Full Show PT 2: Thursday, May 21 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, May 21 [Vault]

Air Date: May 21, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert and The Bert Show Cast

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a range of dynamic, often humorous, and distinctly real conversations. Listeners are treated to spirited debates and candid confessions about unconventional therapy methods (sex surrogacy), the social minefield of watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show with partners or family, eye-opening restaurant industry secrets, and deeply personal challenges around divorced parents and major life milestones. The show’s characteristic blend of humor and authenticity brings levity and relatability to even the most charged topics.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Sex Surrogacy: Is Hiring a Sexual Healer Really a Thing?

[01:31–12:13]

• Bert introduces an article about sex surrogacy—a profession where women are hired by wives to sleep with their husbands and offer them pointers for better intimacy.
• The team reacts with disbelief, curiosity, and plenty of jokes.
• Notable Quote:
  "These are legitimate women that will come into your house and sleep with your husband and offer him pointers for you." (Bert, 02:03)
• Bert reads about Mari Simone, a 54-year-old with a “sex resume” of over 1,500 clients—most of them other women's husbands or boyfriends.
• The cast debates the legality, practicality, and emotional impact of this concept; is it therapy or something else?
• Listener Calls:
  • Mary defends the sex appeal of women in their 50s, citing Madonna as an example (07:39).
    • “There are a lot of sexy 54 year olds out there. Take a look at Madonna.” (Mary, 07:46)
  • Casey/Kathy expresses offense at derogatory jokes about 50-year-old women:
    • “There are very nice looking 50 year old women.” (10:10)
    • “You don’t quit living just because you turn 50.” (Caller, 11:00)
• The conversation walks the line between irreverence and sensitivity, ending with an affirmation of confidence at any age.

---

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: Who Watches and Why?

[13:13–24:46]

• Discussion pivots to the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (10pm, CBS).
• Bert and the team question who the real audience is—men, women, couples? Feelings of awkwardness or jealousy appear if partners watch together.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “If you're watching with your wife or your girlfriend, like, you can't be too invested in the show or she's gonna be insulted.” (Bert, 13:55)
  • “If you comment on your own, I think it's gonna hurt her feelings. It would mine anyway.” (Co-host, 14:47)
• Listeners share their perspectives:
  • Brittany watches with her dad, sparking a mix of amusement and awkwardness (16:22).
  • Stephanie (overweight by 30 lbs, by her own admission) enjoys the show with her husband and even gets a new bra every year:
    “I feel great about my body because my husband lets me know that I should be. But that's not the point. I love the show... I get a new bra every year because of it.” (Stephanie, 18:13)
  • Advice for men: Pick your favorite model based on who most resembles your partner, to avoid hurt feelings (19:15).
• Additional listeners chime in, expressing various takes (comparing it to women watching football for “the packages,” attending for the entertainment value, using it for motivation, etc.).
• Theme: Navigating insecurity and body image issues, negotiating “safe” ways for couples to enjoy overtly sexual entertainment together.

---

3. Restaurant Industry Secrets: What Your Server Won’t Tell You

[26:21–33:53]

• The team revisits infamous lists of “secrets waiters won’t tell you,” getting candid and sometimes gross about restaurant practices.
• Revelations include:
  • Waiters can’t say they dislike a dish and will use the code phrase: “It’s one of our most popular dishes.” (Bert, 27:47)
  • Recycled condiments (ketchup, mustard, etc.) are scraped from ramekins and reused.
  • Tricks with soup (heating the spoon, not the actual soup) and drinks (pouring liquor at the top of the straw to fake a strong pour).
  • Some “healthy” smoothies are full of half-and-half; “fresh” salads may be prepped days early.
  • The cleanliness of a restaurant's bathroom is said to mirror its kitchen.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “What you didn't know is that Jeff's job was to use a tiny little spatula and scrape it out and then pull out french fry parts, or hair, band-aid, whatever, and it went into a big tank, and then that's what went out the next night.” (Co-host, 27:21)
• Personal stories: Bert confesses to secretly validating a waiter when a dispute arose about his wife’s order.
• The thread: Service industry dirt, customer entitlement, and the etiquette of voicing complaints.

---

4. Divorce Drama: Navigating Graduation as a Child of Divorced Parents

[35:31–50:56]

• Caller “Kim” seeks advice for her upcoming graduation: her divorced parents refuse to be present together, and her father insists on bringing his wife (who her mother opposes).
• Bert & Co-hosts listen to Kim’s emotional background: Years of parental immaturity, poor communication, and Kim consistently mediating.
• The core dilemma: Should Kim force her parents to behave for her sake, or continue playing peacemaker?
• Notable Quotes:
  • “This is a really important day to her. Hey Kim, you're on the voice disguiser.” (Bert, 36:14)
  • “You gotta sit down, both parents, and maybe even at the same time. And you have to draw some borders and parameters right now, saying, look, this isn't about you guys, right? You know, this is about me, and this is a special day for me.” (Bert, 46:02)
• Listeners and co-hosts weigh in:
  • Reagan: “When you're a child of divorced parents, you just gotta get over it and work around their issues.” (42:20)
  • Katherine: “They need to act like responsible parents and put their feelings and anger aside... I don't need my parents acting like petulant children in front of my friends.” (46:12)
• The hosts debate whether responsibility falls on the child or the parents (with most agreeing: it’s the parents’ job to rise above).
• Final advice: Kim should assert her wishes directly to both parents and set clear boundaries, placing the responsibility where it belongs.

---

Notable, Memorable Moments

• Mari Simone’s 'Sex Resume': The team jokingly calculates her daily “sessions,” and riff on the idea of a “grandma” sexual healer.
• Jokes on Watching the Fashion Show: Playful discussion about how men need to disguise their interest, including elaborate schemes with webcams and faux BlackEyed Peas fandom to save face.
• Listener Stephanie’s Body Positivity:
  “I'm overweight by about 30 pounds. I feel great about my body because my husband lets me know... I love the show. He loves the show... I get a new bra every year because of it.” (Stephanie, 18:11)
• Tip for Guys: When a woman asks which model you prefer, choose one most like her—relationship advice cleverly tucked into a superficial conversation.
• Restaurant Confessions: Disgusting but riveting stories about reused condiments and faked “hot” soup.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Summary | |-------------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:31–12:13 | Sex surrogacy & sexual healers discussion | | 13:13–24:46 | Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: social dynamics | | 26:21–33:53 | Restaurant secrets and industry confessions | | 35:31–50:56 | Caller Kim: divorced parents at graduation dilemma |

---

Language and Tone

• The show employs quick wit, irreverence, and honesty, but always circles back to meaningful advice.
• The cast regularly acknowledges when jokes go too far, and makes active space for diverse and even dissenting opinions.

---

Summary Takeaways

Today’s episode of The Bert Show moves nimbly between laughter and seriously lived experience. Listeners walk away with a mix of:

• Anthology-style “did you know?” stories about sex surrogacy and restaurant secrets.
• Authentic, empathetic advice about family drama and relationship dynamics.
• A reminder that even in the messiest situations—whether sex therapy, self-image, or family dysfunction—openness, communication, and a bit of humor go a long way.

Transcript

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's no, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit for hers.combert to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F O R h e r s.comb for hers.com Bert Weightliftsbyhurst is not available in all 50 states, but go via registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A S to get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borhears.com this summer.

[Bert]

Don't squeeze in, Spread out. Find homes big enough for your whole guest list on vrbo.

[Caller or Co-host]

From family reunions to trips with friends,

[Bert]

VRBO has spacious summer stays for every group size and budget. That's vacation rentals done, right? Start exploring on VRBO and book your next stay now.

[Co-host or Caller]

The Birch Show.

[Bert]

Let's just say you're in a relationship, right? And your husband just. Just not great in bed. Just not really good at all for a whole bunch of different reasons. He's too fast, it's too slow, whatever, right? And we've had this conversation before where you're not exactly sure what to say to him to get him better in this area.

[Caller or Listener]

What?

[Bert]

I didn't realize until this morning that there are. There's a profession called sexual healers.

[Co-host or Caller]

Okay?

[Bert]

These are legitimate women that will come into your house and sleep with your husband and offer him pointers for you.

[Co-host or Caller]

What? Wait one more time.

[Caller or Co-host]

There's our Natalie back there. She's making these noises.

[Co-host or Caller]

Perhaps, Natalie, perhaps you'd like to get in on this break.

What is it again?

[Bert]

Say that one more time. The sexual healer hired by you, the wife, to sleep with the husband and give him pointers. On what he's doing right and what he's doing wrong.

[Caller or Co-host]

Is she in the room at the time?

[Bert]

Let's read together, shall we? I didn't even read the whole article, so I'm gonna have to read slowly, just in case there are bad words. Mari Simone boasts a sex resume of over 1500 guys, many of them, quote, unquote, clients and technically, other women's husbands or boyfriends. She says I earn my living by sleeping with other women's husbands or boyfriends, but I am in no way a prostitute, as sex surrogacy is legal.

[Caller or Co-host]

Sex surrogacy.

[Bert]

Sex surrogacy.

[Co-host or Caller]

I thought it was weird to have another woman carry your baby, another woman to take care of your sex.

That's a little weird.

[Bert]

As long as it is done in a therapeutic and healing atmosphere, sex surrogacy is legal. People are paying for counseling and to cure their problems, not sex.

[Co-host or Caller]

Wow. I mean, I understand the concept, but I just think, like, the reality of actually going through that Seems she says

[Bert]

I'm helping improve and change the sex lives of thousands of men, which means I'm also helping improve the sex lives of their wives and girlfriends. According to an interview, couples flock to the 54 year old. I mean, couples flock to the 54 year old.

[Co-host or Caller]

Batteries just ran out on Bert.

[Caller]

Does that make it okay?

[Caller or Co-host]

Now, that was great.

[Co-host or Caller]

Like, if that was.

[Bert]

He's a veteran, but I'm sure there are interns.

[Co-host or Caller]

If it was the 23 year old, Burt would have just not even. But he's like, call up the 54.

[Bert]

Well, in order to be good at it, I mean, I guess you have to be an expert and you have to be seasoned. So 54.

[Co-host or Caller]

And you also need to be limber.

[Bert]

Couples flock to the 54 year old for sexual counseling. She charges about 100 bucks a session, and she has five appointments a day.

[Co-host or Caller]

Not only is it old, it's worn out.

[Bert]

Can we do the math on this? So if she's been doing this for 20 years and she's.

[Caller or Co-host]

She's trying to help the guy who's doing it wrong.

[Caller]

Oof.

[Bert]

Yeah. She can't even enjoy it. That's five times a day having sex with a dude that's not even good at it.

[Co-host or Caller]

Well, here's my question.

Who's your grandma? Who's your grandma?

Here's what I thought of when you

[Caller]

first brought it up.

[Co-host or Caller]

Don't you think that the guys would perform better for somebody new than they would for somebody they've been with a long time?

Yeah, I think that you know what? I think this is a giant practical joke. I think the wife says to the guy, hey, honey, look, you know, things aren't going great in bed. So I've gone ahead and got someone who's gonna come in and join us in the bedroom. And meanwhile, he's thinking about the 19 year old who works at the Starbucks he goes to every morning. He's like, oh, bring it. I know you and her have been flirting.

Yeah, right.

And then in walks his mother's friend is 54. He's like, wait a minute, what's happening here?

But this is obviously happening. If she's had 1500 partners.

[Bert]

1500. She says, sure, sometimes she gets naked. But her main objective is to make couples feel more at ease in the sex department. She counsels women too. All of my sessions start in the same way. We start by chatting while I caress their hands to make them feel relaxed and confident with me. Ew, this getting too graphic. The word caress.

[Co-host or Caller]

Me too. A 54 year old woman caressing your hands.

[Caller or Listener]

I don't know.

[Co-host or Caller]

The visual on it is not good.

[Bert]

During the next few sessions, I move to giving them back and shoulder massages. So the client. Well, you guys get it?

[Co-host or Caller]

No, keep reading.

[Caller or Co-host]

That's slower.

[Bert]

Sometimes I'll have sex with a husband in front of his wife to show them both how to be more sensitive lovers.

[Caller or Co-host]

Cause I've seen. And some. That's why I asked if she was in the room with him, because some TV show that I saw where this was something that a couple had engaged in where they hired somebody to have sex with him while the wife watched and she talked to them through the entire thing.

[Bert]

Really?

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah. And so.

[Bert]

And so she's giving details to both in the relationship. Exactly what to do.

[Co-host or Caller]

That's HBO Real Sex. That was every other episode of Real Sex on HBO was some sort of weird class and the people were always ugly.

[Caller or Co-host]

Real Sex was a great show.

[Bert]

It was a great show.

[Caller or Co-host]

Is that not on anything?

[Bert]

The guy could feel defeated if you're giving him advice while he's doing it. Well, but he's there for a reason. I mean, he's defeated just by the suggestion alone. I mean, here we have to bring somebody in because you're not enjoying it. I'm not enjoying it. So rather than just give up, let's bring a teacher in.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah. And that like any teacher, but like the girl who taught you, the woman who taught you math in elementary school.

Yeah. Would you guys do that though if your wives came to you and said, we need to work on this, would you bring in somebody else to work on it?

[Bert]

I'd read every book, I'd watch every video. I'd do everything I could. That wouldn't even be an option.

[Co-host or Caller]

I would ask her to show me who she wanted to bring in to

[Bert]

work on it now. Sure. If she gives us that option, you find somebody and you just pick somebody that you like, and they can come on in and show you exactly what you're doing, right or wrong, perhaps.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Good morning, Mary.

[Caller or Listener]

Hi.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Caller or Listener]

I was just. I was listening, obviously, because I'm a big fan of your guys.

[Bert]

Thank you.

[Caller or Listener]

But. But there are a lot of sexy 54 year olds out there. Take a look at Madonna.

[Bert]

Yep.

[Co-host or Caller]

If Madonna offered to teach you a

[Caller or Listener]

thing or two, would you turn her down?

[Co-host or Caller]

Yes, Madonna is.

[Bert]

I would turn Madonna down.

[Co-host or Caller]

She frightens me.

[Caller or Listener]

But I bet she knows a lot.

[Bert]

Anywhere Dennis Rodman has been. I'm not going anywhere near that. But I understand what you're saying. And when my wife turns 54, she'll be hot and sexy.

[Co-host or Caller]

Of course.

Of course you're gonna be sexy.

I just meant, like, in the visual that I had in my head as Bert was reading that story, Whatever woman I was picturing in my head, it was not a good scene. I didn't mean in general.

I imagine that if that happened to me, the woman would look the same way Paula Deen did walking away from getting hit with a ham. Like, covering her face, screaming, oh, my God. It hit me right in the head walking away.

Maybe that's the problem. That's why she hired her.

[Bert]

Hey, Debbie.

[Caller or Listener]

Hey.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Caller or Listener]

I so would have done that with my ex husband. He was horrible.

[Co-host or Caller]

Really?

[Bert]

But would he have been open to that?

[Caller or Listener]

Probably because he was a bit of a pervert. So he probably would have been very open to that.

[Bert]

But didn't you know he was bad in bed before y' all got married? Like, isn't that your fault that you were.

[Caller or Listener]

I was good at certain things, though. I was just that one. He just. It was too quick. And I tried. I tried. I tried to teach him how to slow down some, but it wouldn't work for me.

[Co-host or Caller]

One way to slow it down is to surprise him with his mom in the room teaching him how to do it. That'll. That'll.

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah, that probably would have slowed it down a little bit.

[Bert]

Did you guys inevitably break up because of that one thing?

[Caller or Listener]

No, it was a lot of other reasons, but, yeah, that would have helped out a little bit, though.

[Bert]

Okay, thank you. And Morgan, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Listener]

Hello?

[Bert]

Hello?

[Caller or Listener]

Hi, Bert.

[Bert]

Hey, Morgan.

[Caller or Listener]

I was just wondering, don't you think if she was less hot it would be easier to get directions from her? Because if she's real hot, nobody's paying attention to her. She's real hot, the wife is all in it, the husband's all into her being hot. Nobody's listening to it.

[Bert]

It's probably a good idea.

[Caller or Listener]

If she was less hot, then she would be a little bit more of a credible source, don't you think so more effective.

[Bert]

That's a good argument. Thank you.

[Caller or Listener]

Thank you.

[Bert]

We really can dissect. We can dissect anything on this show. Good morning, Casey, you're on Q100.

[Caller or Listener]

Hi, this is Kathy.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yes, that's what we called you. Just listen.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Caller or Listener]

Hello.

[Bert]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller or Listener]

Yes, I just wanted to reiterate, one of the previous callers said, I really. I listen to your radio show every morning. I love your show, but I'm quite offended this morning because there are, and I'm one of them, very nice looking 50 year old women.

[Bert]

I don't doubt it.

[Caller or Listener]

And I really find it very offensive the comments that you're making. And I think you're gonna offend a lot of people and a lot of listeners.

[Bert]

You know this is a radio show and we're just joking, right?

[Caller or Listener]

It doesn't sound like it.

[Bert]

It doesn't sound like it to you because you're over 50 and you're offended by it.

[Caller or Listener]

Exactly.

[Bert]

But we made a million jokes this morning about other things that you didn't find offensive at all. But this one is close to your heart. So you found this one offensive?

[Caller or Listener]

Yes, I did.

[Bert]

Okay. I think you're hot. You just sound like a hot 50 year old.

[Caller or Listener]

Well, I am. So thank you very much. And you don't quit living just because you turned 50.

[Bert]

Damn right.

[Caller or Listener]

I would love to talk to all of you when you turn 50.

[Bert]

For me, it's not that far away.

[Co-host or Caller]

The Birch show.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next it's now actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. HERS connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications including the Wegovy Pill and the Wegovi Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert Weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. A s To get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical safety study information and restrictions, visit

[Bert]

borhearst.com Dish has been connecting communities like yours for the last 45 years, providing

[Caller or Listener]

the TV you love at a price you can trust.

[Co-host or Caller]

Watch live sports news and the latest

[Bert]

movies, plus your favorite streaming apps all in one place.

[Co-host or Caller]

Switch to Dish today and lock in

[Bert]

the lowest price in satellite TV starting

[Co-host or Caller]

at $89.99 a month with our two year price guarantee. Call 888-D dish or visit dish.com today.

[Advertisement Voice]

So here's how you can save up

[Bert]

to 70% on your favorite brands from rebel.com has everything for your home, family and life, from strollers to skincare at unbeatable prices. Every day, REBBL drops thousands of new

[Advertisement Voice]

products for up to 70% off.

[Bert]

It's a constant stream of endless deals from brands like UPPAbaby, Nuna, Baby Bjorn, Nespresso, Breville, Wilson, Dyson, Caraway and more. Every listing is one of a kind and the best things go first. So you have to move fast. Save big on your favorite brands.

[Advertisement Voice]

Shop now for up to 70% at

[Bert]

from rebel.com the Birch show so this Victoria's Secret fashion show is tonight, right?

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah, 10 o' clock. CBS tonight.

[Bert]

CBS tonight. And I'm not exactly sure where to go with this, but like who watches it? I think the ratings are pretty good on it every year. But I mean, are these like fraternity dudes that sit down or is this like who's watching that thing tonight?

[Caller or Co-host]

Didn't this thing start on the Internet and it got such good, you know, good ratings that it now is televised? So it started out online only. So I don't know because I have

[Bert]

never seen it, I mean either, not once.

[Co-host or Caller]

Pay per view. I remember Watch. It's one of those things that Jessica will put on and then I'll pretend not to watch. I can't believe you're watching this.

[Bert]

You got to be. That's a really tricky situation tonight. If you're watching with your wife or your girlfriend, like, you can't be too invested in the show or she's gonna be in. She's gonna be insulted.

[Caller or Listener]

Right.

[Co-host or Caller]

Like, there's a potential to get really insecure if you were way over the top into it.

Yeah, Well, I don't think.

I think your wife would be like,

all right, I'm not throwing my stuff down and sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor like it's Saturday morning cartoons. But I think because of what it is, because it's the Victoria's Secret fashion show, at least with Jessica, like, there's an acknowledgement that those women are flawless. So you're allowed to watch that.

[Caller or Co-host]

There are things that you'll say that women will absorb that you don't know they're absorbing. You know what I mean? Like, what Jen's saying is, better sit there in silence.

[Bert]

Don't even. Don't. I mean, you got to really monitor, if you're a guy, monitor your breathing.

[Co-host or Caller]

If I were you, I would pretend I was on your BlackBerry or reading the magazine or doing something else, and then kind of every once in a while, like, take a look, check it out. If she says anything, then you can comment. But if you comment on your own, I think it's gonna hurt her feelings. It would mine anyway.

There is a. I'll address that part second. But first, I wanna tell you about this thing I came across. I'm lying. Yesterday.

[Bert]

Hey, Brittany. Hold on one sec, okay?

[Caller or Listener]

Okay.

[Bert]

Just launched into a two pronged story. We may be here a while.

[Co-host or Caller]

It was a thing that you rig up to your laptop. Like, you use your. It was for a Mac, but you use your little webcam thing on your Mac or whatever. And it was instructions on how to turn the webcam so that it was pointed at the tv and then watch like you're basically watching, but then replay whatever's on the webcam on your computer screen so you could pretend to not be watching. So you could sit in the same room with its wallets on with your wife or girlfriend and pretend like you're answering emails, meanwhile, you're watching the whole thing.

[Bert]

How offended would she be?

[Co-host or Caller]

The corner of the screen?

[Bert]

And if you're a guy, I mean, you can't be in your living room watching that alone when your wife or girlfriend walks in the room. No, no, no. She has to Initiate the set tonight. Right. Because you can't volunteer for that.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah, speak.

A reminder. Oh, don't forget that fashion show. What is it? The.

You can't even do that.

[Bert]

That's entirely be her idea.

[Co-host or Caller]

Absolutely.

You can just turn it on the channel and hide the remote.

[Bert]

Hey, Brittany. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Listener]

Good morning, guys.

[Bert]

Hi.

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah, I was just listening. And I watch the fashion show every year. I love it. The whole. The wings and, I don't know, everything's just so pretty. And I actually end up watching it with my dad.

[Co-host or Caller]

With your dad?

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah.

[Bert]

That's kind of creepy, isn't it?

[Caller or Listener]

Well, kind of. I don't know.

[Co-host or Caller]

Isn't that, like, taking your dad?

[Caller or Listener]

And I walked in, I was like, what are you watching? Like, I'm watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show. I was like, I'll sit down and watch, I guess.

[Bert]

And then you got roped in. You've been watching it every year since.

[Caller or Listener]

I have. And actually, my son's 3 years old, and when I was in the hospital after I had him, it was on tv. And I remember watching it then while I was in the hospital after I had my son.

[Bert]

So you would think, like, women that just delivered a baby would be least apt to watch a show like that because, you know, you're not feeling all that confident about your body.

[Co-host or Caller]

You watch Heidi Klum, though, for motivation.

[Bert]

That's not motivated. She's doing more harm than she's doing good.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yes. Anybody in the spotlight that loses baby weight so fast is.

[Caller or Listener]

Ugh.

[Caller or Co-host]

It frustrates me that women in the regular world think, wow, they've done something special. And it's like, well, if I had a nutritionist and I had a workout guy and I wasn't and I wasn't going to work, you know, during the day, then, yeah, I could lose that, too, in three months.

[Co-host or Caller]

I think it's positive energy. I think it's. Hey, it can be done. Hey, look at. Look at what's within your reach.

[Bert]

You know, I think if you're. If you're a woman, would you rather watch it with your dad or with your husband?

[Co-host or Caller]

Never your dad.

It doesn't sound like a father daughter bonding thing.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, my God.

[Co-host or Caller]

Come here, honey. Sit on my lap. We're going to watch a special TV show.

[Caller or Co-host]

Jeff, shut up.

[Bert]

It's a new tradition. Good morning, Stephanie. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Listener]

Hi. Hey, guys. How are you doing today?

[Caller]

Good.

[Bert]

How are you?

[Caller or Listener]

Good. Okay. So my husband and I watch it every year.

[Bert]

Really?

[Co-host or Caller]

You don't get offended at all.

[Caller or Listener]

I don't get offended. And get this. I'm actually overweight. I'm overweight probably by about 30 pounds. I feel great about my body because my husband lets me know so that I should be. But that's not the point. I love the show. He loves the show. But guess I get a new bra every year because of it.

[Bert]

See, there's always intent with a woman that's right there.

[Caller or Listener]

Like, I don't get, like the diamond gem one, but I get a new bra every year. And it's one of their new lines. And that's the ticket.

[Co-host or Caller]

And those are expensive

[Caller or Co-host]

bribery. That's the way to get you to watch it is to promise, honey, I promise you I will buy you a victorious.

[Bert]

That's what they're hoping.

[Caller or Listener]

Absolutely. But I also get to see, like, I don't know, it sometimes helps. You guys were talking the other day about how you compare butts or whatever at the. At the mall. Well, this is my chance to see exactly, like. So which model does he love? Like, he's always responding to a certain model. And thank God it's usually one that the brunette with long hair. Because I have brunette hair and it's long. So things like that. Like, I get to compare and say, okay, so that's the girl that he likes. That's the one I want to look like.

[Bert]

Okay, I want to. I want guys to listen to what she's saying very, very closely here. Because you can learn a lot from what Stephanie's saying. Because Stephanie is saying when she asks her husband while they're watching, which Victoria's Secret model is the hottest. Guys, listen to this. Find the one that most closely resembles what your wife looks like, and that's the one you say verbally, out loud, that one. And she'll pick up on the C. That's an important lesson right there.

[Co-host or Caller]

That's a good lesson.

[Bert]

That's a real good lesson right there. If you say anything at all.

[Co-host or Caller]

So no brunettes, Burt.

[Bert]

No.

[Co-host or Caller]

No pointing out any brunettes for you.

[Bert]

I would. I don't. Well, A, I'll be sleeping by 10 o' clock tonight, but B, that is certainly not something that Stacy and I would sit down and watch together.

[Co-host or Caller]

She wouldn't do that. I bet she would.

[Caller]

Mmm.

[Bert]

I don't think she would right now. No, I don't think she would. Good morning, David. You're on Q100.

[Co-host or Caller]

And if she did, hide the golf club.

[Caller or Co-host]

Kidding me now?

[Co-host or Caller]

All right.

[Bert]

Hey, dav.

[Caller or Co-host]

And moving on.

[Co-host or Caller]

Awkward moment. Awkward moments.

But I'M not going to.

[Bert]

I'd appreciate you don't.

[Co-host or Caller]

Hello, Atlantis and everybody making noise. And we're back to the show.

Hong Kong.

[Caller or Co-host]

Don't look in front of the eye. Don't look in front of the eyes.

[Bert]

Well, there's a good reason, but I just don't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't publicly say it unless she knew I was going to say, we're making noises.

[Co-host or Caller]

Making noises. Making noises.

Don't look.

[Bert]

Burn in the eye. Hey, David. Good morning.

[Caller or Listener]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Bert]

Hey, what's up?

[Caller or Listener]

I got a quick tip for the guys who would like to watch this with their girlfriends. They know they're going to be in the room. You got to approach it the same way that women approach watching, you know, a football game, any kind of sports. You know, men's sports where they're sweating and the bodies are showing off. You have to make subtle comments to let them know that you're interested but that you're not, you know, totally into it and totally enthralled with it. You know, you've had this in your planner for weeks now. Same way that women watch football. They're not watching football for the actual competition. And, you know, they don't know the stats and all that stuff.

[Bert]

I mean, that's not.

[Caller or Co-host]

That's not accurate.

[Caller or Listener]

There are some. There are some that select you. And I completely appreciate that. But most women are watching it to look at the guys. Packages.

[Co-host or Caller]

To look at the guy's packages.

[Bert]

If you get past the second argument, I think his first. His first point is really valid, that if you're a guy and you're watching it tonight, you're allowed to enjoy it. Just don't let her know you're enjoying it.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah. And because you have to also, especially if you're in a relationship in which she complains about how you don't seem interested in things that you're doing together anyway. Like if you seem bored with her throughout the day and then you turn on this Victoria's Secret thing and then you're all enthusiastic.

[Co-host or Caller]

Right.

[Caller or Co-host]

You ain't having sex for a long time. This is where you should be consistent. Seemed bored with it, but enjoyed internally.

[Co-host or Caller]

Hey, Hannah.

[Bert]

Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Listener]

Good morning.

[Caller]

I wanted to say that I watch it every year with my friends because

[Caller or Listener]

it's so much fun. It's just a performance.

[Caller]

It's kind of campy with all the costumes. And then don't forget, you have the musical performances at the end.

[Bert]

Oh, I forgot. Black Eyed Peas are on this Thing tonight.

[Co-host or Caller]

Right?

That's why I'd be watching.

[Caller or Listener]

I know it would seal.

[Caller]

And then this year, it's the Black Eyed Peas.

[Caller or Listener]

But it's just fun.

[Caller]

The costumes are humongous, and it's totally unrealistic. I mean, I don't watch it to emulate them, but it's just good entertainment.

[Bert]

That's the way to get into it tonight, is go, hey, there's a Black Eyed Pea. A live Black Eyed Peas concert on TV tonight. Do you want to watch? And then you turn it on, and there's all these Victoria's Secret models. You're like, where is this damn concert?

[Co-host or Caller]

You gotta start. You gotta start loving Black Eyed Peas. Like, you gotta come home wearing a Black Eyed Peas concert T shirt. Where'd you get that? Well, don't you remember when I traveled to the Black Eyed Peasants on roll with him for three weeks?

[Caller or Co-host]

Man, you guys couldn't pull off acting like that.

[Co-host or Caller]

Who knew?

[Bert]

Good morning, Andrew. You're part of the Burt Show.

[Caller or Listener]

Hey, guys. I was actually told last week when the catalog came in the mail that we're watching it by my wife. She's like, heidi Klum just had that baby. I want to see how she looks.

[Bert]

And you're like, okay, now, is she hoping that Heidi Klum does or does not look good?

[Caller or Listener]

Well, she watches. I mean, we watch Bravo all the time in all those shows because she knows what she looks like already, but she's just. I'm listening.

[Caller or Co-host]

I'm like, okay, it's on Lifetime now.

[Bert]

Did you sort of, like, mentally high five yourself when she made that suggestion to you?

[Caller or Listener]

I've done that many times in my life. Bird with her. So this is just one of the many. But, yeah, it was totally. I was like, darn. But it makes up for me sitting through four seasons of Dancing with the Stars now.

[Bert]

So here's your payoff.

[Co-host or Caller]

The Bird show.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad, and then the next, it's now, actually, carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovi Pill and the Wobi Pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit4hers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weightlift by hers is not available in all 50 states with go is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A S to get started and learn more, including important safety information with Gobi clinical study information and restrictions, visit borhearst.com this

[Co-host or Caller]

podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar I've got good news and bad news. Here's the bad news. Most protein bars are packed with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients. The good news? There's a better option. I'm Will and I created IQ Bar Plant Protein bars to empower doers like you with clean, delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel. IQ bars are packed with 12 grams of protein, brain nutrients like magnesium and Lion's Mane and Zero Weird Stuff. And right now you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. Clean ingredients, amazing taste and you'll love how you feel. Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Try our delicious IQ Bar Sampler Pack with nine plant protein bars, eight hydration

[Bert]

mixes and four mushroom coffee sticks.

[Co-host or Caller]

And now you can get 20% off all IQ Bar products plus free shipping. When you go to iqbar.com today and enter promo code BAR20 to get this exclusive offer for our listeners. That's iqbar.com promo code BAR20 to get 20% off plus free shipping iqbar.com, code BAR20 during Memorial Day at Lowe's Shop household must haves for less. Save $80 on a Char Broil Performance Series 4 Burner Grill to chef up something special plus get up to 45% off select major appliances to keep things fresh. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's Lowe's we help you save valid through 527 while supplies last selection varies by location. See lowe's.com for details.

[Advertisement Voice]

Visit your nearby Lowe's.

[Bert]

The Birch show do you remember that list that we did? We do this one from time to time that comes out these secrets in restaurants that waiters don't ever tell you. Yes, every time it grosses us out and we promise we're never gonna do it again. New list came out today.

[Co-host or Caller]

It's like the one that made you never order ice in a restaurant. Don't you ever get ice? You only drink bottled water.

[Bert]

That could be on that list. Yeah, but this is the one that last time we had it, we discovered that the well drank cold drink thing.

[Co-host or Caller]

Right.

[Caller or Co-host]

And then even in, like, Jeff, who used to work in a restaurant, told us about his experience about having to the little containers with the ketchup, and then you. You scooped it and recycled it.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah, I did. I fed it to a baby bird. It was. It was the little ramekin things, the little tiny ceramic bowls. Because this is a fancy restaurant.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yes.

[Co-host or Caller]

So you didn't get your ketchup in a squeeze bottle or a packet. You got a little tiny bowl of ketchup to dip your fries into.

Looks fancy.

Yeah. What you didn't know. And mayonnaise and mustard and all those sandwich toppings. What you didn't know is that Jeff's job was to use a tiny little spatula and scrape it out and then pull out french fry parts or hair band aid, whatever, and it went into a big tank, and then that's what went out the next night.

[Bert]

So messed up. Messed up.

[Co-host or Caller]

I didn't know any better. I was making $4.75 an hour. Man, you were rich. The best busboy that restaurant ever had. JT's in.

[Bert]

What's up, 30 secrets your waiter will never tell you. We won't go through all 30, but we got a couple of good ones for you. Waiters are not allowed to tell customers about a dish that they don't like. So if you ask a server how something is and she says it's one of our most popular dishes. That's the key phrase for you. It's one of our most popular dishes. Cause she can't say. If she doesn't like it, she can't say. Quite honestly, it's not for me. Although from time to time, I have

[Co-host or Caller]

had a way to do that.

I usually do the comparison, and I appreciate that.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, that they don't. Yes, Well, I usually do the comparison where I say, okay, well, I'm debating between the shrimp and the steak. Which do you recommend?

[Bert]

And then if she says. If she says the shrimp is. Are more popular, that means she hates the other one.

[Co-host or Caller]

Okay.

[Bert]

All right.

[Co-host or Caller]

Okay.

[Bert]

So that's the key phrase. This one's really good for this time of year. On Christmas Day, when people ask why I'm there, I might say, my sister's been in the hospital or My brother's off to war, so we're celebrating when he gets back. And then the tips come in.

[Co-host or Caller]

Nice.

Way more karma, though.

You could do it with. Anyway, it's like strippers saying they're students. Oh, you are. Okay.

Putting myself through med school.

You're a student. Okay.

[Bert]

I'll give you more money if you make a big fuss about sending your soup back because it's not hot enough. This is specific to soup. Here we like to take your spoon and run it under really hot water, so when you put the hot spoon in your mouth, you're gonna get the impression, often the very painful impression, that your soup is indeed hot, but it's really just your very first bite.

[Caller or Co-host]

Oh, that's my first sip.

[Co-host or Caller]

Don't believe that.

[Bert]

I didn't make that.

[Co-host or Caller]

Seems like too much work.

[Bert]

No, it makes perfect sense. Like, rather than have to put it back in the. The microwave for a minute, run it under hot water for 10 seconds, it's back. That is funny.

[Caller or Co-host]

I'm always afraid to send something back. I usually just suck it up. Like, I. I just don't want to, because I do feel like I'm being rude if I say, you got to take this back. Because, you know, unless the order is completely wrong, you know, unless I ordered, you know, chicken and you gave me beef, I won't. I won't send it back.

[Bert]

Really?

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I'm at a place now where if you're spending, you know, a good amount of money on food, get it right.

[Co-host or Caller]

Do you ever question whether or not you screwed up the order?

[Caller or Co-host]

Yes.

[Bert]

Like.

[Co-host or Caller]

Like, the food comes and you look at it, and it's the blue cheeseburger, but you ordered the something else.

[Caller or Co-host]

Sometimes I'll just eat the blue cheeseburger.

[Co-host or Caller]

Yeah. Because I'm in my mind. I'm convinced that I was distracted.

[Bert]

I'll tell you what I did. One day, I did the wrong thing. I totally. I totally sold my wife Stacy out. And I don't even know if to this day, she knows that I did this. We were at a Mexican restaurant, and we were in Charleston, and she ordered a certain type of taco, and the waiter brought the taco that she wanted, and when it got to her plate, she thought she had ordered a different kind of taco, and she sort of made a big stink about it. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I ordered. And he said, yeah, this is what you ordered. And I knew the waiter was right, and I let it go. I totally let it go. So she got a new taco she leaves the restaurant. And then on my way out, I pulled the waiter aside and I just want. And I said, I just want to let you know, man, you got that right.

[Co-host or Caller]

You did.

[Bert]

Did you give him a bigger tip? I gave him an extra tip, too.

[Co-host or Caller]

Is she one of those people? Because we were out to eat with somebody once or it was a similar situation. We heard the person say fries. And when the food arrived, there were fries on it. And the girl insisted she said rice, but was so belligerent with the waiter, where you're almost like

[Caller or Listener]

you kind of

[Co-host or Caller]

didn't want to be. So you kind of braced, you know, you're like, whatever. And you let the two, she and him hash it out. And he's like, I'm really sorry, I'll bring you the rice. But you said fries. She goes, I didn't. I said rice. Rice sounds like fries. Maybe you got a better hearing.

[Bert]

Customer's always right.

[Co-host or Caller]

Bad, right. So he goes and gets them and it was no big deal. And then afterwards we all talked and we're like, she ordered rice, right? Or what? You know, got it. Like, the waiter was right. And we all agreed afterwards and felt that we didn't go back in, though. It was a good move.

[Bert]

Joanna here, plenty of experience in this area.

[Co-host or Caller]

I'm really hoping you put me on

[Caller]

the voices guys there.

[Advertisement Voice]

I just want to tell you it

[Bert]

was going back to the spoon thing with liquor. If a customer brings back a drink

[Co-host or Caller]

and they say it's not strong enough, you pour a little bit of liquor

[Bert]

into their straw so that they think

[Co-host or Caller]

it's a stronger drink, but it's not. It's just that initial sip is stronger

[Bert]

than the rest of it.

[Caller or Co-host]

That's funny.

[Bert]

Never even thought of that. You will never know where I work.

[Co-host or Caller]

Really smart, smart. Never thought of that.

That's actually. I don't think that's a complaint thing. Like, I know a lot of bartenders who do that. Hit the straw, the drink with. With something so that.

[Caller or Listener]

Wow.

[Co-host or Caller]

It always appears to be.

[Bert]

Wow. Here's one about the smoothie you might be ordering. A lot of restaurants use half and half. So if you think that you're ordering this healthy strawberry banana smoothie, it's really filled with all sorts of fats, half and half.

[Co-host or Caller]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bert]

One restaurant doesn't taste so good. Yeah, right. That's why you keep going back. Why can't I lose this weight? I'm just eating up. But smoothies all day. One place has their salads pre made three days ahead of time. You think you're getting something fresh and you're not.

[Co-host or Caller]

Do you remember the waitress in LA who said that the Olson twins used to come in and get the non fat latte caramel, frappo, Frappo, whatever. And she just thought they were too skinny. So she made it with full cream. Yeah, didn't even, didn't even use whole milk. She used like the full cream they used to make the whipping cream in there.

[Caller or Co-host]

She was trying to do good. She was trying to help them.

[Co-host or Caller]

I've been on this treadmill for days.

[Caller or Listener]

I can't lose weight.

[Co-host or Caller]

I'm going to get a coffee.

[Bert]

And one manager says that if you really want, if you're interested to know how clean it is in the kitchen, then go to the restroom because it's a pretty good mirror image right there. If it's clean in the restroom, you're clean in the kitchen.

[Caller or Co-host]

I will judge. And we've talked about this before. I will definitely judge any place. Restaurant guest. It doesn't matter what it is. If your bathroom is nasty, I will never go back.

[Bert]

Indeed.

[Co-host or Caller]

It was the very first thing my dad said to me when I got into the Flying Biscuit. Keep your bathrooms clean.

[Caller or Co-host]

Absolutely.

[Co-host or Caller]

And he was talking about my house. He wasn't even talking about the rest. Hey, the Birch Show.

[Advertisement Voice]

Okay, can we talk about how confusing weight loss has become? Like, one minute it's carbs are bad and then the next it's now actually carbs are fine, but only if you walk 10,000 steps and drink a green juice. And honestly, it's just a lot. And then even if you do lose the weight, keeping it off is a whole different story. If you're struggling and want something that fits your real life, hers can help. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals in a way that actually fits your life. That's why weight loss by hers is getting so much attention right now. Hers connects you with licensed medical providers who create doctor developed treatment plans tailored to you. They offer access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the Wegovy pill and the Wegovy pen. It helps regulate your appetite so you eat less and keep the weight off. If you're ready to reach your goals and want to try something new, visit fourhers.com Bert to get personalized affordable care that gets you. That's F O-R-H-E R S.com Bert for hers.com Bert Weightlifts by hers is not available in all 50 states, but Gobi is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk A s get started and learn more including important safety information with govi clinical, clinical study information and restrictions. Visit borhurst.com

[Co-host or Caller]

during Memorial Day at Lowe's. Shop household must haves for less. Save $80 on a char broil performance series four burner grill to chef up something special. Plus get up to 45% off. Select major appliances to keep things fresh. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's Lowe's. We help you save valid through 527 while supplies last selection varies by location. See lowe's.com for details.

[Advertisement Voice]

Visit your nearby Lowe's.

[Co-host or Caller]

The third show.

[Bert]

Let's get Kim on here. And I would say, you know, let's not take the calls that are like, hey, your parents should put aside their nasty feelings for each other and be at your graduation. Because that's obvious. That's totally obvious. So let's try to figure out a way how we actually can get them on the same page because this sucks right here. I mean, I'm a product of a divorce family also, and I was the divorce trophy. But that's not your kid's problem, right? That's an adult. Those are adult problems right there. And you're always sacrificing for your kids and you always should be. So what happens when the two parents can't see eye to eye? That's exactly where Kim is right now. And this is a really important day to her. Hey, Kim. Hey, you're on the voice disguiser. Can you speak up a little bit?

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Can you hear me okay?

[Bert]

Yeah, that's better. So you got graduation coming up when

[Caller]

it's going to be December 12th.

[Bert]

Okay. And give us a little history here about your mom, your dad, the new wife, and some things that have happened over the last couple of months where, you know, if they both are there together with the new wife especially, it's going to be tense.

[Caller]

Well, long story short, My parents separated 11 to 12 years ago, probably 12. And they officially divorced in 2005. My dad remarried his current wife in 2005, but they celebrated their 10 year anniversary. That's what she told me earlier this year on vacation in like May. So they had been together since I was 15 years old. My parents had been divorced since four years ago. The really only thing that happened was I didn't really think it would be an issue. I talked to my mom and my mom said she would come. And she wasn't very happy about my dad being there, but she knew it was a really important day for me. And then she said that she really didn't want to be there if his wife was going to be there. And I said I understood that and I would make her go if she was going to be there, but I didn't think it would be an issue. And I found out that my dad was going to come down and take me camping instead of going. So I sent him an email. We do a lot of our communicating through email. And I asked him. I said that, you know, you guys can just go and be civil for a couple hours. I said that his wife could borrow my car to visit her aunt. She has family where I live, or she could go and, you know, visit the flea markets or something, and it would only be a couple hours. And he responded saying that he never intended on this, including his wife from anything. And that's kind of how it began. I sent an email after that. It was probably not as nice as it could have been, but had, you know, a lot of.

[Co-host or Caller]

So what you were attempting to do is to get him to come to the event, but during the actual graduation ceremony, his new wife, who your mom does not get along with, would just occupy her time elsewhere.

[Bert]

Did your dad leave your mom for the new woman?

[Caller]

He separated and he moved to a couple of different places before he officially moved to New Orleans, which is where they met. And they were separated. And he was not with the new woman for about a year.

[Bert]

Okay, so they weren't divorced, they were separated when he started dating this new woman.

[Caller]

Yes. And he said in one of the emails that when he left, he got a taste of the drama free life.

[Bert]

Have. Has your mom and the new wife been in the same room together, or is there just unsaid tension right now?

[Caller]

Completely unsaid tension. Probably more my mom's part. I mean, she's very.

[Co-host or Caller]

She's angry.

[Caller]

Sorry.

[Co-host or Caller]

Your mom's just so angry.

[Caller]

Yeah, she's just a kind of an angry, immature person when it comes to a lot of stuff. And she's. She's gotten so much better. I mean, there's a crazy amount better. My parents have only been in the same room together in the past 10 years.

[Co-host or Caller]

So then there's two dilemmas we could solve for you. You have to tell us which one is it. Do you want us to try to get input from our listeners on telling your mom that she kind of has to suck it up and grow up and be there with this new woman and just deal with it and everybody's going to be an adult? Or do you want advice on how to convince your dad that your mom Is important. And out of respect for your mom, you can't have the new. What are you shaking your head at, Wendy?

[Bert]

Well, that just shouldn't matter. I mean, I'm in the same situation. My sister's graduating this month, too. I come from divorced parents. My dad's with another woman, too. I mean, she's gonna go.

[Co-host or Caller]

But if your parents can't get along,

[Bert]

well, they can sit in different places

[Co-host or Caller]

and watch you graduate.

[Bert]

They don't have to sit together. But you can get along for one day.

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I mean, I'm assuming that you're graduating in a big. Pretty big auditorium or whatever. Why do they even have to see each other?

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah, it is.

[Caller]

And that's something that my dad had mentioned. And my mom doesn't know about any of this, like, as far as she knows. I mean, she does. My dad's not going to graduation, but she doesn't know why. I just didn't want to tell her, you know, until after graduation. So then she wouldn't say that she wouldn't go because of all this drama. I mean, basically it comes down to my mom being really immature and overly controlling, kind of. And then my dad being not really in the picture. He hasn't been in the picture for so long. But, I mean, we're just. I don't think we're as important to him.

[Bert]

And your mom is feeling that, too. She's probably like, he hasn't been in the picture for all these years, so why does he even get a say in the matter? If she knew what was going on.

[Caller or Co-host]

But. But, you know, my thing is. Let's go back to you. What do you want? I mean, it's your graduation day, like. Because I think that unfortunately, as a product of divorce, you've had to be the peacemaker since you were 15. So.

[Caller]

I almost divorced when I was 5. And I wish they would have done it right, because it would have been so much. I mean, simpler.

[Caller or Co-host]

Right. So what do you want?

[Caller]

Both my parents there. And I want it to be as drama free as possible. And I can kind of understand my mom not wanting his new wife there. Just, you know, under the circumstances, it was kind of a bad divorce. They just do not have a good relationship at all. And I can understand my mom not wanting to be there if, you know, she's going to be around.

[Caller or Co-host]

Well, see, I think it's sad that you're now drifting back into the analyzing.

[Bert]

Your parents, you shouldn't have to be in that place.

[Caller or Listener]

Yeah.

[Caller or Co-host]

What they should be doing is saying, you know, what I can understand why she wants us there. So, you know, but it ends up always being the burden on you so that they can be sure.

[Bert]

Here's Reagan here. She thinks she's got some advice. Hey, Reagan.

[Caller]

Good morning.

[Bert]

Good morning.

[Caller or Listener]

I had this exact same situation go on with my family. I had basically my dad and my new stepmom and the whole family, even

[Caller]

my mom and my remarried.

[Caller or Listener]

You know, my stepdad, they all came to my graduation. They sat on two completely just separate sides of the auditorium. And then the dinner afterwards, there was two separate dinners. I went with my dad first and his new wife, and then we had, like, a dessert. And then I went with my mom and my stepdad. They're two separate dinners. No. No togetherness at all. And even seven, 10 years later, when I got married, I couldn't have my parents together either. It's just one of those things when you're a child of divorced parents, you just gotta get over it and gotta work around their issues.

[Caller or Co-host]

Let me ask you a question. Did they know about each other's dinners and each other's appearance? Because it seems like they did know.

[Bert]

And I'll tell you, I disagree with you. I totally and completely disagree with you, Reagan. I don't think that it is the child's responsibility to work around the child's responsibility.

[Caller]

I agree.

[Caller or Listener]

It is not the child's responsibility. But you know what? When you have a child, when you are a child of divorced parents, you realize your parents are very immature and can't get over it, so you just

[Caller or Co-host]

kind of got to work around them.

[Bert]

Yeah. Ideally, I mean, I think here that it's the parents that are supposed to work around the child and not the other way around.

[Co-host or Caller]

Like a question for Wendy and Burt, because talking to her, the original caller, what do we call her?

[Bert]

Kim.

[Co-host or Caller]

Kim. Talking to Kim, she seems so, like. And I don't mean this in a rude way, but weak. Like wishy washy.

[Bert]

Like you constantly, constantly, constantly make excuses for your own parents.

[Co-host or Caller]

Okay, but if this is the first conflict, isn't this where she almost needs to be strong?

I agree.

Like, where she almost needs to say, mom, you need to come to my graduation. It's a one in a lifetime situation. You're gonna come. You're gonna sit on this side of the room. Dad's coming. He's bringing the New Orleans floozy. I'm gonna make sure you guys don't have to be around each other, but you both need to be there.

[Bert]

Yes. It's the toughest conversation that you'll ever have. Because there is for me. There's just no more difficult conversation than having to talk to your parents and make the rules. Like, Stacy and I can have disagreements, and those are uncomfortable. That's one thing. But talking to your parents, that's a totally different level of uncomfortable.

[Co-host or Caller]

You want to please each parent. You don't want to disappoint one parent or the other.

[Caller or Co-host]

You want them both to agree on the same thing.

[Bert]

And that's tough because you're always stuck in the middle.

[Caller or Co-host]

But she's. She's so trained to be drained by her parents that I'm curious if it would be. Would it be easier. I'm not necessarily saying this is what I would do, but would it be easier to lie to your mom than to tell her the truth about the wife coming? Like, to say, you know, and not even to tell her anything. Just, you show up, and this is where you are, and he's in another side of the room, and the mother never sees him.

[Bert]

Well, here's the problem, then, is that Kim can't enjoy the day at all because she's gonna constantly be stressed out that they're gonna run into each other.

[Caller or Co-host]

I think she'll be more stressed out if her mom knows and it's causing drama.

[Bert]

Hey, Kim.

[Co-host or Caller]

I don't know. I think I agree with Bert. I think you gotta tell her mom. You're gonna be on this side of the room. Dad and stepmom are gonna be on this side of the room. I'll spend time with both of you, but just know that you're both gonna be under the same roof.

So jacked up. You think for one minute about bossing your dad around?

[Caller or Co-host]

I don't think Mama. She talks about how drama and immature mom is. Her mama may, I mean, give her such grief up until graduation.

[Bert]

Hey, Kim, most of the calls that are coming in are really saying that you really have to. You gotta sit down, both parents, and maybe even at the same time. And you have to draw some borders and parameters right now, saying, look, this isn't about you guys, right? You know, this is about me, and this is a special day for me. You have to have that conversation with them. And that is easier said than done. I totally understand that.

[Caller or Co-host]

And I think you should have to be willing to back yourself up. And if they don't agree to your terms, then they're not allowed to come.

[Bert]

Hey, Katherine. Good morning. You have some advice here for Kim?

[Caller or Listener]

Yes, I do. She needs to sit down with both parents, not at the same time, but she Needs to sit down and say, look, you need to make up your mind whether you want to be known as a sperm donor or egg donor or you want to be known as a parent. They need to act like responsible parents and put their feelings and their anger aside. She needs. Instead of being a peacemaker and a convenience person, she needs to say, look, this is my day. I need you to be my parents. I need you to put that. I need you to be there for me, not for your anger issues.

[Co-host or Caller]

Would you be willing to talk to her parents on her behalf?

[Caller or Listener]

Oh, gosh, yes. Put me on the phone. Seriously, I'm gonna do it in a heartbeat.

[Co-host or Caller]

I'm only half kidding.

[Caller or Listener]

No, I've been in a similar situation, and I had to sit down and say, look, I'm the child in this situation. I don't need my parents acting like petulant children in front of my friends. I need you to be my parents.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And, Kim, if you don't do this now, then this is gonna go on and on and on and on and on. It's never gonna go away. You have done nothing wrong. This is your graduation. This is not your problem. So when you approach them, you have to keep that in mind. You have done zero wrong.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah. This is your day

[Co-host or Caller]

because your mom's using you to get messages to your dad.

You still there?

[Caller]

Yes, I am.

[Co-host or Caller]

She doesn't know how else to get the message.

[Caller]

I have a lot of the same stuff that I'm hearing to my dad in email. Like, he lives 14 hours away, so I don't see him normally, but a couple times a year, and we talk, like, we don't talk on the phone that often. I mean, I call him more than I do. I think my sisters do. But I pretty much ended, you know, I said in the email that this is just another example of you putting your children on the back burner. Everything else in your life and I plan like, this has been. My parents have been an issue our whole life. You know, we have to carefully plan our holidays in case, you know, my dad might decide to show up, one of them or, you know, my mom, what she's going to want to do half the time. My mom doesn't really want to go anywhere, so, you know, she may not participate in holidays sometimes.

[Bert]

Look, inevitably, you may just have to be at peace with, this is who your dad is. He's gonna be a selfish guy. He's been a selfish guy his whole life. He's been a selfish parent since day one, and that's who he is someday you may have to come to peace with that. And that may start here with graduation.

[Caller or Co-host]

But don't compromise yourself because it's your gr. This is a. This is a huge accomplishment for you, and this is a day that you need to enjoy and not let them ruin.

[Bert]

Don't let them take that away from you.

[Caller]

Yeah. I basically told him that if he can't come to graduation and be there for me, then I didn't want him to be there. I mean, it might be a different situation if I had a relationship with my stepmother, but it's like I don't talk to her unless I happen to call my dad's home phone and she answers, and I don't see her unless I go and visit my dad. I don't have this relationship with her, so she's not really a part of my family.

[Co-host or Caller]

Something about me tells. Or something about you tells me that you just wanted to kind of talk about this, invent it, but you're not ready to solve it.

[Caller]

Well, at this point, I'm just kind of afraid to solve it. I mean, I'm just not sure what can be done as far as me and my dad.

[Bert]

There may not be anything at this point. There may not be my mom.

[Co-host or Caller]

Do you know what I mean? I think that you're not even hearing

[Caller]

it up until after graduation, kind of.

[Co-host or Caller]

She just said she doesn't want to bring it up till after graduation.

I just don't feel like you're like, hearing the solutions or hearing the way to work through it. You just kind of want to vent about it and talk about it and commiserate in this situation. But in order for you to enjoy your graduation, you're gonna have to get past it and move on and set up some parameters. But.

[Bert]

And this wasn't gonna be resolved in a 10 or 15 minute call to a radio station. Sometimes this takes years of work with

[Co-host or Caller]

a therapist to get all that.

[Caller or Co-host]

Doesn't know any dishes.

[Bert]

Believe you me, I know that.

[Caller or Co-host]

Yeah, she doesn't know. She doesn't know because her whole life her parents have been drama. So, I mean, it's like Kim has no concept of it being solved.

[Bert]

This is the only world that she knows.

[Caller or Listener]

In it.

[Caller or Co-host]

That's all she knows and that's all her parents have offered her.

[Bert]

I don't understand why parents don't unders. The priority never changes. When you're married, your kids come first. And if you divorce, your kids come first.

[Co-host or Caller]

I don't agree with that.

[Bert]

No.

[Co-host or Caller]

I think if you're married, your spouse has to come first.

[Bert]

I. I mean, I guess we could debate that. Yeah.

[Co-host or Caller]

They both have very Spouse before parents, spouse before children.

[Bert]

Spouse before kids sounds great on paper, but until you have kids, you realize that there's got to be some kind of balance there.

[Co-host or Caller]

We can debate about that.

[Bert]

Yeah. You really do get it. The bird show.