Full Show PT 2: Thursday, May 28 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Thursday, May 28 [Vault]

Original Air Date: May 28, 2026
Host & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jen, Melissa, Jeff, John Gerard (“Commuter Dude”)

Episode Overview

In this entertaining and authentic installment of The Bert Show, the crew embarks on a journey through wild listener drama, relatable relationship chaos, real-life commuter troubles, and celebrity interviews. Key themes include navigating questionable decisions in relationships, making connections in the digital age, and catching up with stars Kelly Clarkson and Alison Ireta. The morning is peppered with trademark humor, honest discussion, and plenty of life lessons.

---

Major Segments & Discussion Points

1. Relationship Drama: Julie’s “Psycho” Spyware Saga

Timestamps: 01:00 – 10:12

Key Points

• Julie’s Dilemma: Julie is “kind of seeing” her ex-boyfriend and finds herself spiraling, planning to spy on him by installing spyware to track his online activity.
• Execution: With the help of her brother, Julie orchestrates a laptop swap during a visit while her boyfriend showers, then anxiously waits for updates from the installed software.
• Complications: The ex takes the laptop to work for IT to check glitches, risking exposure of Julie’s actions.
• Escape Tactics: In a panic, Julie grabs the laptop’s box and later claims to have "thrown it away," eventually returning it and arranging for the computer to be checked at Best Buy—sidestepping disaster.

Notable Quotes

• “Reason went out the window and—well, it went out the window a long time ago.” – Julie (04:04)
• “If you distrust this guy this much, then why even engage in any kind of relationship?” – Burt (07:27)
• “I really don’t want to make any major moves right now, but… I don’t like how I felt about myself during this whole thing. So if this guy is kind of triggering something in me that I don’t like about myself, that’s not a good sign.” – Julie (08:22)
• “Never, ever, under no circumstance should you ever tell him that you stepped in the psycho and did this with his computer.” – Burt (09:17)

Memorable Moments

• The group debates the acceptable level of "crazy" in love and whether love justifies irrational actions.
• Callers chime in, with one thanking the show’s “psycho chicks” for making her feel better about her own life (10:20).

---

2. Community Segment: “Commuter Dude” John Gerard

Timestamps: 13:01 – 26:45

Key Points

• Role and Impact: John Gerard (“Commuter Dude” from 11Alive) discusses his role fixing commuter issues (like potholes), coaching listeners on claims for car damage, and evolving into a consumer advocate.
• Interaction with Listeners: Touched by the overwhelming number of requests, he shares that streets are full of "craters" making driving expensive and dangerous during the winter.
• Funny Office Culture: The cast jokes about John’s signature orange vest being a Clark Kent-level disguise.

Notable Quotes

• “There’s huge craters all over the city… I’m in the process now of trying to help people get some of that money back… it’s hurting people in the wallet and that’s really impactful, especially this time of year.” – John Gerard (14:03)
• “I’ve kind of taken on this alter ego. I guess I am Commuter Dude now.” – John Gerard (13:48)

---

3. Digital Etiquette: John's Facebook “Creeper” Dilemma

Timestamps: 17:33 – 26:16

Key Points

• The Situation: John recounts contacting a woman spotted in a Facebook photo (through a friend-of-a-friend), sending a direct message. He tries to be honest and clear about why he’s reaching out.
• Response: She blocks him on Facebook, provoking a debate about online social cues and what triggers a block.
• Panel Feedback: The team dissects John’s message, offering both female and male perspectives—with the consensus being that his message wasn’t block-worthy, though the use of words like "creepy" might have set off red flags.

Notable Quotes

• “You can’t leave smiley faces, people.” – John Gerard on Facebook etiquette (21:45)
• “If Jeff’s scenario in his head is true and she goes to get a scouting report… and you don’t get a really passing grade…” – Burt (23:48)
• “The only part of the email that I would change is when you use the word ‘creepy’. There’s no reason to use that word in there at all.” – Jen (24:32)

Memorable Moments

• Listeners call in to share their thoughts, with one advising brevity and another suggesting the term “what’s your situation” might be off-putting.

---

4. Event Recaps: Q100’s Christmas Party & Kelly Clarkson Interview

Timestamps: 27:54 – 42:05

Key Points

• Office Party Antics: The hosts recap the high-energy Q100 Office Christmas Party, where “boob photocopying” and impromptu performances were highlights.
• Backstage with Kelly Clarkson: Jen, Melissa, and Wendy interview Kelly, discussing music, breakups, touring, tiny family Christmases, and bridesmaid stories.
• Personal Insights:
  • Kelly explains the inspiration behind “Already Gone,” discussing the song’s perspective on bittersweet breakups (31:22).
  • She shares her songwriting process, influences (Aretha, Miranda Lambert, Pink), and thoughts on staying grounded.
  • Reveals she doesn’t listen to her own songs during breakups: “I have no idea what the melodies are, what the words are. Cause I don’t listen to myself.” (32:38)
  • Talks about being a frequent bridesmaid and crazy wedding stories (27 Dresses reference).

Notable Quotes

• “It’s just about—sometimes it’s not like anybody’s an ass. It just didn’t work out, you know.” – Kelly Clarkson on “Already Gone” (31:38)
• “Country is great when you’re going through a breakup for some reason, right?” – Jen (33:56)
• “I feel sorry for the person that ends up with me, so.” – Kelly Clarkson on her family’s competitiveness (40:39)

Memorable Moments

• Kelly talking about being a bridesmaid many times—“That’s awesome. I’ve been there a lot.” (35:48)
• The fun, friendly, and relatable vibe with Kelly, who enjoys being “girlfriends” with the show’s female half (31:10).

---

5. Catching Up: Alison Ireta (American Idol)

Timestamps: 43:11 – 47:18

Key Points

• Post-Idol Life: Alison shares her gratitude for the support, excitement at releasing music, and details about her supportive family.
• Fame & Grounding: She keeps her parents grounded, explaining the realities of increased recognition post-show.
• Up Next: Alison teases her upcoming performance at Billboard’s New Year’s Eve Live special in Vegas.

Notable Quotes

• “Without them, I honestly have to say that I wouldn’t be here.” – Alison Ireta on her parents’ support (45:07)
• “We good?” – Alison Ireta on Idol success and competition with fellow contestants (44:53)
• “The monkey backpack… exactly.” – Alison joking about parents keeping tabs on her in Vegas (47:04)

---

Noteworthy Quotes (with Attributions & Timestamps)

• “Never, ever, under no circumstance should you ever tell him that you stepped in the psycho and did this with his computer.” – Burt (09:17)
• “There’s huge craters all over the city. I’m in the process now of trying to help people get some of that money back…” – John Gerard (14:03)
• “You can’t leave smiley faces, people.” – John Gerard (21:45)
• “It’s just about—sometimes it’s not like anybody’s an ass. It just didn’t work out.” – Kelly Clarkson (31:38)
• “Without them, I honestly have to say that I wouldn’t be here.” – Alison Ireta (45:07)

---

Episode Highlights

• Listener drama turns wild and relatable, demonstrating just how crazy love can make us—and how quickly it can spiral.
• Commuter Dude’s segment provides useful public service info with a lighthearted, engaging touch.
• Kelly Clarkson’s interview is a blend of humor, honesty, and real talk about fame, personal growth, and family.
• Panel discussions offer both laughs and concrete advice on modern etiquette and relationship sanity.

---

Timestamps for Must-Hear Sections

• 01:00 – 10:12: Julie’s spyware relationship saga
• 13:01 – 26:45: Commuter Dude’s city issues and Facebook etiquette
• 27:54 – 42:05: Q100 Christmas party recap & Kelly Clarkson extended interview
• 43:11 – 47:18: Catch-up with Alison Ireta from American Idol

---

Overall Tone

Warm, humorous, self-deprecating, and often irreverent—The Bert Show panel mixes real-life advice with entertainment and genuine curiosity, fostering a sense of community and relatability.

---

Summary

This episode embodies The Bert Show’s strengths: freewheeling humor, candid confession, honest conversation about love and life, and behind-the-scenes glimpses into celebrity lives. Whether handling out-there listener calls, helping commuters get by, or discussing the fine line between boldness and "Facebook creepiness," the show keeps things real, lively, and endlessly fun.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one

[Burt]

place, from H VAC and plumbing supplies

[Commercial Announcer]

to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

left on the clock.

[Commercial Announcer]

So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Jen]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters, but when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Burt]

The Bird show all right, let's try to get through this whole complicated storyline with Julie here quickly. At first we asked women if you were stepping into Psycho over the weekend, doing something crazy that you know is crazy. You're going to do it anyway though, because he pushed you into it. Then call us and tell us what you're going to do. And this was the first time she called.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I'm kind of seeing my ex boyfriend. We're kind of on in a limbo area right now, so I think that alone is making me a little on edge. Why don't I go and buy the same exact laptop that my boyfriend or whatever ex boyfriend got because my brother has the idea that he can install some kind of spy software. I can see exactly what my boyfriend is doing like on email and Facebook and any IM that he gets.

[Burt]

All right, so this was the follow up. Then on Monday, how did it go? All she had to do is install the spyware on ex boyfriend's computer.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I went over to my boyfriend's house and while he was in the shower I switched out our laptops. So now if he goes on it, email says anything. I'll receive an email on my email account saying eyewear has detected whatever and got it. I haven't received, I haven't received any notifications saying that, you know, he's up to something.

[Burt]

So we were waiting and waiting and waiting for this guy to use his email or what have you so she could come back on and tell us exactly what she's found. So this was the final time that we talked to her a couple of days ago this is what she told us.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Well, I got my. My laptop. We switched it out. My brother put the I were on it. Nothing's happened. I haven't seen anything because he hasn't set it up. And then I was kind of hinting at him. I was like, so, what's going on with your new laptop? Because, oh, no, I thought you really wanted it. And he goes, oh, I took the laptop into work. One of the IT guys is nice enough to look at it.

[Jen]

Oh, God, that's nice.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

All right.

[Burt]

And the subtext on that was like, didn't she run out of the house with, like, the box of the laptop or something like that for no reason,

[Melissa]

panicked and grabbed it and ran?

[Burt]

And the it part of the whole thing. What were we so upset about that whole thing about?

[Jeff]

Because the IT guy's gonna. Was looking at the computer because the boyfriend. There was problems with the computer, so he sent it to the IT guy at work. So the IT guy's probably gonna find the spyware.

[Burt]

So. And then he was gonna tell the ex boyfriend. Ex boyfriend would probably track it on back to Julie here. So she was painting herself into a pretty tight corner.

[Jeff]

Mm.

[Burt]

And she's back with us. Hey, Julie.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Hi, guys. How are you?

[Burt]

Good. How are you today?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Great.

[Jen]

Great.

[Burt]

Don't tell me that somehow, some way, this plan has actually worked.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Well, I wouldn't say it worked in the original incarnation, but I. So here's what happened. So last time I spoke to you, I had taken the box to my boyfriend's laptop. I don't know what I was thinking. I just threw it in my car and like, ran.

[Burt]

Just totally panic.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Panic move. Reason went out the window and. Well, it went out the window a long time ago.

[Burt]

Hey, Julie, Julie, Julie, Julie. Let me stop you here for one second. I'm gonna have producer Tracy call you right back, because there's a weird click in the line, and it's just sort of. It's tough to listen to. So let me have her call you right back.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Okay? Sure.

[Burt]

Okay. Now, my guess is that he has installed some kind of software on her phone, and that's.

[Jen]

He's tapping it.

[Burt]

He's tapping into her conversation.

[Melissa]

Now that we know, what are we gonna make predictions? Now that we know that she says it's gone, I couldn't tell if she's

[Jeff]

being honest or sarcastic.

[Melissa]

Oh, I thought you thought she was being honest. Yeah.

[Burt]

Yeah, she sounded genuinely pretty excited that somehow she's pulled us off.

[Melissa]

I think she 1 million percent took Melissa's advice and said

[Jen]

the Box that

[Jeff]

she was taking out for trash.

[Melissa]

Yeah. And either threw it out or said, oh, my God, I took this by accident and returned it to him. And now the box is back in his house. The IT guy fixed the computer without ever detecting the software. Life is good.

[Burt]

I'm feeling strongly connected to the ex boyfriend. Like, I feel somehow I gotta get in touch with him and just let her. Him know if he gets back with her, the kind of crazy he's gonna be dealing with.

[Jen]

I just can't figure out how she could have gotten out of it. How she could have gotten out of it.

[Melissa]

Melissa's answer was perfect. Just throw. Throw the box away. Garbage. And then when she's like, oh, my God, when he says, oh, my God, where's the box? All she has to say is, I ditched it.

[Jeff]

And I think Jeff's right. I agree with him about the IT guy. Didn't find the spider.

[Melissa]

I think he totally fixed it. IT guys are wily.

[Burt]

Okay, Julie, you're back.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

There we go.

[Jeff]

Way better.

[Burt]

Yes, thank you.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Okay, so the last in my saga was the box was in my car, and I really didn't have a plan at this point, so I'm going back to, like, let me just play. Try to be cool about the whole thing. So I talked to him, I think it was yesterday, and I said, so what's going on with your laptop? Did the guys in the IT department figure it out? And he goes, no, they couldn't find anything wrong with it, so I need to take it back to Best Buy. And I said, you know what? What's so funny is that when I was at your apartment last time, I grabbed that box to take it to the. To the dumpster because I thought it was garbage. And now I'm realizing you probably need it to take care of Best Buy. And he goes, oh, yeah, I was wondering where it was. I'd really love to. Love to have it back. And I said, well, you know what? I have to do some shopping over there. Why don't I. Since the IT guys couldn't figure it out, why don't I take it and drop it off with the Geek Squad since I have the box? And he's like, oh, my God, that would be awesome. I have so much other crap to do. That would be great. I now have his dirty laptop with all the spyware on it, and I switched it out, put his original laptop back in the box, dropped it off at Best Buy, and there's obviously nothing wrong with it. So that's the story.

[Jeff]

And now you're gonna keep. Are you stopping the spyware saga and you're just gonna.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay, no.

[Burt]

Now she's got spyware.

[Melissa]

Now she has a broken laptop with spyware on it. With spyware on it. But when you do get a fix, you're gonna get an email. Every time you do something on your

[Jen]

own laptop, I do it.

[Melissa]

How annoying is that gonna be?

[Jen]

Oh my God. Myself.

[Jeff]

I am so stupid.

[Burt]

Now, Julie, if we're gonna take a departure from the crazy part of this whole thing and you look at it objectively, if you distrust this guy this much, then why even engage in any kind of relationship?

[Melissa]

Hold on. Before you even answer that, Julie Burke, give her a little credit for that is a good plan right there.

[Burt]

I'm glad it worked out for you.

[Melissa]

That's a good plan.

[Burt]

Still, I feel like I need to protect the dude because you have that crazy in you and it's trying to get out.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

So underneath it is, you know, rational is love, Good person. I just don't know where that's what

[Jen]

we asked for was stepping into psycho. Remember at the beginning you were like, we're not here to judge, right? We're just here to hear.

[Burt]

This has been like four steps of psycho here.

[Jen]

Now it's time.

[Burt]

All I'm saying is, are you looking at it now thinking, okay, if I distrust him that much, and I was crazy a couple of days ago when I had this hair brain idea then, do you realize now that, look, maybe I just shouldn't be in it? Are you going to pursue this guy?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Um, it's hard because it's the holidays right now, so I really don't want to like disrupt anything. You know, we're going to go to some parties together. I really don't want to make any major moves right now, but I. Bottom line is I don't like how I felt about myself during this whole thing. So if this guy is kind of like triggering something in me that I don't like about myself, that's not a good sign, Julie.

[Burt]

Irrational statement. You know what very level headed rational statement Bert is?

[Melissa]

Don't listen to him. Crazy is okay as long as it's grounded in love.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

As long as your guys hear about it, right?

[Melissa]

If you're coming from a place of love, even if he doesn't know that he loves you, but your job is to show him. Even by showing him emails that he actually wrote to people that you don't even know. If that's how you have to do it, then for the good of love, by all Means spyware.

[Burt]

And Julia, I do want to. I want to give you this piece of advice. Let's say this all works out and you guys end up married for 40 years. Never, ever, under no circumstance should you ever tell him that you stepped in the psycho and did this with his computer. Never, ever, ever. Because it can always be a deal breaker.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Okay. I won't tell him.

[Burt]

Never.

[Jeff]

All right.

[Burt]

I want you to protect it way better than Tiger woods ever would have thought about protecting the 13 affairs that he had. Okay.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Okay.

[Burt]

It's our secret.

[Jeff]

I'm glad it worked out.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Why?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

That's funny.

[Kelly Clarkson]

The whole reason that she started.

[Melissa]

Melissa, good job.

[Jeff]

Thank you.

[Burt]

Jeff dollar.

[Jeff]

I mean, like, the whole reason she started this was because he was not committing to her and she was trying to figure out why. So it. Everything starts out in a nice, like, wine with friends idea. That sounds good because you want the reason why he won't settle down with her. But then, you know, so it was able to work out okay.

[Burt]

She's still in the same place now she was before she called us.

[Jeff]

Yeah, that she doesn't know why he won't settle down with her.

[Burt]

Laura, good morning. You're part of the Burt Show. Hello.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Good morning. I just want to thank you guys for all these psycho chicks because they make me feel so much better about myself. Between her and the bank fraud chick, you know, that's stealing money for her brother, bounced a check or whatever, all of them, they just cracked me up. The reality shows that we watch on tv, you know, people watch that because it makes them feel better about themselves. But then there's the jokes that it's not really reality. You guys let us know by doing these psycho chicks that it really is reality for some people.

[Burt]

And God bless you.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I just feel so much better. Thank you so much.

[Burt]

And we urge you crazy people to continue to call in in 2010. We need you. The Bird Show.

[Commercial Announcer]

Everybody's talking about weight loss injections because the results are so dramatic. They work by lowering blood sugar and reducing appetite. So what if you're looking to lose weight but not interested in painful weekly injections? Especially when you hear about some of those intense side effects. That's why doctors created a weight loss supplement called Lean. And the results are remarkable. The studied ingredients in Lean have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy, and curb your appetite and cravings so you're not as hungry. But listen, Lean is not for the casual dieter. With only a few pounds to lose, the doctors at Brickhouse Nutrition created Lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. Here is even better news. They're having a huge Memorial Day sale and lean is 25% off. Visit takelean.com and enter. Thank you 25 for 25% off. It's promo code. Thankyou [e-mail] and now for a bit of breaking news. Between your breaking news with me, the

[Burt]

Geico Gecko, here are some things you

[Jen]

ought to know today.

[Commercial Announcer]

People who switch their car insurance to

[Jen]

geico save about $900 a year.

[Commercial Announcer]

Experts are calling that nice to know. Also, plants can hear when bees buzz.

[Burt]

My ficus just heard that.

[Commercial Announcer]

And finally, animal experts have confirmed that

[Burt]

goats have regional accents. I'm getting a hint of Irish there. It feels good to get good news. It feels good to Geico.

[Commercial Announcer]

Ever walk past a place for rent and wish you could just take a peek inside? Maybe even explore the layout? Envision the natural light streaming through the windows. Or plan where your vinyl record collection would go.

[Burt]

At apartments.com you can.

[Commercial Announcer]

With tools like their 3D virtual tours,

[Burt]

you can see the exact unit you could be living in.

[Commercial Announcer]

Really envision yourself in your new home with apartments.com the place to find a place.

[Burt]

The Bird Show. John Gerard Here is from 11Alive. This is Community

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

without the vest. But nobody can see anyway. I know that's weird.

[Burt]

It's a little Clark Kentish. Like, I mean, just because he had glasses on, nobody could tell, you know,

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I used to make fun of that, but it's the craziest thing. If I've got that vest on, I mean, people are spotting me left to right. I take it off and they. I can walk down the street unaffected.

[Burt]

Completely.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

So it works.

[Jeff]

Really?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

If you haven't seen the segment on 11 Alive, I was just talking to John about it. He could not have picked a better city to do a segment like this on.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Definitely. There's so many problems out there. I get so much email from people. I kind of feel bad because we're helping people, but there's. There's such a need that I feel like we can't get to everyone, you know. But it's been tremendously successful, very popular and keep sending the emails in and I'll keep fixing your podcast.

[Melissa]

Do you prefer to. Cause I don't know if. I don't know if I feel comfortable calling you John. Like commuter.

[Jeff]

It's commuter dude. It's commuter dude.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah. I've kind of taken on this alter ego. I guess I am commuter dude now. Yeah.

[Melissa]

So what do you Prefer that we call you dude.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

John Commuter dude. I answer to almost anything. Yeah.

[Jen]

What do you think is the most significant problem that you've helped fix already?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

You know, there are a lot of people right now that are. There's huge craters all over the city. I know you've seen these things. People are hitting them, they're blowing tires, they're bending rims. So it's kind of a small thing. But at the same time, when it costs you 5, 6, 700 bucks, you know, to get your car fixed, that's a big deal. So I'm in the process now of trying to help people get some of that money back on these potholes and craters that have been reported and so filing damage claims. So even though it's kind of an individual problem, it's a citywide thing. And I think it's, you know, it's hurting people in the wallet, and that's really impactful, especially this time of year.

[Burt]

So is the segment really have two definitions then people can email you and tell you where, like, these potholes are, where they're bad road signs. And the second part of it is asking you for help to try to get some cash back.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

And, you know, that just kind of evolved. I mean, I didn't even. We didn't really know completely what this job was going to be like when I started. We were all kind of developing it. So, yeah, just help people with their traffic problems. But then they start emailing me and calling me saying, hey, I'm out 400 bucks. Can you help me? So it has quickly kind of evolved into this. Me being kind of a consumer advocate for all things traffic and helping people put a few bucks back in their wallet.

[Burt]

Awesome.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Has anybody ever had their car damage from these steel plates that they put.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah, definitely.

[Jeff]

Fascinating.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I did a segment on that guy blew out his tire. And he's in the process right now filing a damage claim with the city. And we shot a segment on it.

[Burt]

What's the law on that? Because I know there was one on Windsor Parkway for a while where this. The steel plate had separated a little bit from the hole.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I mean, wasn't huge. I mean, you couldn't drive over it and lose your tire directly into it. But it was getting there.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

You gotta be careful.

[Melissa]

Cause those holes, you know, they're portals to hell.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Never seen you again.

[Melissa]

That's the seventh gate to hell.

[Jeff]

Or it sends you straight to China. And it's just really weird how that happens.

[Burt]

Like, as soon as you see separation, are you supposed to call or is there a certain amount of separation that is safe?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Well, you know, I mean, when the trucks and big cars hit those things, they move. That's just the nature. There should be a better way to do that steel plate thing, but there isn't. So we're kind of stuck with what we have. But yeah, as soon as you see those things separating, a lot of people are on their phones too. They're talking, they're not really paying attention. Next thing you know, you know, slam, they're in it. So you just got to be aware out there and keep your head up.

[Jen]

Can I ask commuter dude a qualification commuter dude a clarification question?

[Burt]

Yeah, he's right next to me.

[Jen]

Okay, Well, I just wasn't sure if we were going to trick the email or not.

[Melissa]

Okay, you're going to want to turn to your left. Remember what we told you? Speak confidently and look him in the eyes.

[Jen]

He's standing rhymes there. Nervous commuter dude. Okay, so my question is Atlantic Station. Okay. I do not understand how you're supposed to turn right into Atlantic Station with all those bus lanes. Yeah, they have like the HOV lane, the regular people lane if you're in the car by yourself. And then there's the bus lane on the right.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

It's tricky.

[Jen]

So how do I turn to go shopping or to the movie theater? Do I cut off a bus?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

You close your eyes and go, Jen, I didn't say that. I didn't say you close your eyes and you say a little prayer and you go.

[Jen]

That's what I do. Because I don't know what the right thing to do. Do you get over into the bus lane and then turn or do you just. I don't know, it just seems.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah, no, you know what? And I'm not an expert on the legal aspect of a lot of things. I'm still learning too. This is my first commuter dude esque type job. I've been a reporter on my life. But I mean, I think you got to use common sense out there. If you're going to be merging over to the right even though it is a bus lane, you got to look around and take your time and make that merge. You can't wait to the last set. You can't be in the. The center lane taking a right.

[Jen]

Right.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I don't.

[Burt]

It's all really confusing though.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Don't go to Atlantic Station. Don't see a movie somewhere else. I think is the answer to that question.

[Burt]

All right, Commuter dude emailed us and found himself in a weird situation.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Oh, man.

[Burt]

One of these weird Facebook situations where you think you're doing the right thing, but then it may be received the wrong way. And then all of a sudden, you look like the creeper and you're not really sure if you did the right thing or not.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

It was definitely received the wrong way, I can tell you that. I feel good about what I did, though, because I'm a little bit unconventional by nature. I don't usually kind of follow the rules. Even if it doesn't work out for me perfectly, I'm kind of fine. Walk in my own line. But anyway, I was invited to a party by a co worker. She invited a group of us. Couldn't go to the party, but the next day she had pictures posted on Facebook. So I checked them out, and I saw in one of the pictures a really cute girl that I wanted to know more about.

[Melissa]

So I asked you a potential commuter dudette, right?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Commuter chick, I like to call her.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay. So I'm like, wow, this girl's really cute. So I asked my coworker, can you get kind of get the info so I can find out about her? She comes back with a name. I look this girl up on Facebook, and because I'm a little bit unconventional, I just message her out of the blue and I say, hey, I was supposed to go to that party. I didn't. I think you're cute. I wish I went. I look like fun.

[Burt]

All right, so let's just define this. Like, you're not dropping somebody's name. That might be sort of an ambassador between you and commuter chick.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I will. I mean, I've got fake names worked up for all those guys, so we're cool. My co worker, I'm calling Bonnie.

[Burt]

Okay.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay. Mutual friend is Jenny. And then the girl I was trying to reach was Cindy.

[Jen]

Okay, okay.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

So Bonnie and Jenny are friends. And then Cindy is a friend of Jenny's, and I'm a friend of Bonnie.

[Burt]

Okay.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

So that's. And that's how I presented it in the email. I'm like, hey, I'm a friend of Bonnie. I work at 11.

[Melissa]

So it wasn't a total stranger thing. It's.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I know. And I was supposed to be at that party too. And that's the thing.

[Burt]

And he's dropping names, so it's not a complete stranger.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I could even read the email verbatim if you were interested.

[Burt]

Let me do that. And let's take it line by line.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay. We're gonna break it down.

[Burt]

We're gonna break it down and def because in his mind, he didn't say anything that was commuter creepy related. But you guys might.

[Jeff]

All right, okay.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

And I need your honest opinion on this. But again, I mean, I am a little bit unconventional, so I would rather approach somebody in a way that's kind of bold and daring.

[Burt]

But you guys have to play the part of the girl that's getting the email.

[Jeff]

So where's Cindy?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay.

[Burt]

She doesn't know that you're bold and unconventional. All she has is the email. All right, so as women, let's break it down. I'm not including myself in there as

[Jeff]

a little sorority in here. Let's do this together.

[Melissa]

A technical question before I even read this. Are you wearing the orange vest in your Facebook profile picture?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I have that picture somewhere on my page.

[Melissa]

It's not the profile.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

No, it is not.

[Melissa]

Are you wearing clothes in your profile?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

No, I'm completely naked.

[Melissa]

All right.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I don't see anything wrong with that.

[Burt]

He's unconventional.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I am unconventionally daring.

[Burt]

All right, it says this.

[Jeff]

Hi.

[Burt]

I can say her name, right?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

It's. It's. I've already put the fake names in here. Well, here. Here's a. Here's a copy with the fake name version. Yeah.

[Burt]

Hi, Cindy. My name is John Gerard.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

That's a real name, by the way.

[Burt]

And I work with Bonnie, a friend of Jenny at 11 alive. Bonnie invited me to the white trash party on Friday.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I don't know that we needed to say that, but. Okay.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Melissa]

No, those are funny.

[Jeff]

White trash parties around.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Yeah.

[Burt]

But unfortunately, I couldn't go afterwards. When looking at the pics, I regretted missing it for two reasons. One, it looked like a blast. Here we go. Now, wait a minute.

[Melissa]

Hold on.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Cause I just. Approaching the rabbit hole.

[Burt]

Approaching Creeper Avenue.

[Jen]

Don't influence.

[Melissa]

Well, here's my question, though. Because you called it a white trash party, was it a legitimate. Was that the theme of the party, or did you evaluate that after seeing the pictures?

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

That's just how I was gonna go. That's just my nature. So that's how I was gonna go.

[Burt]

Maybe that's what she was offended by. It wasn't on my trash bar.

[Melissa]

Maybe it was at her house and it was.

[Jen]

I wear jeans all the time. I'll appreciate that as a gator family.

[Burt]

Absolutely. So he says. I regretted missing it for two reasons. One, it looked like a blast. And two, I saw you in one of the shots, so I asked Bonnie to find out your name so I could message you and ask about your situation again. I hope this isn't too weird and creepy. If it is, no worries. Just ignore it. And here's the offensive part. The little smiley face.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I know. Yeah. That's where you're at. Yeah. You can't leave smiley faces, people.

[Jen]

And then that's it.

[Burt]

Yeah. Then a little smiley and then tame.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Right.

[Jen]

So what'd she do?

[Burt]

Pretty tame.

[Jeff]

I wouldn't have been offended by that.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Okay, well, here's what I mean. Everyone knows that proper Facebook etiquette is if you're not interested, you just ignore it.

[Melissa]

Right.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Ideally, you'd love to get a little message back that says, thanks, not interested, whatever. But if you're not interested, ignore it. I think that's proper Facebook etiquette. She blocked me. She blocked me from being able to tell the difference. Well, here's what happened. I was checking through my sent folders on an unrelated topic, and I happened to look and browse that email, and I saw that her picture was gone. That's kind of odd. And then the name that was hyperlinked, that was gone too. And I was talking to a friend. I'm like, I think Facebook is broken. Cause I emailed this girl, and her picture's gone and the hyperlink's gone.

[Melissa]

It's not Facebook that's broken. It's your heart.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Well, that is true, Jeff.

[Burt]

Oh, my God. I didn't expect people to get to

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

me so easily, but that's Jeff for you. So anyway, I'm Blake, and he's like, no, dude, she blocked you. If the picture's gone, the hyperlink's gone. She blocked you. And I'm like, wow, that is from that note. She blocked.

[Burt]

It seemed like it was.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

It seemed like it was overtly hostile.

[Burt]

Here's the thing is that you don't know what her.

[Jen]

Just defensive.

[Burt]

You don't know what her history is. Like, maybe she's had to deal with, like, email creepers before.

[Jen]

Maybe that's what I thought.

[Burt]

And she's just playing it really, really conservative because based on my feminine opinion, there's not a lot. There's nothing in here, really, that's offensive

[Jeff]

because you reference friends.

[Jen]

I think it's flattering.

[Melissa]

I think that your friend. Either your friend or your friend of a friend sold you out. In what way? Like, I think. I think. What's the name of the girl that you. That you messaged the name of Cindy. I think Cindy went back and did a little recon and went back to either your co worker or the co worker's friend. I was like, what's up with this? John. Dude. And they're like, I mean he's nice

[Burt]

enough, but he's, he's bold.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Unconventional, weird. I think she's weird.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I know, but even still is that worthy of a block? And that was pretty much the question I wanted to ask you guys. Was that, was that block, was that block worthy?

[Burt]

Well, it depends. I mean, if this, if Jeff's scenario in his head is true and she goes to get a scouting report from the one person that knows the both of you and you don't get a really passing grade.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

So this is Bonnie's falls. She's listening right now.

[Jeff]

Bonnie, I see that what you're saying, but if you only sent that one message. Yeah, that's not worth blocking. Like the only people I've ever blocked are like random, you know, X rated spam crap that has come through. I've blocked that. And the only person I've ever defriended was a friend in the past where there was drama and they kept, kept, kept messaging me and it's like I've tried to ignore you and you're not getting the hint. So I defrinted them. But just one, I don't understand that.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

And that's how I'm one and out. If I don't get a response, I'm done, you know, because why bother?

[Jen]

I would say that the only part of the email that I would change is when you use the word creepy. There's no reason to use that word in there at all.

[Burt]

I hope this isn't too weird.

[Jen]

I think you say, I hope this isn't inappropriate. Yeah, and that would have been, that would have been it. But I think maybe, maybe her red flag went off because you said weird and creepy.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Because you were trying not to be. And like, I don't know, just using those words might have flagged it, but it certainly wouldn't have been block word.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Block word.

[Melissa]

Not worth a book.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Block.

[Burt]

Hey, Lori, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Oh, hey, I just had a little advice. I think instead of writing like this whole long paragraph, I think he should have just been like, hey, what's up? You know, let's go to that party. But I didn't. And I saw your picture. I think you're cute, but I don't know, I just think he like explained himself too much and was like, I didn't go. Number one, it looked like a blast. Number two, I saw you were there. I don't know, it was just like a little too much detail. I think if you would have Been more brief, then she would have been like, okay, sounds good.

[Burt]

I like that you dropped a couple of names that she knows too.

[Jeff]

I mean, I see what you're saying, but still, I think the issue is whether he should have been blocked.

[Jen]

Well, and too brief to me would be like, he's cruising. Or think it's even better that there was a little more meat to the. To the message because it was just tailored to her. If it was like, hey, baby, you're cute.

[Jeff]

What's up?

[Jen]

Sorry I missed the party. It's like, you could have sent that to every single person in all of the pictures.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Well, I did.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

No, I do.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I did. I'm just kidding.

[Burt]

All right, just one more piece of advice on this. Hey, Christina, good morning. You're on with Commuter Dude.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Good morning. I just wanted to say the one thing that would turn me off about that email is him saying, what's your situation?

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I think he could have said it a little bit, you know, nicer than what's your situation.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

I love that your listeners are. They're editing me. I love that. Oh, yeah, I think that's great.

[Jeff]

You came to the table.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

That's why I'm here.

[Melissa]

Do you think she got all excited for a quick second thinking you were Marc Arum, and then when she realized you were.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

No, I think she thought it was Jim Basile and was excited. And then when she realized it wasn't Jim Bastille, it all went straight to hell.

[Burt]

Check out commuter dude on 11 Alive.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

When are you on in the morning? 6:15 to 6:30. Kind of depends on what's going on that day and when, you know, we

[Melissa]

can get you guys on. Follows him every single day.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

We're either before or after. We're kind of in the same ballpark, though.

[Burt]

Okay. Or you can always email commuter dude@11alive as well and tell him where all the potholes are.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Yeah, but I might block you.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hey, the Birch Show. Everybody's talking about weight loss injections because the results are so dramatic. They work by lowering blood sugar and reducing appetite. So what if you're looking to lose weight but not interested in painful weekly injections? Especially when you hear about some of those intense side effects. That's why doctors created a weight loss supplement called Lean. And the results are remarkable. The studied ingredients in Lean have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy and curb your appetite and cravings so you're not as hungry. But listen, Lean is not for the casual dieter with only a few pounds to lose the doctors at brickhouse nutrition created lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. Here is even better news. They're having a huge memorial day sale and lean is 25% off. Visit takelean.com and enter. Thank you, 25 for 25% off. That's promo code. Thank you, 25@take lean.com the bird show

[Burt]

last night, the scouting report from the Office Christmas party. Q100's office Christmas party with Kelly clarkson and Jay, Sean and orianthi. People were calling in early this morning, like 5:30 club members that had like just gotten home. And they're like, I'm so exhausted, but I'm so glad I went.

[Jen]

It was so much fun. It was just one of those parties where you could feel the energy in the room. Everybody was having a great time. Everybody was super excited to see Kelly clarkson and orianthie had a great performance. Also, Jay Sean was like beatboxing. Like, everybody was just so excited to be there. It was super fun and I like it.

[Burt]

It's in a small venue, you know, I mean, I, I wish that there that we could get more of you guys in there. But I like the fact that because it's an office party that you have to be up and close and personal to the acts, you know, and everyone

[Jen]

wasn't shy last night, especially with the copiers in the back.

[Kelly Clarkson]

It did not take more than two

[Jen]

seconds because when I got there, it was around 7:30. The doors opened at 7. There are already boobs on the wall. Women were not shy on the copiers because you can't do this at your normal office party.

[Kelly Clarkson]

But here you could do whatever you wanted.

[Jeff]

So they were printing out and it posting it on the wall.

[Jen]

So there's or handing it to the sexy Santa.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I mean, he got a lot of

[Jen]

photos that were signed.

[Melissa]

People photocopied their boobs and gave them to the Santa guy.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yes.

[Burt]

Is that how you ended up with his phone?

[Jeff]

Absolutely.

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, because you did.

[Burt]

And then you gave.

[Melissa]

When you gave him your number, did you write it on someone else's boobs?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I did. I took it from the wall and wrote it. No.

[Burt]

So before the show, Melissa, Jen and Wendy had a chance to sit down with Kelly clarkson, who's always a home run because she's just so down to earth.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we talked to her. Was it a couple years ago the last time that she was in studio and she was playing guitar hero with us in studio and everything? And so you wonder, well, now that she's had a couple more Hit songs. And, you know, we're gonna see her again. Is she gonna be any different? She is the exact same as she's always been, which is somebody that you would never know when you're sitting down with her that she is a superstar.

[Jen]

And she just wrapped up her tour, too. This was, like the last stop before going home for the holidays. So she was just in a good mood, and she was sitting there with gl of wine. And we found out, just in case you want to know, what Kelly clarkson was drinking during this interview was cake, bread, chardonnay.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Jen]

That's like, her special favorite kind of wine or whatever. So she was having a glass of wine with us, and we were just sitting around having, like, chit chat.

[Jeff]

Yeah, girlfriend.

[Burt]

This is backstage with Kelly Clarkson at the Q100 office Christmas party.

[Jen]

Do you need anything?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Hello. I'm Kelly, by the way.

[Jen]

Hey, I'm Wendy.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Nice to see you.

[Jen]

I'm Jen.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Good to see you. Hey, Kelly.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Melissa.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, we've met before.

[Jen]

Yeah, you've been in studio with us. Remember we played guitar hero?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I played drums.

[Jen]

Oh, that's right. Yes. Yes. See, I'm not a video game person.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I just remember that because I remember every time I suck at something, and that was definitely one of those moments for me. So drums are really hard on guitar. That was pretty solid in life. No, I did not do.

[Jen]

No.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Remember, didn't I get, like, booed off? I totally got booed.

[Jen]

No, I thought you got ahead of that.

[Kelly Clarkson]

The booze. Oh. I didn't know if. I don't know if I work through that or you're just being nice. I don't know.

[Jen]

I think she might just be nice.

[Burt]

I don't remember.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I don't think I did very well.

[Jen]

Christmas time.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Have you ever played that game again?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, we actually. Reba and I did a tour together, and the end of tour party, we had it all set up and everybody was playing. So I sucked then as well. So, yeah, I'm just gonna stick to singing, so.

[Jen]

Awesome. Well, Kelly Clarkson, welcome to the bird show. This is the female half of the bird show.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I know. I like this. You get to like. I feel like I'm at the view. Yeah.

[Jen]

Version. So we're just gonna hang out and be girlfriends, right?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jen]

And as a girlfriend comment, I gotta tell you that already gone is like. Like a breakup song for me.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Oh.

[Jen]

So I have to tell you, I have cried to it so many times. So I've got to know what came behind it. What's the story behind that song.

[Kelly Clarkson]

You know what? Actually, Ryan Tedder and I were in the studio. We were already doing some other songs, and he played me this track, and he played me, like, a melody that he thought would be cool for it, and. And then we just started writing about. Cause there's not many songs out there that's like, the other side. Like, it's always usually like, oh, you broke up with me, I can't stand you kind of thing.

[Jen]

Right.

[Kelly Clarkson]

It's just about. Sometimes it's not like anybody's an ass. It's just.

[Burt]

Just.

[Kelly Clarkson]

It didn't work out, you know, so. And that's what the song's about. You love each other, but not enough to, like, sustain.

[Jen]

And did it come from a personal experience? That's what I'm trying to get.

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, I've never. No, we just decided to write it about something completely different. Because, I mean, a lot of my songs, like, whether I write it or don't write it, a lot of them pertain to that side of the relationship. So I just thought it would be cool to write from the other side.

[Jeff]

Is it easier to write when you are not personally involved, or is it easier to write from an experience?

[Kelly Clarkson]

You know, like, a couple years ago, I probably would have said it's easier when you're into it or whatever. But I think through enough relationships and heartache, you can kind of figure your way through something, even if you haven't, you know? Cause you still know the pain element. So. I don't know. I think you can. I can pull either way. It doesn't really bother me. And especially if you're riding with someone else that has gone through it and they're sitting there explaining it to you. So. I don't know. I don't think either way, I probably. It just depends on if the person you're riding with or if I'm just writing by myself, if I'm just into it or not.

[Jen]

If you're going through a breakup, do you listen to your own songs?

[Kelly Clarkson]

No.

[Jen]

No, I'm like, I would do that.

[Kelly Clarkson]

No. The beginning, you. You can ask. No, part of my crew's here. And you can ask them, like the first, like, three or four shows of my tour, I'm like, I have no idea what the melodies are, what the words are. Cause I don't listen to myself, so. I mean, really. No, I listen to myself, like, a whole lot before we actually get the record out there, because of the mixing and the mastering and getting the song together with the other writers. But once it's out there. I'm burned out from the song. So I'm like, you know, that whole emotional element has like. Like it's out the door, like. Cuz that's like. I mean, I've literally listened to the record like probably 50 times before it's even out. So I don't really listen to it otherwise. So the first four shows for me are really rough. Like I'm like, oh my God, I'm looking at my musical director going, just can you pound out the melody that walks in? Yeah, it's really hard. Cuz you feel awkward listening to yourself. I. I can't do that.

[Jeff]

Well now going on that in your ipod or whatever you have it on, you're in a breakup. Who do you listen to? What songs do you.

[Kelly Clarkson]

You listen to the masses. I like Kings of Leon. I'm with them on that one. I love Pink. I'm a huge Pink fan. Highly underrated. I think that one, I don't know. I listen to a lot of stuff. I like a lot of old school stuff. Like I still listen to Aretha. Old school Reva McIntyre, new school Riva McIntyre. Rudy Record's awesome, but I don't know, I listen to a lot of different things. I like Marina Lambert. Do y' all like her?

[Jen]

Oh yeah, yeah, she's really kick ass. Country is great when you're going through a breakup for some reason, right?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Well, that's all it's about, right? Your dog died or something like that. Yeah, I love country music, so. No, but Miranda, she's like. I don't know, it's kind of reminds me of like Loretta Lynn, like back in the day. She does like old school country. It's not like the kind where they're trying to cross over, you know, it's like actual country music. So I like it.

[Jeff]

What do you think about Taylor Swift when you talk about actual country and crossover?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I like Taylor Swift. I'm a huge fan. I covered her. We have a pre show or we did have a pre show, we just finished tour, but we had a pre show, this whole tour that we did, like new songs or covers or unreleased, whatever. And I did, I covered her songs a lot. I like. She's great at melodies. Right? Like they get embedded in your head. They do not. Yeah.

[Jen]

Have you guys ever hung out? Are you guys friends?

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, we've run into each other like at a few events, I think, but it's like always passing. I'm really not the girl that hangs out. Like I'm really like, goes and does it. She Says to do and then I go home.

[Jen]

Now, do you have your BFFs off the road that have nothing to do with the music industry?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, a couple of them. Well, no, one of them has to do with music industry, but the other one, she's here that I've been friends with since she came out for the last show for tour and we're going home tonight, so. Yeah, no, I still. I have friends that are. Have nothing to do this and friends that do.

[Jeff]

So does that help keep you grounded having both does?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Because then you have a friend that understands.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Kelly Clarkson]

You know exactly what you're going through on a daily basis and which is Ashley. And then you have your girlfriends back home who care nothing about what you do and want to talk about their lives, so. Right.

[Jen]

Which is nice, I'm sure. Yeah.

[Kelly Clarkson]

You get home in like the last thing I want to do is talk about myself, so.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Yeah. You've been talking about yourself a lot on the interviews and everything else.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Married and they have kids and it's like completely different.

[Jen]

So now I overheard you saying you're going to be a bridesmaid soon, right? Oh, I had an outrageous story. One of my girlfriends is a bridesmaid for the first time. I don't know if it's your first time or not.

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, I'm like. I'm like, have you seen that movie, the 27 Dresses movie?

[Jeff]

That's you.

[Kelly Clarkson]

That's awesome. I've been there a lot.

[Jen]

So I have a girlfriend and to be a bridesmaid, in order to do it, the brides requesting that they get their nose pierced. So are there any outlandish things?

[Kelly Clarkson]

What?

[Jen]

Oh, yeah, girl, trust me. Nose pierced.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Piercings.

[Jen]

Yes. The bride has all the bridesmaids to pierce their nose piercings.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Oh, I don't know about that one. I might have to call the friendship card on that one if you love me. No, I mean, I've had my nose pierced, so I wouldn't mind, but I mean, having people pierce themselves. I don't know. I've never had anything crazy like that. Really? Have you ever? If it's like an ugly dress, I'll put it on. I'll. I don't care.

[Jen]

Awful dresses.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I'm like, that way on the red carpet though. People give me like these great gowns or I'm like, whatever. I was just like walking down. I don't care what I'm wearing.

[Jen]

Really.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I'm so that girl. I mean, look, I'm like Johnny Cash's little sister here and all in black.

[Jen]

So for the Grammys coming up, then. Who picks out your dress? Do you pick out the dress or a stylist?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Pick out your dress.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Mindy, My stylist and my best friend Ashley usually helps out a lot in that. I'm like, I just. It's not even that. I mean, I don't really have good taste, but at the same time, it's because I don't care. Yeah, not enough. I care a little. I don't wanna look, like, complete, like trash or anything, but I don't care enough to be like, wee.

[Jen]

How early do you start preparing, like, getting your dress together, your shoes together? You don't at all. They just do it. And you're like, show what you got there.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Like, she's like, what do you want? And I'm like, I don't know. Something that makes my butt look not as big. Well, hell. And then that's it.

[Jeff]

Now, is the groom intimidated that you're gonna be a bridesmaid?

[Jen]

I know. That's what I was thinking, too.

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, you know, I don't know him that well. Cause, I mean, I've known her since, like, the second grade, but I've been gone so much. I'm. I never am home. And then when I'm home, it's hard to catch up with everyone in their. You know, have kids and stuff. So. No, I don't really know him that well. I've met him, like, twice.

[Jeff]

So he's more intimidated now. Because now I think he is.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I don't think he cares. I mean, I don't know. He's got weird. Right? So I don't know.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Being a bridesmaid 27 times or whatever, it's been like, people act weird when you're at the wedding. Do you have to, like, kind of get in, get out?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I have the best. Wait, the girl that's actually April. We just did her wedding, like, last year. She's been here for, like, a year now or whatever. And the guy. Her. Wait, I'm gonna mess this up. It was her husband's sister's husband. That was my counterpart or whatever you walked down the aisle with or whatever. Yeah. And he, like, literally, I can't remember verbatim what he said to me, but it was like, I came up and I was like, hey, what's up? I'm Kelly. And I can't even remember his name because I think he said it so fast. He was, like, so nervous, and he was like. He's like, I was. And I married. And I was like, I know, I was like, I think I just said, hi, my name is Kelly, not, hey, do you want to go out and go to bed together? I don't think any of that came out. Yeah, he was just so nervous, like, Diary of the Mouth. It was awesome. I thought it was funny.

[Jen]

I would think that that'd be nerve wracking for a bride because, you know, like, that's like her day. But then, like, you're the superstar. Who is her bridesmaid. Like, she's like, wait a second, she gonna be stealing the spotlight from me.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Well, I mean, I think the main thing, like, with April, like, we've known it. We know all the same.

[Jen]

Okay.

[Kelly Clarkson]

And we've known him for, like, ever. So I don't. I mean, none of them are, like, really weird at the wedding or anything. And everybody was so drunk at the end of it that nobody even knew who I was, including you. Aren't those the best? Weddings are horrible, but wedding receptions are awesome.

[Jen]

I know. When you're, like, dancing with grandpa and stuff.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I love it. It's awesome.

[Jeff]

Now, this is the Christmas, you know, our office party. Do you have any Christmas traditions? You're going to be home. Are you gonna be home for Christmas?

[Jen]

Man?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Our tradition is try and, like, make it together.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Because we're usually working a lot and I don't know, it's. I haven't done any Christmas shopping. I haven't done anything because I've been out on the road. So Christmas tradition will be actually getting gifts this year in time.

[Jen]

So get them wrapped, get them done.

[Kelly Clarkson]

We don't really. I mean, we eat together, we all make the meal together, we hang out.

[Jen]

Do you have a big family?

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, I mean, we don't have like a tiny family, but we have, I guess, mid size.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I don't know.

[Kelly Clarkson]

We're not like huge, but.

[Jen]

Well, you think 20 people or like 100 people?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Oh, not. No, no, not even 20. Maybe we are small then. Wait, I take that back. That's a lot of people in a room. I don't know if I'd like that. No, there's like, I don't know, 15 of us or something.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Kelly Clarkson]

10 or 15.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's perfect size. Because I had this idea.

[Jeff]

Kelly Clarkson doesn't buy her own Christmas gifts. I mean, you're a superstar. You have people go out there and get.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I can't do it. No, but you know what? The thing is, is I actually love doing it. I just don't have time. So, like, right when I get Home off of. You know, it's usually off of a tour. I go home and I just, like, I have my plans to Christmas shop for the next four days when I'm home, so. Yeah, and then you got. It's all this pressure of, like, what to get.

[Jen]

So are you bringing anyone home for Christmas?

[Kelly Clarkson]

No. Oh, like a significant other, A significant somebody? No, just me, myself and I. Hey. No, just me.

[Jen]

But do you like it that way or are you ready for a relationship, you think?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I'm kind of both. I'm cool, like, being alone or I'm cool if I did find someone to bring home. I'm like, I don't really care either way. I'll be fine either way, so. But yeah, I don't know. It is a lot of pressure. Like. Like my family. Yeah, we're like hardcore sarcastic. We jump on everything. Like, we're all competitive. It's very. I feel sorry for the person that ends up with me, so.

[Jen]

Well, you're from Texas, right?

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, we're very old. You have that daddy. I'm from Texas, so you have that

[Jen]

daddy who's looking at your significant other all the time.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I have total dad issues. No, we didn't have that daddy. No, no, I had that mama, but no, I did not have that. That thing going on.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Okay.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yeah, I do have the brother and the brother in law very much like that. So.

[Jen]

Yeah, they're protective.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Now, what about New Year's Eve? Are you performing? You're home? What's happening?

[Kelly Clarkson]

No, I'm actually home. It's the. She's getting married on New Year's Eve, my friend. So I have to be home for that.

[Jen]

Yeah, that's kind of cool.

[Jeff]

Reception's gonna go into the new year.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Yes. Well. And then after that, there's a party on my land with my family and a bunch of other people, so I'm kind of going from both. I'm not driving myself, just so everybody knows, because I'll be tipsy. But I'm going from the wedding to the party, so. Yeah.

[John Gerard (Commuter Dude)]

Cool.

[Jen]

Yeah. And tell us about 2010. New album expected.

[Kelly Clarkson]

We're already working on it, but it's probably not gonna hit till like, fourth quarter next year, so. Around Christmas next year. But, yeah, we're already working on. It's pretty different. It's pretty.

[Jen]

In what ways different?

[Kelly Clarkson]

I mean, there's still some, like, singer, songwriter stuff, but there's. I don't know, it's almost like. Like garbage meets pop meets Muse. I don't know. It's a little different like some of this stuff so far, but I don't know how it's gonna end up. Who knows? Knows it always ends up being something completely different. So.

[Jeff]

Fantastic. Welcome back to Atlanta.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Jen]

Thank you for coming and being here for the Christmas party. We appreciate it so much.

[Kelly Clarkson]

I'm singing a Christmas song tonight, so. So.

[Jeff]

All right, well, merry Christmas and happy new year.

[Kelly Clarkson]

Thank you, y', all, too.

[Jen]

Thank you so much.

[Jeff]

All right, Kelly Clarkson, bird show.

[Melissa]

Get it?

[Commercial Announcer]

The bird show. Everybody's talking about weight loss injections because the results are so dramatic. They work by lowering blood sugar and reducing appetite. So what if you're looking to lose weight but not interested in painful weekly injections, especially when you hear about some of those intense side effects. That's why doctors created a weight loss supplement called lean. And the results are remarkable. The studied ingredients in lean have been shown to lower your blood sugar, burn fat by converting it into energy and curb your appetite and cravings so you're not as hungry. But listen, lean is not for the casual dieter. With only a few pounds to lose, the doctors at brickhouse nutrition created lean for frustrated dieters with 10 or more pounds to lose. Here is even better news. They're having a huge Memorial day sale. And lean is 25 off. Visit takelean.com and enter. Thank you, 25 for 25 off. It's promo code. Thank you, [e-mail] the Birch Show.

[Burt]

This is my girl right here. If you remember on American idol, he loved her. This was my girl right here. And even though she didn't win the whole thing, I. I still believe in my heart of hearts at the end of the day, when we're looking at all the American idolists from this last season, that she has more staying power than anybody else.

[Jen]

Awesome.

[Burt]

And this is Alison Ireta from American idol. Hey, Alison.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Oh, hey. How's it going?

[Jen]

Good.

[Burt]

How are you?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I'm really good. I'm really kidding.

[Burt]

You're still my front runner. I still think at the end of the day people are going to be talking about you and then. And the Adam Lambert stuff I think is going to wear off and because eventually it comes down to music.

[Jen]

You know, he's a one trick pony.

[Burt]

Has it been a little strange for you?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I appreciate that.

[Burt]

Has it been a little strange for you to watch how everything sort of developed after the season?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Yeah, man. It's really. It's just so crazy how much has happened and to see that just, ah, everything is going as planned. You know, the reason why we all went on the show was to get out there, you know, release albums and do what we would probably wanted to do and to think it's actually happening. Oh, snap.

[Burt]

Do you think that Chris has any, I don't want to say jealousy issue, cuz I think he's bigger than that. But do you think that because he's not getting as much attention as Adam, there's a small part of him going, hey, I won this thing.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I really don't think so, because we're all doing our thing and he's definitely getting the attention he deserves. I mean, he's out there and he's doing his thing. So I think we're all just out there. So we ain't got nothing to be jealous about. We good?

[Jen]

Allison, when is your 18th birthday?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

18th birthday, April 27.

[Jen]

Your parents are still involved and closely connected as they develop your career?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Oh, yeah. And they're so supportive. And without them, I honestly have to say that I wouldn't be here. You know, it's because of them that I've gone places when I was younger doing like, small events, and I started off with them helping me out.

[Burt]

Have they had to limit you at all? Like, I just want to let you know that you're about to be bigger than life, that you're going to be attacked from every corner because you're going to be so famous. Have they tried to temper that at all?

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

No, I think I'm doing that to them right now. Yeah. I think I'm the one sort of being like, all right, guys, you know, this is going to be a bit weird. We're going to walk through here and people are going to know who I am. You know, I think it's the other way around, actually.

[Jeff]

What is your favorite thing, post idol, as opposed to pre idol? Like that has happened in your life.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Favorite thing. That's. That's hard because, I mean, so much has happened, you know, I'm saying, I guess tour.

[Burt]

That must be very cool.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Yeah.

[Burt]

Well, and now, I mean, you know, so much fun. You got the New Year's Eve live thing coming up for Billboard also.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Oh, snaps.

[Burt]

Tell us about the show.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

I'm freaking out because, you know, the fact that I'm of it and, you know, going to Vegas and seeing with my boy Chris, gonna see Sean Kingston that I met not too long ago. It's gonna. I can't wait. It's gonna be too much fun. Chris was like, oh, no. Oh, no. New Year's in Vegas. Oh, my. I mean, you know, I'll obviously be in like circus circus or something, or like roller coasters. But it will be a lot of fun. And I just can't wait.

[Jen]

Your parents are gonna put a leash on you like they do those two year olds.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

The monkey backpack. That has.

[Burt]

Exactly. All right, check out. It is New Year's Eve live. Billboard's New Year's Eve live. And it is on December 31st. And obviously on Fox. All right, Allison, thanks for the time. Appreciate it.

[Julie / Alison Ireta (Guest Callers)]

Thank you.

[Burt]

Bye. Bye,

[Jen]

Cutie. You're just sweet.

[Melissa]

145 over.

[Burt]

Okay, we're still okay.

[Melissa]

Melissa asked one question during an interview this entire month, and it said 40.

[Burt]

We were late getting into it, so we only had, like, three minutes with her.

[Melissa]

The Birch Show.