Full Show PT 2: Monday, January 12 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show — Full Show PT 2: Monday, January 12 [Vault]

Air Date: January 12, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, et al.)

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Main Theme:

Trust, Relationships, and Real-Life Drama—With Laughs Along the Way

This Bert Show episode focuses on candid, entertaining, and sometimes dramatic stories around the theme of trust in relationships. From TV-inspired tales of trailing suspicious partners to listener confessions about getting hopelessly lost and confronting romantic betrayal, the hosts maintain an authentic, playful, and supportive tone. The cast takes calls on trust issues, shares personal anecdotes, and even helps listeners catch cheaters—live on air—with compassion, humor, and a focus on realness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Trailing Your Partner" Dilemma (01:00–16:13)

Background: Inspired by a "Desperate Housewives" storyline, Bert poses a question: Have listeners ever literally followed a partner to confirm suspicions of cheating? They look for real-life stories—not just TV drama.

a. Setting the Stage (01:00–02:46)

• Kristin (C) explains the soap-operaesque scenario where Teri Hatcher’s character tails her lover out of distrust.
• Bert (B) and Kristin encourage listeners to share honest stories about having tailed (not stalked) a partner because of trust issues.

b. Jonathan's Live Tailing (03:10–15:53)

• Jonathan (caller, D) calls in, using the voice disguiser, while actively tailing his wife. He suspects her of cheating after finding a suspicious note.
  • “I'm doing it right now, as we speak.” — Jonathan (03:24)
  • History: Married 7 years, three kids, previous infidelity.
  • He describes his suspicion: “I found a note on the ground... it said, ‘I can't wait to see you. Hopefully he doesn't come home this week.’” (06:18)
  • The cast supports him, but also notes the pain and inevitable relationship damage, regardless of her fidelity.
• Bert: “The thing is, if you're tailing, it's done. Isn't the relationship over if you’ve got to tail somebody?” (10:30)

c. More Listener Tailing Tales (07:06–15:57)

• Jesse (07:17) tells about her stepdad following her mom—wildly overreacting to a man opening a door.
• Wade (08:44) recounts catching his wife with a neighbor after following her:
  • “His wife used to tell me he's a cheater… and I watched him for about 30 minutes, hugging and kissing in the booth.” (09:32–09:51)
• Veronica (10:47) exposes her husband cheating with her cousin after following him to a motel:
  • “They stayed there for like about an hour. I had a camera and ... went to my lawyer and filed for divorce.” (12:07)
• The hosts observe that once trust is broken, even a lack of evidence doesn't repair the relationship.

d. Debrief with Jonathan (12:51–15:53)

• Jonathan reveals his wife finally just took their child to school, not meeting anyone.
• Bert and Kristin reinforce the theme: Once cheating enters, trust is never fully restored, and tailing is a symptom of a larger relationship problem.

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2. “World’s Most Epic Wrong Turns” — Getting Lost Stories (17:22–24:22)

a. Crash's Nine-Hour Detour (17:22–21:31)

• Crash shares a road trip mishap: a supposed five-hour drive to the Florida Gulf Coast turns into a nine-hour odyssey due to missed turns.
  • “It was just a typical scene out of a movie ... [the gas station attendant] goes, ‘Boy, you must be stupid.’” — Crash (19:26)
• Sets the bar at 186.2 miles lost.

b. Listener Lost Tales:

• Ken (21:40): Ends up 180 miles astray in Alice, Texas.
  • “Have you ever been to Alice, Texas?”—now a running joke with friends. (22:20)
• Nubia (23:14): Family ends up 6 hours off-course, dad waits all day. (24:11)
• Kathy (24:24): Dad plans to fly from Portugal to Amsterdam, ends up in Bangor, Maine instead because of a drunken mistake. (25:29)
• The cast laughs about denial and the universal "I recognize this… I think" road trip phenomenon.

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3. The Cheater Bust – “Nicole & Karen”—Live! (25:40–41:19)

a. The Suspicious Phone Number (25:57–30:58)

• Karen (A, caller) finds a mysterious “Nicole” with a phone number in her boyfriend Aaron’s pocket at the dry cleaners. Hosts and Karen weigh next steps:
  • “Are we crucifying this guy because he had a woman's phone number in his pocket?” — Bert (28:25)
• The show offers to call "Nicole" on Karen’s behalf.

b. The Confrontation (31:14–41:19)

• Nicole (D, caller) picks up, surprised:
  • “I’ve been seeing a guy named Aaron for about three weeks… he’s great.” (33:00)
• Host confirms: Nicole describes Karen’s boyfriend exactly.
• While Karen’s been with Aaron nine months, Nicole thought she’d met someone new.
  • Karen: “Obvious he's telling her that he's free.” (34:10)
• The women compare notes, realize they've both been misled, and begin plotting a confrontation.

Memorable exchange:

• Nicole: “We’re just gonna burn him.” (37:41)
• Karen: “Obviously, he's a liar. So. That dog, Karen.” (38:01)
• Hosts joke possible confrontation scenarios: meeting at the Park Tavern, showing up together, and even fake pregnancies to “really get” Aaron. Ultimately, they support a public bust:
  • “Are you both in agreement that you would want to do something to get work as together as a team in order to bust this guy?” — Bert (39:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I'm doing it right now, as we speak.”
— Jonathan (03:24), tailing his wife live on the show

“If you're tailing, it's done. Isn't the relationship over if you've got to tail somebody?”
— Bert (10:30)

“Boy, you must be stupid.”
— Florida gas station attendant to Crash, after he drove 186 miles out of the way (19:26)

“It's as if … you sense that, wait a second, I have been on this road a little too long. And it never occurred to him.”
— Kristin, on road trip denial (22:59)

“I found a note… it said: 'I can't wait to see you. Hopefully he doesn't come home this week.'”
— Jonathan on evidence of his wife's cheating (06:18)

“I had a camera and … went to my lawyer and filed for divorce.”
— Veronica, describing her motel stakeout (12:07)

“That dog, Karen.”
— Nicole, after realizing Aaron lied to both women (38:01)

“Are you both in agreement that you would want to do something to get work as together as a team in order to bust this guy?”
— Bert (39:09)

“He thought he could fool us, so let’s do whatever we can.”
— Karen (39:14)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:00–16:13 – Relationship Trust: Tailing stories, Jonathan live-tail, betrayal discussion
• 17:22–24:22 – Getting Lost Stories: Crash and listener tales of epic wrong turns
• 25:40–41:19 – Cheater Bust: Karen finds Nicole’s number, live confrontation, plotting the reveal

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Summary & Takeaways

This Bert Show episode captures the spectrum of dramatic, everyday problems—from serious relationship distrust and betrayal, through relatable travel follies, to the lighter side of confronting a cheating partner live on air. With compassion and wit, the hosts invite listeners’ real stories, create space for cathartic confession, and find plenty of humor in life’s chaos. Not just a voyeuristic listen, the show ultimately underscores the importance of honesty, trust, and the value of following your intuition—even when it means trailing a car or digging up a mysterious phone number.

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Listeners come away feeling both entertained and seen—reminded that, while life can get wild and messy, you’re rarely the only one whose mornings are that complicated.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching your insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end. The great deals at Verizon. The joy just keeps on coming. Right now you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms applied. Seeverizon.com for details. The Bird Show.

[B]

All right, but getting with the show. Now, follow this storyline. And we're gonna need some real honesty from women this morning because y' all are gonna have to call yourselves out for being crazy if you've ever done this. But can you explain the whole Teri Hatcher and Mike Delfino storyline going on?

[C]

Jen it's kind of a long storyline, but basically, Teri Hatcher's character is dating the sexy plumber down the street. And they've had this on again, off again relationship because she doesn't trust him. He's involved in, like, this murder. SC and had been arrested in his past. And he wasn't upfront with her and wasn't honest with her at the beginning of the relationship. But now she knows the whole story now they're dating again and they're just. They've just decided to move in together. So they just decided to move in together. And as they're moving, she finds something in his car. She finds this diary, this journal in his car that makes her suspicious of him again. So she decides to trail him.

[B]

She literally gets in her car with her daughter in the passenger seat and is, like, sitting low in the car and they are trailing her boyfriend because she doesn't trust him.

[D]

Mom, stalking? Are we really doing this? You just made such a huge deal to your friends about how much you trust him now. Well, that was before I found Mrs. Hoover's journal in his truck. I would bet you anything he is not going on a plumbing job and we're gonna find out.

[B]

Mom, if you don't trust him, why.

[D]

Are you moving in with him? I don't have time to explain adult relationships to you. Oh, duck down.

[B]

I think you lost him.

[D]

He's six cars up. We have to stay this far back or he'll see us.

[B]

Okay, great, but we can't see him either.

[D]

I gotta tell you, mom, you're not great at this. Oh, yeah? When your father was cheating on me, I used to follow him all the time. I know my stuff.

[B]

Okay, so that's where we're at. So here's the honesty I want. And I think we've gotta separate the two and define them. I'm not looking for stalking calls like you stated. Outside of his apartment and watched the light go on and off to see what he was doing. I'm talking about literally getting in your car and following your boyfriend or your husband because you had that much distrust, you tailed him. Has anybody ever done that? Listening right now.

[A]

I.

[B]

Voice disguiser. We're gonna call you Jonathan.

[C]

Sorry. Jonathan, do a check real quick.

[D]

Yeah, I'm here.

[B]

Hold on one sec. Jonathan. All right, Jonathan, you are on the voice disguise or nobody could recognize your voice.

[D]

All right, I'm doing it right now, as we speak.

[C]

You're tailing your girlfriend right now?

[D]

My wife.

[B]

Give us some history.

[D]

It's been about seven years we've been married, three kids. I don't know. She's been it before, and I let her get away with it this time. I just. I'm fed up.

[C]

So what got you to the point of tailing her?

[D]

I just gotta know for sure she's lying.

[B]

How do you know? Like, what has she done over the last couple of days to make you think that she's cheating? And how do you. And why do you think she's. She's gonna go to the place right now?

[D]

Well, because I work out of town a lot, and her and her mom have plotted against me before, and I work and I constantly work. She uses that as an excuse, you know? Oh, you working all the time. That was the two excuses time before. Now I'm just. I'm fed up with it because there's possibly another person out there for me, and I want to know. And I don't want to waste my time anymore on this one. I do have three beautiful babies.

[C]

But, you know, how is her mother involved? Why would her mother endorse her having an affair in her marriage?

[D]

Oh, she's crazy.

[B]

So you're literally. Right now. You're right. You're right behind your wife. Or is she two cars in front of you?

[D]

Or she's about like five. Five or six.

[C]

Five cars in front of you. And where do you think she's going?

[D]

She was supposed to take my, my daughter to school.

[C]

Uh huh. And did she?

[D]

No.

[B]

So where's your daughter?

[D]

I don't know, probably in a car with her. She'd probably check her in late. But like right now, as of right now, she totally gone like 20 minutes out of her way.

[B]

And you have no idea where she's going and you're convinced she's gonna go see some dude that she's been seeing?

[D]

Uh huh.

[B]

Why would she do that with your kids in the car though?

[D]

I don't know. I asked the same question myself. You know, this is why I gotta know because I can't be with somebody like this.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

I can't.

[C]

So I mean, I'm gonna ask Bert's question again cause you didn't really answer it. What's tipped you off that she's cheating?

[D]

I found note. She, she's the kind of person who will write everything down and we just moved into a new place recently, about a month ago, so we're still doing the unpacking stuff and it, you know, there's a note on the ground and you know, I looked, picked it up, I looked at it, started reading it and she got real mad and upset, took it, ripped it up, threw it in the garbage.

[B]

What did it say in that letter?

[D]

Just I can't wait to see you. Hopefully he doesn't come home this week.

[B]

I'd throw up as I was reading that. I would throw up now.

[C]

We talked before, we've had conversations before about once someone has cheated on you, you never fully trust them again. And you said this has happened before. So I mean, I take it you haven't been able to trust her since you found out the first time.

[D]

That's why I'm following her, that's why.

[B]

Well, that in a note.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Hey Jonathan, what I want to do is, can I put you on hold and take a couple calls and come back to you? Yeah, all right, hold on one second. So this dude's in pursuit right now. Right now his wife has five cars in front of him. He's convinced that his wife is screwing around on him. He's gonna catch her today. I'll take a couple more calls. We don't need the voice disguiser for. Then go back to Jonathan. Good morning, Jesse. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[D]

Hi, good morning.

[B]

Good morning. Good morning. That's a conversation start. You say good morning, we say good morning and you just go right on in.

[D]

Okay. This is actually my stepdaddy stalking my mama.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

This was on Saturday. This was when I was about 16. And they have a daughter together. She was a little bitty baby. And my mama was going to the tanning bed. My mom left the house, and then my stepdad asked me to watch my little sister and left. And I didn't think anything of it. Well, it turns out that he had followed her to the tanning bed. And he got to the tanning bed, and Mom. As mom was walking in, another guy had held open the door for her. She had no. Has never even met in her life. Well, my stepdaddy got this man's tag number, and his uncle is a deputy sheriff in Douglasville. Ran the man's tag number, got his name and phone number and address, and was, like, throwing it up in my mom's face. And my mom's like, I don't even know that man. I don't. I. You know, she had never seen him before, so.

[B]

So he got jealous just because a guy opened a door for.

[D]

Yeah. And. Yeah. And I don't know if my mom. From what I know, I didn't cheat on him at all, you know, but. And I don't know why he would think that she was.

[C]

Well, you don't come up with that out of thin air. Yeah. And if you were 16, then. Yeah, there's probably a lot you didn't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Good morning, Wade. You're on all the hits. Q100 high.

[D]

Hey, Bert.

[B]

How are you, sir?

[D]

Just doing all right.

[B]

You've done this yourself?

[D]

Oh, yeah. About three years ago. I used to work out of town, and then when I got into town, my wife was acting strange and, you know, wouldn't do the same thing she would do. So my sister had my daughter one night, and I asked her to pick up my daughter for me, and she made a big deal about it. And it was kind of strange she doing that. So what I did was I jumped in my neighbor's truck and went to her job to see why she was working late. And as I was pulling in, she was pulling out. And I followed her to a restaurant where she met my neighbor.

[B]

Ah, that feeling you must get in your pit of your stomach when you. When.

[D]

Oh, yeah, you know, this guy is a friend of mine. We had barbecues together, you know, hang out. His wife, my wife, our kids. And I watched him for about 30 minutes, hugging and kissing in the booth, and.

[B]

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

[D]

Then I walked in.

[C]

What was your first line?

[D]

What'd you Say he said to me he would never do a thing like that. You know, he told me that years ago when we first met because his wife used to tell me that he's a cheater. And he used to cheat on her all the time and beat her up. So he. I used to confide in him. And him and my wife got really close when I was out of town. And when I walked in, I think she just. All the blood in her face just left.

[B]

The thing is, if you're. If you're tailing, it's done. Isn't the relationship over if you've got to tail somebody?

[C]

I think that's a last resort.

[B]

That's it.

[C]

I think that's the last resort where you're trying to find proof to leave. You gotta see it with your own eyes if you're tailing somebody.

[B]

Good morning, Veronica. You're on all the hits Q100.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

Well, what happened is I worked third shift and my husband, he worked like whenever because he was a contractor. And my best friend was my cousin. And I told her everything. And I keep telling her I think my husband is cheating on me. And she's like, oh, I don't think so. And I keep telling her like, oh, I'm gonna probably follow him one day. And she's like, no, that's a bad idea. And one day I called my husband and I said, I'm gonna be late, you know, from coming home. And I borrowed my. One of my employees car and we kind of swapped cars. And I was at the house waiting for him to go because he's supposed to leave at 7 in the morning. And he left. And I follow him because he's supposed to be going to work. He pulled in to a motel and my cousin was like. She was smoking. She was waiting for him outside. And they both went in and they stayed there for like about an hour. And I was just so frustrated. I was not sure what to do. So I was just waiting, waiting. And then after an hour, they came out and they were kissing and hugging and I had a camera and I also took pictures and. And went to my lawyer and I filed for divorce.

[B]

And that was it. Good for you.

[C]

Yeah. Good for you.

[D]

It was a really shock because I would never, never thought that my cousin could do that.

[B]

I think all this stuff only happens in TV shows or in the movies, you know, that your cousin would be behind it.

[C]

Because most people aren't honest. And most people, I mean, not in those situations. Most people aren't honest when they're confronted with it. Like if a husband goes to a wife and says, are you cheating on me? Then they're like, well, of course I'm not. And if you're at the point where you know something's wrong and they're not telling you and you've given them the opportunity. That's why I think the. The trailing comes in, you know, or tailing.

[B]

So let's go back to Bert show listener Jonathan, when we started this whole thing, because this just came from Desperate Housewives last night. And then Jonathan here calls up and says, I'm doing it right now. I am tailing my wife. I'm sure she's screwing around on it. Hey, Jonathan, you still there?

[D]

Yeah, I'm here.

[B]

Still following her.

[D]

Yeah. But she wound up going to the school.

[B]

She did?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I don't know, maybe she's just trying to avoid traffic is why she went out of her way. Well, I mean, but like we said, if you get to the point of tailing, then something's wrong. I mean, obviously you are just trying to find a concrete reason to leave. Sounds like.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't the letter itself incriminating enough to where you wouldn't have to like, see it? Like you. I mean, you know, man, I mean, you saw it in the letter, dude.

[D]

She said that it was old, that it was from when she had cheated on me before and that she just didn't throw it away. And I don't believe that. I just really don't.

[C]

Women don't just inadvertently keep letters like that. It's not just an accident.

[D]

And when I say I work out of town, I work in town, but I'm gone from five. I don't get home until nine, ten o' clock at night. And it's like I'm never there, I'm never at home.

[C]

That sucks.

[B]

Having to live with that kind of distrust when you're on the road. And I mean, because your mind is probably going way crazier than the reality of it. You know, like you're thinking they're on the phone with each other all the time. And it's probably not like that.

[C]

You know, you can hear it in his voice. You can hear the pain just in the way that you're talking. Jonathan, we can hear how painful this is for you.

[D]

Oh, believe me, I wish I could just get it over with and, you know, just find out one way or another. Because, I mean, if this isn't. She's living the life. She doesn't have to work, she doesn't have to do anything. She just, you know, her man goes out and works and all I ask of her is take care of my babies.

[B]

I feel so betrayed.

[C]

Oh, so betrayed it makes my stomach hurt. Like, you know, you get that pain in your gut when you have that.

[B]

Yeah, I bet, man, it's like I'm.

[C]

Having, like the sympathy pains for you.

[B]

This does go back to that conversation we have time and time again. You screw around one time, forget it. You can try to stay together. You stay together for the babies. You try to get everything healthy, but there will always be in the back of your mind that distrust. It is never ever the same.

[C]

Have you. Have you talked to her? Just point blank about her having an affair right now or the fact that you think the marriage is over?

[D]

Yeah, and every time I do, it upsets her. She gets upset. She wants to just ignore it. She gets stone faced and just quits talking. I can't believe you're accusing me. Blah, blah, blah. And so what if she.

[C]

What if she's not having an affair?

[D]

Well, then if she's not, then I guess I'm just overreacting.

[B]

Y' all still got a problem.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You still got a big problem, bro. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I mean, if you're tailing her right now, and the good news is she's not screwing around, you still have business to take care of, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You still have to have a conversation, you know?

[B]

All right, Jonathan. Sorry, man.

[D]

No problem.

[C]

Good luck.

[B]

Bye. Bye. Yeah, once you cheat, it's gone.

[C]

Because the thing like with him, you cheat, I mean, or you're. You're tailing somebody and you want. You want to see it for yourself. But then when you don't, you're almost disappointed, even though you shouldn't be. But he's looking to get out. He's disappointed because she went to the.

[B]

School, like she said, looking to get out. Yeah.

[A]

The bird show. In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end the great deals at Verizon. The joy just keeps on coming. Right now you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines. On unlimited welcome additional terms apply seeverizon.com for details. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching your insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[B]

So Crash was telling us that over the weekend he goes to a wedding in Florida.

[A]

Right. St. George Island. St. George island, which is in the Gulf Coast. I think it's about 100 miles east of Panama City.

[B]

Okay. And generally that trip would take you how long?

[A]

About five and a half hours. Because I'm a. I'm a pretty good driver. I average about 75 miles an hour, about five and a half hours. And he knows where all the traffic problems are, so he just avoids them.

[C]

He intuitively knows, even when he's in the car.

[A]

And I'm a big road trip guy. I used to love to do road trips between Atlanta and Florida. I was constantly on the road. I knew all the rest stops. I knew. I mean, I know. I know the trip like the back of my hand.

[B]

You do this thing blindfolded? Yeah, blindfolded. Five hours, you're there, man, easy.

[A]

I'm on the beach. I leave here no time. Boom.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That said, tell them about your weekend.

[A]

Well, it's pretty simple, actually, because when you leave 75 and you head south through the city, and of course, we left around 10 o', clock, so we missed most of the traffic, my friend Chris Pongetti and I. And he's in the passenger seat, and I do all the driving on road trips. We start heading south down 75, and our first turnoff is the Georgia Florida Parkway. Everybody knows where that is. It takes you down to the Florabama, and everyone goes to the Gulf coast, takes the Georgia Florida Parkway. It's really simple. It's right out of Cordele, Georgia. You can't miss it. So we're heading south. We got the CDs going. We're going to the beach. Of course, I do all the driving. So, you know, he opens up a little frosty, frosty, and he's having a couple of pops. No big deal. I'm doing the driving. All of a sudden, I look at one of the signs on the road. It says, Ocala, 82 miles. We've gone right past Cordill, right past Valdosta, right into Central Florida.

[C]

You even missed Tifton.

[A]

I missed Tifton. We went so far that we pulled off into Lake City, Florida.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

And it was just a typical scene out of a Movie where we pull into a little country bumpkin store and I'm like, hey, we're lost. We're trying to get to the Gulf coast and blah, blah. The guy just looks at me, he's in a rocking chair. I swear to God it was right out of a movie. He goes, throws down a little chew on the floor and he goes, boy, you must be stupid.

[B]

You.

[A]

Why you in central Florida, boy? Why you got manure for brains? We have to turn around, take i10 into Tallahassee, which you're familiar with. I10 going into Tallahassee, just 8A desolate road, 100 miles and then head left down 309 to 16 to 98 to 42 to 37.

[D]

Hot, hot hike.

[A]

186.2 miles out of our way.

[B]

186.2 miles lost.

[A]

It took us almost nine hours to get to the beach.

[B]

I don't even know how this is even possible. This sounds like a fish story to me because I know if I'm lost like within 15 miles, I'm like, wait, this doesn't look right. Especially if it's a place that I've been to before. You went 186almost 200 miles before you realized, wait, this, I don't recognize anything around here.

[A]

This doesn't look right. Well, I recognized it. I just. We were just having so much fun. The radio was going, he's having a few drinks. You know, before we know it, Ocala. And my dad lives in Ocala. I'm like, what in the hell? No.

[C]

By the way, I'm sure all the officers listening are really thrilled that you're like talking about the open container in your car.

[A]

Well, I mean, I do all the driving. I mean, he's sitting in the back seat, he's having a vodka tonic. I mean, no one's getting hurt. I certainly never drive whenever I'm out, you know, whenever I do a lot, a road trip or whatever. I don't.

[B]

It's a little bit like jaywalking. Yeah, we know you're not supposed to, but if someone's in the backseat, here's what I like to do. Let's say we're putting together a burnt show like Guinness Book of World Records. Okay.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

I want to know what the most extreme case of lost has been from one of you guys. I don't know if you can beat 186.2 miles, but it might be a story of somebody that got on the wrong flight.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, oh, that's good.

[B]

Like maybe you were supposed to go to Texas and before you took off, you didn't realize it and you ended up in California somewhere. So the most extreme cases of being lost. And we've set the tone with 186.

[A]

Pretty good point.

[B]

Two miles.

[A]

That's the bar.

[C]

Pretty high there, Crash.

[A]

And that people came from your traffic reporter.

[B]

So I know, right? Ken, you're gonna be the first call we take. Good morning.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

How are you, sir?

[D]

Not bad.

[B]

Can you beat Crash? If we were putting together a Guinness Book of World's records of extreme cases of loss, what do you got?

[D]

Nah, my setup is about the same. Two good friends headed down to the beach. It was in Texas, headed to South Padre island. And me and my bud Rob, we ended up in Alice, Texas, very small town. I think we met everybody that lives in the town on our trip, but we ended up in Alice, Texas, which was about 180 miles out of our way. We never made it to Padre that day, but we did, we did stick around in the town of Alice, had a beer with some of the locals, made a day of it. And it's been one of our jokes, long running. When people talk about trips, we say, but have you ever been to Alice, Texas?

[B]

Now, I don't know if this is just a guy thing or not, but don't you completely. Like, even if you're in an area you don't recognize, won't you talk yourself into thinking, no, no, no, no, I do remember that now. I do remember that now. Before you know it, it's 200 miles.

[C]

Yeah, I've seen that gas station before.

[D]

Yeah, I absolutely agree with that. Under normal conditions. But when you got your best friend in the car and you're having a couple of beers and you're headed down to somewhere like Padre Island, Texas, and everything's good, the music's up, you're having a good time, all that goes out the window. And I'm sure that's what happened with Crash and his. But they were having a good time, didn't think about it, knew that they.

[A]

Were going the right way.

[B]

That's three hours. 186. That's three hours after a while.

[C]

And the thing with Crash is he takes that trip a lot. So it's as if at a certain period you sense that, wait a second, I have been on this road a little too long. And it never occurred to him.

[B]

404-741-1005 Good morning. Is it Nubia?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Good morning.

[D]

Hi. We were actually. This is a Couple years ago, we were meeting my dad in Paducah, Kentucky. He was coming out from past St. Louis, and we were coming up from Atlanta. And we've driven the road many, many times. And we get to the part where. I don't know what highway it is, but if you keep going straight, it goes into Louisville, and if you branch off, it goes into Paducah. Well, we come up to the break, and my brother's looking at my mom, and she's like, hey, isn't that where we're supposed to go? And she's like, oh, no, no, no. There's another turn up here. We end up in Louisville. Yeah. So she's freaking out, and she thinks she knows where she's going. So she keeps on going and going and going. When we get to Louisville, and we realize that we have to go all the way back down because there is no road between Paducah and Louisville.

[B]

How many. How many hours we talking about when all is said and done?

[D]

It was about six hours.

[B]

Six hours out of your way.

[D]

And my dad waited the entire time.

[B]

Of course. Of course.

[C]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Six hours.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

All right. And good morning, Kathy. You're on all the hits Q100.

[D]

Hey, Bert. How are you?

[B]

Good, thank you.

[D]

Good. Well, this relates to my dad. He was in the service, and when he retired from the service, he still was able to catch the Mac flights. They go from, like, one country to another. And he was just knocking around Europe just for the fun of it. After he went back to school, and after he got out of school, he worked for a while, and then he just decided midlife crisis hit, he'd go knock around Europe for a while. Then he'd take these flights from one country to the next. Well, he gets to Portugal, and he ties one on at some sort of a festival, running of the vegetables or something. And he's pretty knocked out. I mean, pretty knocked out. And he thinks he's getting on a flight. They point him out to the tarmac, and he. He wants to go from Portugal to Amsterdam. Instead, he ended up in Bangor, Maine. He lived in California at the time, so he figured, well, if he's back in the States, he might as well come on home.

[B]

I don't know that we can beat that. Yeah.

[C]

Why do people in Portugal speak English? I don't understand this.

[A]

Why is there an L.L.

[B]

Bean factory here in Amsterdam? Is that a moose?

[A]

The Amsterdam Lobster House. The Burt Show. I went to the dry cleaners to pick up my boyfriend's suit. He's out of town. He's traveling on business, and he'll need it, you know, when he comes back. And he just couldn't pick it up.

[D]

And he asked me if I'd do.

[A]

It, and I said yeah. So I went and I picked it up. And you know how, you know, when you go to the dry cleaners, if there's anything, like, left in a pocket, they'll kind of put it in a bag for you?

[D]

Well, there was a bag attached to.

[A]

The hanger, and it had, like, a key in it and a couple of, you know, a little bit of change and a phone number. And the phone number was obviously written in a women. A woman's handwriting.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And it's not a number I recognize.

[D]

But it said Nicole.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

And so I'm just, you know, I'm a little freaked.

[D]

I'm a little freaked by this.

[B]

And this happened how long ago?

[A]

I just got the number.

[B]

You just got the number?

[C]

So I just picked up the dry cleaner. Okay, so now how long between finding it and when you dialed the digits?

[A]

I haven't dialed the digits.

[C]

You haven't? No.

[D]

That's the whole thing.

[C]

You crazy.

[A]

That's why I'm calling you.

[C]

Why not? That would have been the first thing I would have done.

[A]

Well, that's why I'm calling you, my friends.

[C]

So you're calling us for advice or.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I am. I'm thinking. I don't know.

[B]

Well, what do you think?

[A]

What should I do? I think I know what to do.

[D]

But, yeah, I guess I want some.

[B]

Confirmation, you know, how does that phone call go? Like, hi, my name is Karen. Your phone number was in my boyfriend's pocket. I'm just wondering who you are.

[D]

Maybe.

[C]

Yeah. I think if you wanted to investigate further, you could come up with a different story of how you got the number. Like, hi, is this Nicole? I don't even know right off the top of my head. But I think you could certainly call and find out who this person is.

[A]

I could.

[D]

I mean, I could say the truth.

[A]

That you know about finding the number in my boyfriend's pocket.

[C]

I am just surprised that you haven't done anything. Like, this is what. See, I wouldn't have even gotten to the point of dialing the number. Like, I would have picked it up. And then the first person, regardless, if he was at work, home, on the golf course. Oh, I don't know. No, I would go see him and hold up the. The thing and, you know, and ask, what? What? Who is this?

[B]

I think I would do the same thing. I Think I'd write the phone number down on another piece of paper. Then I'd go to him or her and I say, what is this? And then they're obviously going to have some lame ass excuse. They're going to take the piece of paper back to you. I think I would act as though it was like, not a big deal. Oh, sorry. I was just freaking out. And then like, later on in the day, I think I make that phone call.

[C]

That's when I make the call.

[B]

Yeah, I think I would be that insecure to do that.

[A]

But are we like, are we crucified? Like, I mean, are we immediately crucifying this guy because he had a woman's phone number in his pocke?

[C]

If I am with someone and somebody gives me their number, I don't keep it. I don't throw it in a pocket. I usually end up turning. You know, like, as soon as that person leaves, I would toss it. Yeah.

[A]

But when it was just stuck in the pocket is like a non. Like, do you already. Do you suspect him of cheating? Is he offended? Yeah, I do. I think he is. Oh, all right. Thanks for helping me out.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Karen, let me put you on hold here. Cause I can't put you on with other listeners and put you all on the voice disguiser. Cause little kids get really scared about that. Okay, so let me put you on hold. I'll take some calls and then we'll come back to you. Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's us.

[D]

While at the Burt show, why don't y' all call them and say what the other listener said, you know, that you're the dry cleaners and you're trying to find out, you know, who this jacket goes to instead of her.

[C]

Jeff, put on an accent.

[A]

What are you trying to say?

[B]

Hold on a sec. What are you trying to say, Melissa?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

What kind. What kind of. What kind of accent would he have to put on? What do you mean?

[A]

You know what?

[C]

I'm just saying so that. No, I'm saying so that people don't recognize he's Jeff Dollar from all the hits. Q100.

[A]

Why should I sit here and have an accent? Why don't you just have Mina make the call?

[C]

Oh, that's not what I said. So that you wouldn't be recognizing. You're better at prank calling. That's what I mean.

[A]

I think. I don't think we have to call and say that we're the dry cleaner. I think we just call and say we're the bird show.

[C]

Yeah, you want a T shirt.

[A]

No.

[C]

Well, be honest with her.

[B]

He's not going to be honest with us. And the problem is also not him, her, Nicole.

[C]

They check who.

[B]

That's what I meant. Even. Well, I guess she's got nothing to lose.

[A]

Yeah, why wouldn't she be? Yeah.

[B]

Let's see if Karen even wants to do that. Can you get the voice disguiser back on? Good morning, Karen.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Do you want us to take that phone number and call her here? Would you be okay with that?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And find out who she is?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, okay, let's do it. All right. Karen.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Hold on one sec.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

You there?

[D]

I'm here.

[B]

Very good. Okay, so you have given your phone number to either producer Tracy or Jeff. And we have it.

[A]

Yeah, I have the number.

[B]

All right, so we will call this right now. We just can't call it with you on because then again, you're all gonna be on the voice disguiser. It's gonna be a mess, so.

[A]

Well, do you want to talk to her? You can keep talking to her for a second and then I will call this off the air and get the permission.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The name's Nicole, right?

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you want to put Karen on hold, you can pick up Nicole. Who said it's okay for us to talk about. And I've told her nothing.

[B]

Okay, Karen, I'm gonna put you on hold and we'll come back to you after we talk to Nicole, all right?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And before you pick up, put Karen on hold before you pick up Nicole.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

The guy that we're asking about, his name is Aaron.

[B]

Aaron.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

He owns a big rental company.

[B]

Hi, Nicole.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Hi, Nicole.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. You're on radio station, all the hits, Q100 right now.

[D]

Wow, a big fan. Good morning.

[B]

Are you.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. Listen to you guys all the time.

[B]

Well, thank you then. You know, a call from us is never good.

[D]

I'm sitting here going, what did I do? What did I do?

[C]

I hope you still like us after we have this conversation.

[B]

Here's what we have going on here, Nicole.

[D]

Uh huh.

[B]

First of all, we're wondering, do you work at a dry cleaners?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Well, I guess I should just tell you straight up what's going on.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right. We have a woman that we're calling Karen, on hold, and she has a boyfriend.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

She picked up his dry cleaning the other day. And your phone number was in there in his dry cleaning.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

On a slip of paper, it was your name and your phone number as though you had written it and the dry cleaners, I guess, when they were cleaning his clothes, cleaned out his pockets, and they kind of put it in a little extra baggie, which had the piece of paper with your phone number and some change and a key or whatever. His girlfriend went to pick up his dry cleaning and found this.

[D]

His girlfriend. Okay. I mean, I've got a boyfriend, but, you know, it's pretty recent. But he's definitely not dating another person. This is. You know, I've been dating this guy. He's really great, actually. I can't remember giving my number out to anybody at a bar recently, you know, his name is Aaron. I've been seeing him for about three weeks, I guess, and I really like him. But, I mean, we've been going up pretty steadily. So, I mean, I have a boyfriend. It's not like I'd be out macking on somebody else's guy.

[B]

So you've been seeing a guy named Aaron for the last three weeks?

[D]

Yeah, and he's great. We've been seeing each other a couple times a week, so it's starting to get, you know. I hope it goes to the next level and everything, but, yeah, we've got a date this weekend, actually.

[B]

Can you give us a description of this guy?

[D]

Sure. He's about, I guess, six two, about 175, £80. Really nice. Sandy brown hair, light green eyes.

[B]

All right, can you hold on for a second, or are you in a rush to go anywhere?

[D]

Oh, yeah, I can hold on. Sure.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Hold on one second.

[C]

Thanks. Go.

[A]

Okay, so you know, Nicole cannot hear us on hold.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, we're gonna need the voice disguiser because we'll go back to Karen now. Hello? Karen?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

All right. Did you hear everything that Nicole just had to say?

[D]

Yes, I did.

[B]

Said she's got a boyfriend named Aaron.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Your boyfriend's name is Aaron. How tall is he?

[D]

6 2.

[B]

How much, roughly, does he weigh?

[D]

Oh, I don't know, 180, 185, something like that.

[C]

Sandy brown hair.

[A]

Oh, it's a different guy.

[D]

Yeah, it's him. It's him.

[A]

No, this guy weighs 175, not 180 now.

[C]

So you had been. Cause we established.

[D]

Well, he must be giving her a line. Okay. I mean, I just heard her and she said that they've been dating like three weeks or a month or something. And, you know, I've been with Aaron for nine months, so obviously he's telling her that he's free.

[C]

Yeah, she doesn't know about you.

[D]

Yeah, she. Yeah, that's Clear.

[B]

She also says that she's seen him like two or three times a week.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And that they have a date this weekend.

[D]

Yeah. Great. Well, he told me he was going to the Braves game with some pals.

[B]

So he may be going to the game on Saturday.

[D]

So it looks like. Looks like he's really going to be seeing Nicole.

[B]

All right, hold on one sec. Okay. What's up?

[A]

Big up. Nicole.

[B]

Hey, Nicole.

[A]

Yeah, hey, what's your big date with Aaron this weekend?

[D]

We're gonna go out on Saturday afternoon to the Park Tavern for like lunch and drinks.

[B]

On Saturday afternoon?

[D]

Uh huh.

[B]

What time the Braves play on Saturday?

[A]

1:20.

[B]

Nicole, will you hold on one second?

[D]

Sure.

[A]

This is beautiful.

[B]

What a mess.

[C]

Wow. Busted.

[B]

All right, let's get Karen back on.

[C]

Okay. So Jeff, I guess there's no other reason he would have that number in his pocket. He doesn't really support your theory much.

[A]

I was just. I was just throwing it out there.

[B]

Hey, Karen.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

All right, we're trying to put a couple of pieces to this together.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So Aaron tells you he's going to the game on Saturday, which is a 1:20 start.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

But he. You just heard what, what happened with Nicole?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Because while you're on hold, you can hear the radio, right?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

All right, so she says she's going to the Park Tavern with him on Saturday.

[D]

Yeah. Maybe I ought to show up at the Park Cavern.

[B]

I think we gotta break our voice disguiser rule and put Nicole on with. With Karen because. And put you guys both on the voice disguiser because she doesn't. Nicole has no idea.

[C]

She has no idea what's going on. So now are you mad at Nicole? Are you mad at Aaron?

[D]

Well, I guess there's really no reason to be angry with Nicole. I mean, it's obviously not her fault, but she needs to know.

[C]

Agreed.

[D]

And you know, I'm really angry with Aaron, but I mean, this girl needs to know what's going on. It depends on what her reaction is.

[C]

Because the beautiful thing is if y' all got together and then did something with Aaron. Well, and still have her go on the date on Saturday. Right. And she would know that you were showing up. Right. Like you and Nicole become like partners in crime rather than you get mad at her.

[B]

Most are calling up saying the same thing. You just need to shut up and just show up and. And bust them there.

[A]

It doesn't matter because you're thinking that.

[D]

I should have Nicole as like my confidant.

[B]

Well, if she can go for it, we'll get her opinion here in a second.

[A]

Doesn't matter. She's listening to the radio. When she couldn't hear us on hold, she turned the radio on.

[B]

So she knows what's going on.

[A]

She knows everything. So you can put her on.

[B]

All right, Karen, I'm gonna keep you on the voice disguiser. It's gonna get a little confusing for all of us to hear, to listen to, because you both are gonna sound very similar.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

But let me introduce you here to Nicole. Hey, Nicole.

[D]

Hey.

[B]

So you've been listening to everything go down here?

[D]

Yeah. I really don't know what to say. I'm stunned. I mean, I thought I was his girlfriend. Yeah. Sorry. Nicole. Yeah, I'm his girlfriend. Wow. Well, geez, what do we do now? I mean, we're just gonna burn them.

[B]

Wash them, fry.

[D]

Absolutely. I mean, Dan, I hope you're not. I mean, you know, I have been in love with him. I hope you aren't to that point. No. I mean, in a short time, I definitely really, really dig him. But obviously he's a liar. So. That dog, Karen.

[B]

Obviously you have more invested here than Nicole does. I mean, she's only been seeing him three weeks. You've been seeing him nine months. So this must be way more shocking for you than for her.

[D]

Well, it certainly is. But you know what? I gotta trust my intuition. I was right.

[A]

What if Nicole gives Karen her address and when he shows up at the house to pick up Nicole at 2 o' clock on Sunday afternoon, or Saturday afternoon rather, if he goes to pick.

[C]

Her up, they're both there.

[A]

What if she's there and they're both.

[C]

Just kind of sitting outside?

[A]

Yeah. Or what if I. Or what if he rings the bell? What if he rings the bell and Karen's the one who answers the door?

[C]

Or Nicole says, oh, you know what? Why don't you come in for a second?

[A]

And a girlfriend here.

[C]

And then she's sitting there and they're having cocktails. Yeah. One of my friends stopped by to visit. Why don't you come in for a minute while we finish up?

[A]

Or Karen should do stuff to Jack with him. Like if he leaves. Like when he leaves the house on Saturday morning, like, or Saturday afternoon, you know, to go.

[C]

She's.

[A]

Oh, the coolest thing happened. By the way, I'm going to the Braves game too. Where are your seats?

[B]

There's a million things you could do. Are you both in agreement that you would want to do something to get work as together as a team in order to bust this guy?

[D]

Absolutely. I am okay, great.

[C]

Perfect.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, he's. You know, he thought he could fool us, so let's. Let's do whatever we can. You know, she should just come. She should come and bust him there. Let's do that.

[C]

Well, did you hear. I guess they couldn't hear what we had just talked about because we thought that maybe she could be at your house, Nicole, when he comes to get you and that you both be there together.

[B]

I think it's got to be more public.

[C]

You do?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Why don't we just do it at the restaurant? I mean, it's safer that way, isn't it?

[C]

Yeah, or they'd do it at Park Tavern.

[A]

Okay, what if he goes to Park Tavern? What if he takes Nicole to. I'm confused. Okay. Yeah. Nicole is the girl that he's been seeing for, like, a month, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What if he takes Nicole to Park Tavern and they're sitting outside and they're having a couple beers or whatever, and they're hanging out, and then Karen walks in and sits down, like, two tables away with a bunch of friends, but acts like she doesn't see him. So there's gonna be some time where he knows that his current girlfriend is two tables away from the girl that he's screwing around on her with.

[B]

I want to pick up a suggestion from a caller named Chris, but in order to do that, Nicole, I have to ask you a very sensitive question.

[D]

Okay?

[B]

If you don't want to answer it, that's fine.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And, Karen, if you don't want her to answer it, that's fine.

[D]

Also, I think I know what you're gonna ask me, too.

[B]

Nicole, how intimate have you gotten with him?

[D]

We've been fully intimate as of last week.

[B]

Fully intimate?

[D]

Yes. Karen, can I ask another inappropriate question?

[B]

Well, sure, sure. No, no.

[A]

We don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

[D]

Yes, absolutely. I insist on these things.

[B]

I didn't hear the question.

[C]

I didn't hear the question either. Did she use protection okay.

[B]

Or did you use protection? Okay.

[D]

Absolutely.

[B]

Chris. Chris says that when you guys approach him at Park Tavern, you. You should both tell him that you're both pregn.

[D]

That's great. Oh, that's funny.

[B]

All right, here's what we'll do. We'll put you guys both on hold, although I'm not even sure there's a reason to do that, because you can. You already can talk to each other off the air. You got each other's phone numbers and stuff?

[D]

Yeah, well, she has mine, I have hers. Don't worry. I'll call you.

[A]

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