Full Show PT 2: Monday, April 13 [Vault]

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Full Show PT 2: Monday, April 13 [Vault]
Date: April 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant and engaging episode, The Bert Show crew and listeners dive into two central topics: stories of disastrous (yet ultimately successful) first dates, and a spirited discussion about a viral list of “things every woman should do before getting married.” The hosts and callers share authentic, often hilarious and sometimes touching real-life stories and advice, all in the lively, open tone The Bert Show is known for.

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Notable Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Greatest Dating Comeback Stories

(01:28 – 15:10)

• Theme: Bert poses a challenge to find the greatest “comeback” story: when an initial date goes so catastrophically wrong, there’s no reason for a second, yet the relationship not only recovers but thrives.

• Host and Listener Stories:

  • Roadside Emergency & Marriage (04:31)
    • Diana shares about her friend who had an “IBS accident” on the side of the road during a third date. Despite this, they end up happily married.
      • “She made a side of the road dooser.” – Emily (04:31)
  • Stood Up but Still Married (05:30 – 07:07)
    • Fred calls in: he canceled what his date thought was a confirmed first date. She was so upset she declared she'd never see him again, but thanks to family pressure, they went out… and are now married with two kids.
  • The Oyster Incident (07:17)
    • Suzy (voice disguised!): On a first date, she gets nervous, drinks too much, and ends up vomiting after being offered raw oysters—at his parents’ house. They're married now.
    • This prompts Bert to fondly recall his now-wife Stacy throwing up on their first two dates.
      • “That’s when I fell in love with her, man.” – Bert (08:01)
  • Flower Butt Prank (08:10)
    • Ray tells of a first date where his now-wife passed out, woke up, painted his face and a flower on his butt, and sent the pictures to friends—again, they ended up together.
  • She Made Out with My Friend (09:30)
    • Jason: Spent the whole night talking to her, only to see her making out with a friend at closing time. Fast forward, he’s now married to her.
  • First Date Ends in a DUI (11:05)
    • Jeff: Gets in an accident and a DUI after his date insists on a restroom stop. She still called him again; they dated.
      • “She called me a couple weeks later. We ended up going out. I don’t know why.” – Jeff (11:40)

• Bert’s "Ultimate" Comeback Story (12:15)

  • Guy finally gets a date with a woman he’s been pursuing, but gets so sick during dinner he soils himself in the car on the way home. She not only helps him and stays to take care of him, but their disastrous night ends in romance.
    • “She is the greatest woman ever.” – Bert (14:56)

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2. Viral List: “20 Things Every Woman Should Do Before Getting Married”

(17:12 – 29:13)

• Host Discussion:
  • Bert introduces the list created by an anonymous poster with 11 days until her wedding. He runs through key items, prompting lively debate among the cast.

Sample List Items and Discussion:

• Live by Yourself for at Least a Year (18:16)
  • Frank: Strongly agrees; it teaches independence.
• Live with a Roommate (18:31)
  • Social learning; helps with compromise in the future.
• Have a Vacation Fling (19:28)
  • Opinion split: Should you scratch the “wild itch” before settling down? Diana and Emily see it as personality-dependent.
• Get Finances in Order (20:32)
  • Universally agreed: “That’s the number one reason people get divorced, right? Is money.” – Frank (20:44)
• Have Sex with Someone You’d Never Marry, Just to Experience It (20:55)
  • Depends on personal values and “itch” to experiment.
• Exercise All Past Relationship Demons (21:35)
  • The group debates whether it’s truly possible; Emily suggests it means achieving closure.
• Forgive Your Parents for Not Being Perfect (22:27)
  • Discussion about how unaddressed family issues can carry into marriage.
• Have at Least One Night You Can’t Quite Remember (23:17)
  • Bert & Diana joke: “Don’t wait ‘til your bachelor party to have one of those.”
• Celebrate Your 25th Birthday Before Getting Married (23:37)
  • Bert jokes about needing to experience youth before settling down.
• Caller Validation (23:59)
  • Jen calls in, expressing gratitude for the list validating her decision to break up because she wasn’t ready for marriage.
    • “You just validated my whole breakup.” – Jen (24:00)

Key Insight:
The cast agrees most of the items are about building independence, learning from experiences, and ensuring you’re truly ready—while recognizing not every item is for everyone.

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3. Should He Tell His Brother About a Secret Past Marriage?

(31:00 – 43:30)

• Caller Story: Brandon at a Wedding
  • Brandon (calling from his brother’s wedding in Florida) finds out, via a tipsy cousin, that his soon-to-be sister-in-law was briefly married out of high school, a fact his brother doesn’t know.
  • The group debates: Should he tell his brother before the wedding? Should he talk to the fiancée first?

Key Quotes & Advice:

• Bert (34:30): “It sucks when that falls into your lap. … Is your question now, do you tell your brother about it, or do you just not say anything at all before the wedding?”
• Steve, Caller (38:22): “Go to her directly and just say, look, I don't want anything to happen here. I just want to protect my brother and make sure everything’s on the up and up before y’all get married…leave it in your court to do this.”
• Tracy, Caller (41:28): “You need to tell your brother…if you do not have full disclosure between a husband and wife, then you're already bringing in a very difficult situation."
• Brandon (43:01): "I'll sit my bro down..."
  • The hosts urge him to choose a calm moment and catch up with them Monday for an update.

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4. Listener Call: The “Perfect Guy” Project & The List

(43:37 – 52:12)

• Alex’s Story:
  • For five years, Alex only sees a particular woman once a year in Cape May, NJ. After a heart-to-heart over drinks, she outlines a 10-point list of qualities she'd require in a man she’d marry. He takes this as a personal challenge, spends a year working on himself to ensure he attains all 10 qualities.

The List Highlights:

1. Puts family functions first.
2. Wants a committed relationship.
3. Has completed college and career plans.
4. Has good credit.
5. Loves to travel.
6. Appreciates other cultures.
7. Is religious/spiritual.
8. Is charitable.
9. Has a sense of humor.
10. Is physically healthy.

• Hosts Debate:
  • How should Alex communicate his new self to her? Not by simply presenting the list (“That’s too obvious…” – Bert, 50:30)
  • Should he wait and let her notice those qualities organically?
  • Is it overly calculating or actually kind of romantic?
• Commitment to Follow Up:
  • Bert and the crew want Alex to call back after vacation for an update.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “She made a side of the road dooser.” – Emily (04:31)
• “That’s when I fell in love with her, man.” – Bert, on vomiting dates with his wife (08:01)
• “She painted me: War paint on my face, flowers on my butt.” – Ray (08:40)
• “You were like, I want to hold your hair forever, baby.” – Diana (08:03)
• “She is the greatest woman ever.” – Bert, about a woman who comforted her date after his embarrassing accident (14:56)
• “The wedding day is not a finish line. It’s a starting line, you know?” – Diana (24:58)
• “That’s the number one reason people get divorced, right? Is money.” – Frank (20:44)
• “You need to tell your brother…if you do not have full disclosure between a husband and wife, then you're already bringing in a very difficult situation.” – Tracy, caller (41:28)

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Episode Flow & Tone

The episode is fast-paced and packed with humor, warmth, and frank discussions about love, mistakes, and life’s awkward moments. The hosts balance playful teasing with genuine insight, creating a lively, relatable atmosphere. The use of listener stories and real-time advice deepens the connection and relatability, making for an engaging and authentic morning radio experience.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Greatest First-Date Comeback Stories: 01:28 – 15:10
• Viral Pre-Marriage Checklist Debate: 17:12 – 29:13
• Should I Tell My Brother About His Fiancée’s Secret Marriage?: 31:00 – 43:30
• Alex’s “Perfect Guy” Self-Transformation Story: 43:37 – 52:12

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Conclusion:
This Bert Show episode captures the roller coaster of real-life romance—through epic first-date recovery stories, honest pre-marriage advice, and the hilarious, heartfelt calls from listeners. Whether you’re looking for laughter, practical wisdom, or just to feel less alone in your messy love life, this episode delivers.

Transcript

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[Bert]

Housing Opportunity Builder the Burt Show I got a question to ask you guys. 404-741-Q100 I think that I have the greatest dating comeback story in the history of dating. It went so awful the first night that these two are out. It should be a no brainer that she never ever ever saw him on for another date. But they have seen each other and it has worked out well over the last couple of weeks. I don't even want to tell you guys what the story is at first. I just want you to call in and give us your. I mean it's this is the greatest comeback dating comeback. We tried marriage with this a couple of weeks ago. This is like A first or second date, he or she messes this thing up so badly that there's. There should be no way that you would ever see him or her ever again. But for whatever reason, out of the goodness of your heart, you're like, I'll give him one more shot. And for lo and behold, the second date is great, and. And then the third date is fine, and the fourth date is great, and you end up in a relationship with this guy or this woman, even though that first date was awful.

[Diana]

Does it have to be the first date that was awful or just something right at the beginning or what?

[Bert]

I think it's gotta be like the first or second date. And then I'll tell you what I consider to be the worst dating comeback story. Well, actually the best.

[Caller/Guest]

It has to be.

[Emily]

The incident has to happen early enough in the relationship that it could be a deal breaker situation. You know, like by the time you've gone out with somebody, you've gone out with somebody half a dozen times. And like, for example, whatever, they don't open the car door for you once.

[Bert]

Mm.

[Emily]

Like they've built up or whatever. But if you're on first, second, maybe

[Frank]

third, you don't know each other very well.

[Emily]

First couple of dates and they do something. Like if you're on the third date with somebody and he sends 20 text messages from the dinner table, then you're gonna. You might be like, I got nothing invested in this. I've been out to dinner with him twice now. It's the third time done. Bye bye. So it has to be in that window of the easy bye bye. Because the fact that this guy's still hanging on after this happened, which was in that easy bye bye period, I mean, it's almost miraculous. I think there should be a bronze bust of him somewhere in some sort of museum with the story.

[Diana]

I have one that I could maybe get it started with.

[Bert]

Okay. 404741, Q100, because it cannot beat the one I'm about to tell you.

[Diana]

This is a friend of a friend. So this is one of my best friend's high school friends that this happened to. She was on her third date and he had taken her to a nice restaurant. They live in sort of a small town. So there's like, you know, the, you know, like sort of the more chain restaurants like the Chili's or the Olive Gardens or whatever. And they had done that for the first two dates, but he wanted to take her somewhere special for their third date. So they were about 40, 45 minutes away. To this restaurant. And as they have great dinner, whatever, they're driving back from the restaurant, she realizes she has a little IBS, like about 20 minutes into the trip and literally had to make him pull over. And she had a.

[Emily]

She made a side of the road dooser.

[Diana]

A side of the road dooser.

[Bert]

That one may be better than the one that I'm about to tell.

[Diana]

And guess what? They're married now.

[Bert]

Whoa. That one may be better than the one I'm about to tell you.

[Frank]

Really?

[Bert]

It's close. They're very, very similar. Actually.

[Advertiser]

I don't even think I could ask to pull over and say that.

[Frank]

So on the side of the road,

[Diana]

she said there was no choice. She had no other options. She just told him to pull over.

[Bert]

And they are married.

[Diana]

They are married today.

[Bert]

Okay. That could be the greatest comeback dating comeback story.

[Diana]

Because this is, you know, a high school friend of one of my best friends that I don't know. And in my mind, I thought, she has got to be hot, like, she has got to be, like, ridiculously over the top hot for him to be able to get past that on the third date.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Bert]

Good morning. Here is. I'm not sure who. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, good morning. This is Fred.

[Bert]

Hey, Fred.

[Caller/Guest]

How you guys doing?

[Diana]

Good.

[Bert]

What's up, man?

[Caller/Guest]

Good. I love the show. I don't know if this is, like, the most horrible story in the world, but I'll lay it out for you guys. We were living up in New Jersey at the time, and a mutual friend of ours had, you know, set us up and we had talked a few times on the phone and decided to give it a shot and go out, you know, blind date type thing. So we had set something up in my impression. I was going to call her on, like, a late Sunday afternoon and, you know, see how we both felt. Maybe go out on Sunday night, you know, kind of make it kind of easy. The first date. She was under the impression that we definitely had a date. Okay. So Sunday comes along, and I was doing some odd jobs, my dad and stuff on the weekends, and I was exhausted and it was snowing. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not, You know, this isn't ideal for first date. So I called her up around, must have been about 6, 6:30. And, you know, I'll say she's all excited. And I'm like, yeah, you know, I worked all day. I'm like, dad, I can't. You know, I'm not. I'm just not up for this. And, you know, let me give you a call Thursday, we'll set some next week. And she was fine on the phone and you know, call me. And then so I later find out, you know, she goes back inside to her mom. Now she, she was dressed up for the date. She had scraped the snow and ice off her car. I mean, she was set to go. And she goes back in, she's like, mom, I don't care if, you know, Uncle Frank is setting us, you know, I am not seeing this guy. And her mom was like, no, no, no, it's Frank. You have to, you know, he was like the Godfather type Italian. And so lo and behold, you know, we go out a few more times and it's great. And you know, here we are, X years later, we have two kids, married and all that stuff. So it ended up great. But to this day, she'll say, our first date, I stood her up.

[Bert]

Okay, stand up on a first date. And then ends up married to Gary with two kids. He said, Good morning, Suzy, you're on Q100. Hi, how are you?

[Caller/Guest]

Good, how are you?

[Bert]

Great. You were on the Voice Disguiser. It really must be bad. Oh, it's bad.

[Caller/Guest]

I started my first date, I was 18 years old and I was so nervous. So I decided we met at this little local place to do trivia and I decided to start drinking some beer to take the edge off.

[Frank]

So at the end of the night,

[Caller/Guest]

we go back to his parents house and his neighbor came up to me with some raw oysters and put them under my face and I just threw up all over.

[Diana]

Oh, no.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh man, it's so bad. And it's so ironic because we actually

[Frank]

ended up getting married.

[Diana]

Oh.

[Bert]

See, Stacy, when I started dating Stacy, she threw up the first two times we went out.

[Frank]

The first two times?

[Bert]

Yeah. We were drinking so much that she ended up puking both times we went out.

[Emily]

That's funny.

[Bert]

That's when I fell in love with her, man.

[Diana]

You were like, I want to hold your hair forever, baby.

[Bert]

That's my girl right there. Hey, Ray. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Diana]

Hi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, guys.

[Bert]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

Crazy date story. My first date with this girl. We had been friends for a while. She invites her friends, she gets drunk, we go back to my hotel, she ends up passing out, middle of the night, wakes up, paints me, puts paints a flower on my butt, takes pictures and sends it to her friends to mock me out. We're now, we're now married with children.

[Diana]

No, you're not.

[Bert]

Are you kidding? You got over that Wait a second.

[Diana]

What did she do to you?

[Caller/Guest]

She painted me.

[Bert]

With what?

[Caller/Guest]

Her makeup, lipstick, things like that. War paint on my face, Flowers on my butt.

[Bert]

Did you pass out? I mean, were you, like, hammered, passed out?

[Caller/Guest]

Me? No, it was just like, five in the morning and then up all night flying. Yeah, it was. I was out at some point. I probably woke up, thought she was just, like, giving me a massage or. Or something. Or rubbing my back. Yeah, she was painting me.

[Diana]

That's awesome. That is hilarious.

[Bert]

And again, this goes with, she must be super hot. Obviously, he married her, so she's super hot or you can never get away with that.

[Diana]

I like his wife already because who thinks of that?

[Emily]

Somebody used hammers.

[Diana]

Who comes up, who's drunk? I've got an idea. I just met this guy. Let's paint him with lipstick. I don't know, but I want her in my entourage.

[Bert]

Jason, greatest dating comeback of all time.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, it's pretty good. It's, you know, the first night we met, we didn't know each other. My friends were out and her friends were out or downtown Atlanta. And of course, we all ended up running into each other in the bar, and her and I talked the entire night. And as we left the bar that night, I turned around, and she's actually making out with one of my good friends.

[Diana]

Oh, God. I like her, too.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, exactly. So then I got invited to a party by one of her friends a week or two later. You know, we hadn't talked since, and so I ran into her at a party, got to the party. It turns out she's got a boyfriend as well.

[Emily]

Hello.

[Caller/Guest]

So. But the entire night, we spend these talking to each other again, and she. I didn't even know her boyfriend was there at the time. She never talked to him once that night. But it went well. And now we're married.

[Diana]

Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

It's kind of an interesting story. I never would have expected, you know, that. That result after the first night.

[Emily]

Do you tell. Like, how close do you have to be with friends before you start to share these stories? All the people that ended up married together, like, war, pain on your butt, dude. And stuff. Like, how well do you got to know your. You know, whatever.

[Frank]

After what anniversary, is it cool to tell those stories at parties?

[Bert]

Because you've been lying for years.

[Emily]

Right?

[Frank]

Right.

[Bert]

I feel for that last guy because there's nothing worse than, as the guy putting in all the time, all night long, trying to hook up with one girl, and then one of your friends comes, and in a second, your night is over. And he hasn't put any time in at all. And he gets. The girl sucks.

[Diana]

Poor dude.

[Bert]

Jeff, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, man. How you doing?

[Bert]

What's happening, man?

[Caller/Guest]

I was on a date with this chick, went downtown, coming back, and she decided, you know, she's got to pee real bad. So I pull off Roswell Road, go the wrong way, hit a car, hit a dui. Oh, no. I'm in the back of the car going to jail. She's crying because she doesn't know how she's gonna get home.

[Frank]

Oh,

[Caller/Guest]

I was fine. I mean, I. I'm not worried about you.

[Bert]

DUI and an accident. And that's the first date and you guys end up continuing to go out.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, she called me a couple weeks later. We ended up going out. I don't know why.

[Emily]

When she got out of jail.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Come to find out she's the alcoholic, not me.

[Bert]

That's why she's like, you really wasn't that bad. What's a 20?

[Emily]

I think she's obligated to go out with him again because she's the one who made him pull over to pee. So, like, it's her kind of her fault that he got off, you know, I mean, his fault. He turned the wrong way, run into a car and got a dui. That's his fault. But she could have, you know, if she had a bigger bladder, none of that would have happened.

[Advertiser]

Come on.

[Bert]

The one I was going to share is similar to Jen's, except Jen's, I think, is actually better. And I can't use names here, but they are out on a first date, and the guy. First date, very first date, Very first date. And he's been jockeying to get a date with her for quite a while, and finally she gives in and he goes all traditional on her where he picks her up and does all that. Actually, I think for whatever reason, no, it was his car. So he picks her up, but he's got, like, this stomach crampy thing going on beforehand. But she's just so hot that he's like, there's no way. I mean, I could suck it up through this thing and things will be fine. So they go out on their date, and while they're at dinner, his stomach starts to do the grumble thing you're talking about. And he's like, I gotta be totally honest with you. We gotta get out of here. I didn't feel good when this date started, and my stomach's jacked up now we gotta split. It's so bad. And he's cramping up so bad that she has to get in his car and start driving him home.

[Frank]

Ooh.

[Bert]

So on the way home, he goes to relieve himself just a little bit. What he thought was gonna be gas, and it wasn't.

[Emily]

Oh, boy.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, no.

[Frank]

That story is worse because she had to endure the odor and everything. Where Jen's friend. The guy didn't.

[Diana]

The guy didn't know. She just got out of the car.

[Frank]

She got out of the car. What?

[Bert]

So it happens in the car while he's in his own passenger seat. He said it was awful. And he rolled.

[Diana]

What did you not know?

[Bert]

He rolled down the window. It was like one of those don't say anything, don't tell type deals. Like, he knew she knew, but nobody was saying anything.

[Diana]

Do you think she could have thought it was really bad gas?

[Bert]

He said that he was doing everything that he could to get that smell out of the car. Like, he rolled down the window, and he put his position himself in the passenger seat to where his booty would be. Like, in the window.

[Diana]

You're kidding me.

[Bert]

It wasn't a little. It was a lot.

[Frank]

That makes it worse.

[Bert]

And here's the comeback part. Because she drives him home, you know, he doesn't say what happened, but she's like, he's doubled over in pain. So she insists on walking him up to his apartment.

[Diana]

He's okay.

[Bert]

So that he's okay. They get up to the apartment. He just assumes she's gonna bail once he's inside the house. But she's, like, the real comforting type. So he gets inside the apartment, goes in, takes a shower, cleans everything off, lays down. She still stays there to make sure he's okay. And. And they end up hooking up that night.

[Diana]

No way. No way.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Emily]

He has to marry her.

[Bert]

Best comeback ever in the history of dating.

[Emily]

He is obligated to marry her.

[Caller/Guest]

With poopy pants.

[Bert]

He is obligated to marry her.

[Emily]

That's him.

[Bert]

She is the greatest woman ever.

[Frank]

Oh, God.

[Caller/Guest]

Man.

[Diana]

Poop.

[Caller/Guest]

God.

[Frank]

Disgust.

[Diana]

Disgusting.

[Bert]

The Bircho.

[Advertiser]

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[Bert]

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[Bert]

So this was interesting off of the Internet yesterday and you guys can get in on this if you want, but there was one poster that has 11 days left until her wedding. I guess this is still a pretty big wedding season right here. June, July.

[Diana]

What do you mean one poster?

[Bert]

One person posting yesterday online.

[Diana]

Oh, okay.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm sorry.

[Diana]

Yeah, I was thinking of a poster you hang on the wall.

[Bert]

One person posting this on the Internet yesterday.

[Diana]

Okay.

[Bert]

She's got 11 days left until her wedding. Okay. And she put up a list of 20 things that every woman should do before you get married. Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Diana]

I'm just wondering how 11 days before her wedding she has time to come up with this list and actually post it online. It's impressive.

[Bert]

Maybe she wrote it, saved it and said, I'll send it out right before the wedding. Right, so let me run a couple of these by you guys and if you are married already and you were gonna give advice to somebody, how would you add to this list? Okay, cool. Live by yourself for at least a year.

[Frank]

Yes, yes, absolutely. Well, because I think too many times women go from their parents home to their husband's home. And I think that, or especially even if you have roommates, I think it's good for a woman to have a sense of her own independence before she gets into a marriage for sure.

[Bert]

Okay, you brought up another good point. Live with someone else for at least a year. Be it a roommate, somebody.

[Diana]

It's so fun to live with roommates. I mean, and I think that's for guys and girls. I mean, I think it's just, it's such a fun time. You create awesome memories together. And whether you like love each other at first and hate each other by the end, it's an experience you should definitely have. And yeah, I definitely agree with that one.

[Bert]

Don't they say, though, statistics, don't they show you that if you live with somebody before you marry them that your chances of getting divorced or higher?

[Frank]

Living with that person?

[Bert]

Living with that person. I think it is, but I think it's.

[Diana]

But doesn't this mean, like, could be

[Bert]

either you just gotta live with somebody else?

[Frank]

Yeah, I think it's other than your husband, other than your list.

[Diana]

Yeah, soon to be spouse. Okay, I'm two for two.

[Frank]

But I think it also teaches you not only the good memories, but to share, you know, Like, I think if you've never lived with somebody then, and to live with somebody, have to share that space, then, you know, I think that you learn a little bit about a compromise in that situation.

[Bert]

She says have a vacation fling.

[Diana]

Have a vacation fling. I mean, I think that depends on what kind of person you are. You know what I mean? Like, I think if, I don't know, if you're a wild person and you're sort of like inclined to have one of those anyway, but you haven't. And you feel like you're always gonna want that after you get married. You're gonna be like, ah, I never checked that off my list. I never did that. God, I should have been wild one day. Then I say, definitely do it. But there's some people, like a lot of my friends from college, whatever, got married, you know, right out of school or whatever, never really felt the need for that. So I think that's personality based.

[Bert]

What do you guys think?

[Advertiser]

Yeah, I agree.

[Diana]

Cause I don't.

[Advertiser]

I'm not that kind of person.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't need a flingy fling.

[Bert]

You couldn't feel good about that even looking back.

[Caller/Guest]

No, no.

[Frank]

But maybe it is what Jen says to it all. It almost ensures that someone's not going to. Oh, what if I wish I had, you know, I wish I had, you know, not. Because I think some people get so focused on growing up too fast, so to speak, that they don't have time for fun or give themselves fun and they regret it later on. So maybe that's what you know to. That's going to alleviate you regretting something.

[Bert]

Get your finances in order is what she is saying that you gotta do before you get married if you're a woman.

[Emily]

Yeah, it's overrated. Getting your finances in order, being fiscally responsible is silly.

[Diana]

Now that's important.

[Frank]

Well, that's the number one reason people get divorced, right? Is money.

[Diana]

Well, and think about it. You don't want to bring all that debt into a marriage and then have

[Advertiser]

them pay for it either.

[Frank]

Oh, that's not fair.

[Bert]

I think you're going to have the same response to this one that you had about the vacation, flying. Have sex with at least one person you'd never want to marry or introduce to your mom just to experience it.

[Diana]

That's a funny list. Yeah, I think it's the same kind of thing. Like if you feel like you've got that wild side and there's that itch there, scratch it before you get married.

[Bert]

That's always been my concern. It's like when you get married when you're 19 or 20 years old or whatever and you don't have any of that experience and you end up with the same guy that you've been with since high school. Do you look back at your life and go, man, I just. What else is out there?

[Diana]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Do you live with that kind of regret?

[Diana]

Yeah, if it's. If you start with that itch or not. Some people just don't.

[Bert]

I don't know how you do this, except by getting married. Exercise all past relationship demons.

[Advertiser]

Oh, you can't do that.

[Diana]

That's impossible.

[Bert]

Thanks.

[Diana]

Those are always going to be lingering in the back of your mind anyways.

[Emily]

No, you can do it.

[Diana]

Yeah, you never think of an ex, girlfriend therapy, or what do You.

[Emily]

I think you just have to. You just come to terms with it. Like, I don't think. I don't think it means eliminate all memories of them. But I think if you had your Antichrist, whatever. If you're still in the back of your mind going, God, if I just did that differently, then you're not ready to get married. Like, you have to be over it and done with it.

[Frank]

Yeah. And I always think that if you. And it kind of goes with what Bert said. If you wait long enough, like, if you don't get married in 19 or 20, you wait till your late 20s to get married. I think that you also, by comparison, realize that the stuff in the past was kind of trivial compared to the person you're with now.

[Bert]

This one says, forgive your parents for not being perfect. You got to do that before you get married.

[Diana]

Forgive your parents for not being perfect. I wonder where that comes from.

[Bert]

Maybe it's one I'm struggling with.

[Frank]

Maybe that you have a fear that you'll repeat the pattern. And if you resent them enough, you know, like, if.

[Bert]

Also, I think when you get married, if you still hold some of that stuff, then it makes it really difficult for the entire relationship that you're in for your spouse to like them. You have to like your parents also.

[Emily]

And that's crap that you've had to deal with because you had so many frustrations with your pop.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Emily]

That it would take. If he came back today and was perfect. It would take Stacy 10 years to like him.

[Bert]

I don't think she would ever embrace him because of the past, you know, experience some really bad first dates. Wendy, I think you've got one or two of those under your belt.

[Diana]

I did 30 of those last year, so that's a check mark.

[Bert]

Have at least one night. She can't quite remember. I think we could go to flip flops just 48 hours ago.

[Diana]

Don't wait till your bachelor party to have. Or bachelorette party to have one of those.

[Bert]

Right.

[Diana]

Yeah. Make sure you have one of those before.

[Bert]

And this one I'm sort of on the same page with. Celebrate your 25th birthday one more year

[Frank]

and I'm getting married.

[Caller/Guest]

Holler.

[Emily]

That's not gonna help your dating life right there.

[Advertiser]

I know.

[Diana]

Thanks.

[Bert]

You can do it with Cameron tomorrow.

[Caller/Guest]

He was playing hard to get.

[Diana]

Are you kidding? He got all combative about. Well, if she don't want to meet me at Starbucks, then fine.

[Bert]

Hey, Jen. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning, Bert. I just tell you guys, you just Validated my whole breakup. My boyfriend's 26 and was proposing in October, wasn't ready. I'm only 20 years old, I have

[Advertiser]

a 3 year old daughter trying to get through college.

[Caller/Guest]

And he thinks it's totally selfish that I didn't want to get married and do the whole wedding while he stopped into the army and special Forces. He just validated everything that I went through. I appreciate it.

[Frank]

Well, and I think that she's listening

[Diana]

to her list going, check, right?

[Bert]

This is the greatest show ever.

[Diana]

Record this and send it to him.

[Frank]

I just think, though, that people think the wedding day is going to somehow make everything perfect. The wedding day and the ceremony somehow, you know, excel, I don't know, makes your relationship higher than it is, but it doesn't. You're the same person the day after the wedding than you were the day before. So if you have issues with somebody and their selfishness or their lack of, you know, attention or affection, they're gonna be the same person.

[Diana]

Wedding, you know, and it's not a finish line. It's a starting line, you know?

[Bert]

Yeah, totally. Whoa, whoa.

[Diana]

It's not.

[Caller/Guest]

It is good, right?

[Emily]

Hey, Ashley, you should tweet that.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, guys, how are ya?

[Frank]

Good.

[Bert]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Good.

[Advertiser]

Well, I got married pretty early.

[Caller/Guest]

Early. I got married at 22.

[Advertiser]

I'm about to be 24 now.

[Caller/Guest]

But I got married a month after meeting my husband, actually.

[Diana]

A month? Wow.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, a month. So it's kind of crazy, but we, I mean, I just think that list is impossible. No matter what though, like to just kind of. You gotta, you know, conquer everything. Like, the things.

[Advertiser]

I mean, I don't. Yeah, I just.

[Caller/Guest]

I mean, the things with your parents, I just think you'll bring that with you, you know, in any relationship, to be honest, or however long you'll be with them. I don't know. That's, you know, I don't know.

[Frank]

Well, I think, you know, because I agree with Bert about waiting to get married. Because in, in this culture, you can, you know, our parents and our grandparents, well, you know what, they were expected to get married younger, but now you don't. You don't have to. And I think that when you first come out of your house and out from your parents, it's almost as if you need time on your own to realize, wait a second. How much of what I think and feel is a reflection of mom and dad and how much of what I think and feel is me. And I think that until you get to that point, it's going to Be hard for you to be the person you need to be in that relationship. And so when she said, I have to admit that my reaction to her saying that the parents thing will be with you the rest of your life was her age, I thought, you know what? You're young, and you were freshly out of the house. Not just a few years ago, but as time goes on, it. Life changes, and the way you look at your parents changes.

[Bert]

And my theory on getting married, you can't get married until you're 28 years old, really, is just that you change so much, so drastically, much in your 20s. And, you know, you never really stop changing and evolving. But those years right there between, like, 18 and 28 or 18 and 30, you're such a different woman and such a different dude at 18 that you're gonna be a 30, that when you marry each other at that early age, that you guys can't really evolve together because you're still forming and changing who you are. And at one point, you look over the table and you're like, who are you?

[Diana]

And I think for the majority of people, you're right. But I do think that there are some couples that have that story where they were high school sweethearts and they are together. Like, it's. There's a couple that's like, a friend of a friend of mine, and they've been together since high school, and they've got, like, three kids, and now they're in their, like, late 30s, and they're, like, still madly in love with each other. So there are those stories out there, but I think the majority are for what you're saying is that you just end up changing so much and you grow apart.

[Bert]

And everybody wants that story that Jen is talking about so you can justify the relationship that you're in when you're young. Because, you know, one couple that it's worked for, which is probably what love is really all about, is like, if you hear 100 stories that are just like yours, but all of their marriages failed, you will absolutely believe yours is different.

[Frank]

But, like, in any marriage, in any marriage, you both have to work to make it work. In any marriage, it doesn't matter whether you get married at 30, 40, or 20, that I think that the couple I know that have been together since high school and have children together and are in love and they're doing great, they worked on making sure that they stayed on the same path the whole time. They both worked at it. And that's the only way you can make it work.

[Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Diana]

Because Happily ever after is.

[Bert]

Doesn't have to be. Not for everybody.

[Emily]

Not for everyone.

[Bert]

It's still there and it still can be.

[Emily]

You know what?

[Bert]

Maybe that's not the first time around.

[Diana]

It's not like you just get married and then boom, happily ever after happens. Right. That's what I'm saying. That fairy tale is crap. It's hard to work at it. I'm just following up on what Melissa said. I think she's absolutely right.

[Emily]

I don't think it's crap. I think that's harsh way to say it, but it's.

[Frank]

What she's saying is you have to look.

[Diana]

It doesn't just land in your life.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Like on your wedding day. Everything isn't perfect from that day forward.

[Diana]

Right. That's what I mean.

[Frank]

Uhhuh.

[Bert]

I told I'm. Believe you me, I get it. I totally get. Hey, the bird show.

[Advertiser]

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[Diana]

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[Advertiser]

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[Caller/Guest]

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[Diana]

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[Caller/Guest]

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[Bert]

Hey, Brandon, what's going on, man?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, guys, good morning. Thanks for taking my call.

[Bert]

You're welcome. How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

Personally a little hungover, but great.

[Bert]

You're in Florida right now?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, down in Florida. I've got a rehearsal dinner tonight for my older brother's wedding, which is tomorrow.

[Bert]

Hey, Brandon, hold on one second. I have you on the voice disguiser, but Jeff's telling me it's not necessary. Is it okay if we take you off of it?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, yeah. Because nobody's gonna know who I am.

[Bert]

Okay. Okay, cool. There you go.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. So, whoa.

[Frank]

Done for Voices guys are wonderful.

[Bert]

Yeah, it really does work. You sound a lot different. All right, so let's start all over again. You're in Florida now and you're at your brother's wedding, right? Supposed to happen tomorrow morning, right?

[Caller/Guest]

Absolutely, yeah.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

And I mean, he's totally in love. He's got a great girl. I'm really happy for him. The only thing is that I became privy to some information that I know that he does not know about his fiance. And I'm sorry, I'm just trying to. I don't want anybody to walk in on me. I'm just trying to talk, you know, kind of quietly because I'm at the hotel. But his fiance's older sister was coming through Atlanta earlier in the week and on her way down to the wedding and I just flew in last night, she, my brother called me up and was like, hey man, look, this girl is coming through town. You know, she's good looking, she's come with her friend. Why don't you take her out? So I'm like, sure, great. You know, I'm still single, so, you

[Emily]

know, it's a wedding.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm definitely gonna try to get to know my brother's fiance's sister.

[Emily]

Yeah, this is right here. Land of opportunity wedding coming up. And you can have a warm up lap.

[Caller/Guest]

Bring it. Exactly, exactly. You know. You know, I made sure that, you know, I definitely didn't have any adjacent rooms in the hotel to any parents, you know.

[Bert]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

So anyhow, she and I go out and she gets kind of wasted. Whatever. We had a great time. But she ends up telling me that my brother's fiance, her sister, was actually married once before.

[Diana]

For how long?

[Caller/Guest]

It was a very short time. Maybe a couple months. I guess she got it annulled. She got married right out of high school to her boyfriend that she had had since 10th grade.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

But the thing is that my brother is convinced that this girl that he's marrying has had her longest relationship with him. And also that obviously she's the first guy that he's getting that she's getting married to.

[Bert]

Well, that is a problem, isn't it, Brandon?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a little bit, you know, f'd up, as they say.

[Bert]

It sucks when that falls into your lap. You know, you're like this innocent bystander. I'm just gonna take this girl out, gonna have a coup drinks. All of a sudden, you're mixed up in this mess. So is your question now, do you tell your brother about it, or do you just not say anything at all before the wedding? Is that what you're struggling with?

[Caller/Guest]

Totally. Totally. That's right on. And, you know, I mean, it's. This is my bro, man. Like, we've. We've gone through everything together, you know, and it's like, he's actually the one that's, you know, closest in age to me. So it's like, you know, I've got an older brother and a younger brother, but Brandon is. I mean, I don't want to use his real name, but let's call him Mike. Is. Is. Is just that name really shook you right there.

[Frank]

He's like, I can't think.

[Emily]

And then we're done.

[Frank]

I'm shocked, though. I am shocked that she thought she could get away with not telling him. Like, if I was trying to keep that a secret, I would tell my sister. Don't you say anything. I would tell my mother. You know, like, going through another wedding, having been through one, I'm surprised that the sister just kind of gave up that information.

[Bert]

Well, for me, now it's got it. It has more meaning because she's obviously been trying to hide it because. How long have they been engaged?

[Caller/Guest]

It's been, I guess, probably about six months now.

[Bert]

And they've been going out with each other for how long? I know these are very difficult questions, especially when you're hungover. So

[Caller/Guest]

they've been seeing each other for a year or so.

[Bert]

Okay, so why did she choose, like, this is a pretty big piece of a person's past. So why did she choose to leave that out? I'd be more, I'd have more questions.

[Frank]

Because the fact is a high school sweetheart and it was a mistake and she annulled it, like it's less to me. It's not as if she was older and had gotten married and divorced. It would have more significance. I think the high school thing, it was probably just a mistake, but the fact that she should be able to

[Emily]

say it, you know, was it a divorce or an annulment?

[Caller/Guest]

It was an annulment.

[Bert]

So it officially never even happened?

[Emily]

Yes, it never even happened.

[Bert]

Let's get some advice for you. 404-741-100 alt Delete Hey Kia, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey guys, I'm wanted to know, is he sure that his brother doesn't already know about the marriage? I mean, maybe she told the brother, but didn't. He didn't tell anybody else. It's a great point.

[Bert]

Really great point. Do you know that as fact, Brandon,

[Caller/Guest]

whether she already told him or not, if he already knows this.

[Bert]

Yeah. Are you sure that they have never had that conversation?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because we went out for kind of like bachelor party night and you know, my brother's just like, oh, you know, we're so in love. And you know, this is the only, this is the longest relationship that she's ever had. I was very happy that she was kind of like, you know, a girl that hadn't, you know, had like a sordid past with, you know, a lot of different men. And you know, granted this is obviously something that's way back in her, in her timeline, but it's, you know, it's something that hasn't been discussed.

[Bert]

Okay. And I could almost see her defense now. Well, it is. This is the longest relationship. I met this guy and we were dating for three months and we ended up getting married and then I annulled it after a month. That's four month relationship. So the relationship I'm in with you right now is truly the longest relationship I've ever been in.

[Diana]

She must be just.

[Caller/Guest]

No, no, see, I think they were dating since like 10th grade. So I think it was like a two year relationship and then they got married.

[Emily]

It's stuff that happens in high school.

[Diana]

That's high school stuff.

[Emily]

Yeah, that kind of doesn't count.

[Bert]

She shouldn't even have to hide.

[Diana]

She must just be so ashamed of it that she wants to hide it. But to me the. I mean, you gotta tell him.

[Bert]

Hey Steve, go ahead.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, man, it's one of these things. You remember y' all used to say, oh, well, here's. I had a similar situation happen with me and my brother, and I found out the same thing actually happened with this fiance, and I found out about it. What I did was I went directly to her before the wedding took place, and I just had a very calm, relaxing conversation about, look, you know, I love you, I want you to all have a happy relationship, but here's the situation that I found. You know, do you think you should go ahead and explain this to him before you all get married? Because, you know, I'm not going to go to him. I don't want it. I don't want this thing to blow up in my face and me, not our relationship, just go to hell. You know, so in it. And it really. She thought about it and thought about it, then she actually did confess to it, because you don't want that lingering. If she's gonna lie about something like this, what else is she gonna do? You know, I mean, there's. I would go to her directly and just say, look, I don't want anything to happen here. I don't want to blow up, but here's what I found. And I'm just, you know, I just want to protect my brother and make sure that, you know, everything's on the up and up for y' all get married, and I'm leaving it in your court to do this.

[Bert]

All right, so Steve says go to the sister in law, talk to her about it first. What do you guys think about it?

[Advertiser]

That's a great idea.

[Diana]

I love that idea.

[Caller/Guest]

Talk to the sister in law, talk

[Diana]

to the bride and see why she's kept it a secret. First, before you marry my brother, you got to tell him this.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, I'm not, you know, I'm not really that close with her. I don't know, it just seems like, you know, I don't know, that just. I guess that's possible. I really feel like it's my brother, though, and that I should be talking to him and not to. Not doing stuff behind the back, trying to, you know, negotiate these things. I mean, it's just. I don't. I don't. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem right to me now

[Emily]

that I'm no longer an only child. I know all about brother and brother relationships. So my concern would be going to the sister in law is if you go to her and she says, look, this is a part of My past, it was a no. That doesn't even exist. It's like it never happened. I, I would appreciate you not bringing it up to him. I may tell him someday, but now's not the time. Ruin our wedding, ruin our honeymoon, blah, blah, blah. Fine. Right. So she tells him three months down the road. And then she also says, and just so you know, I talked to your brother about this. Then, yeah, you can't. Like you.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Emily]

What's dangerous? If you go to your future sister in law and. And she asks you not to say it, then you're in an even tougher spot. Because then when you go to your brother, she goes to him and says, I told him not to say anything. I was gonna tell you, blah, blah, you know, yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm stuck between the two of them and I, you know, and then this woman, she's gonna be part of his life for the rest of their lives. And, you know, then I've got a rift in a relationship with her. I mean, we're talking, you know, holidays, birthdays, all that type of stuff. And it's, you know, it's going to cause a lot of problems.

[Bert]

Hey, Tracy, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller/Guest]

Good morning. I really think that you need to tell your brother, and I think you need to have a heart to heart with your brother. We're looking at a very high divorce rate already in this country. And if you do not have full disclosure between a husband and a wife, then you're already bringing in a very difficult situation. Granted, he may not think that it's that big of a deal, but he doesn't have full disclosure right. Now.

[Bert]

Let's take a look at this mathematically here, logically, what are our decisions to make? You don't say anything at all. You say something to your brother or you say something to the future sister in law.

[Diana]

Do you have like a really nosy moment?

[Bert]

We'll do it for him. You can't, you can't do that.

[Emily]

Yeah, one option. You got to go to your brother.

[Diana]

Kidding. Simmer down.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. That's not funny. That's what I'm feeling. I mean, I'm, I feel like 99.9% sure that, like, I just gotta sit my bro down.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Time this morning or right after lunch or something. But before the rehearsal dinner tonight, before everybody's banging glasses and making toasts and everything like that. Like, I think you're right.

[Bert]

I would do it over breakfast.

[Frank]

I would tell your brother, I hope that he says, yeah, dude, I already knew about it.

[Diana]

And that could happen really Greasy, greasy breakfast sandwiches and some real cokes over ice.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

And tell him, hey, Brandon, can we talk to you on Monday morning to find out what you did and how the wedding went or if it went or whatever and get some closure?

[Caller/Guest]

No, no, absolutely. That'd be great. That'd be great. I appreciate it so much and I appreciate all your callers input. It really, you know, it's helped galvanize at least whatever I need to do today, so.

[Frank]

Well, good luck.

[Bert]

Yeah. Go sober up, buddy.

[Emily]

Greasy McDonald's, it's early.

[Bert]

All right, so 6:45 on Monday morning, we'll talk back to Brandon and we'll find out what he did with his brother. My hunch says that he's going to talk to his brother about it sometime this morning.

[Emily]

Obviously you should do it right now while he still buzz

[Bert]

the bird show. Hey, Alex.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey.

[Bert]

What's going on, man?

[Caller/Guest]

Not much. Not much.

[Bert]

Caught you a little off guard today.

[Diana]

Yes.

[Bert]

We want to know this story now, a year now you've been planning on like molding yourself into the perfect dude for a girl?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah, you could say that. Yeah. So, yeah, it's kind of a. Kind of a long story. It's kind of a. I can't believe you guys got my number. I don't know. You ain't just started this.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, this is the thing. We. I've known this girl for about five years. We meet just annually. We only see each other once a year at around 4th of July in this little town, Cape May, New Jersey. Our families have a tradition of going there to the city every fourth of July. Both of our family, like rent houses. I mean, I live in Waterloo, Iowa, and I travel there to meet up with my family in Cape May. She travels all the way from Tacoma, Washington to be there. And this is the only time we ever have any interaction with each other. So this all started from last year. We had gotten together and we were just having a couple of beers, drinking, probably a little too much, but just killing time away from the family and just together. And I had asked her about why she didn't have her boyfriend with her. She had. She usually has a guy, you know, come to these family things with her, you know, our family event stuff, this annual thing. And she didn't have a guy with her this year. And she launched into this whole thing about she was seeing this guy, but she didn't know to how serious it was going to be with him because he had decided to Hang out with his friends on the 4th as opposed to come and do this family thing with us and Cape May. And she, she was, I don't know, she's pretty upset and was pretty much saying that that was going to be the end of the relationship. And. And so I was kind of. I kind of like, you know what? This is one thing and that's enough for you to call off the whole relationship. And it started this whole thing about what was important to her about like, guys, so. And about actually what her dream guy would be like. So out of that came dun, dun, dun, dun. The list.

[Diana]

And what's on the list?

[Caller/Guest]

This is what you've heard about, is the magical list of the things that any man that she would ever be married to. I guess her dream guy would have these 10 qualities.

[Bert]

So what's on the list?

[Diana]

I feel like I'm about to read her game of mash.

[Emily]

Is it an actual physical document?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, it's an actual physical document. We wrote it down on a cocktail napkin and later I put it onto a regular piece of paper just so I could capture all the. The I'm a writer, so it's like I just, I need to get all the little details and what she meant by everything because we were drinking at the time. So.

[Emily]

Okay, so what's on that list? How many items are on the list total?

[Caller/Guest]

10. 10 items.

[Bert]

So, okay, so what's on what's on that list? What do you think?

[Caller/Guest]

Okay, well, here we go. Number one thing was family functions that, you know, like family holidays and events and plans could take precedent and in this man's life.

[Emily]

We already got that one covered. Because you hang out with her Fourth of July. So done.

[Caller/Guest]

That was the reason why that was on the top and why she was ditching the guy that he was with.

[Emily]

Check number two.

[Caller/Guest]

Number two is a committed relationship. So none of this just part time dating or anything like that. You know, he's clearly single and you know, clearly ready to. It's cleared the decks as far as having any other relationship ties to ex girlfriends or anything like that.

[Diana]

Okay, easy enough.

[Emily]

Three.

[Caller/Guest]

I haven't. What's that? Oh, number three. Completed college and had a career plan and have a career plan.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

And I've done that and I've gotten myself a regular full time job credit.

[Bert]

Did you get the full questions? Well, I want to know. We got 10 of these to roll through.

[Emily]

Well, we're only part of the way through them.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm sorry, should I move through these faster? Am I taking too long?

[Bert]

We'll save the questions for after. All right.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay, so college career plan. Number four, good credit. Okay. Number five, love to travel. Number six, appreciate other cultures.

[Bert]

Okay. That goes along with traveling.

[Caller/Guest]

Number seven, to be religious. And I think that means to be spiritual and serious about your spirituality. Number eight is charitable. Number nine is funny. And number ten is to be in good physical well being, to take good physical care of yourself.

[Bert]

Okay, so you changed everything in your life and you think you're strong in all 10 of those areas now?

[Caller/Guest]

I think I'm very strong in those areas. 10 areas now. I think I was in some areas okay. Before, but I've taken the effort over the past year to be very solid in all 10 areas.

[Emily]

Now, what specific life change have you made? Just to.

[Frank]

What's like the most dramatic?

[Emily]

Yeah, just to adjust to One of

[Caller/Guest]

these 10 most dramatic probably would have to be the most. The most dramatic would probably have to be, well, appreciate other cultures. I thought I was, you know, I had already, you know, I don't really have any prejudices or, you know, strong favoritism towards any particular one culture or anything, but through my church, I'm going to go down to Guatemala.

[Frank]

Oh, nice.

[Emily]

There you go.

[Bert]

And specifically you would do this because you want this to be One of the 10 things?

[Frank]

No, he got two there. If he's doing it through religion and traveling.

[Diana]

To traveling and travel. Bam.

[Caller/Guest]

Running down there.

[Diana]

That's.

[Bert]

I mean, you're athletic.

[Diana]

Fitness.

[Bert]

How are you gonna, how are you gonna subtly tell her that you meet all 10 criteria? Because if you present this as a document and you, I mean, it's too obvious and she's gonna be totally turned off by it.

[Caller/Guest]

So.

[Bert]

So you're gonna have to, I guess subtly just tell her the things that are going on in your life and she's gonna have to be able to put it together herself.

[Emily]

And last, she was. Was she aware that you were making a list?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, she was aware that we were making the list because that was, that was the joke while we were, while we were talking. And I didn't think anything about it last year, but on the day that we left. We usually leave cape May on July 5, when we parted company on the 5th, saying goodbye and see you next year and stuff, she brought up, said, good luck with the list. So I don't know if it's still on her mind or not.

[Diana]

That changes everything. It does change everything, because that means she wanted him to.

[Bert]

Maybe, maybe she was subtly trying to say to him

[Diana]

in Cape May, okay, there's interest There.

[Bert]

Well, Alex, what the morning zoo here will do is we will check back with you when we get back from vacation.

[Emily]

One joint sound effect does not make us a zoo.

[Bert]

We're a zoo in training. We're zit.

[Caller/Guest]

Ouch.

[Frank]

The morning zit.

[Diana]

That is hot.

[Bert]

Alex, we gotta talk to you when we get back from vacation and find out if your plan worked and you truly have become the dude of her dreams.

[Caller/Guest]

We'll see.

[Emily]

I wouldn't jump right into it. I would make her make a list and go. Look out. You got one more year to work on this.

[Bert]

She's gotta earn your list.

[Emily]

Yeah, let's go over some things that I want. Look, I'm going to freakin Guatemala. Okay?

[Diana]

It's really cool.

[Bert]

It's a good idea.

[Diana]

It's a cool idea to aspire to regardless of whether she's the one or not.

[Bert]

Alex, we'll talk to you when we get back from vacation.

[Caller/Guest]

Okie doke.

[Bert]

Okay. Bye.

[Caller/Guest]

Bye.

[Bert]

I think we're gonna have to do some kind of.

[Advertiser]

Like.

[Bert]

He's gonna have to tell you the story when we get back and then you will have to interpret what happened.

[Emily]

I didn't think it was that bad.

[Diana]

I didn't either.

[Emily]

Like I thought he.

[Bert]

It was hurting my ears. I didn't think because I haven't eaten or had caffeine or anything this morning.

[Emily]

Yeah, I thought it was actually kind of a romantic story. I'm surprised you got off the phone with him that quickly.

[Frank]

I. I think he got into his. His vibe. I was giving. Giving. I was giving him away from him. He didn't know he was coming on today.

[Diana]

You need to eat a carb there with Captain Destiny.

[Bert]

It was painful. So we'll talk to him when we get back and either he can tell us a story or you can interpret it through.

[Frank]

Well, he can start telling us his story on Monday and by the time we get back.

[Emily]

Get it?

[Caller/Guest]

The bird show.