The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, March 30 [Vault]

Date: March 30, 2026
Hosts/Cast: Bert (Host), Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Jennifer, Mike
Notable Callers: Joanne, Amber, Carla, Cora, Marcia, others

Episode Overview

This episode dives into real-life listener relationship dilemmas, behind-the-scenes confessions from fast food workers, and vulnerable personal stories from the cast—particularly regarding marriage, addiction, and healing childhood trauma. The show’s signature blend of humor, authenticity, and empathy is at the forefront as the cast navigates emotionally charged listener calls and shares their own experiences.

Segment 1: Listener Joanne – Relationship Temptation and Emotional Affairs

Theme: The emotional complexity and consequences of infidelity temptations, especially in blended families.

Discussion Points and Insights

• Recap: Joanne previously confessed to not being in love with her husband and being strongly attracted to another man from work, planning a dinner date while her husband was out of town. She returns for a follow-up.
• Joanne’s Decision: She describes going through with the dinner but feeling nervous and limiting herself to one glass of wine, seeking clarity rather than an affair.
  • “Somewhere in me, I knew I needed to see him and sort of maybe close it off in my mind. See him one time like that. And that was really it.” – Joanne, [04:18]
• Night’s End: Joanne tells the man her feelings, emphasizing the situation is too complicated and can’t continue.
  • “I said, you know, look, I'm amazed by you… but this is too complicated. I know I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt everybody involved… I gotta figure my stuff out.” – Joanne, [05:52]
• Physical Restraint: The night ends with a brief, non-passionate kiss, which Joanne describes as closure.

Cast and Caller Reactions

• Praise for Restraint:
  • “Good for you. I mean, you went, but you didn’t go all the way… you didn't pull the trigger on it.” – Bert, [06:19]
• Concern for Emotional Boundaries:
  • “My concern is the more time you spend with him and …have conversations… you are going to go in that path.” – Jennifer, [06:30]
• The Reality of Emotional Cheating:
  • “Yeah, you didn't sleep with him, but you're cheating on your husband emotionally for sure.” – Jennifer, [12:01]
• Accountability: Cast urges Joanne to take full responsibility and not justify putting herself in tempting situations.
  • “You knew exactly what you were doing. Take responsibility for what you've done, and then end it or don't end it. End it with your husband or…with this dude, but you can't have both.” – Jennifer, [08:16]
• Joanne’s Dilemma:
  • She admits uncertainty about fixing her marriage, hopes for counseling, but also holds onto hope that she and the other man could “find their way back” if things end.

Notable Caller Quotes

• Callers offer blunt advice: “She's ridiculous. She's gonna continue to see this man Friday.” – Carla, [08:02]
• Others highlight the emotional risks for Joanne’s stepdaughter and the impact of cheating on children.

Segment 2: Fast Food Horror Stories – Confessions & Viral Video Fallout

Theme: The dark underbelly of the food service industry and why being respectful to food service workers matters.

Discussion Points and Insights

• Trigger: Discussion launched by news of a viral video showing Domino’s employees contaminating food in North Carolina.
• Cast’s Experience: Bert recalls never having seen such behavior in his four years at Taco Bell.
  • “I worked at Taco Bell proudly for four years, and …never saw that… Not from anybody.” – Bert, [15:28]
• Listener Horror Stories:
  • A listener recounts a coworker at Chick-fil-A stirring soup with genitalia, caught on security tape ([17:35]).
  • Another describes putting blister fluid into a customer’s food at Waffle House ([21:22]).
  • A hotel worker was imprisoned for urinating in coffee—convicted of a second-degree felony—emphasizing the severity of such acts ([20:33]).
• Advice to Listeners: Always be kind when ordering food to minimize risk, since rude customers are more likely to become targets.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you eat takeaway food, you have eaten someone else's pubis.” – Mike, [15:18]
• The gross-out level escalates with each story, prompting laughter and mock-horror among the cast.
• Resolution: The cast and callers joke that even mold or roaches in food seem preferable to these human-origin "additions.” ([23:09])

Segment 3: Bert Gets Vulnerable – Marriage, Addiction, and Family Trauma

Theme: The personal toll of addiction in a family, emotional disconnection, and tackling long-buried childhood pain.

Discussion Points and Insights

• Bert’s Story: He opens up about struggling to reconnect with his wife, Stacy, after her five-year addiction to prescription pain medication. Now that she’s sober, Bert finds it hard to shift out of "emotional distance" mode, despite being proud of her recovery.
  • “I've kept her at arm's length for so long… it's five years. We're not talking about five weeks.” – Bert, [28:53]
• Cast Reflection: Melissa and Jennifer discuss the unique pain caretakers feel, often sidelined as the focus remains on the addict.
• Childhood Trauma: Bert shares that his emotionally neglectful upbringing has deeply affected his ability to connect, even making his therapist cry.
  • “I didn't really know how big a deal it was until I have made my therapist cry twice in therapy over the last year.” – Bert, [30:26]
• Therapy Homework: Bert’s therapist encourages him to revisit his childhood home to try to “jog” suppressed memories and break through emotional numbness.
  • “My therapist has suggested that we drive to Long beach, where I grew up, and…go in there and see if I can jog some memories loose.” – Bert, [32:08]

Notable Quotes

• “When you grow up in that environment, that's all you know.” – Bert, [30:38]
• “If I had to do it all over again…I would have manned up more about it. I would have fought more.” – Bert, on helping an addicted spouse, [36:25]
• “I want to go. I want to knock on the door. I want to go through it...I'm not scared to go through. I want to go through it now.” – Bert, on confronting his childhood trauma, [37:19]

Segment 4: Amber’s Dilemma – Best Friend Dating the Ex-Husband

Theme: Loyalty, secrecy, and the sense of betrayal in post-divorce friend dynamics.

Discussion Points and Insights

• Amber’s Situation: Calls in to describe discovering—via her best friend’s Facebook account—that her best friend is dating her ex, who she divorced after a painful split.
  • “So I eventually had moved to Atlanta…and…checking his stuff out, an ichat pops up…confirming a date for tonight. Oh, and I land tonight.” – Amber, [42:31]
• Plan of Action: Amber admits she changed her flight to arrive earlier and plans to confront them mid-date.
• Cast Advises Caution: Cast members suggest Amber is setting herself up for pain and recommend she formulate an exit strategy, even recommend not going and protecting her emotional well-being.
• Callers’ Perspectives:
  • Marcia recounts forgiving her friend and ex for starting a relationship, advocating a “let it go” approach ([46:53]).
  • The cast debates whether true forgiveness is genuinely possible in such scenarios.

Notable Quotes

• “I don't admire that. I gotta be honest with you.” – Jennifer, on forgiving a friend/ex-husband relationship, [48:13]
• “Closure…when you're feeling so nice to finally have closure about it.” – Jennifer & Melissa, [48:52]
• Amber is determined to confront the situation and promises to follow up with the show after, highlighting the emotional need for "closure" even at the risk of further hurt.

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “You can only say no so many times. But the more you hang out with this guy, the more intoxicated you’re going to be with him and it’s going to happen.” – Bert, [08:40]
• “If you eat takeaway food, you have eaten someone else's pubis.” – Mike, [15:18]
• “I didn't really know how big a deal it was until I have made my therapist cry twice in therapy over the last year.” – Bert, [30:26]
• “If I had to do it all over again…I would have fought more.” – Bert, [36:25]
• “Closure…when you're feeling so nice to finally have closure about it.” – Jennifer & Melissa, [48:52]

Key Timestamps

• 00:46 – 12:16 – Joanne’s follow-up: relationship temptation, emotional affair, reactions and advice
• 14:14 – 23:19 – Fast food horror stories: Domino’s viral video, listener confessions, food service “secrets”
• 24:51 – 38:21 – Bert’s therapy journey: addiction in marriage, overcoming family trauma, cast’s reflections
• 40:09 – 50:13 – Amber’s betrayal: Best friend/ex-husband romance uncovered, cast and caller perspectives, coping plans

Episode Tone

• The episode balances the Bert Show’s trademark humor and lighthearted banter with empathy and realness, especially in emotionally charged discussions. There’s both laughter and heartfelt advice as the hosts and listeners confront uncomfortable truths, tough choices, and the messy reality of relationships.

Summary for New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’ll get both cringe-worthy confessionals (that’ll make you rethink complaining at the drive-thru), soul-baring stories of love, loss, and family healing, and the unpredictable drama that happens when “real life” and Facebook collide. The show doesn’t shy away from complexity—and neither do its listeners and cast.