Full Show PT 2: Friday, July 3 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Friday, July 3 [Vault]
Episode Date: July 3, 2026
Podcast Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast
Summary Coverage: [01:01]–[41:21]
(Ads and non-content sections omitted)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a classic “vault” edition packed with humor, personal stories, and live event coverage. The show covers a range of topics, including a funny beer-brewing mishap, heartfelt updates on a listener love story, the chaos of a live ‘Running of the Brides’ bridal sale, candid confessions about quitting smoking, and an honest discussion about unintentional same-sex dates. True to the show’s style, the cast keeps things real and relatable, providing laughter and touching moments in equal measure.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jeff’s Beer-Brewing Blunder and Sweetwater Brewery Event

[01:01–07:42]

• Jeff shares his disappointment over missing out on “Brew Your Cask Off,” a Sweetwater Brewery event, due to his custom cask (“Dollar’s Money Shot,” a raspberry ice cream-flavored beer) exploding because of overcarbonation.
• Lighthearted moment: The phrase “blew my bottom bung” sparks a lot of jokes and confusion.
  • Quote (Jeff, 03:34): “That’s what they told me... In short, my cask of beer exploded.”
• Jeff appreciates Sweetwater Brewery’s kindness, considering doing a group tasting and wants to enter next year with a new recipe: “Bonham Bung Blue” (blueberry-based), stating:
  • Quote (Jeff, 06:41): “I want to work all year on a new recipe…it’s going to be called Bonham Bung Blue.”
• Listener Engagement: Suggests organizing a Bert Show field trip for a group taste-testing event.

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2. Love Lost and Found: Barbara’s Update

[07:43–13:38]

• Recap of Barbara’s Story: Barbara is an AirTran flight attendant who was sought via the show's "Love Lost and Found" segment after a chance encounter with a listener.
• Current Update:
  • Barbara hasn’t seen her military friend in six years; he is returning home in one week.
  • Quote (Barbara, 09:44): “I am very excited. I’m nervous, I’m anxious, and I’ve been playing out the moment… when we actually first see each other at the gate over and over in my head.”
• Relationship Status: She sees her relationship with military man as potentially boyfriend-girlfriend after his return:
  • Quote (Barbara, 12:36): “I tell them I don’t have a boyfriend, but I probably will on March 26th.”
• Reflection on Past Listener Search: She distanced herself from the original listener and his brother after negative comments about the military surfaced.
• Plans: The crew agrees to check in with Barbara the following week after the reunion.

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3. Live Coverage: ‘Running of the Brides’ at Filene’s Basement

[15:03–23:44]

• On-the-Scene Excitement: The cast covers the renowned bridal gown sale, describing the frenzy as hundreds of women (some in themed attire e.g., St. Patrick’s, Mardi Gras) rush in for deals.
  • Quote (Joanna, 15:31): “I’m freaking out…I see those women, little glare in their eye and it is scary.”
• Listener Joanna’s Early Entry: She earned it through on-air challenges. Finds her dream mermaid-style dress, surprising herself with a simpler choice than planned:
  • Quote (Joanna, 17:27): “It’s more simple than what I was actually looking for…but it’s beautiful…form fitting…mermaid style dress…”
• Descriptive Chaos: Dresses are all removed from racks; the “bartering” phase begins; crowds are described as stampede-like. Men are reminded not to stare lest they appear as “creepers.”
  • Quote (Melissa, 19:19): “This is not like you going into a department store… No, they go in there and they grab a handful of dresses.”
• Fun Observations: Posters indicate wedding dates and dress sizes; creative strategies in picking and bartering for dresses; impromptu dressing rooms amid the store’s chaos.

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4. Candid Confessions: Falling Off the Quit-Smoking Wagon

[24:23–32:03]

• Wendy opens up about her struggle to stay smoke-free after initial success with hypnosis, admitting she smoked while on vacation but has refrained since returning.
  • Quote (Wendy, 24:47): “I did the hypnosis and did really well… stopped smoking all the way through till like, end of February... I caved and I smoked some cigarettes on vacation.”
• Reflection on Addiction: Discusses how addiction lingers—even after long stretches without smoking—especially in social or stressful situations.
  • Quote (Wendy, 28:11): "I think it’s something I’ll always struggle with, you know?”
• Listener Call-in (John): Shares a similar story, emphasizing that occasional slips don’t necessarily ruin progress as long as it doesn’t become routine.
  • Quote (John, 30:19): “It’s when it starts to be every day that it starts to compound into a health problem.”
• Support and Solidarity: The cast affirms the importance of honesty about slip-ups and the ongoing battle with nicotine addiction.

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5. Unintentional Same-Sex Dates & ‘Stealth’ in the Gay Community

[32:39–41:00]

• Melissa recounts her cousin Pam’s accidentally going on a lesbian date without realizing it, prompting a broader discussion.
  • Quote (Melissa, 32:55): “She told Katie and I a story that I thought was hilarious because she just looked at us and said, you know what? I actually one time went on a lesbian date and had no idea that I was.”
• The ‘Stealth Date’ Phenomenon: Both gay and straight panelists recall times when friendly overtures were misinterpreted as romantic or vice versa.
  • Quote (Jeff, 33:28): “I mean, her feelings were so hurt because Pam was giving attention to somebody else… she was interested in Pam and she totally sulked and left.”
• Listener perspectives: A caller (Sue, on voice disguiser) describes, with boastful candor, how she “successfully” used the stealth technique to date straight women in college:
  • Quote (Sue, 40:09): “I was successful about 99 of the time… come home and they, you know, little something, something would happen, you know?”
• Panel Reflection: Panelists discuss the challenges and gray areas of dating in the gay community, with humor and empathy, highlighting differences in how signals and opportunities are interpreted for gay vs. straight people.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On creative beer making:
  • Jeff (02:52): “Raspberry ice cream flavored beer.”
• On emotional reunions:
  • Barbara (09:44): “I am very excited. I’m nervous, I’m anxious, and I’ve been playing out the moment… when we actually first see each other at the gate.”
• On wedding dress shopping madness:
  • Joanna (15:31): “I’m freaking out…I see those women, little glare in their eye and it is scary.”
• On battling addiction:
  • Wendy (28:11): “I think it’s something I’ll always struggle with, you know?”
• On accidental same-sex dates:
  • Melissa (32:55): “She just looked at us and said, you know what? I actually one time went on a lesbian date and had no idea that I was.”
  • Sue (40:09): “I was successful about 99 of the time…”

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Important Timestamps

• Beer Cask Fiasco: 01:01–07:42
• Barbara’s Love Update: 07:43–13:38
• Running of the Brides Coverage: 15:03–23:44
• Quit-Smoking Confessions: 24:23–32:03
• Unintentional Same-Sex Dating: 32:39–41:00

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Tone and Style

The Bert Show maintains its signature blend of fast-paced humor, candid admissions, and personal storytelling throughout. The tone is irreverent, supportive, and inclusive—perfect for listeners who want to laugh, commiserate, and escape their own morning grind.

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For fans old and new, this throwback “vault” episode is a showcase of the relationships—romantic, platonic, and with the audience—that the Bert Show crew fosters every morning.

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Barbara]

Hey guys, lady luck here. Are you going on any road trips this summer?

[Joanna]

I know I'm going to be going

[Barbara]

on a bunch of road trips and

[Joanna]

being that I'm going to be passenger

[Barbara]

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[Announcer]

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[Jeff]

Birdsha I have to tell you what made me very sad yesterday.

[Melissa]

Aww, what's that?

[Jeff]

I was very excited. Several months ago, right before Christmas, I was at an event and at a charity auction. And at this charity auction. You read the tweet.

[Jen]

I didn't see it.

[Jeff]

What happened at this charity auction? I had the opportunity to purchase an entry into this event called brew you cask off, which is, which is an event that Sweetwater Brewery is doing Saturday. There's a lot of like brewmasters and restaurateurs and chefs and stuff like that who are making these, these custom beers.

[Melissa]

You tell me about this. You tell me about the event, not about the auction.

[Jen]

There's 75 different celebrities and people in

[Jeff]

Atlanta and I was very excited because I purchased it. The charity event was a friend of mine's event. So I was able to support him and support the character charity he was raising money for and do something that I was so excited about. Make a cask of beer. So I talked at last year the winning cask of beer. Because when I tell you my recipe, I don't want you to think I'm weird. Last year the winning cask of beer was actually chocolate glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut flavored beer. And in the cask of beer, creative.

[Wendy]

You don't think this.

[Jen]

I'm not a donut girl.

[Jeff]

So they actually put chocolate glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts in there to give the flavor, you know, to the, to the beer like that's how it's, it's made. And I was like that. I mean, I thought that was cool.

[Melissa]

Very creative.

[Jeff]

And so they were saying, look, you gotta get creative, you gotta get crazy, you gotta do whatever. And totally randomly, I met somebody at Taco Mac who's a big brew guy and he knows about brews. So I had a conversation with him and then I had to put my recipe together. I contacted him, he gave me some ideas, and with his direction, I invented Dollars Money Shot.

[Wendy]

Which is what?

[Jeff]

Raspberry ice cream flavored beer.

[Jen]

Yum yum.

[Wendy]

Ice cream flavored beer. I bet it's good though, right?

[Jeff]

So I went with the cause it's spring. I had my fingers crossed for nice weather. So it's spring. Fruity. But the ice cream, it's a vanilla. Yeah, it's a summertime brew.

[Melissa]

Did you just give something away to people or did they already have to submit their recipes before this weekend?

[Jeff]

It's that there's nothing you can, you have to brew your beer. So.

[Melissa]

Not that I don't trust people, but I'm just the competition.

[Jeff]

The competition is tomorrow.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Yesterday afternoon, I got a phone call from Sweetwater Brew. Okay, I blew my bottom bung.

[Jen]

Wait, save that, by the way.

[Wendy]

But what, what is it?

[Jeff]

That's what they told me.

[Melissa]

I saw that tweet and I didn't know what the hell that meant. I was afraid to ask.

[Jeff]

They told me that I blew my bottom bung. And if, apparently, if you're a wow,

[Melissa]

and I'm sorry, you need to go to the hospital for that.

[Jeff]

And I, I, I think they're used to dealing with like, brewers and brewmasters and whatnot. So these people know what, you know, those terms mean. Okay, I had no idea. So in short, my cask of beer exploded.

[Melissa]

The whole thing gone. So the recipe was like two. Was the chemistry in it that blew it or what?

[Jeff]

That's what they said. It if, if it offloaded too much CO2 and they couldn't vent it enough. And they said, and so in an attempt to make me feel better when I was talking to him, as. You know, sometimes people try to make you feel better, but then they over talk a little bit.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

So the girl I was talking to says, now listen, you're not the only cask that blew. And I'm like, oh, okay, good. She's like, we had a couple explosions. And I'm like, okay. So, you know, now I don't feel like such a loser. She goes, the other ones happened like two or three weeks ago. So we were able to rebrew their beers.

[Joanna]

Oh, one sentence too far.

[Jeff]

You're the only one who's not going to be able to participate.

[Wendy]

A.

[Jen]

That's so sad.

[Melissa]

Your kid, your cake's all flattened.

[Wendy]

Oh, sh.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

So, no, I do not have a cask of beer at the.

[Wendy]

That really is a bummer.

[Jeff]

I know, dude.

[Wendy]

Are they going to be able to re. Brew it or no?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I was.

[Wendy]

I want to try.

[Melissa]

I want to know how this works. So you give them the recipe and they brew it or. I don't understand.

[Jeff]

They brew it. They start with a base of either light beer or dark beer. I'm more of a light beer drinker, so I had them start with a light beer. Plus I was trying to make a summertime ale.

[Wendy]

Right.

[Jeff]

So they started with a light beer. And then this guy, like I said, I met a guy at Taco Mac randomly who's, you know, who brews beer. So he was able to tell me about like, hops, the different types of hops to use the flavoring, the yeast, the this, that, the other thing. He was able to do all that. And then the flavors, you just basically pick like. I wanted fresh raspberries. I originally wanted fresh strawberries, but then the brewer told me strawberries aren't seasoned, so I went with raspberry.

[Wendy]

Okay. I really want to try.

[Melissa]

I want to try raspberry beer.

[Jeff]

Well, I'm. I'm going to. Here's. They're being more than accommodating. The folks at Sweetwater, they're being very, very, very cool about it. And they've given me a couple of options. What I think I'm going to do is I'm going to go back to them with. With an offer because I haven't. I came up with an idea.

[Barbara]

Okay.

[Jeff]

I'm. I'm going to have ask them to recreate that recipe and then we'll do one of our bircho field trips and we'll all hang out. Maybe we can invite listeners or whatever we taste.

[Joanna]

My. That would be.

[Melissa]

That would be like, yes, definitely.

[Jeff]

But I want them to give me an entry into next year's brew. Your cask off, right?

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And I want to. I'm going to work all year on a new recipe. Yeah, it's going to be a blueberry based beer.

[Melissa]

Are you sure you want to tell this?

[Jeff]

And it's going to be called Bonham Bung Blue.

[Jen]

Oh, that's pretty.

[Wendy]

That's really clever.

[Melissa]

So you're like, I've got the tape in case anybody tries to steal that.

[Wendy]

But, yeah, clever. Very clever.

[Jeff]

So that's. That's what I'm going to do. And the Sweetwater guys are like, Freddie from Sweetwater.

[Melissa]

You know, my favorite Sweetwater beer is the Sweetwater Blue. So.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Yeah, Freddie. Freddie from Sweetwater actually sent it. We were at Tacos, did Taco Mac with friends last night, and he sent a text message and said, hey, are you with Jeff Dollar? Tell him I'll give him one of my recipes. He'll definitely win, and I won't tell anyone. Like, they were willing to swap out a cash.

[Wendy]

So if somebody wants to go taste these beers of everybody else. I'm sorry.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

Can they go this weekend?

[Jeff]

Sure. Go to brewyourcast off.com website. There's all the details. It's. Oh, it's on your part on the

[Jen]

party report up online.

[Melissa]

Can we see your. Your exploding. Will the remnants of your cask be somewhere, like, as a memorial to you or something?

[Kara]

I am.

[Melissa]

Shards of wood or something somewhere.

[Jeff]

I am at booth number 78. So if you want to go by and pay your respects, light a candle, rip.

[Melissa]

Lay some flowers, raspberry beer.

[Jen]

Bless it.

[Jeff]

Booth number 78 is where dollars Money Shot will live in Memorial.

[Announcer]

It's the vert show.

[Jeff]

You guys are gonna have to help me with this, because here's what.

[Melissa]

I'm getting distracted now. I'm thinking of Jeff and Spanx.

[Jeff]

Here's what I remember about Barbara. Barbara was a woman that we located as part of Love Lost and Found.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry. Yes.

[Wendy]

There was a guy trying to find her.

[Jeff]

Her. She was. She's an AirTran flight attendant, and he bumped into her on shuttle van at the airport and. And decided that he needs to meet her because she's the woman of his dreams. And that's where it ended for me. You guys were looking for her, and then I think we left for Burt's Big Adventure, and then I got sick.

[Wendy]

We found her through a loaf of bread and Facebook.

[Melissa]

Yes, because she had a loaf of

[Wendy]

bread in her bag, and that was one of the identifying factors. And then they narrowed it down, and then some of her friends found her on Facebook.

[Jeff]

What happened when we found her?

[Wendy]

She came on with us and talked to him. She did remember the exchange, although it was a little vague for her.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Wendy]

You know, she sounds like somebody that was, like, really friendly with anybody and everybody, and so she was really friendly with him, but she said she was not married, that she was not in a relationship currently. She was looking forward to Getting into a relationship with this guy who was overseas in the military. And they had be. They had been friends and sort of reconnected as friends just before he was deployed.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Wendy]

So they had been writing letters back and forth, like, every. Every day. Every other day.

[Jeff]

That movie with the big love girl.

[Jen]

Dear John.

[Melissa]

Yeah, John.

[Wendy]

And so he was going to be coming home in March. So she. She was flattered by this guy, love lost and found, looking for her. And she would have been open to a date, but she was really focused on military guy.

[Jeff]

Oh, my God, it's March now.

[Wendy]

I know.

[Melissa]

That's why we're going to talk to her.

[Jeff]

We should check in with Barbara. Hi, Barbara.

[Barbara]

Hi. Good morning.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Jeff]

How are you? How are you?

[Wendy]

Did we get that right?

[Barbara]

I'm doing great. Yeah. For the most part. The only good little detail that you missed was that we haven't seen each other in six years.

[John]

That's right.

[Jeff]

You and the military guy have not seen each other in six years.

[Barbara]

That's right.

[Jeff]

Okay. So it's. So the update, I guess, that we're getting, I'm assuming you're on with us because he's either home now or he's due home very soon.

[Barbara]

He will be home in one week.

[Melissa]

In one week.

[Wendy]

Are you excited?

[Barbara]

I am very excited. I'm nervous, I'm anxious, and I've been playing out the moment of when we actually first see each other at the gate over and over in my head. So it probably won't go that way. I'll probably fall down or something. But yeah, it's very exciting.

[Melissa]

So are you still writing to each other and everything's pretty much the same since we talked to you a couple months ago?

[Barbara]

Yeah, we still write every now and then, depending on the timing. We actually Facebook chat and he sends like, we write letters and everything. And my schedule's been really, really crazy for March. I swapped so many days just so I could have a lot of time off at the end of the month, spend time with him. And I've been working six days straight with one day off in between for the past couple of weeks.

[Melissa]

Good for you, man.

[Wendy]

You are really into this guy.

[Barbara]

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a big deal, I guess. And in my one day off last week, he knew about my one day off and actually sent me flowers. So I received flowers.

[Jeff]

So are you.

[Announcer]

Do you guys.

[Wendy]

This is really kind of nerve wracking because you're building it up so much. Like your level of expectation is so high for when he comes home in A week. Are you nervous about that?

[Sue]

Yes and no. I think we.

[Barbara]

We understand each other, and we're just on the same level about it. And, I mean, we've kind of explored the feelings that we have, but.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Barbara]

I don't know.

[Wendy]

It'll.

[Barbara]

It'll come out, I think, you know, once he's actually here, for sure.

[Jen]

So the guy that initially called us looking for you, have you been. Been in contact with him at all?

[Barbara]

I haven't. And the main reason, because I actually emailed Bert about it, was I had found out that, you know, after I'd been on the show that there was some negative things that were being said about the military, and I just wasn't cool with that, and I didn't want to get involved.

[Jen]

Oh. His brother had said some negative things through an email to Burt, the guy who was initially looking for her. His brother.

[Melissa]

Remember that part of the. The brother came in to defend. You weren't here, but, yeah, it got kind of funny because the brother came on and was trying to defend his brother and was kind of like.

[Jeff]

But did anybody insult the brother, or did she just say, I'm seeing somebody else?

[Melissa]

Well, we were giving the brother the hard time for being an adult and coming to the defense of his brother who was initially trying to find her.

[Barbara]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

And then he sent subsequent emails that we read the next day that he. He did say something negative about the military. Just trying to put his. Yeah, just trying to. He didn't. I don't think he meant to be insulting about the military, but he was just trying to have his brother compete with this military. Did for this woman.

[Jeff]

But there was never a competition, right?

[Melissa]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Jeff]

So do you consider this guy. The guy. What branch of the military is he in?

[Barbara]

He's in the army.

[Jeff]

So do you consider your army man, like, your boyfriend? Like, if somebody asked you the question, do you have a boyfriend, what is your answer?

[Barbara]

I tell them I don't have a boyfriend, but I probably will on March 26th.

[Jeff]

Okay, so where's my calendar march today? March 26th is next Friday. Right. Can we talk to you again next Friday morning and then definitely on the Monday after that?

[Barbara]

Yes. Oh, for sure. I don't know exactly what time he'll be here on Friday when he actually. He's supposed to have a layover in Ireland, and he's supposed to have all the flight information. But, yeah, I can definitely talk Friday morning, I guess, building up.

[Melissa]

We want to talk to you before he gets to town. So Friday morning would be perfect.

[Jeff]

Yeah, if he gets.

[Wendy]

How exciting.

[Jeff]

If he gets in before 10am Just tell him to wait at the airport. Hey, Barbara, thank you for joining us.

[Barbara]

Yes, this is.

[Jeff]

This has turned into a cool story.

[Melissa]

Very cool.

[Wendy]

Very cute.

[Jeff]

From love lost and found to love coming home.

[Melissa]

So sweet.

[Jeff]

Hey, Barbara, we'll check in with you next Friday, okay?

[Barbara]

All right. Sounds good.

[Melissa]

And Barbara, I mean, if you. If you sure you don't want to come down here to Filame's basement sometime today and pick out your wedding dress just in case. Just so you never know, you should

[Jeff]

meet him wearing a wedding dress.

[Melissa]

Pick him up at the airport in your wedding.

[Jeff]

For sure.

[Wendy]

Totally.

[John]

I do.

[Barbara]

I live five minutes away, so maybe.

[Melissa]

Yeah, you should.

[Announcer]

This is the bird show.

[Jeff]

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[Announcer]

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[Jeff]

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[Announcer]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Jeff]

We are less than five minutes away from running of the Brides 2010 in Filene's basement.

[Jen]

Five minutes.

[Jeff]

I think people are ready. Earlier they were jumping around to keep warm, and now they're jumping around to loosen up their muscles, Right?

[Barbara]

Yeah.

[Jen]

They're doing some stretches, some crunches, some push ups.

[Melissa]

Gotta get in there.

[Jeff]

Hey, Joanna, can you hear us okay?

[Joanna]

Yes, I can hear you.

[Jeff]

How are you?

[Joanna]

I'm freaking out.

[Jeff]

Why?

[Joanna]

I see those women.

[Melissa]

Oh, my God.

[Joanna]

Little glare in their eye and it is scary.

[Melissa]

Joanna, how tall are you?

[Joanna]

I am five feet tall.

[Melissa]

Five feet tall. She's gonna get trampled.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kara]

And she's.

[Jeff]

She's bouncy like she's a little five feet. Like, she's like. She's like a ping pong. She's gonna be a pinball in there.

[Narrator]

Exactly.

[Jen]

She's gonna be on the ground.

[Joanna]

My girlfriends were like, shouldn't you Be wearing, like, knee pads and elbow pads and a mask.

[Narrator]

Helmet.

[Melissa]

A helmet, yes.

[Jeff]

Joanna actually got to go in. We gave her a list of tasks earlier today. And Joanna, by the way, when you get the go ahead in there, you can just interrupt us because we're gonna coordinate this so that everybody's carrying it live. But when Joanna got to go in early because she sang live on the air, she put humiliating pictures on the website. She did stand up comedy. She had to do all this stuff and earned the right to go in and find her wedding dress early.

[Wendy]

Right.

[Jeff]

And I had the thought after we made her sing today that if she did not find her wedding dress.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Then she humiliated herself for nothing.

[Wendy]

Exactly.

[Melissa]

It's called radio. I mean, isn't that what we do?

[Wendy]

But she got. She got the pick and she got, like, time to sort of peruse the different styles and sizes and everything.

[Joanna]

It's still overwhelming, though. There are so many dresses in here. They're all just beautiful. And I wanted to try on almost every single one of them, but it was well worth it.

[John]

There were.

[Jeff]

There are over 2,200 wedding dresses in there, by the way. And don't forget, you don't have to shop just this morning. You can come in all day. The wedding dresses are here all day. So, Joanna, tell us, was it a waste? Was the humiliation totally wasted? Or did you find your dream dress at Filene's basement today?

[Joanna]

No, I found my dress.

[Wendy]

It's so beautiful.

[Melissa]

I got a pink.

[Jeff]

Will you please describe it to Melissa, Wendy, Jen, and other women listening?

[Joanna]

It's very. It's more. It's more simple than what I was actually looking for.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Joanna]

But it's beautiful. It's form fitting. It's kind of like the mermaid style dress. And it is what every bride told me. You put it on and you immediately know that this is beautiful.

[Jen]

Start crying.

[Joanna]

Almost, but not quite.

[Jeff]

And now I would say let's take a look at it, but we can't. You can't try it on for us because Jason is not. You're not allowed to see your bride in her dress.

[Wendy]

Right.

[Jeff]

So we can't risk it getting videotaped or seeing it tried on. So we will have to take your word for it. And you got mom approval.

[Joanna]

Yes, my mom, of course, she loved everything I tried on, but she really liked this one.

[Melissa]

Good.

[John]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Joanna told us the other day that she has a problem with her mom not being able to say no to any wedding dress. Oh, it's beautiful. You're so beautiful. It looks great. And Joanna's like, look, we're gonna go browse in this store. And this store is more than we can afford. So don't like the dresses, right?

[Wendy]

And her mom's like, it's beautiful.

[Joanna]

Hey, guys.

[Jeff]

Yes, Sam?

[Joanna]

We're ready to do the countdown.

[Jeff]

We're ready if you are. Are you guys ready to go?

[Sue]

Are you all ready?

[Melissa]

You guys ready?

[Joanna]

All right. All right.

[Wendy]

My gosh, there are thousands of women lined up outside of Filene's basement. And a couple of very brave women.

[Joanna]

Nine, eight.

[Jeff]

Good luck, Joanna.

[Joanna]

Seven.

[Jeff]

We love you. No matter what happens, we love you very much.

[Melissa]

Nice knowing you.

[Joanna]

Four.

[Jeff]

We'll give your wedding dress to Jason.

[Jen]

Two.

[Sue]

One.

[Melissa]

Here we go. It's running of the prize. 22. There they go.

[Wendy]

They're. Oh, my goodness.

[Joanna]

Oh, my God.

[Jen]

Joanna's hair is blowing in the wind.

[Melissa]

How you doing, Joanna?

[Joanna]

I'm just still. I'm shaking. I'm shaking.

[Melissa]

But you're still standing.

[Joanna]

To be standing soon. Oh, I'm still standing still.

[Wendy]

They are pouring in.

[Joanna]

Oh, my gosh, honey, they're gonna be

[Melissa]

coming in for a while.

[Jen]

Oh, my gosh. Tearing the dresses off the racks right now.

[Joanna]

This is.

[Sue]

This is getting.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Jeff]

Joanna's just got checked. Like, it's almost. What happened?

[Melissa]

She just got. She just got checked.

[Jeff]

Checked out of her heart.

[Wendy]

Yes.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Jeff]

I didn't think it was possible. Joanna's a petite little thing, but she has actually made herself smaller.

[Joanna]

I think it's the low center of gravity.

[Sue]

That's right.

[Melissa]

That's why she didn't fall over. That was hilarious. And they're still. They're still coming in.

[Wendy]

Wow.

[Jen]

And there's still a long line outside.

[Jeff]

Do we have any estimates of how many people were in line?

[Wendy]

I mean, it had to be at least a thousand.

[Jeff]

People are carrying signs over their head. Signs. 8 to 14, ivory dress.

[Wendy]

Still a stampede out here. And I.

[Joanna]

Exciting and sometimes scary.

[Melissa]

And most times bridal parties have the same outfits on. So I see a lot of St. Leftover St. Patrick's Day outfits. They may still be partying. And then some Easter bunny ears, Marty Gro feathers.

[Wendy]

I see lots of poster boards with the sizes that they need because the

[Melissa]

bartering will begin here in a few minutes where everybody goes in there, grabs the dresses off the rack, and then they start going back and forth on who needs what size, because, again, they're not. They're not sectioned by size.

[Jen]

I love. I love how the guys have the group addresses carrying them for, obviously, their brides or whatever in their party. Carrying them over into corners. Now inside.

[Jeff]

Joanna, are you okay?

[Joanna]

Yeah, I am still there.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Joanna]

I stumbled because I got ran into, but I'm good.

[Jeff]

I lost a visual on Joanna for a minute and got worried. Are the signs going in? You know what I'm seeing? I've seen several signs that say 10-10-10. That's gonna be a busy wedding day this year. October 10th, 2000.

[Wendy]

Yes. Does that fall on a Saturday?

[Jen]

A Sunday this year.

[Wendy]

A Sunday.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Jen]

And there's a girl literally laying on top of all her dresses in the corner.

[Jeff]

The way this works Filene's basement is you run in and you grab the dresses and you grab as many as you can grab and you wrap your arms around them. Then you start. Who brought a child into this?

[Melissa]

Stay facts.

[Jeff]

There's a five year old in tears, of course, crying.

[Wendy]

It's a madhouse in there.

[Melissa]

Well, like Jeff was talking about. I mean, this is not like you going into a department store and you see women that are kind of thumbing through. No, they go in there and they grab a handful of dresses.

[Joanna]

There are women walking around with just arms full of dresses right now. I mean, it looks like they're all

[Melissa]

off the racks, right?

[Jeff]

Are the racks empty? Can you see back there, Joanna?

[Melissa]

I think they are empty, yes. We get indication that all the racks are now empty.

[Jeff]

So now what will happen inside, the

[Melissa]

people are still coming in is people

[Jeff]

will walk around, they'll hold their signs up that say, what's the size dress they want? And then they began negotiating. So you just because they're not organized, you grab as many dresses as you can carry. That's why people bring so many people. So you all grab, you know, 20 dresses, 30 dresses, and then you go through them. And if you're a size four or six, you keep all the fours and the sixes and you trade off the other ones for other people who have the sizes you need.

[Melissa]

And then there's other sections in this, in filings basement here in Buckhead where they are now starting to try on the dresses. So you usually, when you find dresses, then you have your bridal party kind of surround, like circle the wagons. So they're circling the wagons around you and you're trying to dress in the middle of the circle. And so they find their own dressing rooms in the aisles of the store.

[Jeff]

And this is where it sort of gets embarrassing for the guys because at this point the women have decided they have no shame.

[Wendy]

Oh, of course. It's a wedding dress.

[Jeff]

And you turn and you go, you walk around the corner and they're just trying them on. Look great. They don't care. They're. They're hiding under the escalator. And, well, the thing is putting their dress up.

[Melissa]

You're potentially being a creeper now, because if you're a guy here and you start staring like you're really fascinated, you're really creeper because you're watching girls undress.

[Jeff]

You can't. You can't stare.

[Melissa]

You have guys that are standing over here with us right now. I'm not calling y' all out or anything.

[John]

You have.

[Jeff]

You have to be very alert because there is creepers. It is a creep. Potential creeper.

[Melissa]

Well, I think this right here, we have creeper window right here where men get. I'm just playing, lady. I'm playing with you guys. I'm playing.

[Wendy]

But yeah, so these brides know, I mean, they came prepared. They wore their spandex, they've got their camisoles on, so they can just like strip down and start trying on all these dresses. And like we've said a couple times this morning, this is going to go on all day long today. So as soon as this original madness sort of calms down, everybody does their bartering. The dresses will start going back up on the racks. There's 2200 of them, right. And so there's going to be plenty here to come and shop all day at Filet Filene's basement. We're right here in Buckhead, right across

[Melissa]

from the plaza, the fifth plaza down the street from the square.

[Kara]

The.

[Jeff]

The crowd is in, so we'll have to go back and look at the timing. I think it was four and a half or five minutes.

[Sue]

Okay.

[Jeff]

To dump everyone into Filene space.

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[Wendy]

All right, so I have a confession to make to all of you guys. You followed my progress. You supported me when I was winning, and I need your support because I had a setback and I'm talking about cigarettes. Yeah. So y' all followed me in January when I Did the hypnosis and did really well. Stopped smoking all the way through till like, end of February. Okay, End of February.

[Melissa]

Does the hypnosis guy want you to talk about him since you're smoking again?

[Barbara]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

No, he wants me to come back and I will say that I haven't done the homework like I was supposed to because you're supposed to. To the hypnosis over and over again, and I have not done that. And then you're also.

[Jeff]

You mean re. Listen to it. Like he recorded.

[Wendy]

He records the whole thing. And it's sort of like a meditative process or whatever. So you're supposed to put yourself back into that state by listening. And I didn't do the homework. Yeah. And then. And then when I was on vacation, and this is sort of delayed because I was sick last weekend and whatever, but yeah, when I was on vacation, I caved and I smoked some cigarettes on vacation.

[Melissa]

Were the people on vacation you were with, did they smoke?

[Wendy]

No.

[Melissa]

So you did this by yourself?

[Wendy]

Yeah, I had been surfing all day and it was like in the afternoon and I was just like, having a beer with dinner and I was like, yeah, I want to smoke. I'm on vacation.

[Jeff]

Nothing like sucking in gallons of seawater that make you say, what can I do to constrict my breathing further.

[Wendy]

Yeah, I don't know why, but I caved. And I had some on vacation, but I left it on vacation. And I haven't had any sense. So I don't know why that was like, I compartmentalized it in that way. And it was like, okay, because it was like I wasn't in the country.

[Melissa]

Was it. The rules don't apply.

[Wendy]

I was in, like a weird. I don't know. I don't know where my mind went with that, but I was able to leave it on vacation.

[Melissa]

And so it's like guys in high school when we were on spring break in Panama City beach and they said you lose your virginity when you're out of the state of Tennessee. That's what they kept telling the girls there. Yeah. So when it's out of the state, it don't count.

[Jen]

Well, and that common fret, what happens in El Salvador stays in El Salvador.

[Announcer]

I know.

[Wendy]

It really is that. It is that phrase they have there. I don't know why that was the mentality for me, but I haven't smoked since I've been back.

[Jeff]

Was there any challenge to you when you came back to. Was there any temptation for you, rather when you came back in a challenge to avoid That I don't think I

[Wendy]

had time because I was only back for 48 hours and then went to Los Angeles for American Idol and then got sick. And I've been sick for almost two weeks now. So there's been obviously. I mean, maybe I got sick for a reason to sort of, like, help me, because there's certainly been no cravings there.

[Jeff]

Do you think the sickness is directly related to the cigarettes?

[Joanna]

It could be.

[Wendy]

It definitely could be.

[Jeff]

Because, like, don't you start coughing up all sorts of gross stuff and everything when you stop smoking?

[Wendy]

I was actually thinking about that this weekend as I was coughing up, you know, disgusting things. I was thinking, I wonder if. Because when I quit in January, I didn't get sick. And usually, typically when you stop smoking, you get sick because your body's adjusting to being healthy again. You're clearing out a whole bunch of stuff. And I didn't in January. Somehow I bypassed that for six weeks. And then I think this time I was thinking about that yesterday or day before, I was like, I wonder if the sickness was worse because I'm also sort of cleansing from all of that. I don't know.

[Jeff]

So it's the purge, the smoking purge and just a cold all rolled into one.

[Wendy]

Rolled into one or something. I don't know. But I haven't been this sick really, ever as an adult. I don't think I was talking to my mom about it. I was like, I think it's been since high school since I felt this bad, you know? So I think that's part of it. But anyway, just had to share my setbacks with you guys. Just be honest.

[Melissa]

I think it's. I mean, when you get well, do you think you'll be in the same habit of not smoking when you're in Atlanta? Can you say? And you just. It's like one day at a time.

[Wendy]

It's better than one day at a time because I don't think about it every day anymore. But I think it's something I'll always struggle with, you know? I don't know why that is, but

[Jeff]

when you quit the first time, how long did you quit for?

[Wendy]

Three and a half years and maybe almost four.

[Jeff]

Would you say at any point in that three and a half years, you were like. It was just completely out of your mind, or did it occasionally. Just so it'll go away.

[Wendy]

It can go, like, completely out of your mind. But I think, like Melissa said, when you're hanging out with friends that you typically smoked with, that's the hardest part. That's I think really hard or you go through moments of really extreme stress or whatever. I mean, I think it's an addiction and anybody that's dealt with any sort of addiction can fall back on like Tiger woods, right?

[Jeff]

Look at what you have in common with Tiger Woods.

[Wendy]

I never thought about it that way, but thank you, Jeff. I'm really glad that you're putting me in that category. No, I just think, I think anybody that struggles with addiction would know that. Anybody that's a former alcoholic, anybody that's a former drug abuser or you know, cause really nicotine's a drug. It just happens to be legal.

[Barbara]

Right.

[Jen]

Are you gonna go back and do more hypnosis now?

[Wendy]

I should. He's really hard to get in to see now though.

[Jen]

I'm not sure.

[Wendy]

Pure hypnosis. Shawn Wheeler, he's really, really booked these days since we talked about it, so.

[Jeff]

Well, now that you've just said it doesn't work, he probably won't be canceling.

[Wendy]

No, it does, it definitely does. I mean it definitely got my. It definitely got it started for me, but I just, I felt like I needed to admit my setbacks and you know, I'm certainly not perfect. So I think it'll be always a struggle for me.

[Jeff]

Hey, John, welcome to the Bird show.

[John]

Hey guys, how you doing? What's going on, Jen? Yeah, I'm a 10 year smoker. I just quit back in October, I

[Wendy]

think it was for you.

[John]

And you know you're gonna flip every now and then, you know.

[Wendy]

Have you slipped?

[John]

Oh, sure, yeah. I mean, every now and then I'll be out drinking or whatever, have a smoke or two with friends, but it's not an everyday thing. That's kind of the big deal, right? Because one every month or two, you know, a couple every here and there, your body can deal with that. But it's when it starts to be every day that it starts to compound into a health problem.

[Wendy]

But see my problem and I don't know if you're like this or not, but I was never able to do it casually. You know, it's like for me, like if I pick one up, I might as well go, you know, just sign up all over again. That's why I was sort of surprised myself that I was able to kind of keep it contained on vacation and sort of like it felt like an indulgence. Just like everything on vacation is just like you have a beer at 2 o' clock in the afternoon on vacation. That's an indulgence, you know, like, oh,

[John]

that's not every day. Oh, okay. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But yeah, it's. If you've gotten in the mindset where you don't want to be an everyday smoker, you'll work yourself to that. And like I said, you may every now and then have a slip. Just as long as you remind yourself that it's not. It's more worth it not to smoke every day. You'll get through it fine. One day, you probably won't even think about smoking anymore. But it'll just be a while.

[Wendy]

I hope so. Are you.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

[John]

Go ahead.

[Jeff]

He's there.

[Wendy]

Are you still there? I was gonna say, are you at that stage from October till now.

[John]

I'm starting to get to the point where now I just don't even think about it. Except for when I around my friends who do still smoke. And I'm kind of like, I'll just go five feet over here and have another beer.

[Wendy]

Yeah, that is definitely hard when you're with friends.

[Jeff]

But who is it that we were talking about last week that has the sober coach, like, the person that's with them?

[Wendy]

Charlie Sheen.

[Jeff]

Charlie Sheen. You need a smoking coach. It's just somebody who's with you 247 and, like, carries a fire extinguisher or a squirt gun or something.

[Wendy]

Just shoots you in the face with it.

[Kara]

Every time.

[Wendy]

I want one.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Sees your light out, put it in your mouth and.

[Melissa]

Yep, out.

[Jeff]

Squirt, squirt, squirt.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And they just twerk everywhere you are. Everywhere.

[Melissa]

It was like a cat on furniture. Just have a water gun.

[Wendy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely need that.

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[Melissa]

So my cousin Pam, who is also my kidney donor, I've talked about her on the air before. Was in town last weekend for my birthday, and she told Katie and I a story that I thought was hilarious because she just looked at us and said, you know what? I actually one time went on a lesbian date and had no idea that I was no way because this happened

[Jeff]

to a guy that I know and

[Melissa]

I'm sure it's happened to a lot of people because there's a lot of gay people who may be, you know, kind of, you know, a little cautious coming out of the closet. They may not be out of the closet yet. So a lot of times what you can do as a gay person is you can stealthily kind of tread the waters lightly to see if there's any possibility of any, you know, reciprocal feelings from somebody of the same sex. But you're. But it's almost like you're safe about it where it's like, if Jen and I are friends, I have a crush on Jen. She doesn't know it yet. So we go out and then I consider it a date. And you don't.

[Wendy]

Uh huh. And I think that's happened to me before too.

[Jeff]

Does Jen know that you're gay at that point? Or is Jen.

[Melissa]

I can't remember if Pam knew. Maybe she knew. I think she did know. But what had happened, they had gone out and they went out for drinks because she was like, hey, you want to go out and have drinks? And so Pam's like, well sure, you know, that'd be great. So they go out and have drinks and then later on the evening they go somewhere else and, and they run into some friends which include some guys. And so Pam proceeds to flirt with one of the guys. The guy flirts with her and then she noticed that her friend all of a sudden became withdrawn, almost sullen. Oh God, I'm angry. And then left and completely left.

[Jeff]

Because it'd be just like if you were out on a date with somebody, you're a straight person. If you're out on a date with a girl and she starts flirting with another dude, you try to be your wing warm. You're like sad and bummed or whatever and you bow on the girl.

[Melissa]

I mean, her feelings were so hurt because Pam was giving attention to somebody else and that she was interested in gu. And she totally sulked and left. And so then that's when Pam's like, wait a second. Oh my God, she was interested in me.

[Wendy]

Yeah. She's like, wait, hello bulletin, I'm straight.

[Melissa]

Because part of her was like, well, but the gay people. See, okay, look, I. One of the things I may have tried this when I was 20 years

[Jeff]

exhausted by us straight people. She's like, okay, no, no, no, no.

[Melissa]

I'm saying the gay people we knew, we know you're straight. I mean they, you know, but there's you know, people kind of see if there's any possibility for you to get a little drunk and see if anything's gonna happen. And I think that's probably what she did with take them out for drinks. Then, you know, you're trying to warm them up a little bit to see if there's any tendency, you know, bisexual tendency going on. But my thing is, look, there's a certain age. Age that you can do that and

[Wendy]

I think get away with it.

[Melissa]

And they were in their 30s when this happened. So that's. To me, that was a little old for that to happen. But, yeah, I was fascinated. Never thought about it, but yeah, my cousin Pam went on a lesbian date and didn't even know.

[Jeff]

There might be people listening right now who are like, oh, my God, that happened to me. Like, it's just dawning on him.

[Melissa]

Yeah, maybe because, I mean, if your friend is all of a sudden, like, I mean, for no reason, out of the blue, pissed off, Parma language. That. That you are not paying attention them anymore because you decided to go and try to hook up, then there, you

[Wendy]

know, there may be reasons girlfriends don't do that. Like you said, girlfriends would be like, go get it.

[Melissa]

Yeah, get your mail.

[Narrator]

See you later.

[Wendy]

Call me tomorrow with details, you know,

[Melissa]

but not storm out of the bar.

[Wendy]

Do you think that the girl who took Pam out was unsure of her sexuality?

[Melissa]

No, she knew for sure that she

[Wendy]

was straight, but just trying to convince her otherwise.

[Melissa]

You mean unsure about Pam's sexuality or unsure? Oh, no. I mean, I think. I just think that if. I think some people are seeking so much for that. I don't know, like, I am confident enough to ask a woman out on a date, hey, I'm gay. You want to go out on a date, date, date with me. But there's some people that are just scared to do that. And then if they are, and it's almost like when you're in the closet, you are become a spy again. I don't understand why the government does not hire gays and lesbians. Because we're probably the best spies ever. Because we lived half of our life, you know, under the radar, stealthily, you know, because we didn't want anybody to find out. So you have to kind of figure out somebody by just kind of feeling them out. But then I think also if you have a crush on somebody, you don't care. You're just going to try anyway, you know, And I think for a lot of gays and lesbians, they try anyway because they just assume that maybe If I get him drunk enough, then something will happen.

[Wendy]

And is that some sort of challenge? Like some sort of personal challenge? Like, hey, I hooked up with a straight girl, or, hey, I hooked up with a straight guy?

[Melissa]

No, it's. You have a crush on him and you just. You're trying to force the situation.

[Jeff]

I have a guy friend who moved to a different city, like for College. So he's 18 years, 17. 18, probably 18 or 19 years old. And he moves to a different city and everything's cool. And he meets an older student on campus, you know, like, so he's the freshman, he meets the senior, and the senior's like, oh, welcome to the school, guy. So it's another guy senior, and they become fast friends. And he's like, oh, you got to take this class. Do this with this professor. Let's hang out. Let's whatever. And things are going cool. He's like, neat. I got a friend who's been here already for three, four years. I'm learning the ropes. So then the guy says, hey, what are you doing Friday night? You want to go to dinner? And this is perfect. I mean, this is guy mentality. They go out to dinner and it's like an Italian restaurant that's kind of dim, with little candle things on the table where people are drinking wine. He doesn't process that. It's like a romantic restaurant. Like, it doesn't even occur. I don't think, like, I would. I don't think guys process things that way.

[Melissa]

We're raised to think of couples as boy, girl, and the boy asks the girl out and they go on a date. And I think when you get into same sex couples, there's a lot of gray area. And he may misinterpreted the guy, being nice to him for being, you know,

[Jeff]

that's what he did. Right? And so then during dinner, like, they're sitting next to each other and like, you know, they would laugh about something and the dude, the older dude would slap my buddy's leg.

[Wendy]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff]

You know, like, give it a squeeze or whatever.

[Melissa]

Oopsie.

[Jeff]

My friend still doesn't. Still doesn't occur to him. I was like, wow, this guy's like, kind of touchy feely or whatever. And then at some point during the dinner, it comes up like, hey, do you wanna go dancing after this?

[Melissa]

Cause he didn't stop him, you know, from patting his leg. So he's thinking, oh, okay, all right.

[Jeff]

Dancing, you know, whatever. Back to my place. And then suddenly he's like, why would he go Back to your place. It's only 10 o'.

[Sue]

Clock.

[Jeff]

And that's just perfect. That's the way guys process things is it's just very literal. Like.

[Melissa]

Well, I think that because it is. So definitely find as most people think couples are straight couples, that if, I mean, it's, it's, it's no different than a straight couple. If you're really nice to a guy, sometimes they misinterpret that as you flirting with him and he's got the green light to pursue. Right, right. It's no different. It's no different in the gay community if they misinterpret. You know, I just think in Pam's case, I think this woman just, I think she just had a crush on her.

[Jen]

Are they, are they not friends anymore?

[Melissa]

No, Pam. Because Pam. Pam felt bad. She's like, well, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I mean, you know. Well, it's not your fault. You know, she took a, she took a girl who she didn't know for sure out on a date and that. Yeah, that's never gonna end well.

[Jeff]

Hey, sue on the voice disguiser. Welcome to the bird show.

[Sue]

Hello.

[John]

Hey.

[Sue]

Hey, Melissa. I definitely agree with you about the lesbian stealth thing. When I was in College. Well, I'm 25 now, so that wasn't very long ago. But I definitely used it on girls that I knew was straight and whole. Let's go out to the, even the straight bars and we'll drink. I'm gonna tell you, I was successful about 99 of the time.

[Wendy]

Well, I mean, that was like come

[Sue]

home and they, you know, little something, something would happen, you know, so, so

[Wendy]

that was like a personal challenge for

[Melissa]

you, but you purposely pursued straight girls.

[Sue]

It was definitely fun. I'm not trying to boast myself. I'm definitely, you know, cute.

[Melissa]

You are trying to be. But come on, you're trying to brag. These are bragging rights for you.

[Jeff]

Yeah, I'm not trying.

[Sue]

I mean, I'm a little cute, but I mean, it definitely worked out for me, you know, warming them up because, you know, women are a lot more. I found experimental.

[Wendy]

Well, but that's, that's. If you just want to hook up, you're not, you weren't looking for a relationship with anybody.

[Melissa]

And I'm a little older and I. And I got to tell you that those girls weren't completely straight. Like, that's. There are some girls that at 25, still don't know because I can tell you, I could give Jen Hobby all the drinks on this planet and still couldn't hook up with her. You know what I'm saying? Hey, I don't know.

[Wendy]

Let's have some tequila.

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Melissa the Bird Show

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