that area and you there.
Jen
Yeah, it depends on the guy. How much do you have to get injected?
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I don't know.
Melissa
I'm fascinated by this now. I don't think that it's painful. Cause I've actually. I tried Juvederm a long time ago in my laugh lines. Yeah, that's your face and that's your face. And it plumps, you know, it kind of like plumps up like where those wrinkles are. So I understand that like the concept. But this is in your vajayjay. That means you guys were clarifying. Wendy has found hers. She knows where to find it.
Listener/Caller
Just a heads up, you guys probably aren't gonna want to get that done before the morph suit bed is over with because that would be embarrassing.
Carl
Was Jen sitting on a basketball? She said the basketball in that more suit. Oh my God.
Melissa
It's not gonna be that much.
Interviewer
Gonna be.
Carl
Looks like the size of a hippity hop.
Melissa
Maybe it's just. I think it's wrong with you. A reflection of the men's size in here. They would need it to be that big to reach it.
Carl
I can't find anybody that has actually tried this yet. Maybe. It's so new. Good morning, Marie. You are on the Burke show.
Caller
Hi, good morning. Guys. Remember the news clip you guys played a couple days ago with when that newscaster said something about that girl liking penis more?
Carl
Yes.
Caller
This is what they were talking about.
Carl
Right?
Listener/Caller
Right.
Melissa
I didn't even realize that.
Jen
Okay.
Ashley
Yeah.
Caller
So apparently people have been getting it done, but it's not happening for me.
Carl
I can't find that news clip. I'm searching for it right now, but I don't think a whole bunch of people are getting it done because it's. Normally we can ask for anything on this show and we'll get calls.
Jen
It's a needle in the vagina.
Melissa
Yeah,
Listener/Caller
I thought you were. I thought. Melissa, weren't you. You were endorsing them, weren't you?
Jen
Hell, no.
Listener/Caller
But what is red box?
Jen
Funny, because I've never lost that area.
Ashley
Huh.
Listener/Caller
What does red box say?
Jen
I know where to find things.
Carl
That's what you'll have after the day
Listener/Caller
at the red box.
Carl
I'm telling you. Where am Evan? Good morning. You're on the Burnt show. Hi, Teehee.
Caller
Hello.
Carl
Hello.
Caller
Hi. Okay, well, the G shot was on Dr. 90210 about four years ago.
Melissa
Okay.
Caller
Before I got really popular. And from what I got from it, it was just. It was from women that just couldn't get there. It doesn't matter what size their spouse was. It just. They just couldn't get there. So didn't popular for. I mean, it got popular. From that point on, I gotta believe
Carl
that women would jump on this grenade for their relationship, literally.
Melissa
You're really gonna say, jump on this grenade right now.
Jen
It's very sharp.
Carl
You're not gonna find a lot of women that are gonna say, he just couldn't find it or his penis was too small. So I think most women are gonna say, look, this is on me.
Melissa
Right?
Carl
This is not about you, baby. This is like, this is on me.
Melissa
No, we're gonna break up.
Jen
Mm.
Interviewer
Mm.
Melissa
I'm not getting no damn shot.
Carl
Hey, Nicole. Good morning. You are on the burp show.
Jen
Hi.
Ashley
Hi.
Caller
Hi. Stimulating the G spot has nothing to do with the size of a man's penis. You can stimulate it with your finger.
Carl
Well, maybe you ought to get the shot in the finger then. Maybe guys just have really small fingers. We found somebody that has it done.
Jen
Okay.
Melissa
Really? This is a very brave woman.
Carl
I will put her on the voice disguiser even though she's not requesting it. Good morning. I'll call you. Paula, you're on the voice disguise. Are you cool with that?
Jen
Hello?
Listener/Caller
She can't hear because her G spot is actually covering up her ears.
Carl
She doesn't know it's her because I've given her a different name and I've put her on the voice of Geiser and she's listening to the show right now.
Ashley
Hello?
Carl
Yes.
Melissa
Yes, it's you Go.
Ashley
Oh, it's me. I'm talking.
Carl
Oh, you just choked, man.
Cassie
What?
Melissa
She got embarrassed and hung Up.
Carl
Yeah, well, she didn't, I don't think, realized that I was gonna put her on the voice disguiser. Oh, yeah. I can't find anybody that's had it done. I don't know, ma'.
Thumbtack Host
Am.
Carl
I think that if the pain would be so great for just a short amount of time, I think the only way I can relate to this is that vasectomy that I had where the pain of the shot in the middle of the testicles was so bad for 30 seconds, but it's a blip on the screen when you're talking about not having kids for the rest of your life. So I gotta believe that it's almost similar that you'd rather have the pain of the shot right there, just for a couple of seconds, if you knew that you were gonna have months and months and months of the big O.
Melissa
I mean, women do a lot of things to enhance themselves. I mean, they go, you know, they go under the knife for everything. Under the knife for everything. So this would be like non, invasive, right? You wouldn't need to look invasive? Well, it is invasive, but you wouldn't have to have any sort of anesthesia.
Jen
Look, why don't you just damn date the doct? Because the doctor knows where it is and we're going to find it every single time.
Melissa
It's good advice.
Caller
I mean.
Jen
Hello.
Carl
Hey, how's it going?
Interviewer
Hey, Chris.
Ashley
Good morning.
Carl
You're on the bird show.
Ashley
Greetings. Good morning.
Carl
Good morning, man. How are you?
Ashley
Not too bad.
Simon Cowell
What's up?
Ashley
I was just thinking it's kind of crazy. Crazy if the girls are a little bit concerned about a small frick.
Jen
That's what got them in there. Right?
Ashley
But versus, you know, invasive surgery with breast augmentation.
Carl
Right. Or the pain.
Ashley
That's a heck of a recovery there.
Melissa
No kidding.
Carl
Yeah. Either way, it's gonna hurt.
Listener/Caller
Well, we lost Wendy.
Jen
Really?
Carl
He didn't even realize he made a joke.
Listener/Caller
Yes, he did. That guy's. He's a guy. That guy thought of that joke four minutes ago and has been dialing through and said, I'm not sure what I'm gonna say after this, but I'm gonna start out by saying, small prick.
Jen
It's funny.
Melissa
He's just so nonchalant.
Carl
Hey, Jessica.
Brandon
Good morning.
Carl
You're on the Burt show, huh?
Caller
Hi. Yes, I would be willing to try that shot.
Carl
Why?
Caller
Because I've never experienced the big O. And my husband is a total, like, sex fiend. And for me, it just is something that I do for him. And I would love to be able to achieve. I mean, we have a baby and everything, so after having a baby, that seems like nothing.
Carl
So now, did you ever have big O with anybody else?
Caller
No, I've never. Just been. I've never been able to achieve it that way.
Carl
And not by yourself either.
Caller
Nope.
Melissa
How old are you?
Caller
I'm 24.
Carl
24. Never?
Caller
Never.
Carl
That sucks.
Caller
It does.
Carl
Yeah.
Melissa
We'll have to talk off the air, honey.
Caller
Okay.
Carl
I mean, you almost sound desperate. Like, you. You want to experience this so badly that you're willing. What if I told you that the pain of this shot lasts for two straight minutes?
Caller
It wouldn't matter. I would do anything.
Carl
It takes five minutes. It takes five minutes of intense pain. Worst you've ever felt.
Caller
Okay, we'll put it this way. I weigh 88 pounds, and I pushed out at 10.2 pound, baby.
Carvana Spokesperson
Whoa.
Listener/Caller
Wow. How old are you?
Carl
She says she's 24.
Listener/Caller
Okay.
Melissa
Get you a cheeseburger.
Jen
All right.
Carl
Thank you for calling. Maybe she just.
Caller
Thank you.
Listener/Caller
The problem with giving her some. She weighs 88 pounds. They give her too much of that Juvederm stuff. She's gonna tip right over forwards. Looks like she's leaning into the wind everywhere.
Jen
Image in yalls about what it looks like, people are gonna think she's cruising
Carl
around on a Segway all the time. Here is that news clip that we were talking about more just in the isolated part of the whole thing. This was. They were doing a news story on this very thing, and the news anchor that was sitting next to the reporter that was delivering the news about the G shot says this, and he doesn't even realize it at the time.
Simon Cowell
So she's enjoying penis a little bit more, is she?
Melissa
She is. She's enjoying her sex life a little bit more.
Carl
She and her husband Ashley can give us some answers about the G shot.
Jen
Okay.
Carl
Hey, Ashley. Good morning. You're on the voice disguiser.
Ashley
Hey, good morning.
Carl
Good morning.
Ashley
I've had it done. And we do it at our doctor's office also.
Carl
Okay.
Jen
Really?
Carl
Now you're on the voice disguiser, so I'm assuming you don't want me to ask you what doctor's office, or do you mind?
Ashley
That's fine if I can say it on the air.
Carl
Yeah, sure. You're on the air right now.
Ashley
We do it at Arista Medical Spa, right in Buckhead.
Carl
Okay. And you've had it done. So on a scale of 1 to 10, well, you can't. See you're not very credible because you're gonna have to say that it's not that painful because it's your office. That's the shot. Right.
Ashley
But I didn't actually have it done at my doctor's office. I had it done at a different location.
Carl
Okay.
Ashley
And they take the substance and mix it with lidocaine. So you don't feel it.
Carl
You don't feel the shot at all.
Ashley
It feels like a very minor, minor sting.
Carl
Really?
Ashley
Yes.
Carl
Jen's not lying.
Melissa
I want to ask her so many questions, like about the app, how they get it there.
Carl
The doctor you don't know that kind
Ashley
of uses a Q tip. And it almost feels like you have to go to the bathroom. And that's how they know where the spot is. And so they make a little mark and it takes two minutes, literally for them to put it in.
Melissa
So where do they poke you from?
Ashley
It's almost like you're going for an annual exam. Okay.
Jen
You're in the stirrups, right?
Ashley
Correct. Correct.
Jen
You have to be.
Melissa
Gotcha.
Carl
And how long does this last for?
Ashley
It lasts for up to a year and a half.
Carl
Oh, wow.
Melissa
And does it enhance your experience?
Ashley
Yes, it does. And I never had problems that. It's made it even better.
Jen
Okay, okay, okay.
Carl
So you were totally.
Melissa
So many more questions.
Carl
Well, go ahead. You got at least a couple, man.
Melissa
Well, I want to know, what do you mean by so much better?
Ashley
It just makes it over the top, more intense. And like my boyfriend has said that he can feel a difference.
Carl
He can feel a difference that you're enjoying that particular.
Ashley
Know that things are different. They're enlarged there.
Carl
Oh, he can literally feel that. Okay, Right on.
Jen
Okay.
Ashley
So it makes it better for the man too.
Carl
Yeah, Takes a lot of pressure off.
Cassie
Yeah.
Melissa
Hey, how much does something like this cost?
Ashley
It can run anywhere from 700 to $850.
Cassie
Whoa.
Interviewer
Okay.
Melissa
That's an investment. Kidding.
Carl
Now, I got to believe that that price is probably going to go down once this sort of catches on and more offices are doing it. But now that you guys are one of the few that are doing it, you can charge that kind of cash and women are. They're desperate.
Jen
No, that last caller. I mean, I would be curious if our 24 year old listener went in and had it done and if she saw a difference.
Ashley
But you would be surprised how many doctors offices do it and they don't publicly advertise it.
Carl
Oh, really?
Ashley
Yes. But there's a lot of doctors offices. You'll find that there's OB GYNs and plastic surgeons that do it. And an OB is the best, of course, because they're familiar with the territory. So that's probably who you want doing it.
Carl
Okay, so the bottom line, if we were talking About G shot 101, the pain is minimal. You say your office visit is how long?
Ashley
Maybe five to ten minutes.
Carl
Five to ten minutes? It lasts for, in some cases, a year to a year and a half. And the cost on it is about 700 bucks.
Jen
Seven, $800.
Carl
Seven to $800. So that's G shot 101 right there. Ashley, thanks for calling.
Ashley
Okay.
Carl
Appreciate it. Jenny's fascinating. Let's satisfy. Look in your face. My work is done here.
Melissa
I'm just fascinated by it. I mean, I would have never, ever thought of it.
Carl
Yeah, it's a great idea. I'm sure some dude came up with the ideas. There's got to be something.
Brandon
I'm.
Carl
There's got to be a way to make this easier. The target has got to be enlarged.
Listener/Caller
Get it?
Cassie
The Bird show this episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie. And this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'.
Ashley
All.
Cassie
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Carl
Go easy.
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Carvana Spokesperson
Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check?
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No.
Carvana Spokesperson
How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once.
Carl
Okay, that's fair.
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Carl
All right, so producer Carl with his Ike music
Brandon
look.
Carl
The braids do this a little bit.
Brandon
Nowadays.
Carl
They wear on you when a player comes up at the Braves game. They've got their own mic music. And I want to give proper credit to. I think it's Troy Gloss. The new Atlanta Brave is using Tricky by Run dmc. This is Ike music, right? Much love.
Brandon
Oh, that's real hot.
Melissa
I just want to hear the whole song.
Listener/Caller
Right?
Melissa
When they step up to the plate and they start playing it, I get all excited. I'm like, oh, could you just hold off on batting for a second? I want to hear some more of that.
Carl
So producer Carl here. I learned a little bit about his own blackness last week.
Brandon
Yeah, I was sitting there talking to. Now this is normal to me. And actually I found since the conversation that I've had with intern Brandon and producer Natalie, I found out that's really not rare. But speaking with them, they made it seem that it was rare to me. This is something I've been doing my whole life. During every summer, I try to get darker. I'm a dark skinned black man. But during every summer, I like to go out. Like I said, I don't tan. Don't get me wrong. Don't get it twisted, everybody. I don't go out tanning and tanning beds with tanning, canon solution, all that stuff.
Listener/Caller
But one of those mirrored things ain't that freaky.
Carl
It's a baby oil grease up.
Ashley
But.
Brandon
But I do go out when I'm outside and maybe cutting the grass or outside with my kids. I'm. I'm conscientious of that I'm getting darker, that I'm out in the sun, so I'm not hiding, I'm not ducking from the shade, anything like that.
Carl
It's making you feel better, though. Yeah, definitely.
Brandon
Definitely.
Melissa
And I'm not wearing sunscreen.
Brandon
Not at all.
Melissa
Okay.
Brandon
Not at all. So what I'm really. When I found out that melanin was protecting, you know, when I was a kid, I found out that, you know, melanin, what makes your skin darker is a protect and things like that.
Carl
Melatonin.
Jen
Melatonin.
Brandon
Melatonin, exactly. It's a protectant. What I did
Melissa
is in your skin. Melatonin is the stuff that makes you sleep.
Simon Cowell
Yeah.
Carl
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
Listener/Caller
What if that is your.
Simon Cowell
I know.
Brandon
I know myself.
Carvana Spokesperson
Listen,
Listener/Caller
what if that's your sleeping problem
Carl
is that I'm taking too much melanin.
Listener/Caller
So much.
Carl
What have you been taking? Melatonin.
Listener/Caller
So you get darker and you just can't stay awake.
Brandon
But, yeah, so. So I go out and I conscientiously try to get darker during the summ. And, you know, it's not. It hasn't been like a big thing to me. We were just sitting around kicking the Willie Bobo, me and intern Brandon and Natalie, and they come to find out they looked at me like, what? You get darker? You try to get darker? I'm like, yeah, you know, I want to darken up a little bit. The black of the berry baby.
Ashley
Sweeter the juice.
Jen
Seen that movie.
Ad Announcer
But.
Brandon
Yeah, but like I said, since then, they don't. They think it's off. But I've asked a few other black people around, and they said, yeah, they do the same thing. So I didn't know that.
Jen
I mean, I didn't know that you would purposely go out and try to get dark.
Carl
I have no idea either, really.
Melissa
Do most black. Black people want to get darker or do they want to stay lighter?
Brandon
You know what? I had a call. I mean, a listener. She sent me an email saying I don't represent the whole black race. Well, listen, let me. Let me represent myself. Yes.
Carl
Yes. Yeah. Carl's in a tough spot when he comes in here to do, like, ask a raise, and he's supposed to ask for an entire community of black people. That's all over there.
Brandon
It's tough trying to represent the whole race.
Carl
Right? Here's Shawna Good morning, Shawna. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.
Caller
Hey. I was just calling because I remember my grandmother always told me, do not go outside and become a tar baby. So that has kind of been in my mind. And I always put sunblock. If I can get Sunblock 1000, I will put that all over my face, body, anything that exposed to the sun. Because, yeah, I just grew up that it was not a really good idea to get extra black in the summer.
Carl
And she said, you'll become a what?
Caller
A tar baby.
Brandon
What's that?
Caller
You know, that's old people. And that's, you know how they said it's.
Jen
It's not a good term.
Brandon
Oh, boy.
Carl
Yeah, that's.
Brandon
That's very, very, very derogatory, baby.
Caller
Well, I completely understand, but that, I mean, that's kind of the perception of just older caramel skinned black folks and that, you know, what I grew up with. So that just precipitates, even today, that I don't go outside in the sun without making sure I keep sunblock in my purse, in the car, everywhere.
Jen
Right.
Melissa
Can I ask a somewhat maybe ignorant question?
Brandon
Sure.
Melissa
Do black folks get skin cancer less than white folks? Does the melanin in your skin protect you from skin cancer?
Brandon
From what I understand, yes. I haven't heard of too many black people with skin. Of course they're out there, y'.
Carvana Spokesperson
All.
Brandon
But I don't hear. It's not a common thing in my comment, my type of conversation with people
Melissa
I hang around with, because it's. I mean, it's certainly common for lighter skinned people. I mean, for me, I go to the dermatologist once a year. I've had to have like, you know, sunspots and stuff removed. Like they're. I mean, they're like saying wear 70 every single day and all that kind of stuff. I just wondered if you're.
Carl
I just got one cut out.
Melissa
If it protects your skin.
Brandon
Really? Yeah, yeah, it definitely protects your skin. Melanin definitely protects your skin. Definitely. And actually, you know, the color, like, of maybe some people's gum, that's the darkness of the gum. That's melanin. Also the gum, the lips. That's all melanin.
Carl
Good morning, Natalie. You're on the Burt show, huh?
Caller
Yes, I tan.
Carvana Spokesperson
You do?
Caller
I'm spending the money to go on a vacation. I'm going to lay out in the sun. I'm going to enjoy where I am and I'm going to tan. I love getting just that nice crisp darkness.
Brandon
Me, too. Exactly. And that's exactly what I'm looking for.
Carl
You feel like you look healthier when you're even darker than your black skin?
Caller
Yes. It's almost like my skin tone is more even and I don't know, I feel good when I'm darker.
Brandon
I just like the golden darkness of it.
Carl
Are you Natalie? Are you a light skinned black woman? Are you? Because Carl's pretty dark dude.
Brandon
Yeah, I'm dark. I would just consider dark skin.
Caller
I'm a caramel black.
Brandon
Okay, Caramel black. Okay.
Carl
Because I could see that. But with your skin color is dark. I would never have. Yeah, but I can see you've been wearing some sunglasses right now.
Brandon
You know, I don't wear the sunglasses because I don't want to have that, that, you know, that tan look.
Carl
Hey, Sarah, Good morning. You're on the bird show.
Caller
Good morning.
Cassie
Good morning.
Caller
I just wanted to say I'm a light skinned black woman and I have darker brothers and sisters and I've always envied darker black skin, black people. So every summer I make sure I go out and tan. Well, not necessarily tan, but get that caramel color to my skin. I just think it's beautiful. That's what I love about summertime. And getting dark.
Brandon
Exactly.
Jen
I don't know. Well, I feel ignorant because I never thought about it.
Brandon
And it's funny because it's like a pride of honor outside one day and I tend real easy. I get dark just in the summertime. Just recognize me one day when I come in here because I'll go outside.
Listener/Caller
You are looking black today.
Brandon
Right. Real nice and common round. But I'll tan and I'll go inside the house and then I'll look at myself in the mirror and like, okay, yeah, it's nice now, but it's good to hear other people out there doing that because I didn't realize that it was, you know, I was the only one.
Jen
Carl, thing.
Carl
Yeah, exactly. Jen, you asked the question about skin cancer. Good morning, Jennifer. You're on the Burt show.
Caller
Hi, good morning. I was gonna answer your question. A friend of mine, she lost a friend to skin cancer and she was black. So just to answer your question, yes.
Carl
So it can. It can happen. I would wonder what the percentages are, but it's just.
Melissa
Well, I just wonder what the science behind it is. Does the melanin protect you from the sun or does it not? Or you have a higher tolerance for it. Or not. I don't know.
Carl
I can't speak to that because I still think it's melatonin.
Jen
Right.
Melissa
You still think it's what you need
Carl
to take to go to sleep and saying melatonin.
Listener/Caller
Still striving to get to a pasty Carl.
Brandon
A real bright type of dark type of car, right?
Carl
All right, thanks, dude.
Brandon
All right, y'.
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Carl
It's the vert show. All right, so let's talk about Simon Cowell here for a second. Because this dude, I'm telling you, one of the reasons why American Idol is gonna take such a hit is because he's so polarizing. You love him or you hate him, but he really is. He's an interesting dude. He's a very, very, very interesting guy. At the base of it all, he's so honest that you're intrigued by everything he says, even with himself. So he finds himself on Oprah the other day, and he's just giving it up, right?
Melissa
Yeah. This is yesterday. He was talking about his decision to leave American Idol.
Interviewer
So tell me, everybody wants to know, why are you leaving?
Simon Cowell
Probably for the same reasons you left. You just know it's time, time. Time's up. And I remember the first year when we did this, and it was like an adventure, and I loved that. Not knowing if it was going to be successful and the buzz. We were kind of making it up every week. And I liked the kind of the adventure, and it was fun. And then you get to a point, and for whatever reason, two years ago, I remember sitting in the auditions one day and I thought, I think this is about as far as we can go. And I've always promised myself that I'd leave before I was forced to go. It feels like the right thing to do.
Melissa
So he has taken off next season.
Carl
I completely. I respect him for that. I really do. Like, if his heart's not into it, you're making all that money. I bet it would be real easy just to sell out and just say, look, I'll just. I'll phone it in. I mean, how hard is this? I'm making. What is he making? 20 million a year.
Listener/Caller
Keep cashing the checks.
Carl
Keep cashing the check. Go in there. But his heart's not into it. It's not driving him anymore. And he's rich enough now where he can take chances like this.
Melissa
And he's got another show to go to.
Carl
He's got another show to go to.
Melissa
It's not like he's not going to
Carl
be working that will challenge him. You know, I mean, I think at the end of the day, I mean, you have to challenge yourself or you get bored, and you might as well not be doing the work that you're doing.
Melissa
Mm, agreed.
Carl
It's very challenging for this show here. We've been doing this now for nine years, and there are some days we come in here, and I just feel like it's a formula, and on those days, I'm bored. So it's very, very, very difficult to keep it challenging here. Simon is saying, that's it for me. It's not challenging anymore. It's time to move on.
Melissa
Well, he was also asked about Paula Abdul and her leaving. Did that affect the ratings?
Interviewer
You know, there's all this talk about it slipping in the ratings. Do you think you're leaving has something to do with that, do you think? What do you think?
Simon Cowell
Well, I hope they'd go up, but look, I'd be lying if I said that I like numbers when they go down. I mean, even if you.
Interviewer
Nobody does.
Simon Cowell
I just don't like it.
Interviewer
Do you think Paula Abdul leaving had something to do with that?
Simon Cowell
Yeah, I do, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I think we had a great team. She had her own decision, her own reasons for doing what she did, and I've stayed in contact with her a lot. But Paula, I was saying this about her the other day. She's a survivor, Paula. She's got great instincts. So for whatever reason, she decided not to go back. She'll come back on top. I'm absolutely convinced of that.
Melissa
She'll come back on top on my show.
Listener/Caller
Right.
Melissa
Which is where we're gonna see her next. And then who's gonna replace Simon?
Simon Cowell
And then everyone starts getting a bit paranoid about who my replacement is.
Carl
Blah, blah, blah.
Interviewer
Who do you think that.
Simon Cowell
Well, a couple of weeks ago, I remember we were arguing or whatever, kidding around on the panel, and there were only about five people left. And I remember suddenly thinking at that point, I think it's too much about the judges at the moment, and we've forgotten what the contestants are going through. So to answer your question, I think primarily you've got to have somebody on that panel who actually knows what they're talking about, because everyone is talking about casting the nasty person or this person or get another Brit in.
Interviewer
And it's not about personalities. It's about who know how to pick talent. That's what you're saying, 100%, right? Yes. Yes.
Simon Cowell
And, you know, if we were judging, you know, the ice skating Olympics, I mean, you wouldn't have Somebody on there who's obnoxious, you'd have somebody who knows the difference between a 10, a 9 and an 8. And I think to a point you've kind of got to go back to that.
Interviewer
And do you think that that's what you brought more so than anything?
Simon Cowell
Yeah. I mean, I had obviously a lot of controversy over the years because of just the way I am, but I'm kind of like that in real life. But within it all, I do trust my judgment as somebody who can spot a potential star.
Melissa
So after talking about Idol for a while, of course they've got to go into his personal life and his personal issues. He's now engaged to be married. He says he's really difficult to live with because he has major mood swings and he says he wouldn't want to be his girlfriend.
Simon Cowell
I think what can happen is, is that your work can become like a girlfriend. Because I think it's very difficult for anyone because for instance, tonight I will start viewing tapes at say 10 o' clock at night. I'll then from half past 12:1 in the morning, start phoning London and I'll have these conversations for maybe three, four and a half hours. So I'll finish at half past four in the morning. But that entire time, that six hour period, my mind is completely on what I have to do. And that happens five or six nights a week. And I think that's difficult for someone to deal with. Yeah, it would drive me mad.
Interviewer
By the way, you couldn't be your own girlfriend?
Simon Cowell
Oh my God, no, actually, no, I could.
Interviewer
Actually, no. Could you?
Simon Cowell
No, I couldn't. No, I couldn't. Because what I think you couldn't deal
Interviewer
with you if you were a partner. With you? Never, Never, never.
Melissa
He is really honest about himself.
Jen
You're right.
Melissa
And then what about children? Is he gonna have kids?
Interviewer
Do you want kids?
Simon Cowell
Um, well, you know, one. I worry about that because of my age.
Interviewer
You're 50.
Simon Cowell
Yeah, but I'd like, you know, when I was younger, you know, my dad used to play soccer and, you know, games with me. And I worry that if I was 70, that worries me a little bit.
Interviewer
No, but you're strong, you're fit, you're healthy. 50 is the new 40. I mean, your 50 isn't what your dad's 50 was. We all know that.
Listener/Caller
He's talking em into it.
Simon Cowell
That's true, that's true.
Interviewer
Do you have the patience, do you have the ability to sacrifice to be the kind of father that you would want to be? Do you have that if they could
Simon Cowell
be born at the age of five, maybe that will happen. I'd quite like that because I like them at that age.
Interviewer
You like them at five?
Simon Cowell
Yeah, I like them when they can talk and understand.
Interviewer
Well, they start talking a little earlier than that. Yeah.
Simon Cowell
But they've got no idea what's going on. I'm not sure I could deal with the whole guy gaga goo goo. But I do like kids when I can talk to them. I mean genuinely like them and then just drop them.
Carl
I love that, that you love kids.
Melissa
Get them at 5.
Cassie
Get them at 5 years old where they're just ready to go to school.
Listener/Caller
Oprah is a much better interviewer. When you take her off her set, she doesn't scream and repeat.
Jen
Right.
Melissa
She repeats. She just doesn't scream it.
Listener/Caller
Yeah, but it's not like full sentence repeating. It's just select words. Would you like children? And did you hear her actually use his accent?
Simon Cowell
One,
Carl
one sidebar. A pet peeve of mine is when this age is the new. This age that drives me crazy. 50 is the new 40. I hear 40 year olds saying that because you are what you are and 40. You only hear a 40 year old or someone in their 40s say that's the new 30. And people in their 30s say that's the new 20. And people in their 60s say that that's the new 50. No, it's not. You're still 60. It's not new.
Melissa
I would agree with that. I would say that about like my parents, like, I would say like they're in their 60s, but I would say they act like they're 50. So I would say 60 is the new 50.
Cassie
The only thing that I agree with.
Carl
If you're 60, you would definitely say that.
Jen
Yeah. The only thing I agree with her is that his father at 50 is certainly not the same as Simon.
Tiffany Stratton
50.
Jen
I will agree that it, you know, aging is different, but yeah, I never. I know I'm 40.
Carl
40 is the new 40 for me.
Jen
40 is 40.
Listener/Caller
40. 40 is the new 68, 72, something like that.
Carl
It was a, it's an interesting interview assignment and he really gives great insight there.
Melissa
You know, I want to read his book now that Jeff was talking about that earlier.
Listener/Caller
I'll bring it in or get it on your Kindle. But I have, I've read, actually read it a couple times. It's a cool book. Yeah.
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Cassie
This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Hey, it's Cassie and this is your heads up that you're probably sitting on a fat stack of cash and you don't even realize it, y'.
Jen
All.
Cassie
I took a look at my closet the other day, like truly looked at it and I realized I probably don't wear half of it. It's just sitting there taking up space and guilt tripping me every time I buy a new piece of clothing, reminding me that, oh, I'm running out of closet space and I have all these beautiful clothes I never, ever wear. And it's become this weird pain point in my life. And then I found Vinted. Vinted is a secondhand app that makes it easy for everyday people like you and me to sell pre loved fashion and earn some extra money. Vinted was the motivation I needed to clean out my closet, and I'm betting it's the same for you. So picture this. You use Vinted now. You've got a less cluttered closet, a refreshed wardrobe with new pieces that you don't feel guilty about, and you made money. It's a win, win, win. And the extra nice part is that listing items on Vinted is quick and simple. And once an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And for a limited time, you can enjoy free shipping in the US On Vinted. Can't wait to see what y' all are selling.
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Carl
You know what they forgot to put in that ad right there for the Gold Room.
Melissa
What's that?
Carl
Is that you have volunteered to give out those recycle shots that we were talking about yesterday?
Melissa
No, definitely not. Swishing any vodka in my mouth and then serving it up to the next person.
Carl
There's more to it than that. You also get to Slap them in the face.
Melissa
I mean, I'll do that just for fun.
Carl
There is a. There's a bar in Miami that is serving what they're calling the recycle shot. And what you're supposed to is the.
Ashley
You.
Carl
You call your shot vodka, tequila, whatever it is, right? The.
Jen
That's just so gross.
Carl
It's so stupid. I love it. It's so stupid. The bartender who's a hottie, either dude or a girl takes the shot, doesn't swallow it, just swirls it around in her or his mouth. I don't know. I get so tickled by this, man. It's just so stupid. And then you spit it back into the shot glass. Then the customer downs the shot. Gross. And then gets a slap across the face by the bartender.
Melissa
The shot is warm. Gross.
Jen
This is gross.
Melissa
I want a just shot.
Listener/Caller
Do you think? I mean, the slap is just pointless with the recycled. Like, should we put all of our names in the hat and just draw two of them?
Carl
And those two people have to do the recycle shot?
Brandon
Yeah.
Jen
Good luck.
Melissa
All the names in the hat are in Burton Jackson.
Jen
Yes.
Carl
Melissa's so over bets on this show after the morph suit.
Jen
Bet I pulled it off, but I'm not doing a recycled shot.
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This lively episode of The Bert Show, featuring Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the rest of the cast, takes listeners on a journey through candid, often hilarious conversations about trending topics, listener call-ins, personal experiences, and pop culture. The show balances real talk with humor as it covers topics including intimate cosmetic procedures, Black tanning culture, and a deep-dive interview segment with Simon Cowell. The crew interacts fluidly with each other and their audience, ensuring every topic is both informative and entertaining.
Discovery and Curiosity
Skepticism & Speculation
Listener Interactions & Real-life Experiences
Notable/Comedic Moments
Takeaways
Timestamps:
Personal Anecdotes & Cultural Context
Health Myths and Safety
Clarifying Misconceptions
Community Perspectives
Science Acknowledged
Timestamps:
Why Simon Left “American Idol”
Ratings and Paula Abdul’s Departure
Replacement and Judging Philosophy
Personal Life: Relationships and Kids
Reflection on Age Labels
Timestamps:
Part 2 of The Bert Show's August 7, 2026, episode showcases the cast’s ease with taboo-breaking conversations and their knack for mixing sincerity with humor on topics ranging from intimate cosmetic trends to Celebrity interviews and social commentary. Between expert listener engagement, cultural insights, and pop culture critique, the show consistently creates an open, engaging space for both fun and enlightenment – all while keeping it authentically “real and funny.”