Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, December 2 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show – Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, December 2 [Vault]

Date: December 2, 2025
Host: Matt Rogers (with co-hosts Jeff, Jen Hobby, Bowen Yang, and guest participants)
Episode Context & Theme
Key Segments & Discussion Points
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
Timestamps

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show continues their trademark mix of real-life escapades, relationship drama, and hilarious banter. The main focus is twofold:

• Listener follow-up stories from “Love Lost and Found Again”: A segment where people reconnect with lost romantic interests with the help of show listeners—and, sometimes, the cast acts as reality check referees.
• Revenge Tales: Listeners call in to share notorious (and occasionally deranged) “payback” stories after being wronged in relationships, creating a blend of confession, outrage, and collective comic relief.

The tone is playful, candid, and a bit mischievous, spotlighting authentic, sometimes cringey, human moments.

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Key Discussion Points

1. “Love Lost and Found Again”: Justin & Anna Milfi Update

[01:00-14:32]

• Recap of Justin and Anna’s Story:

  • Justin, 22, met Anna (“Anna Milfi”), 45, at a Jack O’ Lantern Halloween party.
  • He was smitten, but after drunkenly saving her number as “hamburger” in his phone, he lost it. The show previously helped him find Anna.

• Their Weekend Meet-Up:

  • The long-awaited hangout at Compound didn’t quite pan out romantically:
    • Drinks, dancing, and laughs
    • Both report they “lost” each other during the night (conflict over whether anyone was ditched or just caught up in the club chaos)
    • They remain friends, but Anna is dating someone her own age and isn’t interested in more (despite finding Justin sweet and mature).

• Age Gaps, Flirtation, and Friend Zoning:

  • The age difference is a recurring, light-hearted gag.
  • Both Justin and Anna are gracious; Anna admits she’s flattered but not interested in dating someone her son’s age. Justin takes it in stride, joking about the “cougar” friendship.

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2. Revenge Stories: What We Do When Wronged

[16:21-27:17]

A. Confessions of Relationship Fury

Listeners call in with epic tales of revenge after discovering infidelity or betrayal. Stories range from destructive to cunning:

• Anna Milfi’s “Waiting to Exhale” Moment [16:33-17:14]

  • Caught partner cheating, responded by burning her clothes in the basement. Realized she could’ve burned down the house, which prompts “yikes!” laughs from the cast.

• Christina’s Scorched-Earth Breakup [17:53-19:36]

  • After being cheated on, Christina destroys her ex’s clothing, bleaches his shoes, and tosses his possessions into a lake—admitting postpartum depression amplified her rage.

• Nicole, the “Silent Devil” [20:02-21:47]

  • Secretly “cleans” an ex’s toothbrush in the toilet and hides a piece of shrimp under the carpet to create an untraceable stink after a breakup.

B. On-Air “Public Service Announcement” Revenge [23:38-24:57]

• A caller outs her cheating boyfriend Ethan live on air:
  • Exposes his infidelity, married lover (name and all), and graphic evidence.
  • Threatens to send all incriminating emails (and vacation photos) to his coworkers and the lover’s husband, Raj.
  • Cast is scandalized/fascinated; emphasizes that the original broadcast did not bleep out names, causing workplace drama.

C. Another Dramatic Destruction Story [25:41-26:55]

• Angela’s Bricks and Cement Mayhem
  • After learning her partner was taking their son to the other woman’s house, Angela attacked his new car with bricks and poured cement in the engine.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

The Justin & Anna Saga

• Justin’s Lovesick Rap (02:23):

  “Walking through the Jack Hugh Lantern party at the compound...dressed as a gay cowboy from Brokeback Mountain... I forgot what her name was so I saved it as hamburger... Q100 saved the day and helped me find my match... Bert may think of you as Anna the Milfy and more, but we all know I’m Ashton and you’re my Demi Moore.” — Justin ([02:23])

• On Why It Didn’t Work:

  "We had a really good time...but all that's there is pretty much just the friendship between us."
  — Justin ([04:43])

  "I think she wants to date, you know, a guy her own age, you know, has his own house and all that stuff...I guess I was too young for her."
  — Justin ([05:04])

• Anna’s Perspective:

  "It was a little embarrassing at first because I thought, you know, I’m too old for...as old as my son. But it is a compliment."
  — Anna Milfi ([13:18])

  "If he was 25, would that change things?"
  "I don't think so."
  — Matt Rogers & Anna Milfi ([13:46-13:49])

Revenge Tales

• The Clothes-Pyro:

  "Went to the basement, cut them up, took lighter fluid, put them on them and lit them all on fire."
  — Anna Milfi ([17:08])

  "It's a Waiting to Exhale moment."
  — Co-host Jeff ([17:14])

• Lake and Bleach Vengeance:

  "He had a lot of Timberland boots, a lot of stuff that this chick had bought him. I made sure I bleached them right...his dad lived by, like, a lake, I just threw some of the stuff in the lake."
  — Christina ([18:23])

• The Shrimp Under the Carpet:

  "I cut a hole in the carpet and I put a piece of shrimp underneath the carpet."
  — Nicole ([21:01])

• On Revenge Creativity:

  “That is awesome. You know, somebody listening right now just went like, that’s it.”
  — Jen Hobby ([21:20])

• Public Service Outing:

  "Ethan shouldn’t leave his laptop up and running on the kitchen table when his girlfriend spends the night…as soon as she gets home, she could email all of those to all of your coworkers…to the whore named Sarah who is married...I’m going to call you and tell you everything…"
  — Caller ([23:38-24:57])

• Ruinous Destruction with Bricks:

  "Took all the bricks, threw in the car and completely ruined the car and had to come tow it...open up the hood, you know, threw bricks in the sand, cement into the engine..."
  — Angela ([26:03-26:49])

---

Important Segments and Timestamps

• [01:00] Love Lost & Found Again – Justin & Anna Recap
• [02:23] Justin’s Halloween Party Rap for Anna
• [04:43-07:08] Justin & Anna Reunite, But Only as Friends
• [11:00] Anna Joins the Conversation, Friendzones Justin
• [13:41] Discussion: Would Age Actually Change Anything?
• [16:21] Revenge Story Hour — Call-ins Begin
• [17:14] Burning Clothes Revenge
• [18:23] Lake & Bleach: Christina’s Meltdown
• [21:01] Shrimp Under Carpet & Other Ingenious Vengeance
• [23:38] Live On-Air Revenge “Public Service Announcement”
• [25:41] Angela’s Car Destruction With Bricks & Cement

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Conclusion

This episode showcases the humorous, sometimes jaw-dropping extremes people go to after romantic letdowns—whether trying to recapture lost love or get even after betrayal. The cast keeps it funny, compassionate, and at times gleefully scandalized, allowing listeners to both laugh and empathize.

Why Listen?
For the pure entertainment of real-life messiness, shameless confessions, and the camaraderie of a morning show that never takes itself too seriously.

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Cast Attribution:

• Matt Rogers — Host, main interviewer
• Jeff, Jen Hobby, Bowen Yang — Co-hosts, banter and commentary
• Justin, Anna Milfi, Christina, Nicole, Angela — Callers and story subjects

Skip the intros/outros—dive right into the human drama!

Transcript

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[Justin]

Can I just let it go?

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Host Matt Rogers]

The BIR show all right, Melissa, how does Love Lost and Found again work?

[Co-host Jeff]

Very quickly here it is where someone is out and you found a connection with somebody and then you get kind of nervous because you know toward the end you, you don't know what you're going to say when you have to part ways and then you don't get the phone number. You have no way of contacting the person. You think you've lost them forever. So you give us a call and then you give us the description of where you met, what they look like, everything about them. We give it to our Burt show listeners to see if anybody out there knows them and then if they do, we reconnect you.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Such as the case with 22 year old Justin who went to Love Lost and or who went to Jack O' Lantern and ended up like really digging. This 45 year old Anna Milfi that was there, totally digging on it.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

He thought they really had a connection. It wasn't just that she was hot. I mean that was definitely helping.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Deep connection.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

But he felt like they really had some, you know, maybe not a deep connection but some chemistry going on. And he was like, I don't care. I think that she's hot. I don't care about the age difference. I want this woman.

[Host Matt Rogers]

So he goes to put her number in his cell phone and somehow screws it up because he's all hammered and stuff. And he comes on with us to try to find her and we did and it was a pretty easy target. I mean a 45 year old hanging out at Jackie lantern was a pretty easy target.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So we plus any Jackie lantern one too. Like because of the costumes and everything, it's easy to narrow down. Like this is a sure thing for him.

[Host Matt Rogers]

This was a slam dunk here.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So I mean he, he had no doubt. That's when he put the pen to paper.

[Justin]

Walking through the Jack Hugh Lantern party at the compound, trying to talk to every female that came around. So I'm chilling at the party, posted by the water fountain, dressed as a gay cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, looking all around and I saw from an angle a nice looking woman in her costume. Red fallen angel. I asked for her number even though it was kind of risky and if she said no, I would just have said I was tipsy. We split our different ways to enjoy the party further, but I forgot what her name was so I saved it as hamburger. After the park I went to my car and ended up real mad because I was so drunk. I deleted her number and I needed it real bad. I felt ashamed and so out of place. Like an apple in a Pumpkin patch till Q100. Saved the day and help me find my match. Now Bert may think of you as Anna the Milfy and Moore, but we all know I'm Ashton and you're my Demi Moore.

[Anna Milfi]

That was fabulous.

[Justin]

And here's the last part. And if it doesn't work out between us, I'll be sad, but what the heck, I'll introduce you to my dad.

[Host Matt Rogers]

I still think it was great. I still think it was great. It was effort.

[Co-host Jeff]

A for effort. Yes.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

And that's all the women want, right?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I just think that he should have ended it on the Demi Moore line. That was cute.

[Justin]

Hey, Justin, what's going on?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Dude, you're not calling us from a bathroom, are you?

[Justin]

No, no, no.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Okay, sounds like there was an echo of a bathroom.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

He's just listening to himself.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Oh, I gotcha. How you doing, man? Cuz the last time we talked to you, you were on with Anna Milfi and you guys said you were gonna go hang out over the weekend. And Jen Hobby thought that Anna Milfi was just being nice just to be nice on the air. I'm sorry, I didn't feel that way.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I mean, I really. I hope that it went well and I hope that she was just maybe embarrassed about being on the radio, but I kind of got the vibe that she was placating you.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I think she may have gone out with you and done all sorts of stuff to you that you imagine.

[Host Matt Rogers]

You think they went Kama Sutra page one to 120 this weekend.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I think she. I think she did stretches before she took him out. I think she limbered up, went into like a steam room, loosened up the muscles and I. I'm surprised you're even okay right now.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Did you guys even meet this weekend?

[Justin]

Yeah, actually, we met up at a compound again.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Okay, okay.

[Justin]

Saturday night. And we had a couple of drinks and danced around for a little bit. We had a really good time. She's a really nice person, but I think all that's there is pretty much just the friendship between us.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Why?

[Justin]

You know, seeing the age difference and everything, you know, what happened?

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, that didn't bother you, Ejaculon? So what was the difference?

[Justin]

Well, you know, I think. I think it's more on her part. You know, it really doesn't matter. You know, I can see her. I think she wants to date, you know, a guy her own age, you know, has his own house and all that stuff and making the big bucks, you know, But I guess I was too young for her. You know, we got. We get along just fine and, you know, we hung out pretty much for like two hours at compound and, you know, we danced and everything. I bought her a couple of drinks and laughed and had had a great time.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

White Russian.

[Host Matt Rogers]

So are you. Are you convinced that if she was younger or you were older that there would be a follow up date?

[Justin]

I'd like to think so. You know, I'd like Anna even if she was 65 years old. You know, I just. I think she's really pretty woman. I like her personality. So, you know.

[Co-host Jeff]

What, so when did it. How did the date end? Like, I mean, how did. When did you know on Saturday that things were not gonna progress?

[Justin]

I guess? Well, I went to the restroom and came back here and I came out and then she was gone.

[Host Matt Rogers]

She really was gone.

[Justin]

And then, you know, I was like. She called me and said she was waiting inside because it was cold, but, you know, compound so big, you know, heck, I couldn't find her after that. I was kind of. Kind of tipsy walking around, so.

[Host Matt Rogers]

So there you were, kind of like aimlessly searching for Anna Milfi.

[Justin]

Well, after that I pretty much. I couldn't find her. She kept text messaging me like, hey, I'm waiting on you. I'm here where you left me. So after that, I just snuck into VIP and started dancing with some random girls.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So you just left her?

[Justin]

Oh, I mean, I couldn't find her. When I came out, you know, I walked out of the bathroom and I'm like, well, where'd she go? You know?

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So she's still wandering around compound like those Alzheimer's patients that get out of the home that we hear about trying find her way back.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Justin, walking around compound, even right now.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

So you never saw her at the end of the night?

[Justin]

No, I never saw her at the end of the night. She sent me a text message and she said, you know, did you get your ride home? And she was like, you know, we'll take you. And I said, yeah, I got my ride home. She was like, well, have a good night.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So you blew her off, dude, she.

[Co-host Jeff]

Still could have given you a ride home even after all that.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Well, I'm assuming you hooked up and you got a ride home from somebody else.

[Justin]

No, just one of my buddies drove me home.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

But you could have driven home in her Cutlass.

[Justin]

No, that's wrong. Come on.

[Host Matt Rogers]

So here's the thing, though.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I'm thinking like the whole way, 15 miles an hour.

[Host Matt Rogers]

She's got those. She's only 45, man. I know she's only 45.

[Justin]

She looked really hot Saturday night too, you know, she was banging.

[Host Matt Rogers]

See, I'm thinking that the two of you guys really didn't want to find each other because you text her, you tell her exactly what bathroom you're in front of. She texts you back and says, I'll be right there. She walks back there and then you guys see each other. Yeah, it's really pretty simple.

[Justin]

She says she was waiting inside to the left. You know how they block it off with a tent and compound. But, you know, there's like so many places right next to the bathroom. I didn't. I didn't really know there was. There was a couple of people there, so, you know, it's hard to find people, you know?

[Co-host Jeff]

You got confused.

[Justin]

I was confused.

[Host Matt Rogers]

She won't come on with us this morning for whatever reason. I don't want to talk about it. Okay?

[Justin]

Yeah, I don't want to embarrass her, you know, she's a mom. She has kids, you know, in the life, so. I really don't care about my image, you know, I do at some point, you know, but it doesn't really matter to me.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I think she felt ditched.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Yeah, you blew her off, dude.

[Justin]

I was playing hard to get.

[Host Matt Rogers]

No, you weren't, were you?

[Justin]

I'm just kidding.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You were playing.

[Justin]

It's. We're just. We're just friends, I guess, you know? But it's cool though, you know, not many 22 year old guys have, you know, a hot ass 45 year old mom as a friend, you know, So, I mean, I hope we're friends, you know, for sure. Dude, I couldn't.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I know I couldn't say that when I was 20 something.

[Justin]

Yeah, I know. So, you know, if I ever see her out again, at least, you know, we can talk and dance, you know, and just, you know, chit chat and all that. So.

[Host Matt Rogers]

There was never any specific conversation by her though, saying, you know what, this is just not going to work, let's just hang out.

[Justin]

Yeah, I think she's dating, you know, I think she's been in a relationship with, you know, a guy her age for the, for maybe the last couple of months. So, you know, just kind of left it at that, you know, I didn't really go on any further. And then, you know, she asked me about my dad and, you know, I told him where he goes to party a lot. You know, I told her, you know, maybe that they should hook up or something.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Do you think that you were like insulting her the whole night and maybe you just didn't realize you were.

[Justin]

No, you know, she told me she was like, you know, you're a very sweet young man, you're very polite, very mature, you know, I mean, obviously if she thought I was annoying and you know, a nuisance, she wouldn't have even called me to begin with to meet her at compound.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You know, maybe you shouldn't have taken her to compound the first night.

[Justin]

Maybe I didn't actually. The thing is we didn't. I didn't take her there. She just showed up there and I was actually going somewhere else and she called me and said, where you going? I said, I'm going to Fever. And she said, no, go to compound. So I went to compound, said so it's kind of like it really wasn't even a set date.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Maybe you should have like an official date and take her to one of them talking pictures.

[Justin]

Well, I mean, you guys could tell on the radio she really didn't want, you know, a set date, you know, she said it's my friend's, you know, birthday and we're going out to celebrate.

[Host Matt Rogers]

You know, so she's doing the group date. That's what those 45 year olds do.

[Justin]

Yeah, the group thing.

[Host Matt Rogers]

The group thing. All right, man, sorry it didn't work out for you, but you had a cool night with her, a couple of cool nights.

[Justin]

Yeah, it was cool.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Did you write any poetry?

[Justin]

No, I don't have any more poetry.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Actually.

[Justin]

She told me Saturday that she had A poem for me.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, really?

[Justin]

Yeah. But apparently I guess she doesn't want to read it. She must have forgot it.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You went to the loo and then said F you.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

That's a good starting point.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Baby. Here she is.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, she's here.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yep, I think she's here.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Hey, Anna.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I can't wait to hear this.

[Host Matt Rogers]

How are you?

[Anna Milfi]

Fine.

[Caller with Public Service Announcement]

How are you?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Good. We were just talking to Justin about a very disappointing Saturday night.

[Caller Nicole]

Well, I.

[Anna Milfi]

Okay. Was he disappointed?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Only that he couldn't like, you know, like finish off the night with you. That you guys lost each other. He said you had a great time, but you guys kind of like lost each other.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You're one of those wanderers.

[Anna Milfi]

Yeah, well, it's the big place. It's. I lost him. You went to the restroom and I never saw him again.

[Caller Christina]

I thought maybe he ditched me, but that's.

[Anna Milfi]

That's all right. That's okay. We had a good time.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Now, Justin, you weren't ditching her, right?

[Justin]

No, I wasn't ditching her. I came out of the restroom and I didn't see her. And so I tried to walk back, you know, just to wherever I thought we were at last. And I didn't see her. And she said she's inside at a bar. But heck, you know, there's 20 bars in downtown. That's okay.

[Anna Milfi]

We had a good time. It was fun. We were there with a bunch of girls and.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it's just a one time thing for you though. Anna, there's not going to be a follow up date or anything like that.

[Anna Milfi]

Yeah, I don't think so. I'm good. Friendship. I mean he's a really nice guy and. But I'm dating somebody and I'm really interested in that person.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah. Now I'm still just confused about how you can lose each other outside a bathroom. I mean, you know, I mean I know water that can be a poor in that place.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Well, the losing I can understand. It's the.

[Co-host Jeff]

Because like never finding each other again.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Right? Well, I can give you a perfect example. At Compound Saturday night when we walked in as we ran into Jen Hobby and we were with one of the owners of the club and we lost him. Like he kept walking and we stopped to talk, talk to someone. So. But we found each other again. Like you can always find each other. Do you know what I mean?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Text you, say exactly where you are.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Right? Then it's like, okay, don't. Which is what happened. You said boom. Don't move, I'm coming right up. There. And then we all walk up, and there he is, and it's, you know, done and whatever.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Either way, it doesn't matter. She's got a guy, she's saying that she's digging, so I think she ditched him. You think Anna ditched us? I do.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Did you?

[Anna Milfi]

I didn't hear that.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Did you ditch him?

[Anna Milfi]

No, absolutely not.

[Co-host Jeff]

Did you make it a little bit.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Too hard for him to find you?

[Anna Milfi]

No, I didn't. I really didn't. I really didn't. I enjoyed his company. It was. It was fun. And all the girls that were there just thought he was great, and he was very polite, and we had a good time.

[Host Matt Rogers]

It's got to be very flattering to you.

[Caller Christina]

Yeah, it is.

[Anna Milfi]

It was a little. It was a little embarrassing at first because I thought, you know, I'm too old for the. For as old as my son. But. But it is a compliment.

[Justin]

And.

[Anna Milfi]

And like I said, he was. He was very nice. So he wasn't rude or anything or sarcastic about anything or, you know, he was very nice.

[Co-host Jeff]

So this was basically it. You just met up. And that was always intended to be like, this really wasn't a date, like.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

A real date date.

[Anna Milfi]

Well, if he wasn't 22, I would be interested in him. He's got a great personality.

[Host Matt Rogers]

If he was 25, would that change things?

[Anna Milfi]

I don't think so.

[Host Matt Rogers]

30? Would 30 change things?

[Anna Milfi]

Maybe 30.

[Host Matt Rogers]

30.

[Anna Milfi]

Maybe 30.

[Host Matt Rogers]

All right, Justin.

[Anna Milfi]

I'm a young.

[Justin]

45 years, I guess.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Call us back in eight years. I'm sure we'll be doing the same thing. All right, you guys. All right, you guys want to wrap this up? Am I forgetting anything?

[Co-host Jeff]

No, no.

[Justin]

I mean, just hopefully you guys have found me a day, right?

[Host Matt Rogers]

What? It sounds to me like you're doing okay for yourself. For sure.

[Anna Milfi]

Yeah, I think he is. And whoever gets to get on date with him or have a relationship with him is very lucky.

[Caller Nicole]

So that's sweet.

[Justin]

I appreciate it.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

That's a nice endorsement.

[Justin]

Thanks a lot, guys.

[Host Matt Rogers]

All right, you guys, we'll talk to you later.

[Anna Milfi]

Bye, guys.

[Host Matt Rogers]

The vert Show. This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Hey, Bowen.

[Host Matt Rogers]

It's gift season.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Ugh.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Stressing me out. Why are the people I love so hard to shop for?

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Probably make boring gift guides that are totally uninspired, except for the guide we.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Made in partnership with Marshalls, where premium gifts meet incredible value.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

It's Giving gifts with categories like best.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Gifts for the mom whose idea of a sensible walking shoe is a stiletto. Or best gifts for me that were so thoughtful I really shouldn't have. Check out the guide on marshalls.com and gift the good stuff at Marshalls. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the G of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Host Matt Rogers]

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[Host Matt Rogers]

It was a riveting minute and 20 seconds yesterday of a call that we took about a guy named Ethan. We will play it for you here in just a couple of seconds. Good morning, Jackie. You were on Q100.

[Anna Milfi]

Good morning. How are you guys this morning?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Good. Now, even before you tell us what you did, we all totally understand. You know, it's like you just go through this period. If you don't have that cooling off period, you're capable of doing just about anything.

[Anna Milfi]

You see red, you're so irate, you want to hurt somebody.

[Host Matt Rogers]

What was the infraction that got you so crazy?

[Caller Christina]

I was.

[Anna Milfi]

About 14 years ago, I was dating this girl and I went to my mom's and come home, come back, we were living together and she was in the backyard with this other girl doing some things. And I was like, you know, we got in an argument, she left with her. Well, when she left and took all.

[Justin]

Her clothes out of the closet, all.

[Anna Milfi]

Her clothes out of the drawers, went to the basement, cut them up, took lighter fluid, put them on them and lit them all on fire.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's a waiting to exhale moment.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's right.

[Anna Milfi]

Oh, it was horrible. But the stupid thing was, is I could have caught the house on fire.

[Co-host Jeff]

Oh, you did? In the basement.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yeah. You don't even think about that.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Well, that'll happen. That would have really taught her a lesson if you'd burned the house.

[Co-host Jeff]

You have no home to come back to.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Host Matt Rogers]

I'll tell you why there are no guys on the line. Because when we're in that period that just got burned, period, the way that we lash out is we go and we have sex with the closest available woman.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Ah.

[Host Matt Rogers]

We. We. We can't calculate quick enough. We're just angry. And it all goes back to sex for us. Good morning, Christina, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Christina]

Good morning. How you doing?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Good. How are you?

[Caller Christina]

I'm okay. I just really wanted to comment on what you were talking about this morning. I dated a guy where we lived together four years and had two children by him. And we moved. We made a decision to move with his family into Florida. I came back to Atlanta for a while, but I went back to Florida. And at the time I was here, he had met somebody else, and he didn't tell me. So, I mean, you know, keep in mind, I have two children, so I kind of wanted to make everything work out. You know what I'm saying?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Caller Christina]

So I found out about this chick, and I just went crazy. I was like, the devil. Now my kids are, like, a year apart, so that means I was going through postpartum depression. And just.

[Caller Nicole]

Just.

[Caller Christina]

I just was. I just felt horrible. I felt like nothing. So I cut all his clothes. I took. He had a lot of Timberland boots, a lot of stuff that this chick had bought him. I made sure I bleached them right. His dad lived by, like, a lake. I just threw some of the stuff in the lake. I just. Everything that was around me that was his. I just. I just completely tore it up.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So if you're gonna cheat. If you're gonna cheat on the girl you're with, the key is to have a locking closet. Because I'm saying that so far.

[Caller Christina]

Yeah, well, I guess. But, I mean, I just. Some of the stuff wasn't even his, and I tore it up, but I just was angry. And, you know, you do things when you're angry that you turn into a whole nother person.

[Co-host Jeff]

You're like the Tasmanian Devil. You're just going in a room, and I don't care. There's a shirt there. I'm cutting it up or I'm burning it or I'm throwing it in the lake.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Well, when you're in that period, I think one of two things happens to You. You either start to calm down as you're doing this or you start to get ang, angrier.

[Caller Christina]

I think it made me even just. Oh, my God. I was just so angry. I was so angry I had to leave and come back to Atlanta because I didn't want to just, like, you know, spend time in jail or anything. You know what I'm saying?

[Host Matt Rogers]

I was so mad, I had to leave the state. That is mad. 404-741-1005 voice disguiser, please.

[Commercial Announcer]

So great.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Hey, Nicole, Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller Nicole]

Good morning. How are you?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Good. You're on the voice disguiser. Nobody can recognize your voice.

[Caller Nicole]

Okay. The only reason I wanted to be on the voice disguise is because I'm actually a silent devil. He doesn't know that I did this.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Caller Nicole]

Okay.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

The silent devil is the worst kind.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

This is even more psychotic.

[Caller Nicole]

So, pretty much, I decided to stay in Atlanta. I got a job somewhere else, and I started dating this guy for about eight months. And. And, you know, I decided not to move and stay with this current job that I have for him. And I found out he was cheating on me, in a nutshell. So I was living with him. So before I moved out, I took his toothbrush and I cleaned the toilet with it. Yeah. And this is the worst thing that I did ever. And I feel really bad about it. I cut a hole in the carpet and I put a piece of shrimp underneath the carpet.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Some shrimp.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

So it started to stink up.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Only a woman could come up with.

[Justin]

An idea like this.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Clever.

[Co-host Jeff]

She rolls the blueprints out on the desk.

[Caller Nicole]

I know there's probably baggage and it smells horrible. And he just cannot figure out, what is that smell?

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

That is awesome. You know, somebody listening right now just went like, that's it.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I gotta give me a friend.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

I have been trying to come up with something to do, and that's.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Seems to me like one of two things happen also when you're in this stage is either that everything is a big blur to you and you're just cutting things up and pouring bleach and setting things on fire in the basement, or you become uber focused and you think, very focused.

[Caller Nicole]

Yeah, hey, I don't want to do anything that's. He can call the police on me about, oh, but I want to hurt him, but I don't want him to know.

[Co-host Jeff]

I just. Yeah, I just imagine some women, like, in the basement with exposed light bulb swinging as they have the diorama or the miniature village, you know, built on how they're going to do the plan.

[Caller Nicole]

Yeah, I got a blueprint. I planned it out, had an agenda. This first, this next.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Beautiful, beautiful. Thanks for calling, Nicole. Appreciate it.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Put like the ski mask down over her face.

[Commercial Announcer]

Great.

[Host Matt Rogers]

So this is the mentality on the show yesterday. I don't, I think we just came out of talking about something. I think I even said to Melissa, here's what we're going to do next. You know, you lead us through the next five minutes and then this phone call comes in and Jeff just writes up, we have somebody that wants to do a public service on the bird show. The call came out of absolutely nowhere yesterday. And when it happened at the time, what you're going to hear is some beeped out names. Jeff and I were so shell shocked by the whole thing that we didn't even hit delay. So the people that you hear in this clip, some somewhere around Atlanta yesterday, were called out by their co workers or friends or family members and it was really, really uncomfortable.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

She says the full names, full names. You won't hear it in the replay, but in the first time it aired it was the full names. And we definitely encourage this behavior.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Yes. We don't believe in a cooling off period at all. Like when you're really, really, when you're at the height of your anger, you call us. You don't cool off, you don't call your best friend. How dare you.

[Co-host Jeff]

Right.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Why would you even think that?

[Host Matt Rogers]

So this is the call we take yesterday comes absolutely out of nowhere. And the mentality we're thinking is she just found out. In retrospect, she must have just found out this guy was screwing around on her. And she's like, she can't come up with the shrimp in the carpet idea.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Right.

[Host Matt Rogers]

She can't come up with the bleaching, the clothes or the setting the clothes on fire in the basement. So the first thing she does is she picks up the phone and she calls us.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Hello?

[Caller with Public Service Announcement]

Hey, I just have a public service announcement for one of your listeners.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Caller with Public Service Announcement]

Okay. I just want to say to Ethan that Ethan shouldn't leave his laptop up and running on the kitchen table when his girlfriend spends the night. Especially if he's been trading emails for months with a married co worker that he's been doing at lunch and after work. Because if she wanted to, Ethan's girlfriend could email herself all of his contacts and forward herself all of the emails that you have exchanged with the slut. And as soon as she gets home, she could email all of those to all of your Co workers. She could even take drunken naked vacation photos from the fourth of July weekend and send them as well. So everyone, including the slut you were doing, knows about your shortcomings.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Oh, boy.

[Caller with Public Service Announcement]

And to the whore named Sarah, who is married, you are a piece of trash. And to her husband, Raj, I'm going to call you and tell you everything when I get home tonight. So I hope all of you have a great day.

[Host Matt Rogers]

And she was gone.

[Co-host Jeff]

And that was it.

[Host Matt Rogers]

And she was out.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

I don't think Raj is going to have a good day.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Well, maybe depending on what she did with him last night, maybe he had a great day.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Host Matt Rogers]

And once again, the names of those people were clear as day yesterday. Clear as day. So somewhere around Atlanta, there was a lot of friction going on because of that.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

First and last names loud and clear.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

And I'm a little disappointed that we haven't been forwarded those emails yet. So if you work with them, you can go ahead. You know where to find us.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Like, normally after something like that, the guy will call up to say, please don't ever play that again. Or somebody will know these people and call us back and say, oh, I work in the office with these people. You don't even know what this happened. Hey, Angela, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Nicole]

Good morning, guys.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Hey, how are you?

[Anna Milfi]

I got a story for you guys.

[Co-host Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Anna Milfi]

I was dating this guy back in 1998. I had a son for him, was pregnant with his daughter, found out he was cheating on me with this girl, taking my son to her house, saying that it was his sister's son. And when I found out, I completely lost it. Not only. Not only did I take a horse leather belt to him, and he had to jump through the window when he jumped to the window. And I couldn't get a hold of him. I got a hold of his brand new 1998 Honda Civic his dad just bought him, and his dad was building a studio. And the bricks that was on the outside of the house took all the bricks, threw in the car and completely ruined the car and had to come tow it.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You did so much damage with bricks. With bricks that they had to actually tow it away.

[Anna Milfi]

I slashed tires. I mean, open up the hood, you know, threw bricks in the sand, cement into the engine. I mean, I just totally, total, total the car.

[Host Matt Rogers]

You're so proud of it, though, aren't you?

[Anna Milfi]

Yes, I am.

[Host Matt Rogers]

Of course you are.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's one of those things that, like, after you're done, you didn't realize you had that much strength when the adrenaline's flowing, you're like, wow.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

You're like, hey, look at me.

[Co-host Jeff]

Look at my work. I am powerful.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

How are you?

[Host Matt Rogers]

Or you scare yourself or you're like, when it's all done and all the adrenaline is gone, you're like, oh my God, did I just do that? Or you don't realize the power you have? Oh my God. I was the person that just came up with the shrimp and the carpet idea. Where did that come from?

[Co-host Jeff]

That's not me.

[Co-host Bowen Yang]

That's awesome though. The Bird show.

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Wait, we're going on tour?

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