Full Show PT 2: Thursday, January 29 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, January 29 [Vault]

Date: January 29, 2026
Main Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show team
Length Summarized: 00:00 – 34:47

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show begins with an interactive segment where listeners are invited to describe the show in five words or less. The team and their callers engage in lighthearted banter, celebrating their loyal fanbase and the evolution of the show. The conversation then transitions to a deep-dive on "open marriages" as prompted by recent news about a public figure, exploring whether it's healthier for couples to stay together “for the kids” even if the relationship is over. The episode wraps up with the recurring and highly entertaining “Am I Normal?” segment, in which both hosts and listeners admit to quirky behaviors and secret thoughts.

The episode embraces its trademark mix of authenticity, humor, and frank conversation about relationships, parenting, and oddball habits.

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Key Segments, Discussion Points, and Notable Moments

1. Describe The Bert Show in Five Words or Less

[00:00 – 08:04]

• Hosts challenge longtime listeners to call in and sum up the show in five words or less, prompting nostalgia and inside jokes.

• Hosts and listeners participate:

  • “Really ugly in the morning.” (Bert, 01:02)
  • “Makes my commute fun.” (B, 01:06)
  • “Jen is better than Lindsay.” (Tony, listener, 02:37)
  • “Always changing with the times.” (Listener, F, 03:38)
  • “Keeps me from road rage.” (Jennifer, listener, 06:03)
  • “Juicy morning talk radio.” (Listener, E, 06:21)
  • “Like listening to friends.” (Marla, listener, 06:46)
  • “Pushing the limits of radio.” (Jeff, listener, 07:15)
  • “Can’t start day without you.” (Tracy, 07:32)
  • “Jesus would not listen.” (Melanie, 07:58 – playful reversal)

• Memorable quote:
  “I feel like I get to take a piece of home with me.” (Listener moving to Milledgeville, 04:18)

• Tone: Affectionate, self-deprecating and community-focused.

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2. Honest Talk: Open Marriages and Staying ‘For the Kids’

[08:04 – 24:50]

• Catalyst: Discussion inspired by New York Governor David Patterson’s public admission of mutual affairs in his marriage.

• Topic Explored: Is it healthier/possible for couples to knowingly remain together for the sake of their children or other reasons (like finances or cultural pressures), openly allowing extramarital relationships?

• Hosts probe:

  • “Is there any other reason other than kids that a couple would do that?” (D, 10:37)
  • Financial reasons floated: “He doesn’t want to give up 50%.” (B, 11:14)

• Caller experiences:

  • “We’re pretty much together only for the kids.” (Josh, 13:08, calls under voice disguise)
    • His wife maintains a boyfriend with his knowledge; he sees other women “mainly ... to piss her off.”
    • Children are young, but hosts note, “eventually those children aren’t going to be fooled.” (C, 15:23)
  • Another caller: “I’m totally for it… I’m more focused on my career and my children.” (F, 15:37)
    • Open marriage is a recurring fight, not mutual contentment: “He wants his wife, but I don’t want to be with him in that way.” (F, 16:44)
    • She got back together with husband to have another baby, but is emotionally checked out; “Eventually, you’re gonna divorce this guy, right?” – “Yes. And you both know it.” (A & F, 19:17–19:21)
  • A listener shares about her sister’s open marriage: “You don’t even like each other, but they don’t want to go through the messy divorce.” (Christine, 20:22)
  • Counselor weighs in: “They are going to screw up their kids so bad. I’m a counselor. ... If you don’t want to be together, get separated.” (Randy, 21:38)

• Debate:

  • Panel questions whether “staying for the kids” creates more tension/harm than divorce.
  • “Some of my most well-adjusted friends ... come from parents who got divorced and were honest about it.” (C, 24:21)
  • “You’d rather them go ahead and get divorced and maybe be able to develop healthy relationships as examples, but develop them separately.” (D, 23:15)

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3. Am I Normal? (Quirky Human Confessions)

[24:50 – 34:47]

• Premise: Listeners (and hosts) call in to share their “weird” habits and ask if they’re normal.

• Examples:

  • Practicing Oscar acceptance speeches at home, or pretending to accept awards going up the stairs (C, 25:32)
  • Imagining epic workout montages while on the treadmill (D, 27:02)
  • Making ugly faces/noises in the mirror (Theresa, listener, 30:30)
  • Acting out emotional scenes in front of mirrors or attempting to cry on command (F, 27:50; hosts, 28:19–28:48)
  • Plotting—in detail—how to dispose of a body (Tony, listener, 29:02; hosts join in, 29:42) or how to rob a bank (anonymous, 33:16)
  • Waiting for Hogwarts acceptance letters as adults (“My sister and I ... we still wait for our Hogwarts letter.”, F, 32:41)
  • Lip-synching in the car as if auditioning for American Idol (Sharon, 34:18)
  • Racing at stoplights or imagining being in a car chase (Marcus, 31:43)

• Humorous confession:
  “I used to practice on my hand more than in the mirror.” (D, about practicing kissing, 31:09)

• Hosts reassurance:
  “So you are normal.” (C, 34:43)

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Notable Quotes

| Time | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:06 | Bert | “Really ugly in the morning.” | | 02:37 | Tony (caller) | “In five words, I would say Jen is better than Lindsay.” | | 04:18 | Listener | “I feel like I get to take a piece of home with me.” | | 06:03 | Jennifer | “Keeps me from road rage.” | | 07:15 | Jeff (caller) | “Pushing the limits of radio.” | | 16:44 | Caller (F) | “But he wants me, his wife.” | | 19:17–21 | Host, Caller | “Eventually, you’re gonna divorce this guy, right?” “Yes. And you both know it.” | | 21:38 | Randy (counselor)| “They are going to screw up their kids so bad. ... If you don’t want to be together, get separated.” | | 24:21 | Cassie | “Some of my most well-adjusted friends ... come from parents who got divorced and were honest about it.” | | 25:32 | Cassie | “Every time I go up a big staircase... I’m walking up to accept an award at the Oscars.” | | 32:41 | Mo (caller) | “My sister and I ... we still wait for our Hogwarts letter.” |

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Flow and Tone

• Shows strong community: Longtime listeners, inside jokes, affectionate teasing about the hosts’ memory and on-air blunders.
• Unfiltered, real-life talk: Personal stories of relationship struggles are shared with candor and warmth—never preachy but curious and compassionate in tone.
• Humorous and relatable: From mundane rituals to idle criminal-fantasies, the show celebrates human quirks.
• Reflective and supportive: Advice and empathy from the cast and listeners help listeners feel understood and less alone.

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Major Takeaways

• The Bert Show is celebrated for making listeners feel like friends—and for being authentically themselves (even when it’s “ugly in the morning”).
• Open marriages for the sake of “the kids” sparks passionate debate. Callers and hosts alike are honest about the emotional costs and potential impacts on children.
• The “Am I Normal?” segment humorously reaffirms that everyone has odd thoughts and rituals—and reassures listeners of their normalcy.
• Throughout, the tone is breezy yet sincere, balancing the gravity of real-life issues with good-natured humor and community spirit.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Describe the Bert Show: 00:00 – 08:04
• Open Marriages/Staying for the Kids: 08:04 – 24:50
• Am I Normal? Confessions: 24:50 – 34:47

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This episode offers faithful fans the chance to contribute, reassures new listeners that quirks are universal, and doesn’t shy away from the complexities of modern adult relationships. The Bert Show’s signature blend of heart, humor, and honesty is on full display.

Transcript

[A]

The Bird show.

[B]

When callers identify themselves, they do it in two separate ways. Now, there are people who've either been with us for a few years and knew us when we were on the old frequency and have moved with us over here to 99.7. Maybe even remember the first time we got a bigger signal. And they're the people who call up and they'll ask questions about Lindsay and they're familiar with the show or Phil or all sorts of stuff. And then there's the listeners who have just now recently discovered us. Like, these are people who maybe joined the show once we move to the big signal at 99.7, or stumbled upon us in the past year or so, maybe even since the big leap. So there's two categories of listeners. I'm going to talk to the ones who've been with us for a long time right now because I would like longtime listeners of the Birch show to call us. 404-741. Q100. And I've got a challenge for you. Describe the Burt show, but do it in five words or less.

[A]

So, like, I thought it's like the abridged version, the Cliffs Notes of the Birch Show.

[B]

Really ugly in the morning. That would fit in.

[C]

That would be perfect.

[B]

But, like, makes my commute fun. That would work, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's only four.

[B]

Doesn't matter. Five words or less.

[D]

Or less.

[B]

It could just be funny or ugly or Jeff sucks or whatever. But it's five words or less. You have to describe the Bird show.

[D]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Why don't you start, Melissa? Oh, they're getting the phones right now. 404-741. Q100.

[B]

News is the best part.

[C]

Yes. No. Not afraid to be authentic.

[A]

Not afraid. Yeah.

[C]

Five words.

[B]

It is. Bert, you're getting run off by Silver.

[A]

To do Bert, you want to do.

[B]

Yourself after morning picture.

[A]

Yeah. Better be drunk.

[B]

Really, really, really, really drunk.

[A]

Like 3:30 in the morning drunk.

[B]

Yeah. You do one burp.

[A]

I just did. I really feel that way about myself. Good morning, Tony, you're on Q100. Oops. Hold on.

[E]

Your longest listener, because I remember the first day your station that came on the air played the same song over and over. And then probably for the first month, every other song was Will Smith. So, anyways, you want five words or less described what I think of the Bird show?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Tell the new listeners from the beginning. Well, the new listeners aren't going to know what I'm talking about, but in five words, I would say Jen is better than Lindsay.

[A]

That's a Compliment.

[D]

But I feel bad taking that.

[F]

That's not.

[D]

Something else. Better at the entertainment buzz, but not as.

[B]

No, she was better at the entertainment buzz.

[D]

Oh, she was?

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Much. But like, as far as content sometimes. Well, no, she's better at content.

[C]

You gotta say, Jeff. And five words or less.

[B]

She was better at content too. And she was better looking.

[A]

She's the only woman that I ever met in entertainment that when she did a reality TV show, she said she would hide from the TV cameras and then she would do this show and she would tell us that she just didn't like to be on. Mike, you're called a producer, then an engineer. That's what that's called.

[B]

Cameraman.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Morning, Q100.

[F]

Hey, is this me?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

Okay.

[F]

I had one. And then please, let me just tell you one thing when I'm finished. But it would be always changing with the times.

[B]

Okay, that's cool.

[F]

You're like, great. Thanks. I just wanted to tell you guys, I have been a listener since day one, and Lindsey was the reason why I wanted to start listening in the first place. But I'm moving tomorrow, and I always talk about the morning show to where I'm going, and I'm moving two hours away, and I get you guys there, and I feel like I get to take a piece of home with me. I told everybody where I'm going. You can listen to it too.

[B]

Where are you going?

[F]

To Milled.

[B]

Nice.

[G]

Yes.

[F]

Small town, but I'm super excited. I drove there the other day to register my son for pre K. And I was listening and you guys normally cut out. I kept getting you and I kept getting closer and closer and you were still on. And I just like, yay. I get to take my friends with me.

[A]

Yeah, that new 99.7 signal we're on, I mean, you can. You can get us all throughout Georgia, so you won't have any problem in Midgeville.

[F]

And now everybody will know what I'm talking about because they'll be listening too. So thank you guys so much.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Milledgeville. You just kind of gave the abbreviators Midgeville.

[A]

I'm out of letters.

[D]

I've got five words left. Bird's memory is bad.

[A]

I don't recall that to be true. Good morning, Q100.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Hello.

[F]

Five words or less.

[A]

Yep.

[F]

You guys are the bomb.

[A]

Aw, nice little package. Thank you.

[F]

You're welcome.

[A]

Hey, Linda. Good morning, Q100.

[F]

Good morning.

[A]

Good morning.

[F]

You guys are. You're awesome. I remember I'm one of Your first listeners. And Lindsey and Phil and Bert, we miss your karaoke. And for people that don't know, it's awesome. But my five words or less are you guys are the best. No. The best of the new.

[A]

The best of the new. The best of the new.

[C]

Okay, I'm not.

[A]

Even if it's compliments, I'm not even asking for definition.

[B]

We need to have. Also, we have to have comments on our callers, too. Like, always seeking relationship advice.

[F]

Take it.

[A]

I'm done. Jennifer, you're on Q100.

[B]

Little residual nightquil just got in my brain.

[A]

Hey, Jennifer.

[F]

Hello. Hey, Bert. Hi, guys. How you doing?

[C]

Hey.

[F]

Good. My five letter word. My five letter sentence keeps me from road rage.

[A]

Keeps me from road rage.

[B]

That's a good one.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

I came up with exposing real people problems daily.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. Good morning, Q100.

[F]

Hello.

[A]

Yellow.

[E]

Really juicy morning talk radio.

[A]

Juicy morning talk radio.

[C]

Juicy. Thank you.

[B]

How about this one? I'll bet Jesus would listen.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Is that a good one?

[A]

Good morning, Marla, you're on Q100.

[F]

Good morning. How are you all?

[A]

Good, thank you.

[H]

Must have been with you all before.

[F]

You actually were on. And mine is like Listening to Friends.

[A]

Like listening to Friends. That's a really good one. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you.

[E]

Have a good day.

[C]

You, too.

[B]

Look at how nice this has turned out.

[D]

Turned out nice?

[C]

I thought they haven't seen the pictures yet.

[B]

I thought they were going to be like, why do you have jobs?

[A]

Who hired you? Yeah.

[B]

Wish you were dead.

[A]

Jeff, you're on Q100.

[E]

All right, guys. Pushing the limits of radio.

[A]

Pushing the limits of radio. Okay, thank you. I don't know. I don't listen to anything else.

[C]

Little busy.

[A]

Tracy, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[F]

Good morning, Virtue.

[D]

Hi.

[F]

Hi. Okay, so this is kind of probably me sound a little bit illiterate, but can't start day without you. Oh, that's cool. And I had to take out the six words, but you guys are awesome. And I mean, I really can. I feel like totally out of sync when I don't listen to you.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[F]

Great. Great having you.

[A]

Appreciate your call. Thank you. Bye.

[B]

It'll be another one. Keeps me in sync.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[D]

Bye.

[A]

Melanie, you're on Q100.

[G]

All right.

[F]

Jeff, this is for you. Jesus would not listen.

[A]

The bird show. I'm looking for a very specific person to go on the voice disguiser here because I have been following the governorship of New York. This new governor, David Patterson, he came out over the last Couple of days. And at first, he said, look, I want to. I want to come clean with y', all, all right? I know. I'm be the governor. You guys are gonna dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Well, save yourself some time. I had an affair on my wife, okay? She knows about it. We were having a tough time and in our relationship, but we were trying to keep it together for the kids. So I had a relationship yesterday. He said, you know what? I need to make an amendment to what I said. You know, like that thing two days ago about having an affair. What I meant to say was, was that I had a whole bunch of affairs, and my wife was having a whole bunch of affairs also. But now, at the end of the day, everything's fine. So in my mind, what I heard him saying was that they were having affairs with other people, but both knew about it, right? So the relationship is going so poorly, they're aware. This is who I'm looking for. I don't know that that's true, but that's what I'm looking for. So in my mind, they said to each other, this relationship sucks. This is not going anywhere. But we've got kids, so we got to try to keep it together for them. So I'll tell you what. I know this is a wee bit unorthodox, but why don't you go out, find yourself a woman? Just go do what you got to do. If you emotionally need to find a woman and sexually, you need to just go do it, and I'll do the same thing. I'll find a guy. We'll still live under the same roof together. We'll still be married, but we'll be sort of living these separate lives. But at the epicenter of it is our kids.

[C]

Well, they pretty much are living single lives, even though staying married for the kids. But in their. Their personal life, they're going out doing their own thing and with no repercussions.

[A]

So that's what I'm looking for. That specific situation, like an Atlanta version of that, that I'll put you on the voice disguise for, where you know about his relationship with another woman or vice versa, and he knows about yours. You even have. You may even talk about it.

[G]

He.

[A]

He comes home from his date. You guys sit down, and he says, wow, what a night I had at Fridays last night.

[D]

Whoo.

[A]

And then you said, really? I was just down the street at Applebee's with my boy. And let me tell you about it. Yet, you're both okay with you guys.

[C]

Having an affairs and Swing. Swinging is out. Like we. This is. This was not what they were doing. They were not going out as a couple. Because I just want to clarify because I'm sure you get a lot of couples who are swinging. Couples that will call in.

[A]

That's not what we're looking for.

[C]

We're not looking for that as you're doing as a tag team. You're doing it that you just decide, you know what? This is done. So let's do our own thing. But let's stay together in the house because of the kids.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Is there any other reason other than kids that a couple would do that? Like if he were a politician or if.

[A]

I think politics was a great point, you know, like family pressure, like divorce is not an option in this family. Look, my grandmother didn't get a divorce. My mother didn't. I'm not either. I will not live with the legacy of being the first person on the family tree with a divorce. So we're sticking together.

[G]

We.

[D]

Yeah, maybe. So maybe because. Yeah, it does seem like kids would be the only reason you would do that, but maybe there are other reasons.

[A]

So it's a.

[B]

What about women in finances? Do you talk about that? Like women who would.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

Just be okay with it because of financial reasons? We've talked about that before.

[A]

Cause he's taking care of her. He doesn't want to give up 50%.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So you go ahead, you find yourself a man. Do whatever you got to do. I just want to stay married to you and I'm going to do what I'm going to do. I want to know how that first conversation went. How'd you get her to buy into that or vice versa?

[B]

How'd you sell her that?

[D]

I'm sure it's not a written up negotiation. I'm sure it just happened.

[A]

I don't know. 404-741-Q100. We are. We're fishing with a pretty small net. So let's see what we got. We got a lot of theories about the governorship, but not what I'm looking for yet. Hey, Nikki, you're on Q100.

[F]

Hi. How are you?

[A]

Good, how are you?

[F]

I'm fine. I did not think they were having affairs. I think it was something a little bit more freakier than that. I think they were probably.

[A]

And that's not. We're looking for. We're not looking for swingers that have.

[C]

But that is an interesting theory about Governor Patterson, but that is not what we're looking for.

[A]

Because if he comes out. And he says that we were swinging, that's totally and completely unacceptable for a public official. But if he says, look, we were having a tough time in our relationship and I had an affair and she had an affair or affairs, you can more easily accept that. But you don't want a freaky swinger as the governor of one of the biggest states in the country. Right.

[C]

And also because they've said they've worked it out. So we're under the assumption now that Governor Patterson and his wife are no longer having extramarital affairs. So I think that anything. Well, he said that. Exactly. That's what I'm saying is that that's why it's palatables, because, oh, well, they worked it out. That's great.

[D]

And in comparison to Spitzer, it wasn't illegal what he did. Right?

[A]

Right. The situation may be a total lie, cuz we can't find one person that wouldn't. That's saying, yeah, I was. Well, maybe. Hold on, I think we're getting closer. Josh, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey, Bert, can I be on the voice disguiser, please?

[A]

You sure can.

[B]

Hey, Josh, do you need a fake name?

[H]

Yeah, that is a fake name.

[B]

Okay.

[H]

I'm in a similar situation right now in my. Me and my wife. About two months ago, she came to me and she says, listen, the relationships not working, so forth and so on. She said, I want to split up. And I said, okay, well, for about 30 days, not even 30 days, I moved out of the house, we've got three kids together and everything like that. Well, she comes to me about 30 days, you know, 30 days later, I had already quit paying the bills and, you know, I was paying child support and stuff like that. She comes to me and I told her, I was like, listen, I want custody of the kids, so forth and so on. And, you know, I knew she had a boyfriend, but I didn't say anything because I knew she was like having an affair in the beginning, and I knew it. So she was like, listen, I don't have a place to stay anymore. And I was like, well, what do you want me to do about it? She was like, you know, let's get back together. I was like, okay. So we ended up getting back together, and one thing leads to another and keeps her boyfriend. And we ended up coming to an agreement. Listen, you're gonna. You live your separate life. I'll live my separate life. If you need a girl, you know, you get a girlfriend if you need it. And I said, look, if you need a guy friend, you get a guy friend. Well, she's got a boyfriend. She's had a boyfriend for about three months now before we split up. She lives at my house. We stay together pretty much just for the kids. You work every day, I work every day, so forth and so on. She comes home every afternoon and about seven o' clock she gets on the phone with her boyfriend, you know, like last night she went out with him and so forth and so on. And I mean, I've got a girlfriend, but I've mainly got a girlfriend to piss her off. Not really, because, you know, I wanted a girlfriend because I didn't want none of this to happen in the beginning. But I've got. I've actually got like three different girls I'm talking to and they'll pop up and come by the house sometimes and stuff like that. And, you know, that's. It's pretty similar to what you were saying, you know, we're pretty much together only for the kids.

[A]

It's unspoken though, between the two of you, though, right? So is she aware that, you know, that she's got this boyfriend now?

[H]

Oh, I've already met him.

[A]

Oh, you have?

[H]

I mean, I met him. I met him like before. I met him before she moved back into my house.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

How old are the children?

[H]

My daughter is 6. My son is 4, and I've got another son that's 3.

[C]

Because, you know, eventually those children aren't going to be fooled.

[A]

I'm going to keep Josh on hold. Good morning. Q100.

[G]

Good morning. How are you?

[A]

Good, how are you?

[G]

I'm good.

[F]

Calling about the open marriage relationship thing.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

I'm totally for it.

[C]

You're for it?

[F]

I'm for it. I've been with my husband for over 10 years. We have two children. But in the beginning it was really good. Of course, a lot of bad things happened between us, so I'm pretty much in the marriage now for my children. Our relationship, our. I guess you can say it's after 8:30. Our sexual relationship is just not there. And I know he has needs and I occasionally have needs, and I'm totally fine with him having another woman. He's not admitted to it, but surely he has to be doing it somewhere, so.

[A]

And you have your own separate relationship with another guy?

[F]

I had previously. Not right now, no. I'm more focused on my career and my children.

[D]

You guys have had this conversation that.

[A]

It'S okay for you guys to go.

[F]

We have this conversation. It's actually a fight. We have this Fight all the time. When he comes to me and wants to be with me physically and I turn him down and that's when we fight about it.

[B]

So what do you say? Like, don't, don't get mad at me. I've told you, go get someone else.

[F]

Exactly.

[C]

But he wants you.

[F]

But he wants me, his wife? Yeah.

[C]

Imagine that.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's. Does he, does he claim that he's still in love with you?

[F]

Oh, yeah, he's definitely, Definitely still in love with me. But my feelings are. In the beginning, when I was in love with him for four or five years, he wasn't faithful to me.

[D]

Wow.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

How old are the children?

[F]

We have a. He'll be nine in May and we just. Our daughter just turned two.

[C]

Okay. Because I'm wondering what the window is when the kids are understand what's going on. They may not know fully, but they know that you don't get along.

[F]

Yeah, no, I don't. I don't think they really get it. We don't really sleep in the same room. My daughter sleeps with me.

[C]

Well, they'll, I mean, eventually they're gonna figure out the nine year old probably is noticing. I just, I'm not having friends, you know, that I grew up with. I have seen more success in the parents who split and then the ones that stayed together because the kids aren't stupid.

[F]

Yeah, no, no, I get that. It's not like we, you know, we have these huge knockdown drag outs in front of the children over sex, but.

[C]

No, I understand that. I'm just saying they notice in the house, like, they know their parents are sleeping in different rooms. They know. Like what I'm saying is one of my best friends was a more successful adult because her parents divorced and did not try to play these games.

[F]

Yeah, no, no, I agree that, that, that maybe may be the case for some people, but for us it's working. I mean, it's working for me. I don't know how well it's working for him.

[D]

I mean, you're defining the major relationship in your life for your children like you're defining marriage for them right now.

[A]

But they have no idea what's going on.

[F]

Yeah, they have no idea.

[D]

But what I'm saying is what the 9 year old is seeing in the house right now.

[C]

I disagree.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, that's the example that is being set for marriage.

[A]

And what you're saying is that that would be a stronger example than the example of divorce for you.

[F]

For me.

[A]

And when your husband found out about the guy that you were dating, what was his?

[F]

We were actually split up at the time when I was dating this particular person. My husband wasn't living with us or anything then. That was when we had. We were separated for a year and a half, and then I wanted to have another baby, and I didn't want to have another baby with another man. So we worked it out and we got back together. We weren't married at the time. We got married when I got pregnant with my. With my daughter.

[C]

But now you don't want to sleep with him anymore?

[F]

No.

[D]

She got her baby. She got what she wanted.

[A]

I mean, eventually, you're gonna divorce this guy, right?

[F]

Yes.

[A]

And you both know it.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

How old does your 2 year old have to be for you to do it?

[F]

That's a good question. It's really a good question. It's hard. I really am considering it now, but we're really, really. We're truly best friends. I mean, that connection is still there, but as far as the emotional side and, you know, the romantic side, it's just not there for me at all.

[A]

Well, I appreciate you calling, opening up to us for sure.

[G]

All right. Sure.

[C]

Good luck.

[G]

Thank you. Bye, guys.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

Fascinating. Wow, wow, wow. Just her ability to compartmentalize it all.

[B]

Like a guy.

[C]

He sounds like he. I just would like to talk to him. Even though the infidelity happened before, it sounds like he's. He's a little more pain. If they're fighting about it, somebody still cares.

[A]

I should have asked her, like, what's to keep him from just saying, you know what? This is done for me. Here, take your 50%. I mean, eventually he's gonna come to that.

[B]

Well, obviously it sounds like he wants to somehow make it work, and he keeps trying.

[A]

Hey, Christine. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[G]

Hi. My sister's in the same position. She doesn't want to split up because of her kids. And I don't really know why, because they just fight all the time. But they have an open marriage. He'll go out on dates, he'll come home, talk to her about it. Talk to me about it. She'll go out, talk to me about all of her escapades. And I'm like, you guys just divorce and get it over with. You don't even like each other. But they don't want to go through the messy divorce. They don't want to have to have their kids go through it, go through custody battles and stuff like that, so it's easier for them to live in the same house with their kids and not have to go through all that crap, apparently.

[A]

All right, so this definition that the governor is talking about here that we painted today, this is the definition of an open marriage where you get to go and date. Yeah. And. Yeah. Not Governor Perdue.

[C]

Yeah. Governor Pattinson.

[A]

That would not fly with the missus. Not in Georgia. So, yeah, I guess this is the definition of an open marriage where everybody gets to date and I guess gets to have sex with other people also, but you just keep it together strictly for the kids.

[G]

Yeah. And that's about it. That's all they're doing is keeping it together for the kids because they don't want to have to go through custody.

[A]

I guess only time will tell if that's the healthier solution to the whole thing. But most are calling up saying they think it'll screw up the kids. Good morning. Q100.

[F]

Yes, this is Randy.

[A]

Hey, Randy.

[F]

I'm calling because they've got to be out of their mind. They are going to screw up their kids so bad. I'm a counselor, and I deal with this kind of crap all the time. And I hate it for the kids if you don't want to be together, get separated. It doesn't sound like the lady's being much of a mother when she comes home, gets on the phone and talks to the boyfriend.

[A]

It's the pull of having kids. I was just talking about this with somebody a couple of days ago. I hope he's not listening. Who is sort of in the same situation where they have a couple of kids and he's just. He's not into his wife anymore. He just. He sort of feels like in his heart that it's over. And he's basically living downstairs and she's living upstairs. But they think it's more important for the kids to see them together than to have the complications of him not being in the house for half of the time.

[D]

I don't know. Like Melissa said. I mean, I know a lot of adults that are really healthy adults that are children of divorced families.

[C]

Yeah. Because I think. Yeah. Because in their world, the parents seemed stronger. They made the decisions. They still treated their children with love and respect, and they treat each other with respect. But there's no trying to patch it up. And there's no. I mean, it's just. There's a decision that was made in a life that is honest instead of this, because it is. Imagine the tension in the house of living downstairs, upstairs. Imagine, you know, two different bedrooms. The kids see that and like Jen said, that is, that is the example of marriage. And I don't know, you'd rather them.

[D]

Go ahead and get divorced and maybe be able to develop healthy relationships as examples, but develop them separately. Like one of my best friends has, you know, her parents divorced when she was young, but both are remarried and in great marriages now. So she got to grow up even though going through the split, she got to see two examples of great marriages rather than one example of a bad one.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You know, like so. And you know, her mom and her stepdad are great together. Absolutely. She feels like meant to be together. Her mom or you know, what did I say the other one, dad and stepmom. You know what he was saying? Those are great marriages now and they both have additional children from those great marriages. So she feels like it was way better than growing up in a house where they were not happy.

[A]

I guess there are some that probably just think that the worst case scenario ever, like the non option is leaving the house, is not having both parents in the house. But if that happens, we will do whatever we can no matter what. It's just not an option. So then we'll stay in the house together and we'll play pretend.

[C]

So tension. But you can't pretend like you're not that good of an actor if you are fighting, if you are avoiding eye contact, if you're not talking to each other but in the same room, just breathing the same air. That's not good enough. That's not good enough. You know, and I just think it's this symbolic thing. Like I came from a home where parents were married 51 years. But I, you know, like Jen and I were saying, some of my most just well adjusted friends and loved ones come from parents who got divorced and were honest about it.

[A]

Right, right. The Birch Show. There's a lot of comfort in numbers, especially if you think that you might do something that's a little on the freaky side and you're not sure anybody else does the same thing. We call this segment Am I Normal? Right. Where you guys call up and you tell us like the things that you, you're not real sure other people share with you that you do. Like calls in the past that we've gotten was from one Birch show listener that said that she, before the Academy Awards, she would practice her acceptance speech even though she wasn't at the Academy Awards and she's never acted in her life.

[B]

And more importantly, that's not what she does for a living.

[A]

Yeah, right. She would just go in front of a mirror, and she would practice her acceptance award.

[C]

But a lot of people were laughing right now because at one point or another, I would think most women have tried or thought about what they would say or who they would think. And it changes every year. And then I said, thank you, Liz.

[D]

You're right.

[C]

And then I said that every time. A lot of times, if I go up a big staircase, that I just imagine that I'm walking up to accept an award at the Oscars. And it goes back to the Oscars, growing up, watching it, where, you know, there's always. By the time they make it to the stairs, whoever receives the award, you kind of start seeing the celebration, and whoever's handing it to them is really excited for them. So they take the last couple steps up to the top that is a little slower. They'll go up the steps, and then that last one or two is like, yeah, here I am. So there's been times in my life where I've gone up a staircase and the last two steps are like, here I am.

[A]

And we'll have other people call up and go, you know what? It's not so crazy because I absolutely do the same thing.

[B]

What about the person who pretended they would randomly pretend that they.

[A]

I don't remember that one.

[B]

Yeah, they would act like how they would act if they won the Powerball or the Mega Millions or whatever the big lottery is. They'd act like they just won 100. It's up to something big now, right?

[A]

It's like 130 something.

[D]

No, somebody won it this morning. The boards are back to 12.

[B]

Bastards.

[A]

40474, 1. Q100. I had. Mine wasn't nearly as good as that one, but I always, like, stare at my eyes in the mirror to try to see my pupils dilate. So you shift from one eye to the other to see if I can catch my pupil dilating from far distance to short distance.

[D]

That's funny. I have in my mind sometimes when I'm on the treadmill. Like, you know how in the movies, there's the montage of the person who gets really, really fit, and you see them, like, in their before, and then you see them in their after. But there's always that montage of them working out. Like, for whatever reason, in my mind, I'm in that middle of that montage when I'm on the treadmill.

[A]

I will still do this one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'll still do this one. When I'm first in line at the intersection, it's Just me up against somebody, you know, and there's another car next to me. I always have an announcer's voice in my head, like I'm in some kind of drag race, and I have to beat the guy off the line to the green light.

[C]

Like, better off dead. Remember that movie where he would always race the Asian brothers over next to him?

[A]

I don't.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that the I want my $2 movie?

[B]

Yeah, that's a great movie.

[C]

Awesome one.

[A]

My favorite CD.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

What's up?

[F]

Well, I have a lot of my normals, but the one that, you know, that I do a lot is when I'm watching tv, like a drama movie, where there's a lot of emotion and passion. Like, I always act it out. Like, I'll go into the mirror and I'll just start, you know, tearing up and just, you know, trying to act out the part with as much emotion as I possibly can.

[A]

Have you guys ever done that before where you've tried to make yourself cry over nothing?

[B]

I've actually done that where I sat, because I'm really impressed with the actors, especially when children actors, like, I don't know if it was Dakota Fanning or some other child actor, but the person who was, like, inside the Actor's Studio or some type of show like that, where they were explaining this child actor could cry on command. And so I sat there and I'm.

[C]

Like, trying to do it.

[D]

Staring at an onion.

[A]

Mace yourself?

[B]

Yeah, I'm just trying to. I ended up just, you know, wiping soap in my eye.

[A]

Did you ever. Did you pull it off? Couldn't do it.

[B]

Could not forefront it.

[C]

I had a friend in high school that she could do it, but she'd manipulate her boyfriend with it. So she used her power for evil rather than good.

[A]

Hey, Tony, you're on Q100. Are you normal?

[E]

I can't believe I'm gonna admit this on the air, but there are two things my wife and I believe. I've been married 22 years, and we love to watch murder mysteries and who done it in action movies. And we. This is dead serious. We have two things we discuss on a regular basis. One is how to dispose of a body. Say that someone molested my son or raped my wife. Then I would kill them. And we really discuss how we could get away with killing that person and disposing of the body, grinding the teeth down, disposing of the murder weapon. I'm talking about the CSI getting rid of the blood traces. I mean, the great detail of how we do it. And Never get caught.

[B]

I've actually had the thought that if I ever had to hide. Hide a body. Like if I'm driving through like some deserted part of the world, I'm like, this is a good place.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Like, I've, like, it's. I've actually, like in my mind. It's good knowing all my friends. None of them will ever call me again. But like, I've. If I'm driving through like crazy farm country or something like that, and I'm like, if you're going to hide a body, why don't you just do it out here? It's more of a thought of like.

[C]

Don'T be stupid.

[A]

With your dead body, why not do it out here? Sometimes those thoughts will scare you.

[D]

Man.

[B]

Who's ever gonna find it out here? Like, I see really thick woods right there.

[C]

But, you know, anytime I see a car that has an unusually large trunk, then I think of like mafia movies.

[D]

And the bodies and somebody's in there.

[C]

Yeah, that, you know. Yeah.

[A]

Good morning, Theresa. You're on Q100. Hi.

[G]

Hey.

[F]

I live by myself. And what I do is I look in the mirror and I make the ugliest face possible. And I try to make. I make a ton of them. And then I make the loudest, most annoying noises that I can possibly make. But I'm always there by myself when I do it.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Like, what's one of those noises sound like?

[F]

I don't want to do it? Like.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

It's almost like somebody's trying to dispose your body right now and you're still alive.

[D]

That's like a release.

[G]

Oh.

[A]

Did you guys used to practice on the mirror before you like, had any kissing experience? Did you guys used to kiss yourself in the mirror?

[D]

I think I practiced on my hand more than in the mirror.

[C]

I used to use like a two liter Coke bottle. What?

[A]

A what?

[C]

Yeah, like a two liter Coke bottle. Like I. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, when I was a kid, sideways. You would just turn it because it was cold and it was moist and I would.

[B]

And you like kissing cold, moist things?

[C]

Yeah, I. The mirror kind of freaked me out because that was. Yeah, that was like kissing yourself. That was kind of gross.

[A]

Well, kissing yourself in mirror isn't any less gross than that. There's something really strange about that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Marcus, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

What's going on? What's going on?

[A]

You tell us, dude, what's up?

[E]

Every morning on the way to work, I got to be working like 2 o' clock in the morning. Something like me and another car on the road. I sit at a red light and I always quote that line from Fast and the Furious. The railroad tracks up there is exactly a quarter mile on green. I'm a go.

[A]

Do you have to have a car sitting next to you or is it just you by yourself?

[E]

It's usually a car next to me. Sometimes the police.

[A]

I think it's a guy thing. It's our competitive spirit that if you're the front line, all of a sudden there is a race on.

[B]

Man, I just thought of something I do in a car. If there's a cop behind me at any point, I will imagine that I am outrunning him, even if he's not like following me. So, like, I see the cop pulling.

[D]

Behind me or turn right, turn left.

[B]

Yeah. And I'll. And I'll think, oh, I gotta.

[A]

I gotta get.

[B]

I gotta get away from him because I gotta get out to those woods and get rid of this body in my trunk.

[A]

Good morning, Mo. You're on Q100. Hi.

[G]

Hi.

[F]

My sister and I come September every year. We still wait for our Hogwarts letter even though we are way past our expiration date.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

From Harry Potter for Harry Potter.

[B]

Yeah, but what.

[A]

That's the school that he went to.

[C]

Like, you get the letter if you, you know, you find out that you have some wizard, you know, blood in you and you get to invited to the school, your life changes because now you have powers.

[A]

So she's sitting by the mailbox waiting.

[C]

Waiting for the owl to flop down and give her her letter.

[F]

Oh, we absolutely do. Every year. That's beautiful.

[A]

That is beautiful. Good morning. Q100.

[E]

Yeah. Am I on the Voice Disguiser?

[A]

Oh, this must be good. Come on, what do you have?

[E]

All right, so my wife and I have watched some really stupid, really, really stupid criminals on tv and we've planned out precisely how to rob a bank.

[B]

The fact that you're on the Voice Disguiser freaks me out.

[E]

There are some people out there who, you know, I mean, they've really, really bought up some really easy jobs. And it's like, okay, if you really want to rob a bank, this is the way to do it. So, yeah, we've got plan that out to the teeth.

[A]

So you have it all planned out. You never plan on using your plan.

[B]

But I got to be honest with you. Number one, the economy and number two, him being on the Voice Disguiser makes me nervous. Like the fact that he is on the Voice Disguiser makes me think that, well, we may need it.

[A]

When he finally gets caught, he's going to say, I don't know what the big deal is. I called Q100 just a couple of weeks ago and tell him what I was going to do.

[C]

Now, is it going to be every time there's a bank robbery in Atlanta, we're going to think, I wonder if it's was that guy.

[A]

Sharon, real quick. You're on Q100. Are you normal?

[F]

Whenever I'm in my car and I'm singing, I pretend like I'm auditioning for American idol and the judges want me to sing the whole song because I'm that good.

[A]

We got that. That one a lot. The last time we did this. Everybody's auditioning for american idol and I'm specifically avoiding the call of the guys calling in asking about the tuck if they're normal. Because they do the tuck. 90% of guys have done the tuck. If you're a guy, you know what I'm talking about.

[C]

So you are normal.

[A]

Yeah, you're normal. Hey, the bird show.