Full Show PT 2: Thursday April 9 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday April 9 [Vault]

Episode Date: April 9, 2026
Cast: Bert Weiss, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Steve, Jeff, Wendy, Frank, Courtney, Mark Malkoff

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers the Bert Show’s signature blend of banter, real-life listener dilemmas, and humor, focusing on dating “out of your league,” a jaw-dropping accidental hookup-with-family scenario, a skeptical psychic reading, and a fascinating interview with a man living on airplanes to conquer his flying phobia. The team and callers navigate through dating games, honesty in relationships, and self-deprecating jokes while engaging directly with the audience, keeping the mood lively and authentic.

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Key Segments & Discussion Highlights

1. Frank Dates “Out of His League”

[02:07 – 13:04]

Summary

Frank, who recently met an exceptionally attractive woman, seeks advice from the Bert Show cast and listeners on how to handle their first date without seeming too eager—or too aloof.

Discussion Points

• Initial Dilemma:
  Frank describes meeting a “banging” girl, admits she's "out of his league" and wants advice for their dinner date.
• The Dating Game & Player Strategies:
  The cast discusses classic "playing it cool" tactics—how not to appear desperate but also not uninterested.
• Listener & Cast Advice:
  • Kim (Caller): "If you're confident and you act like you know what you want to do on the date, but not cocky... have a direction for the date." [06:34]
  • Wendy (Cast): Don’t take her home too quickly; let her wonder about your intentions.
  • John (Caller): "Whatever you do, do not kiss her that night. Worked for me—now we're married 12 years." [08:26]
• Light-hearted Banter:
  Jokes about “marking territory,” watching the movie Hitch, and tongue-in-cheek advice about farting in the car.

Memorable Quotes

• Bert: "If she's that far out of your league... you gotta try this weekend." [02:34]
• Steve: "You just have to be a little more of a challenge." [06:14]
• Wendy: “If you make her not go to your place and just kind of blow her off... she’s gonna be like, ‘why didn’t he invite me over?’” [07:19]

Notable Moments

• Suggestions for Atlanta date spots: 10 Degrees South, Bazaar, Six Feet Under, the Glen rooftop, and even the Outback Steakhouse bar.
• The team promises to check in with Frank on Monday to see how the date went.

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2. Courtney’s Wild Dilemma: Accidentally Hooking Up with Her Boyfriend’s Dad

[15:36 – 30:31]

Summary

Courtney calls in, voice-disguised, sharing a shocking personal story: she suspects she once slept with her current boyfriend’s father, years before she knew her boyfriend.

Discussion Points

• The Backstory:
  • Years ago: Courtney briefly dates someone post-divorce, includes a hookup.
  • A year ago: She starts dating a younger man met online. Things get serious.
  • This week: Boyfriend invites her to a Father's Day party, shows her a photo, and the realization sets in.
• Moral/Emotional Dilemma:
  Does she reveal the truth? Hope the father doesn’t remember? Try to avoid the party?
• Cast & Caller Reactions:
  • Universally, most believe the father will remember and the situation is likely to blow up eventually.
  • Jeff’s boundary-pushing questions spark laughter and “ewwwws.”
  • Suggestions include radically changing her appearance, never telling, or just being honest early.
  • Ultimately, many (including callers) advise honesty—telling the boyfriend before circumstances force the issue.
• Emotional Tone:
  Courtney is distressed; the cast oscillates between empathy, humor, and incredulity.

Memorable Quotes

• Courtney: "I think I may have slept with my boyfriend’s father." [16:21]
• Jeff: “...You will have to interact with his father, which means you have had multi-generational junk touching you.” [21:01]
• Bert: "If Jessica says, 'oh, my god, I slept with your dad in the past.' Done. Relationship over." [26:08]
• Melissa: "The more she does behind his back, the worse it's going to be when he finds out." [26:36]
• Robin (Caller): “She really needs to be honest and just tell him. She has to tell him.” [27:31]
• Jeff: “Maybe you could rekindle the stuff and just tell the guy it’s a Father’s Day gift from his son...” [27:42]

Notable Moments

• Some cast members suggest wild cover stories; others try to analyze the consequences (“Oh my god, your dad inappropriately touched me!”).
• The segment ends with Courtney considering whether to go to the party or just hope for a miraculous escape, promising an update on Monday.

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3. Psychic Reading Skepticon: The “Bircho Psychoff”

[33:12 – 43:00]

Summary

Melissa shares her experience with a “psychic” at a themed party in Los Angeles, part of a summer-long challenge to see which psychic can deliver the most accurate readings.

Discussion Points

• The Reading:
  • Very generic predictions: Someone had offered Melissa a job in the past; she’s keeping her cool and “going with the flow”; might have “heartache” at work; ultimately, she is “the queen of wands” and will “come out on top.”
• Cast’s Response:
  • The crew lampoons the obvious, universally applicable nature of the reading.
  • Jeff performs a 10-second spoof reading to demonstrate the banality.
• Psychic’s Predictions:
  • “You have enough money to live on your own” [which Melissa and others find laughable].
  • “A promotion or advancement” could await Melissa.

Memorable Quotes

• Melissa (sarcastically): “Someone has offered me a job in the past. And I wanted to say his name was Bert Weiss.” [36:24]
• Jeff: “You could do that same reading for a seventh grader.” [37:01]
• Psychic: “This card means a proposal... somebody has offered you a job in the past.” [36:12]
• Bert: “So at some point, you will have a heartache with a job.” [39:20]

Notable Moments

• The psychic’s vague, cold-read style predictions are roundly mocked.
• The Bert Show team debates who will win their “Psychoff.”

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4. Mark Malkoff: Life on Airplanes to Cure Fear of Flying

[45:50 – 54:21]

Summary

Mark Malkoff joins the show to discuss his journey attempting to conquer his fear of flying by spending 30 consecutive days living and sleeping on AirTran planes.

Discussion Points

• The Project:
  • Mark’s setup: sleeps in row 22, exercises in the aisle, washes his hair in airplane sinks, and relies on wet wipes.
  • His motivation: crush his flying phobia through mass exposure.
• Daily Life:
  • He’s flown around the world 1.24 times in just over a week (“67-68 hours of flight last week”).
  • Meals are sourced from airports and airplane snacks; his wife visits him on weekends.
  • Constantly surrounded by strangers, only rarely alone for “private time.”
• Support:
  • AirTran is a partner, allowing him to produce video content and enjoy full access.
  • Online community support: regular Twitter and MySpace engagement.
• Health Concerns:
  • Jokes about radiation, lack of showering, and the “aromatics” of living on a plane.

Memorable Quotes

• Mark: “I live on the plane. I sleep on the plane at night. I wash my hair in the airplane bathroom in the morning. I jog to get some exercise in the aisles. This is my existence.” [46:38]
• Bert (joking): “You understand the words just came out of your mouth, right? 'Outside of the radiation, this has been a great experience.'” [51:00]
• Mark: “If you come on the flight, I might ask you to hold me.” [52:28]

Notable Moments

• “Ear muffins” moment — Bert delicately asks about Mark’s intimacy with his wife under these weird circumstances.
• Mark’s openness and good humor about the oddities and challenges of his adventure.
• Bert and Melissa both express horror at the idea of doing something similar to conquer their own flying fears.

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Final Notes & Episode Tone

• The Bert Show remains witty, relatable, and irreverently honest in facing real-life drama and oddball adventures.
• Listener engagement is strong through live calls, adding community flavor and multiple perspectives.
• The show balances heavy, awkward, and light-hearted content, never shying from poking fun at themselves or at the ridiculousness of life’s dilemmas.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment Topic | Timestamps | |------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Frank’s Dating Dilemma | 02:07–13:04 | | Courtney’s Shocking Family Hook-Up Story | 15:36–30:31 | | Psychic Reading & The Bircho Psychoff | 33:12–43:00 | | Mark Malkoff’s Flying Challenge | 45:50–54:21 |

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Best for: Listeners who enjoy real, comedic, and sometimes jaw-dropping relationship dilemmas; curious about social experiments; and fans of snappy, unscripted radio banter.
Expect: Empathy, laughter, advice, and just a dash of chaos—classic Bert Show energy.

Transcript

[Bert Weiss]

Delete Me makes it easy, quick and safe to remove your personal data online. At a time when surveillance and data breaches are common enough to make everybody vulnerable, it is easier than ever to find personal information about people online. Having your address, your phone number, family members, names just hanging out there online, it's all pretty scary stuff, right? With Delete Me, you can protect your personal privacy or or the privacy of your business from doxing attacks before sensitive information can be exploited. Look, I'm online all the time and it freaks me out that my info is out there. Take control of your data. Keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me now at a special discount just for you guys. Get 20% off your delete me plan when you go to JoinDeleteMe.com Bert use the promo code Bert at checkout. That's join DeleteMe.com Bert enter the code Bert B R T at checkout okay,

[Hers Weight Loss Announcer]

can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's no, actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit forhers.comburt to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F O R h e r s.com Bert Bor hers.com Bert Weightless by hers is not available in all 50 states but go via the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s Get started and learn more including important safety information with govi clinical study information and restrictions.

[Bert Weiss]

Visit borherse.com the Birch show all right, let's get to Frank here. You remember Frank from a couple days ago.

[Frank]

Previously on the Bird Show. Met a girl on the lake this weekend. I consider myself a decent looking guy, but this girl is banging. We were just hanging out talking or whatever. She's like, hey, if you're not doing anything, you know, we should go get some dinner next Friday. And I was like, really? And I definitely don't do the little puppy dog, I'm just gonna go pee on your leg and mark my territory type of thing. But playing that game, I need to learn that move.

[Bert Weiss]

I think you gotta try this weekend. I mean, if she's that far out of your league.

[Steve]

And you know, we started this conversation from talking about Megan Fox and Robert Pattinson.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Remember we said that the two of them hooked up supp for like one night and then he blew her off. And we were like, wait a second, who blows off Megan Fox? She's like the hottest girl ever. And he's a good looking guy, but, you know, maybe a little more average than she is. So that's why we were asking if anybody was in that real situation. Because you said that Robert Pattinson played it right. Because he was like, I'm gonna blow her off. I'm gonna be like, too cool. And now she wants him more.

[Bert Weiss]

Somebody told me a long time ago that in the single world, if you're just. If you're a real player, the mentality is this. If she's insecure, then you make her feel secure. And if she's very secure, as a guy playing the game, you try to make her insecure to be attracted to you.

[Steve]

Well, women are hip to this now though. We can point it, we can spot it. If you're trying to play the game. You can, I think so if you're a rookie player. Because yeah, guys aren't real good at being stick.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, that's a real fine line that Frank's walking into this weekend. That's why we want to try to get him some advice. Now the phone lines are lit up with people still trying to win the thousand dollars. That's gone.

[Steve]

We already gave it away today.

[Bert Weiss]

Gave it away. And we'll do that again on Monday. So here's what we need to do. We need to do like an idiot's guide to dating out of your league. Okay. You know, because it's like he's got to make some moves here over the 24 hours that he has with her because he can't seem too eager. He absolutely can't seem too eager. But he also can't be like too standoffish.

[Steve]

Right.

[Bert Weiss]

It's a tough balance.

[Steve]

Are you nervous, Frank?

[Frank]

Not really, no.

[Steve]

That's good.

[Frank]

No, I mean, like. All right, first of all, I've dated good looking women before.

[Bert Weiss]

Let me just put it out there right now. This is not the first time.

[Frank]

So when you say Idiots Guide to Dating. Yeah. I'm no dude boy from 90210 and she's no Megan Fox, but, I mean, you know, I'm not nervous when I talk to women. I usually know how to make them laugh. You know, it's just this girl's really hot.

[Bert Weiss]

You sound like a pretty confident guy.

[Melissa]

It's like, I don't need an idiot, Scott. But if you want to help other men with this and use me as

[Jeff]

an example, that is totally my sacrifice.

[Frank]

I was actually on last night. I don't know if y' all saw that, but I made that comment on Wednesday, was it. And I just flipped through the channels and it was actually on.

[Steve]

You watch Hitch last night?

[Frank]

No, it was on tv, and I

[Bert Weiss]

just kind of put my mask and

[Frank]

I was like, really?

[Jeff]

That's weird.

[Melissa]

I did see that it was on TV last night and thought of you, actually.

[Frank]

Exactly. Now you're thinking of me at home. That's awkward.

[Melissa]

Well, I'm not thinking about you too much, but that's awkward.

[Bert Weiss]

That would be the real call going into the weekend. So let's try to give Frank some advice. Although I gotta tell you, you seem to have an attitude where, I don't know that you need a lot of it. You know what I'm saying, Steve?

[Frank]

My thing, like. Are you talking about players? I don't. I'm not a player. I don't want to be a player. But, you know, like, there's that game where some dudes can just, like, play it off where I really don't care. And me, I'm not really that type of guy. Like, you know, if I like you, I'm not gonna, you know, beat her on the bush, but whatever.

[Steve]

But we're saying tonight you probably should be maybe a little more standoffish than what you would naturally want to be.

[Bert Weiss]

Isn't it true that'll hook the girl?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Isn't it true that, like, if you're a really super hot girl, like, you got guys that are jockeying for you all the time, so doesn't it make the guy that doesn't seem like he's fallen all over himself to get to you a little bit more special?

[Steve]

Definitely more attractive.

[Wendy]

You want what you can't have.

[Steve]

Because I think that single girls and single guys are similar. They want the challenge, the thrill of the hard challenge. Yeah. You just have to be a little bit more of a challenge.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Hers Weight Loss Announcer]

Hi, good morning.

[Bert Weiss]

Good morning.

[Kim]

I have some advice for Frank.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jeff]

How super hot are you?

[Frank]

How what?

[Kim]

Super hot am I? Well, I've not really struggled for a date, so. Pretty good. I would just say if you. If you're confident and you act like, you know, you know what you want to do on the date, but not cocky. There's just that really fine line. Don't say things like, well, whatever you want to do, just kind of go with it and suggest things and have a direction for the date.

[Steve]

So, like, hey, I was thinking about, you know, know of like, these two really great sushi places or whatever. Like, have a plan, but still be flexible.

[Bert Weiss]

Do you have something that you already know you're doing tonight?

[Frank]

Yeah, I already got a reservation.

[Bert Weiss]

Oh, you do? Okay. So that's dinner.

[Melissa]

He's got the plan.

[Bert Weiss]

And after dinner you're just gonna play it by ear.

[Frank]

Exactly.

[Wendy]

Well, I was gonna say don't bring her back to your place because, I mean, if she's into you, she's gonna want to go back to your place, like a nightcap or whatever. But if you make her not go to your place and just kind of blow her off, she's gonna be like, well, why didn't he invite me over? Does he not want to make out with me? Does he not want me to spend the night?

[Frank]

And then I love my parents anyway, so that's cool.

[Bert Weiss]

You live with your parents.

[Frank]

No, I'm kidding.

[Bert Weiss]

This is gonna take a totally different turn. I was ready to pounce. I'm like, wow, this is really gonna be way more special than I thought.

[Jeff]

You know, Wendy. Wendy has a techn. She drinks so much that she can't stop laughing and loses all of her inhibitions. That would. That might work for you.

[Melissa]

He doesn't need her to be drunk for his humor too.

[Jeff]

No, I'm talking about him.

[Bert Weiss]

Are you offended by this guy? Melissa?

[Melissa]

No.

[Bert Weiss]

Oh, okay. Good morning, Q100. Who is this? Yellow choked to you?

[Jeff]

Dude, she's so hot, she's not even

[Frank]

going to talk to you, bert, the first 30 minutes.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, John. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Frank]

Hey, my advice to him is, whatever he does, do not kiss her that night.

[Jeff]

Hey, John, are you a super hot woman?

[Frank]

No.

[Steve]

How do you say that, John?

[Frank]

Well, it worked for me. I dated this girl and basically, I mean, we had fun. I acted like myself. But I didn't kiss her at all that night. And we ended up getting married. And 12 years later, we're married.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Doesn't this fall under the. Doesn't this fall under the umbrella of make the secure woman, the hottie, feel a little insecure?

[Steve]

Yes.

[Bert Weiss]

Same thing, right?

[Melissa]

And it's like Wendy said, like, making her guess, like, well, why didn't he try to kiss me? Like what? You know, not like me.

[Bert Weiss]

Good morning, Melody.

[Kim]

Hey, what's up, guys?

[Bert Weiss]

You tell us what's going on.

[Kim]

Well, as the single people in this world know, you don't. We already have enough douchebags in guys. So he wants to exude a sense of confidence, not really be too standoffish, but just be interested. But not give off a sense of complete vulnerability. But it just to show her that he's confident in being who he is, but that he's not gonna just completely be knocked over if she blows him off.

[Bert Weiss]

I think you got this already, dude. I think we're taking advice for a guy that doesn't need any advice.

[Jeff]

He's like, I know you got this,

[Steve]

but I think that not kissing her is good, specific advice, because confident or not, you're gonna want to if she's that hot.

[Jeff]

Mm.

[Steve]

It's gonna take everything in your power not to lean in for that. At the end of the night, I'll

[Kim]

just eat garlic or onions.

[Steve]

Yeah, get some of that.

[Frank]

Game over.

[Bert Weiss]

You think you can pull this off? Like, you've got the most beautiful woman that you've ever dated right in front of you, and you're gonna turn that down? Even a kiss tonight?

[Frank]

I have to wait till after.

[Mark Malkoff]

I dunno. She can do it.

[Frank]

I don't know about that one.

[Jeff]

I bet a lot of guys are scared to fart in front of her.

[Melissa]

Is that your technique, Jeff?

[Jeff]

Like, so when you're in the car with her, like, make sure the windows are up and then lock them so she can't put them down. And then. And then let it rip and laugh hysterically.

[Bert Weiss]

I think that's all you need. I think that's it. I think Jeff's on to you.

[Steve]

That is the cologne you want.

[Frank]

You guys.

[Steve]

What's up?

[Frank]

Hello?

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah, we're here.

[Jeff]

Yo.

[Frank]

I heard the music playing. Thought you guys were. That was my out music.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, it's gonna be, but you still got a couple sentences left in you.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Steve]

It is.

[Frank]

Any good lounges like they go to if we do decide to go get drinks? I'm not really new to the area, but I really don't go to midtown that often. I stay up.

[Steve]

So that's where the dinner reservations are, is midtown.

[Frank]

No, the dinner reservations are just Outside the perimeter.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay. So what you want to take her into, like midtown?

[Frank]

I don't know, just lounge. Like nothing. Nothing crazy, but, you know, something nice. I don't want to go to a dive, butter.

[Bert Weiss]

I bet we all have suggestions here. No clubs, just a loungey type deal.

[Jeff]

First place that come to mind, there's a place called the Clermont and a place called the heretic.

[Melissa]

I would just throw it out there.

[Frank]

Yeah, I would.

[Bert Weiss]

I would say, you know what? I'll give my friend's place a plug here. 10 degrees south in Buckheadish Sandy springs area has a lounge in the back that is. It's really pretty cool. It's a patioed area and it's really chilling, but it's always a cool vibe. And it would definitely be one on one time.

[Steve]

I would go with downtown. There's a place called bazaar, which is really cool, and it's kind of like a hip little loungey spot, which is a good date place.

[Frank]

What's it called again?

[Steve]

Bazaar. It's called bazaar or any of the W's.

[Bert Weiss]

I would say it's a great idea too. How about you, Wendy?

[Wendy]

Trying to think. Six feet under has a great rooftop patio just to hang out and chill. And the vibe inside is really cool. But if you want to keep it like midtown, y. I would do tap. Even tap has a great patio. And it's just a really cool, chill place to like, hang out and talk.

[Bert Weiss]

The rooftop over at the glen is open now also. And to me, that's like one of the best places in the city to see a sunset. And that's loungy. So that might be pretty cool for you.

[Melissa]

I think these are good suggestions so that depending on how the date's going outside the perimeter, how much further in. So like, I don't know, go to midtown. But like, you were saying that like the top of the glen, like, if it's going really well, you go into downtown. Yeah. No making out.

[Jeff]

And never underestimate the bar at an outback steakhouse.

[Melissa]

Perfect.

[Jeff]

Get yourself one of them wa Darns.

[Bert Weiss]

You really want to make her insecure.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Take her there.

[Frank]

I was thinking McDonald's, maybe. Get her super size.

[Steve]

Get her super.

[Bert Weiss]

Take her right to the drive through. All right, man. We'll talk to you on Monday. Find out how it went. Okay.

[Frank]

All right, guys. I freak out.

[Steve]

You got this. Frank. Don't kiss.

[Bert Weiss]

Don't kiss her, man. The birch show. Delete me. Makes it easy, quick, and safe to remove your personal data online at a time when surveillance and data Breaches are common enough to make everybody vulnerable. It is easier than ever to find personal information about people online. Having your address, your phone number, family members, names just hanging out there online, it's all pretty scary stuff, right? With Delete Me, you can protect your personal privacy or the privacy of your business from doxing attacks before sensitive information can be exploited. Look, I'm online all the time and it freaks me out that my info is out there. Take control of your data. Keep your private life private by signing up for Delete Me now at a special discount just for you guys. Get 20% off your delete me plan when you go to JoinDeleteMe.com Bert use the promo code Burt at checkout. That's JoinDeleteMe.com Bert enter the code Bert B E R T at checkout okay,

[Hers Weight Loss Announcer]

can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's now actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert Weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s. Get started and learn more including important safety information with Gobi clinical, clinical study information and restrictions.

[Bert Weiss]

Visit borhurst.com Tyler Redicure from 2311 Racing Victory Lane yeah, it's even better with Chumba by my side. Race to chumbacasino.com let's Chumba no purchase necessary. BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCS21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino if this is accurate and this goes down the Way it's supposed to go down this weekend. This will be a shocking call to take on Monday morning.

[Steve]

Yeah, I'm totally intrigued to find out what it is. You said it's the freakiest father to stay scenario or something like that.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah. I think we've had. I mean, in the course of seven years of dysfunction, we've had a lot of bizarre storylines.

[Jeff]

Had them all.

[Bert Weiss]

You think? We've had them all. And this one might have been one that we've had before also, but certainly not recently.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Jeff]

It's always worth revisiting the fun ones.

[Bert Weiss]

We're gonna call her Courtney, and she's on the voice disguiser, and she's very sensitive about times and dates and stuff like that because she doesn't want people to know that it's her. So, Courtney, rather than me ask you questions that could lead you into problem areas, why don't you just go ahead and tell us right from minute one to where you want to leave it?

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay. And you got to speak up for us, please.

[Courtney]

Oh, okay. Let's see. Where do I start? Okay, we'll start. I guess we'll start with the title. I. I think I May have slept with my boyfriend's father.

[Bert Weiss]

I think I may have slept with my Boyfriend's father.

[Jeff]

Save that

[Bert Weiss]

setup. Okay, details.

[Courtney]

I'll start at the beginning. About two years ago, I was at a after work happy hour, and me and a few co workers and someone sent me a drink over and I saw him and I went over to thank him and we started talking. He was a nice guy, and so we exchanged numbers, we went out a couple of dates, and we, you know, hooked up once. And then after that, he said that, you know, he wanted to stay around. He had just got out of a serious relationship. So I never heard from him again after that. So that was. That was that. So we'll fast forward to last year. I was online on an online dating site, and someone sent me a message and I saw how old he was, and I told him that I was not interested because he was too young. He was very persistent. And after a couple emails back and forth and a couple of IMs, I finally said, you know, coffee won't kill me. We can go out. So went out with him, we started dating seriously. And that was last year. And so we can. We have a really good relationship. I really like him. The fact that he's younger than I am doesn't seem to matter. Okay, so this week, earlier this week, we were having dinner at his place, and he asked Me what I was doing this weekend. And I told him nothing. And he said, well, you know, there. There's going to be a party this weekend for my dad for Father's Day, you know, would you like to go? And I said, well, yeah, sure, of course. And I said, you don't talk about your dad a lot. And he said, well, we used to be close because he had me when we were kind of young, so. But when my mom and he got divorced, he and I weren't as close. He said, but my mom asked me to go to this party, so I said I would. And he's like, okay, did you want to see him? And I was like, of course. So he goes and he gets this picture of him with his father. And I'm not positive, but it looks just like, unreal.

[Jeff]

Good stuff right there.

[Courtney]

So, I mean, as I look at this picture, I'm thinking to myself, you know, when I first met my boyfriend, I thought he looked familiar, but, oh, my God, I never really thought that. So I'm looking and I said, well, what is his name? And he tells me his name, and it is the same name.

[Kim]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

What are the chances?

[Jeff]

Bring it.

[Courtney]

Just like, okay, what are the chances? I am completely freaking out. And so I don't know. So I haven't seen my boy. And that's really odd that we don't see each other at least three or four times a week. So I told him that I am extremely busy at work and that I may not be able to go to the party because have to work on this project because I don't know what to do. Like, I don't. I don't. I don't know. Like, I don't know. So this is why I'm here. I don't know.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, let me ask you this.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Bert Weiss]

The only thing that doesn't make a lot of sense to me is if you're dating this guy for one year, why is the definition between the father and your boyfriend? How come that has never come up before?

[Courtney]

Well, because he said at the divorce was what separated them. He doesn't talk to him. He doesn't even really talk about him. Like, he, quote, unquote, went to his mother's side. Like, apparently the divorce was really bad. And so even though he was close to his father in the beginning, for the past couple of years, he felt like it was his dad's fault. So he said he wouldn't even go normally to this Father's Day celebration, but his mother asked him to.

[Steve]

So his mother and his father have obviously resolved their differences.

[Courtney]

Apparently I didn't at that point once I saw the picture, I didn't really ask anyone.

[Melissa]

Oh my God.

[Jeff]

All that stuff is irrelevant. The only relevant portion is that at some point, should you stay in a relationship with this gentleman, with this young man you call your lover, should the two of you remain close, you will have to interact with his father, which means you have had multi generational junk touching you.

[Melissa]

Oh God. Do you. And I hate. And I'm not trying to and I don't want to. This is not an insult to you, but do you think the father's gonna remember you was at that significant of a time together? You said you just went out a couple times, right?

[Courtney]

We only went out a couple of times and there was only it once and I think, I don't know. And the only like I don't think so, but I don't know. Like that was a couple of years ago. And the way that he was talking about our situation, it just seemed as if I was probably like the first like his first part out. After the divorce he told me he had children.

[Bert Weiss]

Yep.

[Jeff]

He'll remember you.

[Bert Weiss]

I agree. You think he'll remember 1000% if it's a one night stand, I would say he might, he might not. But they went out a couple of different times. And generally as a general statement. Well, I'm not even gonna say that's accurate. I don't know if it's accurate.

[Jeff]

But the first one I was gonna

[Bert Weiss]

say that most guys remember the faces of every woman that they slept with

[Steve]

depending on how many they've been with.

[Bert Weiss]

That's gonna be the asterisk for me is depending. Like I've got friends that have had so many now not know but like a guy like me would remember the face.

[Steve]

Whomever

[Jeff]

there was, there was what was going to say in the fact that he was the first one out of the. You were the first one out of the divorce. Out of the gun after the divorce. He'll remember you. You're significant.

[Melissa]

Because I thought if he didn't remember then I would ever bring it up.

[Steve]

Is there a way? Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Courtney]

I don't want to go, but I don't know. I mean, I really, really, really, really love my boyfriend and I don't. And I don't know if I can avoid seeing. Even if I get out of this weekend, if their relationship is not close, maybe I can avoid it.

[Jeff]

Nope, you gotta deal with it.

[Steve]

Is there a way if you have to go this weekend that you could drastically change your look, like your hairstyle or something so that it's so different from when you went on the original date. He might get confused.

[Courtney]

Maybe. I don't know if I have time. I guess I could.

[Bert Weiss]

Can we please stop here and let's stop the fantasy. I mean, if she is in love with this guy. I mean, you're talking about a Julia Roberts movie. This. I mean, if she's really in love with this guy, she's gonna. It's gonna have to come up.

[Melissa]

Can't she just say she went out with her dad instead of having to go into the details of having sex with him?

[Bert Weiss]

I think you have to be consistent in your advice, Melissa. And normally you say be honest.

[Melissa]

Well, she's gonna sabotage her relationship. Then if she says I slept with your dad, the relations.

[Bert Weiss]

But how is she gonna go on with this relationship if it never comes out?

[Melissa]

What if.

[Bert Weiss]

It's gonna have to be addressed eventually.

[Melissa]

But what are the chances it's the

[Bert Weiss]

same dude's name and she's seen the picture?

[Steve]

Is it the same or is it like John or Bob or something?

[Courtney]

It's a little more unique than John or Bob, but it's not like, you

[Steve]

know, it's not crazy.

[Courtney]

Yeah, it's not crazy. It's in between.

[Melissa]

I feel bad for. Because she didn't ask for this.

[Jeff]

I have a technical question.

[Melissa]

Yes. Wow.

[Steve]

It's weird. I guess. You know what you like Courtney.

[Bert Weiss]

Melissa loves consistency. Do whatever.

[Jeff]

Have you noticed like in the course of you dating the sun, do their genitals look the same?

[Bert Weiss]

Oh, come on, jeff.

[Steve]

$disgusting.

[Melissa]

Well, at least Jeff's consistent too.

[Steve]

Disgusting.

[Courtney]

The first one. So I don't really. I wouldn't say I would. They do have similarities though.

[Bert Weiss]

Really?

[Jeff]

Do they have common like movements or techniques or.

[Steve]

Stop.

[Bert Weiss]

You said that they have some similarities.

[Courtney]

Now you got us all physical similarities. Not in when I saw it. When I first met my boyfriend, after we met online, I looked at him and I thought he looked familiar. And then when I saw him in the picture with his dad, that's why he looked familiar.

[Bert Weiss]

Oh, okay. So you're not comparing junk to junk.

[Courtney]

No, I'm not comparing junk.

[Bert Weiss]

That's what it sounded like.

[Jeff]

But you know what they say this is.

[Steve]

It's because Jeff said that it sounded

[Bert Weiss]

like a junk to junk comparison.

[Jeff]

It's an interesting situation because they tell you like you can look at a girl's mom to see what she'll look like. Like you. You know what your boyfriend's junk's gonna look like in 30 years.

[Courtney]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bert Weiss]

Boy, did you call the wrong stage.

[Melissa]

Well, she would like it because she slept with the dad already, so she's gonna like what he's gonna turn into.

[Jeff]

All right, here is, I made love to your father.

[Bert Weiss]

Actually, Trey here says this is not a big deal. Trey, go ahead.

[Frank]

Yeah, I would just comment about that. If it's not that big of a deal, she should just go ahead and meet with the father and explain it to the boyfriend. Because if she really is serious about this guy, let's just say later on down the line, she wind up wanting to marry him. All of a sudden, she has to meet up with the father. You don't want to get married. Then all of a sudden, he finds out, and then things go sour.

[Bert Weiss]

So, Trey, let me. Let me hear you out here. Were you suggesting. Go to the father first and say, look, I'm in love with your son, and things look really good, so let's keep the secret ourselves.

[Frank]

I would say sit down with the son, explain it to the son, because eventually, somewhere down the line, she's gonna have to face the father.

[Bert Weiss]

Let me go with my theory.

[Melissa]

Let's talk about this.

[Bert Weiss]

Let me go with my theory here.

[Melissa]

First, Stacy and Jessica say, oh, my God, Guess what? I slept with your dad in the past.

[Bert Weiss]

Done. Relationship over.

[Psychic Reader]

Over.

[Bert Weiss]

Done.

[Jeff]

I get the impression from Bert that back in the day, everybody slept with his father. So if Jessica did, so be it. He just seems to be the partying type of guy.

[Bert Weiss]

Let's go with that. My. The mistake that I thought he said, what if this. What if she sits down with the dad beforehand and says, look, this happened. I'm dating your son now. He never needs to know. Never needs to know about this.

[Melissa]

I just think they're not even close.

[Bert Weiss]

The father and the son.

[Melissa]

The more conversation she like, the more she does behind his back, the worse it's going to be when he finds out. This is an honest. This is an honest, like, accident that has happened, and to her, she's done nothing wrong. Right, but if she goes and sits down with the dad, then she will have done something wrong.

[Bert Weiss]

You're right, though, when you pose that question.

[Melissa]

It's done.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah, it's done. No way. Ew.

[Jeff]

Oh.

[Courtney]

Oh. I'm not absolutely positive, but if Katie slept with Millie.

[Melissa]

Pete, I don't think I could handle that.

[Frank]

Save that.

[Steve]

No, no.

[Jeff]

Well, just so you know, if Millie P. Was interested in Katie, you wouldn't be here.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, I'll take one more call. Here. But everybody's calling up and, you know, saying, using the same ridiculous advice, and that's to be honest. Hey, Robin, go ahead. You're on cue, 100.

[Kim]

Yeah, she really needs to be honest and just tell him. She has to tell him. Why she has to tell him.

[Bert Weiss]

It's gonna come out eventually.

[Kim]

It's gonna come out. Exactly. It's gonna come out. So she needs to just tell him.

[Jeff]

Maybe you could rekindle the stuff and just tell the guy it's a Father's Day gift from his son and just have it be like a one off annual type of.

[Frank]

Hey.

[Jeff]

Hey. What's up?

[Melissa]

I'm so sorry.

[Courtney]

Tell him what you did.

[Melissa]

Nothing wrong.

[Courtney]

You just have to go to the. And then. See, I don't want to. It's a Father's Day party. I don't want to go there and go, oh, yeah, by the way, as long as we're celebrating.

[Steve]

No, I say keep it from him. I say keep it from him. And he, like, really trashed the relationship with his dad. Like, God, he's such an awful person. You. It's good you took your mom's side and, like, totally separate them even further.

[Courtney]

See, don't go to this thing this weekend because I'm busy. I have work.

[Steve]

Yeah. And be like, why? Why do you want to support a man that.

[Bert Weiss]

Why can't you go and then make up a story afterwards and say, oh, my God, your dad inappropriately touched me. You should never talk to him ever again. And then he'll accuse his dad, the dad will get mad, and then fabricate the story while I hooked up with her three years ago. And by that time, the sun will never believe the story.

[Jeff]

I think everything's lined up perfectly for a little Saturday night threesome.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, Adam is a psych major, so let's all stand back.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, Adam, go ahead.

[Frank]

Hey, guys.

[Melissa]

Major.

[Frank]

Hey.

[Courtney]

I just.

[Frank]

I feel really bad for your situation, for one, but, I mean, I seriously do believe that it just won't work out. I mean, based on.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Frank]

As. I mean, I guess your lover, the son in this case, is looking at, you know, you. He always sees his father as having, you know, like, his one love. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess as far as I'm concerned, I can never do that.

[Bert Weiss]

No, No.

[Frank]

I would always see his face in the place of your face. Oh, gross.

[Steve]

That's twisted. Maybe he needs a therapist like you're doing your dad.

[Melissa]

What does that mean?

[Steve]

Psychologist? Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah. I don't know where to go with this here, Cory.

[Steve]

Don't tell, don't tell, don't tell, don't go to the picnic or whatever.

[Bert Weiss]

I mean, eventually she has to say something. So do you want to do it this weekend? Do you want to do it next month? Do you want to do it in six months? Do you want to do it in two years? It's got to be said. So it's never, never, never, never, never. So you say, don't even go.

[Courtney]

My friend has already said that he's bringing someone. He hasn't necessarily said who because. So I don't know. I'm leaning towards going just to ease my mind and pray that just to save.

[Melissa]

It's him.

[Courtney]

Yeah, like it's just somebody just looking like whoever.

[Bert Weiss]

Just to get 100 proof, I think,

[Jeff]

just so all cards are on the table. Your boyfriend has to sleep with your mom. Then everything's all even playing field.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, Courtney, we'll check back with you on Monday morning, okay?

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Hey, thanks for sharing with us. We appreciate it.

[Jeff]

Happy Father's Day.

[Bert Weiss]

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[Bert Weiss]

We all decided weeks ago, you know, we all from time to time would be driving around Roswell Road. You're down midtown, and you see these psychics that look like they've converted their homes into their little psychic offices and stuff.

[Jeff]

Yeah, they just, I think if you have a can of paint and a blank board, just hammer it out in

[Melissa]

your front yard with a hand with the eye in the palm, you know, is usually what's on a lot of signs.

[Jeff]

But there's a million psychics and. And if you talk to someone who's been to a psychic, they've always got a favorite. Except for me. But everybody's got a favorite psychic is

[Melissa]

getting more airtime by not giving you a good rating.

[Jeff]

But everybody's got like, oh, you got to go to my psychic sheep. Oh, you're so good. So we decided to create the Bircho Psychoff where we would all go to different psychics or fortune tellers or tea, leave readers and pick and let them predict stuff for the summer. And at the end of the summer, we'd be able to pick one that's clearly the best because they'll hit it out of the park for one of us. Right.

[Bert Weiss]

They should all be hit at 100% because this is what they do. They see it.

[Melissa]

Exactly. There's no bad psychic.

[Bert Weiss]

Right. So Melissa went to. Were you on Roswell?

[Melissa]

No, actually, I had. I was trying to find one in Atlanta. And then I was lucky enough to go out to LA for TNT's premiere of Hawthorne, which actually premiered on TNT last night on the network. But I got a sneak peek and went out to la. And one of the things that TNT had was, and I love a theme party. So they had a party for Hawthorne and it was very medically oriented, where people were in scrubs and you were getting massages and stuff. And it was really nice, it was fun. And then over in the corner there was a psychic.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, seriously.

[Melissa]

And I thought, well, why? You know, I was, like I said, trying to find one here in Atlanta that I was going to use. But I thought, you know what? It's right here in front of me.

[Bert Weiss]

It's a sign.

[Melissa]

It's a sign. So I've got to use this psychic. So I apologize because I really don't remember her name or I don't know if I ever introduced myself, like when she gave me her name, but she will call her the TNT psychic. And so she was reading cards, so these are tarot cards. And I went up to the table and I'm not sure if it's in the beginning of this, but she was asking me, you know, because I guess you have to be specific. And I tried to say, well, I just need to know what you predict or what the cards say about how my summer's gonna go. And then she said, well, do you want to know about work or personal life? And I, and I, the first thing out of my mouth was, well, since I'm doing this for work, let's, let's do work. So, and I really don't remember everything she said, but this is the rating I got in Los Angeles from the TNT psychic.

[Bert Weiss]

And then what we'll have to do is we'll have to just pay really close attention all summer long to see if she hit any of it right now.

[Psychic Reader]

This is in regards to what?

[Melissa]

I didn't have a specific, just generic. Do I need to have a category?

[Jeff]

Don't you know?

[Psychic Reader]

Is it in regards to love or is it in regard to work?

[Melissa]

In regards to work. Work, yes.

[Psychic Reader]

In the past, somebody has offered you a. This, this card means a proposal.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Psychic Reader]

Somebody has proposed something in the past. Since it's job related. Somebody offered you a job in the past?

[Bert Weiss]

What?

[Courtney]

What?

[Melissa]

In my 39 years of life, someone has offered me a job in the past. And I wanted to say his name was Bert Weiss.

[Bert Weiss]

Wow, she's awesome. So let me get this straight. You are part of the press working this event for tnt, and she predicted that somebody at one point or another proposed a job for you.

[Melissa]

Has offered me a job in the past.

[Bert Weiss]

Brilliant.

[Jeff]

It doesn't even that the rest of

[Bert Weiss]

us even doing this.

[Jeff]

The press part doesn't even matter. That right there applies to anyone in any circumstance.

[Melissa]

Well, she knows I'm an adult at an event in which I was there for work. So, yeah, someone has offered me a job in the past.

[Jeff]

You could do that same reading for a seventh grader. And they would have to say, well, yeah, Jimmy asked me if I wanted to sit at his table for lunch today, but I didn't want to because I knew Jason had cold pizza and I love cold pizza. So I said no. You're right. You're a good psychic, and currently you

[Psychic Reader]

are thinking, this is the temperance card. You are thinking you're going with the flow right now.

[Bert Weiss]

So basically, you're going with the flow right now.

[Melissa]

Going with the flow. That's.

[Bert Weiss]

This was an actress that TNT hired and has zero psychic history at all.

[Jeff]

You're gonna. And you know what? Like her next. Her next. You're gonna watch Hawthorne on TNT Tuesday nights. I see that. I don't know why. When you watch it, you're gonna be watching it. You're gonna be sitting down and you're gonna be going with the flow.

[Melissa]

There's a bright light. There's a bright light coming from your television at you.

[Jeff]

Jada Pinkett Smith.

[Bert Weiss]

I see Jada Pinkett Smith. No, really. There she is. I see her. That's what I meant is I see she's right behind you.

[Jeff]

You may watch it live or you may TiVo it.

[Mark Malkoff]

Yes.

[Jeff]

With the flow.

[Bert Weiss]

I think it reset itself. So I think we gotta listen those first 30 seconds.

[Jeff]

Oh, good, it was enjoyable.

[Psychic Reader]

Now, this is in regards to what?

[Melissa]

I didn't have a specific, just generic. Do I need to have a category?

[Psychic Reader]

Well, I mean, is it in regards to love or is it in regard to work?

[Melissa]

In regards to regards to work. Work, yes.

[Psychic Reader]

In the past, somebody has offered you a.

[Melissa]

This.

[Psychic Reader]

This card means a proposal.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Psychic Reader]

Somebody has proposed something in the past. Since it's job related. Somebody offered you a job in the past, and currently you are thinking, this is the temperance card. You are thinking going with the flow and you are being temperate. You know, you're like keeping your cool about things.

[Bert Weiss]

Everything's cool.

[Psychic Reader]

Letting everything play out. You're going with the flow.

[Bert Weiss]

No, I'm not.

[Psychic Reader]

In the future, since here, you will have heartache. Something heartache. So maybe with your job, it Might be difficulty or a loss of a job or.

[Bert Weiss]

So sometime in the future you'll have hard heartache with a job.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert Weiss]

So here's a loss of a job. Could be some problems you're having at work. But at some point you will have.

[Melissa]

I have a heartache at my job.

[Jeff]

How long has that run so far?

[Bert Weiss]

7 minutes and 38 seconds. It's like a minute and a half.

[Frank]

Minute and a half.

[Jeff]

I'm gonna do that same reading in 10 seconds for you, Melissa.

[Bert Weiss]

Sure.

[Jeff]

Somebody will offer you a job someday. In the past, they've offered you a job. Now you've got it. You're going with the flow. Eventually you're gonna lose it. Thanks for coming out.

[Psychic Reader]

Something harsh about it. And maybe just get yelled at.

[Melissa]

I'm not sure.

[Psychic Reader]

But it's something that's gonna hurt your feelings someday.

[Bert Weiss]

You're gonna get yelled at.

[Kim]

Quickie.

[Psychic Reader]

What would the rest of the summer be like? And it just says that you are a powerful woman. The nine of coins. That you have enough money to live on your own.

[Jeff]

Travel.

[Bert Weiss]

That's laughable. She got that wrong.

[Steve]

Funny to live on my own.

[Psychic Reader]

Person lives on their own.

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Psychic Reader]

And this person is a happy family.

[Melissa]

Family situation.

[Psychic Reader]

And she has a lot of love in her life. And she's basically happy with her current family situation. And since it's relating to work, it must be. You are happy with the job that you have.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay, maybe we know that's not true.

[Melissa]

Yeah, I just. Well, no, I. Let's see. You just got flown out to la.

[Jeff]

You've got enough money to travel to Los Angeles.

[Melissa]

I see you having money and enjoying your job.

[Psychic Reader]

Then in the future, it says, even though you might have hardship in the future, but you are the queen of wands. You will prevail. You will come out on top of maybe a promotion or something. Like you become a queen. You're my queen of that job.

[Bert Weiss]

So that one's not bad.

[Melissa]

That could mean my job.

[Bert Weiss]

Yeah, I mean, like, that could mean, like, you know, you move on from this and it's like the Melissa Carter show. And that could very well be true.

[Jeff]

I call her the queen bee from every now and again.

[Bert Weiss]

Well, she's demanded that for a long time. So you certainly didn't volunteer.

[Melissa]

So you have to really get a raise.

[Psychic Reader]

But, you know, you might go through some. Some sort of a scuffle or some sort of a fight or some sort of a hardship.

[Melissa]

You gonna smack somebody?

[Jeff]

Who the hell is that?

[Bert Weiss]

Is that a spirit? Dude, did you guys catch that? Is that Just me or did. Did you guys hear that?

[Jeff]

Call the Atlanta Ghost Hunters.

[Mark Malkoff]

Who is that?

[Jeff]

Is that Jada Piggin Smith?

[Melissa]

There she is.

[Psychic Reader]

So the psychic is there. Okay, this is.

[Steve]

I forgot about this.

[Melissa]

So she started out the night by doing personal readings just by people with. We were one on one. By the time I came to the table, like six of you, there were four of us around the table.

[Bert Weiss]

Are you sure that there were really people around you or is it just the spirits?

[Melissa]

Exactly right.

[Psychic Reader]

And then you will rise above and you'll have a very successful. Like your job's going to get better. You're going to be. You're going to have a better position.

[Hers Weight Loss Announcer]

Queen.

[Psychic Reader]

That means you've risen.

[Bert Weiss]

You're going to be in tough.

[Melissa]

All right, fantastic. Thank you so much.

[Bert Weiss]

Thank you. Are nine significant?

[Psychic Reader]

Why did she get less than a nine here?

[Melissa]

Nine here.

[Psychic Reader]

I just wondered. Nines. It just means a lot of that. So she's had plenty of money and plenty of love.

[Melissa]

A.

[Bert Weiss]

All right, so nines means. I'll say exactly. Exactly what it means. It's the number that is wedged between 8 and 10.

[Melissa]

Yeah, that spirit also is pointing out that there were a lot of nines on the table for me. But yeah. So basically, I mean, you know what I mean? What she's saying is I'm gonna. But she didn't specify just to the summer. So I have a feeling that she may not win this.

[Psychic Reader]

Suck off.

[Bert Weiss]

She failed.

[Jeff]

Miserable. I do like the background music. Any chance we could play a little 303 now?

[Bert Weiss]

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[Mark Malkoff]

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[Melissa]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

For this Mark Malkoff dude, this is a guy we were talking about a couple days ago. Melissa and I don't like to fly.

[Melissa]

Oh, no. Yeah. Wow.

[Bert Weiss]

She got a. Hell no.

[Melissa]

Yeah, because I just, I. I mean, I have been to LA twice in the past, what, two or three weeks. And it took so much energy out of me to just in the thinking that I'm flying four times across the country in a matter of a few weeks because I cannot stand a fly. I have to take medication in order to get through the flight.

[Bert Weiss]

I don't like it either. So this guy Mark here that is trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records for continuous commercial flight. Started in Atlanta, I think, last week. And he's still on that flight right now. We're gonna talk to him. Hey, Mark.

[Mark Malkoff]

Hey. Thanks for having me on.

[Bert Weiss]

Sure, man. Good morning, honey.

[Mark Malkoff]

Good morning.

[Bert Weiss]

How many days are we into this ridiculous project now?

[Mark Malkoff]

Dear Goodness, today's day nine. I have 21 more days to go. And I should mention, I'm doing this to get over my fear of flying. I came up with the idea about a year and a half ago, and AirTran has been awesome to host me. I live on the plane. I sleep on the plane at night. I wake up in the morning. I wash my hair in the airplane bathroom in the morning. I jog to get some exercise in the aisles in the morning. This is my existence.

[Steve]

Are you with the same flight crew all the time? Like, are you becoming BFFs with the flight attendants?

[Mark Malkoff]

I am getting to a lot of the flight attendants, but they change over. We try to stay, keep me on the plane as much as possible. Once in a while, I do have to go on a tarmac to switch planes, but I never go into the airports. I sleep on the plane. My entire existence is pretty much in an airplane, and we're going all over the country, but most nights I wind up back here in beautiful Atlanta, which I love.

[Bert Weiss]

So when, like, at nighttime, I got so many questions at nighttime. Do you still crash? I shouldn't say crash. Do you sleep? That was bad, but not intentional. Do you sleep on the plane or do you go into the terminal and sleep there?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I sleep on the plane in row 22, of course. And what I do is there's about three lines of chairs, and I'll just lay on those. And about 2:00 clock in the morning, I usually wake up when the cleaning crew is vacuuming around me.

[Melissa]

So how many hours during a day are you in the air?

[Mark Malkoff]

We do, like, usually five, six flights a day. Last week we logged, I believe, around 67, 68 hours. If you add up all the distance we went around, around the world 1.24 times. Yeah, we're trying to just do as much as possible. I have to say, flying on AirTran around has really, really helped me deal with the fear because I have no other choice but to deal with it. And the pilots have really counseled me and AirTran has Wi Fi. So I'm up in the sky 35,000ft. And just with Twitter and MySpace, the whole community has been very supportive, giving me Tips on how to get over my fear. I'm able to stay connected to my wife, Christine. And I actually mentioned my wife Christine. Floss with me on the weekends to see me. And AirTran actually had an anniversary dinner for me. My anniversary was this week on the wing of a plane. Luckily, it wasn't moving at the time.

[Steve]

Now, when you first approached AirTran with this idea, did they think you were crazy? How did that conversation go?

[Mark Malkoff]

AirTran was a huge fan of my previous work. I've done a bunch of big videos, and it just seemed like a really good fit. I mean, I really wanted to do this. They have an awesome sense of humor. Most airlines would not not let somebody clearly do this, but they've given me complete creative control. I'm shooting tons of video content. If you go to markonairtran.com, you can see all the videos. You can see me playing bingo with passengers on a flight. We did Twister the other day. We actually had a flight attendant wash my hair mid flight.

[Bert Weiss]

So does this mean that you're not showering for a month straight?

[Mark Malkoff]

That's right. I mean, you can actually come here into the airplane and smell me. I smell great. I wash my hair and the sink. I use baby wipes. And it's just been an amazing experience. And please, to your listeners, I'm on Twitter. Please, during my flights. Twitter me. I'm mmalkoff. It's M, M, A L, K, O, F, F. Yeah, it's really. The online community is helping me get through these next 21 days.

[Wendy]

Are there people sitting next to you on the plane?

[Mark Malkoff]

Absolutely, 100%.

[Melissa]

Oh, that's gotta be rough.

[Bert Weiss]

Has anybody said, this dude reeks. I need to be in row 19, not 22 at this time.

[Courtney]

Dude, yeah.

[Mark Malkoff]

If anything, people want to meet me and ask why. And so many people have fears of flying. I mean, the thing with me is turbulence. I don't like turbulence, and I don't like takeoffs. So a lot of people have been talking to me, and a lot of people say it's actually helped them because if I can do a month with a fear of flying, they can get through a flight. So it's really, really been great on a bunch of different levels.

[Melissa]

Now, is it healthy for you to be on this plane this long? Because we've heard so many stories about how you need to.

[Jeff]

Melissa's just looking for excuses, not doing it.

[Melissa]

I mean, talking about flights, like, overseas and stuff. People are worried about if you're in a plane too long. The effects it could have on your body.

[Mark Malkoff]

Here's the deal. I talked to my doctor in New York. My doctor told me there was no problem. So I'm going to get a new doctor. Here's the deal. There has to be something. I mean, I talked to a bunch of other doctors, they said, mark, you need to be exercising. So I'm doing a lot of jogging in between flights in the aisle. I'm doing lunges, I'm doing push ups. The one thing that people have told me is that if you're up in an airplane a lot, it's higher, traces of radiation. So maybe that's it. But I mean, I'm taking a lot of vitamins. My food is coming primarily from the airports, so I'm trying to eat as much fruit and vegetables as possible. But I have to say, surprisingly, I feel really good.

[Bert Weiss]

You understand the words just came out of your mouth, right? Just now you said outside of the radiation, this has been a great experience.

[Mark Malkoff]

If I get off the plane on June 30th, I'm entirely green. We know the radiation thing with the procedure.

[Bert Weiss]

Are you eating nothing but airline food?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I mean the air trans snacks are great and I'll eat them occasionally. But primarily my food is coming from airports. So if you guys come visit me in Atlanta, please bring me some salads, bring me some fruit, I'll take a frappuccino, whatever you guys want to bring me.

[Melissa]

Wow.

[Steve]

I'm curious, if you're over the fear of flying at this point, why keep going another 21 days?

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm not because it gets better. But then I hit some turbulence coming back from Seattle and I just start shaking. And I actually had a kid that was sitting next to me see that? I was afraid and started holding my hand.

[Steve]

That's so sweet.

[Mark Malkoff]

The deal is it's an irrational fear. It's not a real fear. I know that. And I really feel like just with the online support, talking to pilots and dealing with this and having no choice but to face my fear that by the end, by June 30, I'll be over it.

[Bert Weiss]

Can I, can I ask this dude a guy question?

[Mark Malkoff]

You'd ask me anything.

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Bert Weiss]

Without you guys getting offended. Ear muffins. Alright. So you're on this thing for how long? 30 days total.

[Mark Malkoff]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Yes.

[Bert Weiss]

And your wife is visiting you on weekends?

[Mark Malkoff]

That's right.

[Bert Weiss]

So when the plane clears out, there's

[Mark Malkoff]

no time without getting specific. Christine can't stay on the, on the plane with me at night. So yeah, there's very Alone time. So make your draw your own conclusions to that.

[Bert Weiss]

So there's very, very few minutes that you're actually alone with her. So you guys haven't done it on a flight.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm lonely. I'm lonely, put it that way. If you come on the flight, I might ask you. You to hold me.

[Bert Weiss]

If you smell that bad. If you haven't had a shower in 17 days, no one's getting close to you.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm telling you, your listeners should fly with me and smell me. I smell amazing.

[Jeff]

Are you now you're going to be on the plane until the end of June? Are you concerned at all about the digital transition?

[Mark Malkoff]

No, I'm not concerned at all.

[Bert Weiss]

I'm not concerned at all.

[Mark Malkoff]

I'm told that I have to get going, but you guys should come on a flight with me. You have an open invite and please look at my videos daily on Mark on AirTran. I love Atlanta. I'm here all the time, so I'd love to keep in touch with you guys.

[Bert Weiss]

When is your last day in flight?

[Mark Malkoff]

June 30th is my last day. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get off is kiss my wife. The second thing is shower.

[Frank]

Shower alive.

[Melissa]

Your wife.

[Jeff]

Can we just call AirTran and request to be on your flight?

[Mark Malkoff]

Yeah, absolutely. Just do that. I'd love to see you guys. You guys have an open invite whenever.

[Bert Weiss]

Okay.

[Mark Malkoff]

Thank you so much.

[Melissa]

That would be kind of fun.

[Steve]

That is your worst nightmare, Melissa.

[Melissa]

Absolutely my worst nightmare.

[Bert Weiss]

I can't think of anything fun about that.

[Melissa]

He's doing it sober. Like, I. I can't get on a plane without my pill now.

[Steve]

You never know.

[Jeff]

I'd fly with him somewhere. I just think it'd be fun to be, I don't know, part of that experience. I would like to do it the next day or two because by June 30, that'd be an issue.

[Bert Weiss]

I miss what airline is helping him out with that?

[Steve]

I didn't figure it out.

[Bert Weiss]

Did you guys catch that? Do I have to call around to find out which airline? All the information will be up online for that dude [e-mail] I say he

[Steve]

should just jump out at 15,000ft. Oh, that'll help you face your fears.

[Bert Weiss]

Look at. Javi's done it. So he's like, everybody can do it now.

[Jeff]

Jump out of. What is Air Tran plane?

[Bert Weiss]

Was it Air Tram he's working with?

[Steve]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Bert Weiss]

I think they have wi Fi. You guys know get it the Bird Show.

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