The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Friday, January 30 [Vault]

Date: January 30, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)
Episode Theme: Real-life drama, expert advice on divorce, and dating “spreadsheets”

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show brings a mix of humor, candid listener drama, and expert advice—especially focused on relationships, divorce, and a surprising trend: people keeping spreadsheets about their dating lives. The cast and callers dive into emotionally charged situations, with divorce attorney Evan Summerstein responding to tough questions about breakups, kids, and legal mishaps. The latter half of the episode shifts to hilarious and cringe-inducing stories about keeping “dating spreadsheets” to track romantic and sexual conquests. The final segment revisits Amy, a caller who’s been misleading her boyfriend about her children for 18 months—sparking a lively debate about honesty in relationships and parental responsibility.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Divorce Attorney Evan Summerstein Q&A

Timestamps: 00:01 – 14:48

Main Topics:

• Emotional and legal complexities of divorce
• Negotiation tactics
• Child support, custody, and property division

Notable Discussion Points:

• Where to Start with Divorce:
  “Are we going to war or is this amicable divorce?” – Evan Summerstein (00:45)
  Evan stresses the importance of understanding whether clients have communicated directly, and if the divorce will be contentious or cooperative.

• Handling Emotions vs. Law:
  “You have to be able to deal with both the legal side of it and the emotional side of it.” – Evan Summerstein (01:06)

• Unusual Client Demands:
  Caller describes her ex demanding sex in exchange for his signature on divorce papers. Evan quickly advises her to either file herself or get an attorney, stating:
  “Most attorney's fees are probably less annoying than that.” – Evan Summerstein (02:15)

• Filing & Serving Divorce Papers:
  Evan explains to the caller:
  “You can go down to the courthouse, file it down there, they'll take it over to the sheriff's office, and the sheriff will go ahead and serve the papers on him.” (03:12)

• Sex and Divorce Proceedings:
  “Once that's been filed with the court, you can no longer have sex with your spouse. … it would, in essence, prove to the court that you are not separated.” – Evan Summerstein (04:04)

• Child Support with Split Custody:
  “If you guys are dead even on income, the result would be no child support.” – Evan Summerstein (05:31)
  If incomes are different, the higher earner pays a reduced child support amount.

• House Sell & Buyout:
  Courts treat houses as assets; if one stays, they can be ordered to “buy out” the other's equity share.

• Attorney Fee Myths:
  Courts only require attorney’s fees to be paid by one party in cases of income disparity or if one party wastes time/money.
  “The odds of the court requiring you to pay attorney's fees is pretty much zero [if he hasn’t paid child support in two years].” – Evan (08:56)

• Legal Negligence:
  A caller discovers years later her divorce was never finalized. Evan states the attorney has a “duty to kind of stay on top of it and make sure everything is finalized correctly” but changing attorneys is costly (12:59).

Memorable Quotes:

• “It would actually void the divorce if it were ever proved later that it happened [sex during separation].” – Evan (04:48)
• “You can walk into court and say to a judge, … this is what we've been doing for two years, and a judge is going to say, … if it ain't broke, don't fix it.” – Evan (13:27)

2. Dating Spreadsheets & Relationship Record-Keeping

Timestamps: 14:49 – 25:48

Main Topics:

• The unexpected prevalence of people keeping spreadsheets or notes tracking their dating/sexual partners
• Callers’ stories about discovering significant others' meticulous records

Notable Discussion Points:

• Introduction of the Trend:
  “There are some people that keep spreadsheets of dating.” – Bird (15:01)

• Types of Spreadsheets:
  Some track “hall of fame” women with descriptive notes, while others are strictly names and dates.
  “He had a chart ... the months of the year and ... the number [of women] so you could look and see ... in July he slept with this many women.” – Amanda (16:30)

• Rationalizing the Record-Keeping:
  “I don’t want to be one of those guys who slept with a lot of women and didn’t remember their names because that would just make me a bad guy.” – Amanda’s ex (17:34)

• Women Keep Them, Too:
  A caller, Stevie, who once worked in IT, reveals,
  “Dudes are terrible. Their stuff is always stashed in a folder called ‘porn’ ... Girls always put it under something called ‘mama’s bacon recipe’ … chicks, much, much, much, much, much worse.” (23:57)
  Women’s spreadsheets were “horribly, horribly complicated … they had colors, pivot tables, they had charts ... formulas.”

• Emotions and Privacy:
  Callers describe the shock, humor, or hurt at discovering they were a line item in someone’s “freaky sheet.”

Memorable Quotes:

• “There’s a lot of cats out there in the closet in denial on how on top of their freakiness they are.” – Stevie (24:44)
• “Women’s spreadsheets are more descriptive than the guys are.” – Jen (18:37)

3. Listener Drama: Amy’s 18-Month Secret

Timestamps: 25:49 – 35:58

Main Topics:

• Caller Amy has been in a relationship for 18 months without telling her boyfriend she has kids
• She contemplates finally revealing the truth, but only gradually, first introducing her actual children as her “niece and nephew”

Notable Discussion Points:

• Amy’s Secret:
  “I visit [my kids] there ... I have been able to keep it from him for that long.” – Amy (25:59)
  She’s fallen for the new guy but is terrified to come clean.

• Baby Steps in Dishonesty:
  She “introduced” her kids via photos, saying they were her niece and nephew. He loves kids, so now she feels stuck.

• Team’s Reaction:
  “If I was your son or daughter, I’d be so hurt.” – Ashley (29:37)
  Members call her cowardly or irresponsible, with callers expressing outrage.
  “You don’t deserve those kids, number one. And when you do tell him, I hope he leaves you.” – Rob, caller (31:53)

• Arguments on Both Sides:
  Jen tries to defend, playing devil’s advocate, suggesting Amy’s approach was a way to test the partner’s reaction to kids (32:11), but Bird and others push back hard.

• Amy’s Next Step:
  She insists she intends to come clean “in little increments” but knows she’s dug herself into a deep hole (35:04).

Memorable Quotes:

• “Being honest just is not an option on the Bert Show, apparently.” – Bird (26:36)
• “All girls are psycho.” – Jenn (20:20, humorously)
• “You just don’t know when to put the brakes on it.” – Bird (27:11)
• “You are only making it worse.” – Bird (35:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can walk into court and say to a judge, ‘This is what we've been doing for two years,’ and a judge is going to say … if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and probably stick with the exact custodial setup you guys already have in place.” – Evan Summerstein (13:27)
• “Most attorney's fees are probably less annoying than that.” – Evan Summerstein (02:15)
• “Chicks, much, much, much, much, much worse ... they had charts, formulas, PowerPoints.” – Stevie (caller) (24:44)
• “All girls are psycho.” – Jenn (20:20, in jest)

Episode Timeline & Highlights

| Timestamp | Segment/Event | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:01 | Divorce attorney Evan Summerstein answers legal and emotional divorce questions | | 02:15 | Wild caller situation: ex demanding sex to sign divorce papers | | 04:04 | Legal note: sex after filing for divorce resets separation date | | 10:47 | Caller discovers after years that her divorce was never finalized | | 14:49 | Pivot to “dating spreadsheets” conversation—funny, shocking stories from callers | | 16:30 | Woman finds “Sex Document” Excel file with detailed stats and graphs | | 20:55 | Caller “Trey” describes highly descriptive spreadsheet with stars, hearts, ratings | | 23:57 | IT worker Stevie reveals how detailed and secretive women’s spreadsheets can get | | 25:49 | Amy’s 18-month parenting secret: revealing children to boyfriend in misleading stages | | 29:37 | Cast confronts Amy; outraged callers chime in | | 33:00 | Cast debates whether Amy’s “test” approach could ever be justified | | 35:46 | Bird reminds Amy she’s only making it worse, promises to follow up |

Final Notes

The episode delivers The Bert Show’s signature blend of wild listener stories, compassionate expert guidance, and raw emotional exchanges. Listeners get a window into the legal intricacies of divorce, the surprising ways people document their romantic lives, and the fallout from big relationship lies. It’s real, fast-paced, sometimes harsh but always honest—living up to the show’s promise to make mornings more bearable through laughter and authenticity.