Buddy (1:53)

Yeah.

Bert (1:53)

Okay, go ahead, tell your story.

Buddy (1:55)

Well, as you guys know, in relationships, you oftentimes have to make little agreements and you have to acquiesce to the person's needs and desires. And so we found a way to kind of work it out. She wanted me to go to church more often and said ultimately she just gave me an ultimatum. She said, if, you know, you don't go to church with me, then you don't have sex with me.

Bert (2:19)

So on Sunday or.

Buddy (2:21)

No, no, no. The whole week. If I don't. If I don't go to church on Sunday, we can't have sex for the entire week. She will completely shut me out. Shut me down. Closed.

Female Commentator (2:31)

I mean, and so you obviously are going to church now pretty regularly.

Buddy (2:35)

Yeah. Yeah.

Bert (2:37)

How long ago did she issue this ultimatum?

Buddy (2:40)

It's about two months ago.

Bert (2:41)

Okay. And she has stuck to it for the two months.

Buddy (2:43)

She stuck to two months, but then it's kind of like. It's kind of grown into a monster because since after about three weeks of doing that, which I thought was okay, you know, because it was something that was good for me that I wanted to do also, anyway. But, you know, I don't feel like I had to be, you know, contracted into doing it, but I'm glad I did. But I felt like there's some issues that I needed. You know, I felt that could have some attention as well, too.

Bert (3:09)

So you tried turning it around on her?

John (3:11)

Yeah.

Caller/Commentator (3:12)

The ultimate guy trick. God, that is the ultimate guy.

Female Commentator (3:15)

Flip it around.

Bert (3:15)

Yeah. Unfortunately, a woman doesn't care probably as much about that as you do.

Buddy (3:20)

Well, it depends because, you know, women have certain issues. They like to shop, they like to do certain things. And so she. I give her a weekly allowance, sort of. You know, she doesn't have a job right now, and so I give her weekly money. But in order for her now to get that weekly money, she has to have dinner at home on the table, ready within 30 minutes of when I arrive.

Female Commentator (3:43)

How often?

Buddy (3:44)

Every single day of the week that I work weekdays.

Bert (3:46)

Oh, that's totally different. You just turned something so beautiful into something so ugly.

Buddy (3:50)

No, it's not ugly at all. This is just. That's something that's been a major thing for me. I go to work, I come home. I'm tired, I'm exhausted. And she'll be like, you make it. You know, and so, you know, sometimes, you know, that's in the relationship, in our situation, especially with her at home not working. That's just a little convenience, you know.

Female Commentator (4:05)

It'll be a fun phone call.

Bert (4:07)

Now you're turning so ugly.

Buddy (4:09)

No, no, no, no. The house has to also be clean enough to entertain guests, you know, at any time during the week.

Bert (4:16)

And now are you just laying this stuff down just to make a point?

Buddy (4:22)

No, absolutely not. I think this is a great way. I think it's a good idea for you and Stacy to do this. You give lists to the other person of the things you need in a relationship, and I'm sure a psychologist would.

Verizon Advertiser (4:31)

Whatever.

Bert (4:32)

She's not so eager to be hooking up with me anyway, so I'm not gonna make it any more difficult for her.

Buddy (4:37)

Well, you could give her a little contract. That might be more enticing, you know.

Bert (4:41)

You're serious about this?

Buddy (4:42)

I'm dead serious. I'm dead serious. And it's worked very well for us.

Bert (4:45)

See, I think this is so dangerous.

Caller/Commentator (4:47)

Like, yeah, it's like it stopped being about sharing in the responsibility. It's like tit for tat. It's like, you give me this, I'll give you that. You give me this, I'll give you that. It's like, it's a very selfish way to me to run a relationship.

Female Commentator (5:00)

And it's turning into the whole, I work, she doesn't work, I give her the allowance, so she should do that.

Buddy (5:06)

Well, then what about the sex issue and church issue? I mean, it's.

Female Commentator (5:09)

See now, if so dirty, if you.

Bert (5:11)

Had turned it around and there was one thing, you know, much like she did, there was just one thing a week that you that was bothering you that she wasn't doing. And you said, look, okay, if it's going to be good for you, if I go to church, I get sex. Well, then you have to do this in order to get sex. Then maybe it's even. But here you're saying every day when I get in, you got to have a meal on the table.

Female Commentator (5:34)

The house has to be clean for entertaining at any time. I mean, instead of it being one, like if you said Friday night, if she had dinner ready, we had a nice dinner at home. That's one thing. Because it's one time a week. But now you're making into chore. You have have a list of chores for her to do.

Caller/Commentator (5:47)

Like she's your employee.

Buddy (5:49)

She does have a list of chores, but the point is that I have. Everyone in a relationship has needs that need to be fulfilled. And if those needs aren't fulfilled, you know, the relationship starts to disintegrate. And any psychologist will tell you that those needs need to be addressed and needs to be talked about in the open. And we don't only talk about them, we write a little contract about them to make sure that those needs are fulfilled.

Bert (6:09)

Oh my God. How sterile is this?

Female Commentator (6:10)

I know, I know it's not sterile.

Buddy (6:12)

It's really practical.

Female Commentator (6:12)

I know the answer to this. But like, okay, she has a list of chores and her and your needs are getting met. What needs of hers are you meeting as consistently as that? Besides the sex? You know, like, or going to church once a week? Like, she's doing all these things every day. What are you doing every day for her?

Buddy (6:28)

I'm giving her, you know, aside from her financial needs, I give her emotional support and, you know, I'm there for her in terms of the relationship. But financially, you know, it's an enticement.

Bert (6:39)

I'm so bummed this has turned into this. I thought this was gonna be so funny.

Buddy (6:43)

I'm telling you, Bert, you've gotta do this.

Albert (6:44)

Never.

Bert (6:46)

I would never use sex as ransom in my house. Never.

Buddy (6:49)

I'm gonna use it as a weapon. Think of it this way. Look, she wanted me to. She was using it as a weapon against me. But now that I've thought about it and I know that it's the right thing for me to do, and I enjoy going. You know, it's just a way of me fulfilling her needs as well, too. In terms of the contract.

Bert (7:07)

Hold on.

Female Commentator (7:09)

You've ruined it all.

Bert (7:11)

Hey, Kenya. Thanks. A great idea. Good morning, Kenya. Hey. Hi.

Jen (7:15)

I think he had me up until the sex part. Because, I mean, look at it this way. If he is paying, he's basically giving her a job. I'm going to pay you to take care of the house. You ain't doing nothing else. The job is your house.

Buddy (7:29)

There you go.

Jen (7:30)

You go ahead. You cook. Your job is house. But that means you cook and clean. You ain't got jack else to do for five days, so you do that.

Buddy (7:39)

But.

Jen (7:40)

But now there has to be something that she really wants to do. Now, if. If. If her not doing his chores or whatever will result in not having sex or something. Y' all got some extra issues going on. I can understand her feeding you and take care of the house. That's what I would assume. That's the whole purpose of being a housewife. But when it turns in a house slate. Slavery for sex.

Buddy (8:05)

Nah.

Bert (8:05)

Yeah.

Caller/Commentator (8:06)

Well, I think that. Yeah, that's the problem here is that he is hold for ransom and she is holding sex for ransom.

Female Commentator (8:13)

They're both.

Caller/Commentator (8:13)

They're both in the wrong. Cause I don't think, like, the go.

Buddy (8:16)

What is wrong with each of us getting our needs fulfilled?

Caller/Commentator (8:19)

No, it's holding it over each other's head. It's like, well, if you don't go to church, then I'm not gonna have sex with you. And then it's like, well, if you don't make the dinner every night and you don't clean the house perfectly for me, then you're not gonna get your weekly allowance. It's like, we don't do it like that.

Buddy (8:32)

Like spoiled, bratty kids. We do it like adults. Like, I've got this need that needs to be done, that needs to get done. And she's got a need that needs to get done.

Bert (8:39)

She probably shouldn't have made the ultimatum in the. But at least that was a fun ultimatum. This one is just. I don't know, the daily have it on the.

Caller/Commentator (8:47)

It sounds very manipulative.

Buddy (8:48)

Well, I am worried where it's going to go to next because we have to update our contracts and all this stuff.

Bert (8:53)

It sounds so sterile. Is there a way to have a marriage? I guess if it works for you.

Buddy (8:58)

If you love somebody.

Female Commentator (8:59)

If you love somebody, you should respect them enough to not have to have a contract or a ransom in order to have these needs met. You should have what's called a conversation, and then that should take care of it between two adults. I mean, but like Bert said, if it works for you guys.

Bert (9:14)

Hey, Jennifer.

Jen (9:15)

Hello.

Bert (9:16)

Good morning.

Jen (9:16)

Being a church. Oh, my God, I was so divorced. That guy. I mean, I don't mean that bad. I'm not judgmental, but.

Albert (9:23)

Well, maybe I am.

Jen (9:24)

That is just. I cannot believe. I mean, contracts. I deal with contracts all day at work. You don't go home and tell your wife, here's your allowance. Where's my dinner? I would like to be like, here's your microwave dinner, and you can put it in the microwave at any time between now and when you go to bed.

Bert (9:40)

Well, even the fact, you know, if now. Now it's going somewhere where we didn't really think it was gonna go, but anytime. I think that you seriously use sex as a weapon, and I think it probably happens a lot in relationships, I don't know that that's the right way to go. And that's what she was doing right off the bat.

Female Commentator (9:54)

Well, before we got into the whole housewife issue chore list thing, I was gonna ask. What did. Did she ask you to go to church? Like, what did it take? Was the ultimatum of sex, like, the last final straw for her? Like, when women use sex as a weapon is because everything else just won't work with the guy. The guy will not budge or will not respect your wishes. And so, you know, the only thing you can do is take sex away from him. That's the only way you can get his attention.

Buddy (10:20)

Well, she made the ultimatum first, okay? So everyone's coming down on me on this whole issue, but she made the ultimatum first, all right? And, you know, I. I have needs sexually that I'd like to have fulfilled, and I like going to church. And so. But, you know, I didn't go regularly and regularly enough for her.

Female Commentator (10:38)

But my question, buddy, was how. What did it take? How many times did she have to ask you to go to church? Before she initiated that ultimatum a bunch.

Buddy (10:45)

Of times, but it does, you know, she wanted me there every single Sunday to fellowship with everybody, you know, and, you know, I didn't feel like I had to go every single Sunday. And so she got upset. She got really upset. And we had these conversations about it. And so it just, you know, she just laid down the law after me saying a few times, look, I don't feel like I have to go every Sunday. Then she laid down the law and said, okay, I feel like if you love me and you care about me, you have to go every Sunday. And so it started that way. She started the ultimatum with me.

Bert (11:17)

You know how strongly I feel about infidelity and all that. But I think in a case like this, that if you guys decide that you're not going to do counseling and one person in the relationship decides to hold out sex, and the other person screws around because they're not getting sex at home because of that ultimatum, I find it almost acceptable.

Caller/Commentator (11:36)

Really?

Bert (11:37)

Yes.

Caller/Commentator (11:37)

That's really far for you to go.

Bert (11:39)

Really far. Really far for me to go. But if she or he says, look, I'm not having sex with you until you do this for me, and it goes months and months and months, and they decide they're not gonna do counseling, then where. Where are you supposed to get your sexual needs met? I mean, she's. She's forcing the issue at that point, or he's forcing the issue at that point.

Female Commentator (11:58)

We all just don't need to be together if it gets to that point.

Caller/Commentator (12:00)

Yeah, I think if it gets to that point, you can't go to counseling. If you're looking outside the marriage to get your sexual needs met, you're looking outside of it for something else.

Female Commentator (12:08)

Yeah, I think that's just warping the whole sexual, like, because I guess it's just more of a romantic view of me. Like, the sex is between the two of you and expression between the two of you, and the whole idea that you have to get your sexual needs met by going somewhere else. To me, just. You're already distanced yourself from your wife so far at that point.

Bert (12:25)

It's right at that point. Yeah, you're probably right. Hey, tc.

Jen (12:28)

Hey.

Buddy (12:29)

How's it going, everybody?

Bert (12:30)

Hey, man. Welcome back to the show, dude.

Buddy (12:31)

Hey, how's it going? Look, they. They are both straight up pimping each other. She's pipping him to get to church, and he's pimping her. And that is not good for a marriage period. When it gets to a point to where you have to hold something hostage to get your supposedly made of your life to do something, then something's really wrong.

Caller/Commentator (12:57)

Absolutely.

Buddy (12:58)

You know, I don't think we're in hot. We're hostage of each other or anything like that at first. It's kind of like. It's kind of funny at first, you know, like, you know, how, you know, we're. And then it's kind of practical after a while that you literally get your needs fulfilled. And that's what it's really about, getting needs fulfilled.

Albert (13:13)

Hey, Michelle, this guy's not.

Jen (13:17)

A marriage is supposed to be a beautiful partnership between two people, not a business partnership where you negotiate for sex and dinner and.

Buddy (13:27)

I mean, have you ever been in a relationship? Have you ever gambled?

Jen (13:32)

I'm married. And can I tell you that I would never, ever try to withhold sex from my husband because I love him enough that I want to be with him, and I wouldn't want him to do the same to me.

Buddy (13:42)

Okay.

Jen (13:42)

I couldn't hold out from him, and he couldn't hold out from me.

Buddy (13:45)

I didn't want her to hold out on me.

Jen (13:46)

I decided you just turned your marriage into a business. You've taken the love out of it.

Buddy (13:53)

No, there's a lot.

Jen (13:53)

There's. But there's. There isn't. It. It's negotiations. It's business.

Female Commentator (13:59)

If I have to make a contract with the person, if we. If I am signing a piece of paper that's not a marriage license or anything, you know, you know, a mortgage or anything like that, and it's just between the two of us, then I don't need to be with you at all.

Buddy (14:13)

Look, nothing says I love. I love you more, and I'm more committed to you than I truly care about all of your needs. And I want to fulfill all those needs. Let's find out what those are on paper. So we know, and let's find a way to fulfill all of those.

Bert (14:26)

It's working for you, I guess.

Caller/Commentator (14:28)

Very accountant.

Female Commentator (14:29)

Ish.

Bert (14:30)

Yeah. Yeah. What do you do for a living?

Caller/Commentator (14:33)

Hey, buddy.

Bert (14:33)

Buddy. What do you do for a living?

Buddy (14:35)

I work in the financial industry.

Bert (14:39)

Hey, buddy, thanks for coming on. This kind of went a little bit more serious than I thought it was going to go. But I appreciate. I appreciate you coming on, man.

Buddy (14:44)

With Stacy.

Bert (14:45)

Bert, I'm telling you, not a chance, bro. Yeah, no, that works for you. That wouldn't fly in my house.

Female Commentator (14:49)

Your marriage is going to work.

Buddy (14:50)

Thanks, guys.

Bert (14:50)

See you later. The bird show.

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Bert (17:40)

Here's something you might have missed yesterday and to try to explain it to you guys in like a nice 60 second recap. Can't be done.

Narrator/Advertiser (17:46)

Try it.

Bert (17:47)

It can't be done.

Female Commentator (17:48)

Do you want me to do my comparison? I did like of us you Know what I'm saying?

Caller/Commentator (17:51)

Oh, that would be good.

Bert (17:52)

Sure. Give it a try.

Female Commentator (17:53)

All right, here is what the scenario is like. Okay. Jen, of course, is with Ryan. Burt is with Stacy. Okay. And they work together. Well, let's say that Jen and Burt start seeing each other. But because they were already in relationships with Ryan and Stacy, they tell each other, okay, we'll see each other, and we can still be intimate with Ryan and Stacy, but that's it. That's all we can do. And then let's say Burt goes out on Jen with me. So Bert adds a third woman to his arsenal. Jen gets mad about that because it breaks their trust, their agreement of just having exclusivity between them and their partners. Does that make sense?

Caller/Commentator (18:27)

Yes, that's a perfect analogy. And this girl Katie would be the me, and that's.

Female Commentator (18:30)

Would be the Jen. Exactly.

Bert (18:32)

Then it takes an interesting turn when we get a call from who would be the equivalent of Ryan in this relationship, who says, I've known everything that's been going on for eight weeks, and I'm gonna do something about it. Now, keep in mind, this took place over an hour and a half of the show at different terms. And it was just our bad luck that right before we were gonna go into that long list of all the. What is that? Incorrect answers that we get this call, so we couldn't get into it right away. So it kind of goes all over the place. Just know this took place over 90 minutes yesterday. Hey, Katie.

Jen (19:06)

Yeah.

Bert (19:06)

All right, so what do you got?

Jen (19:07)

Well, I'm furious right now. I'm on my way to work, and a friend of mine just called me, and she just told me that my boyfriend is cheating on me with somebody else. But I just. Okay, I'm gonna tell you something, but I don't want anybody to pass judgment on me, okay? I'm off. I'm dating somebody else as well. And I know it's wrong. I know it's wrong. I don't want anybody like Melissa to tell me anything, but my boyfriend's dating somebody as well. Okay, we have this agreement that we would both date somebody else and each other. Okay, but my friend just called me and she said there is somebody else in the picture.

Bert (19:49)

Now, wait a minute. Hold on. So you have a boyfriend?

Jen (19:53)

Yes.

Bert (19:54)

And he has a girlfriend?

Jen (19:55)

Yes. And we're dating each other as well.

Bert (19:58)

But your boyfriend and girlfriend don't know that you guys are seeing each other?

Jen (20:01)

No. Are you kidding me?

Female Commentator (20:03)

He's breaching your agreement by going with yet another woman?

Jen (20:06)

Yeah, I'M just pissed off and I'm gonna see him at work, so I don't know what to do because I know. I've just got.

Bert (20:12)

It just seems like it's such a complicated, strange relationship, and the lines of engagement are so confusing that I don't know that you can get a real, real good.

Caller/Commentator (20:24)

I mean, I think you can.

Bert (20:25)

What advice can you give on a relationship like that?

Caller/Commentator (20:27)

Yeah, I think you can ask him about it. I mean, you can certainly approach him. I wouldn't do it during work hours, but I think you certainly approach him with it. But at the same time, like, these. These rules are really bizarre. And what difference does it make if he's already with another woman and with you and with the third one? I don't really see the difference that it makes.

Jen (20:45)

Really. Have time. I mean, how are you gonna have time for three women? This is enough, you know?

Bert (20:50)

And did you say that you were tempted to get into work and call his girlfriend?

Jen (20:54)

No. Yeah, I'm tempted to call her right.

Bert (20:56)

Now and tell her that you.

Jen (20:57)

Before I even get to work to see what the deal is. So I have ammunition.

Caller/Commentator (21:01)

The couple B serious girlfriend or the. When he was hooking up?

Jen (21:04)

Well, I'm gonna call. No, I. My friend knows the person that he was with. Okay. So I'm gonna. I can get her number as well as his girlfriend. So I would totally just let everything. Let the cat. Cat out of the bag.

Bert (21:17)

I want to tell you that producer Tracy has just sent me an instant message saying that one of the guys you're seeing is on the phone and wants to come on.

Jen (21:27)

Okay.

Bert (21:28)

All right, John?

Albert (21:29)

Yeah.

Bert (21:30)

All right. The report, the recon that we have coming in is telling us that in this very complicated relationship that you have with Katie here, you have gone outside of that relationship with somebody other than the girl that you're in a committed relationship with.

Buddy (21:46)

Well, I just. I wanted to.

John (21:47)

I mean, I was listening to the radio this morning, and I heard this going on, and I recognized her voice right away. So I just wanted to call in and let her know. I want to let you know that that was. I was hanging out with some buddies, and she was there with us. She was just a friend, and we were drunk, and we were, you know, just messing around, and it was nothing. It was no big deal. And I'm really sorry that happened, and it's never going to happen again.

Buddy (22:12)

But it's cool.

John (22:13)

I mean, everything's cool. I'm not seeing anybody else.

Buddy (22:17)

It's all cool.

John (22:19)

It didn't matter.

Jen (22:20)

You Know, it just. It really pissed me off.

Buddy (22:22)

I understand.

John (22:23)

I mean, I understand how it would.

Buddy (22:25)

But it would just.

John (22:26)

It wasn't like that. It was just, you know, it was just like a. Just, you know, drunken hanging out with buddies and being stupid is all it was.

Caller/Commentator (22:34)

Can I ask you guys a question? Why don't you guys just get out of the relationships you're already in, your primary relationships and be together?

Buddy (22:42)

Well, it's complicated.

Bert (22:44)

I think it is a legit. Like, are you guys own a house together? Are you. Have you been together for 10 years?

Buddy (22:50)

Well, it's just. It's.

John (22:51)

I mean, it's a situation where it's just. There's more in play than, you know, than is apparent to whoever's hearing what's going on.

Female Commentator (23:00)

You all are making more of an effort to stay committed to each other than you are your primary partners. And I'm with Jen. Why? I don't understand. If it's not a marriage, why is it so confusing that you can't just let them go and quit cheating on them and, you know, kind of clean up a little bit?

Buddy (23:16)

There are a lot of levels of. To the.

John (23:18)

To the situation, and I'm not really comfortable talking about it, you know, in a public forum. So, I mean, you know, it's just.

Female Commentator (23:26)

But you both called us.

John (23:27)

Well, I mean, I just. I just wanted to make sure that she knew that, you know, whatever it was that her friend reported on was not what it looked like and that it was cool. But, you know, I'm not all about getting into all the, you know, all the details of. Of every element of my private life. You know what I mean? I just wanted to make sure that she knew it was cool. That was my point.

Bert (23:49)

Let me ask you this, Katie. If John broke up with his girlfriend at this point, would you continue to have a relationship with John or would you break up with your boyfriend?

Jen (23:59)

Okay, wait. If John broke up with his girlfriend.

Bert (24:01)

Yep.

Female Commentator (24:02)

Would that change your relationship with Jonathan at all? Or would you do the same and break up with your.

Jen (24:07)

Well, I don't know, Jonathan. I mean, what. What if that happened? What would. Would that happen?

Buddy (24:12)

What would you.

Jen (24:13)

What would we do? I mean.

John (24:15)

Well, I mean, you know, I mean, it seems to me like, you know.

Buddy (24:21)

Say again?

Jen (24:22)

I said I would just keep it the same.

John (24:24)

Yeah. I mean, in conversations we've had in the past, it seems like what's going on is where it needs to be right now.

Bert (24:31)

So if John was. If John breaks up with the girl with his current girlfriend and he starts seeing all These other girls, you'd be fine with just being one of those girls.

Jen (24:38)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would have to be the main person, the only person.

Bert (24:44)

While you still keep your boyfriend.

Jen (24:46)

Yeah, because that's the. We even came. We even said that, you know, if we do break up with our girlfriend right now, y' all can't judge us, you know.

Bert (24:54)

We're not judging. We're just asking. I'm just asking the questions.

Female Commentator (24:57)

Okay, well, Kenny, you're obviously self conscious about it because you keep telling us not to judge you when you're obviously judging yourself.

Bert (25:03)

At this point, I think we'll let both of you guys bail. I mean, I don't. All the advice that's coming in has to do with the entire relationship and not just you and John. So we're not getting what you want.

Caller/Commentator (25:14)

Good luck sorting it out.

John (25:16)

Thank you.

Bert (25:16)

All right. Bye.

Female Commentator (25:17)

Bye.

Bert (25:17)

What intern Jen has written up, it says wants to be on the voice disguiser. I am Katie's significant other. And that's what we got. All right, Albert, hello. Hello. You are on the voice disguiser. We cannot recognize your voice.

Albert (25:31)

That's probably a very, very good thing.

Female Commentator (25:34)

Okay.

Bert (25:34)

Okay, do tell.

Albert (25:37)

First of all, I'm going to say that I probably would not have heard this conversation this morning had Katie. And I'll just leave her name at that. Not borrowed my car this past weekend and program your radio station into the memory in my vehicle.

Female Commentator (25:53)

Okay. So you happen to be listening to us this morning?

Albert (25:55)

Yes, I'm returning a day early, actually, from an out of town business trip. So I believe her name is Jen. Made a comment that, you know, maybe someone was out of town. Yes, I was out of town. And the second comment is that we do know that this has been going on for a while now for the last eight weeks at least. Hence the last four spontaneous business trips out of town to give Katie an opportunity to hang herself.

Bert (26:26)

Okay, so you've kind of been setting her up.

Albert (26:29)

Not only me, but John. And we'll leave his name at that. His significant other, who. Let's call her Laura.

Female Commentator (26:37)

Okay.

Albert (26:39)

And I know each other because we have both caught each other following our partners.

Bert (26:48)

I can't believe this stuff happens in real life, you know.

Commercial Announcer (26:51)

Wow.

Albert (26:52)

On my way into town this morning when I heard Katie worried about John having an affair on her, I was on the phone with Laura telling her to dial in to 100.5. Laura right now is changing the lock. I have changed my lock. And Katie and John will be at the leasing offices when we get home.

Bert (27:14)

Oh.

Female Commentator (27:19)

Now, Albert, I want to go back to when you and Laura met. Now, you said you met when you were both trailing your significant others.

Albert (27:26)

Yes, we did. We actually met at a small establishment in Midtown. It seems that our two partners were arranging different rendezvous about four or five miles from where they were.

Narrator/Advertiser (27:39)

Okay.

Albert (27:40)

And I noticed her the first time at this small coffee shop in Midtown. Then I noticed her again at a restaurant across town. And then she noticed me a third time at another location. And we figured something had to be going on, and we just kind of introduced ourselves. You know, I see you everywhere. Do you work in this area? We started talking and we put two and two together and came up with lying, cheating bitches.

Female Commentator (28:08)

Wow. And this.

Caller/Commentator (28:10)

This happened eight weeks ago. You guys have been letting them get away with this for eight weeks?

Albert (28:14)

Eight weeks.

Caller/Commentator (28:15)

Why?

Albert (28:15)

Wait, the big thing is that there are a few complications on both parts with not houses that are owned, but shared bank accounts and things of that nature. And the plan was that the first of the month was coming in which we could separate the monies and assets and funds, close the bank account, change all that information so that we could drop them flat on their ass.

Female Commentator (28:42)

Karma train coming into the station.

Bert (28:44)

Whoa.

Caller/Commentator (28:45)

Wow.

Bert (28:45)

So for two months, you've been planning this with the other woman.

Female Commentator (28:48)

Now, Albert, how did you feel when you heard Katie get so upset? Like, first of all, she was getting so upset with us about judging her. And secondly, she was getting so upset by the fact that Jonathan was cheating on her, and she was ready to go to work and call, I guess, who we'll call Laura now, as well as the third party that Jonathan was with.

Albert (29:06)

Well, I believe one of you all said it best when you made the comment about karma coming back to haunt people. I can understand partly where she was coming from because she had been in a previous relationship before me in which someone had done that to her. I had been in a relationship in which someone had done that to me. That was our common bond as to why we met and began talking and.

Female Commentator (29:34)

But then she turned around and did it to you anyway.

Albert (29:36)

Well, and that. That's what is so infuriating about the whole situation, is that, you know, you give someone a second chance, you promise them that you're going to take care of them, watch after them, you know, whatever, and. And then you end up with a situation like this. So it's. It's very infuriating to back and listen to that entire comment. And let's just say I had to pull off the road and breathe I.

Bert (30:09)

Bet you off the road and breathe.

Caller/Commentator (30:13)

Oh yeah? How?

Bert (30:13)

I mean, you're a way better actor than I am. Because how you looked at that woman in the face the last eight weeks while she's telling you she loves you and you're continuing your relationship knowing that all this is going on and didn't say a word to her until she hung herself is simply amazing to me.

Albert (30:30)

Well, that is one of the whole reasons for the four spontaneous out of town trips that have come up. And if John is listening, which he should be, he will also think that Laura has also been missing for the last four weekends. And guess where we have been? We have been putting our P's and Q's together and crossing the T's and dotting the I's and planning out all of this. And we have already met with the individuals that we need to meet with to make sure that when this goes down, they basically will have the clothes on their backs. Whoa. Wow.

Bert (31:07)

Wow.

Caller/Commentator (31:08)

Well, and I bet that's the way you've been able to be quiet for eight weeks. Because revenge. This suite is really sweet.

Albert (31:15)

Well, it's not revenge, it's justice. When someone does these things to you after professing that they're not going to. It is completely 100% turnabout translation.

Bert (31:28)

Sure it is. Sure it is. Well, I mean it absolutely is.

Female Commentator (31:31)

Absolutely sure.

Bert (31:33)

Woo.

Buddy (31:34)

Oh my God.

Caller/Commentator (31:35)

Wow, Albert, my life is so boring compared to yours.

Female Commentator (31:38)

But I. Yeah, Albert, I'm sorry, but I'm glad you called up.

Albert (31:42)

Well, I mean, I'm sorry that this situation happened to begin with, but you know, I guess all things happen for a reason and great radio is the reason. Well, to the listeners who are listening, if you ever think for one moment that anything you do with anyone else regarding a significant other or loved one is going to stay a secret forever, you're sadly mistaken. All things come out. Too many people are involved in too many other people's lives and you won't get caught. So if you're not honest to begin with, you are going to get busted. And sometimes when you get busted, you get flat busted.

Bert (32:19)

And you guys are not married, correct?

Albert (32:22)

No, we were engaged. We're being cooperative work.

Bert (32:27)

So you were engaged this whole time?

Albert (32:29)

We were, yes. This relationship has been going on for approximately nine months.

Female Commentator (32:35)

Between Katie and John?

Albert (32:36)

No, between Katie and myself.

Female Commentator (32:40)

Okay, okay.

Albert (32:40)

Approximately a year between Laura and John. And we know of for at least eight weeks with Katie and Don. But more along the lines of what we can figure to be 16 to 20.

Caller/Commentator (32:53)

Man.

Bert (32:54)

Wow. All right, Albert?

Female Commentator (32:56)

Man.

Bert (32:57)

Drama.

Female Commentator (32:57)

But well. But well handled. Well handled.

Caller/Commentator (33:00)

We'll be vindicated.

Bert (33:01)

What a chess match. Okay, Albert, appreciate you calling. Thanks for filling us in and giving us some closure on this whole thing, man.

Albert (33:07)

Not a problem. You may get another follow up call to see how it goes or you may see it on the 11 o' clock next.

Caller/Commentator (33:14)

11 o'? Clock?

Bert (33:14)

Say that again.

Female Commentator (33:15)

Why would it be on the 11 o' clock news?

Albert (33:16)

Because that's the station that I work for.

Buddy (33:19)

Oh.

Female Commentator (33:21)

What?

Bert (33:23)

What I don't get.

Albert (33:24)

There's going to be police involvement that's going to be going on and a little bit of public embarrassment.

Caller/Commentator (33:30)

Embarrassment? You're not going to do anything violent, are you?

Albert (33:32)

No. Violence. Violence. Violence serves no purpose but public humiliation to let everyone else know what's going on. I have a feeling it'll make a story that will show up as probably a two or three minute trailer.

Female Commentator (33:46)

Well, I guess the reason. I mean, I'm confused because. I mean just the fact of closing out bank accounts and locking them out of their apartment and stuff. How is that newsworthy? That happens every day.

Albert (33:57)

Yeah, it's not so much that as it will be some of the follow up information if everything goes down correctly.

Bert (34:05)

I think you just should have stopped at the part where you busted them. Yeah.

Female Commentator (34:08)

Now you're not credible because Albert, I don't know whether to believe you now or not.

Albert (34:12)

Well, that's fine. Well, we'll. We'll see what goes on. We'll see what finally happens and I'll send you information on. On Friday.

Bert (34:21)

Okay. We'll wait to get it.

Female Commentator (34:22)

Yeah.

Bert (34:23)

Okay.

Female Commentator (34:23)

Prove me wrong, Albert. But I'm all right.

Bert (34:27)

The Bird show.

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Albert (35:31)

Towel is from a correctional facility and is subject to monitoring and recording.

Bert (35:35)

In 2022, I started talking to the men and women inside America's toughest prisons.

Buddy (35:39)

I got life in 104, hearing stories.

Bert (35:43)

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Buddy (35:45)

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Bert (35:48)

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Buddy (35:55)

Escape. And that was the first plan.

Bert (35:57)

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