The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: April 2, 2026 [Vault]

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show is a lively blend of candid listener stories, real-life drama, and playful group debates. The cast—Bert, Jen, Melissa, Wendy, and others—dive into relatable family mishaps, secrets, and the quirks of relationships and friendships. True to The Bert Show’s style, the tone is humorous and authentic, offering listeners a comforting morning escape as callers share personal dilemmas and the cast gives their honest (and often hilarious) takes.

Major Segments and Key Points

1. Mother’s Day Gift Gone Awry

(Starts ~01:40)

• Caller Christina shares a well-intentioned but cringe-filled story: she collected her mom’s VHS tapes to have them converted to DVD as a sentimental Mother's Day gift.
• When she checks the finished DVDs, she discovers one labeled “Intimate Moments” is actually a homemade adult video of her parents (!!).
• Cast Reactions:
  • Initial shock and sympathy for Christina’s horror.
  • Playful banter (“You watched your own conception!” – Wendy, 04:48).
  • Discussion about how best to mitigate the impending disaster—should she tell her mom, destroy the DVD, or just play it cool?
  • Advice ranges from telling a white lie, to getting the company to intervene, to just pretending not to know anything.
• Notable quote:
  • “Is there any way to get to the package before your mom gets to the package?” — Bert, 06:48
  • “Once you’ve seen your dad’s penis—oh, God.” — Wendy and Christina, 08:00

Memorable Moment:

• The empathy when Christina panics about lying to her mom, and the unanimous agreement that getting stuck with a “family memory” like that is every child’s nightmare.

2. Family Distance: Surprising Your Mom with Major Life News

(Starts ~13:26)

• Caller Jenna explains that in the year since her mom moved to Vancouver and remarried, she herself got married and had a baby—without ever telling her mom.
• Her plan: reveal both surprises in person when her mom visits.
• The cast marvels at Jenna’s distant relationship with her mother, comparing it to a family of strangers rather than close relatives.
• Jenna recounts her mom’s reaction: initial surprise, then happiness, and ultimately a good visit, though her mom opts for a hotel instead of staying with Jenna’s new family.
• Notable quote:
  • “It just never came up.” — Jenna, 14:49
  • “I’m really trying to comprehend that.” — Melissa, 20:00

Key Insights:

• The discussion shifts to the nature of family bonds, sharing, and what happens when generational distance shapes emotional closeness.
• Jenna assures a caller (Tracy, 20:05) she “doesn’t plan to raise [her] daughter the same way.”

3. Do Women's Mag Advice Columns Get Men Right?

(Starts ~21:08)

• Jen brings in a list from a women’s magazine about what “guys love that girls do”—to see if men on the show agree with the list.
• The group debates:
  • Crying at movies: Most men are neutral, unless the lack or excess of tears signals unexpected personality traits (23:20).
  • Biting your lip: Universally agreed as cute/sexy (25:57).
  • Playing sports with your guy: Super attractive, but men still want to win! (26:28)
  • Watching your partner sleep: Mixed; some find it cute, others creepy (27:59).
  • Watching a woman do her job really well: Seen as attractive, especially if she’s confident and successful (29:11).
• Notable quotes:
  • “There’s no situation where a girl biting her lip isn’t sexy.” — Burt, 26:06
  • “If we’re going to throw the football around and you put a jersey on, we will never make it out…” — Burt, 26:33
  • “It’s kind of creepy.” — Wendy (on watching someone sleep), 28:00

4. Do Women Stay Friends Out of Fear?

(Starts ~30:40)

• Bert asks if women keep friendships with people they dislike out of fear of repercussions.
• Melissa: It’s usually more about avoiding drama, not real “fear.”
• Jen: Sometimes group dynamics or a controlling “leader” keep you locked in.
• Discusses “adult mean girls” and social circles, referencing “Mean Girls” dynamics among celebrities (think Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian).
• Callers weigh in:
  • Michelle (disguised voice): Has to keep up a fake relationship with an employee who knows incriminating secrets about Michelle’s boss (34:00).
  • Jade: Feels blackmailed by a longtime friend/co-worker who uses threats to maintain control (34:55).
  • Amanda: Even after moving away, she’s still scared to unfriend a manipulative, controlling dorm-mate on Facebook (36:28).
  • Sue: Maintains contact with a “horrible” friend out of fear she’ll reveal Sue’s affair to her husband (38:03).
• Notable quote:
  • “We never leave the seventh grade.” — Jen, 37:41

Insight:

• The cast is amazed at these stories, and the guys admit they’d never remain friends with someone out of fear or potential blackmail.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I want you to give us a little bit of a play by play as you’re watching TV, and you got to be careful about what you see, but, like, just the emotion that you have when you realize, oh my—" — Bert, 05:20
• “There are very few people who actually on DVD have when they were created…” — Melissa, 05:42
• “It sounds like she’s turning into her mom…” — Burt, reflecting after the family segment, 20:34
• “If you don’t put in the work, you’re going to repeat the pattern.” — Jen (on breaking family cycles), 20:47
• “We never leave the seventh grade.” — Jen, 37:41
• “I maintain a friendship with a wretched, horrible human being of a woman because she knows I cheated on my husband and she will tell him because she’s vindictive.” — Sue (Caller), 38:05

Overall Tone and Takeaways

The episode’s tone is light, honest, and empathetic, infusing humor into cringe-worthy personal moments and big relationship questions. With each segment, the cast navigates real-life messiness—whether it’s family secrets, awkward gift snafus, or the politics of adult friendships—and gleans universal relatable truths: everyone has something in their past, families are complicated, and sometimes your social circle is way more dramatic than you’d like to admit.

Listeners will walk away entertained, reassured they’re not alone, and perhaps with a new rule: Always screen the tapes before turning them into a family keepsake.