Full Show PT 2: Tuesday, January 20 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show: Full Show PT 2, Tuesday, January 20 [Vault]

Date: January 20, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode of The Bert Show delivers an engaging blend of relationship drama, listener call-ins, real-life confessions, comedic banter, and quirky explorations of modern dating and hygiene rituals. It opens with a listener’s unique relationship dilemma, follows with hilarious investigative reporting on public hygiene, and rounds off with superstitious dating habits. The Bert Show crew (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & team) maintain their signature balance of authenticity and humor throughout.

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Segment 1: Listener Alyssa’s Double Heartbreak – Both Boyfriends Came Out as Gay

00:00 – 16:15

Main Points & Insights

• Alyssa’s Story

  • Alyssa, age 21, calls in with her voice disguised to share that both of her two serious boyfriends ended up coming out as gay.
    • First boyfriend dated from age 14–17: “He had a subtle flamboyance that I found charming.” (B, 01:12)
    • Second boyfriend from age 18–20: “He was the total opposite…very manly…a guy's guy.” (B, 03:25)
  • Alyssa explains that with both men, she only found out they were gay after breakups, and both admitted privately that they had known for years before dating her.

• Discussion & Support from Hosts

  • The hosts provide empathy, assurance, and personal anecdotes.
    • “The older you get, the less you'll run into this. This is just an age in which people don't feel comfortable with themselves.” (C, 05:23)
    • Stories from the hosts about their experiences of dating before coming out, emphasizing that self-acceptance comes with age and her situation is not her fault.
  • Guest caller Brad delivers a “Good Will Hunting moment”: “It’s not your fault that this has happened…It’s happened to plenty of girls. I mean, I’ve done it myself.” (G, 06:50)
  • Discussion on whether her boyfriends may have cheated: generally agreed it doesn’t matter—what hurts is the emotional impact, not Alyssa’s actions.

• Alyssa’s “Perfect Man” List

  • Alyssa is asked to share the traits she looks for:
    • Romance, sensitivity, someone who enjoys talking and cuddling, able to carry a good conversation—“He's got to be a little sensitive...carry on a good conversation instead of just blowing off my feelings.” (B, 09:23)
  • The hosts and listeners joke about how the qualities on her list stereotypically match gay men:
    • “I would suggest you to continue dating gay men.” (A, 09:57)
    • “An impeccable dresser. He has to work out all the time.” (E, 10:03)
  • Alyssa shares feedback she’s received: perhaps gay men feel safe around her because she’s non-judgmental and nurturing.

• Memorable Quotes

  • “This is probably not going to happen to you again. Because the older men get, the more secure and honest they are.” (C, 05:23)
  • “If you just take the ‘hold me’ part out of your equation, you’re going to find it way, way easier to find a guy you can be compatible with. Cuddle out of the picture, you’ll find the right man.” (A, 13:01)

Notable Moments

• [03:46] E: “He’s a homophobic gay guy.”
• [08:25] Jennifer calls in to share a similar experience—she was married to a man who turned out to be gay and later dated another man who came out.
• [12:29] C: Deep dive into why emotionally available men may be drawn to women who feel “safe.”

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Segment 2: Public Hygiene – The Handwashing Confrontation

18:28 – 28:57

Main Points & Insights

• Survey Results

  • Discussion of a national survey reveals Atlanta men are least likely to wash their hands after using public restrooms—only 63% do at Turner Field after a Braves game.
    • “26% of those observed at Turner Field did not wash their hands after they went to the restroom. 16% of the women didn’t. 37% of the men did not.” (C, 18:43)

• Hilarious Guerrilla Reporting

  • Phil Turana takes to fast food restrooms, bullhorn in hand, to publicly call out offenders.
    • “I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out of the restroom without washing his hands…” (I, 22:11)
    • The man indignantly denies, “You're lying on me, man. I just came in here.” (J, 22:46)
  • Phil gets “banished” by a fast-food manager after catching an employee—ends up cowering and leaving when told:
    • “Would you please get out of the restaurant with this mess?” (J, 26:28)

• The Dangers of Blow Dryers

  • A graduate student calls in, citing research that hand dryers may actually make hands dirtier by blowing bacteria and fecal matter:
    • “It actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.” (F, 27:45)
    • “I'm wiping my hands on my jeans next time.” (D, 28:10)

• More Scary Hygiene Stats

  • Only 83% wash hands at home after using the bathroom, 73% after changing diapers, and just 32% after sneezing or coughing into hands. (C, 28:31)

Memorable Quotes

• “Just know that you’re smearing each other’s fecal matter on each other’s hands.” (A, 19:29)
• “A tornado of poop.” (A, 28:06)

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Segment 3: Dating Superstitions – Rituals for Romance

29:03 – 36:07

Main Points & Insights

• What Are Dating Superstitions?

  • Like athletes with their lucky charms, many singles observe quirky personal rituals before dates for luck or comfort.
    • Examples from an article: a postcard of Al Pacino’s Serpico, doing 30 push-ups, lighting a white candle, taking a bubble bath.

• Listener and Host Contributions

  • A listener always listens to “Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark before dates now because it coincided with a run of good luck. (B, 32:31)
  • Outfits as talismans: “I wear the same jeans and black top on a first date…my lucky outfit.” (B, 33:32)
  • Hosts debate if it’s really superstition or just wanting to look good.
  • Guy’s “edge-cutting”: one male listener admits to “taking care of himself before every date” to curb excitement—“Absolutely…You just gotta cut some of the edge off of it.” (G, 34:28)
  • A woman’s 4-step plan: red wine for her cheeks, brush teeth, check the news for conversation starters, play with her dog for comfort before heading out. (C, 34:56)

Memorable Quotes

• “There’s a flow chart on the wall: Check teeth. Check. Neck. Newspaper. I’m off.” (E, 35:36)
• About host Bert: “He’s nice, funny, great personality…but he stinks like liquor every time.” (D & A, 35:57)

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Summary Table of Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment / Topic | Notable Event/Quote | |----------|----------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Alyssa’s dilemma | Alyssa starts story, both exes came out as gay | | 01:12 | Subtle flamboyance | “He had a subtle flamboyance…” | | 03:46 | Second boyfriend | “He’s a homophobic gay guy.” | | 05:23 | Reassurance | “Older men get more secure and honest.” (C) | | 09:23 | Alyssa’s perfect man list | “He’s got to be a little sensitive…” | | 13:01 | Cuddle theory | “Take the ‘hold me’ part out…” | | 18:43 | Hygiene stats | 37% of Atlanta men at Turner Field don’t wash hands | | 22:11 | Restroom confrontation | Phil calls out a non-hand-washer with a bullhorn | | 27:45 | Hand dryer warning | “Blows fecal matter onto your hands.” | | 28:31 | Hygiene habits survey | Only 32% wash hands after coughing/sneezing | | 29:03 | Dating superstitions | Like lucky shirts for athletes, rituals before dates | | 32:31 | Listener ritual | “I always listen to Good Vibrations…” | | 34:28 | “Edge-cutting” before dates | “Absolutely…gotta cut some of the edge off.” | | 34:56 | Woman’s 4-part date prep | Wine, brush teeth, news, dog play | | 35:57 | Bert’s pre-date rut | “Stinks like liquor every time…” |

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Tone & Style

The episode is lively, irreverent, and authentic, with quick back-and-forths between hosts and callers. Humor is used to address awkward or painful topics, mixed with moments of real empathy and down-to-earth advice.

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Key Takeaways for Listeners

• It’s common and not your fault if you’ve loved someone who turned out to be gay, especially in youth.
• Don’t let checklists for a “perfect” partner box you in or lead you to chase an ideal rather than a real connection.
• Hygiene in public places is a real concern, handwashing matters, and hand dryers aren’t always your friend.
• Most people have silly pre-date rituals—embrace the comfort, don’t sweat the superstition.
• Humor, empathy, and straight talk go a long way in making mornings (and heartbreaks, and public bathrooms) bearable.

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Transcript

[A]

The Bird show. Okay, Jeff, we are gonna need the voice disguiser, and we are gonna call this Birchell listener. Alyssa. Good morning, Alyssa.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

How are you? A little nervous not to be nervous about. First, you're on the voice disguiser, and nobody can recognize your voice. And secondly, nobody's listening, so there you go.

[C]

Yeah, it's just us.

[B]

I wanted to say first thing, I love the show. Listen to it every morning.

[A]

Boy, now everybody's gonna know who you are.

[C]

Okay, what happened?

[D]

So what's going on, Alyssa?

[B]

Okay, I recently turned 21. Beginning of this year, and my two major relationships, both guys have ended up being gay. And the first guy. Okay, it should have been a given. He was a little flamboyant, but I was a little naive at the time. Should have seen it, but didn't.

[D]

How old were you when you dated him?

[B]

Between the ages of 14 and, like, 17, I think.

[D]

Okay, so this was your, like, major high school love?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And the characteristics were. Flamboyance. What else?

[B]

Slight flamboyant. Not all the time. It was very hidden, sometimes.

[A]

Subtle flamboyance.

[E]

Yeah, he had a subtle flamboyance that I found charming.

[A]

That's my blog. Subtle flamboyant. Subtle flamboyance.

[B]

All right, the second guy met him the age of 18, like, right before we graduated.

[A]

Hold on one sec. Let's. Let's back up to guy number one, because we're trying to. We're trying to build a case here. Okay, so slight. Slight flamboyance. What else about him? Because you said I should have been able to spot these things.

[B]

Honestly, like, even looking back on it now, I really just. The flamboyance is a big thing. I really can't think of much of anything else.

[A]

Okay, let me just throw it. Flamboyance. Do you mean, like, feminine? Do you mean.

[B]

Yeah, he'd have his moments where, you know, he could bust a big Beyonce moment.

[A]

A big what?

[C]

A Beyonce moment. He could bust into a Beyonce moment.

[A]

Oh, Beyonce moment.

[C]

Many high school boys do that.

[A]

Okay, so. All right. Gotcha. Bit of a drama queen.

[B]

Yeah, a little. Yeah.

[A]

All right. Okay.

[C]

So the second.

[B]

But, I mean, it's not like he was the one causing all the drama. It's just the people he chose to be around, I think. So it wasn't ever him actually drawing any attention to himself.

[A]

Okay. And this guy you dated again, from you were 14 to how old?

[B]

To about 16 or 17. So it was on and off. I mean, it wasn't a continuous thing.

[A]

And when you break up with him or he breaks up with you at 16. Does he tell you at that point, look, here's really what's going on, or do you find out years later?

[B]

No, it still took, like, about another year for him to actually say anything to me.

[A]

Okay. Guy number two.

[B]

Okay. Met him right before I graduated, and he was the total opposite. Even my friends kind of, you know, they didn't notice anything. He's very manly. When he got around my first ex, he knew that this guy was gay. And he got very, oh, you know, I'm tough, I'm hard, you know, and he was the total opposite of the first guy. So I thought I was safe. And no flamboyance, Nothing that I could see, Nothing at all.

[D]

So he was sort of typical, stereotypical macho dude.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, a guy's guy.

[C]

Now, did he talk. Did he talk bad about the first guy, or did he just know he was gay?

[B]

He knew he was gay. And, like, the first time I got him in the car together, honestly, he got all tough, you know, tried to be all macho and stuff. And he would tell me, you know, he was a little, you know, I guess you could say homophobe, you know.

[E]

He'S a homophobic gay guy.

[C]

It was a cover.

[B]

It was a cover. Yeah, it was a cover. But I believed it.

[A]

He was a stealth gay guy because.

[C]

Yeah, I remember a comment. I honestly made this comment in high school, why do they want something they've already got? And I had already slept with a woman at that point, but it was a cover.

[A]

All right, so this, what, his macho, macho thing was just a cover? Just a beard.

[C]

Right.

[A]

All right, so you're going out with him from how old to how old?

[B]

18 till 20.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And same question, when you break up, he tells you at that point, this is the reason why I'm breaking up. Or do you find out years?

[B]

Well, he and I got very, very serious. We were together for, like, two and a half years. We lived together for a year. We're very, very serious. Everybody thought we were about to get married. Promise rings were, you know, in hand. We broke up and he turned around and told me like a month later, hey, I'm gay and this is my new boyfriend.

[A]

And he didn't say this gay thing happened over the last 30 days. He's known for years.

[F]

No.

[B]

They both have admitted to me that it was long before they even met me. Like, my second boyfriend said he can remember memories back to being, like, five years old, having thoughts about being with a boy instead of a girl. These were never shared with me.

[A]

This is really kind of a chance circumstance here because, I mean, there might be some women that have one story in their past, but you've had two serious boyfriends, and both guys have been gay. Melissa's looking at me well.

[C]

And also the first thing I want to say is that there's no reason for you to be fearful that this will always happen. Because the first thing when I heard your age and heard when this happened, even though I know it's traumatic for you at this point, but I really think the older you get, the less you'll run into this. Because, you know, this is just an age in which people don't feel comfortable with themselves. Like, I think these guys honestly tried to have a relationship with you. I think these guys honestly wanted to work it out with you, but they couldn't escape who they really were, and that's the age that they were. So I would not. I mean, I know it's got to be tough for you, especially that second one, but it's not. This is probably not going to happen to you again. Because men and women, the older they get, the more secure they are in themselves, the more honest they can be with themselves and everybody else. Because I dated guys in high school and college, and I really gave them a shot. I really wanted to fall in love with them, and I really wanted to make it work with them because I didn't want to be who I knew I was. And I'm sure those guys, in hindsight, like, I didn't go and tell them, like, they probably have found out by this point and are completely confused, but it had nothing to do with them. You know, I tried. I didn't cheat on them. I did not sleep with the woman behind their back. Nothing like that. I really. And I think the same with these guys. I think they really honestly tried, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, I want to put. I want to put you on hold for just one second because Brad is calling up with a goodwill hunting moment. He's going to tell you it's not your fault. Hold on one second, okay?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Good morning, Brad. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[G]

Hey, what's up? How you doing?

[A]

What's going on?

[G]

Not much. I just want to tell her that, like, you know, it's not your fault that this has happened before, because this has happened, like, to plenty of girls out there before. I mean, I've done it myself. I do have a question for you. Do you think he, like, they cheated on you while they. With Another guy while they were dating you. That's my, like, one question for you.

[A]

She's not on with you because she's has to be on the voice disguiser. So we'll ask her that as soon as we put her back on.

[G]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, I doubt she knows. I mean, because she had no clue anything was going on while she's dating them, you know, but we will ask her, you know.

[A]

Well, what will that say to you? Depending on her answer.

[G]

I mean, I probably. They probably did. I mean, I really think they did. I mean, if he broke up with her and then a month later tells her that he's gay and he has a new boyfriend, I mean, he. It's obviously that, you know, he cheated on her. I mean, it's pretty obvious.

[E]

But what difference does that make?

[G]

It doesn't make. It doesn't make any difference. And it's not his fault. But, I mean, it's just. I mean, I can understand what she's been through. I mean, I've done it before, and it's just a terrible thing that's happened to her.

[C]

I mean, I hope not. I mean, men and women are different. I mean, guys. He may have cheated on her. I just know that I never cheated on the guys I was with because it's still cheating. I mean, it's cheating regardless of who you're cheating with. And even though I would have attraction and feelings for other women, I mean, I gave it my all and had nothing to do with the guys, the reason that I am who I am. So I do think that his point is valid. Alyssa, this has nothing to do with her.

[A]

Jennifer, good morning. You're on all the hits Q100. Hi.

[B]

I just want to let you know that I can very much empathize with that other caller. I was actually married to a man who turned out to be gay. And then just a year ago, I was dating a fellow that after four months of serious dating, found out he was gay as well.

[C]

What? I'm curious to go over Alyssa's list because she had made a list of what she finds to be the perfect man. And I think there may be some things. And again, this is not against straight guys, but I do think there's some things that might be a few clues.

[A]

Hey, Alyssa, you're back on the voice disguiser.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Melissa wants to hear that list of characteristics.

[C]

And before I. Before you give the list of characters, I do want to say to the guy that married the woman, like, I do believe that you have. It's tough, and it's hell. But you have a responsibility the older you get, too be secure. And to be honest with people, I would never bring somebody into a marriage knowing I was lying to them the whole time, so. But I think Alyssa's is different because these were teenagers. So, anyway, Alyssa, your list of the perfect man.

[B]

Oh, gosh. Romance has to be in there. He's got to be romantic. I mean, he's got to be willing to have fun. But at the end of the day, I want a guy that'll be able to settle down with me and watch a movie. God, I don't want to say the word cuddle, but, you know, hold me and stuff like that. He's got to be a little sensitive. I mean, he's got to be able to talk to me and carry on a good conversation instead of just, you know, blowing off my feelings and stuff.

[E]

And I like the fact that he can do my hair. I like the fact that he does my hair before he goes out every time.

[A]

I would suggest you to continue dating gay men.

[C]

I have to be on this.

[E]

An impeccable dresser. He has to work out all the time.

[G]

No body hair.

[E]

None.

[B]

No.

[E]

No, nothing.

[B]

Thank.

[C]

No.

[B]

I'm not even asking for a good jump, sir.

[A]

You know what? When I was looking at your list yesterday, this is another debate for another time. But I think that we all have, like, this list in our minds of who the perfect person is. And after a while, you just start, like, one by one going, yeah, that one's not going to happen. Let's go ahead. Put that one aside and that one aside. But you know what? They've got this one thing, so I'm gonna go ahead and run with it.

[B]

Well, I mean, after the breakup and everything and actually meeting my ex's first boyfriend, he actually, you know, I had told him, this has happened twice to me now. This is a little, you know, scary, and I. I'm scared to venture out and. Because I'm afraid this is gonna happen again. And he actually said it was the type of guy that I was looking for. And then he proceeded to say that it's also the type of person that I am, that maybe gay guys are drawn to me because I'm not judgmental quickly. You know, I'm very caring, very nurturing and stuff like that, and so they can feel safe with me.

[E]

What if you look like a man?

[C]

You know, I was thinking about this yesterday because we talked about how we were going to talk to you, and I was trying to think about, like, my high school boyfriend who Again, it was on and off relationship. We dated mainly my senior year in high school. And I truly cared for him. I mean, he fantastic man and. But I did realize that there was such an attraction to me from him. And part of me wondered also because I really, to me, in my heart, there wasn't as much at risk with him because I was not as attracted to him as I've been with women. So I was a lot more comfortable with him. I gave him a lot more of a challenge. I spoke my mind. I felt like, because I was so relaxed with him that I just. He was just drawn to me even more because I wasn't the type of woman that. Because he was in my life, all of a sudden I dumbed myself down. I changed everything in my life for him. I did all, you know, and I just felt like being at ease with him caused him to be more attracted to me. And I'm wondering with you, is that the same thing like these guys? I mean, it has nothing, again to do with you, but, you know, there's not as much at risk to them emotionally with you as there would be to a guy. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's heavy.

[C]

Yeah. And I just wonder if that's, you know, that's why you were so attracted to these guys, because they're different, because they treat you differently.

[A]

That's like a damn Dr. Phil moment right there.

[E]

Well, you know, I think you had it in you.

[C]

I've had to deal with this quite a bit. So I've analyzed a bit. But, yeah, my, my response is going.

[A]

To be way easier than that. I think if you just take the hold me part out of your equation, you're going to find it way, way, way easier to find a guy that you can be compatible with, cuddle out of the picture, you'll find the right man.

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

I picture Jeff Dollar to be a cuddler.

[C]

Yeah, he's like a big bear.

[D]

He's a snuggler.

[C]

Little snuggle bear.

[D]

You like to snuggle, don't you?

[E]

Hibernator.

[D]

You guys do the little spoon action.

[C]

Yeah, you're a spooner. And I will say this also, Alyssa, I, the guy that I dated, my. The one serious boyfriend I had, I'd feel. To this day, I feel guilty. To this day I feel bad because I wasn't strong enough at the time to know who I was. And I just feel. I feel like I did lie to him and I, and I, yeah, I will always feel bad. But what do you think Alyssa has.

[D]

To do differently as she moves forward. I mean, that's sort of what you're looking for, right? You're. I'm 21. I've dated two guys that ended up being gay. My two serious relationships. I was loved with somebody. So moving forward, how do you not make that mistake again?

[E]

Well, I'd stop trying to pick up guys at the outright bookstore.

[G]

Like, maybe I need to move into.

[C]

You know, I love how Jeff knows all these gay places, too. Okay, so just. I'm hearing you, Jeff. Alyssa, I just think that if a guy is your. Is. Does the same things. Your best friend. Like, if he feels like your best friend, you can tell him anything, and he can sit and watch a movie with you, and you can sit and talk about the most emotional, intimate things. I just don't think that's something that. I think that's where you're.

[A]

That's a fine line.

[C]

You're being lured into something that I think is. I don't know. I think that's what she's attracted to somebody that ends up being her best friend. And then it evolves.

[A]

What a dangerous message to send, though. That's like saying, okay, if a guy is willing to be your best friend, then he must be gay.

[C]

But did you hear what I said, though? Did you sit with your girlfriends that were your best friends, that you were just waiting to have sex with them and sit and talk for hours about emotional issues and stuff?

[A]

Not emotional issues, but, yeah, I was willing to sit and talk about anything they wanted to talk about in order to have sex.

[D]

What if she was up front about it? Like, what if she started dating a guy for, like, a month and, like, say, you're the next guy that starts dating Alyssa? And what if she says to you, listen, I gotta be upfront with you about my past? She shouldn't do that.

[E]

No, Jeff.

[A]

Jeff, you want to take this one?

[E]

No, no. Imagine if you're dating a guy and you're two months into. He goes, look, this is gonna sound like a weird question, but I've kind of had a weird past. Are you a lesbian? Like, how insulted would you be?

[D]

Well, I don't think. Insulted.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

I'm just trying to, like, help her for her future relationships. And I'm wondering if it's something she's struggling with, if she would bring it up.

[A]

Because I think it's a fluke, man. I think it's. I think it's a fluke.

[C]

Alyssa. Did these relationships with these two guys just all of a Sudden fall into place and your best friend's watching movies, doing all this stuff, or did you have to work at it?

[B]

Seriously, the first one, I was best friends with him. We were so comfortable with each other for, like, a whole year before we started dating. The second guy, he pursued me at prom and stuff. And it did take work because he and I were just personality wise, we were two different people. But it did take work, but.

[C]

Well, just. Yeah. My advice is just the older you get, the less you're gonna have to deal with this. Number one. Because, you know, by the time I was 25, everything was said and done. And also, if they have any kind of, like, Broadway musical CDs in their collection, then, you know, sorry, guys.

[A]

Listen, we gotta run. We gotta move on for a couple more calls, and then we're gonna move on. All right. Thank you for calling.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Bye. Bye.

[E]

Like here, One way to tell is to, like, put two different, you know, now colors on. You know, your opposite hands like that are in the same family of red, and see if he notices. Oh, I don't know if you notice this, but that's candy apple, and that's, you know, red cherry.

[A]

Well, Jen Hobby proved to me today that she thinks I'm gay because she asked me if I noticed the new highlights in her hair.

[E]

So.

[A]

Thank you. Hi.

[C]

Did he.

[D]

No.

[C]

Well, then you're straight.

[A]

Well, I can't see up that high.

[C]

If you were gay, you would have noticed. Louis.

[A]

Good morning.

[H]

Good morning.

[A]

Interesting theory. What's up?

[C]

Well, this is the quickest way to.

[A]

Break up with somebody. You tell them that you're okay and it's a lie and there's no regrets and keep going with your life. Yeah, I don't think that's the case. What he's saying is he's broken up with women before and just said, look, I'm gay.

[C]

Well, now, don't do that to us.

[A]

Just to get out of the way.

[E]

I can never hear that accent without thinking.

[C]

I mean, seriously, it is. It is tough. I mean, I. Again, I sympathize with the guys. I sympathize with Alyssa, but the guy. I mean, this is. It's not funny. It's not a joke. So I hate for straight guys to use that as an excuse.

[A]

I said to Alyssa, you know, she's dated two. Two gay guys. And I said, what a fluke that is. That's never gonna happen again.

[C]

Amy.

[F]

Yes?

[A]

Go ahead.

[F]

In high school, I had actually four boyfriends who ended up being gay, and they were dating me to Cover up the fact that they were gay.

[A]

So were they, like, passing, like, secret information onto each other going, hey, this is a good girl? That could be.

[D]

She's a great beard.

[A]

Yeah, she's a great beard. You were the beard girl for four different guys?

[F]

Well, the first guy I had actually known since I was, like, 10, and we dated for about three years.

[C]

Again, this is teenage stories. I just want. Were any of them in the band? I'm just curious. I'm sorry, band guys. But seriously.

[F]

Yeah, actually, they were all in band. We were all in the band class together.

[A]

Now, what do you say, Melissa?

[C]

I'm not saying. I just know. No, I'm not saying I asked. Only because in my high school. Because when you're gay in high school, you know every other gay person in that high school. And I know some guys in high school and that had drama, and it ended up being in that community.

[A]

Drama or band?

[C]

Band. Band.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I'm not saying guys in band are gay. I'm not saying that.

[E]

Just the ones playing the flute.

[C]

But I'm saying women in band. If you're dating all the guys in the band. I'm just saying one time at band camp. Sorry, band guys, But I'm just saying.

[A]

The bird show. Melissa Carter, tell us the statistics. Specifically in Atlanta, from guys that are dirty. You're dirty. Dirty, dirty dudes is really disturbing.

[C]

Well, they decided to do a national survey about how, you know, if people really do wash their hands. Okay. And so one of the places that they observed, and this was just randomly, you know, observing in public restrooms. And they showed that the biggest offenders in the city of Atlanta were people that went to Turner Field to a Braves game. And they said that 26% of those observed at Turner Field did not wash their hands after they went to the restroom. And the way that it went, men and women, 16% of the women didn't. 37% of the men did not wash their hands. So in the national survey, same thing where nine out of ten women do wash their hands. But, like, the percentage of men was. I mean, who did not. Was far higher.

[E]

Just for the record, also tonight at Turner Field, men. Don't touch me.

[A]

Well, you know, like at a Braves game after a win, you know, like, random guys will high five each other. Just know that you're smearing each other's fecal matter on each other's hands. Just.

[E]

I'll be. I hope nobody at Turner Field. Like, none of the guys, you know, none of my bosses there mind me wearing the big yellow dishwashing gloves.

[A]

Come in there with a latex glove on. What are you planning on doing to the players?

[E]

What's he wearing that for? Oh, just.

[A]

Cause it's just offensive. And I'm sure this happens to women also when you see a woman come out of the bathroom stall and they walk right past the sink and like, you almost want to say something to somebody like, come on, you know and I know.

[C]

Well, even, you know, in women's bathrooms is all everyone is a stall, you know, so you're sitting in there, you don't even know some of the people that are, especially in a public restroom youm don't know the people in and out. But I do make judgments, even if I'm not outside of the stall yet. And I do make judgments. If I can hear, if I hear them not wash their hands and just walk right out the door, then I think, I think differently about. Yes, nasty. Come on.

[A]

Well, in Atlanta, at least guys are the worst offenders. At least we found that out of Turner Field. So Phil Turana decided to go out and do something about it because this man realized at the hands of the gateway to the disease.

[H]

So I figured no better place to go than to find. If you can't go to Turner Field, go check out some of the fast food restaurants around town. So what I did yesterday is I put my microphone on and I grabbed my bullhorn and I went and sat in the restrooms. And ironically, now you say that I had to sit there and wait. I did not have to wait long to find offenders.

[A]

See, because sometimes, like, we really believe that public humiliation is the best form of getting you straight.

[E]

We do it every day.

[H]

So what I did is literally the first clip you're gonna hear is I literally walk into the bathroom, I'm not there for any more than five seconds and I find an offender. So as soon as he walks out and starts to head back to his table where he's eating, I grab my bullhorn and let the entire restaurant know that, ladies and gentlemen, we have an offender here who has better things to do than to wash his hands.

[A]

Okay?

[H]

And listen, what you wanna do is you wanna hear how he adamantly denies it to everyone? Cause I think I might have embarrassed him.

[A]

Okay? So I'm just trying to set the scene. So as you're walking into the bathroom to you have your bullhorn in hand, thinking you're gonna have to crash, you know, stay in a stall for a while, right? And as you're walking in, you see somebody come immediately out of the stall. Past you, past the sinks, into the.

[H]

Restaurant, to the point where we almost brushed up against each other as he's walking out.

[A]

So as he walks out, are you behind him with the bullhorn?

[H]

Yes, I'm probably about. I am probably no less than three or four feet behind him. And I follow him over to his table to where he's sitting down and eating with his friend.

[A]

Is it a crowded restaurant?

[H]

There's probably about. Well, there was probably about seven or eight people eating, but the entire staff of the restaura hears this going on. You can hear them in the background.

[I]

All right, ladies and gentlemen, I do not mean to bug or annoy you as you're dining, but I want to let you know I was in the restroom and noticed this young man came out of the restroom without washing his hands. He was in the restroom for a long period of time, and I noticed he came out of the restroom and did not wash his hands. Sir, we like to make it a point to make sure that everyone washes their hands. This young man did not wash his hands as he was leaving the restroom.

[J]

Oh, no. But he's lying on me.

[I]

Okay, don't be embarrassed. I just wanted to let you be embarrassed.

[J]

You lying on me, man. I don't even know you, man.

[I]

No need to be embarrassed for the situation. No, sir, no need to be embarrassed whatsoever. I understand. It happens.

[H]

Maybe you're a little rushed.

[I]

Just want to let you know, next time as you exit the bathroom, please wash your hands.

[J]

Hey, can you get a cut right around me, though? Cause he lying on me, man. I just came in here.

[I]

If you'd like, I would give you instructions how to wash your hands.

[A]

Man.

[J]

We be trying to eat, man.

[A]

Your man eat his food.

[I]

Exactly. He's trying to eat. And I want to make sure as you're eating, you do not get to fill from the bathroom onto your food.

[J]

We gonna put our hands on you. You gonna get the same dress. Man, I don't even know the cat, man. I just came in here, man. I don't know the cat, man. Hey, can you leave him alone, though, man? I don't know you, man.

[I]

Will you promise to wash your hands.

[C]

Next time you exit the bathroom?

[J]

I promise if you leave me alone. Please leave him alone. Just leave him alone.

[I]

Just promise to wash your hands next time.

[J]

I'm asking you nicer. Leave him alone. Cause you done lied on me, and that ain't right, man. I ain't lied on you, no. I don't even know his cat, but he don't lie on me. And I wanna know that. That ain't right, man.

[I]

Just wanted to give a public service announcement. Thank you.

[A]

The worst is you can hear the snickering in the back.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And laughing at him, like, humiliated in public, where you start to get that hot feeling on your neck and it starts to spread down, you know?

[C]

And look at him saving himself. Look, you're lying on me, man.

[E]

You're lying on me, man.

[I]

Why are you lying on me?

[H]

And so this next time, I go walking into the bathroom of another fast food restaurant and I actually catch an employee.

[D]

No, that is against the law.

[C]

They had the sign to remind them in every bathroom, actually, in Atlanta, wash hands before returning.

[H]

And so I catch him as he's walking again, as he's walking, as I'm walking in, he's walking out. And now, I gotta be honest here. I did not actually see him not wash his hands. However. However, I did notice that there was no water in the sink. Because, you know, when somebody washes their hands, you can tell they've just washed it. And they did not have actually have paper towels. They have that air blow dryer. So if he would have washed his hands, you knew, because that air dryer goes for a long period of time. So no water in the sink, totally dry, and absolutely no paper towels in. The air dryer was not going. Now, what you're going to hear at the end of this, as I'm calling out this employee, his manager comes over and then it gets a little uncomfortable.

[E]

Is this what you said? Because you sent an email out yesterday and said you're going to hear me cower.

[H]

You'll hear this at the end where I get yelled at and the manager yells at me to leave. And even though his employee is. Even though his employee didn't wash his hands, however, being the big man that I am, I cower like a little girl. You hear him yell at me, and within seconds I'm like, okay, I'll leave. And you hear that at the very end.

[I]

Please don't be alarmed. I'm here from the Sanitation Commission of America. And earlier today, I was following this gentleman out of the bathroom. He did not wash his hands as he was leaving the bathroom. Young man, I noticed you did not wash your hands as you exited the bathroom, sir.

[J]

Okay.

[I]

If you'd like me, I'd show you how to wash your hands if that would make it easier. It's a very simple procedure. A little bit of warm water and soap. They even have automatic blow dryers, so you do not have to Touch the taper itself.

[J]

Okay.

[I]

Would you like to for me to take you to the restroom and show you how to wash your hands?

[G]

What are you talking about?

[C]

Yes, sir, it's the manager.

[J]

I need to get out here with that.

[H]

I was just letting you know that this young man did not wash his hands as he was leaving the bathroom.

[J]

I understand that. I understand that he's not on the clock. He will wash his hands before he come on the clock, but I don't need you in this restaurant microphoning. Out. Get out.

[G]

Okay, well, can we make it a.

[I]

Rule to have to wash their hands in the future?

[J]

It is a rule, sir. Would you please get out of the restaurant with this mess?

[I]

Yes, sir. And I'll be happy to leave some pamphlets if necessary.

[C]

No pamphlets are necessary.

[J]

When you go use the restrooms, always wash your hands. It don't matter. I just wanted to go to my shower room.

[A]

That was it.

[E]

The rest are done.

[A]

You wouldn't know that.

[J]

Please leave.

[C]

Leave.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[J]

Just get out of here.

[C]

Get a life.

[J]

Don't come back here either.

[E]

Wait, what?

[J]

Sir, please leave.

[C]

Leave. Oh, dang, dude.

[A]

You got scolded, bro.

[H]

Wow.

[J]

Sir, please leave.

[C]

Leave. My butt just went numb.

[A]

Now, he did start to say something to the employee like, you gotta wash your hands. You gotta wash your hands.

[H]

You gotta wash your hands.

[A]

Hey, Ann, you're on all the hits Q100. Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[F]

How's it going, guys? I just wanted to say I heard Phil mention the blow dryer, and I'm a graduate student, and actually in my class this week, we were learning about hand washing, and my professor said there had been a survey that came out, I think, about six months ago that said that if you use one of those hand dryers, your hands are actually dirtier because of the number of people that don't know how to wash their hands properly or might accidentally hit that. And that it actually blows fecal matter out onto your hands.

[C]

Oh, knees.

[E]

What?

[C]

Well, I prefer the paper towels anyway.

[E]

Hey, just curious. What degree are you getting where you have a graduate level course where you spend a day talking about hand washing?

[F]

Special education.

[E]

Okay, got it.

[A]

So it's blowing the fecal matter out of the blower on your hands.

[D]

Nasty, nasty, nasty.

[A]

Well, thank you. A tornado of poop.

[D]

I'm wiping my hands on my jeans next time.

[A]

Serious, man.

[C]

Well, I don't know if that's any better.

[D]

It's any better than fecal matter from somebody else being blown all over my hands.

[E]

What are you saying, Carter? That Jen poops Her pants?

[C]

No. No. Whatever.

[H]

No.

[A]

No. Well, yeah, kind of.

[C]

No.

[A]

What else you got on the stats?

[C]

Yeah, Other statistics about washing hands. This national survey did. Okay. Only 83% of us wash our hands after using the bathroom at home. Don't just do it in public restrooms. You gotta do it at the house, too. 73%. Only 73% wash their hands after changing a dirty diaper. Only 42% wash their hands after petting a dog or a cat. And only 32% of people, 32%, wash their hands after they cough or sneeze into their hands.

[A]

The Birch Show.

[C]

I saw an interesting article online by a writer who writes for Cosmopolitan, and it had to do with dating. Superstitions. Is superstition the correct word? Because the analogy she gave at first is, like, baseball players, when they're winning, they tend to do the same things to have success in the game. So if a guy, you know, who's a baseball player wears a T shirt underneath his uniform, he feels like his lucky T shirt from then on, and he wears it until, you know, the team starts losing.

[A]

I think it's the same thing as a fan. Like, if you're watching, like, I know I do this. Like, if I'm watching my team and they're losing, I'll turn the TV off, and if I come back and they started to win, I'll turn the TV back off, knowing that it must have been because I turned it off and that's why they started their comeback.

[D]

I'll feel that way watching Florida State. If I'm sitting in one spot watching the game and we're winning, I have to stay in that spot. And then if we're losing, I have to get up and go to a new spot. And if it changes it, then I have to stay in the new spot.

[A]

If your team wins on a Saturday or Sunday and you wearing a certain outfit, you're gonna wear that same outfit next Saturday or next Sunday, because for.

[C]

Whatever feeling you think that is, the reason that your contribution to the winning team is that shirt or that, you know, the seat that you're sitting in or whatever. Well, the same goes with dating. According to this writer, the article had to do with things that people do before a date because it's just this ritual that they feel they've done before a great date before, so they're gonna do it before a great date again.

[A]

So dating superstitions.

[C]

Dating superstitions. And I'll give you one example. 1. In this article, the guy is. Because she kind of relays Some of the people's superstitious rituals before a date that, you know, that she talked to. And this guy's named Al, he says that he has a postcard of Al Pacino is Serpico. That has followed him around since college. So he's always had this postcard and it's tagged to his wall next to his door. And he says before he leaves for a date that he goes to the postcard says, see you later, Serpico. Think I'll come home alone. And then he says he pretty much stares at me, but it makes me laugh, so I feel less nervous. The fact that he still does this makes him less nervous when he walks out the door.

[A]

And this is his routine for every day because he did so well on one date with that. Yes, I have 404, 741, 1005. If you have one of these dating superstitions.

[C]

See you later, Serpica. You think I'm coming over the road now there's one. Now this next one is something that I think is routine, probably for guys. It's another guy that she had interviewed. And he was just talking about him doing 30 push ups before every date. So he says it's not to make him look bigger. It just makes him feel a little more proud.

[E]

Started doing it in college or something to get that little extra blood to the muscle.

[A]

Most guys have done that. Just for the record. Most guys do that, they'll do a couple of push. Especially if you're going to a pool party. Oh, yeah, you're gonna work out for sure. About an hour beforehand. Just so you're all a little puffy before you get out there.

[C]

Now something. Yeah, something that's probably routine and common for women to do is this one woman says that she lights a white candle. Has to be a white candle and burns it to take any negative energy away that may be in the room that's making her nervous. Then she takes a bubble bath. And she said it makes her feel relaxed, positive, and open to possibilities. So that's her way of relaxing.

[D]

The bubble bath part is just so she can see when she's shaving. Because you can sit down in there and, you know, see what you're doing. Not quite as quick job as the shower.

[E]

This has come up a lot on the show today. Somebody here either just trimmed or needs a trim.

[A]

Oh, she's a sauna girl.

[C]

She's a sauna med spa girl.

[A]

Doesn't need that.

[E]

Save that.

[A]

Amber dating some superstition. What's up?

[B]

Hi.

[F]

I always listen To Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Their song Good Vibrations.

[A]

All right, now it gets you in a good mood. Or did you have like a successful date one time and you listen to that song and you just figure it's going to be the same for the next?

[F]

Well, what happened is I started having kind of a run of good luck and I noticed I was hearing that song during that time. And so from that point forward I started listening to it every time I.

[C]

Would go out on a date. That's great. Well, that's funny because two women in this article similar things. One said that when she was like 15 years old, one of her first dates, I guess Great Expectations, there's a soundtrack to that that she listened to and would dance around to. And even as an adult now, she does the same thing before a date. She listens to Great Expectations where another woman says that she sings the score of Evita before the date because it takes her through the range of emotions and then by the time she's done, she's a little tired, but a lot more relaxed. So.

[A]

404741 1005. Hey, Vicki.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Hi.

[F]

I wear the same jeans and black top on a first aid. Well, I used to, not anymore. But I had my own lucky outfit.

[A]

Well, I wonder if that's more like your go to outfit or is that a real superstition? Because I think everybody has like one outfit that they really think they look kick ass in and you'll break that out on the first date every time because you're looking to make a good impression. Or is this truly a superstition for you?

[C]

Hello?

[E]

She really needs.

[C]

She went to go put the outfit.

[E]

On, she didn't have her outfit, so her conversation skills went right out the window.

[A]

Why you interrogated me.

[E]

Why do I have to answer all these questions for you?

[A]

You don't run my life.

[E]

Stop trying to control me. Will never work out.

[C]

Goodbye, Mark.

[E]

I sure wore the black top.

[A]

Mark. Good morning.

[G]

Hey, good morning.

[A]

What's up, man?

[G]

Hey, you know what I do? I take care of myself before every day.

[A]

Of course you do.

[D]

Is that a guy thing? Just like the push ups?

[G]

Absolutely. You know, you just gotta cut some of the edge off of it and then it also maybe helps a little bit later.

[A]

Yeah, the theory here is that if you do that, then you'll be less, your session will last longer if you get lucky.

[G]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah, but no, not every guy does that.

[G]

Come on, Bert. Yeah, you do.

[C]

Ben Stiller did it in something about Mary.

[A]

Yeah, he did.

[D]

He zipped himself up, didn't he?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

There's a lesson to be learned there. Thank you, Mark. 404-741-1005 another one where a woman says.

[C]

That she does like a. It's like a three or four part plan that she has to go through. First she has the glass of red wine. She said to give her a healthy flush in her cheeks and dilate her pupils. It's not just to relax her but to give her her face a little more of a. Then she says of course she has to brush her teeth so that she doesn't have the purple mouth from the red wine. Then she goes through the newspaper to find things to talk about in case the conversation goes to a lull. So she looks at what's going on in the news and the last thing she does is she takes time to play with her dog because she says that it reminds her that if the night ends in disappointment or frustration that she always has someone waiting to give her kisses when she comes home.

[A]

That's like a Rain man cycle right there.

[E]

There's a flow chart on the wall. Check teeth.

[J]

Check.

[E]

Neck, newspaper.

[D]

I'm off. Right.

[A]

My only thing was like just. Just to take the edge off getting a little bit buzzed before the date because I used to get so nervous right before a first date. But it wasn't a superstition thing, it was like an insecure thing. I can't remember though ever going out on a date without having a couple of pops before I went out.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Call it insecure, call it what you want.

[D]

But yeah, they were like that perk guy. He's nice and funny, he's got a great personality. But he stinks like liquor every time.

[C]

He comes over here.

[E]

I liked him, but he a drinker. I don't need to be involved in that.

[A]

Hey, the bird show.