Bert (1:46)

I just want to.

Will Smith (1:47)

Hey, listen, look, you know, when we get off of the air, you can just give me that number. I'll just hold on to it.

Bert (1:56)

Will Smith joined in the bird show this morning. Give us a call. 404-741-1005. You want to hang with Will? The first thing I want to say to you, man, is that a lot of times that we do celebrities with a listers, we'll go on the Internet, start doing our research and stuff and there's just like not a lot of information on the Internet. But you, I have noticed, have made yourself so accessible to the media after every project. Now, is that a necessary evil for you, or do you really enjoy doing this kind of thing?

Will Smith (2:24)

No, you know, I think it's part of, I guess I would say the relationship that I have with my fans, you know, to me is important to feel connected. And, you know, I really, I don't be doing too much stuff. I don't have a lot to hide. You know, there was that one night in Vegas, but other than that, I don't really have too much that I'm trying to hide from folks. So it's, you know, I guess the main thing is trying to create that relationship where, you know, people feel connected. And a lot of that has to do with the. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I think, you know, it's like with that, when you have that television show kind of connection, there's something about a TV show that makes people feel really connected and almost deserving of more information than if, like, you're a movie star, music star, people kind of feel more of a distance.

David (3:18)

Now, Will, going back on what Bert had said about his wife and joking about his wife and you being on the get out of Jail free, I noticed last time you were on Oprah, last time I saw you on Oprah, and, you know, the question was about you being out and fans, you know, and women hitting on you and stuff. And I'm just curious how you and Jada handle that since you both are superstars.

Will Smith (3:37)

You know, it's just a part of the get down. You know, that's just, that's how it is. Our relationship with one another is 100% truth and honesty. So it doesn't, it's not really an issue, really, when people feel those feelings. When people are feeling insecure and uncomfortable and uncertain in a relationship, that's because there isn't the 100% purity of truth in the relationship. That's the only thing that's going to give you that feeling when you feel like your partner says something to you but something else might be the truth. And that's where that feeling comes from. It's more internally than external.

Bert (4:22)

Well, let's jump into that for a second because your relationship with Jada, we've been talking about it all morning. It just seems so healthy. Like, is that the one thing that you point to in your relationship that seems to be so different from Hollywood relationship is that trust and honesty thing?

Will Smith (4:35)

Yeah, it's. It's really about, it's, it's the truth. You know, when you tell. When you tell somebody the truth and you're not concerning yourself with how they feel about it, it's like your commitment is that you're going to say what the truth is. You know, it makes it so much easier for that person to deal with whatever the issues might be that come up, because they know for certain that when you say something, it's as if God said it. And that type of comfort can only be created through communication.

Jim (5:11)

Will, I'm curious about how you and Jada celebrate anniversaries. I've got a wedding anniversary coming up, so it was on the brain, and I thought, I wonder how he spoils her rotten on their anniversaries.

Will Smith (5:20)

Well, we actually. We rarely celebrate specific holidays and occasions. You expect too much on the day. You know, it's almost impossible to succeed on your anniversary, or it's impossible to succeed on Valentine's Day. So what? Like, generally the type of things that we do is, you know, for example, I had a vacation in October last year, so we just celebrated Valentine's Day for a week straight on vacation in Hawaii. So she wasn't expecting it. It was a surprise. We got there, I had it set up that it was Valentine's Day.

Jen Hobby (6:12)

Thanks for setting the bar so low for the rest of us.

Jenny (6:14)

Will Appreciate that.

Bert (6:15)

Appreciate that.

Jen Hobby (6:16)

That's cool.

Bert (6:16)

Nice.

Jen Hobby (6:17)

Thanks.

Jim (6:17)

I knew it. I knew he would top everybody.

Bert (6:19)

Great one, man.

Jen Hobby (6:20)

Appreciate that.

Will Smith (6:21)

So, you know, it's just you got to avoid the actual date. You know, you got to avoid the actual birthday and avoid Christmas, and you got to really avoid all of those. So that's kind of what we do. And we sort of make every other day a holiday.

Bert (6:38)

Will Smith's new album is lost and found. We're gonna talk to him about that in just a second with Jada. Is there any. Forget about, like, personal jealousies. A lot of times in Hollywood, I think we see a lot of these couples break up when one celebrity in the Hollywood couple is doing so much better than the other one, and they seem to jockey back and forth, and then the relationship breaks up. Do you guys ever have any professional jealousies between the two of you?

Will Smith (7:02)

No. We are so drastically different in our perspective of Hollywood and our perspective of the business. You know, Jada is very clear that she does not want to have to do the stuff that I have to do to be in a position to deal with the things that I have to deal with. You know, Jada is strictly in it. She wants to work when she loves the project and when she loves all of the people, you know, she'd hate to be in a situation where she has to work and doesn't like who she's working with. Whereas for me, I'm into the artistry of what I do, and part of dealing with people is the artistry of why I'm in the position. So I sort of look forward to those confrontations and disagreements.

Bert (7:50)

Let me put you on with some of your fans. I mean, I've been calling up for the last two hours, holding for you. Hey, T.C. you were on Will Smith.

Will Smith (7:57)

Oh, my God. DC, what's up? What up, kid? All right, look, I'm gonna have to compose myself and hold on to my blackness through this so I don't lose. All right, look, check this out. I got a couple of things. First of all, they were talking about you and Jada for a while. How do you, the two of y', all, manage your kids, especially keeping them out the limelight? Well, I guess, you know, it isn't. I mean, we don't generally find ourselves pulling our kids away or, you know, hiding them from the limelight. It's they. They have their personalities. Like, you know, My oldest is 12, and he. He wants to be on TV, you know, so he finds, you know, he's doing some work for Access Hollywood now. But, you know, my younger son doesn't like it at all, so, you know, he shies away. So it's really more about their personalities and what their desires are more than it is Jada and I trying to, you know, force them in or out of anything. Okay, cool. All right. The second thing is with the music. I mean, through all your albums, let's see, this is your ninth one, and you always bring some hot, fresh lyrics, but you never take it to a dirty level. And that. That's something to be commended for. And I don't know how you do it, man, but you always manage to get good rhymes out without being dirty. No, thanks, man. You know, for me, you know, it's important to kind of take a snapshot of my life and where I'm at and what I'm doing, what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, all of that type of stuff. And, you know, I just don't. I don't think that, you know, truly intelligent people necessarily need to communicate in that way now. I mean, the F word will fit somewhere real good every once in a while. You know, it fit real good. So, you know, every once in a while, you get to throw one in there. But you know, there's no other real art form that finds the necessity for that as much as rap music.

Bert (10:07)

Do you think that you've lost credibility in the rap and the hip hop community because you've kept it so clean?

Will Smith (10:14)

But no, I think that part of the nature of my album is called the Lost and Found, and the concept of Lost and Found speaks to that. I feel like whatever issues I have with the lack of credibility is based on the fact that I had to concentrate and make a decision that I wanted to be an actor. You know what I mean? I feel like if I'd had the time to focus and truly be in the music the way that my heart desired to be in the music, then I wouldn't have had to let the actor in me slit the throat of the rapper. So I think it's more. I think it's more about not putting the time and not focusing the way that I would have loved to be able to focus. It's more a function of that than, I think, not using profanity.

Bert (11:09)

If all things were equal and you could make $25 million, didn't matter if it was a movie or didn't matter if it was music, which one do you lose?

Will Smith (11:18)

I definitely lose the actor. There's nothing that compares to being on stage in front of 50,000 people and that first couple seconds when they recogn the record that they've been waiting to hear, you know, there's nothing in the entire business of entertainment that compares with that.

Jim (11:38)

I wanted to say congratulations. We just heard today that you and Jada are going to host the BET Awards together this year.

Will Smith (11:43)

Yeah. Yeah, we're going to do that together.

Jim (11:45)

So I was. I was wondering, since you've been asked to do that together, are you guys asked to star in movies together or TV shows together? I mean, is that something that comes up over and over again?

Will Smith (11:56)

Oh, yeah. People are, you know, always sending stuff for us to do together, movies and things to work together. You know, for us there, you know, there's a. There's a social importance for the quality of the BET Awards, you know, so it's something that we both felt and we thought that it would be great for us to do that together. So we're doing that. But for the most part, we don't, you know, we try to avoid that. We did Ali together and we did. We're, you know, we're going to host the BET Awards. So there, you know, there's a huge chasm between our working engagements.

Bert (12:36)

Let's get some album Sold for Will Smith here. The name of the album is Lost and Found. Tell us about it. Why has it been three years? I guess you probably answered that in that you were doing some of the acting. What can we expect different on this Will Smith album and who's on it with you?

Will Smith (12:49)

I guess the thing that's different is the first. It's the first album where I really just said everything that I thought and felt. You know, I guess there was a yoke of class that I generally put around the creative process that I sort of released, and I just allowed myself to say exactly what I think and what I feel. So I think that that's going to be really interesting for folks to hear. Some of the things that are going on in my. And some of the issues that I have to deal with. Are they still Mary J. Blige on there and Snoop and Ludacris produced the joint for me on there. You know, I'm just trying to dive back in there. I think, lyrically, this is some of the best work that I've ever done. There's a track called Mr. Nice Guy where, you know, respond to a few people that had some, you know, some negative things to say about Big Will. So I went on ahead and, you know, usually I sort of turn a deaf ear to that stuff, but I allow myself to go ahead and respond.

Bert (14:04)

Are you gonna show a side on this album that most people don't have never seen before? I mean, are some gonna be turned off by it?

Will Smith (14:10)

No, I don't think so. I think that I'm, you know, I just think that lyrically I'm better than I've ever been before, you know, So I think that, you know, there'll be no way to front on rhyme for rhyme, lyric for lyric, what I'm saying. And whether or not you are into the concept or not, you still won't be able to front on the artistic quality.

Bert (14:36)

We've got five lines lit up, and they're all asking the same question. So we'll end with this. What's going on with you and DJ Jazzy Jeff?

Will Smith (14:43)

Hello, Jeff. Well, we just came back from South Africa. We performed in South Africa. We did a couple shows in London. So, you know, we're getting out there, we're warming it up, you know, shaking the dust off, knocking the rust off before we come back into the States.

Bert (15:00)

Is he on the album with you?

Will Smith (15:02)

Yeah, Jeff produced the first track on the album. He produced Number One, and he has appearances on two other songs.

Bert (15:10)

Cool. The name of the album is Lost and Found. It dropped on March 29th. We're going to sell some albums for you, Will Smith.

Will Smith (15:15)

Well, thank you all very much.

David (15:17)

Thank you.

Will Smith (15:18)

Good looking out.

Bert (15:18)

Take care.

Will Smith (15:19)

All right, John, the Bird Show.

Bert (15:26)

Hey, Jenny, we're gonna call you. Jenny, what's going on? I gotta pick up your phone first. Hey, Jenny.

Carly (15:32)

Hi. Hi.

Bert (15:33)

How are you?

Carly (15:34)

Fine.

Bert (15:35)

We've been trying to get to your call for a week and a half. I'm sorry it's taken us so long.

Carly (15:39)

It's all right.

Bert (15:39)

All right. So what's going on now with this boyfriend that you got?

Jenny (15:43)

Well, we kind of had a conversation about it yesterday and, well, he said he loves me. He tells me that, you know, he doesn't want to lose me, but if I continue to smoking, then he doesn't want to have a future with me.

Bert (16:00)

How long have you been smoking?

Jenny (16:03)

Well, I kind of started when I was young, when I was around 13, so. And I'm like, about to be 20 this year, so.

Bert (16:11)

So you've been smoking for seven years? You've been going out with this guy for how long?

Jenny (16:15)

Four and a half years.

Bert (16:16)

Four and a half years. And when did he tell you that he wants you to stop smoking?

Jenny (16:20)

It's been like this for a couple of years, but this year to the point where he couldn't. He can't take it anymore.

Bert (16:27)

Okay, so he's saying you smoke too much. He doesn't like to be around the smoke when he's around you, that he's got that smell on his clothes. It's a disgusting, disgusting habit. And if you don't stop smoking, he is gone. Right?

Jenny (16:40)

Yeah, it is. It's just the fact that the culture that we come from, he doesn't want his family to know that I smoke. And I tell him what I do outside the house. I do not bring it home. So I don't see what's the problem. And I mean, I don't. I don't drink or anything or anything else. All I do is smoke. So, I mean, if I want to quit, I should. He should let me quit on my own and not just, you know, try to tell me I need to do it now and give me ultimatum saying that if I don't quit, he's gonna leave me.

Bert (17:11)

What culture are we talking about?

Jenny (17:13)

Because we're from an Asian culture, so it's kind of a whole respect thing for elderly people.

David (17:22)

Okay.

Jen Hobby (17:22)

I think Jen Hobby would probably say this or can say it or attest better than that.

Bert (17:29)

Yeah. How is that possible?

David (17:32)

I don't know. How Jen's gonna. I don't know what. She knows what to say.

Jen Hobby (17:35)

All right, Jen, try to top this. What I was going is there's probably no worse time to quit smoking than when somebody else is telling you to quit smoking because then you're like, then go ahead, Jen.

Bert (17:49)

Yeah, good luck saying it better than that, Jen.

Jim (17:51)

Well, isn't there a different angle to this whole story? We haven't heard from her yet.

Bert (17:54)

We haven't even gotten to that yet. And Jenny.

Jenny (17:57)

Yes.

Bert (17:58)

So we're all assuming here that your boyfriend is healthy. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke. Right.

Jenny (18:04)

Well, he smokes too.

David (18:05)

So now is he trying to quit?

Jenny (18:09)

Well, see, this is the thing about different between me and him. It's hard for me to quit. And for him, he can go days without a cigarette. But he needs to understand that not all people are the same when it comes to wanting to quit. You know what I mean? Because cigarettes is very hard.

Bert (18:24)

But he hasn't quit smoking.

David (18:26)

Skipping a couple days isn't quitting.

Jenny (18:28)

He hasn't quit, like, totally no cigarette. I mean, you know, he's like once in a while he has a cigarette, but that's the same thing as smoking. It's not quitting.

Carly (18:35)

Right?

David (18:36)

Yeah.

Bert (18:37)

So he's. He doesn't smoke as much as you do, but that's not his problem. He wants you to stop entirely while he continues to smoke as much as he wants.

Jenny (18:45)

I guess you can say that.

Jim (18:46)

Okay, so if you stop smoking, will he stop smoking with you?

Jenny (18:51)

He tells me that he can stop smoking now if he stops smoking and I still continue to smoke, then that's it. He tells me if he can quit, that I need to quit.

Bert (19:03)

Now, let me ask you about a cultural question then. In your culture, is it okay for a man to dictate what goes on in the relationship?

Jenny (19:12)

Well, not everything.

Bert (19:16)

Like what. What can he dictate and what can't he in your culture?

Jenny (19:20)

Well, because he knows that I've been here all my life, you know, so the way things are over here in the United States is different from where. Where he's from, you know, in.

David (19:32)

In what way? Like.

Jenny (19:33)

Well, because there they. They don't. They. Men look down and women who smoke. So people. Women who smoke are considered bad people.

David (19:42)

Okay.

Jenny (19:43)

You know, and here, I mean, I'm not the only female that smokes, you know, So, I mean, it's not a bad thing.

David (19:50)

But in his eyes, based on how he was raised, he. He sees you in a different light because you are from an Asian culture.

Jenny (19:57)

Yeah.

Bert (19:57)

Okay, let's take the calls. 404-741-1005. Good morning, David. You're on all the Hits Q100.

Will Smith (20:04)

Hey, she needs to quit when he quits.

Bert (20:08)

Have you ever said that to him? I'll quit when you quit.

Jenny (20:11)

I tell him that, but what's he saying? I mean, he tells me that, oh, he'll. He'll go get nicotine patch or something, we'll do it together. I'm like, okay, when you get it, then I'll do it. But I haven't seen him got it yet. So, I mean, I don't see what's the point of why I have to qu. When he tells me to, I want to quit. It's just I have to do it on my own pace. I don't smoke as much as I used to. And I tell him that, you know, he needs to respect that I don't smoke as much as I used to now, you know, and that's the good thing. So he should support me instead of telling me, oh, you need to quit. You need to quit.

Bert (20:47)

Good morning, Michelle. You're on all the hits Q100.

Jenny (20:49)

Girl, don't let that man control you. I've been married first ever, and my husband controls everything I do. It's not okay for me to do anything, but he can drink his beer and have his friends and do his thing. Don't you let any man control you.

Bert (21:02)

Yeah.

Jim (21:03)

Jenny, is this weird advice coming from the woman who, if you can't, feels controlled, but she's giving advice to not let the man control him?

Jen Hobby (21:10)

No, she's speaking from experience.

Bert (21:11)

She's still there. You're still there, right?

Jenny (21:12)

I'm still here. My man controls everything I do, and it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to this young girl. I'm older, and I grew up with a mom that wouldn't let a man do anything and to control her, and then I turn out to be controlled. And take. Take a fool's advice, girlfriend. Do not ever let a man control you.

David (21:33)

If you can't do, teach.

Bert (21:34)

There you go.

David (21:36)

It's a theme today. Yeah, but I agree with Jenna. It's a little ironic that she's giving such hard advice, but she can't do it herself.

Bert (21:43)

Hey, Jenny, is this just a symptom of what's to come in your relationship? I mean, if he's trying to control your smoking. And when you looked at the future with this guy, have you thought, well, maybe he's going to start to try to control me in other areas also.

Jenny (21:54)

Well, he knows that I don't listen to. I mean, because me, I'm a very independent person and I don't like people to tell me what to do. But I know that smoking is bad for me because I have a very weak immune system. So I'd be sick throughout the year. So when I get better, I'd be sick again. And he just, he's the type of person that, he is very mad when something happens to me. I mean, instead of being sympathetic, oh, you know, are you okay? This and that. He gets mad because the fact that I'm sick.

Bert (22:24)

Well, I can understand that. I can understand that a lot.

David (22:26)

I gotta be honest with you. I can understand his position too, because the more he coddles you, I mean, you're not, you're not taking responsibility for your own health. So I can see the frustration.

Bert (22:33)

This may be a cultural thing here that we don't quite understand. Good morning, Lisa. You're on all the hits Q100.

Jenny (22:38)

Yes, hi. Well, I come from, I'm an Asian too. When women smoke in public, they consider you as like cheap person. Like a, maybe not a so called prostitute, but really cheap and low class people. Okay, maybe that's why he's trying to say that. But I think what's going on here is, I think he's trying to, since baby was together for four years, I think they're just, he's just trying to tell who wears the pants in this relationship. So if I tell you to quit, you quit. Where? Where, you know, that's what's going on. Seems like. But as far as the culture experience, I've been here all my life too. And my husband, you know, been here almost what, four years in the United States. So when he, when he is a, I guess it's like a typical male thing in Asia where we tell you to do something, you got to do it.

David (23:35)

Honey, that's just not, that's not just an Asia. I just think it's funny how it's an Asian culture. No, you just heard from the last caller. That could be also American culture.

Jenny (23:43)

Yeah, but he's got to understand that she's been living here all her life and she doesn't have to take orders from men.

Bert (23:52)

Well, let me ask you this, but.

Jenny (23:53)

Health wise, yeah, it is better for you to quit if you stop smoking. It's actually better for when you have a cold or anything like that as you get better faster than the non smoker. But the thing is, if he quits Then, yeah, maybe she should quit too. But if he's not quitting, maybe she shouldn't.

Bert (24:11)

Go ahead, Jim.

Jim (24:12)

There's two different issues here. First of all, the advice is good for you to stop smoking and you can do it and email me and I'll send you all kinds of different ways to do it.

Bert (24:19)

You gotta put that picture back up on the website of that dude.

Jim (24:21)

Don't rebel against him by not stopping smoking. Does that make sense? Because you're gonna want to rebel against him because he's trying to control you. And I do think that's an issue. And you need to take a look at that relationship. Like Burt said, this may be a symptom of something else that comes up later, but don't rebel against him by continuing to smoke. Does that make sense? It's gonna be better for you to stop smoking and maybe go for it with him, but also take a look at your relationship and analyze. Is he talking about smoking or is he just controlling you?

David (24:49)

And also, Jenny, I'm curious, because he's not on the phone, is he doing this to you because of he knows your health or is he doing this to you because of a control issue? Or are you just interpreting him being boss and trying to tell you what to do because he's, he's constantly over the past four years, watching you be sick all year long, knowing you're doing it to yourself. And he's just frustrated by this point and just being emphatic about, you know what, you've got to quit.

Jenny (25:13)

Because I mean, the only issue that we have is the smoking issue. I mean, I can understand about him caring about me, about my health. And he tells me that, oh, what if I get pregnant or something? Am I going to stop? Am I going to not smoke for nine months? And I tell him, I tell him that's a different issue. I mean, I may not really give a care about my health right now, but when it comes to a child's health, of course I'm gonna have to not smoke for the nine months.

Bert (25:42)

It just sounds like you're talking about two different things. When you first came on, you said that he has been telling you that he doesn't want you to smoke because there are cultural stereotypes within your culture that say that you're kind of low class if you're smoking. And now you're saying it's a health thing. So which is it?

Jenny (25:57)

He tell, he tells me that he doesn't want me smoking because of the health, and he tells me that it's okay it's okay for men to smoke, but it's not okay for women.

Jen Hobby (26:08)

Well, see, I think if we take. Because of the way it's getting complicated, because, you know, Bert just said with the health and all that, you take that out of it. Just, what if it was something else? Like, what if she wasn't allowed to wear high heels because that makes her look too sexy or whatever. You know, whatever the reason is, let's take a. Will eliminate the health from it. Then it just becomes a controlling issue. And I think we would all be telling her, look, you don't need to be a person regardless of your culture, you know, being respectful of your culture. You shouldn't be in a relationship where you're. Where you're controlled to that level if it makes you uncomfortable. And this clearly makes her uncomfortable. I think the reason she's torn is because if it. Because it's a smoking, the health attachment to it, she's like, well, you know what? He is looking out for my best interest. But the reality of it is it comes out to be just a controlling issue.

Bert (26:54)

Tony, go ahead.

Jenny (26:55)

Hey, I just want to tell Jenny I'm Asian, and my husband tried to do the same thing to me. He told me to quit smoking because, you know, Asian female shouldn't smoke because of this and that girl, this is America. If you want to do it, you have to do it for yourself. You can't let a man tell you what to do. A lot of times they tell you it's your health reason. But the main thing is with what I have with my husband is he's like, well, it's just, you know, when we're hanging around, you know, you shouldn't smoke because it's disrespectful. And I understand where he's coming from, but I go, I have the same issue. You should do it when you're ready to do it for whatever reason, but not because someone told you you shouldn't do it because of cultural reasons.

Bert (27:34)

And either way, he's showing you that he wants to stay true to his culture. And I don't know what that says to you about men in your culture, but he's showing you that this is the way I want to live my life. I want to embrace those that. That culture. And if you can't do that, then maybe that's not a guy that you. You can be with. Does that make it any sense?

David (27:52)

And Jenny, you said you've been in the United States your whole life, right?

Jenny (27:54)

Yes. I mean, my family comes from the same Culture, we're all both the same race and everything like that. But, you know, my family. I mean, because my family. We've been over here for a long time. I mean, and my family will. We have problems when we were younger. So, I mean, it's not that I don't show respect to my family, but it's just I smoke in front of my mother and this and that. And, I mean, she doesn't like it, but, you know, what can she do, you know? But the thing is different when it comes to his family. He comes from a good family. And, I mean, I have respect for elderly people, you know, but it's just, you know, I don't do it around his family. So he should respect that I don't do that, you know?

David (28:32)

Yeah, I think Bert's right. I think you're seeing a sign. I think you're seeing a vision of the. I mean, your relationship is not gonna change after this issue is done. Like, he's showing you his personality, and you have to make the decision whether you wanna stay with it.

Bert (28:45)

We show you guys all the time what we're really about all the time. We show women, and I think vice versa also. I just think that we choose not to look at it, you know, I mean, he's giving you a great example of what your future may look like here.

Jim (28:56)

And he'd have a ton more credibility if he didn't smoke. I mean, if it was just the smoking, you know what I'm saying? If he didn't smoke and it was just about the smoking issue, and he gave her a list of reasons why not to, and one of those on there, that it was bad in their culture. I'd give him. I'd give him all the credit here, and I'd tell her she needs to listen to him. But because he smokes, he loses all credibility and it becomes a control issue.

Bert (29:17)

Hey, Jenny, we and the Burt show listeners, we're not professionals here. We could just talk to you like, you know, we're your best friend.

David (29:23)

Yeah.

Bert (29:23)

So take away with, you know, from this conversation what you want.

Jenny (29:26)

All right, thank you.

Bert (29:27)

Bye. Bye.

Jim (29:28)

Good luck.

Jen Hobby (29:29)

The Burt Show.

Bert (29:35)

All right, let's wrap up with Carly here. If you missed this Yesterday, here's about 90 seconds of the conversation that we had with Carly. And she was all broken up by the time she left us.

Carly (29:46)

Okay. I'm 26, and I've been engaged for about the last six months. But I've been with my boyfriend, my fiance now, for about one and a half years. So we've been together a long time. Am I going to get married in September? Here's the thing. I. I'm a virgin. Or. I. I used to always be able to say that. I mean, I. It was really, really important for me to wait until my wedding night. And it didn't work out. I hung out yesterday at the East Andrews Spring Festival with my fiance and all our friends, and we had a great time. We were there all day and I had. I had a lot to drink. Okay. Last night I went back to my fiance's and I was so drunk last night that I had sex with him last night.

David (30:32)

Okay.

Bert (30:33)

I'm not exactly sure what your. Your call is all about. What would you like us to find for you?

Jenny (30:37)

I'm drunk.

Carly (30:37)

That's why we had sex. And he's in shock. I'm in shock because I lost something I wasn't ready to lose. I'm in shock in the way he did it. He would. I don't understand. How can he love and respect me? And how can I trust in it? It's. He would take advantage of this moment.

Jim (30:53)

I'd like to talk to him and maybe he said no.

David (30:56)

What?

Jim (30:57)

What are we calling her?

Bert (30:58)

Carly.

Jim (30:59)

No, Carly, you don't want to do this. Yes, I do. No, you don't.

David (31:02)

Yes.

Jim (31:03)

We don't even know what conversation went down.

Carly (31:04)

Okay, this beautiful white dress planned. And I'm just gonna wear it for the right reason.

Bert (31:13)

All right, Carly, we'll let you go. Okay, so that was yesterday on the show. And the point that Jen Hobby was trying to make there was that, look, we only have one side of this thing. Let's get the fiance on so we can really find out exactly what happened. And yesterday Carly agreed to that. We were supposed to have her fiance on this morning, but that's not gonna happen.

Jen Hobby (31:30)

Maybe she was gonna get her white dress from that Wendy's place in Kennesaw that's screwing over all the brides. So it's kind of a dead issue anyways.

Jim (31:36)

Yes. She wouldn't be able to get married anyway, right?

David (31:38)

Why is he not coming on?

Bert (31:39)

I don't know. We're gonna find out from Carly here. Do you. You wanna pick her up and find out if she still needs to be on the voice disguiser?

Jen Hobby (31:45)

Oh, yeah, she does, doesn't she?

Bert (31:46)

I don't know if she wants to be on there or not.

Jim (31:48)

Find out because that's annoying.

David (31:51)

The voices.

Jen Hobby (31:51)

What if she's crying?

Jim (31:52)

Voice disguiser with her little high pitched voice. Yesterday was like.

Bert (31:58)

What if she's crying? Yeah.

Jen Hobby (31:59)

I like talking to crying girls.

Jim (32:01)

You don't like.

David (32:03)

Especially girls.

Will Smith (32:06)

Yeah, she does. She's crying.

Bert (32:07)

She is crying.

David (32:08)

Oh, no.

Jim (32:09)

How'd you know that?

Jen Hobby (32:11)

They just talked to her. Oh, did you see me pick up.

Jenny (32:14)

The phone and talk to her?

Jim (32:15)

How'd you know before you picked it up that she was crying?

Jen Hobby (32:17)

I didn't. I knew after I picked her up. Oh, the hell is wrong with you?

Bert (32:21)

He said, what if she's crying? Where you been? Hello.

Jim (32:25)

I've been here. I just wondered how he could predict that she was crying.

Jen Hobby (32:28)

Because I talked to her.

Jim (32:30)

Dude, don't keep being such a.

Jen Hobby (32:34)

What is she doing? She's lost.

Jim (32:36)

I don't know.

Bert (32:37)

Hey, Carly.

Carly (32:39)

Yeah.

Bert (32:39)

Good morning.

Will Smith (32:40)

Hi.

Bert (32:41)

Okay, so we were supposed to meet back here today, and we were gonna talk to you and your fiance to find out, really what kind of happened on Sunday night.

Carly (32:48)

He wouldn't. Come on.

Bert (32:49)

He's not coming on.

David (32:50)

Okay.

Carly (32:50)

He said no. Even though I said his voice would be disguised. He said no.

David (32:56)

Did he give a reason why he didn't want to? Come on.

Carly (32:58)

He said it was no one else's business, and he didn't want me to, you know, accuse him of something horrible and attack him for all of Atlanta to hear.

David (33:07)

Well, Carly, you know, I mean, as of yesterday, you hadn't really had a chance to talk to him, and obviously now you have. I'm just curious. Are things better between you guys, or is your feeling toward him a little better?

Carly (33:17)

No, it's worse.

David (33:19)

Really? Why?

Carly (33:21)

He. He just. I talked to him, and he didn't agree with me. And. And we had a big fight. A big fight?

David (33:30)

He didn't agree with you all. What?

Carly (33:32)

Yeah, he didn't agree with me that it was a mistake and that he took advantage of the situation, and he wouldn't even acknowledge that he really ruined the sense of trust I had in him and that it was something we had to deal with if we were gonna still get married, and he just wouldn't even acknowledge that it was something significant.

Bert (33:52)

404-741-1005 so what was his take on what happened on Sunday night? You're saying he took advantage?

Carly (34:00)

What's he saying he said I was begging him for? Doesn't sound like me at all. And I said, well, if that was true, which I can't remember, then he should have had the character to know that I was totally out of my mind with the alcohol, and he should have. He should have. He shouldn't have had sex with me.

Bert (34:20)

If he was sober. I would agree with you.

Carly (34:23)

Well, I don't remember enough to tell. All I know is he was sober enough to go to work. He wasn't hungover. He wasn't sick. I am in. But I do know he was drinking. I'm not gonna sit here and say he was completely sober. I just can't tell you exactly how sober he was.

Bert (34:38)

Well, what if he came back with the same amount of drunkness that you were? I mean, you made a bad decision and he made a bad decision, so let's just assume he didn't.

Carly (34:46)

He didn't. He went to work the next day. I couldn't even get get up. I was throwing up. It was disgusting.

David (34:51)

Well, you. You handled your alcohol differently, you know?

Carly (34:55)

Look, I don't know how you guys can even talk about it, because he won't even come on to try to. He. That wasn't even something he brought up. It's not like he said to me, I'm so sorry I was as drunk as you were. I would tell you guys that. And he could come on and say that himself. So it's not really fair. He keeps talking about that.

Bert (35:10)

I don't know. That seems to be the one big variable with me. Like, I can't say it.

Jim (35:14)

He didn't say.

Carly (35:15)

You're right. If he had said that to me, I mean, I'd still be devastated, but maybe I could start thinking about this in a different way. No. He just said no. He said I was begging for it, and he wasn't gonna apologize. And it was tough.

Jim (35:25)

So, Carly, you're still not taking any responsibility on yourself for what happened?

Carly (35:30)

Not at all. But he had all the power in this situation.

Jim (35:32)

That's not true.

Carly (35:34)

Well, he did. Once we got back to my.

Jen Hobby (35:36)

You're an adult.

Jim (35:37)

You're an adult. You're a consenting adult.

Carly (35:39)

I wasn't able to consent. I drank.

Jen Hobby (35:41)

But guess what? You're the adult who drank. That nobody held you down and forced you to consume alcohol.

Carly (35:46)

Yes, but I was with someone that I felt safe with. That I didn't think. I didn't go out with some strangers, a man I've been with a long time, who I've trusted, I've slept next to before. He never took advantage before. We slept in the same bed before.

Bert (35:59)

He's saying you were a consenting adult, though. That's where the alcohol, the variable comes into play again.

Carly (36:05)

He didn't use your terminology. He just said, I was begging you for it. But if I. If that's true, it's because the Alcohol obviously made me act crazy.

Jim (36:13)

Well, if that's true, then how do you blame him?

Carly (36:16)

Because he knew it was because of the alcohol, not because I was ready to lose my virginity way before my wedding. He knew. He knows me, knows what I wanted. It felt like I wasn't clear. So he had much more power. He knew. Oh, well, the alcohol now is getting in her way to make a good decision, and that's what sucks.

David (36:37)

Carly, I had to mention yesterday, my concern that you're gonna throw. Throw away a perfectly good relationship because of this. And I'm curious if you're ever gonna be able to let this go. I mean, it happened. You can't take it back. You were a participant. And I'm just curious how much you're gonna let this impact your relationship with him, a man that you've been with for a while and care about.

Carly (36:57)

We broke up.

Bert (36:59)

You broke up?

Carly (37:00)

Yeah.

Bert (37:00)

Who broke up?

Carly (37:01)

We broke up.

Bert (37:03)

Did you. Were you the one that said this is over, or was he the one?

Jenny (37:07)

Oh, gosh.

Carly (37:09)

I guess in the heat of the moment, I probably brought it up. He certainly didn't try to talk me out of it.

Jim (37:14)

Wow.

David (37:14)

See, again, you. I mean, Bird asked you a question. You're totally sober when you had the fight. You can't remember what happened, and you're telling him, even though you said it, he didn't fight it. Like, take responsibility for that. Did you break up with him?

Carly (37:28)

Yes. Okay, you're so not on my sides. You're really not supporting me.

David (37:32)

I'm not taking sides.

Carly (37:33)

Yes, you're taking his side.

David (37:34)

No, I'm not taking his side.

Carly (37:36)

You are.

David (37:36)

No, I'm not.

Carly (37:37)

That's the least of my problems.

David (37:38)

Believe what you want to believe, Carly. But I'm just telling you straight up, if I talked to him, I'd say the same thing to him if he wasn't taking responsibility for his actions.

Bert (37:45)

So you broke up with him because you feel like he took advantage of you? He knew how important.

Carly (37:49)

He wouldn't even. Yes, but he wouldn't acknowledge it. I mean, we had this horrible fight, and he kept sticking his story, and he wouldn't say, I understand that you're hurt, or I understand that this could be questionable. He wouldn't even. It was. I was just a human moment, and I said, fine. And then. Here's your ring back, and he said, fine.

Bert (38:07)

All right, Carly, I want to put you on hold for a second. I'm going to take some calls from Burt show listeners, and they always have strong opinions, and then I'm going to come back to you. I just can't put you all on together or everybody will be on the voice disguiser and it's very, very scary.

David (38:19)

Okay.

Bert (38:20)

All right, hold on.

Jen Hobby (38:21)

Maybe she should just go to the airport, see if she can find the love of her life in two hours.

Bert (38:26)

See why you belittle that relationship?

David (38:28)

What?

Jen Hobby (38:28)

I'm just.

Bert (38:28)

Why do you belittle that?

Jen Hobby (38:29)

I'm not belittling it. I'm just saying it's a bunch of people.

David (38:31)

Yeah, that's the reason they're mad at you right now. Stop it. The reason Jen's mad at you because you're not a romantic.

Bert (38:39)

Rachel has some pretty strong opinions on this. Hey, Rachel.

Jenny (38:41)

Hello. Okay, I'm gonna need for her to stop acting like a child and act like the 26 year old adult that she is and take some responsibility for her actions. It takes two to tango and she didn't, he didn't climb on top of her and rape her because obviously he loves her and is engaged to be married to her. And you know what? He's a man. A man can only say no so many times when a woman is throwing herself at him. They were both drunk. Nobody made her drink that much alcohol. Nobody made her get smashed out of her mind to the point where she threw her morals and her little judgments about waiting till she was married out the window. I can understand why she'd be upset, but the thing is, you know, he loves her, he wants to marry her. And if it gets to the point where I don't see why he. I can understand why he doesn't think that it's wrong because. Or that it was a mistake because he loves her. They're getting married anyway. It's not like they've been dating for six months.

Bert (39:41)

I just want to make a quick sidebar here and then we'll move back onto this, but with this. This is the second time I've heard this, that people that are in love with each other, like a Marri guy that loves his wife technically can rape his wife. But I keep hearing, well, he's in love with her so he wouldn't rape her. Well, by definition of course you can.

Jen Hobby (39:58)

But I think in this case.

David (39:58)

But this is not right.

Bert (40:00)

But this is not exactly. But what I'm saying is I keep hearing this come up over and over and over again and I don't want women to think that just cuz my, my husband is my husband and he loves me. That, that's not technically rape when it happens, but it doesn't apply to this situation.

David (40:12)

This is not right.

Bert (40:13)

The only, again, the trump card in this whole thing for me is how drunk was he in it? Because I think she has every right in the world to break up with this guy if he's sober and she's drunk and he knows how important this is. And I know that guys want to have sex. I get that. But in knowing how important this was to her and their future, for him to take that if he's sober and she's drunk, then I think she's right.

Jim (40:35)

I mean, it's a pretty harsh thing to say about a man, you know, I mean, it's a pretty harsh accusation, I think, to point at a man and say that he took advantage of you if he really didn't or if you didn't really. If you don't really know what happened. And I think that's probably. I'm not a man, but I would assume that that's probably the. One of the worst things that someone could say about you is that you took advantage of a woman in a situation, you know, So I just think that it's like the ultimate. I don't know, it's just like the ultimate accusation that she better be. Yes, you better be pretty sure of what you're saying.

Bert (41:08)

Take one more call, then go back to Carly. Good morning, Neisha.

Jenny (41:12)

Yes, I agree that it's so wrong for us to blame the guy. It's so easy in a relationship between a man and a woman for the woman to completely blame the guy. And I don't think that Carly has enough self responsibility. I just don't. And I know she's upset and really ticked off. And I've been in that situation with my boyfriend where I've been so ticked off he knows what he did, but you got to move on, especially if she wants to. I'm just really ticked off that she broke up with this guy because it's not my relationship. But I'm mad that she broke up with him without analyzing the whole situation and, you know, analyzing her feelings and his feelings. I mean, I just, I'm just really. Ugh.

Bert (42:01)

Hey, Carly, you're back on the voice disguiser.

Carly (42:03)

Great.

Bert (42:03)

What do you think of the calls that just came in?

Carly (42:07)

You know, it's my life and I can't worry about what other people think. But what everyone keeps missing the point of is that, you know, you keep saying we don't know how drunk he was, but I keep saying to you he was not. He was fine in the morning. I don't think he was nearly as drunk as me. And also, even if he was, then why didn't he just tell me when I. When he came home from work and I asked him about it? Why didn't he say, look, I'm sorry I was as drunk as you. We both made a mistake? He didn't say that.

Bert (42:34)

What did he say?

Jim (42:35)

I mean, you're accusing him of something pretty severe. I would imagine that anybody would get defensive in that kind of a situation.

Carly (42:42)

All he had to say was, you know, carly, supposedly. Carly. That's supposedly my name. You know, just all he had to say was, look, I was so drunk that I couldn't even make a good decision either. I'm sorry. Let's talk about this. Let's work through this. He didn't do that. Everyone's just coming down on me. You guys don't understand. I trusted him. I didn't go home with some stranger and get drunk. I trusted this man. And I didn't think he was as drunk as me. And he certainly didn't tell me that yesterday. And I have a really good reason to be upset and disappointed, and that's what I feel.

David (43:16)

I'm just curious, Carly, when you said, you know, what he said, I'm curious how the conversation started, because a lot of times you also have to look at how someone's approach with it, on their reaction to it.

Carly (43:27)

You know, can you put everything on me? If he loves me so much, maybe he can try to understand why I'm so upset. Upset? He comes home those two ways. I'm the one who lost my virginity in a really not good way, in a really disappointing way. So. And he. He got what he wanted, so he can be a little sympathetic the next day.

Jim (43:47)

Well, I mean, I understand that he should have been a little bit more sympathetic, but you approached him with this.

Carly (43:53)

You don't know. You don't even know.

David (43:55)

You weren't asking. Carly, we're asking.

Carly (43:57)

You act like you know how drunk he was. You act like you know everything you don't know. And if you want, we could learn more. But he said no. I was open to that, Carly.

Jen Hobby (44:05)

And I would be like Scott fighting.

Bert (44:06)

With Tracy right now.

Jim (44:07)

Carly, hey, all I do know is that you came on the radio with us and talked to us about it before you had ever approached him with it. So he felt so.

Carly (44:13)

I was devastated. You're like not even a woman. You have no feelings. I was devastated. I didn't know who to talk to. He had already left. I was in shock, I guess. Some people don't understand that. I'm 26, and I woke up and I realized I had lost some that was very important to me.

David (44:30)

And now you've lost two things. Your man, too. I just really. I hope you understand. I mean, I want to believe that you've made the right decision, Carla, if you think you've made the right decision. But I know you've lost something in an ideal world that was important to you, but you've also lost the physical person that cared about you as well, because you let him go. You've changed your life completely because of this.

Carly (44:53)

He. Completely because of this. He went ahead and went through with. Forward with something that I wasn't ready for, and it's a lot of trust involved in that. It wasn't just a little, tiny event.

David (45:04)

All right.

Bert (45:04)

I don't know that there's anything else to debate here. I mean, you feel pretty strongly about everything that happened and pretty sure of yourself. So I could take another hundred calls from people saying, hey, you know, trying to give you another angle on it, but you feel strongly about it, so move on with your decision, I guess.

Carly (45:18)

Okay.

Bert (45:19)

Bye. Bye. Hey, the bird show.