Full Show PT 2: Monday, July 27 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, July 27 [Vault]

Date: July 27, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show team: Bert, Jeff, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jen, Wendy, Brandon
Podcast Description: A lively, comedic morning show featuring real talk about the hosts' lives, listener drama, pop culture, and interactive segments. This episode, packed with hilarious banter and authentic opinions, swings from relationship talk to quirky product reviews, all mixed with listener phone calls.

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Episode Overview

This episode encapsulates The Bert Show’s signature blend of humor, candid real-life stories, and interactive listener segments. The show’s main segments include:

• “All or Nothing Trivia” featuring celebrity gossip
• Hilarious discussion of unusual products (e.g., The Better Marriage Blanket)
• Advice challenge: solving caller dilemmas in "five words or less"
• A follow-up on Brandy's big, controversial purchase without her husband's knowledge
• Discussion about real-life relationship and confidence issues, including an in-depth look at intern Brandon’s romantic shyness

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Key Segments & Insights

1. All or Nothing Trivia: The Celebrity Bedroom Busts

[01:01 – 05:07]

• Premise: Listeners try to guess which five male celebrities are rumored to be “really bad in bed.”
• Mechanics: Callers give five guesses; hosts reveal how many are correct but not which ones.
• Memorable Guess (Taylor): “Brody Jenner, 50 Cent, Russell Brand, Stuart Townsend, Colin Farrell.”
  • [03:32] Host Jeff: "You got four, right?"
    • (Hosts react with shock and amusement.)
• Prizes include Green Day concert tickets and a $100 spa certificate.
• Notable Quote:
  • Melissa: “The Internet has really jacked up trivia on the radio.” [03:58]
• Hint: One of the notorious five is British.

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2. The Better Marriage Blanket: Who Would Invest?

[05:10 – 09:42]

• Hosts discuss a real commercial for an “activated carbon” fart-absorbing blanket.
• Stephanie (reading ad): “It solves the problem in the marriage bed no one likes to talk about...” [05:32]
• The team debates whether they’d invest if pitched this like the Snuggie.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • Jen: “I don't think I’m investing.”
  • Host Jeff: “You’re not investing?”
  • Jen: “It’s too gross, Jeff.” [07:49]
• Erin’s Confession: One caller shares her postpartum gas woes; she says her husband would “definitely invest.”
• Price Reaction:
  • Host Jeff: “That's not funny at $140. Your gas is not funny for 140 bucks.” [09:42]

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3. Advice in Five Words or Less

[11:21 – 21:28]

• Theory: Great advice can be distilled to five words. Listeners call with real problems; each host must respond in five words or less.
• First Caller - Pregnancy Secrecy:
  • Caller Sarah: Uncertain if she should keep baby-making attempts secret or let everyone know.
    • Host Jeff: “Keep the secret.” [13:24]
    • Jen: “Keep your mouth shut, dude.”
    • Melissa: “Tell him what if… Infertility.”
• Notable Quotes:
  • Wendy: “Punch husband in the face.” [15:02]
  • Jen: “Tell his penis size loudly.” [15:06]
• Other Scenarios:
  • Husband’s ex-mistress keeps calling
  • New spouses snooping through belongings
  • Dating commitment-phobes, and workouts for love
  • Family vs. personal priorities (Race or Baby Shower)
  • Unrequited “I love you’s”
• Quote:
  • Jen (on doubtful boyfriend): “Run for your life, lady.” [21:24]
• Hosts riff and tease each other, sometimes losing track of the word count—hilarious, quick-fire dialogue.

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4. Intern Brandon’s Girl Troubles

[23:18 – 30:38]

• Topic: Brandon, the intern, admits he’s painfully shy when it comes to women and would “rather watch a baseball game than have sex with a girl.”
• Key Quotes:
  • Host Jeff: “Brandon is work mode. Recreation Brandon is pretty lame.” [24:12]
  • Brandon: “At this moment in my life, yeah (I’d rather watch baseball).” [25:21]
• Jen analyzes it:
  • “You can relax if you're watching a baseball game... if you were with a woman, you're, like, all anxiety all up in your head.” [25:51]
• Host encouragement: Suggest practice dates, seek confidence, and consider therapy.
• Melissa: “He needs a woman that's as into sports as he is.” [30:17]
• The group jokes about “accidental passion” and playful banter ensues.

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5. Brandy’s $50,000 Secret Splurge – The Aftermath

[31:12 – 40:12]

• Brandy updates the show on her Friday dilemma: she purchased a $50,000 car for herself without consulting her husband.
• Host Predictions:
  • Wendy: “I say she bought it and her husband is pissed.” [31:23]
  • Jen and Jeff: “I don't think she did it.”
• Brandy’s Update:
  • She did buy the car; husband merely asked logistical questions without showing emotion: “He hasn't really said anything.” [32:21]
  • Brandy: “He didn’t yell. He didn’t raise his voice. It’s like the calm before the storm.” [32:24]
• Hosts speculate if this is healthy communication, repressed anger, or a sign of bigger problems.
• Listener Ben:
  • “I think he's getting ready to leave her.” [37:42] (Hosts react in surprise.)
• Brandy:
  • “We've been together seven years... I think we’ll have a conversation, but maybe he’s just letting me have this one.” [38:06]
• Melissa: “It should be like, I’ll be driving my nice $50,000 car during a lot of my marriage.” [40:02]
• Jen: Wonders if Brandy would be okay if husband made a huge purchase in return.

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Timestamps & Highlights

• 01:01 – “All or Nothing Trivia” questions begin
• 03:32 – Caller nearly solves trivia, getting four correct answers
• 05:32 – The “Better Marriage Blanket” commercial aired and dissected
• 11:21 – “Advice in Five Words or Less” interactive segment kicks off
• 13:24–21:00 – Rapid fire advice to callers (hilarious, biting responses)
• 23:18 – Intern Brandon’s lack of “game” with women explored
• 31:12 – Brandy’s big purchase reveal and marital fallout
• 37:42 – Listener Ben’s dramatic prediction shocks the group

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Notable Quotes

• “Keep your mouth shut, dude.” – Jen [13:28], on keeping baby plans private
• “Your gas is not funny for $140.” – Host Jeff [09:42], on the “Better Marriage Blanket”
• “Run like the wind, girl.” – Melissa [21:20], advice for a woman whose boyfriend won’t say “I love you”
• “At this moment in my life, yeah.” – Brandon [25:21], admitting he’d pick baseball over sex
• “I feel great... I feel I deserved it.” – Brandy [33:19], on her secret car purchase
• “This is $30,000 that's gonna be held over your head for the rest of your marriage.” – Corey [39:56], listener call

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Episode Tone & Style

• Tone: Playful, irreverent, supportive, sometimes lightly sarcastic
• Language: Genuine, informal, occasionally edgy (adult humor and relationship talk)
• Interactions: Rich back-and-forth both among the cast and with listeners, full of teasing, real opinions, and fast-paced wit

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show exemplifies the show's engaging mix of interactive games, real-life “drama,” and unfiltered advice. From blunt relationship wisdom to awkward confessions—and a suspenseful cliffhanger about one listener's major marital gamble—it’s an entertaining ride for both longtime listeners and newcomers looking for laughs, life lessons, and authentic morning radio energy.

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Transcript

[Jeff]

Hey everybody.

[Lady Luck]

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[Jeff]

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[Host Jeff]

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[Jeff]

Every morning is different.

[Host Jeff]

The Birch Show Q100 at 9:30 this morning. We'll get you guys all caught up with Brandy's storyline. She was the bird show listener on Friday that called us up and she said that she never makes herself a priority ever. She's got kids, got a husband, she's always taking a back seat. So she was gonna do something real nice for herself over the weekend that was gonna cost the family $50,000 and she wasn't gonna consult her husband. And it happened. And so we'll let you guys know how it all went down at 9:30 this morning. All right, we are in the middle of all or nothing trivia.

[Jen]

This is where you have to call up with five guesses because there's five answers to this trivia question. And Bert's gonna tell you how many guesses that you got right and how many you got wrong, but not which ones. So you have to listen closely to the previous caller so that you can listen to the pattern develop and eventually once you get all of them right, then you win the prizes that we put in the pot every single day.

[Host Jeff]

I was a little surprised that we actually even got one.

[Wendy]

I was too.

[Melissa]

I don't think they meant to get one.

[Wendy]

It was random.

[Host Jeff]

They just threw it out there. All right, so you have to call up with five names like Jen said. And the question is these five male celebrities are rumored to be really, really bad in bed. Who are they? All right, here is Melody. Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi. Yes. How are you?

[Host Jeff]

Hi.

[Caller]

My five choices are Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom and Kevin Federman.

[Jeff]

She is on it.

[Host Jeff]

You are on it. Give me those again. One more time.

[Caller]

Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Orlando Blue and Kevin Bettermife.

[Host Jeff]

Now. You don't have any. Right.

[Caller]

Oh, man.

[Host Jeff]

Okay.

[Jeff]

But we appreciate your conciseness and speaking clarity.

[Host Jeff]

It's like she was thinking about it. All right, she had a list. Let's go.

[Jeff]

It doesn't get you anything, but it was cool you did that.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning. Laurie, you were on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Host Jeff]

Hi. Hey, Lori, Before I even go on, we're adding another prize today. So today I threw out my piece of paper. What was the prize for today?

[Jeff]

I don't know, but I'll know after Laurie's done guessing.

[Host Jeff]

We got two prizes in there today. Anyway. We'll find out in a second. Okay, what are your guesses?

[Caller]

Brody Jenner, Spencer Pratt, Jay Leno, Tiger woods and Obama.

[Host Jeff]

You got one, right?

[Caller]

One.

[Host Jeff]

Yes. Okay.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Host Jeff]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

Okay, Tickets to go see Green Day at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in August is been added to the prices.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Host Jeff]

404741. Q100. Here is Taylor. Good morning.

[Caller]

Hi. Brody Jenner, 50 Cent, Russell Brand, Stuart Townsend and Colin Farrell.

[Host Jeff]

You got four, right?

[Melissa]

What?

[Wendy]

What?

[Jen]

Whoa.

[Host Jeff]

Someone's been on the Internet. Hey, Stephanie. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Stephanie]

Wow.

[Host Jeff]

Hello, Stephanie. Stephanie's in shock.

[Jeff]

Somebody calls up with say.

[Melissa]

What'd she say?

[Host Jeff]

The Internet has really jacked up trivia on the radio. Good morning, Michael. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey. Okay, here is my guess. Brody Tinner, Joaquin Phoenix, Seth Rogen, Gene Simmons, Toby McGuire.

[Host Jeff]

You got one, right?

[Jeff]

Disappointing after we just got four.

[Host Jeff]

So fairly consistent. At least one is coming up. Fairly consistent there. Okay, so Jen will give you another clue here.

[Jen]

One of the guys on the list is British.

[Host Jeff]

Okay. One of the guys on the list is British. And you can add that to the hint that she gave you guys on Friday also. So we're going faster than I thought we were gonna go.

[Jeff]

She won't wanna take him back to your flat.

[Host Jeff]

Cause he's the worst.

[Jeff]

No, he won't be Gore in the sack. There'd be a bird that he takes to his flat.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, so the two prizes we have in there now are Green Day and. What was the first one?

[Caller]

Do you remember?

[Host Jeff]

Was it Spacadel?

[Jeff]

$100 at Spacadel. And a pair of tickets of Green Day at Verizon Wireless. And then tomorrow, I think we're adding tickets to go see Idol.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, nice. So that would be three prizes tomorrow on all or Nothing Trivia. We'll do it again same time tomorrow morning.

[Commercial Voice]

The Vert show's always better with you.

[Host Jeff]

Listen, it's the Vert show. You remember how we say that if somebody came to you years ago and asked you to invest in the Snuggie? How you just said, get out of here, man. I'm not giving you $10,000 for that. And had you, you'd be a millionaire right now, right? Okay. This is a real product being sold on the home shopping channel and in commercials right now. Promise. This is real.

[Stephanie]

It's the problem in the marriage bed that no one likes to talk about. Maybe that's why they call it silent but deadly. Well, now there's a real solution to a very real problem. It's introducing the Better Marriage Blanket. On the outside, the Better marriage blanket looks and feels just like a soft, warm comforter. But on the inside, it contains a layer of activated carbon fabric, the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons. Flatulence molecules easily pass through the cotton shell and are harmlessly absorbed into the layer of carbon fabric. Even when used on top of bed sheets, offending molecules are absorbed before anyone knows they're there. So whether you or your spouse suffers from a health issue or. Or just the occasional disagreeable meal, you owe it to your marriage to try the Better Marriage Blanket. It makes a great wedding gift or anniversary gift, too. To order, call 1-800-981-1134. Just three easy payments of $39.95 online at buy better marriage blanket.com. order now.

[Host Jeff]

A real commercial, real product. Are you investing $10,000 in that?

[Wendy]

Absolutely. They shouldn't have called it the marriage blanket. They should have called it the boyfriend girlfriend blanket. Because if you're just dating somebody that's new, and, I mean, there's some meals that gas, but, I mean, it's gonna protect, and you just don't want to be embarrassed.

[Jeff]

Have you and your fiance farted around each other, Jen?

[Jen]

It's not my fiance. And no.

[Host Jeff]

See, look at Melissa. Smart. Melissa, I'm coming to you.

[Melissa]

So y' all don't fart around each other?

[Host Jeff]

No.

[Melissa]

Yeah, neither do we.

[Jeff]

I will run out of the room like a cat who just used the litter box.

[Melissa]

We don't need the marriage blanket.

[Host Jeff]

You and Katie Jo. No problem.

[Caller]

I'm just.

[Melissa]

Yeah, if y' all are lying, I'm lying, so.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah, I'm not lying. I'll do it accidentally, but, I mean, I've been around families where the father will just let it rip and everybody laughs.

[Melissa]

No, nothing like that. But I just think it's so funny how they said health problems are a disagreement with food. There are some couples that, you know.

[Jeff]

You think it's funny?

[Melissa]

I think it might be funny. Duck chopping.

[Host Jeff]

I wouldn't find nothing funny about that.

[Jeff]

Katie Jo likes her beer, too. That's a dance dangerous right there.

[Wendy]

So do y'.

[Melissa]

All.

[Jeff]

How you doing?

[Host Jeff]

We haven't slept with you in a while, though. So if I'm offering you 10 grand, I'm saying, look, you can get in on this. All I need is $10,000 for it to get off the ground.

[Melissa]

Oof.

[Jen]

I don't think I'm investing.

[Host Jeff]

You're not investing.

[Jen]

It's too gross, Jeff.

[Wendy]

But you wouldn't know.

[Jeff]

Nah, I don't believe in this one.

[Host Jeff]

I don't think so either.

[Jeff]

But I would have said the same thing about the Snuggie.

[Melissa]

See, the thing is, it's about people investing in it. So if the price. Did we. Did he have the price on in that ad?

[Host Jeff]

Did you guys hear a price?

[Wendy]

Because three payments is something.

[Melissa]

Because the thing is, if it's not too expensive, then people are gonna get it as gag gifts. Like, the ones that make a lot of money are the ones that everybody's gonna buy.

[Jeff]

Like the reindeer people.

[Melissa]

It's a gag gift. The fish, the trout that sings on a plaque.

[Host Jeff]

Who would have thought? But it's rich. Someone lives behind a gate because of that thing.

[Jen]

There's the show that went to a wedding this weekend. I should get them this as a gift.

[Jeff]

The show that Joan Rivers hosts. That's. It's coming back on May 5th. And the guy that they're interviewing, it's called how do you make youe Money? Or How'd you Get so Rich? And it's basically where she just shows up at people who are, you know, driving around in $300,000 cars or big giant houses. And she. The guy featured on the Cinco de Mayo show is the guy who invented the wee wee pad.

[Host Jeff]

The what pad?

[Jeff]

The thing that you put on your floor for dogs.

[Host Jeff]

Oh, really?

[Caller]

Yep.

[Melissa]

Little puppy pad.

[Jeff]

Yep. The guy who invented the wee wee pad. And he's his sick house. Ridiculous.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning, erin. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

My husband would definitely invest in that right now. I just had a baby nine weeks ago. And they had to give me some antibiotics and it flushed out this stuff and now I have bad gas. It's so embarrassing to say that. Bad gas all the time. And he's ready to kick me out of the house and the bed. So he would definitely invest in it.

[Host Jeff]

It's $139, by the way.

[Caller]

Well, I think he would consider it worth it. You know, it might be. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Because if you're gonna do something that's gonna be make people laugh, then you gotta make it inexpensive, right?

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

That's not funny at 140. Your gas is not funny for 140 bucks. It's the vert show.

[Bluff]

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[Host Jeff]

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[Caller]

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[Host Jeff]

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[Commercial Voice]

Birdshow.

[Host Jeff]

All right, here is the theory. The theory is that any adv given in five words or less. Look, we live in a time of time management now, man. We don't even get on the phone with each other anymore. We text each other. Right. You don't go into the bank anymore. Go to the money machine. It's all about time management. There's a theory that if you go out on a date, you know, within 60 seconds, if you're digging this guy or digging this woman, the date could be over in 60 seconds. Some believe it's the same thing with advice and psychology. Takes you five words, right? Five words is all you need for advice. So we're gonna test this theory. We're asking you guys to call us, tell us about your problem, and what we're gonna attempt to do here. Each one of us is give you advice in five words or less, which you know, if you listen to the show is gonna be really hard.

[Melissa]

It may be impossible, but we're gonna find out.

[Host Jeff]

It took me 790 words to describe our segment that has to do with five words or less.

[Wendy]

I've got a piece of paper ready.

[Host Jeff]

All right, so let's start with Sarah. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Sarah.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning.

[Caller]

Morning. How are you guys?

[Host Jeff]

Okay. All right. Our part of the agreement is that we're going to give you advice in five words or less. Your part of the agreement is you're going to tell us about your problem in 30 to 45 seconds.

[Caller]

Okay, I can do that.

[Host Jeff]

All right, you are now on the clock.

[Caller]

Okay. My question is, if you and yourself are currently trying to get pregnant and one of you wants to keep it a secret and the other one doesn't really care or have a filter, what would you recommend?

[Host Jeff]

Trying to get pregnant.

[Melissa]

Trying to get pregnant.

[Host Jeff]

One in the relationship wants to keep it a secret. The other one wants to tell everybody around him. Oh, we're trying to have a baby. We're trying to have a baby.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

Jen, five words or less. What is your advice?

[Jeff]

I need paper quickly.

[Jen]

I know. I'm trying to do this really quickly.

[Wendy]

I don't even know what my advice is.

[Host Jeff]

We don't have any.

[Melissa]

Hold on, hold on.

[Caller]

Thanks.

[Melissa]

We're gonna spend more time in silence Trying to come up with just five words.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, I'll start.

[Jeff]

I have one.

[Jen]

Oh, I got it. Go ahead.

[Host Jeff]

I'll do it. Less than 5. Keep the secret.

[Jen]

Mine was keep your mouth shut, dude.

[Melissa]

Okay, I got one. I got one. Wait, let me count it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Tell him what if. Infertility.

[Host Jeff]

Tell him what if.

[Caller]

Okay. Wow, you guys are pretty good.

[Host Jeff]

Wendy, five comes after four.

[Wendy]

I don't know.

[Host Jeff]

Two, three. You don't know.

[Wendy]

I'M trying. I don't even know what my advice is. Just shut up. I don't. I don't know, Jeff.

[Host Jeff]

Did you say yours?

[Jeff]

I'm gonna stare at Wendy until she comes up with something.

[Host Jeff]

You're really.

[Melissa]

That is over five words.

[Wendy]

I'm really not good at this.

[Jeff]

Mine was air on side of caution.

[Host Jeff]

Air on. That's good. That's five right there. She said minus, and Wendy is still having a problem counting it. So you got 20 words total.

[Caller]

Well, that's pretty good. I'm impressed.

[Host Jeff]

Okay.

[Melissa]

All right, good luck.

[Wendy]

Bye.

[Caller]

Bye. All right, thanks.

[Jeff]

Hey, Wendy. For next caller, it's one word for each finger.

[Wendy]

Well, I'm. I'm trying to even think of my advice because I can't even think that fast.

[Host Jeff]

Is that your advice for Jeff? Leave her alone. Five words or less.

[Jeff]

You got two more words.

[Melissa]

Please, God, leave her alone.

[Jeff]

Leave her alone. A hole.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning, Allison. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller]

Yes, my question was, how can I get my husband's ex mistress to stop calling him?

[Host Jeff]

Beat her down. Beat her down. That's three right there.

[Jeff]

Problem. Problem. Not with the mistress.

[Melissa]

Okay? It's either her or me.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Wendy]

Punch husband in the face.

[Jen]

Tell his penis size loudly.

[Jeff]

Unless he's big. 11 inches. What?

[Host Jeff]

All right, five or less right there. We're putting the psychology. We are reinventing the whole psychology industry right there. They won't be able to. To charge you for the hour anymore. It's going to be by word.

[Melissa]

Right?

[Host Jeff]

Krista, good morning. You are on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning. You've got 30 to 45 seconds to tell us your problem, and we will solve it in five words or less.

[Caller]

Okay. I just got married, and I can't get my husband to stop looking through my stuff.

[Host Jeff]

And he just got married.

[Caller]

Huh.

Just got married.

[Jeff]

Can I have a clarification? Like, what do you mean, looking for your stuff?

[Caller]

Okay, like this morning, I was in the shower, and when I got out, he was looking through my purse.

[Jeff]

For what?

[Caller]

I don't know. He looks through my phone

[Jeff]

big time.

[Host Jeff]

Red flag. That would be four right there.

[Melissa]

All right, mine is, why don't you trust me?

[Host Jeff]

Mm.

[Caller]

I've asked that question.

[Melissa]

I only have five words.

[Host Jeff]

There you go. Yeah, he has trust issues. That's four right there, Jen.

[Jen]

Hold on. Sorry.

[Wendy]

Ask. Are you cheating?

[Caller]

Right.

[Jen]

What happened to him before?

[Melissa]

I mean, I know this is so, you know, odd for you to take the burnt show that way, because everybody seems confused. Like, is that all you got to say? Yeah, we only Got five words, but

[Host Jeff]

you're getting a reoccurring theme with all of them.

[Jeff]

He might be guilty.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, I understand he was in bad relationships before, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

[Jeff]

But that's not what I said.

[Caller]

Made him marry him if he's gonna distrust me.

[Melissa]

Yeah, Wendy and Jeff said the same thing.

[Jeff]

It's not what I said. I said he might be guilty.

[Melissa]

Mm.

[Host Jeff]

Here is Janie. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Janie, this is Birch. Show advice in five words or less.

[Caller]

Hi. I've been dating this guy for a year. He tells me he's not ready for anything serious, and he wants me to wait for him, but he gets mad when I date other people. So what should I do?

[Host Jeff]

Date other people. I got four for you.

[Jen]

He will never commit.

[Caller]

Mm.

[Melissa]

Oh, I'm trying to think something.

[Wendy]

Sleep with him. Just once.

[Caller]

Who?

[Wendy]

I can't use any more words.

[Jeff]

Wendy's just feeling pressure, so she's like.

[Host Jeff]

She's just throwing words out there.

[Jeff]

Captain Crunch, my favorite cereal. What? Campbell's Soup for lunch today.

[Melissa]

Huh? I can only come up with four, but anyway, keep your options open.

[Host Jeff]

It doesn't have to be five. It's five or less, so you're good. Keep options open.

[Melissa]

Keep your options open.

[Jeff]

Jeff should be exclusive by now. I don't know why I'm talking like Stephen Hawkins when I give my advice.

[Wendy]

Oh, man.

[Jeff]

Let us someday travel through time. I can't pronounce my H's with the voice box. Go to L. Jessica wants to be

[Host Jeff]

on the voice discussion. Hey, Jessica. Jess. Hello, yellow.

[Caller]

Hi.

I wanted to see. I'm in a new relationship, and the guy is almost perfect. If he would lose 20 pounds, how do I ask him to lose the weight?

[Wendy]

Lose 20 pounds?

[Jeff]

High school, skinny, healthy, trim.

[Melissa]

Workout with him.

[Host Jeff]

Chan.

[Jen]

I'm trying.

[Host Jeff]

I was gonna say the same thing Melissa said. Work out with him.

[Jeff]

I can go.

[Wendy]

Please get on the treadmill.

[Jeff]

Tell.

[Jen]

Oh, I got it.

[Jeff]

Tell him exactly that. Girl,

[Host Jeff]

it doesn't have to be exactly.

[Brandon]

Fine.

[Jeff]

I like words.

[Jen]

I like my words.

[Jeff]

I like words, and I like a lot of words.

[Jen]

Promise sexy favors when skinny.

[Caller]

Oh, okay. Thank you.

[Melissa]

You're welcome.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, we're not bad at this. It's not awful. Good morning.

[Melissa]

Amber still won't take our advice, though?

[Caller]

No.

[Jeff]

And we are 50 50, which is odd because there's five of us in the room. But Wendy's keeping it 5050 with her advice. Tourette's.

[Wendy]

I've had some good ones.

[Jeff]

Christmas Stockings kept in attic.

[Host Jeff]

Wendy can give advice before she hears the question.

[Jeff]

Wendy, why don't you give five words of advice?

[Host Jeff]

What is it right now?

[Jeff]

Give five words.

[Wendy]

I'm just that good.

[Lady Luck]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

Here is Amber.

[Brandon]

Good morning.

[Host Jeff]

You're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Hi. I didn't need to be on the voice disguiser.

But anyway, I have a sister in law and my brother live out of town and they're having their baby shower on the same weekend of the Peachtree Road Race. And I've had my tickets for two months now and they just set their date for their shower. So I don't know if I should go to the shower or go to the race.

[Host Jeff]

Family's more important.

[Jen]

Babies make people selfish.

[Jeff]

The shower running is stupid.

[Melissa]

Well, mine is. The race is before shower. Like are they having the shower at 6 o' clock in the morning?

[Jeff]

Out of town.

[Melissa]

Sorry, that's a lot of time. The race is before shower, I think.

[Jeff]

They're not going out of town though, Right?

[Caller]

Right. Eight hours away.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry, I'm missing.

[Jeff]

God, Melissa, what are you gonna listen instead of contrasting to five words?

[Melissa]

I'm so good at this. Yeah. I'll take Wendy's advice.

[Wendy]

Run, but get big gift. I can't say anymore after that.

[Host Jeff]

I'm not very good at this.

[Jeff]

Promise them sexual favors. I think what we should do is.

[Jen]

You are freaking disgusting.

[Jeff]

I think what we should do is apply the advice to the caller previous to the next call automatically.

[Host Jeff]

Here is Sarah. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller]

Hi.

How are you?

[Host Jeff]

Okay. How are you?

[Caller]

Good.

Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back. And when I asked why, he said because he didn't love me.

[Jeff]

Why is he still boyfriend?

[Host Jeff]

That's not advice. That's a question.

[Wendy]

Deal breaker.

[Jeff]

That's my rhetorical question. Thank you.

[Melissa]

Okay. Mine is run like the wind, girl.

[Jen]

Mine is run for your life, lady.

[Host Jeff]

Mine is losing.

[Caller]

Oh.

[Jeff]

Mine is run in Peachtree Road Race. The Birch Show.

[Bluff]

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[Commercial Voice]

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[Caller]

Boyd.

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[Host Jeff]

Best thing that's ever happened to you, financially. Go easy.

[Commercial Voice]

Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer, really.

[Host Jeff]

I hit 200 on a scratcher.

[Commercial Voice]

Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check?

[Stephanie]

No.

[Commercial Voice]

How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, that's fair.

[Commercial Voice]

It's like the lottery, except you always win.

[Jeff]

Not like the lottery at all, actually.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Caller]

Hi, my name is Madison Tevlin.

[Wendy]

And I'm Presley Hossbach.

[Host Jeff]

If you're enjoying this podcast, be sure

[Caller]

to check us out on Serving Smiles.

[Host Jeff]

Serving Smiles is a podcast where we

[Caller]

try to make health and wellness way less overwhelming.

[Wendy]

In partnership with Colgate Palm Olive, we're breaking down topics like oral health, pet nutrition, skin health, and more.

[Host Jeff]

With the help of expert guests, we'll

[Wendy]

be swapping stories, learning healthy habits, and asking the tough questions like how often should I floss? What kind of sunscreen is right for me? And finding out what vets wish every owner knew about nutrition.

[Host Jeff]

Be sure to check out cervix files wherever. Get your podcasts. The Vert show intern Brandon here. We have spent a goodly amount of time on this show.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

Trying to get Brandon some game because he admits he's got no game when it comes to women whatsoever.

[Brandon]

You know, I'm being honest. You know, I'm not the most skilled when it comes to swag.

[Wendy]

I witnessed this recently. Oh, recently and probably a couple of weeks ago. I was out.

[Melissa]

Did you hear Wendy?

[Wendy]

I know.

[Host Jeff]

Snitching, too.

[Wendy]

I was really trying to help Brandon out. Me and another guy friend were really trying to help Brandon out. We were at a club just hanging out, two girls off to the side. And I mean, my guy friend goes up to the girls intentionally trying to get Brandon to come over and have the girls come over to give him an introduction. And Brandon did not even take the bait. Brandon would not get up out of the chair to go talk to these beautiful girls who were hanging out with.

[Brandon]

I was in work mode. That's my excuse. I was in work mode.

[Host Jeff]

Well, you told us before that that's

[Jeff]

a better mode for you.

[Host Jeff]

Brandon is work mode.

[Jeff]

His recreation brand is. Yeah, work work. Brandon's cool. Recreation work.

[Brandon]

Brandon is pretty cool.

[Jeff]

Yeah. Recreation brand is pretty lame. Yes.

[Jen]

What was going on inside your head? Why didn't you want to go talk

[Brandon]

to him at that time? It Was just a lot of things going on with the event that we were doing.

[Wendy]

No, he was sitting there.

[Brandon]

My mind was scared.

[Host Jeff]

If you're scared, say you're scared.

[Brandon]

No, honestly, there was a lot of things going on that I was thinking

[Jeff]

about the event, what was going on. So you didn't want anybody to steal a Q100 free shirt. You don't have those anymore.

[Host Jeff]

What a ridiculous analogy.

[Jeff]

Were you teaching me everything with Q100 on it? How to cut the 0.5 off the window stickers?

[Brandon]

Yeah, we used an exacto knife now

[Caller]

to keep the curve. See?

[Host Jeff]

So here's another example of Brandon having an opportunity. I mean, we spent a whole weekend you being trained by my boy Dolvett, and nothing came of that, really. And I think I figured out why. Y', all. It was last week, and it was in passing. Some of you might have been outside the studio when Brandon said this, that he doesn't have any intention. He is not. It's not a priority for him to hook up. He said in studio last week he would rather. Rather watch a baseball game than have sex with a girl.

[Jen]

Really?

[Brandon]

At this moment in my life, Yeah.

[Jeff]

A Braves game?

[Brandon]

Not a Braves game.

[Host Jeff]

Any game. He said this is not like a game seven or an important game. Any game of baseball. You'd rather do that than spend some time with a woman?

[Brandon]

Private time, at this point in my life, yeah.

[Jen]

Because it probably makes you so nervous to be with a woman. Like, it doesn't sound like a comfortable thing for you to do or, you know, somewhere where you feel like you're yourself and your own skin in that situation.

[Host Jeff]

So, yeah, I feel like myself.

[Brandon]

Like.

[Jen]

Like you can actually relax if you're watching a baseball game. You don't have to worry about anything and be yourself. You can talk stats. You can just be Brandon. But if you were with a woman, you're, like, all anxiety all up in your head. So I can understand why you say that, because you're just not comfortable with women.

[Brandon]

And again, baseball is just so beautiful, though.

[Host Jeff]

So is a woman yet, too.

[Brandon]

But baseball, like, baseball, there's nine men,

[Jeff]

and they're wearing tight pants, and they run around and they get sweaty.

[Brandon]

You look at it that way, but I look at it as just a beautiful display of something that is pure and it allows you to be yourself. And again, that's what I look for in a woman, too. Something that allows me to be myself.

[Jeff]

Something that is like Mary Poppins. Like, is she attractive to you?

[Brandon]

You know,

[Melissa]

I do, but I see where I Mean, I. I think Brandon represents a lot of guys who were just painfully shy. Yes. I mean, y' all were married, and y' all are acting like y' all are cool, but I think there's a lot of guys out there who are scared.

[Host Jeff]

But he's not painfully shy. That's the thing.

[Melissa]

When he's by, when he's himself. Yes, he is.

[Host Jeff]

Are you.

[Brandon]

Are you.

[Host Jeff]

Is it that much of an anxiety for you to go and talk to a woman where you just, like. It's so stressful. I'd just rather do anything but that.

[Brandon]

Yeah, basically.

[Host Jeff]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

Oh, now it's getting serious.

[Brandon]

Hey, Billy.

[Host Jeff]

Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, Bert.

Love the show. And I just gotta say, there's something that's not right with a man who would rather watch baseball than be with a woman. I mean, just something ain't right with him.

[Host Jeff]

I think we're scratching at the surface, though, like, so now we got to, like. It's such an anxiety for you.

[Brandon]

Don't get me wrong. I don't. I like being with women, but the Kentucky Derby takes two minutes, and I would last 90 seconds just so I can watch the end of the Kentucky Derby.

[Host Jeff]

You can TiVo the Kentucky Derby, dude.

[Brandon]

There's something about watching it live, though, about coming down to the stretch, no pun intended, just to watch the end of the Kentucky.

[Jeff]

And those guys, they're so little and they wear such tight shirts, and they're on the horses and they're running, bouncing up and down.

[Wendy]

I don't get it. Maybe we can call the hypnotherapist and put you under.

[Brandon]

I probably do have unresolved issues. I don't know.

[Wendy]

We gotta figure out what's really wrong.

[Melissa]

Fear of flying? Quit smoking. Fear of women.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

You know, there you go.

[Host Jeff]

Well, there's a lot of that you could avoid. You can afford. Avoid a flight if you want.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

Half the people he's going to come in contact with.

[Melissa]

But I'm. But I do say. I mean, like, I think that he's just. This. This is shyness. It's like getting over that. That block, that mental block, you know?

[Host Jeff]

So if you meet other guys, you're not shy in conversation. It's just any a woman that you're not attracted to also.

[Lady Luck]

Are you sure?

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

We can talk all day if.

[Jeff]

If Chipper Jones, Tim Hudson, and Brian McCann are standing in the corner of a bar having a conversation. And on the other side of the bar, three women. Who's more difficult for you to go up and start a conversation with probably

[Brandon]

the women, because I don't get starstruck. So those would just be three regular people and unattractive.

[Host Jeff]

Someone you're not attracted to. No problem.

[Brandon]

Well, it could be. I am attracted to them, but, like, there could be other situations that I could put in my head that, okay, this is not a real interaction, like interns on the remote, tech, you know, stuff like that. No matter if I'm attracted to them or not, it's just these are the people that I work with.

[Jen]

Work.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Anybody who.

[Jen]

I can handle it.

[Host Jeff]

It's a good question. How does a shy person get over being shy? I guess you just. What do you do? You just throw yourself into, like, situations where you're forced to talk to people or.

[Melissa]

I mean, I don't know, because it's

[Jen]

not people in general. With Brandon, it's girls she's interested in. It's a very small category.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Wendy]

And maybe we need to do, like, practice dates. Like, have Brandon go out on five different dates during the week and maybe practice on each girl so it gets easier and easier.

[Brandon]

Can one of them be chilling?

[Host Jeff]

Can one of them be chilling?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

I don't know what to do with that. You would have no idea where you were by the time.

[Brandon]

I know what Chili wants. I know what Chili wants.

[Jeff]

She wants you to leave her alone. Go over there and bring a real man.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, Stacy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, guys. I'm just curious where, you know, he normally meets girls that he feels so uncomfortable, you know, because you have.

[Host Jeff]

I mean, you've been in relationships before.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Host Jeff]

So where are you going now? To. You have totally avoid meeting girls.

[Brandon]

No, I don't totally avoid meeting girls. It's not. I don't go to clubs and stuff like that. I don't like large amounts of people. It's just I grew up in New York, so I had my fair share of Large amount of. Large amounts of people. So now I just normally hang out sports bars with my friends.

[Host Jeff]

And with guys mostly, they're not going to be a lot.

[Brandon]

We go watch the game, we go watch fights. That's what we do.

[Melissa]

He needs a woman that's as into sports as he is.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

You know, I don't think I could. I don't think I could handle that because I'm so argumentative with my friends.

[Host Jeff]

And you're going to be lonely for a while.

[Melissa]

That's where the passion comes in. You'll argue and then you'll slip and have sex.

[Brandon]

Yeah, that Works. Oops. Touche.

[Melissa]

How'd I end up here?

[Jeff]

Why do you think I start fights with Melissa so much?

[Melissa]

Exactly.

[Host Jeff]

The Bird Show.

[Bluff]

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[Host Jeff]

The Bird Show. All right, let's check back in with Brandy here. I don't think this is going to go real well.

[Jen]

We'll see if she actually did it.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah, you guys want to make some predictions before we get her on here?

[Wendy]

I say she bought it and her husband is pissed.

[Melissa]

I said she got it. Her husband is very concerned and she doesn't care.

[Jen]

I don't think she did it.

[Jeff]

I don't think she did it.

[Host Jeff]

I don't think she did it.

[Wendy]

Okay.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, good morning, Brandy.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Host Jeff]

Hi. How are you?

[Caller]

I'm okay.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, after our conversation on Friday, did you have any thoughts? Because pretty much across the board people are calling you up saying, look, we understand we're mommies to always take a backseat, but if you're going to spend this kind of cash, you got to at least talk to your husband about it. Did you have any thoughts of that?

[Caller]

I did. I had second thoughts about doing it, but I went ahead and did it anyway.

[Jen]

Oh, wow, you did?

[Caller]

Yes, I did.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Caller]

And the old case, and I'm not quite sure what happened. I came home and I had the car and my husband saw it, and he hasn't really said anything.

[Host Jeff]

He hasn't said anything.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Caller]

He didn't yell. He didn't raise his voice. He didn't really say anything. He just asked me like, you know, did you finance it? How much was it? But really calmly, like, what kind of interest rate is it? He was very calm. He didn't yell. He didn't scream. But I don't know if this is like calm before the storm or he's just very quiet, like we're not. He's not even really talking at all.

[Host Jeff]

Oh, this is worse than being mad.

[Stephanie]

Yes.

[Host Jeff]

Than not knowing.

[Jeff]

You know what? It's well played, though, on his part. That's a good way to handle it.

[Host Jeff]

So he asks you all the pertinent business questions but it's not met by. Oh, that's a great idea. But it's also not met by. How could you possibly do this?

[Caller]

Right. It's kind of just in the middle, and it's very strange.

[Host Jeff]

Okay, I'm scared.

[Jen]

How does it feel driving it? I'm curious.

[Caller]

Oh, God, I feel so good.

[Jen]

You don't feel guilty at all?

[Caller]

No, I really feel like I deserved it. And I. I really am glad I bought it. And I love the way it drives and I feel great. And I guess the weirdest thing is just waiting to see, like, what he's actually going to say. I know something else is coming.

[Jeff]

Have you looked at it this morning? Because with all the rain, he may have gone out last night and put the top down.

[Host Jeff]

Or are you. Are you familiar on how to drive a car when the brakes have been cut?

[Jen]

What you're supposed to do?

[Host Jeff]

I don't know what this means. 404-741-Q100. I don't know how to interpret this. Like, you've been married to him for a while, so you're not going to bring it up again to him? I mean, you're just going to let it sort of sit there until he says something?

[Caller]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't really know. It happened. It's not. It's done. And if he has something to say, I think you should probably just say it. But for now, he's not really saying anything. I think.

[Wendy]

I think it's the calm before the storm.

[Host Jeff]

I'm scared.

[Wendy]

I think he's silent. And then all of a sudden it's just going to break loose. Because how many days has it been since you bought the car?

[Caller]

I bought it Saturday, so.

[Wendy]

Oh, I think it's gonna happen this week. He's just gonna blow open or he's gonna go do the same thing you just did and buy something huge.

[Host Jeff]

Is that possible? Like in a retaliation type thing? He's like, well, if she can do that, then I can do this and spend $30,000 on something else.

[Caller]

Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what he'd want. That's $30,000.

[Jeff]

And would. Would you get mad at him for that?

[Caller]

Probably not. I don't think I really have the right to, but.

[Host Jeff]

Well, I think you would. I think you would have the right to, because your statement is, I want to do something for myself, finally, for myself. So if he retaliates in some way, doesn't that sort of take away the intention of why you bought the car? In the first place.

[Caller]

Yeah, I guess. I guess. But I just feel. I don't know. I guess I do feel a little bad that I did it, but at the same time, I feel great. I don't know. I feel like you might kind of deserve it. I guess 30 grand is a lot.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Not as much as 50 grand.

[Caller]

I don't think he'd do that. I think he's actually letting it sink in. I mean, I told him why I did it, and I think maybe he's just letting everything sink in.

[Host Jeff]

Here's Joy. Good morning, Joy. You're on The Burt Show. Q100. Brandy.

[Caller]

Hey. I don't know if I missed something. He asked her, did she finance it. What was the interest rate? I thought she put 50,000 doll dollars down, period. Did she lie or did she. Is she making payment?

Oh, I paid two thirds of it in cash, and then I financed the rest.

Did you tell them that part?

Yes, I did.

Oh, okay. That's what I wanted to know. I need clarification. Thank you.

[Commercial Voice]

Okay.

[Host Jeff]

It was a business question.

[Jeff]

I need all the details of this person.

[Bluff]

I don't know.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Host Jeff]

Good morning, Q100. Hello, Yellow. Hello, Dorinda.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, what's up?

[Caller]

I want her husband to take the other half of that money, the $50,000,

and do what he wants to do with it.

[Host Jeff]

Really?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Host Jeff]

See, but then that takes away of everything that she really like. With this car symbolized.

[Caller]

She took away half of it. So how come he can't have half of it?

[Wendy]

Well, her point is. Yeah, well, her point is that he's already done that. Through their relationship, he's gotten everything that he wanted and gadgets and this and that and everything.

[Caller]

We need to talk to her husband and get his half of the story.

[Host Jeff]

Yeah. I don't like this silent thing. I don't like this.

[Melissa]

I mean, guys, what would y' all do? I mean, what does it mean? You know, for me, silent treatment.

[Host Jeff]

It would just mean that there's a conversation coming. Like, I was so shocked by it that I'm sort of lit and I'm squashing my anger. If this was Stacy, and I am squashing my anger, I'm not gonna let it happen. I don't know if the kids were around or what have you. I'll let it sit right now, and then I'll talk to her about it in two or three days like that.

[Jen]

Were the kids around when you talked to him?

[Caller]

No, they were outside.

[Jeff]

It could also. You may have done it. Right. Like, he may not have an argument. Like, he may be.

[Jen]

He makes feel like, okay, I gotta just do this.

[Jeff]

He may be trying to figure out what the argument is, and he may realize he doesn't have one. Or he might say, you know what? If this is what it takes for the rest of my life? I can say, remember the car?

[Jen]

Or he could be thinking, you know what? She does deserve it. I'm gonna sit back and let her have this one.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, Ben. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Morning, Bert. Love the show.

[Host Jeff]

Thank you, sir.

[Melissa]

Thanks.

[Caller]

I think I agree with you.

This is the choir before the storm.

I hate to say this, but I

think he's getting ready to leave her.

[Host Jeff]

What?

[Wendy]

Oh.

[Host Jeff]

How did you get that?

[Caller]

I don't know. I just think he's taking it way too calmly.

I think he's probably doing a lot of thinking right now.

[Host Jeff]

So your theory is he's got one foot out the door anyway, and this doesn't even matter. This doesn't even affect him.

[Caller]

That's what I think. Okay.

That's probably why he was asking her

if she financed it or not.

[Host Jeff]

But, Brandy, you said you felt like everything in the relationship was going pretty well. I mean, you felt sort of dismissed sometimes, but.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah. No. We've been together for seven years, and it's not. I mean, I don't think he's gonna leave. I think that's the most extreme case, and I don't think it would happen. But I do think we'll have a conversation. But I think he might. He might be letting me have this one. I don't know.

[Host Jeff]

I wouldn't be. If I was the one that bought the car and there was a silence, I wouldn't be able to be quiet. I just throw myself at her.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

What? Just talk to me.

[Caller]

What does this silence mean?

[Host Jeff]

Yell at me. Say something. I can't take it. Hey, Audra.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Host Jeff]

Here on Q100A.

[Caller]

Hey, I was just thinking that the husband's probably more hurt than anything that he wasn't even talked to about it.

[Host Jeff]

I don't know. We tried to think this through earlier this morning. Like, I don't have a set amount. Like, Stacey and I have never sat down and said, okay, if we purchase anything over $1,000, we're gonna consult each other. We've never come up with that figure, but we sort of both know it because it's never been an issue, really, unless I just don't know how much she's spending, which is a real possibility also. And I think Jeff said the Same thing. He and Jessica have never sat down and talked about it.

[Jeff]

I think it depends on what the item is. But if it's like computer gadgety or technology type thing, then I'm pretty cool not to go crazy. And if it's.

[Jen]

What if she wanted to go buy a really expensive handbag or something like

[Jeff]

that would just be hers, then I don't know. I think I would trust her not to.

[Host Jeff]

It's like, whatever looks expensive to you. $2,500 handbag.

[Jen]

Whoa.

[Jeff]

She would never do that. It's Jessica shops. Like, I don't. That's not even an issue because that would bother her more than it would bother me.

[Jen]

She does not pay retail.

[Host Jeff]

Brandi, we are gonna have to get back to you in like a week to see what's going on.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Host Jeff]

But here's Corey with a little peek into your future. Hey, Corey, real quick. What do you got?

[Caller]

This is $30,000 that's gonna be held over your head for the rest of your marriage. Believe it.

[Melissa]

It should be like, I'll be driving my nice $50,000 car during a lot of my marriage.

[Jeff]

Well, that might be over my head, but a roof ain't because I got me a new convertible.

[Host Jeff]

Hey, the bird show.

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