The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 22 [Vault]

Date: December 22, 2025
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jeff, Crash, Interns
Episode Theme:
A no-holds-barred morning show featuring honest relationship advice and real-life stories from listeners and hosts. The team gives unfiltered insights—mainly from the male side—about dating, romance, and the often-comical realities of life and love, with the aim to entertain and keep listeners company through their day.

Main Discussion: “Guys’ Hour” – No-Nonsense Relationship Advice

[00:47–04:44] – Men Left Alone in the Studio

• The segment begins with a humorous male-only talk after the women leave the studio—leading to jokes about the peaceful silence men often share.
  • "There was silence. See, this is what guys can do. Like, that was an enjoyable time. That was a quality four minutes that I just spent with you." – C (01:26)
  • "We had a great time not talking." – B (02:19)
• Banter about stereotypes: men being content with silence, women chatting more, playful teasing about roles in the studio.

Call-In Segment: Tough Love, “He’s Just Not That Into You”

[04:09–08:34] – Listener Sarah’s Dilemma

• Sarah, recently moved in with her boyfriend, finds he still spends time—with occasional sleepovers—with his ex-fiancé. When she expresses concern, he becomes angry.
  • Hosts collectively deliver blunt advice:
    • He’s keeping Sarah as a backup while keeping doors open with his ex.
    • Possessive, controlling behavior signals disrespect for Sarah’s feelings.
    • “He’s just trying to see how far he can push you… He’s just not that into you.” – E (06:20–06:58)
    • “Dump him, he doesn’t respect you.” – C (07:48)
  • Sarah worries about backlash from her family after moving in with him; the hosts assure her her family will take her back and urge her to leave the unhealthy relationship.

[08:51–13:07] – Listener Krista’s ‘Crush on the Neighbor’

• Krista, 18, has a crush on her 18-year-old neighbor, but he barely talks to her and has a girlfriend.
  • Panel calls out his lack of action: “Take the hint. He’s not into you.” – B (10:42)
  • C breaks down the “sex as volleyball” analogy, suggesting he's just keeping options open in case things end with his current girlfriend.
  • E recommends: Be bold—at 18, enjoy life, be straightforward, and don’t be afraid to mess up:
    • “You need to go have yourself a damn good time…at 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want.” – C (12:44)

[13:29–18:18] – “Sue’s” Bedroom Concerns (On Voice Disguiser)

• “Sue” calls to ask how to address her husband’s brief five-minute performance during sex, afraid of hurting his ego.
  • Room offers candid, slightly comedic advice:
    • “Five minutes? This guy’s a stud.” – D (14:21)
    • If sex wasn’t great before marriage, it won’t magically improve after.
    • C: Encourage direct, positive communication—show him what you want without shame:
      • “I will sit, I will poop where you tell me to. I'll do anything you want.” – C (15:56, jokingly)
    • D: Just be honest; both have been married before. “Before he gets started, say: ‘do this first, do this second, then give me your five minutes of pure love.’” (17:20)

[18:39–22:01] – Julie: The Long-Distance Boyfriend

• Julie dates a businessman who’s caring and attentive in person, but barely calls her when he's away—just texts.
  • Crash: “When he’s not with you, he’s with someone else—he has a lineup in every city like a major league baseball player.” (19:59–20:23)
  • C: Don’t accept “I’m too busy” as a real excuse—if a guy is truly interested, he finds a minute to call.
  • B: Texting is easy cover for other relationships. “He walks into the other room where his little hussy is…” (21:16)
  • E: “You’re holding onto that one comment from however long ago. He’s cheating with you. You’re the mistress, I believe.” (21:39)

Real-Life Story: Charlie’s First Date After Divorce

[24:11–34:56] – Recap and Follow-Up with Charlie

• Charlie, 42, recently divorced after 12 years, gets ready for his first date (set up by a co-worker) – initial advice from show: “Be yourself, don’t dwell on your ex, mention your kids.”
• Charlie recounts being nervous but benefited from having a “checklist” from the hosts:
  • “Having somebody give me actually good, constructive, practical advice was really helping me on the drive over. It helped me focus so I didn’t have to get second-guessing every little thing that you do because it’s really strange.” – Charlie (26:29)
• The Date:
  • He brings flowers, is “gentlemanly,” avoids talking about ex-wife, appreciates being in a new environment.
  • They go to her apartment briefly, then to dinner at her favorite spot. Conversation is open, she doesn’t want to meet his kids right away—which is a relief for Charlie.
  • Flattered but relieved nothing “intimate” happened; not ready yet.
  • Date ends with a kiss on the cheek. Plans made for a second date.
  • He’s proud, grateful, and less nervous. Bert and gang are supportive, jokingly warn him not to mess it up next time.

“It felt really good to talk to someone of the opposite sex in that kind of setting. It felt like doing it all over again, which was really… I don’t know, it was just really, really nice.” – Charlie (31:45)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On male friendship:
  “We had a great time not talking.” – B (02:19)

• On tough love advice:
  “He’s just trying to see how far he can push you… He’s just not that into you.” – E (06:20–06:58)

• On life at 18:
  “At 18 years old, you could pretty much screw up as much as you want, and everybody gives you a big old leap of faith. So go ahead, have a great time and screw things up.” – C (12:44)

• On communicating in relationships:
  “If a guy is really into you, he will find the 60 seconds to give you [a] damn call and check in with you and say hi. Working too much is not a valid excuse.” – C (20:32)

• On moving forward after divorce:
  “It felt like doing it all over again, which was really… I don’t know, it was just really, really nice.” – Charlie (31:45)

Episode Flow and Tone

• Language & Tone:
  Authentic, conversational, candid, sometimes irreverent but always honest. The hosts are supportive but direct, prioritizing honesty (and lots of jokes) over sugarcoating.

• Format:

  • Begins with lighthearted studio banter and stereotypes about gendered communication.
  • Moves into a series of call-ins where listeners get unfiltered advice—especially on dating and relationship red flags.
  • Culminates with an in-depth real-life update, providing both practical and emotional support to a listener stepping back into the dating world.

Timestamps

• 00:47: Guys’ Hour: No Women Left in Studio, Joy of Male Silence
• 04:09: Call with Sarah—Dealing with a possessive boyfriend and his ex
• 08:51: Krista’s neighbor crush—Decoding mixed signals at 18
• 13:29: Voice-disguised “Sue”—Navigating marital bedroom complaints
• 18:39: Julie’s long-distance dilemma—Why won’t he call?
• 24:11: Recap & Follow-up with Charlie—First post-divorce date success
• 31:45: Charlie reflects passionately on the experience

For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show experience: playful, unfiltered—but with heart. The advice might be tough or tongue-in-cheek, but it’s always real. The team empowers listeners—often women—to recognize their own worth, laugh at life’s absurdities, and go for what they want, no matter what stage they're at.