Full Show PT 2: Thursday, February 26 [Vault]

Summary

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The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, February 26 [Vault]

Date: February 26, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Team, Intern Zane
Episode Theme: Real-life drama, relationships, and entertaining, relatable stories from The Bert Show team and its listeners — with the usual dose of humor, candor, and listener engagement.

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into several avenues of relationship drama and candid conversations about awkward boundaries, sexual satisfaction, and the concept of "cheating" on your significant other — not just with people, but with things and obsessions. A highlight is the emotional saga shared by intern Zane and the show’s spirited (and often hilarious) advice on relationships and communication.

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1. Drama with Intern Zane: "My Brother’s Ex Invited Me to be in Her Wedding"

[01:36 – 13:59]

Key Storyline:

• Intern Zane reveals he's been asked to be an usher in the wedding of his brother's ex-girlfriend, Whitney — the same woman who kissed another guy (now her fiancé) while still dating Zane’s brother, Zach. Zane grapples with whether to go, knowing it’ll likely hurt his brother, who was deeply affected by the breakup.
• The story unfolds live, with the hosts urging Zane to be honest with his brother or at least with their mother. They attempt to call both, to no avail.

Discussion Points & Memorable Moments:

• Zane explains the complicated situation:

  “She actually had a little bit too much to drink at a party and actually made out with another guy, who is her fiancé right now.” — Intern Zane [03:29]

• Zane’s reluctance to tell his brother and parents about accepting the invitation.

  “He was shocked at first. He’s like, I can’t believe she’d ask my own brother to be in her wedding with the guy she cheated on me with.” — Intern Zane [06:04]

• Hosts put Zane on the spot, teasing and grilling him on whether he's in love with Whitney himself.

  “You are in love with her.” — Co-host [08:18]
  “No, not at all.” — Intern Zane [08:26]

• Hilarity ensues during failed attempts to reach Zane’s mother and brother, with the hosts mock-dramatizing family dynamics.

  “His mom’s with… wedding days are just a little…” — Host [08:58] “My mom actually lives in Bermuda.” — Intern Zane [11:13]

• The team debates whether it's “cheating” if it’s just a kiss, with Zane confessing he doesn’t consider kissing cheating, drawing mock consternation from the hosts.

  "That might be why you don't have a girlfriend right now." — Co-host [08:43]

Takeaway:

• Navigating family and friend boundaries after breakups is complex and ripe for drama — and sometimes the best advice is simply to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.

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2. Listener Dilemma: "How to Ask Your Partner to Be Better in Bed"

[17:01 – 27:49]

Key Storyline:

• A listener seeks advice: Her boyfriend is satisfied every time, but she never is—how can she raise the issue about his lack of sexual stamina without crushing his ego?

Discussion Points & Memorable Moments:

• The hosts acknowledge the sensitivity due to male ego:

  "With guys, it's all about ego. We all think we're the best." — Host [17:54]

• Panelists debate whether sexual skill can truly be taught or if chemistry is innate.

  “You either have sexual chemistry or you don’t. It's gotta be hard to change somebody.” — Co-host [18:25] “Most people get better with proper instruction and practice. So is sex one of those things?” — Host [18:55]

• Caller #1 (Annie) gives practical, positive guidance, sharing how she taught her boyfriend in the moment:

  “I really like this and this feels really good… I gave him lots of encouragement and everything, but then really just did, like, an instruction.” — Annie [21:19]

• The hosts agree on being encouraging vs. critical, suggesting women express what they DO like as a pathway for improvement.

  “What will work for another woman is what she said about encouragement, being positive rather than critical.” — Co-host [22:35]

• Male caller Colin chimes in with advice emphasizing the importance of foreplay.

  “If you're not getting to that point from just the intercourse, try to push the foreplay more… the warm up is more important for women than it is for men.” — Colin [23:31] “As a woman, if the guy is doing something right, make him note. You don't have to say it, but you can make noises, you can shift your body, you can, you know, moan.” — Colin [23:52] “Sometimes if you scream out ‘Olay’…” — Co-host [24:06] (laughter)

• Tips for gentle communication (during intimacy), creative products for stamina (numbing lubricants), and the importance of "player coaching" during, not just after, are discussed humorously.

Takeaway:

• The team and callers advocate open communication and encouragement during intimacy. Both men and women need honest feedback — delivered with kindness, humor and positivity — for better satisfaction.

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3. "Cheating" on Your Partner…with Things, Not People

[29:32 – 37:23]

Key Storyline:

• The hosts ask listeners whether they've ever been "unfaithful" — not with another human, but with things like food, pets, phones, video games, etc.

Discussion Points & Memorable Moments:

• The term “non-sexual cheating” is coined, and funny examples abound:

  “I totally cheated on my family with the PSP.” — Host [31:38] “35% of people would choose their BlackBerry over their spouse.” — Co-host [32:01]

• Brittany: Husband obsessed with video games, to the point it’s caused relationship strife.

  “Oh, I've almost left him several times because of it.” — Brittany [32:45]

• Candace: “Cheating” on her husband with Edward Cullen from Twilight (books/films).

  “I talk about it all the time. And there's a movie coming out in November...” — Candace [33:47]

• John: Secret cigarette smoker, keeps it from his wife for two years via breath mints and cologne.

  “I told her I quit a couple of years ago. And I only smoke when I'm at work…” — John [34:28]

• Courtney: Obsession with sushi eclipses boyfriend.

  “I get it at least twice a week, three times a week… I'm obsessed with it.” — Courtney [35:08]

• Tracy: Her Chihuahua is a “rival” for attention; her husband is jealous of the dog.

  “My husband is really jealous of him now. So your husband is jealous of your dog.” — Tracy [36:33]

• The team discusses hiding chocolate, secret naps, and the recurring theme: the BlackBerry as a common "other partner."

Takeaway:

• Many people have "hidden relationships" with obsessions and habits — and these can be just as damaging (or funny) as actual infidelity, depending on how they're handled in relationships.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “So Whitney called me, and he knows me and Whitney are close, so he… was shocked at first. He's like, I can't believe she’d ask my own brother to be in her wedding with the guy she cheated on me with.” — Intern Zane [06:04]
• "That might be why you don't have a girlfriend right now." — Co-host [08:43]
• “With guys, it’s all about ego. We all think we’re the best.” — Host [17:54]
• “You are in love with her.” — Co-host [08:18]
• “I totally cheated on my family with the PSP.” — Host [31:38]
• “My Chihuahua will jump out of the bed… and my husband is really jealous of him now. So your husband is jealous of your dog.” — Tracy [36:33]

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Episode Structure and Timestamps

| Segment Title | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------------|-------------------| | Intern Zane’s Family Wedding Dilemma | 01:36 – 13:59 | | How to Give Your Partner Sexual Feedback | 17:01 – 27:49 | | Are You ‘Cheating’ with Something (not someone)? | 29:32 – 37:23 |

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Summary/Insights

This episode is classic Bert Show: blending real dilemmas, frank talk, and laughter. The main takeaways include the importance of honest communication—whether it’s family loyalty, sexual satisfaction, or acknowledging life’s weird obsessions. Zane’s saga is a reminder that sometimes the messiest situations are the most human. And, as always, the audience contributions add both humor and relatability.

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Useful for new listeners:
Even if you haven’t heard the episode, you’ll walk away with a clear picture of the funny, real, and heartfelt dynamic that makes The Bert Show a morning staple. Their willingness to share real-life drama, tackle awkward topics, and laugh at themselves keeps things lively, empathetic, and always entertaining.

Transcript

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[Host (Birch Show)]

The Bird Show Intern Zane joins the Birch show for the first time. How are you, sir?

[Intern Zane]

Good. How are you, bud?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good. He's got himself in a little tricky, tricky situation with his brother right now. Real tricky, tricky. This gets complicated.

[Co-host 1]

Who does not live in Atlanta, Right? So you're going to be safe for

[Intern Zane]

a. I am safe from him? Yes.

[Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

He actually lives in. He actually goes to school in Illinois, but he's from Iowa, so. Okay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And you're an intern where, by the way?

[Intern Zane]

Intern at the bird show?

[Host (Birch Show)]

No, an intern. You go to school where?

[Intern Zane]

Oh, I'm actually graduated. I'm doing my interns after I graduate, so.

[Co-host 2]

Gotcha.

[Co-host 3]

But he went to Full Sail University in Orlando, Florida.

[Intern Zane]

Yes, I did.

[Co-host 1]

For broadcasting?

[Intern Zane]

No, I went for the music business.

[Co-host 1]

Cause this internship will drive you right into teaching.

[Co-host 2]

Exactly.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Many interns have come before you and decided, no, that's not going to Go into law enforcement. Anything but morning shows. Yeah.

[Intern Zane]

Loving it so far, though.

[Host (Birch Show)]

What's going. Well, that may change the next five minutes. What's going on with your brother?

[Intern Zane]

He dated this girl. Her name's Whitney. He dated her. When was it? Like 2004 to 2006.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

And my brother gets really involved with his girlfriends, like, within the first month. Like, they're always talking about marriage, so.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's one of these guys. When he falls. He falls.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And everyone.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, with everyone. And like, within the first week, like, he's already interested. To my mom, my dad, everybody. So everybody knows his girls shopping for rings. Exactly.

[Co-host 2]

So if he. And he did her for two years, obviously he's really serious.

[Intern Zane]

Exactly.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

So I actually lived in Florida, so she actually came down a lot during, like, vacations and stuff. So I saw her frequently.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

And we always talked on the phone. Like, it was weird how our relationship worked because I was the brother and she was the girlfriend. Really weird.

[Host (Birch Show)]

But this wasn't a sexual thing. This was just platonic friendship. She was.

[Intern Zane]

But she was my brother's girlfriend, so I left it alone. But, yeah. And so it was September of 2006. She actually had a little bit too much to drink at a party and actually made out with another guy, which is her fiance right now.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Okay, so she cheated on your brother?

[Intern Zane]

Yes, with kissing, which I don't really consider cheating, but yeah.

[Host (Birch Show)]

My brother.

[Intern Zane]

My brother.

[Co-host 3]

Did she and your brother break up right then?

[Intern Zane]

Yes, they broke up.

[Co-host 3]

And then she starts dating the new guy.

[Intern Zane]

Yep. His name's Jamie. And exactly one year. It was, like, on their anniversary. It was so weird. It was on their anniversary of them actually kissing at that party. They were in Vegas celebrating one of Jamie's friends. I don't know what that was all about, but he actually proposed to her that day. It was like, exactly one year later.

[Host (Birch Show)]

The kiss guy proposed to her.

[Intern Zane]

Correct.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So it was their destiny.

[Co-host 2]

So she is engaged now to the kiss guy?

[Intern Zane]

Yes.

[Co-host 2]

Okay. And your brother, I take it, was very hurt by all of this.

[Intern Zane]

Yes, he's very. Like, my brother actually cries. He actually called me on the phone and cried to me. My brother is a very emotional person.

[Co-host 2]

I think that's a very important piece. Okay, so he cried to you about the situation, how painful it was.

[Co-host 3]

But that was in 06. It's two years ago. Is he over it now?

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, completely over. He's had probably two girlfriends since then, so.

[Host (Birch Show)]

That he's fallen in love with.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah. But he still, like, talks to Whitney like, freaking. Like, you can tell he still cares about her because he still calls her. And, like, he's, like, in shock that he's. She's getting married after knowing a guy only one year. Okay, two years now. So.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Intern Zane]

And so, like, ever since they broke up, like, she called, like, she called me. Like, we talked frequently. It was weird how, like, the relationship continued past that.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You just. Guys could become real tight friends.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah. Like, phone converses. Like, never really, like, hung out. Like, she'd been to Florida a couple times, but we never really, like, hung out. It's just phone friends. So. And. So when was it? A couple weeks ago. She had called me and said one of her ushers had canceled on her and she invited me to be an usher in her wedding.

[Host (Birch Show)]

This is the ex of your brother?

[Intern Zane]

Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So after you said no, what happened?

[Intern Zane]

Said no to what?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Her invitation.

[Intern Zane]

I did not say no to it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And there's the tension.

[Co-host 2]

So you accepted the invitation from your brother?

[Intern Zane]

Well, I gave her a hit on him with yes. Correct. Okay, I. First of all, I didn't say yes right away because I want my brother's opinion. And I called my brother and I was like, so Whitney called me, and he knows me and Whitney are close, so he.

[Co-host 2]

He.

[Intern Zane]

He was shocked at first. He's like, I can't believe you should ask my own brother to be in her wedding with the guy she cheated me on with. Cheated on me with.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So did he assume you said no also?

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, he assumed, like, right away. He's like, so I'm assuming you said no. And I was like, I kind of hinted that I wasn't going to do it because I didn't. I knew that would make him feel bad, so I just kind of left it like that with him. Didn't really say what I was doing.

[Co-host 1]

So then you called Whitney back and said no.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah. No.

[Commercial Disclaimer]

No.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You said yes.

[Intern Zane]

The wedding is this Saturday and I will be there.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Does your brother know?

[Intern Zane]

No, he does not.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh.

[Intern Zane]

He doesn't even know that I have a play ticket.

[Co-host 2]

Why do you hate your brother?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Because you're giving him plenty of reasons to hate.

[Intern Zane]

I hate my brother. Like, me and my brother are really close, but.

[Co-host 3]

Really?

[Intern Zane]

Yeah.

[Host (Birch Show)]

How can that be? It just seems like this would hurt

[Co-host 3]

his feelings so much.

[Intern Zane]

It would. But it's funny. He's gotta find out. I know he will because I was like, a very small and, like, everybody knows each other.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's like 14 people in that state.

[Co-host 3]

So, like, Jeff said, why do it?

[Intern Zane]

I don't know. I want To.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Well, it's okay to do it, but why don't you just. Why can't you just tell him about it before the wedding? Because he's gonna find out.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, I just.

[Co-host 3]

I don't know why you want to call him.

[Intern Zane]

I have no idea. Why do I want to call him and tell him?

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Co-host 3]

Like right now on the air?

[Host (Birch Show)]

You asking me? I'll call him. You okay with calling him?

[Intern Zane]

What?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Have you told your mom or your dad what you're doing?

[Intern Zane]

Uh, no, I have not.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Cause if we can't get your brother on, we gotta call your mom.

[Co-host 3]

See, if you haven't told your mom and you haven't told your dad and you haven't told your brother, you know, it's not a good thing.

[Co-host 1]

Do you have a girlfriend?

[Intern Zane]

Do I have a girlfriend? Currently, no.

[Co-host 1]

Have you had a girlfriend since knowing this girl?

[Intern Zane]

Yes, I have.

[Co-host 1]

Have they met each other?

[Intern Zane]

No, they have not.

[Host (Birch Show)]

He's actually like, it's a congressional hearing. It is

[Co-host 2]

advice from somebody next to him.

[Co-host 1]

How come your girlfriend hasn't. He's going to cover it up. And he's like, should I answer that question?

[Co-host 2]

Exactly.

[Co-host 1]

So why hasn't your girlfriend ever met your. This Whitney girl?

[Intern Zane]

I always told, like, my girl. The girl I dated for a long time. Her name was Tiffany. And, like, she always asked me, like, who is this girl? I just said it was just my brother's girlfriend, though, at the time.

[Co-host 1]

You love Whitney at the time.

[Co-host 3]

You are in love with her.

[Co-host 2]

Yes. You do.

[Intern Zane]

You.

[Co-host 3]

You're going to that wedding to stop it?

[Intern Zane]

No, not at all.

[Co-host 2]

Let me ask.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Creative.

[Co-host 3]

Let me ask.

[Co-host 2]

So you said earlier, when we talked to you. When we talked to you earlier, you said that you didn't think kissing was cheating. Now, is that something you truly believe or is this something that Whitney said to defend herself against the breakup with your brother?

[Intern Zane]

I truly believe that.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Co-host 1]

That might be why you don't have a girlfriend right now.

[Intern Zane]

Really?

[Co-host 1]

Yeah. Because generally, girls don't fall into that category.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I think we got to call your dad about this whole thing.

[Intern Zane]

Call my dad?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

Why is dad.

[Co-host 3]

Look at the sheer panic on his face.

[Host (Birch Show)]

His mom's with. Wedding days are just a little.

[Co-host 1]

What about brother?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Well, we try to get brother on. He's taking a test.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. I feel bad. I do not want to pull him out of a test to tell him this news, you know?

[Co-host 1]

What class is it? Ethics?

[Intern Zane]

I have no idea. I know. I know. It's a BS class because he's. This is his fourth year. Actually his fifth Year. He's. He plays football, so it's actually. He redshirted his first year, so it's. Actually.

[Co-host 1]

Why don't we just wait till Friday and call him before the game?

[Host (Birch Show)]

What school does he go to?

[Intern Zane]

It's Western Illinois University.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Okay.

[Co-host 1]

Do the dogs play them the weekend after this?

[Host (Birch Show)]

No. Let's give Pops a call.

[Intern Zane]

Here. Want to give my dad a call?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, let's call your dad.

[Intern Zane]

Oh, God.

[Co-host 2]

That's a nice way to stall. Yes, we would like to call your father.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Let's give Pops a call. Someone in the family has to.

[Co-host 1]

You're going to have to give us his number.

[Intern Zane]

Can I call my mom?

[Host (Birch Show)]

You could. I mean, it's your. It's your call, obviously. You think she'll take it better than your dad will?

[Intern Zane]

Yeah. Me and my dad, we haven't talked since our argument. We had an argument this Sunday.

[Co-host 2]

About what?

[Intern Zane]

The fact that I don't call him.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, really? So you're not calling him over the fact that you don't call? Yeah. Let's call mom. Let's go ahead and call moms.

[Co-host 3]

Okay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Why don't you give Jeff the number, and he can dial from over there?

[Co-host 2]

What's your mom's name?

[Intern Zane]

My mom's name is Heidi.

[Co-host 2]

Heidi.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Sweet little bang. Raised two good boys that she's so proud of. You know why? Because they make good decisions and probably

[Co-host 2]

taught you to never fight and always look out for each other.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Got each other's back.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

That's what brothers do.

[Co-host 1]

Heidi. Melissa, will you grab the number from him?

[Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

All right.

[Co-host 3]

Heidi is gonna tell you not to go.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Of course she is. And she's gonna be disappointed. She's not gonna be mad at you.

[Co-host 1]

Have a little phone action.

[Co-host 2]

Burp.

[Co-host 3]

She's gonna say, I've always known you were in love with Whitney.

[Co-host 2]

Now is this unfair to her? Because now she's gonna feel obligated to tell Zach. But we're gonna tell him anyway, right?

[Co-host 1]

Mm.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

This is the way it should happen. He needs to know before the wedding

[Co-host 2]

so that he can suffer Saturday.

[Host (Birch Show)]

We are the ambassadors of truth.

[Co-host 1]

Same head.

[Co-host 2]

Kind of said that with the straight face.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Heidi? You said Heidi?

[Co-host 3]

Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Is she here in town?

[Intern Zane]

She actually lives. My mom actually lives in Bermuda.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, you're kidding.

[Co-host 2]

Sweet.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Oh, she's gonna be in a good mood.

[Intern Zane]

She just moved there, like, last year

[Host (Birch Show)]

to get away from all the craziness in the family.

[Intern Zane]

Exactly.

[Host (Birch Show)]

What's her last name?

[Intern Zane]

Van Nuys.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Van Nuys.

[Co-host 1]

For some reason, I'm tempted to yell the name Heidi. Heidi. Like, angrily seems like an angry name.

[Caller]

This is Heidi Van Nuys. Please leave your name.

[Co-host 1]

That was our answering machine. What's your brother's number? Want to call him?

[Intern Zane]

If you want. He's in a test.

[Co-host 1]

That's your. That's Yalls call. Here, pass that back to him. Have him bring up his brother's name.

[Co-host 3]

I'm gonna mess up a test?

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. I don't want to pull him out of a test because if he goes back in, he can't concentrate. He'll screw the test up, and that's not fair to him because you know what? It's not Zach's fault. It's not Zach's fault. He fell in love and he was heartbroken. And his own younger brother, who he trusts and grew up with and protected probably a lot. And if he's a football player, he defended him in some fights, and then all of a sudden he didn't want to hear that his brother's betrayed him.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Is he good at football? Because if he's good, it won't matter if he passes the test anyway. He's still going to play this weekend and they're still going to graduate him.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, he starts. Okay, I think we're good.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah. This kid's not going to flunk out.

[Co-host 1]

I just.

[Co-host 2]

Western Illinois University.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

What's the. Where are they?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Are they the Salukis?

[Intern Zane]

They are the Leathernecks.

[Co-host 2]

Southern Illinois.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Southern Illinois.

[Co-host 2]

The Leathernecks.

[Co-host 3]

Is that what you said?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Wow. What's his name?

[Intern Zane]

Zach.

[Co-host 2]

Zach Leathernecks. Just sounds intimidating.

[Co-host 1]

The last happy song he'll hear for a long time.

[Intern Zane]

I'm surprised he hasn't ignored it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Doesn't look like he's available right now either.

[Co-host 1]

Hi, this is Zach. I can't take your call right now. If. This is Whitney, I'll call you back in just a minute. I still love you. And I've always loved you.

[Host (Birch Show)]

We will try again before the end of the show, though. So we've got 24 minutes to try to get one of them on.

[Co-host 2]

We certainly appreciate your honesty.

[Intern Zane]

Yeah, no problem.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And your guts. And your guts. Also to call your moms. We'll try her again before we get out of here.

[Co-host 3]

And it's only a hundred dollar change fee to go back up there and see your family some other weekend.

[Intern Zane]

$100. Well, I'm not going to see my family if we talk to my dad.

[Co-host 3]

Well, isn't it in the same hometown as your family?

[Intern Zane]

As my dad? That's kind of confusing. My dad lives in Iowa. That's where he's from. Okay, so he's like, if he found out that I was going there this weekend and didn't tell him and your

[Co-host 1]

mom clearly can't get any farther away from your dad.

[Intern Zane]

Exactly

[Co-host 1]

in the middle of the Atlantic.

[Co-host 3]

I don't care if I get lost in the Triangle

[Host (Birch Show)]

the Bird show.

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[Host (Birch Show)]

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[Co-host 3]

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[Host (Birch Show)]

I don't think we'll get too many calls on this because to do this successfully, I would think would take the right touch and to know your man so well and how to tiptoe around this issue so sensitively that he can come out of the other side feeling good about it. Okay, she writes, I need some advice and thought y' all could help me out. Got a boyfriend. He thinks our sex life is wonderful. And it's wonderful for him because he satisfies himself every time. But he has yet to satisfy me. How do I tell him, basically, he needs to last longer without hurting his ego.

[Co-host 3]

Ouch.

[Co-host 2]

That's gonna be tough.

[Co-host 3]

Well, I guess my question for her would be, have you been faking it?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Because if you're faking it, you're not

[Co-host 3]

doing anybody anything, then you know it's not gonna last long once you stroke the ego. Okay, whatever. But if it's been consistent, then it's her fault. Then it's almost her fault. Because he thinks he's doing a good job, so why should he change what he's doing?

[Host (Birch Show)]

So it doesn't necessarily have to be like a narrow, focused answer on how for him to last longer. But, like, if you, if your man was just not good in bed, he's strong in a lot of areas, but when he got to you, he was really bad and you changed him. And now he is like this amazing lover. You can't wait to make love to him. 404-741-Q100 where do you even start the conversation? Because with guys, it's all about ego. We all think we're the best.

[Co-host 3]

I don't even know if that's possible.

[Co-host 2]

Like, I think you either have sexual chemistry or you don't. It's gotta be hard to change somebody. You just don't got it.

[Co-host 3]

Maybe if he had, like, a move that he thought was a really good move, like somebody in his past told him it was a good move, but you don't think it's a good move,

[Host (Birch Show)]

and it might have been for the other partner, she might have liked it.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right, right.

[Co-host 3]

Like that might be easier to talk about like one thing. Like, you know, maybe that worked for somebody else, but not for me.

[Co-host 1]

That thing you do with your legs and you squeal like a little girl doesn't turn me on. Thank you though. You know, good effort. Good eff.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Most people don't get better with like I'm, I mean in most things with proper instruction and practice.

[Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So is sex one of those things or is it like either you're good at it or you're bad at it and you better find somebody that likes the crappy way you do it if you're doing it badly for others.

[Co-host 2]

I think there's always room for improvement. I always, I do. I mean, seriously, I think that when, because I think the beauty of being with somebody if you're in a good relationship and you can have that conversation about sex that it can get better because if you get in a routine then you might get bored, then you try something else. So that's going to happen over time. And I think that. Yeah, I don't, I think that is very short sighted to think you get. If there's chemistry, like Wendy said, if you're, there's attraction there and there's mutual attraction, then to get in there and go one or two times and it's not good and say, well, we're done because you can't. It's just not going to work. I think you're. I don't, I don't know. I think that's an opportunity you're wasting.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And let's just, let's keep this just for singles because I think once you're married it's a different ball game.

[Co-host 3]

So you can talk about it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I think you should be able to talk because. Yeah. I mean. Yeah, you should be able to. Stakes are a little different there. Almost going anywhere. Yeah. Hypothetically.

[Co-host 2]

I've been on the show long enough.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You hope right. Hey annie, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi guys.

[Co-host 1]

Hey.

[Caller]

Yeah, I have my boyfriend who is a great boyfriend, but bless his heart, the first few times we were together. Oh my gosh. I mean he's great in, in bed, but I don't know if I could say on the radio, but he never, you know, made me climb that.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah.

[Caller]

So he would try, I guess he's a mechanic so you know, he thinks I'm a carburetor or something. I don't know. But not the same.

[Co-host 2]

Oh no.

[Caller]

So you know, the first time, first few times he was trying and I was like, you know, just kind of change, you know, change topic and kind of did something else. But, you know, we're together and I really like him and, you know, really want to be with him, but, you know, I can't keep doing this. So, you know, one time we were just in bed and, you know, I just did a pretty much instructional, you know, kind of video, like a mechanic, like a manual of me, and it really worked.

[Co-host 1]

And what's your first line, though? Like, when you guys are lying there in bed and you're like, okay, this is it. I'm gonna give him the manual. What is your. What does page one say? What's your first line out of your mouth?

[Caller]

Well, we're in bed and I just start giving him little tips, like, you know, move a little to the right or. But I start off really good with, you know, I really like this and this feels really good. And, you know, giving him encouragement. And then every once in a while, I kind of throw in, like, a little softer like this. Or, you know, I don't know if I can stay on the radio, but, like, you know, touch me a little here or whatever. So, you know, I gave him lots of encouragement and everything, but then really just did, like, an instruction of. This is what I like. This is what I don't like.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So this is literally going on as it's happening. You are literally taking his hand and you are whispering to him. Everything he's doing, he should be doing.

[Caller]

Yes. And it worked like a dream because he was happy then. He knows how I am. And then, you know, he. You know, it's great. So I'm very excited.

[Co-host 2]

Congratulations.

[Co-host 1]

Would you be willing to give lessons to any other guys if they call up?

[Caller]

No. I love my boyfriend very much and

[Host (Birch Show)]

want to be with him if it doesn't work out. You know, we've always got an 8:45 segment for you on the show.

[Co-host 2]

But the lesson is, though, that what works for her may not work for another woman.

[Co-host 3]

I think what will work for another woman, though, is what she said about encouragement. I think being positive about it rather than being critical, you know, And I think the other thing that can work is working it out during. While it's happening.

[Host (Birch Show)]

We want to please. It's just that you gotta remember ego. I want to know everything. I just wanted. I just don't want you to think that you were having a crappy time before. See, it's good now. I just wanted to get better. It's not that it was bad is really good, but I'm just Looking for another level.

[Co-host 3]

This is good, but maybe this would be really great. Exactly.

[Co-host 2]

Maybe that's great advice for women. What Bert just said is like putting the two together. What Jen and Burt said is the fact that instead of it being about, okay, we're changing something. Just saying.

[Host (Birch Show)]

You know what?

[Co-host 2]

How about we do this and it will intensify even more as if it was intense before. Even though you're lying.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Colleen, good morning.

[Caller]

Hey, it's actually Colin. I'm speaking on the mail end here.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Okay.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Caller]

But if you're not getting to that point from just the intercourse, try to push the foreplay more. I mean, it's like when you go to a restaurant and get a steak and mashed potatoes, you eat the steak first.

[Host (Birch Show)]

But some dudes don't even know what to do with that.

[Caller]

Well, yeah, right.

[Co-host 3]

But I think he has a good point. I mean, I think the warm up is more important for women than it is for men.

[Commercial Announcer]

Sure.

[Caller]

And then there's another thing. As a woman, if the guy is doing something right, make him note. You don't have to say it, but you can make noises, you can shift your body, you can, you know, moan

[Co-host 1]

sometimes if you scream out. Olay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Right.

[Caller]

That one works too. That one's worked for me a couple times anyway.

[Co-host 1]

That would actually startle me.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Have you ever had a woman actually try to guide you through that? Huh?

[Caller]

Yes, actually, one of my ex girlfriends back when I first started, I was actually really, really bad in the boob area. But after a while, she actually just, like, sat me down and showed me how to do it.

[Co-host 1]

Give him a little flick.

[Co-host 3]

She showed you on you?

[Caller]

Well, yes, on me. And like, kind of like pushed my head around for a little bit. I was like, all right, that's fine. That's what you like. It worked out great. I never how to do it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Now you're going at it like a rabid beast. Were you? She's like, yeah, slow down there. Slow down. Ally, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

I wanted to agree with the first caller a little bit about, you know, making sure you kind of tell him to slow down. Because a lot of the times you can tell when he's getting too excited, when it's, you know, fixing to happen for him. So if you just kind of say, okay, slow down. You know, a lot of the times he realizes you need more time.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I mean, so here, what we're really saying is you gotta have. You gotta have the guts to communicate with them in a subtle way.

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Co-host 2]

During.

[Host (Birch Show)]

During. Yeah, it sounds like during, like. Yeah, this has to be. You have to be a player coach.

[Caller]

Absolutely. Yes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Thank you.

[Co-host 1]

Get in the game.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. And I think too many times women just assume guys are gonna take care of them, and that's, you know, almost like their job. And you just are there. And if they're not taking care of you, you judge them for it. And I do agree that women have to say something about your own sexual life. If you are not satisfied, then you have to say something about it. And there is a way to say it, but to not be a participant in it is. Yeah.

[Co-host 3]

I mean, you can't just say it and show it.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. Don't just lay there.

[Co-host 3]

Take charge.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Hey, Kat, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey. I just wanted to say there's. It's a very easy thing to do. A lot of couples use a lubricant. Well, PassionParties.com sells a lubricant that has a slight numbing effect where it doesn't take away feeling for a man, but it creates a longevity, and that's an easy out. You know, a lot of people use the lubricant and you can use that without insulting anybody.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Gotcha. Thank you.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, there's another. I don't know it off the top of my head, but some commercial I thought was funny that there's some product out there that is supposed to affect a guy as well as a woman. And I don't know if you. It's like it's two separate products. And when you. And when you put them together during that time, it's supposed to intensify it for both, really. But I can't remember the name of the product, but it's a funny commercial, you know, so that may be something too, because it's not just one thing you give to whoever, but each one gets their own little product. Don't you?

[Co-host 3]

That's an advanced level, though. If you're. I mean, you've been together.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's a master's program right there.

[Co-host 1]

That's a 200 level course.

[Co-host 3]

No, I'm just like, if you've been together a while, that's when you can introduce that kind of stuff, right?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah, I would do that on a first date. You can't.

[Co-host 3]

There does come until, like, you're comfortable saying something about how we started the

[Co-host 2]

conversation, though, was I thought how to make your man improve in bed.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yeah. But it can't be. Like, me and my friend Aaron had this conversation like how you can't. You can't show your freakiness really? Entirely on the first date or you'll scare him away?

[Co-host 3]

Well, I never.

[Co-host 2]

But the intention I didn't think was a first date scenario.

[Host (Birch Show)]

No, no, no.

[Co-host 3]

I was just saying that it was like a graduate level right thing to do.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And again, I think Jen brought up a really good point too, that if you're faking it with your man is to stroke his ego and you're not getting what you want out of the whole deal. You've sort of created that converse, that whole problem yourself.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

And then if you're never going to see him again, then who cares?

[Host (Birch Show)]

The Birch Show.

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[Host (Birch Show)]

I thought of a random question this morning that I'm not even sure we'll get calls on, but it came from Melissa Carter.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And I'll tell you where it came from. I want people to call that are cheating on your significant other with somebody with something other than a person.

[Co-host 2]

Okay?

[Host (Birch Show)]

Okay. You're not cheating because you're not having sex with another man or another Woman. And this came. I thought of this this morning when you were talking about the new Christy Leigh Cook CD coming out today.

[Intern Zane]

Right.

[Co-host 3]

She's got the country album coming out, and that was the Little hottie. American Idol, Whatever.

[Co-host 2]

Hottie.

[Commercial Announcer]

Whatever.

[Co-host 3]

Came in at number seven in the last season.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And why is that a sensitive subject for you, Melissa?

[Co-host 2]

Well, because Katie Jo has a huge crush on Chrissy Lee Cook. And every time she was on, oh, look, there's my girl. There's my girl. Well, shut up. Whatever, hottie.

[Intern Zane]

I don't care.

[Co-host 2]

So I'm sure she's, you know, probably right now, as soon as the store's open, is getting that, downloading it from itunes without my knowledge, but whatever.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Now, what you said was because Jen said that Katie Joel will probably get that, and you said, but I'll never know.

[Co-host 2]

I said, yeah. I said she'd probably do it. Would never tell me. But yeah. So she more than likely, yeah, her. She'll include Christy Lee Cook in her ipod library. And when she's working out with her little, you know, headphones, then she'll probably be listening to Christy Lee. I'll never know it. And she'll have fantasies of them, you know, running through a field of flowers together or something. I don't know.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So she has this sort of hidden relationship with Christy Lee Cook with that cd. For me, I told you guys before, it was that PSP that I got.

[Co-host 3]

Oh, that's right.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Obsessed with for a while. I'm not even a video game guy, but we were going on a long trip. Maybe it was Brazil or something like that. And I'm like, I gotta get something to kill the time. So I bought a soccer game and a football in Madden, and I'm playing it on the PSP while we're on vacation and on the plane. And then when I got home, that thing was calling my name. And Stacy, my wife, hates video games. And I'm always talking about how I'm so pressed for time, so the last thing in the world I can do is spend time on a video game. And not with my family. But I found myself just picking the thing up and playing for, like, 30 seconds. Stacy would run, would come downstairs to say hey, and I'd hide it and

[Co-host 3]

I'd put it on the controller.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Totally, totally cheated on my family with the psp.

[Co-host 3]

That's awesome.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So I don't know if you're, like, supposed to be on a diet or something. You've got chocolate hidden around the house. I don't know if it's A video game. It's something other than a person. It could be cigarettes. You're cheating. You're cheating on your significant other, but not with another person.

[Co-host 2]

It's almost like non sexual cheating.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Yes.

[Co-host 1]

See the story I sent you yesterday? 35% of people would choose their BlackBerry over their spouse.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Is that right?

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. And Katie would be one of those.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So maybe that thing rings or you see the light and you know if your husband sees you or your wife sees it, you hide it. That is, you're having a relationship with your BlackBerry that she doesn't agree with.

[Co-host 2]

I am getting on Facebook. I'm starting a Facebook. I hate the black.

[Host (Birch Show)]

That could be one right there.

[Co-host 2]

That's true.

[Host (Birch Show)]

It's an improper relationship with Facebook. Good morning, Brittany. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yeah. My husband has this video game that he plays and he works third shift and he comes home and he plays till like one o' clock in the afternoon and then he gets up and he starts playing again.

[Host (Birch Show)]

And you guys have argued about it, right?

[Caller]

Oh, I've almost left him several times because of it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So here it is. It's a source attention in the relationship. So every time he plays, he's cheating on you.

[Caller]

It's an obsession is what it is.

[Co-host 2]

It hurts your feelings.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Doesn't matter what it is.

[Co-host 1]

Here's the BlackBerry Love Affair article. 87% of BlackBerry owners bring their BlackBerry into their bedroom with them.

[Co-host 3]

Well, because it's your alarm, that's why he's mine.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's three things. Two humans and a device in my bedroom. And it's not the device you think.

[Caller]

Save that.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good morning, Candace. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning, guys.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Who's cheating on who?

[Caller]

I'm cheating on my husband with Edward Cohen from the Twilight Saga.

[Co-host 2]

The Twilight Saga?

[Co-host 1]

What is that?

[Caller]

It is four books by Stephanie Myers.

[Co-host 2]

It is so interesting.

[Caller]

Facebook has tons of bumper stickers on it. But he. I don't hide it from him, but he. I talk about it all the time. And there's a movie coming out in

[Host (Birch Show)]

November and the conversations have brought up so much tension between the two of you that now whenever you're reading the books, it feels like you're cheating on them, right?

[Caller]

Well, I've read them. I read them last week. I'm rereading them. And every time we talk, I'm always talking about Edward.

[Co-host 2]

Cute.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good morning, John. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I'm cheating on my wife with cigarettes.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Are you?

[Caller]

I told her I quit a couple of years ago. And I only smoke when I'm at work. And just, you know, the proper breath mints and colognes have successfully covered it up so far. But I do feel really guilty about it.

[Host (Birch Show)]

I'm talking about years now.

[Caller]

Two years.

[Commercial Disclaimer]

Two years.

[Co-host 1]

I bet she knows.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, she knows.

[Intern Zane]

You can't.

[Co-host 1]

You can't hide that.

[Co-host 3]

How much are you smoking at work?

[Caller]

You know, just a couple, you know, four or five a day, maybe.

[Co-host 1]

A couple. Four or five a pack. I don't know. Two packs. I don't know.

[Co-host 3]

I'm surprised she hasn't busted you on it.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, she knows, but she's letting it go.

[Intern Zane]

You think?

[Co-host 1]

Yeah. You can't hide that. You think you can. You can't.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good morning, Courtney. You're on Q100.

[Co-host 1]

Hi.

[Caller]

This is actually not my husband. It's just my boyfriend, but he complains about it all the time. I have an obsession with sushi, and I've just told him every time, you know, like, whenever I fall in love with him, that if I do that, he's going to be the luckiest guy in the world because of my love for sushi. It's absolutely ridiculous. Like, I get it at least twice a week, three times a week. I know it's not good for you, but I'm obsessed with it.

[Co-host 1]

What kind of sushi eating I do?

[Caller]

Honestly, it's anything with cream cheese, which

[Host (Birch Show)]

is kind of weird, but that Philly roll, man. You're cheating on your boyfriend with the Philly roll?

[Co-host 3]

The Philly roll.

[Caller]

The Philly roll. The Philly roll. But at least he knows it. He knows it. And, you know, he's just like, you know, I'm gonna be so lucky, you know, because you love sushi so much. So if I ever, you know, replace sushi, I know that you're truly in love with me, kind of, but you're

[Host (Birch Show)]

just not supposed to eat that much of it, I think is what.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, I don't know. I like it, though.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Good morning, Tracy. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi. I had a story about cheating on my husband. I have a Chihuahua. He's 2 years old, and he weighs 5 pounds. And my husband got him for me, but he's like, my Chihuahua is. Likes to lay and sleep with me and stuff and be around me all the time. And it's gotten to the point where now when my husband, he works late at night, and so my chihuahua gets in the bed under the covers with me, and then when my husband gets home, my Chihuahua will jump out of the bed. And so the chihuahua is in on it all.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So he knows that he's not supposed

[Caller]

to be there either. He knows as soon as he opens the door to get out of the bed, he is so cute and I spoil him to death. And my husband is really jealous of him now. So your husband is jealous of your dog.

[Co-host 3]

I can see that. I can see him being jealous of the affection that, you know, you or your husband paid the animal more than you.

[Host (Birch Show)]

Other calls that were coming in were chocolate. We get in fights whenever I'm eating chocolate. So I've got chocolate hidden all around the house.

[Co-host 2]

I've told the story on air before about how I went and bought brownies and what I didn't finish, I threw in the trash and covered it up.

[Host (Birch Show)]

So food, infidelity, sleep was another one we had. And the BlackBerry is the call that came in over and over and over again.

[Co-host 2]

The Facebook Page if you're on Facebook, you can join my group here later this morning.

[Commercial Disclaimer]

The Bird Show

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