Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, April 13 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, April 13 [Vault]

Broadcast Date: April 14, 2026
Hosts & Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Dreama, Jen, Chelsea, Erin, Jason

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode is packed with The Bert Show’s typical lively humor, authentic banter, and segments that bring listeners into the personal and sometimes bizarre corners of their world. The main themes are:

• A deep-dive ghost investigation with Atlanta Ghost Hunters, featuring real audio clips from a supposedly haunted Marietta law office.
• A “Just Curious” neighborhood mystery resolved on-air.
• A “Love Lost and Found” escapade trying to reconnect a listener with a helpful stranger.
• A dramatic, comical reading of emails from an oblivious ex-girlfriend left behind while her boyfriend backpacked Europe.

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SEGMENT 1: Atlanta Ghost Hunters—Spooky Investigations and EVP Clips

[01:31–15:20]

Introduction to the Ghost Hunters

• Guest ghost hunters Erin and Dreama join the crew, with Erin sharing her beginnings in paranormal investigation, growing up in a haunted house, and joining Andy’s team.
  • “I grew up in a house that I felt was haunted… we just kind of hit it off, and I’ve been doing it ever since.” – Erin [02:30]

Details of the Latest Investigation

• The team recently explored a historic law office in Marietta, GA, where the tenants found a tombstone—used for decades as… a trash storage pad.

  • “It was a tombstone. And it had been there for, like, 30 years before they realized this.” – Erin [05:12]
  • “They’ve been putting the trash on it.” – Dreama [05:19]

• Residents report doors opening, footsteps only entering, and an object (a globe) flung across the room.

  • “The globe was all the way across the room, and nobody was in there... had to have been, like, thrown.” – Erin [05:46]

EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomena) Audio Clips Presented

Clip 1: “Help!”

[07:03]

• Captured during a door-locking check in the library, the most active room.
  • “Help.” – Disembodied EVP, replayed [07:09]
  • Reaction: “That was pretty clear.” – Bert [07:13]
• The burial on the tombstone was named George; the team attempts communication:
  • “Sorry I put the trash on your tombstone, George.” – Dreama [08:00, joking]

Clip 2: “Want to go with me?”

[09:02]

• Captured in the empty globe room, with discussion about how much time is spent listening for tiny mysterious sounds.
  • “It kind of actually sounds to me like it has an accent of some sort.” – Erin [09:08]
  • “Honestly, I have listened to audio for two weeks solid. Probably like 48 to 60 hours.” – Erin [09:48]

Clip 3: “Should I give it to you?”

[12:04]

• Captured after psychic info that the spirit was waiting for something; the hosts strain to hear, agreeing on creepy vibes.
  • “You just have to listen... it says, should I give it to you?” – Erin [12:14]
  • “So she heard it in the room without having to replay.” – Dreama [12:41]
  • “Dang, dang, dang.” – Chelsea [13:28]

Clip 4: “We’re not dead at all.”

[14:08]

• The eeriest: an EVP stating, according to Erin, “We’re not dead at all.”
  • “That’s the second time something like this has come up.” – Dreama [14:39]
  • “Andy has told us before that some spirits don’t know that they’re dead.” – Bert [14:48]

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SEGMENT 2: Just Curious – The Nosy Neighbor Mystery

[16:08–25:02]

The Set-Up

• Show explains “Just Curious”—listeners bring odd scenarios, and the hosts investigate what others are too shy to ask.
• This episode: Listener Erin calls about a neighbor who receives a non-husband male visitor at the exact same time, 2–3 times a week; rumors swirl—possibly an affair or something even wilder.

The Reveal

• Jason (the supposed “strange man”) calls in with an elegantly-written email, clearing up the confusion:
  • “Not to be a buzzkill, but the strange man... is actually her husband.” – Jason [20:35]
  • After hearing their story on air, he and his wife introduced themselves to “nosey Erin” to resolve it in person!

Notable Moments

• Jason’s deadpan recounting and the team’s laughter at how harmless the situation really was.
• “We think it’s hysterical.” – Jason, on the rumor that his wife is a masseuse/prostitute [23:05]
• “She just had this totally kind of, like, dumbfounded look. I don’t think she ever expected that to happen.” – Jason [23:13]
• Commentary on how neighborhood gossip spirals when facts are absent.

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SEGMENT 3: Love Lost and Found – The Valet Called Ryan

[25:45–37:06]

The Story

• Listener Montez lost her nerve after a cute valet (Ryan) helped her out of a car breakdown in Buckhead on Father’s Day.
  • “He told me he was a starving artist, which is me. I’m the same thing. I’m a dancer...” – Montez [27:57]
• The team debates whether this qualifies as “lost and found” since she knows exactly where to find him but is too shy to go back.

Audience and Cast Reaction

• Intern Michelle is dispatched to the valet stand live on air to try to connect with Ryan and play Cinder-fella.
  • “We know where he is!” – Bert [32:06]
  • Debates about love, laziness, shyness, and destiny ensue in classic Bert Show fashion. Listeners call in to confirm the identity/location of Ryan and encourage Montez to contact him herself.

Fun Quotes

• “It’s a love lost and lazy!” – Chelsea [30:35]
• “Are you sure you love him before we do this, are you sure this is the man you want to marry?” – Jen [36:56]

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SEGMENT 4: The Epic “Europe Backpacking” Ex-Girlfriend Email Meltdown

[37:34–46:24]

Segment Summary

• Bert recounts a viral video: a guy’s girlfriend unravels via email over two weeks, not knowing he’s out of the country with no phone access.
  • The video animates her increasingly frantic, angry, then self-justifying, then pleading messages against a backdrop of European vacation photos.
• The team reads each progressively wild email, delighting in the escalation.

Timeline Highlights & Quotes

• Day 1: “Hey doll. Me and the girls are gonna hit up Maddy tonight... You and the boys should come out too!” [39:42]
• Day 3: “WTF? Why are you not responding... I know you’re around. Your friend Jeremy is such a BSer...” [40:04]
• Day 5: “Was it just time to dump me? You could at least tell it to my face... We’re through. Don’t call me.” [40:58]
• Day 8: (No subject) “I hate you.” [42:02]
• Day 12: Subject: F U U U U U U U U U [42:17]
• June 10: “Remember that friend... the one I told you nothing ever happened with? Well... I... to show you I’m right.” [42:36]
• Later: “If you love me, you will delete every email I’ve sent... Do not read any other emails!” [45:24]
• After Mom reveals the truth: “JD, please, I’m begging you that when you get back you do not read any email but this one. We’ve all made mistakes while you’ve been away...” [45:50]

Final Reflection

• “Careful when you date passionate people because passion swings both ways. Sometimes they’ll love you, sometimes they’ll hate you. And when they hate you, boy, do they hate you.” – Video author, via Bert [46:20]
• “When you go to Europe for two weeks, leave your [expletive] phone on.” – Video author, via Bert [46:20]

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MEMORABLE QUOTES & HUMOR

• “Historic is just another word for haunted.” – Jen [04:39]
• “Didn’t realize it was your resting place for eternity. My bad. Let me clean up those coffee grounds. And cat litter.” – Jen [08:10]
• “We usually try and just anything that we know... the guy’s name was George... Sorry I put the trash on your tombstone, George.” – Dreama [08:00]
• “That’s the second time something like this has come up. Because remember, there was an investigation a long time ago, ‘oh my god, they think we’re dead!’” – Dreama [14:39]
• “This is a new bit called Love, Love Found. And I’m scared and lazy.” – Jen [32:59]

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TIMESTAMP GUIDE TO IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

| Topic/Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |----------------------------------------------------------|----------------------| | Ghost Hunters intro & investigation setup | 01:31–06:00 | | Tombstone discovery & ghost stories | 04:45–06:14 | | EVP Clip 1 (Help) | 07:03 | | EVP Clip 2 (Want to go with me) | 09:02 | | EVP Clip 3 (Should I give it to you) | 12:04 | | EVP Clip 4 (We’re not dead at all) | 14:08 | | Neighborhood “Just Curious” setup | 16:08 | | Jason’s neighbor story email reveal | 20:04 | | Jason’s confrontation with Erin | 23:13 | | Love Lost and Found: Montez & the valet “Ryan” | 25:45–37:06 | | Multiple listeners call confirming Ryan’s workplace | 33:10–36:20 | | Dramatic reading of Europe trip ex-girlfriend emails | 37:34–46:24 |

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THE BERT SHOW’S TONE

Playful, slightly irreverent, full of side chatter, laughter, and inside jokes. They regularly “rag” on each other, never skip the opportunity for a zinger, and invite listeners into the absurdities of everyday life—neighborhood spies, love missed connections, and techno-confused ghosts included.

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This episode delivers classic Bert Show: relatable real-life drama, wild listener stories, and a crew eager to laugh at themselves and (gently) at you.

Transcript

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[Bert]

show at Atlanta Ghost Hunters. This is tradition now on the Birch Show.

[Dreama]

That's right. They come in usually the last Friday of the month. But you know, last Friday we were, most of us were out. So we're doing it today. And basically they on their own time, not getting paid. It's more of a hobby. Goes out and does investigations around metro Atlanta about ghosts. You know, people have, and correct me if I'm wrong, email you or call you and say come out and check this out. Because something weird's going on and you go out there, you check it out and then you don't always find something, but a lot of times they do. And if they're here, that means they found something.

[Erin]

That's right.

[Bert]

Now Andy's usually in here, but he's not doing this right now. So Dreama is in here and she confessed that she's free.

[Dreama]

That's right.

[Bert]

She's a little nervous to be on the radio right now.

[Erin]

I'm a little nervous.

[Dreama]

Don't be nervous, you'll be fine.

[Bert]

Look At Jeff. This is a nest of comfort here.

[Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Would he ever say anything to put you in any kind of position that would make you uncomfortable?

[Erin]

Absolutely not.

[Jen]

Never.

[Bert]

How did you get all mixed up with ghost hunters?

[Erin]

I contacted Andy a couple of years ago, and I went on a ghost hunt with him. I've been doing this since I was younger. I grew up in a house that I felt was haunted, and so we went out on an investigation. We just kind of hit it off, and I've been doing it ever since.

[Bert]

Did you find a ghost that you thought was there?

[Erin]

Actually, we went to the Dixon house. I don't know. Do you remember the house? I think, yeah, I went to it.

[Dreama]

Oh, okay.

[Chelsea]

That's the one I went to. And there's a ton of activity there.

[Erin]

So that was my starter home.

[Dreama]

Did you ever. Did you ever invent. Because Andy's talked about how he won't do his own house. Have you ever investigated your own house or, like, you talked about when you were younger, the one you grew up in?

[Erin]

I wish I could. I'll do that one. But I know the house that I live in now I have, but I don't get anything. And I stopped because I don't want to do it anymore. Like, at night sometimes I'm like, that was a mistake. I'm really glad I didn't get anything.

[Bert]

Is there, like, one shining example? Like when you tell, like, your friends that you're helping out Atlanta ghost hunters or whatever, and they don't believe? Is there one example that you have seen with your own eyes or heard where you go, okay, if you didn't believe before? This is a story I tell everybody to make them believe.

[Erin]

Not one. I don't think in particular. Like, there's just a lot. Like, every time you catch an evp, it's just mind blowing, you know? And that's all I do is the audio, mostly. So when I'm, like, sitting there going through the audio, I just let them listen to it. Because when you hear it with your own ears, you're just like, where did that come from? You know, Especially if it's like, a room full of women and there's, like, a male voice out of nowhere that actually responds to something that you're saying. You're just like, it doesn't make any sense. And it's just like. It's crazy.

[Dreama]

And the important thing to point out is when you're recording it, you don't hear anything. It's when you. Like you just said, when you go back to listen so at the time, it's happening most of the time, you're not aware that there's a noise at all?

[Erin]

Most of the time, no. Now, what was interesting about the place that we went to this past, like, couple weekends, we actually heard it with our own ear.

[Bert]

You did. Whoa. Is this the audio we have today?

[Erin]

Yes.

[Bert]

Oh, right. Let's get into.

[Chelsea]

Where is this one?

[Erin]

This one is in a law office in historic Marietta.

[Dreama]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Jen]

Historic's just another word for haunted.

[Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Something is historic.

[Chelsea]

Something is haunted.

[Jen]

Oh, that's the historic city hall.

[Erin]

It's really crazy because they actually. When they contacted us, they told us that they had found a tombstone in the backyard. Oh, yeah?

[Bert]

What do you mean they found one? Like, it was buried for a while?

[Erin]

No, it was actually turned over, and they were putting their trash can on it. Cause it was like a concrete slab.

[Jen]

And they flipped it up.

[Erin]

Yeah, they flipped it over, and it was a tombstone.

[Chelsea]

That's not going to be a very friendly ghost.

[Erin]

And it had been there for, like, 30 years before they realized this.

[Dreama]

They've been putting the trash on it.

[Bert]

No kidding.

[Erin]

So I was like, oh, I'm totally coming to this. Like, that got me right there. So. And they hear doors open and shut and footsteps walk in. Never out, but always in. And, like, somebody's coming home. And they had two. One of the rooms had, like, bookends, and they had a globe on the bookends, like a wooden one. And they heard a loud noise, and they went in the room, and the globe was all the way across the room, and nobody was in there, so it had to have been, like, thrown across the room. Like, there was no reason it should have been.

[Jason]

Wow.

[Bert]

That, right there is a reason why I'm not going into that house to check it out.

[Erin]

Oh, I was totally there.

[Bert]

So you've got four clips, and they're all really pretty short today, so you're gonna have to listen really, really carefully. And we say this every time these guys are in that. You can hear these in your car better than we can in here.

[Dreama]

Yeah, yeah.

[Erin]

I'll be really interested to hear how they sound in the car, because there's one that I'm actually not completely sure what it says. There's two things that I have in my head that I'm thinking. It's either saying one or the other. But I kind of thought that that might be something good for the listeners to email us.

[Bert]

All right, what you got?

[Erin]

The first one was something that was in the library, which was actually the most Active room in the house. We had just gotten there. We were just starting, and one of the investigators was checking the door to make sure that the doors were locked. Because I'm a little more afraid of actual humans than I am. So we were having him check the doors to make sure that they were locking, and they actually lock on the outside, but not the inside. So we couldn't figure out what was going on. So we were opening and shutting the door over and over, and we just caught this in the middle of it.

[Bert]

Now, you heard this with your own ears or you heard it listening back?

[Erin]

This one I did not hear on my own ears. Yeah.

[Bert]

Help.

[Erin]

Help.

[Bert]

Whoa.

[Dreama]

Oh, my.

[Jen]

Wow.

[Bert]

That was pretty clear.

[Chelsea]

That was pretty clear cut.

[Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

At this point, you're trying to get the lock undone.

[Erin]

Yeah, we were just opening and shutting the door. And this is the door that they hear the footsteps walk in, and they actually hear the door open and shut all the time.

[Bert]

That's as clear as that.

[Chelsea]

Wow. Pretty clear.

[Erin]

Yeah. And that one was pretty cool because I always wonder what they need help with, and I've asked a zillion. I can't ever get an answer.

[Bert]

So you start to have a conversation with them when you hear something like that. Like you said, when you're in the house, you'll start probing them a little bit just so you can hear some more.

[Dreama]

Yeah.

[Erin]

And we usually try and just anything that we know. We know that the name of the guy's name was George. That was on the tombstone. So we, you know, tried to get him a lot, but we just.

[Bert]

So you're in the house and you're going, george, are you here?

[Erin]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Really?

[Erin]

Yeah. Trying to, you know, sorry, I put

[Dreama]

the trash on your tombstone, George.

[Erin]

Are you mad about that? Don't do anything drastic.

[Bert]

Wasn't me.

[Dreama]

Didn't know it was a tombstone, buddy.

[Jason]

Sorry.

[Jen]

Sorry. Just thought it was a trash holding block. Didn't realize it was your resting place for eternity. My bad. Let me clean up those coffee grounds. And cat litter.

[Erin]

Gross. Yeah. And there was probably cat litter because they had cats in the home at one time.

[Bert]

That's a sure sign it's haunted. Now, this next one, did you hear while you were there, or is this one also on tape?

[Erin]

This one was on tape. This was. Nobody was actually in the room. I left it in the room with the globe, where the globe went across the room. And, I mean, I can sit here and tell you I listened to all of the audio and nothing was before it for, like, 30 minutes, and nothing was after it. For like 30 minutes.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Erin]

So. I think it says, want to go with me?

[Chelsea]

Oh, the creepy voice one more time?

[Jen]

Yeah, it sounds like devil voice.

[Erin]

Yeah, it kind of actually sounds to me like it has an accent of some sort.

[Jen]

Is this slowed down or sped up at all?

[Erin]

No, but I did clip it out a little short. I just now realized.

[Bert]

What do you mean?

[Erin]

Like, it. I think it was actually a little bit. The wanna part. It was a little bit longer. Yeah.

[Bert]

Well, once you tell us what it is and you could, then it sort

[Erin]

of makes sense, you know, I actually have to listen to him several times. Yeah.

[Dreama]

I. I'm curious. When you sit down with. How long are these tapes? Like, as you said, There was nothing 30 minutes before this sound. There was nothing 30 minutes after. How long are you sitting there after investigation listening to nothing but audio?

[Erin]

Honestly, I have listened to audio for two weeks solid. Probably like 48 to 60 hours.

[Chelsea]

Sometimes you go with nothing.

[Erin]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Are you doing anything else during that time? I would get so bored.

[Erin]

I can't.

[Bert]

You have to focus.

[Erin]

You gotta be focused because you're hearing most of the time, you're hearing other, like the conversation, and you have to block that out and listen for the whispers and stuff like that.

[Chelsea]

I do not have my patience.

[Bert]

Seriously. Right, before we get to the last two clips here. Hey, Karen, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I just wanted to know, the EMF readers that you guys use, what unit of measurement are they measuring in? Is it hertz or what is that?

[Bert]

I was about to ask the same question.

[Erin]

I actually don't really use the EMF detectors that much. We usually use just the digital audio recorders. These are coming from the digital audio recorders that we get. And we just. I mean, you can get those out anywhere. Walmart, Best Buy, you know, any of that. And that's all we're doing is just putting it on. And we use actually different kinds. The one that I have that I use the most has a microphone, an external microphone, and so it like, picks up more of a higher frequency. But as far as the EMF detectors, I mean, I don't know. I just. I like something that has more, I guess something like the voices that you can't explain. There's always something that you can figure out with the magnetic fields. Like, okay, this was, you know, a microwave or electrical outlet. Yeah, something like that.

[Bert]

So, all right, the engineering stuff's going over my head. So let's get back to the clip.

[Jen]

Get back to the noise.

[Chelsea]

What are they telling us?

[Erin]

The Next clip was. Actually, I did hear this one. We were in the library, and we were trying to figure out where. We had just talked about how somebody had came in, like a psychic or something. She was actually a client. I came in the home and said that there's something that a spirit in this house wants, and that's why they're still here. And so we were talking about that, and then we heard some tapping noises. We were trying to figure out where the tapping noises were, and then we caught this evp. What is that?

[Bert]

I heard that ghost say, what is that? And she was taking over your voice.

[Erin]

It's really, really faint. And I'm actually gonna put this one on the website, and I'll zoom it. I zoomed it, and then I took it off the email because it was. I thought that it was too much. So you just have to listen, like, real. It's really faint. It says, should I give it to you? Oh, one shake.

[Chelsea]

And you heard that in your own ears?

[Erin]

Yes.

[Chelsea]

Like, not just listening back. You heard it in the room?

[Erin]

No. You can hear me say, what was that? Yeah.

[Dreama]

So she heard it in the room without having to replay.

[Bert]

Wow.

[Erin]

What is that?

[Jen]

What did it sound like when you heard it?

[Erin]

It sounded exactly like that. And I was like, did I? Because you think. You know, I guess a lot of times I think that you actually do hear things, like, in your own home and stuff, and you just kind of think, oh, that was the refrigerator, or, you know, something like that. And I actually heard it, and I was like, okay, I heard something. But this was going on all night.

[Bert]

This last one is gonna freak y' all out. Cause I. I have up here exactly what it says. This last one's gonna freak y' all out.

[Jen]

Just for the record, if that was me who heard that, you would have had to beep out the word in the middle.

[Dreama]

Yeah, let's hear. Let's hear that third one one more time.

[Erin]

What is that?

[Chelsea]

Dang, dang, dang.

[Erin]

Creepy.

[Bert]

All right, this last one here.

[Erin]

Okay.

[Bert]

Did you hear this in the house?

[Erin]

No.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Erin]

I did not. Thank goodness, because I would have really freaked out. But I did hear. You know, like I said, I'm gonna put it up on the website because everyone. I'm like, did you hear something? What was that? It's so annoying, because I was thinking I was crazy, you know? But this one I did not. We were in a room next door, and the recorder was going on, and we were actually talking about the Dixon house, which is the house that I was talking about. Earlier, and we were telling the woman that was with us about it and what all had happened there.

[Bert]

Tell them. Before I even play the clip, what you think it says.

[Erin]

I think it says we're not dead at all or we're who said it all. So just kind of listen out and see what you think.

[Chelsea]

I say dead.

[Jen]

Say it one more time.

[Bert]

There's something in the beginning, and then there's more of the whole sentence right there, isn't there? Yeah, there's a couple of words, and then. Then we're not dead at all.

[Erin]

I think it says we're not dead at all.

[Dreama]

That's the second time something like this has come up. Because remember, there was an investigation a long time ago where two women said, oh, my God, they think we're dead.

[Bert]

Yeah. And Andy has told us before that they. That some spirits don't know that they're dead. That they're sort of.

[Dreama]

Or if you watch the Others with Nicole Kidman, we're the one that's.

[Bert]

Now you just ruined that movie for me.

[Erin]

Well, you know what?

[Dreama]

You had plenty of time to say it. I have talked about the others forever, and finally, whatever.

[Jen]

Yeah, well, guess what?

[Bert]

Next you're gonna tell me, like, Jaws dies at the end of the movie, and I have been holding out, and I was. I wasn't gonna see.

[Dreama]

No, there's been 10,000 Jaws movies. So. No, he didn't.

[Jen]

Just for the record, Tom Hanks gets off the island. Wilson doesn't make it. Tom does.

[Bert]

Great.

[Chelsea]

Oh, really? Start the ending to that movie.

[Bert]

We will have a link on over to Atlanta Ghost Hunters from our website, the Birch Show.

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[Bert]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. All right, Melissa, what exactly is. I'm just curious. Not this specific one, but the segment

[Dreama]

idea, just the idea of it. Well, I mean, basically it is there's something you see in your life and you're just curious about, but more than likely you're a little separated from it, so you can't do, you know, find out the information yourself. So we've had situations where, like, there were this guy at Work. This woman was wondering if this guy at work was homeless just by some of the ways that he, you know, looked and he acted. And so. But she didn't really feel comfortable going up and asking him. So we're the people that do all the hard work. And so we went and we figured it out that he was not homeless, that, you know, we found out it was a different situation. So it's basically anything. It could be that. It could be this that we're about to talk about with the nosy neighborhood. I mean, there's so many things that you in your life, but we will do all the legwork to find out the information. And then we, you know, more than likely the outcome is much less dramatic than what you think in your head,

[Bert]

you know, and in order to get the answers for you guys, we have told the people that you're nosy about, look, you guys don't have to come on the radio or you don't have to come on the radio together, so it's not uncomfortable for anybody. So if you want to do this, just know that. You just tell us what it is. We'll do all the work from there. Then you don't have to come on again. You don't have to confront them. They never even have to know who really is being nosy.

[Caller]

Mm.

[Bert]

In this case, it was fake name Erin, who called us about a week ago about one of her neighbors.

[Caller]

I live in a community, and there are a lot of stay at home moms. There's one particular house, and she receives this visitor two or three times a week, and it's always at the exact same time. And it's not her husband. Same time, like, car pulls in 12:30, leaves at like 1:30 or something. Or like 1:20. Actually, I timed it.

[Bert]

And there was some more to that too. Like the dude was showing up some days when she wasn't even around.

[Chelsea]

Yeah. She would see the mom go for a walk with the stroller and the twins in it, and then he would still go over to the house. So she's like, wait a second. It doesn't really add up to what

[Bert]

her theory was, but it was just driving her crazy. I mean, she's just. It's none of her business again, but she's just nosy. I think anybody, any one of us, would probably be.

[Jason]

Mm.

[Bert]

So the rumors go around the neighborhood, and everybody is convinced now that she's having this affair. So we've been working on this for over a week now, and Jeff says we've got answers today.

[Dreama]

All right.

[Jen]

And did you guys even talk about the fact that there was one. The sidebar was that one woman thought that the neighbor was a prostitute.

[Dreama]

Mm.

[Bert]

We didn't get into it, only because I didn't know if it pertained to what we were doing today.

[Jen]

It doesn't pertain to that. But there. I mean, the thing is, when you don't know the truth about something, then stories, I mean, blossom like spring wildflowers. You know what I mean?

[Chelsea]

Everybody fills in the blanks themselves.

[Bert]

I think that's what's gonna happen with most of these. That the story you have in your or the story that's going around in the neighborhood or the office is gonna be way better than the truth.

[Jen]

So what I did is we got an email, or Tracy, rather got an email after the show yesterday, right after actually came in during the show. I got it, like, around 10:30. And I'm gonna. The author of the email is going to come on with this, and I just want him to read his email because the email is so well written, and it wraps all of this, all these details up. And then afterwards, we'll do it like a press conference. Then if you have any questions for

[Bert]

him, you can ask him.

[Chelsea]

We'll raise our hand.

[Jen]

But you just have to listen to his email, and it wraps everything up. And detail. I mean, it is authentic. Like, details. I have off the air, confirmed details like pertaining to addresses and stuff.

[Bert]

So it details in the email. I'm just curious going into it. Do I ask him who he is and how he.

[Jen]

No, just say. Just have him read his email.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jen]

His name is Jason, and he. The email tells the whole story, but it's so well written. It's. That's the only way the story can be told. Okay, so he's on five.

[Bert]

Hey, Jason.

[Jason]

Hey. How's it going?

[Bert]

Good. Good morning.

[Jason]

Good morning.

[Bert]

All right, Jeff says just have you read off your email because everything is contained in there beautifully.

[Jason]

Yep, certainly is. So I should just jump in.

[Bert]

Go for it.

[Jen]

All you.

[Jason]

All right, Bircho, I thought you'd be interested in the following story. My wife and I moved to a new street about two years ago when my wife learned that she was pregnant with her twin boys for five years. Prior to that, we lived about a half mile away, and many of our best friends still live in that old neighborhood. We've not gotten to know many of our new neighbors because the boys keep us very busy, because any adult free time is spent with the people we know so well from the old hood who live so close. I work Monday through Friday. My wife stays home to take care of our children. I have a very interesting job that requires working closely with my clients and traveling with them on site visits and client meetings. I usually leave for work around 6:30am, go directly to the office and work at a desk until 10. Then I'll leave between 9 and 10 for my morning appointment. I usually take one of our corporate black SUVs to the appointment. If the appointment is near where I live, I will often go home for lunch. Sometimes my wife is there with me. Other times she's visiting with her friends or just getting the kids out for some fresh air. I always have an appointment after lunch, 2pm So I leave the house at about the same time every day. After my afternoon meeting, I head back to the office, wrap up my paperwork, change out of my suit into my workout clothes and spend 45 minutes in our company's gym downstairs. Then I change into jeans and a polo shirt with a baseball cap usually, and drive home in my own car. Not to be a buzzkill, but the strange man who's been visiting this quiet Norca street every day is actually her husband. And Monday, my wife and I walk down a few houses at lunch and introduce ourselves to Erin.

[Jen]

Hold on, start that paragraph over because we are laughing.

[Jason]

Sorry. And Monday, my wife and I walk down a few houses at lunch and introduce ourselves to Erin so she can be relieved of her espionage duties. Seemed quite shocked that we were on her porch and ringing her bell. Listened very attentively when we explained that there is nothing sneaky going on. I don't think we or any other neighbors will have any more miscommunications from her. She didn't have much to say, but we think she understood what we were saying. I was hoping she would contact you on Tuesday to explain, but when I didn't hear her on the show, I thought I'd give you the last chapter of this overly dramatic book. I love your show. I look forward to hearing the next installment of Just Curious.

[Dreama]

Oh, that's great.

[Bert]

That's funny. Funny. Now, when did you and your wife get tipped off to this whole thing that she was talking about you on the radio?

[Jason]

We listen to your show. We heard the original call.

[Bert]

Oh, really?

[Jason]

I guess we heard the call. We didn't immediately figure out it was us, but once we both took we heard it separately. We talked about it at dinner. We thought it was a funny call. We thought it might be a and the more we thought about it, we realized it was.

[Dreama]

What do you Think about the fact that someone else thought your wife was a masseuse prostitute. Having an abandoned masseuse that had clients that she would come and, you know, serve in her house.

[Jason]

We think it's great. We think it's hysterical.

[Bert]

I need to know more about this knock on the door that you had with her and what her reaction was to that.

[Jason]

Yeah, no problem. I mean, literally, because we don't know a lot of our neighbors, so there are only four houses where you can really see our house from. So we actually sat there like, well, those are the four houses. And, you know, we do know that there's a single guy in one of them, and we know there are no kids in the other, so it's got to be one of the other two houses. We honestly didn't know who lived in those houses. We knocked on one door. No answer. We knocked on the other one. She answered. We just went into it, assuming it was her, and she just had this totally kind of, like, dumbfounded look. I don't think she ever expected that to happen, you know, and she immediately was like, I'm so sorry. You know, just, I'd be nosy. And, you know, I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. And, hey, everything's fine, you know, we appreciate your concern. And we kind of just left her on the porch.

[Dreama]

I would have asked for the calendar as a souvenir

[Chelsea]

or to snap a picture of her face when she opens the door and you guys are standing on her porch.

[Jen]

Do you think that she was spying on them as they were walking down the street?

[Bert]

Because afterwards.

[Jen]

Yeah. Is he, Jason. Is he still on with us?

[Bert]

Huh?

[Jason]

So, Jason, you pull me to spine on us.

[Jen]

Yeah. I'm wondering, like, when you pull in the driveway in your black Lexus suv, your work car, does your wife come out? And then you guys, hand in hand, just start to walk down the street. I'm wondering if she was watching that and panicking, like, sweating.

[Jason]

Well, I wasn't. I didn't come in the black SUV because I drive home in my own car.

[Dreama]

Yeah, he came home in his own

[Bert]

house, and he's not in a suit.

[Dreama]

When she gets home, he gets home. So he looked like two different people.

[Bert]

So there's the explanation also of the two cars as well. Awesome. Jason, thank you very much, man. We appreciate you calling and setting the record straight, man.

[Dreama]

That's great.

[Bert]

No problem, guys.

[Jason]

Thanks so much for having me on.

[Bert]

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Hey, the bird show.

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[Bert]

E S T. Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Melissa Carter. How does love lost and found normally work here?

[Dreama]

Well, you know the lost and found, you just kind of go and check on something or go drop something off. Basically, love lost and found is somebody was in a situation in which they think they may have found love, but they lost and they didn't take the opportunity to get their number or get their contact information so they regret it afterwards. So just come to the Birch Show. We'll put the information out that you know about that person, the situation in which you met. Then our Birch show community will come and, you know, call if they know this person and then we'll try to match you back up.

[Bert]

So that's what we're hoping to do here with Montez. And I think it has everything to do with her trying to get her car fixed and a dude comes to her rescue and then he splits and she's like, I need to get. I need to get to know that guy. How are you this morning?

[Caller]

I'm great. How are you guys doing?

[Bert]

Good. Did we sort of get that story right?

[Caller]

It's pretty close. Pretty close.

[Jen]

How do you know that he's your soulmate?

[Caller]

Well, I mean, I'm not sure about that yet. That's a little quick. But he actually, the story is I was going to dinner on Father's Day with one of my friends after work and my car started sputtering out the middle of Buckhead, Lenox Road and Piedmont about. And I was like, oh, no, I cannot break down on the side of the road. So I pull into a parking lot, which just so happened to be a valet parking lot. So as embarrassing as it was, it was 10 times more embarrassing because it was a valet parking lot.

[Jen]

Is there anything that will make you feel physically hotter than being at an intersection? Being the first car at an intersection and all of a sudden your vehicle dies.

[Caller]

That was literally the worst feeling in the whole world. I was so scared. So I just pulled in and I went up to the valet with my car, thinking it was going to die right there. I said, I just need to park my car. I don't know. I'm really sorry. I Pulled in here and he was like, oh, you can pull it right here. He was so sweet, and he just helped me so much. And in between running and getting people's cars, he would come over and help me with my car, which turned out to kind of have no oil in it.

[Bert]

Kind of have no oil.

[Dreama]

She has an oil spot every time I park my car. I don't know what that means.

[Bert]

Yeah, that little light that keeps coming on. What a hassle that is.

[Dreama]

Whatever. I just put tape on it and forget about it.

[Caller]

You would think there would be a light, but there was not.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Caller]

So he just helped me out and he was so sweet. He was so nice. And my friend showed up and she was like, montez, this guy is adorable. Why don't you go for it? And I was like, I mean, you're right. But I'm so shy, and I'm just like, I don't know what to do. And he was so sweet. And I think his name was Ryan. And he told me he was a starving artist, which is me. I'm the same thing. I'm a dancer. So we just had a lot in common. I thought for the very beginning of something, but I don't know. And then I just. I was too shy to do anything about it, and so I just left it at that. And she was just like, montez, really, you should have done something. And I was like, I know, I didn't do anything. And I feel like, what can I do now?

[Jen]

What's your dancer name?

[Caller]

What?

[Jen]

What's your dancer name?

[Caller]

Not that kind of dancing.

[Bert]

Come on. Really?

[Chelsea]

What kind of dancing? Ballet or.

[Caller]

Yes, Actually, I have a degree in dance from uga, so I work out at Six Flags as an entertainer, and I do dancing, singing, all that kind of stuff.

[Bert]

Okay, so it's legit.

[Dreama]

Very cool.

[Bert]

Let's ask a couple of obvious questions. That valet parking lot. Because we're trying to accumulate as many details as we can. So somebody listening might just. It might trigger something where they go, okay, I know that lot, and I know some people that work there. What was the valet parking lot we're talking about? Where was that?

[Caller]

I remember it was. Okay, it was at the intersection of Lenox and Piedmont and Buckhead. And it was the Marsh building, I think.

[Chelsea]

Marsh.

[Caller]

And it was right on the. Right. Once you turn on the Piedmont from Linux.

[Jen]

Okay, I know right where that is.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

That's like that lane where if you're over in the far right lane, you almost have to go to that office building. Yeah. It messes you up if you get there. Okay, I know what you're.

[Bert]

It's.

[Jen]

The Hawaiian restaurant is right there. Thank you.

[Bert]

Yeah. Okay. Okay, so here's what we have. Lennox, Piedmont Valet. How come you just didn't go back to the valet spot and ask for Ryan? I mean, you know where he works.

[Caller]

Well, I know that he was gonna be working late and we went to dinner and we had been working all day, and so we just left. And when I got home, that was when I realized I was like, wait, I've got to change the way I do these things. And I was just like, okay, well, I guess I need the radio to help me out.

[Bert]

No, well, what I'm saying is. I mean, we're talking about. That was Father's Day. So how come between Father' and now, you just didn't go back to the valet spot and go, is Ryan here? Can I leave my number for Ryan?

[Jen]

Because she wants us to.

[Chelsea]

Don't discourage her from contacting us.

[Jen]

She wants us to do her dirty work.

[Chelsea]

We could do it and maybe be

[Bert]

less embarrassing, but this really isn't a Love Lost account. All she has to do is go to the valet spot and there's Ryan.

[Jen]

It's a love lost count.

[Caller]

I do live kind of far away from there. I live in Woodstock, so I don't really go by there very much.

[Chelsea]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Bert]

So it's a lazy love lost and found.

[Chelsea]

She's a busy girl.

[Jen]

What if she goes? There's a love lost and lazy.

[Chelsea]

Like, if he's not there, then you have to valet your car. Cause you can't just pull into a valet parking lot.

[Jen]

And sure, she could be like, I'm going to see the Marshes. I'm here for the Marsh Building. I've got an appointment with Mr. Marsh.

[Chelsea]

It's a lot of mars.

[Bert]

I mean, the reason. I mean, we'll go ahead and we'll try to do it, but the reason to execute this is because it's somebody that you can't find when all you gotta do is drive down there and there's a.

[Jen]

Hold on. Yeah, you're being burnt. You know what? Your pessimism is really sturdy, Captain Destiny.

[Dreama]

I see what you're saying.

[Bert]

She can do it herself.

[Chelsea]

No, she can't. It's far drive. If it's not working, then you have to do it two times or three times, and it's embarrassing. She would have to be face to face with those other valet people. She already told you, she's shy.

[Bert]

Stop.

[Chelsea]

You gotta.

[Jen]

Listen, Bert, you just need to switch your panties. Take off your Love Lost and found panties and put on your. I forget what the bit's called, but it's where we approach her wing by proxy. Yes. Where we approach the dude and we're like, hey, does anybody from the past week ring a bell with you? Somebody that maybe you had a connection with? Somebody that you feel strongly about? And we just hear what he says. Because if it's destiny. Right. Put on your destiny panties. If it's destiny, then he will remember her.

[Chelsea]

That's too complicated. I just want to find him and set him up.

[Bert]

I've already found him. I know exactly where he is. I know exactly where he works. Yeah, he works at the Marsh Building. I'm a quarter of Lennox and Peabody.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Bert]

We're gonna help her out.

[Chelsea]

What does he look like?

[Caller]

Well, he had.

[Jen]

Hang on. If you give me a half hour, I'll tell you.

[Caller]

And he was pretty fit, and he was just really, really cute. His name was Ryan.

[Chelsea]

How tall?

[Jen]

He's wearing an ameripark shirt with a name tag that says Ryan on it.

[Chelsea]

How tall?

[Caller]

I would say about. He wasn't that tall. He was probably about maybe under 6ft or 6ft.

[Jen]

So this is the most pointless interrogation ever.

[Bert]

Why don't we just. Why don't we send intern Michelle down to the valet parking lot right now to ask for Ryan and get him on the phone and have him talk to Montez?

[Chelsea]

Well, how do you know what time of day.

[Bert]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chelsea]

You don't know if he's there right

[Bert]

now, but, I mean, it's.

[Chelsea]

He can't drive from Woodstock in 24

[Erin]

hours and see the parking lot.

[Bert]

He's not lost.

[Chelsea]

He's not sitting in the parking lot for 24 hours.

[Erin]

Is that crazy?

[Jen]

This is a new bit called Love, Love Found. And I'm scared and lazy.

[Dreama]

Yes.

[Caller]

Come on.

[Chelsea]

I want to help her.

[Bert]

Hey, Chelsea, Go ahead. You're on Q100. Huh?

[Jason]

Oh, my God.

[Jen]

I think I know him. Does he work at the Marsh Building?

[Caller]

Yes, I do.

[Jen]

Is his name Ryan? He parks my car when I go to the Marsh.

[Bert]

Oh, my God. We found him.

[Chelsea]

Don't be mean to her, y'.

[Jason]

All.

[Caller]

Come on.

[Bert]

We're not being mean. Hey, Chelsea, go ahead.

[Caller]

Yeah, I work in the Marsh Building and I smoke outside every day with the valet people in the afternoon.

[Bert]

Do you know this hottie named Ryan?

[Caller]

There's a couple of hotties that do valet there.

[Jen]

Well, hollow your job today. Here's our challenge for Love Lost. And there he is right there.

[Jason]

All Right, Listen, what you need to

[Jen]

do is you need to see today. Let's hope that the valets are still there. Your job today is to go to those valets and find Ryan and get a telephone number from him.

[Bert]

Hey, Tasha. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi, good morning. Morning show. I just had to call and say, this is not a true love lost and found. Bert, even before you said all she had to do was just go right back to valet park. And I even said that. And I'm a female shy or not. I mean, come on. All she had to do is go right back. Or like you said, if he's not there, she lives in Woodstock. Just go and say, can I leave the number, email, dress or whatever for lying. Simple as that. This is not a true love lost and found. This is a ridiculous waste of time.

[Jen]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

Help her out.

[Chelsea]

I don't think so.

[Bert]

Montez, baby. I mean, this is so easy for you.

[Jen]

I mean, all you got, she wants us to do. You said when I brought this up.

[Bert]

This is her dirty word. This is just her dirty word.

[Jen]

You said this yesterday because we had this conversation off the air and you said she's just scared. So knowing that we need to approach Ryan, hopefully we'll be able to. We'll be able to find him again at his job.

[Chelsea]

What are you, Captain Destiny?

[Bert]

It's not Captain Destiny. All she has to do is go there and see us.

[Chelsea]

She needs some friends to go with us.

[Jen]

We're switching. We're switching it up. You need to be open to change, my friend. You know what? Yes, we can. So, Jen, what was the bit called where you approach and. And it was like, remember you said by proxy. But it's where we go to Ryan and go, look, who do you remember from the past week? It's probably the girl that's smoking with him every day. But you know who called us a few minutes ago, but maybe it's this girl who pulled in with a broken down car.

[Bert]

Well, then all we gotta do is go with a cell phone and ask him. Yeah, that's fine. Hey, Sarah. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I was just gonna say that I'm pretty sure I know who it is because my boyfriend actually works for Midtown Parking. Okay. And he hangs out with those guys. And it's one of these guys named Ryan. I don't know if you want me to say his last name or.

[Jen]

Why do you think it's that Ryan?

[Caller]

Because I'm pretty sure that's the only Ryan that works there?

[Jen]

Because I'm pretty sure that most valets are named either Ryan or Dave.

[Caller]

No, I mean, like, he hangs out with everybody from work, and the only Ryan I hear about is a certain Ryan.

[Chelsea]

Are you sure? Are you sure that that parking company is the one who does that lot?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm positive.

[Bert]

Absolute, complete.

[Dreama]

Well, I do want to ask her, though, if he has a girlfriend. If you're. If you know him that well, do you know if he has a girlfriend?

[Bert]

You know how we're gonna find out? Because we're gonna send intern Michelle down there right now.

[Dreama]

It's right down the street, 7:30 in

[Bert]

the morning, and if not, we'll just leave our phone number.

[Dreama]

Okay.

[Bert]

And then he'll call us back and then we'll have answers because it shouldn't be too difficult to find him because we know where he is.

[Chelsea]

We know where he was.

[Jen]

What if Michelle goes down there and ends up hooking up with him?

[Bert]

Then that's destiny.

[Chelsea]

No, because Michelle is dating the most interesting man in the world that we don't know what he looks like.

[Bert]

All right, Montez. Yeah, we're gonna send intern Michelle down there. We'll try to see if we can find him down there, and if not, we'll leave our phone number, and with any luck at all, he'll call by the end of the morning and we will do your dirty work for you.

[Caller]

Okay, thank you.

[Bert]

All right, hold on.

[Jen]

Are you sure you love him before we do this, are you sure this is the man you want to marry? Marry?

[Caller]

He is the man I want to marry.

[Jen]

Okay, perfect. We'll tell him that and we'll get him right on the phone.

[Bert]

The first show.

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[Bert]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. All right, this is. This is really good online, but I'm not really sure how it's going to print here on the radio, but let me try to set the tone for you. As far as the video goes.

[Dreama]

This is going to be funny.

[Bert]

It's basically just a black screen and then some white words start to come up on the screen and then this music starts to play and then it's just different shots of the author of this, of these emails and this video in Europe. He's backpacking over here, he's backpacking over there. And they're just a little itty bitty bitty picture sort of in the corner. And in the middle of the screen is all the texts from the emails that his former girlfriend has been sending him for two weeks. So it's great. That's it. It's just a text. Okay, so the first thing you see on the screen is this. It says, during the summer of 2007, I had the opportunity to backpack around Europe for two weeks. I talked about it often before I left. My girlfriend, however, although great in many respects, was not the world's greatest listener. I left on Friday, June 1. Despite even calling her to say goodbye the night before. She never realized I left. When I arrived home two weeks later, I had several emails from her waiting in my inbox. Then it's just. Then again, White comes up. Friday, June 1st, 11:31am Maddie, baby. Smooch. Hey, doll. Me and the girls are gonna hit up Maddy tonight. I'll call you in a bit. You and the boys should come out too, love. And same day, 4 o'. Clock. Come on out, eh? Hey, hon, me again. Tried calling your cell a few times today, but it kept going right to voicemail. You're not screening me, are you? Little question mark, but still a smiley face. Now he lets you know. In this video, my cell phone was off for the entire trip so that I wouldn't get insane roaming charges in Europe. So why even bring your phone right now? June 3rd, subject.

[Erin]

Ah.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Hello?

[Bert]

Question mark. JD, WTF? Why are you not responding to my calls and emails? Where are you? I waited all night for you to get in touch with me. I'm not happy here, babe. Call me asap. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.

[Erin]

Here's where the crazy starts.

[Dreama]

That's funny.

[Bert]

Later on, same day, June 3rd, no subject. Email was empty, so I think she was getting ready to send something. Probably deleted it and then accidentally sent it. There's no text. Tuesday, June 5, subject. WTF. What the expletive with an F is going on? Why are you avoiding me? You're not answering your cell. You won't return my text. Jdw, tf. I know you're around. Your friend Jeremy is such a BSer. When he said he hadn't seen you all weekend, I could hear you talking in the background. Oh my God, I thought you were different. Expletive F, nut. Oh, last chance. Dot, dot, dot. Call me tonight with the best excuse of your life or I walk. Expletive pole. Oh, no.

[Chelsea]

She keeps going.

[Bert]

Tuesday, June 5th. Read this. Expletive with an hole. I've tried to call you. I've tried calling your friends, your mom. What the expletive with an f did I do? Was it just time? Time to dump me? You could at least tell it to my face. Expletive with a hole. We're through. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't bother. Now you'll never know what you lost. I was the one. And now I feel sorry for you because you'll never have that again. I feel so sorry for you. Ha ha ha.

[Jen]

What was the date of this one?

[Bert]

This was June 5th. Dude, that's day two. He left the first.

[Jen]

We're five days into it, and he's

[Dreama]

still gone for a week and a half. Yes, beyond this.

[Bert]

Now he writes in his editor note. She left messages at my mom's demanding I call her back. My mom would have called her, too, to tell her I was in Europe, except she didn't leave her number and my mom had doesn't have it. So now we're on to June 8th. No subject. I hate you.

[Jen]

That's great.

[Bert]

The crazy buttons turn on hardcore. No subject, just in bold letters. I hate you.

[Chelsea]

Oh, God.

[Bert]

Now that's June 8th.

[Chelsea]

Okay, okay.

[Bert]

Now we're going to June 10th. Subject F U, U, U, U, U,

[Jason]

U, U, U, U, U, U, U,

[Bert]

U, C. You know?

[Dreama]

Yeah. Hey.

[Bert]

Expletive face with an F. That's awesome. Remember that friend of mine that you were jealous of? The one I told you that nothing ever happened with?

[Erin]

No.

[Bert]

Well, I was crying with him about you, and he told me how amazing I was, how he always thought so. And so I expletive with an F past him to show you I'm right. Now who's the stupid one? I can get any guy I want. And what are you doing just sitting at home crying over how you lost me? Well, don't cry for me, because you're already lost. Expletive with an hole.

[Dreama]

Dope.

[Bert]

Wow. Tuesday, June 12th. Subject read ASAP.

[Jason]

J.D.

[Bert]

call me. We need to talk. Same day, Tuesday, June 12th. Subject. Just listen.

[Dreama]

Listen.

[Bert]

Here's the email. Okay, fine. You don't want to call me, then just listen. I'm mad and hurt right now. I really felt something between us, and now you're gone and throwing it all away, and I have no idea why. Jd we were amazing together, weren't we? We always had fun. I tried to be so easygoing and happy with you. We were the couple that could spend an evening out with our friends or laze around on the couch, and either way ended all in a fantastic way with sex and confessions of love. I know that something has happened to change all that, but you have to admit that you still feel something for me. To deny that is to deny your very soul. I know you'll call me tonight. We have a lot to discuss. A lot of good and a lot of bad. It may not change things, and we may have still broken up, but at least you owe me a conversation. At least a chance. From Mr. And he writes now. I've been in Europe for 12 years. I'm coming home on Saturday. 12 days. Yeah. On this day, I go shopping in Rome and get a necklace for M and write a postcard to my grandparents so he doesn't have any idea he's still shopping for, you know, Thursday, June 15th. Subject I tried. I tried to reach out to you, J.D. i really did. But I take back all those nice things I said. I'm glad we're broken up. You're boring as expletive with an S to be with. I pretended so many times to like the stupid shows you like to watch the stupid movies you like to enjoy spending time with your asinine friends. I've moved on. I realize that you are not the right person for me in any way whatsoever. You bring out the worst traits in me, and I'm a million times better without you. I'm bringing by a bunch of your stuff to your mom's house. So. So long. J.D. i'd like to say it was fun, but really it wasn't. Believe me when I say that I never want to hear from you again. From M. Thursday, June 14. Subject in bold letters and capitals. Open first exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Do not read any other emails. Exclamation point, exclamation point. If you love me, you will delete every email I've sent you over the past week without reading.

[Jen]

Oopsie.

[Caller]

She figured it out.

[Bert]

Then up on the screen comes his editor's note. When she went to my mom's house to drop off my my stuff, she bumped into my mom. My mom told her I was in Europe until Saturday. So then more from the email. J.D. please, I'm begging you that when you get back, you do not read any email but this one We've all made mistakes while you've been away. I can explain it all to you. Call me asap. I love you with all my heart and soul. From M. Oh, my God, that's beautiful.

[Dreama]

I love the fact that she's showing up at his mama's house with all his stuff.

[Jen]

Oopsie.

[Bert]

So he writes at the very end here, and the words are coming up. I read the emails. Em and I are no longer together. I learned two very important lessons from this whole ordeal. One, careful when you date passionate people because passion swings both ways. Sometimes they'll love you, sometimes they'll hate you. And when they hate you, boy, do they hate you. And number two, when you go to Europe for two weeks, leave your expletive with an F phone on.

[Caller]

Oh.

[Dreama]

Oh, my God. That's wonderful.

[Bert]

I watched that four times yesterday.

[Dreama]

That's gonna be a movie.

[Bert]

This is the Bird show.

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[Bert]

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