Full Show PT 2: Friday, February 20 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show: Full Show PT 2 – February 20, 2026 [Vault Episode]

Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode delivers signature Bert Show humor and real conversations, focusing on the universal (but often hush-hush) experience of being attracted to spiritual leaders. From crushes on pastors and rabbis to plotting a (questionable) Olympic handball run, the cast and listeners explore topics that blend lighthearted honesty, personal confessions, and group camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Confessing Unconventional Crushes: Attraction to Pastors and Rabbis

• [01:29–13:38]
  • Listener Kelly's Dilemma: Kelly calls in (with a disguised voice) seeking validation for her romantic feelings toward her pastor. She describes him as younger, athletic, tall, with a sexy voice, and wonders: "I need to know if I am normal." (Kelly, 02:04)
  • Hosts’ Reassurance: The cast quickly normalizes her feelings. Birch notes, “You can’t help who you’re attracted to, right? It is what it is.” (Birch, 01:38)
  • Listener Stories: The lines light up with callers who admit similar crushes:
    • One shares her dad is a 50-year-old preacher and “the church ladies call him all the time, especially the single ones. It kind of weirds everybody out.” (Listener, 04:57)
    • Another credits “85.5% of the reason I go to my church is because of my pastor.… They don't need to make them like that.” (Listener, 06:28)
    • Several discuss “dressing up” for church and how they subtly seek attention.
  • Cross-Faith Crushes: The conversation expands with two listeners revealing crushes on their Orthodox rabbis, with a humorous reveal that it’s not even the same rabbi being mentioned:
    • “I’m in love with my Orthodox rabbi. He’s absolutely gorgeous, like the forbidden fruit.” (Caller Kim, 09:48)
    • When prompted to name their rabbis, both call out different ones: “Rabbi Reid!” “Rabbi Freytag!” (10:53)
  • Humorous Takes: The cast dives into playful banter:
    • On dressing to impress: “You had a little something a little bit lower cut.” (Birch, 08:39)
    • Communion antics: “Do you ever bite down on his fingers?” (Co-host, 09:11)
    • “Just kind of wrap your lips around his thumb and pull it back slowly.” (Co-host, 09:27)
  • Inclusivity: Birch jokes, “It’s not only for the Christians, people. The Jews are pretty sexy also. Rabbis… Cam, get your sexy uncle rabbi pants off.” (09:38)

2. Listeners Find Solidarity and Humor

• [06:06–13:38]
  • Listeners from multiple faiths call in to confirm the experience is widespread.
  • Notable exchange: “Peace be with you.” (Birch, 13:25)
  • Callers are reassured and encouraged—“Now go get him!” (Co-host Jen, 13:28)
  • Lighthearted closing to the topic: “Go get your pastor, and peace may come to you.” (Co-host, 13:31)

3. Olympic Dreams: The Handball Scheme

• [16:16–23:11]
  • Olympic Aspirations: The crew jokes about finding a little-known Olympic sport to “guarantee” their spot on Team USA.
  • Jen’s Strategy: “Let me find a US Team that is very small…there is no U.S. handball team—men or women.” (Jen, 18:01)
  • Explaining Handball: They debate what handball actually is, with Melissa suggesting, “It's like racquetball with your hand.” (Melissa, 18:32)
  • The Plan: With no U.S. team, “We practice for a week before we go to the Olympics. We're the only team in the country.” (Birch, 21:45)
  • Reality Check: “Our goal isn’t to win a gold medal. Our goal is just to get to the Olympics.” (Birch, 21:35)
  • Competitive Spirit: “I love my country. I love America.” (Jen, 23:08)
  • The playful dream wraps with Birch’s wry, “Your problem is you’re out of dreams. The Bert Show.” (Birch, 23:11)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |------------|------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:04 | Kelly | “I need to know if I am normal.” | | 01:38 | Birch | “You can't help who you're attracted to, right? It is what it is.” | | 06:28 | Listener | “85.5% of the reason I go to my church is because of my pastor...They don't need to make them like that.” | | 04:57 | Listener | “My dad's a preacher...the church ladies call him all the time, especially the single ones, and it kind of weirds everybody out.” | | 08:39 | Birch | “You had a little something a little bit lower cut.” | | 09:11 | Co-host | “Do you ever bite down on his fingers?” | | 09:38 | Birch | “It’s not only for the Christians, people. The Jews are pretty sexy also. Rabbis…” | | 10:53 | Birch & Callers | “One, two, three.” “Rabbi Reid!” “Rabbi Freytag!” | | 13:25 | Birch | “Peace be with you.” | | 18:01 | Jen | “There is no U.S. handball team—men or women.” | | 21:35 | Birch | “Our goal isn’t to win a gold medal. Our goal is just to get to the Olympics.” | | 23:08 | Jen | “I love my country. I love America.” | | 23:11 | Birch | “Your problem is you’re out of dreams. The Bert Show.” |

---

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 01:29 – 13:38: Confessions about attraction to pastors and rabbis, listeners calling in, funny commentary.
• 16:16 – 23:11: Cast explores fantasy of becoming Olympic handball players, discusses rules, strategies, and international competition.

---

Final Notes

The episode is quintessential Bert Show—irreverent, inclusive, and deeply relatable. It offers a guilt-free space to admit “taboo” attractions, validates the callers’ experiences, and spins even wild schemes (like Olympic handball stardom) into a collective team spirit and running joke. The cast’s chemistry keeps the conversation light, authentic, and packed with quick-witted banter.

If you ever thought you were alone in your crush or your crazy dream, this episode assures you: you’re definitely not!

Transcript

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[Host (Birch)]

The Birch Show. Kelly has been so patient in holding on for us. I'll get her on the voice disguiser here.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I'm scared but anxious to hear who she's attracted to.

[Host (Birch)]

I mean, when you do the math. On it, y'. All. There are millions and millions and millions of eligible men. For you to be attracted to millions, you should be able to be just a little bit selective. But you can't help who you're attracted to, right? It is what it is. Kelly, you were on the voice disguiser. Good morning. Hi, guys.

[Caller Kelly]

How are you?

[Host (Birch)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller Kelly]

I need to know if I am normal.

[Host (Birch)]

Okay, we'll do this from time to time. Like when you think there is comfort in knowing that there are others just like you. Because you think in some cases that you're just like on this island all by yourself. But generally speaking, you're never the only one, right?

[Caller Kelly]

I hope so. Well, I'm attracted to my pastor

[Host (Birch)]

here we go.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I'm feeling a little guilty on Sunday morning.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Some of that's fine.

[Caller Kelly]

I mean, I don't want to hook up with him like he's married. I just find him incredibly sexy.

[Caller/Listener]

And

[Caller Kelly]

I compare every guy that I date to him. Know what to do.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Will you say that whole sentence, Say, like, your name, who he is, and that you find him sexy.

[Host (Birch)]

And remember, we're calling you Kelly.

[Caller Kelly]

No, I'm not telling you who he is.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

No, you don't have to say his name. Just say my pastor.

[Caller Kelly]

My pastor.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Say the whole thing.

[Caller Kelly]

Oh, I'm attracted to my pastor. And he's sexy.

[Host (Birch)]

I just had this talk to somebody not too long ago about this very same thing. And she said that she had feelings for her pastor because we go to the same church. And she had feelings for him also, just that she thought he was sexy. He's an older guy. For her, it's nobody that she would normally never date, but she gets this feeling when she sees the dude.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Well, I mean, there is something kind of attractive about that. A man who is leading the way and a great public speaker and somebody who's charismatic enough to lead a congregation, all that kind of stuff. There is something. There's a quality to that that would be attractive. But I think going to church, every being attracted. I've been a little bit, you know, more difficult to deal with. You may have to change churches.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, I've been to churches where the pastor is young. I mean, late 20s, early 30s. And then I've been to churches where the pastor really. I'm not quite sure if he's clinically dead or not. So I wanted. I kind of want a description. I mean, you can do it generally, but I mean, how old is this dude?

[Caller Kelly]

And I would say, like, he's in his early 30s.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay, so younger.

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Okay.

[Caller Kelly]

I'm 25.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Okay.

[Caller Kelly]

He's. And he's. He's fit, he's athletic looking, and he's tall and he's got brown hair. So I don't know. I mean, there's nothing that's, like, outstanding. He's just an attractive guy and he's got a sexy voice.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

He's obviously not afraid of commitment.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

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[Host (Birch)]

Well, if it's confirmation that you are looking for, I think that people were just assumed that you were going to talk about this because they lit up as soon as you said it was your pastor. Allison, good morning. You are on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Kelly]

Good morning.

[Host (Birch)]

Hi. Hi.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that it is normal. My dad's a preacher, and he's not like a hot young guy. He's like 50. But the church ladies call him all the time, especially the single ones, and it kind of weirds everybody out.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, I mean, the pastors get. I mean, it's not a priest, so pastors get married, too. So, I mean. I mean, at some point, somebody's got to be attracted to them and them attracted to, you know, the person in return.

[Host (Birch)]

Is your pastor single or is he married?

[Caller Kelly]

You know what? I don't even know. I think that he's married, but I've never seen her around.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Then he's single. Pastor's wives.

[Host (Birch)]

I mean, does he talk?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Pastors wives are visible, but he would

[Host (Birch)]

talk about her in his sermons and stuff. He would say, my family or her. But you have.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

She's like, oh, no, don't tell me that. She's like, I need to, in my mind, think he's married.

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah, he may be single. You may have a shot at him. You may have a shot at your pastor.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's right.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I have a friend of a friend who married a pastor. She lives out west. Like, I think it's like Seattle or somewhere like that. But she started going to the church, started going to Bible study, started really going to Bible study. And then they started dating and she found God.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I mean, yeah, they.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Then she gave him a rib, so to speak.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Well, and they're amazing. And she's expecting their first baby.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, yeah, pastors have families, so, you know.

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah, they're allowed to do that.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah.

[Host (Birch)]

Good morning, Holly. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Morning, guys.

[Host (Birch)]

Good morning.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Hey.

[Caller/Listener]

85.5% of the reason that I go to my church is because of my pastor.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Really?

[Caller/Listener]

Yes. And I know the Lord's gonna get me, but. Oh, my God. They don't need to make them like that.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Just out of curiosity, what church do you go to?

[Host (Birch)]

I mean, this is a compliment to him.

[Caller/Listener]

Community Bible in Stockbridge.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Okay.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Attendance will be high this weekend.

[Host (Birch)]

And what's the name of this sexy pastor?

[Caller/Listener]

Pastor Bo

[Co-host (Jen)]

Naked.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I need to switch churches because I keep visualizing my pastor. I'm like, no way. Can't be attracted to him. Like, there's got to be a sexy youth group leader.

[Host (Birch)]

Holly, is this. Is it the position itself or is it just. Even if he wasn't your pastor, you'd think he was hot.

[Caller/Listener]

Even if he wasn't my pastor.

[Co-host (Jen)]

But there's that, like Jen said, that sense of authority is up there, you know, And I.

[Caller/Listener]

And I think it's Just the overall goodness of him as a person has a lot to do with it.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

You want to make it mad?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, my God.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Does he wear a robe? I mean, like, what does he wear? Like, let's get the whole lowdown. So does he wear.

[Host (Birch)]

She's gone.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Is he in tight pants? She's like I said, enough already.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

He's dressed like a U.S. volleyball player.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

I need to know the name of that church.

[Host (Birch)]

There are no shortage of calls, though. Good morning. We'll call you. Amy, you are on Q100. Hello.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. How are you?

[Host (Birch)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

We're doing good. I'm from Cowetta county, and I don't want to say what church, but the first time that I went, I thought, oh, I can't go here. The pastor is way hot. And then I thought, oh, I brought a couple of my friends because I thought, I can't be feeling this, you know, lust. Church is not good. So I brought a couple of my friends and they all said, oh, no, pastor's way hot. He's a bodybuilder and married with kids. But, you know, sometimes Sunday morning, nice to look at. Mm. Makes you want to dress in your Sunday best.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Have you ever. Have you ever worn anything particularly sexy to church in order to impress them?

[Caller/Listener]

Sure, why not?

[Host (Birch)]

You had a little something a little bit lower cut.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, you don't really sit on the front row either, though.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Well, I was about to ask, where do you sit so that he gets your, you know, you get his attention.

[Caller/Listener]

He's married.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

That's right.

[Co-host (Jen)]

But I'm just curious. I mean, if we're gonna talk about if he's a single pastor, is good looking bodybuilder, muscles through the robe that you can see, then, you know, I wonder what the course of action is. You know, a nicer dress you sit on, maybe not the first, but the second or third pew and, you know, bat those eyes and take a little

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

bit longer when you're taking communion.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Right. And wait to the end of the line when you're walking out and shaking his hand.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Like, do you ever. Do you ever. When he. When he puts the. When he puts the wafer on your tongue, do you ever bite down on his fingers?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

That would give a whole new meaning to that. You know, that Southern slang.

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Sweating like a whore in church.

[Host (Birch)]

Oh, my God.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Just kind of wrap your lips around his thumb and pull it back slowly.

[Co-host (Jen)]

We're all going to hell. We're getting so many emails.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

We're not.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Not going anywhere. We're not the ones doing that nasty stuff.

[Host (Birch)]

It's not only for the Christians, people. The Jews are pretty sexy also. Rabbis. Go on, Cam. Get your sexy uncle rabbi pants off.

[Caller/Listener]

I knew you guys were gonna say it was a pastor. I knew it, and I called as soon as I heard. I'm in love with my Orthodox rabbi.

[Host (Birch)]

Orthodox rabbi.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

I'm in love with a rabbi.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, he's married. He's. He's like, in his early 30s. He's absolutely gorgeous. He has four kids. He's untouchable. But my fiance thinks that it's because he is, like, the forbidden fruit, so to say. But he's just gorgeous and he's funny, and he's, like, on Facebook. He's really cool.

[Host (Birch)]

Hold on one second, because we have another person on another line saying they're attracted to their rabbi, and I'm wondering if it's the same rabbi.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Host (Birch)]

Hey, Crystal.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Chris.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Host (Birch)]

Chris, you are also attracted to your rabbi.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, my goodness. Same situation as the previous caller. He's smoking hot. Smart, funny, married, four kids. So, you know, he's totally committed to his family. His wife, Smoking hot. What's multi denominational?

[Host (Birch)]

Crystal, Kim, on the count of three. When I get to three, both of you say his name, and we'll see if it's the same guy, okay?

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Host (Birch)]

One, two, three.

[Caller/Listener]

Rabbi Reid.

[Host (Birch)]

No, two different rats.

[Caller]

Wow.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Two different rabbis.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

There are women converting right now.

[Host (Birch)]

Kim, your rabbi is who?

[Caller/Listener]

Rabbi Freytag Freitag. Yeah, he's at Ariel in Dunwoody.

[Host (Birch)]

Well, you gotta be really sexy to have that name. You better be.

[Caller/Listener]

I have to tell you, I know Rabbi Freytag, and she's absolutely right. He's smoking a hot dog.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

You guys got an issue?

[Host (Birch)]

Chris, who were you talking about?

[Caller/Listener]

Fred Reeve at the temple.

[Host (Birch)]

All right.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Fred Reeves at the temple. Like, not even a particular temple. It's just so well known as just the temple.

[Host (Birch)]

Those in the.

[Caller/Listener]

The oldest temple in Atlanta. It's called the temple. It's on Peachtree Street.

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Which one's on Facebook?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Because I want to look him up.

[Caller/Listener]

His name is Daniel Freitag.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Daniel Freytag.

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah. He better be way hot with a name like that. Freytag.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I think it's.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Yeah, that's one of those last names that make you second guess who's.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Who's the most popular rabbi at temple. The one who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen bagels at the same time.

[Host (Birch)]

What do you like my uncle?

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Dude.

[Host (Birch)]

I mean, come on, man.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Yeah, you were just. Uncle, pull my finger right there.

[Host (Birch)]

Is he hot?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

No.

[Host (Birch)]

Fry tag. Hot.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Could be a different fry tag.

[Host (Birch)]

That's what she likes. That's what she likes. Good morning. Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Good morning. How are you?

[Host (Birch)]

Good.

[Caller]

How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

Good. My pastor is the type that takes off his jacket and he rolls up his sleeves and his arms are gorgeous.

[Caller]

And

[Caller/Listener]

it's a little sad because I get a little hot sitting on the last pew, you know, looking at him. But he's very sexy. And he's single.

[Host (Birch)]

What's the name of this church? Because women are calling up, want to know.

[Caller/Listener]

It's a very small congregation, so I'd rather not say. I'd be singled out.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

He's single, and I would rather not invite other women to come.

[Caller/Listener]

He's all mine as well.

[Co-host (Jen)]

As well.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Our lady of marry me.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

She does not need competition.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Lord, look at him.

[Host (Birch)]

Chapel Kelly, if you are looking for confirmation that other women are attracted to their pastors and their rabbis. And you got it today.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yeah.

[Host (Birch)]

You there?

[Caller Kelly]

Oh, yeah. Thank God.

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah, you got it.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

She was imagining what it's going to be like at church this Sunday.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Did you guys hear what she said? Thank God.

[Host (Birch)]

Peace be with you.

[Caller Kelly]

Thank you so much, guys.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Now go get him.

[Host (Birch)]

Go get your man. Yeah, he made me single.

[Co-host (possibly Holly)]

Go get your pastor, and peace may come to you.

[Host (Birch)]

Hi, Kelly.

[Caller Kelly]

Thank you so much.

[Host (Birch)]

The Birch Show.

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[Co-host (Melissa)]

this fantasy that you're gonna go to the Olympics.

[Host (Birch)]

That's what America's all about.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Country and an athletic event.

[Host (Birch)]

It's about fulfilling your dreams.

[Co-host (Jen)]

What is wrong, Jen?

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Hobby.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Why do you try to hurt.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

You are delusional.

[Host (Birch)]

That is not true. Don't let her. You know what? Every one of these athletes. I'm not looking competing in the looking at you right now. At one point or another, somebody has said you can't. And yeah, and you know what they said? And they could and they did. And they.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Well, here's the difference.

[Co-host (Jen)]

You said athletes.

[Host (Birch)]

Oh,

[Co-host (Jen)]

just because she can't win softball during the tournament a couple of weeks ago.

[Host (Birch)]

And you have a history in medals already. I mean, you've got a built in resume. And I was VIP on my little league all star team back in like the eighth grade. So I have it in me. I got the genes.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I have the love of my country Gin in my heart.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Okay, and what are you guys going to perfect in the next four years, Ms.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Cynical? Okay, let me tell you what I found Because I've been doing research while we've been. You know, Melissa and I have got

[Host (Birch)]

caught up in the Olympics, and we've both had the same thoughts over the last couple of days. Like, you know, for the most part, the Olympics are for, like, 22 and 23 year olds, which we are not anymore. But there's gotta be something that we could still. Yeah, there's one right there. But you can't take up swimming at our age and think you're gonna win a gold medal.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Of course not.

[Host (Birch)]

But there has to be some kind of category where there are so few people and so few teams interested that Melissa and I can pick it up and within four years be on tv. And you could be watching us in London, England.

[Co-host (Jen)]

That's right.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

What was that?

[Host (Birch)]

London, England.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

You're like a little Aussie, like, trying to.

[Co-host (Jen)]

You know what? Your vibe, your negative vibe. This secret that you keep preaching about. Whatever. I'm trying to use it now. So just, you know.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

All right, what are you guys gonna play?

[Co-host (Jen)]

So I was trying to find a sport, and my strategy was, well, let me find a US Team that is very small. Because obviously, if it's a small team, that means there's not very many people in the country that do it. So that means that we can make the the team. And I did find that There is no U.S. handball team. Handball is a sport in the Olympics, but there is no US Handball team, men or women.

[Host (Birch)]

How hard can that be?

[Co-host (Jen)]

It's a little.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

What's handball?

[Host (Birch)]

It's like, I mean, you take a ball and you hit it up against the wall like that. You hit it and then it bounces back, and then you hit it again, and then the other dude misses and you get a point.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

It's like racquetball with your hand. Yes.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yes, dude, you already did racquetball. Bar did wreck it. Ball and I got a silver. I mean, come on.

[Host (Birch)]

I wonder if there are just no good handball teams because you have to qualify for the Olympics. So I wonder if they got their arsenal.

[Co-host (Jen)]

But you qualify for your country to go to the Olympics, so you would

[Host (Birch)]

compete against other Americans in order to go. And there is zero handball teams.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Now I'm talking, like, I know what I'm talking about. But according to nbcolympics.com there is no American handball team. There are 12 handball teams, and they are not from the United States. So we need a handball team.

[Host (Birch)]

How hard to go to LAN Sport B? I used to play as a kid all the time. I mean, seriously, you're here. Right. And the competition's right there. He hits it against the wall. It bounces. Once, you hit it against the wall. If he can't get it on one bounce, then you get yourself a point.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Who are the champions?

[Host (Birch)]

Anybody can play this.

[Co-host (Jen)]

But, like, a total of 12 men's teams will compete in Olympic handball tournament, and US is not one of them. So that was the men's.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Who are the. Who are the champs? Like, who do you need to keep your eye on over the next four years?

[Co-host (Jen)]

I don't know.

[Host (Birch)]

What country are we gunning for?

[Co-host (Jen)]

Hold on a second. Let me find out.

[Host (Birch)]

I was telling these guys the other day, like, I've only shot a gun twice my whole life. My friend has a target range at his house, and I. And he's got one of those things where the little rabbits sort of go in a circle and you gotta shoot them as they go along. It's sort of like a carnival game, except it's in his house. And I nail, like, seven or ten of them, man. And this was on the heels of the Olympics. And I had the thought that, hey, maybe I've got a natural ability here that I never knew until today.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Either rifles or handball, one or the other. I mean, we may be able to

[Host (Birch)]

create where you can put the two together.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I mean, the possibilities are endless because this is the United States of America, and we're gonna go win gold in London. We gotta figure out how.

[Host (Birch)]

Good morning, Kate. You are on Q100.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. I was watching handball on Saturday and handball in the Olympics. It's kind of like soccer with your hands. And like we think about in a racquetball court.

[Host (Birch)]

Oh, I've seen this. It's a different kind of deal. Yeah, she's right. It looks like soccer, except you get to use your hands. And how many. How do you know how many are on each team?

[Caller/Listener]

No, it looked like maybe five or six.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Do I mean, how.

[Caller/Listener]

And the goal is small. It's almost like the size of a goal for hockey.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

And I think you can't really tell the size of a ball. It's got to be lighter. But it looks like maybe the size of a softball.

[Co-host (Jen)]

So you're saying I have to run.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

And who. Who were the countries that were doing well?

[Host (Birch)]

Oh, it's going to be like your Brazils and stuff like that.

[Caller/Listener]

Probably remember what it was. It was. But it's a very defensive game, obviously. Like, it's not like football, where they try to block each other. I mean, there's. It's Kind of like, you know how when they do penalty goals for soccer. And everybody lines up at the goal line?

[Host (Birch)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

And then the other team who has them all runs up there and the defender's trying to block it.

[Host (Birch)]

While they've seen it, I've seen it.

[Co-host (Jen)]

You know what?

[Host (Birch)]

Here's the deal.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yes, It's.

[Host (Birch)]

Let's be honest.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Yes.

[Host (Birch)]

I mean, our goal isn't to win a gold medal. Our goal is just to get to the Olympics. So if there's nobody else in the country playing this. We can recruit three people in the office that we never talk to.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Right.

[Host (Birch)]

And have them play on our team. We practice for a week before we go to the Olympics. We're the only team in the country.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Opening ceremonies. Opening ceremonies. There we are, walking in.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Raven.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Hey, that's cool.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Back in the United States. You doubter.

[Host (Birch)]

I'm gonna be like Yao Ming. I'm gonna get this little kid and put him on my shoulder.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Or you could get on Yao Ming's shoulder.

[Host (Birch)]

Or get on your shoulder.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Now the contraries in handball. Okay, now listen. The United States is not a part of this. So get your competitive juices flowing. Because France is in there. They were trash talking us and swimming. We beat them. Whatever. Brazil, China, Croatia. Croatia. Croatia has a handball team. And the United States is not Poland, Spain, Russia, South Korea, Iceland. Iceland has all Bjork cheers on her country. But you can't cheer on yours in handball.

[Host (Birch)]

See, the beauty of this is there's nobody playing in our country. So if we form our team today. We are the number one ranked team in the country.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Four years. To London, Germany, Denmark and Egypt. Those are the. Those are the competitors for London.

[Host (Birch)]

Believe it.

[Co-host (Jen)]

Four years.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Oh, see, you're so pretty.

[Host (Birch)]

Don't you worry. When we're. When we're in London and she is calling us to try to get us on a phone before our big match.

[Co-host (Jen)]

We'll send you. And we don't post card maybe.

[Host (Birch)]

Right. Dream Gen Hobby.

[Co-host (Melissa)]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Jen)]

I love my country. I love America.

[Host (Birch)]

Your problem is you're out of dreams. The bird show.