Full Show PT 2: Monday, February 16

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, February 16, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is filled with lively banter, audience calls, and authentic, humorous discussions. The main themes explored are Atlanta's best makeout locations (helping a newcomer feel welcome), the drama around Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) and Madonna, and the age-old question: what do men really think on dates (as inspired by a Cosmo article)? The show features regular hosts Bert, Chris, Emily, and frequent participation from their audience, mixing humor with real-life stories and insights.

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Atlanta's Best Makeout Spots

Segment begins at 01:33

A listener named Raul, new to Atlanta from Honduras, asks for local recommendations for makeout spots. The team and callers respond with recommendations and amusing anecdotes.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

• Raul requests recommendations for romantic/“makeout” locations in Atlanta as he’s new to the city.
• Hosts reminisce about “classic” makeout spots from their own hometowns.
• Debate on whether such places still exist, and whether people are secretive about sharing them.

Notable Quotes & Listener Tips

• "What Raul wants to know is... he wants to find great makeout places around Atlanta." – Chris (02:30)

• "We've tried this before and we never get a whole bunch of calls on it... Maybe people just don't want to give up their secrets." – Chris (03:23)

• Suggestions from callers:

  • Starlight Drive-In Theater (03:05): Classic, but some say the area is "a little sketchy."
  • High Falls near Griffin (04:52): "You gotta really want to make out with somebody if you're gonna go from downtown to Griffin.” – Chris (05:08)
  • Roswell Road, River Overlook (05:53): "Right on the right hand side… There's a place right there on the right… overlooks the river. Real pretty. Take a bottle of wine, some cheese, whatever. Have a great time." – Caller Jason (06:33)
  • Abandoned Parking Lot across Lenox Mall (Compound/Old CompUSA) (06:56)
  • Baseball Dugout at Chastain Late at Night (07:29): "That was a cool night." – Chris recalling a high school experience (08:02)
  • Murphy Candler Park (08:27): Noted for wooded privacy and a distinct story of public intimacy.
  • SCAD Art School Parking Deck (09:46): “Great view of the city. Nobody’s ever up there.” – Caller Jonathan (09:59)

• Joke highlights:

  • "They call me the Foliage Sneaker for a reason." – Bert (09:37)
  • "If this van’s a-rocking, don’t come a-knocking!" – Bert, humorously referencing “van makeout” culture (06:48)
  • "You know, construction workers poop in your walls." – Bert (10:55)

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A-Rod & Madonna Divorce Drama and Shopping Sprees

Segment begins at 12:39

Coverage of the ever-escalating Madonna/Alex Rodriguez story leads into candid conversations about divorce, prenuptial agreements, and pre-divorce spending sprees.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

• A-Rod reportedly fell hard for Madonna; his wife Cynthia is rumored to have known a divorce was imminent and spent lavishly before filing.
• Discussion about A-Rod’s net worth and the potential impact of prenuptial agreements.
• Listeners share their own or second-hand stories of “divorce spending sprees.”

Notable Quotes & Caller Stories

• "The rumor is that his wife knew she was going to be filing... so Monday she goes out on a massive shopping spree." – Chris (13:32)
• "If she signed a prenup based on a salary that was grossly different than the salary he has now, that prenuptial agreement may be null and void." – Bert (15:10)

Listener Stories:

• Mercedes Convertible as “Divorce Trophy” (16:23):

  • "She went and bought a Mercedes convertible... the divorce trophy right there." – Emily (16:40)

• Italy Luxury Shopping Post-Filing (16:49):

  • "That was called my 'I'm getting a divorce purse.'" – Caller (17:41)

• Custom Jewelry Purchase to Reduce Shared Assets (17:45):

  • "She bought a bracelet... so he got less cash, and she wears it proudly." – Bert (18:19)

• Ex-Wife Runs Up Credit Cards, Drains Accounts (19:10):

  • "The day before his ex-wife went and filed for divorce, she took his credit card and ran those up and... spent half the money in their bank account." – Priscilla (19:10)

• Generous Restaurant Tips to Keep Money from Ex (19:39):

  • "He would come in, spend like $10 every day and leave like a 2-$300 tip every day... so his wife couldn't get it." – Lena (19:39)

• "Either way, he's losing the money, but he'd rather give it to a complete stranger than give it to the ex. That's funny." – Chris (20:13)

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Do Cosmo’s “What Guys Ask Themselves” Questions Hold Up?

Segment begins at 20:22

Emily reads aloud from a Cosmopolitan magazine list of questions “every guy asks himself” on dates and in relationships. The guys (host and callers) honestly respond.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

• The authenticity and accuracy of articles claiming to reveal “what men think,” with a healthy dose of skepticism.
• The difference in what guys claim to consider on first dates vs. when getting serious.
• Real conversations about dating motives, attraction, and relationship priorities.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Exchanges

First-Date Questions

• "What's she like in bed? And if I don't get laid tonight, will this end early enough for me to meet up with my friends?" – Emily reciting from Cosmo (22:05)
  • Response: "Yes, that is true." – Chris (22:05)
• "Is that a super ultra Wonderbra, or are her breasts that incredible?" – Emily (22:57)
  • Response: "Wouldn't I like to know?" – Caller/Listener (23:03)

Before Getting Serious

• "Am I really willing to give up on other potentials for her?" – Emily (25:20)
  • "Once you're taking yourself off the market, that's It... There's nothing else you can do about it until it's over." – Caller/Listener (25:20)
• "Would I be proud to introduce her to my folks?" – Emily (25:57)
  • "I brought a woman home one day with tattoos all up and down her arms, and not a good sign for mama." – Caller/Listener (26:06)
• "For me, it was all about sex." – Chris, reflecting on first-date mindset (26:42)

On Relationship “Quirks”

• "Will I think her charming quirks are actually annoying pathology in six months?" – Emily (27:54)
  • "If you're asking yourself that, you already answered the question." – Caller/Listener (28:03)

Summary of Insights

• The guys confirm most Cosmo questions are in the ballpark but note context (serious relationship vs. casual dating) is important.
• There's consensus: On the first date, attraction and sex are top-of-mind, but consideration for compatibility comes as things get serious.
• The discussion is playful, honest, with self-deprecating humor about their past priorities ("am I gonna see the boobs?" – Bert, 26:49).

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• Bert’s repeated “your game is way on, baby” (08:19, 09:33) after stories of sexual or romantic success.
• Chris describing a memorable high school “50 yard line” experience complete with a cooler of watermelon shots (07:52–08:02).
• Ongoing jokes about construction workers leaving “surprises” in new homes (10:55).
• Friendly teasing about Atlanta’s makeout locations, and playful skepticism regarding Cosmo’s portrayal of male minds.

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Segment Timestamps

• 01:33 – Raul asks about Atlanta’s makeout spots
• 03:05 – Starlight Drive-In recommendation
• 05:53 – Roswell Road riverside overlook call
• 07:29 – Chastain dugout story
• 08:27 – Murphy Candler Park memory
• 09:46 – SCAD parking deck suggestion
• 12:39 – A-Rod/Madonna, divorce and spending sprees begin
• 15:10 – Bert explains possible prenup invalidity
• 16:23–20:13 – Multiple “divorce spree” stories from listeners
• 20:22 – Cosmo dating questions discussion begins
• 22:05–28:09 – Callers and hosts debate authenticity of “what guys think” articles

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Conclusion

The Bert Show delivers laughs, relatable relationship commentary, and a sense of community among listeners. The episode is a prime example of the show’s strengths: crowdsourcing local knowledge (makeout spots), candid reflection on pop culture events (celebrity divorces), and poking fun at gender stereotypes (the Cosmo quiz). If you missed the show, this summary brings you right into the heart of their hilarious, honest morning.

Transcript

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[A]

Good morning, Raul. You're on Q100.

[B]

Hey, guys. Well, like, you know, like, how earlier on, you guys were talking about the makeup points right here in Georgia? Well, I was wondering. I see. Like, I just moved to the. To this stage, and, like, I was wondering if you guys could, like, let me know, like, which ones are the good places? Right here.

[D]

The good makeout places?

[B]

Yeah, anywhere.

[D]

Our phone screener, Sean's been drinking seems to have good success for a lot of people.

[B]

Well, I mean, that's unusual, but, like, something special.

[A]

You know, we have tried this before, and we haven't had a lot of success. I can try it again. Raul, where are you originally from?

[B]

Well, like, I come from New Mexico.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

New Mexico?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you say that you were new to Atlanta or new to the country?

[C]

New to Atlanta.

[A]

What you have is a New Mexico accent.

[B]

No, like, I'm from Honduras, though.

[A]

Okay. That's what I was getting at. Okay. I'm originally from Honduras, New Mexico. Here.

[D]

It's right outside of Taos.

[B]

Yeah, pretty much.

[A]

You know, what Raul wants to know is he's new to Georgia and no doubt because he's got the honduran accent, women are all over him, and he wants to find great makeout places around Atlanta. What part of town do you live in?

[B]

Well, like, let's just say like around downtown.

[A]

Around downtown.

[C]

What about that drive in movie place that you featured? Didn't you feature? Is that your summer fun list?

[D]

Yeah, but I think that was my fifth thing and I was just screen scrapping for one, so I don't remember much.

[C]

You don't remember if it's really good. But there is a drive in. Movie theater.

[B]

Movie theater.

[C]

It's a drive in.

[B]

Okay, where's that?

[C]

It's called the starlight drive in.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So you can get directions from wherever you're coming from.

[B]

Okay, let me.

[A]

Let me ask. Maybe Burch show community will rally around you. 404-741-Q100. It doesn't have to necessarily be downtown Atlanta.

[B]

Yeah, it can be like around downtown.

[A]

You know, it could be. But if it's not, you might have to drive a little bit for a good makeout place. And we've tried this before and we never get a whole bunch of calls on it because I just don't know that people like finding old dirt roads and stuff to go down and make out anymore. Or if there's like a really romantic spot, like people used to go and watch the plains land and make out there. I just don't know that those places exist anymore.

[B]

Like over there in New Mexico, like, we had like the mountain views. Like, that was perfect, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Every hometown had one. Like I said earlier this morning when we were talking about that story, Dictionary Hill in San Diego, Spring Valley was the place that you wanted to go make out. You go up to Dictionary Hill and that was the place to go. I don't know that we have those here.

[C]

I'm wondering if people don't want to give up their secrets. Maybe that's their secret cool place to go make out. They don't want to tell everybody.

[D]

Maybe we've already said it. Maybe it's I believe.

[B]

When he goes, we meet the scalinis.

[A]

I didn't understand that. Did you guys get that? I didn't get it. Let me take some more calls, see if he's from New Mexico.

[D]

I can't understand his accent. He's Speaking New Mexican.

[A]

Kimberly, Good morning. You're on Q100.

[B]

Hole in the wall at 2am.

[A]

Nobody's heard of that place.

[D]

And you don't even need to know the person you're making out with. Yay. No, you don't.

[C]

Most likely they use a fake ID to get in anyway.

[A]

Hey, Rob, you're on Q100.

[B]

Hey, what's going on? High Falls has some good spots. They got like trails and things and places out there. Where's High Falls?

[A]

High Falls.

[D]

Where is that set? Downtown?

[B]

No, that's heading like toward Griffin. Out 75 you5 gotta really want to.

[A]

Make out with somebody if you're gonna go from downtown to Griffin. You better really don't.

[B]

Starlight. That's a ghetto area. Really not the best makeout place.

[D]

Because if you drive too far, chances are the girl you're with is tipsy and then she falls asleep in the car. Hold on. Seriously? It's right off of here somewhere. It's up here. Helen.

[A]

Minutes seem like hours when you're in that part.

[C]

You mean Mini Germany?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

How many calls coming in for this? We have tried this before with the same results. Mm, just wait a sec.

[D]

It's an apartment complex on Buford highway where you can park in the shadows and watch the cops.

[A]

Have you done that recently?

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

Hey, Jason.

[D]

I'm a romantic.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What's up, man?

[B]

Not a whole lot. If you go. If you take Roswell Road down past the Chick Fil A where it turns into the two lanes that go one way into downtown Roswell, right on the right hand side of the road, there's a little gravel road that pulls off and goes over a big rock face and it overlooks the river. Really private, really secluded. You could probably get away with a lot more than making out nice.

[A]

You're just gonna hide behind that rock and jack up people when they get.

[B]

There's all kind of. There's all kind of places and different views. You can go. You can go to Jones Bridge park, you can go to Medlock Bridge Park. Any place along the river is usually pretty quiet because the people are going down the river and passing you right by.

[A]

You got pretty good experience in this whole thing.

[B]

I mean, I'm born and raised here 31 years. I got to find someplace to go, right?

[A]

All right, so the number one place on your list would be where?

[B]

Over there off of Roswell Road, just as it turns into the downtown traffic ways. There's a place right there on the right hand side of the road. Overlooks the river real Pretty. Take a bottle of wine, some cheese, whatever. Have a great time.

[A]

Beautiful. Thank you.

[D]

No problems are rocking Hell yeah. Don't come a knocking.

[A]

Good morning. Q100. Great make out places in Atlanta.

[B]

Yeah, I've actually got two really good ones. The compound, the old Comp USA across from Neiman Marcus at Lenox Mall. There's a little abandoned parking lot right there. Oh, fabulous. Even, especially during the day.

[D]

Are the girls, are they conscious?

[B]

Oh yeah, she was very. Well, she wasn't conscious after we were. Nevermind.

[A]

Anyway.

[D]

The second one was way on, baby.

[A]

Say that one more time.

[B]

The, the little baseball dugout at Chastain late at night.

[D]

Oh, oh, that's a good one.

[A]

You know, I thought fabulous. I thought back in the day that that fantasy wouldn't really meet the expectation like having sex on the dugout or on the 50 yard line. But it does.

[B]

It does.

[C]

Really.

[A]

It does. Yeah.

[C]

You did it on the 50 yard line?

[A]

I did.

[C]

Where?

[A]

In my high school. At your high school with Debbie Pierce. She brought a cooler of watermelon shots out with us also. That was one of the. That was a cool night.

[C]

Did you bring a blanket or were you on the grass?

[A]

We were on the grass. She brought a blanket. She surprised me with the whole night. I think at one point we were probably talking about our fantasies and I probably said something like the dugout. So one weekend it was the dugout in high school and. And the next weekend it was the 50 yard line.

[C]

Combining your two favorite things, sports and sex and grass.

[D]

Your game is way on, baby.

[A]

You had me at hello. Good morning. Q100.

[B]

Hey, this is Christine. This is more giving away, I guess. Sort of a secret of mine from when I was in high school, you know, 9th, 10th grade, my boyfriend and I used to go make out at a place called Murphy Candler Park. It's kind of over by the perimeter Mall area and it's real pretty. There's a lake, there's lots of wooded areas. Real cool. But one distinct memory that I had when I was in 10th grade is we were walking along there actually without the intention to make out that time, but very distinctly not concealed by anything was this couple under a blanket, going.

[C]

At it, just out in the open.

[B]

Out in the open. I swear they were on top of a blanket and a blanket over them and that's it. They weren't behind trees, they weren't behind bushes. So I figure if someone can get away with having sex in public there, you can definitely get away with, you know, sneaking into the foliage and Making out a little bit. Hell yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

Hey, you want to go sneak into the foliage?

[C]

I want to sneak into your foliage.

[D]

Your game is way on, baby.

[A]

Hey, Jonathan, you're on.

[C]

Shit.

[D]

They call me the foliage sneaker for a reason.

[A]

What's going on, Jonathan?

[B]

Not much. I've got a great make out place.

[A]

All right. Solid makeout places around Atlanta.

[B]

It's not so much, it's not illegal, but just don't get caught. There's a certain parking deck at a, let's say, prestigious art school in Atlanta.

[D]

You gotta give us a little more detail than that or else this doesn't work.

[B]

If you go to scad.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And go up on the parking deck, they usually have it roped off, but you can just walk up there and it's a great view of the city. And nobody's ever up there.

[A]

Really.

[C]

That's right there. Right over the interstate. So I bet you get to see midtown and downtown.

[B]

It's beautiful up there.

[D]

Is there any foliage to sneak into?

[B]

Maybe some grass growing through the concrete, but no good foliage.

[A]

It's a great suggestion. Thank you.

[C]

Maybe you could bring your own.

[A]

Your own foliage? Like a potted plant.

[D]

I'll wear it on a hat.

[C]

Like hunters do.

[D]

You know, I'm hunting rabbits. I'm a fud.

[A]

Other calls. Homes being built make great make out places.

[C]

Ew. Except all the construction cups.

[A]

Well, it depends. It depends how done the house is.

[C]

That's true. But you know how construction sites always have like big, like QT cups full of people?

[D]

Do you know construction workers poop in your walls?

[A]

Yes, I have heard that.

[C]

I told you guys about Shay's house.

[D]

The guy pooped in her wall.

[C]

He did that to them. A contractor. That was kind of bitter.

[A]

Did they? Oh, really? It was bitter at Shay.

[C]

They were bitter at them when they were redoing a part of their house and pooped in a bucket and left it behind the walls. The other contractor that had to come in and finish the work found it.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yes. As well as QT cups filled with urine.

[A]

Serious?

[C]

Serious.

[D]

See, I just heard that they just get into the space between the walls and bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. That's it.

[C]

In the market. Drop a deuce.

[D]

Yes.

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[C]

Yeah. Us Weekly is reporting today that a friend of Alex Rodriguez says that he was falling for Madonna six months ago, that he was exchanging text messages with her while he was dining in Miami. He kept SM and kind of acting like a little kid. And a Rod supposedly told his friend that he was in love with her. And his friend thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. He also said that she is my blanking soulmate, dude. And then we're also hearing that he's throwing an all star party Monday night in New York City and that Madonna is on the guest list, but we don't really expect her to show up at the club. It's called 40 40.

[A]

I wonder if it's more of a rule than it is the exception. A Rod's wife. This is a New York Yankee dude. He's a stud stud baseball player. And he's rich. I mean, loaded, stupid loaded. Like, he signed like 10 year contracts over his career for like 150 million. $200 million each.

[C]

Yeah, I think the latest one was around 250 million.

[D]

He's the highest played highest paid player in pro baseball.

[A]

So let's just assume with endorsements and all that, let's lowball it and say he's worth $500 million.

[C]

Lowballing it.

[A]

Lowball it. Say $500 million. Well, the rumor is that his wife knew she was going to be filing the papers for the divorce on Tuesday. So Monday she goes out on a massive shopping spree.

[C]

She did.

[A]

She did. That's what Wendy reported to us yesterday.

[C]

Cynthia's kind of smart.

[A]

Cynthia knows, man. I mean, this guy's worth $500 million. I know I'm gonna get half of this. But before that even happens, I'M gonna go out. I'm gonna spend some extra cash before I file the paper. So here's my question for y'. All. Are there other women listening or even men that have been the victim of this that you found out or you did? You went on the shopping spree the day before you knew you were going to the attorney to file for divorce. You're like, look, he's got money. I know it. I'm gonna only get half. Only. So I might as well go out and spend what I can now. So you went on a crazy shopping spree or bought yourself something over the top before you actually went and filed for the divorce?

[C]

Well, she was actually smart. Even smarter, because she's not gonna get half. She signed a prenuptial agreement before she married him.

[A]

She did. So which would, like, give her more incentive.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

To go out.

[D]

Well, there's a lawyer not getting half. There's a lawyer on the radio or on TV the other day who made the statement if she signed the prenuptial agreement. Depending on when they got married, you know, what year they got married and how it relates to his contracts.

[C]

I don't.

[D]

If she signed a prenuptial agreement that was based on a salary that was grossly different than the salary he has now, that prenuptial agreement may be null and void.

[A]

Really?

[C]

So she would have access to the new contract.

[D]

Let's say he was making a. Let's say he was making $1 million a year.

[A]

Maybe he's in the minors when they met, and he was. You know, I don't think they've been.

[C]

Married that long, so.

[D]

But I mean, if he's just an average paid baseball player, so he's making a couple million dollars a year, and that's the lifestyle they're used to. One beautiful home, some luxury cars, and great vacations. Right. Then they sign a prenuptial agreement based on that, and then his salary goes up so amazingly high that the. Her lifestyle is now drastically different than it was when they got married. They could argue that that prenuptial agreement is invalid.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. I'm just sitting here while y' all are talking, waiting for the phone lines to light up. Because when. Yeah. When you say, is there anybody that's ever. Yeah. Run up the credit card before you went and filed for divorce? Yes, of course.

[A]

We got a couple. Yeah. Hey, Katie.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

All right, so the divorce was imminent. And was it you that went out and you decided, okay, I'll go on the shopping spree. Now, before I file.

[B]

No, I was babysitting for a lady, and she was going to actually file for divorce from her husband, and she went and bought a Mercedes convertible. Like a $90,000 Mercedes convertible before she filed for divorce and went shopping and everything.

[C]

Dang. That's the divorce trophy right there. Yeah, yeah. Driving that around all happy.

[A]

Good morning, Q100.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Am I on the air?

[A]

Yes, you are.

[B]

Oh, okay. I went on a trip to Italy, and he didn't pay for the whole thing. But while I was there, I went on a big shopping spree and bought myself things from, like, the name brand stores over there. Prada and a Louis Vuitton and hit it in the. In the separation of our finances.

[A]

So you went out and how long before you filed the papers did you go on that shopping spree?

[B]

They were filed, but we hadn't decided on how we were going to split everything up.

[C]

So did you go to Italy by yourself, or did y' all go to Italy after you filed?

[B]

I went with my best friend.

[A]

Okay. And that's even more dangerous because she's just, like, inciting the fire. Oh, yeah. You remember when he did this? Buy another bag.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That was called my I'm getting a divorce purse.

[A]

The what?

[B]

It was called my I'm getting a divorce purse.

[A]

I'm getting a divorce purse. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I. When that woman referred to the Mercedes that she got as her divorce trophy, it made me remember that I actually know someone who wears a piece of jewelry. It's a bracelet that she bought. It was. She had a custom made right before her. Like, the divorce was done and everything. And it was going to be a fair split of assets, and she had more than him. So she's like, I'm going to go out and buy this. And then the cash, it was enough to significantly impact the cash in their account. So he got less cash, and she wears it proudly.

[C]

I did find out this couple was married for five years.

[A]

Five years.

[C]

And that there's a rumor that she had an affair with Lenny Kravitz.

[A]

Oh, really? That one should be a gift. You should be. It's Lenny Kravitz. Anybody?

[C]

Well, Lenny Kravitz, Madonna. I mean. I mean, if you're gonna.

[A]

Yeah, I'd be proud.

[D]

But Lenny Kravitz.

[A]

If my wife went out tomorrow and had an affair with Lenny Kravitz, and I lost my wife to Lenny Kravitz, I'd say, look, y', all, I never had a chance of Lenny Kravitz.

[C]

Lenny Kravitz.

[A]

I wasn't doing anything wrong. He's golden.

[D]

Lenny Kravitz has already come out and said no.

[A]

He did.

[D]

He let her use his house in Paris and he wasn't even there at the time, supposedly. And he's like, look, she's a friend. There's all this drama going on. I knew she was coming to Europe. I said, stay at my house. I was in Miami.

[C]

Well, they both. Madonna said too. They're both drama because. Yeah, they're claiming affairs with people they never touched.

[A]

Hey, Priscilla, you're on Q100.

[B]

Morning.

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

So I'm my husband's second wife and I wasn't involved directly with this, but the day before his ex wife went and filed for divorce. She took his credit card and ran those up and then she went and spent half the money in their bank account. So when I married him, I married into a great deal of debt.

[A]

I bet you did. I bet you did. That sucks.

[B]

Yeah, that's love.

[A]

Things get so nasty so quick. Hey, Lena, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[B]

Yes, hi. I'm not directly involved. Like I worked at a restaurant and it was a guy, he would come in, spend like $10 every day and leave like a 2,$300 tip every day. And I asked him, I was like, well, can you give me so much money every day? And he was like, because I'm going through a divorce and if I spend all my money now, my wife can't get any.

[C]

Oh, that's fine.

[A]

So he was giving you $300 tips on a ten dollar bill?

[B]

Yes, like every single day.

[C]

Wow. Better use it.

[B]

He was like, I'm trying to spend all my money because if she gets everything, there won't be anything for her to have.

[A]

So either way, he's losing the money, but he'd rather give it to a complete stranger than give it to the act. That's funny. The Bird show. We need specifically guys, because I read.

[C]

Cosmo magazine and a lot of the different articles in there are apparently supposedly written by guys to give us girls advice or to give us insight into the guy's mind or figure out how you guys think or what you're thinking or what's going on behind the scenes. So I'm just posing this because sometimes I think these are actually written by women. So I'm wondering if there's any truth to these articles. And this one is love questions that every guy asks himself.

[A]

Was there something in there that tipped you off? Like there's just no way that this can be, Right? Yeah.

[C]

I mean, there's a couple of different conversations in here. Like, basically, they separate it between. On a first date, guys ask himself these following questions. And then they say, before he decides to get serious with a girl, he asks himself these questions. And then before getting married, he asks himself these questions. But sometimes I think that they're written by women.

[A]

All right, so you're asking guys if it's true what you read in this article is true or not?

[C]

Exactly. Okay, so you want me to go through the first date ones, or do we need some guys on the phone first?

[A]

Sean's lining them up right now because we're on the delay.

[D]

Bert and I can handle a couple.

[C]

I was gonna say you guys are guys, right?

[A]

We're guys would be one.

[C]

I thought so. Carl's in here. Carl can help us answer them.

[A]

Before I started eating that Activa, every day, I was a guy. Before I started shaving my arms, every day, I was a guy.

[C]

Do you see Stacy's smell? Good soap.

[A]

Shh. Before I was loofah ing exfoliating in.

[D]

The shower, before he ran the Weiss kitten rescue in his basement.

[C]

All right, apparently. Apparently, you guys run these questions through your head when you're on a first date. First one says, what's she like in bed? And if I don't get laid tonight, will this end early enough for me to meet up with my friends?

[A]

Yes. Yes, that is true. I don't know why somebody would want to be on the voice disguiser for this.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Hey, John, why do you want to be on the voice disguiser for this work phone. Oh, okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right. So the first question Jen asked, and she's trying to get guys to either confirm or deny if these are true out of Cosmo.

[C]

What is she like in bed? If I don't get laid tonight, will this end early enough for me to meet up with my friends?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Or not true. Maybe not the friend part, but yeah. Would she like in bed? Absolutely.

[C]

Second question on the list. Will I get laid tonight?

[B]

No, that's not the first thing. Posing our hair.

[C]

That's not the first. I don't know.

[A]

For me, it's always sort of back there.

[D]

Okay, hold on. Let me address your voice discussor more appropriately. Okay, go ahead.

[C]

Is that a super ultra wonder bra, or are her breasts that incredible? Is that going through your mind?

[B]

Wouldn't I like to know? Are they that incredible?

[C]

So that is a good question. That's one that you ask yourself. Okay. Does she think I'm funny?

[B]

Yeah, I'd ask myself that.

[A]

Yeah, I think so, probably. Hold on, let me get Matt in on this, too. Hey, Matt.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

How are you guys? Good. One of Jen's questions was if a woman's breasts look that good. This is the question that we're asking in our minds.

[C]

Or is it a wonder bra?

[A]

Or is it a wonder bra?

[B]

Are you first? Is the woman's breasts look that good? And I want to get into it.

[A]

So. Yeah, you're sort of asking yourself the question.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Are you guys asking yourself, does she always wear this much makeup if she wears too much?

[B]

Absolutely. I mean, some women. Okay, get on. We want to see what your ribbon looks like.

[A]

How about you, Matt?

[B]

Well, I don't usually like women to wear too much makeup because then it can hide the flaws. And you kind of want to see the flaws.

[A]

If they have that line, I don't even know what that stuff is that you guys wear around your jawline. Right.

[C]

There's too much makeup.

[A]

If you can see that foundation line right there, to me, that's like instant turn off right there.

[C]

That's good. Blend, ladies. Blend.

[D]

Yeah, if you gotta go down that far, just take that all the way down below your waist, right down your neck, Right ankles.

[C]

So another question you guys ask yourselves on a first date. Are lulz in the conversation, first date awkwardness, or are they a sign she has nothing to say? Are you debating that in your mind?

[B]

Yeah. Nothing to say. Yeah, I got nothing to say. You'll know if you have instant chemistry, if it's gonna work out or not. If there's lulls in there and you're looking for stuff to say, not a good sign.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't agree with that. I'd say if there's lulls in the conversation, it's at least for me, it was a sure sign. Couldn't have been me that it had to be like she just didn't have anything to say.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

There was no inner debate there. Okay, then either, like, the guy is a good conversationalist or not.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And there have been dates, probably, that we've all been on, where you are just trying and trying and trying. And if there are lulls, you're probably talking too much because she's not saying anything.

[C]

Gotcha. Okay, so so far, Cosmo's right on about these questions that are running through your head now. This is the section of. Before getting serious with a girl, do you ask yourself these questions? Am I really willing to give up on other potentials for her?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because once you're taking yourself off the market, that's it. I mean, this is the one you got to stick with. And there's. There's nothing else you can do about it until it's over.

[A]

You ask yourself that question, Matt, when you're out, do you say, okay, she. Is she so good that I'm not going out with anybody else?

[B]

Well, I mean, it depends on where you are in your dating life. I mean, if you just out there trying to play the field, you know, you're just dating. I mean, I don't know if you're out there trying to find a potential partner. For me, it's just if I'm out dating, dating, I just want to, you know, date. And I really looking for a serious, you know, person.

[C]

Okay. Do you ask yourself, would I be proud to introduce her to my folks? This is before getting serious with somebody. So say you're about to get exclusive with them.

[B]

Absolutely. I brought a woman home one day with tattoos all up and down her arms, and not a good sign for mama. I mean, I can bring anybody home to my parents, and they really don't care, you know, as long as we're happy, we're having fun, whatever.

[A]

You know, I wasn't thinking that on the first date, like my first date or the first dates, if I had to be totally honest with you, I wasn't already ahead of the game thinking, is this somebody I want to hang out with for a long period of time or introduce my parents to. To me, it was all about sex.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's just, you know, just out having fun. You know, if you get lucky, you get lucky. If not, well, then you move on to the next one.

[A]

See this, this is the part you're in your life.

[D]

If this list is written by a girl, this is the part where they start to overthink it. Like in the beginning, the first couple questions, am I going to see the boobs?

[C]

Right?

[D]

Like, that's pretty.

[C]

But this is the stage of the relationship. After you've been on, say, 10 dates and you're talking about becoming like, you know, exclusive status, you're not going to date anybody else anymore, then yes, I.

[A]

Would agree to that.

[C]

Okay, so another one that you would ask yourself, would I have fun if I took a long vacation with her at that stage in the game? Are you asking yourself that question, John?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Because you don't want to go, like on a snow ski trip or out to the beach or something like that with somebody who's just going to bum you out and just whine all the time. I want to go out, get my drink on, have a good time and not have any worries.

[A]

How about you, Matt?

[B]

Well, I think after 10 days, you would know whether or not you want to spend another day with that person, with that, you know, I mean, you don't want to take on a vacation and ruin your vacation.

[C]

I mean, so you think. You already asked that question to yourself.

[D]

You wouldn't be on 10 dates unless you were.

[B]

Unless you were into EW. Right.

[C]

Gotcha. And then this is another thing you'd ask yourself. Well, I think her charming quirks are actually annoying. Pathology in six months.

[B]

If you're asking yourself that, you already answered the question.

[A]

The Birch Show.