Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 22 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 22 [Vault]

Date: December 22, 2025
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jeff, Crash, Interns
Episode Theme:
A no-holds-barred morning show featuring honest relationship advice and real-life stories from listeners and hosts. The team gives unfiltered insights—mainly from the male side—about dating, romance, and the often-comical realities of life and love, with the aim to entertain and keep listeners company through their day.

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Main Discussion: “Guys’ Hour” – No-Nonsense Relationship Advice

[00:47–04:44] – Men Left Alone in the Studio

• The segment begins with a humorous male-only talk after the women leave the studio—leading to jokes about the peaceful silence men often share.
  • "There was silence. See, this is what guys can do. Like, that was an enjoyable time. That was a quality four minutes that I just spent with you." – C (01:26)
  • "We had a great time not talking." – B (02:19)
• Banter about stereotypes: men being content with silence, women chatting more, playful teasing about roles in the studio.

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Call-In Segment: Tough Love, “He’s Just Not That Into You”

[04:09–08:34] – Listener Sarah’s Dilemma

• Sarah, recently moved in with her boyfriend, finds he still spends time—with occasional sleepovers—with his ex-fiancé. When she expresses concern, he becomes angry.
  • Hosts collectively deliver blunt advice:
    • He’s keeping Sarah as a backup while keeping doors open with his ex.
    • Possessive, controlling behavior signals disrespect for Sarah’s feelings.
    • “He’s just trying to see how far he can push you… He’s just not that into you.” – E (06:20–06:58)
    • “Dump him, he doesn’t respect you.” – C (07:48)
  • Sarah worries about backlash from her family after moving in with him; the hosts assure her her family will take her back and urge her to leave the unhealthy relationship.

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[08:51–13:07] – Listener Krista’s ‘Crush on the Neighbor’

• Krista, 18, has a crush on her 18-year-old neighbor, but he barely talks to her and has a girlfriend.
  • Panel calls out his lack of action: “Take the hint. He’s not into you.” – B (10:42)
  • C breaks down the “sex as volleyball” analogy, suggesting he's just keeping options open in case things end with his current girlfriend.
  • E recommends: Be bold—at 18, enjoy life, be straightforward, and don’t be afraid to mess up:
    • “You need to go have yourself a damn good time…at 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want.” – C (12:44)

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[13:29–18:18] – “Sue’s” Bedroom Concerns (On Voice Disguiser)

• “Sue” calls to ask how to address her husband’s brief five-minute performance during sex, afraid of hurting his ego.
  • Room offers candid, slightly comedic advice:
    • “Five minutes? This guy’s a stud.” – D (14:21)
    • If sex wasn’t great before marriage, it won’t magically improve after.
    • C: Encourage direct, positive communication—show him what you want without shame:
      • “I will sit, I will poop where you tell me to. I'll do anything you want.” – C (15:56, jokingly)
    • D: Just be honest; both have been married before. “Before he gets started, say: ‘do this first, do this second, then give me your five minutes of pure love.’” (17:20)

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[18:39–22:01] – Julie: The Long-Distance Boyfriend

• Julie dates a businessman who’s caring and attentive in person, but barely calls her when he's away—just texts.
  • Crash: “When he’s not with you, he’s with someone else—he has a lineup in every city like a major league baseball player.” (19:59–20:23)
  • C: Don’t accept “I’m too busy” as a real excuse—if a guy is truly interested, he finds a minute to call.
  • B: Texting is easy cover for other relationships. “He walks into the other room where his little hussy is…” (21:16)
  • E: “You’re holding onto that one comment from however long ago. He’s cheating with you. You’re the mistress, I believe.” (21:39)

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Real-Life Story: Charlie’s First Date After Divorce

[24:11–34:56] – Recap and Follow-Up with Charlie

• Charlie, 42, recently divorced after 12 years, gets ready for his first date (set up by a co-worker) – initial advice from show: “Be yourself, don’t dwell on your ex, mention your kids.”
• Charlie recounts being nervous but benefited from having a “checklist” from the hosts:
  • “Having somebody give me actually good, constructive, practical advice was really helping me on the drive over. It helped me focus so I didn’t have to get second-guessing every little thing that you do because it’s really strange.” – Charlie (26:29)
• The Date:
  • He brings flowers, is “gentlemanly,” avoids talking about ex-wife, appreciates being in a new environment.
  • They go to her apartment briefly, then to dinner at her favorite spot. Conversation is open, she doesn’t want to meet his kids right away—which is a relief for Charlie.
  • Flattered but relieved nothing “intimate” happened; not ready yet.
  • Date ends with a kiss on the cheek. Plans made for a second date.
  • He’s proud, grateful, and less nervous. Bert and gang are supportive, jokingly warn him not to mess it up next time.

“It felt really good to talk to someone of the opposite sex in that kind of setting. It felt like doing it all over again, which was really… I don’t know, it was just really, really nice.” – Charlie (31:45)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On male friendship:
  “We had a great time not talking.” – B (02:19)

• On tough love advice:
  “He’s just trying to see how far he can push you… He’s just not that into you.” – E (06:20–06:58)

• On life at 18:
  “At 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want, and everybody gives you a big old leap of faith. So go ahead, have a great time and screw things up.” – C (12:44)

• On communicating in relationships:
  “If a guy is really into you, he will find the 60 seconds to give you [a] damn call and check in with you and say hi. Working too much is not a valid excuse.” – C (20:32)

• On moving forward after divorce:
  “It felt like doing it all over again, which was really… I don’t know, it was just really, really nice.” – Charlie (31:45)

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Episode Flow and Tone

• Language & Tone:
  Authentic, conversational, candid, sometimes irreverent but always honest. The hosts are supportive but direct, prioritizing honesty (and lots of jokes) over sugarcoating.

• Format:

  • Begins with lighthearted studio banter and stereotypes about gendered communication.
  • Moves into a series of call-ins where listeners get unfiltered advice—especially on dating and relationship red flags.
  • Culminates with an in-depth real-life update, providing both practical and emotional support to a listener stepping back into the dating world.

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Timestamps

• 00:47: Guys’ Hour: No Women Left in Studio, Joy of Male Silence
• 04:09: Call with Sarah—Dealing with a possessive boyfriend and his ex
• 08:51: Krista’s neighbor crush—Decoding mixed signals at 18
• 13:29: Voice-disguised “Sue”—Navigating marital bedroom complaints
• 18:39: Julie’s long-distance dilemma—Why won’t he call?
• 24:11: Recap & Follow-up with Charlie—First post-divorce date success
• 31:45: Charlie reflects passionately on the experience

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show experience: playful, unfiltered—but with heart. The advice might be tough or tongue-in-cheek, but it’s always real. The team empowers listeners—often women—to recognize their own worth, laugh at life’s absurdities, and go for what they want, no matter what stage they're at.

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Transcript

[A]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[B]

Dreaming of getting the all new iPhone 17 Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever.

[C]

Then stay in bed and let a.

[D]

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[C]

Up and open the door. Oh, right.

[B]

Delivery available for select devices purchased at boostmobile.com, terms apply.

[D]

The Bird Show.

[C]

Jeff just made a great observation because the girls now are out of the studio. I love this, but for what reason? There's a. There's a reason here that it makes this time so golden.

[E]

Like, how long was that song? Four minutes, maybe.

[C]

Something like that.

[E]

So in the four minutes of that song, let's say take took the girls. You know, it would take a guy 10 seconds to get out of the studio, but it took the girls like, 45 because they gotta pack up and do their nails or whatever. So they finally, they get up and they get out of the studio, and Burt and I, like, we're just kind of looking around. I pick up a section of the paper and read an article. And then as the songs end, I look at Burt and I'm like, this is great. Like, there's no random chatty.

[C]

There was silence. See, this is what guys can do. Like, that was an enjoyable time. That was a quality four minutes that I just spent with you. We were in the room together, but we weren't talking.

[E]

This is the same reason that girls, when, like, you know, they go to the bathroom to get.

[D]

Always talk.

[E]

This is. This is why if you sit down and watch a movie or a TV show with a girl, and she talks with the whole thing, the concept of a Guy can watch nine innings of, you know, regular session baseball and three extra innings or two extra innings and say 30 words to each other, and.

[C]

That'S a great time.

[E]

And that's perfectly fine.

[C]

I walk away from that experience and Stacey go, what'd you guys do? And I said, we had a great time.

[E]

What'd you guys talk? And then you get mad at us. What'd you guys talk about? Not much. Really? Yeah, you know, and it'd be able to be like, you know, Jeff's looking at getting a new car. Oh, okay. What kind of. No, no, I didn't ask. How could you not ask?

[C]

That is quality time, and we had.

[B]

A great time not talking.

[C]

Exactly. I feel closer to you guys since we didn't talk.

[E]

So that being said, the girls Just go home.

[B]

God said a lot without saying anything at all.

[C]

All right, There's a reason why all the guys are in the studio now. There are no women left in here except intern Martha here, who's not allowed to say a word.

[E]

I disagree with that. I believe there's still one woman left in the studio.

[D]

That would be you, Bert.

[C]

No, I had a time, my friend. I had a time when I had testicles.

[E]

I think, you know, here's the deal. I think Bert is capable of. I mean, you know, he still watches Oprah and reads, you know, you know, Ladies Home Journal on the toilet and stuff, but the truth is, I mean, he had man experiences. Phil Turana, on the other hand, there's.

[B]

A lot about me you don't know.

[E]

In his relationship with intern Jen, you don't know me. Man has made every typical chick mistake that he can and has taken.

[C]

None of that's got a pretty. Pretty.

[B]

All right, then let me represent the simple man's opinion. Let me represent.

[C]

But you're getting. You're getting bench slapped.

[B]

Let him talk.

[C]

But you know what? We've all been in relationships like he's been and before, and we've grown, and that's what brings us to us to this point where we're all. We all professors now on the subject.

[D]

As hard as it is to believe, I, too, at One point was P.W. trust me, in a bad, bad way.

[C]

Bw.

[D]

P. Pw.

[C]

Oh, Pw.

[D]

Yeah, in a horrible way. So I too, have felt the dep of lonness where I put my manness up in a shelf somewhere in a jar full of formaldehyde, but he's still in it.

[E]

Like, I don't even think, like, you know, his genitalia is on a shelf in, you know, in Sir Jen's new.

[C]

Apartment hanging from a rearview mirror right now.

[E]

Right. Like dice.

[C]

Too classic.

[B]

All right, well, let me surprise you then.

[E]

Thanks, Dirk. Right now, she's letting Melissa and Jen play with them while they're hanging out in the hall.

[C]

Let's see how he does here. Here's what we're doing here, because there's this new book out called He's Just not that into you, the no Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. And it's brilliant because it's a guy giving honest break it down advice to women. Because if women go to other women guy, you just get. You're all over the road and you're trying to save each other's feelings, where guys can break it down and just go, he's just not that into you move on. That's all you need to hear.

[D]

We keep it simple. I mean, we don't complicate things with all these analogies and trying to dissect it. It's just. No, break it down, break it down. Who's in the dental chair, by the way?

[C]

That is Sarah. Hey, Sarah. Hey, how are you?

[A]

Good, how are you doing?

[C]

Good. You want a little tough love? Yeah, you come to the right place. No women in this duty now. It's just the guys. What do you need?

[A]

Well, I've actually been living with this guy for about a month now. And we used to work together about three or four months ago. And he and his ex fiance, they broke up about six months ago, I guess. And so I moved in with them. And they still have contact, like briefly. Every now and then they go out to eat together and they'll, you know, hang out and they'll talk on the phone every once in a while. It's very brief. But he asked me the other day, he's like, well, do you care if she comes over and spends the night? And when I did not like that idea, he got furious with me. I mean, he jumped on my case like nothing.

[C]

All right, we can stop there. Crash, would you like to be the first here?

[D]

Well, how long have you. Let me get some details here. How long have you two been together now you.

[A]

We've been dating for about three months now. And he told me, he's like, well, just so you know, in case anybody asks, you're taken. You can't, you know, don't go out and do anything with anybody else because you know, you're mine.

[C]

Go ahead, Crash.

[D]

That's a classic example. Even after three months. I'm surprised this would happen after three months. It's a classic example of just trying to give you the lock. He's trying to secure you, keep you on check while he's going to go out and play the field a little bit. And that, I guarantee you, has happened before. This three months has been up. I guarantee you he has done something like this even before telling you, go.

[B]

Ahead, Rook, with this. I say that he is just trying to see how far he can push you by him saying, can she come over and spend the night? If you give in and if you say yes, then next week it's going to be, hey, me and her going out on a Friday. I know we usually go out, but I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks. She had a hard week. I'm gonna take her out. He is just trying to see how far he can push you and test the limits.

[E]

Jeff $have we already asked if you're giving it up to him?

[A]

No, you didn't ask.

[C]

Are you?

[A]

Yes.

[E]

So here's the deal. He likes what he's getting from you.

[C]

And he thinks it's okay.

[E]

Yeah, he's all right with that, but he's not to steal the title of the book. Damn it, that guy took a great phrase.

[D]

Yeah, he did.

[C]

From his own show.

[E]

He's really. Yeah, he's really not that into you. And the reason. And that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to, mean he wants to get back together with his ex. Guys really aren't that bright. So in his mind, he might not have any interest in the ex. He might not like the ex. He might not. I mean, he might like her, but he might not want to have a relationship with her. But he still might feel, you know, some connection because they were, after all, engaged. So he's probably not thinking that it's that big of a deal. The fact that you won't allow it, though, and the fact that he's putting her feelings so far above yours indicate that he's not really that into you. So you should, in all honesty, tell him to go do what he wants with his ex and you get out of there, but you won't, because you're gonna hold on to the fact that he somehow, every now and again, compliments you on some random thing and you think that means that he wants you forever.

[C]

Sarah. Yes, A the guy you're in a possessive relationship with, a guy that wants complete control of the relationship, and he doesn't respect you enough. You've already gone to him and told him how much it bothers him, and he's blown a gasket over that. And he doesn't respect your wishes. So dump him. He doesn't respect you, and you're in a possessive relationship.

[A]

See, I just moved out of my house to move in with him, and I've been living there for, like, three weeks now, and I pretty much been disowned by my entire family because I moved in with him.

[E]

Your family will take you back.

[C]

Yeah, in the long term, this guy's gonna be no good for you.

[D]

Yeah, you moved way too fast on this. He's a PwC. He's a player with commitment. He wants to keep you and still keep playing out in left field. And I guarantee he's not wearing a glove.

[C]

All right, sir, we're gonna move on to the next Call it's that easy? Thanks.

[E]

Have fun not taking our advice.

[C]

Yeah, you know they won't. You know they won't.

[B]

How was that, Jeff? Is that okay? Was that acceptable to you?

[E]

I didn't listen to what you said.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

That's funny because neither did I.

[B]

Thanks for inviting me in, studio. I appreciate it.

[C]

When did you get. Who are you? Hey, Krista.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's do this.

[F]

All right.

[A]

Okay. I have a crush on my neighbor. We've been neighbors for about eight years. And, well, he's been sending me mixed signals. Like he would, like, okay, if I would walk across the yard because I have a huge fence in my backyard. My neighbor doesn't. If I would walk across the yard, I would catch him looking at me. But anytime I try to talk to him, two minutes into the conversation, he ends it. I give him my number. He hasn't called. Now I know he has a girlfriend, so I'm wondering, could he like me?

[G]

And how old are you?

[A]

I'm 18.

[E]

How old is he?

[A]

He's 18.

[E]

Okay, so are you wondering why an 18 year old is looking at another 18 year old girl walking across the yard?

[A]

Well, okay, yeah.

[C]

And he got your phone number and he just hasn't used it yet. That's the bottom line. You haven't hooked up with this guy?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay. Have you ever gone out with him?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay, you got the basics. Crash. She's 18.

[D]

What exactly does this peeping Tom do when he's not in his mother's basement playing Tunnels of Doom? This man is creepy. He just creeped me out.

[A]

No, no, no, he's not creepy.

[D]

No, he's creepy. He's staring at you from outside the window, but yet he's got your phone number and he won't talk to you.

[A]

Oh, no. He's always out in his backyard working on his Jeep so he'll see me walking across the yard. He's not staring like that.

[E]

Yet.

[D]

He makes no attempts for communication.

[A]

No, not really. And like, when I try to talk to him, he ends the conversation in like two minutes. Like, and it seems almost like he's nervous.

[C]

He's 18. He probably is.

[D]

You know what? Then I'm turn this one over because I still want to go with the creepy analogy. But I'll turn this one over to my younger cohort in crime over here too. Phil Turana. He's young, he works on a Jeep. He's a redneck and he's creepy. Phil.

[C]

Oh my God. This may be intergener.

[B]

You're trying too hard. Give it up. You said he had his girlfriend. If he's stopping the conversation two minutes in, that's a hint. You gave him your number. He obviously knows where you live. If he's not coming over, 18 year old, if he's not coming over late at night, hey, want to hang out, Want to do something? Take the hint.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

Yeah, he's not into you.

[C]

All right, Krista, I'll go next and then Jeff will be the anchor person on this one.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

Okay, you're 18. He's 18. He just wants to get laid.

[A]

So he don't have a problem with that.

[C]

Okay, hold on one second. But he's got a girlfriend right now, so what he is doing, he's compiling your phone number just in case something doesn't or something doesn't work out with his other 18 year old girlfriend. If that doesn't work out, he'll start knocking, knocking on your door.

[B]

But, but although, do you think he would have, might have started the communication, maybe called her, you know, out of nowhere saying, hey, I'm hanging out, you want to go get some lunch or something just to, just to keep her maybe a little bit closer because he's obviously not giving her any attention right now.

[C]

Krista, at 18 years old, even guys know this. Sex is like volleyball. You have to bump and set before you spike. And he is bumping right now. When he breaks up, he'll start setting and he's just setting you up for sex. He's 18. That's all is on his mind. Jeff never played a game of volleyball, so he's a little confused.

[E]

I was thinking of this Summer Olympics in volleyball. Okay, I'm done. Yeah, see, I disagree with that. Here's the deal. The guys when they are that age are. If you think it's difficult, well, you don't know because you're not older, but you really need to. When you give him your number, what do you say?

[A]

I told him to just. If you ever want to talk. Because me and him don't talk that much being neighbors. And I thought it was kind of ridiculous. I was like, you know, I figured we'd been neighbors for so long, you know, it's kind of ridiculous. We don't really talk to each other. So if you ever want to talk, give me a call and I give my number.

[E]

Yeah, that's not enough of a hint. Here's what you do. Go over there with your phone number and say, hey, you know what? I see you out here working on your Jeep, and if you want to Be so bold. You can say, look, I know you have a girlfriend, but if there's ever a night where she's not available and you'd like to go out and have dinner, would love to have dinner with you.

[A]

Okay, so. So I said I should still try to chase it down if you.

[E]

I mean, you're at 18, so at that point, boy, girlfriends don't count.

[C]

All rules are off at 18.

[E]

So I would say, I mean, you need to, like.

[C]

You need to go have yourself a damn good time.

[E]

Yeah. Slap it across his face. Couldn't be more obvious, because eventually you're gonna get.

[C]

You're gonna get to an age here fairly quickly where you have to start acting like an adult. But at 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want, and everybody gives you a big old leap of faith. So go ahead, have a great time and screw things up.

[A]

Oh, believe me, I want to.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Thanks.

[C]

Thank you.

[F]

Bye.

[C]

How do we do on that one, y'?

[G]

All?

[E]

I think we did great.

[D]

That was good, man. Where were those neighbors when I was 18?

[E]

I think we should. That. That girl would have been fun to talk to for a long time.

[C]

Why?

[E]

She's like, I'm not afraid to screw things up. I don't care. I'll get in there at 18, screw it up.

[D]

That's what I'm talking about, what you're supposed to do.

[E]

I think that's great. That's who we need doing diaries on our show, not band.

[C]

Okay, she can call back. 404-741-1005. Jeff, we're gonna need the voice disguiser for this one.

[G]

Whoa.

[C]

Hello, sue, give us a 3, 2, 1.

[F]

3, 2, 1.

[C]

Yep, you're on the voice disguiser. We cannot recognize your voice. Tough love advice. Let's do it.

[F]

Hey, guys, I've got a kind of sensitive question here. My husband and I have been married about two years now, and when we have there, it's like five minutes, it's over. And how can I talk to him about this without hurting his male ego? I don't want to make him feel bad, like he's not doing a good job. But on the other hand, you know, it's not really that good.

[C]

I think I realize while you're on the voice disguiser, this is either Lady Crash or Stacy.

[F]

No, I swear, not really.

[D]

Five minutes. This guy's a stud.

[G]

I mean, come on.

[C]

Quit with the pressure on Stacy.

[D]

I mean, ladies, what is. What's your name again? Or call her Sue. We're calling You Sue. Okay, sue, let me just tell you a little something about sex and marriage, all right? I kid you not. I had sex with Lady Crash the other night during a pitching change at a Braves game, all right? And that doesn't take more than three minutes to throw a couple of warm ups. And I was out the door five minutes every time.

[C]

Now, was the sex with this guy good before y' all got married?

[F]

I guess it was about the same.

[C]

So what are you complaining about? You knew what you got into.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You knew he was bad before. Did you think the wedding ring was like some big time aphrodisiac?

[E]

Maybe you should put the wedding ring somewhere else.

[F]

Well, we've both been married before, and I think she's only been with maybe two people before me. And same with me, but I guess I've had a longer past. I don't know, but it's just kind of like it's all about. And I know that he doesn't really think that way, but it's like he's not really concerned if I'm enjoying it.

[C]

Can't, like, let me start with this, and then we'll go right around the room. Just. I may be different than the other guys in the room here, but it's really, really important because I'm kind of a people pleaser person that the person that I'm doing that with is having as much fun as I am. So I welcome the opportunity for them to show me what they want. Okay, go ahead, take my hand. Do it. Just show me what you want me to do. And I will be like a puppy dog. I will sit, I will poop where you tell me to. I'll do anything you want.

[B]

Give me your hand like a puppy.

[C]

Not into the pooping on each other. That's what I'm trying to say. But you know what I'm saying.

[E]

It's okay if you.

[F]

Yeah, well, he does. Like, if I have, like, a bunny. He likes to watch that.

[E]

If. Pardon?

[D]

Did you just say he was like a bunny?

[F]

No, I say I have a bunny and he likes to watch that.

[C]

The bunny.

[E]

Oh, I say, okay, how's that go again?

[C]

In some houses, it probably sounds like this.

[D]

It's a bunny. That's what it is.

[C]

Jeff, you want to handle that one? Your turn.

[E]

Yeah, I do.

[C]

Her husband sucks in bed. What does she do? How does she tell him?

[E]

I honestly, I've got nothing on that. I.

[C]

What?

[E]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to tell because every Guys are so different. Like, I Said I don't think you're typical in liking all the instruction. And if it's. How long have you been married?

[F]

About two years now.

[E]

And it was going on 10 years. This has been going on?

[F]

No, no, no, no, no. Two.

[C]

Two.

[D]

Two years.

[E]

And it was like this before you got married?

[F]

Yeah, but, you know, while it happens, it's good, but it just doesn't last very long, you know?

[E]

What?

[C]

Aren't there creams and stuff for that crush?

[E]

Talk to his mother.

[C]

Don't you have creams and different ways thinking about baseball and.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, you know, you could be honest with him and just tell him. I mean, if you guys have been married for two years, you've both been married before, so it shouldn't be like this. Sex is like this all kind of like, ooh, freaking me out thing. Just tell him, say, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy. Before he gets started, say, hey, do this first, do this second, and then give me your five minutes of pure love.

[E]

What part of the city do you live in?

[F]

Okay, I'm starting to feel safer.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no. What part of the city do you live in?

[F]

South.

[E]

Oh, south.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Wouldn't work.

[C]

Why? What were you thinking?

[E]

Well, I was thinking of maybe, like, if she lives north of the city, like, having him drive to Cumming, the most direct route. And then she drives to Cumming, like, a really long route. If she could tell what the difference was, would be.

[C]

See what he's saying?

[F]

Yeah, I heard that.

[C]

All right, let's ask the guy that's dating the virgin filter. Hannah. What should she do?

[B]

I checked out when she said we've been having sex, so they said bye bye to me a long time ago. So I'm just looking at the pretty colors on the wall.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

All right, thanks a lot.

[E]

Sorry we couldn't help you, but you know Burt Poops, Where Stacey tells her.

[C]

I gave her some sound advice. You guys didn't help much on that one.

[E]

I couldn't. That's a tough one.

[D]

That's pretty weird. In two years, she's only had sex for, like, 26 hours.

[C]

We'll take one more call on this, and then we gotta move on. Let's go with Julie. Hello, Julie. And we could do this again tomorrow.

[D]

Earlier.

[C]

Hey, Julie.

[A]

Hey. Thanks for taking my call.

[C]

Thank you for calling. Now, this is no nonsense stuff here. You don't have a bunch of women in here that are going to sugarcoat things for you.

[A]

Okay, that's what I need, because women are crap. Okay? I. I've been dating this guy, and he actually lives out of the state and he travels for business here to town and we've been seeing each other for about a year.

[F]

And.

[A]

When I'm with him, the things he says, you know, like. Like he's never felt this way before and he's just can't get over how he feels about me. But when he's not here, he doesn't communicate as often as I think that he should. And I'll call him and it'll be days before he'll call me back.

[E]

Lower those communication expectations for the guy. That's number one.

[A]

Okay, I am. Because he travels so much that I'm realizing. I know he's really busy, but. And he'll text message me, which I think is really weird. Why not just call me?

[C]

Go ahead, crash.

[D]

This is. Oh my God. This was the easiest phone call we ever took. He travels all the time when he's in town. He gives you the stand up philosopher routine of lovey, lovey, lovey. He doesn't call you when he's out of town because he's busy giving that to his girlfriend in the other town.

[A]

That's what I figured.

[D]

Oh yes, this guy.

[A]

But we're not really having sex. Like we've only had sex twice, so.

[D]

It doesn't matter really. This man has got a lineup, like, oh, trust me, he's got to be. He's. No, I guarantee it. He's got him lined up all over the city like a major league baseball player.

[C]

Before, before I throw this one over to Jeff too. Let me. This is a stroke in with a broad, broad brush here. But women should never take this excuse as valid. I'm just so busy at work, I haven't been able to call you. And that is. What a load of crap that is. If a guy is really into you, he will find the 60 seconds to give you damn call and check in with you and say hi. Working too much is not a valid excuse.

[B]

And going on that the whole he will text message you when he's gone, that is so much easier to do than to call. How easy is it to direct into a bathroom or duck around the corner, send a text message, hey, I'm thinking about you, man, I wish you were here. But then walk into the other room where his little hussy is a hussy.

[A]

Wait, can I say one comment?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. He had once told me, I remember this in our earlier, like in one of our first dates, that his best friend told him that he should always play low key, like don't act so interested in someone. Don't call them.

[E]

You're holding onto that one comment from however long ago. He's cheating with you. You're the mistress, I believe.

[C]

Again, he's just. Again, he's just not that into you. I mean, if he's not calling, all he's got to do is pick up the phone and say, hey. If he's saying he's too busy to do that, then he's just not that into you.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Thank you all so much.

[C]

Okay, Bye. Bye.

[A]

Bye.

[E]

Enjoy not taking our advice.

[C]

It's so easy.

[D]

Yeah, it's simple.

[C]

So simple. But women and you hear how they justify and stuff with each other and.

[E]

They hold on to one comment from however long ago.

[C]

No, no, no.

[D]

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Get the word out about your business through Acast. Visit go.acast.com advertise to get started. So Charlie calls us on Friday a desperate man. This is the first time that he's going to go out with a woman other than his wife in 12 years. He's a single dad and he had a date over the weekend and he wanted your guys help. Now if you missed any of this, this is a little bit of the conversation we had with Charlie on Friday.

[B]

Well done.

[C]

Hey, Charlie.

[G]

Yes.

[C]

Give us the whole history here.

[G]

Well, okay. Well, I'm 42 years old. I've been married for 12 years. My divorce just got finalized six months ago. I have two boys and my co worker set me up with a girl. She's really cute. She's younger. She's a little younger. And it's good and it's. I have good feelings about it, but I just. I feel a little, you know, bunched up about it. I don't, you know.

[C]

Well, you haven't dated anybody else, right? Yeah, sure. Now, Charlie, how old, when you say a little younger. How young is this woman?

[G]

She's not too much younger. She's like 36, 35.

[C]

You got married at 30, is that what you said?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And you were married for 12 years?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

The divorce was just finalized six months ago.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

And this is gonna be your first date after your divorce? Yeah.

[G]

Pretty. This is it.

[C]

Hey, T.C. you're on with Charlie.

[G]

My best advice to you is just relax and be yourself. You know, don't get. Don't get stressed out about, oh, man, what am I gonna do? Can just be yourself, man. That's all you can be. That's all you can bring to the table is yourself. And just make sure that you just don't dwell on your ex wife.

[A]

Nora, don't talk about your, like, your ex wife a lot, but, you know, let this person know, like, how much a part of your life your kids really are. So you have that open and you have that out there from the beginning.

[G]

Right.

[A]

Because that'll help pick and choose a lot of people that are in your life.

[G]

That's good to hear. That's good to know.

[C]

Okay, man. Good luck, dude.

[D]

Yeah, good luck.

[C]

Thanks, man.

[G]

Thank you so much.

[C]

See ya. Okay, that was Friday on the show. So let's back in with. Check back in with Charlie and find out how the weekend went. Charlie.

[G]

Hey, man.

[C]

First you gotta tell us about, like the hours leading up to the date, because this is again, we were kind of trying to put ourselves in your position. You know, I've only been with my wife for 10 years, but I was just thinking how I'm just so used to what she is. I'm so used to the way she talks, the way she, you know, she's got a Smell about her the way she feels. And just to be with anybody else for a night would just be so incredibly awkward. And here you are talking about being married to the same woman for 12 years and now all of a sudden you got to turn that off and you gotta turn a completely other woman, you know, on, so to speak. Yeah. So that must have been pretty nerve wracking leading up to it.

[G]

It really was. You know, I really just want to, you know, thank all the advice that I got, first of all, because it was all really, you know, they said just, you know, just be yourself. You don't have to be something you're not. Don't talk about your wife. You know, the whole, the gentleman thing. Like, I thought maybe there was something dated about that and everybody was like, no, no, no, be a gentleman. And so it was kind of nice to have like a checklist in front of me because it helped me focus on that and not be so nervous about stuff. You know, the few hours, you know, I still went back and forth with the little things. I finally said, okay, you know, I am going to buy her flower. So I went ahead and I got her flowers because that seemed like the nice, gentlemanly thing to do. And, you know, I just looked over my list, make sure I talk about my wife. But, you know, and when I do, somebody had mentioned, somebody had called in and mentioned something about, you know, don't refer to her as your wife. You just say the mother of your kids. Actually, having somebody give me actually good, constructive, practical advice was really helping me on the drive over. It helped me focus so I didn't have to get second guessing every little thing that you do because it's really strange. You're right. I was so used to one person and the whole idea of going to meet another person and to be in that completely different place was, was hard. It was, it was, it was really uncomfortable.

[C]

And here you're going into this thing now, you got a checklist. So you've. That's great. So that helped a little bit knowing that you weren't just going into this thing blind.

[G]

Exactly. It helped me get my mind off of things. I wasn't as nervous, you know, made me. It made me be a little more like myself and not, not, you know, you know, I have to impress. I have to do the right thing. It really loosened me up a little bit.

[C]

So where'd you end up taking her and what'd you do?

[G]

Well, I brought her the flowers. Really appreciated. She wanted to put the flowers in water before we went she actually took me inside her apartment, which was so crazy strange to be in like another woman's apartment. And we didn't stay there, but you know, just that instead that first feeling of being in another woman's apartment was really strange.

[C]

But now let me ask you this here, Charlie, because when she invites you up to the apartment, okay, there had to be a small part of you thinking that, okay, this thing may be going too fast. Were you more nervous than excited? Had she proposed something more intimate when she walked in there?

[G]

You know, I have to be honest with you, I was happy she didn't because I was so nervous about it. Just being in another woman's apartment and you know, the smell of another woman's apartment and just the whole unfamiliarity of it was really kind of unnerving at first I thought, well, in a way I thought it was exciting, but in a way I thought, you know what, I hope nothing happens right now because I was really. I was not all, you know, if.

[C]

She would have proposed something more intimate, would you have said, nah, let's not do this right about now, or let's.

[G]

Just move on, or I don't know, I don't know. You know, I was relieved that it didn't happen, but I can't say that the thought was not an exciting thought at the same time. Okay, I don't know if that answers you, but I don't think I would have been ready for it. It would have been too, too fast, too much. Yeah, it would have been too crazy.

[C]

But flattering and exciting at the same time.

[G]

Oh yeah, no, I'm a man. It would have been something, but still. But then we left there and I took to raise on the river. We went down there because I had actually asked a friend of mine. I'd asked around my co workers and what she liked, and I found out that that was her favorite place. And so I took her down there, I opened the car door for her. I made sure that I opened the doors for her. I made a real point of not so much being sensitive to every little thing, but just listening, being attentive, which was really cool. But then halfway into it, I got a little off track because I kept thinking, well, maybe if I'm sitting this way all the time with my wife, maybe we wouldn't have had those problems. And then I had this.

[C]

I just had that same thought too, that maybe your ex wife is listening right now, going, listen. You never listened to me for the last 10 years had you opened my car door. We wouldn't Be at this place right now.

[E]

Well, you know what? He would have listened to her if she wasn't just nagging all the time over and over and over. Do this, do that. This is what's wrong with you. So maybe if she shut her mouth, they would still be together.

[C]

Never took me to raise up the river. It was always Chili's.

[G]

We had other issues, so I guess that helped it get it back on track. But, you know. But it was good. You know, I talked about my kids and that was a cool thing. And, you know, it wasn't a weird thing. And she was really appreciative of it. And she was also. I think she had really thought about it a lot because she was very much about not wanting to meet them right away, you know, which really was relieving to me because I'm at that point where I still don't know where my children fit into my dating life yet. And so, you know, I felt that I would. I knew that I had to make some kind of ground rules about those things where I couldn't just expose my kids to, you know, a lot of different girls or a lot of different. Because that would just be confusing to them. But she just jumped right out there and was like, you know, don't worry. I think it's better that I don't meet them right away. That, you know, you don't have to, you know, introduce me to them and feel that kind of strange pressure or what that means for you. So she was very, very cool about that, which I really appreciated. And she seemed to really appreciate the fact that I was talking about him. Didn't talk about my ex wife, which was good and helped the evening go. We really talked and we had a really good time and it was really sweet. And it felt really good to talk to someone of the opposite sex in that kind of setting. It felt like doing it all over again, which was really. I don't know, it was just really, really nice. I felt really good about it. I guess that's the best way to describe it.

[C]

Was there an instant attraction there? Because I think when you are dating and you meet somebody, you either kind of know or you know it right off the bat, if there's a physical attraction. There was there with her.

[G]

Yeah, there really was for me. And I sensed, you know, I haven't been dating, you know, 15 years, so unless I'm completely off, like I haven't used. My perception is completely off. I think she sensed it too. So she has. She was into me too. I think we Both were really enjoying each other's company.

[E]

Nowadays, on the second date's when you got to seal the deal. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. Nobody goes three dates without having sex anymore.

[D]

Don't listen to him.

[C]

Don't listen to them.

[E]

Hey, you should show up naked. You know what? That's what the kids are doing nowadays. What you do is you invite her up to your. And you're like, okay, let me go grab my coat. And then you come out not wearing any pants.

[C]

Hey, so how did the end of the date go? Because this is really where we like to dissect if there's going to be another date or not.

[G]

Yeah, well, I took her. I took her back to her place. She invited me up. If I wanted to come up for a drink, that would have been it right there. Well, you know, I think that it was kind of a safe thing to say, because before we left the dinner. Before we left the dinner, I said, you know, I should probably get back to my kids, because then we had a babysitter that night, and I didn't want to. You know, I didn't want to go over too long. So she offered me up for a quick drink. So I think it was kind of a safe thing. Like, she knew I wasn't going to be there long anyways. But she did. She invited me up. I had a quick drink, we had a quick glass of wine, and we talked. And then at the end of the evening, you know, I gave her a nice kiss on the cheek. After, she wanted to go out again, and she said she would, and we're probably gonna go out this weekend.

[C]

Awesome. Good. That is great. Okay, how weird was that? That kiss?

[G]

No, no, it was a nice.

[C]

It's a cheek that he hasn't. I mean, he's only been with a couple of cheeks his whole life.

[G]

Fresh cheek, right? Well, it was. It was. It was nice. It was nice. I had a warm cheek. My lips were warm.

[C]

All right, sounds cheeky.

[G]

It was cheeky.

[C]

Well, good. So it sounds like it was great.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

And you got the first one out of the way because that one's gonna have to be the toughest. Congratulations, Charlie.

[G]

Thank you. Thank you, guys. I mean, it was really helpful for me.

[C]

Yeah, I'm glad we could help it. Even if it's a little way of giving you kind of a checklist just to think about on the way over there. Man, that's great.

[G]

It really worked out good for me.

[E]

Don't jack it up this weekend.

[C]

Yeah. Don't screw it up, because most Bird show stories don't end up on such a great note like this. And I am so happy right now that it ended on a good note.

[G]

I'm really relieved. I'm gonna be very attentive to this so it doesn't go off rail.

[C]

Well, great. Cause we're just all sitting here waiting for the other foot to drop here, you know, like. And I realized I fell in love.

[E]

With her sister, you know, you should propose to her.

[C]

Is that. Is that while he's in the trench cutting? Nothing else?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

All right, Charlie. Congratulations, man.

[G]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[C]

Way to get the first one done.

[G]

Thank you. Thanks for all the help.

[C]

All right. See you later. Looky there. See? It does happen. We have some good outcomes on this show. Something good happens every once in a while.

[E]

I don't believe it. You know what? He's gay and he doesn't know it yet. You'll find out live on this show.

[C]

The Bird Show. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

[D]

Here's a show that we recommend.

[E]

The world of commercial real estate is changing and fast. Welcome to in the Loop. We're diving into the topics that hit the hardest. We'll explore what's happening today.

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