The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, February 5 [Vault]

Air Date: February 5, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Summary By: Podcast Summarizer AI

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into authentic, lively conversations about relationship dynamics—specifically, the weight of saying "I love you"—and everyday social quirks like dodging phone calls and "drunk call of duty" experiences. The hosts and callers keep the tone real and humorous, tackling vulnerabilities and pet peeves while blending personal anecdotes and audience participation for a relatable morning listen.

Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. The "I Love You" Dilemma in Relationships

Timestamps: 00:00–12:07

Context & Core Issue

• Megan calls in to discuss her boyfriend's reluctance to say "I love you" after a year together.
• The panel and callers explore whether the "I love you" milestone is essential for validating love, or if actions speak louder than words.

Key Discussion Threads

• Why Some People Don't Say "I Love You" Early

  • Megan’s boyfriend feels the phrase is cheapened by overuse or dishonesty and won’t say it unless he fully means it—potentially never.
  • Megan:

    "[He says,] I'm crazy about you... not afraid of spending forever with you... but I hate the word. I hate saying it... it's so cheapened by guys that don't really mean it." (01:09)

  • Host:

    "That premise I can buy into." (01:41)

• Relationship History & Emotional Baggage

  • Callers and hosts consider whether family backgrounds or previous relationships (like coming from a divorced family) might contribute.

• Timing & Honesty

  • Some callers share stories of long waits for first "I love you" in relationships, emphasizing that genuine feelings outweigh set timelines.
  • Jessica:

    "So do you feel insecure that he doesn't love you unless you hear it?" (04:45)

  • Megan:

    "No... it's nice to hear... why shouldn't I hear it? Because of all these other guys..." (04:51)

• Differences in Relationship Progress

  • Some partners wait until they are truly ready; others express frustration about unmet expectations.
  • Diane:

    "I don't think he loves you." (05:06)
    The group debates whether this is harsh realism or unnecessary pessimism.

• Reader/Listener Input

  • Several callers recount their own long journeys toward saying (or hearing) "I love you," affirming patience, or questioning if Megan should simply state her feelings unconditionally.
  • Annie:

    "If she loves him, then yeah [she should tell him]... So you say he doesn't say it back—big deal. He'll say it to you when he's ready." (11:02)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Diane (sarcastically, about Megan's boyfriend):

  "It was a month and a day before you took your pants off then. Cause, I mean, that is such a move. Well done, my friend. Your husband is my hero." (03:50)

• Host:

  "Like, normally you would know within a year if you're in love with somebody." (05:19)

• Annie:

  “You are annoying me. He's gonna say it when he's ready, and you're complaining about this. I feel like you complain about everything.” (10:36)

2. "Drunk Call of Duty" Stories

Timestamps: 12:13–18:56

Segment Theme

• Listeners and hosts share humorous and awkward moments when they were unexpectedly called to duty (hospital visits, emergencies, meeting parents) while drunk or buzzed.

Key Stories & Highlights

• Wrong Hospital Room:
  • Jeff shares about a friend who, tipsy from wine, accidentally comforts the wrong elderly woman in a hospital.

    “And then all of a sudden, she. The woman turned to her and said, 'Well, thank you so much. Those flowers are beautiful.' And it was not her grandmother." (13:28)

• Unexpected Family Meetings:
  • Host and caller stories about meeting significant others' parents while drunk, and how honesty breaks the ice.
• Appendicitis Fiasco:
  • Annie recalls a family member with appendicitis who couldn’t get a sober ride due to everyone partying.
  • Annie:

    "She had to wait until the next morning for somebody to sober up to take her to the hospital... to this day I feel like a really bad, bad person." (18:18)

• Police Call Gone Wrong:
  • Diane shares a story about being arrested for DUI while trying to pick up her drunk husband from the police.
  • Diane:

    "The police called me and told me if I didn't come get my husband right away, they were going to arrest him for DUI. And on the way home, I got arrested for DUI." (18:35)

3. Dodging Phone Calls & Social Communication Tricks

Timestamps: 18:58–26:52

Segment Theme

• The cast and listeners humorously vent about the social etiquette (and avoidance mechanisms) of phone communications in the era of texting and endless chats.

Key Insights & Hacks

• Long-Talker Avoidance:
  • The group jokes about friends who keep conversations going, ignoring polite cues that a call should end.
  • Host:

    "That's one of my pet peeves when somebody says to me, 'Okay, I'll let you go.' You're not letting me go. You want to go." (20:42)

• Dodging Techniques:
  • Faking bad connections, hoping for voicemail, using texting to communicate instead, and even elaborate two-phone tricks to force calls to voicemail.
  • Diane:

    "You make the initial call on your cell phone... put your cell phone on mute and dial the same number from a landline. The second one goes right to voicemail." (24:24)

• Caller Confessions:
  • Admitting to ignoring certain friends’ calls due to guilt-tripping or anticipated long conversations.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jessica:

  “If you realize you’re one of those people that gives guilt trips, just know that... we are hitting ignore.” (23:53)

• Host:

  “Even if it’s my mom, right? ...You’re about fourth on the depth chart, I gotta tell you.” (24:10)

• Diane:

  “We are turning into a society where conversations are going to be obsolete eventually...” (26:34)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments Summary

• On the meaning of “I love you”:
  • Megan: "He says all the time, you know, I'm crazy about you. And I don't... I'm not afraid of spending forever with you." (00:52)
  • Host: "That premise I can buy into." (01:41)
• On call dodging:
  • Diane: "You make the initial call on your cell phone...put your cell phone on mute and dial the same number from a landline... the second one goes right to voicemail." (24:24)
• On the unavoidable need for honesty:
  • Host: "I came clean right off the bat and said, let's not do this right now. I am so drunk." (16:43)

Episode Flow & Takeaways

• Relationship Talk:
  The show authentically explores a common relationship anxiety—needing to hear "I love you"—balancing vulnerability, pragmatism, and humor as hosts and callers share varying perspectives.

• Humor in Awkwardness:
  The "drunk call of duty" segment stands out for blending relatable embarrassment with empathy, keeping levity in heavy moments.

• Modern Communication Riffs:
  The cast wraps up by venting (and laughing) about dodging unwanted calls—a topic that unites listeners, poking fun at ourselves and the strange etiquette of modern connection.

Useful for Listeners Who Missed the Show

Whether you’re pondering your own “I love you” dilemma, want a laugh at others’ awkward emergencies, or just need validation for ignoring those long-winded calls, this episode serves authentic talk, humor, and clever life hacks from The Bert Show’s real, unfiltered crew.