Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 29 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show

Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Episode: Full Show PT 2: Monday, December 29 [Vault]
Date: December 29, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into two main topics: the recurring patterns that spark arguments in romantic relationships, and the universal misery of dealing with traffic in Atlanta. The cast shares real-life anecdotes and invites listeners to call in with their own stories and relationship landmines—those phrases or behaviors guaranteed to escalate a fight. The tone is candid, witty, and often self-deprecating, keeping things light even while discussing the frustrations and foibles of daily life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Relationship Arguments: “Fighting Fair” and Phrases That Always Start a Fight

(Main Segment: 01:30–17:47)

The Pizza Stone Incident

• Jeff’s confession: He recounts a kitchen meltdown over making pizza, which turned into a broader conflict about how he and his wife communicate.
  • “It wasn’t even a fight. It was a temper tantrum by me...I’ll take the blame for it.” – Jeff (01:36)
• Trigger phrase: The argument starts when Jeff says, “I wish you hadn’t thrown out our pizza stone,” a seemingly minor comment that opens the floodgates.
• Insight: The cast notes many fights aren’t about the issue at hand, but about how things are said and perceived. Small remarks easily trigger defensiveness.

Universal Argument Starters

• Host discussion and caller input: They brainstorm and joke about sentences guaranteed to start fights in relationships:
  • “You shouldn’t have...” – (06:11)
  • “Don’t blame me because you’re not prepared.” – (06:19)
  • “You’re just like your mother.” – (06:23)
  • “What, you never...” or “That’s typical” – (06:59)
  • “Why is that my job?” – (08:07)
  • “You are such a guy/woman.” – (10:35)
  • “Are you menstruating?/It must be that time of month.” – (11:01)
  • “First of all...” – (12:54)
  • “That figures.” – (13:31)
  • “Grow up.” – (14:37)
  • “Why don’t you just relax?” or “Calm down.” – (15:05, 15:26)
  • “It’s always about you.” – (16:03)
  • “You’re always right. I’m wrong.” – (16:14)
  • “Common sense should tell you...” – (17:21)
  • “And you wonder why I drink.” – (17:40)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On communication:
  • “If there was a law that required everyone to pause just two seconds before they said what they had to say, fights would be cut by two thirds, if not more.” – Jeff (01:56)
• On digging up the past in fights:
  • “If you are failing at your fight, people naturally will take out old bullets from an old gun and try to shoot it again.” – (07:05)
• On ‘fixing’ arguments:
  • “If a guy says, ‘Have you seen my keys?’ in the right tone, your wife is more likely to help you look for them rather than ‘Where are my keys?’ Keeper of my things.” – (09:04)
• On the futility of certain apology tactics:
  • “I found that, a lot of times, if you are fighting with a woman and you say, ‘You must be menstruating,’ that really...smooths things over.” – Jeff (11:01, tongue-in-cheek/joking)

Audience Participation

• Listeners call in, echoing that certain phrases just make things worse. Common themes are escalating defensiveness, belittling, or invoking past grievances.
• Advice: Avoid arguing about everything ever done wrong. Best to resolve the argument in the moment, but hosts admit it’s hard (“I need 24 hours to cool down after a fight.” – 16:53)

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2. Atlanta Traffic Nightmares

(Main Segment: 21:13–27:45)

Dylan’s Traffic Rant

• A listener, Dylan, calls in furious about citywide gridlock and “almost quits” both the commute and, jokingly, life itself.
  • “He was really calling in just to turn in his resignation because he did not want to be here.” – (21:36)

Listeners Quit Jobs Over Traffic

• Several callers share epic stories of traffic driving them to quit on the spot or abandon their cars altogether:
  • Denny: Once directed his passenger to dismantle a DOT fence so he could drive off-road and escape the jam, eventually making it home. (21:54–22:47)
  • Matt: After consistently brutal commutes, decided to stop showing up for work—sometimes rode the emergency lane rather than be late. (22:52–23:48)
  • Pam: Quit her job at Hooters during the Olympics because the traffic and parking were so unbearable—“I just had to give up. I went home.” (24:35–25:15)

Cast Shares Their Traffic Coping Tactics

• Stories about abandoning all patience at red lights in the early hours, or running lights out of frustration:
  • “I was so impatient today… I ran like two red lights just because I didn’t feel like waiting.” – (27:10)
• Joking about reviewing every budget motel and hitting up Waffle House for long, impromptu breakfasts as a way to pass the time instead of fighting traffic.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I told my co-worker to get out, walk the DOT fence line, and find a section he could tear down… he was jumping up and down on it like a trampoline.” – Denny (21:54)
• “I could see it was going to take over two hours to get to work. So I just called and said I wouldn’t be coming in… I just rode the emergency lane.” – Matt (23:23)
• “The tips are not going to be worth this. Is that really a devastating career move, quitting Hooters?” (25:15, humorous tone)
• “If I’m commuting, this is where you find a Waffle House. You buy a newspaper… you have a long breakfast and enjoy your coffee.” – (26:27)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “If there was a law that required everyone to pause just two seconds before they said what they had to say, fights would be cut by two thirds, if not more.” – Jeff (01:56)
• “You shouldn’t have.” / “Don’t blame me because you’re not prepared.” – Multiple hosts (06:11)
• “You’re just like your mother.” – (06:23)
• “Why is that my job?” – (08:07)
• “I found that, a lot of times, if you are fighting with a woman and you say, ‘You must be menstruating,’ that really...smooths things over.” – Jeff, jokey (11:01)
• “If you say, ‘Why don’t you just relax?’... it totally diminishes the emotion of the other person you’re in the argument with.” – (15:09)
• “The worst thing is when they say, ‘Why don’t you just relax?’” – Mandy, caller (15:05)
• “I told my co-worker to get out, walk the DOT fence… I drove off the embankment through the fence.” – Denny, caller (21:54)
• “I actually did. There was a tanker truck that exploded… I walked to the Hooters… got hammered. Left my car all night.” – (23:59)
• “The tips are not gonna be worth this. Is that really a devastating career move, quitting Hooters?” – (25:15)
• “If I’m commuting, this is where you find a Waffle House… you just have a long breakfast.” – (26:27)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:30–17:47: “Landmine” Phrases in Relationships & How Couples Fight
• 21:13–27:45: Atlanta Traffic Horror Stories/Listeners Quitting Because of Commutes

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Episode Tone and Style

• Candid, quick-witted, and self-deprecating: The cast isn’t afraid to laugh at themselves, vent about partners, or commiserate with callers.
• Interactive: Several listeners join by phone, and their real stories add to the humor and sense of community.
• Relatable & authentic: Topics like household squabbles and nightmare traffic are handled with empathy and everyday realism.
• Occasionally irreverent: Hosts joke about “fighting tactics” and even playfully roast each other.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

In this Bert Show episode, the crew and their audience dissect the ways couples accidentally torpedo their own arguments, revealing how certain trigger phrases nearly guarantee a fight. They collect both hilarious and all-too-real examples (like “You’re just like your mother” or “Why is that my job?”) and admit: It’s less about the subject and more about how you say it. The second half switches gears to Atlanta traffic, where listeners vent about commutes so horrendous they’ve quit jobs, gone off-road, or simply walked away. If you enjoy witty banter about the small (but meaningful) frustrations of modern life, you'll find yourself nodding (or laughing) along.

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Transcript

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[B]

The Birch Show.

[E]

Early this morning, Jeff was telling us that he and his wife Jessica got in a little bit of a scrub last night.

[B]

It wasn't even a fight. It was. It was a temper tantrum by me. Like, I'll take. I'll take the blame for it. I was just having a bad night in the kitchen.

[E]

But it was. But you said it was brought on by her total lack of respect and irresponsibility.

[B]

It wasn't lack of respect. It wasn't irresponsibility. I'm completely. I convinced. And you'll see all these surveys from time to time, and Melissa will put them in her news. The number one cause of fights between couples this year is money or cleaning the house or sex or there's A half dozen. You can probably make a very short list of the five or six things that couples fight about. And communication will be on there. But I think that's communication. Like, oh, one person doesn't talk enough or too much or whatever. And I think if there was a law that required everyone to say. To pause just two seconds before they said what they had to say, fights would be cut by two thirds, if not more. Because what too often happens is Jessica and I will find ourselves not fighting about a particular issue, but fighting about the fact that we're fighting the way one of us talk to another. And the perfect example happened last night when I was making. I had made homemade pizza dough and homemade sauce. And I was all excited to make a homemade pizza.

[C]

And.

[B]

And I went to the bottom of the stairs. Jessica was upstairs, and I yelled up, do we have a pizza pan? Because I remember seeing one, you know, just like a tin thing. I remember seeing one, but I couldn't find anywhere in the kitchen. And she says, no, we don't have one. That was somebody's that we had borrowed. And then I made this statement, and this is referring to something Jessica did earlier this year. I wish you hadn't thrown out our pizza stone. Referring to a pizza stone that my parents gave us for Christmas, like, five years ago. That, to me, was perfectly seasoned. It was dark, it had burn spots on it. It was perfect. Jessica just thought it was gross. She thought it was too dirty, and we didn't use it enough. And it was taking up space in her cabinet. So she's like, I'm going to throw it out. We battled over it for a week, and then finally I, you know, we didn't talk about it for a few days, and she used that opportunity to toss it out. So I said to her from the bottom of the stairs, I wish you didn't throw out that pizza stone, or you shouldn't have thrown out that pizza stone or something. The response that would have sent me into the other room with nothing else to say would be if she had said, I didn't think we'd use it anymore, or, sorry we hadn't used it in six months, or anything along that line, because then acknowledgement of the problem solution. But what does she come back with? Don't blame me for your unpreparedness.

[E]

And that right there, that was it.

[D]

See, I'm looking at him like, okay, first you're frustrated because you can't get your pizza right, and you're blaming her for the problem.

[B]

But where did I blame Her. That's the point.

[D]

When you said, you shouldn't have. Yeah, you shouldn't have. Everything'd be fine if you hadn't have thrown the thing out.

[B]

But that's not blaming. That's like saying, But I'm thinking, in.

[D]

Her mind, she's thinking, how did I get involved in this?

[E]

So just those two words right there. You shouldn't anything after that. You're already gonna have the defense. The walls are up.

[D]

I'm not in the process of helping him fix the pizza, but somehow I'm to blame for the problem.

[B]

It would be like if Jen got up after this break and took all of her stuff that's sitting in front of her and took it back to her desk, because the show's gonna end in 45 minutes. She doesn't have any more entertainment buzz, which she's done. She puts it back there, and then in a few minutes, I say, do you have a highlighter? And she says, don't blame me because.

[D]

You'Re not prepared, right?

[B]

And she goes, no, I just took it to my desk. And then I say, oh, you shouldn't have taken it to your desk yet. I was gonna highlight this article for you. Like, then her response is, sorry about, like, why do you. Like, I'm blaming her for not having a highlighter.

[D]

But the difference is, like, comparatively, it would be if she had taken the highlighter to her office office six months ago, and then you needed a highlighter now, like, in what you're saying with Jessica, she threw this out earlier this year. So I just. I mean, I. Again, I just think even if you told Jen, well, you shouldn't have taken the highlighter out because I needed it, even though it was Jen's highlighter.

[E]

Either way, it's the two words there. You shouldn't is what set her off.

[D]

Right?

[E]

So here's what we would like to do here. And you guys can get in on this. 404-741-1005 not necessarily two words, but there. There are some sentences, just one sentence that will always get you in a fight with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. And if you know what those sentences are before you get into the argument, you can avoid using those, and things are gonna be much better.

[D]

See, I think we have two of them here. You shouldn't have. Fill in the blank here. We'll definitely start an argument. Or don't blame me because you're not prepared.

[E]

Those are two right there.

[D]

That's another phrase that would definitely send you into an argument.

[E]

You're gonna get into an argument. Let me give you a stereotypical sentence that without a doubt, if you're a man, will get you in a fight with your wife every time. You're just like your mother.

[D]

Oh, yes.

[E]

All right. That's one you want to avoid for sure.

[D]

Absolutely.

[E]

If you want to stay away from a fight. Okay, so if you guys have these 404-741-1005. As a public service, we'll all help each other out in our relationships here.

[B]

I've got two words for you. It doesn't even have to be a full sentence. Can be any sentence that starts with these two words. What, you never.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes. The word never. See, I have on my list. Because if you're a collector of grudges is what I. Cause I will admit I'm a bad fighter. And the bad thing is, like, if you are failing at your fight, people naturally will take out old bullets from an old gun and try to shoot it again. So if it's you never meaning we're encompassing everything we've ever done together or. That's typical, you know. Oh, well, that's typical, you know, like if somebody does something wrong and then you have to. Well, what do you mean, that's typical? Well, remember, and then you're bringing up, like, the fight should only encompass what's going on at that moment in time. But I don't know if anybody's really good at allowing it just to be at that day and time.

[E]

One sentence. Phrases that will always, without a doubt, get you in a fight.

[D]

A common one that happens in my house is because my husband loses everything. So he says, where's my fill in the blank here? And I could count like 400 of those every day. Where's my keys? Where's my shoes?

[B]

But here's the communication. Wait a minute, Jeff.

[D]

Jeff. Here's the line that gets us into the fight is my response of when.

[E]

He says, where are my keys?

[D]

Why is that my job?

[E]

Oh, okay. Why is that my job?

[D]

Okay, so that's the one that happens in my. Why should I know? Why is that my job?

[B]

Let me give you a proper response. Because for some reason, that drives Jessica nuts, too. How long have you been in with Ryan?

[D]

Why is that my responsibility to know where your freaking keys are?

[B]

He just wants an ally. We're just frustrated.

[E]

I'll tell you why. That argument right there happens all the time in our house. Because my wife loves to go ahead and move my stuff just because she thinks it's more convenient for me over here.

[B]

Yes.

[E]

All right, so when I ask her, where are my keys? Chances are pretty good she's moved them nine times.

[D]

Let me go ahead. Hold on, Jeff. One thing, though. If you say, but you know what can fix that? Is if a guy says, have you seen my keys? If you just change the tone of it a little bit. So it's not Jen's job, it's just, hey, by the way, if you talk about needing an outlay, hey, by the way, Jen, have you seen my keys? I have seemed to lost them. And then your wife is more likely to help you look for them rather than, where are my keys? Keeper of my things.

[B]

This is a true story. And this is almost like Jen getting on the soapbox last week for when she threw her tantrum for whatever you're tantrum for. But like you said, how Stacy will move stuff, you know, around your house and then blame you for it when you can't find it. Swear to God. True story. Thanksgiving night, we went over to friend's house, lot of wine was drunk, come back to our house, and Jessica decides to make something on the stove using one of our calphalon pots that you cannot put in the dishwasher. So she made it, rinsed it out, and left it in the sink, then left it in the sink for five days, giving me grief every single day because I didn't clean my pot that I used to cook something. Both of us were buzzed enough that we forgot she's the one who cooked something. So finally she throws a tantrum, pulls it out of the sink, violently scrubbing it with the brush going, I don't understand why I have to. What did you make anyways? And I was sitting at my computer, and I all of a sudden, like a light bulb turned on. I turned around and said, you made gravy. I feel better now.

[D]

You just wanted to finish.

[E]

He just wants to win.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Good morning, Mark. You're on the Burt Show.

[C]

Hey, good morning.

[E]

Hi.

[C]

What about when you start the sentence, I can't help it if you.

[E]

Because it puts the blame right back on you.

[D]

Where's my keys? I can't help it if you lose them all the time, Right?

[E]

Good morning, Beth. You are on the Burt Show. The sentence that will always get you in a fight.

[C]

Oh, it's. You are such a guy.

[E]

That one wouldn't bother me that much. Why would that be offensive?

[D]

But it's a compliment to Birch. Yeah, but if you said you're such a woman. If you say you're such a woman, though, I don't Think that women would take that too well.

[E]

You're being such a woman.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Why are you being such a woman about it?

[B]

I found that a lot of times that if you are fighting with someone and you say a woman, and you say you must be menstruating. That's really.

[D]

Yeah, that really.

[B]

That a lot of times smooth things over. Cause then you're showing smoke. Sympathy because you know that once a month they just be. Satan takes over. So you're just showing sympathy to their plight.

[D]

Do you have permission to throw something at him now? Jeff is just.

[E]

You don't need permission for that.

[D]

Jeff is just channeling. He's channeling every bit of his anger out on us. But I think that you.

[B]

You're obviously menstruating anytime. Must be that time of month.

[D]

Anytime a new, you know, friends of mine are in a new relationship. Like, I always wait until their first argument. Because to me, the real test of a relationship is not the lovey, lovey, I'm in love. Or a honeymoon. Because I really do think that as a couple, I have friends that criticize me for saying this. But you have to fight well as well as get along well, because you're gonna fight. And your relationship. If you fight well, then you will be able to maintain a relationship. But if you were the type that just the cursed the fight. Yeah. This abusive then is your relationship's not gonna work.

[E]

Good morning, Kristin. You're on the Burt Show.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Before, when you said the phrase, you're just like your mother. I know, at least for my boyfriend and I, when he. The worst thing he can say to me is, you're just like my mother.

[E]

And when he's referring to his own mother.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. Because chances are pretty good when he says, you remind me of my mother.

[E]

Yeah. He's spending a lot of time complaining about his mom. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

[B]

That makes perfect sense.

[E]

All right. Thank you.

[C]

Thank you.

[E]

404-741-1005. What are you guys looking at each other like that for?

[D]

Well, the first thought that came to my mind is, but usually a guy is like, he wants to be mothered by you, and then he turns around and says it against you.

[E]

Yeah, see, there's. There's a fine line here between mothering and controlling. And I don't know that any woman knows what that line is.

[B]

I've also found that sometimes when you're talking with a woman just covering your ears and going, why are you always making noise? That also really kind of breaks attention in the room. And takes it to a different level.

[E]

Good morning, Karen.

[C]

Hi. I really hate when people start off a conversation saying, first of all, that just puts me on the defensive.

[E]

Because you're gonna know there's two or three other things coming that are gonna hit you right between the eyes.

[D]

There's the list. That's a list coming.

[B]

I would throw that at people and then just never follow up with anything. First of all, I gotta tell you, I don't like your attitude.

[D]

You're just a beard. Jessica is so lucky.

[E]

Good morning, Catherine. You're on the Burt show on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Yeah, I got one that drives me crazy. Every time when anything bad happens, it's always that figures.

[E]

That figures.

[D]

Like, that's typical. That figures.

[E]

Same thing.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And again, that's bringing in past fight.

[D]

I mean, because. Yeah, yeah. And I. I've been guilty of this. Where I've been in a relationship in which it's just like those old wounds never seem to heal. So in six months later, you can bring something that happened six months ago and that just can't. I mean, it's. If with the right person, I'm not. But with other people, I have been. Bring out the trunk. Let me open up. Everything you said are done wrong.

[E]

I can't even imagine in your world, you know, with two women, how you guys remember every small detail. Yeah. Bringing out that trunk. On both sides, arguments must last four and a half hours.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

And they never end. And it's not always typical because, like I said, I just haven't been with the right partner. But I think that with two women, you're more than likely. Because if they start something on me, then, I mean, I'm a female too, and I can turn it right back on you about all the things you've done. And that's not healthy.

[E]

Good morning.

[B]

That's what they should do. Over to those. Like those Fallujah and all those places in Iraq where they're trying to root people out. It's just send over a bunch of lesbians to argue. Just put them in the same room and they'll start running.

[D]

You're ridiculous.

[E]

Good morning, Tony.

[D]

You're such a homophobe.

[C]

Hi. If the two words grow up, they cause a bit of insanity.

[E]

So if a woman says grow up to you. See, Jeff thinks that that is like a slam dunk.

[B]

Well, it depends on the situation. Like, if I'm trying to be legitimate, then no. But if I've done something practical, jokey, and I get a grow up.

[D]

If you say if you say, I'm not ready for kids and she gives you a grow up, then you're mad.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

This one is a classic. Good morning, Mandy.

[C]

Hey. The worst thing is when they say, why don't you just relax?

[E]

Yeah, I am guilty, guilty, guilty of that. Because it totally diminishes the emotion of the other person that you're in the argument with. Totally.

[C]

Oh, yeah, urinating.

[E]

You're right. I just don't understand why you're so upset about something. Like something so small drives my wife crazy.

[D]

I think two words that are worse than relax is calm down. Oh, yeah. Calm down to me is worse than. Yeah, why don't you just calm down first? Oh, you should shut up.

[B]

How about, I've never realized how smart you really aren't.

[D]

Yeah, I haven't ever used that one. What is wrong with you?

[E]

Do you realize you've just stopped the show five straight times?

[D]

Grow up, Jeff.

[B]

You relax.

[E]

Hey, Leslie, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[C]

Good morning.

[B]

How are you?

[D]

Good, good. They're starting to fight in here. I don't know.

[C]

My husband always tells, and we're fighting. It's always about you.

[E]

It's always about you. Again, Melissa's thing. You bring it in the past, in the now.

[D]

But it's also the belittling tone that. That is, too. That's belittling. Oh, it's always about you, isn't it?

[E]

How about this? How about when you're in an argument and someone says, okay, you're always right.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Give up.

[E]

You're always right. I'm wrong. You're always right.

[D]

And you're like, no, keep fighting with me. I think that's where that old phrase, you know, don't go to bed mad. You know, when grandparents or parents have said that is because, like, if you. If you start a fight, you need to end it right there. Because, yes, it is dangerous to bring in. I would love. Yeah, I can't do that. I can't. It's hard for. I've never been able to successfully do it. But the best way to fight is to get it over with and then be done with it. But so. But I think the worst fights are the ones where Jeff, well, six months ago, you shouldn't have thrown out that fight.

[B]

I wasn't blaming her.

[E]

I love the couples that have, you know, in theory, say, you know what? Makeup sex is always the best sex. You know, you have a big old fight, you guys make up. You guys realize how important the relationship is, and then you have Great sex. I have never been able to do that because after a fight, I stay mad for the next 24 hours. Even if we resolve it, it's cool. I'm cool, you're cool. I need 24 hours to cool, to cool down. And I'm total chick. Morning. All the hits Q100.

[C]

Hey. Hey, what's up? Bird Show.

[E]

What's going on?

[C]

This is the one that always gets my wife in our house. When I say common sense should tell.

[E]

You, he's thinking, dude.

[C]

She's like, how are you questioning my intelligence?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And she goes, slam off.

[E]

Yeah. One more here, Kevin, you're on all the hits Q100.

[C]

And you wonder why I drink.

[B]

Yeah, that would cause a fight in anyone's house. But Crash and Lady Crash.

[A]

Right?

[D]

Right.

[B]

The Bird Show.

[E]

Hi, this is Jonathan Fields from the Good Life Project. And today I want to talk to you about Boost Mobile. The holidays can feel like a blur. With lists and plans and trying to make everyone happy, Simplicity can be its own kind of gift. Boost Mobile helps you keep things Easy with the $25 Unlimited plan that gives you unlimited talk, text and data for just $25 a month. No contracts, no trade ins, just the freedom to keep the phone you love and focus on what really matters. Because peace of mind is something we could all use a little more of. Visit boostmobile.com to start saving today. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 per month as long as they remain active on the Boost unlimited plan.

[A]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[B]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[C]

Drew, ski lift with your legs, man.

[A]

Santa.

[D]

Santa.

[A]

Santa.

[D]

You get my letter?

[B]

He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[A]

Of course he did.

[B]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew here, he handles the nice list and elf. I'm 63. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[A]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[E]

Or give it a a gift.

[A]

And the best part, you can make.

[D]

The switch to T mobile from your.

[A]

Phone in just 15 minutes.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[E]

Kimber, the holidays are better.

[B]

AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 vice connection charge credits and imbalance too if you pay off earlier financing 256 gigs $830 eligible for in a new line $100 plus a month plan without our papers, taxes, fees request required. Check out 15 minutes or less per.

[A]

Line visit t mobile.com hi, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? Because same so I started listing pieces I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste. Payment processing fees boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com hi, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? And because same so I started listing pieces I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste Payment processing fees boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com.

[B]

The Bird show on all the hits, Q and Edge we can thank Dylan for this one. He just called up to comment on something we were doing on the show and I made the mistake of saying, hey, how are you doing today? And he said, I'll tell you how I'm doing, and then proceeded to go off for like 25 minutes. Very angry about the traffic. We just talked to him and tried to give him advice from other callers, but pretty much if you're on the roads north trying to head south, he almost quit.

[D]

He was really calling in just to Turn in his resignation because he did not want to be here. Yeah, because traffic's extra bad because every major highway has a major accident on it. And so all the back roads are now clogged because everybody's trying to get off those major highways.

[B]

Hey, Denny, you're on the bird show. Yeah.

[C]

Back up. About two years ago on 85 Southbound, I had a. I was headed home from work. Had a co worker that rode with me. And after about an hour sitting in traffic, I told him to get out, walk the DOT fence line and find a section he could tear down. And it was quite amusing because he was jumping up and down on it like a trampoline. Fell a couple times until he got the fence all the way to the ground. And then I drove off the embankment through the fence.

[D]

And where did you go?

[C]

I went home. It was close to a set of power lines and a set of. What it was, was, it was a little side road access for the sign guys that go out and do the interstate sign. And I shot down one of those sign roads until I found a paved road.

[D]

I am getting off this highway one way or the other.

[B]

You're the hero of many today, Den. Thanks for the call. Thanks. Hey, Matt.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How are you?

[C]

I'm good. How about you?

[A]

Good.

[B]

What's going on?

[C]

Hey. I actually had a job about three years ago up in Alpharetta. It was off exit 12, off 400. But I lived in Norcross at the time. Some days it would take me 30 minutes to get there. Some days it would take me two hours to get there. So I'd always leave like an hour and 45 minutes before the time that I was supposed to get there. And my boss was jerk. He. He lived really close to the office, so he really didn't know what kind of traffic I was really going through.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

I think I was there for about two weeks. And I just. I was in traffic one day, and I could see that I was actually gonna take over two hours. And I just turned it. I called and I said I wouldn't be coming in, so he did that. You know, actually today I was in the same traffic everybody else was in. I just rode the emergency lane. I didn't have a problem today.

[D]

You're a cheater. You're a traffic cheater.

[C]

I'm impatient.

[D]

You're the people that make me mad. I wonder if there's anybody like, not only quit, but abandon your car. Screw it. I'm out of here. And just walk to some. Just walk.

[B]

I actually did. There was A tanker truck that exploded on 401 night and it completely shut down 400 South. And it was so bad that I was stuck on the Holcomb bridge ramp to 400, so I could neither go back nor forward. I managed to squeak my car off to the right emergency lane and walked to the Hooters on Hul Bridge and sat there and got hammered. Nice. I left my car there all night. I got a hotel room across the street, too, by the Red Lobster at the Holiday Inn. Smart.

[D]

Hooters, Red Lobster, Holiday Inn.

[B]

I think Crash could do a review of every $70 and under motel in Atlanta.

[D]

Oh, yeah, Super 8. Somewhere that you could, you know.

[B]

Hey, Pam, you're on the virtue.

[C]

Hey, how's it going?

[D]

Good.

[B]

What's going on?

[C]

Speaking of Hooters, I actually worked at the one at Underground back when I worked there for several years. But I was there at the Underground one when the Olympics came and traffic was terrible, terrible. And there was no parking in the parking garage. And I left after years. I turned. I just. After driving around looking for a parking place for about 45 minutes, I went home.

[E]

That's fine.

[B]

You just quit? You quit the job?

[D]

I just quit. I'm just not doing this shift and.

[B]

I'm not doing anything.

[C]

I wasn't inviting everyone for a parking place when I had, you know, I wasn't gonna walk blocks and blocks when I was working till 1 o' clock in the morning. And so I just had to give up. I went home.

[D]

Forget, I can't park.

[B]

The tips are not gonna be worth this. Is that really a devastating career move, though, quitting Hooters?

[C]

I guess it wasn't too devastating. I mean, the money was great, but it wasn't worth all the traffic and the stress and the crowds and that. Which it didn't, I guess, end up. From what everyone was saying down there, it didn't turn out to be as bad as what they thought it was.

[D]

What I think is funny, she quit her job during a time that was tem. Like the Olympics were just for two weeks.

[B]

It was so bad, she left. Anyways, thanks for the call, Pam.

[C]

Have a good day.

[B]

You too. Bye. Bye. Hey, Mike. You'll be the last call of the day.

[C]

Good morning.

[E]

How are you?

[C]

This event's appropriate for today. 400 is the only road you can go down. See, there's sunrise and sunset before you get to work.

[B]

Yeah, today you can, right? Hey, thanks for the call, Mike. Good luck getting to work. And good luck to Dylan, who, according to Crash, you'll be here in 79 minutes. Yeah, 75 is improving. 400 is not. 400 is still a nightmare. Probably as far back as windward, all the way into the Dunwoodies. It's a little rough. I was telling Melissa this. I mean, if I'm commuting, this is where you find a Waffle House. You buy newspaper.

[D]

Just, you know what, you have a.

[B]

Long breakfast and enjoy your coffee.

[D]

Exactly. And I was gonna. I told Jeff off air, a funny story how we're so conditioned to. To be so impatient in the car because you have to deal with that every day. You know, we come into work, like at 4, you know, in the morning, right? So I'm at this stoplight near my neighborhood of this intersection, and it's me in one other car. And again, four o' clock in the morning. And so the light on my end is turning yellow, so I'll go ahead and go through it and not wait for the next one. So I'm going through it and it turns red on me as I'm passing underneath it. And the car honked. I mean, it's like it's just me and him. And I am almost done, you know, passing in front of his truck, but he decides to honk at me, you know, and so I thought we are. We're bad off if that's the case.

[B]

You know, I was. I was so impatient today. I mean, I'm coming in a little bit later than you, but still. Five in the morning, no one's on the road. I ran like two red lights just because I was just. I didn't feel like waiting.

[D]

How bad was that?

[B]

I get mad at people who get in the right lane when I have to make a right turn. And all the lanes are empty. All the other lanes, like, and they're going straight because you can turn right on red. And I'm thinking, why can't you just get one lane over so I don't have to wait the 30 seconds at this point? Because you're making my four minute commute. 4:45. The Birch Show.

[A]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[B]

Zoe, this thing weighs a ton.

[C]

Drew, Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[D]

Santa Santos, did you get my letter?

[B]

He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[A]

Of course he did.

[B]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here.

[E]

He handles the nice list.

[B]

And elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile. You can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies, right, Mrs. Claus?

[A]

I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister and AT T Mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch so you can.

[B]

Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[A]

And the best part?

[D]

You can make the switch to T.

[A]

Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[B]

Nice. My side of the the tree is.

[E]

Slipping Kimber the holidays are better.

[B]

AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade and needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credits and imbalance 2 if you have earlier accounts and financing limit 256 gates 830 eligible for it in a new line 100 plus a month plan with auto payments, taxes and fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line.

[A]

Visit t mobile.com hi, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? Because same so I started listing pieces. I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste Payment processing fees boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com hi, it's Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad. You ever stand in front of your closet and just say I have nothing to wear while you're literally surrounded by clothes? Because same so I started listing pieces I'm over on Depop and honestly, it's been amazing. You can sell what you're done with and someone out there will love it. And the best part about it is there's no seller fee, so the money you make actually stays in your pocket, which feels very chic. It's also insanely easy. I listed something while watching TV and it sold before the episode even ended. So download the Depop app and list your first item today because your old outfit could be someone else's new favorite. Depop where taste recognizes taste Payment processing fees boosting fees still apply. For more info, visit depop.com.