Transcript

A (0:00)

The Bird show. Okay, Jeff, we are gonna need the voice disguiser, and we are gonna call this Birchell listener. Alyssa. Good morning, Alyssa.

B (0:07)

Good morning.

A (0:08)

How are you? A little nervous not to be nervous about. First, you're on the voice disguiser, and nobody can recognize your voice. And secondly, nobody's listening, so there you go.

C (0:19)

Yeah, it's just us.

B (0:21)

I wanted to say first thing, I love the show. Listen to it every morning.

A (0:24)

Boy, now everybody's gonna know who you are.

C (0:30)

Okay, what happened?

D (0:31)

So what's going on, Alyssa?

B (0:33)

Okay, I recently turned 21. Beginning of this year, and my two major relationships, both guys have ended up being gay. And the first guy. Okay, it should have been a given. He was a little flamboyant, but I was a little naive at the time. Should have seen it, but didn't.

D (0:52)

How old were you when you dated him?

B (0:56)

Between the ages of 14 and, like, 17, I think.

D (1:00)

Okay, so this was your, like, major high school love?

B (1:04)

Yeah.

A (1:04)

Okay. And the characteristics were. Flamboyance. What else?

B (1:07)

Slight flamboyant. Not all the time. It was very hidden, sometimes.

A (1:11)

Subtle flamboyance.

E (1:12)

Yeah, he had a subtle flamboyance that I found charming.

A (1:16)

That's my blog. Subtle flamboyant. Subtle flamboyance.

B (1:20)

All right, the second guy met him the age of 18, like, right before we graduated.

A (1:27)

Hold on one sec. Let's. Let's back up to guy number one, because we're trying to. We're trying to build a case here. Okay, so slight. Slight flamboyance. What else about him? Because you said I should have been able to spot these things.

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 2, Tuesday, January 20 [Vault]

Date: January 20, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show delivers an engaging blend of relationship drama, listener call-ins, real-life confessions, comedic banter, and quirky explorations of modern dating and hygiene rituals. It opens with a listener’s unique relationship dilemma, follows with hilarious investigative reporting on public hygiene, and rounds off with superstitious dating habits. The Bert Show crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & team) maintain their signature balance of authenticity and humor throughout.

Segment 1: Listener Alyssa’s Double Heartbreak – Both Boyfriends Came Out as Gay

00:00 – 16:15

Main Points & Insights

Alyssa’s Story
- Alyssa, age 21, calls in with her voice disguised to share that both of her two serious boyfriends ended up coming out as gay.
  - First boyfriend dated from age 14–17: “He had a subtle flamboyance that I found charming.” (B, 01:12)
  - Second boyfriend from age 18–20: “He was the total opposite…very manly…a guy's guy.” (B, 03:25)
- Alyssa explains that with both men, she only found out they were gay after breakups, and both admitted privately that they had known for years before dating her.
Discussion & Support from Hosts
- The hosts provide empathy, assurance, and personal anecdotes.
  - “The older you get, the less you'll run into this. This is just an age in which people don't feel comfortable with themselves.” (C, 05:23)
  - Stories from the hosts about their experiences of dating before coming out, emphasizing that self-acceptance comes with age and her situation is not her fault.
- Guest caller Brad delivers a “Good Will Hunting moment”: “It’s not your fault that this has happened…It’s happened to plenty of girls. I mean, I’ve done it myself.” (G, 06:50)
- Discussion on whether her boyfriends may have cheated: generally agreed it doesn’t matter—what hurts is the emotional impact, not Alyssa’s actions.
Alyssa’s “Perfect Man” List
- Alyssa is asked to share the traits she looks for:
  - Romance, sensitivity, someone who enjoys talking and cuddling, able to carry a good conversation—“He's got to be a little sensitive...carry on a good conversation instead of just blowing off my feelings.” (B, 09:23)
- The hosts and listeners joke about how the qualities on her list stereotypically match gay men:
  - “I would suggest you to continue dating gay men.” (A, 09:57)
  - “An impeccable dresser. He has to work out all the time.” (E, 10:03)
- Alyssa shares feedback she’s received: perhaps gay men feel safe around her because she’s non-judgmental and nurturing.
Memorable Quotes
- “This is probably not going to happen to you again. Because the older men get, the more secure and honest they are.” (C, 05:23)
- “If you just take the ‘hold me’ part out of your equation, you’re going to find it way, way easier to find a guy you can be compatible with. Cuddle out of the picture, you’ll find the right man.” (A, 13:01)

Notable Moments

[03:46] E: “He’s a homophobic gay guy.”
[08:25] Jennifer calls in to share a similar experience—she was married to a man who turned out to be gay and later dated another man who came out.
[12:29] C: Deep dive into why emotionally available men may be drawn to women who feel “safe.”

Segment 2: Public Hygiene – The Handwashing Confrontation

18:28 – 28:57

Main Points & Insights

Survey Results
- Discussion of a national survey reveals Atlanta men are least likely to wash their hands after using public restrooms—only 63% do at Turner Field after a Braves game.
  - “26% of those observed at Turner Field did not wash their hands after they went to the restroom. 16% of the women didn’t. 37% of the men did not.” (C, 18:43)
Hilarious Guerrilla Reporting
- Phil Turana takes to fast food restrooms, bullhorn in hand, to publicly call out offenders.
  - “I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out of the restroom without washing his hands…” (I, 22:11)
  - The man indignantly denies, “You're lying on me, man. I just came in here.” (J, 22:46)
- Phil gets “banished” by a fast-food manager after catching an employee—ends up cowering and leaving when told:
  - “Would you please get out of the restaurant with this mess?” (J, 26:28)
The Dangers of Blow Dryers
- A graduate student calls in, citing research that hand dryers may actually make hands dirtier by blowing bacteria and fecal matter:
  - “It actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.” (F, 27:45)
  - “I'm wiping my hands on my jeans next time.” (D, 28:10)
More Scary Hygiene Stats
- Only 83% wash hands at home after using the bathroom, 73% after changing diapers, and just 32% after sneezing or coughing into hands. (C, 28:31)

Memorable Quotes

“Just know that you’re smearing each other’s fecal matter on each other’s hands.” (A, 19:29)
“A tornado of poop.” (A, 28:06)

Segment 3: Dating Superstitions – Rituals for Romance

29:03 – 36:07

Main Points & Insights

What Are Dating Superstitions?
- Like athletes with their lucky charms, many singles observe quirky personal rituals before dates for luck or comfort.
  - Examples from an article: a postcard of Al Pacino’s Serpico, doing 30 push-ups, lighting a white candle, taking a bubble bath.
Listener and Host Contributions
- A listener always listens to “Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark before dates now because it coincided with a run of good luck. (B, 32:31)
- Outfits as talismans: “I wear the same jeans and black top on a first date…my lucky outfit.” (B, 33:32)
- Hosts debate if it’s really superstition or just wanting to look good.
- Guy’s “edge-cutting”: one male listener admits to “taking care of himself before every date” to curb excitement—“Absolutely…You just gotta cut some of the edge off of it.” (G, 34:28)
- A woman’s 4-step plan: red wine for her cheeks, brush teeth, check the news for conversation starters, play with her dog for comfort before heading out. (C, 34:56)

Memorable Quotes

“There’s a flow chart on the wall: Check teeth. Check. Neck. Newspaper. I’m off.” (E, 35:36)
About host Bert: “He’s nice, funny, great personality…but he stinks like liquor every time.” (D & A, 35:57)

Summary Table of Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment / Topic | Notable Event/Quote | |----------|----------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Alyssa’s dilemma | Alyssa starts story, both exes came out as gay | | 01:12 | Subtle flamboyance | “He had a subtle flamboyance…” | | 03:46 | Second boyfriend | “He’s a homophobic gay guy.” | | 05:23 | Reassurance | “Older men get more secure and honest.” (C) | | 09:23 | Alyssa’s perfect man list | “He’s got to be a little sensitive…” | | 13:01 | Cuddle theory | “Take the ‘hold me’ part out…” | | 18:43 | Hygiene stats | 37% of Atlanta men at Turner Field don’t wash hands | | 22:11 | Restroom confrontation | Phil calls out a non-hand-washer with a bullhorn | | 27:45 | Hand dryer warning | “Blows fecal matter onto your hands.” | | 28:31 | Hygiene habits survey | Only 32% wash hands after coughing/sneezing | | 29:03 | Dating superstitions | Like lucky shirts for athletes, rituals before dates | | 32:31 | Listener ritual | “I always listen to Good Vibrations…” | | 34:28 | “Edge-cutting” before dates | “Absolutely…gotta cut some of the edge off.” | | 34:56 | Woman’s 4-part date prep | Wine, brush teeth, news, dog play | | 35:57 | Bert’s pre-date rut | “Stinks like liquor every time…” |

Tone & Style

The episode is lively, irreverent, and authentic, with quick back-and-forths between hosts and callers. Humor is used to address awkward or painful topics, mixed with moments of real empathy and down-to-earth advice.

Key Takeaways for Listeners

It’s common and not your fault if you’ve loved someone who turned out to be gay, especially in youth.
Don’t let checklists for a “perfect” partner box you in or lead you to chase an ideal rather than a real connection.
Hygiene in public places is a real concern, handwashing matters, and hand dryers aren’t always your friend.
Most people have silly pre-date rituals—embrace the comfort, don’t sweat the superstition.
Humor, empathy, and straight talk go a long way in making mornings (and heartbreaks, and public bathrooms) bearable.

wavePod

Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, January 20 [Vault]

Transcript

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 2, Tuesday, January 20 [Vault]

Segment 1: Listener Alyssa’s Double Heartbreak – Both Boyfriends Came Out as Gay

Main Points & Insights

Notable Moments

Segment 2: Public Hygiene – The Handwashing Confrontation

Main Points & Insights

Memorable Quotes

Segment 3: Dating Superstitions – Rituals for Romance

Main Points & Insights

Memorable Quotes

Summary Table of Important Timestamps

Tone & Style

Key Takeaways for Listeners