Full Show PT 2: Monday, March 2 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, March 2 [Vault]

Date: March 2, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and more
Episode Theme: The show dives into real-life dilemmas, laughter, and candid conversations—from a caller’s painfully awkward family dinner predicament (her boyfriend’s dad is her gynecologist) to a dramatic wedding protest and hilarious, sometimes shocking, medical confessions from listeners.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show delivers its signature blend of humor, authenticity, and relatable drama. The cast takes calls from listeners with awkward personal situations, dishes advice on navigating them, and shares stories from their own lives. Major segments include a listener whose boyfriend’s father is also her gynecologist, the fallout of a bachelorette party gone wrong that led to a wedding protest, and a deep (and sometimes cringey) dive into real-life stories and confessions from healthcare workers about how they sometimes deal with difficult patients.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Listener Drama: My Boyfriend’s Dad is My Gynecologist

[00:32—10:46]

The Dilemma

• Piper calls in, seeking advice: she’s going to dinner for the first time with her boyfriend's parents, only to discover through a Google search that his father is her longtime gynecologist.
  • “I did some Google research on them and discovered that his dad is my gynecologist.” — Piper [00:43]
  • “I've never been so uncomfortable in my life… How do you approach that?” — Piper [01:40]

Reactions & Advice

• The cast is in disbelief, erupting with awkward laughter and puns, but rallies to give real talk.
• The key questions: Should Piper tell her boyfriend before dinner? Will the dad remember her? Is it better for it to come from her than the father, who is professionally bound by privacy rules (HIPAA), but still, it’s awkward.
• “Isn’t there a professional courtesy here, though? I mean, Pops can't say anything.” — Co-host [04:06]
• “My advice… would be probably to tell him, just in case something comes up.” — Stephanie (caller) [04:32]
• “You realize that… you’re going to look right at his dad and say something like, will you please pass the vaginas? I mean, the carrots.” — Bert [06:19]
• A women’s health practitioner calls in to add perspective:
  • “He probably won't even remember you… but also, he can't say anything because of HIPAA… Just tell your boyfriend and probably switch if you stay with him.” [07:12]

Roundtable Consensus

• Most agree: Tell the boyfriend before dinner; it’s always better to be upfront.
• “Yes, you got to tell.” — Jen [10:09]
• “Tell the boyfriend and change doctors.” [10:10]
• Some (e.g., Wendy) argue that the doctor might not even remember, especially if visits have been annual or infrequent.
• Hilarious suggestions include changing appearance, wearing a disguise, or acting like nothing is wrong.

Memorable Quotes:

• “When you go home for Easter weekend, think how convenient it would be… Oh god, Jeff, nasty.” — Bert [07:00]
• “Wear a long skirt, be demure, and don't let him see that side of you.” — Bert, tongue-in-cheek [09:49]

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2. Bachelorette Party Fallout & Wedding Protest

[11:09—20:34]

Context Recap

• A bridesmaid recounts how a bachelorette party hookup in Chicago led the bride to blame her indiscretions on a bridesmaid, destroying trust and causing fallout back home.
• The core group of bridesmaids choose solidarity over a scene, opting to skip all wedding events rather than confront her.

The Protest

• The four non-family bridesmaids orchestrate a silent protest by not attending, leaving only the bride’s sister and the groom’s sister in the wedding party.
• “We basically decided that we just were not going to show up for anything.” – Anonymous bridesmaid [13:40]

Aftermath

• The wedding proceeds with adjustments to hide the missing bridesmaids (no programs, shifting men to ushers).
• Most attendees don’t realize the drama, but “the people who needed to know, knew.”
• The main goal: Not punish the extended family, but show the bride the consequences of her actions.
• The wrongly-accused bridesmaid’s marriage begins to recover as her husband sees the support from friends.

Notable Exchanges:

• “Whether or not I’m upset about it kind of doesn't matter. I just feel like it's really too bad that they did get married because it started off on a horrible foot…” – Bridesmaid [19:50]
• “Well, you guys did the right thing at least to not support something… and not make it a dramatic thing at the church… Well played.” — Co-host [20:10; 20:25]

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3. Medical Mishaps & Healthcare Worker Confessions

[20:44—29:11]

News Story: Doctor’s Surgical Mishap

• Quick report of a surgeon who mistakenly stapled a patient’s rectum shut.
• Cast jokes, imagines what might have happened, and wonders: Do doctors or nurses ever “get back” at difficult patients?

Incoming Calls: Inside the Medical World

• Nurses, paramedics, and firemen call in (some on voice disguiser) to confirm, with dark humor, that patients with bad attitudes may get rougher treatment—bigger needles, less numbing, or “missed” IVs.
• “I'm a fireman… The bigger the patient of how bad you act up with us, the bigger the needle and the more we miss.” — Fireman caller [25:00]
• “I'm an emergency room nurse… There is a medicine we can give with a numbing medicine because it burns really bad. But the mean ones don’t get the numbing medicine.” — Becky [26:14]
• Paramedic confesses: abusers and drunk drivers may get the “biggest needle they got.” [27:39]
• The most shocking: A nurse recounts a story (from 30 years ago) of a patient’s IV started in his penis as retaliation for chronic drunken ER visits. [28:42]

The Cast’s Reactions

• Lots of disbelief, gasps, and laughter.
• “God bless.” — Cast reaction after the penis IV story [29:09]
• “Be nice to your nurses and doctors and EMTs.” — Jen [29:15]

Takeaway Lesson

• “Just be nice to your nurses… That's a lesson we learn here.” — Cassie [27:29]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Oh, no, he’s my gynecologist.” — Piper [01:09]
• “Isn’t there a professional courtesy here, though? Pops can't say anything.” — [04:06]
• “Will you please pass the vaginas? I mean, the carrots.” — Bert [06:19]
• “You got to tell the boyfriend because... your boyfriend's in an awkward position with his family.” — Jen [10:09]
• “We just decided we were not going to show up for anything.” — Bridesmaid [13:40]
• “He may not even remember you, because we have tons of patients…” — Women’s health NP [07:12]
• “I promise you, the bigger the patient of how bad you act up with us, the bigger the needle…” — Fireman [25:00]
• “My brother… started his IV in his penis.” — Nurse caller [28:42]
• “Be nice to your nurses and doctors and EMTs.” — Jen [29:15]

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Major Themes & Tone

• Authentic, Unfiltered Talk: The segment on Piper’s dilemma set the tone—the show handles real, sometimes embarrassing issues with humor, empathy, and honesty.
• Group Solidarity & Subtle Protest: The wedding story highlights sticking up for friends while minimizing collateral damage—solidarity over spectacle.
• Behind the Curtain of Healthcare: The medical segment walks a line between shocking, hilarious, and educational—be kind to those caring for you!

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Timestamps of Main Segments

• Listener Dilemma: Gynecologist Dad – [00:32 – 10:46]
• Wedding Party Fallout – [11:09 – 20:34]
• Medical Mishaps & Confessions – [20:44 – 29:11]

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Final Thoughts

This episode showcases what The Bert Show does best: making listeners feel seen—and laugh—with relatable stories, real advice, and lively, unvarnished banter. Whether you’re looking for solidarity in awkward moments or just a reminder to treat your nurses kindly, this episode’s for you.

Transcript

[A]

Day or night, VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly. Because a great trip starts with the right support. And, hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[B]

The Bird Show. Good morning.

[C]

What do we call her?

[B]

Piper.

[C]

Piper, you're on Q100.

[B]

Hello.

[D]

Hi.

[C]

What's going on, Piper?

[D]

Well, I'm looking for some advice.

[C]

Well, you came to the absolute right place.

[D]

That's what I figured. I'm going to dinner with my boyfriend's parents tonight at their house. And we've been together for four months. And so this is our first time. My first time meeting them. And I did some Google research on them and discovered that his dad is my gynecologist.

[E]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, no, wait, say that one more time.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, no, he's my gynecologist.

[C]

Oh, no.

[E]

Dad, how long has he been your doctor?

[D]

Like, for five years.

[E]

Oh, that's regularly scheduled checkups.

[D]

Yeah, like, wow.

[F]

Well, that'll be awkward.

[G]

You don't want you.

[B]

Does that ever happens? Has that ever happened to you?

[H]

Bert?

[B]

You ever run into your gynecologist in an awkward position?

[C]

I've just gotten really, really lucky.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Really lucky. Wow.

[D]

I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. I don't know. Like, I. How do you approach that?

[G]

I mean, dad knows more about you than your boyfriend. Will.

[D]

I'm trying a lot. No, well, maybe not. I don't know.

[C]

I'm trying to approach this from a strictly a common sense place here, but I'm coming from a guy who's never had to go through any of this and doesn't really understand the, you know, the appointment and what goes on there. But shouldn't he. I'm sure he's gonna be able to separate things so.

[D]

Well, I mean, no matter. I mean, I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but it's like. I mean, you tell your gynecologist everything you do.

[G]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, you have to, like, for health purposes, you gotta tell them everything. Like, the guy knows my sexual history. You know, it's just. I mean, not that I've had anything bad or anything, but still, he knows my history.

[E]

See, I would be more concerned about your boyfriend being weirded out that your dad has seen it.

[C]

Yes.

[G]

Yes.

[D]

I didn't even think of that as the Boyfriend. Until I hung up on that.

[E]

Yeah, that's.

[D]

He knows. You know, because the.

[G]

Everything.

[B]

I don't want this to be an awkward question, but I'm. Well, yeah, it's gonna be. Yeah, I do want it to be awkward.

[G]

This probably more awkward for you.

[B]

Has your boyfriend seen it yet?

[H]

Well,

[E]

you can say.

[D]

Yeah, I can say he's aware.

[C]

What do you mean, he's aware?

[E]

Cause if the answer is no, then it's just no. But if it's hesitated, it's yes.

[B]

So he knows. He knows it's there?

[D]

Yeah, definitely.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

Well.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Good morning, Stephanie. You're on Q100. Hi.

[D]

Hi.

[I]

Good morning, everyone.

[D]

How are you?

[G]

Good.

[D]

I was calling because I don't think there's a way to handle this where comfort is the order of the day. But if you were to tell your boyfriend first, I mean, it's not like you've done anything wrong, so there's no reason to hide it. And the worst thing will be going to dinner and anticipating whether his father is going to speak up and say something. Or his father may tell him after you leave. But either way, it's got to be easier for him and probably better for you in the long run if it comes from you.

[C]

Isn't there a professional courtesy here, though? I mean, Pops can't say anything.

[D]

Yeah, I would. Not until your son is dating one of your patients. I mean, that you don't know. But I would. I would. My advice. Not that I've been in that situation, but my advice would be probably to tell him and just in case something comes up. How humiliating is that?

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

And the thing is, from the father's perspective, it's. I mean, he's a medical doctor, so it's not. I mean, it is just medicine to him. I think that.

[D]

Yeah, but how do you separate the fact that you know somebody? Like, you know, your boyfriend, girlfriend's sexual history and, like, you're gonna be.

[G]

I think the boyfriend is the biggest concern in his ability to handle it because this is what his dad does for a living. He's been done this for years. And he has all kinds of patients, and it's just a medical thing for him.

[D]

He's a bar manager, so he's sleeping, and I'm not gonna, like, be able. I don't know that I'm gonna be able to chat with him or. I don't know. I gotta try to see if I can meet with him for lunch and wake him up or something. Let me ask you this beforehand.

[C]

Is there a possibility that you have been honest with this gynecologist and your sexual history is pretty long, that even though the father won't be able to say to his son, look, this is the reason why I don't think you should be going out with this girl, that maybe he'll make out some other kind of reason for the two of you not to be together, even though the truth is he doesn't want to. Because of your sexual history? Is that what you're scared of?

[D]

Well, I don't know. I mean, I went to him right after college, so, I mean, I definitely had a history. It's not as. It could be worse. Trust me. And, you know, and other than, like, some bladder infections, it's not. I don't think it's that big a deal, but I don't know. I'm just so uncomfortable. I'm so. Like. I'm just not sure how to reach it.

[B]

It's gonna be the elephant in the room. You're gonna be sitting at dinner and going, how are you doing?

[D]

Like, if I don't get a chance to talk to him beforehand, you know, what do I. Oh, by the way. And ringing the doorbell or walking in the door. Your dad's not gonna call us.

[B]

Let's talk about a couple things.

[D]

Oh, I googled them or something. I mean, he's gonna. I don't know.

[B]

Cause there's a couple things that are. That are gonna come up. One, you're gonna be at dinner tonight, and it's gonna be so on top of your mind that you're gonna look right at his dad and say something like, will you please pass the vaginas? I mean, the carrots. That's number one. And number two, you realize that. Where you come in and he says, oh, no, don't call me doctor. Call me Jim. You know, and you have your whatever. Then you're gonna have to go see him again, and you're gonna be like,

[E]

hey, Jim, no, you've gotta change doctors. If you and your boyfriend stay together,

[D]

isn't this, like, for so long? And he's a good doctor.

[E]

Isn't it?

[C]

Like, when you find a gynecologist that you really, really trust, isn't it, like. I mean, you want to see that one over and over and over?

[E]

Yeah, but there's a lot of them out there.

[G]

Yeah, there's plenty.

[E]

There's plenty out there.

[B]

Think of how convenient it would be when you go home for Easter weekend.

[E]

Oh, God. Jeff Nasty

[B]

in the guest room.

[C]

Hey, Abigail.

[D]

Hi.

[F]

Hey.

[D]

I'm a women's health nurse practitioner. So, you know, I do, like, gynecological stuff all day. But first of all, like, he may not. I mean, unless you go there all the time, he may not even remember you because, you know, we have tons of patients, so, you know, seeing them outside of the setting, like, he probably won't even. He may not even remember unless you're there, like once a week or whatever, but you just go once a year. But also, he can't say anything because of hipaa, because of the privacy act, so. But, you know, I wouldn't be weirded out about it because, you know, we see patients out all the time and it's not like. I mean, I know it's, you know, kind of weird, but I wouldn't worry about it. Just tell your boyfriend and then, you know, probably switch if you stay with him. Switch gyns?

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

I mean, the HIPAA thing is only that your medical history, he can't say, but he can seriously, like Jeff said, mention, oh, well, you know, the fact that he's the doctor, you know, like, it's not like you can't say.

[B]

That's gonna be the weird part.

[E]

So.

[G]

Oh, I really think we're. The boyfriend's reaction, I think, is that what is the biggest concern here? Not the father.

[C]

That would freak me out if I'm in the boyfriend situation. And I know, even though it's professional, that my dad has seen your girlfriend for five years.

[F]

Yes.

[C]

For five years. Yeah. That's. That's gonna be awkward. Mm.

[G]

Then a couple of stuff. Yeah, seriously.

[C]

Hey, Kim, you're on Q100.

[D]

And I have to look at his mom, too.

[C]

Kim, what's up?

[J]

Good morning. Hi, everybody. I just wanted to kind of tell you a story that one of my girlfriends can relate to. She had gone to a gyno, and it was the first time she called me afterwards, said she loved the guy, but there was just something that was strange about it. She couldn't point her finger on it. Anyway, a week later, she calls me and says, you're not going to believe this.

[D]

I said, what?

[J]

She said, he's my next door neighbor. And so she. She stayed with the practice, but she ended up switching doctors after a while, but quite hysterical. And he had made a comment about, oh, how's the neighborhood? And she's thinking, what.

[D]

She was kind of a space cadet.

[J]

So she didn't really figure it out, I guess.

[H]

And of course, put things together.

[B]

Maybe that's what some gynecologists call that area down there, the neighborhood.

[C]

Taking a stroll in the neighborhood.

[B]

How are the things with Mr. Rogers and the neighbors, if you know what I mean?

[G]

Some landscapes look better than others.

[C]

All right, so let's go around the room and give advice, because this is happening this weekend. Does she tell the boyfriend before she gets to the house?

[D]

Well, I agree with that one caller. I don't know if he'll even recognize her, because how. Seriously, go in there, like, once a year, he addresses me by name. So? So, I mean, seriously, unless you're in there probably every day, he's probably not even gonna recognize you.

[C]

So what do you say, Wendy? You say, don't tell.

[D]

Just don't tell.

[C]

Don't say anything to him.

[B]

Wear a long skirt, be demure, and don't let him see that side of you.

[D]

Or you can get a new hair

[G]

tied, get a new haircut and change your hair color.

[F]

He'll never know.

[G]

Unless. Sunglasses.

[C]

You tell the boyfriend or not?

[B]

Fake mustache.

[G]

I definitely think you should tell the boyfriend because it's always better to tell him up front than to get to that dinner and something be said and you didn't tell him, and then your boyfriend's in an awkward position with his family. Yes, you got to tell Jen.

[E]

I agree. I say tell the boyfriend and change doctors.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

I say, yes, tell the boyfriend also, because if it does get even more serious, it's going to come out eventually anyway. You might as well. Yeah, save yourself some time. If he's gonna be that hung up on it, you might as well let him know about it now.

[B]

Jeff, I think you should act like it's no big deal. And then even in the middle of dinner, bring up some condition or burning or something you've been experiencing. Like, it's like. Almost like it's a non issue. Like just in the middle of. Hey, does anybody want some chocolate lava cake?

[H]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You are my gynecologist.

[H]

I'm burning.

[B]

Can you look at this? Right after we eat.

[D]

My head.

[H]

What?

[C]

Speaking of what.

[B]

The bird show. You guys remember who the. What relation she was? She was in the wedding party, right?

[E]

Yeah. She was a bridesmaid in the wedding.

[B]

Just a friend, though, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, let's. Let's play the. You have the recap over there, Sean?

[G]

Yes.

[B]

All right, Tracy's getting her on hold. We'll play the recap and then we'll fill in any blanks that aren't covered in this little recap that Lyndall did

[H]

for us a couple weeks ago. The group of girls, we all flew out to Chicago for the bachelorette party. The bride to be met this guy. She ended up hooking up with him, and then she ended up staying an extra couple days to be with the guy. Her fiance saw all these texts from, like, this random guy in Chicago. They have a huge fight. And basically the bride to be blames one of the bridesmaids, and our friend who she threw under the bus is married. Her fiance hears this. He's like, oh, my God, that's horrible, and calls the husband of our friend. So basically our friend's marriage is now falling apart.

[B]

So to summarize that, because it's a tad confusing, but the bride hooked up with a guy in Chicago and blames it on a bridesmaid. And she has to do that because the groom, the fiance, the groom to be has all of the information right there on her phone. He essentially busts her. Right. Is that accurate?

[E]

I think so.

[G]

But she says it's a bridesmaid that she was covering for. So it's not that she blamed the bridesmaid for her indiscretion. She made everybody believe that it was the bridesmaid that had done it.

[B]

All right, so how was your weekend?

[H]

Oh, it was interesting. It was good.

[E]

It was good to go to the wedding.

[H]

Well, okay, so I flew. I flew out to Chicago where the wedding was going to be, and there, like, right away, we decided to meet up. There were six bridesmaids scheduled to be in the wedding, but four of us met up and got together to decide what we were going to do, because two of them, like, one was the bride sister and one was the groom sister. So we talked about it. We were like, should we include them in this discussion? And unanimously, we decided, like, it's just not appropriate to include them. So four of us got together and we decided that we didn't want to be, like, completely vindictive and go to the rehearsal dinner and then just not show up. So we basically decided that we just were not going to show up for anything.

[G]

Okay, so you. Not even the rehearsal either? Okay, no.

[H]

So not rehearsal dinner, nothing. So, like, and during the rehearsal dinner, the bride called us over a million times, like on each of our phones, and none of us picked up. We were all together and we just were like, we're not gonna pick up. We're just not going to because we don't want to have to get into this and have have like a big thing with her at this moment.

[E]

Now, what about the sister and sister in law? Did they call you too, from the rehearsal dinner?

[H]

Well, yeah, they called, but we just like, we were not picking up the phone for anyone at that point. And so that's what we decided to do.

[B]

So I would assume that the entire rehearsal dinner is obviously consumed with the story of what's happening, why you guys aren't there.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And then obviously a very stressful night for the bride, and she goes on with the wedding on Saturday. What feedback have you gotten since then? Obviously, you're not answering your phone before the event.

[F]

Right.

[H]

So a friend of mine who was just a guest at the wedding, she was never supposed to be in the wedding party, and she decided she went as a guest. And she told me that basically the wedding kind of went off without a hitch.

[G]

Okay.

[H]

And so.

[B]

With only two people standing up for her.

[H]

Yep, yep, exactly. Like they, they pulled all the programs. So you weren't going to see that there were supposed to be six women, but there were only two. So they just made sure there were no programs out there for people. And she had two bridesmaids and, you know, there were six men left over. So instead of having the six men and the two women, they only had two of the men stand up in the wedding party. And then the other four men, they just asked them to be ushers so that it looked as if this is how they had planned it to be.

[G]

So, I mean. Yeah, yeah. But do you think, did you get what you wanted to accomplish?

[H]

I mean, I think we did because we didn't. You know, people were calling in and they were saying, like, really, you don't, you don't want to hurt the grandmother and the aunt and the uncle and all that. And so we didn't do that. You know, they weren't necessarily the wiser. And at the end of the day, the people that really we needed to make a point to, I think heard the point and knew that her closest friends of so many years weren't going to be there. She knew that her husband saw that, you know, the husband of our friend who the marriage was falling apart, like, saw how the women banded together in support of her. I think the right people were hearing the message.

[G]

So did the husband of the wrongly accused.

[E]

Did.

[G]

Did he understand now and are there. Is their marriage better?

[H]

Well, I mean, I think a little bit, like he saw how the rest of us stood by her. And she told me that he was starting to kind of believe her story a little bit more. And I mean, I don't think it made him turn. Do a 180 and turn right around, but she said that it was Getting better. And he was listening to her and he was going like, well, you know, the girls aren't going to just stand behind you if you're lying like this. I mean, if they're going to make this kind of a big, bold statement. So I think that they're on the road to him believing her, but I don't know if it's totally there.

[G]

Well, the reason I ask is because if you're going to make a big protest, you know, at least you want people to know why you're protesting. And I just wondered if everybody understood why you guys weren't there.

[B]

Well, the people who she said. I think what she said was the people who needed to know why.

[G]

Including the new husband.

[H]

Yeah, I mean, he knew. He knew whether or not he was 100% going to believe the story. I'm not in his head, but it sounds like he's starting to come around.

[B]

I think you guys handled it perfectly, to be 100% honest with you. I think that was actually a perfect, perfectly way to play it.

[E]

Well played.

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

Indeed.

[C]

Indeed.

[E]

My question is, do you think that you and the other three women will ever talk to the bride?

[H]

I mean, in this moment, I can't even imagine. I don't know why she would want to talk to us, that we basically stood her up at her wedding. But it just is so messy right now and so many people have been hurt in this process that, like, I can't even think about talking to her right now.

[B]

But women can't not talk it out, like, at some point in the next.

[E]

Not always.

[B]

Really.

[E]

Yeah. Sometimes if it's something that big and you just cut it off, you just cut it off, you know, let it go. Yeah. And I think, too, that, like, I'm curious about the groom that she married. You know what I mean? The bride in question, not the other couple that was blamed, not the accused, but the one that just tied the knot. I'm wondering. The groom has to know something's up if four people don't show up.

[G]

Well, that's what I was asking the new husband.

[E]

I don't think she understood. What. Which guy you were asking about.

[B]

Did the groom. Did the guy getting married know why the four of you bailed on the wedding?

[H]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that's who you were talking. Well, yeah, I mean, he. I think he probably. I don't know, like, exactly what he was told because the only person that was going to be telling him was the bride to be.

[E]

I'm sure she came up with something.

[H]

You know, they still got married. So I don't know if she told him the truth.

[G]

Oh, doubt that.

[H]

But obviously he knows some things up because, you know, it was a big deal. And he has known us for a long time, too.

[B]

You know who this is gonna get worked out through is the groom and the other husband. Like, he's gonna be like, what's up with your girlfriend or wife? Why didn't she participate? Blah, blah, blah. And it's gonna go. And then it's gonna have to come out and go, I don't wanna tell you this, but this is what's going on.

[H]

Yeah. And I think it's good. It needs to come out. It needs to come out.

[D]

Is a part of you still upset that they went ahead and got married? Like, do you think that was.

[H]

I feel really bad for him. I really do. Yeah. I mean, whether or not I'm upset about it kind of doesn't matter. I just feel like it's really too bad that they did get married because, you know, it started off on a horrible foot that she lied and she cheated and all of these things. So, you know.

[E]

Well, you guys did the right thing at least to not support something.

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

You know, and then at the same time, not make it a dramatic thing at the church where the entire family would be embarrassed. You know what I mean? I think, like Jeff said, well played.

[B]

It was very. I mean, the people who need to know know, and that's it. So, I guess. Congratulations. Well played.

[E]

Well played.

[H]

Yeah.

[E]

Indeed.

[B]

Indeed. The Burt show.

[G]

All right. Speaking of gas, Kwiktrip does say that all their stations are gonna have gas by Tom, that's the only company that's come out to guarantee that. Also, governor Perdue is asking president Bush to release more crude oil from its reserve in order to help us out. And also, state insurance commissioner John Oxendine has announced he is allowing more of his employees to work from home, which it looks like the more we're going to be without gas, the more employers are going to have to allow employees to do that. Well, clear lanes are about to open at Hartsfield Jackson airport. These lanes are for travelers willing to pay about $128 a year for a faster trip through security checkpoints. And all lanes should be open by the end of the week. More than 210,000 people have registered for these clear lanes and 19 airports across the nation. October is breast cancer awareness month. And if you are flying Delta, pink ribbons are not the only things that you're going to see, because 275 flight attendants are going to actually wear all pink all month long for breast cancer awareness month.

[E]

Oh, that's cool. I'm flying out on Friday. I'm going to have to look for that.

[G]

Yeah, exactly. That's cool. And then finally, Ronald Watkins. He's in West Virginia. He had surgery to remove a tumor from his rectum. And afterwards.

[C]

Yeah, my butt. Literally. I literally did one of those Kegel exercises with my butt.

[G]

It's going to get worse.

[D]

Squeeze in.

[C]

Yeah, squeeze in.

[G]

Yeah, it's going to get worse.

[E]

Keep clenching.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

Days passed after the surgery, and Ronald noticed that something was wrong. Well, it ends up his doctor had actually stapled his rectum shut.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

Yeah,

[C]

that'll make you clinch. How do you do that?

[G]

Do I need to say that he's actually suing the doctor? Do I need to say that?

[E]

Wow.

[C]

We're gonna have to recreate that with somebody.

[D]

That's the next bet.

[C]

The next bet payoff.

[B]

Do you think that was a. Do you think that was a joke? Do you think, like, the guy was maybe. Maybe his mouthing off or something before he goes, you know what? I'm gonna staple this guy's butt clothes.

[C]

I wonder if we can get a nurse or doctors right now. And we'll put you on the voice disguiser if you. If it's true, because I think Jeff makes a really good point here. I wonder if there aren't nurses that will treat you just a little bit worse. Maybe accidentally can't find the vein when they're trying to find blood. If you're a crappy patient, maybe just make you go through a little bit more pain than you really have to on the voice disguiser fully.

[B]

If you've got a bad attitude, I guarantee you you're the last one to get the food tray. You're the one who gets the new nurse. Hey, Bert. Welcome. Hi. Listen, this is Jen. She is training, and she is going to insert your catheter. Go ahead, Jen.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Those are the words you do not want to hear when you're a patient.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And she's in training. Not on me. She's not training. Next room, the phone lines are ringing, I think with nurses that are willing to either confess that, yes, they do that, or no, they don't. We'll get to those here.

[B]

Nobody's calling to say no, they don't.

[E]

Unfortunately, we better use the voice disguiser for the.

[C]

Yeah, without a doubt, all these calls will go up there. All right, the question here is I mean, Melissa just told us a story about a doctor that stapled his patient's butt shut. Imagine this doctor coming home to his wife. Wife asks, how was the day today, hun? Boy, did I make a mistake. What'd you do? I mean, I couldn't be that bad, honey. I mean, it's just one day. Yeah, I stapled a patient's butt just shut today.

[G]

See, what happened was, see, he had this butt.

[B]

And.

[C]

And we're assuming that no doctor would purposely make that. I mean, accidentally make that mistake. So we're wondering if doctors and nurses, if they have a patient that's kind of a pain in the booty, if you just put them through a little bit more pain than they really need

[G]

to go through said pain in the booty.

[B]

Yes, this patient's a real pain in the ass.

[C]

Bam.

[I]

They can.

[F]

I've actually seen a couple of people that have done things, you know, a little meaner. Like I was telling the woman that answered the phone, no, I haven't personally done it. I've probably been a little more mouthy

[I]

with patients, but, oh yeah, it can happen.

[F]

It can absolutely happen.

[C]

So the message here is loud and clear.

[F]

I mean, you know, then too, I guess, you know, in the sense when it goes to the end, we're all human too, right?

[C]

They're in control here.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

She's not going to be the only one to call and say that. Good morning, Brian. You're on Q100.

[F]

Hey, Bert.

[C]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[F]

Okay, thanks. I'm a fireman. I'm going into work right now and I promise you, the bigger. The bigger the patient of how bad that you act up with us, the bigger the needle is and the more we miss.

[C]

Is that right? So you have actually missed somebody where you were gonna shoot them purposely?

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

What did they have to do to get you to that point?

[F]

Well, the call that you get three o' clock in the morning for your tummy hurting, those are the main ones.

[C]

So if they're calling for something really superficial.

[F]

What's that?

[C]

If they're just calling for something that you think is superficial, you'll treat them kind of crappy?

[F]

Pretty much.

[B]

So if somebody call, somebody calls you up and you go rushing over to their house and they're like, my cat scratched me, I think I'm gonna get infected. Then you shoot him up with giant needles full of antibiotics and.

[F]

Oh, no, no, no, we just, we just missed the IV on purpose,

[H]

so

[C]

you better be really careful.

[B]

Oh, we asked for honesty, don't look at line three.

[C]

I'm not taking three yet. Good morning, Becky. You're on Q100.

[B]

Nothing at all.

[H]

You sick man.

[I]

How are you guys?

[C]

Good. How are you?

[I]

I'm good. I have to admit, this is our little way of getting back as a really mean patient. I'm an emergency room nurse, and I have to deal with all kinds of jerks all day long. And you just use a little bit bigger needle. Or there's a medicine we can give with a numbing medicine because it burns really bad. But the mean ones don't get the numbing medicine in emergency room.

[G]

People are panicked.

[B]

Why are you laughing?

[I]

It's not about. I know that people are panicked, but some people are just mean. I mean, they are mean, mean. I'm not talking about you being panicked or being, you know, kind of overreacting, and that's fine. But some people are so mean to the nurses and to the doctors. And you know what? You still have to treat us with respect even though you're feeling sick.

[C]

Becky, let me ask you this. How long were you a nurse before you did this for the very first time? Were you purposely stuck somebody?

[I]

No. I've been a nurse for about five years, so I'm not quite burned out yet. But some days are worse than others.

[C]

I just want to let you know, applying a numbing cream that you know is going to sting is the gateway drug to leaving your profession. You will not be a nurse one year from now.

[I]

No, I will. I like it. I like it. It's just, you know, just be nice to your nurses.

[E]

Yeah, no kidding. That's a lesson we learn here. Be nice to your medical professionals or

[G]

they will torture you.

[C]

Good morning, John. You're on Q100. Hi.

[F]

Good morning, guys.

[C]

Hey, you're on the voice disguiser.

[F]

I've been a paramedic for about 10 years now, and I can promise you, if you are a drunk driver that has hurt somebody or if you're a child abuser or spouse abuser, they're going to miss you more often. And I can promise you it's going to be the biggest needle they got. And they'll probably squeeze the bag and squeeze the fluids into you really fast. So when you get to the hospital, you got to pee really badly, too.

[C]

Yeah. We've done this with police officers before, and they've said the same thing, that in the same cases, if you're messing with kids or there's some abuse going on, that the police officer may be a little bit rougher on you than he was jamming.

[B]

They're jamming the needle into your arm the way you jam the fork into the little plastic wrap on a microwave meal. You know, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

[E]

I almost understand. Yeah, that one I kind of endorse.

[B]

Please don't tell me you're picking that one up.

[C]

I am. Don't do it. That's my closer call. Oh, no, seriously, this one's gonna hurt.

[B]

This is a friendship effector.

[C]

Uh oh, Kathy. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[I]

Hey, how are you?

[G]

Are you the call we're dreading?

[I]

Oh, yeah, I am. I promise you.

[G]

Okay?

[I]

This was not me, and it was not here, and it was about 30 years ago, but my brother was a nurse in the emergency room. I used to get this guy that came in drunk all the time. Just drunk and throwing up and disgusting and passed out. And so one time when he was passed out, they started his IV in his penis.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

No, no, I don't have one in.

[I]

That hurt.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

God bless.

[C]

All right, so what is our lesson here? The lesson today here, Jen hobby is what?

[E]

Be nice to your nurses and doctors and EMTs.

[D]

And don't overreact, even if you're feeling really sick.

[B]

And if you're drunk in the emergency room, put on a cup, Glue it. Glue it to you.

[C]

Now you know why they don't allow you to take pictures and video in em. Hey, the bird show Carvana is so easy.

[H]

Just a click and we've got ourselves a car.

[C]

See so many cars. That's a clicktastic inventory. And check out the financing options payments

[H]

to fit our budget.

[C]

I mean, that's Clickonomics101. Delivery to our door. Just a hop, skip and a click away. And bot no better feeling than when everything just clicks. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.