The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Monday, March 9 (2026)
Summary & Notable Moments

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into two key themes:

1. The dynamics of friendship-turned-romance, particularly the idea that men may maintain platonic relationships with hidden romantic intentions.
2. Wild, real-world experiences, from relationships with married people to a truly unhinged telemarketing call.

The show balances candid, often hilarious listener and host stories with light-hearted banter, all while exploring the sometimes uncomfortable truths of modern relationships and social interactions.

1. Can Men and Women Really Be Just Friends?

(00:59–10:40)

Key Discussion Points:

• Male “Holding On” Gear: Burt describes a recurring topic—men’s tendency to be “just friends” with women they have lingering feelings for, sometimes waiting years for a potential romantic opening.
  • “We will put on the face just so we can be close to you guys and wait and wait and wait and sort of hide those feelings until the time opens up to where we can tell you, okay, I love you.” – Burt (02:08)
• Female Perspective: Co-hosts and callers question this behavior; some see it as manipulative, others as just human.
  • “Why would a guy do that? That’s shady.” – Co-host (04:17)
  • Female caller Chantel says, “Girls do have that gear. It’s just...the guys are just oblivious to it.” – Chantel (04:31)
• Irreversible Confessions: Once feelings are admitted, can you really go back to being friends?
  • “You can’t go back to being friends after he confesses feelings.” – Co-host (03:44)
• Real-Life Stories from Callers: Listeners share their journeys from friendship to romance, including:
  • Six years as friends before dating and marrying (Katie, 05:29)
  • Secret feelings while in other relationships
  • Marrying a neighbor and long-time friend after both exited previous marriages (Anthony, 07:20)
  • Cases where the woman did or didn’t reciprocate feelings, and the impact of waiting/hoping

Notable Quotes:

• “I always knew it from the first day I met him that I was gonna marry him.” – Katie (05:55)
• “I held on, holding on, holding on...just hoping, please, please dump them.” – Burt (03:46)
• "She's got no problem spending my money, though." – Kyle (09:48)

Timestamps & Highlights:

• 01:00 – Burt presents the "friend zone" dilemma.
• 03:44 – “You can’t go back…” turning point for friendships.
• 05:29 – Katie’s success story: Six years as friends to marriage.
• 07:20 – Neighbor best friends who became a married couple.
• 09:01 – Kyle realizes his feelings may be taken advantage of, laughter about her looks.

2. Wild Stories: Infidelity, Ethics, & The Mistress “Interview”

(10:41–18:38)

Key Discussion Points:

• Accidental Date With a Married Man: Chantel recounts being unintentionally set up as a potential mistress by a married man.
  • “He actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress." – Chantel (12:52)
  • The man is open about cheating, claims loyalty to his mistress, and asserts his wife “kind of knows.”
• Code of Ethics for Infidelity?: Conversation about modern marriage arrangements and the rationale (or rationalization) behind secret affairs.
  • “He said, ‘I don’t fool around on my mistress.’” – Chantel (14:13)
  • "You should trust him because he can be loyal to you even though he is cheating on his wife." – Burt’s summary (15:15)
• Societal Observations: Hosts speculate about “sexless marriages” and open secrets.
  • “Are there people...longer than a year without sex...sort of assumed you’re having sex with other people?” – Burt (18:02)
  • “Oprah just did a whole show on sexless marriages...completely functioning as roommates.” – Co-host (18:13)

Notable Quotes:

• “It was like an interview…I was in an interview, and I said, does your wife know I'm here?” – Chantel (13:20)
• “There’s all these women in Atlanta, and only one gets to be his mistress.” – Co-host teasing Chantel (16:20)

Timestamps & Highlights:

• 10:57 – Chantel introduces her story about dating a married man
• 12:52 – The “mistress interview” revelation
• 14:13 – The man’s code of “mistress fidelity”
• 15:28 – “I actually asked him if he brought his mistress around his kids...he has.” – Chantel (15:29–15:37)
• 18:02 – Discussion about sexless marriages and their implications

3. The Legendary “Life Destroyer” Telemarketer Call

(18:54–26:08)

Key Discussion Points:

• The Call: The show shares audio from a genuine, almost surreal call from an outraged woman threatening police and legal action against telemarketers.
  • “I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls!” – Caller (19:44)
  • Threats include social services, lawsuits, and eternal phone spam for the telemarketer’s family
  • The hosts (and callers) can barely believe what they’re hearing
• Workplace Morale: Call center staffers admit to replaying similar “crazy” calls for comedy and catharsis.
  • “That right there is like Christmas morning if you work in the office.” – Co-host (23:42)

Memorable Moments & Quotes:

• “You are a pain maker. You are a murderer. You are a life destroyer. You are nasty human beings.” – Furious caller (21:32)
• “You hurt people for a living. You ruin lives.” – Hosts (23:56, 25:02)
• “We have never had anything like that.” – Dee, call center manager (25:44)

Timestamps & Highlights:

• 19:11 – Setup for the telemarketer call
• 19:44 – Caller asserts, “I actually had an appendix rupture because of telemarketing calls!”
• 22:00–22:43 – Height of the caller’s threats and drama
• 24:26–25:08 – Call center manager Dee finds comic relief, reprises the infamous “You hurt people for a living” line

Tone & Style Highlights

• Conversational & Candid: The Bert Show’s signature style—a blend of playful mocking, real vulnerability, and audience participation.
• Authenticity: Hosts and callers openly admit their shortfalls, laugh at themselves, and get frank about human nature.
• Community: The callers’ stories spark group reflection, validation, and comic relief (often at their own expense).

Notable Quotes: Quick Reference

• On Romantic Waiting:
  “We will put on the face just so we can be close to you guys…and sort of hide those feelings until the time opens up.” – Burt (02:08)
• On Manipulative Friendships:
  “Why would a guy do that? That’s shady.” – Co-host (04:17)
• On Infidelity:
  “I was in an interview, and I said, does your wife know I'm here?” – Chantel (13:20)
• On Telemarketing Fury:
  "You are a life destroyer. You are a pain maker. You are a murderer." – Caller with intense personality (21:32)
• On Workplace Laughter:
  “That right there is like Christmas morning if you work in the office.” – Co-host (23:42)

Top 3 Must-Listen Segments & Timestamps

1. The Truth About Platonic Friendship? — 01:00–10:40
   Real talk and real stories on secret romantic agendas.
2. Chantel’s “Mistress Interview” — 10:41–18:38
   Surreal honesty about infidelity ethics and Atlanta’s relationship realities.
3. The Legendary Telemarketing Meltdown — 18:54–25:08
   A laugh-out-loud, jaw-dropping descent into telephonic madness.

Miss this episode? You missed…

• Brave discussions about the “friend zone” and who really waits the longest for love.
• Eye-opening first-person accounts of infidelity and modern relationships.
• One of the wildest audio clips ever aired on morning radio.

The Bert Show: The best way to make your mornings bearable—whether you’re seeking laughs, escape, or a little bit of both.