The Bert Show — Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 1 [Vault]

Date: December 1, 2025
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & cast
Podcast: The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode Overview

This episode is classic Bert Show: a wild, hilarious blend of listener call-ins, outrageous personal stories, and a journey through bizarre scenarios. The main thread is “the craziest place you’ve ever woken up,” inspired by a moment from Desperate Housewives. Along the way, the crew shares their own tales and invites listeners to top them—culminating in stories that range from waking up in bar corners, Waffle Houses, and even a morgue! Peppered between are memorable phone pranks and a musical surprise for guest Randy Jackson.

Key Segments & Insights

1. The Adjustable Bed Phone Prank

[02:30–09:00]

• The episode opens with a signature Bert Show phone scam: a man calls “Lisa” claiming to be trapped in his adjustable bed, describing himself as “folded up inside here like I’m in a womb.”
• Lisa, the customer service rep, grows increasingly panicked as the caller describes how numb he is and randomly hits the bed controls.
• The ruse escalates until they reveal it’s a phone scam, to the shock of the “victim.”

Notable Moment:

• "I'm calling from a state of disbelief." — Prank caller (03:00)
• “I am folded up inside here like I’m in a womb.” — Prank caller (03:30)

2. Craziest Place You’ve Woken Up — Stories from the Crew

[09:10–17:00]

• Prompted by Desperate Housewives character Bree waking up on a dressing room floor, the cast recounts their own strangest wake-up locations.

• Fallon’s Epic Tale: She passes out three times in Tuscaloosa during a football weekend—once in the corner of a bar, again on the steps of a fraternity house (“leaning against a pillar, not a pillow”), and finally on a random floor.

  • Quote: “Maybe you either have a drinking problem or a sleeping problem.” — Bert (10:45)

• One host’s sister’s most infamous misadventure: waking up inside a dumpster!

  • Quote: “That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever heard… Well, she’s kind of trashy anyway.” — Phil (12:10)

3. Listeners Call In: Outrageous Wake-Up Stories

[17:10–31:10]

• Amanda: Husband wakes up in a florist shop after a fraternity homecoming—“he has no idea how he got there.” (17:15)
• Kelly: Starts the night in Atlanta, wakes up in a Waffle House booth in Tennessee with a friend:
  • Waitress tells them, “You’ve been here for, like, three hours.” (20:00)
• Mindy: Wakes up on the floor at Pink Pony strip club, with no memory of entering:
  • “That’s not a good floor to be, like, laid up on. That’s a hazmat floor.” — Bert (21:50)
• Eric: Wakes up at a rest area on the southbound side of I-85, unclear how he ended up there, admits he’d been driving after a party—hosts quickly point out the gravity:
  • “Not funny anymore. You got lucky.” — Kristin (24:55)
• Michelle: Atlanta to Glen St. Mary’s, Florida (~50 mi south of Jacksonville), wakes up with a child and no memory of the journey (26:30)
• Holly: Wakes up in a Dunkin Donuts in Buckhead (30:35)
• Lisa’s Sister: Wakes up in a morgue, thanks to a misadventure on a Coast Guard base—tops the list for strangeness! (31:00)

4. Second Phone Prank: The Bank Account Runaround

[31:30–36:00]

• A caller frustrates a bank employee by refusing to verbally give his Social Security number, instead repeatedly punching numbers into his phone despite many clear explanations regarding data privacy and procedure.
• The payoff: the employee is exasperated and hangs up before the big “you’ve been phone scammed!” reveal.

Notable Moment:

• “Sir, what do you mean verbally? Like with my mouth?” — Prank caller (35:00)

5. Special Segment: Boyz II Men & Randy Jackson

[36:05–41:30]

• The Bert Show hosts bring in Boyz II Men in-studio and put Randy Jackson (American Idol) on the line. They prank Randy by pretending their “intern Wayne” is going to sing for him.
• Wayne belts out a shockingly good rendition of “I Will Always Love You,” stunning Randy Jackson, who has no idea it’s actually Wanya Morris of Boyz II Men singing.
• When the ruse is revealed, it leads to laughs all around.

Notable Quotes:

• “Wayne, you the bomb, man. You really can—Wayne, you can do your thing.” — Randy Jackson, visibly impressed (39:25)
• “Who in the hell is that?” — Randy Jackson, realizing it’s definitely not an intern (40:00)
• “Boyz II Men dog, what’s happening!” — Boyz II Men, revealing the prank (40:10)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I am trapped in my adjustable bed… I am folded up inside here like I’m in a womb.” — Phone scam (03:30)
• “That’s the craziest place she ever woke up—was in a dumpster.” — Bert (12:00)
• “That’s not a good floor to be, like, laid up on. That’s a hazmat floor.” — Bert (21:50)
• “Not funny anymore. You got lucky.” — Kristin to Eric on waking up after driving drunk (24:55)
• “Well, it’s my sister. She woke up in a morgue.” — Lisa (31:00)
• “Sir, what do you mean verbally? Like with my mouth?” — Swap prank (35:00)
• “Wayne, you the bomb, man!” — Randy Jackson (39:25)

Highlighted Timestamps

• [02:30] Adjustable bed phone scam begins
• [09:10] First round of crazy wake-up stories from The Bert Show crew
• [17:10] Audience call-in segment: wildest places listeners woke up
• [31:30] Bank account phone scam
• [36:05] Boyz II Men surprise Randy Jackson with live performance prank

Tone & Language

The episode is energetic, irreverent, and playful, keeping things light even when discussing some legitimately jaw-dropping scenarios. The hosts riff and joke with one another and their callers, creating a welcoming, belly-laugh-inducing environment that draws in regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Summary

This episode perfectly encapsulates the controlled chaos and genuine fun that The Bert Show is known for. Anchored by a relatable theme—waking up someplace you never expected—they turn both cast and audience mishaps into highly entertaining radio. Add in signature phone scams and a star-studded surprise for Randy Jackson, and you have an hour of radio that’s wild, witty, and impossible not to enjoy.