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Jeff
Hey everybody.
Lady Luck
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Jeff
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Host Jeff
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Jeff
Every morning is different.
Host Jeff
The Birch Show Q100 at 9:30 this morning. We'll get you guys all caught up with Brandy's storyline. She was the bird show listener on Friday that called us up and she said that she never makes herself a priority ever. She's got kids, got a husband, she's always taking a back seat. So she was gonna do something real nice for herself over the weekend that was gonna cost the family $50,000 and she wasn't gonna consult her husband. And it happened. And so we'll let you guys know how it all went down at 9:30 this morning. All right, we are in the middle of all or nothing trivia.
Jen
This is where you have to call up with five guesses because there's five answers to this trivia question. And Bert's gonna tell you how many guesses that you got right and how many you got wrong, but not which ones. So you have to listen closely to the previous caller so that you can listen to the pattern develop and eventually once you get all of them right, then you win the prizes that we put in the pot every single day.
Host Jeff
I was a little surprised that we actually even got one.
Wendy
I was too.
Melissa
I don't think they meant to get one.
Wendy
It was random.
Host Jeff
They just threw it out there. All right, so you have to call up with five names like Jen said. And the question is these five male celebrities are rumored to be really, really bad in bed. Who are they? All right, here is Melody. Good morning. You're on Q100. Hi.
Caller
Hi. Yes. How are you?
Host Jeff
Hi.
Caller
My five choices are Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom and Kevin Federman.
Jeff
She is on it.
Host Jeff
You are on it. Give me those again. One more time.
Caller
Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Orlando Blue and Kevin Bettermife.
Host Jeff
Now. You don't have any. Right.
Caller
Oh, man.
Host Jeff
Okay.
Jeff
But we appreciate your conciseness and speaking clarity.
Host Jeff
It's like she was thinking about it. All right, she had a list. Let's go.
Jeff
It doesn't get you anything, but it was cool you did that.
Host Jeff
Good morning. Laurie, you were on Q100.
Caller
Hi.
Host Jeff
Hi. Hey, Lori, Before I even go on, we're adding another prize today. So today I threw out my piece of paper. What was the prize for today?
Jeff
I don't know, but I'll know after Laurie's done guessing.
Host Jeff
We got two prizes in there today. Anyway. We'll find out in a second. Okay, what are your guesses?
Caller
Brody Jenner, Spencer Pratt, Jay Leno, Tiger woods and Obama.
Host Jeff
You got one, right?
Caller
One.
Host Jeff
Yes. Okay.
Caller
Thank you.
Host Jeff
Thank you.
Jeff
Okay, Tickets to go see Green Day at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in August is been added to the prices.
Wendy
Okay.
Host Jeff
404741. Q100. Here is Taylor. Good morning.
Caller
Hi. Brody Jenner, 50 Cent, Russell Brand, Stuart Townsend and Colin Farrell.
Host Jeff
You got four, right?
Melissa
What?
Wendy
What?
Jen
Whoa.
Host Jeff
Someone's been on the Internet. Hey, Stephanie. Good Morning. You're on Q100.
Stephanie
Wow.
Host Jeff
Hello, Stephanie. Stephanie's in shock.
Jeff
Somebody calls up with say.
Melissa
What'd she say?
Host Jeff
The Internet has really jacked up trivia on the radio. Good morning, Michael. You're on Q100.
Caller
Hey. Okay, here is my guess. Brody Tinner, Joaquin Phoenix, Seth Rogen, Gene Simmons, Toby McGuire.
Host Jeff
You got one, right?
Jeff
Disappointing after we just got four.
Host Jeff
So fairly consistent. At least one is coming up. Fairly consistent there. Okay, so Jen will give you another clue here.
Jen
One of the guys on the list is British.
Host Jeff
Okay. One of the guys on the list is British. And you can add that to the hint that she gave you guys on Friday also. So we're going faster than I thought we were gonna go.
Jeff
She won't wanna take him back to your flat.
Host Jeff
Cause he's the worst.
Jeff
No, he won't be Gore in the sack. There'd be a bird that he takes to his flat.
Host Jeff
Okay, so the two prizes we have in there now are Green Day and. What was the first one?
Caller
Do you remember?
Host Jeff
Was it Spacadel?
Jeff
$100 at Spacadel. And a pair of tickets of Green Day at Verizon Wireless. And then tomorrow, I think we're adding tickets to go see Idol.
Host Jeff
Okay, nice. So that would be three prizes tomorrow on all or Nothing Trivia. We'll do it again same time tomorrow morning.
Commercial Voice
The Vert show's always better with you.
Host Jeff
Listen, it's the Vert show. You remember how we say that if somebody came to you years ago and asked you to invest in the Snuggie? How you just said, get out of here, man. I'm not giving you $10,000 for that. And had you, you'd be a millionaire right now, right? Okay. This is a real product being sold on the home shopping channel and in commercials right now. Promise. This is real.
Stephanie
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Host Jeff
A real commercial, real product. Are you investing $10,000 in that?
Wendy
Absolutely. They shouldn't have called it the marriage blanket. They should have called it the boyfriend girlfriend blanket. Because if you're just dating somebody that's new, and, I mean, there's some meals that gas, but, I mean, it's gonna protect, and you just don't want to be embarrassed.
Jeff
Have you and your fiance farted around each other, Jen?
Jen
It's not my fiance. And no.
Host Jeff
See, look at Melissa. Smart. Melissa, I'm coming to you.
Melissa
So y' all don't fart around each other?
Host Jeff
No.
Melissa
Yeah, neither do we.
Jeff
I will run out of the room like a cat who just used the litter box.
Melissa
We don't need the marriage blanket.
Host Jeff
You and Katie Jo. No problem.
Caller
I'm just.
Melissa
Yeah, if y' all are lying, I'm lying, so.
Host Jeff
Yeah, I'm not lying. I'll do it accidentally, but, I mean, I've been around families where the father will just let it rip and everybody laughs.
Melissa
No, nothing like that. But I just think it's so funny how they said health problems are a disagreement with food. There are some couples that, you know.
Jeff
You think it's funny?
Melissa
I think it might be funny. Duck chopping.
Host Jeff
I wouldn't find nothing funny about that.
Jeff
Katie Jo likes her beer, too. That's a dance dangerous right there.
Wendy
So do y'.
Melissa
All.
Jeff
How you doing?
Host Jeff
We haven't slept with you in a while, though. So if I'm offering you 10 grand, I'm saying, look, you can get in on this. All I need is $10,000 for it to get off the ground.
Melissa
Oof.
Jen
I don't think I'm investing.
Host Jeff
You're not investing.
Jen
It's too gross, Jeff.
Wendy
But you wouldn't know.
Jeff
Nah, I don't believe in this one.
Host Jeff
I don't think so either.
Jeff
But I would have said the same thing about the Snuggie.
Melissa
See, the thing is, it's about people investing in it. So if the price. Did we. Did he have the price on in that ad?
Host Jeff
Did you guys hear a price?
Wendy
Because three payments is something.
Melissa
Because the thing is, if it's not too expensive, then people are gonna get it as gag gifts. Like, the ones that make a lot of money are the ones that everybody's gonna buy.
Jeff
Like the reindeer people.
Melissa
It's a gag gift. The fish, the trout that sings on a plaque.
Host Jeff
Who would have thought? But it's rich. Someone lives behind a gate because of that thing.
Jen
There's the show that went to a wedding this weekend. I should get them this as a gift.
Jeff
The show that Joan Rivers hosts. That's. It's coming back on May 5th. And the guy that they're interviewing, it's called how do you make youe Money? Or How'd you Get so Rich? And it's basically where she just shows up at people who are, you know, driving around in $300,000 cars or big giant houses. And she. The guy featured on the Cinco de Mayo show is the guy who invented the wee wee pad.
Host Jeff
The what pad?
Jeff
The thing that you put on your floor for dogs.
Host Jeff
Oh, really?
Caller
Yep.
Melissa
Little puppy pad.
Jeff
Yep. The guy who invented the wee wee pad. And he's his sick house. Ridiculous.
Host Jeff
Good morning, erin. You're on Q100.
Caller
My husband would definitely invest in that right now. I just had a baby nine weeks ago. And they had to give me some antibiotics and it flushed out this stuff and now I have bad gas. It's so embarrassing to say that. Bad gas all the time. And he's ready to kick me out of the house and the bed. So he would definitely invest in it.
Host Jeff
It's $139, by the way.
Caller
Well, I think he would consider it worth it. You know, it might be. Yeah.
Melissa
Because if you're gonna do something that's gonna be make people laugh, then you gotta make it inexpensive, right?
Stephanie
Yeah.
Host Jeff
That's not funny at 140. Your gas is not funny for 140 bucks. It's the vert show.
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Lady Luck
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Host Jeff
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Commercial Voice
Birdshow.
Host Jeff
All right, here is the theory. The theory is that any adv given in five words or less. Look, we live in a time of time management now, man. We don't even get on the phone with each other anymore. We text each other. Right. You don't go into the bank anymore. Go to the money machine. It's all about time management. There's a theory that if you go out on a date, you know, within 60 seconds, if you're digging this guy or digging this woman, the date could be over in 60 seconds. Some believe it's the same thing with advice and psychology. Takes you five words, right? Five words is all you need for advice. So we're gonna test this theory. We're asking you guys to call us, tell us about your problem, and what we're gonna attempt to do here. Each one of us is give you advice in five words or less, which you know, if you listen to the show is gonna be really hard.
Melissa
It may be impossible, but we're gonna find out.
Host Jeff
It took me 790 words to describe our segment that has to do with five words or less.
Wendy
I've got a piece of paper ready.
Host Jeff
All right, so let's start with Sarah. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Sarah.
Caller
Hey.
Host Jeff
Good morning.
Caller
Morning. How are you guys?
Host Jeff
Okay. All right. Our part of the agreement is that we're going to give you advice in five words or less. Your part of the agreement is you're going to tell us about your problem in 30 to 45 seconds.
Caller
Okay, I can do that.
Host Jeff
All right, you are now on the clock.
Caller
Okay. My question is, if you and yourself are currently trying to get pregnant and one of you wants to keep it a secret and the other one doesn't really care or have a filter, what would you recommend?
Host Jeff
Trying to get pregnant.
Melissa
Trying to get pregnant.
Host Jeff
One in the relationship wants to keep it a secret. The other one wants to tell everybody around him. Oh, we're trying to have a baby. We're trying to have a baby.
Caller
Yeah.
Host Jeff
Jen, five words or less. What is your advice?
Jeff
I need paper quickly.
Jen
I know. I'm trying to do this really quickly.
Wendy
I don't even know what my advice is.
Host Jeff
We don't have any.
Melissa
Hold on, hold on.
Caller
Thanks.
Melissa
We're gonna spend more time in silence Trying to come up with just five words.
Host Jeff
Okay, I'll start.
Jeff
I have one.
Jen
Oh, I got it. Go ahead.
Host Jeff
I'll do it. Less than 5. Keep the secret.
Jen
Mine was keep your mouth shut, dude.
Melissa
Okay, I got one. I got one. Wait, let me count it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Tell him what if. Infertility.
Host Jeff
Tell him what if.
Caller
Okay. Wow, you guys are pretty good.
Host Jeff
Wendy, five comes after four.
Wendy
I don't know.
Host Jeff
Two, three. You don't know.
Wendy
I'M trying. I don't even know what my advice is. Just shut up. I don't. I don't know, Jeff.
Host Jeff
Did you say yours?
Jeff
I'm gonna stare at Wendy until she comes up with something.
Host Jeff
You're really.
Melissa
That is over five words.
Wendy
I'm really not good at this.
Jeff
Mine was air on side of caution.
Host Jeff
Air on. That's good. That's five right there. She said minus, and Wendy is still having a problem counting it. So you got 20 words total.
Caller
Well, that's pretty good. I'm impressed.
Host Jeff
Okay.
Melissa
All right, good luck.
Wendy
Bye.
Caller
Bye. All right, thanks.
Jeff
Hey, Wendy. For next caller, it's one word for each finger.
Wendy
Well, I'm. I'm trying to even think of my advice because I can't even think that fast.
Host Jeff
Is that your advice for Jeff? Leave her alone. Five words or less.
Jeff
You got two more words.
Melissa
Please, God, leave her alone.
Jeff
Leave her alone. A hole.
Host Jeff
Good morning, Allison. You're on the voice disguiser.
Caller
Yes, my question was, how can I get my husband's ex mistress to stop calling him?
Host Jeff
Beat her down. Beat her down. That's three right there.
Jeff
Problem. Problem. Not with the mistress.
Melissa
Okay? It's either her or me.
Caller
Okay?
Wendy
Punch husband in the face.
Jen
Tell his penis size loudly.
Jeff
Unless he's big. 11 inches. What?
Host Jeff
All right, five or less right there. We're putting the psychology. We are reinventing the whole psychology industry right there. They won't be able to. To charge you for the hour anymore. It's going to be by word.
Melissa
Right?
Host Jeff
Krista, good morning. You are on Q100.
Caller
Good morning.
Host Jeff
Good morning. You've got 30 to 45 seconds to tell us your problem, and we will solve it in five words or less.
Caller
Okay. I just got married, and I can't get my husband to stop looking through my stuff.
Host Jeff
And he just got married.
Caller
Huh.
Just got married.
Jeff
Can I have a clarification? Like, what do you mean, looking for your stuff?
Caller
Okay, like this morning, I was in the shower, and when I got out, he was looking through my purse.
Jeff
For what?
Caller
I don't know. He looks through my phone
Jeff
big time.
Host Jeff
Red flag. That would be four right there.
Melissa
All right, mine is, why don't you trust me?
Host Jeff
Mm.
Caller
I've asked that question.
Melissa
I only have five words.
Host Jeff
There you go. Yeah, he has trust issues. That's four right there, Jen.
Jen
Hold on. Sorry.
Wendy
Ask. Are you cheating?
Caller
Right.
Jen
What happened to him before?
Melissa
I mean, I know this is so, you know, odd for you to take the burnt show that way, because everybody seems confused. Like, is that all you got to say? Yeah, we only Got five words, but
Host Jeff
you're getting a reoccurring theme with all of them.
Jeff
He might be guilty.
Caller
Yeah, well, I understand he was in bad relationships before, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.
Jeff
But that's not what I said.
Caller
Made him marry him if he's gonna distrust me.
Melissa
Yeah, Wendy and Jeff said the same thing.
Jeff
It's not what I said. I said he might be guilty.
Melissa
Mm.
Host Jeff
Here is Janie. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Janie, this is Birch. Show advice in five words or less.
Caller
Hi. I've been dating this guy for a year. He tells me he's not ready for anything serious, and he wants me to wait for him, but he gets mad when I date other people. So what should I do?
Host Jeff
Date other people. I got four for you.
Jen
He will never commit.
Caller
Mm.
Melissa
Oh, I'm trying to think something.
Wendy
Sleep with him. Just once.
Caller
Who?
Wendy
I can't use any more words.
Jeff
Wendy's just feeling pressure, so she's like.
Host Jeff
She's just throwing words out there.
Jeff
Captain Crunch, my favorite cereal. What? Campbell's Soup for lunch today.
Melissa
Huh? I can only come up with four, but anyway, keep your options open.
Host Jeff
It doesn't have to be five. It's five or less, so you're good. Keep options open.
Melissa
Keep your options open.
Jeff
Jeff should be exclusive by now. I don't know why I'm talking like Stephen Hawkins when I give my advice.
Wendy
Oh, man.
Jeff
Let us someday travel through time. I can't pronounce my H's with the voice box. Go to L. Jessica wants to be
Host Jeff
on the voice discussion. Hey, Jessica. Jess. Hello, yellow.
Caller
Hi.
I wanted to see. I'm in a new relationship, and the guy is almost perfect. If he would lose 20 pounds, how do I ask him to lose the weight?
Wendy
Lose 20 pounds?
Jeff
High school, skinny, healthy, trim.
Melissa
Workout with him.
Host Jeff
Chan.
Jen
I'm trying.
Host Jeff
I was gonna say the same thing Melissa said. Work out with him.
Jeff
I can go.
Wendy
Please get on the treadmill.
Jeff
Tell.
Jen
Oh, I got it.
Jeff
Tell him exactly that. Girl,
Host Jeff
it doesn't have to be exactly.
Brandon
Fine.
Jeff
I like words.
Jen
I like my words.
Jeff
I like words, and I like a lot of words.
Jen
Promise sexy favors when skinny.
Caller
Oh, okay. Thank you.
Melissa
You're welcome.
Host Jeff
Hey, we're not bad at this. It's not awful. Good morning.
Melissa
Amber still won't take our advice, though?
Caller
No.
Jeff
And we are 50 50, which is odd because there's five of us in the room. But Wendy's keeping it 5050 with her advice. Tourette's.
Wendy
I've had some good ones.
Jeff
Christmas Stockings kept in attic.
Host Jeff
Wendy can give advice before she hears the question.
Jeff
Wendy, why don't you give five words of advice?
Host Jeff
What is it right now?
Jeff
Give five words.
Wendy
I'm just that good.
Lady Luck
Yeah.
Host Jeff
Here is Amber.
Brandon
Good morning.
Host Jeff
You're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.
Caller
Hi. I didn't need to be on the voice disguiser.
But anyway, I have a sister in law and my brother live out of town and they're having their baby shower on the same weekend of the Peachtree Road Race. And I've had my tickets for two months now and they just set their date for their shower. So I don't know if I should go to the shower or go to the race.
Host Jeff
Family's more important.
Jen
Babies make people selfish.
Jeff
The shower running is stupid.
Melissa
Well, mine is. The race is before shower. Like are they having the shower at 6 o' clock in the morning?
Jeff
Out of town.
Melissa
Sorry, that's a lot of time. The race is before shower, I think.
Jeff
They're not going out of town though, Right?
Caller
Right. Eight hours away.
Melissa
I'm sorry, I'm missing.
Jeff
God, Melissa, what are you gonna listen instead of contrasting to five words?
Melissa
I'm so good at this. Yeah. I'll take Wendy's advice.
Wendy
Run, but get big gift. I can't say anymore after that.
Host Jeff
I'm not very good at this.
Jeff
Promise them sexual favors. I think what we should do is.
Jen
You are freaking disgusting.
Jeff
I think what we should do is apply the advice to the caller previous to the next call automatically.
Host Jeff
Here is Sarah. You're on the voice disguiser.
Caller
Hi.
How are you?
Host Jeff
Okay. How are you?
Caller
Good.
Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and I told him I loved him and he didn't say it back. And when I asked why, he said because he didn't love me.
Jeff
Why is he still boyfriend?
Host Jeff
That's not advice. That's a question.
Wendy
Deal breaker.
Jeff
That's my rhetorical question. Thank you.
Melissa
Okay. Mine is run like the wind, girl.
Jen
Mine is run for your life, lady.
Host Jeff
Mine is losing.
Caller
Oh.
Jeff
Mine is run in Peachtree Road Race. The Birch Show.
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Host Jeff
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Host Jeff
I hit 200 on a scratcher.
Commercial Voice
Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check?
Stephanie
No.
Commercial Voice
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Host Jeff
Okay, that's fair.
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Jeff
Not like the lottery at all, actually.
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Caller
Hi, my name is Madison Tevlin.
Wendy
And I'm Presley Hossbach.
Host Jeff
If you're enjoying this podcast, be sure
Caller
to check us out on Serving Smiles.
Host Jeff
Serving Smiles is a podcast where we
Caller
try to make health and wellness way less overwhelming.
Wendy
In partnership with Colgate Palm Olive, we're breaking down topics like oral health, pet nutrition, skin health, and more.
Host Jeff
With the help of expert guests, we'll
Wendy
be swapping stories, learning healthy habits, and asking the tough questions like how often should I floss? What kind of sunscreen is right for me? And finding out what vets wish every owner knew about nutrition.
Host Jeff
Be sure to check out cervix files wherever. Get your podcasts. The Vert show intern Brandon here. We have spent a goodly amount of time on this show.
Brandon
Yeah.
Host Jeff
Trying to get Brandon some game because he admits he's got no game when it comes to women whatsoever.
Brandon
You know, I'm being honest. You know, I'm not the most skilled when it comes to swag.
Wendy
I witnessed this recently. Oh, recently and probably a couple of weeks ago. I was out.
Melissa
Did you hear Wendy?
Wendy
I know.
Host Jeff
Snitching, too.
Wendy
I was really trying to help Brandon out. Me and another guy friend were really trying to help Brandon out. We were at a club just hanging out, two girls off to the side. And I mean, my guy friend goes up to the girls intentionally trying to get Brandon to come over and have the girls come over to give him an introduction. And Brandon did not even take the bait. Brandon would not get up out of the chair to go talk to these beautiful girls who were hanging out with.
Brandon
I was in work mode. That's my excuse. I was in work mode.
Host Jeff
Well, you told us before that that's
Jeff
a better mode for you.
Host Jeff
Brandon is work mode.
Jeff
His recreation brand is. Yeah, work work. Brandon's cool. Recreation work.
Brandon
Brandon is pretty cool.
Jeff
Yeah. Recreation brand is pretty lame. Yes.
Jen
What was going on inside your head? Why didn't you want to go talk
Brandon
to him at that time? It Was just a lot of things going on with the event that we were doing.
Wendy
No, he was sitting there.
Brandon
My mind was scared.
Host Jeff
If you're scared, say you're scared.
Brandon
No, honestly, there was a lot of things going on that I was thinking
Jeff
about the event, what was going on. So you didn't want anybody to steal a Q100 free shirt. You don't have those anymore.
Host Jeff
What a ridiculous analogy.
Jeff
Were you teaching me everything with Q100 on it? How to cut the 0.5 off the window stickers?
Brandon
Yeah, we used an exacto knife now
Caller
to keep the curve. See?
Host Jeff
So here's another example of Brandon having an opportunity. I mean, we spent a whole weekend you being trained by my boy Dolvett, and nothing came of that, really. And I think I figured out why. Y', all. It was last week, and it was in passing. Some of you might have been outside the studio when Brandon said this, that he doesn't have any intention. He is not. It's not a priority for him to hook up. He said in studio last week he would rather. Rather watch a baseball game than have sex with a girl.
Jen
Really?
Brandon
At this moment in my life, Yeah.
Jeff
A Braves game?
Brandon
Not a Braves game.
Host Jeff
Any game. He said this is not like a game seven or an important game. Any game of baseball. You'd rather do that than spend some time with a woman?
Brandon
Private time, at this point in my life, yeah.
Jen
Because it probably makes you so nervous to be with a woman. Like, it doesn't sound like a comfortable thing for you to do or, you know, somewhere where you feel like you're yourself and your own skin in that situation.
Host Jeff
So, yeah, I feel like myself.
Brandon
Like.
Jen
Like you can actually relax if you're watching a baseball game. You don't have to worry about anything and be yourself. You can talk stats. You can just be Brandon. But if you were with a woman, you're, like, all anxiety all up in your head. So I can understand why you say that, because you're just not comfortable with women.
Brandon
And again, baseball is just so beautiful, though.
Host Jeff
So is a woman yet, too.
Brandon
But baseball, like, baseball, there's nine men,
Jeff
and they're wearing tight pants, and they run around and they get sweaty.
Brandon
You look at it that way, but I look at it as just a beautiful display of something that is pure and it allows you to be yourself. And again, that's what I look for in a woman, too. Something that allows me to be myself.
Jeff
Something that is like Mary Poppins. Like, is she attractive to you?
Brandon
You know,
Melissa
I do, but I see where I Mean, I. I think Brandon represents a lot of guys who were just painfully shy. Yes. I mean, y' all were married, and y' all are acting like y' all are cool, but I think there's a lot of guys out there who are scared.
Host Jeff
But he's not painfully shy. That's the thing.
Melissa
When he's by, when he's himself. Yes, he is.
Host Jeff
Are you.
Brandon
Are you.
Host Jeff
Is it that much of an anxiety for you to go and talk to a woman where you just, like. It's so stressful. I'd just rather do anything but that.
Brandon
Yeah, basically.
Host Jeff
Really?
Brandon
Yeah.
Host Jeff
Oh, now it's getting serious.
Brandon
Hey, Billy.
Host Jeff
Good Morning. You're on Q100.
Caller
Hey, Bert.
Love the show. And I just gotta say, there's something that's not right with a man who would rather watch baseball than be with a woman. I mean, just something ain't right with him.
Host Jeff
I think we're scratching at the surface, though, like, so now we got to, like. It's such an anxiety for you.
Brandon
Don't get me wrong. I don't. I like being with women, but the Kentucky Derby takes two minutes, and I would last 90 seconds just so I can watch the end of the Kentucky Derby.
Host Jeff
You can TiVo the Kentucky Derby, dude.
Brandon
There's something about watching it live, though, about coming down to the stretch, no pun intended, just to watch the end of the Kentucky.
Jeff
And those guys, they're so little and they wear such tight shirts, and they're on the horses and they're running, bouncing up and down.
Wendy
I don't get it. Maybe we can call the hypnotherapist and put you under.
Brandon
I probably do have unresolved issues. I don't know.
Wendy
We gotta figure out what's really wrong.
Melissa
Fear of flying? Quit smoking. Fear of women.
Caller
Yeah.
Brandon
You know, there you go.
Host Jeff
Well, there's a lot of that you could avoid. You can afford. Avoid a flight if you want.
Caller
Yeah.
Host Jeff
Half the people he's going to come in contact with.
Melissa
But I'm. But I do say. I mean, like, I think that he's just. This. This is shyness. It's like getting over that. That block, that mental block, you know?
Host Jeff
So if you meet other guys, you're not shy in conversation. It's just any a woman that you're not attracted to also.
Lady Luck
Are you sure?
Host Jeff
Yeah.
Brandon
We can talk all day if.
Jeff
If Chipper Jones, Tim Hudson, and Brian McCann are standing in the corner of a bar having a conversation. And on the other side of the bar, three women. Who's more difficult for you to go up and start a conversation with probably
Brandon
the women, because I don't get starstruck. So those would just be three regular people and unattractive.
Host Jeff
Someone you're not attracted to. No problem.
Brandon
Well, it could be. I am attracted to them, but, like, there could be other situations that I could put in my head that, okay, this is not a real interaction, like interns on the remote, tech, you know, stuff like that. No matter if I'm attracted to them or not, it's just these are the people that I work with.
Jen
Work.
Host Jeff
Yeah.
Brandon
Anybody who.
Jen
I can handle it.
Host Jeff
It's a good question. How does a shy person get over being shy? I guess you just. What do you do? You just throw yourself into, like, situations where you're forced to talk to people or.
Melissa
I mean, I don't know, because it's
Jen
not people in general. With Brandon, it's girls she's interested in. It's a very small category.
Melissa
Right.
Wendy
And maybe we need to do, like, practice dates. Like, have Brandon go out on five different dates during the week and maybe practice on each girl so it gets easier and easier.
Brandon
Can one of them be chilling?
Host Jeff
Can one of them be chilling?
Brandon
Yeah.
Jeff
I don't know what to do with that. You would have no idea where you were by the time.
Brandon
I know what Chili wants. I know what Chili wants.
Jeff
She wants you to leave her alone. Go over there and bring a real man.
Host Jeff
Hey, Stacy. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Caller
Hey, guys. I'm just curious where, you know, he normally meets girls that he feels so uncomfortable, you know, because you have.
Host Jeff
I mean, you've been in relationships before.
Brandon
Yeah.
Host Jeff
So where are you going now? To. You have totally avoid meeting girls.
Brandon
No, I don't totally avoid meeting girls. It's not. I don't go to clubs and stuff like that. I don't like large amounts of people. It's just I grew up in New York, so I had my fair share of Large amount of. Large amounts of people. So now I just normally hang out sports bars with my friends.
Host Jeff
And with guys mostly, they're not going to be a lot.
Brandon
We go watch the game, we go watch fights. That's what we do.
Melissa
He needs a woman that's as into sports as he is.
Host Jeff
Yeah.
Brandon
You know, I don't think I could. I don't think I could handle that because I'm so argumentative with my friends.
Host Jeff
And you're going to be lonely for a while.
Melissa
That's where the passion comes in. You'll argue and then you'll slip and have sex.
Brandon
Yeah, that Works. Oops. Touche.
Melissa
How'd I end up here?
Jeff
Why do you think I start fights with Melissa so much?
Melissa
Exactly.
Host Jeff
The Bird Show.
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Host Jeff
The Bird Show. All right, let's check back in with Brandy here. I don't think this is going to go real well.
Jen
We'll see if she actually did it.
Host Jeff
Yeah, you guys want to make some predictions before we get her on here?
Wendy
I say she bought it and her husband is pissed.
Melissa
I said she got it. Her husband is very concerned and she doesn't care.
Jen
I don't think she did it.
Jeff
I don't think she did it.
Host Jeff
I don't think she did it.
Wendy
Okay.
Host Jeff
Hey, good morning, Brandy.
Caller
Hi.
Host Jeff
Hi. How are you?
Caller
I'm okay.
Host Jeff
Okay, after our conversation on Friday, did you have any thoughts? Because pretty much across the board people are calling you up saying, look, we understand we're mommies to always take a backseat, but if you're going to spend this kind of cash, you got to at least talk to your husband about it. Did you have any thoughts of that?
Caller
I did. I had second thoughts about doing it, but I went ahead and did it anyway.
Jen
Oh, wow, you did?
Caller
Yes, I did.
Jen
Okay.
Caller
And the old case, and I'm not quite sure what happened. I came home and I had the car and my husband saw it, and he hasn't really said anything.
Host Jeff
He hasn't said anything.
Melissa
Okay.
Caller
He didn't yell. He didn't raise his voice. He didn't really say anything. He just asked me like, you know, did you finance it? How much was it? But really calmly, like, what kind of interest rate is it? He was very calm. He didn't yell. He didn't scream. But I don't know if this is like calm before the storm or he's just very quiet, like we're not. He's not even really talking at all.
Host Jeff
Oh, this is worse than being mad.
Stephanie
Yes.
Host Jeff
Than not knowing.
Jeff
You know what? It's well played, though, on his part. That's a good way to handle it.
Host Jeff
So he asks you all the pertinent business questions but it's not met by. Oh, that's a great idea. But it's also not met by. How could you possibly do this?
Caller
Right. It's kind of just in the middle, and it's very strange.
Host Jeff
Okay, I'm scared.
Jen
How does it feel driving it? I'm curious.
Caller
Oh, God, I feel so good.
Jen
You don't feel guilty at all?
Caller
No, I really feel like I deserved it. And I. I really am glad I bought it. And I love the way it drives and I feel great. And I guess the weirdest thing is just waiting to see, like, what he's actually going to say. I know something else is coming.
Jeff
Have you looked at it this morning? Because with all the rain, he may have gone out last night and put the top down.
Host Jeff
Or are you. Are you familiar on how to drive a car when the brakes have been cut?
Jen
What you're supposed to do?
Host Jeff
I don't know what this means. 404-741-Q100. I don't know how to interpret this. Like, you've been married to him for a while, so you're not going to bring it up again to him? I mean, you're just going to let it sort of sit there until he says something?
Caller
Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't really know. It happened. It's not. It's done. And if he has something to say, I think you should probably just say it. But for now, he's not really saying anything. I think.
Wendy
I think it's the calm before the storm.
Host Jeff
I'm scared.
Wendy
I think he's silent. And then all of a sudden it's just going to break loose. Because how many days has it been since you bought the car?
Caller
I bought it Saturday, so.
Wendy
Oh, I think it's gonna happen this week. He's just gonna blow open or he's gonna go do the same thing you just did and buy something huge.
Host Jeff
Is that possible? Like in a retaliation type thing? He's like, well, if she can do that, then I can do this and spend $30,000 on something else.
Caller
Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what he'd want. That's $30,000.
Jeff
And would. Would you get mad at him for that?
Caller
Probably not. I don't think I really have the right to, but.
Host Jeff
Well, I think you would. I think you would have the right to, because your statement is, I want to do something for myself, finally, for myself. So if he retaliates in some way, doesn't that sort of take away the intention of why you bought the car? In the first place.
Caller
Yeah, I guess. I guess. But I just feel. I don't know. I guess I do feel a little bad that I did it, but at the same time, I feel great. I don't know. I feel like you might kind of deserve it. I guess 30 grand is a lot.
Host Jeff
Yeah.
Jeff
Not as much as 50 grand.
Caller
I don't think he'd do that. I think he's actually letting it sink in. I mean, I told him why I did it, and I think maybe he's just letting everything sink in.
Host Jeff
Here's Joy. Good morning, Joy. You're on The Burt Show. Q100. Brandy.
Caller
Hey. I don't know if I missed something. He asked her, did she finance it. What was the interest rate? I thought she put 50,000 doll dollars down, period. Did she lie or did she. Is she making payment?
Oh, I paid two thirds of it in cash, and then I financed the rest.
Did you tell them that part?
Yes, I did.
Oh, okay. That's what I wanted to know. I need clarification. Thank you.
Commercial Voice
Okay.
Host Jeff
It was a business question.
Jeff
I need all the details of this person.
Bluff
I don't know.
Caller
Okay.
Host Jeff
Good morning, Q100. Hello, Yellow. Hello, Dorinda.
Caller
Yes.
Host Jeff
Hey, what's up?
Caller
I want her husband to take the other half of that money, the $50,000,
and do what he wants to do with it.
Host Jeff
Really?
Caller
Yes.
Host Jeff
See, but then that takes away of everything that she really like. With this car symbolized.
Caller
She took away half of it. So how come he can't have half of it?
Wendy
Well, her point is. Yeah, well, her point is that he's already done that. Through their relationship, he's gotten everything that he wanted and gadgets and this and that and everything.
Caller
We need to talk to her husband and get his half of the story.
Host Jeff
Yeah. I don't like this silent thing. I don't like this.
Melissa
I mean, guys, what would y' all do? I mean, what does it mean? You know, for me, silent treatment.
Host Jeff
It would just mean that there's a conversation coming. Like, I was so shocked by it that I'm sort of lit and I'm squashing my anger. If this was Stacy, and I am squashing my anger, I'm not gonna let it happen. I don't know if the kids were around or what have you. I'll let it sit right now, and then I'll talk to her about it in two or three days like that.
Jen
Were the kids around when you talked to him?
Caller
No, they were outside.
Jeff
It could also. You may have done it. Right. Like, he may not have an argument. Like, he may be.
Jen
He makes feel like, okay, I gotta just do this.
Jeff
He may be trying to figure out what the argument is, and he may realize he doesn't have one. Or he might say, you know what? If this is what it takes for the rest of my life? I can say, remember the car?
Jen
Or he could be thinking, you know what? She does deserve it. I'm gonna sit back and let her have this one.
Host Jeff
Hey, Ben. Good Morning. You're on Q100.
Caller
Morning, Bert. Love the show.
Host Jeff
Thank you, sir.
Melissa
Thanks.
Caller
I think I agree with you.
This is the choir before the storm.
I hate to say this, but I
think he's getting ready to leave her.
Host Jeff
What?
Wendy
Oh.
Host Jeff
How did you get that?
Caller
I don't know. I just think he's taking it way too calmly.
I think he's probably doing a lot of thinking right now.
Host Jeff
So your theory is he's got one foot out the door anyway, and this doesn't even matter. This doesn't even affect him.
Caller
That's what I think. Okay.
That's probably why he was asking her
if she financed it or not.
Host Jeff
But, Brandy, you said you felt like everything in the relationship was going pretty well. I mean, you felt sort of dismissed sometimes, but.
Caller
Oh, yeah. No. We've been together for seven years, and it's not. I mean, I don't think he's gonna leave. I think that's the most extreme case, and I don't think it would happen. But I do think we'll have a conversation. But I think he might. He might be letting me have this one. I don't know.
Host Jeff
I wouldn't be. If I was the one that bought the car and there was a silence, I wouldn't be able to be quiet. I just throw myself at her.
Caller
Yeah.
Melissa
What? Just talk to me.
Caller
What does this silence mean?
Host Jeff
Yell at me. Say something. I can't take it. Hey, Audra.
Caller
Good morning.
Host Jeff
Here on Q100A.
Caller
Hey, I was just thinking that the husband's probably more hurt than anything that he wasn't even talked to about it.
Host Jeff
I don't know. We tried to think this through earlier this morning. Like, I don't have a set amount. Like, Stacey and I have never sat down and said, okay, if we purchase anything over $1,000, we're gonna consult each other. We've never come up with that figure, but we sort of both know it because it's never been an issue, really, unless I just don't know how much she's spending, which is a real possibility also. And I think Jeff said the Same thing. He and Jessica have never sat down and talked about it.
Jeff
I think it depends on what the item is. But if it's like computer gadgety or technology type thing, then I'm pretty cool not to go crazy. And if it's.
Jen
What if she wanted to go buy a really expensive handbag or something like
Jeff
that would just be hers, then I don't know. I think I would trust her not to.
Host Jeff
It's like, whatever looks expensive to you. $2,500 handbag.
Jen
Whoa.
Jeff
She would never do that. It's Jessica shops. Like, I don't. That's not even an issue because that would bother her more than it would bother me.
Jen
She does not pay retail.
Host Jeff
Brandi, we are gonna have to get back to you in like a week to see what's going on.
Caller
Okay.
Host Jeff
But here's Corey with a little peek into your future. Hey, Corey, real quick. What do you got?
Caller
This is $30,000 that's gonna be held over your head for the rest of your marriage. Believe it.
Melissa
It should be like, I'll be driving my nice $50,000 car during a lot of my marriage.
Jeff
Well, that might be over my head, but a roof ain't because I got me a new convertible.
Host Jeff
Hey, the bird show.
Lady Luck
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Date: July 27, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show team: Bert, Jeff, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jen, Wendy, Brandon
Podcast Description: A lively, comedic morning show featuring real talk about the hosts' lives, listener drama, pop culture, and interactive segments. This episode, packed with hilarious banter and authentic opinions, swings from relationship talk to quirky product reviews, all mixed with listener phone calls.
This episode encapsulates The Bert Show’s signature blend of humor, candid real-life stories, and interactive listener segments. The show’s main segments include:
[01:01 – 05:07]
[05:10 – 09:42]
[11:21 – 21:28]
[23:18 – 30:38]
[31:12 – 40:12]
This episode of The Bert Show exemplifies the show's engaging mix of interactive games, real-life “drama,” and unfiltered advice. From blunt relationship wisdom to awkward confessions—and a suspenseful cliffhanger about one listener's major marital gamble—it’s an entertaining ride for both longtime listeners and newcomers looking for laughs, life lessons, and authentic morning radio energy.