Full Show PT 2: Friday, January 9 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Full Show PT 2: Friday, January 9 [Vault]
Date: January 9, 2026
Main Cast: Bert (Host), Melissa Carter, Jen Hobby, Jeff Dollar, Tracy (Producer), plus listeners and others

Episode Overview

This episode is classic Bert Show: a mix of playful competition, candid relationship talk, listener interaction, and plenty of real-life laughs. The show's theme revolves around authenticity, humor, and inviting listeners into the morning chaos and camaraderie the cast shares. The major segments include a wildly competitive "Newlywed Game" among cast members, a hilarious and revealing breakdown of Cosmo's signs a guy will be bad in bed, and a feel-good "Love Lost & Found" session reconnecting potential missed connections.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Bert Show "Newlywed Game"

Timestamps: 01:32 – 19:47

Game Setup

• The team plays their own version of the "Newlywed Game", pairing Bert & Melissa and Jen & Jeff.
• Producer Tracy shakes up the format with custom, more revealing questions.
• Aim: See who knows each other better, coworkers or actual couples.

Memorable Exchanges & Insights

• Honesty or Not: Tracy suspects players aren't answering honestly and gives them a chance to change their answers—raising playful suspicions and plenty of joking ("Tracy likes to see us fight." – Melissa, 04:42).
• Classic Escapes: Both Melissa and Jen chose themselves when asked "who would your partner eliminate from the show"—a funny self-deprecating move to avoid drama (08:23).
• Inside Jokes: Conversations about the biggest gossip, strange articles of clothing, and who admires whom the most lead to genuine (if sometimes snarky) insights into their work relationships.

Notable Quotes

• "So I bought the Newlywed Game, and it's been collecting dust in my closet." – Melissa Carter [01:41]
• "Who would your partner say they admire more than anyone else?"
  "Um... Millie Pete."
  "Yes, Millie Pete." – Bert and Tracy, confirming Melissa admires her mom [07:15]

Game Outcomes

• The Bert & Melissa team outscore Jen & Jeff, with Melissa's competitive spirit on full display.
• Laughter and ribbing ensue over who is the best (and worst) loser on the show.

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2. Cosmo’s Signs He’ll Be Bad in Bed

Timestamps: 21:35 – 36:19

Premise & Panel Insights

• The team dives into a Cosmopolitan Magazine article on "clues a guy will suck in the bedroom," mixing in live callers and their personal takes.
• Wide-ranging, funny, occasionally raunchy discussion mostly led by Jen Hobby and Melissa Carter.

Cosmo’s “Red Flags” and Cast Reactions

• Dancing Ability: “If he dances all dork-like... you know, that guy, he's got no rhythm.” – Bert [23:02]
• Respect & Pickup Lines: Shouting objectifying things at women is a big no-go: "If he doesn't respect you and he's yelling things out to you, then chances are... he's not going to respect you in bed either." – Jen Hobby [23:33]
• Mama’s Boy: "Too much of a mama's boy is not going to be so good... they're going to be a little scared of their own shadow." – Jen Hobby [24:24]
• Bragging: “If he's bragging about how great he is, chances are pretty good he sucks in bed.” – Bert [25:02]
• Food & Manners: “If you go out on a date with a guy and he rushes through his food... he's gonna rush through everything else.” – Caller Tasha [26:10]
• Size Myths: A quick debate on hand/feet size and whether “more material” equals more skill, with the consensus: “Size, although great, if they don't know what to do with it, isn't good.” – Jen Hobby [31:03]
• Personal Attention: The group (and callers) agree—what really matters is paying attention to the partner: "That’s what makes you good in bed, is satisfying that woman. And the only way to do that is to pay attention." – Melissa Carter [35:47]

Funniest / Most Memorable Moments

• Awkward “butt grab” etiquette advice: "Let’s give guys—when should he be doing this? Because, you know, some guys think, 'I'll just touch your butt and show how good in bed I am.'" – Melissa Carter [28:01]
• Listener hilariously debunks Cosmo’s list by stating her partner ticks every bad box but defies expectations: "He's an extremely fast eater. He's a mama's boy. ... But once you put him in bed, hours..." – Caller Ashley [32:03]

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3. Love Lost & Found: Darren and Miranda

Timestamps: 37:57 – 49:10

Segment Outline

• The team follows up on “Love Lost & Found,” a recurring bit helping listeners reconnect with missed connections.
• Listener Darren seeks Miranda, a woman he felt instant chemistry with but didn’t get contact info for.

The Story Unfolds

• Listener Network: People call in to help identify Miranda—her workplace, description, friends, and past (her ex was out of state).
• The Reunion Live: Miranda comes on air, apologizes for not remembering Darren due to both being intoxicated at their first meeting (and her then-boyfriend).
• Potential Spark?
  • Miranda is now single, open to a date, and agrees to take Darren’s number for a follow-up ("Would you be interested in going out with Darren?" — "Of course. He sounds really sweet." – Melissa & Miranda, 44:45).
  • Playful ribbing ensues over the awkwardness, with the cast offering supportive (and not-so-supportive) commentary.

Notable Quotes

• “I am so sorry. I do not [remember you].” – Miranda, candidly [43:51]
• “At least you got a little closure on that.” – Bert, as the story wraps up [48:25]

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Additional Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On “Hoe number” and Sex History:
  • “If a lot of girls get close to that number, they start sleeping with ex-boyfriends just so they can stay under that number.” – Bert [21:48]
• Competitive Banter:
  • “You’ll have to live with this loss your whole life.” – Bert to Jen Hobby after the Newlywed Game [19:21]
• Work-Life Truths:
  • “This schedule sucks.” – Jen Hobby, on early morning radio [09:13]

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Tone & Language

• Upbeat, candid, informal—and often teasing, with the personalities cutting loose in fast, playful banter.
• The humor is cheeky and sometimes leans into innuendo, but the cast keeps things generally light and self-aware.

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Conclusion

A quintessential Bert Show morning: friendly competition, honest (and occasionally embarrassing) relationship talk, audience engagement in “Love Lost & Found,” and a real sense of camaraderie and fun—the kind that makes mornings, as promised, a little more bearable and a lot more entertaining.

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Segment Timestamps

• Newlywed Game: 01:32 – 19:47
• Cosmo “Bad in Bed” Segment: 21:35 – 36:19
• Love Lost & Found: 37:57 – 49:10

---

Transcript

[Tracy]

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[Melissa Carter]

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[Host (The Bird Show)]

The Bird show all right. Melissa Carter is no different than the rest of us. We all go out with these great intentions of getting board games and stuff like that. We play it once and what it just ends up.

[Melissa Carter]

I know I had this great experience this party. There's a bunch of people at this party and there were a lot of people who were couples and some that weren't. And the host of the party, you know when you drink in a little bit, then they bring out the board game and they had the Newlywed Game and it ended up being so much fun because there were a half of us that were paired up that were strangers. We didn't date the person we were with. And then the half of us were couples, had been together 10 years, five years whatever. And it became a challenge for us who had never been together to beat the people who should know each other very well. And it was funny when that happened, so I thought that was an incredible experience. So I bought the Newlywed Game, and it's been collecting dust in my closet.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

For a little while, so until this morning.

[Melissa Carter]

Till this morning.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Do you remember how cheesy this show is? This is probably way before your time, Chen Hobby.

[Jen Hobby]

And I think I've seen it, though.

[Melissa Carter]

And then. And then the couples are sitting in their seats, and they move the whole set together.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And yes, the colors on it were bland. They used, like. I've seen it in reruns, too. I think they're still running them on, like, the Game show Network, where the mics are those really long ones with the little bomb on top, the little jujube on top. All right, so today it's the vert show's first Newlywed Game, and we have paired off into teams. Melissa and I form one team. Jen Hobby and Jeff Dollar, the other married team on the Newlywed Game.

[Jen Hobby]

This is either gonna prove or dis proved my theory that we all know each other better than our significant others or best friends, partners, you name it. I think the four of us know each other better.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

That might have been the better Newlywed Game.

[Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

There is to pair two of us up, and then to pair up like you and Ryan.

[Jen Hobby]

Right, right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And see who would do better. The host of our game is one producer, Tracy.

[Tracy]

Hello. All right, so here's the thing, Melissa. I'm sorry, but I didn't like the Newlywed Question. That's okay. So I completely changed them.

[Jen Hobby]

All right?

[Tracy]

And I don't. I gave you guys these 31 questions. I came up with 31 questions. I gave them to you guys beforehand, and you guys all answered them and sent them back to me. However, I don't think you guys were very honest. So I'm gonna give you an opportunity to re answer these questions.

[Jen Hobby]

Good.

[Jeff Dollar]

Because I don't remember how I answered them originally.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

A couple days ago, I can't either.

[Jen Hobby]

It was, like, four or five days ago. I can't remember what I wrote.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Why don't we do it this way? Because you're the one that has the problem with some of the questions. Ask us the questions that you have the problems with. We will answer as though we did, and then you have to call us out when you feel like we're not answering honestly.

[Tracy]

See, I don't want to do that, because then all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy.

[Jen Hobby]

Like, my intentions already hate you.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, come on.

[Tracy]

My intention was to make this game fun. So if I had given you the questions that were in the box that Melissa gave me, it would be things like, bert, what's Melissa's favorite color?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Orange.

[Jen Hobby]

And then.

[Tracy]

And then. Well, yeah, and then Melissa would say yes, and then we'd all go, yay. One point for Burt and Melissa.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Was I right by that, by the way?

[Melissa Carter]

Not really, but okay, then we would've said purple.

[Tracy]

Yeah, no point for Burton Melissa. So I thought it would be more fun to make this a little more. Let's be honest. Ish. Which I did, and you guys were far from honest.

[Melissa Carter]

Tracy likes to see us fight.

[Tracy]

It's not that.

[Jeff Dollar]

Well, it's because she's in a room 40ft away.

[Tracy]

It's my responsibility to make this game fun, so that's what I did.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, well, you are the queen of fun, right? I think you've proved that time and time again. But her real goal here is here is to push Jen Hobby I so she could be sitting in that seat doing the entertainment buzz every day.

[Tracy]

Right?

[Melissa Carter]

You know what? Guys are always trying to make the women fight. Stop it.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

We all know what you talk about.

[Melissa Carter]

Stop it.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Said you wanted honesty.

[Melissa Carter]

We love producer Tracy. Stop it.

[Jeff Dollar]

So if we promise not to get bad at mad at Tracy, will you call us out on the answers you didn't think were accurate?

[Tracy]

I'm not worried about you guys being mad at me. I'm worried about the listeners.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, they already hate you.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, yeah, you're way past.

[Jeff Dollar]

Nobody likes you.

[Melissa Carter]

Let's get started.

[Producer/Announcer]

Stop.

[Tracy]

All right, fine. So let's start with the guys. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask you guys each five questions, and then you give the answers, and then we'll compare them to the answers that Jen and Melissa have already given me. Okay, does that make sense?

[Melissa Carter]

Yes.

[Jen Hobby]

So they will be actually answering them, trying to predict what we answered.

[Andrew Yang]

Sure.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Tracy]

And then I've already got your answers to that.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, so I'm answering these as they pertain to Melissa.

[Jeff Dollar]

And if we forgot what our answers were last time, these answers supersede what we've written down. Is that.

[Melissa Carter]

Yes, you're guessing what Jen wrote down, and she has what Jen wrote down in front of her.

[Andrew Yang]

Oh, okay.

[Jeff Dollar]

So.

[Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Jeff Dollar]

Yeah, I got you.

[Tracy]

Okay, so question number one goes to Bert. We're gonna do question 19, which is, what would your partner say that you think you're good at, but you really aren't?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hosting a morning radio show is what I'll go with.

[Jen Hobby]

Eh?

[Tracy]

Melissa said grilling.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Grilling. All right.

[Tracy]

So, Jeff, I ask you the same question. What is something your partner says you think you are good at, but you actually aren't telling jokes?

[Jen Hobby]

Yes.

[Tracy]

Very good. Yes.

[Jeff Dollar]

Who is it?

[Producer/Announcer]

Is this.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Is it pre recorded? Yeah, we got a laugh track and everything.

[Jeff Dollar]

Who is that?

[Tracy]

I know.

[Jen Hobby]

I was looking around.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, so you guys are up one nothing. Nice job. Okay, so you don't think Jeff is funnier than Jeff thinks he is?

[Jen Hobby]

I think Jeff thinks he's really good at telling jokes, but I don't think that he is because I think most of his good ones come from producer Tracy and Phil IMing him from the other room.

[Jeff Dollar]

That's what I was thinking.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It's funny.

[Tracy]

Okay, Bert.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yes.

[Tracy]

Who would your partner say they admire more than anyone else?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Um. Millie Pete.

[Tracy]

Yes, Millie Pete.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah. Thank you very much. One. One. Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Which is Melissa's mom, by the way.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

Jeff, who would your partner say they admire more than anyone else? This is not a hard one.

[Jeff Dollar]

Yes, it is, because I know what I answered. But then I'm thinking this could be someone else.

[Producer/Announcer]

In the butt.

[Jen Hobby]

Bob.

[Jeff Dollar]

I'm gonna go with her mom.

[Hers Representative]

Wrong.

[Tracy]

She said her husband Ryan.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It's become very Steve and Vicky hasn't been.

[Jeff Dollar]

Can I get Rob Stadler in there?

[Tracy]

Okay, Bert, if your partner had to eliminate one member of the show, who would they pick?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Does it include just the people in this room?

[Tracy]

No.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Um, Chen, Hobby.

[Tracy]

Melissa.

[Melissa Carter]

I said me, didn't I?

[Tracy]

Yes, you did.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So you were wrong.

[Jeff Dollar]

That's a safe answer.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So safe. And you're not calling VS on that?

[Tracy]

Well, she had.

[Producer/Announcer]

I don't know why I'm talking like this.

[Jeff Dollar]

You're trying to talk on Tracy's level.

[Tracy]

She had a good reason. She said myself for more sleep.

[Melissa Carter]

Did I say that?

[Jen Hobby]

Huh?

[Jeff Dollar]

I'm witty, man.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I wish I would have taken that way out.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Tracy]

All right, Jeff, if your partner had to eliminate one member of the show, who would they say?

[Jeff Dollar]

Obviously you. Cause you're gunning for her gig and it's so apparent.

[Tracy]

No, she also said herself.

[Jen Hobby]

I also said myself.

[Melissa Carter]

Dumbass.

[Jeff Dollar]

Such a chick move.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It was. Man, I didn't even know that was an option. I didn't even know it was an option.

[Tracy]

Why? You're a member of the show, right?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, but I didn't think you could do that. Damn.

[Jen Hobby]

I think I also wrote down to get more sleep.

[Tracy]

Did you?

[Jen Hobby]

We must have filled this out on a really tired Day or something. This schedule sucks.

[Tracy]

Okay, Bert, what would your partner say is the strangest article of clothing that you wear?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Uh, I don't even remember. I can't remember how I answered these. Um, the strangest piece of clothing that I wear. The shirt that I have on right now.

[Tracy]

Melissa said graphic T shirts.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Graphic T shirts.

[Tracy]

Like T shirts with strange graphics.

[Jeff Dollar]

You identified everything that he wears? Everything. Everything he wears, yes.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, there's no other odd thing that. There's no other odd thing he wears Jeans.

[Jeff Dollar]

Lousy. Way up.

[Melissa Carter]

What?

[Jen Hobby]

They get a point. They get a point.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Whatever.

[Melissa Carter]

Jeff's so mad.

[Tracy]

What would your partner say is the strangest article of clothing that you wear?

[Jeff Dollar]

The strangest article of clothing I wear?

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

Smart man. I can't remember.

[Jen Hobby]

I can't remember what.

[Jeff Dollar]

Probably when I wear athletic jerseys in.

[Tracy]

She said Braves jerseys.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, That's a point. That's a point. Nicely done.

[Producer/Announcer]

Good one.

[Jen Hobby]

Because before a month ago, you never wore an athletic jersey ever. I know, but now that you're the host of Turner Field all the time.

[Jeff Dollar]

I didn't own six of them.

[Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Melissa Carter]

He even comes in sometimes and talks baseball with Bert, which is very impressive because Jeff's never been a sports person.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And he's referring to the Braves as we. As he is the organization we won tonight. I am the organization we beat the Rockies.

[Producer/Announcer]

Jealous.

[Jeff Dollar]

Bert is clearly jealous.

[Tracy]

Okay, last question for the guys. Bert, besides the early hours, what would your partner say they hate most about this job?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Besides the early hours, what does Melissa hate most about this job? The post 10 o' clock work.

[Tracy]

Melissa.

[Melissa Carter]

I forgot what I put.

[Tracy]

Honestly, you put lack of energy.

[Melissa Carter]

Lack of energy.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Ah, damn, damn, damn.

[Jeff Dollar]

Is anybody keeping track of what the score was?

[Tracy]

Yes, I have it.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, of course. Our host is.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

She's a host.

[Tracy]

Dude.

[Jen Hobby]

She's got an Excel spreadsheet already formulated over there, and it's color coded with our points.

[Andrew Yang]

What is it?

[Tracy]

Right now, the score is Melissa and Bert, 3 and Jeff and Jen, 2.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Kicking their ass.

[Tracy]

However, you have an opportunity to even out the score right here.

[Jeff Dollar]

All right, what does Jen hate about the job?

[Melissa Carter]

Mm, yes, you.

[Jeff Dollar]

Cause you're gunning for a job and she knows it.

[Jen Hobby]

You gotta stop that. I would not write that.

[Jeff Dollar]

Okay, I'm just going by what you say in our private conversations.

[Tracy]

It's a very Jen hobby answer.

[Melissa Carter]

Pillow talk.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And you can't. The host can't give hints.

[Jeff Dollar]

What's it start with?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Alex Trebek going. It's in Europe.

[Tracy]

I made up the rules. I can do whatever I want.

[Jeff Dollar]

Other Than the sleep not getting to see your husband?

[Tracy]

No. Jen Hobby said nothing. I only hate the hours. I can't think of anything else.

[Melissa Carter]

Did you really put that?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You're gonna call her out on that?

[Jen Hobby]

I really couldn't think of anything else because you know what I remember? This is the day we filled it out, is the day we met JLo. So I was on such a high. Like, I was on such a buzz after the show. Like, I met J. Lo today.

[Melissa Carter]

That's okay because nothing's bad.

[Producer/Announcer]

We're winning.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dollar]

So do we come back in two and two, or do the girls answer now?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

They answer no.

[Tracy]

Well, the score is three to two, actually. Bert and Melissa are in the lead.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, you're so young.

[Tracy]

All right, so the girls are going to answer now, right?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yep. Yes.

[Tracy]

Hold on. Let me change my pieces of paper.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Of course, to the second manila folder.

[Tracy]

All right, so it's.

[Jeff Dollar]

She actually built a diorama of the Newlywed Game set so she could visualize in a shoebox.

[Jen Hobby]

I want to build another diorama. Those are fun.

[Jeff Dollar]

I want that laugh track to be operating through our entire show.

[Melissa Carter]

Melissa.

[Jeff Dollar]

Like, what if we have Jermaine Dupre come in? When he says something funny, we hit it.

[Jen Hobby]

Please don't. Please don't.

[Jeff Dollar]

And we can't. If you hit that.

[Producer/Announcer]

We can't.

[Jeff Dollar]

We can't act like there's anything.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

We can't acknowledge it at all. He'll be like, damn. Partying for three straight days.

[Jeff Dollar]

Or if he makes fun of someone, you think you hit the poo, but we cannot acknowledge that it exists. Melissa, good times.

[Tracy]

If your partner were to draw a caricature of you, what body part would they exaggerate?

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, God.

[Jeff Dollar]

Can you put an ego in a caricature?

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

Give him a left hand because he's witty.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Is Phil back there? I am in you.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh.

[Melissa Carter]

Because he's a man.

[Jen Hobby]

Boobs.

[Tracy]

You're right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Of course. Man. I don't know. I hit the wrong button.

[Tracy]

Okay, Jen Hobby.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, God. Tracy, it's not that fun.

[Tracy]

Yeah, I think it's a. All right, Jen Hobby, if your partner were to draw a caricature of you, what body part would they exaggerate?

[Jen Hobby]

Little boobs.

[Tracy]

Yes. He said boobies.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Paradise. We were all right here on boobies.

[Tracy]

All right, Melissa.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Save that.

[Tracy]

By the way, out of the two people on the other team, who would your partner rather hang out with?

[Melissa Carter]

Jen Hobby.

[Tracy]

Wrong paper.

[Melissa Carter]

Yes.

[Jen Hobby]

Jen Hoffman. I was like, what?

[Tracy]

I'm, like, looking at. Never mind. Jen Hobby.

[Jeff Dollar]

She was Looking at the mauve sheet, not the lavender sheet.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Right, Right. So we got it, right.

[Tracy]

Well, yes, except, Melissa, you changed your answer.

[Melissa Carter]

I didn't say he would hang out with Jen.

[Tracy]

No, you said Jeff. I was surprised by that. That's why I said you weren't being honest.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, well, I.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

She was honest now.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. No. I don't know.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Why would Jeff.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

Nice.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

They want to go throw up together.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

Get drank and throw up together like the interns.

[Jen Hobby]

It's like, huh.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Javi would pee herself. I throw up, and she'd pee herself.

[Jeff Dollar]

No, she wouldn't.

[Tracy]

Out of the two people on the other team, who would your partner rather hang out with?

[Jen Hobby]

Melissa Carter.

[Tracy]

He actually said it's a tie.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Oh, that is a cop out.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, you're such a liar.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Dude, that is a pants. I expect that from the girls.

[Jeff Dollar]

It depends on whether alcohol is involved or not.

[Jen Hobby]

So I get the point, right?

[Tracy]

You do get the point.

[Jen Hobby]

Where's my laugh track?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

That's bail.

[Jeff Dollar]

It depends on if there's alcohol involved or not.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You can't request a sound effect. Is this the last question? No, we're not doing all 31 this morning.

[Tracy]

No, we're doing 10 questions.

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, good Lord.

[Producer/Announcer]

What are we on? Two.

[Jeff Dollar]

Feels like.

[Melissa Carter]

Eight.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay.

[Tracy]

Okay. Melissa and Bert, who would your partner. Wait, I just did that one. No. Who would your partner say is the biggest gossip on the show?

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, and it just involves the four of us. No, doesn't have to. Then if it. Intern Jen.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, damn it.

[Producer/Announcer]

That's a good answer.

[Jen Hobby]

That is a good answer.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It is a good answer. I didn't think of that.

[Tracy]

But it's wrong. He said Jen Hobby.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, I said Jen. I went with Jen Hobby on that one.

[Tracy]

Jen Hobby, who would your partner say is the biggest gossip on the show?

[Jen Hobby]

He would say me.

[Tracy]

You're right.

[Jeff Dollar]

Intern Chan's a good one, though. Phil Turan is my little.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Should have thought of that.

[Jeff Dollar]

He's got a fast moving little trap as well.

[Tracy]

Melissa Carter, what would your partner say that you think you're good at, but you aren't?

[Melissa Carter]

Oh, God.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I think I. I don't even remember. I. I remember being stumped at this. Like, not being able to.

[Tracy]

I was shocked by your answer.

[Jen Hobby]

Whoa.

[Jeff Dollar]

We'll find out why after the break.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I remember being something. Just throwing everything down, joking about it.

[Melissa Carter]

I can't write down. I don't remember what I wrote down that I'm. That I think I'm good at, but I'm. But he doesn't think I am.

[Tracy]

Right.

[Melissa Carter]

I don't. I. I did. I don't remember what I wrote down. Did I write down something about being something work related?

[Tracy]

I'm not allowed to give hints apparently.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, Alex. Is it in one of the Asian countries?

[Melissa Carter]

Something work related? I think that's what I wrote down.

[Tracy]

He said you're actually not good at delivering the news.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I was joking though.

[Tracy]

You can't joke about your answers.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I even wrote down on there joking.

[Tracy]

No, you didn't.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I couldn't kiss. I did. I'm kidding.

[Jen Hobby]

I did.

[Tracy]

I put not. You just wrote delivering the news.

[Jen Hobby]

Now Tracy's trying to get rid of Melissa.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I could come up with nothing. I got. I had nothing.

[Tracy]

All right, Jen, I said something work related.

[Melissa Carter]

He said new, so we should get the point, right?

[Jen Hobby]

All right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah. Melissa's competitive juices coming out right there.

[Melissa Carter]

If he gets half and half depending on alcohol related and Jen gets the point, then we get the point for that, so. Yeah, you do.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I agree.

[Jeff Dollar]

Oh, hell, give it to him.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Give me the X.

[Jeff Dollar]

We'll kick the ass.

[Producer/Announcer]

Last.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, no.

[Jeff Dollar]

We'Ll take him out Hobby when we play Sale of the Century.

[Tracy]

Okay, last question. What would your partner say that you think you're good at, but you aren't?

[Jen Hobby]

Jen Hobby Entertainment buzz.

[Jeff Dollar]

I don't think that's what I answered.

[Jen Hobby]

I thought for sure that's what you would write.

[Jeff Dollar]

I don't think it is about me and Jeff.

[Tracy]

I'm calling BS on this one because you're not this nice. You said, I don't know that she truly thinks she's good at anything. But surely in a Jeff Dollar world, you would have come up with something you think she's not good at.

[Jeff Dollar]

Yeah, I think Jen was. Yeah, I couldn't. I had the same struggle that Bert did because I think Jen's always trying to improve herself.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, I had nothing on that crisis.

[Jeff Dollar]

Well, I'll tell you what I don't think she's very good at. Playing the Newlywed Game. I'll tell you that right now.

[Tracy]

All right, Melissa and Bert, you guys know each other better than Jen Hobby and Jack.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, it feels good. Yeah, I don't care what it is. The longest competition we won. Like Jen Hobby's looking at me right like now like you hate losing half.

[Jen Hobby]

Ass, halfway something work related crap.

[Miranda]

Angel.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, you got the point.

[Melissa Carter]

For him saying it was a tie depending on if alcohol's involved and who I'd hang out with.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So you'll have to live with this loss your whole life.

[Jen Hobby]

It's only because he didn't want to offend Bert with his answer. That's the only reason why I said both. I'd really much rather hang out with you.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Don't be hurtful. Don't be hurtful, you bad loser.

[Tracy]

Or maybe he doesn't want to hang out with either of them.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey Melissa, answer this. Who's the worst loser on the show?

[Melissa Carter]

Jen Hobby.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, I had that. The Bird Show.

[Tracy]

This is Paige desorbo from Giggly Squad. Boost Mobile gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to? Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

[Andrew Yang]

Hi, I'm Andrew Yang. You may remember me as being the guy who wanted to get money into the hands of millions of Americans. Well, I'm still at it. And I'm now the founder of Noble Mobile, the first carrier that pays you to use your phone less. With Noble, you get unlimited Talk, text and 5G data on the T mobile network and you can earn up to $20 cash back a month for getting off your phone. Try it for just $10 a month. Go to noblemobile.com yang10 that's noblemobile.com and use my code yang10 to get paid to use your phone less.

[Producer/Announcer]

Hey marketers, here's something to note. 75% of listeners don't consider podcasters to be influencers, yet 84% say a podcaster has changed their mind about something they once believed. That's the paradox of podcast influence. It's built on credibility, not clout. Trust, not trends. Acast's podcast Pulse 2025 report reveals how podcast creators are redefining influence through resonance, multi platform fandoms and their ability to shape culture. Get the full report free at podcastpulse2025.com.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So Cosmo Magazine knows, like Jen said, that you probably are getting dangerously close to your ho number.

[Jen Hobby]

And that number is just the number of people you always have in your mind that you don't want to go over that number of guys you slept with.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Haven't you told us before that if a lot of girls that get close to that number start sleeping with ex boyfriends just so they can stay under that number.

[Jen Hobby]

Of course.

[Melissa Carter]

Because you can't recount the old logo.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, he's still number two on the list. You can go back to number two and it doesn't add.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Doesn't add to the list.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, that's the oldest trick in the book on that.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So why get, you know, close to that number with guys that are going to be bad in bed when maybe you can identify the guys that are going to suck in bed before you even get into bed and eliminate them? Boom. Right off the bat.

[Melissa Carter]

Because if you have to go over your whole number, it better be worth it.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Right? You know, so. And does that hoe number does that. I'm just. Is there a sliding scale to that? If you get close, do you reassess as you get older?

[Jen Hobby]

I'm sure.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay. I'm just curious.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. Oh, I'm sure it is a sliding scale as you get older. But you start with. You start with one clear one, and.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Then it just starts to get a little fuzzier.

[Jen Hobby]

Maybe it doesn't matter now that I'm this age.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

We're curious. How do you know a guy is gonna be bad in bed before it even happens? And I think there are, like, one or two stereotypical ones.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. One of the two of the things that came to mind is, first, you know, if he's a good kisser, you know, if he's a great kisser, then he should be great in bed. Or if he's a good dancer, if he dances well, then he should be good in bed. Those are the two things I.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

That's the one I hear over and over and over again. Like, if you're at a club and a guy's dancing all dork, like, then, you know, that guy, he's got no rhythm.

[Tracy]

Right?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

He's got nothing. So stay away from him. Do you guys have any more of these? Because Cosmo has put together an entire list.

[Jen Hobby]

Cosmo has the dancing one on the list. They call it the Man Can't Even Find the beat to We Will Rock youk can't find the beat to that. You know, to that chant. Then you've got no rhythm at all. Another one on the list is you met after he shouted, hey, hot stuff at you from a doorway where he was drinking beer with 10 of his friends.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So what's he saying? Like, if he doesn't respect you and he's yelling things out to you, then chances are pretty good he's not going to respect you in bed either.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. I think if it's like that loud, egotistical type of guy in the bar who would shout at you or, you know, shout something as you walked by, he's not going to be the one that's going to be real attentive to you once you get in the bedroom.

[Melissa Carter]

And. Yeah, and I'm also thinking, like, if he's the kind of guy that gets aggressive in front of a crowd, in front of his buddies, whatever, when he's alone with you, he's not gonna know what to do.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It's gonna be all timid.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

This one says after pressing a few buttons and turning a knob or two on his stereo, all according to the manual, it still won't work.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, I think we all get that one.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, get that.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. Let's see. Let's see. When he was snuggling up to you during a movie, nuzzling into your breasts, you swore you heard him whimper, mama.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

What'S that say to you? That he's mama's boy. He's kind of a sissy.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

Too much of a mama's boy is not going to be so good. They're going to be a little scared of their own shadow.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And that's been your theory with Justin Timberlake, why he can't keep a woman.

[Melissa Carter]

Seriously. I mean, here is a guy who's a great dancer, you know, and he's really popular, but every woman he's been with has left him. He's not left anybody. And I think it's because he's still. The apron strings are really tied tight around his neck.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Right. Before you continue here, Jen.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Because there's one that seems to be coming in a lot here. Hey, Heather.

[Tracy]

Hey.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hi.

[Miranda]

The guys that tell you, like, oh, baby, you're not gonna be able to handle me in bed. Those guys are awful. Yeah, they're never any good.

[Melissa Carter]

It's like if they're all talk or they talk big, then they don't have anything to back it up with.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, that seems to be one call that's coming in quite a bit. So if he's bragging about how great he is, chances are pretty good he sucks in bed.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, that's almost like the Revenge of the Nerds theory. Like, remember that movie where the. She fell in love with the geek because he was so good in bed and it's because he didn't brag about it and he. You remember that, or am I going way too far back?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I don't remember.

[Melissa Carter]

I'm sure it's been on TBS lately. But yeah, so, yeah, anyway, so it's the guy that was all. The fraternity guy who was all bragging and good looking, and he knew he was. The stuff was bad in bed, but the dork was better, you know?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, all right.

[Jen Hobby]

We've also got this one is a dead ringer for me when he's allergic to his own sweat. So all of his activities must not spike up his body heat. Like somebody who's, like, to me, like, super allergic to everything. Well, I can't eat cheese, and I can't have this. And I certainly can't sprinkle nuts on my food. And if I eat a blueberry, I'm gonna explode. And if I have this and I'm really stuffy if I go outside too much. You know what I mean?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Like, lactose intolerant, right?

[Jen Hobby]

Like, somebody who's allergic to everything definitely can't be functional in the bedroom, in my opinion.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Tasha, how do you know a dude is gonna be bad in bed even before you get him in bed?

[Miranda]

The way he eats. If you go out on a date with a guy and he rushes through his food like he's a starving child in another country, he's gonna rush through everything else.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay, all right, that's good.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Thank you. That's so funny. What does Cosmo say?

[Jen Hobby]

Let's see. They do have one that's similar to what she just said. He gorges on a side of ribs smothered in barbecue sauce and then moves in for a big smooch without even wiping his mouth. So somebody without table manners, without, like, a regard for you or regard for other people is, you know, gonna have that same, like, selfish, sloppy tendency in bed.

[Miranda]

Hey, Sarah, I think ugly guys are much better in bed. So if they're too good looking, don't even bother.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Kind of goes along with your Revenge of the nerds there.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, I mean, I know this is an old movie, but still, that was the theme in it, that guys, you know, that you assume are gonna be the ones. And we've said this before, we've taken calls from women, plenty of women who said the best looking guys were the ones that were not the best in bed.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You know, and we've taken calls from guys, too, saying the exact same thing that the best. When they finally got a woman in bed that they've been dying to get in bed because she was so hot. She sucked.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah, she just sucked.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay, we've also got one. A cold breeze causes your nips to come alive through your white T shirt. And he blushes and Turns away.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Cuz he's gonna be a little bit too sexually repressed. Repressed. So if that's totally got him embarrassed, then you're screwed. Hey Crystal, you're in all the hits. Q100.

[Miranda]

Good morning.

[Tracy]

Hi.

[Miranda]

It is the way a man grabs your butt. It tells you that he is like gonna be awesome in bed.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, give us the different techniques. What's the good and what's the bad?

[Miranda]

The good one, if it fits right in the palm of his hand and just the way he cups it, it's like perfect. If he just barely touches it, just slightly lays his hand on your butt, he's not gonna be good at all.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay, and let's give guys. When should he be doing this? Because you know how, you know some guys be like, oh, well, I'll just touch your butt and show how good in bed I am.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I'm gonna go cut Melissa's ass today.

[Miranda]

But you always get guys that are like that though, that they're ass grabbers. They'll love grabbing your butt.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So let me ask you this. If you're in a club, if you're in a club and a guy grabs your ass. Okay.

[Miranda]

Okay.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

But he does it in the way that you're saying, that's okay.

[Miranda]

That, that's fine.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Are you kidding?

[Miranda]

Serious, that shows that he's like really good.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Are you me?

[Jen Hobby]

I thought you meant like during a makeout session.

[Miranda]

Like make out session. Anyway, you know, I do not encourage.

[Melissa Carter]

Men to go out and start grabbing a woman's mask.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

See, this gets back to like that sexual harassment thing that I always say. Like it's only sexual harassment if you're not attracted to the guy. It's the same thing in the club. Is what you're saying is that if he grabs it just right, then it's flattering, but if he grabs it in the wrong way, then you're offended by it.

[Miranda]

Offended slash you suck in bed. But if you're, if you're at a club and you know you've been dancing with this guy for a while and then you're tipsy and he starts grabbing your butt and it's just like, wow, this guy's good. I sense that he's gonna be really, really good.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

There are so many women right now that are screaming at the radio because guys are listening, getting the totally wrong. I know.

[Melissa Carter]

Guys, did you hear when she said that you were dancing with them for a while? Like you got to know the girl, please don't go do that today.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You don't want to go Anywhere near Mako's this weekend.

[Jen Hobby]

Now. No, no, no, no.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Not with that green light.

[Jen Hobby]

All right. Also from the Cosmo commandments, of the clues that he'll suck in the bedroom, one of them is he complains that his tongue is tired after only two tiny licks of his ice cream cone.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I understand that one. So, okay, yeah.

[Jen Hobby]

This one says your door jams, but he doesn't have the thrusting power to bust it open. In fact, you end up having to do it like your front door. Yeah. Or your bedroom door. Whatever door you have in your house, it jams and he can't open it. You've got to open it yourself.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You're gonna be doing all the work yourself.

[Jen Hobby]

You're gonna be taking charge. He's never gonna take charge. Okay, is, I think, what that says?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Got it. Is that the whole list from Cosmo?

[Jen Hobby]

I think that's most of them, yeah.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Chris, how do you know a guy's gonna be bad in bed even before you get him there?

[Miranda]

I've got a theory on that. All you have to do is watch them in the weight room, and the ones that do their repetitions too fast are going to be in bed starting without you.

[Jen Hobby]

That's funny.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

How about the guys that lift way too much weight and, like, it's so obvious that their technique is all off and all bad, but they're biting off more than they can chew.

[Miranda]

Exactly. That's another clue. But the ones that are lifting the appropriate weight and doing it slowly, they're the ones that you want to take home with you.

[Jen Hobby]

Nice.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Good morning, Gina. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Miranda]

Good morning. How you doing?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, thank you.

[Miranda]

A good indicator is the size of their hands and their feet.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, we're getting a lot of that.

[Melissa Carter]

Really?

[Miranda]

Yeah.

[Melissa Carter]

So that's true.

[Miranda]

It usually is.

[Jen Hobby]

But doesn't it? Isn't it true, though, that size, although great, if they don't know what to do with it, isn't good?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah.

[Miranda]

But it's a good indicator that it's probably gonna be good to start with.

[Melissa Carter]

Or it makes up you've got the.

[Jen Hobby]

Right materials to work with.

[Miranda]

Absolute.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

If you've got the right size engine, you can always go fast. But if you've got a small engine, you got no shot at all of going fast.

[Miranda]

That's right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Producer/Announcer]

Bye. Bye.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Please tell me there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

[Melissa Carter]

I have heard it, yes. I don't know personally, but I know women that say that too much. They will turn Down.

[Jen Hobby]

Yes, there can be.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Ashley, you're on all the hits. Q 120.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Miranda]

I just want to say that everything that y' all have said is on the list of a guy that would make a bad lover. My man is on that for every single one. He's an extremely fast eater. He's a mama's boy.

[Melissa Carter]

Right?

[Miranda]

I mean, pretty much everything that you guys have listed, that's him. He can't dance if he tries, but once you put him in bed hours.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Well, they say there's someone for everyone.

[Miranda]

And I'll say this. I mean, I don't know if I can say it on the radio, but the amount of orgasm that he can give you in a night is out of this world.

[Melissa Carter]

All right, let me ask you a question. Did he come that way? I'm sorry? Did he arrive in your life that way? Or did you have to train him a little bit?

[Miranda]

No, I mean, from the get go, he was like that. I mean, the first couple times I was like, okay, okay, I've got this job. I was like, I can't get. Keep going on. He completely wore me out.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, there's an exception to every rule.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Sure.

[Jen Hobby]

Well. And I will go along with her theory in saying that practice makes perfect. I think guys with more experience under their belt that they come to the table with are better than the less experienced guys. If you meet a guy that's only had a couple people in his past.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

But then you look on the other side of that, too, and there's got to be, like, it gets to a point where there's too many and it's too icky. Is there ever that point? Because I know when, remember, Lindsay's boyfriend had slept with like 307.

[Jen Hobby]

I think, of course, there's a Charlie Sheen number that's just disgusting. But I think that, you know, guys that have been more experienced with other women, it's like they got their warm up, warmup out on somebody else, and then they're bringing the expertise to you.

[Melissa Carter]

But, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just. I'm curious if does that. But that. But a guy who's experienced surely will know that this. Like, I am fascinated by guys who think they have a move. And the thing is, I mean, I think to me, the secret of success is personalizing situations. You know what I'm saying? Like, I go into a situation, of course I don't sleep with men, but I go into a situation knowing the first time's not gonna be the best time for sure. And I don't judge somebody completely based on that first time.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah. That is a myth that if you have a move that worked on one woman, that it's gonna work on all of them.

[Jen Hobby]

And I think that comes from an inexperienced guy. I think a guy who's only been with one or two women thinks that that same move's gonna work on other people. But if they've been with more than that, they're gonna know.

[Melissa Carter]

They know better.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, they know better.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I've told you, my friend Alfie in Dallas, the guy that his move was just the other day, his move was the motorboat.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, God.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

It was the motorboat. And he thought it worked on everyone.

[Melissa Carter]

Why don't you demonstrate?

[Jen Hobby]

He has been nicknamed that by all the women he's ever tried that on.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Well, that was his name for his move was the motorboat.

[Jen Hobby]

Dude.

[Melissa Carter]

He got over that, didn't he?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

To just. And he thought women loved that.

[Melissa Carter]

He learned better. Right?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And you know what is so sick is that if a guy is convincing you, like Jeff, how he's so convincing in his sale of things, that Alfie sold that to six of us. And I guarantee you, all six of us tried it at one point or another after we had that conversation with.

[Jen Hobby]

Him, because he sold it so well.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Sold it so well. Hey, Christy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Miranda]

Hi. I can tell you, a guy who's going to be good in bed can carry on conversation and look in your eyes and just gaze in your eyes. You'll know.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So it's a confidence thing.

[Jen Hobby]

Icon.

[Miranda]

Oh, yes, it's definitely a confidence thing. I think any guy that can carry on a conversation and keep an eye contact with you is going to be real good in that. Otherwise, he's not gonna be interested in you. You know how you talk to a guy and all of a sudden they're distracted and they're, you know, their conversation goes off in another direction instead of listening to what you have to say.

[Jen Hobby]

Mm.

[Melissa Carter]

As he's.

[Miranda]

Has a lot to do with it.

[Melissa Carter]

He's. Guess he's cupping your butt and. No, I'm just kidding. Well, I think it all. And it kind of goes back to what we just said about personalizing. You know, like, if he's looking you in the eye and he's paying attention to you, then he'll pay attention to you in other places. And the only thing guys that make you good in bed with a woman is if you satisfy her. I'm sorry. You know, like, I don't think guys get that.

[Jen Hobby]

Huh.

[Melissa Carter]

But that's what makes you good in bed, is satisfying that woman. And the only way to do that is to pay attention.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

We lost Paul, but he was calling to say, you're making guys so nervous. Right? It's like a golf swing now. Now, you got to remember all of this when you're actually in the middle of the actual. I can't possibly sort it all out.

[Jen Hobby]

Wait a minute. Eye contact and what?

[Melissa Carter]

And I can dance and kiss and.

[Jen Hobby]

Oh, my God. And I'm. What?

[Melissa Carter]

My shoe size? I don't know. Oh, my God. In a cup or butt? How do I cup her butt? Did she say put it on? I don't remember.

[Jen Hobby]

Wait, I'm eating. I should slow down during this meal.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

The Bird Show.

[Andrew Yang]

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[Producer/Announcer]

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[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, explain Jen Hobby what love lost and found is.

[Jen Hobby]

Normally, it's two people who are out and about around town. They meet each other by some destiny circumstance. They have a great connection. But for some sort of failed destiny connection, they don't get the number. So they go on their separate ways. For some reason or another, don't get the contact information and then the next day, they're kicking themselves going, gah. That could have been the one. That was the one.

[Melissa Carter]

I knew it.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I met her.

[Jen Hobby]

She was the one. We had such great chemistry, but I didn't know that.

[Jeff Dollar]

She's my dream girl.

[Jen Hobby]

She's dream girl, but I didn't get the number. What am I gonna do? So instead of fretting about it, you call us at the bird show. So we put out the apb, like, everything that this person looks like, all the information that you've ever had on the person from that amazing Destiny conversation. And then we put it out there and try to get the Birch show community to help us.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So just to get you caught up, Darren calls us yesterday, had two different chances to get Miranda's phone number and doesn't do it. He comes on and gives us a general description of who he's looking for, and we start the search.

[J]

Actually, about a month and a half ago, it was during, like, Easter weekend, and we were hanging out with a group of friends, went up to East Andrews and saw her, like, from, you know, the other side of the bar and was like, you know, that's one of those girls I gotta go talk to. So I went up to talk to her, had a good conversation, and then we got more in depth and found out she had a boyfriend. So, you know, right there threw up a flag. So I'm not gonna try to, you know, ask her number or hit on her anymore for that. We just kept talking and things like that. And then what did you learn?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

What did you learn with her in that first conversation that we might be able to use as clues?

[J]

She had a boyfriend, but he was from a different state.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, what's her name?

[J]

Her name is Miranda. I remembered her name. This is all from the first time I met her, though. Still.

[Jeff Dollar]

What does she look like?

[J]

She had blonde hair, kind of short, athletic, which was, you know, something I was into too. So that was great.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, I'm right.

[Jen Hobby]

She was short and athletic. Or her haircut looked short and athletic.

[J]

She had longer hair, like maybe past her shoulders. Blonde. And she was, like, shorter and athletic, not really tall.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, so she's athletic and kind of like five foot five, five, six?

[J]

Yeah, probably around there. Five, five, I would say.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, blonde. We know that she has a boyfriend that was living in a different state at the time, that she works for.

[J]

A talent scout model agency or something like that.

[Jen Hobby]

What about. Where is she from? Did you get that?

[J]

No, I don't. I don't.

[Jen Hobby]

Don't have that where she lives?

[J]

No, she was there with a couple friends, and I think that one of them went to Georgia.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay. So that was Darren giving us just a little description of. Now we know her name was Miranda. So the phone lines start lighting up a little bit, and people are starting to figure out, I think I know Miranda. And specifically, we get this one call that puts us on a pretty good path to find her.

[Miranda]

My daughter works with a modeling agency, and there's a girl that works there whose name is Miranda, who fits that description, who used to have a boyfriend out of state. And she used to talk about him all the time. I haven't seen her in a while, so I didn't know that they were not together anymore. But as soon as I heard that she worked at a talent agency, I'm like, oh, my God, that's Miranda.

[Jen Hobby]

Wow.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Can you tell us what the name of the talent agency is?

[Miranda]

It's about faces.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

About faces. And that's here in Atlanta?

[Miranda]

Yeah, it's across the street from Lenox.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay.

[Miranda]

And I have her cell phone number on my cell phone.

[Melissa Carter]

But you don't have your cell phone with you?

[Miranda]

I don't have my cell phone with me, but when I get to. After I drop my daughter off to school and get to my next location, I can call home and get the number off of my phone. Someone's there, so I can get the number.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Sheila thinks she's a pretty good lead, too. Hey, Sheila.

[Miranda]

My daughter goes, well, went to the University of Georgia, and her roommate was named Miranda, and she fits the description, and they both do some modeling. And I don't know if it's the right one, but it could be.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, so that's where we left things yesterday. We thought we'd be able to get in touch with Miranda yesterday, but we just ran out of time, so. Took us 24 hours. So we tried tracking her down over those last 24 hours. Hey, Darren. How are you?

[J]

Pretty good.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

How are you? Good, man. How you feeling about things?

[J]

I'm feeling pretty good. I mean, if she's gonna come on then. And it'll work out, that'd be great.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Because yesterday you said, like, you pointed to this girl, to your friends and said, you know what? That's like my perfect girl right there.

[J]

Yeah, I mean, I gotta. I mean.

[Jeff Dollar]

Yeah, I think maybe he had.

[Jen Hobby]

Hello? I gotta be a little bit cooler now that she's listening.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[J]

No, no, I mean, like. I mean, I talked to her for a little bit, and I got a vibe that. Yeah, that's Definitely it.

[Jeff Dollar]

But he used Dream Girl on the air yesterday. Then his friends got to him. So he comes out, he's like, yeah, you know what? Like, if you can get it, I'll probably hit that. You know? But.

[Melissa Carter]

I mean, no big deal, but, you know, I mean, you know, whatever.

[Producer/Announcer]

Whatever.

[Melissa Carter]

I don't care either way.

[Jeff Dollar]

I'll call her. When I'm drunk, she wants to take care of me, I'll go over there. She can buy her own food.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So it took us 24 hours, but we think we got in touch with her, man.

[J]

All right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right. Now, we don't know at this point if, you know, she remembers who you are. We don't know if she still has a boyfriend because you were pretty hammered and you're just going on the words of your friends right now.

[J]

Yeah. So it's good to figure that out.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So one way or another, at least you're gonna have closure. Either she's gonna be interested or.

[J]

That's all I was asking for.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, let's get Miranda on, because we did find her yesterday. Good morning, Miranda.

[Miranda]

Good morning.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

How are you?

[Miranda]

I'm wonderful. How are you?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Good. Darren, is there anything that you could ask this Miranda to make sure 100% that this is the girl that we're looking for?

[J]

Well, if she even remembers running into me, even the first time, or even talking with me.

[Miranda]

I am so sorry. I do not.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

You do not remember?

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Miranda]

Oh, please don't hate me. I'm so sorry.

[Jeff Dollar]

So he's not. He's not your dream guy?

[Miranda]

He might be, perhaps.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, and she was dating somebody at the time, so I think it's fair.

[Jen Hobby]

That's okay.

[Melissa Carter]

That she, you know, doesn't have this impression of Darren necessarily because she was dating someone then. Miranda, are you in a relationship now?

[Miranda]

No.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Jen Hobby]

Did you wear that black hat on derby day?

[Miranda]

I did.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And you. Do you remember meeting any of Darren's friends at East Andrews?

[Miranda]

I don't. We had a. It was a long day Saturday, so.

[J]

She was in the same boat. I was probably.

[Miranda]

I'm so sorry.

[J]

No, that's all right.

[Melissa Carter]

Well, Miranda, obviously you made an impression on Darren because he's, you know, made these efforts to track you down. So, I mean, would you be interested in going out with Darren?

[Miranda]

Of course. He sounds really sweet.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey, Darren, is there anything that you could bring up about the. You know. Because you said you had a long conversation with her the first time you met her. Well, yeah.

[J]

I mean, it was about 15 minutes. It was. I mean, I don't know what state she was in the first time I met her, because obviously it was the first time, but it was a. We were downstairs, a group, about five or six of us, and we were just standing by the back door by the patio, just hanging out, talking. She was with a group of her friends. And I mean, I don't really know how to explain it. We were just kind of going through conversations and I called her out. I was like, you know, why are you out here? You probably have a boyfriend or something like that. She's like, yeah, I do. He lives out of state though. And I was like, oh, okay. But I don't know how to really bring anything else up, I guess.

[Miranda]

Well, what do you look like?

[J]

About five' 11, taller. I got hair on my head.

[Miranda]

What color?

[J]

It's dark. I was out. I had a white shirt on. On Saturday?

[Miranda]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm so sorry.

[J]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Did you have. Miranda, did you have a boyfriend that lived out of state?

[Miranda]

Well, out of town? Yes.

[J]

Maybe he was out of town Easter weekend.

[Jeff Dollar]

Think hard, Miranda. Do you recall meeting anyone at all.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

With hair on their head? With hair on their head?

[Miranda]

Of course. Of course.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay, if you met any men with hair on their head and you were even slightly attracted to them, that was Darren.

[Miranda]

Okay, good.

[J]

Wonderful. That's hard to say at EastEnders. A lot of good looking people out there.

[Melissa Carter]

Now, Darren, refresh my cause. I know we replayed our original conversation yesterday, but what was it again you said to your friends, you know, about Miranda? What was that? That something about her being the perfect girl or dream girl. What was that again?

[J]

Oh, I mean, it's just kind of a figure of speech. You know, sometimes people ask you like, hey, you know, what's your type? Or you know, really the question like, what's your type? And I was like, oh, well, my type was, you know, Miranda, the girl I ran into @EastEnders. Just joke with my buddies. We pretty much hang around all together regularly, so, you know, they always will bust on me about that too. And then it was even worse when one of my friends got in a conversation with her and then was informed me the next day that I had ran into her. I don't know how enticated he was, but he said that she tried to talk to me or say, hey, do you remember me? And I just kind of kept walking right by.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

The good news here today, Darren, is that your friends aren't gonna give you any crap at all that she didn't remember you at all. I'm sure they're gonna be very, very cool about that.

[Miranda]

I feel so bad. I'm sorry.

[J]

No, don't feel bad. I mean, I feel bad because I was a jackass, I guess. Twice.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Well, second time, Miranda, he said he was so hammered at East Andrews, I didn't barely even remember seeing yet. So one of his roommates kind of had to tell him what was going on.

[Miranda]

Oh, wow, that's bad.

[J]

Yeah, I just remember a big black hat and somewhere throughout the night. So.

[Miranda]

Yeah. Yeah, we were supposed to go to Derby Day and we missed the shuttle.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So you were pretty hammered, too.

[Miranda]

That's great.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

So maybe in the world of destiny, she was supposed to miss that shuttle.

[Jen Hobby]

That's right.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

And meet Darren. And they were supposed to be at East Andrews at the same time because.

[Melissa Carter]

Darren would have never known that she was single now had she not ended up in her derby hat there.

[Miranda]

Exactly.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, Miranda, how do you want us to handle this? Do you want us to get his phone number and give it to you? And you could call him if you want.

[Miranda]

Yeah, that'd be fine.

[Melissa Carter]

Okay, cool.

[Jen Hobby]

If you guys do end up going out, will you call us and give us an update?

[Miranda]

Of course.

[Melissa Carter]

I have a.

[J]

Sure.

[Melissa Carter]

I have this weird idea that maybe they may hang out at East Andrews.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I don't know. All right, Miranda, we'll let you go. Okay.

[Miranda]

All right, thank you.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

I'm gonna put you on hold, actually, and we'll give you his phone number. Okay?

[Miranda]

Okay.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, Darren. Well, at least you got a little closure on that.

[Melissa Carter]

And you make it. You know, this may work out.

[Jen Hobby]

Closure, It's a door opening, Bert. Door.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah. Get a date with her and everything. Get to. Get to know her.

[J]

That'd be good.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Okay. You gonna call her?

[J]

I don't have her number.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Well, she'll call you. Yeah, she's gonna call you. We'll find out over the next 24 hours if she's really interested in going out with you or that.

[J]

Exactly. And that's all I wanted to do, is there's even any interest, but obviously she doesn't remember who I am. But if she's still interested, then, you know, that'll work out.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

We saw pictures of her yesterday. She is.

[Jeff Dollar]

Is that the same girl? Did she go to uga? Is that the same girl?

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Yeah, blonde. Saw the pictures of her yesterday online.

[Jeff Dollar]

Yeah, she's a hottie. You better be pretty good looking.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

All right, man. Hold on a second. Okay.

[Melissa Carter]

All right, good luck.

[Producer/Announcer]

Thank you.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Because if you're a guy, I can just hear if I'm darin all my friends giving me so much crap in the next 48 hours.

[Melissa Carter]

You know, he can look at his friends and say, dude, guess who I'm about to have a date with.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

If she goes out with him, then he gets hand back in the relationship.

[Melissa Carter]

Yeah.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Hey, the Bird Show. ACAST powers the World's Best Podcasts Here's.

[Jeff Dollar]

A show that we recommend.

[Producer/Announcer]

We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of Ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast and our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's up and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

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[Jeff Dollar]

Creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[Host (The Bird Show)]

Acast.com.