Transcript

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Housing Opportunity Builder the Burt Show I got a question to ask you guys. 404-741-Q100 I think that I have the greatest dating comeback story in the history of dating. It went so awful the first night that these two are out. It should be a no brainer that she never ever ever saw him on for another date. But they have seen each other and it has worked out well over the last couple of weeks. I don't even want to tell you guys what the story is at first. I just want you to call in and give us your. I mean it's this is the greatest comeback dating comeback. We tried marriage with this a couple of weeks ago. This is like A first or second date, he or she messes this thing up so badly that there's. There should be no way that you would ever see him or her ever again. But for whatever reason, out of the goodness of your heart, you're like, I'll give him one more shot. And for lo and behold, the second date is great, and. And then the third date is fine, and the fourth date is great, and you end up in a relationship with this guy or this woman, even though that first date was awful.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Full Show PT 2: Monday, April 13 [Vault]
Date: April 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and engaging episode, The Bert Show crew and listeners dive into two central topics: stories of disastrous (yet ultimately successful) first dates, and a spirited discussion about a viral list of “things every woman should do before getting married.” The hosts and callers share authentic, often hilarious and sometimes touching real-life stories and advice, all in the lively, open tone The Bert Show is known for.

Notable Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Greatest Dating Comeback Stories

(01:28 – 15:10)

Theme: Bert poses a challenge to find the greatest “comeback” story: when an initial date goes so catastrophically wrong, there’s no reason for a second, yet the relationship not only recovers but thrives.
Host and Listener Stories:
- Roadside Emergency & Marriage (04:31)
  - Diana shares about her friend who had an “IBS accident” on the side of the road during a third date. Despite this, they end up happily married.
    - “She made a side of the road dooser.” – Emily (04:31)
- Stood Up but Still Married (05:30 – 07:07)
  - Fred calls in: he canceled what his date thought was a confirmed first date. She was so upset she declared she'd never see him again, but thanks to family pressure, they went out… and are now married with two kids.
- The Oyster Incident (07:17)
  - Suzy (voice disguised!): On a first date, she gets nervous, drinks too much, and ends up vomiting after being offered raw oysters—at his parents’ house. They're married now.
  - This prompts Bert to fondly recall his now-wife Stacy throwing up on their first two dates.
    - “That’s when I fell in love with her, man.” – Bert (08:01)
- Flower Butt Prank (08:10)
  - Ray tells of a first date where his now-wife passed out, woke up, painted his face and a flower on his butt, and sent the pictures to friends—again, they ended up together.
- She Made Out with My Friend (09:30)
  - Jason: Spent the whole night talking to her, only to see her making out with a friend at closing time. Fast forward, he’s now married to her.
- First Date Ends in a DUI (11:05)
  - Jeff: Gets in an accident and a DUI after his date insists on a restroom stop. She still called him again; they dated.
    - “She called me a couple weeks later. We ended up going out. I don’t know why.” – Jeff (11:40)
Bert’s "Ultimate" Comeback Story (12:15)
- Guy finally gets a date with a woman he’s been pursuing, but gets so sick during dinner he soils himself in the car on the way home. She not only helps him and stays to take care of him, but their disastrous night ends in romance.
  - “She is the greatest woman ever.” – Bert (14:56)

2. Viral List: “20 Things Every Woman Should Do Before Getting Married”

(17:12 – 29:13)

Host Discussion:
- Bert introduces the list created by an anonymous poster with 11 days until her wedding. He runs through key items, prompting lively debate among the cast.

Sample List Items and Discussion:

Live by Yourself for at Least a Year (18:16)
- Frank: Strongly agrees; it teaches independence.
Live with a Roommate (18:31)
- Social learning; helps with compromise in the future.
Have a Vacation Fling (19:28)
- Opinion split: Should you scratch the “wild itch” before settling down? Diana and Emily see it as personality-dependent.
Get Finances in Order (20:32)
- Universally agreed: “That’s the number one reason people get divorced, right? Is money.” – Frank (20:44)
Have Sex with Someone You’d Never Marry, Just to Experience It (20:55)
- Depends on personal values and “itch” to experiment.
Exercise All Past Relationship Demons (21:35)
- The group debates whether it’s truly possible; Emily suggests it means achieving closure.
Forgive Your Parents for Not Being Perfect (22:27)
- Discussion about how unaddressed family issues can carry into marriage.
Have at Least One Night You Can’t Quite Remember (23:17)
- Bert & Diana joke: “Don’t wait ‘til your bachelor party to have one of those.”
Celebrate Your 25th Birthday Before Getting Married (23:37)
- Bert jokes about needing to experience youth before settling down.
Caller Validation (23:59)
- Jen calls in, expressing gratitude for the list validating her decision to break up because she wasn’t ready for marriage.
  - “You just validated my whole breakup.” – Jen (24:00)

Key Insight:
The cast agrees most of the items are about building independence, learning from experiences, and ensuring you’re truly ready—while recognizing not every item is for everyone.

3. Should He Tell His Brother About a Secret Past Marriage?

(31:00 – 43:30)

Caller Story: Brandon at a Wedding
- Brandon (calling from his brother’s wedding in Florida) finds out, via a tipsy cousin, that his soon-to-be sister-in-law was briefly married out of high school, a fact his brother doesn’t know.
- The group debates: Should he tell his brother before the wedding? Should he talk to the fiancée first?

Key Quotes & Advice:

Bert (34:30): “It sucks when that falls into your lap. … Is your question now, do you tell your brother about it, or do you just not say anything at all before the wedding?”
Steve, Caller (38:22): “Go to her directly and just say, look, I don't want anything to happen here. I just want to protect my brother and make sure everything’s on the up and up before y’all get married…leave it in your court to do this.”
Tracy, Caller (41:28): “You need to tell your brother…if you do not have full disclosure between a husband and wife, then you're already bringing in a very difficult situation."
Brandon (43:01): "I'll sit my bro down..."
- The hosts urge him to choose a calm moment and catch up with them Monday for an update.

4. Listener Call: The “Perfect Guy” Project & The List

(43:37 – 52:12)

Alex’s Story:
- For five years, Alex only sees a particular woman once a year in Cape May, NJ. After a heart-to-heart over drinks, she outlines a 10-point list of qualities she'd require in a man she’d marry. He takes this as a personal challenge, spends a year working on himself to ensure he attains all 10 qualities.

The List Highlights:

Puts family functions first.
Wants a committed relationship.
Has completed college and career plans.
Has good credit.
Loves to travel.
Appreciates other cultures.
Is religious/spiritual.
Is charitable.
Has a sense of humor.
Is physically healthy.

Hosts Debate:
- How should Alex communicate his new self to her? Not by simply presenting the list (“That’s too obvious…” – Bert, 50:30)
- Should he wait and let her notice those qualities organically?
- Is it overly calculating or actually kind of romantic?
Commitment to Follow Up:
- Bert and the crew want Alex to call back after vacation for an update.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“She made a side of the road dooser.” – Emily (04:31)
“That’s when I fell in love with her, man.” – Bert, on vomiting dates with his wife (08:01)
“She painted me: War paint on my face, flowers on my butt.” – Ray (08:40)
“You were like, I want to hold your hair forever, baby.” – Diana (08:03)
“She is the greatest woman ever.” – Bert, about a woman who comforted her date after his embarrassing accident (14:56)
“The wedding day is not a finish line. It’s a starting line, you know?” – Diana (24:58)
“That’s the number one reason people get divorced, right? Is money.” – Frank (20:44)
“You need to tell your brother…if you do not have full disclosure between a husband and wife, then you're already bringing in a very difficult situation.” – Tracy, caller (41:28)

Episode Flow & Tone

The episode is fast-paced and packed with humor, warmth, and frank discussions about love, mistakes, and life’s awkward moments. The hosts balance playful teasing with genuine insight, creating a lively, relatable atmosphere. The use of listener stories and real-time advice deepens the connection and relatability, making for an engaging and authentic morning radio experience.

Timestamps for Key Segments

Greatest First-Date Comeback Stories: 01:28 – 15:10
Viral Pre-Marriage Checklist Debate: 17:12 – 29:13
Should I Tell My Brother About His Fiancée’s Secret Marriage?: 31:00 – 43:30
Alex’s “Perfect Guy” Self-Transformation Story: 43:37 – 52:12

Conclusion:
This Bert Show episode captures the roller coaster of real-life romance—through epic first-date recovery stories, honest pre-marriage advice, and the hilarious, heartfelt calls from listeners. Whether you’re looking for laughter, practical wisdom, or just to feel less alone in your messy love life, this episode delivers.