The Bert Show – Full Show PT2: Friday, March 27 [Vault]

Original Air Date: March 27, 2026

Main Theme

This episode of The Bert Show mixes irreverent humor and candid conversation as the cast (Bert, Wendy, Bubba Wallace, and rotating guests) discusses quirky celebrity facts, explores the unusual phenomenon of "sexomnia," and runs a "Guys Panel" answering women’s burning questions about dating, relationships, and perceptions. The show closes with a mix of amusing and poignant listener call-ins about kids revealing family secrets to teachers and some hilarious/frustrating 911 call stories.

Segment Breakdown & Key Takeaways

1. Celebrity Random Facts Game

Timestamps: 01:03–09:47

Format: Bert and Wendy read off bizarre facts about celebrities, quizzing each other and the group in a rapid-fire, humorous format. They keep score and provide commentary on the stories.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Matthew Perry’s missing finger tip
  • “This guy’s missing part of his middle finger...due to a door sh—shedding accident.” – Host (01:30)
  • “If he was like a Tennessee fan...he’s like, ‘Oh, we’re number one.’ It really wouldn’t be...It’d be like, ‘We’re sort of...’” – Host joke (01:52)
• Rob Lowe’s hearing loss
  • "A childhood virus left this person completely deaf in his right ear." – Host (02:17)
  • “Rob Lowe. Really? Yeah.” – Wendy (02:26)
• Other fun facts included:
  • Justin Timberlake’s pageant wins (02:56)
  • Jamie Foxx did stand-up in second grade (03:31)
  • Jim Carrey wore tap shoes to bed as a kid in case his parents “needed cheering up” (04:19)
    • “That’s tragic actually.” – Wendy (04:28)
  • Christina Applegate dumped Brad Pitt at the 1989 MTV Awards (05:07)
  • Jack Black’s parents were rocket scientists (05:48)
  • Paris Hilton has size 11 feet (06:12)
  • Madonna is distantly related to Gwen Stefani and Celine Dion (06:34)
  • Patrick Dempsey was a juggling unicycle-riding clown (07:18)
  • The Olsen twins wore fake teeth on “Full House” (08:06)
• Scorekeeping and banter:
  • “It’s the mini-celebrations that make it all worthwhile.” – Host (08:37)

2. Sexomnia: Candid Talk About Sex While Sleepwalking

Timestamps: 10:36–15:53

Content: Bert introduces the topic with an anecdote about a friend’s husband unknowingly initiating sex multiple times a week while asleep. It leads into a serious yet comedic discussion about the real medical condition, sexomnia.

Highlights & Quotes:

• “It was happening, like, three or four times a week before they both realized…he had zero idea. Zero, zero idea.” – Host (11:53)
• Wendy is skeptical: “He was faking it. He wasn’t trying to, you know.” (12:02)
• Bert affirms legitimacy: “They went to a therapist…and they said, if he’s being honest…it’s a reality. Sexomnia, where you can have sex in the middle of the night and have no idea you’ve done it.” (12:10)
• Haley (audio clip):
  • “Most guys think they’ve hit the jackpot when I tell them about the condition…but then they soon realize that it’s not great…It’s caused a lot of problems in relationships before.” (12:51–13:36)

Notable Insight:
Sexomnia is real, causes relationship issues, and is not the fantasy some imagine.

3. The Guy Panel: Candid Q&A About Modern Dating

Timestamps: 15:58–36:09

Panelists: Joel (30, engaged), Gary (29, dating), Griff (37, married, blended family), Chris (30s, dating)

Key Questions & Panel Responses:

• Jeans & T-shirt vs. Done-up Look:

  • “I’m a jeans and T-shirt dude.” – Bubba Wallace (19:22)
  • “I always like a nice sundress. Something cute.” – Host (19:30)
  • Wendy presses on “club vs. bar” settings—Panel pushes back on stereotyping.

• Women with Kids—Dealbreaker?

  • “Baggage. So that’s not for you?” – Host to Joel, who affirms (23:53)
  • Griff (Bubba): “I actually always liked women with kids because...a complete female...they have somebody else they have to love more than you.” (24:21)
  • “You need to know up front” if a woman has kids; hiding it is a deal breaker (25:25)

• Sleeping Together on the First Date:

  • “If a guy says it doesn’t matter when you sleep with him…he already sleeping with somebody.” – Bubba Wallace (26:04)
  • On respect level: “If you did [sleep with me first night], then the respect level for me came down…if I’m serious about being with somebody, I’m not going to be.” – Host (27:25)

• Never-Married, Childless Women Over 30:

  • “If she comes to you and she’s 39 years old and she’s never been married and never have kids…All kind of red flags go up.” – Bubba Wallace (28:48)
  • “You wanted to hear what guys think. And this is a red flag for a guy right here.” – Host (29:20)

• Response Time Rules—Texts and Calls:

  • “If she’s always that available, maybe [it seems desperate].” – Chris (30:36)
  • “You have to play the game…My theory: err on the side of caution…” – Joel (31:53)
  • Gary: “I actually like it when a girl’s available...When I send her a text or a phone call, I like when she answers back.” (32:40)

• Strong Personality Women:

  • “I like a girl to be confident…but I don’t want her to…think she’s better than me.” – Gary (34:24)
  • Bubba: “I love a strong…what other men would call a ‘mean female.’ There’s no such thing…just a bunch of soft dudes…” (34:39)
  • Host: “Guys get bored with passive women. You just get bored at the end of the day.” (35:15)

4. Hilarious and Sad 911 Calls

Timestamps: 37:10–42:47

Content: The crew plays and jokes about ridiculous real 911 calls—especially from people in Florida calling over trivial or inebriated misunderstandings.

Best Moments:

• Woman calls about a domestic dispute—her “roommate” took her beer (38:12–39:31)
• The caller forgets she called after police show up and rings 911 again, confused (40:09–41:14)
• Escalates to drunk, crying, and then angrily demanding to be arrested (42:29)

Hosts’ Commentary:

• “That’s the worst drunk dial you could ever make.” – Host (42:45)
• “She’s like drunk and bipolar.” – Wendy (42:08)

5. Teachers’ Secrets: Kids Accidentally Exposing Parents

Timestamps: 42:49–46:05

Content: Teachers call in to share the wild things their young students divulge about home life—unfiltered, often revealing family secrets.

Notable Calls:

• 8-year-old explains, “my mom is running out of money so during the day she has to hug on some man so they will get money.” (43:16)
• Another teacher discovers a mom is having an affair—with another teacher—via their 7-year-old student (44:10)
• A teacher learns of parents arguing about dad’s girlfriend from a fourth grader (45:08)
• A daycare child shares daddy rode in a police car because grandma called the cops after he hit mommy (45:45)

Panel’s Reflection:

• “That got sad.” – Wendy (46:05)
• “It was funny. And then it got sad very quick.” – Bubba Wallace (46:05)

Notable Quotes (With Timestamps & Attribution)

• “It’s the mini-celebrations that make it all worthwhile.” – Host (08:37)
• “I was never pressed [about sex] because I already had other females.” – Bubba Wallace (26:04)
• "If she comes to you and she’s 39 years old and she’s never been married and never have kids…All kind of red flags go up." – Bubba Wallace (28:48)
• “I actually always liked women with kids because it, to me, it just said that they was real women.” – Bubba Wallace (24:21)
• “You have to play the game…My theory: err on the side of caution…” – Joel (31:53)
• "There’s no such thing as a mean female. I think it’s just soft dudes." – Bubba Wallace (34:39)
• “She’s like, what’s my number? Oh, okay. Thanks anyway. Please send somebody. Hurry.” – Host on 911 call (39:45)
• "They don’t have any filter; they don’t know not to just talk about what's happening at home." – Wendy (43:10)

Final Impressions

Tone & Atmosphere:
Energetic, authentic, occasionally irreverent—but the mix of humor and vulnerability strikes a balance, especially during more serious or emotional moments.

Who’d Enjoy This Episode?

• Fans of lighthearted banter and radio “game show” style segments
• Listeners curious about real-life dating perspectives from the male side
• Anyone interested in the unpredictability of kids & family secrets
• Fans of classic “only in Florida” 911 call stories

Episode Navigation (Timestamps)

• Celebrity Facts Quiz: 01:03–09:47
• Sexomnia Segment: 10:36–15:53
• Guys’ Dating Panel: 15:58–36:09
• 911 Calls: 37:10–42:47
• Teachers’ Secrets: 42:49–46:05

Summary prepared for those seeking a nuanced yet entertaining overview of The Bert Show’s March 27, 2026 episode—a must-listen for relatable laughs and real talk!